Are You Widow Strong?

In this episode, I talk about the complexity of the phrase "You are so strong" and the varied emotions it can evoke for Widows navigating the grieving process. Initially, it can feel more like a burden than a compliment, especially in the acute stages of grief. 

It's easy to interpret these words as pressure to hide our vulnerability and minimize our pain for the sake of others. However, as time passes, we may come to see this phrase in a more positive light. 

It's not about pretending to be strong; it's about recognizing the courage it takes to face each day without our loved ones. Despite the tears shed and the struggles faced, every step forward is a testament to our strength and resilience. 

So, while we may not always feel strong, we can acknowledge the bravery it takes to keep moving forward on our widow journey. And one day, we may even see ourselves as strong as others perceive us to be.

As always, Widow Your Way ❤️

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's talk about one of my favorite hashtags Widow
Strong and how we feel aboutbeing told how strong we are as
widows.
Now, I have seen this go twodifferent ways and I can
honestly say that I feeldifferently now about this than

(00:20):
I did when my husband had diedback in 2018.
This than I did when my husbandhad died back in 2018.
How can being told you are sostrong be taken as offensive but
also be considered as anaccomplishment?
The difference is the mindsetof the person at the time of

(00:41):
hearing it, of the person at thetime of hearing it and, as a
widow.
In the acute stages of grief,we are mostly angry and feeling
hopeless.
So when someone says you are sostrong, we tend to get offended

(01:04):
by these words and twist theminto something negative and
shameful.
I know because that was also mewhen my husband, tom, first
died.
I certainly did not feel strong.
As a matter of fact, I feltweak and very embarrassed by
that.
By that, these words you are sostrong also make us feel

(01:33):
pressured to be strong, whichactually stops us from being
vulnerable and it stops us fromsharing our true feelings.
Why do we let these words youare so strong hold us back?
Why do we let these words makeus feel ashamed Ashamed to
grieve publicly and share ourtrue feelings?

(01:56):
We could simply reply thank you, but I really don't feel strong
right now.
I feel lost and I'm strugglingto keep it together.
Thank you, but I really don'tfeel strong right now.
I feel lost and I'm strugglingto keep it together.
But no, we stay quiet and wecontinue to minimize our pain

(02:17):
for the sake of disappointingothers.
Now there is a more positive wayto look at the phrase.
You are so strong.
But it doesn't always happenright away.
For me, it took years to acceptthis as positive, and we all

(02:39):
know that it's hard for us, aswidows, to express how we feel
and what we need.
So let's just take a moment tounderstand the perspective of
someone else when they say youare so strong.
There was a time that you neverexperienced a loss tragic

(03:02):
enough to empathize with someoneelse.
You may have also struggledwith the words to pay your
respects or condolences.
You also know what it's like toworry if you're saying the
right thing to someone, even ifit's not pertaining to grief

(03:28):
pertaining to grief.
Even now.
I struggle with talking aboutgrief and death with some people
.
Even I, freeze and have nowords.
But ultimately I feel thatothers are trying their best to
convey their condolences.
Now we can choose to believetheir words are coming from a
place of sympathy and compassion, but even more, I think what

(03:55):
they're telling us is what theysee.
They are telling us what itlooks like from their
perspective.
They see us as widowspretending to be strong, but
what they don't know is it's alla facade.

(04:15):
The words you are so strong canalso just be coming from a
place of admiration.
It can be seen simply as anencouraging statement to keep us
going and nothing more.

(04:36):
But here's the thing Grief has away of transforming us.
It's not about becomingstronger, but rather braver.
When we navigate loss, we'refaced with a journey of courage.
We are stepping into theunknown with each passing day.

(04:57):
Bravery isn't about beingfearless.
It's about acknowledging ourpain and choosing to move
forward despite it.
You may not feel it and you maynot see it, but you are getting
stronger each day.

(05:17):
Every day you wake up afterlosing the love of your life,
you are stronger Every time youmake it through another day.
You are stronger Every time yousmile from a memory of your
person.
You are stronger.
Every time you find a moment ofjoy.

(05:39):
You are stronger.
Every time you shed a tear foryour loss.
You are stronger.
Every time you share your story, you are stronger.
And every day you choose tomove forward, you are stronger.

(06:00):
And one day, my friend, youwill see yourself as strong as I
do, because, after all, love isnot dead, just my husband.