October 21, 2022 • 25 mins
Our pets impact our dating lives in countless ways.
To begin, I share a tragic story of how I adopted a black lab puppy on a whim from a not-so reputable animal shelter in Kansas City years ago. My dad, logically and lovingly asked if I had thought this decision through. I was a young single mom of a 5 year old. Was it really a good idea to add a rambunctious large dog into the mix. He warned me that some men would not want to take all of that on. I answered with... "So be it. Love me, love my dog." He, of course, made a good point thought. Animals do complicate our lives. (In some of the best ways.)
Next, I talk about how some of us end up sharing dogs with our exes. In my case, I asked Lanie's dad for permission to keep his Australian Shepherd, Maggie, around for protection. I also have a friend whose ex bought a dog to appease the kids only to expect her to be the primary caregiver of the dog. (He's not a dog person.) Sharing family pets is a common occurrence. A lot of the time, I think it can be a good thing.
What kind of impression do pets make on our dating profiles? Being a "dog person" or a "cat person" can be divisive. Admittedly, I'm more drawn to men who love dogs.
One complication of pet ownership while single may be meeting potential partners who are allergic or have an aversion to the type of animals we share our home with. Cat allergies are incredibly common, for example. Or, consider how many people feel about pet snakes... I share a story about my brother's cat allergies and another story about hanging out with a snake loving golfer at Mizzou.
How do you feel about sharing a couch or a bed with someone's beloved cat or dog? Both animals can become territorial both of their space and their people. Also, you may find yourself covered in pet hair. How much are you willing to put up with? I tell a story about my puppy, Rip's overnight in the home of a guy I dated.
I only covered a small number of ways our beloved pets can impact our dating lives. I'm not one bit apologetic for loving my baby boy puppy, Rip. I just need to find a man who will love him too.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 57,Love me, love my Dog, as if
dating after divorce, or justlater in life wasn't already
(00:24):
complicated enough.
Here I go, throwing one morething at you to consider, and
that is, how do our pets impactall this stuff, this dating
relationship stuff.
I'm here to tell you, as a prouddog mom, they impact our dating
(00:46):
lives in a lot of importantways,.
So I'm gonna break it all downfor you here in this episode.
And of course, I'm gonna share abunch of my own stories along
the way.
To begin, let's talk about thetitle of this podcast episode.
Love me, Love My Dog.
Well, that came to me as I wasthinking back to after my first
(01:09):
divorce.
About a year after Laney and I,uh, left Wichita, Kansas, moved
into our little rental house inKansas City, my sweet little
alman fudge, blonde Shitzu namedJam.
Um, she died, uh, she was about14 years old.
I'd had her since college.
(01:30):
She lived a long, long sweetteddy bear kind of life.
And after she passed away, Iwent to an local animal shelter.
Not a very well ran animalshelter at that, but I went
there and I was on the hunt fora protector.
(01:51):
I decided that since I lived ina, an area that had recently
experienced a significant amountof crime, that I needed a
watchdog.
And so I wanted a, a big dog.
Uh, I wanted a sweet dog, butone that at least would draw
some awareness that, you know,he probably shouldn't mess with
(02:12):
our house.
So I found this large male blacklab puppy, and I named him
Samuel L.
Jackson because that was thetoughest badass that I could
think of at the moment that wasalso super lovable.
Um, and I adopted him andbrought him home, and I called
my dad and said, Hey, I got anew puppy.
(02:35):
And I'm sure he was thinking,What did you get?
Like a little, you know, Yorkiepoo, uh,, another suit,
uh, another little toy dog.
And I told him, Uh, no, I gotthis like large, you know, gonna
be huge black lab mix.
Um, and my dad immediately waslike, What have you done?
(02:57):
Like, that is such a bigundertaking, high energy, big,
you know,
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Hairy
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Dog.
And he warned me like rightaway, he's like, You know,
you're single.
You're out there trying to meetsomeone, and you just made
things really hard on yourselfbecause there's a
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Lot of
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Guys that don't wanna deal with all
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That.
That's a lot
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Of work that'll turn off a significant amount of
people.
And what do you think I saidback to him?
Well, then he's just not my guy.
I mean, if you love me, you
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Gotta take the whole package.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That included at the time, you know, a
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Four year old
Speaker 1 (03:34):
And
Speaker 2 (03:35):
A big huge black lab puppy.
Obviously
Speaker 1 (03:40):
My dad's concern was completely
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Valid.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
, he's very
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Practical
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And, uh, he's not wrong, right?
But
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Overhear him like a bleeding heart animal lover, in
particular
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Dog lover.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
And didn't wanna hear it.
Nope.
Uh, sometimes if you haven'tgathered, sometimes I make
decisions just based on my heartand not so much with my logical
brain.
This happened to be one of thosetimes.
It was a tragic
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Story actually.
I,
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Um, only had 10 days with Sam, the
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Sweet, huge
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Puppy.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
He had
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Distemper when I adopted him from this
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Questionable shelter
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That is no longer in operation in Kansas City.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
He was
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Very sick.
They told me he had kennel cough, but no, he had distemper.
And it was a big life lesson forme because
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Did make a pretty quick decision after the loss of
my dog.
And
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I probably should have
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Researched a little more, taken a little bit more
time to make a good decision.
I spent, I don't know, maybe$1,500 that I didn't really have
at the time on a
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Poor sick dog that I tried desperately
Speaker 1 (05:01):
To nurse back to health, um, only for him to die.
