September 9, 2022 • 47 mins
In this episode, I use songs from Lanie's country music playlist to describe how I hope to be thought of felt about by someone who loves me. I hope this musical discussion elicits thoughts in your own mind of what it is exactly you are looking for and how you hope to be treated.
The first song I dissect is She's Everything by Brad Paisley. A few talking points are:
- It's nice to be appreciated for what we look like in our natural state. It's exhausting putting our best foot forward, appearance-wise all the time.
- I want to be with someone who expects me to have a full spectrum of emotions and wants me to express both the highs and the lows. I want to be understood.
- I want to be there for my person and make the people around me feel good and know that they are loved.
- I love BIG. I have a big heart and my feelings run deep. It's important to me that the person I'm with knows that if I'm mad, it's for good reason. The flip side is also true, I show my love loudly too.
- While I understand the ebb and flow of longterm romantic relationships, I love to be around people who dote on their significant others.
- I mean, bubble baths and wine just make me feel all warm inside.
- Growing old with someone sounds good to me. I don't think it's ever too late.
The second country song I talk through is Billy Currington's song, Details. This song is about how this guy recognizes everything about the woman he adores. He seems to notice and pay attention to all of her attributes. I talk about how this song reminds me of a recent dating relationship I was in. I felt noticed and adored but not necessarily understood. I think there's the surface level of recognizing preferences and interests and then there's the deeper level of truly understanding and balancing their flaws with their gifts.
The third country song I discuss is Zac Brown Band, Whatever it is. This song makes me feel flutters and fireworks. It's not a deep, sentimental song but it has a great vibe. It reminds me of when I met a guy at an event recently who kept telling me that he felt drawn to me and he couldn't explain why. Too bad he was married (See Ep53 Easy Targets).
The last song is like an inspirational theme song for me. It's The Good Ones by Gabby Barrett. We can hope for all of the checklist items, but at the end of the day, simple qualities like solid and steady sound pretty great. After years of being alone, online dating, and getting hurt, it's easy to be discouraged. It can feel like the "good ones" are all committed and the single ones aren't what we're looking for. This song gives me the feeling of hopefulness that there are good people out there.
Up Next, Ep55 RED FLAGS!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 54,love me like a country song.
In this episode, I'm going toshare with you how I discovered
(00:21):
after listening to my daughterLaney's country music playlist,
over and over and over the pastseveral months, how I've come to
realize I want to be loved likethe subjects of country songs.
I mean, not, not all countrysongs, but a few, a few
(00:45):
in particular, I'm gonna sharesome lyrics, tell you where I'm
coming from.
If you are anything like me,certain types of music, just
move you and get to you and stiryour soul.
And I guess I've just been kindof surprised over the past few
months that, uh, it's some ofthese old, uh, country songs
that are doing it for me.
Um, because it's nottraditionally my go to, but in
(01:08):
the simple, simple lyrics thatI'm gonna share with you today,
I think a lot can be cleanedfrom them.
And I hope that this all strikesa chord with you two.
It really shouldn't come as asurprise to me or anyone who
knows me that some ofthis music really resonates with
me.
(01:28):
I mean, for real, I am from theHeartland after all born and
raised in a little cow towncalled Sedalia, Missouri, right?
Small town girl.
Yep.
I've worked hard to geteverything I've ever had.
That's for sure.
I've drank plenty of beer dancedthe night away under the stars
and blue jeans and whitet-shirts.
(01:51):
Yeah.
I've uh, had a dog die.
I've ridden in some trucks withsome muddy truck tires.
I mean.
Most of the guys I grew updating to tobacco and I guess a
couple of them work cowboyboots.
Yeah.
I've had my heart broken.
(02:11):
Definitely been cheated on,certainly have sought out my own
form of revenge here and there.
Yeah.
So I guess a lot of themes fromcountry music kind of, uh, kind
of makes sense to me.
So I'm just going to begin byhighlighting a few songs and
(02:32):
kind of dissecting the lyricsand pointing out what I think is
so special about them and howthey make me realize what it is
exactly that I'm looking for ina partner in regards to emotion
and feelings and the way that Ihope to be viewed and thought of
(02:58):
and loved by my person someday.
So it's my hope that this is funfor you as listeners.
Um, hearing me have thisconversation with myself, I hope
that it elicits a conversationin your own mind about songs
that just do it for you thatgive you that, you know,
(03:22):
excited, happy, fluttering,tingling, feeling inside that
maybe, um, next week or nextmonth, or next time you pull up
Bumble on your phone, uh,waiting for you will be a
partner who is thoughtful andkind, and adoring and
(03:45):
affectionate and whatever it is,um, that you're looking for,
because that's kind of whatthese songs do for me.
I think they stir up feelings ofhopefulness and also remind me
of the fact that I need to holdout for these things that, that,
(04:06):
you know, I'm looking for loveand I'm looking to be treated
well.
And that there is indeed someoneout there who, um, who will feel
this way about me someday.
So I hope it gives you the same,the same feelings of optimism.
(04:27):
I've gotta admit.
I was just a little wee bitdisappointed when I looked up
some information online aboutthe first song I'm going to talk
about, which is called she'severything.
And the artist is Brad Paisley.
And I found out that it wasactually a Nashville songwriter
named will N who wrote this songabout his wife, Holly, but in my
(04:54):
mind, I think about Brad Paisleyand his girl next door love of
his life and a wife, KimberlyWilliams, Paisley who most of us
know and love from father of thebride.
She was also in some other goodmovies like we are Marshall.
(05:18):
Um, but yeah, so I think aboutthe two of them and how they
appear to have such a storybooklife together and the lyrics.
I mean, they just get to meevery time.
And let me tell you why, trustme, I wish that I could just
play the song for you orsnippets of the song, but it's
(05:39):
against copyright law on podcastto do that.
So I'm just going to have toread it to you.
I will not torture you bysinging it, but it starts off by
saying she's a yellow pair ofrunning shoes, a holy pair of
jeans.
She looks great in cheapsunglasses.
She looks great in anything.
Okay.
So on a basic level, isn't itjust nice when we meet someone
(06:04):
and they don't care if we are inlike no makeup and a ball cap or
, um, you know, our sweats orour glasses, or, you know, I, I
don't know about most of youwomen, but I, I mean, when I get
home from work, I typically, Imean, let's be real.
(06:24):
I wear scrubs a lot of days, soit's not even like I'm dressed
up, but I do.
I come home and I just get intomy comfy.
Right?
Like that's what we do.
Most of us, we take brass off,we get into comfortable clothes,
we pull our hair back.
A lot of times I take mycontacts out and yeah, I mean, I
think I like it when a guyappreciates that.
(06:48):
Um, oh, natural side of me, notall done up and trying to, um,
look fancier glamorous or, youknow, whatever.
Um, so that's just a little bitof realism that I think we all
appreciate.
But for most of us in the datingworld where we have been
spending, um, a night, a couplenights, several nights, a week,
(07:11):
going out on initial dates,first dates, second dates,
whatever.
Um, over the course of time, itgets pretty exhausting putting
our best foot forward appearancewise all the time.
And then also feeling like it'ssome sort of like competitive
world out there forattractiveness and like, who can
(07:34):
we attract and exactly what kindof shape do I need to be in?
Or what do I have to look liketo pull that kind of guy or, or
girl or whatever.
So I don't, there's just a lotof comfort in, in being with
someone that just likes us forwho we are, if we're in a holy
pair of jeans and shapesunglasses.
(07:54):
Right.
So I think that's why that firstlittle bit, um, speaks to me.
He goes on to sing.
She is, I want a piece ofchocolate take me to a movie
she's I can't find a thing towear.
And now, and then she's moody.
Mm-hmm and he stillloves her and I'm
(08:16):
kidding.
I'm kidding.
But I, I have, I felt like morethan once in marriage and in
relationships because I am atypically pep, upbeat, happy
person.
And not just in my romanticrelationships, in, in a lot of
my relationships, I feel I havefelt like, and still do
(08:37):
occasionally.
Like I'm not allowed to have abad day.
Oh no.
Uhuh, Stacy, she's good.
Like, you can always count onStacy to have a smile on her
face and, and be sweet and be ina good mood.
Um, Hey, guess what?
, I'm human.
Uh, I get in funks, I get down,I get sad.
(08:59):
I get off and angry and I wantto be with someone who I, I
almost just said allows that,but I wanna be with someone who
appreciates that, that I am afull spectrum of a person
capable of all of the sameemotions everybody else feels.
