Infiltrate the Hag's Lair | The Wild Beyond EP9 | D&D5e Actual Play - Love Death & Dice

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, welcome everybody to love death and ice

(00:03):
This is the wild beyond tonight our three heroes delve deep into the second hags land
Not only to find a magical unicorn, but maybe find a way to fuck out of this place and to get some answers
That's right. I'm your lovely dungeon master Turk
My nose was vibrating that whole time. That was weird. That's how we get out of this place
We have to fuck out of it. Yes, we're gonna fuck our way out this big

(00:25):
Oh, that'll be easy. Yes, but I'm your dungeon master Turk just chillin'
from me happy fucking
Day today to you as well and I'm here with lads. Hello
Hello
Tonight is episode 9
So we're gonna roll some dice. We're gonna tell some fucking stories if you're brand new around here

(00:48):
We have loads of commands that you can use to get involved with the shows
I've also set up some new alerts for those so that actually say your name out loud which is kind of fun
So, you know who the hell's fucking us over or helping us and everyone listening in
I'm on the podcast and can't see the visuals now. They can also hear it. So that's wonderful stuff
Welcome to the grouch couch everybody

(01:08):
Everybody say story story the best kind of story that has ever been storied. Everybody say that please. Thank you so much. Appreciate you
Sorry story the best story the saber man story. That's right. Oh, he's talking to me story story story
Something story with us with the story on on the story
Yes, you guys you guys rock. Yeah, you guys rock for joining in on the fun here. So

(01:34):
When we last left off you guys made camp next to a beautiful wonderful pool
a magical pool in the middle of a magical forest you slept
Decently into the night you guys visiting your patrons in your dreams
Etc Reiner himself was having sex with a reverse mermaid in the sea
you came upon land and

(01:56):
Are you are you a cuddler Reiner? Did you cuddle with this mermaid or did you just leave?
I may be like a tiny bit of the cuddle
But I will not stick around till like the morning to make you pancakes and like this shit
So that's what I'm for. I like the pancakes. Yes. She makes the pancakes for my nervous

(02:19):
Beautiful. So you guys finish up your long rest now. Here's where we return to our actual story
You guys have packed up your camps. You've left this unicorn ish forest area and gotten back to
The who what the fuck was his name? God damn it the stupid owl bear. I keep finding his name
Tom pet

(02:40):
Paterson
No, Pete Pete Townsend Pete Townsend the owl bear
Yes, you guys return to Pete Townsend the owl bear now for everybody watching and listening if you don't remember these guys have an owl bear
An adult one that they managed to tame and rescue and is pulling a chariot for them
So you guys return to Pete Townsend and the chariot in the forest?

(03:01):
He seems to be doing well also slept well through the night
All of your other companions are there you guys hop on the chariot?
And I do want to also set the scene and say the Sun has yet to rise in this area
But it is like that super super early morning
So like all of the trees are like sparkling still with fairy magic and all the plants are fluttering with their weird colors

(03:24):
And you guys hop on the chariot and begin heading towards loom lurch where the hag currently resides
There's really you guys would like to do before you get there
Are we not supposed to go to some sort of goblin market?
What do you want to buy a goblin no, I don't know

(03:49):
No, I don't I don't I want to buy people that's that's fucked up but no weren't we supposed to go
I don't I don't know where we were supposed to go. I you know
I'm fine with bitch slapping a hag
I
Hopps
While you guys are writing

(04:11):
There's a flower
That the only will gave to you if you remember you have it in your paws
And you're just twirling it as you guys are writing and you're looking at it and
And it seems to be a flower, but is there anything you wish to do with it before you guys get to the hags area?

(04:39):
What are you eating that for what's wrong with you? It's a diamond flower
Oh
We're so hungry we ran out of carrots 33 weeks ago
We haven't been traveling for 33 weeks
feels like it though. Oh
My goodness. We ate last night. We found food. We made food last night

(05:05):
Yeah, we did you make food for yourself?
You know, I always make food for everybody that's like my love making food
It's only been like two days since we made apple fritters for a bunch of children you would we've been eating this whole time

(05:29):
Well, listen, let's see if we can scavenge some some stuff from the side of the road or something on our way
So don't eat the demon flower
No, they didn't say that's forgiving him the plan for when we were ready to go take on the hag
What we think the plan should be we write the plan on the flower and then we crumple it up

(05:49):
If you eat it, God forbid what will happen? Maybe he'll take you over that sounds fucked up
What if it was it came from his body? What if it possesses you?
Yeah
Yeah, we should have just killed him on this spot
Well, I mean, what do you think we should do then I'm a wiki what if we just I don't know

(06:15):
How do you think we should get we like get him away from the kids and and what do you think we should do?
Yeah
Ah, what is we tell him to come help us fight the hag
Sounds like a good idea, but then he will watch the children. He already is

(06:44):
He already is coming to help you fight the hag
Yes, and who knows maybe those kids can like watch themselves, you know, some
Of them are older more responsible. They could like, you know
Makes a cereal. It's easy, you know

(07:07):
They know my hair goes pretty good too
All right, it's not like they need help wiping the bottom or like as you're debating
Back and forth and what to do with this demon you do indeed though
Remember that he is coming to help you guys. He gave you like this whole heist plan before you guys left his area

(07:27):
I don't know if any of you guys wrote it down
But he gave you like this whole he wanted to go off on his own to do a thing and but I think he should join
Us so we can keep an eye on him
And like he was gonna do his own thing. I think he should be with us
So if he does something like for if some reason the curse gets lifted we can just take him out

(07:48):
I don't want no kids getting harmed if he gets a curse lifted off him or something
Lord knows kids have traumatized enough. They don't need more
All right, if you guys want to say something to him you're more than welcome to do so
Before you arrive he gave you the message flower

(08:12):
What do you think do you think we should tell him to mate us outside of like yeah outside of loom lurch and have him
accompany us
Yeah
I did I will say to
I mean to me. Yeah, it can't should be fine
Should be fine. All right
Hey

(08:36):
Yeah, do I just do I cripple do I yell into the flower
I think you write it
You write it on the flyer I'm not supposed to be the smart one in this group
I you write it on the flower then you cripple it

(09:08):
Swish okay, I'll be and when you throw it the petals in the wind get picked up and
They fly off
I'm gonna do it. Yeah
So the forest in front of you is the darkest up here
It's a very dark part of the forest here

(09:28):
You've got a son beginning to rise behind you the forest seems to be the darkest. Hello bucket. Yes
Listen exactly where the eggs came from true, huh up ahead a
Colossal
Colossal dead oak tree is down on its side

(09:52):
It looks to be like three living trees are growing naturally out of its fallen remains
Just to give you an idea for how large it is
Their shapes resemble towers with candlelit windows twinkling in the gloom and wooden balconies
Encircling gnarled branches on one side of the fallen tree

(10:13):
Fire lit firelight spills from a pair of quaint storefront windows
Illuminating a clearing filled with merchant stalls
You guys get close and see there are two bridges and they kind of intertwine together
And on the other side of them

(10:38):
You can see there are three stalls
With goblins behind
Did you still want to buy that goblin?
No, but I'd be down if anybody had it like a banishment spell or something or a lot I'd be down for like a

(11:00):
De-cursifying this noisy fucking sword
Yeah, it's still working on that
If you give me at least one more class level
Steve bought the peepee shirt
Steve
Here's you some peepee action

(11:22):
Hell yeah bro
Steve's gonna have peepee all over his chest
Now everybody knows you like peepee enough to wear it
This is good
Give me that peepee hell yeah dude
Give me that peepee
Words I never thought I'd be speaking
I'm assuming you guys hop off the chariot

(11:43):
Your few companions are with you
Are you bringing all of them?
Do you want to unhook the owlbear?
Bring him with you?
What do you guys do? What are your plans here?
Your last moments of preparation before you cross the threshold into this lair?
I mean I imagine I bring Agdon with me and and Star Agdon and Star because they both got some fighting capabilities

(12:07):
Nice
Okay
You guys can choose what to do with Huntington Wood Gunther Huntington Will Worth the Third and Pete Townsend
I can catch fucking useless
Who does he talk to?
I can't get him to talk to me
I can catch fucking useless Who does he talk to?
Shit

(12:29):
Is Gunther like big enough for me to ride?
No
Almost I would say
You could ride Star
Let's see how big Gunther is though Reiner
Will you roll me a D100?
Highs or lows my friend? Pick before you roll
Uh lows
Okay

(12:51):
Under 50
That's a 4
That's an extreme yes
That's an extreme yes which means yes
He is well big enough for you to be able to ride
This is a big ass tomcat
Sweet
I wish to mount him
And I'm not even gonna like let him know I'm doing it
I'm just gonna get on top of him and and you know pose up all like warrior like

(13:17):
Nice
He looks back at you
No one has speak animals active so you can't understand what he says
But you can tell he's giving you some sass when you climb on his back
He's like eeeeee
And then I just do like the horse heels in the abdomen like and I just
Okay roll me an animal handling

(13:41):
This with a serval somewhere in his ancestry? Could be
Could be I think that's cool
That is a 12
Nice that's that's good enough
That's good enough he's like okay
And he begins going across the bridge
Hops anything you do?
Do you want to hide some eggs behind some bushes or something?
Well that's why I leave it kinda yeah actually

(14:05):
I'm just gonna kinda like hop around
In a basket just filled with eggs
Don't ask where they came from
You don't wanna know
Were you stealing my pickled eggs?
No no not your pickled eggs
But they're definitely pickled though
Okay alright
Now you three head across the bridge

(14:27):
I do have a map I'll bring it up soon
But there are three stalls
As you guys are going across the bridge
There are three stalls once you reach the end
Selling candy
And situated in this small clearing
Lit by windows
Carved into the giant fallen tree
The windows are
Petruting light that lights up this small clearing
That are carved into the tree

(14:49):
Two goblins
Are working each one of the stalls
It looks like the whole
Enterprise is watched closely
By a goblin with a
Toffee colored apple head
Who appears to be
Muttering quietly to himself
As he's pacing
Back and forth
And he looks a little something like

(15:11):
This
Whoops
Not that
Oh wait
What
Oh he looks like him in his vagueness

(15:33):
Oh he looks like him in his vagueness
Yeah
So is you guys stand here?
What do you do?
So you said all the stalls have just candy?
Is that what's happening?