So nothing like a
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Terribly tragic story to, uh, kick off this supposed
lighthearted,
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know, podcast
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Episode.
But that is the story that had
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Me thinking total
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Heartbreaker of a story.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Um, but you know, it led to something else.
It was
Speaker 2 (05:24):
The Waldo Rapist was
Speaker 1 (05:26):
The crime that was going on in my neighborhood.
I guess Laney was
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Actually closer to six years
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Old.
I think it all occurred in 2010,2011.
This man was a serial rapist inthe very neighborhood, right in
the heart of Kansas City that welived in.
And so after Sam died,
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I actually
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Reached out to Laney's dad, my ex-husband, and
asked him if I could
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Borrow his
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Australian shepherd, Maggie.
Of course, we had shared Lane orshared Laney.
We did share Laney too.
We shared Maggie in our marriage
Speaker 2 (06:00):
For
Speaker 1 (06:01):
About seven years.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
But she was his
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Dog.
Um, he owned her prior to usmeeting, and so thankfully he
was willing, um, and kindly letMaggie stay
Speaker 2 (06:13):
At our house for weeks
Speaker 1 (06:14):
At a time because she gave me a little bit of comfort
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Because
Speaker 1 (06:18):
She, being an Australian shepherd is
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Very protective, very alert, had great
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Ears, and basically
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Paced the house a lot
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Day and night.
And just kind of made me feel a
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Little bit
Speaker 1 (06:34):
More
Speaker 2 (06:34):
At peace
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That, that I had another line of safety in place,
which actually leads me to thinkabout another story of a friend
of mine who
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Shared a dog with
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Her ex-husband for a while.
Now, this is pretty complicatedbecause I, I know that this
happens sometimes.
I mean, can you imagine when twopeople
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Get
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Divorced, one of the parents to appease the children
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Caves?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
You know, we've never had a dog in the family before.
Never wanted a dog in the familyfor the reasons of
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Their,
Speaker 1 (07:12):
You know, another mouth to feed another, another
warm body to
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Take care of
Speaker 1 (07:17):
All of those things.
Busy, busy families often have ahard time keeping up with a dog
on top of everything else.
And in this family dad
Speaker 2 (07:27):
To please the kids got a dog
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And then kind of thrust it upon his ex-wife as,
Oh, the kids love
Speaker 2 (07:36):
This dog.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Why don't we share it?
It can go back and forth betweenthe houses.
Now, I actually think that
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That works really well with
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Existing animals.
I've seen that happen a lot tooin divorce, where you don't have
to make the decision that mom ordad
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Keeps the pets, they just
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Travel back and forth with the kiddos.
I love hearing about thatbecause I think it's a pretty
solid solution for a lot ofpeople to make everyone happy.
And, you know, no one loses thatway and the kids get to be
around their pet, you know, ahundred percent of the time.
But in this case of my friend,it was like, Oh, you know, dad
is not a dog person, but dad has
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Decided
Speaker 1 (08:14):
He's going to own a dog.
But then guess what?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
His ex-wife is
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Actually the ultimate caretaker
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Of the dog
Speaker 1 (08:21):
That she had nothing to do with.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So
Speaker 1 (08:24):
There's another complication.
How about taking care of a dog?
That wasn't even your decisionin the first
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Place.
You are the
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Default, the default,
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Uh, dog
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Mom.
Yeah, this
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Is stuff
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That happens.
I realize I'm kind of all over
Speaker 2 (08:40):
The
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Place, but hang in there with me.
When I first thought of doingthis episode, it was a long time
ago.
Um, and it was when I was onBumble and I found myself
getting really
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Judgy,
Speaker 1 (08:54):
.
Imagine, you know, looking atBumble for hours on end and
getting judgey.
It's kind of comes with the
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Territory.
It's what we all
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Do.
But I found myself
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Really
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Turned off
Speaker 2 (09:09):
By guys who just have
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Cats in their pictures.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
It, it's the
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Truth.
I'm a dog person.
I don't have anything againstcats other than the fact that I
was
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Severely allergic
Speaker 1 (09:22):
To them, um, up until a few
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Years ago.
Uh,
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I avoided them my whole life.
So I've never really bonded witha
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Cat before, I guess.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
And I mean, at the end of the
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Day, I guess I just prefer
Speaker 1 (09:36):
To be with
Speaker 2 (09:37):
A dog guy, a guy that likes dogs.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I don't know.
But
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Have
Speaker 1 (09:43):
You guys been that way too?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
If you are a
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Cat person, does it just warm your
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Heart to see a
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Guy holding a cat and a photo vice versa?
Maybe you're a guy that, um, youknow,
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Has,
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Has a family cat and maybe you see a, a cat cat
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Lady out there, uh, with
Speaker 1 (10:03):
A, with a whole bunch of cats.
And that's a, that's a turn onfor you.
I'm gonna guess.
So I think, I think we allprobably need to consider what
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Our profiles
Speaker 1 (10:12):
And photos and all of that
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Away
Speaker 1 (10:15):
About us.
And if you have
Speaker 2 (10:18):
A cat or a dog that is
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Like a family member to you, do you display it on
your dating profiles or, and ordiscuss it early on when you
meet someone?
I do.
I think it's pretty important.
And I think, you know, it's,it's not that much different.
Kind of funny to say this, it'snot that much different than
(10:41):
kids.
