December 2, 2022 • 34 mins
'Tis the Damn Season... You can call me babe for the weekend." ~ Taylor Swift
Cuffing season as defined by Merriam Webster:
"Refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year.' Cuffing season begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine's Day.
Paraphrasing a recent article from Today.com says that cuffing season is a seasonal phenomenon of single people ramping up their efforts to enter into relationships during the fall and winter months. Cuffing season falls into the category of situationship. For some people it's a serious relationship. For others it is merely someone to come over when you want company on cold winter nights.
Loneliness is the ultimate driver of cuffing season. The Cleveland Clinic explains that, " When the temperature drops and it gets cold earlier there is often a change of mood connected to the chemicals of serotonin and melatonin in your body. Cold nights can trigger intense feelings of loneliness and a drop in serotonin and there may even be a link between cuffing season and seasonal affective disorder.
During cuffing season, you may inadvertently lock yourself in a relationship you don't really want to be in. If you're feeling sad, lonely, or desperate, it may not be the best way to start a relationship. Hallmark movies, holiday commercials, etc remind us that being with someone makes us feel cozy. There is a natural boost in serotonin when we're feeling romantic.
I share my own experience of being in a "quasi" relationship during 1 of 4 cuffing seasons I've been through since being separated and divorced. I rebounded during my separation with a close friend. We dated through the fall and broke up on New Years Day. We went out on dates during the holidays, we exchanged gifts, and we were cozy. BUT shit got weird too... I was invited and then uninvited to an office Christmas party. The extra time I had during my holiday vacation time also exposed some underlying issues in our relationship. My boyfriend lied to me and declined an opportunity to spend time with me as well as an overnight invitation. He had family obligations that he wasn't truthful about. Because I didn't want to spend NYE alone, I stuck it out but broke up the next day. I don't regret this one cuffing season I participated in.
I think we're way more prone to "submarining" during cuffing season. Be cautious reaching out and being receptive to attention from people you were once romantic with. Maybe it's a great time to reconnect, maybe not. Cuffing doesn't have to be for the whole season. Maybe it can be fun to go as a plus one to a holiday wedding or NYE party. You don't have to lock down.
Personally, I don't miss getting pulled in many directions to attend a bunch of celebrations and buying gifts for so many people. I enjoy the simplicity of my holidays now when I share my energy and time with my close loved ones. I enjoy being a hermit when it's cold outside. I can cuddle with my puppy. For now, that's good enough for me.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host Stacy Wyer, andyou are listening to episode 60
Cuffing season.
Hmm.
Just like Taylor Swift says, TISthe season, she goes on to say,
(00:28):
you can call me babe for theweekend,.
It's kind of what I'm gonna talkabout here in this, uh, this
podcast episode.
A little bit of a situation ship.
What is cuffing season?
Well, I'm going to define it foryou.
Couple of different ways.
I'm also going to share with youwhen it supposedly starts and
(00:48):
stops, some reasons why you maynot want to get cuffed this
season, as well as the pro side,why it might be potentially a
good and healthy thing.
I'm gonna share some of my ownpersonal stories of dating and
(01:09):
not dating during the holidays,and hopefully throw a little
humor your way to get youthrough this most wonderful time
of the year, understanding thatcuffing season may be new
terminology For some of you outthere, I'm going to read you
some definitions, and the firstis just straight out of the
(01:31):
Miriam Webster dictionary, whereit says that cuffing season
refers to a period of time wheresingle people begin looking for
short-term partnerships to passthe colder months of the year.
Cuffing season usually begins inOctober and last until just
after Valentine's Day,paraphrasing.
(01:51):
Now, a recent article ontoday.com, they say that cuffing
season is a seasonal phenomenonof single people ramping up
their efforts to enter intorelationships during the fall
and winter months.
Cuffing season falls in thecategory of situation ship.
(02:14):
For some people, it's a seriousrelationship for others, it's
merely someone to come over whenyou want company on cold winter
nights.
So they say that cuffing season,it starts in the mid to late
fall and extends through winter.
In other words, if there's achill in the air or snow on the
(02:34):
ground, it's cuffing season.
Okay, so I'm also going to usethe same article to explain why
this cuffing season exists.
Of course, they pinpoint that itmainly comes down to loneliness.
Now, since this research of mineis taking a turn toward mental
(03:02):
health, I decided to consult theexperts at, at Web MD
from an article on, uh,September 29th, 2022.
Look at me with all of mycurrent, current research.
So, um, they, I liketheir definition.
(03:22):
First of all, of cuffing season,cuffing season.
It says, cuffing season is thesearch for someone to shack up
with or exclusively date duringthe holidays in colder winter
months, it's a time when casualdating shifts to more exclusive,
committed dating.
It's about enjoying the warmthof a cuddle buddy instead of
venturing out into the cold tomeet up with potential dating
(03:45):
duds.
So this is a common theme inmost of my online research, um,
that we just really need cuddlebuddies,, and someone to
stay indoors with instead ofgetting out in the cold looking
for someone to, uh, you know,snuggle with or, or whatever.
(04:09):
So, moving on now to the, uh,Cleveland Clinic, who I know I
am not a research journalist.
Um, I was just astounded at thenumber of articles recently
written on this topic of cuffingseason.
In fact, the Cleveland Clinicarticle that I'm referencing
came out in October of 2022, andit's eight strategies for dating
(04:31):
during Cuffing season.
So they, what I like about thisarticle is they give the
science, right?
This is the Cleveland Clinic,and they talk a little bit about
the science behind cuffingseason, which I will attempt to
paraphrase again for you.
So this says that when thetemperature drops and it gets
cold earlier, there's often achange of mood connected with
(04:54):
the two chemicals of melatoninand serotonin in your body.
Cold nights can trigger anintense feeling of loneliness
and a drop in serotonin, andthere may even be a significant
link between cuffing season andseasonal effective disorder.
So, seasonal effective disorderis a type of depression that's
triggered by a change in seasonsand environmental stress.
(05:17):
The winter blues is a milderversion of the same condition,
but usually seasonal effectivedisorder affects your day to day
life.
So you experience thisdepression nearly all day,
almost every day during specificseasons.
So if you have s a d, you tendto lose motivation and
activities you love, feel lonelyor more fatigued and are more
(05:39):
withdrawn.
And though it can also betriggered by the onset of
summer, it's often mostassociated with winter because
of holiday stress and harshweather conditions.
So since cuffing season onlylasts as long as the fall and
winter months, relationshipsthat begin during cuffing season
are often short term ortemporary and last as long as
(06:03):
the season itself.
So that's kind of the point,right?
Um, it says here, be warned, thedownside to dating during
cuffing season is that you some,that sometimes you might
intentionally or unintentionallylock yourself into a
relationship you don't reallywant to be in.
I mean, isn't that the pointhere?
