December 1, 2024 • 22 mins
Men’s mental health in Australia is at a critical juncture. In this episode, I confront the stigma that stops men from seeking help and share actionable strategies to improve mental well-being. With insights from my personal journey and key statistics, this episode is a call to action for men to redefine strength and prioritize mental health.
Key Takeaways:
- The power of community in overcoming mental challenges.
- Why vulnerability is the ultimate strength.
- Practical tools to improve mental health and build resilience.
🎧 Listen now and start your journey to better mental health.
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lachlan Stuart (00:00):
This episode discusses mental health and
suicide.
It may be triggering.
Welcome back to the man thatCan with Lockie Stwart, very
excited for this solo episode.
Firstly, thank you guys forbeing here.
I've been going through a lotof our data.
The episodes that areperforming best are actually
these solo episodes, which isblowing my mind because to me I
always think that when I haveguests on, that would be more
(00:20):
interesting.
But I am very humbled thattheir attention in the episodes
where I do solo are obviously alot higher.
So to me it means a lot andthank you guys for supporting
and I'll do my best to doubledown Full transparency.
So over the last six to sevenmonths the podcast has declined
in listening numbers by 40%roughly.
(00:41):
And last Friday I was chattingto a friend who's actually
coming back on the podcast andhas been a previous guest on the
podcast, bradley Dreiber, and Iwas talking to him about how I
always feel rushed with thepodcast.
I release an episode with aguest every Monday and then I
release a solo episode everyThursday, and he challenged me
(01:02):
and he said Lockie, why do youfeel the need to continue doing
that if the data is suggestingit isn't working?
And the truth was, I set myselfa standard and I didn't want to
quit on that, I didn't want togive up.
The reality was in the way thathe reframed it was what about
if you still did your soloepisodes?
What about if you still didyour guest episodes?
(01:24):
Still did your solo episodes?
What about if you still didyour guest episodes but you just
went one guest episode a weekand the alternating week you did
your solo episodes?
So that way you could reallyget back to enjoying it, you
could prepare them better but,most importantly, you could
market them better.
Because when I moved to America,I got rid of the team that
(01:45):
edited my podcast, set up allthe promo and did all of that,
which is a big reason why thedownloads were so high.
And I don't want to build ateam out, because I just like
doing things individually.
Or maybe that's an excuse, butwe'll talk about that at another
time.
At the moment I don't.
I just enjoy doing it myself,because I want to learn, I want
to engage great people and Ijust want to market it.
So from here on out, for theforeseeable future, there will
(02:05):
be an episode every Monday.
There will no longer be aThursday episode, unless the
data suggests we need to go backto that, I will do a guest
episode.
So last week we had MarkLuciari on, where we talked
about his skydiving accident,which was incredibly inspiring.
This week, or today, is a soloepisode.
Next week we will be back to aguest episode, but I would love
(02:26):
to hear from you guys.
You guys, there will bequestions and polls on Spotify
where you can answer, or, ifyou're watching on YouTube, make
sure you get involved in thecomments below.
But today's episode confrontingthe men's mental health stigma.
This week, I was fortunateenough to do two presentations
for companies, in the wake ofMen's Health and Movember and in
(02:48):
the lead up to the upcoming 58marathons that I'm doing.
I always feel very humbled whenI get invited to do it.
It's not something that I takelightly, because talking about
mental health, one increases theawareness, which then leads to
more men taking action toimprove their quality of life,
to build better relationships,earn more money and get on top
of their mental health, which iswhat we all want.
(03:10):
Secondly, it scares me.
Public speaking is something Iknow a lot of people fear.
It's something that I fear evenmore so Podcasting.
Right now, I'm looking at acamera with a microphone.
No one's watching me, but ifthere was a little bit of an
(03:31):
audience here I would beshitting bricks.
So to get the opportunity tostep into my fear and to
continue driving this messagehome and inspiring people and
improving people's lives issomething that I don't take
lightly and, because of theresearch that I was doing in the
lead up to these presentations,the feedback that I got that it
was such a moving talk thatsome of the men in this room and
very influential people saidthat I wish I had been able to
listen to this when I wasyounger because it would have
(03:52):
had a profound impact on my life.
I'm grateful that I got to hearit now, but I really wish I
could hear it sooner and to hearthat feedback made me go all
right.
Maybe on the podcast this weekthat can be our chat.
I haven't spoken about men'smental health specifically for a
while, so let's do it today.
We're specifically talkingabout Australia.
Now, if you're in America andwe have a listenership all
(04:15):
around the world, make sure youjump on your own website and
look at your statistics to seewhat I guess relates, or you
could even use ChatGPT put thetranscription of this in there
and just say make this relevantto my country's statistics and
you can get it there and you canprobably gauge how big a
problem it is in your own field.
Think about this and we'regoing to start with some stats.
(04:36):
43% of men aged 16 to 85 haveexperienced mental disorder at
some point in their life.
So let's just call it one intwo people.
If you're sitting in a carright now with a mate, chances
are one of you have experiencedmental disorders in your life.
Because of this, we need tobreak the stigma.
(04:56):
The stigma which I'll dive intoaround common misconceptions
has to be broken down, and itstarts with you, it starts with
me, it starts with I was goingto dive into a little song there
because I broken down and itstarts with you, it starts with
me, it starts with I was goingto dive into a little song there
because I was like it startswith you, it starts with me, it
starts with vulnerability, but Iwon't do that.