It's really not.
How many kids do
Speaker 2 (10:44):
You have?
How old
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Are they?
What am I in for over here?
You know?
I mean, what if you
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Saw a profile where they had
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Like three
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Cats, two dogs, a para
Speaker 1 (10:55):
To hamster, a
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Pot
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Belly pig, and they own a Lama farm.
Some of you, that's like a dreamcome true,
Speaker 2 (11:03):
But for others of us, yeah, that's
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Props more than we would want to,
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Uh, live
Speaker 1 (11:09):
With, right?
Extreme example.
But you get what I mean.
We all have our preferences, dog
Speaker 2 (11:14):
People, cat people,
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Big animal people,
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Reptile people,
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Whatever.
And it all matters from ourfirst instincts and
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Ideas
Speaker 1 (11:27):
About what that means about a person's personality or
lifestyle to just
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Deal
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Breakers in general, right?
We can all get a little judgy, Iwould think.
But you know, Just in a generalway of taking this topic and
thinking about considerationsthat we should all keep in mind
when we're, you know, thinkingabout how pets impact our dating
lives, I mean, mean there's alot of them.
(11:54):
Think about one of the veryfirst things that comes up.
Okay?
So if you have an aversion or anallergy to a certain type of
animal, would that prevent youfrom, you know, even wanting to
go on a date with someone?
I would say possibly.
So, I mean, if you are severelyallergic to cats and the person
(12:18):
that you met it, you know, is acat person that how far is that
relationship really gonna go?
You know, ask her or him to giveup their cats?
Probably not.
I know people can be allergic todogs as well, dander.
Um, I'm pretty sure there areallergies to like Guinea, Guinea
pigs and hamsters and, andrabbits probably.
(12:40):
I mean, or your kids, right?
You meet somebody, you like'em,but your kid is severely
allergic to an animal that theother person happens to have.
They carry it with them on theirclothing, they come into your
house.
It can be a really big deal.
And I know that it might soundslight or or silly to some of
you who don't have allergies orknow much about it, but it's, it
(13:03):
can just absolutely freakingmake you miserable re havoc make
you really ill actually.
So there's that to consider.
I mean, seriously, my allergytruly did reverse itself.
Um, I went through allergytesting as a child before I
started shots, and then again,um, just a few years ago when I
started taking allergy shotsagain.
(13:25):
And that was one of the onlyallergies that reversed that I'm
no longer allergic to cats.
And apparently that's happenedto my, to my older brother as
well as I was his, um, best,best lady, best woman at his
wedding and gave a speech.
The punchline of, uh, my jokethat I told during my wedding
(13:46):
speech for my big brother was,um, he must really, really love
his wife Leslie, because he hasspent his whole life really
hating cats, like hating cats.
And now my brother, I'm notkidding, sends me videos and
photos of his cats, um, prettyfrequently.
(14:07):
He's a cat lover now.
So I mean, look at that love canovercome mighty obstacles.
Um, but the allergy thing,honestly, he, if he had
allergies to the cats now thathe had as a child, he, he
literally could not live withthem.
Like he has turned downapartments and stuff in the past
(14:28):
, um, because they make himsick.
So I guess, you know, it's agood thing, uh, for both of us,
but for him, for him inparticular, that this cat
allergy reversed.
Okay, so that's oneconsideration, right?
Allergies, just avers.
Maybe, maybe you meet someoneand they're terrified of dogs,
(14:51):
maybe, maybe you have, um, adog, you know, that's has, is of
a breed that has a, a, a badreputation for being aggressive,
um, that can, you know, that cancause concern, um, for some
people, maybe a little bit ofemotional distress.
(15:14):
Um, maybe there's no reason tohave an aversion to your pet at
all.
Like maybe you love snakes.
Hey, I've, I've got a friendwho's a science teacher who has,
um, aquariums full of snakes ina very well controlled room in,
in their home.
And I mean, uh, he has a wifewho thankfully, I think
(15:39):
she kind of adores the snakes,like, I think it's, she's kind
of into it too, but I mean, forsome people they couldn't live
in a house where they knew thatthere was a room full of snakes.
It just would never happen.
So just something, something tokeep an open mind about as
you're out there in the datingworld.
I mean, all of us have ourpreferences and our versions and
(15:59):
our allergies.
So just, you know, one morething to, uh, add to the list.
Oh, the snakes got me thinkingabout another story.
, when I went to schoolat Mizzou, I, I spent some time,
spent some time with this, uh,this guy who lived in a dorm for
athletes, and he was a golferand he actually had a snake in
(16:24):
an aquarium in his dorm room.
And he would take the snake inlike a loose bag or like a
pillow case or something to thedriving range with him.
I'm not kidding.
And the snake, he would let thesnake out in the grass near him
while he was on the drivingrange, and then he'd collect the
(16:44):
snake and take it back to hisroom.
And I spent time in that dormroom hanging out, having fun my
freshman year of college.
And I don't know how I got pastthat, um, but I did.
And that's saying something Iguess young and, okay.
Moving on to something I think alot of us can relate to, and I'm
sure a lot of you haveexperience with.
(17:05):
How about just the differentrules that we have for our pets
in our homes?
This is, you know, obviouslylargely about dogs and cats.
Uh, do you let your cat on yourcouch?
Do, have they scratched holes init?
Do they leave hair all over it?
Does your dogs sleep with you inbed at night?
