Ep50~ Come on in to the Cougar Den

My name is Stacie and I am an agist. I have never been interested in dating anyone more than a few years older or younger than me. My friend, Tonya, though... Well, she's quite different.
We begin by chatting about our friendship when I was newly divorced from Lanie's dad and she was single, as well. We, along with another friend, called ourselves the Neapolitan Sundae.  We three friends were different in many ways and our preferences when it came to men were different too.  Tonya noticed back then, when I was 31, that I was biased when it came to age.
Tonya shares the story of how she and her boyfriend of 11 years now met. There is a 16 year age gap that Tonya was initially uncomfortable with. When they met, Tonya was turning 41 and Brennan was 25. Tonya resisted Brennan initially, but Brennan persisted!
We discuss some concerns about dating much younger or older:

• If significantly younger, I worry about looking older than him and staying as fit. Tonya shared that she isn't concerned about the physical differences between the two of them and reminded me that appearance comes and goes. 
• Tonya shared that Brennan was concerned about Tonya dying on him. I completely get it! That is a reason I don't date men much older than me. I don't want to get short changed! 
• Younger men I've dated have either been unsure about children or definitely want children. I'm not having anymore babies. Tonya shares how this topic impacted her and Brennan's relationship.
• Careers and finances may not align. 

We have an in-depth discussion about how attraction and chemistry may be different when you date younger or older.  We shift the discussion to Tonya convincing me to date younger men.
 I was approached by HULU for a female empowering show casting women over 40 to date young men. I share all the details!
We discuss the family dynamics and age... If the man is closer in age to my mom than me, I'm not into it. Tonya tells about meeting Brennan's parents. SPOILER ALERT - They were very accepting and loving!
I told Tonya my theory that 39-40 isn't the right age for me to date. Tonya dispels my theory.
Tonya and I talk about sex and how disappointing it can be over 40.  Tonya transparently shared how fantastic her and Brennan's sex life is. She highly recommends having sex with younger men!
Tonya gives me a pep talk and advice to not get hung up on age and advises me to date YOUNGER MEN, not older.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host, Stacey weer, andyour listing to season two,
episode five, come on to theCougar den.

(00:22):
Don't be scared.
Now don't be shy.
Come on in.
You are all invited to listen toa little talky.
Talk with my very funny friendin this episode, I'm going to
introduce you to my friend, Tony.
Yes, she is the chocolate to myvanilla in our Sunday.

(00:44):
we are going to exploreage gaps, specifically dating
and relationships with eitherolder or younger partners.
And I'm hoping that Tony canhelp me with my, um,
discrimination issue, which isageism.
She and I have very differentopinions and experiences, and

(01:07):
she is the perfect person totalk to, um, to share this
discussion with.
So I can't wait to introduce herto you.
My name is Stacy and I am anagist.
That is my confession, myconfession today.
And, um, my friend Tony overhere is, is just not, she's just

(01:28):
not and I, I want her to,uh, to just, uh, give you a
quick hello, and then I'm gonnatell you about how we met.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Hello?

Speaker 1 (01:36):
there she is.
so, uh, Tony and Ibecame friends, I think real
soon after I moved to Kansascity and we were both single, I
was about 30 years old.
How old would that have madeyou?
Do you remember?
Oh

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Gosh, no.
Um, probably 40.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so we were the chocolate andvanilla, as I said to our
Neopolitan Sunday with our, um,Filipino friend who was the
strawberry and we would hit thetown and go out and like pick up
guys.
It was easy and fun back then.
We just like, we just, uh,somehow like laws of attraction
were at play and while I wasridiculously guarded and would

(02:17):
tell guys like, oh my gosh, likeyou're a baby you're way too
young for me.
Tony's like Burr on the boys.
Um, so tell me about that.
Like, when we first met you, um,were just starting to date
Brennan, can you kind ofdescribe Brennan and you and

(02:40):
kind of how things started?

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah.
Interesting story enough.
um, and yes, it wasbring on the boys, but they had
to be of age course, you know,not real boys, young men.
That is a good clarifier.
Yes, yes, yes, no pedophilestuff going on here.
Um, yeah, so it was interestingbecause yeah, I met you and we
were kind of free and had greattimes out.

(03:04):
And I know I used to alwaysscold you on stop telling people
they're too young and, you know,give it a chance.
Um, well then it came to bite mein the butt big time, um,
because Brennan was 25 when Imet him and I was 40 mm-hmm
um, Gary would be41.
And so, uh, we met in a bar,which is interesting enough
because I know this day and agethat's doesn't happen.

(03:25):
Doesn't happen.
Mm-hmm totallyunlikely.
Mm-hmm so I'm kindof glad I avoided that whole
like online dating, cuz it wasreally organic counter

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Blessings

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yes, definitely.
Mm-hmm uh,especially when I hear stories
on your podcast, I'm like, whoa

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Thanks.
Thanks Tony.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Not a problem, not a problem, but um, yeah, I mean he
approached me, um, we danced andhe's six, seven tall, tall drink
of water, right?

