February 25, 2022 • 20 mins
I'm often asked if I'm scared to grow old and die alone? My answer is always "NO!". A huge source of my peacefulness and optimism for my future is my faith.
This is an inclusive podcast, so if you believe in any higher power, I hope it resonates with you too.
I believe in love. I believe that God has chosen a compatible match for me. I am patient. I will not settle for a relationship that is not a good match. That wouldn't be fair for either of us.
In this episode, I share how my faith has provided me with strength, hope, and courage throughout my divorce and time as a single person. I walk in faith every day and am never alone because God is always there. I challenge you to think about your faith and how it can transform your outlook on life.
I share a powerful story from my stepdad, Barry. His story make a firm point that we must first find forgiveness, healing, and work on ourselves before we can be a good partner for someone else. Skipping this step will likely lead to more heartache for everyone involved.
Admittedly, I've made plenty of bad decisions in life. I've made bad choices that have led to a lot of pain. I'm still learning, seeking forgiveness, and developing myself into a better person.
Lastly, I share another wise lesson from Barry about what he calls "The big lie". "The big lie" is what we tell ourselves and others... "I'll be more fit. I'll be a better parent. I'll be more responsible with money. I'll be sober .... ONCE I'm in a relationship or IF I find a partner. I've lived this big lie and I bet a lot of you have too.
I hope that this podcast makes you think. I hope you examine how your faith can bring you more hope, more peace, and more optimism.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
transparently share my datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacy weer, andyou are listening to episode 43.
I've gotta have faith.
I am often asked by married andsingle people alike.
(00:25):
Stacy, are you worried aboutyour future as a single woman?
Are you scared that you aregoing to grow old and die alone?
I'm laughing because here's thedeal.
I'm not scared.
That's always my answer.
(00:45):
I'm content.
I'm happy in my aloneness.
And I'm optimistic that I'llfind love again.
One day after a lot ofself-reflection, I've determined
that a good piece of my attitudeand outlook on life is directly
related to my faith.
I am a Christian.
And in this episode, I'm goingto explore the influence.
(01:07):
I believe God has on me as asingle person, and I'm going to
share some stories, some wisdomthat my stepdad Barry has shared
with me over the past few years.
And I want to make you think,how does your faith impact or
decisions your feelings aboutyour future?
This is an inclusive podcast andthere's no judgment here.
(01:32):
If you believe in karma, Buddha,ALA the universe, anything
higher than yourself, thesestories I hope will resonate
with you too.
After all the definition offaith is complete trust or
confidence in someone orsomething.
(01:54):
In my case, it's God.
I believe in love.
I believe that God knows thatthere is someone out there that
he has chosen for me to be myequal, a compatible match for me
to one day share life with nowI'm patient dare I say, I am
(02:17):
pragmatic.
When it comes to this topic, Iwon't settle for a relationship
with someone who is, isn't agood, healthy match.
That wouldn't be fair for eitherof us.
Wouldn't, it's very painful forme to hear other friends talking
about dating relationships thatthey're in since their divorces
(02:39):
with people that they don'ttrust people who cheat on them,
people don't prioritize them ortreat them well.
They found themselves makingexcuses to stay in the
relationship, to put up with it,to hope that things take a turn,
things will improve.
Things will, things will getbetter over time, but they're
(03:02):
staying with these boyfriendsand these girlfriends in my
opinion, because they wouldrather fill the hole in their
heart with someone than bealone.
This may very well be the firsttest of faith.
The we encounter after divorce.
(03:23):
It's the test of being alone.
Do you walk every day in theworld alone or do you have a
faith that walks along besideyou?
For me?
I walk in my Christian faithevery day.
(03:44):
I'm a total SAP and I'm tearingup just reading the lyrics of
one of my very favorite hymnalsfrom the church that I grew up
in.
Some of you will know it it'soften called in the garden, or
he walks with me when I Googledit just now so that I could see
the lyrics again.
I noticed that Merle Haggard hasa version out.
(04:07):
I don't even know if I've everheard it, but I bet it's a
really good one.
Um, I'll listen to it after I'mdone with this, but the lyrics.
And if you know them, you'realready singing them in your
head.
And he walks with me and hetalks with me and he tells me I
am his own.
And the joy we share as we Terrythere, none other has ever known
(04:30):
this was played at mygrandmother's funeral.
