KRISTINA HAYES: Step by Step - Using Dance to Navigate Dementia - Love Conquers Alz

Episode Transcript
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Don Priess (00:00):
When the world has got you down, Alzheimer's sucks.
It's an equal opportunitydisease that chips away at
everything we hold dear and todate, there's no cure. So until
there is, we continue to fightwith the most powerful tool in
our arsenal, love. This is loveconquers all, a real and really

(00:22):
positive podcast that takes adeep dive into everything
Alzheimer's, The Good, The Badand everything in between. And
now here are your hosts, Susiesinger Carter and me. Don
Priess,

Susie Singer Carter (00:40):
hello, everybody. My name is Susie
singer Carter,

Don Priess (00:43):
and I'm Don Priess, and this is love conquers all.
Hello Susan,

Donald, it's almost your birthday. I
know almost Donald's birthday.
It's coming up right around thecorner, but

Don Priess (00:58):
of course, by the time they hear this, it will
probably be next birthday, so Iknow, but it is very, it's very
soon. I find with that, youknow, I've been through a few,
yeah, yeah, no, I'm excited,because it means that, you know,
maybe has dinner involved, yeah?
And I'm not dead. I'm stillalive. I've done that part, and

(01:19):
so, yeah, it's

just my mom would say. My mom would say, Oh
yeah, I'm alive. The alternativesucks Exactly.

Don Priess (01:32):
So it's all good.
It's all good. And I'mcelebrating because I'm not
doing, yeah, I am too I'm andI'm celebrating because I'm not
doing this episode from bed, and

that's another celebration. We small
things these days, I

Don Priess (01:47):
can actually stand and sit and walk all those fun
things that we take for granted.
We're talking about, but no

back aches, you guys, that's what we're
talking about. Talking aboutback problems, which are the
which suck, because when youhave your back is out, that's
it. You cannot do. You don'teven realize how much we depend
on standing vertically and

Don Priess (02:12):
sitting and sitting, yeah, I couldn't sit yeah and
laying down wasn't a picnic,either. So you know, no, it's

not fun on the meds, not a party on the
mend, which is good, then Idon't have to be a caregiver for
you anymore. I didn't mindconquers off.

Don Priess (02:35):
So what's happening?
What's going on? What's theword?

Yeah. So, nothing, nothing exciting to
talk about. I can't. I was aboutto say something that I was
like, I better censor that. I'mnot going to say that. I can't.
I was going to go, go for adownload bitch section, but I
don't think, oh no, no, no, no,no, although people might like
it. But now

Don Priess (02:59):
just that'll be your next. That'll be the other
podcast. Yeah, yeah. Suffice

it to say the entertainment industry is,
from time to time, is not, isnot the most lovable. That's
what it does. Not so much. Yeah,sometimes you get a little, a
little thing in the back alleyand, you know, you have to pick
yourself up and go, Wow. Ididn't expect that to happen,

(03:25):
but, but thank God we have ourcaregiving community, which is
very consistent, to say theleast, and actually have their
priorities in better order. II'll say that, you know,

Don Priess (03:41):
for the for the most Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly for
the most part. But

no, everything's good. I just read a
fantastic book that I want torecommend to people called
inflamed, which is written bythese two journalists from
Northern California who recountin such a dynamic way the fires
that occurred in a couple ofyears ago up in Sonoma,

(04:08):
California, and there was awhole debacle of these two
assisted livings, these high Endassisted livings that just
abandoned the residents and leftand left them there, and
without, you know, any thoughtto them, just went and left. And

(04:32):
if it weren't for these heroes,these family members that went
to go get their own loved one tomake sure their loved one was
okay, who actually stayed andrescued everybody, it would have
been the most incredible,horrible disaster. I mean,
anyway, the point is, is that itsounds horrible, but it so. It

(04:56):
really will give you hope aboutof people and. Or ability to
step up when it's whennecessary, you know, and it's
really exciting. It's anexciting book, believe it or
not. And, yeah, I highlyrecommend it, especially if
you're a caregiver, you know,get to see the insides, the sort
of politics of what goes on inour industry, in terms of the

(05:20):
industry of assisted living andlong term care, which is, as we
know, not the most. How do I saythat nicely? Don they're not the

Don Priess (05:34):
most. It's impossible to say it nicely. No,
it's corrupt for the most part.
Let's say they have sometimesulterior motives. A lot of

there's a lot of great greed that's
entered this industry, andthat's why we do no country,
yeah, and the corporate level.
So you know that's no, no, no,no shade on the people that work
there, or the residents, oranything, because ever
everybody, except for the peoplemaking a lot of money are
victims of the whole bad, brokensystem. So that's that's that.

(06:05):
But the book will give you areally, you know, besides our
documentary, this book will giveyou an in more of a narrative
way, what, how, how things cango arise so quickly. But there's
but don the flip side. How aboutthings that go really good.
Because, yeah, how much I, firstof all, a I'm excited about our

(06:27):
guest today, because a who lovesdancing more than me,

Don Priess (06:36):
nobody. Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot about

that. I love dancing so much. Everyone
knows that I do hip hop, like,twice a week, and I've competed,
and I love it. It's my drug,it's my it's my meditation. It's
everything to me. And if I can'tdo that, if I can't get to those
classes, I do anything. I'll dosalsa, I'll do Zumba, whatever
it is dancing makes me happy. Itis I telling you, if you even if

(07:03):
you can't dance, you shoulddance, because it's so good for
you. It's good for your brain,it's good for your body, it's
good for your soul. Sometimesit's better than sex, because
you're so connected to everybodyin the like, if you're doing a
dance and and you're all youknow, synchronized, what it's
it's such a high, and I love itso much so. And also music, I

(07:25):
mean, especially withAlzheimer's and dementia, it is,
it is, it's magic, as I talkabout that all the time. So Don
Yes, why don't you introduce ourincredible, exciting guest, and
then we'll get into why I'm soexcited. I

Don Priess (07:44):
would be honored to do that. Kristina Hayes is the
creator of waltz through life, asmall business bringing dance
and music to senior citizens inassisted living and memory care
units. For the past 15 years,she has witnessed firsthand the
powerful healing benefitsmovement and music have on
seniors living with physicalchallenges and early advanced

(08:05):
memory loss. Kristina believesdancing to music is a shortcut
to a person's heart and amiracle medicine for Alzheimer's
and dementia. It's a fascinatingsubject. We can't wait to hear
more, so let's not wait anymoreand say hello to Kristina Hayes,
hello, Kristina,

Kristina Hayes (08:21):
hi. Thank you for

thank you for coming here. Look at we look
like Charlie's Angels. We havethe blonde, the red and this and
the silver.