(15:55):
Yeah
I would like to approach
The toffee apple headed goblin
And I will begin speaking
In goblin because that is the other
Language I know
Oh nice actually so as you're approaching
Then you hear him muttering
To himself like he's literally like
Talking to himself

(16:19):
Oh thank you bookie
I got a goblin one over there
With a bucket on it's head and it just throws this item
At you
These goblins are really nice
Bucket we're going to get to this dialogue real quick
Don't let me forget because I'll give the item to
Violet I gotta grab my cards from the table right there
He's muttering to himself and he's like

(16:41):
You know stupid fucking
Worms stuck in my head
Stuck in my head
I'll talk to you
And then you talk to me and then maybe one day
We could save it or something
Hello
Hello
But I say it in goblin
Not common

(17:03):
You can tell he's impressed
And he's like
A fairy that speaks goblin
Okay hello
I am very good
Very cool okay
We are travelers
Through here and we were
Seeing if we could buy something

(17:23):
A little more rare than the candy
You sell here
Well what are you looking for?
Well
One second
What the fuck are we looking for?
Unicorn horn
Banishment spell
Oh yes do you have
Like the unicorn horn

(17:45):
Or maybe like the
Like a remove curse
Potion or spell
He's like
We
Might have some candy that helps
To remove curses just maybe
But we're only really selling
Candy I can also
Set up a meeting with
Scabatha if you're interested in that

(18:07):
But that's really all that we do
Hmm
Is this
Useful to you?
I mean we are heading to see Scabatha
But we don't hear you cause you're speaking
Goblin
Oh no
I'm switching
I'm switching between goblin

(18:29):
And common listen he does not
Have like he might
Have a candy that removes curses
Maybe but no unicorn horn
But he can set up a meeting with
Scabatha
Well I mean we don't want no remove
Curse from the hag we're probably gonna
You know make one alive
But I mean
What do they deal in for their candy

(18:51):
What do they dabble in
What do they
What do they want
What other things do your candies do
Mr Goblin
Well yeah our candies do
All different kinds of effects from what we've seen
But we don't really know what it is
Until you like you know
Eat it
And you

(19:13):
Walk over to his
The merchant stalls and you can tell
That all of the candy is like
Solid like delicious
Candy like with beautiful
Candy glaze and they're all
Colorful and different
You know shades of pastels
But
Inside of them
They kind of

(19:35):
Look to be made of weird ingredients
You know like
Rotting apples and like bugs
And other kinds of stuff like they are goblins
Creating candy but they all look
Fucking delicious
So like Vili von Karten's The Shit Factory
Or
So like
How much is it for like a

(19:57):
Like a party pack
Or like a bag
A satchel
How much
I will
Grab it for you real quick but let me move you guys
Up here into this area
It's gonna be like
All the green screen
Doing crazy things to that map
Yeah it is

(20:19):
Maybe I should change it
Let's see here
I mean it seems mostly fine but
Yeah green screen doing crazy things to that map
There we go
So here you guys are, here he is
Okay
Um

(20:43):
He looks at you Reiner
And he's like
Well we um
Here in the Feywild
We don't really like trading like gold and stuff
We do trade you know equal
Lesser value
I mean maybe you guys can help me with something
And then I'll give you as you know
As much as we can provide
Or unless you have something valuable

(21:05):
Then we can make a trade
I mean what does he need help with
Cause I mean if it's something easy
We can do it but I might have
Something a little fun to trade with
He looks at you as accent changes
And he's like um
So
First I'll introduce myself

(21:27):
I am Chucklehead
You can call me Chuckle or Head
That's fine
Yeah
I am uh very protective
Of a child here
Her name is Mishka
Uh she's
I think nine years old
And she's

(21:49):
Working here
And the sky
The hag keeps her in the kitchen
She works just like a maid
And if you
Can help get Mishka away from
Granny Nightshade then
We can call it a deal
Oh I mean it's about
Child you bet your sweet baby I can help with that

(22:11):
I'm I pride myself
On helping children
Okay alright
I'll do the best that I can
To locate Mishka and she's a little
Goblin girl?
Oh no
Um let me see
She's not a goblin
Uh

(22:33):
They're all goblins I figured she'd be a goblin
She is a nine year old he says
No she's a nine year old
Female uh human
She serves Granny Nightshade
Is like a scullery maid
Um yeah
Mishka she has managed to escape
Bluemerch twice but she then she got
Back down again
Oh the poor thing

(22:55):
Poor thing
He looks at you Reiner in like the middle
Of the conversation and says in Goblin
He's like
These guys are cool?
Uh yeah
They're like cool if you you know
Think they're cool then yeah
Um
But uh they are like

(23:17):
The pure hearted
People
They don't do like the wrong things
You know they try the best to do the
Right things but sometimes you know they're
A little clumsy about it but their heart is
In the right place
Okay alright
That's fair yeah
So if you can get promise me you'll try to get
Mishka free and I'll give each one of you guys a free

(23:39):
Piece of candy and the offer
Still stands to set up the meeting
With Scabatha
So if
Just a question I don't mean no offense
By it
What is your
Relation with the hag
If she keeps capturing a kid that you care
About what pray
Tell is your relationship with the hag

(24:01):
If you want to
Get a kid free from her
But you can also set up a meeting
With her
I might just be a little confused that's all
It's okay
We were hired
You know just work here
Sell some candy people come by
The kids love the candy
The hag lets us set you know

(24:23):
Up here and sell the
Candy and we kind of we've never left
Mishka loves my candy
She comes by and she's super sweet
And yeah
Then he like starts muttering
To himself again like under his breath
And Reiner you understand cause it's in Goblin
And he's like
Stupid worm in my head
It's eating away my brain

(24:45):
But we're working together
It's teaching me the ways
Anyways
Can I look at his head
And see if I can
Seize this worm
Yeah roll me a perception
Oh shit
Something about giving head here

(25:07):
It's a ten
Shit
You get really close
To his head and you start looking through the
Apple core on his head
And he kind of moves around
A little bit but you can see something squirming
In there
Like in the apple there's like a worm
That's now gone into his head
And he's like

(25:29):
He's like
Now gone into his head
Can I
Can I use Mage Hand
To try and grab the worm and pull it out
You can sure try
You can sure try
Are you gonna kill this goblin

(25:51):
He's the boss if you kill him by pulling out a worm
You might want to ask for consent first
Oh no I want to do this while he's not
Paying attention
Okay, do you have a song
You play when you cast Mage Hand
Or do you just do it
Let's see
I don't know
Mage Hand

(26:13):
Mage Hand
Mage Hand Mage
Go do my work make it
Easy
Advantage or Disadvantage
Certifiable underscore no just
Redained advantage Reena
So we're gonna give you advantage
You're gonna make a sleight of hand check for your Mage Hand
To grab this worm
Go ahead

(26:35):
I might tweak that song
A little later so don't
Don't think that it's set in stone
Okay that's
21 or
25
Jesus Christ
Okay you play your music

(26:57):
As he's looking at Violet and the Mage Hand
Shoots out and like
Pinches this little worm really tiny
In the apple and it's like starting to
Wiggle it out and
He like looks over at you and he sees you just
Play this music and he's like
No no no no no no
I'm not
Sad about the turn of events because
It's changed my outlook and disposition

(27:19):
Making me kinder and more sympathetic to the plight
Of others I think
That I can speak to this maggot
In my head and it speaks to
Me and
Just uh um unless
You have some kind
Of benefit of magic that cures disease
I believe if you pull it out it might kill me
But he's you've got
It pinched what do you do

(27:41):
Reiner I'm gonna speak to him and
Goblin and I'm going to be like
Listen here big man
Big boss guy
Um is
This thing bothering you like do you want
It out like for real?
No no
Are you sure? You positive?
Yes maggot's my friend Reiner
I think I got

(28:03):
Restoration to make it better if you
Do
You you have
Wait he'll get better?
Yeah
Sorry
Here

(28:25):
Hell yeah
Lesser restoration
Um let's
Do it like same time
How do you touch a creature
And you can
Get in either one disease
One condition and afflict it
Nice

(28:47):
Okay
So it's just like a haaa for you
You just touch him?
Yeah
You know what I'm gonna say actually there hops
You try to do when you do lesser restoration
You're used to this glowing light that you
Have been taught
To use
But from all your time in the Feywild
And from some things you've learned recently

(29:09):
As you cast your magic
It feels a little bit different
Like it tingles your toes
And as you reach out to touch
Him darkness
Rushes out of your hand
And flushes his body
And then
Goes up into the sky
But as it does he's falling
As the worm comes out

(29:31):
The darkness comes out
Touches his body and he stands up and he's like
Pfft
Well
Whaaaa
What's going on
We uh helped you
I think

(29:53):
Nah
Doubt it
Not all we did we took the parasite
Out of you
Right
And then like one of his little goblins come up next to him
And they're like in goblin they speak
Rainer J. Anderson he's like well we you promised
Him three pieces of candy

(30:15):
And you know here
You make a promise keep to it
And so
The little goblin hands you each one piece of candy
And then on his walk back to the stall
Shuckle
Slaps him in the face
Pfft he's like
Giving away candy for free
Fucking idiot
God why are we still here helping these kids

(30:37):
This is bullshit pack everything up let's get the fuck out of here
Do you want anything else
What about that girl that you like
And you want us to protect
Or steal back from scavices a nine year old
Nine year old
Mishka
Oh no it's a granny nightshade has a
Mishka
Mishka

(31:01):
Uh uh
Roll me a persuasion when you say Mishka
To him uh Violet
Yeah who's
Violet
Uh oh
That's a nightshade
Oh
Yeah
No she
She's sweet girl

(31:23):
In trouble
You keep to your fucking promise
That's why
You gave us the candy
That was the deal
Do you want me to bring her to you
Or do you just want me to make sure she's free
Make sure she's free
You got it
Man I'm setting up a deal there

(31:45):
Whatever fuck it
Why aren't you packing shit up
Hurry up idiots
You know you catch more pieces honey
I'm just saying
I'm gonna make a call
I'm gonna get granny nightshade around here for y'all to talk to
Um
And then I'm leaving
I'm outta here
Good? We square?

(32:07):
I mean if you just show us
The way to get to her that would also work
I don't know
I'm not really allowed in the tree
But there's a fun place
Do you have like a jar or something
That I could have
Like a sealable jar
You got something in the tree
Oh I thought you said jaw
Uh yes I was thinking like

(32:29):
I will give you back my piece of candy
For the jaw
Oh good fine sure
I thought you were trying to make a video
Hehehehe
I don't wanna know what's gonna go in the bottom of that jar
He grabs the candy
Gives you a little jar
And then with my mage hand
Still holding the worm
I'm going to drop it in the jar

(32:51):
And close it
Oh shit
Oh shit
That's cool, that's very cool
One fairy, one jar
Let me grab my item cards as well
I've seen that video before
So Hobbs what do you think?
Do you think this candy's cursed?

(33:13):
Do you think we can try the candy?
Good luck you're gonna end up eating that candy
If they can't hear anything for the next week
Oh that'd be fun
I'd probably eat it
I'd turn it to jello
Here you go, your magical item
Violet we're gonna do that
Straight from bucket

(33:35):
Bucket
Can Star the Cat have found it?
Can my Displacer Beast have found it
And brought it up to me?
Hell yeah, that's fun, I love that
A part of the couch, a part of the crew
Contra Nate subscribed
Contra Nate subscribed
What's up Nate?
Get the potion

(33:57):
DM Steve underscore forge of lore
Just redeemed custom potion
Whatever potion that Frogtoys2 was going to give
To whomever they were going to give it
Okay Frogtoys let us know what's up
Steve's helping me out out here
Yeah
Also 28 months Nate
Cheers buddy, thank you so much

(34:19):
Now that we're in this lull here
A community lifting each other up, we love to say it
The fuck
This is interesting
Another cursed sword
I know right
No it's not at all
A part of the couch, a part of the crew
I just did subscribe

(34:41):
Pizza death
Thanks pizza death
Hey, I'm going to crack open another brew
Happy fertility day my friend
Flash potion to stank
Made of cheese balls
And alcohol, thank you Steve
These frogtoys
I fucking hate you frogtoys
I told you that story in confidence
In confidence

(35:05):
You don't have a stink bomb there
Ring of elemental command fire
Oh that sounds fun
Do I have to attune to it
Because I can't attune to nothing
It does, yeah it requires attunement
But this ring is linked to
One of the four elemental planes
While wearing this ring you have advantage on attack rolls
Against elementals from the linked plane
And they have disadvantage against you