And that's part of why I'mfalling apart right now.
But it's also a really strongpoint for all of you.
I don't feel a alone for a lotof reasons.
I talk a lot about how close Iam with my daughter, with my
(04:50):
parents, with my brother, withmy family.
I have this wonderful network ofsupportive friends.
That's all true.
But even if I did not have anyof them and I was in total
isolation, I would still haveGod.
(05:11):
That's the difference that faithmakes in someone's life.
Again, if it's God, if it's theuniverse, if it's Buddha, aah,
what ever your faith is in.
If you have that, you know whatI mean?
Because you are not aloneeither, right?
(05:31):
So full disclosure.
If any of you haven't listenedto much of this podcast before
I've made my fair share of poorchoices over the, over the
course of my life, I've been aplenty of what I would call
toxic relationships.
I have had casual sex on randomdates with random guys.
(05:55):
I have made some poor decisionsand I own all of that.
And I am growing and I am tryingto make better decisions and I'm
getting there guys, and I'mgonna bridge over to a story
that was shared with me by mystepdad, whom I love and talk
(06:19):
about life and love and God andrelationships with all the time.
You see my mom likes to sleep ina lot and this affords my, my
stepdad, Barry and I, a lot oftime to talk over coffee while
she's snoozing away.
And we have four, quite afriendship over the course of
(06:40):
their 10 year marriage, which bythe way, they met on a dating
app in their mid fifties people.
So see there is faith and hopefor all of us, but in keeping
with this message of faith, I amgoing to read to you, um, an
email that was shared, sharedwith me by my stepdad, Barry,
(07:02):
after a conversation that we hadhad.
So these are Barry's words, andI'm going to try to do them
justice to give a littlecontext.
Barry is referring in this emailto a men's group that he
begrudging joined at a churchafter, um, an ended
relationship.
(07:24):
So now you may be able to followwhere I'm going.
Okay?
So I'm gonna read, I'm gonnaread part of this.
The Barry says, I believe Goddoes not intend for us to
navigate through this worldalone.
That being said, he also caresfor your partner as much as he
cares for you.
One of my favorite memories fromour men's group is related to
(07:45):
this topic.
Part of why I continued to go tothe classes was because there
were no facades.
Everyone was honest.
Sometimes brutally honest, therewas a guy in our group that was
just dragging.
He was so desperate that youalmost had to scrape him up off
the floor.
His wife, maybe his girlfriendhad left him and he wasn't
coping at all.
(08:05):
I'm sure he was in constantprayer asking for God to find
him a partner.
He said to the group, I justdon't understand why God won't
help me find someone I'mguessing he was expecting
sympathy or pity, but that's notwhat happened.
Instead.
One of the guys in the groupjust blurted out because you're
a mess.
God cares about her too.
(08:26):
He's not going to dump all ofyour problems on your next
girlfriend, fix yourself.
And he'll help you.
Barry goes on to say thatresponse did not include much
grace, but it sure included alot of truth.
It's really important.
And to remember this, yes, Godloves you and forgives you, but
he also loves your partner.
If you are alone, because youare caught cheating, have
(08:47):
addictions of all kinds, angerissues.
The list is endless.
God, isn't just going to passthose problems to someone else.
He wants you to get better.
One thing that is absolutelytrue.
You may find a new partnerwithout working on any of these
issues, but it's you doing it?
Not God.
You can bet this relationshipwill fail.
(09:08):
Just like the last one.
If you ask God to forgive youfor your past mistakes, but you
make no effort, stop makingthose mistakes, you can bet
history will repeat itself.
Wow.
Um, that's pretty profound.
I love that point.
That God cares about yourpartner too.
(09:29):
Hey, maybe it's not all justabout us right now.
This is the work that I about somuch on this podcast.
I'm over here doing the workpeople I'm over here growing I'm
on this journey.
I mean, like I say, these wordsall the time on this podcast,
because I live it, I'm literallytrying every day to be a better
(09:49):
version of myself, to be abetter person, to understand why
I, I am the way I am so that Ican be happy in my aloneness so
that I can be, um, kind andopenhearted and successful in my
job and, and things like that.
(10:11):
But I, I also do want to be agood partner for someone else
down the road.
And I recognize that I have awhole lot of hurt to heal.
I have a whole lot of tendenciesand ways that I behave, um,
within relationships that I needto work on.