Speaker 1 (03:49):
How tall are

Speaker 2 (03:50):
You?
Uhhuh?
I'm five nine, but with heelsabout six one Uhhuh
um, so, you know, we're we callourselves the twin towers mm-hmm
but yeah, he, youknow, he walked in and my
girlfriend who I was with at thetime saw him and said, oh my
gosh, this guy just walked in.
Totally your type.
And I turned around and he wasyoung and I was like, oh, no way
too young way too young.

(04:10):
And she's like, oh no, don'tworry about it.
And, and which I was kind oflaughing at myself now because I
used to tell Stacy not to worryabout young and you know, just
go and see if there's aconnection mm-hmm.
So, uh, fast forward, we startedtalking after dancing and he
asked me for my number and Iwouldn't give it to him because
again, I was like, you're tooyoung.
And so I finally asked how oldare you?
And he said 25 and I almost spitout my drink.

(04:34):
And he was like, why, how oldare you?
Which at the time I wasn't eventelling, you know, prospects how
old I was, because why, youknow?
And, uh, I just blurted out 41,divorced twice with two kids.
And he was like, so, and I waslike, uh, okay, where do I go
from here?
Um, very persistent asked for myphone number a couple of times

(04:56):
throughout the night.
I said, no, he, uh, finally gaveme his number and I told him, I
don't call guys.
And he said, well, then gave meyour number.
And here we are 11 years later.


Speaker 1 (05:07):
I love it.
I love your story.
Um, and I know Brennan too, Imean, not super tight or
anything, but I've known himthrough the years and it's been
an absolute blast watching yourall's lives unfold.
that's for sure.
So some of my reservations, Ithink with younger guys, um,
I'll just, I'm just gonna bereal vulnerable and tell you, so

(05:27):
one of them is, um, an issuethat I don't even, I would be
shocked if it's on your list ofworries.
And it's like, I feel like Iwould be insecure about aging.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, am I gonna look a lotolder than him?
Am I gonna am?
Can I keep my body up?
You know what I mean?
Like physically and will peoplelook at us funny?

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah.
And that is honestly one thingthat you're right.
I don't think about because um,appearance comes and goes.
I mean, I actually feel like Ilook better now than I did

Speaker 1 (06:00):
When I, you guys, it's not even fair.
It's not like all post photoswith Tony and it's not even
fair.
And that's why I prefaced itwith you probably don't even
worry about this, but yeah,that's, it's tough.
Yeah.
Like to think about that for Mofor your average person, like
that's a concern.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Well, and, and honestly, whenever Brendan and I
are out, people always thinkhe's older.
Mm-hmm, you know,um, especially when we're on
vacation together, mm-hmm, people always
assume he's older.
Um, and you know, he does havean old soul.
I'm not gonna say he doesn't,but then I also am very young
and vivacious and I'm very outthere and, you know, kind of the
part life of the party,

Speaker 1 (06:37):
She's so vivacious.
That is the best adjective everfor you.
Thank

Speaker 2 (06:41):
You.
Mm-hmm um, butyeah, I, I just think that, you
know, what was funny that youbring that up now that I think
back to it, that was one ofactually his concerns about
being without me, you know,because there was such a age
gap.
And if you haven't done the mathit's 16 years.
Mm-hmm he, um, Iremember one of our first
conversations about dating is hesaid that, you know, I really

(07:03):
want a long term relationshipand I'm afraid as we get older,
you know, you might die on me.
and I was like, white,what?

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Okay.
So I get that from the oppositeperspective.
And honestly I've said thatbefore about me dating older men
mm-hmm and I hateto even say it, but I'm going
to, I don't wanna get ripped offor short change, like fall in
love with somebody, build a lifewith them and then only get 10
years or, or whatever, like thathurts my heart thinking about

(07:34):
it.
So here I am just putting upwalls.
Like, I can't date you becauseyou're not gonna be around long
enough potentially.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah.
And, and again, you know, he was25 and so, you know, that's
where I was thinking, okay, Iget your perspective in a sense.
Mm-hmm, you know,cuz obviously when we're all 25,
we think forties old and you'regonna die next year.
Um, but you know, the greatthing about it is, you know,
again, we, we talk through itand then look, look about, you
know, the fact that he wassingle, no children mm-hmm

(08:02):
you know, thatwasn't, uh, a subject that came
up.
Well, fortunately for him, Iwanted another child,

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Ding, ding, ding, this is another problem I have
this is another I I've.
Okay.
So I've now dated or gone ondates with, let's say maybe
about five guys who are rightaround my age or slightly
younger, like maybe they're 39and I'm 44.
Many of them have wanted babies,many of them.