You know where I'm going withthis?
Um, a lot of us who are singlefind comfort and companionship
(17:29):
and love and affection from ouranimals.
So we are very tight with themand then enters, you know, new
boyfriend, new girlfriend, andare they okay with that?
Um, or would they like us totrain our animals up or, you
know, are there otherconflicting issues?
(17:50):
Um, for instance, at the end ofmy second marriage, my ex and I,
we got a puppy, you know, wedidn't have a baby, but, uh, we
got a puppy and it was a reallyhorrible time to do.
So it was pretty irresponsibleof us as we were in a lot of
turmoil and we were just notwell equipped or it was just a,
yeah, horrible timing to try totrain a puppy.
(18:11):
So this poor dog had a whole tonof issues to begin with, um,
that were incrediblychallenging.
He was yellow lab rescue and,um, he was just a hot mess,
sweetest dog ever.
Not in his fault at all.
Um, I worked with him a lot, butI, I honestly did not make very
(18:32):
good progress with the few withhim in the few months that we
had him.
But one of the things, I wasdefinitely his person.
I was his main caregiver, all ofthat.
I mean, I did a poor job at thetraining, but I tried.
I loved him.
And, um, one of the things thathe started doing that happens
sometimes unfortunately, and Ithink it's bred out of fear,
(18:52):
dogs can become, um, possessiveover their territory, over their
space.
So maybe they'll guard like anarea of the couch and they won't
let any, you know, anyone sit,sit there, uh, because they
consider it to be theirs.
Um, our puppy did that to ourbed at the very end.
Um, when my ex and I weren'tgetting along, I'm gonna guess,
(19:13):
I'm gonna guess that dog couldsense some tension as there was
plenty and he got aggressive andmy puppy, Rory, and I would go
to bed and my ex would come tobed later and he would snarl
growl, show his teeth and try tokeep my, uh, then husband from,
(19:34):
you know, laying in bed.
It was a problem.
People, it was a problem.
Um, and I can imagine that thatkind of stuff on occasion
happens, you know, when a newperson enters.
Um, you know, especially a dog'sspace.
I know cats get pissy,literally, you know, pee on
things, stuff like that.
When, when their, um, when theirterritories, their, their place,
(19:57):
their, you know, their home isintruded upon and invaded by an
outsider.
Um, so, you know, that'ssomething to think about too.
You know, how far are youwilling to go to, um, teach your
old dog new tricks, You know,maybe to not get up on the couch
anymore, or as someone dating,you know, um, someone with pets.
(20:19):
Are you able to get over, youknow, having dog hair on you or
sharing the couch or the bedwith an animal?
It's gonna come up people, Ipromise you it has in my life
for sure.
I mean, Rip and I did one solidovernight, um, with a guy that I
(20:39):
was dating who had a, a small,small, little mopy, fluffy,
sweet little dog and Rip wanted,um, it was female dog and it was
before Rip had been neutered andRip could not leave her alone,
terrified the little dog.
We had to keep him separated forthe night.
(21:00):
Um, the little dog, she didn'teat her dinner.
She was sad and stressed out andconfused, and she was an older
dog too.
So it's like, okay, here's thiscrazy puppy who wants a piece of
her, you know, um, driving hercrazy all night, making her
anxious cuz she was, it was justsuch an unusual set of
circumstances.
(21:20):
And then not only that, butthen, you know, Rip is pretty
well behaved.
He's got quirks, but, um, he'strained well enough.
He, he listens pretty well, um,for the most part.
But we separated the dogsovernight.
And one of the things that RipNaughty Boy did was, um, we had
(21:43):
toys and chew things down on thefloor for him, but, um, within,
I don't know, 30 seconds in themorning when we woke up, he, he
chewed on the baseboard, um, atthe corner of the room and did a
little damage.
Ouch, that sucks.
(22:03):
Um, I felt like.
And I, uh, quickly, you know,got his stuff together and was
like, Okay, time to leave.
Sorry about that.
I mean, what do you do?
I'm not a carpenter.
I'm not a painter.
I mean, I could touch up somepaint on a, on a baseboard, but,
you know, I mean, all I could dowas apologize and, and think to
(22:26):
myself, How in the hell is thisgonna work going forward?
Our dogs can't be in the sameroom together.
I mean, maybe that would've,maybe that would've gone better
after he got fixed.
Probably a little bit.
I don't know.
And I'm sure with more time andexposure to one another, they
probably would've been friendsat some point.
But I definitely did have mydoubts too that the guy I was
(22:50):
dating, although I know he lovedRip, and he loved to play with
him, like, could he likeenvision years with this big
hairy shedding dog when he hadpurposefully himself chosen, uh,
hypoallergenic small dog for hishome, bringing it back to, uh,
the overnight dilemmas when youhave dogs.
(23:11):
My, a friend of mine said onetime, he's like, Man, my dog
kept me out of trouble.
I was like, What do you mean?
And he's like, Well, I can neverstay at happy hour too long,
have too many drinks, or go homewith somebody unexpected or
unplanned because I had to gohome to my dog.
He kept me grounded, he kept mehonest, he kept me, you know,
(23:31):
safe and he helped me make gooddecisions.
And I was like, Man, you know,that is a good way to look at
it.
Our pets really do.
Just to offer one more lens toview relationships through, to
gauge, you know, sustainability,will this work our, our
(23:53):
lifestyles, our beliefs, our,um, attraction, our children,
our finances, our location, andnow our pets.