(06:26):
I mean, if you're feeling sad,lonely, and or desperate, or in
a hurry to lock down arelationship, whether that is to
get into a new relationship orto, um, expedite or make a
relationship more serious thanit has been considered in the
past, yeah, that, that tends tobe a little bit risky.
(06:48):
So this Cleveland Clinic articlerecognizes that, and it says
that, you know, dating andrelationships are different for
everyone, and that's especiallytrue during cuffing season when
all eyes are on couples.
We see loving relationshipsplastered in every Hallmark
holiday movie.
We're often fielding questionsof our relationship status from
(07:09):
friends and family whilemingling around the dinner
table.
And if we are feeling lonely, wemay consider dating if only to
fulfill our short term need forcompanionship and intimacy.
So true.
And it also gives anothermedical reason, um, you know,
(07:30):
for this desire for connection,it says, being with someone
makes us feel cozy.
There's that word again.
It creates a natural boost inserotonin that feel good
chemical in your brain.
And having someone to bring withyou to a holiday event or family
gathering can alleviate a lot ofdread and anxiety.
I mean, susu,, I don'tknow.
(07:53):
I think taking someone randomlyto a, to an event could actually
create a ton of anxiety.
But that's just me.
I mean, while I'm at itwhispering about my own
experiences, I'll just go aheadand tell you, um, this will be
my fourth holiday season as asingle lady and only one holiday
(08:18):
season.
I was in a quasi relationship.
And that happened to be my veryfirst holiday season where I
wasn't even divorced yet.
Yeah, I was separated goingthrough a very hard time.
I've talked about this quasirelationship repeatedly
(08:40):
throughout this podcast.
If you go back and listen to myrebounds episode or a myriad of
others, I connected orreconnected, should I say, with
a very close childhood friend ofmine while I was going through
my divorce.
He, uh, told me he was
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Separated
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Too at the time.
Um, that
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Is still out for debate.
However,
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I, I'm talking about him and bringing, bringing,
bringing him up again because we
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Dated through the holidays.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And so this is my little
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Bit of
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Cuffing season, uh, of being cuffed, okay?
During cuffing season.
And when I'm thinking back onthat time in my life,
Speaker 2 (09:21):
So
Speaker 1 (09:21):
There were some benefits, right?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Like
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I remember he took me over, um, to
Speaker 2 (09:26):
A little holiday
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Gathering at his business partner's place.
He happened to live in abeautiful condo, um, overlooking
the city,
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Had a beautiful patio.
We ate great food,
Speaker 1 (09:40):
We drank great drinks.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
We had all the holiday cheer.
That was lovely.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
That was a nice, that was a nice little holiday night
out.
Um, we bought
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Gifts for each other.
That brought out a little
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Bit of anxiety
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Because it's like,
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Okay, we'd been seeing each other for a couple
of months.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
What do you buy
Speaker 1 (10:00):
A 40 something year old man who has everything?
It's not the easiest.
Um, but
Speaker 2 (10:06):
We
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Did have fun exchanging gifts.
Um, so that was, you know, Iguess
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'll, I'll chalk that up to the positive side
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Of things.
Um, but
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You know what?
got
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Weird.
Um, with dating during theholidays, I think can bring
about
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Like a little bit of extra pressure, if you will.
Like, there was talk about
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Me attending his
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Office,
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Christmas party, and, um, I mean, if we're just
throwing out stupid termterminology, I guess during this
podcast
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Episode,
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I guess
Speaker 2 (10:43):
You could say, like, he's a big wig.
Is that a stupid word or what?
He's like a
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Big wig.
And his
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Office
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Was having a small gathering and he had talked
about it multiple times.
And then at the end of the day,
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Guess what?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I did not get an invite
Speaker 2 (10:58):
to the, uh,
to the office Christmas party.
So,
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Well, that was strange.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So,
Speaker 1 (11:05):
I mean, there was
Speaker 2 (11:06):
A little bit of
Speaker 1 (11:07):
This weirdness back and forth.
Um, it was the end of ourrelationship.
We didn't, we didn't make itvery
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Far.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Well, we made it to new,
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Okay,
Speaker 1 (11:16):
That's how far we made it into cuffing season.
Um, and I
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Will tell you
Speaker 1 (11:21):
The extra time, um, that I had on my hands, because
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Had, you know, vacation time around Christmas,
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Led to some interesting turns of event.
I guess.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Like
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It kind of started
Speaker 2 (11:35):
To expose
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Some
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Holes
Speaker 1 (11:39):
In our relationship,
Speaker 2 (11:40):
If
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You will.
One was
Speaker 2 (11:42):
The holiday party
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Of getting invited and uninvited.
Another
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Was a, a lie that he told me about how
Speaker 1 (11:50):
His, um, how his son had basketball, like the day
after Christmas or something.
And so he couldn't get togetherwith me, which just was not
true.
Um, and then there was this bigfalling out, which went
something like this.
(12:11):
Um, Laney was supposed to bemeeting up with her dad to spend
Christmas with him, um, probablybeginning on the 26th.
That's usually how we roll.
Um, meaning that I would driveher halfway to meet her father
so that she could spend theholidays with him, um, on his
time.
And she came rushing into theroom where I was with my
(12:35):
boyfriend, and she's like, mom,mom.
She's like, dad's gonna be ableto pick me up in Kansas City.
You don't have to drive metomorrow.
He's gonna be here tonightinstead.
And so I looked at my boyfriendand I was like, ha ha ha, that
means you can stay that nighttonight, buddy body.
And he looked at me, oh, no, no,I can't, I've got a meeting
(12:57):
early in the morning.
I was like, say what?
He's like, oh, well I have tomeet, I have to meet this, you
know, whatever importantbusinessman, we'll just call him
that.
An important businessman forbreakfast downtown, first thing
in the morning.
And I was like, and, and youcan't go there from my place.
(13:17):
Like, what's the problem?
There was no problem.
Essentially, the guy was notseparated or divorced.
I think he was like in an openmarriage.
But anyway, cuffing season,right?
So extra holiday time on yourhands invites opportunities to
spend extra time.
I was all about it.
Clearly he was not, we were noton the same page.
(13:38):
So we got in an argument, if youwill, he was like, are you mad
at me for not staying over?
And I was like, yeah.
I mean, yeah, I was mad, but Iwas like, what gives, like, I
have never invited a man tosleep over.
And he's like, Nope, can't doit.
Sorry.
Like what?
Like really?
You're not gonna stay over like,what's wrong with you?
(14:00):
So, um, yeah, women, you canrelate, I'm sure I'm sure of
this.
So anyway, um, that caused, uh,the beginning of the end of us.
But funny enough, this is howthis, this bear with me.
This story kind of comes backaround to this idea of cuffing
(14:20):
season and where my head was atemotionally during this time in
my life, um, specific to thisseasonal disorder,.