(08:29):
So I'm like, why am I wasting mytime?
Like dating these younger guyswhen they want, they want
children or they're undecided.
And they think that they aregonna be good in life with or
without, and then I would alwayshave this fear that they're
going to decide that it's reallyimportant to them.
And then I am not their personbecause I, unlike you do not

(08:51):
want to have more babies.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah.
And honestly, this day and age,I'm finding a lot more, uh, men
do not want to have children,you know?
And so, you know, Brennan at thetime he, you know, he was like,
I don't want children now.
You know, I want, you know, cuzhe was starting his career.
Um, and so he was like, I, youknow, have, you know, a while
before I went children and Isaid, well, I don't.
Um, so we, you know, purposelyplanned is what I like to call

(09:15):
it.
And now we have a beautiful sonnamed Cason.
How

Speaker 1 (09:18):
Old's Cason now

Speaker 2 (09:19):
He's nine, just turned nine.
So you know, a couple of yearsinto the relationship we
decided, okay, let's go for it.
And again, being older, Ithought it would take a while.
That's the good thing aboutyoung men?
My doctor even said, he knows itmight take a year.
You know, because at the timemy, my child was I think eight,
maybe yeah.
Eight years old at the time.
And he said, it might take you awhile because you're older and

(09:42):
it's been a while.
Oh no first try

Speaker 1 (09:44):
yeah.
You defied the, the odds againbecause you are super human.
Um, for sure, for sure.
I love that though.
And I'm glad that that subjectcame up because, and, and quite
frankly, age aside, it, it comesup like that.
You're not maybe at the sameplace in life, um, as the other
person, like when it comes tohaving kids or not having kids.

(10:06):
So you also just touched on hiscareer.
So this is another concern ofmine.
Like I tend to have liketraditional, I like the
traditional roles of like, youknow, not necessarily like, I
don't know, like on a firstdate, I want the guy to take the
check.
I do.
Like if I'm being honest, like Iwant him to, because if he asked

(10:26):
me out and you know, he'spursuing me, I like that.
I like that chase.
I like that.
He, um, you know, it's not likeI'm his guest, but kind of like,
he invited me I'm out to dinnerwith him.
Um, I always offer always,always, always.
And I do think that younger mensplit checks with me.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Oh my God.
No, it,

Speaker 1 (10:48):
It happens.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
First of all, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to recant
that because first of all, likewhat you were setting up in
regards to, I like them to askme out and pay for the check
young guys do that too.
I've gone out with older manthat have like looked at me and
I'm like, you know, the, hegoes, the pizza was$20.
And I said, okay.
And I literally was like, is hewant me to pay half for this

(11:12):
pizza?
And so I pulled out a 20 and hetried to give me change.
Oh God.
And I said, no, keep it

Speaker 1 (11:18):
.
So we're done here.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
We're done.
You know?
And that was an older guy or aguy my age when I was dating
before Brennan.
So I don't think that'snecessarily an age thing.
I think that's just

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Cheaps

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Skate thing.
Yeah.
Cheaps skate.
you know, which I saybye to them too,

Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, I get it.
So, um, we talked about this alittle bit prior to recording,
but prior to Brennan, um, didyou tell me your dating
experience with, in regards toage?
So did you date men, um, a lotyounger or a lot older or right
around your

Speaker 2 (11:52):
Age?
Well, um, well I ha let me goback into my little Rolodex
I know, right?
Um, no.
And for those of you who don'tknow what a Rolodex are,
good job.
Exactly.
Love it.
Yeah.
Right.
We might have the preference,what that is.
Um, anyway, um, no, I think likemy first, uh, ex is, uh, two

(12:16):
years older, we met in college,did the whole traditional
graduate college, had the twokids, the picket fence, the dog
went to church every Sunday.
Um, and then my second ex, uh,was two years younger.
Um, and at the time I didn'tthink much of it because two
years why, you know, mm-hmm.
And so once I divorced him, Idid get on slightly cuz that's
when online dating first cameout.

(12:37):
So I was on match for a quickhot second mm-hmm
um, and a lot of the guys I wasdating were probably my age or
older mm-hmm um,and you know, what I found is
just didn't have a lot in commonwith them.
Mm-hmm I don'tthink it was necessarily a age
thing as much.
It was just, you know, who I amas a person I'm very young at
heart.
Um, I like to be spontaneous.

(12:58):
I like to do a lot of things.
Even when I had young childrenat home, they would go with
their dad and I would just meetup with you girls.
Yeah.
And hang out all night, youknow?
Yes.
Um, so, and then, you know, onceI started really actively
seeking a partner, uh, I diddate a couple guys that were
older.
Uh, and you know, honestly Ijust, I remember this young man

(13:20):
or older man and bless hisheart.
He tried to kiss me and I turnedthe cheek because I just wasn't
physically attract.
Yeah.
I think it's a attraction thing

Speaker 1 (13:27):
For me.
I, I think that that is the samefor me too.
And you know, it's hard to gaugeattraction by looking at photos,
just still photos of men ondating apps sometimes.
Um, because I do think thatthere's something to be said for
how a man carries himself andhow he speaks and all of that,
which is why I think FaceTime issuch a good way to screen, you

(13:47):
know, the chemistry factor.
But that is a big piece of itfor me, I think.
And it's a little, it kind, it,it bothers me about myself
because I don't wanna beshallow, but then I also have to
be true to my own feelings and Ineed to be attracted to the
person that I'm dating.
And I can't, it's not somethingthat you can just force.

