June 17, 2022 • 28 mins
This inspiration for this podcast actually came from a Mass I attended. During the Mass, the priest said that if Moses were alive today he would be considered an "influencer". He went on to tell the parishioners that we could all be influencers for good in the lives of those around us, not just on social media.
In this podcast, I explore how posts on social media affect us. I discuss my own presence on social media. Lastly, I talk about how we can all be influencers for good in the lives of children and in our daily/work lives.
To begin, I use the example of the loss of my dog, Nica, to show how sharing on social media can be a healthy form of expression. I'm not above needing support and sympathy, but I think it's important to be clear and direct with our messages and captions online. I don't think we should use our shares to be manipulative or to draw negativity. It's important to keep it real and balanced.
Our relationships with kids, direct or indirectly can be a great opportunity to influence for good. Through divorce, even after our kids have seen us struggle, we can be examples of strength, resilience, humanity, and grace. We can show them how to make responsible choices, take the high road, be amicable, and pull ourselves together. We can BE their emotional support person and not use THEM as our emotional support.
If you don't have your own children, you can still have such great impact when you have genuine interest in them- what they're up to and how they're feeling. You can influence kids just by being a good listener. Your image alone can influence for good. You can emit positivity just by projecting happiness, care, and concern.
I share examples from my career of times that I used my job as a pharmaceutical rep as an "influencer" to spread joy. There were many years when I felt as though my job didn't matter. I was overlooked and viewed more as a delivery person than an intelligent, skilled professional who brought value to a clinic. I shifted my mindset from feeling worthless to using my presence in the clinics as a platform to grow relationships, listen to other's stories, and share happiness with them.
We can use brief, public interactions with strangers as an opportunity to be influencers for good. I share an example of a conversation I had with a young guy at a checkout at a local store. If we just open up and give a little, we can impact so many lives.
Work environments are a huge part of our lives and they're not always positive . When your work environment is negative, you can choose to go against the grain by shedding a positive light and by not allowing yourself to be pulled down by negativity. Our work environments are ever-changing and you can even be a catalyst for good by simply being positive. When your influence spreads to others, that's when the game changes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to man shopping with Stacey, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacey weer, andyou are listening to season two,
episode three influencer forgood.
Oh, I know many of you, if not,most of you are absolutely
(00:25):
cringing.
Just adhering me, say the wordinfluencer and I get it.
Oh, I, I get it.
But hear me out, hear me out inthis episode, I'm going to share
with you my unusual inspirationfor this topic.
Kind of my why as to why I thinkthat this is important, um, for
(00:48):
all of us single peoplelistening.
Um, and then I'm going to sharewith you some of my personal
motivation for building theplatform with man shopping with
Stacy, that I'm doing, why Itransparently share my stories
on this podcast and why I postwhat I post on social media, as
(01:10):
well as the conversations that Ihave about, about my online
presence and my public imagewith my daughter, with, um, with
others in my life and how it hasimpacted me and others around
me.
But most importantly, I'm goingto share with all of you, how I
(01:32):
think all of you can beinfluencers for.
Good and know, I don't just meanon Instagram, I mean, in your
real life.
And I've got lots of tips andsituations to discuss that.
I hope you all find veryhelpful.
Okay.
So let me start by just tellingyou the story of where the idea
(01:54):
for this episode topic actuallycame from.
Well, I was sitting on a pew ina church at mass on a Sunday
squeezed in between my daughterand her boyfriend's mother, who
is my friend listeningattentively to a very compelling
(02:18):
priest.
This guy has personality.
He demands attention in the bestway possible.
He uses humor and charisma tocaptivate all of the
parishioners who attend hismass.
(02:41):
He is a force and I think he'sawesome.
And it's one of the reasons thatI've been attending church with,
um, with my daughter'sboyfriend's family, my friends
, um, here recently.
So anyhow, I'm listening to himtalk about Moses.
(03:02):
Moses wrote the 10 commandments.
Moses helped the Israelisescape.
Egypt.
Moses was a follower of God, buthe was a leader of people.
And so the priest who I waslistening to said that if Moses
(03:25):
lived in the modern day, he'd beconsidered an influencer that's
right.
An influencer for goodspecifically.
So this priest went on to talkabout how all of us listening,
the kids, the adults, thegrandparents, all of us can also
(03:45):
be influencers for good.
So as I sat there in church onthat Sunday morning, I was
feeling quite introspective.
I was digging deep people.
I was thinking about what is mymotivation?
Why am, am I so transparent?
Why do I put all this stuff outthere on social media,
(04:06):
everything from photos to verylengthy descriptions about how
I'm feeling or what I've gonethrough.
And then of course, this podcastwhere I'm sharing a lot of
intimate details about myself,wow, what leads a person like me
to do this?
Well, I'll tell you at my verycore, deep inside my soul.
(04:33):
I think it's my gift that I aman open book that I am happy to
share of myself with others tohelp.
It's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to help people in asmall, small way.
So every time I post a photo orrecord a podcast episode, my
(04:56):
intention is to spread a messageof happiness, to help single
people like me find just alittle bit more joy in life.
Be relatable, be real, and alsospread a little optimism because
a lot of us are in circumstancesthat maybe we never wanted to be
in.