I won't do that to you guys.
It has to start with us leadingthe way, sharing what we're
going through and One of thebiggest challenges that I faced
(05:18):
as a younger man when I wasexperiencing things.
One, I didn't reallynecessarily feel comfortable
with the feelings that I wasexperiencing, but secondly, I
didn't want to talk about thembecause I didn't want to burden
other people.
I had this idea that it was myrole in society to protect and
provide, and I thought that byputting my problems on other
people was burdening them andtherefore the opposite of
(05:41):
protecting and the opposite ofproviding.
Boy was I wrong.
We'll come back to that shortly.
But let's talk about some commonmisconceptions and some of the
statistics around that, becausedepression is the most common
for young men and young adults,I sorry.
The leading cause of death issuicide for men under 44.
(06:03):
That is heartbreaking to thinkthat men who are just, I guess,
taking their first steps increating a life, or maybe
they've just become new parents,are choosing or feeling that
the best option is for them notto be here.
I heard some stories from someof the men at both of the
lunches we were at how sad it isthat they leave behind young
children and they findthemselves in a position where
(06:25):
that is the best solution orthey feel that's the best
solution and the truth is it'snot the best solution.
Never will be the best solution.
The pain that it will causeyour family, your friends, for
as long as they live is going tobe unmeasured.
But you just think about it.
I want you to think about thisnow, if you're in a room, or if
you're in a car, or even ifyou're just by yourself, have
you or anyone that you know inyour life been impacted by
(06:48):
suicide and or mental health?
The chances are you have, whichmeans we need to take this
seriously.
We need to have theseconversations, one to build
awareness.
Awareness will break down thestigma and then, when you break
down stigma, it puts us in aposition to take more action in
our life to overcome thesechallenges.
Okay, so common misconceptionnumber one men are less affected
(07:10):
by mental health issues thanwomen.
The data says women are morelikely to experience mental
health challenges or bediagnosed with certain mental
health conditions.
Men are less likely to seekhelp.
The number that I read theother day was around 73% of men
will never seek help for theirmental health, and they're
obviously at a higher risk ofsuicide effectively taking their
(07:30):
life, which is sad, and men arethree times more likely to die
by suicide than women are.
So for me, there's an issue onboth fronts the fact that people
and I want to break this downand I really want to make sure
that I word this correctly whenI was at a point where I didn't
want to wake up and I thinkabout those who have lost their
life or taken their own life orthe people who are struggling
with that right now.
(07:50):
I think about why do we get tothat position?
And ultimately it's I wanted toescape.
I can't speak on behalf ofanyone else, but I would assume
that in the ballpark of thatthey want to escape, there's
some pain in their life or theyfeel that the world's better off
without them, that the onlyoption is to erase himself from
that.
The reality of that is it'sutter bullshit.
(08:12):
It's bullshit because I startthinking about why would people
want to escape?
The data is suggesting now it'smore than mental illness.
Lifestyle factors like yourrelationship or relationship
breakdown, the quality of yourfinances, the quality of your
health, your socioeconomicpositions are all impacting
people's desire to live or feelworthy or to feel like they're
(08:32):
adding value to the world.
And if we start being aware ofthat and start accepting that,
like I personally have, I startthinking okay, if there are
factors that impact not only mymental health, but other
people's mental health.
How do we prevent that ratherthan trying to cure that
Backtrack?
10 years ago, financially, I wasin a rough position.
I didn't like who I was.
My self-esteem was shot.
(08:53):
I didn't have the bestrelationships because I was
constantly lying, cheating andmanipulating.
If I look back to the oldLockie, I would have been like
of course you're going to feelshit.
Of course you're going to notfeel valuable or valued in the
world, because the evidence isyour relationships are falling
down.
You have no money.
You're failing.
Essentially, it's not becauseyou are a failure.
It's because you haven't becomethe version of yourself you
(09:14):
need to be in order to deliverthose outcomes.
That was a harsh reality for meto accept.
I remember the moment that Iwatched Ben Kelly on stage, who
was a bricklayer.
I was a builder at the time andI thought I've got one up.
I'm a builder, he's abricklayer, but if I've got one
up on him and he's up hereinspiring people with his story,
I can do that too.
The shift in perspective andthe excitement or the
(09:36):
encouraging thoughts made mewant to drive and pursue better.
So from that moment, I had toaccept where I was currently at,
and it was hey, financiallyyou're a muppet.
You have no idea how to managefinances.
Secondly, you're not makingmuch money and you're spending
it on the wrong things.
That was hard for me to swallow, especially because, as I said
earlier, I needed to be aprotector, or I wanted to be a
(09:58):
protector and a provider.
I was not doing that.
The reality check was thebiggest kick in the ass that I
needed and it was a tough pillto swallow, but I swallowed it
because I knew that byswallowing it, I could now take
ownership for it and I could nowdo what was required of me to
learn to be better with moneyand to learn to make more money.
Same with my relationships,same with my self-esteem.
(10:25):
I'd put myself in thosepositions because of the way
that I was thinking, the waythat I was acting and the way
that I was behaving.
So in order to change that, Ihad to change how I thought, how
I acted and how I behaved,which means I had to challenge
parts about myself.
I had to acknowledge partsabout myself, but I had to do
differently and, as confrontingas that was, I started noticing
day by day I was becoming moreconfident.
Day by day I was making betterdecisions.
Day by day I was getting betterresults.
