Heeeeeeee’s back! And Don and I couldn’t be happier! Our dear friend and “Senior Care Influencer”, Lance A. Slatton is not only a Writer, Author, and Healthcare professional with over 20 years in the healthcare industry…he is a number one class act and all around nice guy! Oh, and he is also the busiest person I have ever met! I thought I was juggling. Nope. Apparently not. ;)
In case you’re not familiar with Lance, here’s just little background on this Care Commander: Lance is a native of Michigan, and the Senior Case Manager at Enriched Life Home Care Services, a leading care provider. His ingenuity and fortitude led to the creation of All Home Care Matters, an informative podcast and YouTube show devoted to helping families, caregivers, and their loved ones navigate long-term care issues. All Home Care Matters was recently the recipient of the Silver Creator Award from Google & YouTube.
Lance also produces and Co-Host’s two additional shows (I know! What are we doing wrong!?): Conscious Caregiving with L & L, co-hosted by Lori La Bey and The Caregiver’s Journal with Denise M. Brown.
If that were not enough, he also writes a monthly column for McKnight’s Home Care News, DailyCaring.com, and AgeBuzz.
Recognizing Lance’s contributions to the industry, he was named a “50 Under 50” honoree by the New York City Journal for 2023 and has been chosen as a Juror for the Academy of Interactive Visual Arts for 2023 and 2024.
And because he apparently has so much spare time on his hands Lance has now authored a new book, “The All Home Care Matters Official Family Caregivers' Guide”, a beacon of wisdom, meant to guide you through the complexities and emotional tides of becoming a caregiver. So, grab a cuppa tea or coffee and find out more about this new endeavor and everything else in the wild world of the inimitable Lance A. Slatton.
And remember - Love is Powerful. Love is Contagious. And Love Conquers Alz.
xoxo Susie
Be a ROAR-ior!! JOIN THE R.O.A.R. MOVEMENT for quality long term care! Visit the No Country For Old People Website for more information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
When the world has gotcha down, and Alzheimer's
(00:04):
sucks.
Don Priess (00:05):
It's an equal opportunity disease that chips
away at everything we hold dear.
And to date, there's no cure. Sountil there is we continue to
fight with the most powerfultool in our arsenal. Love. This
is love conquers all is a realand really positive podcast that
takes a deep dive intoeverything. Alzheimer's, The
Good, the Bad, and everything inbetween. And now, here are your
(00:29):
hosts Susie singer, Carter, andme, Don Priess.
Lance A. Slatton (00:39):
Hello, everybody. I'm Susie singer
Carter.
Don Priess (00:42):
And I'm Don Priess.
And this is love conquers allcalls. Hello, Susan.
Lance A. Slatton (00:46):
Donald.
Don Priess (00:47):
Good. Yes. Good morning. How are you? Well, it's
after morning. It's afternoon.
Lance A. Slatton (00:54):
I'm going to tell you how I am. Good
Don Priess (00:55):
afternoon. Yes. How are you? You're happy.
Lance A. Slatton (00:59):
That's right.
I'm happy. Wow. Well,
Don Priess (01:01):
then I'm happy. If you're happy, I'm happy.
Lance A. Slatton (01:03):
I'm happy. Why am I happy?
Don Priess (01:05):
Where are you happy?
Lance A. Slatton (01:07):
For? For a lot of reasons. But for one a big
reason is we actually finishedour cut of No Country for Old
people. So we have it in thehands of trusted, trusted eyes
to give us feedback. So I amhappy and anxious at the same
time. Because I all I want tohear is good things, of course,
(01:28):
but we need to we need to bebrave and hear hear what's
working. What's not working. Soyeah, this is this is a good par
with this is like two years ofhard work. So I feel really good
about it.
Don Priess (01:39):
Yes. And so far, you know, honestly, you know, we've
heard some feedback. And it's, Iwould say overwhelmingly
positive. So that's a reallygood thing.
Lance A. Slatton (01:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Don Priess (01:51):
But where could we met we start with the composer
yesterday and then spotted thefilm to have him put the cues
and start working on the cues.
It's all very exciting. It's allcoming together. Yeah. We're
still we are still trying toraise finishing funds to get
that go. Anyone who just hasextra money lying around? Who
has does not have no need forit.
Lance A. Slatton (02:13):
Maybe gambling in the Dodgers. John. Exactly.
Shohei Otani
Don Priess (02:19):
you know, he could just take that that 4 million
and just show just as it wouldbe completely 100%
Lance A. Slatton (02:25):
Joe, Joe, listen to us. Yeah,
Don Priess (02:27):
this is Oh, no, what's
Lance A. Slatton (02:33):
that showing?
It's
Don Priess (02:34):
a Joe. Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (02:35):
I call him Joe. we're that close? Yeah,
yeah, he told me to call himJoe. So listen, this would
totally turn around any kind ofbad vibe or Juju that's going
out there you give a vote alittle donation which is tax
deductible to making nursinghomes a better place to live.
And, and wow, what a greatright, win, win win win. And I
(02:59):
know you know being an athlete,you like that. So let's get
after show it.
Don Priess (03:05):
What is it shows you show? Hey, show. Hey, just call
him Joe.
Lance A. Slatton (03:09):
I'll call him Joe. We're so close. We're like
Yes.
Don Priess (03:16):
I have a question.
What have you ever seen abaseball?
Lance A. Slatton (03:20):
I haven't seen a baseball I have you know that
I was on the I was on this thegirls team and in high school. I
don't throw well but I am. Iwould
Don Priess (03:29):
run with girls team was this which girls team was
this?
Lance A. Slatton (03:33):
In high school?
Don Priess (03:34):
I pretty sure you said you played powderpuff
football which is a verydifferent thing.
Lance A. Slatton (03:38):
I did. I did softball to done I'm very
athletic. This
Don Priess (03:43):
is no you are.
Lance A. Slatton (03:46):
I just don't throw good for some I say it's
because I'm left handed. Yeah, Ithrow it my right hand. And
somehow that's it goes. I dothis I very good way. And then
somehow it ends up down. Theball goes straight down. I don't
know why. And I am coordinated.
I'm a dancer. I am i very i amvery athletic. Yeah, I cannot
(04:10):
throw a ball. I don't understandit. I don't think it's in female
genes. I think I need more.
Please.
Don Priess (04:18):
Now come on.
Lance A. Slatton (04:23):
I know you have to release but that's a
whole another conversation.
That's a really important thing,right? Sometimes they do and it
shocks me. Yeah,
Don Priess (04:31):
I think it shocks everyone. It shocks everybody.
Lance A. Slatton (04:34):
Let's move on from this. Let us let us move
on. Don't we have a good guesttoday we have an amazing we have
a part two. We like part twos.
That makes us feel that thatmeans they they actually like us
and they're coming back for morethan more of us. And that makes
me happy and especially thisperson because we love this
person. And and and this personbrings So much to our art
(04:59):
community and just just ingeneral, just a really great
guy. So great. Do you want tointroduce them?
Don Priess (05:09):
I will do that and I'll do that right now. Known as
the senior care influencer,Lance a. Slaton is a writer,
author and healthcareprofessional with over 20 years
in the healthcare industry, andnative of Michigan. He is a
senior case manager at enrichlife homecare services a leading
care provider. His ingenuity andfortitude led to the creation of
(05:32):
all home care matters andinformative podcast and YouTube
show devoted to helping familiescaregivers and their loved ones
navigate long term care issues.
All Home Care matters wasrecently the recipient of the
silver creator award from Googleand YouTube. Lance also produces
and CO hosts two additionalshows conscious caregiving, with
lnl co hosted by Loyola Bay andthe caregivers journal with
(05:54):
Denise M Brown. And if that werenot enough, he also writes a
monthly column for McKnighthomecare News Daily
caregiving.com and age buds.
Recognizing Lance'scontributions to the industry.
He was named a 50 under 50honoree by the New York City
Journal for 2023 and has beenchosen as a juror for the
Academy of Interactive visualarts for 2023 and 2024. And
(06:19):
because he apparently has somuch spare time on his hands,
Lance has now authored a newbook. The all homecare matters
official family caregiversguide, a beacon of wisdom meant
to guide you through thecomplexities and emotional tides
of becoming a caregiver. Wecannot wait to find out more
about this new endeavor andeverything else in the wild
(06:39):
world of the inimitable Lance aSlaton? So let's say hello to
Lance a. Slaton. Hello, Lance.
Lance A. Slatton (06:45):
Hello, Lance.
Good afternoon, Susie. And Don,how are you guys?
We are great. We're great.
Because you're here. We're happyto have you here. Here's
lustrous and fancy and you do somuch for our community? Like
I've just, I'm just in awe ofwhat you do all the time, I
think, are we doing enough?
(07:07):
Because Lance is doing this now.
And he's doing that now. Ididn't even know about this
other thing. Your visual arts?
You're a juror for the Academyof Interactive visual artists.
Yeah, yeah. We, we won the awardlast year, or? Yeah, last year,
and we, when we submitted it,and then later in 2023, they had
(07:28):
reached out and wanted to knowif I'd be interested in being a
part of the jurors, jurors boardfor for the other entries. And I
said sure. And it was actually alot of fun, you know, you get to
see a lot of different, youknow, creative and visual arts
from, you know, differentindustries and genres. And it
was really enjoyable. And theyinvited me back again this year.
(07:50):
Wow, that's amazing. What whatis the the art is for like, it's
just explain what it is a littlebit more like in depth.
So the Academy of Interactivevisual arts, they, they, they
have like the Webby Awards. I'msure you guys are familiar with
those, they have the W three,the communicator awards, and
some others. And all the awardsare like gender specific to like
(08:14):
different types of, you know,media. And so like, we're, we're
part of the web GIS, the W threeand the communicator awards,
because we do film or not film,but you know, we do video and
audio. So we qualify for audioawards, but then we also qualify
for Video Awards. And yeah, Imean, the AARP is involved with
(08:36):
this a lot of your majoruniversities, major healthcare
systems, insurance companies,it's kind of like a who's who of
corporate America. Really? Wow,that's amazing. I have so much
to learn. There's a lot to know.
Like, honestly, like, I don'tknow, it's, it's really, it's
really, it's an art to do whatyou're doing because I get stuck
(08:58):
in my, in my bubble, right or inmy lane. And I think I really
sometimes you can't seeeverything around that's also so
important in our in ourcommunity. And there's so much
that we can be a part of, like,you know, I'm actually looking
forward to the end of thisdocumentary so that I can start
you know, I because I love thatthat sounds amazing. That sounds
(09:19):
like somethingI would definitely be interested
in. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That would be great. That wouldbe great. i Alright, so you
know, you like I said, you're,you've been first of all, let me
just compliment you because oneof the things that you do so
well is is you engage andconnect you're such a good
(09:40):
engager and connector with somany people and I see it and you
don't stop you continue to dothat, which makes the community
smaller and stronger. And and Ilove that because you do it with
with with the right motivationwithout you know, it's I think,
I'm God. That's the way I viewit. I think my barometer for
(10:01):
authenticity is, is highlycalibrated. And I think that
that's what you do. And I find,and I think it's inspirational,
that you do that, because youalways, you know, from the time
I met, you was like, it wasalmost like, is he for real,
because, you know, you were sokind and so generous with, with,
(10:21):
with your offer to help it oneverything. And, and I don't
know, I'm sure people will tellyou how, how appreciative they
are, but we're so appreciativeof, of your help. And that, you
know, it's such a, it's a, it'sa contagious kind of
characteristic to have, youknow, and so when you because
(10:45):
often people are afraid to bethat generous, especially when
you're trying to, you know,climb a ladder, whatever that
ladder is. And so it's like,well, if they're, you know, if I
help them, or what about me, andI, and I, and, you know, it kind
of harkens back to my firstmentor by writing, who is a big
showrunner in Hollywood, andit's my first big job as an
(11:07):
executive. And he said, youknow, always give help, and
never expect anything in return.
Always. And that's what you do.