I love it.
Don I have to ask you were youwere laid up. You've been Did
you hurt your back? Oh,

Don Priess (08:44):
yes, yes. I had a we drove back from a conference in
San Francisco, and it took usabout 10 hours. Got home at two
in the morning and decided tocarry four things of luggage up
four flights of stairs, and thenext day I was it was the worst
I've ever felt in my

life, completely. So sorry. I had
shoulder surgery a year ago. So,you know, coming off the
pandemic and then having thesurgery and healing, I'm finally
getting back to the work I do.
But you know, if you can't moveyour arms, it's, it's or, you
know, I had to heal properly,which was just staying put, but
yeah, there's, it's, it's, it'schallenging, or, yeah,

Don Priess (09:27):
it's something we should keep in mind when, as
caregivers, we should keep thatin mind when the person that
you're caring for can't do whatwe're used to be able to do, to
have that, you know, to reallytake that in and say, Oh, I get
it, you know, I have to maybeadjusting our expectations of
them so

totally, yeah, yeah, wow. I love, I love
what you're doing. I love, Ilove, you know, waltzing through
life, that's your program,right? Well, yeah, I

waltz through life, yeah. I had my business
started. Um. Um, 20 years agoafter a divorce, and I was like,
oh, yeah, I should probably geta job, because I'm an actor, and
I did that all through my 20s,but I was starting to feel like,
I don't know, maybe I'm going toneed something else. And the
only thing that I had done otherthan acting, was teaching

(10:20):
beginner ballroom at ArthurMurray. So I knew how to teach a
ballroom program, a beginningballroom program, backwards and
forwards. And so I came up withthe idea to teach wedding
couples their first dance fortheir wedding. And that's where
Walt's through life initiallycame from. And then when the
recession happened, the 2007housing crisis. And, you know, a

(10:42):
lot of businesses were affected.
Definitely a business like,like, the wedding industry just
kind of collapsed, and so peopleweren't wanting to spend money
on first dances anymore. And Iwas like, I don't know where to
take my dancing. And then I justhad the idea to go into assisted
livings and and so Walt throughlife still felt like a relevant

(11:04):
name of my business, so I keptit, and I just transitioned into
that world that's

a mate, wait so you didn't have any any
family or loved ones in anassisted living or Long Term
Care at nothing. No.

But, you know, I, I, I grew up my, my
grandmother worked in anassistant or she, she worked in
a lot of group homes when I wasa kid, and she would pick me up
in a like, in a bus on Saturdaymornings and take me to all
these places. And so she workedat, I guess the equivalent of

(11:42):
assisted living, it didn't in mymemory, but I was very young, it
doesn't. They didn't look likethe places that I work now,
because they now it looks morelike, like a kind of hotel, or
like, you know, a Marriottresidency. Yeah. So I had, I had

(12:04):
worked with seniors that way,but, but no, otherwise, it just
kind of came to me. I was like,All right, let's try that. And

that's so interesting, because, like, I
would, and let, I mean, not manypeople would that would default
to that to go, Hey, I'm gonna goteach seniors how to dance.
That's It's so incredible.

I will say that.
So you come from hip hop, and Idon't, I my ballroom. Ballroom
is my only background and socialballroom specifically. So I
didn't what you see on Dancingwith the Stars. That's, you
know, international ballroom,and that's competition style,
social dancing in general. And Ido all, you know, all kinds of

(12:50):
social dance, swing, salsa,anything that tango, anything
that's social, which is justhaving fun, which you guys said,
like, you know, even if youdon't know how to dance or
you're not good at it, you know,and that's the kind of people
that social dancing attracts,you can get very good, you know,
the more you put into it. But Istarted doing that when I was,

(13:13):
like, 17, and I was very youngin the social ballroom world, so
I was always like, the youngestperson, and I, I just always got
along with people older than me.
It was I just had an affinity tothem and and I, I've always
loved, you know, I was felt likeI was born in the wrong time.
So, you know, it was like, I,you know, I walked into a

(13:38):
ballroom, you know, at 17, and Ithought, Oh, I found my people.
Yeah, that's

so great. I was watching your video on your
on your website, of you dancingwith the, like, the chair
dancing. Yeah, I so relate tothat. Because I can't, you know,
just I did so much chair dancingwhen I would go visit my mom,
because I, you know, they'dhave, like, a musical guest
there, you know, entertaining.
And I just come out and startdancing with the people in

(14:03):
chairs, and they loved it somuch, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's,

I mean, my first experience teaching a chair
dance class, I was totally byaccident. So I started when I
was promoting waltz through lifefor seniors and assistant
livings. I started promotingsocials, like dance socials, so
I would get hired for Christmasparties and and so it's like a

(14:32):
slow build. And I starteddeveloping relationships with
different chains, and then onceyou get in one, then you know,
they'll hire you at another andand then someone had said, like,
oh, this would be a great class.
It was actually, actuallyBelmont Burbank. And I Belmont
village in Burbank. And so whenI walked in to do the class, as

(14:55):
opposed to a. Social where I'mlike, a host, a dance hostess,
like, hello everybody. And, youknow, I bring the fun and the
music, and I go around and dancewith people. But also, you know,
sit in my chair a little and getjust what you were doing with
your mom and and facilitatingthe dancing, getting it going.