(14:09):
I don't think so.
I guess that makes me feel goodthat we have that in common

Speaker 2 (14:14):
well, and physical appearance is anything,
everything, even whatever ageyou are, because every anybody
who knows me, um, which I'm surethere's gonna be a lot of people
on this podcast who do, um,anybody who knows me, they will
say, I have a type, you know,and that's where my girlfriend,
when Brennan walked in, he wasmy type mm-hmm and
you know, and so, uh, it wasn'tnecessarily about his age more

(14:34):
as his physical, you know,attraction of tall, dark, you
know, nice.
But you know, played, playedcollege ball mm-hmm
, you know, so athletic, youknow, had the abs.
And so, yeah, so it was justmore of my type.
And so I think with older men,unfortunately, that just isn't
my type

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Mm-hmm.
So before we started recording,I showed Tony some photos of
some guys that she knows thestories of and we've chatted
about, but you know, eithershe's lost track or we ha, or I
just haven't shown the facesthat are behind the nicknames
um, but she wassurprised, I think at kind of my
type it's actually not that faroff from your type.

(15:13):
I don't think like these aresome like tall athletic.
Yeah.
Um, tall, dark and handsome kindof guys.
But then I did show you oneolder guy, maybe 10 years older
than the first two, 10 to 13year.
No, maybe.
Yeah.
That doesn't matter.
Yeah.
Slightly older.

(15:34):
And did you think he was stillwithin, like what you could
envision me with or do you thinkhe looked older or like, not
someone that I would like, likewe would make a cute couple, I
guess.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
Um, cuz you look really young Stace and um,
that's the good thing too about our, you know, who we
are as people we do keep up withourselves mm-hmm
and he wasn't a very attractiveman.
Mm-hmm um, Ipersonally, if I saw him in a
bar, I probably wouldn'tapproach him if I was single.
Just because again, just thelook of age mm-hmm

(16:10):
and, and that's where I'mpicking up an age, as I know, oh
my God.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
It's not supposed to go this way for the record.
She's supposed to convince me tonot to not feel this way,
but you, but let's think aboutit.
You're with a younger man.
So maybe that's where we need tofocus me dating younger men and
not, uh, convincing me to dateolder men.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah.
Cuz I think we need to turn thetide here cuz I'm gonna get
yelled

Speaker 1 (16:36):
At.
Okay.
So we we'll talk like we're inthe Cougar den now.
Yeah.
Let's go with the Cougar.
We're in the Cougar den.
And um, I know that I kind ofbriefly told you a little bit
about this, um, Hulu datingshow.
So I was on Instagram one dayand I read a DM from this young,
beautiful thing who lives inSouthern California.

(16:57):
And she reached out to me andshe was like, Hey love.
And she gave me a sweetcompliment and then asked if I
was still single or looking forlove.
And I was like, why?
Yes I am.
You know, where, where are yougoing with this?
And so she messaged me and askedif we could have a phone
conversation.
She said that she was a castingagent working for a casting
director hosting for a new Huludating show that has yet to air

(17:23):
on television.
And so I was like, oh yeah, I'mup for anything.
So call me.
So we spoke the next day and shetold me the premise of the show
and she began by telling me thatthe show was very empowering for
women.
That that was really theirintent behind the show.
And I'm like, okay, well tell memore, how is it empowering?

(17:45):
And she said, well, there willbe women cast on the show who
are all over the age of 40 allkind of not struggling in their
dating lives, but haven't foundthe one for various reasons and
we mix it up.
And would you considermaybe the reason that you
haven't found your love isbecause you've been looking in

(18:07):
the wrong, you know, pool of menand perhaps you should be dating
da, da, da, da, young dudes.
like young dudes, like,like they, I saw the ad where
they were casting the men, likeon Instagram, they were putting
it out there, like to getinterest from the guys.
And they were as young as 21years old I was like, oh

(18:31):
my gosh.
And I, and so I told her I'mlike, I mean, I'm up for
anything, right.
Like, okay, sure.
Like I would totally put myselfout there and I've never dated
anybody younger.
Yes I would.
Okay, sure.
So I kind of like went alongwith this casting process and I
filled out an application.
I submitted photos, all of thisstuff.
And then in a short amount oftime, um, she reached back out

(18:55):
to me via email and said thatthey wanted to set up a zoom
interview with the castingdirector.
And I was like, holy, this isgetting real.
Like, what am I getting myselfinto?
I called a couple of otherpeople, like in the
entertainment industry that Iknow.
And I, they are like warning meagainst doing reality
television.
They're like, oh my God, theycan shine a really negative