So maybe this little example,this little story from Barry's
(10:34):
men's group resonates with youtoo.
I hope so.
The next point is a reallystrong one that I'm going to
make along here with Barry.
I'm gonna read some more, um, ofhis email, but you know, I talk
a lot about, I've even said itin like trailers for this
podcast, like enjoy your liferight now as it, it is right
(10:58):
now.
Well, why do you think I saythat?
I mean, this is our reality.
I am a 44 year old single mom.
I have a life to live.
I have dreams.
I have things that I wannaprovide for my daughter.
I have experie that I'm notgonna wait to, to do with a
(11:21):
partner someday.
I mean, maybe if I'm lucky, I'llget to do some of this stuff
again, but you see what I mean?
Like life is for living it'sit's not for holding out it's,
you know, you know, from the,from the standpoint yes.
Of learning and growing, justlike Barry's example was all
about, but also just for living,like don't hit pause just
(11:47):
because you haven't found yourperson yet.
Okay.
Time to share time to share moreBarry wisdom with you.
So I'm gonna read from thisemail again.
So Barry says he has anotherpoint that he wants to make.
He wants to be really, reallyclear that he's not judging
anyone, but it would be lessthan honest.
If he didn't say it, he says, wetend to all believe the same big
(12:10):
lie.
We tell ourselves that if we hadpartner, we would be different.
I would work harder.
I would go to the gym.
I would quit drinking or smokingor doing drugs.
I would spend my money moreresponsibly.
I would be nicer to the kids.
I'd be a better parent that,that, you know, the list is
endless.
So he says, you were justkidding yourself.
(12:30):
If you think that will change,just because you have a partner,
he says, address your issues.
Now you do it.
You own it.
I'm not suggesting you need tolive a perfect life.
None of us will ever do that.
But if you do an honestexamination of yourself, you
know, where the changes need tobe made people that get better
(12:51):
and find some peace andhappiness have discovered that
it is a big lie and have donesomething about it.
He goes on to say that you seeexamples of this big lie while
couples are struggling, butstill together, can you relate
to this?
This is a rhetorical question tome.
The wife is set a very nece, uh,necessary boundary because her
(13:12):
husband is drinking too muchdriving while intoxicated.
He's referring to my secondmarriage.
She makes it clear that she isleaving.
If he doesn't stop, the firstresponse is always denial.
But when they realize you areserious, then they agree to it.
But they only agree to do it.
If you stay it's a lie, they arestill drinking.
(13:37):
So you leave, what do they say?
If you come back, I'll quitdrinking.
How often have you heard?
If you come back, I won't hurtyou anymore.
We all know what usuallyhappens.
So that obviously strikes accordwith me.
That is the exact thing thathappened.
(13:58):
That was the ultimatum at theend of my second marriage.
And it is a big lie and itsucks.
Okay.
So I'll keep going.
So he says, I want to cautionyour listeners to think about
the big lie from bothperspectives.
This is where it gets differentpeople.
He says, do some self-reflectionand take advantage of your time
alone.
(14:18):
It will pay major dividends inyour next relationship, but also
be very careful in your nextrelationship to make sure you
are not part of their big lie.
Many single people have nodesire to do any self
improvement.
They just want another partnerto continue their whole harm,
harmful lifestyle with pleasedon't be that partner.
(14:44):
Does that make sense?
If we don't do the work onourselves, we are just going to
hurt someone else.
And if we choose to be in arelationship with someone else
who doesn't, who hasn't done thework, then they will likely
leave us brokenhearted or hurtor in a bad unhealthy
(15:07):
relationship.
You guys, this is, this is whereit's at.
This is the hard stuff.
This is part of the complicationof dating later in life, because
we are a sum of all of ourexperiences.
It's not baggage, we're notbroken.
We're not used, we're notdamaged goods.
(15:31):
We're all just people trying,trying to get through life.
And I really, really do believethat faith has served me well in
this journey.
My faith gave me a lot ofstrength that I didn't know I
(15:51):
had at the end of my marriage.
It gave me the strength to behonest, to be bold, to carve a
new path for my daughter.
And for me gave me a whole lotof peace and comfort during a
really, really sad time.
(16:14):
My faith made me brave.
I tapped into pieces of my heartand soul that had been
suppressed for a long time.
I started writing.
I started sharing my thoughts onthis podcast with people across
the globe that I don't know meanthat's faith.