Yeah,well, thank you, Susie, you
know, I don't do it, you know,looking for Pat's on the back or
you know, any recognition, but Ihave two things I kind of live
by one, you know, because ourfamily were really strong in our
(11:27):
faith and real active in ourchurch. And there's a verse in
the Bible that I think,regardless of what your
background is, what your beliefsare, I think if more people live
by it, we would just have abetter society as a whole. And
that's to whom much is givenmuch as expected, or much as
required, depending on thetranslation. And so, I feel
like, you know, we've beenreally fortunate and blessed
with our business in ourcompany. And now, you know,
(11:48):
secondary with all home carematters. And, you know, if we
can help other people, I mean,why not, right. And the other
thing that I really live by andtry to, you know, practice is,
you know, when you have afriend, and you do something for
a friend, you do it with notexpecting something in return,
because it's your friend. And Ijust hope, you know, on days
(12:10):
when, or the future, whateverthe case may be, where I may
need something, or my family orwhatever it may be, and somebody
would help us if we needed it,or they could help us, you know,
in any way that they would do itwithout expecting just what's in
it for them. You know, and Ithink especially in the
industry, we are working in, insenior care and health care. I
(12:31):
mean, we should all be we're allfighting for the same purpose
and goals, I would hope, and youknow, our own self benefit, and
self interest shouldn't be whatwe're serving, it should be
those who are trying to help uswho we should be trying to serve
like you guys with the film, andwith all the conquers all, you
know, you're trying to raiseawareness from your personal
experience. And, you know, samesame with us.
(12:53):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And, youknow, I just think we need to be
reminded of it, or at leastacknowledge that, and it also
feels good to it feels good tohelp people, right. I mean,
it's, at the end of the day,like, for me, learning going to
facilities and visiting my mom,you know, where you would think,
Oh, what a drag, I gotta go andbe with, you know, people who
(13:15):
are have disabilities or thisand that, let me You know, I
always say, now, it's like, ifyou want to feel good about
yourself, go to visit somebodyat, you know, a senior center,
you first of all, they're gonnatell you, how old are you? 20
They're gonna, and they're gonnastick. And if you sing, they're
gonna think you're BarbraStreisand, and you're gonna, and
(13:35):
you will walk out feeling like amillion bucks. And you made
their day. Yeah,yeah. And I tell people all the
time, you know, that may not bethe thing for you right now. But
in the future, you might be thatperson that's wishing somebody
would come in and just bring alittle, you know, joy and
happiness into your life,because you're the one in the
facility now. And we need morepeople like that, who are just
(13:56):
giving and trying to lift othersup and, you know, improve their
improve their day. Exactly.
And you will improve your day,I'm telling you, it's like, it
is the best feeling in theworld. Like, you can't,
Don Priess (14:11):
yeah, if we can change the question to what's in
it for all of us, then, youknow, as opposed to what's in it
for me, what's in it for all ofus, then everyone benefits,
everyone helps each other. Andlike you said, in the long run,
you feel better also, if that'sselfish, so be it. So you feel
better wonderful.
Lance A. Slatton (14:31):
But that's a good selfish that's a good
selfish, right. So that's a goodcelebration. So and I have no
good segue for this. I was goingto go and speaking of so no,
doesn't even work. You know,it's terrible. But I want to
talk about your book. Butbecause you know, I think that
everyone who is seen or listenedto our podcasts are going to
(14:54):
know a little bit about Lance ora lot about Lance, but I think
this book is in I mean, it's,it's, it was an obvious next
step to me that you takeeverything that you've
aggregated in terms of, youknow, homecare and, and, and
the, in our and our industry atlarge and community at large.
(15:14):
And you're so you have such areach to our 53 million
caregivers, that you would be agreat voice and representative
of these kinds of this kind ofbooks. So tell us about this
book and how it got started.
Yeah, well,that was a great segue, Susie,
I, you know, my story, I'm gonnastart there to kind of put it
(15:35):
into perspective and context.
You know, I was, and I've saidthis several times on shows, and
on my own show, you know, mywife and I, we were newlyweds,
you know, I was in my earlier20s 2324. My wife is a couple
years older than I, we share, weshare the same birthday, which
is fun. And yeah, and we alsohave the same wedding
(15:58):
anniversary, too, which is evencrazier. doesn't
happen very often.
We, we get a phone call oneevening, and you know, I'm
pursuing medical school, she'sdone with college, she started
her career. And it's a homehealth care nurse. And we had no
idea why they'd be calling usand my father had, you know,
sustained a serious fall and asa result needed surgery. And
(16:22):
that developed a verysignificant wound. And she says,
You know, I'm just concernedbecause he's not able to
properly take care of this.
There's nothing wrong with myfather, mentally, nothing
physically, it was just wherethe wound was, it was very
difficult to clean, verydifficult to put new bandages
on, etc. She said, I think for alittle while, he either needs to
live with family being us, orwe're gonna have to look at
(16:46):
putting them in a nursing homefor a month or so just to get
this healed up some. We said,well, of course, he can come
move in with us not a problem.
Well, the wound developed into avery severe infection. It's
called osteomyelitis, which isinfection of the bone. And
ultimately, he had seven majorsurgeries while living with us
seven where they actually had tocarve and cut off portions of
(17:08):
his tailbone. I mean, justimagine that. And so it got to
the point where two and a halfyears, this is 24 hour care
seven days a week, we had to doeverything for him. And mostly,
and this isn't that my wifewasn't. But again, I said, she
started her career. I'm dealingwith college, so I'm home more
and you know, can pop in anddifferent things. It got to the
(17:31):
point where they surgeon hassaid, you know, he's going to
require nursing home now,because the infection and the IV
antibiotics, he's going torequire etc. And but for that
two and a half years, you know,we were going at our wits end,
it wasn't that we didn't care wedidn't love but one, we didn't
have the knowledge or theunderstanding of being a quote,
(17:52):
unquote, caregiver. And we hadone of the best health care
systems in the country cominginto our house three, four or
five times a week, never talkingto us as a family caregiver
saying, Hey, have you thoughtabout this? Have you thought
about that, here's someresources, here's respite and
all these different things. Andnext thing we know, he's going
into a nursing home. It was aresult of that experience,
(18:14):
though, and that two and a halfyears of day in and day out care
for him, and trying to do thebest we can to support him and
you know, meet his needs, andalso make sure his wound is
healing. And you know, what haveyou that I said, you know, we're
going to start a company, wherewe send people into the home to
help take care of people or givethem a break, kind of like, what
we're going through thinking,I'm inventing the wheel, which I
(18:36):
wasn't, but this is almost 20years ago. And we started our
company as a result of that, andeverything that's really been
done Suzy suit, and Don, it'sbeen through the lens of I wish
that I had someone like me whenI was back then. But not once
doctors, social workers, nurses,you name it. Nobody ever talked
(18:59):
to us as a family caregiver tooffer us any support. And so,
you know, writing for thesedifferent news sites, and you
know, doing our show and havingour company, I've always
thought, you know, man, I wish Ihad something to put my hands on
back then. Or somebody might goof it to say, Hey, check this
out. And there's other greatbooks out there. I'm not saying
this is you know, the end all beall the books, but I wrote it
(19:22):
from the perspective of me 20years ago, and what I needed to
know and what I wished I knew,so that it will help other
family caregivers. It's a guidefrom the very beginning to the
point where you start, you know,identifying that mom or dad may
need help, all the way throughto the end of the journey,
understanding what hospice is,what it isn't, and everything in
(19:43):
the middle. So really, no matterwhere anybody's at during their
caregiving journey, this bookcould help them and give them
some information that will helpmake it a little bit easier for
them and their loved ones.
That's great. So I wish I hadthat. I wish I had. I say that
all the time. I will There was,you know, my mom's Alzheimer's.
So my mom's been gone a year anda half now, so, but she had
(20:07):
Alzheimer's for 16 years. Soalmost as long as what happened
with your dad, you know, almost20 years, and I was caregiving
for my mom, you know, whether itwas in my home, or it was in her
home or at a facility, I stillwas there, and I didn't know
what I was doing. And, you know,I really didn't, I was flying by
the seat of my pants. And and inI was trying to get, and the
(20:30):
resources at the time were sodifficult, you know, like, just
so difficult to get any realanswers, and there was no
consistent answers. And youknow, it. Yeah, this is such a
great resource.
Don Priess (20:44):
And often you don't know, you don't know what you
need to know, until you're in itor are already done with it. You
don't know. It's like, you don'tknow what questions to ask. You
don't know what's coming. Sosomething like this, where it
all laid out before you couldeven even start? It's
invaluable.
Lance A. Slatton (21:05):
Right? Well, and you know, one of the things
too, that I wanted to make sureto include in the book is also
like, references and you know,points of interest, meaning, you
know, it's one thing to know howto properly help mom take a bed
bath or take a shower or what ashower chair is things like
that. But do you know what aliving will is? Do you know what
Advanced Directives are andpower of attorney and all these
(21:26):
different documents that youneed to start gathering and
putting in one location so thatif and when you need them,
you're not adding that extrastress and pressure on yourself
to try to find and locate themto Heck Yeah,
boy, don't I know that? Boy?
Don't I know that? Yeah. And inevery state, it's different. All
the all of the rules aredifferent. And so you know,
yeah, I mean, it is it's athing. It's so it's
(21:50):
overwhelming. It's overwhelming.
There's so much to know. And soyeah, to be to be prepared,
instead of really, you know,reactionary is is really
helpful. I mean, that's, that'sthe lesson for me, that's what I
would pay forward is like, beprepared as best as you can,
(22:11):
even if you don't want to hearabout it, and it's not pleasant
and living wills and all thatstuff. Because, you know, when
you love somebody, it's hard totalk about that kind of stuff,
but you have to write you
Don Priess (22:22):
have to Yeah, it's even like they say with funerals
do not plan the funeral when youwhen and when they went right at
the time of the you need to planit ahead of time, when you're
not emotional. When you're notmaking decisions based on
emotion. And no knowledge youyou know you because you then
you make bad mistakes and errorsand those bad mistakes and
errors. In this case, whenyou're caring for somebody can
(22:44):
lead to great harm.
Lance A. Slatton (22:47):
And things and you can't take it back. You
can't change it. Right. Right.
So yeah, so go on, you're gonnasay something, Lance.
I was just gonna, you know, tofollow up on I was just gonna
say you don't go groceryshopping when you're hungry. You
know,
Don Priess (23:00):
I gross I do. Okay.
Lance A. Slatton (23:05):
Let's Let's call a spade a spade, you're
always hungry.
Don Priess (23:09):
So that's why I can't avoid it.
Lance A. Slatton (23:13):
That's a whole nother story. But no, I love
that. It's, I'm racking my braintrying to think of it this is
how long ago I was pregnant. Butthere was that book that all of
us read, right? It was like itthis is not this title. But
every every pregnant woman outthere is going to know that what
I'm talking about, but it'slike, everything you need to
know about this fixturing Ican't think of the book. It's
(23:35):
It's like in, everyone knows it.
But I that was my Bible. Like,you know, it was by my bed, I
read every chapter, every wordeverything about it, because
it's it to have all thatinformation from someone who's
lived it, it was actuallywritten by two women, two people
that lived it. So it became itwas so it was so powerful. And
and, you know, obviously, by thesuccess of that, but but that's
(23:59):
sounds like the same kind offormat that you have.
Exactly. Yeah. You know, I wastalking to our friend, you know,
Lori la Bey. And, you know, whenwe were talking about the book
and things it it was just, youknow, conversation on the phone,
it wasn't something we publishedor broadcast, but I said, you
know, I want it to be somebody'smap. Yeah, you know, if I was
(24:20):
coming to see you, and down inLA, I'm gonna use my map when I
pull out of my driveway, so Iknow what roads to take. But
even when I get halfway to yourhouse, I still need that map.
Because now I'm halfway there.
So it's still showing me theright way. So that's why I say
it's really for any and everystage of a caregiving journey
for a loved one, the beginning,the middle and the end, because
(24:40):
just because you know, thebeginning is behind you now.