(15:16):
And so when I got asked to do aclass. I walked in and everybody
was in wheelchairs, and I waslike, oh, okay, I was I wasn't
expecting that, so I justimprovised. I come from an
improv background as well, acomedy improv background,

which has been very helpful. Yes, it is.
Yeah,

it's good to have a sense of humor, to think
on the fly, and just also, justto be very in the moment,
especially with people withadvanced memory loss and and
cognitive, you know, decline,yeah. So I, so I walked in and
everybody's in a wheelchair, andI thought, all right, well, join
them. So I just sat in a chairand I did my I put my playlist

(16:05):
on, and I just took, you know, astep or two from each dance,
like a Cha Cha and I did the ChaCha step, and I came up with
some arm movements. And that wasthe birth of my ballroom
inspired chair dance class andso, and that was with circle of
friends, which is the is, youknow, the a group with early

(16:29):
onset dementia at the Belmontvillage, which is a great thing,
because it's a way to stayintegrated in in the community.
And yeah, I did that for years,and then I just started doing
chair dance class everywhere.
And then when I got asked to gointo the the memory care units
to do it, it became my favoritething, and it became its own

(16:51):
thing. So it was like a mix ofchair dance and one on one,
dancing and music therapy, youknow, sing alongs, it was just
always what it whatever itbecame in that moment, right,
right, right, anything you couldplan. It was just and still to
this day, it's, it's my, myfavorite, my favorite work that

(17:14):
I do is, is working with peoplewith advanced dementia.

Susie Singer Carte (17:21):
Interesting.
I love it because, yeah, becausethey are, they would benefit so
much from it, right? Becausesometimes, when I would walk
into the memory unit, and like Isaid, sometimes it's the land of
the zombies, and people are, youknow, very much unengaged. And
then when you engage them, andyou have patience then,
especially with music,especially with movement, if,

(17:43):
even if it's just a little bitof hand movement, because
everything,

yeah, yes, exactly. I mean, that's a lot of
what? And, you know, I didn't, Idon't have a master's. I'm not a
dance dance therapist. By, youknow, it's all on the job
training like I did this, right?
I've done it for over 15 years,probably 17, and, you know, you
just learn as you go. And youknow, some people have a knack

(18:09):
for it. I did listen to yourepisode with the woman that it
has. Oh, it's called enough, theshow enough. I wrote it down
because I want to see it. Um,she's the dancer you had on. I
think it was, it was in 2020, soit's a long time ago at this
point.

Don Priess (18:30):
Oh, one of the original shows. Yeah, okay,
yeah.

One of the original Yeah. She was
fantastic. And I was like, Oh,she gets it. Like, she, you
know, you just, I think somepeople just kind of have a knack
for it. And, and, yeah, it's alot of it is touch therapy too,
like you're, you know,especially coming from a
ballroom world. I mean, I'm usedto holding people when I dance

(18:54):
or being held. And so it's aboutholding people to music, yeah,
too. And, and it, it's, youknow, it's, they're between what
the music is doing to theirbrain and lighting it up. And
then you've got, you know, thelimbic system working. And it's
like, you know that you're, it'slike you're, you're motivated to

(19:16):
snap or clap, and so I'm justdoing really simple things with
them. And it's like, you seepeople like you said, people
that look like zombies, really.
I mean, I you know, they andsuddenly they're alive and they
and they light up, and it'smagic. And I'm like, oh my, it's
so powerful. It's like, it's myexperience, and it's one of the

(19:38):
things that I hope to becauseI've been doing this so long,
and I fell into this totally byaccident. I never thought I'd be
doing this work. But if, if Ican bring a message to it in
some way, it's that I have beenmore moved by people at the end
of their life. Life withdementia than anybody in my

(20:00):
life. It's been very spiritualfor me to see that, that that
the spirit is still still thereand still alive and and and
sometimes the way you experiencethat with people who don't have

(20:21):
all the details that we haveabout who we are. You know, it's
like the by the noise,

by the noise, all the noise, all the
noise, yeah,

yeah. And it's, and it's the things that we are
driven by. We can't help it, youknow? It's the things that I
will let get me down the mostthat, you know, I should on my
bio. I should have had this. Ididn't have kids, I didn't get
it and all this. And it's like,you see, then I'm with these
people dancing, and it's justpure light. And I'm like, oh,

(20:58):
none of that matters. And like,right? I know. And I just, I, I
read, I follow a lot of thingson Instagram, and I about, you
know, dementia and Alzheimer's,and it's, it's so often, most of
it is very sad and, and I'mlike, Man, you got to come with
me. Like, come dance. They're myfavorite dance partners, like,

right, right, right? It's life. It's

about life.
Like, I'm with you 100% I

say that all the time, like, I It's such
a it's so it was so much fun forme to to go and and, you know,
really experience that. Like,it's, it's the epitome of Zen,
right? So that you are, yes, youare in the moment. And, like,
yeah, you know, and it, and itreally takes on just the basics
of life. Like, you know, it'sabout, it's about respect. So,

(21:48):
like, you know, if I'm gonna gotouch someone, I'm gonna go, Hi,
do you want to dance with me? Iwanted Yes. And they're gonna
say no or yes, right? And thenthey're gonna and then, and if
they don't like it, they'regonna tell you they don't like
it. If they love it, they'regoing to tell you, I love this
and I love you. Let's have sex.