(09:21):
And they don't maybe necessarilyexpect me to be happy, go lucky
every single moment of every day, because that's not real.
Right.
So I think that's,, Ithink that's where that kind of
hits me.
Um, and all that he had to saywas moody apparently.
(09:43):
And I'm like, yes, that, that Iwanna be moody.
I wanna be able to be moodywithout being told.
Like I know in my secondmarriage, there were accusations
a lot that I, um, I was, I wasjealous.
I was angry.
I was, you know, uh, had badintentions or whatever.
(10:07):
And, um, I definitely, I don't,I don't wanna be thought of in
that way, but I, I certainlywant to be understood.
Right.
Isn't that something to lookforward to being understood by
someone, um, the next part isjust freaking sweet, right?
I mean, this song is old.
She's a SA I don't know how manySaturns are still driving around
(10:30):
out there, but she's a Saturnwith a sunroof with her brown
hair blowing.
She's a soft place to land and agood feeling knowing, okay.
That actually makes me abouttear up, which is kind of
ridiculous.
I understand.
But that's what I wanna be forsomeone else.
Right.
The that's, I mean, I thinkthat's who a lot of us are for
(10:52):
our children, right?
Like a soft place to land.
We wanna be there when they needus and a good feeling knowing.
Yeah.
I mean, I try every day reallyhard to make the people around
me, um, feel good.
That's the impression I try toleave on friends, strangers and
(11:16):
family all the time.
And to have someone else who isimportant to me, reflect on how
I make them feel is that's a bigdeal.
That's like, that's a big deal.
That's why that gets me so much,I think.
(11:38):
Um, okay.
So he, he goes on, she's a warmconversation that I wouldn't
miss for nothing.
She's a fighter when she's madand she's a lover when she's
loving.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess in those lyrics,I kind of, I, I feel, I think
that's who I am.
(11:58):
Right.
I go all out, man.
I, I, I've always told people,like, I love big.
I have a big heart, my feelingsrun deep.
I'm not shallow in my emotions.
So it's important to me thatwhoever I'm with knows that if
(12:20):
I'm fighting over something andI'm mad, it's for good reason.
And, um, on the opposite end ofthe spectrum.
Yeah.
I mean, she's a lover when she'sloving, right?
Yeah.
I mean, go all out on that, onthat end, too.
Um, to show how much you lovesomeone.
(12:41):
So I, yeah, that just speaks tome.
So the chorus is she'severything I ever wanted and
everything I need.
I talk about her.
I go on and on and on CU she'severything to me.
Okay.
That's nice.
You know, this is something Ithink a lot of us as previously
(13:04):
married people, uh, and assingle people, I don't think it
matters.
Okay.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna retractthat.
I don't think it matters.
I love to be around people whospeak highly of their
significant others in sayingthat I've also been through a
lot in relationships andunderstand the ebb and flow and
(13:25):
the challenges over the years.
And let's be realistic being ina, a long term relationship or
marriage is hard and it comeswith a lot of struggle.
So I, I don't mean like I'm notjudgy when my friends have, have
a moment with their partner orwhatever, but to be around
(13:46):
someone who dots on theirsignificant other is pretty
freaking awesome.
Um, I love that.
And I guess that's kind of whatI get out of the chorus.
Um, you know, they go on and onand on because she's everything,
it's just, uh, that's just sweetpeople.
(14:07):
That's just sweet.
Okay.
The next line, I think I canprobably also just, I like it
because it reminds me of myselfand that sounds egotistical, but
here it goes.
It won't be, once you hear it,she's a Saturday out on the town
and a church girl on Sunday,she's cross around her neck and
a cuss word cuz it's Mondaymm-hmm.
(14:29):
Yep.
Um, that's me.
I definitely am very faithfilled in my life.
And I've talked about myChristianity and all of that
many, many, many times on this,um, podcast.
And then I drop F bombs in thenext, you know, the next couple
of minutes and that's me and,uh, pretty unapologetic about
(14:55):
that because I am, again, Ithink that our language and I
mean, you listen to me, Ienunciate, I, um, use a lot of
inflection and the tone of myvoice.
It all matters to me.
Like I I'm very open and freeflowing with how I feel.
So there's going to be somecussing and there's going to be
(15:17):
some brain all within thesame, you know, few minutes
typically.
Okay.
Moving on.
She's a bubble bath and candlesbaby coming, kiss me.
She's a one glass of wine andshe's feeling kind of tipsy.
I mean, bubble bass are myfavorite I used to have
(15:38):
it like seriously on my, on myBumble profile.
I'm like, uh, my favorite thingsare fancy cheese dogs, hiking
and bubble bass.
Oh.
And chocolate milk.
And I really like champagne.
Yeah.
For real, like, um, those thingsjust bring about, it's kind of
(15:59):
like when you talk, I don'tknow.
You talk about like walking intoyour grandma's house and like
smelling cookies in the oven.
Like when I listen to lyricsabout bubble bass and glasses of
wine, I'm like, yep.
Sign me up, sign me up.
I wouldn't mind being in a tuband having a guy come over and
kiss me.
(16:20):
I was married the last time thathappened.
so it's been, it's beena minute people since I've been
intimate like that.
Um, so yeah, that just, it justfeels good to think about those
things.
Again, sometimes I thinklistening to these types of
romantic songs, um, just kind ofremind me of what I can't wait
(16:41):
for.
Like I can't wait to have all ofthat.
Like that sounds pretty great.
So the lyrics go on to say,she's the giver I wish I could
be.
And the Steeler of the covers,she's a picture in my wallet of
my unborn children's mother.
That's just sweet.
And I love how it kind of goesback and forth with like how we
(17:06):
typically talk about people.
It's like something likecomplimentary she's the giver I
wish I could be.
And then he is like, but shesteals the freaking blankets.
right.
Like, but he still loves her.
Like that's, um, that's kind oflike the crux of a relationship,
right?
Like you love the deep,intrinsic important values of
(17:30):
someone and then they drive younuts because they leave
toothpaste in the sink.
I mean, that's just, that's whatI like about these country
songs.
They're just very simple.
And at the end of the day, Ithink love should be simple.
She's the hand that I'm holdingwhen I'm on my knees and
(17:52):
praying, she's the answer to myprayer.
And she's the song that I'mplaying.
Well, that's nice.
um, I, I look hard formen that I think say prayers in
general and would hold my handwhile doing so, I mean, heart
(18:15):
melt that hasn't happened yet.
Maybe one day, thankfully I havesome girlfriends that are that
way.
Um, so that's sweet and then thechorus again.
Right.
So cute.
Um, at the end it says, she'sthe voice I love to hear someday
(18:37):
when I'm 90.
She's that wooden rocking chair.
I want rocking right beside me.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I seriously just posted on myInstagram story.
I reposted it was like awine for wine or it was like
something stupid, but it was socute.
It was this old couple, like,like in their eighties and they
(19:00):
both had matching t-shirts on.
And the, the husband's t-shirtsays his t-shirt says she's my
sweet potato.
And her t-shirt says I am.
And I'm like, oh yeah.
I mean, come on.
(19:22):
Like, it's not, I mean, I'm 44.
It's not, I'm not too late togrow old with someone.
I mean, I, I don't, I, I don'tthink I'll ever call it too
late.
I mean, I hope not.
I hope not.
Um, but I've talked about that alot, you know, at this stage in
life, like thinking aboutgrowing old alone versus growing
(19:45):
old with someone, I mean, I knowI'm capable.
I know I have other people in mylife.
Like hopefully my daughter and, and some friends
and I mean, hopefully I outlivemy parents and my brother, who's
just a couple years older thanme, but I think I have people
around me that would help carefor me or look after me or be
(20:07):
there for me if I need them whenI'm 90, but would I prefer to
have like a life partner?
Um, yeah, I would, if I'm beingreal and I'm trying to be, so
every day that passes, I onlylove her more.
(20:28):
Yeah.
She's the one that I'd lay downmy own life for.
Hmm.
Yeah.
That's real love people.
Would you throw yourself infront of a train?
I mean, simple, simple lyrics,but they do something for me.
(20:48):
I hope that, you know, maybe Imade you laugh a couple times,
but maybe I made you think tooabout how you feel and what you
are looking for.
Maybe you want something totallydifferent.