There's still going to be thingsnow different stages that you're
going to be facing andencountering that you may want
to have more information on. I'mgoing to take it a step further
and say that you're you'reyou're more than a map your
ways, because you right becauseyou're not Just telling how to
get there, you're saying thebest way to get there?
(25:03):
Don't take this route.
Don Priess (25:04):
Take this route.
Yeah, exactly. Like over here.
Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (25:08):
So I would Yeah, I would say I would use
that as a metaphor, because Iknow knowing you, that's what
that's what you have provided.
Yeah. And that the last thing weneed is to, you know, we need
all of the shortcuts that we canget.
Absolutely, yes. 100%. You know,I was, actually was interviewing
(25:28):
a former governor this week, whohad taken care of his wife to
the very end. And, you know, he,he just said, you know, it was
taking so much out of me becausehe was, you know, more senior in
age now. And he just said, youknow, my kids were so concerned,
because they said, Dad, mom'scondition isn't changing, but
(25:48):
yours is, and you need to start,you know, he says, and now he's
devoted his whole life toadvocacy, for raising awareness
to dementia, and to, you know,family caregivers. And, you
know, he said, more familycaregivers pass away or suffer
or sustained serious healthissues than the loved one
they're actually caring forbecause they neglect themselves
(26:09):
because they think, you know,they're going to be, you know,
greedy, or they're self servingsays, No, it's the complete
opposite. You're being strong.
And you're giving a gift to yourloved one, because you are
taking proper care of yourself.
Oh, yeah. 100%. I mean, oh, goahead, please. Yeah, I was just
gonna say like, you know, it'sactually in my film, my mom and
the girl when my mom, like, washaving an extra, you know, a
(26:31):
kind of agitated experience.
And, you know, she stopped inthe middle of it and got some
clarity and went home. Oh, myGod, you gotta put me in a home.
You have to live your life. Mymom, you know, and it's like,
you know, she, my mom alwayscared about, like, how I was
doing, you know, and so when shewould have her moments of
lucidity, she was alwaysconcerned, like, you need to
(26:53):
take care of yourself to, like,you can't like you have a life.
I've had an amazing life. I'mnot saying all moms are like
that, but I'm just saying that,you know, it was a it was a it
was an awakening, because I waslike, running on. I was running
on fumes. When she you know,during that time, and it was so
difficult. I remember like, Iwasn't sleeping. My you know, I
(27:15):
was like, and I thought, well,this is what you do. I'm young,
I can handle it. My body canhandle it. You know, I gained
like, 25 pounds, which was likea lot for me at the time. I
because I wasn't sleeping. Iwasn't eating right. And, you
know, it adds up. It just addsup. Yeah. Snowball.
Don Priess (27:35):
Yeah. Do you have tips, specific tips for taking
care of yourself as a caregiver,and overcoming those feelings of
guilt? Because people like asyou said, that people do they
feel like they're being selfishif they take care of themselves,
which is so counterintuitive to
Lance A. Slatton (27:50):
to the caregiver. Absolutely. And I
think to answer your question,yes, there's, there's self care
and, you know, selfpreservation, if you will, on
the book for the caregiverthemselves. But you know, Don,
and I'm sure you and Susie knowthis analogy, as a family
caregiver, myself included, whenI was going through my
caregiving journey with myfather, we're a frog, you know,
(28:11):
in the boiling pot of water, youknow, you put us in there, and
it's not boiling, but you slowlyincrease that heat, you don't
start you don't realize as it'sbuilding up, but if you put us
in there, when it is boiling,we're just jumping out but as
it's a slowly, it's like thatsnowball just keeps building and
building. And, you know, nextthing, you know, you're, you're
not sleeping, you're sleepdeprived, you know, you have
(28:31):
insomnia, you're, you know,eating junk food, because it's
quick and easy. And it's, youknow, all these things is
convenience. And because we gotto get back to take care of mom,
and we got to take care of dad,or whoever the loved one may be,
and it's just, you know, likewith our professional lives with
our company, I mean, we seespouses all the time with, you
know, with Lou Gehrig's disease,or ALS, or all these different,
(28:55):
you know, tragedies, cancers,and you know, the spouse almost
looks worse than the personthey're carrying than their
loved one. Because, you know,they finally get to the point
where it's like either a doctoror there's a family intervention
where they say, you need to getsome professional help to take
care of her and you need tostart taking care of yourself,
you're not neglecting yourduties as a spouse or as a son
(29:16):
or a daughter. But you need tostill be here. So you can be a
spouse or a son or a daughter.
And if you don't start takingcare of yourself, then it
couldn't be the case. And youreally need to just slow down
and you know, regroup.
Don Priess (29:29):
And that's mentally physically, spiritually, you
know, because it's not just oh,I need a rest. It's like, it's
okay. If you find a way to goout for an evening to dinner.
It's okay. You need those thingsas a human being and it's why
the mortality rate of caregiversis quite high. And if not
mortality, certainly veryserious illness. Yeah, yeah. So
(29:52):
then you're no good and thenyou're and then you're no then
you're now you're no good toanybody. Let alone the person
you're trying to hear care for.
Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (30:00):
Guess what?
Stress is the worst in any case,right? So you it's this, it's a
silent killer. It is. Itis. And is, because it's not,
you know, you don't see it, youknow, and it's not that our
families don't care, or thatthey're not involved, but
they're not there most of themfor the day to day to see, okay,
you're eating, you know, aTwinkie and a can of coke for
(30:21):
breakfast, and then, you know, abag of chips, and you know, a
Big Mac for lunch, and thenyou're staying up to two in the
morning and getting up at six inthe morning. And you didn't
really sleep at all, you know,in these families, they they're
not, they don't have thatintimate and seen on site, you
know, experiences and, you know,they're just getting, you know,
(30:42):
the feedback from their lovedones on how it's going. And
unless they can really see itand experience it firsthand. It
can be very deadly, like, youknow, dancing, you know, there's
severe consequences for that.
Absolutely. I want to go back toyour dad for a second. And so,
because you guys were so young,you and your wife and how old
(31:03):
was your dad at the time whenwhen he became you know,
he was 67. Okay, young,relatively young, very young.
So because I was having thisconversation with my daughter
this morning, and we weretalking about, you know, how do
we get people her age andyounger? To, you know, pay
attention to, to this, this kindof scenario, right? Because a
(31:28):
lot of people and I'm sure, youknow, we've we all feel like
that when we're, you know, inour 20s and 30s. It's like,
we're so far from that. We don'thave to think about it. It's
not, you know, we don't want tothink about it. We don't have
to, because it's a it's faraway. But it but it isn't always
far away, is it?
No, it's not. I mean, Susie, Ican tell you and you know, the
(31:50):
13 years that we've had ourcompany, we've seen people in
their late teens, people intheir 20s, their 30s, I mean,
every decade of life, and it'sthe ones that are in their 20s,
their 30s, the teens arehorrible, too. But, you know,
just not too long ago, we had awife who diagnosed with
basically aggressive end stagebreast cancer, and had no idea
(32:13):
until she went in for amammogram, because she was
having some soreness, and it wasall throughout her body, you
know, her and her husband justbuilt a house, they're not old
enough to collect Medicare,either one's old enough to
retire. Now you have this on topof it, you know, a two income
home is now going down to oneincome, and then you have the
husband and understandably isthat his, he's at a loss as to
(32:35):
what to do for her what's best,and he wants to be there. But he
knows he has to continueworking. And so you know, they
hire services like ours. Andit's just, it's tragic. And
first thing out of his mouth wasnever would have dreamt, at this
stage of our lives, anythinglike, those are the things you
can't plan for, but you can atleast be a little more aware and
attuned, especially for youknow, families who have
(32:58):
children, making them more awareof it. And just when the
children are old enough, youknow, and I think I'd leave that
to the family to decide what theappropriate age is. But have a
conversation about, you know,this is what mom or dad wants,
you know, if something shouldunforeseen happen to us. And I
just want to make sure you'reaware of you know, so it makes
(33:19):
it easier on you, when you haveto maybe make some decisions for
Mom or Dad, and get those thingsdocumented. You know, those
power of attorney advanceddirectives and living wills that
we were talking about earlier.
You don't even have to includethe children in your decision
making process because it's yourdecision how you want and what
you want. But once those are allin place, and you feel the
(33:39):
children are mature and oldenough to have that
conversation, make that makingthem aware of it, because if
you've done it, and they'venever been made aware that you
have done it, there's a chancethat may never get, you know,
recognized or enforced. Andwe've seen that too, where,
again, you know, family in theirmid 60s, terminal cancer, and
(34:00):
the children had no idea wheremom had the advanced directives
or Power of Attorney paperworkat the the attorney mom use is
no longer in practice. Heretired. And everybody's
wondering, What did mom want?
What What should we do? We wantto honor mom's wishes because
mom didn't want to burden thechildren with that conversation.
(34:24):
But now in the end, it'sactually hurting them more,
because now they don't know whatthey can do to honor mom's
wishes.
That's such a good point. That'ssuch a good point. What I mean,
I'm going to ask you what so howdo you think what would what can
we do to engage all generationsto understand that this is just
a conversation we have to have,it's like in school, you know,
(34:46):
you learn all kinds of youlearned there's Home Home
Economics and these kinds of,you know, like sociology and
things like but we just avoidthis kind of conversation. What
What would you suggestFirst, I think having the
conversation just, it starts, Ithink in the home having a
conversation, because if you,you know, and I agree it should
(35:07):
be taught in some degree in theschools. And I'll tell you a
story for myself here in aminute. But if you teach it in
the schools and the kids, youknow, middle school, high
school, whatever, if they becomeaware of it, but yet, Mom and
Dad aren't willing to engage inthat conversation is kind of
fruitless, or vice versa. Theparents want to engage with the
(35:28):
children. Oh, no, and you don'thave that conversation. They can
be aware, but it won't really bethat impactful. Right. So, you
know, one of the things I'm abig fan of is called Five
Wishes. I don't know if you andDon are familiar with them.
Yeah. It's how the five wishesnonprofit was started by Jim
tui. Jim two is a remarkableman. He worked in a couple of
(35:52):
the White House administrationsnon political, and he was really
impacted by his time as MotherTeresa's lawyer. So he was
mugged. He was the turn. Yeah,he was the lawyer from Mother
Teresa. He was the first personto eulogize her at her funeral.
And, you know, he went in as ayou know, I don't want to speak
(36:15):
for him, but I'm imagining kindof like young, brash attorney,
you know, going to do his job.
And that experience working withher was so impactful that he
started five wishes and theseother come aging with dignity as
the other one. And Five Wishesis like an Advanced Directive or
a living well, okay, I first Ifirst became aware of it in
(36:38):
college during one of thehospice courses, I had to take
where the professor said, okay,one of the requirements for this
course, is you purchase FiveWishes, I had no idea what it
was. And it was available at ourbookstore. It was like 395, or
something. And it's like areally nice pamphlet, but it's
like, like, almost like a book,you know, like our magazine. And
(36:59):
each page talks about which oneis this, which two is this, so
forth, and so on. And it'slegally recognized and 48, I
believe, out of the 50 states,you don't need a notary, you
don't need an attorney, you fillit out, you designate you know,
I would designate Don to be myPOA or as my as my advocate, and
I just put that in the fivewishes. But it's not so much
(37:21):
just medical, it's, if I'm notable to advocate or talk for
myself, I want to have softmusic playing in my room, when
I'm laying there, or I don'twant music. It's all in how you
want to be treated in the event.
You can't, you know, advocatefor yourself. And it's a
powerful book. But I think itleads to really good
conversations, you know, becauseit's not all legalese. And it's
(37:42):
not all medical. It's, it's verysocial, and very, you know,
commonplace conversation, but atleast it gets the conversation
started. Right.
It's, it's individually drivenby Yeah.
Yeah. And, you know, it's, uh,but I think that would be a good
way to start, you know, a parentcould get it for one of their
(38:04):
children. I know, families buyhim for gifts, you know, because
we're talking I think $5. And,but you just don't know, I mean,
you know, firsthand experiencewith our company, we see people,
you know, 18 years old, got tboned on their motorcycle, and
now they're, you know, for allintents and purposes, they're,
you know, brain dead, butthey're still being, you know,
(38:25):
kept alive, because their wisheswere to be sustained by, you
know, artificial ventilation andthings and, you know, nutrition.
