March 4, 2022 • 28 mins
This episode is all about Catfishing on online dating sites.
In this episode, I discuss the Tinder Swindler, a popular Netflix documentary about a man who conned several women out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. He called himself Simon Liviev and claimed to be the heir to the "king of diamonds".
After matching with a woman on Tinder, he would portray himself to be wealthy, intelligent, charming, and adoring. Initially, he would wine and dine his targets. He spent a lot of money on them, as well as attention to earn their trust. He was considerate, thoughtful, and sweet. After a short amount of time, he would tell them he loved them and would entice them with a romantic vision of a beautiful future as husband and wife.
Once he felt as though he had earned their trust, he would claim to be in a desperate and dangerous situation that required their financial help. He would tell them his assets were frozen or he couldn't access his own fortune and he needed them to step in and rescue him.
While it's unlikely that most of us would ever encounter someone as masterful at manipulation as him online, fake profiles and catfishing are common. In this episode, I share two examples of how my own image and likeness were shared on dating apps in an effort to manipulate people.
The first example was shared with me by a woman who was using an app called Zoe in Oregon. The woman using my photos claimed to be a freelance photographer. The second example was shared with me by a man who was on the app Plenty of Fish in North Carolina.
These are a few of the tips I share to help you avoid falling prey to catfishing:
- Be cautious of people who appear particularly alluring... Exotic lifestyles, unique and fancy jobs... Stuff that seems too good to be true.
- Often times Catfish will delete their dating profile soon after matching.
- The Catfish may be "active" and "online" an unusually high amount of time.
- They may ask you to talk through Google Voice or a different app- not using a normal phone number
- They may refuse to FaceTime or Video Chat
- If you search their name and cannot find them on social media, LinkedIn, or just by googling their name and location, as for more information.
- Be cautious if they delay a face to face visit or cancel on you.
Unfortunately, these manipulative people prey on people who are new to social media and online dating. If your gut is telling you something is off or someone seems to be too good to be true... listen.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
share my relatable, raw datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacy weer, andyour listening to episode 44
hook line and sinker.
(00:21):
In this episode, I am going toexplore the topic of catfishing
hiding, who you really are tohook someone into a relationship
with the motivation of revengeor loneliness, curiosity, or
boredom, going to talk about thetimely show on Netflix called
(00:42):
the Tinder swindler.
And then I'm going to share twoexamples of how my own identity
has been misused online.
Along the way.
I will be sharing tips andadvice on how you can protect
yourself from these cat Phishsituations.
(01:04):
If you are online dating or havesocial media accounts of any
kind, I'm gonna bet a bunch ofyou have watched the Tinder
swindler on Netflix becausethey're reporting that 50
million people have watched thatseries where the man who went by
(01:24):
Simon Lavi, swindled, a fewwomen into giving him hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
How does someone do such athing?
Well, as I've thought throughit, I believe that the first
(01:44):
tactic used is this sense ofallure, right?
Like he's this mysterious mandressed in designer clothes
posed in photos, in privatejets, at fancy restaurants at
big festivals.
He looks important online.
(02:06):
He looks wealthy and right away,he lets all of these women know
that he's the he right to theking of diamonds.
So that's pretty intriguing.
I mean, one can get over somecharacter flaws and such if they
think that they're dating a mayand with billions of dollars.
But really, as I listened to thewomen who were interviewed, he
(02:29):
didn't display a lot ofcharacter flaws.
They found him to be funny andintelligent and charming.
And he used all of these giftsto charm them.
He earned their trust.
He talked to the them in adoringways.
He gave them compliments.
He was romantic.
He was attentive.
(02:50):
He was sweet.
He did everything up front toprove himself to prove that he
was trustworthy.
He spent money on them.
He took them places.
He showcased his wealth.
And then he told them that heloved them and that he wanted a
future with them.
(03:12):
How many of us are longing to bewind dined and RO and treated
adoringly and promised abeautiful future?
That's what he did.
It's not like I initiallythought that these women were
just so freaking naive.
Like how desperate were they tofall for this guy?
(03:34):
No, it started to add up andmake a little bit of sense to
me.
I mean, that is like an till itdidn't right, because when the
tide turned and he felt asthough he had them hook line and
sinker reeled in that's when hebecame a desperate man, that's
when he used the trust that hehad developed up front and the
(03:57):
love that these women felt forhim.
And he made it appear as thoughhe was in trouble.
He needed to be rescued.
I mean, he's pretty smart topick some women who were
financially in a place wherethey had the means to help him
and they cared and they wantedto rescue him.
(04:19):
Um, he had done a lot of nicegrandiose, big gestures, you
know, spent money on them.
They thought he was good for it.
So they went to great links,like taking out loans and
dipping into their own savingsto help him, um, when they
thought it was just a temporary,you know, loan.
(04:40):
Right.
Well, I gotta say, I don't thinkthat I'm capable of falling for
such a thing.
And there is no way I would riskfinancially bailing someone out.
There's just no way hisswindling was just like at an
obscene level obscene, but hewas big time.
(05:03):
I mean, he is a big time con man, this is how he has survived.
Like his thirties.
I'm pretty sure he would use onewoman after another.
He would use, you know, womannumber one's money on woman
number two and just repeat,reuse, recycle, and keep going.
(05:24):
He had photo documented evidenceof his bodyguard being beat up,
you know, pictures of this man,videos of blood seeping from
this man's forehead tocorroborate his stories.