Maybe you want a thrill andexcitement and sexiness, and
this song is not that, um, Icould, I could, and maybe I will
(21:10):
do more podcast episodes becauseboy do a lot of, I do have some
some songs that, that Igo to for the, the sexy moods.
And then I have songs that, um,a lot of Taylor swift actually
that, uh, I don't care if shewrote it when she was 17 or 14
or 22.
(21:33):
Uh, she has a way of likedefining the human existence as
a songwriter.
That makes a whole lot of senseto me.
And, um, I'm not ashamed of thateither.
So I'm gonna keep going with thecountry songs for now.
But as I'm talking through this,I, I think we've got more
material going forward and Iwanna hear yours too pretty,
(21:56):
please.
This next song made the cutsimply because of some
experiences I've had, like inthe last few months, I don't
know who Billy Karrington is orany of his other music, but in
2019, he came out with a songcalled details and it's on
Laney's playlist.
(22:17):
And it, uh, just shockinglyresembles this guy that I had a
thing for not that long ago.
So it starts off the lyrics doby saying, I couldn't tell you
what I did today or the daybefore.
I couldn't tell you what songjust played or the guy's name
(22:38):
that lives next door, a hundreddollars bills could be fallen
from the sky.
Wouldn't even notice, but babyI'm in tune with everything you
do, I'm completely focused.
So this song is all about howthis guy recognizes every single
detail in the girl that he loveswhen I was analyzing the song
(23:04):
before she's everything.
One of the big highlights ofthat was just the fact that he
seemed to love and understandand appreciate all of these
qualities in his wife.
And then in this song, it's moreabout noticing and pain
(23:29):
attention to all of thosequalities.
And there's a big difference.
So in a recent relationship thatI had, I felt noticed, I felt
like he was paying attention.
I felt adored, but at the end ofthe day, I didn't feel
(23:55):
understood.
So there's, um, you know,there's the surface level of
paying attention to likesdislikes, um, interests,
preferences, all of that.
And then there's the deeperlevel of understanding and, and
(24:21):
also balancing yourunderstanding with their flaws
or shortcomings.
So I'll circle back, but I'mgonna keep, I'm gonna keep going
for now.
The lyrics continue on every 5,7, 3 eights inches of you, baby,
how the salt and the air makesyour hair kind of wavy how your
(24:42):
tongue tied when you mix winewith a Gemini baby eye memorized
every brown sugar, freckle thatthe Lord put on you, how you
lean to the left 45 degreesright before you're gonna kiss
me.
If you can't tell, I've beenpaying close attention to your
details.
(25:03):
Okay, well, that's cute.
5, 7, 3, 8 inches.
I mean, I've got five foot, one,three quarters inches on me.
And I mean, I think sometimessome guy gonna be like, that's
perfect.
Right?
I'm kidding.
But I mean, again, it's justsweetness.
I, I, I love the, you know, thesalt in the hair makes salt in
(25:24):
the air, makes your hair wavyand you know, you drink a little
wine and you get tongue tied.
And I think the most adorable,uh, part of that little verse
was the brown sugar frecklesthat the Lord put on you.
I mean, I feel like mygeneration put on a lot of heavy
(25:44):
foundation and concealer tocover up those sorts of
freckles, that or skinvariations that we felt like
were flawed.
And I think I'm very pleased tosay that I feel like Laney's
generation, they don't do that.
Mm-hmm a lot less lot less ofthat going on and a lot more
(26:05):
realism for the most part, whichis lovely.
Um, I definitely would like tobe appreciated for, uh, things
like, you know, freckles andlittle things about myself that
could be viewed as flaws.
Um, but maybe just loved becausethey're part of me.
(26:28):
I think that's a cute, nice,decent way to take those lyrics.
Right?
The lyrics, go on to say icedmocha latte, one shot espresso
that you stir with your lefthand.
This is kind of funny because, I was seriously at the
airport with Laney recently andI got a call from a guy that I
(26:52):
was seeing.
And I was like, let me call youright back because I'm ordering
a Starbucks here, hang on asecond.
So I call him back and he'slike, what did you order?
No clue what I actually told himthat day, but something I
frequently order, would've beena chocolate almond milk, shaken
espresso, who knows.
So I said, whatever I orderedand he's like, oh, okay.
(27:15):
Is that what you normally get?
And I'm like, oh my gosh, it'sso stupid.
How much I order coffee drinks?
Because I, I take them todoctor's offices often as treats
for them.
I fuel up all the time oncoffee.
And so I mix it up.
I order hot, I order iced.
I order all sorts of differentstuff.
And I could hear like, hiswheels like spinning on the
(27:40):
other end.
Like he's taking note of this.
And then he said it out loud.
Oh, well, I'm just trying to payattention.
And I thought it was reallyendearing.
Like I felt like that's reallycute.
Like if he wants to know what Iorder, so that if he were to
bring me a coffee one day, hewould get something that I
liked.
That's considerate.
That's thoughtful.
(28:01):
I love that.
But at, at a different time ortwo, he kind of made a joke that
sometimes he keeps those notes,like on his phone.
I'm like, okay, like in and ofitself, I mean, come on, we're
all human.
I can't remember all, all ofthose details either buddy.
(28:24):
Right?
Like I, I get it.
Um, but it felt more superficialand less meaningful when it
sounded like he was in the habitof paying attention to details.
(28:46):
So I know one time he wasgetting ready to go somewhere
and I think he was consideringshopping for me.
So he was like, what size shoeare you wear?
What's what size clothes?
What, what, what, you know?
And I'm, I'm like I told him acouple, okay, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna put that in a note.
And then it was like, I mean,again, it's cute.
It's nice to be thought of.
(29:06):
It's nice.
It, all of that very sweet.
However, like don't tell me, like, don't tell me that
this is like, what you do.
Like when you're dating someone,you keep like a spreadsheet of
preferences, sizes, taste, andfood and, and clothes and, you
(29:28):
know, whatever, because then itkinda loses its its impact.
It's it again, it feels morecontrived and less authentic.
And I, I had a coupleconversations with this guy,
whenever things ended betweenthe two of us, I was like, you
know, I, I'm not like stupid.
(29:52):
Like, we've both beenmarried before we've dated.
Like, I don't think I'm I'm yourfirst or the best or the most
special or the one that you lovethe most or whatever.
Like none of that matters.
But how about just don't make mefeel like one of many I don't
wanna be compared, right?
Like I wanna be made to feelspecial.
(30:16):
And so these lyrics from thissong details, remind me of this
person, but maybe not in the, inthe most adoring way.
I think at the beginning of, ofseeing this guy, it definitely
felt very, very special.
(30:36):
And then over the course of timeit felt less authentic.
So I, I suppose when I hearthis, what's his name again?
Billy, Corrington singing thissong.
I'm like, Hey, I mean, I like tothink that this is the only girl
that he's got all these detailson, or maybe like there's only
(30:58):
one note on his phone and it'sjust, it's just her details.
Right?
As I look through this playlistof Laney's that she made, she
just simply has, uh, five heartsbelow it and a photo of her and
her boyfriend it's doesn't evenhave a title, but there's a song
by the Zack brown band.
(31:20):
It's called whatever it is.
And it just has a good vibe toit.
Um, again, it's, you know, a guysinging about a girl and the way
that she makes him feel.
So the lyrics start off with,she got eyes that cut you like a
knife and lips that tastes likesweet red wine and pretty legs
(31:44):
go to heaven.
Every time she's got a gentleway that puts me at ease.
When she walks in the room, Ican hardly breathe, gotta
devastate and smile, knock agrown man to his knees.
The chorus is, she got whateverit is.
It blows me away.
She's everything I wanna say toa woman, but I couldn't find the
(32:04):
words to say she got whatever itis.
I don't know what to do.
Cuz every time I try to tell herhow I feel, it comes out.
I love you.
And you know, I think when Ilisten to this song, what I like
is that it makes you feel like,or makes me feel like, uh, what
it feels like to fall in love.
Like it's that giddy excitement.
(32:26):
Like I can't even explain it.
There's just fireworks.
And that to my friends is likethe best feeling in the world.
And so the song isn't deep,again, like it's not super
sentimental.
It just is like thatinexplicable feeling.
(32:48):
So it goes on to say, you know,I've never been the type that
would ever wanna stay, bring'emhome at night and they're gone
the next day.
But that all changed when shewalked into my life and people
asking why it is tell'em, Idon't know.
There's just something about thewoman makes my heart go haywire.
She's gonna be my wife.