But if that's not what you want,that's not what you should get.
Right. But people have to know,you know,
right. I love that though.
Because that seems very gentle.
If that were, if that was a partof a course, a sociology course,
(38:48):
you know, like, the five wishes.
And and you were in high schooland youth like, you know, it's
that question of like, what whatmusic would you what five things
would you bring on an island?
Right? Is that that game that?
Right? So you're on a desertedisland? What would you bring
with you? So it's the samething, like if you were in this
situation? Right? What Whatwould your five wishes be? Under
these circumstances? I thinkthat's not a bad way to I like
(39:10):
that, actually. Yeah, like, it'svery good. Yeah. And get people
thinking like, well, you know,they're, if you're 16 or 17 It's
like, what if you got t boned?
You know, and, and you werethere? Would you want to stay on
life support? Or would you not?
I don't think that's too hard ofa question. I think it's very
contemplative. And I think in ina 16 year olds mind, I think
(39:35):
they can handle it because, youknow, the, the odds aren't that
much against you. Right? Soyou're really for you So gives
you the freedom to be able to behave a little bit of, you know,
bravery to that question.
And I think it's very, it's notas intimidating as having to go
(39:56):
you know, to your lawyer andhave it drawn things. Yeah,
yeah. Oh, no.
I love that. Let's do that.
Let's start. Let's start. Inyour free time.
Don Priess (40:07):
All right, yeah, you know, we could do six wishes and
charge $6 And, you know, go
Lance A. Slatton (40:17):
for room check. I love that. That's such
a great, yeah. Because we reallyneed to engage younger people.
And, you know, and get peoplereally back to he like, a human
perspective on on life. Right.
So, you know, I just noticedthat with children, even younger
children that aren't, you know,exposed to older people are
(40:42):
quite frightened for somereason, which is so odd to me.
Right.
I think that's society, though.
Right, Susie, I mean, we allthink we're invincible, you
know, and to a degree, that waspart of my dad's issue, you
know, he was in the Marine Corpsin the 60s, entirely different
than how it is present day. And,you know, he was going to talk
(41:05):
through it, and I'm not going tostop, you know, and, you know,
to his own detriment, though,you know, and I think that's how
most of American society reallyresponds to, you know, mortality
is that we aren't mortal, orimmortal, you know, until
something, you know, hits us,and we can't solve it, you know,
I was listening to an interviewthe other day, is totally
(41:28):
unrelated to health care, seniorcare and caregiving. But this
person, very, very smart person,was talking to this gentleman,
and trying to like, you know,coerce him into, you know,
changing his life and turning itaround. And he's like, you know,
well, it was a judge actuallytalking to him. And he said,
Well, you know, Your Honor, youdon't understand, I don't have
(41:50):
any money. That's why I'm doingthis, I have a big problem, I
have a money problem. And shesays, Let me stop and tell you
this. She goes, money is not aproblem. He goes, What do you
mean, she goes, a problem issomething that money can't fix.
If you get a diagnosis ofcancer, you can't say, well,
here's $2 million, take care ofit for me, they'll say, sorry,
(42:10):
it doesn't matter how muchmoney, you know, those are real
problems, money, you can gowork, you can get money, you
know, but real problems are ourhealth issues. And I think
people as a whole, they don'tlike to look at that. Because
it's not going to happen tothem, it's going to happen to
somebody else. And they think,you know, you know, I'll just
fix it with money, or I'll fixit with this or that. And I
(42:33):
think that's why they don't wantto talk about it, because it
makes them face the fact thatthey are going to pass at some
point. And they may not beimmortal
after all. Right? Right.
Don Priess (42:46):
It's something we don't have control over. And
right. We don't want to dealwith stuff we cannot control.
And exactly. And so you know, toget past that and say, well,
let's make it the best it canbe. That's, that's not an easy
sell, steal.
Lance A. Slatton (43:03):
But it is, but listen, there's no I was the I
Am the poster child for notwanting to die. Like I was a
little girl three years old,having anxiety attacks about
that like asking, like runningout of my room going to my dad,
what happens when you die? Andwhere do you go on that I need
to know because I don'tunderstand it, my dad would
always go, you're three yearsold, go back to bed, like you
(43:24):
have 97 more years to worryabout it. So in my mind, I'd
always go well, I've got 80 moreyears to think about it. I've
got 75 more years and like Ijust put it off like that. And
you know, I remember weinterviewed one of our now a
dear friend who had writtenbooks on caregiving and going
through the last stages with herfamily, with her parents, both
(43:45):
of them. And I interviewed her Isaid, Well, my biggest fear is
losing my mom, like i Because,you know, that's my, I'm scared
to death of that. She goes, Whenit happens, you're going to be
so fine. And I'm going to tellyou right now, it's it's a
beautiful thing. And you'regonna and I said You're so
wrong, can't be beautiful. Ican't even imagine it to be
(44:06):
beautiful. Well, it's nowlooking back. It's one of my
most precious moments is beingwith my mom. And, and I feel
proud of myself that I was so Iwas brave, and I was there for
her. And I proud of her, how shedid it, and how she with such
such grace and and being therewas an honor. And so, and you
(44:32):
know, and I'm I'm the biggestbaby there is about it. So I'm
going to start crying. If I cando it, anybody can do it, is
what I'm saying. Yeah.
So, it is beautiful, though. Youknow, I tell people all the time
and you know, you get frustratedyou get exhausted. You just get
to the end and you know, butwhen you when you have the
(44:54):
ability to distance yourselfafter some time, I tell him I
said you're gonna look back andyou're gonna be thankful You
know that you were a part ofthis rather than regretful that
you are part of it because notmany people get that kind of
experience with a spouse, achild or a parent. And, you
know, you'll, you'll be able tohave those experiences and those
memories. Yeah,what better honored? Right? You
know, exactly, yeah. One of ourinterviewees on our documentary
(45:18):
said, you know, it matters howyou're born, and it matters how
you die, it matters. It reallymatters, you know, and, and, and
it's, and I'm reading this booknow called the women, which is
all takes place during theVietnam War and thinking about
your dad. Right? And, you know,and you think, and one of the,
(45:39):
one of this, the sad parts of isthat the, the, the, the young
guys that were just obliterated,and there's no, there's no honor
to their death? In other words,no one can honor them. No one
was there, no one, they justwere ripped out of the world,
boom, gone, and not a trace. Andso and that, to me, is the
(46:00):
biggest tragedy.
100% Yeah. 100%. And, you know,I'm always very pro, you know,
service people in our militarymen and women, because, you
know, they they give theultimate sacrifice, you know, I
don't care if they serve in awar or didn't serve in a war,
they served, and they madethemselves available for
(46:22):
defending our freedoms. And, youknow, I think they should, you
know, all of them be recognizedand have that, you know, that
honor. Yeah.
Yeah. But it doesn't matter,though. Right. I mean, it
matters to our soul. It matterslike, you know, yeah, it's just
sowell, I think, you know, Susie,
I think it also matters as asociety, to how we, you know,
how we do treat our seniors andthose with health issues, and
(46:44):
our our military men and women,it matters to the soul of this
country. Right, not just us asindividuals, but I think it
speaks to, you know, how we, howwe treat them says how, how we
are as a nation,agreed, agreed, I think, and I
think we're, you know, we'reailing or ailing in that area,
severely. And, and that, youknow, that's, that's, it's a
(47:08):
very, it's a sad state. I mean,I just hope that we can get back
to more, more of that lessindividualistic kind of
paradigm, you know, and more andmore community, because that's
how we thrive. That's how wethrive, you know, we are not, we
were not meant to be alone,we're just not.
Don Priess (47:32):
And I think your book is something that, you
know, this is what it'simproving that experience, it's,
you know, it's, you're not goingto solve the experience, but
making the best I can be, andthat, you know, and along that
comes dignity, not only I mean,for, for, for the person, but
for yourself, too. You know,caregiving can be a very
(47:53):
undignified practice, there'sthings you're doing, especially
when you're dealing with a lovedone that or are not things that
are, you know, called glamorousor dignified, and also
navigating, that, you know,where is it? Like, when is it
better that somebody that theydon't know is doing this? When
(48:13):
is it better that they feel youknow, and that's a conversation
you have to have with the personyou're caring for? Yeah, you
know, that it's like, would youdoes it make you feel less
comfortable that I'm doing it asopposed to somebody you know,
which can help you makedecisions on how they're cared
for him?
Lance A. Slatton (48:29):
Yeah, at 100%.
And I would say to Don, youknow, oftentimes, when you have
families, you know, we're takingcare of someone's mother,
there's multiple siblings, maybea couple of sons, a couple of
daughters. Usually, most notalways, but most times, it's
like the one daughter who's kindof taken in and taking charge.
And, you know, they're veryresentful about that, you know,
(48:51):
and they don't understand why Ihave to do it, they're doing it
and they're glad to do it. Andthey wouldn't trade doing it for
anything. But they're saying,Well, why can't my brother or my
sister, why aren't they helping?
And one of the things I tellthem, they may not be
comfortable doing that, youknow, bathing mom, helping mom
(49:11):
go to the bath and I said,that's, you know, that's a very
uncomfortable thing for a lot ofpeople. And like one brother
said, he goes, I will doanything my sister wants me to
do. He says, I just can't batheand toilet, my mother. Yeah. And
I respect and get thatcompletely. So I told the sister
I said, Your brother's willingto help a, you know, it's okay
(49:33):
to ask him. You know, peopledon't always just step up and
volunteer, but they're glad todo it. If they're asked, and I
said, he's willing to doanything you need. I said, why
don't you start using him tocoordinate mom's doctor's
appointments, have theprescriptions delivered, you
know, put together the groceriesand have that delivered? Help
with all these other thingswhile you're doing the more
hands on day to day stuff? Isaid that would take a
(49:55):
significant load off of you byHelping you know, just with all
those other things that Now youdon't have to worry about.
Right. So there's a lot of waysto help other than just, you
know, the hands on. Yeah,for sure. I would have. I agree,
I would have loved that. Becausejuggling all of it is too much.
It can be it's just tremendousamount of of details that you
have to stamp on. Well, it'senormous, enormous.
Don Priess (50:20):
But it's very different when there's a single
when there's no siblings whenthere's no help. That's a whole
nother situation that
Susie Singer Carter (50:28):
right.
That's why Lance wrote thisgreat book. That's what it is. I
just thought of the name of thebook, What to Expect When You're
Expecting that's the that wasthe I think my wife had
everybody had it. Everybody has.
All right, I'll go on a walk.
I'll go on a limb and say that,that all homecare matters
official family caregivers guideis the knew what to be expected
(50:51):
when you're expecting but forcaregivers. How's that
caregivers?
Lance A. Slatton (50:58):
That sounds wonderful. That would be
awesome. You know, I just like Isaid, I know there's like you
like yourself, Susie likemyself. There's other people out
there who had no plans, no ideaof what caregiving for a parent,
a spouse or a child entails.
Until that day, it just happens.
And now you are that caregiver.
And I just hope it will helpjust like Don said, it's not
(51:19):
going to solve everything, butit might make it a little bit
easier. And that's what my hopeand wishes for people that it
will just make it easier forthem.
Susie Singer Carter (51:29):
Great. I know it will. I know. Well. Is
there anything we didn't mentionthat you wanted to mention?
Because I can't believe our hourwent by so fast. Yeah,
Lance A. Slatton (51:38):
it's always well, it's always great. It's
especially great to see Dawnbecause I always hear him but I
don't always see him always
Don Priess (51:44):
chirping away.
Lance A. Slatton (51:47):
But it's always great to see the two of
you. And as I've told you amillion times Susie my my kids
just think you are a superstarcelebrity, which you are. They
love the movie Soul Surfer. Weprobably we probably watch it I
don't know. There's 30 days in amonth, I would say maybe 28 of
those days we watch.