(35:27):
The ring has five charges
It regains 1d4 dawn
The spells cast from this ring have a dc save of 17
You can expend two of the rings charges
To cast dominate monster
On a fire elemental
In addition you have resistance to fire damage
You can also speak and understand
Igion
If you help slay a fire elemental while attune
To the ring you gain access to the following

(35:49):
Properties
You're immune to fire and you can cast the following
Spells from the ring
Burning hands, fireball and wall of fire
Wow
That's fun
Fire elemental
You're collecting set
Thanks bucket, very cool
Hell yeah

(36:13):
It's pretty cool
Frog loves you hops, hell yeah
We do have the easter bunny
On our stream, how crazy is that
A lot of people wish
If you get this, right
I don't see other streams doing that
Yeah, that's right
We celebrate the easter
Around here
One final bit of homework

(36:35):
What was it called again?
The ring of
Elemental command
Fire
Hops
Violet, do either of you guys eat your
Candy
Or do you want to save it for the effects for later
It's a 1d8 magic
Chart that will happen when you eat it

(36:57):
Gift an item
Ask what's in it
Celebrating the bunny
That's right baby
Can I ask what the
Probability of it being
Cursed is
It even looks like if it is
Something bad it's not

(37:19):
That bad
Which just looks funny
And I think it's 1 out of 8 actually
1 out of 8
Is bad
Yeah, it's not even that bad
It's just like nothing happens
Alright yeah, I'm gonna have mine
Okay
I got a 2
It's a good question

(37:43):
Yep
You got the bad one
What the fuck
You eat the candy
And you suddenly begin foaming at the mouth
Making it difficult but not impossible
I speak
I got you now fucking rabies
How long did it last
Let's just, I don't know

(38:05):
An hour in game
Alright
Foaming at the mouth
God damn it
Yeah
How did you get the 1 bad one
I think I took my look back
There, hops, just so you know
Circle and a blasting
I said it's dope

(38:27):
Doesn't require attunement
But while wearing the circlet you can use an action
To cast Scorching Ray
When you make the spells attacks you do so with plus 5
The circlet can't be used this way again
Until the next dawn, so once per day
You can cast Scorching Ray
At a plus 5
Very good

(38:49):
And I started blasting
Started blasting
Okay
By this time
Take a seat and roll for initiative
M and Amos has followed
Hello, welcome in friendo
Thanks so much for the follow
M and Amos
It's M and M but he's Amo, he's got like a swoop
Instead of being like short

(39:11):
Short blonde hair, he got that
Over the eye swoop
By this time the goblins have
Started packing up all their stuff
Almost all packed up
And it looks like Chuckle has already made his phone call
And
Contra Nath just redeemed Banner Word
Roll

(39:33):
A spin of the dice as it were
Spin of the dice
Jesus name
Give them a tumble
Give
Chuckle head
He leads you guys around
And as he's walking
He's walking
And leading you guys around
And where is it

(39:55):
Well, we got it
He says
So
Called Nightshade
She's gonna show up in a few minutes
I'm gonna be leading you guys into the parlor
You can talk to her, make whatever deals you want
Do whatever
But after that, I'm outta here
And as long as you stick to your promise
We'll be fine

(40:17):
Sounds good
Alright
And he leads you around the giant ass tree
To a door
That enters into the tree
He opens the door and it slowly creaks open
The wood is made of the same kind of wood as the tree
Which you guys find odd
But it literally creaks open
And as you guys step in you can see that this
Chamber is nestled between walls

(40:39):
Of twisted roots
Through gaps in which you can see
Outside into the garden to the left
It's like a beautiful woodland that surrounds
This whole area
A closed wooden door stands to the north
That leads into another room
In the center of this room
There are four armchairs
Encircling a small table
Laid out in tea service

(41:01):
A painted wooden box
It's a couple feet large
Sits on its side and rests in a corner
And there's a crank that's protruding
From the wooden box
Causing it to resemble something like
An oversized jack in the box
He says
Laters! And shuts the door
Leaving you guys in there

(41:23):
Okay we are about to meet
The Granny Nightshade and I have an idea
Megan Underscore Nicole
1818 subscribed
Megan!
Megan! Megan!
Hello Megan! Hello my sweet Megan!
Hello!
Megan's one of the oldest fans of
Children of Proteus!
No way!

(41:45):
OG fan right there!
Also an evil little
Sister of Drake and Josh!
We know what you did!
I would like
To run this idea by
You guys
So we need a way to get into
Granny Nightshade's place right?
Fucking court!

(42:07):
I'm from the box!
Cougar Slayer!
What up Cougar Slayer?
Yo dude my guy! I followed you the other day
I didn't know you were streaming and shit
Casual gamer, love that! If I ever catch you live man
Cheers up! And everyone here
Support the couch family!
Cougar Slayer's a part of it!
If you like some gaming shit, give Cougar a follow
Cheers bud! And thanks for the 100 bits!

(42:29):
Everybody!
So anyways
We need to get into Granny Nightshade's hideout
And like find out the things and
Maybe kill her, who knows? But I have an idea
We're going to pretend
That uh
Violet is a child
That me and Hopps captured
And we are going to give her to Granny Nightshade
And we need to walk into her

(42:51):
Establishment to
See maybe if uh
I'm not exactly child
Size though!
Oh don't worry, I cast reduce
On uh
Violet
Okay yeah you shrink in size
How do you feel about that as it just suddenly happens Violet?

(43:15):
You know you really are bad at consent
My goodness, you gotta like ask
Permission to shrink somebody
Oh darling, you have no idea, I cast
Uh
Bondage on her as well
I hate this
I hate this
You know my favorite spiders right?
For reduce I believe you just go half size
See you were six foot tall, now you're just three foot tall

(43:37):
Oh so now I'm just the same size as them right?
Yes, we are pretending you are a tiefling child
This is the point
Okay so we're the same size?
Perfect, I'm going to punch Reiner in the nose
No
The way that we do this
Um, we're going to
We're going to use
Um, the way that we do this
Um, is you're only allowed to hit under the player character

(43:59):
If they consent to the damage
I feel like they deserve it
I consent to the damage, this is you know
Fair
Eye for an eye, whatever
Fair enough, roll me one d4
One d4
Proteus has a problem punching other players in the face
A part of the crew
Countryman get to play

(44:21):
Oh shit
Yeah you did, thanks ContraNate
You gifted five subs to the community
What fucking legend
That's right, cheers man
Hey thank you so much for supporting the show
Oh no, my crippling
Disease
Man, oh no
Not a high train, it's getting close
Hey um

(44:43):
Oh no, not my crippling disease
Dang it Proteus
Cheers, thank you so much for
Supporting the show, you're a part of
It's literally tax evasion
That's what's going on
All aboard the train, choo choo
That's it, that's it
Yes yes, peace and love, how much did you damage me?
Four, I got a four
Four damage

(45:05):
Thank you
Let's go
Fred
Right after she damages me
I cast my bondage
On her
The wand of binding
Wand of binding
Oh yeah, very cool, very cool
I'll explain what happens in a second
But first, 420 bits

(45:27):
From Steve
Cheers Steve, thanks buddy
And 69 from Tyler
Cheers man
I was shouting out Cougar Slayer
I'm gonna do a couple other community shout outs right now
Right here in the middle, that's what I'm gonna do
A thousand from ContraNate
Jesus Christ man, cheers
I don't know why the hype train
Just like cut off all the other

(45:49):
Alerts that should be happening
But thank you for the 200 as well
Well, Catherine
Oh no, there it goes
Cheers buddy
Fucking coins
From above
Hell yeah, fucking coins
Cheers Steve

(46:11):
Let's go
Holy shit
Can you not believe the fact that
The coins rain from above
It's just Catherine
Cheered 200 a first time cheerer
Cheer 200
Just Catherine
Holy shit
There's like too much going on

(46:33):
Thank you ContraNate
Hot train's
Abounded
Shit cowboy
Yeah
Get chewed
Idiots
Thank you guys for the support
For real
And what I was just about to say
Shout out Cougar Slayer

(46:55):
Shout out our whole streaming family man
We've got Tyler and Steve here as well
From Forge of Lore
Make sure to give Forge of Lore a shout out you guys
And give them a follow
ContraNate, I actually used to stream
Back in the day
They were the one that encouraged me to start streaming
So I say it, I've said it a few times
But without them we wouldn't be here baby
Thank you so much Nate

(47:17):
Dang, what a train
And bondage, are we in a western?
No, different kind of video
We ain't running no trains on Violet Femmes tonight
I will rend
Every single one of you lifeless
But of course we have to get
Art of this
Oh my goodness

(47:39):
But cheers you guys
Thank you so much for the hype train and the support
Man, appreciate that so much
Keeps us going, keeps us making cool ass shit
Fuck yeah, fuck yeah
Cheese and rice
Level 4
My goodness, we're just
Pumping right along, I hate that I
Worded it that way

(48:01):
Do you want to see a corgi
For the hype train?
We can show off
Potentially 3 corgis for a hype train
Just saying
And a lab, mine's a puppy
Yours is a baby
Look at that cheese nugget
His name is Cheese
Corgi reward everybody

(48:23):
Say hello Cheese
Cheese-er
Say hello
Oh look at Cheese
Good boy, they're getting fed right now
So
Cheese's father, why are you talking to the box
There's no person there
There's no person there, he's like what you talking about
What you saying
Can I pet that dog?

(48:45):
Come to my house, you can pet him Steve
Hell yeah
Okay, you deal the damage
We're gonna set the scene
Before we move on here
And thank you guys again for the hype train stuff
We get to a level 9
We'll all show off our dogs
Yeah, there you go
How do you like that
Yeah, if we get to a level 9, every single one of us brings on a dog

(49:11):
You take 4 damage as he punches you in the face
Really tiny Reiner
And then you use hold person
And you go up in full bondage Violet
There are 4 chairs in this room
You guys have a couple minutes before nightshade shows up
A part of the crew
Anything else you wanna do
We're going to put Violet on the table
In the middle of the room

(49:33):
While she's just like foaming at the mouth
And like shaking around
He's fucking crazy man
You guys believe I'm crazy
I'm gonna kill every last one of you
You get my
You get my displacer base hurt
I will kill every last one of you
How dare you do this
Did I bring some mushroom guys with me

(49:55):
Did you
Can I
At least one of them
Yeah, if you wanna say you did, yeah
I'm going to shove the mushroom ass end
Into Violet's mouth
To get it shut up
He's like
Hello
She's on the table like a

(50:17):
Cooked hog
And you guys are standing there
You look over
And the door begins to open
Eeeeeee
Entering in the room
Is the hag
Scabitha
But you look down for a second
She waves her hand

(50:39):
And three of the four chairs come alive
Thankfully you didn't sit in them
Cause all three of them were mimics
Their tongues smack around
The cushions clamp
With sharp teeth and they
Are part of the couch, part of the crew
The double zero amless gifted community subs
Oh shit
Tyler
Thanks Tyler

(51:01):
With the five gifted subs supporting the fucking show
Dude
Double O aimless
God
Cheers man
Level four complete
Onto level five
We want doggies
You will get some doggies, you have to reach level nine
Ho ho ho you'll never get sis
That's right

(51:23):
The three chairs go up against the wall
Their tongues slap around
The hag steps into
The room and looks at the three of you
That's where we're going to end this scene
But I guess
We should do a thumbnail pose, go ahead and keep that
Pose there Violet
Can we get a bit of a
Side profile