(33:10):
Another part of the chorus sayscuz when she loves me girl,
that's how I feel.
Cuz when she loves me, I'm ontop of the world.
Cuz when she loves me, no I canlive forever.
And when she loves me, I amuntouchable.
So it's like this crazy force,you know, came to this Playboy
(33:37):
kind of guy and everything inhis life changed because he fell
in love.
Like he's not gonna, he's notgonna wander anymore.
He's committed.
He can't imagine life withoutthis woman because she got
something special.
You know, it's crazy.
I went to, um, I went to anevent one time and I met this
(34:05):
guy and there was some kind ofsparks between us.
And after I talked to him for alittle bit, I discovered he was
married and had kids.
They just weren't there thatday.
And at this event that we wereat, um, we were with a bunch of
(34:29):
mutual friends.
I had never met him before.
I didn't know anything about himand the same for me.
And we, we were with a bunch ofmutual friends in a big group.
And he, there was just some likemagnetic pole that he kept
ending up, like near me talkingto me, asking me questions.
And his face was just allanimated and lit up and just
(34:52):
smiling ear to ear.
And I definitely noticed, and hewas not trying to hide it at
all.
And a couple of times he waslike, you're something special.
He's like, I don't know what itis about you, but holy.
He's like, I, I just want to, Ijust wanna know you.
(35:14):
I just wanna be around you.
I just wanna hang out with youtonight.
I, I just can't get enough ofbeing around you.
And I kind of got it because Ikind of like felt the same of
what I was exposed to, but hewas married.
(35:36):
Right.
So I, you know, I was like, youneed, I'm like, what are you
doing?
You know what I mean?
And I'm very Frank in, inconversations like this, I was
like, you need to focus on yourwife and your family and pull
your head out.
Like that's the kind of stuffliterally I was saying to him
(35:56):
that night and um, at the sametime, because I have been in
these situations and talked tohundreds and hundreds of people
who have been in these kinds ofsituations and talking about
separation, divorce, beingsingle, whatever.
Like this is not that shockingto me that this guy behaved this
(36:17):
way.
Um, he was at a low point in hismarriage.
He gave me just, just like Iasked him, I was like, so what,
what are you doing?
And well, I'm really not happyright now.
Well tell me why.
So he tells me why, and I'mlike, that's.
Like that's no reason to notwanna be with your wife.
Like that's lane, come on.
Like.
Cause it really was.
And now granted, I should bemaybe more empathetic than that,
(36:38):
but I was also like, uh, rootingfor him and his family.
Right.
Like, um, whereas he was tryingto make excuses as to why he
could flirt with me.
So it's interesting though,because I do think that we come
across people in life, like, um,like clearly I've thought about
(36:58):
him more than once, right?
This dynamic kind ofpersonality.
There's some sense of like, whatdo we call it?
Chemical romance.
I don't know something thatattracts you to somebody.
And again, I really do think theolder we get the harder it is to
find, um, you know, in this casehe's married, uh, hands off,
(37:19):
like I'm not touching that witha 10 foot pole, but um, it, in
regard to like these lyrics,like I do get it, I do get it.
Um, and I hope, hope to find itwith an legible single person
that makes me feel that way,that you just can't breathe when
(37:41):
they walk in the room.
That's just the kind of feelgood stuff that a lot of us are
looking for initially.
Right.
Um, but it's interesting thatthat's the story now that comes
to mind because I feel like Imade that guy feel this way and
it was, um, completely innocentin conversation amongst groups
(38:07):
of people at a rowdy event thatthat happened.
And the only reason I know ithappened is because this guy was
saying things like this to me.
Um, and it's, that's not normal.
That was, that was normal.
Like in college for a guy tocome up.
Oh my God, you're so beautiful.
(38:28):
Can I buy you a beer?
You know, follow over.
You say everything.
They're thinking that doesn'thappen very much.
I don't think later in life whenwe're dating people normally are
more guarded and hold theircards a little closer.
Um, I think it only happenedwith this guy because he was in
a super vulnerable, bad place.
Um, and I was right there andyou know, I just did an episode
(38:50):
about being in easy target.
That's kind of what I was thatnight.
But if I'm feeling a little bitmore like a romantic and a
little bit more of, um, I, Idon't know, like in a, in a more
loving kind of way, uh, youknow, maybe there maybe there
really was something more to itand uh, in, I think we both
(39:14):
learned from it, but my intentwas to turn him back toward his
wife and family.
And I think, uh, yeah, he wastrying to get me to think in a
different light as well.
Uh, but nonetheless, theselyrics are kind of powerful and
I think it's because it's allabout kind of that initial
(39:36):
attraction and in this song,ease, going so far as to call it
love.
I mean, I mean, you know, Iguess you can hope for that.
There's a whole bunch of ThomasRET on this playlist.
Oh my goodness.
And he and his wife have been inlove since they were like 17 and
they have like four babies.
(39:58):
Now.
I think I went to a concert withLaney and her friend and my mom
couple years ago, we're gettingready to go back to see Thomas
RET, uh, with Michael and Laneyand my mom coming up here in a
few weeks actually.
And he does a magnificent job oftugging at the heartstrings,
(40:20):
especially knowing his likepersonal story us someday is
adorable.
Mama's front door.
Oh yeah.
I mean just like beautifullittle love stories that span
the course of time.
Kind of like, oh, like a classica Jackson song.
Um, remember when, oh, that onebrings me to tears pretty much
(40:42):
every time, but the last songI'm gonna highlight is a newer
song to me.
And I discovered it on this, um,playlist of Laney's and it is
actually a girl singing thistime.
So it's a little bit of adifferent perspective.
So the song is it's called thegood ones by Gabby Barrett.
(41:08):
And this is kind of like, Idon't know, an inspirational
theme for me.
The lyrics start off with, he'sa phone call to his parents.
He's a Bible by the bed.
He's the t-shirt that I'mwearing.
He's the song stuck in my head.
He's solid.
And he's steady.
(41:29):
Like the Allegheny runs, heknows just where he's going.
And he's proud of where he'sfrom.
One of the good ones.
He's one of the good ones.
So yeah, I mean, we can hope forsexy and tall and funny and
successful and all of theseother checklist items and a good
(41:53):
dad and blah, blah, blah, nicehome.
And maybe he's a dog lover, allof these things, but at the end
of the day, like solid, steady,good relationship with this
parrots.
Yeah.
I mean, I'll take all that too.
Like just, it's the simple part,right?
Like that's what I love aboutthese country songs.
(42:14):
Can I say it again?
They're just simple.
The chorus totally gets me.
Okay.
So it's a love me.
Like he should one, like hewrote the book one, the kind you
find when you don't even look,one, anybody can be good once,
but he's good all the time.
(42:34):
He's one of the good ones andhe's all mine.
He's one of the good ones.
So it's really easy after yearsof online dating and getting set
up and being alone to getdiscouraged.
And it's very hard sometimes tosee our, like in my case, like
(42:59):
my male friends guys, I went tohigh school and college with
guys that I once dated.
They're in, you know, they'remarried, they're in
relationships, they'recommitted.
Um, and then it feels like theguys who are single, not so
(43:19):
much, they're, they're maybe notthe good ones.
They're harder to find.
They're like a needle in ahaystack.
I mean, I talk to single men andwomen all the time and there's
plenty of dateable fuckable havea good time with kind of people
out there.
Uh, but to find someone likeGabby is describing, uh, sounds
(43:44):
like an uphill battle a lot ofthe time.
So that might be why I reallylike part of this, like chorus
toward the end of the song shesings.
We should all find us onethey're out there minus one.
Some of the good ones.
(44:05):
Yeah.
I got a good one.
And again, for me, like, I mean,that could be looked at, um,
again is like, um, frustrating,right?
like, yep.
They're out there minus one.
Uh, but also in a really hopefulway, there are good people out
there.
I consider myself a good person.
I consider so many of my singlefriends to be really good people
(44:28):
with so much to give so much tooffer so much love to, to share
with someone else.
So I love this song for thatreason.
I think it's one of the hopefulones that there are good people
out there.
And it's also serves again, kindof as a reminder to my myself
that, yeah, I mean, I can havefun.
(44:50):
I can live it up.
I can have a good time with justabout anybody.
Let's be real but I'mlooking for something much, much
harder to find something, um,much deeper, more thoughtful,
more meaningful, uh, to sharelove with.
And I think this is a prettyhopeful song.