Maybe they were completelyunforeseen shocking.
(05:19):
Um, and it's tough.
It's hard to be single later inlife.
It's not an easy place to besingle and living alone or
trying to raise children withsomeone you don't get along with
or, or raise children all byyourself.
Um, this is some difficulttrying and maybe even turbulent
(05:42):
times for most of us.
And you know, when I firststarted recording man shopping
with Stacy, it was all like, ohmy God, I've been through hell
and back.
I feel like I have had so manystorms in my life that I have
somehow survived and come out ofhappier that I felt like I was
(06:02):
kind of unique.
I think in a lot of ways, Ithought I was different somehow
and maybe could shine a newlight for some people to start
appreciating, um, the littlethings in life as a single
person that maybe they couldn'tsee on their own.
Maybe I needed to point some ofthis stuff out for all of
(06:26):
you who, who, you know, some ofit just gets lost on us.
Um, the freedoms and enjoyableparts of being by ourselves, but
the longer that I've been singleand the more experiences that
I've gone through, the more, um,appreciation I think I have for
(06:46):
other people's situations.
And I, I think it's just part ofmy growth process.
So when we're talking aboutinfluencing for good, um, all of
season one, I mean, I was highas a kite.
I was like, this is awesome.
Life has never been better.
I, things are peaceful.
I mean, I'm bragging about likehow great I sleep and how fun
(07:10):
life is.
And I'm vacationing with mydaughter and I have all this
financial freedom now, andnobody's gonna bring me down and
dating is fun.
And I have met so many greatpeople.
Don't have a boyfriend, but Idon't care.
You know?
And then here I am a year later,right?
One more year under my belt,hundreds of singles have come
(07:32):
into my life.
Like I know so many people'spersonal stories now and have
such a better understanding, um,holistically of what divorce
means for other people or justwhat being single means.
Um, to other people that I, Ihope in this season two and
(07:54):
going forward and future booksand everything that, that my
influencer status is more of arelatability status because
rather than trying to positionmyself as someone to admire,
(08:14):
because I've overcome some stuffand I'm super freaking happy, I
would rather be known as someonewho gets it.
Like she gets it, like she livesthis stuff too.
And she knows that it's not easyand I've never tried to
sugarcoat anything.
And I've, I've always beenhonest, um, about my
experiences, but I think thelonger I'm single, the more
(08:38):
obstacles that I have faced andgone through too, that I
definitely will be sharing withyou guys on going.
I mean, the most recentexperience that I went through,
if you follow me on Instagram orFacebook, you know, all too well
that I just lost my beloved dogNika.
And I shouldn't say I, we, welost Nika.
(09:01):
Nika was a source of love andaffection and amusement for so
many people, of course, for mydaughter, for my parents, for my
friends and neighbors, anybodywho's been around her to know
Nika was to love Nika.
And even though I had beenpreparing my brain and my heart
(09:23):
for years, that she was not inthe greatest of health, she was
diagnosed with cancer recentlyprepping myself, right?
Because I knew I'm a realist.
Like she's, she's not gonna liveforever.
But when the day came that Laneyand I made the very, very
difficult choice to end hersuffering and take her to the
vet to be put, to sleep.
(09:45):
It didn't make it any easier.
It was so hard.
And I know so many of you areanimal lovers, pet lovers, too.
You, you get it.
Like there is just no other kindof pain.
So in going through thatexperience just a few days ago,
(10:05):
I'm like, I am more alone.
Now.
Nega was my constant companion.
She was at my feet.
I mean, you know how it is lifewith a dog, right.
She sat next to me on the couch.
You know, she stretched out andlaid on the floor right next to
my bed.
Every night she got in my carall the time.
She followed me to the toilet.
(10:26):
Like this dog was glued to meand now I'm alone.
I'm not gonna be interrupted bybarking anymore.
Like while I'm recording, I dolove that you can hear her bark.
on a couple of mypodcast episodes, um, that they
didn't get edited out.
I don't even care.
Like, I'm so glad to have thatmemory, but, you know, I, I
(10:49):
found, I found myself in thisspace for a few days now.
Like, oh my God, I'm so muchmore alone.
Wow.
Do I feel for some of you whodidn't get the dog and the
divorce or lost a, you know,lost a cat to your spouse or
whatever your case may be, it'sfreaking hard.
So anyway, what I'm trying tosay is let's just use Nika as an
(11:13):
example, two days in a row, Isat on my phone and I'm not
joking for hours, hours.
Going through photos of Nikamade a folder just for her
created a reel on Instagram,shared the reel admitted in my
post on Instagram, that it wassomehow therapeutic to go
(11:34):
through photos of her because itreally was, it was a good, it's
not that it was a distraction.
I was completely focused on her,but I didn't feel sad in the
moments or in the hours.
that I was that I wassifting through all of that.
So I didn't post a reel onInstagram for people to feel
sorry for me.
Right.
(11:54):
Like, no, I don't, I don't needyour pity.
Like I feel sorry on my own.
I feel sad on my own.
It's okay.
I'm not looking for attention.
Don't worry about my mentalhealth.
I'm okay.
Over here.
I, I posted it because it wasmeaningful to me.
And I know that many of you haveexperienced very similar loss.