Yes, oh yeah, there. Oh my god, I love when I
get heckled. I'll have over theyears. I mean, there's some of
my funniest stories. I'm like,Oh, this one does not like me.
And, you know, it's but, butit's the honesty is

refreshing.
It's so refreshing. It's sorefreshing. It's like babies and
and people with dementia.
There's a no, Bs and animals,right? Yes, right. It's yeah.
You know, my mom would look atsomebody that like my mom, you
know, full of decorum, but as asher, you know, disease progress,
you go, somebody would walk by,and my mom would go, wow, she's

(22:42):
got a big behind on her. Oh, Igo, Oh yeah, mom, she can hear
you. She goes, I'm just saying,it's the truth. And, oh yeah,

yeah, there's i I've, oh, I've had all kinds of
things said. And I'm just, I'mlike, delighted by it. And I'm
just like, Yeah, I love it. I'mlike, you have to like me. It's
fine, you know what I mean? AndI And I'm, you get your, you
know it's, it's, uh, yeah, it'sdefinitely, you have to be

(23:12):
somebody good with boundariesand being able to read people's
energy. And it's like, I'll beapproaching someone, and I'm
like, uh, not today exactly. Youjust feel it. You're like, No,
not today. Well, I see what

you're doing is really awesome, because
it's really demonstrating thefact that, because someone
loses, you know, a skill ofarticulating, right? So that
that ability to articulatewords, which you know, we learn
how to articulate, and thenoften we lose how to articulate
right. So, but that doesn't stopus from communicating with

(23:48):
animals who don't articulateright or right children, or
children who don't articulateyet. And then, why does it stop
us from articulate orcommunicating with people who
are elderly that can'tarticulate right because they're
still there. So you can get, youcan get communication in
different ways, and it's

just different.
It's just different, and it'sthe same as we're learning more
about neuro divergency And how,you know, I have ADHD so, you
know, I have always felt, sinceI was a kid, a little, you know,
a little little bit of a weirdo,like people, don't, you know, I
mean, or, or, you know, it wasalways funny. So I was able to,

(24:29):
like, get away with a lot of myquirkiness that, right, could,
you know, because I had maybe adifferent communication style,
you know. And I so, you know,and we're starting to respect
that more, you know, with withpeople with that are on the
spectrum, and realizing thatit's more people out there that

(24:50):
we're communicating with on adaily basis than realize, right?
Well,

it's called, it's called a spectrum.
We're all on it all to.
Spectrum. We can't it wouldn'tbe a spectrum if we weren't all
on it somewhere, right? So we're

all on it, yeah?
So why do we have to be boxedinto this? So when I it's, it's
again, it's like, when I walkedinto the ballroom at 17 and
said, Oh, I found my people.
When I walked into the, youknow, memory care dementia unit,
I was like, oh, there's mypeople. And like, I don't know,
I just, I felt really connected,and you're like, those didn't,

(25:27):
yeah, yeah. Well, they are, tome, believe it or No, yet they
know you're

because you understood it innately and like,
and maybe because you are aweirdo, like you said, like, I'm
a weirdo too. I think, you know,I think that that gives you that
superpower, you know that thatis to be, to be able to to be
open to to not take quirks, ifthat's what the word is, you

(25:54):
know, as as a negative, asopposed to being interesting and

interesting, yes, right, exactly. Yeah, I
never leave one of these placeswithout feeling, first of all,
high, which is what you weresaying about dancing, right?
Like there's this, there's thisenergy that I get that's unlike
anything else, specifically withpeople that are that have the
advanced dementia, and that'swhere there's, like, this beauty

(26:23):
that's very poetic that, youknow, they're that they've lost
all the things that humans we'veall decided are important, like,
you know, like the details ofour past and

where we're Going my new Share and minutia,
yeah, yeah. And it's, there's nobad, there's no memory, there's
no there's no faster forward.
It's just now, now, now, now,now. Yeah. And

I'm not trying to say like, Oh, wow. You know
they're, they're like, you knowthey're living their best life,
but I do think that if we gavepeople more it, what you know,
the more research that's done,and the more you know, hey, the
more dancing, just dancing andmusic, like, like, you know,

(27:15):
when I turn my that music on,and I'll see people that are in
the back of the room. And, youknow, because you've been in
these places who are not engagedand depressed, of course. I
mean, there's no windows inthese places, you know, they
have to be locked down. There's,you know, so you're not getting

(27:35):
all this natural light. It's, itcan be depressing, and yet this
music goes on, and it's liketheir eyes just shift, and
suddenly the lights go on. And,you know, there's a whole world,
you know, and, and it's so Ijust, I think, I think, the more

(27:58):
you know, I guess, I guess it'sreally just about, you know, I'm
so glad with all this researchabout music and the brain that
just more and more stuff iscoming out all the time, and so
people hopefully don't have tosuffer as much, right,

right? I wondered when you, oh, go ahead.
I was just going to say, just togo back to the point that you
said they're about them livingtheir best life. Maybe they are
living their best. Maybe, maybebecause once, you know, I say
once my mom crossed over thebridge, you know, where she was
fighting Alzheimer's, and she,she, you know, just accepted it

(28:38):
and surrendered. She was a happychap. I'm not saying everyone is
Susie, but I mean, sometimes itit can be liberating to go. I am
in my I'm in my last chapter,whatever it is. And I am like
when I would say to my mom, likeI said earlier, how are you
today, Mommy? I am great. I'malive. The alternative sucks.

(29:01):
What's to eat, right? I mean, soif everything is very down to
basic, this

whole Yeah, very Yes, we'll

Don Priess (29:08):
be right back.