(45:14):
So if you're interested ingetting inspired, like I was by
this playlist, hit me up.
I'll share it with you.
There are a lot of very goodcountry songs on it.
I mean, we've got speechlesswith Dan and Shay.
We've got, um, from the groundup also Dan and Shay happens
(45:38):
like that.
Grander Smith forever to gochase rice.
I mean so many good ones.
You guys, um, they just hit in adifferent way, especially maybe
if you're like me and haven'tlistened to a lot of country
music, simple lyrics, simplethemes, big impact.
(45:58):
Yeah.
So I hope that maybe, um, maybethis has made you think a little
bit about how you make peoplefeel, um, how you want to be
viewed admired thought of lovedone day.
Um, I hope so.
(46:19):
It's been fun for me and upnext, Ooh, look out something we
all know so much about I'm gonnado, um, an episode for episode
55, all about red flags, what towatch for when we're out there
in the dating world, uh, it willbe promptly followed up by green
(46:40):
flags.
spoiler alert to balancethat out with, uh, all the good
things that we should expect andbe watching for and to do
ourselves.
Of course, of course we need tobe, um, yeah, like considerative
of how we're treating others outthere too.
So anyway, we're all learningover here and I just appreciate
(47:01):
each and every one of you somuch for listening and please do
consider sharing the podcastwith a friend.
That's how podcasts grow.
And I just thank you for that.
So very much.
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 54,love me like a country song.
In this episode, I'm going toshare with you how I discovered
(00:21):
after listening to my daughterLaney's country music playlist,
over and over and over the pastseveral months, how I've come to
realize I want to be loved likethe subjects of country songs.
I mean, not, not all countrysongs
(00:45):
in particular, I'm gonna sharesome lyrics, tell you where I'm
coming from.
If you are anything like me,certain types of music, just
move you and get to you and stiryour soul.
And I guess I've just been kindof surprised over the past few
months that, uh, it's some ofthese old, uh, country songs
that are doing it for me.
Um, because it's nottraditionally my go to, but in
(01:08):
the simple, simple lyrics thatI'm gonna share with you today,
I think a lot can be cleanedfrom them.
And I hope that this all strikesa chord with you two.
It really shouldn't come as asurprise to me or anyone who
knows me that
me.
(01:28):
I mean, for real, I am from theHeartland after all born and
raised in a little cow towncalled Sedalia, Missouri, right?
Small town girl.
Yep.
I've worked hard to geteverything I've ever had.
That's for sure.
I've drank plenty of beer dancedthe night away under the stars
and blue jeans and whitet-shirts.
(01:51):
Yeah.
I've uh, had a dog die.
I've ridden in some trucks withsome muddy truck tires.
I mean.
Most of the guys I grew updating to tobacco and I guess a
couple of them work cowboyboots.
Yeah.
I've had my heart broken.
(02:11):
Definitely been cheated on,certainly have sought out my own
form of revenge here and there.
Yeah.
So I guess a lot of themes fromcountry music kind of, uh, kind
of makes sense to me.
So I'm just going to begin byhighlighting a few songs and
(02:32):
kind of dissecting the lyricsand pointing out what I think is
so special about them and howthey make me realize what it is
exactly that I'm looking for ina partner in regards to emotion
and feelings and the way that Ihope to be viewed and thought of
(02:58):
and loved by my person someday.
So it's my hope that this is funfor you as listeners.
Um, hearing me have thisconversation with myself, I hope
that it elicits a conversationin your own mind about songs
that just do it for you thatgive you that, you know,
(03:22):
excited, happy, fluttering,tingling, feeling inside that
maybe, um, next week or nextmonth, or next time you pull up
Bumble on your phone, uh,waiting for you will be a
partner who is thoughtful andkind, and adoring and
(03:45):
affectionate and whatever it is,um, that you're looking for,
because that's kind of whatthese songs do for me.
I think they stir up feelings ofhopefulness and also remind me
of the fact that I need to holdout for these things that, that,
(04:06):
you know, I'm looking for loveand I'm looking to be treated
well.
And that there is indeed someoneout there who, um, who will feel
this way about me someday.
So I hope it gives you the same,the same feelings of optimism.
(04:27):
I've gotta admit.
I was just a little wee bitdisappointed when I looked up
some information online aboutthe first song I'm going to talk
about, which is called she'severything.
And the artist is Brad Paisley.
And I found out that it wasactually a Nashville songwriter
named will N who wrote this songabout his wife, Holly, but in my
(04:54):
mind, I think about Brad Paisleyand his girl next door love of
his life and a wife, KimberlyWilliams, Paisley who most of us
know and love from father of thebride.
She was also in some other goodmovies like we are Marshall.
(05:18):
Um, but yeah, so I think aboutthe two of them and how they
appear to have such a storybooklife together and the lyrics.
I mean, they just get to meevery time.
And let me tell you why, trustme, I wish that I could just
play the song for you orsnippets of the song, but it's
(05:39):
against copyright law on podcastto do that.
So I'm just going to have toread it to you.
I will not torture you bysinging it, but it starts off by
saying she's a yellow pair ofrunning shoes, a holy pair of
jeans.
She looks great in cheapsunglasses.
She looks great in anything.
Okay.
So on a basic level, isn't itjust nice when we meet someone
(06:04):
and they don't care if we are inlike no makeup and a ball cap or
, um, you know, our sweats orour glasses, or, you know, I, I
don't know about most of youwomen, but I, I mean, when I get
home from work, I typically, Imean, let's be real.
(06:24):
I wear scrubs a lot of days, soit's not even like I'm dressed
up, but I do.
I come home and I just get intomy comfy.
Right?
Like that's what we do.
Most of us, we take brass off,we get into comfortable clothes,
we pull our hair back.
A lot of times I take mycontacts out and yeah, I mean, I
think I like it when a guyappreciates that.
(06:48):
Um, oh, natural side of me, notall done up and trying to, um,
look fancier glamorous or, youknow, whatever.
Um, so that's just a little bitof realism that I think we all
appreciate.
But for most of us in the datingworld where we have been
spending, um, a night, a couplenights, several nights, a week,
(07:11):
going out on initial dates,first dates, second dates,
whatever.
Um, over the course of time, itgets pretty exhausting putting
our best foot forward appearancewise all the time.
And then also feeling like it'ssome sort of like competitive
world out there forattractiveness and like, who can
(07:34):
we attract and exactly what kindof shape do I need to be in?
Or what do I have to look liketo pull that kind of guy or, or
girl or whatever.
So I don't, there's just a lotof comfort in, in being with
someone that just likes us forwho we are, if we're in a holy
pair of jeans and shapesunglasses.
(07:54):
Right.
So I think that's why that firstlittle bit, um, speaks to me.
He goes on to sing.
She is, I want a piece ofchocolate take me to a movie
she's I can't find a thing towear.
And now, and then she's moody.
Mm-hmm
(08:16):
kidding.
I'm kidding.
But I, I have, I felt like morethan once in marriage and in
relationships because I am atypically pep, upbeat, happy
person.
And not just in my romanticrelationships, in, in a lot of
my relationships, I feel I havefelt like, and still do
(08:37):
occasionally.
Like I'm not allowed to have abad day.
Oh no.
Uhuh, Stacy, she's good.
Like, you can always count onStacy to have a smile on her
face and, and be sweet and be ina good mood.
Um, Hey, guess what?
Uh, I get in funks, I get down,I get sad.
(08:59):
I get off and angry and I wantto be with someone who I, I
almost just said allows that,but I wanna be with someone who
appreciates that, that I am afull spectrum of a person
capable of all of the sameemotions everybody else feels.
(09:21):
And they don't maybe necessarilyexpect me to be happy, go lucky
every single moment of every day, because that's not real.
Right.
So I think that's,
hits me.
Um, and all that he had to saywas moody apparently.
(09:43):
And I'm like, yes, that, that Iwanna be moody.
I wanna be able to be moodywithout being told.
Like I know in my secondmarriage, there were accusations
a lot that I, um, I was, I wasjealous.
I was angry.
I was, you know, uh, had badintentions or whatever.
(10:07):
And, um, I definitely, I don't,I don't wanna be thought of in
that way, but I, I certainlywant to be understood.
Right.
Isn't that something to lookforward to being understood by
someone, um, the next part isjust freaking sweet, right?
I mean, this song is old.
She's a SA I don't know how manySaturns are still driving around
(10:30):
out there, but she's a Saturnwith a sunroof with her brown
hair blowing.
