November 1, 2022 • 25 mins
In this episode, I explore all of the ways I could see my life play out as a single woman. I've done a lot of day dreaming and soul searching after divorce. One of the things I like to think about is what I could do if I grow old alone, but not lonely.
Ideas of how I could spend my golden years single:
- Be a real life golden girl - live somewhere fantastic with widowed or divorced friends
- Build a carriage house adjacent to my married friends big house at the beach
- Live in a resort type setting at one of my favorite vacation spots- almost off the grid in Montana, a small condo in Vail, a tiny house on the beach
- Live the RV life exploring the country
- Follow my daughter (to somewhere in the south) - Start a business with Lanie
- Become a house mom at a Sorority or Fraternity
- Stay right where I'm at
- Focus on my career and pursue a promotion
- Move near Lanie to help with her family
Uncertainty doesn't have to equal fear or sadness or anxiety. What's the worst that can happen? Is the idea of not being married (again) really that bad?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real, transparentdating and life experiences for
your amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 58.
What's the worst that couldhappen in this episode?
I'm gonna flip the script.
(00:21):
I am going to explore all of theways that I could see my life
playing out as a single womanafter spending my whole life
thinking that it would have afairytale ending.
I don't know about you, but forme, life after divorce has
(00:45):
presented some interestingthought patterns inside my own
head.
I've done a lot of daydreaming.
I've done a lot of soulsearching.
I've done a lot of thinkingabout what exactly I could do
with this unexpected single lifeahead of me.
So on this podcast of minecalled Man Shopping with Stacy,
(01:10):
let's just assume, I mean, is itthe worst?
Let's just assume the worst,that I never partner up, that I
never find my Mr.
Wright, that I spend my olderyears alone, but not lonely.
Let's talk about that.
Let's talk about what's theworst that could happen.
(01:31):
I mean, is it really that scaryto think about living alone for
the rest of your life?
I mean, let's be real.
For most of us, we would atleast have some relationships,
right?
Between now and death.
Like we probably wouldn't becelibate.
We would probably still bedating, maybe even have another
(01:54):
lover or two.
I mean, maybe even just take ona lover or two.
So European, so not Midwestern, but it could happen.
It could happen.
Aside from the relationship sideof this, just focusing on
ourselves, I think it'simportant for all of us to
(02:18):
consider that we may not findour match.
We might spend a significantnumber of years or time by
ourselves.
And instead of fearing that ordreading that, let's daydream
about it.
Let's make the most of it.
(02:39):
I mean, one of the first thingsthat comes to mind is seriously
living out a golden girl kind oflife.
I think I've talked about thisbefore on the podcast.
I know I've talked about thiswith my friends.
I mean, the older we get, I'm atthat age now where a lot of my
friends have children, childrengraduating high school.
(03:01):
I hate to tell
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You
Speaker 1 (03:02):
This, people, but that's when a lot of people get
divorced for some God
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Awful, stupid
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Reason.
People think that it's
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Wise to stay
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Together.
for
Speaker 2 (03:10):
The kids,
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Never a good idea, in my opinion, but it happens a
lot.
So a
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Lot of people get
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Divorced in their forties and fifties, right?
So what does that mean?
I mean, that just means thatwhen we look forward to
retirement in an expensive golfcourse community, we could, you
know, pair up or group
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Up with our
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Besties and live, live our best
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Lives.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I mean, that doesn't sound so horrible.
I don't know.
I
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Really
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Like living by myself, just me and my dog.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I really
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Do.
But maybe as
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I get older, I'd rather share a
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Space.
I don't know, especially if itmeant I could live someplace
posh someplace really fantastic.
Um, by combining, you know, my,uh, my, my wealth with
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Others
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So that, so that we could, you know, live, live near
the ocean, um, or live in a, ina really nice retirement
community together.
I mean, I don't know about you
Speaker 2 (04:10):
All, but
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I have friends who have parents and grandparents
that live in these types ofplaces, and they don't
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Look
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So bad.
I mean, there's lots of like,you know, poker playing,
gambling.
People are taking up hobbies,learning how to oil paint.
They're staying fit.
They're staying active.
There's a lot of mingling.
Talk about dating.
I mean, we've all heard thestories from those types of
retirement communities.
I mean, it might be like livingcollege all over again, only,
(04:37):
you know, maybe with a bu kneeor a bad hip or something.
Anyway, it could be fun.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It could be
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Fun, right?
I mean, maybe
Speaker 2 (04:49):
The, the group life
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Situation, you know, dormitory type living in your,
in your, um, in your later yearsdoesn't sound so great.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I've
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Got another concept that came to me in conversation
with one of my girlfriends.
She was telling me about how sheand her husband think that
they'll sell their home here in,uh, in the Midwest one day and
will likely
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Seek out a beautiful spot to
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Retire on, on a coast.
They'll build their dream house,they'll
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Grow old
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Together, they'll host family functions, and they
just,
Speaker 2 (05:24):
They're happy at their happy places by the water,
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Right?
And so, as she's telling methat,
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Hey, you know what I mean?
What
Speaker 2 (05:33):
If I just built like a little carriage house?
Like could you
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Put, you know, space
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Out, like,
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You know, in a mother-in-law
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Type
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Suite only?