So I knew we were over, like,there were multiple times where
I felt as though he was notbeing honest with me.
I didn't feel like maybe it wasan appropriate time to be dating
(14:42):
as I wasn't divorced yet.
And I was getting the feelingthat he was nowhere near, um,
getting divorced himself.
So I knew that it was time tocall it off.
But you guys, I didn't wannaspend New Year's Eve by myself.
Like, we had made plans togetherfor New Year's Eve, and I knew
(15:03):
if I could just kind of like,you know, kinda sweep these
issues under the rug for likeanother day or two, like we
could have a fun time on Chrisor on New Year's Eve together,
and, and then whatever happens,happens.
Or there was a tiny bit of, likea tiny part of me that thought
maybe he could, you know, likerectify the situation somehow.
(15:26):
Like maybe we would have somebig breakthrough conversation
and, and maybe, maybe we had achance, right?
So we stayed together for NewYear's Eve, and he, he had
gotten me up.
He, he knows me well, guys, hegot me a pasta maker.
That was one of my Christmasgifts.
I was freaking hell bent onmaking homemade, uh, I think it
(15:47):
was like crab and lobsterraviolis or something.
I made this crazy spread of food, um, drinks all of that.
And then you guys, it wasawkward.
You wanna talk about how cuffingseason can get awkward?
We were on the verge of abreakup and stayed together,
like to avoid, not to avoidbeing alone on New Year's Eve.
(16:09):
Okay?
So it started off great becauseit started off for like hours in
the kitchen, my favorite place,right?
Like, that's my happy place.
So I totally enjoyed cooking forhim.
There's this overwhelming, like,underlying resentment.
Yes, yes.
There was, like, we hadunresolved issues that I was
trying to not, you know, I wasjust kind of trying to ignore
(16:32):
for the evening.
So as I remember it, we enjoyedthe food, we made light of
things.
We had a good evening.
We basically did what you'resupposed to do, I guess, in
cuffing season, which was, welike snuggled together in bed.
And that was the only thing thathappened in bed that night,
because there was thisawkwardness of like, what the is
(16:55):
going on here?
Or we're not, this is notworking anymore.
This is, this is not a good ideato be like, to be together.
So, um, we broke up on January1st, which happened to be five
days before my birthday, myfirst birthday of being single.
(17:15):
In fact, I was smack d in themiddle of my divorce.
It was almost final.
It was a tough, tough, toughtime, you guys, it was
depressing.
Thank God my girlfriends werethere for me and like showed up
real big on my birthday.
Like, like seriously, like, metme out for, for like happy hour
(17:39):
at the Capital Grill.
Got me a gift card to go out todinner with my daughter.
Um, the quasi boyfriend actuallysent me a beautiful bouquet,
which was, which was gorgeous.
Um, I, I survived.
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say.
I survived.
(17:59):
So I guess when I look back onthat one and only cuffing season
that I have experienced, I don'tregret it.
I wouldn't change it.
Um, I totally, totally enjoyedthe fall and early winter with
him.
Um, we did a lot of fun thingsand he definitely kept, kept me
(18:25):
company and he offered a lot ofreally solid advice.
And he knows me really well.
And, um, despite the unusual andcircumstances of us being
together in a romantic way, Ihave and probably always will
(18:47):
consider him to be a friend.
So, so that was it for me.
Um, and I, I don't, I mean, it'sa little weird because I wasn't
divorced yet and I was dating afriend of mine, basically.
But I think that that's kind ofoften what happens in cuffing
season.
I mean, speaking from like morerecent events in my life, I
(19:12):
definitely, I mean, I, I jokeabout submariners a lot on this
podcast.
Like I do it.
I, I definitely have reached outto men that I've dated in the
past.
Um, not necessarily like to getback together or to give things
another go, but just becausesomething made me think of them
or, you know, I remembered themfondly in a moment, or, you
(19:35):
know, saw something online thatI thought maybe they would think
was funny or something, you knowwhat I'm saying?
Like, people pop back up thateither you've had like romantic
interludes with, and I thinkthat we are way more prone to
give and receive, um, that typeof communication during cuffing
season.
So just watch yourself, likereally think about it.
(19:57):
Like, do you want to open up thedoor to someone that you know,
you once dated because it'seasy, convenient, you know,
they'd take you back, whateverthe scenario or might you be,
um, better off, you know, doingwhat I'm gonna do this year,
which is snuggle with my puppyon the couch.
(20:20):
I mean, it's, there's a lot ofreally great things about just
having a dog on the couch withyou.
You know, I mean, they're sweetand adoring and affectionate and
don't talk back and don't have,you know, very high
expectations, just that, youknow, you feed them and let them
(20:42):
outside.
It's pretty easy.
That's the way I'm gonna go.
So I guess I made that pointsomewhat clearly to be cautious
of getting lured back in to, um,you know, to, to locken it down
with someone that you've alreadydecided, uh, wasn't a good
(21:03):
partner for you.
Be cautious when you'revulnerable, when you're
isolated, when you're lonely, wetend to make real decisions.
Um, now on the flip side, if, ifit's, you know, uh, cuffing
doesn't have to be for the wholeseason, maybe it is like Taylor
Swift song where, you know, youcan just call me babe for a
weekend.
I don't know.
(21:23):
I think that that's kind of, um,can be, can be healthy and
normal behavior too.
Um, I'm not above like asking aguy to be my plus one to
something if I, if I wanted, Ihaven't really done that.
Like, Hey, I know we haven'ttalked in a few weeks, but I got
this thing that would be reallynice to, to have a date to you.
(21:47):
I haven't done that, but I couldsee myself doing that.
Um, I also could see myselfagreeing to being a plus one,
um, to someone without a lot ofexpectation behind it.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
I don't think that, um, you,again, you have to get all
locked down just because you,um, want to have someone, you
(22:11):
know, attend a holiday party orsomething, or a wedding or
whatever, like big deal.
Like, yeah, I mean, I don't minda reason to like get dressed up
and go out and have a good time.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that at all.
We talk about some of thebenefits, you know, of cuffing.
I mean, yeah, the, the cozinessmaybe it is in some ways good
(22:32):
for our mental health.
Um, you know, and we talk aboutthe social norm of having a plus
one.
Okay.
But, you know, there's a lot ofreasons I think, um, that not,
not, um, participating incuffing season is, uh, maybe a
good idea too.
(22:52):
One of, one of the things that Ithink about, um, I think that
the holidays do bring about moreexpectations and stress for all
of us in some ways.
Even like, I enjoy, I loveChristmas, like I enjoy the
holiday season.
I don't think I overdo it like,you know, to where I'm stressed
(23:13):
or like feel the winter blueslike we talked about earlier.
But, um, I sure don't missgetting pulled in a bunch of
different directions.