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There is something about dancing and the
music that is so pure and likethey're able to completely
immerse themselves in a way thateven somebody like me who loves
music and dance like your yourmind's still always in the
world, in different places andand there's this focus that I've

(30:29):
never seen before on just themusic. And it's like, whoa.
Like, it's just really magical.
But

don't you think when, well, for me, when
I'm dancing, and I say, I saidthis earlier, that when about
for me, it's like my meditation,because I'm really terrible at
meditating. It's very difficultfor me because I also have a lot
of ADD and I'm just like, I willend up like I took Don to a yoga
class once it was it wasmeditation slash yoga at this

(30:59):
really posh place here in LA andwe, we literally got kicked out
because we were like, no,because I could not hold it
together and be so serious withthe with, you know, the
breathing and then like that,and the yelling and like all
those things, yeah, oh

no, I can. No, no, I can. I wouldn't be able to
do it either. No, no. Dancing isthe closest thing to meditating,
because you can't think ofanything else right now when
you're because you're justfocused on the music, yeah,

if you think of something else, you're
gonna miss a step. You justwill, yeah. So, yeah, you know,
even if you're really trained atit, you know, like, if you
really know a routine, if yougo, Hey, I did I pick up
something, you're gonna go,wait, what step was I on? You
can't do that,

right? You can't, yeah, and with, with, you
know, social dancing, lead andfollow, like you're, it's,
you're in sync with anotherperson. If you start focusing on
anything else, like as afollower, you know, then you're,
you're gonna be, you know,you're lost, yeah, you're nice,
you're gonna get stepped on or,yeah, exactly.

So I think, I think for that reason, it's,
it is very, you know it, I thinkall of us become focused and
engaged, and I think that that'sa beautiful thing. I mean, I've
also told this story where therewas a woman at my mom's place
that was assisted living, whereshe had a personal caregiver

(32:21):
that was with her every day,Ruth, what's her name, and she
was very elegant woman, but shedidn't talk at all, ever, ever,
ever, ever, and but we, everytime my daughters and I, or Don
or whoever was with us, we'dalways sing with my mom. We'd be
at the table, and people wouldcome around. And we were singing

(32:43):
yesterday, from The Beatles,doing our, doing our harmony,
being our, being the Judds, youknow. And and she starts singing
along. And, I mean, like full onsinging. And it turned out she
was a dancer, a professionaldancer, and her caregiver goes,
Ruth, you're singing. She goes,Yeah, as if there was no big

(33:05):
deal about it. She was justright there with us. And that
was the first time I saw becausemy mom was a singer, so I didn't
know that it really was thatmagical with everybody. I
thought that was my secret keywith my mom. But no, it was.
It's everybody,

yeah. And when you have somebody like, my job
is to come in and and not haveany inhibition, you know, I have
to be completely, you know,uninhibited. And so they see me
being like, you know. And itgives people freedom, the
freedom and the license, like,oh, okay, I can do that too, you
know. And they get into it, youknow, but it so that's, that's

(33:44):
part of, you know, be, what I'mgood at is just getting people
to get over themselves and like,yeah,

Don Priess (33:51):
so when you okay? So you come in with all your
wonderfulness and your music andyour dance, and you light up the
room, and everyone's joyous. Andthen you leave. Do you leave
them with either the facility,the CNAs, anyone, the what? What
do you know stories of themdoing anything in the world of

(34:12):
the dance that you just showedthem, or anything once you
leave, when you're gone, or isit just for the time? And if
not, how can we make this partof their lives, when the what
with you, the one person are notthere,

that's a great that's a great question. And no
I, when I get hired at a with anew activity director, and a lot
of times, people have big ideasabout what you're going to be
able to do with people like, oh,would it be great if it
culminated in this performance?
And that was something recentlythat happened to me, and I I

(34:49):
just go along. It's like, yes. Iam like, okay, sure, you know,
we'll do that. Yes, yes, youknow. But like, I know that they
will get. If they drop in andthey'll get in time that that's
not where people are at, youknow, so So like in terms of
performance, I mean, I stillthat's an idea that I'd love to

(35:10):
be able to try to do with withpeople. But that being said, I
hope that i i Sometimes, Ialways say, keep dancing, you
know, until next time, until Icome again and keep dancing, you
know, and, and it's somethingthat I, I used to say to people

(35:31):
before class, you know, in likemy chair dance classes, who has,
who has music in their room. Doyou who? You know, you would be
surprised how many people didnot have CD players. And I say
CD players because you know thatthat is what a lot of these
people would have had prepandemic. So when I I mean, I've

(35:54):
been doing this work a longtime. I did actually a drive for
Christmas once, where I hadpeople donating CD players and
CDs, because in some of the thelower income places, people
really didn't, they didn't haveanything. And I'm like, we need,
you need to be listening tomusic, like in your this is,
this is fights depression, thisfights, you know, I mean, it's

(36:17):
just so good for people. So I, Iwish that I had more of a dialog
with the places that I work.
But, you know, I guess I'm luckythat they hire me. I get to come
in and do my thing, but, but itdoes feel like when you leave,

(36:37):
you know, you're like, oh, theywere just so happy. They, you
know, they, they had theseamazing moments. And I want them
to have more of them, not justone hour a week, or even
sometimes I'm only there once amonth, you know. And that's not
enough. This needs to be likeshould be every day, all the
time, right, right? I

feel like it should be every day. Because,
you know, for me, if you saidyou're going to go to Body Works
class or dance class, I'm goingto choose dance and you're going
to get an incredible workout.
You're going to, you know all,there's only good that comes
from that, right? So, yeah, andsomething doing that every day

(37:18):
would be so healthy and helpfulin so many ways, psychologically
and physically, absolutely,

Don Priess (37:30):
yeah, and it's amazing because, you know, they
have their activities directorsand activities and all you know,
and to be able to incorporatesomething this is, you know, you
do it in a wonderful way, butpretty it's not that complicated
to put on some music and say,move or just move. You don't
have to have, you know,choreography or anything. As
opposed to standing in front ofa monitor and showing an old

(37:52):
movie, you know, put it, putmusic on there and let them move
around. You know, it doesn'tseem that complicated or that
difficult to as one of theactivities they do, yeah, you
know, I

have memory care. Sometimes I don't know if
it was a thing where I wouldcome I put my music on and, you
know, it's it. I would feel badturning it off when it was time
to leave, you know. And so I didstart to see aids. I probably

(38:26):
mentioned it, you know, to a fewdifferent people, but like, why
don't you keep the musicplaying? So then they would have
their own music that would wouldcome on when I left, because I
didn't want there to just be,you know, back to, you know, the
silence, at least for, at leastuntil, let's say, they go to
dinner. You know what I mean,like, let's have, I mean, I have

(38:49):
thought of putting it inwriting, you know, in a like a
Living Will to if anythinghappens to me, that is any kind
of cognitive thing, whether youknow, I have an accident or I
end up with dementia, pleasemake sure good music is playing
most of the time, maybe not allthe time. Give me a break. But

(39:13):
because I just, I just know thatit's the benefits of it, right?