I'm just your single friend.
And I mean, men can come and go.
We can join you in the big housefor dinner occasionally, but,
you know, I just kind of,instead of being like a teenager
above
Speaker 2 (05:53):
The
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Garage, like maybe I could
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Have the pool house.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I, I don't need a lot, lot.
I just need like, some space formy dog and, and something, you
know, that I could decorate andenjoy, um, adjacent, adjacent to
your dream house, um, by thesea.
I mean, why not?
I think that sounds lovely.
My friend was like, Yeah, I'msure my husband would go for
(06:17):
that.
Why not?
I mean, it would cut down oncost, you know, they'd have not
a renter cuz I'd wanna be ableto like, not rent, but you know,
they, I could, I could cook for'em, whatever and make myself
useful.
I could like, take care of someflowers outside garden, maybe
definitely cook and bake though.
I could be like their, uh,personal chef.
I wouldn't mind.
(06:38):
I mean, it's a win, win, win win.
See, we're looking at the brightside here.
Could you see yourself doingsomething like that?
I don't know.
I probably could.
I could probably do that.
It's not like you're mooching,like you pay for your own space,
you pay your own bills.
Just happens to be near one ofyour good friends.
Yeah, Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
(07:01):
As I think about this singularlywithout the impact or inclusion
of my friends, how many timeshave you all gone on a vacation
and been like, I don't wannaleave.
I belong here.
(07:21):
Dude, it has happened to me moretimes than I can count in so
many different landscapes thatdiffer vastly.
Oh my gosh, I went to mycousin's wedding in Montana a
couple of years ago and thoughtto myself, yep, all I need is a
little cabin in the woods closeenough to drive into a town to
(07:43):
get my provisions, you know, uh,not so off the grid that Amazon
can't deliver to me, but golly,like how gorgeous, gorgeous of a
state is Montana.
Yeah, I could be a resident, youknow, I've also been in Vail,
Colorado and thought the samething.
(08:03):
Hmm.
How much money does it take tobuy a small condo in Vail,
Colorado?
Or maybe like, I don't know,like a tiny house, like within
driving distance?
I don't know.
Uh, yeah, I've had thosethoughts before too.
I mean, I don't discriminate.
I like the beach too.
(08:25):
Yeah, of course I've been onbeach vacations where I'm like,
Yeah, this'll work.
Uh, get me a hammock, get me alittle shack on the beach.
I will sling drinks or open up aa little restaurant and make do,
Yeah, I could totally do that.
And then you guys, you thinkabout like the reality of that
(08:45):
and could you do that as asingle person later in life?
Uh, yeah.
, how many times have youseen like, I don't know, I've
seen it it a lot like on traveland leisure, right?
On Instagram, say they'll postlike the most affordable places
to retire by the ocean or in themountains or whatever.
(09:07):
People do it all the time.
People, people live outside ofthe United States in retirement
because of the cost of livingall the time.
I mean, start now.
And you could have it allplanned out by the time
by the time you're ready toretire.
It can be done.
It can be done.
A lot of us have been, you know,dumping money into 401ks for a
(09:29):
while now.
And I mean, it could be withinreach.
You could live in your favoritevacation destination.
There's a girl that is anacquaintance of mine.
I don't know her well enough tocall her a friend, but I sure do
like her a lot.
And I follow her on Facebook andInstagram and she started off
renting like little campers thatshe would pull behind her small
(09:52):
suv.
And then eventually she boughtone of her very own.
And she has been traveling as asingle woman with her two little
pups all over the place,visiting friends, uh, exploring,
just going on like singleadventures.
Could you see yourself doingthat?
I mean, I think a lot of couplesnot, maybe not a lot.
Okay, But there are people outthere, right, that retire as
(10:15):
couples that do that.
It's pretty normal.
Like they sell their home, theyget just a huge house on wheels
and that's their new life.
They just go, uh, the pandemichas kind of made this way of
life very popular, lot of, lotof young people doing this.
(10:37):
Uh, a lot of van life going on.
A lot of, uh, yeah, Houses onWheels is a lot of us are able
to work remotely.
And especially as you thinkforward to your retirement,
could you extend your careerthrough remote working from
anywhere with your little houseon wheels or with little tiny
house set up by the mountains?
(10:58):
A lot of us could.
Or maybe that's the time tofollow your passions and your
talents and your dreams andlive, you know, relatively
inexpensively.
Especially if you have equity ina home that you sell or rent out
your, your main home for a yearand just roll the dice and see
(11:20):
how it goes.
I don't know.
There's something prettyappealing to me about risk
taking later in life.
Like I've got a lot of big ideasof things I could do, uh, when
the pressure of providing for mydaughter is, you know, lessened,
uh, like let's say in about fiveyears, hopefully when she's
(11:40):
outta school.
So on that train of thought, oneof the things that I tell people
I could see myself doing, andI'm sure that I'm not alone in
this, is potentially, sorry,Laney following my daughter, I
could, uh, she wants to go toschool in the south.
She's undecided right now, butshe's looking at the University
(12:04):
of Florida in Gainesville.
She's looking at, um, Auburn inAlabama.
She's looking at Ole Miss whoknows where she'll end up right
now.