He, it was well done.
It was just very, very well doneon just a very big level.
(05:46):
Now, most of us let's hope toGod would never encounter
someone like him Mr.
Big time.
Right?
Um, not that it couldn't happen,but I think he is, uh, you know,
just a very rare gem.
I think he is few and farbetween to have this whole, you
know, Netflix documentary, uh,created off of, off of his
(06:08):
schemes online, you know, as Iresearched and read and talked
to people as I was preparing forthis podcast up as, so I
realized that the psychology andthe tactics used by dishonest
people who are trying tomanipulate others.
Yeah.
They're, they're all prettytextbook pretty much the same.
(06:30):
So I'm gonna keep going.
And I'm gonna share a couplemore stories that hit a little
closer to home.
They hit close to home becausemy photos were used on two
separate occasions.
I have been contacted online bypeople who were catfished by
(06:51):
someone else using my photos andmy information manipulate them.
The first time this was broughtto my attention.
I received a message from awoman on Facebook and she says,
hi, Stacy, I need to tell yousomething important.
And after reading a little aboutwhat you do, I should most
(07:13):
definitely tell you someone usedyour beautiful pictures to
catfish me.
And I, I just did a reverseimage search.
And it's definitely yourpictures.
So sad because I'm also goingthrough a divorce and a life
change and was misled by someonewho is using your pictures.
Just thought you would want toknow not sure what you can do.
(07:33):
So I did my due diligence.
I felt so bad for this woman.
And I said to, I'm so sorry thatthis happened to you, especially
at a time when you are healingand vulnerable.
Thank you for letting me know.
Can you please let me know whatapp this was on?
Did you report the account?
If not, do you have thescreenshots of the profile?
And then I told her, becausethis is not the first time I had
(07:56):
heard of this happening, that Ihad had a male, a friend report,
a fake account with my pictures,um, on hinge previously.
And she said to me, hi Stacy.
So here's what I know I was onthe app.
Zoe she, or he, or whoever.
It was found me when I was inOregon, about a month ago, they
(08:16):
said that they lived inPineville and she called herself
Donna.
She said she is a freelancephotographer within the month.
I chatted with her and she had acontract for a photo shoot in
New York.
And then in Istanbul andeverything seemed legit.
But as soon as we matched, sheremoved her profile.
(08:38):
Okay.
So I'm gonna pause for a minuteand I'm going to tell you, this
is tip number two, tip numberone is the alluring part, right?
Like, um, that I talked about,like with the tender swindler or
perhaps, um, this woman was, youknow, uh, with my photos and
being told that I had some fancyjob in New York city and
(09:00):
Istanbul, and I'm aphotographer.
That's pretty alluring.
That's a little outta the, outtathe ordinary.
Right.
Um, but the point that I wannamake right now is that this I've
heard this many, many times overis that UN or they right after
matching on a dating site, theyremove their profile.
They, they go away.
(09:22):
So that's something to watchfor, especially if your gut is
telling you that something isoff.
Um, okay.
So I'm gonna keep going.
So this woman goes on to say Iwas 24 when I met my husband and
have with him for 25 years.
So I was married the entire timedating apps have been around.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
So I don't know any warningsigns, I guess that might have
(09:44):
been one meaning that this womandisappeared off the app.
She says, I feel so dumb if Ithink of anything else that will
help I'll holler.
She says, I got kind of dramaticand mad into lead the stupid
text stream.
Most of the pictures she sentare right on my man shopping
with Stacy website.
So she says, I, you know, thatshe wished that she, um, could
(10:07):
have kept them.
So we went on to chat and makenice.
And then it was a little, alittle friendship develop, um,
online there with her.
But, um, just incredibly sadbecause that's another common
theme.
I think that this tends tohappen as, as it just makes
common sense to people who arenew to dating apps.
(10:28):
Okay.
So my messages from, um, a morerecent instance are from a man
who lives in North Carolina.
And he messaged me on bothInstagram and on LinkedIn, where
he found me.
Um, so I'm kind of gonna go backand forth reading these messages
to you now.
(10:49):
So he says that, you know, myphotos are being used by a
catfish.
He says, I spent the last two,two weeks texting with someone
who used your picks.
The crazy thing is that thisperson called herself Stacy with
a Y instead of an IE weer, samelast name spelled exactly the
same in a profile from Raleigh,North Carolina.
(11:12):
He says, I even Googled the nameearly on and found you in the
results, but did not evenrealize that looked the same as
in this lady's photos.
And then he put some embarrassedemojis on there.
He said, I suspected her fromearly on because our phone call
was on Google voice.
Okay.
There's, there's another tip foryou.
That's weird people.
(11:32):
It's weird to use Google voice.
Um, how about just a real phone?
These people use burn and theyuse weird numbers and they'll
ask you to use WhatsApp andother stuff.
Uh, don't do it.
That's my advice.
Um, he also says that there weresignificant delays when he would
talk versus when she wouldactually hear him.
And there were many other redflags.
(11:55):
She sent me your photos.
And I spent all afternoon, oneday trying to find if there was
a business called the Tulsa inRaleigh, because she had sent
him a white, a photo of me in awhite dress.
And he could see the word Tulsabehind it, uh, backstory.
I was in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
So, so, um, this woman had toldhim that she was an event
(12:17):
planner.
She also had just a really fun,unusual kind, not that that's
that unusual, but kind of, um,job.