(10:46):
That's why I believe it's notas challenging as it may seem,
although when mentally you're ina dark spot and mentally when I
was in a dark spot it wasreally hard to pull myself out
and it was very hard to listento other people.
But I had to do it myself and Iwas faced a position that I
know a lot of people face, whereit's like sink or swim and
fortunately for me, I didn'twant to sink, so I learned to
(11:07):
swim, and I learned to swimpublicly.
I started using social media asa tool to share what I was
struggling with, the challengesthat I was facing.
I was also documenting me,trying to get better at whether
it was at public speaking,whether it was at building a
business, whether it was onfitness goals.
I didn't always succeed, butthrough the process I had people
(11:28):
reach out to me.
I got public feedback on how Icould be better.
Fast forward 10 years, I don'teven recognize who I used to be.
It's part of who I was, butobviously I don't recognize that
or accept that as part of who Iwas, and I know that anyone
listening to this can go throughthat same exact process.
Now the journey will bedifferent, but if you can start
(11:50):
changing the way that you think,changing the way that you act
and changing the way that youbehave ultimately shifting your
identity, you can get yourselfout of this if you have the
desire to do so.
No one can do it for you, butyou are definitely worthy of
having it done.
You are worthy of being hereand you are worthy of being as
successful as you ultimatelywant to become, and I would love
to help you guys with that.
(12:11):
And even just by listening tothis podcast, you're taking
steps to do that.
Another misconception I know Iwent on a tangent there, but
another misconception is mendon't need to talk about their
feelings Bullshit.
Men don't know how to talkabout their feelings, but they
do need to talk about themBecause feelings are something
that we all experience, and ifyou don't talk about things, you
(12:31):
therefore won't understandthings.
And when you don't understandthings, they have control over
you, not you having control overthem.
And for me, when I didn't havecontrol over my emotions, I
would lash out in aggression, Iwould say things in spite, and I
would always find myself in atough position because of things
that came out of my mouth orhow I responded to shit.
(12:52):
Trust me when I say that yourquality of life is never going
to be great when you're allconstantly reacting to life.
You want to learn to respond,which means you want to learn to
understand things.
So emotions is the best placeto start.
A great book you can read orlisten to, it doesn't matter
Daniel Goldman, emotionalIntelligence, and just keep
rereading that.
Keep rereading that.
Another thing that you can do tounderstand your emotions is
(13:14):
write, like write if I'm feelingangry.
Why are you feeling angry?
What caused you to feel thatanger?
What was it truly that you'refeeling angry?
Is anger the correct emotion,or could it be something else?
What would have to happen foryou not to feel angry?
Like, just start askingquestions and you will start
(13:34):
piecing together, I guess, thepuzzle of your own mind and your
own emotions.
I'm not saying you're alwaysgoing to have control of them.
My emotions still get thebetter of me from time to time,
but I'm much more sorry.
I would say I'm much better, inmuch more control than I would
have been a decade ago.
Let's just leave it there.
Another, I guess just to pointthat off, communication will
break stigma.
It leads to actionable stepsand that allows you to feel
(13:58):
empowered.
So make sure, if you're wantingto learn to talk about it, find
a place to talk about it.
There's so many incredibleplaces Men's Sheds, man Cave,
the man that Can Project withour academy.
We have men who are prepared totalk.
And just by listening to menwho can talk about their
emotions, who can share theirchallenges, who can just have
(14:19):
done that work, you startpicking up perspectives on
emotions.
Someone might talk about whatanger means to them and what
brought it on you.
You might go oh my God, thatguy just told me exactly how I
felt.
I've never been able to put itin.
I guess, words like that thatis my story and I'm so grateful
because I heard that, becausenow you can start building off
that.
That is my story.
I'm so grateful because I heardthat, because now you can start
building off that.
That's where the power ofcommunity becomes so effective.
We'll talk more about communityin a moment.
(14:40):
The next one mental healthissues are a sign of weakness.
Wrong, I believe this.
When you're experiencing mentalhardship, I believe you're in a
new area of growth.
You're in an unknown area, youmay have lost a support network,
you may have lost arelationship.
The pain or the fear comesthrough being alone and being in
the fear of uncertainty or thefear of the unknown what's next?
(15:03):
And through that, yes, it'spainful, and I'm not saying the
pain will never be there,because it will be, but it's an
opportunity to grow and that'swhy, for me, it's such a sign of
strength, because if you wantto show true strength, you need
to put your hand up and be ableto ask for help in those moments
.
Last night we were at theFunctional Christmas Party and I
was talking to one of mymentors and he was at the long
(15:24):
lunch I was at on Tuesday.
Wednesday, the crew that I wasspeaking to committed to raising
the $100,000 for me, right, sothat's my total goal for this 58
marathons.
They said we're going to dothis next Thursday and we'll
have that all happen andsomething about it.
I don't know.
I don't know whether I didn'tbelieve it or anything like that
, but I kept saying to this manI was like, oh, you know, if it
(15:48):
happens, it happens, but I'm notgoing to hang my hat on it.
And what I realized as I wastalking to this guy on the phone
this morning because I had tohave this conversation, I was,
like you know, putting my handup as a sign of strength to
acknowledge I was like mate, Ithink it's not that I'm in
denial that they will raise thefunds.
It's I'm scared to put myselfout there because a fundraising
goal like this that I have setleaves me open to failure, and
(16:08):
I'm worried and I'm scared offailing in something that I
don't necessarily have controlover.