Yeah, no, I hear you. I used to put, I had
no up in my mom's room for that,you know, the CNAs to please
leave the music on, because mymom was so, you know, that was
her soul. Was music, yes, yeah.
And I knew that, you know whenand as as you start losing, you
know, more and more from thisdisease, that that becomes, you
know, everything is, yeah, I

would say, you know, I'm somebody. I have a
history of depression. I'm, I'mnot ashamed of that, you know,
and and in my, some of my dark,darkest. With it when you're
trying to find, you know, hopeand music. For me has always

(40:09):
been like in in the times when Ireally felt like, I don't know,
I just don't, I don't have a lotof purpose, or I don't have a
lot of, you know, something toget up for and, you know, and
this is, you know, over theyears. And you know, we have, we
have highs and lows, rises andfalls, which is, yeah, and so,

(40:33):
you know. But I will listen to apiece of music and go, I'm glad
I'm alive for this. I just thispiece of music. I got to hear
it, and I get to hear it as muchas as many times as I want to
play it in this lifetime, youknow. And just music is, music
is really important to me. And Ithink that some people don't

(40:57):
even realize how important it isuntil, you know, they get older,
yeah, and they and they andother things are gone now. And
then you put a piece of musicon, and it's like, you just see
this, this joy take over them,and it's

brain stem and say it's eating, is one of
those joys that we don't loseuntil you know we're on death's
bed, doorway, really, and thenand music, you know, is forever
you will.

Music is the last sensory that the brain you
know it, it, it's the last to goso you know you're you. If you
lose your language, your youknow all of it, you still can
enjoy music and and it lights upmore regions of the brain than

(41:48):
any other sensory so it's, andthey're, I mean, they're just,
they're doing all kinds ofstudies now, like learning that,
you know, studying that how aspecific kind of music could
actually be the right medicinefor this particular disease,
like yes or Parkinson's, yeah,yeah. And then, of course,

(42:10):
there's just music that and Ithat was the other reason that I
think I always fit into thisworld, because being like an old
soul, I I love all kinds ofmusic. But I definitely have
always had a lot of knowledgeabout, you know, older music,
like big band music, and beingfrom the ballroom world too. So

(42:33):
so I kind of know the hits thatyou know, like that, that get
them going, and that light themup and they know. And people I
have seen who absolutely like,they don't talk anymore, they
they can't, they don't havelanguage anymore. But what music
does is it, it brings that backfor them. I've had they'll,

(42:54):
they'll know every word to asong, yeah. And I'm sure you've
seen this, Susie, yeah, and withyour mom, and then, and then
they, they do, they they'll havelittle moments where they speak
and say something reallyprofound. And I'm like, wow, it
was like the music, you know,was the medicine that it's the

key that opens the door. That's what I
always said with my mom, if,then, if I was patient enough
and sat there long enough andsang my heart out, because I
would go and do my dog, my dogand pony show, you know, always
with my mom, and as she wasdeclining, and, oh, it always
woke her up, you know, to and Itell this story all the time,

(43:36):
but three months before shedied, and she hadn't talked, you
know, for months, and she juststopped like in the middle of me
doing my show, and her justleaned forward and said, I love
you. Just clear as Yeah, as sheOh my

gosh, isn't it?
Yeah, I actually was looking atyour Instagram of stalking you
last night, knowing I was gonnameet you today, and I was, I
think maybe this was it. You hadposted a photo of your mom, and
I think it was, you know,towards the end of her life, and

(44:10):
you said something reallymagical had happened that day.
And I don't even know if youshared the details, but I knew.
I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah.
That's, you know, I haven't hada loved one, but I, I, I sort of
love that we're anonymous, in away, to each other, and they're

(44:31):
giving me hits of, like, Godhits, you know? Like, yeah, you
know not to talk about God, butyou know what I mean? These
like, just, just like, Oh, thankyou. That was better than going
to church, you know,

yeah, no, I Yeah. So it's, I tell people
that all the time is that it'sso, it's so satisfying, it's so
it fills your soul and, youknow, and it's why I'm on a
mission to make a. Change in theway we collectively think about
our elder population, becausewe, we don't understand, and I

(45:08):
don't, I'm not faulting people,but we don't understand and we
and we just devalue them, andwe, we abandon them, which

is devaluing yourself, because exactly like
this is the last marginalizedgroup that we, you know. I mean,
I say that, i It seems to be,I'm like, okay, aging, aging
will be next, you know, butwe're all going there. And so,
you know, when doing this workfor as long as I have, and I

(45:38):
work with, you know, I've, overthe years, worked with kids too,
and they're magical, too, andthat. But I'm like, I, you know,
I don't want to tell my friendswith kids this, but I'm like, I
look at little kids and I'mlike, Oh yeah, you're, you're,
they're gonna get old one day.
Like, I'm, I'm thinking,

I think that, you know, the time, I
think it's like, I didn't

have babies of my own, but I dance with, you
know, I dance all these people.
They're, they're just babiesthat got old. You know, exactly.
That's

how I think I see it. I see that exact same
thing. I mean, my mom became mydaughter, in a way, even though
she wasn't. And I, I loved herso much, towards the end, even
more, and I always loved her,but there was something, oh,
what happened? Oh, everythingwent white for a second. Oh, no,

(46:29):
we're still recording

mom. Is that maybe that was your mom saying,
hi. That's

bizarre.
Okay, anyway, yeah, but I I feltthis thing like as much as I
loved my mom, but I suddenlyfelt I saw her as as who she was
as a little girl, and thislovey, and because her her
nickname was lovey, and all ofher family from the East Coast
would called her lovey till mythrough my whole life. And I

(46:58):
didn't know why, and then Irealized that's why, because
that's who she is. She's lovey.
She was a love bug. And I I hadthis feeling like I do with my
own daughters, like I loved her,and when I see her face from
that time period, those last sixmonths, is like my own little

(47:20):
girl that I might she wasprecious to me at that point.