(19:16):
light on you.
You could be made out to, youknow, look like a, you know what
, uh, uh, you know, you could bea total on the show.
People may hate you.
And I'm like, no, probably not.
Like like, they, like, Iwould be like a hard person to
cast as like the mean girl, butI'm sure they could make me look
stupid or, you know, or, youknow, yeah.
So, um, so anyway, I wentthrough lots of like

(19:39):
conversations where people werewarning me about it.
And then I went along with itanyway, cuz that's what I do and
put myself out there and I didthe zoom interview.
I actually posted photos onInstagram.
I was in this hot red dress.
They told me to dress like Iwould like on a date with one of
these guys.
And so I seriously practicedmakeup because I'm suck at

(20:01):
makeup.
I practiced makeup for likethree days and like the
bronze are on and like thistight red dress and I'm like,
I'm here and this is as hot asit gets, you know?
And so I'm talking to thiscasting director and she was
like really specific questions.
I mean, at it's just apersonality interview, just, you
know, be true to yourself.
Okay.
Well I can do that all day long.
Right.
So then she's like, um, so whatkind of guys are you into?

(20:26):
And I'm like, how do I make theguys that I'm into sound young?
I don't know, like IMvery attracted to humor.
Like I have found that it's veryhard to find funny guys and it
didn't like, I never had thatproblem in my entire life until
now.
And now I go on dates and I feellike I'm on a business

(20:47):
interview.
And so she kind of played off ofthings like that, that I said,
um, and she was like, well, whenI go out with guys in their
fifties and she's like young andI'm like, you, I I've never gone
out with a guy in his fiftiesyet.
So needless to say, are youshocked Tony?

(21:08):
That I don't, I did not getchosen for the show.
I don't think I put up avery convincing front that I
would be like really spontaneousand crazy and wild and like go
nuts over these young hot guys.
Well,

Speaker 2 (21:22):
21 is Connie young.
I mean, come on.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
I mean half my age.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah.
That's young.
And, and the interesting factthat I was going to point out
earlier is I dated Brennan whenhe was 25 and soon to be 26.
But when my son, my oldest sonturned 25 Brennan made a point
to point that out that, youknow, we started dating when I
was 25.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
I'm so glad you said that because one of the
questions and I, I think thatthis may have played into like
the interview, probably notgoing that well too.
cause she threw me alittle bit of a curve ball and
she was like, well, what doesyour, what does your daughter
think about?
Or what would your daughterthink about, about, um, you
being on a show like this?
And all that I could think ofwas the non-disclosure and how I

(22:07):
wasn't supposed to talk aboutit.
You know?
And so I had had conversationswith Elany about it.
I never would've interviewedwithout discussing it with her.
So I, it kind of threw me offguard and I was really cautious
about the words that I use, butI was like, oh my gosh, my
daughter is supportive.
And she is of anything that Ido.
She trusts my judgment.
It would be fine.
And they're like, how old is sheagain?

(22:28):
And I was like, well, she'salmost 17.
And I don't think that playsvery well into their, you know
what I mean?
I'm gonna guess that the otherwomen either don't have kids or
they're probably young.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Yeah.
Because I mean, that's the onething that, you know, we kind of
joke about Brenna and I, becausehe actually would probably be
more acceptable dating mydaughter, you know, than
me, you know?
Oh my

Speaker 1 (22:51):
Gosh.
So how old is your

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Daughter?
Well, my daughter just turned 24and he's 36.
Oh.
You know yeah, that wouldprobably be a little bit more
acceptable than 36 and 52.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Okay.
I don't wanna forget.
I have two different things.
I'm gonna make a note.
Um, cuz I, I, I think that thisis valid and before we started
recording, Tony's like I have areal hang up with that phrase.
Like age is just a numberbecause yeah.
I mean it's so cliche and, andall of that.
Okay.
So first of all, I just have afunny joke because when I really

(23:22):
did tell Laney about this Hulushow, she was all for it.
She was like, oh God mom, you'vegotta do that.
That would be so fun.
And I was like, but do you thinkI'd even like, I'm not gonna
fall in love.
Like at least I feel comfortablegoing on a show like that
because I will not make an outtamyself cuz there's no way, like
I would really get an attachmentwith any of these guys.
And she goes, well, I mean,they're all gonna like you

(23:43):
because I mean all my highschool boyfriends like you and I
was like, oh God, okay.
So I wanted to say that.
But then in talking about yourfamily dynamics and Brennan kind
of being in the middle of yourage and your daughter's age,
that is seriously where my braingoes.
When older men ask me out, I dothe math.