(12:14):
Um, and you get it.
And I am not above needing wordsof encouragement or support or
love.
Some of you feel as thoughyou've gotten to know my dog
over the past year and itmatters to you too, you know?
So I guess she's kind of a, agood example of influencing for
(12:35):
good.
I, I tried to show myappreciation and gratitude for
having her in our lives as longas we did and just to celebrate
the, her life and what she meantto me and to Elany and to
everyone else who was luckyenough to know her.
(12:56):
So with that being said, theonly way that I could convey my
intent for the post is to typewords underneath the pictures,
right?
Or the video, like if you'regoing to be an influencer for
good, you can't post ambiguousand think that people get your
(13:18):
intentions or your motives.
If I just posted the real photoswith Nika, what would happen if
I didn't post any caption to it,I would get a million messages
in my inbox and a couple, youknow, posted for the world to
see did something happen?
What's wrong with Nika?
Is she okay?
Did she pass away?
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
(13:39):
People would speculate.
People would wonder it would,you know, it would stir up
emotions in other people.
That's manipulation people.
And that's one of the reason wedon't like influencers we
don't like feeling manipulated.
We don't like click bait.
We don't like people who usesocial media as a platform to
(13:59):
grab attention or to deceive us,or to show us a perfect image of
a perfect life.
Those are all the things or afew.
Those are not all of the things.
Those are a few of the thingsthat turn us off about
influencers in general.
Right.
So I think it is something tokeep in mind if you're gonna
post a photo, you know, a selfiein a bathroom, maybe, maybe
(14:24):
either think to yourself, likewhy or freaking type a reason
I'm having so much fun out withmy friends tonight.
New top felt cute, whatever.
I don't care.
Like I, I get the impulsivenature that a lot of us have to
share things with the world, butI think it's, um, I think it's
(14:45):
kind of a, a good learningexperience when we get those,
um, urges to share, like, why,why do I wanna share this?
Um, what does it mean to me?
What does it mean to others?
What's the freaking point,right?
Personally, I just have a reallybig appreciation for positivity
(15:08):
online and in my feed.
It's why I freaking watch videosof golden retriever puppies and,
you know, read all theinspirational quotes and all the
Tinder, blog, and wine for wineand funny, funny memes and gifts
and other things that peopleshare because it adds happiness
to my life.
And doesn't bring me downbecause if I'm gonna be
(15:29):
scrolling on my phone, wastingmy time, I hope it's with
something that makes me smile orlaugh.
and not something thatfreaking brings me down.
And likewise, when I post thingson my feed online, um, I try
really hard to keep it real.
I don't wear makeup in some ofmy photos.
I have ball caps on andsweatshirts, and I am not 24 7
(15:55):
in full makeup using fancyfilters and looking my best,
because that is a joke.
That is definitely not what myreal life looks like.
And anyone who knows me knowsthat all too well.
And on here too, I try to sharethe good with the bad, right?
And I think that balance isimportant to keep it real and to
(16:15):
be relatable.
And I hope that you guys feelthat in listening to me.
So I'm gonna move on and talkabout how all of us can be
influencers for good aside fromsocial media, like in the real
world.
I think the easiest example isjust to talk about kids.
Now, clearly, if you're aparent, you have an, a gigantic
(16:38):
opportunity to be an influencerfor good.
But if you're not a parent,maybe you're a stepparent or an
aunt, an uncle, or a quasi auntor uncle.
I am that to a couple of mygirlfriend's kids.
I call myself their aunt, right?
You get what I'm saying?
Kids look up to us.
Even the, you know, teenagerswho roll their eyes and slam
(17:01):
their bedroom doors.
They still look up to us.
They're watching they'reemulating.
They are freaking sponges,soaking it all up.
And I think, especially in thesituation of divorce, we have an
opportunity to be honest withthem, to shelter them from
inappropriate topics, thingsthat have happened, experiences
(17:24):
that they don't need to knowabout.
And ultimately we can just be avery solid example of strength,
resilience, humanity, grace.
We can show them that even whenmom or dad goes through hard
times and they've seen us cryand they've seen us yell and
(17:46):
they've seen us at some of ourlow points, hopefully they've
also seen us making responsiblechoices.
They've seen us take the highroad a time or two to be a
bigger person, a time or two.
They've seen us try at least tobe amicable in difficult
situations.
(18:07):
And they've seen us pullourselves together to continue
to go to work, to continue to bethere for them to not use them
as an emotional support person,but to be that person for them.
And if you're a peripheralperson in a young person's life,
(18:28):
like a quasi aunt, like what Icall myself, oh, trust me, you
can still have such greatimpact.
Kids are no different than therest of us.
They can sense it when you havegenuine interest in them and
what they're up to and how theyare feeling.
(18:49):
And just being a listening ear,being a source of comfort,
guidance, fun, whatever that is,is such a beautiful way to
influence kids.
So don't underestimate yourvalue.
If you are not in a kid's lifeday in and day out how special
(19:12):
you can be to them, um, on yourmore infrequent interactions, it
all matters.
And you know, even when we'retalking about influence, some of
it is just your image, right?
Like you are the sweet aunt thatbrings her puppy over and makes
yummy brownies and like drivesthe cool Jeep and has a fun job
(19:36):
and seems to go to like lots ofconcerts and cool stuff that
their parents don't do.