And so, um, that's how sheexplained so many photos, like
where, uh, that my photos, whereI was so dressed stop, um,
often.
So he says, you know, that hechatted with this lady for a
(12:37):
couple of weeks and he wassupposed to meet her for drinks.
And as he suspected, shecanceled three hours before they
were to meet.
Um, so I basically gave this guymy cell phone number, um, and I
called him and we tell throughthis.
And the biggest theme that Itook away from my conversation
(12:59):
with him was that he really, hereally wanted this woman to be
legit.
He admitted to me over the phonethat he was still getting over
his crush on me or the image ofme, the idea of me, I should
say.
And I think that that is what itled him to just want to believe,
even though there were so manyobvious signs that this was
(13:23):
absolutely, you know,fabricated.
So he said that, um, eventuallyshe was sending photos as they
were tech and she, she waspretty savvy.
She would say things like, oh, Ijust visited my, one of my
girlfriends and she just, youknow, had a baby a few months
(13:44):
ago.
And then she texted a photo ofme holding my cousin's child.
But I mean, you can see how thatwould be somewhat believable.
Maybe get you, you know, kind ofquestioning your own intuition
because it was so timely andmade sense.
Um, she was intelligent.
She was fun to talk to.
(14:06):
She had an accent and she saidthat she was from South Africa,
which made sense to him, um,based on my appearance, the it,
that that could add up.
Right.
And so eventually she sent aphoto that he was able to do a
reverse look up on Google with,and it popped, and he, he found
(14:31):
my website as well.
So that's also a good lesson forme because I have such a public
profile on Instagram and I'm notdiscriminatory on my Facebook
account either.
So I have, you know, like 800,some odd, probably more than
that photos for people to, um,use in these ways.
(14:54):
But it appears as though onlythe ones that are on my website
actually lead back to me online.
So, um, interesting.
And I'll tell you that this manalso brand new to online dating,
he's still separated.
He went on the free app, plentyof fish.
(15:15):
And that's where this happened.
He got off.
Oh, he did also tell me thatthis woman, um, was always
online.
So apparently on plenty of fish,you can tell when, when other
people that you have matchedwith are active.
And so that kind of got himthinking more than once that
(15:35):
whenever he would rarely, youknow, pull the app up, um,
before she disappeared from theapp, um, she was active every
time.
And so that kind of made himquestion her as well.
And then sure enough, like oncethey made a plan for a date, she
, um, deleted her account.
And so it was the night aftershe canceled on him at the last
(15:58):
minute that he stayed up allnight, you know, um, trying to
figure out who she really was.
Um, and then he did and hecalled her out on it.
And would you believe theycontinued to chat?
Not even kidding.
She told him that she was fromNigeria.
(16:18):
She told him her real firstname.
And then they talked about herswindler strategy.
If you will, in conversationwith her, she said, essentially,
well, I'm gonna read to what,what, uh, she said, she said
that the angle that she woulduse to manipulate would be,
(16:43):
would be dependent on the typeof person that she gauged the
man to be.
She said, if you are veryambitious, someone that is open
to new or better ways of makingmoney than the approach would be
crypto.
And that means, and he told methat he did remember in an early
conversation with her, she saidthat she dabbled in crypto.
(17:05):
She didn't ask him for anything.
It was just subtly inserted intoconversation, but it did kind of
raise a flag with him.
So that's one of the ways thatthis woman makes money.
She, um, earns the trust ofsomeone.
And then she says, you know, Iinvest in crypto, I'm making
money, handover, fist, you know,transfer me some money to this
(17:27):
account or Venmo or whatever.
And I will help, you know,double your money or whatever.
So that's one of the ways,because I'm, I, as I was talking
to this man, I'm like, I justdon't understand what people get
out of this.
Like, is it boredom?
Is it, is it that they're, youknow, off at the world and they,
they wanna hurt people?
(17:47):
I, I just, I couldn't imaginethat there's much money in this,
but maybe that's me being naive.
Maybe, maybe these, they areable to convince people to send
them money.
So then she goes on to say, ifyou're a pervert, then the
approach would be to keep youexcited and ask for things like
gifts and all of that.
Now we all know that it'scommon.
(18:09):
That's really common.
And I have spoken with peopleI'm not even kidding that will,
that have admitted to me thatthey have sent like photos of
their feet to men, right?
I mean, this, this is real.
And they really do get paid forit.
Um, or it's like the fans stuff,right.
(18:30):
Sexual favors, whatever.
So there's that.
Um, and then she said, if you'rea lover boy, then the approach
would be to give you attention,keep you happy and engaged.
And then when I need things, Iwould ask you for favors.
So, you know, I think that alsoplays into just lonely people,
lonely people who might becontent with just having an
(18:52):
online love affair.
Um, I've seen stuff like that onlike freaking Dr.
Phil, where for years peoplewill have this long distance,
you know, relationship, quasirelationship feeling as though
it is very, very real, but youknow, someone on the other end
(19:13):
is, uh, getting a lot more outof it than the other.
Right?
One of the things also that I'velearned is oftentimes as victims
are questioning their gut,wondering if this is too good to
be true.
And we all know if it feels toogood to be true, it probably is.
(19:35):
Um, this idea that they didn'twant to the other person off by
asking for more proof or byasking for more information
about them.
And this is a big, big mistake.
So I've talked about this a lotin other episodes and definitely
(19:56):
on my safety episode.