(51:45):
This is the thing we do around here
Called thumbnail poses y'all
Y'all can throw out poses into chat
These guys will pose as those things
And then you guys can make memes and put weird backgrounds and shit
Share them around, have some fun in discord
You know what I mean, sometimes we make emotes out of them
Other kinds of fun shit
At your request
And if you have a suggestion for a pose
Throw it into the chat, alright

(52:07):
There's no way that could be the thumbnail
For
Is that a Benadryl bottle
What the fuck is he
Ayyy
Hold up your hands
2010 white kid gangster pose

(52:29):
That's oddly specific, I don't know if I can accomplish this
Well done
Ugh

(52:57):
Hell in my cap man
Yeah dude
Nice
Slavic squat
Pose
Specifically for hops
Pooping jelly beans
Poop up some jelly beans sir hops
It's weird I must go
Show them
Oh

(53:21):
Oh
Oh
That was exactly what I was thinking of
Nice, nice
Okay
I know we're in a hype train
But we're gonna take a break
Cause I'm gonna take my pupper outside
He is on the schedule and stuff
We're gonna come back and see what happens with scab-a-thot
Alright, so we'll be right back everybody

(53:43):
Don't go anywhere
We appreciate y'all's support
Everybody, actually before we go
Can I get some gif poses?
Y'all wanna make some new gifs for discord and stuff?
Yeah
Everybody do like a, for pooper
Do like a good morning

(54:07):
Nice writer
How do you make a gif anyway?
You just record it, crop it, drop it into the right program
Yeah
Everybody do like a, hello
Hi, hello
Very good
Alright, we'll be right back in a few minutes everybody

(54:29):
Cheers and thank you so much for the level 5 hype train
Right here on fertility day
Cheers you guys
I hope your eggs are fertile and your sperm is plenty
Cheers to ya
That's right
I like my eggs scrambled
I like mine over easy
Sup dude
Don't you dare

(54:51):
Frog shooting blanks
Oh no
Same frog, that's the dream
Alright, we'll be right back everybody
Music
Well hello everybody

(55:13):
Welcome back to love death and dies
That's T-U-R-K
Hello everybody
Thanks so much for joining us
So, we're gonna get right back into our story today
We're just gonna get right back into it
Let's do it
Here we go
You three stand there

(55:35):
As the three chairs get pushed back
Up against the walls
Pffft
And you look up
To see the hag
Scabitha's appearance
She's short
Thin
A gnarled woman
Swathed in a tattered dress
She has cracked white face paint

(55:57):
That plasters her features
With crimson splotches on her cheeks
And thick mascara
Coating her sparse eyelashes
Underneath her makeup
Her flesh is textured like rotten
Bark and infested with wood
Lice and fungus
There's a large wind up key
Sticking out of her back
As part of her body

(56:19):
Choo choo choo
Choo choo choo
Choo choo
She roams on in
Not walking, but flying
On a rocking horse
Hello

(56:41):
Great Scabitha
Hehehehehe
What is this?
We have an offering
Of a new child
Worker for you
This one is strong
Do not pass on this opportunity
For she can accomplish many things
That other weak children cannot

(57:03):
Worker
You will say
She zooms over on the rocking chair
She gets real close
And floats around violet
Gets real close to your face
Like
Smells you, she like
Grabs your hair
And holds it up and smells it

(57:26):
As she's doing that, um, violet
I guess roll me a deception
To act like a child
And I will give you advantage
The help action you will be receiving
Actually, sorry, from Reiner
As he's describing you
As she is smelling you
The help action gives you
We're gonna give you a d6
And you can do whatever you're gonna say, Reiner

(57:50):
She is a little
Tough-mannered
But I'm sure once you get past that
She can accomplish many things for you
Many, many things
All that we ask in return for this great favor
Is to receive a wonderful tour
Of your factory
A tour
Ah

(58:14):
When dealing with outsiders
I
Am often skeptical
But
Children are better off working for me
Than picking up lots of bad habits
Aren't they?
Oh, this is for sure
Nah, child slavery is great
This one looks to be
A little older than what I

(58:36):
Why is the music in this room
Screaming at me? The music, please, calm down
She waves her hand
And silences the music
Now
To better off working for me
I will take this one
Although it seems
That she's a little bit older

(58:58):
I will take her
And something else from you
I will have
Would you want to do me a favor?
Yeah, uh
Sure, great scaremouser
Why not?
There are a couple of things
I am looking for

(59:20):
I am the oldest of the Hag sisters
And boy, I hate my sisters
But
There is a child
By the name of Will
And Will
Of the Feywild
Bring him to me
Granny Nightshade, alive
And I
Will give you this tour

(59:42):
If you make me this promise
I have two other things as well
If you feel that Will is out of your
Repertoire
Is it, is it
He's supposed to be shuttling up
At some point?
What's that?

(01:00:04):
Nothing, um
So, yes
We may look into acquiring
This Will person you speak of
Whom we've never met
And, you know
What are the other tasks that you have?
Well
I'm looking for a lost unicorn horn
Also
There is a play

(01:00:26):
That is happening in Motherhorn in Yon
And if you promise that you will sabotage this play
That's also fine
It's being, you know
It's happening, um
Well, my sister's involved
And I want her to fail
Okay
And which of your sisters
Who might this be?

(01:00:48):
Ah, I actually don't remember the name
I'll get back to you on that
Okay
Uh
Well, I think we can do two of these things
Okay
What?
This Herringon
Is very feisty
Does he happen to know

(01:01:10):
Maybe a friend of mine
His name is Agnon
Possibly
Um,
Possibly
I think they came from like the same area
Bunny
Do you know Agnon?
Do you follow his chaos?
Um

(01:01:32):
I follow nobody
But you oh great
Uh
Beautiful
Mistress you?
Um
I wasn't looking
To dry hump a bunny today
But
Well, I mean you know how fertility
Festivals go

(01:01:54):
Yes, it is fertility day
Meaning my eggs are warm
Well
If you would like me to
Uh, bless your eggs
With fertility this
Uh, I am
Uh, pretty
Clerical

(01:02:16):
Sure, before we move on
Why don't you bless my eggs
With clericalness
Herringon
Like in front of everybody?
Well, sure
Oh wait
To accomplish this task
I have worked with this bunny
Many many times before

(01:02:38):
What I need you to do
What I need you to do
Oh great scavenger
Is close your eyes
And cover your ears
So that you may be blessed
And your eggs be warmed
By the fertility magic of
My bunny cleric here
Romy reception writers
I'm a very shy caster

(01:03:00):
I don't like when people watch
Although I like to watch
What's not going to warm
She's like
Okay, sure
She covers her ears and closes her eyes
And then I fly over
And I fart in her face

(01:03:22):
And then I go back to where I was
It's all nothing but
She says a lot
This magic smells awfully bad
I tap
On the shoulder
To get her to take her
Hands off her ears
The magic usually smells
I'm sorry about that

(01:03:44):
But this is how it works
Wild gagged
Well, anyway
You see, after one
We had this little
Little dead dragon
And then he was there
And he was going to have a baby
And then a baby
And then he was like

(01:04:06):
Yeah, everything's good
This is wonderful, baby
Yeah
Pretty good
Pretty good
After this interaction is done
You guys hear outside
Screaming scarecrows

(01:04:28):
And you look out the window to see
A bunch of little
that run through the other side of the tree
and then appear on the other side of the garden.
And you see them out there,
and there's a bunch of kids with like swords,
they just start fucking them up.
Fing, fing, fing, fing out in the garden, all of them.

(01:04:49):
And you're looking out the window,
all three of your only perception.
Mine is a 14.
Mine is a five.
Mine is a 13.
On a 14, Reiner, the only one that sees it,
but Will, the uni, he's still in his child form,

(01:05:13):
but he's in the back of the trees.
You see him and he looks out to the window
and he gives a thumbs up.
And then he rushes towards what looks like
a tower of some kind out there,
while the kids are just fucking up the scarecrows.
He's just like,
I'm going to turn to Scavissa and I say,
Great Scavissa, we are being attacked by the children.

(01:05:35):
We need to seek shelter in your home.
First off, she's like,
No, my scarecrows will take care of it, stupid children.
Shelter though, are you scared?
No, we wish to protect you, Scavissa,
from these awful, vile little children with no manners.

(01:05:58):
Okay.
Actually, roll me deception.
Let's do that.
This is a 25.
Fuck.
She's like,
He has a plus seven.
Well, it might be nice to not have to worry.
So let us go then, together.

(01:06:22):
Yeah, together.
I'm going to grab the tiefling child by the hair
and drag her along with.
God damn, Hops.
Duck, duck, duck, duck.
Nice.
You're going to get hurt, you're going to get hurt.
Shut up.
I'm going to fucking kick your ass.
Can I be walking behind Violet
and Hops is in front of Violet?

(01:06:44):
And I'm going to like loosen her restraints
from the back a little bit.
Okay.
Enough to where she can get out of them,
but just enough to where they look like they're still on.
Okay.
So there are, you guys walk together
and you can still hear the fighting happening outside in the garden.

(01:07:05):
But you guys walk into the next door,
which leads you into what looks like a workshop.
There are flickering lanterns that illuminate this cluttered workshop.
And it's filled with, you know, soft, ambient music as you enter.
I'm almost if magically put there.
Sounds a little bit like bells and chimes.
There are parts of toys that are heaped out all along the tables,

(01:07:28):
but the toys are like, you take a glance,
they look kind of demented, like dolls heads with their eyes that are X'd out
and like stabbed voodoo dolls, et cetera.
Half built rocking horses.
Eww.
Already used voodoo dolls?
Gross.
There's a stove at the back of the room that holds a soft pan
that is a soft pan that's melting some kind of metal.

(01:07:52):
There are three doors that exit out to the garden,
back out to where the goblins were, and then right ahead of you guys.
But as you enter this room, there are three young children
that are gathered around a work table.
Looks like the oldest one, a drow boy,
he prances on top of a table top with a soap in hand,
like a little bar of soap, while a halfling girl giggles at him,

(01:08:14):
and he's telling some kind of story about how he stole something.
And then as soon as you guys enter and he sees Scabatha,
they all drop to the ground, and she goes,
Stupid kids! Get back to work! All three of you!
Work, work, work, work, work, work, work!
She pulls out a ruler and slams it on the table.
Psh, psh, psh! Guests!

(01:08:35):
Vak, vak, vak, vak!
Follow me!
And then she turns, she points at you, small violet, and she's like,
This is where you will be eventually,
working those little tiefling thumbs to the bone.
Tiefling!
Mmmmm!

(01:08:56):
Mmmmm!
You guys venture into the next room.
And it looks like, um...
What is this?
Sorry. It looks like a kitchen.
Of sorts.
Let me find it here.

(01:09:17):
A kitchen with swords!
That's right. Um...
This kitchen...
is carved out of the trunk of the tree,
of the fallen oak.
A large clay oven sits in the middle of the room,
surrounded by crowded shelves,
laden with forest fungi,

(01:09:38):
jars of pickled grubs,
animal skulls, and moldy cookbooks.
It smells sickly sweet.
There is a young human girl,
shackled to a work table.
She is hard at work peeling potatoes.
You can tell her shackles are set into the floor,
and nearby there's a padlocked iron gate,

(01:10:01):
through which...
Can I kick?
Can I kick, fishy?
As in this might be...
Meshka?
Can I just be like...
Can I kick hearts?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Mm.

(01:10:23):
I...
Yeah, I'm not really paying attention.
I'm just, like, beating you up now at this point.
I noticed that it might be Meshka.
Nice. What do you do?
Uh...