She's a soft place to land and agood feeling knowing, okay.
That actually makes me abouttear up, which is kind of
ridiculous.
I understand.
But that's what I wanna be forsomeone else.
Right.
The that's, I mean, I thinkthat's who a lot of us are for
(10:52):
our children, right?
Like a soft place to land.
We wanna be there when they needus and a good feeling knowing.
Yeah.
I mean, I try every day reallyhard to make the people around
me, um, feel good.
That's the impression I try toleave on friends, strangers and
(11:16):
family all the time.
And to have someone else who isimportant to me, reflect on how
I make them feel is that's a bigdeal.
That's like, that's a big deal.
That's why that gets me so much,I think.
(11:38):
Um, okay.
So he, he goes on, she's a warmconversation that I wouldn't
miss for nothing.
She's a fighter when she's madand she's a lover when she's
loving.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess in those lyrics,I kind of, I, I feel, I think
that's who I am.
(11:58):
Right.
I go all out, man.
I, I, I've always told people,like, I love big.
I have a big heart, my feelingsrun deep.
I'm not shallow in my emotions.
So it's important to me thatwhoever I'm with knows that if
(12:20):
I'm fighting over something andI'm mad, it's for good reason.
And, um, on the opposite end ofthe spectrum.
Yeah.
I mean, she's a lover when she'sloving, right?
Yeah.
I mean, go all out on that, onthat end, too.
Um, to show how much you lovesomeone.
(12:41):
So I, yeah, that just speaks tome.
So the chorus is she'severything I ever wanted and
everything I need.
I talk about her.
I go on and on and on CU she'severything to me.
Okay.
That's nice.
You know, this is something Ithink a lot of us as previously
(13:04):
married people, uh, and assingle people, I don't think it
matters.
Okay.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna retractthat.
I don't think it matters.
I love to be around people whospeak highly of their
significant others in sayingthat I've also been through a
lot in relationships andunderstand the ebb and flow and
(13:25):
the challenges over the years.
And let's be realistic being ina, a long term relationship or
marriage is hard and it comeswith a lot of struggle.
So I, I don't mean like I'm notjudgy when my friends have, have
a moment with their partner orwhatever, but to be around
(13:46):
someone who dots on theirsignificant other is pretty
freaking awesome.
Um, I love that.
And I guess that's kind of whatI get out of the chorus.
Um, you know, they go on and onand on because she's everything,
it's just, uh, that's just sweetpeople.
(14:07):
That's just sweet.
Okay.
The next line, I think I canprobably also just, I like it
because it reminds me of myselfand that sounds egotistical, but
here it goes.
It won't be, once you hear it,she's a Saturday out on the town
and a church girl on Sunday,she's cross around her neck and
a cuss word cuz it's Mondaymm-hmm
(14:29):
Yep.
Um, that's me.
I definitely am very faithfilled in my life.
And I've talked about myChristianity and all of that
many, many, many times on this,um, podcast.
And then I drop F bombs in thenext, you know, the next couple
of minutes and that's me and,uh, pretty unapologetic about
(14:55):
that because I am, again, Ithink that our language and I
mean, you listen to me, Ienunciate, I, um, use a lot of
inflection and the tone of myvoice.
It all matters to me.
Like I I'm very open and freeflowing with how I feel.
So there's going to be somecussing and there's going to be
(15:17):
some brain
typically.
Okay.
Moving on.
She's a bubble bath and candlesbaby coming, kiss me.
She's a one glass of wine andshe's feeling kind of tipsy.
I mean, bubble bass are myfavorite
(15:38):
it like seriously on my, on myBumble profile.
I'm like, uh, my favorite thingsare fancy cheese dogs, hiking
and bubble bass.
Oh.
And chocolate milk.
And I really like champagne.
Yeah.
For real, like, um, those thingsjust bring about, it's kind of
(15:59):
like when you talk, I don'tknow.
You talk about like walking intoyour grandma's house and like
smelling cookies in the oven.
Like when I listen to lyricsabout bubble bass and glasses of
wine, I'm like, yep.
Sign me up, sign me up.
I wouldn't mind being in a tuband having a guy come over and
kiss me.
(16:20):
I was married the last time thathappened.
intimate like that.
Um, so yeah, that just, it justfeels good to think about those
things.
Again, sometimes I thinklistening to these types of
romantic songs, um, just kind ofremind me of what I can't wait
(16:41):
for.
Like I can't wait to have all ofthat.
Like that sounds pretty great.
So the lyrics go on to say,she's the giver I wish I could
be.
And the Steeler of the covers,she's a picture in my wallet of
my unborn children's mother.
That's just sweet.
And I love how it kind of goesback and forth with like how we
(17:06):
typically talk about people.
It's like something likecomplimentary she's the giver I
wish I could be.
And then he is like, but shesteals the freaking blankets.
Like, but he still loves her.
Like that's, um, that's kind oflike the crux of a relationship,
right?
Like you love the deep,intrinsic important values of
(17:30):
someone and then they drive younuts because they leave
toothpaste in the sink.
I mean, that's just, that's whatI like about these country
songs.
They're just very simple.
And at the end of the day, Ithink love should be simple.
She's the hand that I'm holdingwhen I'm on my knees and
(17:52):
praying, she's the answer to myprayer.
And she's the song that I'mplaying.
Well, that's nice.
general and would hold my handwhile doing so, I mean, heart
(18:15):
melt that hasn't happened yet.
Maybe one day, thankfully I havesome girlfriends that are that
way.
Um, so that's sweet and then thechorus again.
Right.
So cute.
Um, at the end it says, she'sthe voice I love to hear someday
(18:37):
when I'm 90.
She's that wooden rocking chair.
I want rocking right beside me.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I seriously just posted on myInstagram story.
something stupid, but it was socute.
It was this old couple, like,like in their eighties and they
(19:00):
both had matching t-shirts on.
And the, the husband's t-shirtsays his t-shirt says she's my
sweet potato.
And her t-shirt says I am
And I'm like, oh yeah.
I mean, come on.
(19:22):
Like, it's not, I mean, I'm 44.
It's not, I'm not too late togrow old with someone.
I mean, I, I don't, I, I don'tthink I'll ever call it too
late.
I mean, I hope not.
I hope not.
Um, but I've talked about that alot, you know, at this stage in
life, like thinking aboutgrowing old alone versus growing
(19:45):
old with someone, I mean, I knowI'm capable.
I know I have other people in mylife.
Like hopefully my daughter
and I mean, hopefully I outlivemy parents and my brother, who's
just a couple years older thanme, but I think I have people
around me that would help carefor me or look after me or be
(20:07):
there for me if I need them whenI'm 90, but would I prefer to
have like a life partner?
Um, yeah, I would, if I'm beingreal and I'm trying to be, so
every day that passes, I onlylove her more.
(20:28):
Yeah.
She's the one that I'd lay downmy own life for.
Hmm.
Yeah.
That's real love people.
Would you throw yourself infront of a train?
I mean, simple, simple lyrics,but they do something for me.
(20:48):
I hope that, you know, maybe Imade you laugh a couple times,
but maybe I made you think tooabout how you feel and what you
are looking for.
Maybe you want something totallydifferent.
Maybe you want a thrill andexcitement and sexiness, and
this song is not that, um, Icould, I could, and maybe I will
(21:10):
do more podcast episodes becauseboy do a lot of, I do have some
And then I have songs that, um,a lot of Taylor swift actually
that, uh, I don't care if shewrote it when she was 17 or 14
or 22.
(21:33):
Uh, she has a way of likedefining the human existence as
a songwriter.
That makes a whole lot of senseto me.
And, um, I'm not ashamed of thateither.
So I'm gonna keep going with thecountry songs for now.
But as I'm talking through this,I, I think we've got more
material going forward and Iwanna hear yours too pretty,
(21:56):
please.
This next song made the cutsimply because of some
experiences I've had, like inthe last few months, I don't
know who Billy Karrington is orany of his other music, but in
2019, he came out with a songcalled details and it's on
Laney's playlist.
(22:17):
And it, uh, just shockinglyresembles this guy that I had a
thing for not that long ago.
So it starts off the lyrics doby saying, I couldn't tell you
what I did today or the daybefore.
I couldn't tell you what songjust played or the guy's name
(22:38):
that lives next door, a hundreddollars bills could be fallen
from the sky.