Susie Singer Carter (52:06):
Okay. I have a surprise for you coming.
So just No.
Lance A. Slatton (52:13):
No, I just I wish you both a nice Happy
Easter. Thank you guys so muchfor everything you guys are
doing. We love and appreciateyou both we
Susie Singer Carter (52:21):
absolutely do. Which which is why we do
this this show which is why don,why do we do
Don Priess (52:28):
well because you know why? Because love is
powerful. Love is contagious.
And love conquers all. So wethank everybody for watching
listening today. Please likeshare, do all those fun things
that we enjoy. And please pleaseplease look for Lance's book,
we'll have all the informationin the show notes. And it's
something that everyone needs tohave. They should probably every
(52:49):
school should have these in handthem out as as, as textbooks
because it's that important. Andyes, it was. So next
Susie Singer Carter (53:00):
time so yeah, have fun this weekend.
Okay, bye
When the world has gotcha down, and Alzheimer's
(00:04):
sucks.
Don Priess (00:05):
It's an equal opportunity disease that chips
away at everything we hold dear.
And to date, there's no cure. Sountil there is we continue to
fight with the most powerfultool in our arsenal. Love. This
is love conquers all is a realand really positive podcast that
takes a deep dive intoeverything. Alzheimer's, The
Good, the Bad, and everything inbetween. And now, here are your
(00:29):
hosts Susie singer, Carter, andme, Don Priess.
Lance A. Slatton (00:39):
Hello, everybody. I'm Susie singer
Carter.
Don Priess (00:42):
And I'm Don Priess.
And this is love conquers allcalls. Hello, Susan.
Lance A. Slatton (00:46):
Donald.
Don Priess (00:47):
Good. Yes. Good morning. How are you? Well, it's
after morning. It's afternoon.
Lance A. Slatton (00:54):
I'm going to tell you how I am. Good
Don Priess (00:55):
afternoon. Yes. How are you? You're happy.
Lance A. Slatton (00:59):
That's right.
I'm happy. Wow. Well,
Don Priess (01:01):
then I'm happy. If you're happy, I'm happy.
Lance A. Slatton (01:03):
I'm happy. Why am I happy?
Don Priess (01:05):
Where are you happy?
Lance A. Slatton (01:07):
For? For a lot of reasons. But for one a big
reason is we actually finishedour cut of No Country for Old
people. So we have it in thehands of trusted, trusted eyes
to give us feedback. So I amhappy and anxious at the same
time. Because I all I want tohear is good things, of course,
(01:28):
but we need to we need to bebrave and hear hear what's
working. What's not working. Soyeah, this is this is a good par
with this is like two years ofhard work. So I feel really good
about it.
Don Priess (01:39):
Yes. And so far, you know, honestly, you know, we've
heard some feedback. And it's, Iwould say overwhelmingly
positive. So that's a reallygood thing.
Lance A. Slatton (01:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Don Priess (01:51):
But where could we met we start with the composer
yesterday and then spotted thefilm to have him put the cues
and start working on the cues.
It's all very exciting. It's allcoming together. Yeah. We're
still we are still trying toraise finishing funds to get
that go. Anyone who just hasextra money lying around? Who
has does not have no need forit.
Lance A. Slatton (02:13):
Maybe gambling in the Dodgers. John. Exactly.
Shohei Otani
Don Priess (02:19):
you know, he could just take that that 4 million
and just show just as it wouldbe completely 100%
Lance A. Slatton (02:25):
Joe, Joe, listen to us. Yeah,
Don Priess (02:27):
this is Oh, no, what's
Lance A. Slatton (02:33):
that showing?
It's
Don Priess (02:34):
a Joe. Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (02:35):
I call him Joe. we're that close? Yeah,
yeah, he told me to call himJoe. So listen, this would
totally turn around any kind ofbad vibe or Juju that's going
out there you give a vote alittle donation which is tax
deductible to making nursinghomes a better place to live.
And, and wow, what a greatright, win, win win win. And I
(02:59):
know you know being an athlete,you like that. So let's get
after show it.
Don Priess (03:05):
What is it shows you show? Hey, show. Hey, just call
him Joe.
Lance A. Slatton (03:09):
I'll call him Joe. We're so close. We're like
Yes.
Don Priess (03:16):
I have a question.
What have you ever seen abaseball?
Lance A. Slatton (03:20):
I haven't seen a baseball I have you know that
I was on the I was on this thegirls team and in high school. I
don't throw well but I am. Iwould
Don Priess (03:29):
run with girls team was this which girls team was
this?
Lance A. Slatton (03:33):
In high school?
Don Priess (03:34):
I pretty sure you said you played powderpuff
football which is a verydifferent thing.
Lance A. Slatton (03:38):
I did. I did softball to done I'm very
athletic. This
Don Priess (03:43):
is no you are.
Lance A. Slatton (03:46):
I just don't throw good for some I say it's
because I'm left handed. Yeah, Ithrow it my right hand. And
somehow that's it goes. I dothis I very good way. And then
somehow it ends up down. Theball goes straight down. I don't
know why. And I am coordinated.
I'm a dancer. I am i very i amvery athletic. Yeah, I cannot
(04:10):
throw a ball. I don't understandit. I don't think it's in female
genes. I think I need more.
Please.
Don Priess (04:18):
Now come on.
Lance A. Slatton (04:23):
I know you have to release but that's a
whole another conversation.
That's a really important thing,right? Sometimes they do and it
shocks me. Yeah,
Don Priess (04:31):
I think it shocks everyone. It shocks everybody.
Lance A. Slatton (04:34):
Let's move on from this. Let us let us move
on. Don't we have a good guesttoday we have an amazing we have
a part two. We like part twos.
That makes us feel that thatmeans they they actually like us
and they're coming back for morethan more of us. And that makes
me happy and especially thisperson because we love this
person. And and and this personbrings So much to our art
(04:59):
community and just just ingeneral, just a really great
guy. So great. Do you want tointroduce them?
Don Priess (05:09):
I will do that and I'll do that right now. Known as
the senior care influencer,Lance a. Slaton is a writer,
author and healthcareprofessional with over 20 years
in the healthcare industry, andnative of Michigan. He is a
senior case manager at enrichlife homecare services a leading
care provider. His ingenuity andfortitude led to the creation of
(05:32):
all home care matters andinformative podcast and YouTube
show devoted to helping familiescaregivers and their loved ones
navigate long term care issues.
All Home Care matters wasrecently the recipient of the
silver creator award from Googleand YouTube. Lance also produces
and CO hosts two additionalshows conscious caregiving, with
lnl co hosted by Loyola Bay andthe caregivers journal with
(05:54):
Denise M Brown. And if that werenot enough, he also writes a
monthly column for McKnighthomecare News Daily
caregiving.com and age buds.
Recognizing Lance'scontributions to the industry.
He was named a 50 under 50honoree by the New York City
Journal for 2023 and has beenchosen as a juror for the
Academy of Interactive visualarts for 2023 and 2024. And
(06:19):
because he apparently has somuch spare time on his hands,
Lance has now authored a newbook. The all homecare matters
official family caregiversguide, a beacon of wisdom meant
to guide you through thecomplexities and emotional tides
of becoming a caregiver. Wecannot wait to find out more
about this new endeavor andeverything else in the wild
(06:39):
world of the inimitable Lance aSlaton? So let's say hello to
Lance a. Slaton. Hello, Lance.
Lance A. Slatton (06:45):
Hello, Lance.
Good afternoon, Susie. And Don,how are you guys?
We are great. We're great.
Because you're here. We're happyto have you here. Here's
lustrous and fancy and you do somuch for our community? Like
I've just, I'm just in awe ofwhat you do all the time, I
think, are we doing enough?
(07:07):
Because Lance is doing this now.
And he's doing that now. Ididn't even know about this
other thing. Your visual arts?
You're a juror for the Academyof Interactive visual artists.
Yeah, yeah. We, we won the awardlast year, or? Yeah, last year,
and we, when we submitted it,and then later in 2023, they had
(07:28):
reached out and wanted to knowif I'd be interested in being a
part of the jurors, jurors boardfor for the other entries. And I
said sure. And it was actually alot of fun, you know, you get to
see a lot of different, youknow, creative and visual arts
from, you know, differentindustries and genres. And it
was really enjoyable. And theyinvited me back again this year.
(07:50):
Wow, that's amazing. What whatis the the art is for like, it's
just explain what it is a littlebit more like in depth.
So the Academy of Interactivevisual arts, they, they, they
have like the Webby Awards. I'msure you guys are familiar with
those, they have the W three,the communicator awards, and
some others. And all the awardsare like gender specific to like
(08:14):
different types of, you know,media. And so like, we're, we're
part of the web GIS, the W threeand the communicator awards,
because we do film or not film,but you know, we do video and
audio. So we qualify for audioawards, but then we also qualify
for Video Awards. And yeah, Imean, the AARP is involved with
(08:36):
this a lot of your majoruniversities, major healthcare
systems, insurance companies,it's kind of like a who's who of
corporate America. Really? Wow,that's amazing. I have so much
to learn. There's a lot to know.
Like, honestly, like, I don'tknow, it's, it's really, it's
really, it's an art to do whatyou're doing because I get stuck
(08:58):
in my, in my bubble, right or inmy lane. And I think I really
sometimes you can't seeeverything around that's also so
important in our in ourcommunity. And there's so much
that we can be a part of, like,you know, I'm actually looking
forward to the end of thisdocumentary so that I can start
you know, I because I love thatthat sounds amazing. That sounds
(09:19):
like somethingI would definitely be interested
in. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That would be great. That wouldbe great. i Alright, so you
know, you like I said, you're,you've been first of all, let me
just compliment you because oneof the things that you do so
well is is you engage andconnect you're such a good
(09:40):
engager and connector with somany people and I see it and you
don't stop you continue to dothat, which makes the community
smaller and stronger. And and Ilove that because you do it with
with with the right motivationwithout you know, it's I think,
I'm God. That's the way I viewit. I think my barometer for
(10:01):
authenticity is, is highlycalibrated. And I think that
that's what you do. And I find,and I think it's inspirational,
that you do that, because youalways, you know, from the time
I met, you was like, it wasalmost like, is he for real,
because, you know, you were sokind and so generous with, with,
(10:21):
with your offer to help it oneverything. And, and I don't
know, I'm sure people will tellyou how, how appreciative they
are, but we're so appreciativeof, of your help. And that, you
know, it's such a, it's a, it'sa contagious kind of
characteristic to have, youknow, and so when you because
(10:45):
often people are afraid to bethat generous, especially when
you're trying to, you know,climb a ladder, whatever that
ladder is. And so it's like,well, if they're, you know, if I
help them, or what about me, andI, and I, and, you know, it kind
of harkens back to my firstmentor by writing, who is a big
showrunner in Hollywood, andit's my first big job as an
(11:07):
executive. And he said, youknow, always give help, and
never expect anything in return.
Always. And that's what you do.
Yeah,well, thank you, Susie, you
know, I don't do it, you know,looking for Pat's on the back or
you know, any recognition, but Ihave two things I kind of live
by one, you know, because ourfamily were really strong in our
(11:27):
faith and real active in ourchurch. And there's a verse in
the Bible that I think,regardless of what your
background is, what your beliefsare, I think if more people live
by it, we would just have abetter society as a whole. And
that's to whom much is givenmuch as expected, or much as
required, depending on thetranslation. And so, I feel
like, you know, we've beenreally fortunate and blessed
with our business in ourcompany. And now, you know,
(11:48):
secondary with all home carematters. And, you know, if we
can help other people, I mean,why not, right. And the other
thing that I really live by andtry to, you know, practice is,
you know, when you have afriend, and you do something for
a friend, you do it with notexpecting something in return,
because it's your friend. And Ijust hope, you know, on days
(12:10):
when, or the future, whateverthe case may be, where I may
need something, or my family orwhatever it may be, and somebody
would help us if we needed it,or they could help us, you know,
in any way that they would do itwithout expecting just what's in
it for them. You know, and Ithink especially in the
industry, we are working in, insenior care and health care. I
(12:31):
mean, we should all be we're allfighting for the same purpose
and goals, I would hope, and youknow, our own self benefit, and
self interest shouldn't be whatwe're serving, it should be
those who are trying to help uswho we should be trying to serve
like you guys with the film, andwith all the conquers all, you
know, you're trying to raiseawareness from your personal
experience. And, you know, samesame with us.