Like your image says a lot aboutyou too.
Right?
How the people around, you know,you, what you project do you
project happiness?
Do you project positivity or doyou project something different?
(19:58):
you know, that kind ofmakes me think about my career.
And early on as a pharmaceuticalrep, I seriously felt like a
glorified ups driver.
Like I spend all this timelearning about a disease state
and a drug and pharmacokineticsand pharmacodynamics, and then
I'm told to stand, and this isliteral stand on the duct, taped
(20:23):
X on the floor by that drugcloset.
And you just wait until mydoctor has time to sign your
stupid computer is that is whatmy life felt like for a while
here and there early in mycareer, I felt like I didn't
have much to offer.
No one really took me seriously.
And I just stood there andwaited for someone to sign a
(20:45):
computer all day long.
Or maybe I just sat my happy ina waiting room for two hours to
get 30 seconds with, um, with adoctor.
Yeah.
So there were times in mycareer, this is my point where I
decided that my job for the daywas to spread happiness to the
doctor's offices that I visited.
(21:07):
And it felt better.
I felt more gratified in my jobwhen that was my goal.
Yes.
I had quotas to meet.
Yes.
I was a salesperson.
Yes, I did my best on thatfront.
But when I got discouraged, Ijust tried to view myself as
that cheery girl who maybebrought Starbucks and listened
and tried to get to know peopleand cared.
(21:30):
Right.
I'm just gonna show up andspread joy.
Yep.
That was me for some amount oftime and looking back hashtag no
regrets.
Now that's not a bad way tolive, not a great career choice
maybe.
Um, but things evolved and gotbetter.
And I obviously developed apretty good reputation for
(21:53):
myself that I was a kind person,the kind of person, maybe that
deserved a better job andgot referred to job after job,
after job, over the years.
And maybe a little piece of thatwas because of my image, right?
What we portray, what peopleperceive.
(22:14):
It can change your life in a lotof different ways.
When you take a second to thinkabout it, think about your day
to day influence you have onothers.
You know, while you're outshopping, while you're grabbing
a cup of coffee, I went into alocal, um, restaurant recently
(22:34):
and I was, I had my interactionat the, you know, at the iPad
check, like closing out my tab.
And this young guy was likeasking me what my plans were for
Easter.
And I told him what my planswere and he goes, you know, I
really wanna see my grandma andshe's gonna wanna take me to
church, but I'm gonna feel likesuch a hypocrite if I decide to
(22:55):
go to church with her, becauselike, I don't usually go to
church and everyone is gonnaknow that I don't go to church
and I heard'em out and listenedand I totally get it.
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Most of the people, especiallyat Easter service are not
regular churchgoers.
Like, you'll get that right.
(23:16):
Like the highest attendance everis like Christmas Eve and like
Easter for obvious reasons.
I'm like, don't let don't letwhat you think others are gonna
think of you hold you back.
Think about your grandma.
How happy would your grandma beif you were sitting next to her,
think about how good you wouldfeel doing that for your
grandma.
Like it's not just about beingat church.
(23:38):
It's about being there with her,for her right.
Dude.
I hope that that guy thoughtabout me later and thought, you
know, maybe I was a positiveinfluence him on him that day.
I mean, we can influence in thesmallest, but most meaningful
ways if we just open ourselvesup and give a little, okay, one
(24:03):
last little example and I'lljust use work, right?
Most of us have jobs.
And in those jobs we associatewith other coworkers or
customers on some level, andthose relationships can be
challenging and workenvironments.
Um, ever changing, notalways positive, huge part of
(24:26):
our lives, um, for better orworse.
Right?
So how about trying to be aninfluencer for good in your
workplace?
Maybe don't go down that rabbithole.
When everyone starts complainingabout, you know, X, Y, Z, the
vacation policy or the pay, oran manager, maybe don't jump on
(24:48):
that bandwagon and get pulledinto all of that negativity.
Maybe stand up and be aninfluencer for good, try to make
change happen.
You maybe, you know, met with alot of resistance.
Um, sometimes you need to justbe a head nodder and go along
with things.
Hey, I get it.
But showing leadership in yourplace of work by being positive
(25:12):
can do nothing but good thingsfor you for those around you.
And the best possible outcome, Ithink is when your influence,
when your positivity spreads toothers, that's when the game
changes.
And that to summarize is whatI'm trying to do here.
(25:35):
Just trying to be an influencerfor good, trying to spread a
little joy and happiness to mypeople, singles like me, people
who have found themselves in adifficult spot in life and are
trying to make the most of it.
Thank you all so very, very muchfor listening to season two,
episode three influencer forgood.
(25:57):
It just means the world to methat you guys have come back
after my long hiatus and arehelping to spread the word about
the podcast with other singlesin your life or people that you
may just think would get a kickout of this.
I totally appreciate it.
That's how podcasts grow by wordof mouth.
And so coming up next, here'syour little teaser season two
(26:20):
episode four.
Hmm.
Gonna have to put a positivespin on this one because the
title is single a F and I don'teven mean to trivialize it.