I dad doing this on my own.
(16:36):
This isn't just Stacy talkingover here.
Uh, no, I promise you that Godis working through me to try to
help other people in this smalllittle way through this little
silly podcast of mine.
And it's also opened the doorand it's created opportunity for
(16:59):
me to tap into my loved ones andfriends to share stuff with you
guys, too, with that being said,I'm going to share just a
little, a couple of thoughtsthat, that Barry left me with in
, in a different email.
He said that he wants thelisteners of my podcast to know
they are not condemned becauseof past mistakes.
I know they don't all share abelief in God, but I'm hoping
(17:21):
that they might be convinced andinspired to put their faith as a
higher priority.
I want them to be brave anddetermine what they really
believe.
My hope is.
They will discover.
There really is a God.
And he is standing there withhis arms open saying, come on,
try it again.
I don't condemn you.
(17:41):
I love you.
So I'm gonna circle back to howI opened this podcast up.
Why am I happy in my aloneness?
Why am I optimistic that my lifeis gonna turn out just fine?
I mean, I maybe have beenmarried and divorced twice and I
might be in my mid forties now,but I'm not scared.
(18:06):
I'm not scared because I have,and I truly do think that that
is what separates me and myoutlook on life in comparison to
others who might feel moredespair and might be more
pessimistic about what theirfuture looks like.
(18:29):
I think faith is a game changerand I think it is up for grabs
and anyone can develop it.
You just gotta have faith.
Mm oh, this is just the tip ofthe iceberg.
This is just the tip of theiceberg.
I've saved some really goodstuff for a separate podcast.
(18:50):
I just think it's a lot todigest and it's a lot to think
about and it's kind of heavy.
So I'd love to hear yourfeedback on this.
And in the future, I have morestories from Barry to share, um,
that I hope make you really divedeep.
Like, like I have, it's been alittle bit challenging as you
(19:12):
can probably tell as I'vemuddled my way through this
podcast, reading from emailsand, and going back to trying to
discuss it.
But I, I think that there is alot to be learned from other
people who have been throughthis stuff.
And Barry has, um, walked thewalk and talk the talk.
And it's why I relate to him sowell, because he has lived a lot
(19:38):
of the, um, feelings, emotions,and experiences that I am still
going through.
So I don't wanna keep thesevaluable lessons to myself.
I want to share them with mypeople, with my friends.
So, um, hopefully you're up formore because, uh, the episodes
(19:59):
are coming.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Thank you all so much forlistening to episode 43, I've
gotta have faith.
If you are enjoying the show,please do share it with your
friends, your coworkers, yourloved ones, anyone who is single
later in life, who could use alittle more joy.
(20:19):
And if you haven't already,please do give me a rating on
Spotify or apple.
It simply just helps to grow theshow.
And I am trying really hard overare here to build a community of
people who are happy in theirsingle lives as they are right
(20:40):
now.
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
transparently share my datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacy weer, andyou are listening to episode 43.
I've gotta have faith.
I am often asked by married andsingle people alike.
(00:25):
Stacy, are you worried aboutyour future as a single woman?
Are you scared that you aregoing to grow old and die alone?
I'm laughing because here's thedeal.
I'm not scared.
That's always my answer.
(00:45):
I'm content.
I'm happy in my aloneness.
And I'm optimistic that I'llfind love again.
One day after a lot ofself-reflection, I've determined
that a good piece of my attitudeand outlook on life is directly
related to my faith.
I am a Christian.
And in this episode, I'm goingto explore the influence.
(01:07):
I believe God has on me as asingle person, and I'm going to
share some stories, some wisdomthat my stepdad Barry has shared
with me over the past few years.
And I want to make you think,how does your faith impact or
decisions your feelings aboutyour future?
This is an inclusive podcast andthere's no judgment here.
(01:32):
If you believe in karma, Buddha,ALA the universe, anything
higher than yourself, thesestories I hope will resonate
with you too.
After all the definition offaith is complete trust or
confidence in someone orsomething.
(01:54):
In my case, it's God.
I believe in love.
I believe that God knows thatthere is someone out there that
he has chosen for me to be myequal, a compatible match for me
to one day share life with nowI'm patient dare I say, I am
(02:17):
pragmatic.
When it comes to this topic, Iwon't settle for a relationship
with someone who is, isn't agood, healthy match.