You know, do they, do they allline up?
I mean, I haven't put togethermy deal breakers episode yet,
but when I do, you betterbelieve our pets will be on that
(24:16):
list because as I said at thebeginning, love me, love my dog.
Rip, that's his name.
For those of you who don't knowRip, like, uh, the big cowboy on
Yellowstone.
And if you listen and want toget to know me a little bit more
(24:36):
personally, make a closeconnection, give me a follow on
Instagram, Stacy, s t a c i e,underscore weer, w i n e r.
I absolutely love to hear fromlisteners, get your opinions,
ideas for shows, hear from you,get to see what your lives are
like, because we are all in thisjourney together.
(24:57):
After all, thank you guys somuch for listening to episode
57.
Love Me, Love My Dog.
And up next episode 58, thiscame from a friend of mine
today, this idea, episode 58.
Coming up next is titled, What'sthe Worst That Could Happen.
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 57,Love me, love my Dog, as if
dating after divorce, or justlater in life wasn't already
(00:24):
complicated enough.
Here I go, throwing one morething at you to consider, and
that is, how do our pets impactall this stuff, this dating
relationship stuff.
I'm here to tell you, as a prouddog mom, they impact our dating
(00:46):
lives in a lot of importantways,
So I'm gonna break it all downfor you here in this episode.
And of course, I'm gonna share abunch of my own stories along
the way.
To begin, let's talk about thetitle of this podcast episode.
Love me, Love My Dog.
Well, that came to me as I wasthinking back to after my first
(01:09):
divorce.
About a year after Laney and I,uh, left Wichita, Kansas, moved
into our little rental house inKansas City, my sweet little
alman fudge, blonde Shitzu namedJam
Um, she died, uh, she was about14 years old.
I'd had her since college.
(01:30):
She lived a long, long sweetteddy bear kind of life.
And after she passed away, Iwent to an local animal shelter.
Not a very well ran animalshelter at that, but I went
there and I was on the hunt fora protector.
(01:51):
I decided that since I lived ina, an area that had recently
experienced a significant amountof crime, that I needed a
watchdog.
And so I wanted a, a big dog.
Uh, I wanted a sweet dog, butone that at least would draw
some awareness that, you know,he probably shouldn't mess with
(02:12):
our house.
So I found this large male blacklab puppy, and I named him
Samuel L.
Jackson because that was thetoughest badass that I could
think of at the moment that wasalso super lovable.
Um, and I adopted him andbrought him home, and I called
my dad and said, Hey, I got anew puppy.
(02:35):
And I'm sure he was thinking,What did you get?
Like a little, you know, Yorkiepoo, uh,
uh, another little toy dog.
And I told him, Uh, no, I gotthis like large, you know, gonna
be huge black lab mix.
Um, and my dad immediately waslike, What have you done?
(02:57):
Like, that is such a bigundertaking, high energy, big,
you know,
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Hairy
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Dog.
And he warned me like rightaway, he's like, You know,
you're single.
You're out there trying to meetsomeone, and you just made
things really hard on yourselfbecause there's a
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Lot of
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Guys that don't wanna deal with all
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That.
That's a lot
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Of work that'll turn off a significant amount of
people.
And what do you think I saidback to him?
Well, then he's just not my guy.
I mean, if you love me, you
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Gotta take the whole package.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That included at the time, you know, a
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Four year old
Speaker 1 (03:34):
And
Speaker 2 (03:35):
A big huge black lab puppy.
Obviously
Speaker 1 (03:40):
My dad's concern was completely
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Valid.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Practical
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And, uh, he's not wrong, right?
But
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Overhear him like a bleeding heart animal lover, in
particular
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Dog lover.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
And didn't wanna hear it.
Nope.
Uh, sometimes if you haven'tgathered, sometimes I make
decisions just based on my heartand not so much with my logical
brain.
This happened to be one of thosetimes.
It was a tragic
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Story actually.
I,
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Um, only had 10 days with Sam, the
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Sweet, huge
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Puppy.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
He had
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Distemper when I adopted him from this
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Questionable shelter
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That is no longer in operation in Kansas City.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
He was
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Very sick.
They told me he had kennel cough, but no, he had distemper.
And it was a big life lesson forme because
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Did make a pretty quick decision after the loss of
my dog.
And
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I probably should have
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Researched a little more, taken a little bit more
time to make a good decision.
I spent, I don't know, maybe$1,500 that I didn't really have
at the time on a
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Poor sick dog that I tried desperately
Speaker 1 (05:01):
To nurse back to health, um, only for him to die.
So nothing like a
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Terribly tragic story to, uh, kick off this supposed
lighthearted,
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know, podcast
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Episode.
But that is the story that had
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Me thinking total
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Heartbreaker of a story.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Um, but you know, it led to something else.
It was
Speaker 2 (05:24):
The Waldo Rapist was
Speaker 1 (05:26):
The crime that was going on in my neighborhood.
I guess Laney was
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Actually closer to six years
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Old.
I think it all occurred in 2010,2011.
This man was a serial rapist inthe very neighborhood, right in
the heart of Kansas City that welived in.
And so after Sam died,
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I actually
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Reached out to Laney's dad, my ex-husband, and
asked him if I could
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Borrow his
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Australian shepherd, Maggie.
Of course, we had shared Lane orshared Laney.