Sometimes I'm disappointed inmyself that the title of the
podcast is man shopping withStacy because it comes
across so shallow and does notat all encompass what I talk
(26:44):
about on this podcast.
my fear is always thatpeople will think this is only
about dating or that I am a manbasher, or that this is just
something silly and flippant andthat they should just brush off
and not take seriously.
Um, but those are myinsecurities to deal with right?
(27:05):
On the, on the flip side, it iscatchy, right?
That's obviously another reasonwhy I kept the title, but the
larger reason is because it'sthe name of the book that I'm
writing.
And I am trying to build aplatform at the end of the day,
and I am not, um, gonna shy awayfrom that.
I mean, I am trying to grow myInstagram followers.
(27:25):
I am trying to, to increase mypodcast listeners, but it's
because it's part of a biggerpiece to the puzzle that I hope
to be able to publish more andmore books and, and grow, you
know, I would call it anaudience, but it's people who
are interested in the topicsthat I talk about and write
about.
(27:45):
And it's a sense of communitythat I wanna be a part of.
And I want to learn from, I sayall the time that this podcast
and my writing is a huge toolfor self discovery for myself.
And so those are theconversations that I have had
with my daughter Laney and myfamily and my close friends.
Like they understand myintentions and my motives and my
(28:08):
heart and they, they get it.
They just get it.
Welcome to man shopping with Stacey, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacey weer, andyou are listening to season two,
episode three influencer forgood.
Oh, I know many of you, if not,most of you are absolutely
(00:25):
cringing.
Just adhering me, say the wordinfluencer and I get it.
Oh, I, I get it.
But hear me out, hear me out inthis episode, I'm going to share
with you my unusual inspirationfor this topic.
Kind of my why as to why I thinkthat this is important, um, for
(00:48):
all of us single people
Um, and then I'm going to sharewith you some of my personal
motivation for building theplatform with man shopping with
Stacy, that I'm doing, why Itransparently share my stories
on this podcast and why I postwhat I post on social media, as
(01:10):
well as the conversations that Ihave about, about my online
presence and my public imagewith my daughter, with, um, with
others in my life and how it hasimpacted me and others around
me.
But most importantly, I'm goingto share with all of you, how I
(01:32):
think all of you can beinfluencers for.
Good and know, I don't just meanon Instagram, I mean, in your
real life.
And I've got lots of tips andsituations to discuss that.
I hope you all find veryhelpful.
Okay.
So let me start by just tellingyou the story of where the idea
(01:54):
for this episode topic actuallycame from.
Well, I was sitting on a pew ina church at mass on a Sunday
squeezed in between my daughterand her boyfriend's mother, who
is my friend listeningattentively to a very compelling
(02:18):
priest.
This guy has personality.
He demands attention in the bestway possible.
He uses humor and charisma tocaptivate all of the
parishioners who attend hismass.
(02:41):
He is a force and I think he'sawesome.
And it's one of the reasons thatI've been attending church with,
um, with my daughter'sboyfriend's family, my friends
So anyhow, I'm listening to himtalk about Moses.
(03:02):
Moses wrote the 10 commandments.
Moses helped the Israelisescape.
Egypt.
Moses was a follower of God, buthe was a leader of people.
And so the priest who I waslistening to said that if Moses
(03:25):
lived in the modern day, he'd beconsidered an influencer that's
right.
An influencer for goodspecifically.
So this priest went on to talkabout how all of us listening,
the kids, the adults, thegrandparents, all of us can also
(03:45):
be influencers for good.
So as I sat there in church onthat Sunday morning, I was
feeling quite introspective.
I was digging deep people.
I was thinking about what is mymotivation?
Why am, am I so transparent?
Why do I put all this stuff outthere on social media,
(04:06):
everything from photos to verylengthy descriptions about how
I'm feeling or what I've gonethrough.
And then of course, this podcastwhere I'm sharing a lot of
intimate details about myself,wow, what leads a person like me
to do this?
Well, I'll tell you at my verycore, deep inside my soul.
(04:33):
I think it's my gift that I aman open book that I am happy to
share of myself with others tohelp.
It's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to help people in asmall, small way.
So every time I post a photo orrecord a podcast episode, my
(04:56):
intention is to spread a messageof happiness, to help single
people like me find just alittle bit more joy in life.
Be relatable, be real, and alsospread a little optimism because
a lot of us are in circumstancesthat maybe we never wanted to be
in.
Maybe they were completelyunforeseen shocking.
(05:19):
Um, and it's tough.
It's hard to be single later inlife.
It's not an easy place to besingle and living alone or
trying to raise children withsomeone you don't get along with
or, or raise children all byyourself.
Um, this is some difficulttrying and maybe even turbulent
(05:42):
times for most of us.
And you know, when I firststarted recording man shopping
with Stacy, it was all like, ohmy God, I've been through hell
and back.
I feel like I have had so manystorms in my life that I have
somehow survived and come out ofhappier that I felt like I was
(06:02):
kind of unique.
I think in a lot of ways, Ithought I was different somehow
and maybe could shine a newlight for some people to start
appreciating, um, the littlethings in life as a single
person that maybe they couldn'tsee on their own.
Maybe I needed to point some ofthis stuff out
(06:26):
you who, who, you know, some ofit just gets lost on us.