I have control over how well Irun the content that I put out,
but I don't have control overwhether people want to support
me or whether they want todonate.
That's completely out of mycontrol.
However, if I don't allow thegoal to be known, we'll never
hit the goal, and so that was agreat lesson for me this morning
(16:29):
, and I believe it was a sign ofstrength for me to call up this
person and say look, this iswhy I was disagreeing with you
last night.
I'm struggling with the idea ofputting myself out there when I
could fail, because I guessI've been playing small in my
area for a number of years.
Putting your hand up now mademe be able to have that great
conversation, and now, here I am, talking about a newfound goal
(16:49):
that I have, and if we hit that$100,000 on Thursday, we're
going to make that even biggerand we're going for a million
dollars, which scares theabsolute bejeebs out of me.
However, you've got to put yourhand up and ask for help when
you're there.
So let's talk about only oldermen experience mental health
problems.
Fact Mental health issues canaffect men of all ages.
(17:10):
Recent studies indicate thatserious mental health problems
are now beginning as early aseight years old.
Eight years old that ismind-blowing.
When I was eight years old, Iwas playing Pokemon cards and
out in the shrubs.
I didn't even know mentalhealth was a thing and whether
that's a good thing or a badthing.
I just was a kid.
Nothing was serious, I had nopressure, no stresses, and life
(17:32):
was good, and that was myexperience.
So to know that there are kidsout there whose experiences
aren't like that and they'realready in a position where they
don't feel like they deserve tobe here or they're depressed
and anxious, it's another reasonwhy I'm doing this run.
I want to inspire people.
I want to inspire you to be thebest version of yourself,
because if you're inspired to bethe best version of yourself,
(17:53):
and what I believe thatultimately leads to is you're
going to continue inspiringyourself, which means you're
going to push your limitations.
Someone else's I guess level ofsuccess isn't your level.
You have to go and find whatyour level of success is, and
that can be daunting, but it canalso be very exciting, because
you've just got to show up dailyand put in the work and choose
the direction that you want togo in.
I want to remind you guys ofthat.
(18:14):
And one thing that really helpedme for those who are listening,
wondering you may be in a toughspot or you may be in a great
spot, but you just want to go toanother level is that
prevention is way better thancure.
I believe I'm a massivebeliever.
So as I continue to hearpeople's stories, read books,
gain access to data and I seethe things that are, so I go
(18:36):
okay, if that's caused an issuein someone else's life.
I could therefore besusceptible.
So what would I need to do toprevent that from happening?
And now, if you're thinking notall prevention is possible, I
get that, but if there's thingsthat are in my control that I
can implement into my life thatwill give me a better chance.
I'm going to do it, guarantee Iwill do it.
So there are many great toolsand resources out there, but I
(18:57):
believe the key is building atoolkit and drawing upon what
works at the time.
So, once again, there's thingsfrom all the way down the
medical route, from medicationsto psychologists, psychiatrists,
all the way back down to on theother end of the spectrum
breath work, breathing, music,therapy, all of that sort of
stuff.
Right, you just got to explorethese things and find which ones
(19:19):
work for you, the things thathave never failed me and these
have significantly impacted mymental health.
The first one being communitybeing around people that inspire
me, that challenge me, thatmake me feel valued and heard
and I also feel like I add valuein.
That is what community lookslike for me, and as long as I
have that in my life, I'm always.
(19:39):
Yes, I had the highs and lows,but when I hit a low, the
community pulls me higher, andwhen the community or people in
my community hit a low, I feelgood because I can pull them
higher and it's like areciprocating relationship of
energy, and that's what I loveabout it.
The second one is fitness.
The reason why I love fitnessis I'm giving back to my body,
so I have the energy andvitality to approach and attack
(20:01):
the goals that I have within mylife, and the fact that I can
just get up and I know I can doeverything, I'm not limited by
poor health.
I love that.
That's so confident buildingwithin me.
I also love the fact that whenI'm pushing to grow my fitness,
I'm doing hard things.
When you start doing hardthings right, you build more
mental resilience, you learn toproblem solve, and those are
(20:23):
things that lead to success inall areas of your life.
If you can hold on longer thanmost people, if you can
persevere, if you can solveproblems like other people
wouldn't, you're gonna getrewarded, whether it's with
better relationships, moreleadership, more financial gain,
right, so it's worthwhile doingthe hard things.
Finally, have goals.
Goals to me means givingyourself direction.
(20:43):
What do you want to experience?
How do you want to be?
Who do you want to be around?
It's the same with your mentalhealth.
If you want good mental health,what does good mental health
look like and what does badmental health look like?
Create a distinction or createa gap between them and then
start building your toolkit,start building the habits that
(21:04):
lead to more positive mentalhealth.
For me, it's such agame-changing thing to do
because I'm not immune to badmental health None of us are.
But if I have a great toolkitand if I'm constantly working on
good mental health and a greatquality of life every day, I'm
going to give myself a muchbetter chance at being the man
that I want to be and living thelife that I want to live.
(21:25):
So thank you, guys for tuning intoday.
I hope that this was moreinspiring than it was upsetting.
But if you're in a positionwhere you don't, you know you
may be experiencing mentalhealth challenges.
There's so many great tools andresources out there.
A number that you can call is131114 Lifeline and just reach
out to people, reach out to yournetwork.
(21:46):
They want to hear from you.
I promise you they want to hearfrom you.