Yeah, there it.
We're all we're we all walkaround with the same
vulnerability, no matter youknow what, where we are. You
know the people at the top, thepeople here, everybody. And it's
like when, and this is the onething, if you're lucky enough,
you know, to live a long life,we're all headed there the same
the same place, and yeah, justit doesn't make any sense

(47:47):
anymore, especially becausewe're all living longer to not
our life gets we, we get to haveMore meaning when we we extend a
person's potential by saying,life isn't over at this age or
that age. And, you know, I mean,and I heard you say this on one

(48:08):
of the podcasts, oh, Jenny. WithJenny's podcast, she's amazing,
right? With

Love Again,

yeah. And just saying that it has to be a
movement, and it's like, youknow, I'm down, I'm on board for
that movement. Because, good. Wehave to do it, right? We have
to, we can't just, you know,it's like, there's the life
events, right? Like, you know,you go on Facebook and it's
like, the life events, like, Igot married, I had a baby, I

(48:41):
moved to this city, I got thisjob, and then, you know, and
suddenly those life events stopfor people, but, but they don't
have to. We, it's sort of thiscreation.

We create, yeah, we had a structure that
worked, you know, it workedeconomically, right? So, 65 oh,
yeah, it's about economics, andeconomics so it works, you know,
and so suddenly everybody isretiring at 65 and and it's sort
of like built in, because youget your Social Security at 65
and you sort of out, and you youaged out of a lot of careers

(49:16):
that you were in for no reason,for no good reason, aged out,
because that's That was a weirdconstruct that happened. And,
and I, you know, I'm here totell you that there's, you know,
I think when you hit 65 it's awhole new chapter. And, and I
don't think, why would you stopworking? I don't under to me, I
don't understand it, because thewhole life is based on purpose.

(49:40):
And the minute you lose yourpurpose is the minute you have,
you know, failure to thrive.
Because what is your point ofGo? What is your what is getting
you up every day?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know
what boomers have? My mother's aboomer. They have more money in
this country right now. Thananybody does, so, you know. So I
feel like, in some ways, you areseeing, you're starting to see
this very slow shift, you know,like just even having, like, the

(50:12):
bachelor, the Bachelorette, thegolden back, the bachelor,
because, you know, they knowthat my mom's going to watch
that, you know. And it's like,there, there are these, these,
these shifts, but it does needto be a movement. And I guess it
starts with, you know, podcastslike this, yeah, you just gotta

(50:34):
Yeah, yeah. And living boldlyand saying, you know, I'm, you
know, Yeah, amazing. And I'mgetting, you know, I mean, I
know that I feel, Oh, my God, Ihad more opportunities in my
20s, and yet I'm like, in everyway, like romantically in my
career. And I'm like, What ashame. I'm like, I am 100 times

(50:58):
more qualified in every way nowI yeah, I just have to create
those opportunities for myself.
And don't, you know, just keepputting your putting yourself
out there. Don't go away. Youcan't go away. I'm doing

this talk show that's like, it was a pilot
that I just did, and it's about,you know, aging, aging, you
know, in a way that's dynamic,as opposed to, you know, the
opposite and, and some of someof the panel was taught, we're
talking about, you know, womenwho you become invisible. And I
think, do you or is it becauseyou make you decide that you

(51:37):
know the the the the bar thatwas your bar at 20, can't be the
same bar. And, you know, I meanthe bar that we you know, are
how we view ourselves. If we go,okay, I'm 50, and I look in the
mirror and I go, I'm a hot 50year old, okay, why? And I'm but

(52:00):
instead of comparing yourself tosomeone who's 20, that's, you
know, you don't want to date a20 year old guy anyway, right?
So if, no, no, I mean, so if youcan, I think we make ourselves
disappears what I'm saying, Iagree. We're looking for
different kind of of feedbackthat doesn't makes, that doesn't
make it doesn't, it's not thesame feedback we're gonna get

(52:22):
now, because it shouldn't be. Itshouldn't be, it should be way
more mature than it was when wewere 20. Then, like, Hey, you
look hot bitch. You know, that'snot what we're about anymore,
right?

When I said, I should say, because I feel
empowered by this too, like,even though I had more
opportunities. I was saying, youknow, romantically, career wise,
in my 20s, i i 100% feel sexiernow than I've ever felt in my
life. So it's like because ofwho I am, because, you know, and
and I, yeah, I do thinkabsolutely when I see certain

(52:59):
friends who, you know, we're allthe same age. I'm 49 and it's
like, you know, oh, like, it'salmost like they're just waiting
to van, like 12 o'clock is gonnastrike and they're gonna turn
into a pumpkin. And it's like,I'm not, I'm doing everything,
you know, I'm not turning into apumpkin, no. And I think we

need to, we need to, we need to, you know,
propagate that conversationbecause it makes, it makes much
more sense than to say, okay,because it's such an old
construct anyway. And if youlook, you know, I used to be
married to someone who's who isBritish, and you know, his, my,
my ex's brother was, was in his20s, was married to a woman who