Um, the freedoms and enjoyableparts of being by ourselves, but
the longer that I've been singleand the more experiences that
I've gone through, the more, um,appreciation I think I have for
(06:46):
other people's situations.
And I, I think it's just part ofmy growth process.
So when we're talking aboutinfluencing for good, um, all of
season one, I mean, I was highas a kite.
I was like, this is awesome.
Life has never been better.
I, things are peaceful.
I mean, I'm bragging about likehow great I sleep and how fun
(07:10):
life is.
And I'm vacationing with mydaughter and I have all this
financial freedom now, andnobody's gonna bring me down and
dating is fun.
And I have met so many greatpeople.
Don't have a boyfriend, but Idon't care.
You know?
And then here I am a year later,right?
One more year under my belt,hundreds of singles have come
(07:32):
into my life.
Like I know so many people'spersonal stories now and have
such a better understanding, um,holistically of what divorce
means for other people or justwhat being single means.
Um, to other people that I, Ihope in this season two and
(07:54):
going forward and future booksand everything that, that my
influencer status is more of arelatability status because
rather than trying to positionmyself as someone to admire,
(08:14):
because I've overcome some stuffand I'm super freaking happy, I
would rather be known as someonewho gets it.
Like she gets it, like she livesthis stuff too.
And she knows that it's not easyand I've never tried to
sugarcoat anything.
And I've, I've always beenhonest, um, about my
experiences, but I think thelonger I'm single, the more
(08:38):
obstacles that I have faced andgone through too, that I
definitely will be sharing withyou guys on going.
I mean, the most recentexperience that I went through,
if you follow me on Instagram orFacebook, you know, all too well
that I just lost my beloved dogNika.
And I shouldn't say I, we, welost Nika.
(09:01):
Nika was a source of love andaffection and amusement for so
many people, of course, for mydaughter, for my parents, for my
friends and neighbors, anybodywho's been around her to know
Nika was to love Nika.
And even though I had beenpreparing my brain and my heart
(09:23):
for years, that she was not inthe greatest of health, she was
diagnosed with cancer recentlyprepping myself, right?
Because I knew I'm a realist.
Like she's, she's not gonna liveforever.
But when the day came that Laneyand I made the very, very
difficult choice to end hersuffering and take her to the
vet to be put, to sleep.
(09:45):
It didn't make it any easier.
It was so hard.
And I know so many of you areanimal lovers, pet lovers, too.
You, you get it.
Like there is just no other kindof pain.
So in going through thatexperience just a few days ago,
(10:05):
I'm like, I am more alone.
Now.
Nega was my constant companion.
She was at my feet.
I mean, you know how it is lifewith a dog, right.
She sat next to me on the couch.
You know, she stretched out andlaid on the floor right next to
my bed.
Every night she got in my carall the time.
She followed me to the toilet.
(10:26):
Like this dog was glued to meand now I'm alone.
I'm not gonna be interrupted bybarking anymore.
Like while I'm recording, I dolove that you can hear her bark.
didn't get edited out.
I don't even care.
Like, I'm so glad to have thatmemory, but, you know, I, I
(10:49):
found, I found myself in thisspace for a few days now.
Like, oh my God, I'm so muchmore alone.
Wow.
Do I feel for some of you whodidn't get the dog and the
divorce or lost a, you know,lost a cat to your spouse or
whatever your case may be, it'sfreaking hard.
So anyway, what I'm trying tosay is let's just use Nika as an
(11:13):
example, two days in a row, Isat on my phone and I'm not
joking for hours, hours.
Going through photos of Nikamade a folder just for her
created a reel on Instagram,shared the reel admitted in my
post on Instagram, that it wassomehow therapeutic to go
(11:34):
through photos of her because itreally was, it was a good, it's
not that it was a distraction.
I was completely focused on her,but I didn't feel sad in the
moments or in the hours.
So I didn't post a reel onInstagram for people to feel
sorry for me.
Right.
(11:54):
Like, no, I don't, I don't needyour pity.
Like I feel sorry on my own.
I feel sad on my own.
It's okay.
I'm not looking for attention.
Don't worry about my mentalhealth.
I'm okay.
Over here.
I, I posted it because it wasmeaningful to me.
And I know that many of you haveexperienced very similar loss.
(12:14):
Um, and you get it.
And I am not above needing wordsof encouragement or support or
love.
Some of you feel as thoughyou've gotten to know my dog
over the past year and itmatters to you too, you know?
So I guess she's kind of a, agood example of influencing for
(12:35):
good.
I, I tried to show myappreciation and gratitude for
having her in our lives as longas we did and just to celebrate
the, her life and what she meantto me and to Elany and to
everyone else who was luckyenough to know her.
(12:56):
So with that being said, theonly way that I could convey my
intent for the post is to typewords underneath the pictures,
right?
Or the video, like if you'regoing to be an influencer for
good, you can't post ambiguousand think that people get your
(13:18):
intentions or your motives.
If I just posted the real photoswith Nika, what would happen if
I didn't post any caption to it,I would get a million messages
in my inbox and a couple, youknow, posted for the world to
see did something happen?
What's wrong with Nika?
Is she okay?
Did she pass away?
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
(13:39):
People would speculate.
People would wonder it would,you know, it would stir up
emotions in other people.