Um, it's really important whenwe meet people online to find
out their full name.
There is no good reason whysomeone would not give you their
full, real name early on inchatting, unless let's see,
(20:16):
unless they're married, unlessthey're a criminal, unless
they're lying about who theyare.
So ask, and then do your duediligence.
This is what I talked about.
Also on the safety episode,Google, then go to the, you know
, ask them where they work, goto their company website.
See if you can find them, go toLinkedIn.
(20:39):
And yes, I'm fully aware if youdon't pay for a LinkedIn
account, they will know thatyou're stalking them on
LinkedIn.
Hey, guess what?
If they like you, they won'tcare.
They won't care at all.
They'll be flattered.
I've been flattered more thanonce.
When I can tell that a man hassearched for me, I'm like, Hey,
he's thinking about me.
He's looking me up.
That's good.
(20:59):
That's a good thing.
Only people who have things tohide or are being dishonest.
Don't want you to a look them upnow.
Understanding not everyone isbig on social media.
Not everyone is as freakingtransparent as I am it.
You know, it, I don't think it'snecessarily a red flag.
If you can't find someone onFacebook or on Instagram, but
(21:21):
you're gonna find'em somewhere.
You, I mean, you can findpeople's home addresses just by
Googling in the white pages.
You can find their occupationjust by looking on LinkedIn and
these Google search results onimages.
They can be hit or miss, buthere's a deal.
And this guy that I talked aboutthat was catfished by the woman
(21:42):
using my photos.
He thought about asking her tosend him a selfie.
Okay.
He didn't because he felt likemaybe that would be rude or it
would her off.
And his idea was like, Hey, willyou send me a selfie with like,
hold up your first finger?
You know what I mean?
Like what they do to verify yourphotos on dating apps, but he
didn't do it.
(22:02):
Okay.
So obviously if the dating appthat you are on an option to
only view people with verifiedphotos, um, that's wise, how
about exclude anyone that isn'tverified and never be afraid to
ask someone to prove theiridentity to you?
Anyone who's been around theblock for a minute knows that
(22:24):
this stuff happens.
And if they're legit, they won'tmind.
They won't mind another tip.
Um, that came up in conversationbetween this man.
And I, you know, if someone'snot willing to video chat to, to
FaceTime with you or zoom orwhatever, if you don't live in
the same city, or even if youwant to do that before you meet
(22:44):
them within the same city,that's a flag.
I'm mean, I know that it's noteverybody's thing and it can
make people nervous and maybethey hate doing it or whatever,
but I don't care if they'reinterested in you and they are
real, they will absolutelyFaceTime with you or video chat
or whatever.
(23:05):
Um, I hope that these tips havehelped.
This is a really common thing.
And this guy, you know, headmitted that he was having fun
texting with her.
He liked the attention.
He liked the idea that it was meon the other end of the phone.
And quite frankly, he continuedto talk to her.
You guys, after he found out shewas from Nigeria.
(23:26):
So, I mean, this is another cluethat, you know, this is a
vulnerable person at a, at avulnerable time in his life.
And maybe that's not the besttime to be on dating apps.
Just gonna, just gonna throwthat out there, you know, while
I've been trying to grow myInstagram account, um, so that I
can spread my message ofoptimism and happiness and the
(23:50):
fun parts about being single.
Um, I get fake accounts madewith my photos all the time, and
it's so frustrating andannoying.
And some of them will actuallyend up with hundreds of
followers.
You know, my face with the namelike Holly is real common for
(24:11):
some reason.
Um, I've been called Mary, um,Alice, uh, I've seen a lot of
profiles with my photos, withthe name Alice below it.
I I'm almost like who are theseboard as people who are sitting
around, you know, taking thetime to copy my photos, make up
(24:32):
and what are they getting out ofit because, Hey, guess what
people I'm over here writing abook I'm over here, putting out
a podcast, I'm spending money,my own money to, uh, produce
this podcast.
And yet there are like littleboys in, you know, India making
money, fooling people intosending them, you know, cash app
(24:56):
for whatever they're offeringfake on, on under the guise of
being me, what the hell I'mdoing it all wrong?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm totally doing itwrong cuz I'm not making money.
It is me.
These are my, my gifts and myskills.
And I'm not making money overhere.
No, I'm kidding.
But that is the truth.
(25:16):
I, I really just don't get it.
I, I, I mean, what my pointreally is is they have to be
getting something out of it.
It's working on some level orthey probably wouldn't be
wasting their time copying myimages and such don't be a
victim, don't be a victim.
Okay.
(25:37):
So I hope that you, uh, tookaway a few little tips and
tricks of how to not getswindled and taken hook line and
sinker on, on dating apps or onyour social media.
And I guess my very last messageand plea with all of you, if you
ever have a fake account made ofyou, or if you recognize someone
(25:59):
else's images being usedinappropriately on a dating app
or on social media for the ofGod report those people, it only
takes a second.
And then notify if you know, theperson whose images are being
used, notify them and a big fat,thank you to all of you who have
(26:21):
taken the time to message me.
Um, especially on Instagram,whenever you have been
approached, because oddlyenough, they go after my own
followers most of the time.
Um, so watch yourselves andthank you.
Thank you for looking out for metoo.
And then just to wrap up, I'mgonna go ahead and do like a
pre-announcement here.
(26:41):
That man shopping with Stacy isgoing on spring break.