Like when I was married to mysecond husband, um, both of our
(23:34):
sets of parents have beendivorced and in three of the
four cases remarried.
So you have all thesegrandparents, you know, wanting
and expecting time withgrandchildren.
That also meant he had a largeextended family of lots of
cousins and other people that hewould get together with.
(23:55):
So we've got like all of thesegifts to buy.
We seriously spread Christmasall the way until February one
year because it was just toocomplicated to get together
with, with so many familymembers.
It's crazy.
But, um, I don't miss gettingpulled in all of those
directions.
And I think it would be kind ofweird to be the new-ish
(24:20):
girlfriend, like at the holidaysgetting introduced to everyone,
because I feel like that kindasets an expectation like, wow,
she's Thanksgiving, holy, you'respending New Year's Eve
together, or, you know, it'sjust kind of, uh, kind of, uh, a
lot.
I think, um, I mean, it could befun and exciting if it's the
(24:40):
right person.
And, and it's, you're off to agood start, don't get me wrong.
I mean, that sounds sounds likea good time too, but I think,
um, in some instances it couldjust, um, induce a lot of extra
stress and potentially distractfrom your own kids and your own
(25:02):
family.
I have been very much soenjoying just focusing on, um,
my immediate family since I'vebeen single, strengthening those
relationships, having time to,um, to visit, you know, both my
mom and my dad's side to show upfor things, to be there for my
(25:23):
close friends, to not miss outon as much because, um, you
know, it's kind of inherentright in a marriage that you
share your time with yourin-laws.
And so I loved my, um, myex-husband's family and all of
that, don't get me wrong, butnow that they are not part of my
(25:45):
life, um, I've very, very muchso enjoyed, um, the benefits of
focusing just on the people thatare near and dear to me.
And I don't know if, I guess mencan probably relate to this as
much as the ladies, but I mean,I love, I love becoming a hermit
(26:09):
in the winter.
I don't put makeup on on theweekends.
I mean, this weekend I did getout and have fun with some
friends, um, on, um, blackFriday or Friday after
Thanksgiving.
But I'm recording here on Sundayevening, and the only places
(26:29):
that I have gone yesterday andtoday, Saturday and Sunday, are
seriously the dog park and thegrocery store.
And that means my friends that Ihave not worn makeup, put
contacts in, fixed my hair, noneof that.
And, um, that's kind of myfavorite way to be.
(26:52):
And I love a Snowden day.
I, I love just slowing down andI not even gonna call it lazy,
because I've been veryproductive during my time, but
it's just like, I don't mind it.
I, I guess, um, I dooccasionally get on, get in a
(27:14):
funk when I stay at home.
Like Laney was at her dad's allweekend, so I was by myself.
Um, I tried to find things tokeep myself busy.
Like I just said, I, I had afriend, um, a close friend
invite me to go do something funon Friday, and I was like, kind
of torn, like I didn't even knowif I wanted to get out.
And it was fun.
(27:34):
I was like, I texted her backand I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna come and then I'mprobably not gonna leave my
house the next, you know, thenext couple of days.
So, so thanks for getting me outof the house, you know, and I'm
so glad that I went cuz it wasfun.
But, um, you know, there's,there's something nice about
having all of this time tomyself to do whatever it is I
(27:57):
want to do.
One of the things that I didactually on Thanksgiving evening
after I got home from visitingmy family, um, out of town, I
did a Facebook Live for a friendof mine.
She has a whole platform onTikTok, TikTok and a website and
Instagram called the UnplannedChapter.
(28:19):
And she is a life coach andspecifically works with single
moms, um, with likeco-parenting, divorce, um,
challenges, things like that.
And I, I really, really loveher.
And so she asked me if I mightget hop on Facebook Live and
like have the perspective, likea dating perspective, basically
(28:41):
like gonna, you know, talk aboutmy podcast a little bit and have
something, something to talkabout that has to do with, you
know, dating, um, or theromantic side of things.
So I did, I popped onto theFacebook Live and I, I talked
about cuffing season because Iknew that's what I was gonna be
recording about this weekend.
So it was on my mind and I had,I had already put some thought
(29:03):
into it.
Um, but, you know, I'm tellingyou about doing this Facebook
Live really because it gave myweekend a a little bit of
meaning, like it felt good togive back and to, you know, the
whole purpose of what she did onher Facebook page with the
(29:23):
unplanned chapter was to try toprovide support and
encouragement and company,especially for moms who were
spending maybe their very firstThanksgiving without their kids.
Um, or, you know, just women whowere, um, home alone throughout
the day.
(29:44):
And I was just one of manypeople who contributed, but it's
like, it kind of brought me backto my roots of like, why am I
doing this podcast?
Um, some of it is self-serving.
I'm, I'm always very honestabout that because I'm learning
so much from, from, uh, voicingall of these thoughts in
(30:04):
my head.
Um, but a, a good bit of it ishopefully to help spread a
little bit of optimism and, andshare in my experiences so that
people can learn from mymistakes and maybe take a little
bit of what I've done right?
Um, here and there,, it'sspotty, it's spotty at best
(30:25):
people, but occasionally I makegood choices and, um, and
hopefully, hopefully others canlearn from that too.
So I guess what I'm trying tosay is like, here it is
Thanksgiving weekend and I'vefound some opportunities to just
really enjoy my time alone.
(30:45):
And did I mention that I went tothe dog park twice?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's because obviously I'mspending cuffing season with my
puppy Rip mm-hmm.
.
That's right.
So per usual, I don't reallygive advice on this podcast.
That's intentional, believe itor not.
(31:06):
I kinda like just sharing stuffI've been through, my friends
have been through, there'splenty of advice and dating
coaches and experts andso-called experts, um, that you
can go to for real advice,.
But, um, this podcast and thisepisode is really just to kind
(31:28):
of throw some stuff out thereand make you think, and I hope
it has done that.
Um, this episode about cuffingseason, I'm gonna leave you with
one last thing that I saw onlinebecause I think it is really
freaking funny and it is cuffingseason a timeline.
I will definitely be sure to putthis out on my Instagram.
(31:50):
Um, if you don't follow me, it'sStacy with an i ere weer, w i m
e r.
I will put this on a story andhopefully I'll post it, um, as
well because I do think it'spretty cute.
So it's, um, like the whole Xand y access thing.
And so the vertical access saysit's titled the Desire to Be
(32:12):
Cuffed.
And then the horizontal accessare the months of the year.
So it starts in January.
And if you can visualize this,um, it's a you, it's a U shape.
So it starts high, it goes toits low point in the middle of
the year in July, right?
And then it rises back up towardthe fall and winter months
(32:32):
again.
So it's a U shape.
So at the beginning we're in,you know, Jan January is on the
left of the horizontal access inDecember is on the right.