Wouldn't even notice, but babyI'm in tune with everything you
do, I'm completely focused.
So this song is all about howthis guy recognizes every single
detail in the girl that he loveswhen I was analyzing the song
(23:04):
before she's everything.
One of the big highlights ofthat was just the fact that he
seemed to love and understandand appreciate all of these
qualities in his wife.
And then in this song, it's moreabout noticing and pain
(23:29):
attention to all of thosequalities.
And there's a big difference.
So in a recent relationship thatI had, I felt noticed, I felt
like he was paying attention.
I felt adored, but at the end ofthe day, I didn't feel
(23:55):
understood.
So there's, um, you know,there's the surface level of
paying attention to likesdislikes, um, interests,
preferences, all of that.
And then there's the deeperlevel of understanding and, and
(24:21):
also balancing yourunderstanding with their flaws
or shortcomings.
So I'll circle back, but I'mgonna keep, I'm gonna keep going
for now.
The lyrics continue on every 5,7, 3 eights inches of you, baby,
how the salt and the air makesyour hair kind of wavy how your
(24:42):
tongue tied when you mix winewith a Gemini baby eye memorized
every brown sugar, freckle thatthe Lord put on you, how you
lean to the left 45 degreesright before you're gonna kiss
me.
If you can't tell, I've beenpaying close attention to your
details.
(25:03):
Okay, well, that's cute.
5, 7, 3, 8 inches.
I mean, I've got five foot, one,three quarters inches on me.
And I mean, I think sometimessome guy gonna be like, that's
perfect.
Right?
But I mean, again, it's justsweetness.
I, I, I love the, you know, thesalt in the hair makes salt in
(25:24):
the air, makes your hair wavyand you know, you drink a little
wine and you get tongue tied.
And I think the most adorable,uh, part of that little verse
was the brown sugar frecklesthat the Lord put on you.
I mean, I feel like mygeneration put on a lot of heavy
(25:44):
foundation and concealer tocover up those sorts of
freckles, that or skinvariations that we felt like
were flawed.
And I think I'm very pleased tosay that I feel like Laney's
generation, they don't do that.
Mm-hmm a lot less lot less ofthat going on and a lot more
(26:05):
realism for the most part, whichis lovely.
Um, I definitely would like tobe appreciated for, uh, things
like, you know, freckles andlittle things about myself that
could be viewed as flaws.
Um, but maybe just loved becausethey're part of me.
(26:28):
I think that's a cute, nice,decent way to take those lyrics.
Right?
The lyrics, go on to say icedmocha latte, one shot espresso
that you stir with your lefthand.
This is kind of funny because
airport with Laney recently andI got a call from a guy that I
(26:52):
was seeing.
And I was like, let me call youright back because I'm ordering
a Starbucks here, hang on asecond.
So I call him back and he'slike, what did you order?
No clue what I actually told himthat day, but something I
frequently order, would've beena chocolate almond milk, shaken
espresso, who knows.
So I said, whatever I orderedand he's like, oh, okay.
(27:15):
Is that what you normally get?
And I'm like, oh my gosh, it'sso stupid.
How much I order coffee drinks?
Because I, I take them todoctor's offices often as treats
for them.
I fuel up all the time oncoffee.
And so I mix it up.
I order hot, I order iced.
I order all sorts of differentstuff.
And I could hear like, hiswheels like spinning on the
(27:40):
other end.
Like he's taking note of this.
And then he said it out loud.
Oh, well, I'm just trying to payattention.
And I thought it was reallyendearing.
Like I felt like that's reallycute.
Like if he wants to know what Iorder, so that if he were to
bring me a coffee one day, hewould get something that I
liked.
That's considerate.
That's thoughtful.
(28:01):
I love that.
But at, at a different time ortwo, he kind of made a joke that
sometimes he keeps those notes,like on his phone.
I'm like, okay, like in and ofitself, I mean, come on, we're
all human.
I can't remember all, all ofthose details either buddy.
(28:24):
Right?
Like I, I get it.
Um, but it felt more superficialand less meaningful when it
sounded like he was in the habitof paying attention to details.
(28:46):
So I know one time he wasgetting ready to go somewhere
and I think he was consideringshopping for me.
So he was like, what size shoeare you wear?
What's what size clothes?
What, what, what, you know?
And I'm, I'm like I told him acouple, okay, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna put that in a note.
And then it was like, I mean,again, it's cute.
It's nice to be thought of.
(29:06):
It's nice.
It, all of that very sweet.
However, like don't tell me,
this is like, what you do.
Like when you're dating someone,you keep like a spreadsheet of
preferences, sizes, taste, andfood and, and clothes and, you
(29:28):
know, whatever, because then itkinda loses its its impact.
It's it again, it feels morecontrived and less authentic.
And I, I had a coupleconversations with this guy,
whenever things ended betweenthe two of us, I was like, you
know, I, I'm not like stupid.
(29:52):
Like
Like, I don't think I'm I'm yourfirst or the best or the most
special or the one that you lovethe most or whatever.
Like none of that matters.
But how about just don't make mefeel like one of many I don't
wanna be compared, right?
Like I wanna be made to feelspecial.
(30:16):
And so these lyrics from thissong details, remind me of this
person, but maybe not in the, inthe most adoring way.
I think at the beginning of, ofseeing this guy, it definitely
felt very, very special.
(30:36):
And then over the course of timeit felt less authentic.
So I, I suppose when I hearthis, what's his name again?
Billy, Corrington singing thissong.
I'm like, Hey, I mean, I like tothink that this is the only girl
that he's got all these detailson, or maybe like there's only
(30:58):
one note on his phone and it'sjust, it's just her details.
Right?
As I look through this playlistof Laney's that she made, she
just simply has, uh, five heartsbelow it and a photo of her and
her boyfriend it's doesn't evenhave a title, but there's a song
by the Zack brown band.
(31:20):
It's called whatever it is.
And it just has a good vibe toit.
Um, again, it's, you know, a guysinging about a girl and the way
that she makes him feel.
So the lyrics start off with,she got eyes that cut you like a
knife and lips that tastes likesweet red wine and pretty legs
(31:44):
go to heaven.
Every time she's got a gentleway that puts me at ease.
When she walks in the room, Ican hardly breathe, gotta
devastate and smile, knock agrown man to his knees.
The chorus is, she got whateverit is.
It blows me away.
She's everything I wanna say toa woman, but I couldn't find the
(32:04):
words to say she got whatever itis.
I don't know what to do.
Cuz every time I try to tell herhow I feel, it comes out.
I love you.
And you know, I think when Ilisten to this song, what I like
is that it makes you feel like,or makes me feel like, uh, what
it feels like to fall in love.
Like it's that giddy excitement.
(32:26):
Like I can't even explain it.
There's just fireworks.
And that to my friends is likethe best feeling in the world.
And so the song isn't deep,again, like it's not super
sentimental.
It just is like thatinexplicable feeling.
(32:48):
So it goes on to say, you know,I've never been the type that
would ever wanna stay, bring'emhome at night and they're gone
the next day.
But that all changed when shewalked into my life and people
asking why it is tell'em, Idon't know.
There's just something about thewoman makes my heart go haywire.
She's gonna be my wife.
(33:10):
Another part of the chorus sayscuz when she loves me girl,
that's how I feel.
Cuz when she loves me, I'm ontop of the world.
Cuz when she loves me, no I canlive forever.
And when she loves me, I amuntouchable.
So it's like this crazy force,you know, came to this Playboy
(33:37):
kind of guy and everything inhis life changed because he fell
in love.
Like he's not gonna, he's notgonna wander anymore.
He's committed.
He can't imagine life withoutthis woman because she got
something special.
You know, it's crazy.
I went to, um, I went to anevent one time and I met this
(34:05):
guy and there was some kind ofsparks between us.
And after I talked to him for alittle bit, I discovered he was
married and had kids.
They just weren't there thatday.
And at this event that we wereat, um, we were with a bunch of
(34:29):
mutual friends.
I had never met him before.
I didn't know anything about himand the same for me.
And we, we were with a bunch ofmutual friends in a big group.
And he, there was just some likemagnetic pole that he kept
ending up, like near me talkingto me, asking me questions.
And his face was just allanimated and lit up and just
(34:52):
smiling ear to ear.
And I definitely noticed, and hewas not trying to hide it at
all.
And a couple of times he waslike, you're something special.
He's like, I don't know what itis about you, but holy.