(53:39):
was 47 and you know, there is avery there, you know, women who
are older, for the most part, inin Europe, are much more
respected, and COVID, yeah, theyounger women. So we need to
flip that a little bit, because,you know, younger women are
looked at, you know, they're,they're just, they're, they're
like, they're babies, you know.
And grown women are much more,you know, attractive. There's a

(54:02):
there's a lot to them. What sayyou don Well,

Don Priess (54:07):
I say it's, it's not, it's not letting, well, I
know nothing about this olderthing. I don't know what you
guys are talking about, but Ithink it's not letting other
people, not letting other peopledefine you do not let, that's
the thing. We let society defineus. We let other people define
us, as opposed to, you know, tosetting your own bar. You know,

(54:29):
it's not about, you know, lowyou know, it's not about
lowering your bar. It's aboutjust changing where that bar
sits. Yeah, it's, it's notabout, you know, because we are
so reliant on what society feelsabout us and what our you know,
what our friends or somebodywho's 18 years old thinks about
us, it doesn't matter. You haveto define yourself. And you know

(54:52):
that's hard. It's hard becauseyou have all these external, you
know, elements that are comingin every day that you hear and
see on so. Media on television,movies, you see. But you have
to, you have to know who you areand and not, and not be so hard
on yourself. That's the thing.
We are so hard on ourselvesbecause of those external you

(55:13):
know, we have to do, you know,and it's finding and and saying
and adapting and saying, Okay, Ican't do this anymore, but look
at this, because I have all thislife experience. Look what I can
do now that I couldn't do then,you know, and finding those
things. But

isn't it?
Oh, go on. Go on. Christina, I

was just, I was gonna say another thing from, I
think it was Jenny's episodeabout integrating young and old
or younger generation? Yes,intergenerational. That word, I
want to you know that thatalone, like would change so much

(55:53):
because you know you're seeing,you know, you know little people
learning from people have beenon the planet longer and and,
you know, older people gettinglife from, it's just, it's the
way it's supposed to be. It'snot so

that, yeah, yeah. Now it's gonna say, like,
you know, we are hard onourselves. My mother, who was
five foot tall, and, you know,always a little bit soft tick,
as they say. And my mom had moregame than I have ever had in my
entire life with men, and tillthe day she died. Like,

(56:31):
literally at those listen untilthe day she died. Like, there. I
mean, I could tell you stories,and I'm your party, not these
places, my mom, but my mom. Momwas magnetic. And why was she
magnetic? Because she just hadconfidence in herself as as who
she was, and she and she wasinterested in other people, and

(56:52):
she was very communicative. Andyou know, if she liked you,
she'd be like, Wow, you'rehandsome. And then, and like,
it's very disarming, right? Andshe would tell one other woman
that, like she would go, Wow,are you gorgeous, you know. And
my mom, you know, and when I wasstruggling turning 30, I
remember, it's like, my motherwas like, Are you nuts? Are you
nuts? Like she goes, What iswrong with you

know, I want to kick my younger self. Yeah, a
million times for thinking,yeah.

Don Priess (57:20):
But if you ever want to feel, if you ever want to
feel, and Susie says this allthe time, if you ever want to
feel really great about yourselfand feel young, go visit a
senior living facility. Oh, areyou?

I can roll out of bed and put some lipstick on
there. It was like, You're agorgeous honey. And I know I
would

go and visit my mom. They go, Oh,
you're is that your grandmother?
And I go, No, it's my mom. What?
How old are you? And I go, holdDo you think 23 I go, 20 right.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

They I love.
When they're they'll say, areyou married? And I'm like, Well,
I'm divorced. Do you have kids?
No, oh, you have plenty of time.
And I'm thinking, like, right.
How old do you think I am?
However it is, please. You know,there are, you know, they think
you're so much younger than youare. Yeah,

yeah, it's a win. It's a win win. It's a
win win, y'all and and actually,if you take a look at yourself,
because how many times do welook back at ourselves when we
were younger and go, Oh, I wasso hard on myself. So why not
just look yeah. So look atyourself the way those people
look at you.

That's it. And because, you know what, someone
said this to me, I don'tremember who, but they said,
today is the youngest you'reever going to be. That's right,
it's the oldest I've ever been.
It's like, oh yeah, I'm nevergoing to be this young. So what
am I complaining about? I betterjust enjoy it, right? And it'll
be

Don Priess (58:39):
that way. Tomorrow, it'll be that way tomorrow
you'll be

that's a better way of looking at it. You know,
always thinking, just aging?
Yes, exactly, yeah, but you'restill the youngest you'll ever
be today, all of us, right?
Charlie's Angel, post

angels. And I'm gonna say with that, it's
all about music. It's all aboutdance. It's all about Christina
Hayes was, was a greatconversation. We enjoyed talking
to you so much. And we love welove you, and that's why I love

you guys. This, yeah, this is amazing. Thank you
so much for so welcome.

Don Priess (59:17):
Don bring us on home. It's all about love. It's
a big love fest here, andthere's one reason for that, and
that is and that's because loveis powerful, love is contagious,
and love conquers all. We thankeveryone for watching listening
today, if you like what you saw,or even if you just were okay
with it, why don't you subscribeand share and all those good

(59:39):
things, we'll have all ofChristina's information in the
show notes, and we just got tosay, everyone to dance. On
dancing. Keep on dancing.

In the meantime,

Don Priess (59:53):
take care. Everyone.
Okay, bye. Bye.

Angela Fairhurst (01:00:06):
Hi, I'm Angela Fairhurst, founder of Jerry
gadgets, a revolutionarysolution for dementia care,
inspired by my personal journeycaring for my mother with
dementia, I developed patentedsensory tools that engage loved
ones, reduce anxiety and createjoyful moments without
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(01:00:27):
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(01:00:48):
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Don Priess (01:01:11):
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KRISTINA HAYES: Step by Step - Using Dance to Navigate Dementia

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}KRISTINA HAYES: Step by Step - Using Dance to Navigate Dementia