That wouldn't be fair for eitherof us.
Wouldn't, it's very painful forme to hear other friends talking
about dating relationships thatthey're in since their divorces
(02:39):
with people that they don'ttrust people who cheat on them,
people don't prioritize them ortreat them well.
They found themselves makingexcuses to stay in the
relationship, to put up with it,to hope that things take a turn,
things will improve.
Things will, things will getbetter over time, but they're
(03:02):
staying with these boyfriendsand these girlfriends in my
opinion, because they wouldrather fill the hole in their
heart with someone than bealone.
This may very well be the firsttest of faith.
The we encounter after divorce.
(03:23):
It's the test of being alone.
Do you walk every day in theworld alone or do you have a
faith that walks along besideyou?
For me?
I walk in my Christian faithevery day.
(03:44):
I'm a total SAP and I'm tearingup just reading the lyrics of
one of my very favorite hymnalsfrom the church that I grew up
in.
Some of you will know it it'soften called in the garden, or
he walks with me when I Googledit just now so that I could see
the lyrics again.
I noticed that Merle Haggard hasa version out.
(04:07):
I don't even know if I've everheard it, but I bet it's a
really good one.
Um, I'll listen to it after I'mdone with this, but the lyrics.
And if you know them, you'realready singing them in your
head.
And he walks with me and hetalks with me and he tells me I
am his own.
And the joy we share as we Terrythere, none other has ever known
(04:30):
this was played at mygrandmother's funeral.
And that's part of why I'mfalling apart right now.
But it's also a really strongpoint for all of you.
I don't feel a alone for a lotof reasons.
I talk a lot about how close Iam with my daughter, with my
(04:50):
parents, with my brother, withmy family.
I have this wonderful network ofsupportive friends.
That's all true.
But even if I did not have anyof them and I was in total
isolation, I would still haveGod.
(05:11):
That's the difference that faithmakes in someone's life.
Again, if it's God, if it's theuniverse, if it's Buddha, aah,
what ever your faith is in.
If you have that, you know whatI mean?
Because you are not aloneeither, right?
(05:31):
So full disclosure.
If any of you haven't listenedto much of this podcast before
I've made my fair share of poorchoices over the, over the
course of my life, I've been aplenty of what I would call
toxic relationships.
I have had casual sex on randomdates with random guys.
(05:55):
I have made some poor decisionsand I own all of that.
And I am growing and I am tryingto make better decisions and I'm
getting there guys, and I'mgonna bridge over to a story
that was shared with me by mystepdad, whom I love and talk
(06:19):
about life and love and God andrelationships with all the time.
You see my mom likes to sleep ina lot and this affords my, my
stepdad, Barry and I, a lot oftime to talk over coffee while
she's snoozing away.
And we have four, quite afriendship over the course of
(06:40):
their 10 year marriage, which bythe way, they met on a dating
app in their mid fifties people.
So see there is faith and hopefor all of us, but in keeping
with this message of faith, I amgoing to read to you, um, an
email that was shared, sharedwith me by my stepdad, Barry,
(07:02):
after a conversation that we hadhad.
So these are Barry's words, andI'm going to try to do them
justice to give a littlecontext.
Barry is referring in this emailto a men's group that he
begrudging joined at a churchafter, um, an ended
relationship.
(07:24):
So now you may be able to followwhere I'm going.
Okay?
So I'm gonna read, I'm gonnaread part of this.
The Barry says, I believe Goddoes not intend for us to
navigate through this worldalone.
That being said, he also caresfor your partner as much as he
cares for you.
One of my favorite memories fromour men's group is related to
(07:45):
this topic.
Part of why I continued to go tothe classes was because there
were no facades.
Everyone was honest.
Sometimes brutally honest, therewas a guy in our group that was
just dragging.
He was so desperate that youalmost had to scrape him up off
the floor.
His wife, maybe his girlfriendhad left him and he wasn't
coping at all.
(08:05):
I'm sure he was in constantprayer asking for God to find
him a partner.
He said to the group, I justdon't understand why God won't
help me find someone I'mguessing he was expecting
sympathy or pity, but that's notwhat happened.
Instead.
One of the guys in the groupjust blurted out because you're
a mess.
God cares about her too.
(08:26):
He's not going to dump all ofyour problems on your next
girlfriend, fix yourself.
And he'll help you.