We did share Laney too.
We shared Maggie in our marriage
Speaker 2 (06:00):
For
Speaker 1 (06:01):
About seven years.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
But she was his
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Dog.
Um, he owned her prior to usmeeting, and so thankfully he
was willing, um, and kindly letMaggie stay
Speaker 2 (06:13):
At our house for weeks
Speaker 1 (06:14):
At a time because she gave me a little bit of comfort
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Because
Speaker 1 (06:18):
She, being an Australian shepherd is
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Very protective, very alert, had great
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Ears, and basically
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Paced the house a lot
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Day and night.
And just kind of made me feel a
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Little bit
Speaker 1 (06:34):
More
Speaker 2 (06:34):
At peace
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That, that I had another line of safety in place,
which actually leads me to thinkabout another story of a friend
of mine who
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Shared a dog with
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Her ex-husband for a while.
Now, this is pretty complicatedbecause I, I know that this
happens sometimes.
I mean, can you imagine when twopeople
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Get
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Divorced, one of the parents to appease the children
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Caves?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
You know, we've never had a dog in the family before.
Never wanted a dog in the familyfor the reasons of
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Their,
Speaker 1 (07:12):
You know, another mouth to feed another, another
warm body to
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Take care of
Speaker 1 (07:17):
All of those things.
Busy, busy families often have ahard time keeping up with a dog
on top of everything else.
And in this family dad
Speaker 2 (07:27):
To please the kids got a dog
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And then kind of thrust it upon his ex-wife as,
Oh, the kids love
Speaker 2 (07:36):
This dog.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Why don't we share it?
It can go back and forth betweenthe houses.
Now, I actually think that
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That works really well with
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Existing animals.
I've seen that happen a lot tooin divorce, where you don't have
to make the decision that mom ordad
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Keeps the pets, they just
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Travel back and forth with the kiddos.
I love hearing about thatbecause I think it's a pretty
solid solution for a lot ofpeople to make everyone happy.
And, you know, no one loses thatway and the kids get to be
around their pet, you know, ahundred percent of the time.
But in this case of my friend,it was like, Oh, you know, dad
is not a dog person, but dad has
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Decided
Speaker 1 (08:14):
He's going to own a dog.
But then guess what?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
His ex-wife is
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Actually the ultimate caretaker
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Of the dog
Speaker 1 (08:21):
That she had nothing to do with.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So
Speaker 1 (08:24):
There's another complication.
How about taking care of a dog?
That wasn't even your decisionin the first
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Place.
You are the
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Default, the default,
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Uh, dog
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Mom.
Yeah, this
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Is stuff
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That happens.
I realize I'm kind of all over
Speaker 2 (08:40):
The
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Place, but hang in there with me
When I first thought of doingthis episode, it was a long time
ago.
Um, and it was when I was onBumble and I found myself
getting really
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Judgy,
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Imagine, you know, looking atBumble for hours on end and
getting judgey.
It's kind of comes with the
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Territory.
It's what we all
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Do.
But I found myself
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Really
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Turned off
Speaker 2 (09:09):
By guys who just have
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Cats in their pictures.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
It, it's the
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Truth.
I'm a dog person.
I don't have anything againstcats other than the fact that I
was
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Severely allergic
Speaker 1 (09:22):
To them, um, up until a few
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Years ago.
Uh,
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I avoided them my whole life.
So I've never really bonded witha
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Cat before, I guess.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
And I mean, at the end of the
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Day, I guess I just prefer
Speaker 1 (09:36):
To be with
Speaker 2 (09:37):
A dog guy, a guy that likes dogs.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I don't know.
But
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Have
Speaker 1 (09:43):
You guys been that way too?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
If you are a
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Cat person, does it just warm your
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Heart to see a
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Guy holding a cat and a photo vice versa?
Maybe you're a guy that, um, youknow,
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Has,
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Has a family cat and maybe you see a, a cat cat
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Lady out there, uh, with
Speaker 1 (10:03):
A, with a whole bunch of cats.
And that's a, that's a turn onfor you.
I'm gonna guess.
So I think, I think we allprobably need to consider what
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Our profiles
Speaker 1 (10:12):
And photos and all of that
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Away
Speaker 1 (10:15):
About us.
And if you have
Speaker 2 (10:18):
A cat or a dog that is
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Like a family member to you, do you display it on
your dating profiles or, and ordiscuss it early on when you
meet someone?
I do.
I think it's pretty important.
And I think, you know, it's,it's not that much different.
Kind of funny to say this, it'snot that much different than
(10:41):
kids.
It's really not.
How many kids do
Speaker 2 (10:44):
You have?
How old
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Are they?
What am I in for over here?
You know?
I mean, what if you
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Saw a profile where they had
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Like three
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Cats, two dogs, a para
Speaker 1 (10:55):
To hamster, a
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Pot
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Belly pig, and they own a Lama farm.
Some of you, that's like a dreamcome true,
Speaker 2 (11:03):
But for others of us, yeah, that's
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Props more than we would want to,
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Uh, live
Speaker 1 (11:09):
With, right?
Extreme example.
But you get what I mean.
We all have our preferences, dog
Speaker 2 (11:14):
People, cat people,
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Big animal people,
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Reptile people,
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Whatever.
And it all matters from ourfirst instincts and
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Ideas
Speaker 1 (11:27):
About what that means about a person's personality or
lifestyle to just
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Deal
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Breakers in general, right?