She works for my friend Brookeat the cutest boutique ever
called Twill in Parkville,Missouri.
She's learned a lot, a lot.
Look, um, working for Brooke atthe boutique, and you better
(12:26):
believe I've been soaking it upin is a patron too.
And one of the i little ideas inthe back of my head is, gosh, I
mean, I could round out mycareer in pharmaceutical sales
in another five or six years,hopefully bank some money and
some retirement and take agamble and open a little
boutique in a college town wherelane's at school, if she wants
(12:49):
to stay, she's gonna be abusiness major.
Maybe that's a career path forher, is to be a retail shop
owner.
You know, if I opened aboutique, it wouldn't just be a
boutique, hell no, it would haveto have food.
That's my own little daydreamspin I put on things, having
like a little, a little grab andgo, um, you know, salad,
(13:14):
charcuterie, protein box kind ofsituation.
Maybe some bubbly on tap, maybea coffee bar, dessert bar, all
sorts of fun ideas of thingsthat I could do maybe with Laney
one day.
And that could serve me, youknow, until I decided to really
slow down in retirement.
(13:36):
Maybe I could just carry thatout as a second career.
You know, as I grow older, uh,spending time with my daughter,
working together, building abrand new business together.
You never know it could happen.
Speaking of Laney going tocollege, this is, this is a
funny one, Wait for it.
(13:56):
So, I took, took Laney tovisit Mizzou where I attended
school for my first year, myfreshman year of college.
And so of course I had to showher my sorority house.
I was a tried out there and aswe were like, like walking along
the sorority and fraternityhouses, I was like, Ah, there
you go.
That's what I could do, Laney.
(14:17):
Uh, I could be a house mom.
I mean, I love, love beingaround young people, teenagers,
college kids.
Are you kidding me?
I love to nurture and take careof kids.
I love to feed kids.
I would be like a great housemom.
(14:37):
What a great fit.
I live in a big, beautiful oldhouse that I love, have my own
space and still be motherly,.
I mean, I mean, it's almost toogood to be true.
Um, probs not, but isn't it kindof funny to think about,
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Okay,
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's probably the most off
Speaker 2 (14:56):
The wall idea
Speaker 1 (14:57):
That I've presented, but I mean, we've
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Gotta
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Explore these things.
You just never know where lifemight take you, right?
I might get desperate at somepoint and need a
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Free,
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Free room and board.
You never know.
You never know.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
So I guess if I have to be
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Practical, because sometimes we must, if I'm being
practical,
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I could also
Speaker 1 (15:19):
See myself staying right where I am right now.
I just went to a little
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Local,
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Uh, wine shop called Wines by Jennifer in downtown
Parkville, and I sat with mygood friend Jenny, and she's
like,
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So do you still
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Think you'll probably just move when lady graduates?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Will you just go
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Like, live somewhere fantastic and like
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Start all
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Over again?
Because
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's what I used to talk about
Speaker 1 (15:42):
All the time.
And I said
Speaker 2 (15:44):
To her,
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Uh, no, I
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Don't think
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So.
I don't think so.
I'm good.
Like, um, I live in like themost
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Affordable,
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Like new little townhouse ever.
Um, it's
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Cheap.
It's easy.
I
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Like it.
I have no complaints.
I never worry
Speaker 2 (16:02):
About,
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You know, home repairs or anything like that.
It's comfortable.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's quiet
Speaker 1 (16:09):
More than that.
I have all my friends around me.
There's nothing like beingsingle
Speaker 2 (16:16):
To, uh, expose exactly
Speaker 1 (16:19):
How much we actually need
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Other people.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Thankfully, I haven't been in the position many times
to where I've really had to leanon my close friends for help,
but you
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Better
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Believe it's happened a time or two.
I mean, there was a time before
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I got red
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Side assistance on my car that I had to ask my, my
good friend and her husband tocome.
come help because mybattery died and I was stuck.
Um, there have been things,there have been things that I've
needed help, but, you know, onceI lose Laney to college, I won't
have
Speaker 2 (16:55):
That ride to,
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Uh, you know, if I had some medical procedure or
something or car
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Trouble
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Or, you know, some emergency, uh, with the family
or at my house or something.
And I have a tremendous networkof friends right here in
Parkville.
So many families that I've metthrough my old neighborhood
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Where we used
Speaker 1 (17:20):
To live through Laney , um, because of her friends,
I've, I've made friends with herfriends', parents, you know, uh,
through
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Church.
I've got just a great, great,
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Uh, group of friends right here.
And not only would I wanna staynearby because I might need
them, but you know what I do?
I need them.
I need them for socialization,for love, and for friendship and
for fellowship,
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Absolutely,
Speaker 1 (17:49):
100%.
I'm even hesitant to say I wouldmove into the city in Kansas
City now, whereas I thought forsure I would move outta
Parkville right away, rightaway.
As soon as like Laney graduatesone, the obviously the economy
sucks right now, and I have afantastic interest rate
and, and again, I'm living veryaffordably.
(18:10):
Um, but, but you know, I could,I could move into the city and
sure, I ab I definitely havefriends in within Kansas City
proper too, so I wouldn't takethat off the table.