(01:10:47):
Shit, I'm...
I don't know.
You can see around her ankles there are shackles
that have a big lock on them.
Ooh, do you think, actually,
can I take out the jar with the worm in it, in my coat,
and, like, flash it to her?

(01:11:09):
Sure.
No, I don't know if she'll know about it.
Give me a charisma check.
A charisma check?
Yeah.
It's just straight-up charisma?
Yeah.
This is a 15. Oh, no, it's a 16.

(01:11:31):
Nice. You flash it to her,
and you kind of, like, make the...
A part of the couch, a part of the crew.
Crimson Rockstar subscribed. Hey, hey, you hacking nerds.
Hey, hey, Crimson. Cheers, bud.
Howdy. Cheers.
Cheers.
How the hell are you?
Welcome in here, buddy. How are you?

(01:11:53):
Sorry I'm late. What's up, Poomer?
We talked about you earlier. You missed it.
Um, you flash her the jar,
and you make the shape of the head of the goblin,
and she looks her eyes light up,
and she sees the worm and sees you,
and she stops peeling the potatoes, and she's like...
And just, like, distracted, kind of explaining

(01:12:14):
what the kitchen looks like all around you guys.
I'm just going to make this gesture.
I'm just going to make this gesture real quick to her.
She's like,
Okay. All right.
C.T. Fleetchild, look at the pretty plates!
Your master demands you admire her cutlery!

(01:12:38):
Pfft.
Scabbard turns around, she's like,
Yes, my child! Admire the plates!
Very done, very well done, Herringon, yes?
Um...
I want to see if this works.
Okay.
Is she looking towards my way currently,

(01:13:01):
or is she still distracted with the tour?
You could... There's, like, a space in between.
She's, like, touring, she looks,
she's, like, touring, pointing at the oven.
Is there a possibility that I can take the worm out of the jar
and, like, hold it like a card in my hand?
Not like a card, but, you know, like,

(01:13:24):
Oh, you see it, and now you don't, kind of thing, you know?
Slight of hand roll, bud. Slight of hand roll.
Oh, I'm gonna have to make another one of these, too.
Set to 13?
Sure, okay, success.
And then...

(01:13:45):
Is the kitchen, like, lit up by lantern or torchlight or something?
Kind of, but, like, barely, it's real dark in here.
I'm gonna go...
Oh my god, Scabberser!
My great lady Scabberser!
Yay!
I've realized how beautiful you look
when lit by the lanterns and the torches of your great kitchen.

(01:14:06):
Oh, well, thank you.
You're such a kind man.
And you are such a beautiful, magical lady.
And I go to, like, you know,
scoop her weird, wiry hair behind her ear,
and I let go of the worm right next to her ear.

(01:14:27):
I feel like it goes into her hair.
You push it back, and it begins squirming through her hair.
And you watch as it's just squirming around in her hair.
She, like, tries to flick it away a couple of times,
like, as if something's there, but then she just dusts it off,
and the worm just continues going around in her hair.
And she's like, this over here is a pet of mine.

(01:14:48):
She points, there's a green dragon about the size of a large dog
that's coiled up near the oven,
apparently just dozing away, and fumes rise from the wormling's nostrils.
She's like, yes, she's very nice, very nice.
She pulls an old moldy cookbook from the shelf, and she's like,
I read these sometimes, fairy man.
I could cook for you one day.

(01:15:10):
As your eyes are just watching this worm go all around her hair
and all around her ears.
Go in the ear, you stupid worm.
It's like fucking intense.
She's like, okay, well, off to the next room.
I'll show you my study.

(01:15:31):
We can continue the tour.
I mean, you guys look out the window.
Roll me perception.
Oh, so it's a five.
Oof.
It was almost.
Dad, I got a 24.
Oof.
I got a six.

(01:15:53):
Oof.
Okay.
You see out the window what looks to be like a textile mill.
There's three large freestanding looms,
like you can see through the window and through the window of the room.
And inside of the textile mill through this window,
you can see a young goblin and a pair of gnome children.
And as you're looking at them,

(01:16:15):
you see Will jump through the door of the textile mill.
And he's like.
And he just like attacks the goblin.
And she's like, okay, into the next room, the study.
Here we go.
And then she goes to open the door.
She like puts her keys into it, unlocks it, and she opens the door.

(01:16:36):
And you see it.
The worm goes into her ear slowly.
And she's like, what the?
What is that?
What was that?
Did y'all see that?
What was that?
Oh, I don't know, Lady Scarab-a-sir.
I don't know what that was.
Yeah, I just blinded by your beauty.

(01:16:59):
She gets a little dizzy.
And you guys remember about the thing on her back, literally the windy.
You can tell she's getting mad.
She's getting aggravated because it starts to spin really fast.
She's like getting mad at this thing.
And she's like, what is this in my head?
What is going on?
Are we in the next room yet?

(01:17:21):
You're like in the doorway.
I want to cast bondage on her.
And then could I also cast another one before something else happens?
First, you're going to cast bondage.

(01:17:43):
And I believe this is a is this a wisdom check?
What is hold person?
It's wisdom.
I want the bondage to be aimed specifically at the winding thing.
Like if I can get it to stop.
And can I also cast hold person to hold her feet and hands down to like try to weight her down to the floor?

(01:18:07):
I think in both occasions, it's still that wisdom check.
So what are your guys' saves?
14.
Let's see.
Perhaps these games 26 plus one seven charges.
Spurs holding one.
DC 17.

(01:18:28):
Jesus.
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
Finally DC 17 hold monster.
Hold person.
Yeah.
Her wisdom is plus three.
Here we go.
Chat.
Jesus, it's only five.
You get the first one off now for the 14 on yours hops.

(01:18:51):
That's a 16 altogether.
So in last chat wants to help the first hold person goes off and she's like stuck in place and the winding stops.
She's like, she's stopped.
Sir, I'm just copying history roll help.
Thanks for six.

(01:19:14):
So she's double hold person right now.
She's standing in the doorway of the kitchen, chained to the walls.
She's got hold person going off on her.
I need to read a little bit more about hold person.
But what do you do in this moment?
Can I can I look towards hops and just be like, we have to push out into the room and like.

(01:19:37):
And I look at violet too and I'm like, you know.
She helps.
I want all three of us to like pile into this room.
You guys have one minute and at the end of each of its turns, it makes another wisdom saving throw to get out of it.
So at the end of each of its turns, it gets to make two of them to try to get out of these.

(01:20:00):
And you guys have one minute.
So if you want to push her in, you can roll me a strength.
All of us together, combine.
Sure.
Finally, do you rip out of your bondage?
Uh, you can if you want.
All right.
I'm spitting out the campestry first.

(01:20:21):
I got a 16.
I got a 13.
Jesus.
OK, I got 19.
Jesus.
You guys push her and as you push her, the flying rocking horsey chair comes out from underneath her.
And all three of you push her down into the ocean.

(01:20:42):
Certifiable underscore just redeem custom potion.
Sovrgin Glutarina.
Sovrgin glue.
Sovereign glue.
Sovereign glue.
You have more explanation.
Certifiable hit us with it.
Like a real item.
Holy.
Yeah, I'm not sure if it counts as a potion.

(01:21:03):
We'll fucking take it.
It's a liquid.
As you guys push it in this room or describe it a little bit, there's a staircase that runs along the wall of this circular room and climbs to an upper level.
Tucked behind curtains of moss and ivy are numerous bookshelves of ancient tomes and built into one of the bookcases is a tall oval mirror in a wooden frame and flickering candlelight emanates from the eye sockets of human skulls that are resting on an open roll of glass.

(01:21:29):
Open roll top desk.
It's a real item.
Sovrgin glue.

(01:22:00):
Sovrgin glue.

(01:22:22):
Nice.
Sovrgin glue.
Okay, well I'm going to pour like two ounces of glue on to like the part where the key connects to her back. First time about roaming 1d6 so we know how many ounces you have. Okay, six plus one.

(01:22:53):
So I'm just too excited about this works out perfectly.
You know where is something.
I have six ounces.
One six plus one six.
Oh, six ounces.
Yeah, what's up age. Thanks for joining us.
What do you do. I pour I pour approximately two ounces of this glue around where her, her key connects to her back.

(01:23:20):
So it will hold the key in place.
No shit. Okay.
Oh, we just want to rip the K.
I don't think it comes out.
It doesn't come out.
Doesn't move since the toy doesn't move.

(01:23:42):
Okay, he's gonna pour two ounces, I'm gonna give both of you guys one action and then she's gonna roll wisdom again. So, Violet, what do you do.
I'm still small Lena.
Yes, but it's concentration so he could have released it when I release it.

(01:24:04):
Excellent. All right. Well, while they're doing they I'm actually going to turn towards the child that's chained to the floor.
And I'm actually going to try to take my sword of vengeance to see if I can like smite the chains.
Family.
Thanks for the 10 bits story. Okay, you want to smite the family. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, say that again. I want to smile.

(01:24:27):
The chains I'm aiming for the chains that are attached to the child on the floor and aiming for the chains.
You're like fuck a lockpick. I'm just gonna fucking destroy these things. Roll to hit for me and just don't get a one. All right.
Just don't get a one. All right. Yeah, just don't.
The three I didn't I didn't so she's got like she's standing there and she you like yelling or you're like put your foot on the table.

(01:24:53):
She puts her foot up on the table. The shackles. The chain is there.
And you just start swinging with your sword just like destroying these potatoes that she was peeling on the table just like making mashed potatoes with the table and your swords.
Making a potato salad. It is Easter after all. Then eventually you hit the chain.

(01:25:14):
And it echoes and she's she's free.
Are you Mishka?
Yes. Yes, I'm.
That that apple-headed filler. He wanted to make sure you go free. So why don't you skedaddle on out of here?
He's so sweet. He makes the best candy.

(01:25:35):
OK, bye bye. She turns.
Hops. What do you do?
I can't really do anything else because I got a whole concentration.
There's a rocking horse.
Oh, that's true. You have to have a whole concentration near mine.

(01:25:57):
Yeah, but you can do other spells while you're concentrating.
Just as long as you don't cast a spell that requires concentration.
Yeah, there's one concentration spell will break another one, right?
I believe so.
Mishka, my little boobly.
I think I think I just kind of like step back a little bit, but still just try to like really double down on the concentration of whole person.

(01:26:26):
OK, all right. We could say you hold an action as well. So if you think of something, let me know. You hold your action. All right.
Yeah, now she's going to roll wisdom twice. She's got to be a 17 first. She has a plus three. Let's roll it.
No, that was a nine. So Reiner's whole person continues. She has to be a 14, which is hops. She has a plus three still.

(01:26:50):
That's a 20. So she breaks free from your whole person.
S.B.O.O. Kai Sprinkles just redeemed custom potion.
For Reiner, let there be cake. Potion gives user an abnormally large butt. User can clap those cheeks as an attack or can use it to charm.
Sprinkles, you're just a gem amongst people. I love it so much.

(01:27:14):
Clap those cheeks as an attack, Connor.
I'm trying to be stealthy, but the clap of my ass cheeks is alerting the scarecrows.
That's it. OK, she breaks whole person of yours, hops, but she still has Reiner's. Now we're back to Reiner.
What do you do?

(01:27:36):
I am going to cast.
Is Re is legal as a combat action?
I'm going to cast Fairy Fire on. Wait.
It just gives everyone advantage. It's not like a real attack.