We can all get a little judgy, Iwould think.
But you know, Just in a generalway of taking this topic and
thinking about considerationsthat we should all keep in mind
when we're, you know, thinkingabout how pets impact our dating
lives, I mean, mean there's alot of them.
(11:54):
Think about one of the veryfirst things that comes up.
Okay?
So if you have an aversion or anallergy to a certain type of
animal, would that prevent youfrom, you know, even wanting to
go on a date with someone?
I would say possibly.
So, I mean, if you are severelyallergic to cats and the person
(12:18):
that you met it, you know, is acat person that how far is that
relationship really gonna go?
You know, ask her or him to giveup their cats?
Probably not.
I know people can be allergic todogs as well, dander.
Um, I'm pretty sure there areallergies to like Guinea, Guinea
pigs and hamsters and, andrabbits probably.
(12:40):
I mean, or your kids, right?
You meet somebody, you like'em,but your kid is severely
allergic to an animal that theother person happens to have.
They carry it with them on theirclothing, they come into your
house.
It can be a really big deal.
And I know that it might soundslight or or silly to some of
you who don't have allergies orknow much about it, but it's, it
(13:03):
can just absolutely freakingmake you miserable re havoc make
you really ill actually.
So there's that to consider.
I mean, seriously, my allergytruly did reverse itself.
Um, I went through allergytesting as a child before I
started shots, and then again,um, just a few years ago when I
started taking allergy shotsagain.
(13:25):
And that was one of the onlyallergies that reversed that I'm
no longer allergic to cats.
And apparently that's happenedto my, to my older brother as
well as I was his, um, best,best lady, best woman at his
wedding and gave a speech.
The punchline of, uh, my jokethat I told during my wedding
(13:46):
speech for my big brother was,um, he must really, really love
his wife Leslie, because he hasspent his whole life really
hating cats, like hating cats.
And now my brother, I'm notkidding, sends me videos and
photos of his cats, um, prettyfrequently.
(14:07):
He's a cat lover now.
So I mean, look at that love canovercome mighty obstacles.
Um, but the allergy thing,honestly, he, if he had
allergies to the cats now thathe had as a child, he, he
literally could not live withthem.
Like he has turned downapartments and stuff in the past
(14:28):
, um, because they make himsick.
So I guess, you know, it's agood thing, uh, for both of us,
but for him, for him inparticular, that this cat
allergy reversed.
Okay, so that's oneconsideration, right?
Allergies, just avers.
Maybe, maybe you meet someoneand they're terrified of dogs,
(14:51):
maybe, maybe you have, um, adog, you know, that's has, is of
a breed that has a, a, a badreputation for being aggressive,
um, that can, you know, that cancause concern, um, for some
people, maybe a little bit ofemotional distress.
(15:14):
Um, maybe there's no reason tohave an aversion to your pet at
all.
Like maybe you love snakes.
Hey, I've, I've got a friendwho's a science teacher who has,
um, aquariums full of snakes ina very well controlled room in,
in their home.
And I mean, uh, he has a wifewho thankfully
(15:39):
she kind of adores the snakes,like, I think it's, she's kind
of into it too, but I mean, forsome people they couldn't live
in a house where they knew thatthere was a room full of snakes.
It just would never happen.
So just something, something tokeep an open mind about as
you're out there in the datingworld.
I mean, all of us have ourpreferences and our versions and
(15:59):
our allergies.
So just, you know, one morething to, uh, add to the list.
Oh, the snakes got me thinkingabout another story.
spent some time with this, uh,this guy who lived in a dorm for
athletes, and he was a golferand he actually had a snake in
(16:24):
an aquarium in his dorm room.
And he would take the snake inlike a loose bag or like a
pillow case or something to thedriving range with him.
I'm not kidding.
And the snake, he would let thesnake out in the grass near him
while he was on the drivingrange, and then he'd collect the
(16:44):
snake and take it back to hisroom.
And I spent time in that dormroom hanging out, having fun my
freshman year of college.
And I don't know how I got pastthat, um, but I did.
And that's saying something Iguess young and, okay.
Moving on to something I think alot of us can relate to, and I'm
sure a lot of you haveexperience with.
(17:05):
How about just the differentrules that we have for our pets
in our homes?
This is, you know, obviouslylargely about dogs and cats.
Uh, do you let your cat on yourcouch?
Do, have they scratched holes init?
Do they leave hair all over it?
Does your dogs sleep with you inbed at night?
You know where I'm going withthis?
Um, a lot of us who are singlefind comfort and companionship
(17:29):
and love and affection from ouranimals.
So we are very tight with themand then enters, you know, new
boyfriend, new girlfriend, andare they okay with that?
Um, or would they like us totrain our animals up or, you
know, are there otherconflicting issues?
(17:50):
Um, for instance, at the end ofmy second marriage, my ex and I,
we got a puppy, you know, wedidn't have a baby, but, uh, we
got a puppy and it was a reallyhorrible time to do.
So it was pretty irresponsibleof us as we were in a lot of
turmoil and we were just notwell equipped or it was just a,
yeah, horrible timing to try totrain a puppy.
(18:11):
So this poor dog had a whole tonof issues to begin with, um,
that were incrediblychallenging.
He was yellow lab rescue and,um, he was just a hot mess,
sweetest dog ever.
Not in his fault at all.