But when my friend asked me, youknow, it was a really good
learning experience for mebecause my daydream used to be
getting the hell out of here anddoing whatever I want.
(18:32):
And now what I really want is tomaintain the happy little life
that Laney and I have createdright here in Parkville
especially.
I think it's especiallyimportant her first year maybe
of college for her to have hometo come back to, um, because our
house does feel like home nowthat we've been in it for a
couple of years.
And of course we are nearby toall of her friends after that,
(18:55):
you know, it probably won'tmatter so much.
She may stop coming home, youknow, for summers and stuff at
some point too.
So, uh, interesting though forme, like as a learning
experience, um, my own evolutionfrom right after my separation
and divorce to thinking, oh mygosh, I'm gonna get outta here
and do something totallydifferent to where I'm at right
(19:18):
now.
I also love my job and it's notas replaceable at all as
previous jobs that I've hadbecause I always thought I'll
just pick up.
I'll go get a new pharmaceuticalsales job, or I'll transfer
within another company transfer.
Maybe, uh, it could happen withthe company that I'm with right
now, maybe not.
So if I'm thinking, um, super,super logically and
(19:41):
realistically and notdaydreaming so much, a happy
ending still for me would be tostay right here, stay at home,
keep the job I love, keep doingmy little passion projects on
the side, keep podcasting, keepwriting, keep doing fun things
with all the people, uh, friendsand family that I have nearby
that I love so much, um, withindriving distance to both my dad
(20:04):
and stepmom and my mom andstepdad.
And so, yeah, I mean, it makes awhole lot of sense just to stay
right where I'm at and keepgoing.
Uh, that also leads me to say Icould focus more on my career,
you know, with Laney going awayto college.
Uh, it's kind of endlessopportunities over here.
If I wanted to pursue apromotion or management within
(20:29):
my company, I have all the timein the world to focus on that
and to aspire to, uh, do moreleadership type, you know, more
of a leadership role if, um, ifI wanted to, perhaps down the
road.
So I mean, you know, know, Idon't consider that thinking
small
Speaker 2 (20:49):
At all.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That could be a wonderful,
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Fulfilling,
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Happy
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Life,
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Just staying the course.
So if some of you arecomfortable in your homes and in
your careers, I mean, don't feelbad
Speaker 2 (21:03):
About it.
Don't feel bad about it.
You don't have to go
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Live in the middle of, you know, nowhere Montana
off the
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Grid to, to really live.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
You can make
Speaker 2 (21:14):
A beautiful life right where you are
Speaker 1 (21:17):
At.
And that may be what
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I do too.
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And I talked about following Laney to school, to
maybe start a business together,start a new endeavor, roll the
dice and see if we can't makeit, you know, as entrepreneurs,
um,
Speaker 2 (21:34):
To,
Speaker 1 (21:35):
To women, mother, daughter duo taken on the world.
But you know what, maybe whatLaney will really need from me
one day
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Is
Speaker 1 (21:44):
A supporting role in her life to maybe help
Speaker 2 (21:47):
With her babies.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Um, if she takes on a job that includes, uh, you know,
long hours
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Or a lot of travel
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Or, um, or if she and her husband just need a
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Little bit of extra care
Speaker 1 (22:00):
With their, with their babies one day or maybe
none of that.
And maybe I'll
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Just
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Choose to be near my daughter, um, because I can't
imagine not, you know, at theend of the day, I've always told
her wherever she wants to
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Go, I will
Speaker 1 (22:20):
100% support her.
And while it
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Is truly, truly a bittersweet
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Time in our lives right now, during her senior
year of high school as she isconsidering, um, how her future
will unfold,
Speaker 2 (22:34):
It's, uh, it's really a,
Speaker 1 (22:37):
A weird time for me too,
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Because there's just
Speaker 1 (22:40):
A lot of an uncertainty right now.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
But as I said
Speaker 1 (22:45):
At the beginning of this podcast
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Episode,
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I don't think uncertainty
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Should equal
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Sadness
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Or fear
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Or anxiety necessarily.
It's
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Okay to
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Feel that way from time to time.
I
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Sure do
Speaker 1 (23:02):
.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
But, but for the sake of this episode,
Speaker 1 (23:08):
What's
Speaker 2 (23:09):
The worst that
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Could happen?
I mean, let's be real.
Is not being married again
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Really that bad?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, maybe it's time that Ido another brighter side of
being single episode.
It's one of my most popular
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Episodes.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Um, and I could go on and on.
The list never ends.
Um, if any of you spend a lot oftime with, with your married
friends, you'll hear from them.
Just listen.
They'll point out to you some ofthe best things that we have
going for us as single people.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
So that's the perspective
Speaker 1 (23:42):
That I wanted this episode to, to come from.
What's the worst that couldhappen if you haven't already?
I hope that this podcast hasinspired you to really dig deep,
to really think about what youwant the rest of your life to
look like.
And instead of being fearful of,of, you know, dying old and
(24:05):
alone, uh, maybe just like toflip the script a little bit,
right?
And think about how much fun youcould have and how you really
could live out your own dreamsgoing forward, um, even if it is
alone.
Thank you guys so much forlistening to episode 58.
(24:26):
What's the worst that couldhappen?