That's what life is about.
Check in on your mates and, asalways, do something today to be
better for tomorrow.
My name's Lachlan Stewart.
Thank you for tuning into theman that Can Project.
Make sure you like, make sureyou share, make sure you
subscribe.
We'll see you next week.
This episode discusses mental health and
suicide.
It may be triggering.
Welcome back to the man thatCan with Lockie Stwart, very
excited for this solo episode.
Firstly, thank you guys forbeing here.
I've been going through a lotof our data.
The episodes that areperforming best are actually
these solo episodes, which isblowing my mind because to me I
always think that when I haveguests on, that would be more
(00:20):
interesting.
But I am very humbled thattheir attention in the episodes
where I do solo are obviously alot higher.
So to me it means a lot andthank you guys for supporting
and I'll do my best to doubledown Full transparency.
So over the last six to sevenmonths the podcast has declined
in listening numbers by 40%roughly.
(00:41):
And last Friday I was chattingto a friend who's actually
coming back on the podcast andhas been a previous guest on the
podcast, bradley Dreiber, and Iwas talking to him about how I
always feel rushed with thepodcast.
I release an episode with aguest every Monday and then I
release a solo episode everyThursday, and he challenged me
(01:02):
and he said Lockie, why do youfeel the need to continue doing
that if the data is suggestingit isn't working?
And the truth was, I set myselfa standard and I didn't want to
quit on that, I didn't want togive up.
The reality was in the way thathe reframed it was what about
if you still did your soloepisodes?
What about if you still didyour guest episodes?
(01:24):
Still did your solo episodes?
What about if you still didyour guest episodes but you just
went one guest episode a weekand the alternating week you did
your solo episodes?
So that way you could reallyget back to enjoying it, you
could prepare them better but,most importantly, you could
market them better.
Because when I moved to America,I got rid of the team that
(01:45):
edited my podcast, set up allthe promo and did all of that,
which is a big reason why thedownloads were so high.
And I don't want to build ateam out, because I just like
doing things individually.
Or maybe that's an excuse, butwe'll talk about that at another
time.
At the moment I don't.
I just enjoy doing it myself,because I want to learn, I want
to engage great people and Ijust want to market it.
So from here on out, for theforeseeable future, there will
(02:05):
be an episode every Monday.
There will no longer be aThursday episode, unless the
data suggests we need to go backto that, I will do a guest
episode.
So last week we had MarkLuciari on, where we talked
about his skydiving accident,which was incredibly inspiring.
This week, or today, is a soloepisode.
Next week we will be back to aguest episode, but I would love
(02:26):
to hear from you guys.
You guys, there will bequestions and polls on Spotify
where you can answer, or, ifyou're watching on YouTube, make
sure you get involved in thecomments below.
But today's episode confrontingthe men's mental health stigma.
This week, I was fortunateenough to do two presentations
for companies, in the wake ofMen's Health and Movember and in
(02:48):
the lead up to the upcoming 58marathons that I'm doing.
I always feel very humbled whenI get invited to do it.
It's not something that I takelightly, because talking about
mental health, one increases theawareness, which then leads to
more men taking action toimprove their quality of life,
to build better relationships,earn more money and get on top
of their mental health, which iswhat we all want.
(03:10):
Secondly, it scares me.
Public speaking is something Iknow a lot of people fear.
It's something that I fear evenmore so Podcasting.
Right now, I'm looking at acamera with a microphone.
No one's watching me, but ifthere was a little bit of an
(03:31):
audience here I would beshitting bricks.
So to get the opportunity tostep into my fear and to
continue driving this messagehome and inspiring people and
improving people's lives issomething that I don't take
lightly and, because of theresearch that I was doing in the
lead up to these presentations,the feedback that I got that it
was such a moving talk thatsome of the men in this room and
very influential people saidthat I wish I had been able to
listen to this when I wasyounger because it would have
(03:52):
had a profound impact on my life.
I'm grateful that I got to hearit now, but I really wish I
could hear it sooner and to hearthat feedback made me go all
right.
Maybe on the podcast this weekthat can be our chat.
I haven't spoken about men'smental health specifically for a
while, so let's do it today.
We're specifically talkingabout Australia.
Now, if you're in America andwe have a listenership all
(04:15):
around the world, make sure youjump on your own website and
look at your statistics to seewhat I guess relates, or you
could even use ChatGPT put thetranscription of this in there
and just say make this relevantto my country's statistics and
you can get it there and you canprobably gauge how big a
problem it is in your own field.
Think about this and we'regoing to start with some stats.
(04:36):
43% of men aged 16 to 85 haveexperienced mental disorder at
some point in their life.
So let's just call it one intwo people.
If you're sitting in a carright now with a mate, chances
are one of you have experiencedmental disorders in your life.
Because of this, we need tobreak the stigma.
(04:56):
The stigma which I'll dive intoaround common misconceptions
has to be broken down, and itstarts with you, it starts with
me, it starts with I was goingto dive into a little song there
because I broken down and itstarts with you, it starts with
me, it starts with I was goingto dive into a little song there
because I was like it startswith you, it starts with me, it
starts with vulnerability, but Iwon't do that.
I won't do that to you guys.
It has to start with us leadingthe way, sharing what we're
going through and One of thebiggest challenges that I faced
(05:18):
as a younger man when I wasexperiencing things.