Um, I worked with him a lot, butI, I honestly did not make very
(18:32):
good progress with the few withhim in the few months that we
had him.
But one of the things, I wasdefinitely his person.
I was his main caregiver, all ofthat.
I mean, I did a poor job at thetraining, but I tried.
I loved him.
And, um, one of the things thathe started doing that happens
sometimes unfortunately, and Ithink it's bred out of fear,
(18:52):
dogs can become, um, possessiveover their territory, over their
space.
So maybe they'll guard like anarea of the couch and they won't
let any, you know, anyone sit,sit there, uh, because they
consider it to be theirs.
Um, our puppy did that to ourbed at the very end.
Um, when my ex and I weren'tgetting along, I'm gonna guess,
(19:13):
I'm gonna guess that dog couldsense some tension as there was
plenty and he got aggressive andmy puppy, Rory, and I would go
to bed and my ex would come tobed later and he would snarl
growl, show his teeth and try tokeep my, uh, then husband from,
(19:34):
you know, laying in bed.
It was a problem.
People, it was a problem.
Um, and I can imagine that thatkind of stuff on occasion
happens, you know, when a newperson enters.
Um, you know, especially a dog'sspace.
I know cats get pissy,literally, you know, pee on
things, stuff like that.
When, when their, um, when theirterritories, their, their place,
(19:57):
their, you know, their home isintruded upon and invaded by an
outsider.
Um, so, you know, that'ssomething to think about too.
You know, how far are youwilling to go to, um, teach your
old dog new tricks, You know,maybe to not get up on the couch
anymore, or as someone dating,you know, um, someone with pets.
(20:19):
Are you able to get over, youknow, having dog hair on you or
sharing the couch or the bedwith an animal?
It's gonna come up people, Ipromise you it has in my life
for sure.
I mean, Rip and I did one solidovernight, um, with a guy that I
(20:39):
was dating who had a, a small,small, little mopy, fluffy,
sweet little dog and Rip wanted,um, it was female dog and it was
before Rip had been neutered andRip could not leave her alone,
terrified the little dog.
We had to keep him separated forthe night.
(21:00):
Um, the little dog, she didn'teat her dinner.
She was sad and stressed out andconfused, and she was an older
dog too.
So it's like, okay, here's thiscrazy puppy who wants a piece of
her, you know, um, driving hercrazy all night, making her
anxious cuz she was, it was justsuch an unusual set of
circumstances.
(21:20):
And then not only that, butthen, you know, Rip is pretty
well behaved.
He's got quirks, but, um, he'strained well enough.
He, he listens pretty well, um,for the most part.
But we separated the dogsovernight.
And one of the things that RipNaughty Boy did was, um, we had
(21:43):
toys and chew things down on thefloor for him, but, um, within,
I don't know, 30 seconds in themorning when we woke up, he, he
chewed on the baseboard, um, atthe corner of the room and did a
little damage.
Ouch, that sucks.
(22:03):
Um, I felt like.
And I, uh, quickly, you know,got his stuff together and was
like, Okay, time to leave.
Sorry about that.
I mean, what do you do?
I'm not a carpenter.
I'm not a painter.
I mean, I could touch up somepaint on a, on a baseboard, but,
you know, I mean, all I could dowas apologize and, and think to
(22:26):
myself, How in the hell is thisgonna work going forward?
Our dogs can't be in the sameroom together.
I mean, maybe that would've,maybe that would've gone better
after he got fixed.
Probably a little bit.
I don't know.
And I'm sure with more time andexposure to one another, they
probably would've been friendsat some point.
But I definitely did have mydoubts too that the guy I was
(22:50):
dating, although I know he lovedRip, and he loved to play with
him, like, could he likeenvision years with this big
hairy shedding dog when he hadpurposefully himself chosen, uh,
hypoallergenic small dog for hishome, bringing it back to, uh,
the overnight dilemmas when youhave dogs.
(23:11):
My, a friend of mine said onetime, he's like, Man, my dog
kept me out of trouble.
I was like, What do you mean?
And he's like, Well, I can neverstay at happy hour too long,
have too many drinks, or go homewith somebody unexpected or
unplanned because I had to gohome to my dog.
He kept me grounded, he kept mehonest, he kept me, you know,
(23:31):
safe and he helped me make gooddecisions.
And I was like, Man, you know,that is a good way to look at
it.
Our pets really do.
Just to offer one more lens toview relationships through, to
gauge, you know, sustainability,will this work our, our
(23:53):
lifestyles, our beliefs, our,um, attraction, our children,
our finances, our location, andnow our pets.
You know, do they, do they allline up?
I mean, I haven't put togethermy deal breakers episode yet,
but when I do, you betterbelieve our pets will be on that
(24:16):
list because as I said at thebeginning, love me, love my dog.
Rip
For those of you who don't knowRip, like, uh, the big cowboy on
Yellowstone.
And if you listen and want toget to know me a little bit more
(24:36):
personally, make a closeconnection, give me a follow on
Instagram, Stacy, s t a c i e,underscore weer, w i n e r.
I absolutely love to hear fromlisteners, get your opinions,
ideas for shows, hear from you,get to see what your lives are
like, because we are all in thisjourney together.
(24:57):
After all, thank you guys somuch for listening to episode
57.
Love Me, Love My Dog.
And up next episode 58, thiscame from a friend of mine
today, this idea, episode 58.
Coming up next is titled, What'sthe Worst That Could Happen.
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