(24:04):
Are they closer in age to my momthan me?
because my mom had me at23.
Oh, okay.
And so she's, she's 67.
So if a 55 year old guy asked meout, I'm like, oh, does that
make him close?
You know?
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
And that, and you know, and that's so funny
because obviously, you know, Ididn't think about it at the
time.
But then when that got broughtto my attention, when my oldest
son turned 25, it really made mereflect on, oh my God, what did
your parents think?
Because I do remember.
Oh right.
Yeah.
I do remember having thatconversation when Brennan and I
first started dating, I sat hisparents down and I said, okay,

(24:38):
what do you think?
And they're like, well, what doyou mean?
And I said, you're, it's theironly child who is from a small
town outside of Wichita, 25years old, white.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
I was waiting, waiting for you to say that

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Uhhuh just graduated, you know, from chiropractic
school and here the, you know,he's bringing home a 41 year
old, black female who is twicedivorced with three children and
has been in her career for quitesome time.
Right.
Owns her own home.
Mm-hmm prettysuccessful.
Mm-hmm like, whatwere they thinking and saying
that that was okay.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
but they did.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
They did totally.
They, I mean, you know, theywere very like, we think it's
great.
We think you're a good, you know, partner for him.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Well, but it's because it's you, you know what
I mean?
Like it is because you are alovely person, you're not
threatening you, you obviouslyhave a pure heart.
And um, you weren't like somemanipulative, older woman trying
to take advantage of some likeyoung kid or something come in
the boy.
Yeah.
I mean, so I get it.
And that is kind of part of ourconversation too, is, you know,

(25:45):
we're all just people.
Yeah.
We're all just here on thisplanet living and it's all about
our connections that we make andyou, you just can't help it
sometimes who you fall in lovewith or who you, you know,
choose to be with.
And I'm glad that they could seethat

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Well, but then again, my son would bring home girls
and they would leave and I'dtext him and say, break up with
her.
you know, so I'mnot that sweet and kind as you
wanna put me out to me, youknow, so, you know, I do think
about like, oh my gosh, youknow, I adore his parents for
just having that open mind andallowing him to choose his heart

(26:22):
and choose who he wants to bewith.
Because quite honestly, I don'tknow if I could have done the
same thing, which I know soundshorrible, but

Speaker 1 (26:28):
No, I love that.
You just admitted that.
Yeah.
Because that's, that's what wedo here.
, that's what we do.
And the Cougar did we just getreally honest and, and that's
true though, because I've, I,yeah.
I mean, in raising kids, youwonder like when you get in
these predicaments with them orlike life, life happens, like

(26:48):
how will you react?
And some of these things arelike age and, and all it's just
ingrained in us and we havestrong feelings, thus they're
hard to overcome.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
Oh man.
So, um, I also wanted to talk alittle bit about like just the,
the dynamics of dating, right.
So I do not hang out with a veryyoung crowd.
Like I have a few girlfriendsthat are like 30 ish, early
thirties, um, a couple, well,like one or two younger guys

(27:24):
that are maybe closer to midthirties, but for the most part,
my crowd is older.
Mm-hmm most of themare through our industry,
through pharmaceutical sales or,um, you know, parents of Laney's
friends, neighbors, likewhatever.
Um, even some just in our socialscene or they're much older than
me.

(27:45):
Um, so I find it strange, Iguess, that I choose to te to
hang with an older crowd, but Idon't date in an older crowd

Speaker 2 (27:56):
yeah, because I'm the opposite in that all my
friends are younger.
Mm-hmm, you know, Ihave a few friends that might be
a little older, but not much.
And they have the same kind ofheart as I do.
So they act young.
So I tend to hang out, you know,and be around younger people.
And I think that's where I amattracted to younger men.
Mm-hmm because ofwho I am and kind of my energy

(28:17):
and what it brings to the table.
So that's interesting that youare around older people, but
don't date them.
So who do you date Stacy,you

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Date?
I try to date people rightaround my age and you know, it's
funny, even when I first gotonto Bumble after my second
divorce and, you know, you setthe age range that you're
interested in meeting itwas like, so ridiculous.
I was 42 and I think I set itfrom like 39 to 45 I was

(28:47):
like, that's it?
39 to 45 and then low andbehold, I couldn't tell you how
many men I've dated that are 39or 40 years old.
A lot of 39 and 40 year old men.
And I have decided that that'sjust really not that great of an
age.
Why for me I, I think alot of, I think most of it is
because they're guys that havenever been married and so the

(29:09):
kids stuff starts to come up andyeah.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah.
And that's the thing too, butyou're gonna have some guys at
40 mm-hmm, youknow, some guys, even at 50
mm-hmm, you know,and that's why they date younger
mm-hmm is becausethey kind of want a second
chance of being a father.
You know, a lot of thosesuccessful men that are 50 plus,
you know, they were workingduring the time that kids were
young.
So they wanna kind of get thehot trophy wife so that they can

(29:32):
kind of relive their youth in asense and be there for their
kids, with, you know,established money in a sense.
So, I mean, it's just, that'swhy I don't like that age as a
number.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
I know, I know,

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Because it doesn't matter, you know, what age
somebody could be at a certainpart in their life at 25, like
Brennan was right.
Or I could date somebody thatactually didn't tell me his age
at 52, because I don't know why.
And he was,

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Was he was worried about how you'd react to it.
Well, you

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Think, no, I just think he was just very selfish
and a very, you know, um,insecure type of person.
So

Speaker 1 (30:05):
You felt deceived.
Oh,

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Very mm-hmm very, I mean, and
um, he, you know, I remembergoing on a trip with him and he
literally flew home the nextmorning, so he can go watching
Nebraska football game.
Mm

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Okay.
And left you there.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay, that's not

Speaker 2 (30:20):
A left.
That's your, son's thequarterback.
Right.