That's manipulation people.
And that's one of the reason wedon't like influencers
don't like feeling manipulated.
We don't like click bait.
We don't like people who usesocial media as a platform to
(13:59):
grab attention or to deceive us,or to show us a perfect image of
a perfect life.
Those are all the things or afew.
Those are not all of the things.
Those are a few of the thingsthat turn us off about
influencers in general.
Right.
So I think it is something tokeep in mind if you're gonna
post a photo, you know, a selfiein a bathroom, maybe, maybe
(14:24):
either think to yourself, likewhy or freaking type a reason
I'm having so much fun out withmy friends tonight.
New top felt cute, whatever.
I don't care.
Like I, I get the impulsivenature that a lot of us have to
share things with the world, butI think it's, um, I think it's
(14:45):
kind of a, a good learningexperience when we get those,
um, urges to share, like, why,why do I wanna share this?
Um, what does it mean to me?
What does it mean to others?
What's the freaking point,right?
Personally, I just have a reallybig appreciation for positivity
(15:08):
online and in my feed.
It's why I freaking watch videosof golden retriever puppies and,
you know, read all theinspirational quotes and all the
Tinder, blog, and wine for wineand funny, funny memes and gifts
and other things that peopleshare because it adds happiness
to my life.
And doesn't bring me downbecause if I'm gonna be
(15:29):
scrolling on my phone, wastingmy time, I hope it's with
something that makes me smile orlaugh.
And likewise, when I post thingson my feed online, um, I try
really hard to keep it real.
I don't wear makeup in some ofmy photos.
I have ball caps on andsweatshirts, and I am not 24 7
(15:55):
in full makeup using fancyfilters and looking my best,
because that is a joke.
That is definitely not what myreal life looks like.
And anyone who knows me knowsthat all too well.
And on here too, I try to sharethe good with the bad, right?
And I think that balance isimportant to keep it real and to
(16:15):
be relatable.
And I hope that you guys feelthat in listening to me.
So I'm gonna move on and talkabout how all of us can be
influencers for good aside fromsocial media, like in the real
world.
I think the easiest example isjust to talk about kids.
Now, clearly, if you're aparent, you have an, a gigantic
(16:38):
opportunity to be an influencerfor good.
But if you're not a parent,maybe you're a stepparent or an
aunt, an uncle, or a quasi auntor uncle.
I am that to a couple of mygirlfriend's kids.
I call myself their aunt, right?
You get what I'm saying?
Kids look up to us.
Even the, you know, teenagerswho roll their eyes and slam
(17:01):
their bedroom doors.
They still look up to us.
They're watching they'reemulating.
They are freaking sponges,soaking it all up.
And I think, especially in thesituation of divorce, we have an
opportunity to be honest withthem, to shelter them from
inappropriate topics, thingsthat have happened, experiences
(17:24):
that they don't need to knowabout.
And ultimately we can just be avery solid example of strength,
resilience, humanity, grace.
We can show them that even whenmom or dad goes through hard
times and they've seen us cryand they've seen us yell and
(17:46):
they've seen us at some of ourlow points, hopefully they've
also seen us making responsiblechoices.
They've seen us take the highroad a time or two to be a
bigger person, a time or two.
They've seen us try at least tobe amicable in difficult
situations.
(18:07):
And they've seen us pullourselves together to continue
to go to work, to continue to bethere for them to not use them
as an emotional support person,but to be that person for them.
And if you're a peripheralperson in a young person's life,
(18:28):
like a quasi aunt, like what Icall myself, oh, trust me, you
can still have such greatimpact.
Kids are no different than therest of us.
They can sense it when you havegenuine interest in them and
what they're up to and how theyare feeling.
(18:49):
And just being a listening ear,being a source of comfort,
guidance, fun, whatever that is,is such a beautiful way to
influence kids.
So don't underestimate yourvalue.
If you are not in a kid's lifeday in and day out how special
(19:12):
you can be to them, um, on yourmore infrequent interactions, it
all matters.
And you know, even when we'retalking about influence, some of
it is just your image, right?
Like you are the sweet aunt thatbrings her puppy over and makes
yummy brownies and like drivesthe cool Jeep and has a fun job
(19:36):
and seems to go to like lots ofconcerts and cool stuff that
their parents don't do.
Like your image says a lot aboutyou too.
Right?
How the people around, you know,you, what you project do you
project happiness?
Do you project positivity or doyou project something different?
(19:58):
And early on as a pharmaceuticalrep, I seriously felt like a
glorified ups driver.
Like I spend all this timelearning about a disease state
and a drug and pharmacokineticsand pharmacodynamics, and then
I'm told to stand, and this isliteral stand on the duct, taped
(20:23):
X on the floor by that drugcloset.
And you just wait until mydoctor has time to sign your
stupid computer is that is whatmy life felt like for a while
here and there early in mycareer, I felt like I didn't
have much to offer.
No one really took me seriously.
And I just stood there andwaited for someone to sign a
(20:45):
computer all day long.
Or maybe I just sat my happy ina waiting room for two hours to
get 30 seconds with, um, with adoctor.
Yeah.
So there were times in mycareer, this is my point where I
decided that my job for the daywas to spread happiness to the
doctor's offices that I visited.