One, I didn't reallynecessarily feel comfortable
with the feelings that I wasexperiencing, but secondly, I
didn't want to talk about thembecause I didn't want to burden
other people.
I had this idea that it was myrole in society to protect and
provide, and I thought that byputting my problems on other
people was burdening them andtherefore the opposite of
(05:41):
protecting and the opposite ofproviding.
Boy was I wrong.
We'll come back to that shortly.
But let's talk about some commonmisconceptions and some of the
statistics around that, becausedepression is the most common
for young men and young adults,I sorry.
The leading cause of death issuicide for men under 44.
(06:03):
That is heartbreaking to thinkthat men who are just, I guess,
taking their first steps increating a life, or maybe
they've just become new parents,are choosing or feeling that
the best option is for them notto be here.
I heard some stories from someof the men at both of the
lunches we were at how sad it isthat they leave behind young
children and they findthemselves in a position where
(06:25):
that is the best solution orthey feel that's the best
solution and the truth is it'snot the best solution.
Never will be the best solution.
The pain that it will causeyour family, your friends, for
as long as they live is going tobe unmeasured.
But you just think about it.
I want you to think about thisnow, if you're in a room, or if
you're in a car, or even ifyou're just by yourself, have
you or anyone that you know inyour life been impacted by
(06:48):
suicide and or mental health?
The chances are you have, whichmeans we need to take this
seriously.
We need to have theseconversations, one to build
awareness.
Awareness will break down thestigma and then, when you break
down stigma, it puts us in aposition to take more action in
our life to overcome thesechallenges.
Okay, so common misconceptionnumber one men are less affected
(07:10):
by mental health issues thanwomen.
The data says women are morelikely to experience mental
health challenges or bediagnosed with certain mental
health conditions.
Men are less likely to seekhelp.
The number that I read theother day was around 73% of men
will never seek help for theirmental health, and they're
obviously at a higher risk ofsuicide effectively taking their
(07:30):
life, which is sad, and men arethree times more likely to die
by suicide than women are.
So for me, there's an issue onboth fronts the fact that people
and I want to break this downand I really want to make sure
that I word this correctly whenI was at a point where I didn't
want to wake up and I thinkabout those who have lost their
life or taken their own life orthe people who are struggling
with that right now.
(07:50):
I think about why do we get tothat position?
And ultimately it's I wanted toescape.
I can't speak on behalf ofanyone else, but I would assume
that in the ballpark of thatthey want to escape, there's
some pain in their life or theyfeel that the world's better off
without them, that the onlyoption is to erase himself from
that.
The reality of that is it'sutter bullshit.
(08:12):
It's bullshit because I startthinking about why would people
want to escape?
The data is suggesting now it'smore than mental illness.
Lifestyle factors like yourrelationship or relationship
breakdown, the quality of yourfinances, the quality of your
health, your socioeconomicpositions are all impacting
people's desire to live or feelworthy or to feel like they're
(08:32):
adding value to the world.
And if we start being aware ofthat and start accepting that,
like I personally have, I startthinking okay, if there are
factors that impact not only mymental health, but other
people's mental health.
How do we prevent that ratherthan trying to cure that
Backtrack?
10 years ago, financially, I wasin a rough position.
I didn't like who I was.
My self-esteem was shot.
(08:53):
I didn't have the bestrelationships because I was
constantly lying, cheating andmanipulating.
If I look back to the oldLockie, I would have been like
of course you're going to feelshit.
Of course you're going to notfeel valuable or valued in the
world, because the evidence isyour relationships are falling
down.
You have no money.
You're failing.
Essentially, it's not becauseyou are a failure.
It's because you haven't becomethe version of yourself you
(09:14):
need to be in order to deliverthose outcomes.
That was a harsh reality for meto accept.
I remember the moment that Iwatched Ben Kelly on stage, who
was a bricklayer.
I was a builder at the time andI thought I've got one up.
I'm a builder, he's abricklayer, but if I've got one
up on him and he's up hereinspiring people with his story,
I can do that too.
The shift in perspective andthe excitement or the
(09:36):
encouraging thoughts made mewant to drive and pursue better.
So from that moment, I had toaccept where I was currently at,
and it was hey, financiallyyou're a muppet.
You have no idea how to managefinances.
Secondly, you're not makingmuch money and you're spending
it on the wrong things.
That was hard for me to swallow, especially because, as I said
earlier, I needed to be aprotector, or I wanted to be a
(09:58):
protector and a provider.
I was not doing that.
The reality check was thebiggest kick in the ass that I
needed and it was a tough pillto swallow, but I swallowed it
because I knew that byswallowing it, I could now take
ownership for it and I could nowdo what was required of me to
learn to be better with moneyand to learn to make more money.
Same with my relationships,same with my self-esteem.
(10:25):
I'd put myself in thosepositions because of the way
that I was thinking, the waythat I was acting and the way
that I was behaving.
So in order to change that, Ihad to change how I thought, how
I acted and how I behaved,which means I had to challenge
parts about myself.
I had to acknowledge partsabout myself, but I had to do
differently and, as confrontingas that was, I started noticing
day by day I was becoming moreconfident.
Day by day I was making betterdecisions.
Day by day I was getting betterresults.
(10:46):
That's why I believe it's notas challenging as it may seem,
although when mentally you're ina dark spot and mentally when I
was in a dark spot it wasreally hard to pull myself out
and it was very hard to listento other people.