(12:53):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And, youknow, I just think we need to be
reminded of it, or at leastacknowledge that, and it also
feels good to it feels good tohelp people, right. I mean,
it's, at the end of the day,like, for me, learning going to
facilities and visiting my mom,you know, where you would think,
Oh, what a drag, I gotta go andbe with, you know, people who
(13:15):
are have disabilities or thisand that, let me You know, I
always say, now, it's like, ifyou want to feel good about
yourself, go to visit somebodyat, you know, a senior center,
you first of all, they're gonnatell you, how old are you? 20
They're gonna, and they're gonnastick. And if you sing, they're
gonna think you're BarbraStreisand, and you're gonna, and
(13:35):
you will walk out feeling like amillion bucks. And you made
their day. Yeah,yeah. And I tell people all the
time, you know, that may not bethe thing for you right now. But
in the future, you might be thatperson that's wishing somebody
would come in and just bring alittle, you know, joy and
happiness into your life,because you're the one in the
facility now. And we need morepeople like that, who are just
(13:56):
giving and trying to lift othersup and, you know, improve their
improve their day. Exactly.
And you will improve your day,I'm telling you, it's like, it
is the best feeling in theworld. Like, you can't,
Don Priess (14:11):
yeah, if we can change the question to what's in
it for all of us, then, youknow, as opposed to what's in it
for me, what's in it for all ofus, then everyone benefits,
everyone helps each other. Andlike you said, in the long run,
you feel better also, if that'sselfish, so be it. So you feel
better wonderful.
Lance A. Slatton (14:31):
But that's a good selfish that's a good
selfish, right. So that's a goodcelebration. So and I have no
good segue for this. I was goingto go and speaking of so no,
doesn't even work. You know,it's terrible. But I want to
talk about your book. Butbecause you know, I think that
everyone who is seen or listenedto our podcasts are going to
(14:54):
know a little bit about Lance ora lot about Lance, but I think
this book is in I mean, it's,it's, it was an obvious next
step to me that you takeeverything that you've
aggregated in terms of, youknow, homecare and, and, and
the, in our and our industry atlarge and community at large.
(15:14):
And you're so you have such areach to our 53 million
caregivers, that you would be agreat voice and representative
of these kinds of this kind ofbooks. So tell us about this
book and how it got started.
Yeah, well,that was a great segue, Susie,
I, you know, my story, I'm gonnastart there to kind of put it
(15:35):
into perspective and context.
You know, I was, and I've saidthis several times on shows, and
on my own show, you know, mywife and I, we were newlyweds,
you know, I was in my earlier20s 2324. My wife is a couple
years older than I, we share, weshare the same birthday, which
is fun. And yeah, and we alsohave the same wedding
(15:58):
anniversary, too, which is evencrazier. doesn't
happen very often.
We, we get a phone call oneevening, and you know, I'm
pursuing medical school, she'sdone with college, she started
her career. And it's a homehealth care nurse. And we had no
idea why they'd be calling usand my father had, you know,
sustained a serious fall and asa result needed surgery. And
(16:22):
that developed a verysignificant wound. And she says,
You know, I'm just concernedbecause he's not able to
properly take care of this.
There's nothing wrong with myfather, mentally, nothing
physically, it was just wherethe wound was, it was very
difficult to clean, verydifficult to put new bandages
on, etc. She said, I think for alittle while, he either needs to
live with family being us, orwe're gonna have to look at
(16:46):
putting them in a nursing homefor a month or so just to get
this healed up some. We said,well, of course, he can come
move in with us not a problem.
Well, the wound developed into avery severe infection. It's
called osteomyelitis, which isinfection of the bone. And
ultimately, he had seven majorsurgeries while living with us
seven where they actually had tocarve and cut off portions of
(17:08):
his tailbone. I mean, justimagine that. And so it got to
the point where two and a halfyears, this is 24 hour care
seven days a week, we had to doeverything for him. And mostly,
and this isn't that my wifewasn't. But again, I said, she
started her career. I'm dealingwith college, so I'm home more
and you know, can pop in anddifferent things. It got to the
(17:31):
point where they surgeon hassaid, you know, he's going to
require nursing home now,because the infection and the IV
antibiotics, he's going torequire etc. And but for that
two and a half years, you know,we were going at our wits end,
it wasn't that we didn't care wedidn't love but one, we didn't
have the knowledge or theunderstanding of being a quote,
(17:52):
unquote, caregiver. And we hadone of the best health care
systems in the country cominginto our house three, four or
five times a week, never talkingto us as a family caregiver
saying, Hey, have you thoughtabout this? Have you thought
about that, here's someresources, here's respite and
all these different things. Andnext thing we know, he's going
into a nursing home. It was aresult of that experience,
(18:14):
though, and that two and a halfyears of day in and day out care
for him, and trying to do thebest we can to support him and
you know, meet his needs, andalso make sure his wound is
healing. And you know, what haveyou that I said, you know, we're
going to start a company, wherewe send people into the home to
help take care of people or givethem a break, kind of like, what
we're going through thinking,I'm inventing the wheel, which I
(18:36):
wasn't, but this is almost 20years ago. And we started our
company as a result of that, andeverything that's really been
done Suzy suit, and Don, it'sbeen through the lens of I wish
that I had someone like me whenI was back then. But not once
doctors, social workers, nurses,you name it. Nobody ever talked
(18:59):
to us as a family caregiver tooffer us any support. And so,
you know, writing for thesedifferent news sites, and you
know, doing our show and havingour company, I've always
thought, you know, man, I wish Ihad something to put my hands on
back then. Or somebody might goof it to say, Hey, check this
out. And there's other greatbooks out there. I'm not saying
this is you know, the end all beall the books, but I wrote it
(19:22):
from the perspective of me 20years ago, and what I needed to
know and what I wished I knew,so that it will help other
family caregivers. It's a guidefrom the very beginning to the
point where you start, you know,identifying that mom or dad may
need help, all the way throughto the end of the journey,
understanding what hospice is,what it isn't, and everything in
(19:43):
the middle. So really, no matterwhere anybody's at during their
caregiving journey, this bookcould help them and give them
some information that will helpmake it a little bit easier for
them and their loved ones.
That's great. So I wish I hadthat. I wish I had. I say that
all the time. I will There was,you know, my mom's Alzheimer's.
So my mom's been gone a year anda half now, so, but she had
(20:07):
Alzheimer's for 16 years. Soalmost as long as what happened
with your dad, you know, almost20 years, and I was caregiving
for my mom, you know, whether itwas in my home, or it was in her
home or at a facility, I stillwas there, and I didn't know
what I was doing. And, you know,I really didn't, I was flying by
the seat of my pants. And and inI was trying to get, and the
(20:30):
resources at the time were sodifficult, you know, like, just
so difficult to get any realanswers, and there was no
consistent answers. And youknow, it. Yeah, this is such a
great resource.
Don Priess (20:44):
And often you don't know, you don't know what you
need to know, until you're in itor are already done with it. You
don't know. It's like, you don'tknow what questions to ask. You
don't know what's coming. Sosomething like this, where it
all laid out before you couldeven even start? It's
invaluable.
Lance A. Slatton (21:05):
Right? Well, and you know, one of the things
too, that I wanted to make sureto include in the book is also
like, references and you know,points of interest, meaning, you
know, it's one thing to know howto properly help mom take a bed
bath or take a shower or what ashower chair is things like
that. But do you know what aliving will is? Do you know what
Advanced Directives are andpower of attorney and all these
(21:26):
different documents that youneed to start gathering and
putting in one location so thatif and when you need them,
you're not adding that extrastress and pressure on yourself
to try to find and locate themto Heck Yeah,
boy, don't I know that? Boy?
Don't I know that? Yeah. And inevery state, it's different. All
the all of the rules aredifferent. And so you know,
yeah, I mean, it is it's athing. It's so it's
(21:50):
overwhelming. It's overwhelming.
There's so much to know. And soyeah, to be to be prepared,
instead of really, you know,reactionary is is really
helpful. I mean, that's, that'sthe lesson for me, that's what I
would pay forward is like, beprepared as best as you can,
(22:11):
even if you don't want to hearabout it, and it's not pleasant
and living wills and all thatstuff. Because, you know, when
you love somebody, it's hard totalk about that kind of stuff,
but you have to write you
Don Priess (22:22):
have to Yeah, it's even like they say with funerals
do not plan the funeral when youwhen and when they went right at
the time of the you need to planit ahead of time, when you're
not emotional. When you're notmaking decisions based on
emotion. And no knowledge youyou know you because you then
you make bad mistakes and errorsand those bad mistakes and
errors. In this case, whenyou're caring for somebody can
(22:44):
lead to great harm.
Lance A. Slatton (22:47):
And things and you can't take it back. You
can't change it. Right. Right.
So yeah, so go on, you're gonnasay something, Lance.
I was just gonna, you know, tofollow up on I was just gonna
say you don't go groceryshopping when you're hungry. You
know,
Don Priess (23:00):
I gross I do. Okay.
Lance A. Slatton (23:05):
Let's Let's call a spade a spade, you're
always hungry.
Don Priess (23:09):
So that's why I can't avoid it.
Lance A. Slatton (23:13):
That's a whole nother story. But no, I love
that. It's, I'm racking my braintrying to think of it this is
how long ago I was pregnant. Butthere was that book that all of
us read, right? It was like itthis is not this title. But
every every pregnant woman outthere is going to know that what
I'm talking about, but it'slike, everything you need to
know about this fixturing Ican't think of the book. It's
(23:35):
It's like in, everyone knows it.
But I that was my Bible. Like,you know, it was by my bed, I
read every chapter, every wordeverything about it, because
it's it to have all thatinformation from someone who's
lived it, it was actuallywritten by two women, two people
that lived it. So it became itwas so it was so powerful. And
and, you know, obviously, by thesuccess of that, but but that's
(23:59):
sounds like the same kind offormat that you have.
Exactly. Yeah. You know, I wastalking to our friend, you know,
Lori la Bey. And, you know, whenwe were talking about the book
and things it it was just, youknow, conversation on the phone,
it wasn't something we publishedor broadcast, but I said, you
know, I want it to be somebody'smap. Yeah, you know, if I was
(24:20):
coming to see you, and down inLA, I'm gonna use my map when I
pull out of my driveway, so Iknow what roads to take. But
even when I get halfway to yourhouse, I still need that map.
Because now I'm halfway there.
So it's still showing me theright way. So that's why I say
it's really for any and everystage of a caregiving journey
for a loved one, the beginning,the middle and the end, because
(24:40):
just because you know, thebeginning is behind you now.
There's still going to be thingsnow different stages that you're
going to be facing andencountering that you may want
to have more information on. I'mgoing to take it a step further
and say that you're you'reyou're more than a map your
ways, because you right becauseyou're not Just telling how to
get there, you're saying thebest way to get there?
(25:03):
Don't take this route.
Don Priess (25:04):
Take this route.
Yeah, exactly. Like over here.
Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (25:08):
So I would Yeah, I would say I would use
that as a metaphor, because Iknow knowing you, that's what
that's what you have provided.
Yeah. And that the last thing weneed is to, you know, we need
all of the shortcuts that we canget.
Absolutely, yes. 100%. You know,I was, actually was interviewing
(25:28):
a former governor this week, whohad taken care of his wife to
the very end. And, you know, he,he just said, you know, it was
taking so much out of me becausehe was, you know, more senior in
age now. And he just said, youknow, my kids were so concerned,
because they said, Dad, mom'scondition isn't changing, but
(25:48):
yours is, and you need to start,you know, he says, and now he's
devoted his whole life toadvocacy, for raising awareness
to dementia, and to, you know,family caregivers. And, you
know, he said, more familycaregivers pass away or suffer
or sustained serious healthissues than the loved one
they're actually caring forbecause they neglect themselves
(26:09):
because they think, you know,they're going to be, you know,
greedy, or they're self servingsays, No, it's the complete
opposite. You're being strong.