Barry goes on to say thatresponse did not include much
grace, but it sure included alot of truth.
It's really important.
And to remember this, yes, Godloves you and forgives you, but
he also loves your partner.
If you are alone, because youare caught cheating, have
(08:47):
addictions of all kinds, angerissues.
The list is endless.
God, isn't just going to passthose problems to someone else.
He wants you to get better.
One thing that is absolutelytrue.
You may find a new partnerwithout working on any of these
issues, but it's you doing it?
Not God.
You can bet this relationshipwill fail.
(09:08):
Just like the last one.
If you ask God to forgive youfor your past mistakes, but you
make no effort, stop makingthose mistakes, you can bet
history will repeat itself.
Wow.
Um, that's pretty profound.
I love that point.
That God cares about yourpartner too.
(09:29):
Hey, maybe it's not all justabout us right now.
This is the work that I about somuch on this podcast.
I'm over here doing the workpeople I'm over here growing I'm
on this journey.
I mean, like I say, these wordsall the time on this podcast,
because I live it, I'm literallytrying every day to be a better
(09:49):
version of myself, to be abetter person, to understand why
I, I am the way I am so that Ican be happy in my aloneness so
that I can be, um, kind andopenhearted and successful in my
job and, and things like that.
(10:11):
But I, I also do want to be agood partner for someone else
down the road.
And I recognize that I have awhole lot of hurt to heal.
I have a whole lot of tendenciesand ways that I behave, um,
within relationships that I needto work on.
So maybe this little example,this little story from Barry's
(10:34):
men's group resonates with youtoo.
I hope so.
The next point is a reallystrong one that I'm going to
make along here with Barry.
I'm gonna read some more, um, ofhis email, but you know, I talk
a lot about, I've even said itin like trailers for this
podcast, like enjoy your liferight now as it, it is right
(10:58):
now.
Well, why do you think I saythat?
I mean, this is our reality.
I am a 44 year old single mom.
I have a life to live.
I have dreams.
I have things that I wannaprovide for my daughter.
I have experie that I'm notgonna wait to, to do with a
(11:21):
partner someday.
I mean, maybe if I'm lucky, I'llget to do some of this stuff
again, but you see what I mean?
Like life is for living it'sit's not for holding out it's,
you know, you know, from the,from the standpoint yes.
Of learning and growing, justlike Barry's example was all
about, but also just for living,like don't hit pause just
(11:47):
because you haven't found yourperson yet.
Okay.
Time to share time to share moreBarry wisdom with you.
So I'm gonna read from thisemail again.
So Barry says he has anotherpoint that he wants to make.
He wants to be really, reallyclear that he's not judging
anyone, but it would be lessthan honest.
If he didn't say it, he says, wetend to all believe the same big
(12:10):
lie.
We tell ourselves that if we hadpartner, we would be different.
I would work harder.
I would go to the gym.
I would quit drinking or smokingor doing drugs.
I would spend my money moreresponsibly.
I would be nicer to the kids.
I'd be a better parent that,that, you know, the list is
endless.
So he says, you were justkidding yourself.
(12:30):
If you think that will change,just because you have a partner,
he says, address your issues.
Now you do it.
You own it.
I'm not suggesting you need tolive a perfect life.
None of us will ever do that.
But if you do an honestexamination of yourself, you
know, where the changes need tobe made people that get better
(12:51):
and find some peace andhappiness have discovered that
it is a big lie and have donesomething about it.
He goes on to say that you seeexamples of this big lie while
couples are struggling, butstill together, can you relate
to this?
This is a rhetorical question tome.
The wife is set a very nece, uh,necessary boundary because her
(13:12):
husband is drinking too muchdriving while intoxicated.
He's referring to my secondmarriage.
She makes it clear that she isleaving.
If he doesn't stop, the firstresponse is always denial.
But when they realize you areserious, then they agree to it.
But they only agree to do it.
If you stay it's a lie, they arestill drinking.
(13:37):
So you leave, what do they say?
If you come back, I'll quitdrinking.
How often have you heard?
If you come back, I won't hurtyou anymore.
We all know what usuallyhappens.
So that obviously strikes accordwith me.
That is the exact thing thathappened.
(13:58):
That was the ultimatum at theend of my second marriage.
And it is a big lie and itsucks.
Okay.
So I'll keep going.
So he says, I want to cautionyour listeners to think about
the big lie from bothperspectives.