But I had to do it myself and Iwas faced a position that I
know a lot of people face, whereit's like sink or swim and
fortunately for me, I didn'twant to sink, so I learned to
(11:07):
swim, and I learned to swimpublicly.
I started using social media asa tool to share what I was
struggling with, the challengesthat I was facing.
I was also documenting me,trying to get better at whether
it was at public speaking,whether it was at building a
business, whether it was onfitness goals.
I didn't always succeed, butthrough the process I had people
(11:28):
reach out to me.
I got public feedback on how Icould be better.
Fast forward 10 years, I don'teven recognize who I used to be.
It's part of who I was, butobviously I don't recognize that
or accept that as part of who Iwas, and I know that anyone
listening to this can go throughthat same exact process.
Now the journey will bedifferent, but if you can start
(11:50):
changing the way that you think,changing the way that you act
and changing the way that youbehave ultimately shifting your
identity, you can get yourselfout of this if you have the
desire to do so.
No one can do it for you, butyou are definitely worthy of
having it done.
You are worthy of being hereand you are worthy of being as
successful as you ultimatelywant to become, and I would love
to help you guys with that.
(12:11):
And even just by listening tothis podcast, you're taking
steps to do that.
Another misconception I know Iwent on a tangent there, but
another misconception is mendon't need to talk about their
feelings Bullshit.
Men don't know how to talkabout their feelings, but they
do need to talk about themBecause feelings are something
that we all experience, and ifyou don't talk about things, you
(12:31):
therefore won't understandthings.
And when you don't understandthings, they have control over
you, not you having control overthem.
And for me, when I didn't havecontrol over my emotions, I
would lash out in aggression, Iwould say things in spite, and I
would always find myself in atough position because of things
that came out of my mouth orhow I responded to shit.
(12:52):
Trust me when I say that yourquality of life is never going
to be great when you're allconstantly reacting to life.
You want to learn to respond,which means you want to learn to
understand things.
So emotions is the best placeto start.
A great book you can read orlisten to, it doesn't matter
Daniel Goldman, emotionalIntelligence, and just keep
rereading that.
Keep rereading that.
Another thing that you can do tounderstand your emotions is
(13:14):
write, like write if I'm feelingangry.
Why are you feeling angry?
What caused you to feel thatanger?
What was it truly that you'refeeling angry?
Is anger the correct emotion,or could it be something else?
What would have to happen foryou not to feel angry?
Like, just start askingquestions and you will start
(13:34):
piecing together, I guess, thepuzzle of your own mind and your
own emotions.
I'm not saying you're alwaysgoing to have control of them.
My emotions still get thebetter of me from time to time,
but I'm much more sorry.
I would say I'm much better, inmuch more control than I would
have been a decade ago.
Let's just leave it there.
Another, I guess just to pointthat off, communication will
break stigma.
It leads to actionable stepsand that allows you to feel
(13:58):
empowered.
So make sure, if you're wantingto learn to talk about it, find
a place to talk about it.
There's so many incredibleplaces Men's Sheds, man Cave,
the man that Can Project withour academy.
We have men who are prepared totalk.
And just by listening to menwho can talk about their
emotions, who can share theirchallenges, who can just have
(14:19):
done that work, you startpicking up perspectives on
emotions.
Someone might talk about whatanger means to them and what
brought it on you.
You might go oh my God, thatguy just told me exactly how I
felt.
I've never been able to put itin.
I guess, words like that thatis my story and I'm so grateful
because I heard that, becausenow you can start building off
that.
That is my story.
I'm so grateful because I heardthat, because now you can start
building off that.
That's where the power ofcommunity becomes so effective.
We'll talk more about communityin a moment.
(14:40):
The next one mental healthissues are a sign of weakness.
Wrong, I believe this.
When you're experiencing mentalhardship, I believe you're in a
new area of growth.
You're in an unknown area, youmay have lost a support network,
you may have lost arelationship.
The pain or the fear comesthrough being alone and being in
the fear of uncertainty or thefear of the unknown what's next?
(15:03):
And through that, yes, it'spainful, and I'm not saying the
pain will never be there,because it will be, but it's an
opportunity to grow and that'swhy, for me, it's such a sign of
strength, because if you wantto show true strength, you need
to put your hand up and be ableto ask for help in those moments
.
Last night we were at theFunctional Christmas Party and I
was talking to one of mymentors and he was at the long
(15:24):
lunch I was at on Tuesday.
Wednesday, the crew that I wasspeaking to committed to raising
the $100,000 for me, right, sothat's my total goal for this 58
marathons.
They said we're going to dothis next Thursday and we'll
have that all happen andsomething about it.
I don't know.
I don't know whether I didn'tbelieve it or anything like that
, but I kept saying to this manI was like, oh, you know, if it
(15:48):
happens, it happens, but I'm notgoing to hang my hat on it.
And what I realized as I wastalking to this guy on the phone
this morning because I had tohave this conversation, I was,
like you know, putting my handup as a sign of strength to
acknowledge I was like mate, Ithink it's not that I'm in
denial that they will raise thefunds.
It's I'm scared to put myselfout there because a fundraising
goal like this that I have setleaves me open to failure, and
(16:08):
I'm worried and I'm scared offailing in something that I
don't necessarily have controlover.
I have control over how well Irun the content that I put out,
but I don't have control overwhether people want to support
me or whether they want todonate.
That's completely out of mycontrol.