I'm going to take, um, take alittle break, a little rest, uh,
from the podcast and I willannounce, um, when that is going
to be for sure on Instagram,maybe on here.
And then I will most definitelyannounce when season two is
(27:05):
going to launch.
So thank you all so very, verymuch for listening.
Please do continue to spread theword about the podcast and my
Instagram as I am really, reallytrying to grow and do good
things and build a community ofhappy sing people.
I just appreciate you all sovery, very much.
(27:28):
I'm hoping that the spring breakgives you all an opportunity to
catch up on episodes.
I feel like the pace of anepisode each week is a lot.
It's a lot for me to keep upwith.
And, um, I can tell by mydownloads that older episodes
are, are still getting a lot ofdownloads, which shows me that a
(27:52):
lot of people are behind.
So, um, please forgive myabsence.
Um, but I know that you guysunderstand and, and I'll be back
refreshed and better than ever.
And please keep your ideascoming.
I need your feedback and yourshow ideas, and I appreciate you
all so much.
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
share my relatable, raw datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacy weer, andyour listening to episode 44
hook line and sinker.
(00:21):
In this episode, I am going toexplore the topic of catfishing
hiding, who you really are tohook someone into a relationship
with the motivation of revengeor loneliness, curiosity, or
boredom, going to talk about thetimely show on Netflix called
(00:42):
the Tinder swindler.
And then I'm going to share twoexamples of how my own identity
has been misused online.
Along the way.
I will be sharing tips andadvice on how you can protect
yourself from these cat Phishsituations.
(01:04):
If you are online dating or havesocial media accounts of any
kind, I'm gonna bet a bunch ofyou have watched the Tinder
swindler on Netflix becausethey're reporting that 50
million people have watched thatseries where the man who went by
(01:24):
Simon Lavi, swindled, a fewwomen into giving him hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
How does someone do such athing?
Well, as I've thought throughit, I believe that the first
(01:44):
tactic used is this sense ofallure, right?
Like he's this mysterious mandressed in designer clothes
posed in photos, in privatejets, at fancy restaurants at
big festivals.
He looks important online.
(02:06):
He looks wealthy and right away,he lets all of these women know
that he's the he right to theking of diamonds.
So that's pretty intriguing.
I mean, one can get over somecharacter flaws and such if they
think that they're dating a mayand with billions of dollars.
But really, as I listened to thewomen who were interviewed, he
(02:29):
didn't display a lot ofcharacter flaws.
They found him to be funny andintelligent and charming.
And he used all of these giftsto charm them.
He earned their trust.
He talked to the them in adoringways.
He gave them compliments.
He was romantic.
He was attentive.
(02:50):
He was sweet.
He did everything up front toprove himself to prove that he
was trustworthy.
He spent money on them.
He took them places.
He showcased his wealth.
And then he told them that heloved them and that he wanted a
future with them.
(03:12):
How many of us are longing to bewind dined and RO and treated
adoringly and promised abeautiful future?
That's what he did.
It's not like I initiallythought that these women were
just so freaking naive.
Like how desperate were they tofall for this guy?
(03:34):
No, it started to add up andmake a little bit of sense to
me.
I mean, that is like an till itdidn't right, because when the
tide turned and he felt asthough he had them hook line and
sinker reeled in that's when hebecame a desperate man, that's
when he used the trust that hehad developed up front and the
(03:57):
love that these women felt forhim.
And he made it appear as thoughhe was in trouble.
He needed to be rescued.
I mean, he's pretty smart topick some women who were
financially in a place wherethey had the means to help him
and they cared and they wantedto rescue him.
(04:19):
Um, he had done a lot of nicegrandiose, big gestures, you
know, spent money on them.
They thought he was good for it.
So they went to great links,like taking out loans and
dipping into their own savingsto help him, um, when they
thought it was just a temporary,you know, loan.
(04:40):
Right.
Well, I gotta say, I don't thinkthat I'm capable of falling for
such a thing.
And there is no way I would riskfinancially bailing someone out.
There's just no way hisswindling was just like at an
obscene level obscene, but hewas big time.
(05:03):
I mean, he is a big time con man, this is how he has survived.
Like his thirties.
I'm pretty sure he would use onewoman after another.
He would use, you know, womannumber one's money on woman
number two and just repeat,reuse, recycle, and keep going.
(05:24):
He had photo documented evidenceof his bodyguard being beat up,
you know, pictures of this man,videos of blood seeping from
this man's forehead tocorroborate his stories.
He, it was well done.
It was just very, very well doneon just a very big level.
(05:46):
Now, most of us let's hope toGod would never encounter
someone like him Mr.
Big time.
Right?
Um, not that it couldn't happen,but I think he is, uh, you know,
just a very rare gem.
I think he is few and farbetween to have this whole, you
know, Netflix documentary, uh,created off of, off of his
(06:08):
schemes online, you know, as Iresearched and read and talked
to people as I was preparing forthis podcast up as, so I
realized that the psychology andthe tactics used by dishonest
people who are trying tomanipulate others.
Yeah.
They're, they're all prettytextbook pretty much the same.
(06:30):
So I'm gonna keep going.
And I'm gonna share a couplemore stories that hit a little
closer to home.
They hit close to home becausemy photos were used on two
separate occasions.
I have been contacted online bypeople who were catfished by
(06:51):
someone else using my photos andmy information manipulate them.
The first time this was broughtto my attention.