If you're looking for ways tosupport the show, pretty please
share it with a friend orrelative and give me a follow on
Instagram, Stacy underscore weer.
It's a way that I try to stayclose with my listeners and grow
a little community of positivityover here.
(24:50):
Um, and up next you guys,episode 59.
I'm not sure I want to get Laneyback on the podcast.
Um, she's got a couple of reallyamusing things to share, I
think.
So I'm hopeful to have mydaughter Laney back on, and if
not, you know, I'm gonna come upwith something.
So sit tight and I'll be back ina couple weeks.
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real, transparentdating and life experiences for
your amusement and inspiration.
You're listening to episode 58.
What's the worst that couldhappen in this episode?
I'm gonna flip the script.
(00:21):
I am going to explore all of theways that I could see my life
playing out as a single womanafter spending my whole life
thinking that it would have afairytale ending.
I don't know about you, but forme, life after divorce has
(00:45):
presented some interestingthought patterns inside my own
head.
I've done a lot of daydreaming.
I've done a lot of soulsearching.
I've done a lot of thinkingabout what exactly I could do
with this unexpected single lifeahead of me.
So on this podcast of minecalled Man Shopping with Stacy,
(01:10):
let's just assume, I mean, is itthe worst?
Let's just assume the worst,that I never partner up, that I
never find my Mr.
Wright, that I spend my olderyears alone, but not lonely.
Let's talk about that.
Let's talk about what's theworst that could happen.
(01:31):
I mean, is it really that scaryto think about living alone for
the rest of your life?
I mean, let's be real.
For most of us, we would atleast have some relationships,
right?
Between now and death.
Like we probably wouldn't becelibate.
We would probably still bedating, maybe even have another
(01:54):
lover or two.
I mean, maybe even just take ona lover or two.
So European, so not Midwestern
It could happen.
Aside from the relationship sideof this, just focusing on
ourselves, I think it'simportant for all of us to
(02:18):
consider that we may not findour match.
We might spend a significantnumber of years or time by
ourselves.
And instead of fearing that ordreading that, let's daydream
about it.
Let's make the most of it.
(02:39):
I mean, one of the first thingsthat comes to mind is seriously
living out a golden girl kind oflife.
I think I've talked about thisbefore on the podcast.
I know I've talked about thiswith my friends.
I mean, the older we get, I'm atthat age now where a lot of my
friends have children, childrengraduating high school.
(03:01):
I hate to tell
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You
Speaker 1 (03:02):
This, people, but that's when a lot of people get
divorced for some God
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Awful, stupid
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Reason.
People think that it's
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Wise to stay
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Together.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
The kids,
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Never a good idea, in my opinion, but it happens a
lot.
So a
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Lot of people get
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Divorced in their forties and fifties, right?
So what does that mean?
I mean, that just means thatwhen we look forward to
retirement in an expensive golfcourse community, we could, you
know, pair up or group
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Up with our
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Besties and live, live our best
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Lives.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I mean, that doesn't sound so horrible.
I don't know.
I
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Really
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Like living by myself, just me and my dog.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I really
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Do.
But maybe as
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I get older, I'd rather share a
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Space.
I don't know, especially if itmeant I could live someplace
posh someplace really fantastic.
Um, by combining, you know, my,uh, my, my wealth with
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Others
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So that, so that we could, you know, live, live near
the ocean, um, or live in a, ina really nice retirement
community together.
I mean, I don't know about you
Speaker 2 (04:10):
All, but
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I have friends who have parents and grandparents
that live in these types ofplaces, and they don't
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Look
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So bad.
I mean, there's lots of like,you know, poker playing,
gambling.
People are taking up hobbies,learning how to oil paint.
They're staying fit.
They're staying active.
There's a lot of mingling.
Talk about dating.
I mean, we've all heard thestories from those types of
retirement communities.
I mean, it might be like livingcollege all over again, only,
(04:37):
you know, maybe with a bu kneeor a bad hip or something.
Anyway, it could be fun.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It could be
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Fun, right?
I mean, maybe
Speaker 2 (04:49):
The, the group life
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Situation, you know, dormitory type living in your,
in your, um, in your later yearsdoesn't sound so great.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I've
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Got another concept that came to me in conversation
with one of my girlfriends.
She was telling me about how sheand her husband think that
they'll sell their home here in,uh, in the Midwest one day and
will likely
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Seek out a beautiful spot to
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Retire on, on a coast.
They'll build their dream house,they'll
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Grow old
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Together, they'll host family functions, and they
just,
Speaker 2 (05:24):
They're happy at their happy places by the water,
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Right?
And so, as she's telling methat,
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Hey, you know what I mean?
What
Speaker 2 (05:33):
If I just built like a little carriage house?
Like could you
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Put, you know, space
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Out, like,
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You know, in a mother-in-law
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Type
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Suite only?
I'm just your single friend.
And I mean, men can come and go.
We can join you in the big housefor dinner occasionally, but,
you know, I just kind of,instead of being like a teenager
above
Speaker 2 (05:53):
The
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Garage, like maybe I could
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Have the pool house.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I, I don't need a lot, lot.
I just need like, some space formy dog and, and something, you
know, that I could decorate andenjoy, um, adjacent, adjacent to
your dream house, um, by thesea.