However, if I don't allow thegoal to be known, we'll never
hit the goal, and so that was agreat lesson for me this morning
(16:29):
, and I believe it was a sign ofstrength for me to call up this
person and say look, this iswhy I was disagreeing with you
last night.
I'm struggling with the idea ofputting myself out there when I
could fail, because I guessI've been playing small in my
area for a number of years.
Putting your hand up now mademe be able to have that great
conversation, and now, here I am, talking about a newfound goal
(16:49):
that I have, and if we hit that$100,000 on Thursday, we're
going to make that even biggerand we're going for a million
dollars, which scares theabsolute bejeebs out of me.
However, you've got to put yourhand up and ask for help when
you're there.
So let's talk about only oldermen experience mental health
problems.
Fact Mental health issues canaffect men of all ages.
(17:10):
Recent studies indicate thatserious mental health problems
are now beginning as early aseight years old.
Eight years old that ismind-blowing.
When I was eight years old, Iwas playing Pokemon cards and
out in the shrubs.
I didn't even know mentalhealth was a thing and whether
that's a good thing or a badthing.
I just was a kid.
Nothing was serious, I had nopressure, no stresses, and life
(17:32):
was good, and that was myexperience.
So to know that there are kidsout there whose experiences
aren't like that and they'realready in a position where they
don't feel like they deserve tobe here or they're depressed
and anxious, it's another reasonwhy I'm doing this run.
I want to inspire people.
I want to inspire you to be thebest version of yourself,
because if you're inspired to bethe best version of yourself,
(17:53):
and what I believe thatultimately leads to is you're
going to continue inspiringyourself, which means you're
going to push your limitations.
Someone else's I guess level ofsuccess isn't your level.
You have to go and find whatyour level of success is, and
that can be daunting, but it canalso be very exciting, because
you've just got to show up dailyand put in the work and choose
the direction that you want togo in.
I want to remind you guys ofthat.
(18:14):
And one thing that really helpedme for those who are listening,
wondering you may be in a toughspot or you may be in a great
spot, but you just want to go toanother level is that
prevention is way better thancure.
I believe I'm a massivebeliever.
So as I continue to hearpeople's stories, read books,
gain access to data and I seethe things that are, so I go
(18:36):
okay, if that's caused an issuein someone else's life.
I could therefore besusceptible.
So what would I need to do toprevent that from happening?
And now, if you're thinking notall prevention is possible, I
get that, but if there's thingsthat are in my control that I
can implement into my life thatwill give me a better chance.
I'm going to do it, guarantee Iwill do it.
So there are many great toolsand resources out there, but I
(18:57):
believe the key is building atoolkit and drawing upon what
works at the time.
So, once again, there's thingsfrom all the way down the
medical route, from medicationsto psychologists, psychiatrists,
all the way back down to on theother end of the spectrum
breath work, breathing, music,therapy, all of that sort of
stuff.
Right, you just got to explorethese things and find which ones
(19:19):
work for you, the things thathave never failed me and these
have significantly impacted mymental health.
The first one being communitybeing around people that inspire
me, that challenge me, thatmake me feel valued and heard
and I also feel like I add valuein.
That is what community lookslike for me, and as long as I
have that in my life, I'm always.
(19:39):
Yes, I had the highs and lows,but when I hit a low, the
community pulls me higher, andwhen the community or people in
my community hit a low, I feelgood because I can pull them
higher and it's like areciprocating relationship of
energy, and that's what I loveabout it.
The second one is fitness.
The reason why I love fitnessis I'm giving back to my body,
so I have the energy andvitality to approach and attack
(20:01):
the goals that I have within mylife, and the fact that I can
just get up and I know I can doeverything, I'm not limited by
poor health.
I love that.
That's so confident buildingwithin me.
I also love the fact that whenI'm pushing to grow my fitness,
I'm doing hard things.
When you start doing hardthings right, you build more
mental resilience, you learn toproblem solve, and those are
(20:23):
things that lead to success inall areas of your life.
If you can hold on longer thanmost people, if you can
persevere, if you can solveproblems like other people
wouldn't, you're gonna getrewarded, whether it's with
better relationships, moreleadership, more financial gain,
right, so it's worthwhile doingthe hard things.
Finally, have goals.
Goals to me means givingyourself direction.
(20:43):
What do you want to experience?
How do you want to be?
Who do you want to be around?
It's the same with your mentalhealth.
If you want good mental health,what does good mental health
look like and what does badmental health look like?
Create a distinction or createa gap between them and then
start building your toolkit,start building the habits that
(21:04):
lead to more positive mentalhealth.
For me, it's such agame-changing thing to do
because I'm not immune to badmental health None of us are.
But if I have a great toolkitand if I'm constantly working on
good mental health and a greatquality of life every day, I'm
going to give myself a muchbetter chance at being the man
that I want to be and living thelife that I want to live.
(21:25):
So thank you, guys for tuning intoday.
I hope that this was moreinspiring than it was upsetting.
But if you're in a positionwhere you don't, you know you
may be experiencing mentalhealth challenges.
There's so many great tools andresources out there.
A number that you can call is131114 Lifeline and just reach
out to people, reach out to yournetwork.
(21:46):
They want to hear from you.
I promise you they want to hearfrom you.
That's what life is about.
Check in on your mates and, asalways, do something today to be
better for tomorrow.
My name's Lachlan Stewart.
Thank you for tuning into theman that Can Project.
Make sure you like, make sureyou share, make sure you
subscribe.
We'll see you next week.
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