(01:27:59):
Invisible. It will also break your concentration.
I don't have it. I was reading the wand. The wand doesn't say I have to do concentration to keep it.
Oh, you do. It allows you to cast whole person, which requires concentration.
Yes. Wait. Yes. OK, shit.

(01:28:21):
Then in that case, hold on, hold on. Hold on.
Take your time. This is super intense. While you're thinking.
Cheers, everybody in chat. How we doing? Rizzo the rat. That's right. That's right. How are you? How's it going?
In that case, I guess I'm going to cast Vicious Mockery. She's down.

(01:28:46):
Do you have the Vicious Mockery song from the real that maybe we or maybe not we have recorded?
Cheers, Pooh Bird. My God.
No, I don't remember it. But the way I'm imagining this is like.
Do you want me to just play it? I could just play it.
She's like face down on the floor and she has like this bondage on her and I'm just going.
That spells free. Sorry.

(01:29:08):
I'm going like right into her ear and singing this. She's on the floor.
OK. Shit. You know, I don't even remember how I did that song.
Time for damage.
That far that spells free kicks in the ass from yours truly going to drag my balls across your face, going to take your mom to a really nice place. Yeah.

(01:29:41):
Something, something, something. And it's really rad.
And when you're mad, you're a long titted, no nipple looking.
You're a new step dad. Your new step dad. Yes, but I'm doing this Vicious Mockery while she's tied up and face down on the floor and can't move.
Nice. T-bag in her face. All right, roll me some damage. Let's do it.

(01:30:02):
Oh, it's just make a wisdom check, right?
Yes, 15. Yes, to be the only six. So she found some damage. Ha ha ha. D4 psychic damage for a total of six.
Oh, plus one with my loot. So that's going to be seven.

(01:30:25):
Violet.
I'm going to go over to the horsey part of the couch, a part of the crew.
Gangreys subscribe to the watermelon.
Dude, there was some shit. If you need to check love death and dice in the Grouch Couch Discord. We were giving you ideas and content.

(01:30:47):
Proteus was. They knew what they were doing. I may or may not have ended up gagged and bondage.
Yeah, for like an hour this episode.
I spent a long time with a mushroom in my mouth and bound up.
It was here. So I be balls. If you guys like not safe for work art, gangroes is where it's at.
He makes the best not safe for work art. So follow him. Cheers, buddy.

(01:31:10):
Mm hmm.
OK, what do you do, Violet?
I want to go over to the horsey.
And I want to use divine sense on him.
Nice.
Hold on. Divine. Where'd it go?
I had it. I had it up and everything.

(01:31:32):
Your oath allows you to channel divine energy to fuel magic effects when you use chain.
No, no, no. Divine sense. There it is.
There's too many channeling and divining and senses.
Too many of them. As an action, you can take.
There's too many of them.
But you can I can I can detect whether or not it's it's been like a fecated by a spell and if it's good or evil or if like.

(01:32:04):
Yeah, as an action, you can detect good and evil until the end of your turn.
You can sense anything affected by hollow spell and known location of a celestial fiend undead within 60 feet.
That may or not be behind total cover that is not behind total cover.
And yeah, so divine sense will kind of homebrew this a little bit here.

(01:32:25):
But as you see, unicorn is technically close to being right.
Exactly. As you get close to this rocking chair, this is what it looks like, by the way, right there.
You get real close to it and you see it's got like this this crude smiley face like painted on it.
It's all chipped. It's not been well taken care of.

(01:32:47):
And as you do your divine sense on it, it glows a little bit like like in this beautiful fiery rainbow glow.
And you get close to its face and you can see a tear coming down from its wooden eye.
I don't know how to free you yet, but your wife sent us.

(01:33:11):
We're going to get you out of here. We're going to save you.
And I think that's the only thing I can do.
You can't tell if it's the wind, but it's like the rocking chair rocks forward a little bit.
All right. And I think that's the only thing I can do because it's not a bonus action.
It's just a regular action, I think.

(01:33:36):
Oh, no. It's Butzalian. Sorry.
Butzalian.
Butzalian. Yes, that's the only turn. OK.
Lastly, Hopps.
It's a bit of a holber situation, but can I like prepare an action for reaction if something happens?

(01:33:59):
Sure.
Say if she breaks the whole spell from Reina, then I can activate reaction to cast Holdspell, our whole person on her again.
Again. Sure, man. Sure. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That's it.
So just like standing there holding up your pose and your pose like radiating like light, light magic.

(01:34:28):
No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not.
There's a swirl of darkness in them.
There you go. There you go.
Yeah, I got it. I got it. Let me do it.
All right. OK. All right. OK. OK.
You're swirling this darkness and standing down the doorway like...
By this time, Mishka has completely fucked off.

(01:34:50):
But there is this dragon behind you guys that has seen the action.
It's like a dragon wormling that was hanging out by the stove and kind of stood up.
And Violet and Hop standing back in the kitchen a little bit.
You see this happen as it stands up and begins to eyeball you guys.
Before she makes her wisdom checks, you three look out the window once more to see Will climbing down from the tower.

(01:35:13):
And there's kids climbing down with him.
All the scarecrows in the field, you can see, look like they've been taken out.
And all the kids gather up and start running the fuck out of here.
And Will looks over at the windows. He doesn't know where you are.
But he's like, let's go. Let's get out of here. Let's go.
Now she's going to make her wisdom checks.

(01:35:37):
First one, she's going to plus three.
Another world. Cheer with Ted. Thanks, bud. Cheers.
It's a natural one.
So she fails. So it brings it back to Reiner's turn. Reiner?
Can we tell whether or not she's being affected more by the worm?
Gift a potion.

(01:35:58):
S.B.O.O. Kai Sprinkles just redeemed custom potion.
It's not a phase. Turns user into a mega goth so shrouded in darkness they can't be seen. For Dr. Hopps.
It's topical. Love it. Not a phase, mom.
They've got a stink bottle and not a phase.

(01:36:19):
Yeah. You look at her. Roll me an arcana check.
That's a four.
I can't tell she.
No. Unless chat wants to help you.

(01:36:40):
There hasn't been a lot of rerolls tonight. That was only a four.
Soon as these assholes want to give you a shout.
So basically shadow of moil in potion form.
Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. Exciting.
And Charles.
Come on, Violet. You got this. You got this.

(01:37:01):
It's a natural one. Oh, my God.
She actually looks like she's getting better.
Reiner, what do you do?
Advantage or disadvantage.
Oh, Steve underscore forge of law just retained advantage to it.
So I just roll it one more time or twice. One more time.

(01:37:24):
One more time. Take the high roll.
17. Nice.
So you look in her eyes and you can see her faces all cracked before, but her eyes were bright.
But now as you look at her, it looks like her eyes are getting like that hazy white in front of them.

(01:37:45):
And you look her over in total and you can see her gears not moving in her back, which helped control her emotions.
So she's stuck in this temporal state of neutral and her eyes are glazed over and she's just got leather bonded.
She's just strapped to the floor and she looks sad.
She looks like she's dying.
Cool.

(01:38:08):
In that case, I would first like to tell everybody, hey, we need to use her as a shield to fend off this dragon.
I don't think the dragon will attack its owner.
All right. Sounds good.
And then I'm going to do bardic inspiration.

(01:38:30):
Nice. Nice.
Go ahead.
Let's use this bitch as a shield to get the hell out of here.
Let's use this bitch as a big fat fucking shield to get the fuck out of here.
Oh, yeah.

(01:38:52):
Nice. All right, Violet. Sure go.
You have bardic inspirations, which means you could add a d6 any roll that you make.
All right. Well, I'm going to lift her up and essentially hold her as a shield.
I'm going to hold her.
I'm going to use her as a shield.
Roll me a strength check.
All right. Strength check.

(01:39:14):
She's dying. Cool. Cool. She's dying. Cool.
You try to pick her up and you trip over the magical rocking chair and you face plant into the bookshelf and dozens of books just come tumbling down on you.
Certifiable underscored nerd used to re-roll Violet.

(01:39:36):
Use the damn d6.
DM Steve underscore forge of law just redeemed advantage.
Fucking hell, Violet.
She got two not roll in one's in a roll in a row.
Fucking hell, Violet.
Well, it was a re-roll and advantage.

(01:39:57):
Use the d6.
And then I'm going to use the d6 as well. So I got a 15 and then I'm going to use the d6 as well.
What the fuck? All right. So it's a 16. It's a 16.
Jesus.
Okay. 16.
You trip and fall into the bookshelf and all the books fall. You fall and hit the other bookshelf and all the books fall and you step forward and you pick her up.

(01:40:23):
And you're like holding her and she's like in bondage and she just looks back at you like.
And you step over the wooden rocking chair and just stand in the kitchen in front of the dragon.
His flames just come out of its nostrils.
Now, Mr. Can Wormlings talk like regular dragons?

(01:40:44):
If you can speak traconic or you have to make animal handling.
Or you could use it like a puppet and make me a deception.
I mean, no, I can only speak infernal. I can't speak no dragon.
But all right.

(01:41:08):
I'm still going to I'm going to roll for animal handling then because I'm going to talk to the Wormling and be like,
don't you think that you don't deserve to be mistreated the way that this hag has?
You could be living a much better life out there in the Feywild.
You could be peaceful. You don't have to stay cooped up in this kitchen.

(01:41:32):
You can have a life of your own. You could be free.
Roll it.
Get ready for a nat one.
That's right. 14.
Nice. He like looks at you and sees how nice you're being.
And you can tell he thinks you're like playing with his owner.

(01:41:54):
He curls back by the stove.
But as you're looking at the dragon, you can see he lays down right next to what looks to be a trap door and like a like a almost like a like a cell.
It seems to be like a three foot square padlocked iron gate that covers like a five foot deep five foot wide or minus one.

(01:42:17):
Holes just redeem plus one plus one to Dr.
Hopps next role.
OK.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, feelers.
Do you see that door there? You see that hatch? You feel like your nimble little fingers between you could get into that.

(01:42:40):
Oh, my fingers. Yeah, your little raccoon fingers.
Oh, I can try.
The little fairy fingers do though.
Well, I got the dragon kind of like chilling.
OK. But first, this Hopps turn hops.
What do you do? So the dragon's cool.

(01:43:01):
And the haggis like slowly being super clued together.
I may just been a meanie already.
I mean, yeah, y'all even need me.
I mean, you can try getting the hatch or if you got something that can maybe free the unicorn that that rocking horse is that unicorn we've been looking for.

(01:43:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
True.
Wrongly perception.
Keeping out for a scroll.

(01:43:47):
A scroll.
Yeah. Well, I feel like something here might be important to me.
Twenty five.
Nice.
OK, Hopps, as you're searching around this room, all the other shit's going on.
I'm a spit a lot of info at you.
You ready?
Maybe with there's mashed potatoes on the table or Mishka was just working.

(01:44:09):
All right. Mishka is fucking gone.
There's a chain that was attached to the wall.
The chain has been broken.
There is an oven.
The oven is large enough as you look at it to cook a whole medium sized creature.
As you gaze inside of the oven, there's an iron gate that has it closed.
As you're gazing inside of the oven, a fire elemental reaches out and grabs the bars and starts shaking them as you get your face close to it.
There's a fire elemental that is trapped inside of the oven.

(01:44:33):
All right.
Down below on the ground next to the dragon, there is a trap door.
You look through the trap door to see a cell.
There are humans trapped down there.
A bunch of people that are trapped down in this kitchen area.
There is a cauldron that is nearly full of hot, hot melted candy that is bubbling gently on top of the stove.