Speaker 1 (30:23):


Speaker 2 (30:24):
We're good.
Yeah.
We're

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Done.
Yeah.
You

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Know,

Speaker 1 (30:27):
So that's no excuse for that.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah.
That was 52.
Mm-hmm selfish.
Mm-hmm, you know,and you know, just wanted to do
what he wanted to do.
So it doesn't matter about agein regards to being a good
person.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Agreed.
And there's also that topic oflike maturity.
I remember when I dated funk right after, right after
my divorce with Laney's dad andhe was like 35, you know, 35 or
36.
And I'm like, I am dating a man.

(30:59):
He owns his own business.
He owns a house.
He has a dog I'm dating a grownman.
And he was such a dork, likesuch a like child, you know?
I mean, he would admit it like Iwas too, you know, but I was
like relieved that like, Iseriously had this vision in my
head that he was going to belike so sophisticated.

(31:21):
And so above me, because clearlyhe had like four years on me.
But it, it meant a lot, youknow, isn't that funny because
we don't really change.
No.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
And that's the thing with maturity.
I mean, Brennan's way moremature than I ever will be.


Speaker 1 (31:37):
Maybe that's why it works.
Yeah.
Because you said you've calledhim an old soul.
Yeah.
Like he's your per the balanceof your personalities works
because you are vibrant, you'revivacious, you're all of those
things that he would want you tobe as a woman in the, in the
relationship, uh, young, atheart, spontaneous, funny, you

(31:57):
know, bold, all of that.
And then he's more like centeredand grounded and like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
Yeah.
So I think that's, you know,that's why, again, I just don't
like that age of the number typething.
Mm-hmm because Ithink it's just who you are as a
person, but I do want to empoweryou thank you.
Like, like the Hulu.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, show would have donemm-hmm and, you
know, I, I think you're at thisage right now where you are kind
of going through some selfdiscovery for sure.
And I really do think that youneed to broaden that little

(32:26):
range on I've never been onthese apps.
So I don't know mm-hmm but broaden that
range, you know, mm-hmm um, and you'd be
surprised on how many 30 yearolds don't want children.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
I think you're, I think you're right on the kids
stuff.
And I've been blown away by someolder guys to your point that
still are hoping to havechildren too.
Um, so yeah, I see.
That's what I was looking for alittle bit of advice broaden the
age range, you know, I'm onthree apps right now.
and, um, and so if youlisten to the podcast, you know,

(32:59):
that I've done a fair amount ofdating since my second divorce,
especially the first year andwith dating apps and going on
dates, occasionally there's sex and, and Tony and I
talked about this, well, we'vetalked about it a little bit
here and there, but we did againtonight before we started
recording that it has been, uh,shocking to me.

(33:23):
And I've talked about it inprevious episodes, um, how bad
it can be like, or like, noteven what do I say?
I mean, I've been out with a fewmen in their early forties that
can't get it up.
Can't keep it, keep it up.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
you don't have to worry about that with
the younger ones.

Speaker 1 (33:44):


Speaker 2 (33:46):
I'm telling you what girl, like literally after the
first time Brendan and I engagedin adult behaviors, um, I was
shocked, shocked, because again,you know, I dated within my
range, right.
Age range as well and,

Speaker 1 (34:01):
And were married.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yeah.
I was married.
And then when I did date acouple, you know, gentlemen,
outside of marriage, you know,when I got divorced before I
dated Britain, you know, again,I found it to be a little
dissatisfying in regards to thelength of time it stayed up
you know, but I willtell you what girl, there is
nothing better than a young mangetting up and still being hard

(34:24):
as a breath you know, andI I'm like, wait, wait, wait,
what I, again, again, you know,and then the next morning again,
you know, so, um, and then, oh,and also too, when they walk
away, there is nothing worsethan a saggy butt.
You do not have to worry aboutthat with young men.
I mean, tight, tight,tight, tight.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
I, I, I love that.
And I I'm like, God, you'refunny.
That's awesome.
Um, yeah.
See, I should have lied betteron that.
you should have

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Call me next time.
I'll give you some like wordI'll be your Roxanne.
Yes.
You

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Know?
Yes.
So, uh, I I'm like feeling badover here, cuz this is what
happens when you podcast, areyou talking to the microphone,
then you start thinking, oh God,what if he listens?
And what if he were to like,

Speaker 2 (35:12):
Oh, Bri will be proud.
I know,

Speaker 1 (35:15):
I know he will be.
But how about the couple of guysthat I've gone out with?
No, it hasn't been that like allaround, but there have been
moments where I've yeah.
Been a little disappointed.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
Yeah.
And that's the thing too.
I mean, again, I'm not sayingevery young man's gonna have,
you know, rock hard, but youknow, be able to stay, stay hard
all night.
put the percentageshigher.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
Right.
This comes back to my advice ona previous episode, if it
doesn't work, take a pill.
Yeah.
Like they make pills for that.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Well, and I, I did date the 52 year old who won
light about his age mm-hmm and two, you know,
I don't have any problem withforeplay, but when it's lasting
hours, we have an issue.
Yeah.
And you know, he wasembarrassed.
And so I actually, as apharmaceutical rep and
you know, got a little sampleUhhuh and gave it to him and you
know, and then it was fine.