So in January we're up at theheight of the u on the left side
it says you make a New Year'sresolution to put yourself out
there.
And then there's Valentine'sDay.
Then by the time we get tomarch, the weather gets above 50
(32:55):
degrees.
And then April it says rooftopseason begins July hashtag hot
girl summer.
That's the low point, right?
And then in September the PSLreturns to Starbucks and we all
know what that is, right?
The pumpkin spice latte for allof us basic.
(33:19):
Okay?
Then we get to October,November, it says someone posts
on Instagram about their applepicking excursion.
Then there's the first day offall in September, I guess is
where we're at.
And then at the very height itsays, aunt Carol asks for
updates about your love life.
Isn't that just how it goes?
(33:40):
I thought that was kind of cute.
So I'll post that you guys, Ijust realized by the time this
podcast, um, airs in just a fewdays, it'll be December 2nd.
Are you kidding me?
Ugh.
Holy cow.
So, um, so I will continue to dosome holiday themed episodes to,
(34:02):
uh, to hopefully get us allthrough this, you know, cold,
dark, depressing winter monthswith a, with a little bit of
holiday cheer left in us, and,uh, some, uh, jolly belly laughs
along the way.
Hopefully.
And as always, thank you so muchfor listening to Man Shopping
with Stacey episode 60, cuffingseason.
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I
share my real transparent datingand life experiences for your
amusement and inspiration.
I'm your host Stacy Wyer, andyou are listening to episode 60
Cuffing season.
Hmm.
Just like Taylor Swift says, TISthe season, she goes on to say,
(00:28):
you can call me babe for theweekend,
It's kind of what I'm gonna talkabout here in this, uh, this
podcast episode.
A little bit of a situation ship.
What is cuffing season?
Well, I'm going to define it foryou.
Couple of different ways.
I'm also going to share with youwhen it supposedly starts and
(00:48):
stops, some reasons why you maynot want to get cuffed this
season, as well as the pro side,why it might be potentially a
good and healthy thing.
I'm gonna share some of my ownpersonal stories of dating and
(01:09):
not dating during the holidays,and hopefully throw a little
humor your way to get youthrough this most wonderful time
of the year, understanding thatcuffing season may be new
terminology For some of you outthere, I'm going to read you
some definitions, and the firstis just straight out of the
(01:31):
Miriam Webster dictionary, whereit says that cuffing season
refers to a period of time wheresingle people begin looking for
short-term partnerships to passthe colder months of the year.
Cuffing season usually begins inOctober and last until just
after Valentine's Day,paraphrasing.
(01:51):
Now, a recent article ontoday.com, they say that cuffing
season is a seasonal phenomenonof single people ramping up
their efforts to enter intorelationships during the fall
and winter months.
Cuffing season falls in thecategory of situation ship.
(02:14):
For some people, it's a seriousrelationship for others, it's
merely someone to come over whenyou want company on cold winter
nights.
So they say that cuffing season,it starts in the mid to late
fall and extends through winter.
In other words, if there's achill in the air or snow on the
(02:34):
ground, it's cuffing season.
Okay, so I'm also going to usethe same article to explain why
this cuffing season exists.
Of course, they pinpoint that itmainly comes down to loneliness.
Now, since this research of mineis taking a turn toward mental
(03:02):
health, I decided to consult theexperts
from an article on, uh,September 29th, 2022.
Look at me with all of mycurrent, current research.
So, um, they
(03:22):
First of all, of cuffing season,cuffing season.
It says, cuffing season is thesearch for someone to shack up
with or exclusively date duringthe holidays in colder winter
months, it's a time when casualdating shifts to more exclusive,
committed dating.
It's about enjoying the warmthof a cuddle buddy instead of
venturing out into the cold tomeet up with potential dating
(03:45):
duds.
So this is a common theme inmost of my online research, um,
that we just really need cuddlebuddies,
stay indoors with instead ofgetting out in the cold looking
for someone to, uh, you know,snuggle with or, or whatever.
(04:09):
So, moving on now to the, uh,Cleveland Clinic, who I know I
am not a research journalist.
Um, I was just astounded at thenumber of articles recently
written on this topic of cuffingseason.
In fact, the Cleveland Clinicarticle that I'm referencing
came out in October of 2022, andit's eight strategies for dating
(04:31):
during Cuffing season.
So they, what I like about thisarticle is they give the
science, right?
This is the Cleveland Clinic,and they talk a little bit about
the science behind cuffingseason, which I will attempt to
paraphrase again for you.
So this says that when thetemperature drops and it gets
cold earlier, there's often achange of mood connected with
(04:54):
the two chemicals of melatoninand serotonin in your body.
Cold nights can trigger anintense feeling of loneliness
and a drop in serotonin, andthere may even be a significant
link between cuffing season andseasonal effective disorder.
So, seasonal effective disorderis a type of depression that's
triggered by a change in seasonsand environmental stress.
(05:17):
The winter blues is a milderversion of the same condition,
but usually seasonal effectivedisorder affects your day to day
life.
So you experience thisdepression nearly all day,
almost every day during specificseasons.
So if you have s a d, you tendto lose motivation and
activities you love, feel lonelyor more fatigued and are more
(05:39):
withdrawn.
And though it can also betriggered by the onset of
summer, it's often mostassociated with winter because
of holiday stress and harshweather conditions.
So since cuffing season onlylasts as long as the fall and
winter months, relationshipsthat begin during cuffing season
are often short term ortemporary and last as long as
(06:03):
the season itself.
So that's kind of the point,right?
Um, it says here, be warned, thedownside to dating during
cuffing season is that you some,that sometimes you might
intentionally or unintentionallylock yourself into a
relationship you don't reallywant to be in.
I mean, isn't that the pointhere?
(06:26):
I mean, if you're feeling sad,lonely, and or desperate, or in
a hurry to lock down arelationship, whether that is to
get into a new relationship orto, um, expedite or make a
relationship more serious thanit has been considered in the
past, yeah, that, that tends tobe a little bit risky.
(06:48):
So this Cleveland Clinic articlerecognizes that, and it says
that, you know, dating andrelationships are different for
everyone, and that's especiallytrue during cuffing season when
all eyes are on couples.
We see loving relationshipsplastered in every Hallmark
holiday movie.
We're often fielding questionsof our relationship status from
(07:09):
friends and family whilemingling around the dinner
table.
And if we are feeling lonely, wemay consider dating if only to
fulfill our short term need forcompanionship and intimacy.
So true.
And it also gives anothermedical reason, um, you know,
(07:30):
for this desire for connection,it says, being with someone
makes us feel cozy.
There's that word again.
It creates a natural boost inserotonin that feel good
chemical in your brain.
And having someone to bring withyou to a holiday event or family
gathering can alleviate a lot ofdread and anxiety.
I mean, susu,
(07:53):
I think taking someone randomlyto a, to an event could actually
create a ton of anxiety.