I mean, why not?
I think that sounds lovely.
My friend was like, Yeah, I'msure my husband would go for
(06:17):
that.
Why not?
I mean, it would cut down oncost, you know, they'd have not
a renter cuz I'd wanna be ableto like, not rent, but you know,
they, I could, I could cook for'em, whatever and make myself
useful.
I could like, take care of someflowers outside garden, maybe
definitely cook and bake though.
I could be like their, uh,personal chef.
I wouldn't mind.
(06:38):
I mean, it's a win, win, win win.
See, we're looking at the brightside here.
Could you see yourself doingsomething like that?
I don't know.
I probably could.
I could probably do that.
It's not like you're mooching,like you pay for your own space,
you pay your own bills.
Just happens to be near one ofyour good friends.
Yeah, Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
(07:01):
As I think about this singularlywithout the impact or inclusion
of my friends, how many timeshave you all gone on a vacation
and been like, I don't wannaleave.
I belong here.
(07:21):
Dude, it has happened to me moretimes than I can count in so
many different landscapes thatdiffer vastly.
Oh my gosh, I went to mycousin's wedding in Montana a
couple of years ago and thoughtto myself, yep, all I need is a
little cabin in the woods closeenough to drive into a town to
(07:43):
get my provisions, you know, uh,not so off the grid that Amazon
can't deliver to me, but golly,like how gorgeous, gorgeous of a
state is Montana.
Yeah, I could be a resident, youknow, I've also been in Vail,
Colorado and thought the samething.
(08:03):
Hmm.
How much money does it take tobuy a small condo in Vail,
Colorado?
Or maybe like, I don't know,like a tiny house, like within
driving distance?
I don't know.
Uh, yeah, I've had thosethoughts before too.
I mean, I don't discriminate.
I like the beach too.
(08:25):
Yeah, of course I've been onbeach vacations where I'm like,
Yeah, this'll work.
Uh, get me a hammock, get me alittle shack on the beach.
I will sling drinks or open up aa little restaurant and make do,
Yeah, I could totally do that.
And then you guys, you thinkabout like the reality of that
(08:45):
and could you do that as asingle person later in life?
Uh, yeah.
seen it it a lot like on traveland leisure, right?
On Instagram, say they'll postlike the most affordable places
to retire by the ocean or in themountains or whatever.
(09:07):
People do it all the time.
People, people live outside ofthe United States in retirement
because of the cost of livingall the time.
I mean, start now.
And you could have it allplanned out by the time
by the time you're ready toretire.
It can be done.
It can be done.
A lot of us have been, you know,dumping money into 401ks for a
(09:29):
while now.
And I mean, it could be withinreach.
You could live in your favoritevacation destination.
There's a girl that is anacquaintance of mine.
I don't know her well enough tocall her a friend, but I sure do
like her a lot.
And I follow her on Facebook andInstagram and she started off
renting like little campers thatshe would pull behind her small
(09:52):
suv.
And then eventually she boughtone of her very own.
And she has been traveling as asingle woman with her two little
pups all over the place,visiting friends, uh, exploring,
just going on like singleadventures.
Could you see yourself doingthat?
I mean, I think a lot of couplesnot, maybe not a lot.
Okay, But there are people outthere, right, that retire as
(10:15):
couples that do that.
It's pretty normal.
Like they sell their home, theyget just a huge house on wheels
and that's their new life.
They just go, uh, the pandemichas kind of made this way of
life very popular, lot of, lotof young people doing this.
(10:37):
Uh, a lot of van life going on.
A lot of, uh, yeah, Houses onWheels is a lot of us are able
to work remotely.
And especially as you thinkforward to your retirement,
could you extend your careerthrough remote working from
anywhere with your little houseon wheels or with little tiny
house set up by the mountains?
(10:58):
A lot of us could.
Or maybe that's the time tofollow your passions and your
talents and your dreams andlive, you know, relatively
inexpensively.
Especially if you have equity ina home that you sell or rent out
your, your main home for a yearand just roll the dice and see
(11:20):
how it goes.
I don't know.
There's something prettyappealing to me about risk
taking later in life.
Like I've got a lot of big ideasof things I could do, uh, when
the pressure of providing for mydaughter is, you know, lessened,
uh, like let's say in about fiveyears, hopefully when she's
(11:40):
outta school.
So on that train of thought, oneof the things that I tell people
I could see myself doing, andI'm sure that I'm not alone in
this, is potentially, sorry,Laney following my daughter, I
could, uh, she wants to go toschool in the south.
She's undecided right now, butshe's looking at the University
(12:04):
of Florida in Gainesville.
She's looking at, um, Auburn inAlabama.
She's looking at Ole Miss whoknows where she'll end up right
now.
She works for my friend Brookeat the cutest boutique ever
called Twill in Parkville,Missouri.
She's learned a lot, a lot.
Look, um, working for Brooke atthe boutique, and you better
(12:26):
believe I've been soaking it upin is a patron too.
And one of the i little ideas inthe back of my head is, gosh, I
mean, I could round out mycareer in pharmaceutical sales
in another five or six years,hopefully bank some money and
some retirement and take agamble and open a little
boutique in a college town wherelane's at school, if she wants
(12:49):
to stay, she's gonna be abusiness major.