And you're giving a gift to yourloved one, because you are
taking proper care of yourself.
Oh, yeah. 100%. I mean, oh, goahead, please. Yeah, I was just
gonna say like, you know, it'sactually in my film, my mom and
the girl when my mom, like, washaving an extra, you know, a
(26:31):
kind of agitated experience.
And, you know, she stopped inthe middle of it and got some
clarity and went home. Oh, myGod, you gotta put me in a home.
You have to live your life. Mymom, you know, and it's like,
you know, she, my mom alwayscared about, like, how I was
doing, you know, and so when shewould have her moments of
lucidity, she was alwaysconcerned, like, you need to
(26:53):
take care of yourself to, like,you can't like you have a life.
I've had an amazing life. I'mnot saying all moms are like
that, but I'm just saying that,you know, it was a it was a it
was an awakening, because I waslike, running on. I was running
on fumes. When she you know,during that time, and it was so
difficult. I remember like, Iwasn't sleeping. My you know, I
(27:15):
was like, and I thought, well,this is what you do. I'm young,
I can handle it. My body canhandle it. You know, I gained
like, 25 pounds, which was likea lot for me at the time. I
because I wasn't sleeping. Iwasn't eating right. And, you
know, it adds up. It just addsup. Yeah. Snowball.
Don Priess (27:35):
Yeah. Do you have tips, specific tips for taking
care of yourself as a caregiver,and overcoming those feelings of
guilt? Because people like asyou said, that people do they
feel like they're being selfishif they take care of themselves,
which is so counterintuitive to
Lance A. Slatton (27:50):
to the caregiver. Absolutely. And I
think to answer your question,yes, there's, there's self care
and, you know, selfpreservation, if you will, on
the book for the caregiverthemselves. But you know, Don,
and I'm sure you and Susie knowthis analogy, as a family
caregiver, myself included, whenI was going through my
caregiving journey with myfather, we're a frog, you know,
(28:11):
in the boiling pot of water, youknow, you put us in there, and
it's not boiling, but you slowlyincrease that heat, you don't
start you don't realize as it'sbuilding up, but if you put us
in there, when it is boiling,we're just jumping out but as
it's a slowly, it's like thatsnowball just keeps building and
building. And, you know, nextthing, you know, you're, you're
not sleeping, you're sleepdeprived, you know, you have
(28:31):
insomnia, you're, you know,eating junk food, because it's
quick and easy. And it's, youknow, all these things is
convenience. And because we gotto get back to take care of mom,
and we got to take care of dad,or whoever the loved one may be,
and it's just, you know, likewith our professional lives with
our company, I mean, we seespouses all the time with, you
know, with Lou Gehrig's disease,or ALS, or all these different,
(28:55):
you know, tragedies, cancers,and you know, the spouse almost
looks worse than the personthey're carrying than their
loved one. Because, you know,they finally get to the point
where it's like either a doctoror there's a family intervention
where they say, you need to getsome professional help to take
care of her and you need tostart taking care of yourself,
you're not neglecting yourduties as a spouse or as a son
(29:16):
or a daughter. But you need tostill be here. So you can be a
spouse or a son or a daughter.
And if you don't start takingcare of yourself, then it
couldn't be the case. And youreally need to just slow down
and you know, regroup.
Don Priess (29:29):
And that's mentally physically, spiritually, you
know, because it's not just oh,I need a rest. It's like, it's
okay. If you find a way to goout for an evening to dinner.
It's okay. You need those thingsas a human being and it's why
the mortality rate of caregiversis quite high. And if not
mortality, certainly veryserious illness. Yeah, yeah. So
(29:52):
then you're no good and thenyou're and then you're no then
you're now you're no good toanybody. Let alone the person
you're trying to hear care for.
Yeah.
Lance A. Slatton (30:00):
Guess what?
Stress is the worst in any case,right? So you it's this, it's a
silent killer. It is. Itis. And is, because it's not,
you know, you don't see it, youknow, and it's not that our
families don't care, or thatthey're not involved, but
they're not there most of themfor the day to day to see, okay,
you're eating, you know, aTwinkie and a can of coke for
(30:21):
breakfast, and then, you know, abag of chips, and you know, a
Big Mac for lunch, and thenyou're staying up to two in the
morning and getting up at six inthe morning. And you didn't
really sleep at all, you know,in these families, they they're
not, they don't have thatintimate and seen on site, you
know, experiences and, you know,they're just getting, you know,
(30:42):
the feedback from their lovedones on how it's going. And
unless they can really see itand experience it firsthand. It
can be very deadly, like, youknow, dancing, you know, there's
severe consequences for that.
Absolutely. I want to go back toyour dad for a second. And so,
because you guys were so young,you and your wife and how old
(31:03):
was your dad at the time whenwhen he became you know,
he was 67. Okay, young,relatively young, very young.
So because I was having thisconversation with my daughter
this morning, and we weretalking about, you know, how do
we get people her age andyounger? To, you know, pay
attention to, to this, this kindof scenario, right? Because a
(31:28):
lot of people and I'm sure, youknow, we've we all feel like
that when we're, you know, inour 20s and 30s. It's like,
we're so far from that. We don'thave to think about it. It's
not, you know, we don't want tothink about it. We don't have
to, because it's a it's faraway. But it but it isn't always
far away, is it?
No, it's not. I mean, Susie, Ican tell you and you know, the
(31:50):
13 years that we've had ourcompany, we've seen people in
their late teens, people intheir 20s, their 30s, I mean,
every decade of life, and it'sthe ones that are in their 20s,
their 30s, the teens arehorrible, too. But, you know,
just not too long ago, we had awife who diagnosed with
basically aggressive end stagebreast cancer, and had no idea
(32:13):
until she went in for amammogram, because she was
having some soreness, and it wasall throughout her body, you
know, her and her husband justbuilt a house, they're not old
enough to collect Medicare,either one's old enough to
retire. Now you have this on topof it, you know, a two income
home is now going down to oneincome, and then you have the
husband and understandably isthat his, he's at a loss as to
(32:35):
what to do for her what's best,and he wants to be there. But he
knows he has to continueworking. And so you know, they
hire services like ours. Andit's just, it's tragic. And
first thing out of his mouth wasnever would have dreamt, at this
stage of our lives, anythinglike, those are the things you
can't plan for, but you can atleast be a little more aware and
attuned, especially for youknow, families who have
(32:58):
children, making them more awareof it. And just when the
children are old enough, youknow, and I think I'd leave that
to the family to decide what theappropriate age is. But have a
conversation about, you know,this is what mom or dad wants,
you know, if something shouldunforeseen happen to us. And I
just want to make sure you'reaware of you know, so it makes
(33:19):
it easier on you, when you haveto maybe make some decisions for
Mom or Dad, and get those thingsdocumented. You know, those
power of attorney advanceddirectives and living wills that
we were talking about earlier.
You don't even have to includethe children in your decision
making process because it's yourdecision how you want and what
you want. But once those are allin place, and you feel the
(33:39):
children are mature and oldenough to have that
conversation, make that makingthem aware of it, because if
you've done it, and they'venever been made aware that you
have done it, there's a chancethat may never get, you know,
recognized or enforced. Andwe've seen that too, where,
again, you know, family in theirmid 60s, terminal cancer, and
(34:00):
the children had no idea wheremom had the advanced directives
or Power of Attorney paperworkat the the attorney mom use is
no longer in practice. Heretired. And everybody's
wondering, What did mom want?
What What should we do? We wantto honor mom's wishes because
mom didn't want to burden thechildren with that conversation.
(34:24):
But now in the end, it'sactually hurting them more,
because now they don't know whatthey can do to honor mom's
wishes.
That's such a good point. That'ssuch a good point. What I mean,
I'm going to ask you what so howdo you think what would what can
we do to engage all generationsto understand that this is just
a conversation we have to have,it's like in school, you know,
(34:46):
you learn all kinds of youlearned there's Home Home
Economics and these kinds of,you know, like sociology and
things like but we just avoidthis kind of conversation. What
What would you suggestFirst, I think having the
conversation just, it starts, Ithink in the home having a
conversation, because if you,you know, and I agree it should
(35:07):
be taught in some degree in theschools. And I'll tell you a
story for myself here in aminute. But if you teach it in
the schools and the kids, youknow, middle school, high
school, whatever, if they becomeaware of it, but yet, Mom and
Dad aren't willing to engage inthat conversation is kind of
fruitless, or vice versa. Theparents want to engage with the
(35:28):
children. Oh, no, and you don'thave that conversation. They can
be aware, but it won't really bethat impactful. Right. So, you
know, one of the things I'm abig fan of is called Five
Wishes. I don't know if you andDon are familiar with them.
Yeah. It's how the five wishesnonprofit was started by Jim
tui. Jim two is a remarkableman. He worked in a couple of
(35:52):
the White House administrationsnon political, and he was really
impacted by his time as MotherTeresa's lawyer. So he was
mugged. He was the turn. Yeah,he was the lawyer from Mother
Teresa. He was the first personto eulogize her at her funeral.
And, you know, he went in as ayou know, I don't want to speak
(36:15):
for him, but I'm imagining kindof like young, brash attorney,
you know, going to do his job.
And that experience working withher was so impactful that he
started five wishes and theseother come aging with dignity as
the other one. And Five Wishesis like an Advanced Directive or
a living well, okay, I first Ifirst became aware of it in
(36:38):
college during one of thehospice courses, I had to take
where the professor said, okay,one of the requirements for this
course, is you purchase FiveWishes, I had no idea what it
was. And it was available at ourbookstore. It was like 395, or
something. And it's like areally nice pamphlet, but it's
like, like, almost like a book,you know, like our magazine. And
(36:59):
each page talks about which oneis this, which two is this, so
forth, and so on. And it'slegally recognized and 48, I
believe, out of the 50 states,you don't need a notary, you
don't need an attorney, you fillit out, you designate you know,
I would designate Don to be myPOA or as my as my advocate, and
I just put that in the fivewishes. But it's not so much
(37:21):
just medical, it's, if I'm notable to advocate or talk for
myself, I want to have softmusic playing in my room, when
I'm laying there, or I don'twant music. It's all in how you
want to be treated in the event.
You can't, you know, advocatefor yourself. And it's a
powerful book. But I think itleads to really good
conversations, you know, becauseit's not all legalese. And it's
(37:42):
not all medical. It's, it's verysocial, and very, you know,
commonplace conversation, but atleast it gets the conversation
started. Right.
It's, it's individually drivenby Yeah.
Yeah. And, you know, it's, uh,but I think that would be a good
way to start, you know, a parentcould get it for one of their
(38:04):
children. I know, families buyhim for gifts, you know, because
we're talking I think $5. And,but you just don't know, I mean,
you know, firsthand experiencewith our company, we see people,
you know, 18 years old, got tboned on their motorcycle, and
now they're, you know, for allintents and purposes, they're,
you know, brain dead, butthey're still being, you know,
(38:25):
kept alive, because their wisheswere to be sustained by, you
know, artificial ventilation andthings and, you know, nutrition.
But if that's not what you want,that's not what you should get.
Right. But people have to know,you know,
right. I love that though.
Because that seems very gentle.
If that were, if that was a partof a course, a sociology course,
(38:48):
you know, like, the five wishes.
And and you were in high schooland youth like, you know, it's
that question of like, what whatmusic would you what five things
would you bring on an island?
Right? Is that that game that?
Right? So you're on a desertedisland? What would you bring
with you? So it's the samething, like if you were in this
situation? Right? What Whatwould your five wishes be? Under
these circumstances? I thinkthat's not a bad way to I like
(39:10):
that, actually. Yeah, like, it'svery good. Yeah. And get people
thinking like, well, you know,they're, if you're 16 or 17 It's
like, what if you got t boned?