But that's just me.
I mean, while I'm at itwhispering about my own
experiences, I'll just go aheadand tell you, um, this will be
my fourth holiday season as asingle lady and only one holiday
(08:18):
season.
I was in a quasi relationship.
And that happened to be my veryfirst holiday season where I
wasn't even divorced yet.
Yeah, I was separated goingthrough a very hard time.
I've talked about this quasirelationship repeatedly
(08:40):
throughout this podcast.
If you go back and listen to myrebounds episode or a myriad of
others, I connected orreconnected, should I say, with
a very close childhood friend ofmine while I was going through
my divorce.
He, uh, told me he was
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Separated
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Too at the time.
Um, that
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Is still out for debate.
However,
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I, I'm talking about him and bringing, bringing,
bringing him up again because we
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Dated through the holidays.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And so this is my little
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Bit of
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Cuffing season, uh, of being cuffed, okay?
During cuffing season.
And when I'm thinking back onthat time in my life,
Speaker 2 (09:21):
So
Speaker 1 (09:21):
There were some benefits, right?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Like
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I remember he took me over, um, to
Speaker 2 (09:26):
A little holiday
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Gathering at his business partner's place.
He happened to live in abeautiful condo, um, overlooking
the city,
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Had a beautiful patio.
We ate great food,
Speaker 1 (09:40):
We drank great drinks.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
We had all the holiday cheer.
That was lovely.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
That was a nice, that was a nice little holiday night
out.
Um, we bought
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Gifts for each other.
That brought out a little
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Bit of anxiety
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Because it's like,
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Okay, we'd been seeing each other for a couple
of months.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
What do you buy
Speaker 1 (10:00):
A 40 something year old man who has everything?
It's not the easiest.
Um, but
Speaker 2 (10:06):
We
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Did have fun exchanging gifts.
Um, so that was, you know, Iguess
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'll, I'll chalk that up to the positive side
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Of things.
Um, but
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You know what?
got
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Weird.
Um, with dating during theholidays, I think can bring
about
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Like a little bit of extra pressure, if you will.
Like, there was talk about
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Me attending his
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Office,
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Christmas party, and, um, I mean, if we're just
throwing out stupid termterminology, I guess during this
podcast
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Episode,
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I guess
Speaker 2 (10:43):
You could say, like, he's a big wig.
Is that a stupid word or what?
He's like a
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Big wig.
And his
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Office
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Was having a small gathering and he had talked
about it multiple times.
And then at the end of the day,
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Guess what?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I did not get an invite
Speaker 2 (10:58):
So,
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Well, that was strange.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So,
Speaker 1 (11:05):
I mean, there was
Speaker 2 (11:06):
A little bit of
Speaker 1 (11:07):
This weirdness back and forth.
Um, it was the end of ourrelationship.
We didn't, we didn't make itvery
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Far.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Well, we made it to new,
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Okay,
Speaker 1 (11:16):
That's how far we made it into cuffing season.
Um, and I
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Will tell you
Speaker 1 (11:21):
The extra time, um, that I had on my hands, because
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Had, you know, vacation time around Christmas,
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Led to some interesting turns of event.
I guess.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Like
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It kind of started
Speaker 2 (11:35):
To expose
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Some
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Holes
Speaker 1 (11:39):
In our relationship,
Speaker 2 (11:40):
If
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You will.
One was
Speaker 2 (11:42):
The holiday party
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Of getting invited and uninvited.
Another
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Was a, a lie that he told me about how
Speaker 1 (11:50):
His, um, how his son had basketball, like the day
after Christmas or something.
And so he couldn't get togetherwith me, which just was not
true.
Um, and then there was this bigfalling out, which went
something like this.
(12:11):
Um, Laney was supposed to bemeeting up with her dad to spend
Christmas with him, um, probablybeginning on the 26th.
That's usually how we roll.
Um, meaning that I would driveher halfway to meet her father
so that she could spend theholidays with him, um, on his
time.
And she came rushing into theroom where I was with my
(12:35):
boyfriend, and she's like, mom,mom.
She's like, dad's gonna be ableto pick me up in Kansas City.
You don't have to drive metomorrow.
He's gonna be here tonightinstead.
And so I looked at my boyfriendand I was like, ha ha ha, that
means you can stay that nighttonight, buddy body.
And he looked at me, oh, no, no,I can't, I've got a meeting
(12:57):
early in the morning.
I was like, say what?
He's like, oh, well I have tomeet, I have to meet this, you
know, whatever importantbusinessman, we'll just call him
that.
An important businessman forbreakfast downtown, first thing
in the morning.
And I was like, and, and youcan't go there from my place.
(13:17):
Like, what's the problem?
There was no problem.
Essentially, the guy was notseparated or divorced.
I think he was like in an openmarriage.
But anyway, cuffing season,right?
So extra holiday time on yourhands invites opportunities to
spend extra time.
I was all about it.
Clearly he was not, we were noton the same page.
(13:38):
So we got in an argument, if youwill, he was like, are you mad
at me for not staying over?
And I was like, yeah.
I mean, yeah, I was mad, but Iwas like, what gives, like, I
have never invited a man tosleep over.
And he's like, Nope, can't doit.
Sorry.
Like what?
Like really?
You're not gonna stay over like,what's wrong with you?
(14:00):
So, um, yeah, women, you canrelate, I'm sure I'm sure of
this.
So anyway, um, that caused, uh,the beginning of the end of us.
But funny enough, this is howthis, this bear with me.
This story kind of comes backaround to this idea of cuffing
(14:20):
season and where my head was atemotionally during this time in
my life, um, specific to thisseasonal disorder,
So I knew we were over, like,there were multiple times where
I felt as though he was notbeing honest with me.
I didn't feel like maybe it wasan appropriate time to be dating
(14:42):
as I wasn't divorced yet.
And I was getting the feelingthat he was nowhere near, um,
getting divorced himself.
So I knew that it was time tocall it off.
But you guys, I didn't wannaspend New Year's Eve by myself.
Like, we had made plans togetherfor New Year's Eve, and I knew
(15:03):
if I could just kind of like,you know, kinda sweep these
issues under the rug for likeanother day or two, like we
could have a fun time on Chrisor on New Year's Eve together,
and, and then whatever happens,happens.
Or there was a tiny bit of, likea tiny part of me that thought
maybe he could, you know, likerectify the situation somehow.
(15:26):
Like maybe we would have somebig breakthrough conversation
and, and maybe, maybe we had achance, right?
So we stayed together for NewYear's Eve, and he, he had
gotten me up.
He, he knows me well, guys, hegot me a pasta maker.
That was one of my Christmasgifts.
I was freaking hell bent onmaking homemade, uh, I think it
(15:47):
was like crab and lobsterraviolis or something.