(36:09):
Right.
And then the next time we, youknow, got in that situation
again, he did not take it.
And I said, where is it in thecabinet?
I went up and got it and madehim take it, you know?
And you don't have, you don'thave to worry about that with
young men.
I

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Know.
Geez.
So, so see.
Good advice.
Thank you for that.
I appreciate it.
And I think it's just anotherlike Testament too, for the fact
that you and Brennan work, likenot all women as we age, keep
that, you know, maintain theirlibido or even want sex.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Yeah.
Well I'm dating a 36 year old,so I have to

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Solid point.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yeah.
Cuz trust me there's times whereI just wanna roll over and put
on the big, heavy sweats and youknow, I get poked in the back.
So

Speaker 1 (36:54):
well, and that's probably not unlike any
other, you know, relationshipeither.
So, uh, it's, it's funny.
This stuff does not all, Iyou've convinced me of, of
several things, um, during thisdiscussion and um, I don't think
it's all about age now with thisphysical stuff.
It's pretty strong element.

(37:15):
I think

Speaker 2 (37:17):
Yeah.
I mean, that's just across theboard.
I mean, you know, but the onething I will say to your
listeners Uhhuh is, um, youknow, like your podcast says and
every podcast I've listened to,you've been consistently saying,
just be open mm-hmm, you know, um, and I've found,
uh, the love of my life in asense, uh, we've been together
11 years, we have a beautifulson.

(37:38):
We've adopted two additionalchildren outta foster care.
Um, and we have a great life,you know, we travel, you know,
we, you know, play, we workhard.
Mm-hmm uh, we, wejust do it, you know, and most
people just don't even look atthe age, you know, especially
nowadays, you know, we mm-hmm like I said, most
people think he's older than I,um, his parents don't even

(38:01):
flinch.
You know, when somebody sayssomething about, oh wait, you
know, your son dates, you know?
Right.
And they don't even flinchbecause it doesn't really
matter.
Right.
At the end of the day, you knowwho cares?
Mm-hmm

Speaker 1 (38:14):
I know.
So why do I care?
I

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Don't know why you care.
That's why you have me here.
and I obviously neededto be on that call with the
producer.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
I, if there was someone I should have called for
a pep talk for that show, Imean, I totally missed the boat.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Well, and I wanna say talking about reality TV, have
you seen 90 day fiance?

Speaker 1 (38:32):
I have not.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
O M G.
Now this is not what I am.
I am not getting on theinternet, going across the
country, looking for these youngimpressionable men from third
world countries to bring themover.
Oh, is that?
Oh yeah.
It's bad.
It's bad.
I was actually watching it lastnight and this 48 year old was
bringing this man who was 21.

(38:55):
Oh geez.
Um, I think he was from likeCambodia or somewhere.
And um, she was going to marryhim in 90 days.
That is not what I have.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
No, that is definitely not what we're
talking about here.
Well, see, we just came fullcircle cuz I think in the first
couple minutes of the episode,you're like, we are not
pedophiles.
We're not talking about littleboys.
yeah.
Just younger men.
Yes,

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yes, yes.
No really good talk.
Really good talk.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Yes.
Thank you.
So, so much for being on theshow with me, you are so fun.
And I know this is gonna be oneof my most popular episodes
because you can't listen to Tonytalk without smiling.
You're

Speaker 2 (39:29):
So funny or cringing.


Speaker 1 (39:33):
No Uhuh.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
You either love me or you hate me, but if you hate me,
you learn to love me.


Speaker 1 (39:39):
Well said.
Well said, and I can't wait tohear what Brennan thinks of

Speaker 2 (39:43):
This oh God.
Oh God.
I still, oh my God.
Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
That's amazing.
Now I've made her nervous, butwe're gonna go ahead and wrap it
up here.
So thanks for being here.
No,

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Thanks for having me.
It was fun.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Wow.
Was that fun or what?
thank you all for beingbrave and not too shy and
entering into the Cougar denwith my friend Tony.
Oh my gosh.
Huge.
Thank you to Tony and to herboyfriend, Brennan for sharing
so much and being such a fun andfun knee guest.

(40:21):
Love you guys and totallyappreciate you.
And thank you to all of youlisteners.
Can't wait to hear the feedbackfrom this one.
I'm having fun over here and I'mjust gonna keep this party going
season two, episode six up next,my take on the crazy hot matrix.