You know, and, and you werethere? Would you want to stay on
life support? Or would you not?
I don't think that's too hard ofa question. I think it's very
contemplative. And I think in ina 16 year olds mind, I think
(39:35):
they can handle it because, youknow, the, the odds aren't that
much against you. Right? Soyou're really for you So gives
you the freedom to be able to behave a little bit of, you know,
bravery to that question.
And I think it's very, it's notas intimidating as having to go
(39:56):
you know, to your lawyer andhave it drawn things. Yeah,
yeah. Oh, no.
I love that. Let's do that.
Let's start. Let's start. Inyour free time.
Don Priess (40:07):
All right, yeah, you know, we could do six wishes and
charge $6 And, you know, go
Lance A. Slatton (40:17):
for room check. I love that. That's such
a great, yeah. Because we reallyneed to engage younger people.
And, you know, and get peoplereally back to he like, a human
perspective on on life. Right.
So, you know, I just noticedthat with children, even younger
children that aren't, you know,exposed to older people are
(40:42):
quite frightened for somereason, which is so odd to me.
Right.
I think that's society, though.
Right, Susie, I mean, we allthink we're invincible, you
know, and to a degree, that waspart of my dad's issue, you
know, he was in the Marine Corpsin the 60s, entirely different
than how it is present day. And,you know, he was going to talk
(41:05):
through it, and I'm not going tostop, you know, and, you know,
to his own detriment, though,you know, and I think that's how
most of American society reallyresponds to, you know, mortality
is that we aren't mortal, orimmortal, you know, until
something, you know, hits us,and we can't solve it, you know,
I was listening to an interviewthe other day, is totally
(41:28):
unrelated to health care, seniorcare and caregiving. But this
person, very, very smart person,was talking to this gentleman,
and trying to like, you know,coerce him into, you know,
changing his life and turning itaround. And he's like, you know,
well, it was a judge actuallytalking to him. And he said,
Well, you know, Your Honor, youdon't understand, I don't have
(41:50):
any money. That's why I'm doingthis, I have a big problem, I
have a money problem. And shesays, Let me stop and tell you
this. She goes, money is not aproblem. He goes, What do you
mean, she goes, a problem issomething that money can't fix.
If you get a diagnosis ofcancer, you can't say, well,
here's $2 million, take care ofit for me, they'll say, sorry,
(42:10):
it doesn't matter how muchmoney, you know, those are real
problems, money, you can gowork, you can get money, you
know, but real problems are ourhealth issues. And I think
people as a whole, they don'tlike to look at that. Because
it's not going to happen tothem, it's going to happen to
somebody else. And they think,you know, you know, I'll just
fix it with money, or I'll fixit with this or that. And I
(42:33):
think that's why they don't wantto talk about it, because it
makes them face the fact thatthey are going to pass at some
point. And they may not beimmortal
after all. Right? Right.
Don Priess (42:46):
It's something we don't have control over. And
right. We don't want to dealwith stuff we cannot control.
And exactly. And so you know, toget past that and say, well,
let's make it the best it canbe. That's, that's not an easy
sell, steal.
Lance A. Slatton (43:03):
But it is, but listen, there's no I was the I
Am the poster child for notwanting to die. Like I was a
little girl three years old,having anxiety attacks about
that like asking, like runningout of my room going to my dad,
what happens when you die? Andwhere do you go on that I need
to know because I don'tunderstand it, my dad would
always go, you're three yearsold, go back to bed, like you
(43:24):
have 97 more years to worryabout it. So in my mind, I'd
always go well, I've got 80 moreyears to think about it. I've
got 75 more years and like Ijust put it off like that. And
you know, I remember weinterviewed one of our now a
dear friend who had writtenbooks on caregiving and going
through the last stages with herfamily, with her parents, both
(43:45):
of them. And I interviewed her Isaid, Well, my biggest fear is
losing my mom, like i Because,you know, that's my, I'm scared
to death of that. She goes, Whenit happens, you're going to be
so fine. And I'm going to tellyou right now, it's it's a
beautiful thing. And you'regonna and I said You're so
wrong, can't be beautiful. Ican't even imagine it to be
(44:06):
beautiful. Well, it's nowlooking back. It's one of my
most precious moments is beingwith my mom. And, and I feel
proud of myself that I was so Iwas brave, and I was there for
her. And I proud of her, how shedid it, and how she with such
such grace and and being therewas an honor. And so, and you
(44:32):
know, and I'm I'm the biggestbaby there is about it. So I'm
going to start crying. If I cando it, anybody can do it, is
what I'm saying. Yeah.
So, it is beautiful, though. Youknow, I tell people all the time
and you know, you get frustratedyou get exhausted. You just get
to the end and you know, butwhen you when you have the
(44:54):
ability to distance yourselfafter some time, I tell him I
said you're gonna look back andyou're gonna be thankful You
know that you were a part ofthis rather than regretful that
you are part of it because notmany people get that kind of
experience with a spouse, achild or a parent. And, you
know, you'll, you'll be able tohave those experiences and those
memories. Yeah,what better honored? Right? You
know, exactly, yeah. One of ourinterviewees on our documentary
(45:18):
said, you know, it matters howyou're born, and it matters how
you die, it matters. It reallymatters, you know, and, and, and
it's, and I'm reading this booknow called the women, which is
all takes place during theVietnam War and thinking about
your dad. Right? And, you know,and you think, and one of the,
(45:39):
one of this, the sad parts of isthat the, the, the, the young
guys that were just obliterated,and there's no, there's no honor
to their death? In other words,no one can honor them. No one
was there, no one, they justwere ripped out of the world,
boom, gone, and not a trace. Andso and that, to me, is the
(46:00):
biggest tragedy.
100% Yeah. 100%. And, you know,I'm always very pro, you know,
service people in our militarymen and women, because, you
know, they they give theultimate sacrifice, you know, I
don't care if they serve in awar or didn't serve in a war,
they served, and they madethemselves available for
(46:22):
defending our freedoms. And, youknow, I think they should, you
know, all of them be recognizedand have that, you know, that
honor. Yeah.
Yeah. But it doesn't matter,though. Right. I mean, it
matters to our soul. It matterslike, you know, yeah, it's just
sowell, I think, you know, Susie,
I think it also matters as asociety, to how we, you know,
how we do treat our seniors andthose with health issues, and
(46:44):
our our military men and women,it matters to the soul of this
country. Right, not just us asindividuals, but I think it
speaks to, you know, how we, howwe treat them says how, how we
are as a nation,agreed, agreed, I think, and I
think we're, you know, we'reailing or ailing in that area,
severely. And, and that, youknow, that's, that's, it's a
(47:08):
very, it's a sad state. I mean,I just hope that we can get back
to more, more of that lessindividualistic kind of
paradigm, you know, and more andmore community, because that's
how we thrive. That's how wethrive, you know, we are not, we
were not meant to be alone,we're just not.
Don Priess (47:32):
And I think your book is something that, you
know, this is what it'simproving that experience, it's,
you know, it's, you're not goingto solve the experience, but
making the best I can be, andthat, you know, and along that
comes dignity, not only I mean,for, for, for the person, but
for yourself, too. You know,caregiving can be a very
(47:53):
undignified practice, there'sthings you're doing, especially
when you're dealing with a lovedone that or are not things that
are, you know, called glamorousor dignified, and also
navigating, that, you know,where is it? Like, when is it
better that somebody that theydon't know is doing this? When
(48:13):
is it better that they feel youknow, and that's a conversation
you have to have with the personyou're caring for? Yeah, you
know, that it's like, would youdoes it make you feel less
comfortable that I'm doing it asopposed to somebody you know,
which can help you makedecisions on how they're cared
for him?
Lance A. Slatton (48:29):
Yeah, at 100%.
And I would say to Don, youknow, oftentimes, when you have
families, you know, we're takingcare of someone's mother,
there's multiple siblings, maybea couple of sons, a couple of
daughters. Usually, most notalways, but most times, it's
like the one daughter who's kindof taken in and taking charge.
And, you know, they're veryresentful about that, you know,
(48:51):
and they don't understand why Ihave to do it, they're doing it
and they're glad to do it. Andthey wouldn't trade doing it for
anything. But they're saying,Well, why can't my brother or my
sister, why aren't they helping?
And one of the things I tellthem, they may not be
comfortable doing that, youknow, bathing mom, helping mom
(49:11):
go to the bath and I said,that's, you know, that's a very
uncomfortable thing for a lot ofpeople. And like one brother
said, he goes, I will doanything my sister wants me to
do. He says, I just can't batheand toilet, my mother. Yeah. And
I respect and get thatcompletely. So I told the sister
I said, Your brother's willingto help a, you know, it's okay
(49:33):
to ask him. You know, peopledon't always just step up and
volunteer, but they're glad todo it. If they're asked, and I
said, he's willing to doanything you need. I said, why
don't you start using him tocoordinate mom's doctor's
appointments, have theprescriptions delivered, you
know, put together the groceriesand have that delivered? Help
with all these other thingswhile you're doing the more
hands on day to day stuff? Isaid that would take a
(49:55):
significant load off of you byHelping you know, just with all
those other things that Now youdon't have to worry about.
Right. So there's a lot of waysto help other than just, you
know, the hands on. Yeah,for sure. I would have. I agree,
I would have loved that. Becausejuggling all of it is too much.
It can be it's just tremendousamount of of details that you
have to stamp on. Well, it'senormous, enormous.
Don Priess (50:20):
But it's very different when there's a single
when there's no siblings whenthere's no help. That's a whole
nother situation that
Susie Singer Carter (50:28):
right.
That's why Lance wrote thisgreat book. That's what it is. I
just thought of the name of thebook, What to Expect When You're
Expecting that's the that wasthe I think my wife had
everybody had it. Everybody has.
All right, I'll go on a walk.
I'll go on a limb and say that,that all homecare matters
official family caregivers guideis the knew what to be expected
(50:51):
when you're expecting but forcaregivers. How's that
caregivers?
Lance A. Slatton (50:58):
That sounds wonderful. That would be
awesome. You know, I just like Isaid, I know there's like you
like yourself, Susie likemyself. There's other people out
there who had no plans, no ideaof what caregiving for a parent,
a spouse or a child entails.
Until that day, it just happens.
And now you are that caregiver.
And I just hope it will helpjust like Don said, it's not
(51:19):
going to solve everything, butit might make it a little bit
easier. And that's what my hopeand wishes for people that it
will just make it easier forthem.
Susie Singer Carter (51:29):
Great. I know it will. I know. Well. Is
there anything we didn't mentionthat you wanted to mention?
Because I can't believe our hourwent by so fast. Yeah,
Lance A. Slatton (51:38):
it's always well, it's always great. It's
especially great to see Dawnbecause I always hear him but I
don't always see him always
Don Priess (51:44):
chirping away.
Lance A. Slatton (51:47):
But it's always great to see the two of
you. And as I've told you amillion times Susie my my kids
just think you are a superstarcelebrity, which you are. They
love the movie Soul Surfer. Weprobably we probably watch it I
don't know. There's 30 days in amonth, I would say maybe 28 of
those days we watch.
Susie Singer Carter (52:06):
Okay. I have a surprise for you coming.
So just No.
Lance A. Slatton (52:13):
No, I just I wish you both a nice Happy
Easter. Thank you guys so muchfor everything you guys are
doing. We love and appreciateyou both we
Susie Singer Carter (52:21):
absolutely do. Which which is why we do
this this show which is why don,why do we do
Don Priess (52:28):
well because you know why? Because love is
powerful. Love is contagious.
And love conquers all. So wethank everybody for watching
listening today. Please likeshare, do all those fun things
that we enjoy. And please pleaseplease look for Lance's book,
we'll have all the informationin the show notes. And it's
something that everyone needs tohave. They should probably every
(52:49):
school should have these in handthem out as as, as textbooks
because it's that important. Andyes, it was. So next
Susie Singer Carter (53:00):
time so yeah, have fun this weekend.
Okay, bye
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