I made this crazy spread of food, um, drinks all of that.
And then you guys, it wasawkward.
You wanna talk about how cuffingseason can get awkward?
We were on the verge of abreakup and stayed together,
like to avoid, not to avoidbeing alone on New Year's Eve.
(16:09):
Okay?
So it started off great becauseit started off for like hours in
the kitchen, my favorite place,right?
Like, that's my happy place.
So I totally enjoyed cooking forhim.
There's this overwhelming, like,underlying resentment.
Yes, yes.
There was, like, we hadunresolved issues that I was
trying to not, you know, I wasjust kind of trying to ignore
(16:32):
for the evening.
So as I remember it, we enjoyedthe food, we made light of
things.
We had a good evening.
We basically did what you'resupposed to do, I guess, in
cuffing season, which was, welike snuggled together in bed.
And that was the only thing thathappened in bed that night,
because there was thisawkwardness of like, what the is
(16:55):
going on here?
Or we're not, this is notworking anymore.
This is, this is not a good ideato be like, to be together.
So, um, we broke up on January1st, which happened to be five
days before my birthday, myfirst birthday of being single.
(17:15):
In fact, I was smack d in themiddle of my divorce.
It was almost final.
It was a tough, tough, toughtime, you guys, it was
depressing.
Thank God my girlfriends werethere for me and like showed up
real big on my birthday.
Like, like seriously, like, metme out for, for like happy hour
(17:39):
at the Capital Grill.
Got me a gift card to go out todinner with my daughter.
Um, the quasi boyfriend actuallysent me a beautiful bouquet,
which was, which was gorgeous.
Um, I, I survived.
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say.
I survived.
(17:59):
So I guess when I look back onthat one and only cuffing season
that I have experienced, I don'tregret it.
I wouldn't change it.
Um, I totally, totally enjoyedthe fall and early winter with
him.
Um, we did a lot of fun thingsand he definitely kept, kept me
(18:25):
company and he offered a lot ofreally solid advice.
And he knows me really well.
And, um, despite the unusual andcircumstances of us being
together in a romantic way, Ihave and probably always will
(18:47):
consider him to be a friend.
So, so that was it for me.
Um, and I, I don't, I mean, it'sa little weird because I wasn't
divorced yet and I was dating afriend of mine, basically.
But I think that that's kind ofoften what happens in cuffing
season.
I mean, speaking from like morerecent events in my life, I
(19:12):
definitely, I mean, I, I jokeabout submariners a lot on this
podcast.
Like I do it.
I, I definitely have reached outto men that I've dated in the
past.
Um, not necessarily like to getback together or to give things
another go, but just becausesomething made me think of them
or, you know, I remembered themfondly in a moment, or, you
(19:35):
know, saw something online thatI thought maybe they would think
was funny or something, you knowwhat I'm saying?
Like, people pop back up thateither you've had like romantic
interludes with, and I thinkthat we are way more prone to
give and receive, um, that typeof communication during cuffing
season.
So just watch yourself, likereally think about it.
(19:57):
Like, do you want to open up thedoor to someone that you know,
you once dated because it'seasy, convenient, you know,
they'd take you back, whateverthe scenario or might you be,
um, better off, you know, doingwhat I'm gonna do this year,
which is snuggle with my puppyon the couch.
(20:20):
I mean, it's, there's a lot ofreally great things about just
having a dog on the couch withyou.
You know, I mean, they're sweetand adoring and affectionate and
don't talk back and don't have,you know, very high
expectations, just that, youknow, you feed them and let them
(20:42):
outside.
It's pretty easy.
That's the way I'm gonna go.
So I guess I made that pointsomewhat clearly to be cautious
of getting lured back in to, um,you know, to, to locken it down
with someone that you've alreadydecided, uh, wasn't a good
(21:03):
partner for you.
Be cautious when you'revulnerable, when you're
isolated, when you're lonely, wetend to make real decisions.
Um, now on the flip side, if, ifit's, you know, uh, cuffing
doesn't have to be for the wholeseason, maybe it is like Taylor
Swift song where, you know, youcan just call me babe for a
weekend.
I don't know.
(21:23):
I think that that's kind of, um,can be, can be healthy and
normal behavior too.
Um, I'm not above like asking aguy to be my plus one to
something if I, if I wanted, Ihaven't really done that.
Like, Hey, I know we haven'ttalked in a few weeks, but I got
this thing that would be reallynice to, to have a date to you.
(21:47):
I haven't done that, but I couldsee myself doing that.
Um, I also could see myselfagreeing to being a plus one,
um, to someone without a lot ofexpectation behind it.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
I don't think that, um, you,again, you have to get all
locked down just because you,um, want to have someone, you
(22:11):
know, attend a holiday party orsomething, or a wedding or
whatever, like big deal.
Like, yeah, I mean, I don't minda reason to like get dressed up
and go out and have a good time.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that at all.
We talk about some of thebenefits, you know, of cuffing.
I mean, yeah, the, the cozinessmaybe it is in some ways good
(22:32):
for our mental health.
Um, you know, and we talk aboutthe social norm of having a plus
one.
Okay.
But, you know, there's a lot ofreasons I think, um, that not,
not, um, participating incuffing season is, uh, maybe a
good idea too.
(22:52):
One of, one of the things that Ithink about, um, I think that
the holidays do bring about moreexpectations and stress for all
of us in some ways.
Even like, I enjoy, I loveChristmas, like I enjoy the
holiday season.
I don't think I overdo it like,you know, to where I'm stressed
(23:13):
or like feel the winter blueslike we talked about earlier.
But, um, I sure don't missgetting pulled in a bunch of
different directions.
Like when I was married to mysecond husband, um, both of our
(23:34):
sets of parents have beendivorced and in three of the
four cases remarried.
So you have all thesegrandparents, you know, wanting
and expecting time withgrandchildren.
That also meant he had a largeextended family of lots of
cousins and other people that hewould get together with.
(23:55):
So we've got like all of thesegifts to buy.
We seriously spread Christmasall the way until February one
year because it was just toocomplicated to get together
with, with so many familymembers.
It's crazy.
But, um, I don't miss gettingpulled in all of those
directions.
And I think it would be kind ofweird to be the new-ish
(24:20):
girlfriend, like at the holidaysgetting introduced to everyone,
because I feel like that kindasets an expectation like, wow,
she's Thanksgiving, holy, you'respending New Year's Eve
together, or, you know, it'sjust kind of, uh, kind of, uh, a
lot.
I think, um, I mean, it could befun and exciting if it's the
(24:40):
right person.
And, and it's, you're off to agood start, don't get me wrong.
I mean, that sounds sounds likea good time too, but I think,
um, in some instances it couldjust, um, induce a lot of extra
stress and potentially distractfrom your own kids and your own
(25:02):
family.