Maybe that's a career path forher, is to be a retail shop
owner.
You know, if I opened aboutique, it wouldn't just be a
boutique, hell no, it would haveto have food.
That's my own little daydreamspin I put on things, having
like a little, a little grab andgo, um, you know, salad,
(13:14):
charcuterie, protein box kind ofsituation.
Maybe some bubbly on tap, maybea coffee bar, dessert bar, all
sorts of fun ideas of thingsthat I could do maybe with Laney
one day.
And that could serve me, youknow, until I decided to really
slow down in retirement.
(13:36):
Maybe I could just carry thatout as a second career.
You know, as I grow older, uh,spending time with my daughter,
working together, building abrand new business together.
You never know it could happen.
Speaking of Laney going tocollege, this is, this is a
funny one, Wait for it.
(13:56):
So
school for my first year, myfreshman year of college.
And so of course I had to showher my sorority house.
I was a tried out there and aswe were like, like walking along
the sorority and fraternityhouses, I was like, Ah, there
you go.
That's what I could do, Laney.
(14:17):
Uh, I could be a house mom.
I mean, I love, love beingaround young people, teenagers,
college kids.
Are you kidding me?
I love to nurture and take careof kids.
I love to feed kids.
I would be like a great housemom.
(14:37):
What a great fit.
I live in a big, beautiful oldhouse that I love, have my own
space and still be motherly,
I mean, I mean, it's almost toogood to be true.
Um, probs not, but isn't it kindof funny to think about,
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Okay,
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's probably the most off
Speaker 2 (14:56):
The wall idea
Speaker 1 (14:57):
That I've presented, but I mean, we've
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Gotta
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Explore these things.
You just never know where lifemight take you, right?
I might get desperate at somepoint and need a
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Free,
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Free room and board.
You never know.
You never know.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
So I guess if I have to be
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Practical, because sometimes we must, if I'm being
practical,
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I could also
Speaker 1 (15:19):
See myself staying right where I am right now.
I just went to a little
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Local,
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Uh, wine shop called Wines by Jennifer in downtown
Parkville, and I sat with mygood friend Jenny, and she's
like,
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So do you still
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Think you'll probably just move when lady graduates?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Will you just go
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Like, live somewhere fantastic and like
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Start all
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Over again?
Because
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's what I used to talk about
Speaker 1 (15:42):
All the time.
And I said
Speaker 2 (15:44):
To her,
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Uh, no, I
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Don't think
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So.
I don't think so.
I'm good.
Like, um, I live in like themost
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Affordable,
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Like new little townhouse ever.
Um, it's
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Cheap.
It's easy.
I
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Like it.
I have no complaints.
I never worry
Speaker 2 (16:02):
About,
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You know, home repairs or anything like that.
It's comfortable.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's quiet
Speaker 1 (16:09):
More than that.
I have all my friends around me.
There's nothing like beingsingle
Speaker 2 (16:16):
To, uh, expose exactly
Speaker 1 (16:19):
How much we actually need
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Other people.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Thankfully, I haven't been in the position many times
to where I've really had to leanon my close friends for help,
but you
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Better
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Believe it's happened a time or two.
I mean, there was a time before
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I got red
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Side assistance on my car that I had to ask my, my
good friend and her husband tocome.
Um, there have been things,there have been things that I've
needed help, but, you know, onceI lose Laney to college, I won't
have
Speaker 2 (16:55):
That ride to,
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Uh, you know, if I had some medical procedure or
something or car
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Trouble
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Or, you know, some emergency, uh, with the family
or at my house or something.
And I have a tremendous networkof friends right here in
Parkville.
So many families that I've metthrough my old neighborhood
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Where we used
Speaker 1 (17:20):
To live through Laney , um, because of her friends,
I've, I've made friends with herfriends', parents, you know, uh,
through
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Church.
I've got just a great, great,
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Uh, group of friends right here.
And not only would I wanna staynearby because I might need
them, but you know what I do?
I need them.
I need them for socialization,for love, and for friendship and
for fellowship,
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Absolutely,
Speaker 1 (17:49):
100%.
I'm even hesitant to say I wouldmove into the city in Kansas
City now, whereas I thought forsure I would move outta
Parkville right away, rightaway.
As soon as like Laney graduatesone, the obviously the economy
sucks right now, and I have afantastic interest rate
and, and again, I'm living veryaffordably.
(18:10):
Um, but, but you know, I could,I could move into the city and
sure, I ab I definitely havefriends in within Kansas City
proper too, so I wouldn't takethat off the table.
But when my friend asked me, youknow, it was a really good
learning experience for mebecause my daydream used to be
getting the hell out of here anddoing whatever I want.
(18:32):
And now what I really want is tomaintain the happy little life
that Laney and I have createdright here in Parkville
especially.
I think it's especiallyimportant her first year maybe
of college for her to have hometo come back to, um, because our
house does feel like home nowthat we've been in it for a
couple of years.
And of course we are nearby toall of her friends after that,
(18:55):
you know, it probably won'tmatter so much.
She may stop coming home, youknow, for summers and stuff at
some point too.