(01:44:56):
There are dozens and dozens of cookbooks all scattered about.
Also, while searching around in this room, you're like going through the drawers and throwing shit out.
You find six brass egg cups embossed with the faces of crying children.
They're each worth five gold each.
An ornate eight minute hourglass is worth seventy five gold pieces each.
And a moldy wooden coffer labeled mushrooms, but it says that in elvish, so you don't know that, that contains two butterfly saddles and a hummingbrella, which are types of mushrooms.

(01:45:28):
In addition, with this high as roll, you find a shield that is golden embossed. It says Elkhorn on the back of it like it was signed by somebody and a plus one longsword.
None of these are unicorn horn or a scroll.

(01:45:50):
Nope.
Damn.
Mm hmm. It's because you got that plus one from cat chat. Tell you what's up.
Now, with all this information, what do you do?
Yeah.

(01:46:11):
I need to go over to Violet and be like, yo Violet, there's a fire element over in the oven.
And like, cool, I can do stuff like that, right?
Yeah, hold on. I just redeem chaos card. I see my pocket. If you want to grab it, you could you could take it. You could take it.
You want that ring?
You got to, but you know, maybe, but you know, a lot of things here are kept trapped in like, you know, are camped against their will.

(01:46:38):
So maybe see if it's like friendly or something, but you say it is backup for sure.
I know.
Your card from Southpaw is metagaming. You may ask the DM one question and they will answer honestly.
Any one question.
Okay. Where is the unicorn horn in the house?

(01:47:01):
It's not here.
Fuck!
Well, I mean, there you go, guys.
I want to pick up the unicorns like toy thing is kind of like just sort of violence.

(01:47:22):
Like, I don't know if I can end it.
Get out of here.
Just throw that bitch on the ground and run.
No, I kind of want that word back.
Get inside the oven and turn it on!
What we should do is release the fire elemental to do whatever the fuck he wants to scav us.

(01:47:47):
I need you.
I want you to smash her head like Gallagher with a watermelon so I can find that fucking worm and then we can like cure Billy or William, whatever his fucking name is.
Oh, yeah, because they'll just compulsively make him do good.
I like that idea.
All right, cool.
So I'm gonna go over the stove with with with scab with in hand.

(01:48:09):
You guys keep an eye on that fucking dragon.
I need to get some from.
Yeah, give me a second.
Give me a second.
Okay.
Before she does that, Ryna, roll me an arcana trick to learn more about the worm.
I'm going to say you've been studying it before you did the things.
I have only six.

(01:48:30):
Never mind.
You got you got no fucking idea.
All right.
All right.
So I'm gonna go over the stove.
I'm gonna I'm gonna open it up.
Well, before I open it up to do do do elemental spoke toys to history.
Oh, right.
Or do they speak?
I don't know how elementals work in real life.

(01:48:51):
I'm still new.
Let me check it up.
It's a four.
It's not anybody here.
Certifiable underscore nerd just for Dane advantage.
Raina, I love you guys.
Same work.
Holy shit.
If you were to if if if hops attunes to that ring, he can speak again, which is what elemental

(01:49:14):
speak.
How's that?
On my arcana roll.
It's just getting worse.
You went from a six to a four to a two.
Thanks, Jack.
Yeah.
It just kind of getting worse.
But now you can you can.
There you go.
Yeah.

(01:49:35):
Put the ring on.
Technically, it's not.
Okay.
We do a thing around here.
It's a home rule that we do.
It's called quick attunement where these guys can attune to items at any time, but it takes
a long rest to unattune to any items, but they can still only have three at a time because
all the item giving that you guys give to these guys, we allow auto attunement so they
can still use or quick attunement.
They can still use those items in that actual episode.

(01:49:58):
Right.
It's just kind of one of the things that we do.
So you can talk it through it and see if we can raise them with it.
Yes.
Ring of elemental command fire.
If you're looking on D&D beyond advantage or disadvantage elemental beyond underscore
just for day in the advantage hops advantage hops advantage.

(01:50:19):
Isn't it cool how it says who does the things like for us to hear now?
It does sound.
Yeah.
Do you want me to read it to you because I have it up.
All right.
All right.
I'll take it out of my inventory.
Cool.
Attack balls.
Three has five charges.
You can expect two charges to cast a monster on a fire element.

(01:50:46):
In addition to your resistance to fire damage, I can also speak and understand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's up?
Fire dog, which is more like I imagine like.
Yeah.

(01:51:07):
It's like grabbing on the bars.
It's like fingernails are like whispering out as you get close, but it's trying to squeeze
through and it can't like it's stuck.
Inside of the oven.
And you realize that scab of that has been using the fire elemental to power her of it.
Like it's the actual power source, the fire of the oven.
So he's been suffering and he like, and he looks at you and he's like, this bitch makes

(01:51:31):
me suffer.
Let me free.
Healer.
But give us the like, I don't know if you can control how much of her fucking work.
Can we get a worm out of your head?
I don't know if you can do that.
You burned everything, but her head.
Mm hmm.
Uh, dominate monster.
You can be cool.
A monster you can see it has to make a saving throw.

(01:51:54):
If it fails, you it's charmed by you for the duration and will listen to you.
Um, you have a telepathic link with it as long as you're on the same plane of existence.
And you can take total and precise control of the target on your turn.
And the target takes only the actions you choose.
I'm going to dominate monster.

(01:52:15):
All right.
Listen to me.
It's got a plus zero on wisdom.
It's got to be the 14, right?
Right.
Oh, it's a 13.
All right.
You have a telepathic command with this fire elemental and you see scab at the throwing
it into the oven and slamming the oven shut and just laughing at it and its memories and

(01:52:40):
it's all it's thinking about and she's like, you will cook for me for and he's like, no,
no.
And he's been here for years and you just feel this fiery rage that it has inside of
it for scab at the.
And then from the perspective of the fire element, you see with its telepathic connection

(01:53:05):
to Dr. Hops, Dr. Hops being thrown into a cage, being cackled and laughed at by a shadowy
figure injecting him with magical substances as it swishes back to the moment of time.
Nice.
Hell yeah, dude.
What do you do?
All right.
All right.

(01:53:26):
Listen here, Lord fire.
I bet we're going to need you to like light everything but the head on fire.
You do that.
Yes.
Let me free.
Let me free.
I mean, can I make sure he doesn't kill like everybody else so we can like set free everything

(01:53:48):
else in here?
We want to, we want to free him as much as we want to free everybody else.
Can you, can you convey that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
Do it.
Do it.
Do it.
Burn her.
He's flipped the switch.
You open the oven and he rushes out.
Being that she's an underhold person, he has advantage on this.

(01:54:11):
He has a plus six to attack, but he, the fire is going to swirl around Scabatha as you're
holding her up like, but I still have to roll the hit to keep it fair.
And he's got advantage.
He got a plus six to hit.
That's a dirty 20, baby.
He's going to deal three D 12 fire damage.

(01:54:35):
Jesus.
That's 22.
If the target is a creature or flammable object, it ignites until the creature takes an action
to douse the fire.
The creature is going to take one D 10 fire damage at the start of each of its turns.
Being that Hop's turn just ended, it's going to take that one D 10 damage.
Cause it, she, 10, 10 damage.

(01:54:58):
Okay.
And she lights on fire.
She like squirms in your arms.
Violet like, and he's just, and she's trying to break free of hold person.
She has to be a 17.
She's got a plus three to wisdom.
Here we go.
That's a 17.

(01:55:18):
She's on fire.
She breaks free of hold person.
The fire elementals just swirling around her and she's like, no, no.
That's the end of her turn.
So she's not allowed to move or take an action.
Fuck.
It's only a 13.

(01:55:40):
She's silent, burning alive.
Reiner.
Good.
And I guess I will do like another, uh, bardic inspiration.
Kill that fucking bitch.

(01:56:04):
Nobody likes her.
Kill that fucking bitch.
Nobody likes her.
Yeah.
Kill that bitch please.
Right now.
Nice.
How many bardic charges do you have left, my friend?
How many bardic inspirations do I have left?
Yes.
Two.

(01:56:24):
Nice.
Okay.
Violet with another plus six bardic.
What do you do?
All right.
Um, hobs.
I'm going to help speed this along since she's kind of frozen there.
She's just stuck and he's burning her alive.
Um, I'm actually gonna, can you tell him to just make sure he's safe?

(01:56:45):
Like I don't want to get him, but I'm going to take a big old swing with my sword of vengeance
and I just want to behead her.
Oh, sick dude.
She can't move.
Can I just behead her?
So you drop her to the ground.
Since she's under hold person, you get advantage.
All right.
What is it?
If you use your vorpal sword, if you get a net 20 decapitation.

(01:57:09):
Yeah, but, but does that negate the fact that if I use the vorpal sword, I get disadvantage
because I'm not using the sword of vengeance.
Oh yeah.
That sucks.
I'm gonna use the normal roll then.
All right.
You hear the tiny corgi borks?
Yup.
Organs.
Yup.
Hold on.
Where is this thing?

(01:57:30):
To shove her face into the cauldron of bubbling candy.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, nice.
Now that there's no heat source.
Oh my goodness.
Where's that one?
Where's that one thing that, that, that, that Hop said I should use?
That's good.
Divine smite.

(01:57:50):
Can I use divine smite with it when I, when I swipe at her?
First roll to hit and then we'll add your divine smite.
All right.
All right.
Chat, you help me out with this beheading now.
It's only a 10, which is on her plus your, your strength, right?
Um, vorpal sword has like a plus.

(01:58:11):
Oh, I was supposed to roll strength.
That's plus three.
That's the third thing.
Certifiable underscorer, juice, three roll violet.
All right.
We're looking for that 20 anyway.
I was supposed to use strength.
Let's get it.
All right.
Gang is just redeemed plus one violet.
So 22.
Oh my God.
That's so close.
All right.
You hit her.
Roll me your damage from the vorpal.

(01:58:32):
All right.
All right.
Oh, see you victory.
Verbal sword.
Oh wait.
Was that?
Yeah.
Technically it's not a natty 20, but should we take it chat?
What do you think?
Is it a major disadvantage?
Technically, it's not a natty 20.
DM Steve underscore forge of law just redeemed advantage.

(01:58:53):
Decapitation.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
Plus four minus one.
Sen Ima Haru just redeemed plus one.
Plus violet.
Oh shit.
Chat.
If y'all want this decapitation to go through, even if it wasn't a natural 20, it was a chat
20.
Spam the violet emotes.
Let's see it.

(01:59:15):
Let's see it.
And by the go ahead and reroll your advantage rule.
Who knows?
Who knows?
All right.
It was a sieve.
So we're sticking with the 22.
And then on top of that, I could, I could also add the D plus the D six from right.

(01:59:41):
Yeah.
Is that just, is that for like hit roles or is that for damage roles?
Auto crit activate the verbal.
Sure.
Yeah.
Like the chaos card.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
There's a lot of violet emotes there in chat from multiple different people.
You drop her to the ground.

(02:00:04):
You take a step back.
You grip your sword.
Sword of Vengeance says, nah, come on guy swing me though guy.
Come on dude.
Come on dude.
Swing me though guy.
And you ignore it.
You, you, you pat down you son of a bitch.
You swing your Vorpal sword at the ground chopping at her neck.