He's like, I, I just want to, Ijust wanna know you.
(35:14):
I just wanna be around you.
I just wanna hang out with youtonight.
I, I just can't get enough ofbeing around you.
And I kind of got it because Ikind of like felt the same of
what I was exposed to, but hewas married.
(35:36):
Right.
So I, you know, I was like, youneed, I'm like, what are you
doing?
You know what I mean?
And I'm very Frank in, inconversations like this, I was
like, you need to focus on yourwife and your family and pull
your head out.
Like that's the kind of stuffliterally I was saying to him
(35:56):
that night and um, at the sametime, because I have been in
these situations and talked tohundreds and hundreds of people
who have been in these kinds ofsituations and talking about
separation, divorce, beingsingle, whatever.
Like this is not that shockingto me that this guy behaved this
(36:17):
way.
Um, he was at a low point in hismarriage.
He gave me just, just like Iasked him, I was like, so what,
what are you doing?
And well, I'm really not happyright now.
Well tell me why.
So he tells me why, and I'mlike, that's.
Like that's no reason to notwanna be with your wife.
Like that's lane, come on.
Like
Cause it really was.
And now granted, I should bemaybe more empathetic than that,
(36:38):
but I was also like, uh, rootingfor him and his family.
Right.
Like, um, whereas he was tryingto make excuses as to why he
could flirt with me.
So it's interesting though,because I do think that we come
across people in life, like, um,like clearly I've thought about
(36:58):
him more than once, right?
This dynamic kind ofpersonality.
There's some sense of like, whatdo we call it?
Chemical romance.
I don't know something thatattracts you to somebody.
And again, I really do think theolder we get the harder it is to
find, um, you know, in this casehe's married, uh, hands off,
(37:19):
like I'm not touching that witha 10 foot pole, but um, it, in
regard to like these lyrics,like I do get it, I do get it.
Um, and I hope, hope to find itwith an legible single person
that makes me feel that way,that you just can't breathe when
(37:41):
they walk in the room.
That's just the kind of feelgood stuff that a lot of us are
looking for initially.
Right.
Um, but it's interesting thatthat's the story now that comes
to mind because I feel like Imade that guy feel this way and
it was, um, completely innocentin conversation amongst groups
(38:07):
of people at a rowdy event thatthat happened.
And the only reason I know ithappened is because this guy was
saying things like this to me.
Um, and it's, that's not normal.
That was, that was normal.
Like in college for a guy tocome up.
Oh my God, you're so beautiful.
(38:28):
Can I buy you a beer?
You know, follow over.
You say everything.
They're thinking that doesn'thappen very much.
I don't think later in life whenwe're dating people normally are
more guarded and hold theircards a little closer.
Um, I think it only happenedwith this guy because he was in
a super vulnerable, bad place.
Um, and I was right there andyou know, I just did an episode
(38:50):
about being in easy target.
That's kind of what I was thatnight.
But if I'm feeling a little bitmore like a romantic and a
little bit more of, um, I, Idon't know, like in a, in a more
loving kind of way, uh, youknow, maybe there maybe there
really was something more to itand uh, in, I think we both
(39:14):
learned from it, but my intentwas to turn him back toward his
wife and family.
And I think, uh, yeah, he wastrying to get me to think in a
different light as well.
Uh, but nonetheless, theselyrics are kind of powerful and
I think it's because it's allabout kind of that initial
(39:36):
attraction and in this song,ease, going so far as to call it
love.
I mean, I mean, you know, Iguess you can hope for that.
There's a whole bunch of ThomasRET on this playlist.
Oh my goodness.
And he and his wife have been inlove since they were like 17 and
they have like four babies.
(39:58):
Now.
I think I went to a concert withLaney and her friend and my mom
couple years ago, we're gettingready to go back to see Thomas
RET, uh, with Michael and Laneyand my mom coming up here in a
few weeks actually.
And he does a magnificent job oftugging at the heartstrings,
(40:20):
especially knowing his likepersonal story us someday is
adorable.
Mama's front door.
Oh yeah.
I mean just like beautifullittle love stories that span
the course of time.
Kind of like, oh, like a classica Jackson song.
Um, remember when, oh, that onebrings me to tears pretty much
(40:42):
every time, but the last songI'm gonna highlight is a newer
song to me.
And I discovered it on this, um,playlist of Laney's and it is
actually a girl singing thistime.
So it's a little bit of adifferent perspective.
So the song is it's called thegood ones by Gabby Barrett.
(41:08):
And this is kind of like, Idon't know, an inspirational
theme for me.
The lyrics start off with, he'sa phone call to his parents.
He's a Bible by the bed.
He's the t-shirt that I'mwearing.
He's the song stuck in my head.
He's solid.
And he's steady.
(41:29):
Like the Allegheny runs, heknows just where he's going.
And he's proud of where he'sfrom.
One of the good ones.
He's one of the good ones.
So yeah, I mean, we can hope forsexy and tall and funny and
successful and all of theseother checklist items and a good
(41:53):
dad and blah, blah, blah, nicehome.
And maybe he's a dog lover, allof these things, but at the end
of the day, like solid, steady,good relationship with this
parrots.
Yeah.
I mean, I'll take all that too.
Like just, it's the simple part,right?
Like that's what I love aboutthese country songs.
(42:14):
Can I say it again?
They're just simple.
The chorus totally gets me.
Okay.
So it's a love me.
Like he should one, like hewrote the book one, the kind you
find when you don't even look,one, anybody can be good once,
but he's good all the time.
(42:34):
He's one of the good ones andhe's all mine.
He's one of the good ones.
So it's really easy after yearsof online dating and getting set
up and being alone to getdiscouraged.
And it's very hard sometimes tosee our, like in my case, like
(42:59):
my male friends guys, I went tohigh school and college with
guys that I once dated.
They're in, you know, they'remarried, they're in
relationships, they'recommitted.
Um, and then it feels like theguys who are single, not so
(43:19):
much, they're, they're maybe notthe good ones.
They're harder to find.
They're like a needle in ahaystack.
I mean, I talk to single men andwomen all the time and there's
plenty of dateable fuckable havea good time with kind of people
out there.
Uh, but to find someone likeGabby is describing, uh, sounds
(43:44):
like an uphill battle a lot ofthe time.
So that might be why I reallylike part of this, like chorus
toward the end of the song shesings.
We should all find us onethey're out there minus one.
Some of the good ones.
(44:05):
Yeah.
I got a good one.
And again, for me, like, I mean,that could be looked at, um,
again is like, um, frustrating,right?
They're out there minus one.
Uh, but also in a really hopefulway, there are good people out
there.
I consider myself a good person.
I consider so many of my singlefriends to be really good people
(44:28):
with so much to give so much tooffer so much love to, to share
with someone else.
So I love this song for thatreason.
I think it's one of the hopefulones that there are good people
out there.
And it's also serves again, kindof as a reminder to my myself
that, yeah, I mean, I can havefun.
(44:50):
I can live it up.
I can have a good time with justabout anybody.
Let's be real
harder to find something, um,much deeper, more thoughtful,
more meaningful, uh, to sharelove with.
And I think this is a prettyhopeful song.
(45:14):
So if you're interested ingetting inspired, like I was by
this playlist,
I'll share it with you.
There are a lot of very goodcountry songs on it.
I mean, we've got speechlesswith Dan and Shay.
We've got, um, from the groundup also Dan and Shay happens
(45:38):
like that.
Grander Smith forever to gochase rice.
I mean so many good ones.
You guys, um, they just hit in adifferent way, especially maybe
if you're like me and haven'tlistened to a lot of country
music, simple lyrics, simplethemes, big impact.
(45:58):
Yeah.
So I hope that maybe, um, maybethis has made you think a little
bit about how you make peoplefeel, um, how you want to be
viewed admired thought of lovedone day.
Um, I hope so.
(46:19):
It's been fun for me and upnext, Ooh, look out something we
all know so much about I'm gonnado, um, an episode for episode
55, all about red flags, what towatch for when we're out there
in the dating world, uh, it willbe promptly followed up by green
(46:40):
flags.
things that we should expect andbe watching for and to do
ourselves.
Of course, of course we need tobe, um, yeah, like considerative
of how we're treating others outthere too.
So anyway, we're all learningover here and I just appreciate
(47:01):
each and every one of you somuch for listening and please do
consider sharing the podcastwith a friend.
That's how podcasts grow.
And I just thank you for that.
So very much.
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