I have been very much soenjoying just focusing on, um,
my immediate family since I'vebeen single, strengthening those
relationships, having time to,um, to visit, you know, both my
mom and my dad's side to show upfor things, to be there for my
(25:23):
close friends, to not miss outon as much because, um, you
know, it's kind of inherentright in a marriage that you
share your time with yourin-laws.
And so I loved my, um, myex-husband's family and all of
that, don't get me wrong, butnow that they are not part of my
(25:45):
life, um, I've very, very muchso enjoyed, um, the benefits of
focusing just on the people thatare near and dear to me.
And I don't know if, I guess mencan probably relate to this as
much as the ladies, but I mean,I love, I love becoming a hermit
(26:09):
in the winter.
I don't put makeup on on theweekends.
I mean, this weekend I did getout and have fun with some
friends, um, on, um, blackFriday or Friday after
Thanksgiving.
But I'm recording here on Sundayevening, and the only places
(26:29):
that I have gone yesterday andtoday, Saturday and Sunday, are
seriously the dog park and thegrocery store
And that means my friends that Ihave not worn makeup, put
contacts in, fixed my hair, noneof that.
And, um, that's kind of myfavorite way to be.
(26:52):
And I love a Snowden day.
I, I love just slowing down andI not even gonna call it lazy,
because I've been veryproductive during my time, but
it's just like, I don't mind it.
I, I guess, um, I dooccasionally get on, get in a
(27:14):
funk when I stay at home.
Like Laney was at her dad's allweekend, so I was by myself.
Um, I tried to find things tokeep myself busy.
Like I just said, I, I had afriend, um, a close friend
invite me to go do something funon Friday, and I was like, kind
of torn, like I didn't even knowif I wanted to get out.
And it was fun.
(27:34):
I was like, I texted her backand I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna come and then I'mprobably not gonna leave my
house the next, you know, thenext couple of days
So, so thanks for getting me outof the house, you know, and I'm
so glad that I went cuz it wasfun.
But, um, you know, there's,there's something nice about
having all of this time tomyself to do whatever it is I
(27:57):
want to do.
One of the things that I didactually on Thanksgiving evening
after I got home from visitingmy family, um, out of town, I
did a Facebook Live for a friendof mine.
She has a whole platform onTikTok, TikTok and a website and
Instagram called the UnplannedChapter.
(28:19):
And she is a life coach andspecifically works with single
moms, um, with likeco-parenting, divorce, um,
challenges, things like that.
And I, I really, really loveher.
And so she asked me if I mightget hop on Facebook Live and
like have the perspective, likea dating perspective, basically
(28:41):
like gonna, you know, talk aboutmy podcast a little bit and have
something, something to talkabout that has to do with, you
know, dating, um, or theromantic side of things.
So I did, I popped onto theFacebook Live and I, I talked
about cuffing season because Iknew that's what I was gonna be
recording about this weekend.
So it was on my mind and I had,I had already put some thought
(29:03):
into it.
Um, but, you know, I'm tellingyou about doing this Facebook
Live really because it gave myweekend a a little bit of
meaning, like it felt good togive back and to, you know, the
whole purpose of what she did onher Facebook page with the
(29:23):
unplanned chapter was to try toprovide support and
encouragement and company,especially for moms who were
spending maybe their very firstThanksgiving without their kids.
Um, or, you know, just women whowere, um, home alone throughout
the day.
(29:44):
And I was just one of manypeople who contributed, but it's
like, it kind of brought me backto my roots of like, why am I
doing this podcast?
Um, some of it is self-serving.
I'm, I'm always very honestabout that because I'm learning
so much from, from, uh, voicingall of these
(30:04):
my head.
Um, but a, a good bit of it ishopefully to help spread a
little bit of optimism and, andshare in my experiences so that
people can learn from mymistakes and maybe take a little
bit of what I've done right?
Um, here and there,
(30:25):
people, but occasionally I makegood choices and, um, and
hopefully, hopefully others canlearn from that too.
So I guess what I'm trying tosay is like, here it is
Thanksgiving weekend and I'vefound some opportunities to just
really enjoy my time alone.
(30:45):
And did I mention that I went tothe dog park twice?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's because obviously I'mspending cuffing season with my
puppy Rip mm-hmm.
That's right.
So per usual, I don't reallygive advice on this podcast.
That's intentional, believe itor not.
(31:06):
I kinda like just sharing stuffI've been through, my friends
have been through, there'splenty of advice and dating
coaches and experts andso-called experts, um, that you
can go to for real advice,
But, um, this podcast and thisepisode is really just to kind
(31:28):
of throw some stuff out thereand make you think, and I hope
it has done that.
Um, this episode about cuffingseason, I'm gonna leave you with
one last thing that I saw onlinebecause I think it is really
freaking funny and it is cuffingseason a timeline.
I will definitely be sure to putthis out on my Instagram.
(31:50):
Um, if you don't follow me, it'sStacy with an i ere weer, w i m
e r.
I will put this on a story andhopefully I'll post it, um, as
well because I do think it'spretty cute.
So it's, um, like the whole Xand y access thing.
And so the vertical access saysit's titled the Desire to Be
(32:12):
Cuffed.
And then the horizontal accessare the months of the year.
So it starts in January.
And if you can visualize this,um, it's a you, it's a U shape.
So it starts high, it goes toits low point in the middle of
the year in July, right?
And then it rises back up towardthe fall and winter months
(32:32):
again.
So it's a U shape.
So at the beginning we're in,you know, Jan January is on the
left of the horizontal access inDecember is on the right.
So in January we're up at theheight of the u on the left side
it says you make a New Year'sresolution to put yourself out
there.
And then there's Valentine'sDay.
Then by the time we get tomarch, the weather gets above 50
(32:55):
degrees.
And then April it says rooftopseason begins July hashtag hot
girl summer.
That's the low point, right?
And then in September the PSLreturns to Starbucks and we all
know what that is, right?
The pumpkin spice latte for allof us basic.
(33:19):
Okay?
Then we get to October,November, it says someone posts
on Instagram about their applepicking excursion.
Then there's the first day offall in September, I guess is
where we're at.
And then at the very height itsays, aunt Carol asks for
updates about your love life.
Isn't that just how it goes?
(33:40):
I thought that was kind of cute.
So I'll post that you guys, Ijust realized by the time this
podcast, um, airs in just a fewdays, it'll be December 2nd.
Are you kidding me?
Ugh.
Holy cow.
So, um, so I will continue to dosome holiday themed episodes to,
(34:02):
uh, to hopefully get us allthrough this, you know, cold,
dark, depressing winter monthswith a, with a little bit of
holiday cheer left in us, and,uh, some, uh, jolly belly laughs
along the way.
Hopefully.
And as always, thank you so muchfor listening to Man Shopping
with Stacey episode 60, cuffingseason.
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