I received a message from awoman on Facebook and she says,
hi, Stacy, I need to tell yousomething important.
And after reading a little aboutwhat you do, I should most
(07:13):
definitely tell you someone usedyour beautiful pictures to
catfish me.
And I, I just did a reverseimage search.
And it's definitely yourpictures.
So sad because I'm also goingthrough a divorce and a life
change and was misled by someonewho is using your pictures.
Just thought you would want toknow not sure what you can do.
(07:33):
So I did my due diligence.
I felt so bad for this woman.
And I said to, I'm so sorry thatthis happened to you, especially
at a time when you are healingand vulnerable.
Thank you for letting me know.
Can you please let me know whatapp this was on?
Did you report the account?
If not, do you have thescreenshots of the profile?
And then I told her, becausethis is not the first time I had
(07:56):
heard of this happening, that Ihad had a male, a friend report,
a fake account with my pictures,um, on hinge previously.
And she said to me, hi Stacy.
So here's what I know I was onthe app.
Zoe she, or he, or whoever.
It was found me when I was inOregon, about a month ago, they
(08:16):
said that they lived inPineville and she called herself
Donna.
She said she is a freelancephotographer within the month.
I chatted with her and she had acontract for a photo shoot in
New York.
And then in Istanbul andeverything seemed legit.
But as soon as we matched, sheremoved her profile.
(08:38):
Okay.
So I'm gonna pause for a minuteand I'm going to tell you, this
is tip number two, tip numberone is the alluring part, right?
Like, um, that I talked about,like with the tender swindler or
perhaps, um, this woman was, youknow, uh, with my photos and
being told that I had some fancyjob in New York city and
(09:00):
Istanbul, and I'm aphotographer.
That's pretty alluring.
That's a little outta the, outtathe ordinary.
Right.
Um, but the point that I wannamake right now is that this I've
heard this many, many times overis that UN or they right after
matching on a dating site, theyremove their profile.
They, they go away.
(09:22):
So that's something to watchfor, especially if your gut is
telling you that something isoff.
Um, okay.
So I'm gonna keep going.
So this woman goes on to say Iwas 24 when I met my husband and
have with him for 25 years.
So I was married the entire timedating apps have been around.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
So I don't know any warningsigns, I guess that might have
(09:44):
been one meaning that this womandisappeared off the app.
She says, I feel so dumb if Ithink of anything else that will
help I'll holler.
She says, I got kind of dramaticand mad into lead the stupid
text stream.
Most of the pictures she sentare right on my man shopping
with Stacy website.
So she says, I, you know, thatshe wished that she, um, could
(10:07):
have kept them.
So we went on to chat and makenice.
And then it was a little, alittle friendship develop, um,
online there with her.
But, um, just incredibly sadbecause that's another common
theme.
I think that this tends tohappen as, as it just makes
common sense to people who arenew to dating apps.
(10:28):
Okay.
So my messages from, um, a morerecent instance are from a man
who lives in North Carolina.
And he messaged me on bothInstagram and on LinkedIn, where
he found me.
Um, so I'm kind of gonna go backand forth reading these messages
to you now.
(10:49):
So he says that, you know, myphotos are being used by a
catfish.
He says, I spent the last two,two weeks texting with someone
who used your picks.
The crazy thing is that thisperson called herself Stacy with
a Y instead of an IE weer, samelast name spelled exactly the
same in a profile from Raleigh,North Carolina.
(11:12):
He says, I even Googled the nameearly on and found you in the
results, but did not evenrealize that looked the same as
in this lady's photos.
And then he put some embarrassedemojis on there.
He said, I suspected her fromearly on because our phone call
was on Google voice.
Okay.
There's, there's another tip foryou.
That's weird people.
(11:32):
It's weird to use Google voice.
Um, how about just a real phone?
These people use burn and theyuse weird numbers and they'll
ask you to use WhatsApp andother stuff.
Uh, don't do it.
That's my advice.
Um, he also says that there weresignificant delays when he would
talk versus when she wouldactually hear him.
And there were many other redflags.
(11:55):
She sent me your photos.
And I spent all afternoon, oneday trying to find if there was
a business called the Tulsa inRaleigh, because she had sent
him a white, a photo of me in awhite dress.
And he could see the word Tulsabehind it, uh, backstory.
I was in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
So, so, um, this woman had toldhim that she was an event
(12:17):
planner.
She also had just a really fun,unusual kind, not that that's
that unusual, but kind of, um,job.
And so, um, that's how sheexplained so many photos, like
where, uh, that my photos, whereI was so dressed stop, um,
often.
So he says, you know, that hechatted with this lady for a
(12:37):
couple of weeks and he wassupposed to meet her for drinks.
And as he suspected, shecanceled three hours before they
were to meet.
Um, so I basically gave this guymy cell phone number, um, and I
called him and we tell throughthis.
And the biggest theme that Itook away from my conversation
(12:59):
with him was that he really, hereally wanted this woman to be
legit.
He admitted to me over the phonethat he was still getting over
his crush on me or the image ofme, the idea of me, I should
say.
And I think that that is what itled him to just want to believe,
even though there were so manyobvious signs that this was
(13:23):
absolutely, you know,fabricated.
So he said that, um, eventuallyshe was sending photos as they
were tech and she, she waspretty savvy.
She would say things like, oh, Ijust visited my, one of my
girlfriends and she just, youknow, had a baby a few months
(13:44):
ago.