So, uh, interesting though forme, like as a learning
experience, um, my own evolutionfrom right after my separation
and divorce to thinking, oh mygosh, I'm gonna get outta here
and do something totallydifferent to where I'm at right
(19:18):
now.
I also love my job and it's notas replaceable at all as
previous jobs that I've hadbecause I always thought I'll
just pick up.
I'll go get a new pharmaceuticalsales job, or I'll transfer
within another company transfer.
Maybe, uh, it could happen withthe company that I'm with right
now, maybe not.
So if I'm thinking, um, super,super logically and
(19:41):
realistically and notdaydreaming so much, a happy
ending still for me would be tostay right here, stay at home,
keep the job I love, keep doingmy little passion projects on
the side, keep podcasting, keepwriting, keep doing fun things
with all the people, uh, friendsand family that I have nearby
that I love so much, um, withindriving distance to both my dad
(20:04):
and stepmom and my mom andstepdad.
And so, yeah, I mean, it makes awhole lot of sense just to stay
right where I'm at and keepgoing.
Uh, that also leads me to say Icould focus more on my career,
you know, with Laney going awayto college.
Uh, it's kind of endlessopportunities over here.
If I wanted to pursue apromotion or management within
(20:29):
my company, I have all the timein the world to focus on that
and to aspire to, uh, do moreleadership type, you know, more
of a leadership role if, um, ifI wanted to, perhaps down the
road.
So I mean, you know, know, Idon't consider that thinking
small
Speaker 2 (20:49):
At all.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That could be a wonderful,
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Fulfilling,
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Happy
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Life,
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Just staying the course.
So if some of you arecomfortable in your homes and in
your careers, I mean, don't feelbad
Speaker 2 (21:03):
About it.
Don't feel bad about it.
You don't have to go
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Live in the middle of, you know, nowhere Montana
off the
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Grid to, to really live.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
You can make
Speaker 2 (21:14):
A beautiful life right where you are
Speaker 1 (21:17):
At.
And that may be what
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I do too.
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And I talked about following Laney to school, to
maybe start a business together,start a new endeavor, roll the
dice and see if we can't makeit, you know, as entrepreneurs,
um,
Speaker 2 (21:34):
To,
Speaker 1 (21:35):
To women, mother, daughter duo taken on the world.
But you know what, maybe whatLaney will really need from me
one day
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Is
Speaker 1 (21:44):
A supporting role in her life to maybe help
Speaker 2 (21:47):
With her babies.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Um, if she takes on a job that includes, uh, you know,
long hours
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Or a lot of travel
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Or, um, or if she and her husband just need a
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Little bit of extra care
Speaker 1 (22:00):
With their, with their babies one day or maybe
none of that.
And maybe I'll
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Just
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Choose to be near my daughter, um, because I can't
imagine not, you know, at theend of the day, I've always told
her wherever she wants to
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Go, I will
Speaker 1 (22:20):
100% support her.
And while it
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Is truly, truly a bittersweet
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Time in our lives right now, during her senior
year of high school as she isconsidering, um, how her future
will unfold,
Speaker 2 (22:34):
It's, uh, it's really a,
Speaker 1 (22:37):
A weird time for me too,
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Because there's just
Speaker 1 (22:40):
A lot of an uncertainty right now.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
But as I said
Speaker 1 (22:45):
At the beginning of this podcast
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Episode,
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I don't think uncertainty
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Should equal
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Sadness
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Or fear
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Or anxiety necessarily.
It's
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Okay to
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Feel that way from time to time.
I
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Sure do
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Speaker 2 (23:02):
But, but for the sake of this episode,
Speaker 1 (23:08):
What's
Speaker 2 (23:09):
The worst that
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Could happen?
I mean, let's be real.
Is not being married again
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Really that bad?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, maybe it's time that Ido another brighter side of
being single episode.
It's one of my most popular
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Episodes.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Um, and I could go on and on.
The list never ends.
Um, if any of you spend a lot oftime with, with your married
friends, you'll hear from them.
Just listen.
They'll point out to you some ofthe best things that we have
going for us as single people.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
So that's the perspective
Speaker 1 (23:42):
That I wanted this episode to, to come from.
What's the worst that couldhappen if you haven't already?
I hope that this podcast hasinspired you to really dig deep,
to really think about what youwant the rest of your life to
look like.
And instead of being fearful of,of, you know, dying old and
(24:05):
alone, uh, maybe just like toflip the script a little bit,
right?
And think about how much fun youcould have and how you really
could live out your own dreamsgoing forward, um, even if it is
alone.
Thank you guys so much forlistening to episode 58.
(24:26):
What's the worst that couldhappen?
If you're looking for ways tosupport the show, pretty please
share it with a friend orrelative and give me a follow on
Instagram, Stacy underscore weer.
It's a way that I try to stayclose with my listeners and grow
a little community of positivityover here.
(24:50):
Um, and up next you guys,episode 59.
I'm not sure I want to get Laneyback on the podcast.
Um, she's got a couple of reallyamusing things to share, I
think.
So I'm hopeful to have mydaughter Laney back on, and if
not, you know, I'm gonna come upwith something.
So sit tight and I'll be back ina couple weeks.
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