This is where it gets differentpeople.
He says, do some self-reflectionand take advantage of your time
alone.
(14:18):
It will pay major dividends inyour next relationship, but also
be very careful in your nextrelationship to make sure you
are not part of their big lie.
Many single people have nodesire to do any self
improvement.
They just want another partnerto continue their whole harm,
harmful lifestyle with pleasedon't be that partner.
(14:44):
Does that make sense?
If we don't do the work onourselves, we are just going to
hurt someone else.
And if we choose to be in arelationship with someone else
who doesn't, who hasn't done thework, then they will likely
leave us brokenhearted or hurtor in a bad unhealthy
(15:07):
relationship.
You guys, this is, this is whereit's at.
This is the hard stuff.
This is part of the complicationof dating later in life, because
we are a sum of all of ourexperiences.
It's not baggage, we're notbroken.
We're not used, we're notdamaged goods.
(15:31):
We're all just people trying,trying to get through life.
And I really, really do believethat faith has served me well in
this journey.
My faith gave me a lot ofstrength that I didn't know I
(15:51):
had at the end of my marriage.
It gave me the strength to behonest, to be bold, to carve a
new path for my daughter.
And for me gave me a whole lotof peace and comfort during a
really, really sad time.
(16:14):
My faith made me brave.
I tapped into pieces of my heartand soul that had been
suppressed for a long time.
I started writing.
I started sharing my thoughts onthis podcast with people across
the globe that I don't know meanthat's faith.
I dad doing this on my own.
(16:36):
This isn't just Stacy talkingover here.
Uh, no, I promise you that Godis working through me to try to
help other people in this smalllittle way through this little
silly podcast of mine.
And it's also opened the doorand it's created opportunity for
(16:59):
me to tap into my loved ones andfriends to share stuff with you
guys, too, with that being said,I'm going to share just a
little, a couple of thoughtsthat, that Barry left me with in
, in a different email.
He said that he wants thelisteners of my podcast to know
they are not condemned becauseof past mistakes.
I know they don't all share abelief in God, but I'm hoping
(17:21):
that they might be convinced andinspired to put their faith as a
higher priority.
I want them to be brave anddetermine what they really
believe.
My hope is.
They will discover.
There really is a God.
And he is standing there withhis arms open saying, come on,
try it again.
I don't condemn you.
(17:41):
I love you.
So I'm gonna circle back to howI opened this podcast up.
Why am I happy in my aloneness?
Why am I optimistic that my lifeis gonna turn out just fine?
I mean, I maybe have beenmarried and divorced twice and I
might be in my mid forties now,but I'm not scared.
(18:06):
I'm not scared because I have,and I truly do think that that
is what separates me and myoutlook on life in comparison to
others who might feel moredespair and might be more
pessimistic about what theirfuture looks like.
(18:29):
I think faith is a game changerand I think it is up for grabs
and anyone can develop it.
You just gotta have faith.
Mm oh, this is just the tip ofthe iceberg.
This is just the tip of theiceberg.
I've saved some really goodstuff for a separate podcast.
(18:50):
I just think it's a lot todigest and it's a lot to think
about and it's kind of heavy.
So I'd love to hear yourfeedback on this.
And in the future, I have morestories from Barry to share, um,
that I hope make you really divedeep.
Like, like I have, it's been alittle bit challenging as you
(19:12):
can probably tell as I'vemuddled my way through this
podcast, reading from emailsand, and going back to trying to
discuss it.
But I, I think that there is alot to be learned from other
people who have been throughthis stuff.
And Barry has, um, walked thewalk and talk the talk.
And it's why I relate to him sowell, because he has lived a lot
(19:38):
of the, um, feelings, emotions,and experiences that I am still
going through.
So I don't wanna keep thesevaluable lessons to myself.
I want to share them with mypeople, with my friends.
So, um, hopefully you're up formore because, uh, the episodes
(19:59):
are coming.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Thank you all so much forlistening to episode 43, I've
gotta have faith.
If you are enjoying the show,please do share it with your
friends, your coworkers, yourloved ones, anyone who is single
later in life, who could use alittle more joy.
(20:19):
And if you haven't already,please do give me a rating on
Spotify or apple.
It simply just helps to grow theshow.
And I am trying really hard overare here to build a community of
people who are happy in theirsingle lives as they are right
(20:40):
now.
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