(21:07):
And it felt better.
I felt more gratified in my jobwhen that was my goal.
Yes.
I had quotas to meet.
Yes.
I was a salesperson.
Yes, I did my best on thatfront.
But when I got discouraged, Ijust tried to view myself as
that cheery girl who maybebrought Starbucks and listened
and tried to get to know peopleand cared.
(21:30):
Right.
I'm just gonna show up andspread joy.
Yep.
That was me for some amount oftime and looking back hashtag no
regrets.
Now that's not a bad way tolive, not a great career choice
maybe.
Um, but things evolved and gotbetter.
And I obviously developed apretty good reputation for
(21:53):
myself that I was a kind person,the kind of person, maybe that
deserved a better job
after job, over the years.
And maybe a little piece of thatwas because of my image, right?
What we portray, what peopleperceive.
(22:14):
It can change your life in a lotof different ways.
When you take a second to thinkabout it, think about your day
to day influence you have onothers.
You know, while you're outshopping, while you're grabbing
a cup of coffee, I went into alocal, um, restaurant recently
(22:34):
and I was, I had my interactionat the, you know, at the iPad
check, like closing out my tab.
And this young guy was likeasking me what my plans were for
Easter.
And I told him what my planswere and he goes, you know, I
really wanna see my grandma andshe's gonna wanna take me to
church, but I'm gonna feel likesuch a hypocrite if I decide to
(22:55):
go to church with her, becauselike, I don't usually go to
church and everyone is gonnaknow that I don't go to church
and I heard'em out and listenedand I totally get it.
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Most of the people, especiallyat Easter service are not
regular churchgoers.
Like, you'll get that right.
(23:16):
Like the highest attendance everis like Christmas Eve and like
Easter for obvious reasons.
I'm like, don't let don't letwhat you think others are gonna
think of you hold you back.
Think about your grandma.
How happy would your grandma beif you were sitting next to her,
think about how good you wouldfeel doing that for your
grandma.
Like it's not just about beingat church.
(23:38):
It's about being there with her,for her right.
Dude.
I hope that that guy thoughtabout me later and thought, you
know, maybe I was a positiveinfluence him on him that day.
I mean, we can influence in thesmallest, but most meaningful
ways if we just open ourselvesup and give a little, okay, one
(24:03):
last little example and I'lljust use work, right?
Most of us have jobs.
And in those jobs we associatewith other coworkers or
customers on some level, andthose relationships can be
challenging and workenvironments.
Um,
(24:26):
our lives, um, for better orworse.
Right?
So how about trying to be aninfluencer for good in your
workplace?
Maybe don't go down that rabbithole.
When everyone starts complainingabout, you know, X, Y, Z, the
vacation policy or the pay, oran manager, maybe don't jump on
(24:48):
that bandwagon and get pulledinto all of that negativity.
Maybe stand up and be aninfluencer for good, try to make
change happen.
You maybe, you know, met with alot of resistance.
Um, sometimes you need to justbe a head nodder and go along
with things.
Hey, I get it.
But showing leadership in yourplace of work by being positive
(25:12):
can do nothing but good thingsfor you for those around you.
And the best possible outcome, Ithink is when your influence,
when your positivity spreads toothers, that's when the game
changes.
And that to summarize is whatI'm trying to do here.
(25:35):
Just trying to be an influencerfor good, trying to spread a
little joy and happiness to mypeople, singles like me, people
who have found themselves in adifficult spot in life and are
trying to make the most of it.
Thank you all so very, very muchfor listening to season two,
episode three influencer forgood.
(25:57):
It just means the world to methat you guys have come back
after my long hiatus and arehelping to spread the word about
the podcast with other singlesin your life or people that you
may just think would get a kickout of this.
I totally appreciate it.
That's how podcasts grow by wordof mouth.
And so coming up next, here'syour little teaser season two
(26:20):
episode four.
Hmm.
Gonna have to put a positivespin on this one because the
title is single a F and I don'teven mean to trivialize it.
Sometimes I'm disappointed inmyself that the title of the
podcast is man shopping withStacy
across so shallow and does notat all encompass what I talk
(26:44):
about on this podcast.
about dating or that I am a manbasher, or that this is just
something silly and flippant andthat they should just brush off
and not take seriously.
Um, but those are myinsecurities to deal with right?
(27:05):
On the, on the flip side, it iscatchy, right?
That's obviously another reasonwhy I kept the title, but the
larger reason is because it'sthe name of the book that I'm
writing.
And I am trying to build aplatform at the end of the day,
and I am not, um, gonna shy awayfrom that.
I mean, I am trying to grow myInstagram followers.
(27:25):
I am trying to, to increase mypodcast listeners, but it's
because it's part of a biggerpiece to the puzzle that I hope
to be able to publish more andmore books and, and grow, you
know, I would call it anaudience, but it's people who
are interested in the topicsthat I talk about and write
about.
(27:45):
And it's a sense of communitythat I wanna be a part of.
And I want to learn from, I sayall the time that this podcast
and my writing is a huge toolfor self discovery for myself.
And so those are theconversations that I have had
with my daughter Laney and myfamily and my close friends.
Like they understand myintentions and my motives and my
(28:08):
heart and they, they get it.
They just get it.
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