(02:00:26):
Her head rolls on the ground as you chop it off.
And then out of her neck cavity, the worm squirms right at Reiner's feet.
His blood drips out.
And hops you feel a moment of release as you're mentally connected with the fire elemental.
And it's such an intense feeling of release that your fur turns completely black for a

(02:00:56):
second through darkness.
Can I take a second to scoop up the worm in the jar again?
Yeah.
You scoop up the worm.
You just let it slide a hand, but the fire elemental.
It's a dirty 20.
Sick.
You scoop it up.
The fire elemental flies over to you hops and it flies so fast.

(02:01:24):
It flies through one of your ears, leaving a hole.
Just work with me on this because you're going to appreciate it, but you're going to take
1d6 damage from that.
It's 4 damage, but then it flies back around and swirls in your ear like an earring.

(02:01:45):
Bunny with a gauge.
She's dead.
Initiative is over.
You guys stand in the kitchen.
All right, I'm just going to go around freeing people now.
I'm unlocking every trap door I can find.

(02:02:06):
I'm freeing people.
I'm unlocking cages.
I'm just rifling through books and seeing if anything I can find.
It takes you a little while, but you force open the trap door on the floor of the kitchen.
You look down in there and there's about five humans that hop out of it.

(02:02:30):
They each start speaking to you.
One of them's name is Strongheart.
The other one is Mercyon.
The other one's Molliver and the other one's Ringelrun.
The last one is Elkhorn.
He looks at hops holding his shield and he says, that's my shield in return for your
saving service.
You may keep it.

(02:02:51):
We are with the League of Malevolence.
I really don't want it.
You can have it.
Oh, well, thank you.
I'll take it back.
We are with the League.
Let the guy finish his book and see him.
We follow Kellick the Sorcerer, War Duke the Swordsman, Sylvia the Warlock and the priest

(02:03:12):
Orcus named Zargash and Zorak's assassin.
Valor calls and he caught us up with the League of Malevolence in the Palace of Heart's Desire,
home to the Archfey Zabelina.
We fight and fought a mighty battle during which I believe we were knocked out.

(02:03:33):
We woke up here in Lumlarch in this cage.
Say again.
You fought for you fought for against Zabelina.
I don't know if I want to say who do you fight for Tiefling?
Children.
Children.
Good.
I shouldn't have given that back to her.

(02:03:56):
Me Elkhorn will never fight or harm children.
Granny Nightshade seems she lost interest in me and was not concerned if I were to starve
to death.
So on this day we leave and the League of Malevolence has your gratitude.
Can I use this time to use my Vond of Secrets and expend a charge to see if there's any

(02:04:22):
hidden passageways or doors?
In the rest of the tree because you know we're you know we're not in initiative anymore.
Also I forgot Elkhorn says if you need assistance in your battle you can see he's wearing armor
and his shield and sword are stuffed in the kitchen cupboard which you gave back to him.

(02:04:47):
He is a dwarf and he is also as he explains to you determined to free the children of
Lumlarch but as he looks out the windows and sees them all already freed he ensures that
he will help their safekeeping at any risk of his own.
There's a tree in where they all congregate if you could actually keep an eye on them

(02:05:08):
my plan on going back there myself here in a bit but if you would go to the tree ant
that keeps them safe and ensure their safety from this point forward.
Yes my lady.
You have an aura about you.
Were you named Queen of the Witchlight Carnival?

(02:05:33):
I was.
My lady and he bows to you and then he's like men and they all follow up up up up up up
and they head out.
Who knew that being porn?
I want to get a I want to like find one of the old dusty terms.
I'm like this is bending common and I want to like show it to Violet and be like can

(02:05:58):
you read it now?
But first that's very good Hopps that's very good.
I'm going to give you a couch coin for remembering that we're almost there.
Reiner as your wand stands up on your crotch you go back into the study and you look at

(02:06:20):
the mirror and you see the mirror as your wand touches it has an aura of conjuration
magic all around this freestanding mirror and you can see that it acts like a portal
and when you tap the surface of the reflective surface it kind of wobbles like water.

(02:06:47):
Can I peek my head in?
Yes.
I'll hold your waistband.
I'll hold you by the waist if you don't want to fall in.
Okay just don't rip off my pants.
I hate losing them.
Poke your head into the room and you see a musty room that looks like some kind of an
attic.
Lying in tall heaps are discarded blankets, quilts, cushions, etc. and they're also dolls,

(02:07:12):
jewelry boxes, flower vases and other kinds of things that one hag might find valuable
but among the heaps of junk are a few other oddities that you can't really make out being
that you only poked your head in.
I'm going to bring my head back out and say I think it's safe in here.

(02:07:35):
So I go fully inside.
I'll follow.
As you step inside this attic looking room on the ground first off you see a pair of
velvet slippers that are golden inlaid they look very nice.

(02:07:56):
You've got that they're probably worth 15 gold pieces.
You walk over to a dresser and you see there's a false eye that's made out of solid gold
that has an eye on it.
Could be magical but also you know it's worth 25 gold pieces.
There's a cracked hand mirror with a gaudy bejeweled handle and frame.
It's worth about 65 gold pieces.

(02:08:18):
In the back of the room there is a bookshelf with dozens and dozens of old dusty toms.
Most of them inlaid with gold.
They all look to be categorized by number, name and color.
But sitting on a small pedestal is a little scroll.
I think that's the thing that we were looking for right?

(02:08:41):
I'm gonna walk up to the scroll and pick it up.
You walk over to the scroll.
You pick it up and you unfurl it.

(02:09:02):
And it's literally a picture of you but as a child.
And you're staring right at it and the picture in the scroll begins to animate and move.
And it turns and looks at you.
There's no sound but it waves.

(02:09:23):
The fillers?
Do you see this?
What do I see?
Is it different for me?
Nope, it's the same.
Okay.
Yes, I see it.

(02:09:46):
That's me.
That's the end.
Yeah.
Can I like touch like the scroll like where I'm at like meet hands?
You notice as you start.
Toys underscore un underscore deal underscore um subscribed.

(02:10:06):
Tossin!
Yeah buddy, thanks dude.
I'm gonna finish my beer for you.
Cheers buddy.
Thank you so much.
Hey.
Hell yeah, what is that?
47 months.
Jesus fuck tossin!
Love you buddy.
Thank you.
Um.
You notice as you're waving your hand you notice for a second that it's almost mocking

(02:10:29):
you.
And as you go down to touch it with your finger.
Young you also goes down to touch it with your finger.
You look up before you look at your two friends.
They're standing next to you encouraging you.
You're looking up at all the books and things around you.

(02:10:52):
And you look back down and it's still just holding its finger out waiting.
Touch the button.
I'm gonna touch it.
Alright.
You touch it.
And as you do the color soaks out of the scroll into your finger and it's just turning black

(02:11:15):
and white and then the black and white rushes up your finger and you see coming up your
finger.
Your red gets redder and redder and redder and then black and white and then it goes.
You turn your arm around and it's going up your blood veins and you're following it all
the way up your blood veins and then it goes into your mind and you have this sudden realization

(02:11:37):
and feeling of being whole again.
Like everything you've been missing this whole time you're completely whole.
Your childhood self is now yourself.
You realize that the younger tiefling was indeed your younger sister.
The memories come back to you.
The memories of your father literally beating you and pushing you off to the side.

(02:11:58):
Your father was not dumb.
Your father was smart.
Your father was one of the smartest tieflings of all the people in all of the land and it
comes back into your mind and you realize how smart you are and this hag stole all of
that smartness from you.
You look up at the shelf and pull a book down and immediately start reading it and all of
it makes sense to you and then you realize you've read this book before.

(02:12:20):
You've read dozens of these books before.
These are your books.
Is this my house?
No.
But along with your intelligence in the Feywild she took your memories of the books that you
had read and stored them in physical form in her attic.

(02:12:51):
Well fellas, I do believe this is a new dawn in for me.
This is, I can read.
I can write and I have plenty of work that still needs to be done because daddy didn't

(02:13:11):
raise no fool and he will get what's due to him.
Okay cool.
Am I going to be able to find a mic?
Fuck.
Okay cool.
I mean do you really expect them to care?

(02:13:33):
They're used to dumb violet.
They're not used to this.
I don't like the way she talks.
No this is too sexual for me.
Wait, what?
No.
I feel like now she's talking down to me.
Even worse than before but still.

(02:13:53):
Hopstone I would never talk down to you.
During my sweet little pudding pause you'll always be there.
Sounding like something else.
Sam whatever you say.
I will still give you rides and take care of you and protect you as I always have.
Oh Mr. Beauregard I do declare.

(02:14:14):
Ryna listen.
You'll find your lady soon enough.
That's what I'm wondering.
Where is my you know like whole existence for living?
I think we'll find her soon enough.
God damn it.
But you do have your loot that you can always use to communicate with her at any point that

(02:14:35):
you want to.
I know I know I'm being funny right now but I want everybody to know that like my character
is like super sad that Selena's not here.
Like he is down in the fucking dumps because he starts that she might be here.
No.
That's fair.

(02:14:57):
Okay cool.
I guess we can go now.
You guys clean out this room of anything of significance.
You read some books Violet.
Happy that you can read again.
Read some books.
Memories come back to you of your father.
And you guys leave the hags lair.

(02:15:18):
Letting more and more children out as you go.
And by the time you guys leave this place it's desolate.
The scarecrows on the ten shoulders have all been murdered.
The goblins left.
The kids have all been released.
You guys go back to your chariot and head back to the tiny tree to figure out a way
to move on to yawn the next part of the fate wild.

(02:15:43):
And that my friends is where we're going to end it for the night.
Any final words?
How industrious.
I can't wait to like give Bill like a wet willy with a worm on the end of my finger.

(02:16:04):
Like wet willy.
Whaaaaat?
Fuckin love this command.
Who's wood am I making out with?
Yeah a lot of this is wet.
It's out of context.
But anyway we're going to take a couple minutes break and come back out of costume to do a
short rest and talk about what the fuck happened tonight.

(02:16:25):
Thank you all so much for joining us.
If you're watching on YouTube please subscribe.
We're almost to a thousand.
We're working hard on getting there.
Anyone here who is at here with the live if you haven't already subscribed to us on YouTube
please do so because we actually have been recording a lot of skits and other kinds of
fun little reels and stuff that you guys will only be able to view over there.
So I suggest you get over there and follow and subscribe so you don't fucking miss it.

(02:16:47):
And if you're listening on Spotify of course support the show by rating the show.
Now we will be right back in a couple of minutes for a short rest where we're going to talk
about the show and talk about everything the fucking just happened.
While we're on our last break here make sure you get over there and follow Children of Proteus
and if you're on YouTube you can check out their link in our about section there in the
description of the show I mean in the video.
Right we'll be right back and if you want to check out the short rest for yourself if

(02:17:10):
you're watching on YouTube you gotta come to live baby.
We'll be right back everyone here.
Hi future me on YouTube.
Hi Steve.
Hi.
If you have any questions for what the fuck happened tonight or anything else you just
kinda want to say you want us to know save it because we'll be right back in a few minutes
to talk about it.
Let's go.
Is this voice too sexy?

(02:17:31):
Yay!
Nope.
Yeah Cheers Heroes!

(02:18:07):
to control me on TV or just as Kevin
who's later double a month in another world
is that brain for your door.
I can't fucking hold on.
That is right baby.
Come and check us out next Sunday for love death and dice.

(02:18:29):
Will there be too much sexual tension
for anybody to get anything done with violence new voice?
Is the doctor is the darkness inside Dr. Hopps
gonna slowly overcome him and him become the big bad evil guy
and will Reiner finally put on pants?
Find out next Sunday.
I love death and dice.

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