And then she texted a photo ofme holding my cousin's child.
But I mean, you can see how thatwould be somewhat believable.
Maybe get you, you know, kind ofquestioning your own intuition
because it was so timely andmade sense.
Um, she was intelligent.
She was fun to talk to.
(14:06):
She had an accent and she saidthat she was from South Africa,
which made sense to him, um,based on my appearance, the it,
that that could add up.
Right.
And so eventually she sent aphoto that he was able to do a
reverse look up on Google with,and it popped, and he, he found
(14:31):
my website as well.
So that's also a good lesson forme because I have such a public
profile on Instagram and I'm notdiscriminatory on my Facebook
account either.
So I have, you know, like 800,some odd, probably more than
that photos for people to, um,use in these ways.
(14:54):
But it appears as though onlythe ones that are on my website
actually lead back to me online.
So, um, interesting.
And I'll tell you that this manalso brand new to online dating,
he's still separated.
He went on the free app, plentyof fish.
(15:15):
And that's where this happened.
He got off.
Oh, he did also tell me thatthis woman, um, was always
online.
So apparently on plenty of fish,you can tell when, when other
people that you have matchedwith are active.
And so that kind of got himthinking more than once that
(15:35):
whenever he would rarely, youknow, pull the app up, um,
before she disappeared from theapp, um, she was active every
time.
And so that kind of made himquestion her as well.
And then sure enough, like oncethey made a plan for a date, she
, um, deleted her account.
And so it was the night aftershe canceled on him at the last
(15:58):
minute that he stayed up allnight, you know, um, trying to
figure out who she really was.
Um, and then he did and hecalled her out on it.
And would you believe theycontinued to chat?
Not even kidding.
She told him that she was fromNigeria.
(16:18):
She told him her real firstname.
And then they talked about herswindler strategy.
If you will, in conversationwith her, she said, essentially,
well, I'm gonna read to what,what, uh, she said, she said
that the angle that she woulduse to manipulate would be,
(16:43):
would be dependent on the typeof person that she gauged the
man to be.
She said, if you are veryambitious, someone that is open
to new or better ways of makingmoney than the approach would be
crypto.
And that means, and he told methat he did remember in an early
conversation with her, she saidthat she dabbled in crypto.
(17:05):
She didn't ask him for anything.
It was just subtly inserted intoconversation, but it did kind of
raise a flag with him.
So that's one of the ways thatthis woman makes money.
She, um, earns the trust ofsomeone.
And then she says, you know, Iinvest in crypto, I'm making
money, handover, fist, you know,transfer me some money to this
(17:27):
account or Venmo or whatever.
And I will help, you know,double your money or whatever.
So that's one of the ways,because I'm, I, as I was talking
to this man, I'm like, I justdon't understand what people get
out of this.
Like, is it boredom?
Is it, is it that they're, youknow, off at the world and they,
they wanna hurt people?
(17:47):
I, I just, I couldn't imaginethat there's much money in this,
but maybe that's me being naive.
Maybe, maybe these, they areable to convince people to send
them money.
So then she goes on to say, ifyou're a pervert, then the
approach would be to keep youexcited and ask for things like
gifts and all of that.
Now we all know that it'scommon.
(18:09):
That's really common.
And I have spoken with peopleI'm not even kidding that will,
that have admitted to me thatthey have sent like photos of
their feet to men, right?
I mean, this, this is real.
And they really do get paid forit.
Um, or it's like the fans stuff,right.
(18:30):
Sexual favors, whatever.
So there's that.
Um, and then she said, if you'rea lover boy, then the approach
would be to give you attention,keep you happy and engaged.
And then when I need things, Iwould ask you for favors.
So, you know, I think that alsoplays into just lonely people,
lonely people who might becontent with just having an
(18:52):
online love affair.
Um, I've seen stuff like that onlike freaking Dr.
Phil, where for years peoplewill have this long distance,
you know, relationship, quasirelationship feeling as though
it is very, very real, but youknow, someone on the other end
(19:13):
is, uh, getting a lot more outof it than the other.
Right?
One of the things also that I'velearned is oftentimes as victims
are questioning their gut,wondering if this is too good to
be true.
And we all know if it feels toogood to be true, it probably is.
(19:35):
Um, this idea that they didn'twant to the other person off by
asking for more proof or byasking for more information
about them.
And this is a big, big mistake.
So I've talked about this a lotin other episodes and definitely
(19:56):
on my safety episode.
Um, it's really important whenwe meet people online to find
out their full name.
There is no good reason whysomeone would not give you their
full, real name early on inchatting, unless let's see,
(20:16):
unless they're married, unlessthey're a criminal, unless
they're lying about who theyare.
So ask, and then do your duediligence.
This is what I talked about.
Also on the safety episode,Google, then go to the, you know
, ask them where they work, goto their company website.
See if you can find them, go toLinkedIn.
(20:39):
And yes, I'm fully aware if youdon't pay for a LinkedIn
account, they will know thatyou're stalking them on
LinkedIn.
Hey, guess what?
If they like you, they won'tcare.
They won't care at all.
They'll be flattered.
I've been flattered more thanonce.
When I can tell that a man hassearched for me, I'm like, Hey,
he's thinking about me.
He's looking me up.
That's good.
(20:59):
That's a good thing.
Only people who have things tohide or are being dishonest.
Don't want you to a look them upnow.
Understanding not everyone isbig on social media.
Not everyone is as freakingtransparent as I am it.
You know, it, I don't think it'snecessarily a red flag.
If you can't find someone onFacebook or on Instagram, but
(21:21):
you're gonna find'em somewhere.
You, I mean, you can findpeople's home addresses just by
Googling in the white pages.
You can find their occupationjust by looking on LinkedIn and
these Google search results onimages.
They can be hit or miss, buthere's a deal.
And this guy that I talked aboutthat was catfished by the woman
(21:42):
using my photos.
He thought about asking her tosend him a selfie.
Okay.
He didn't because he felt likemaybe that would be rude or it
would her off.
And his idea was like, Hey, willyou send me a selfie with like,
hold up your first finger?
You know what I mean?
Like what they do to verify yourphotos on dating apps, but he
didn't do it.
(22:02):
Okay.
So obviously if the dating appthat you are on an option to
only view people with verifiedphotos, um, that's wise, how
about exclude anyone that isn'tverified and never be afraid to
ask someone to prove theiridentity to you?
Anyone who's been around theblock for a minute knows that
(22:24):
this stuff happens.
And if they're legit, they won'tmind.
They won't mind another tip.
Um, that came up in conversationbetween this man.
And I, you know, if someone'snot willing to video chat to, to
FaceTime with you or zoom orwhatever, if you don't live in
the same city, or even if youwant to do that before you meet
(22:44):
them within the same city,that's a flag.
I'm mean, I know that it's noteverybody's thing and it can
make people nervous and maybethey hate doing it or whatever,
but I don't care if they'reinterested in you and they are
real, they will absolutelyFaceTime with you or video chat
or whatever.
(23:05):
Um, I hope that these tips havehelped.
This is a really common thing.
And this guy, you know, headmitted that he was having fun
texting with her.
He liked the attention.
He liked the idea that it was meon the other end of the phone.
And quite frankly, he continuedto talk to her.
You guys, after he found out shewas from Nigeria.
(23:26):
So, I mean, this is another cluethat, you know, this is a
vulnerable person at a, at avulnerable time in his life.
And maybe that's not the besttime to be on dating apps.
Just gonna, just gonna throwthat out there, you know, while
I've been trying to grow myInstagram account, um, so that I
can spread my message ofoptimism and happiness and the
(23:50):
fun parts about being single.
Um, I get fake accounts madewith my photos all the time, and
it's so frustrating andannoying.
And some of them will actuallyend up with hundreds of
followers.
You know, my face with the namelike Holly is real common for
(24:11):
some reason.
Um, I've been called Mary, um,Alice, uh, I've seen a lot of
profiles with my photos, withthe name Alice below it.
I I'm almost like who are theseboard as people who are sitting
around, you know, taking thetime to copy my photos, make up
(24:32):
and what are they getting out ofit because, Hey, guess what
people I'm over here writing abook I'm over here, putting out
a podcast, I'm spending money,my own money to, uh, produce
this podcast.
And yet there are like littleboys in, you know, India making
money, fooling people intosending them, you know, cash app
(24:56):
for whatever they're offeringfake on, on under the guise of
being me, what the hell I'mdoing it all wrong?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm totally doing itwrong cuz I'm not making money.
It is me.
These are my, my gifts and myskills.
And I'm not making money overhere.
No, I'm kidding.
But that is the truth.
(25:16):
I, I really just don't get it.
I, I, I mean, what my pointreally is is they have to be
getting something out of it.
It's working on some level orthey probably wouldn't be
wasting their time copying myimages and such don't be a
victim, don't be a victim.
Okay.
(25:37):
So I hope that you, uh, tookaway a few little tips and
tricks of how to not getswindled and taken hook line and
sinker on, on dating apps or onyour social media.
And I guess my very last messageand plea with all of you, if you
ever have a fake account made ofyou, or if you recognize someone
(25:59):
else's images being usedinappropriately on a dating app
or on social media for the ofGod report those people, it only
takes a second.
And then notify if you know, theperson whose images are being
used, notify them and a big fat,thank you to all of you who have
(26:21):
taken the time to message me.
Um, especially on Instagram,whenever you have been
approached, because oddlyenough, they go after my own
followers most of the time.
Um, so watch yourselves andthank you.
Thank you for looking out for metoo.
And then just to wrap up, I'mgonna go ahead and do like a
pre-announcement here.
(26:41):
That man shopping with Stacy isgoing on spring break.
I'm going to take, um, take alittle break, a little rest, uh,
from the podcast and I willannounce, um, when that is going
to be for sure on Instagram,maybe on here.
And then I will most definitelyannounce when season two is
(27:05):
going to launch.
So thank you all so very, verymuch for listening.
Please do continue to spread theword about the podcast and my
Instagram as I am really, reallytrying to grow and do good
things and build a community ofhappy sing people.
I just appreciate you all sovery, very much.
(27:28):
I'm hoping that the spring breakgives you all an opportunity to
catch up on episodes.
I feel like the pace of anepisode each week is a lot.
It's a lot for me to keep upwith.
And, um, I can tell by mydownloads that older episodes
are, are still getting a lot ofdownloads, which shows me that a
(27:52):
lot of people are behind.
So, um, please forgive myabsence.
Um, but I know that you guysunderstand and, and I'll be back
refreshed and better than ever.
And please keep your ideascoming.
I need your feedback and yourshow ideas, and I appreciate you
all so much.
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