Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Communication is the
mirror of your mind.
If the reflection looks unclear,it's not the mirror's fault.
It's because the lens needscleaning.
And that's exactly what we'regoing to do today.
Clean the lens.
Because whether you're leading ateam, you're raising kids, or
you're trying to share yourideas online like I am, the way
(00:21):
you communicate is thedifference between understood
and being ignored.
And it's going to be interestingto see how many of you listen to
this episode, or has this beensomething that's been ignored?
We'll find out.
This episode, we're going toshare three practices that have
sharpened my communicationpersonally, and I know that
they're going to sharpen yourstoo.
(00:41):
They're simple, they'repractical, and best of all,
they're free.
I was chatting with a clientyesterday, we were talking about
communication, and one of thethings that he wanted to do was
improve his communication, and Ijust went boom boom boom.
And I was like, Jed, I think wejust came up with a framework,
like something that we can giveto people.
I'm going to credit you in thepodcast when we do that.
(01:03):
So that's exactly what we'redoing.
Because had Jed not asked thatquestion and we just gone back
and forth, this would not havecome to be.
So we're going to cover threesteps.
And if you're or if you have apen in front of you and a pen
and a paper, write these down.
The first one, reading otherpeople's thoughts, writing down
your own thoughts and recordingyourself so that you can hear
(01:26):
exactly how you sound.
If you've been following thepodcast for long enough, you'll
know that's exactly why Istarted this show in the first
place back in 2017.
I wanted to learn to communicatebetter.
I knew that if I was talking toa camera, much like I am now, I
would be able to watch it backand listen to it back and give
myself feedback.
Very uncomfortable in thebeginning, but I learned to
(01:48):
structure sentences better,learned to use my voice better,
and so many other things thatwe'll dive into.
But by the end of this, you willhave the toolkit for clearer,
more confident communication.
So let's go to point one.
And Jed, if you're listening,which I know you will be because
you love the pod, thanks so muchfor giving me this.
Because when I went down therabbit hole last night on all of
(02:11):
this and writing this out, I gotso much clearer on it.
So, first one, read otherpeople's thoughts.
Read, read, read.
Not just skimming articles orscrolling social media, I'm
talking like diving intoautobiographies, journals,
letters.
Why?
Because reading lets you stepinto another person's mind.
(02:34):
You don't just learn what theydid, you see how they thought,
how they framed ideas, and howthey explained themselves.
Your journals, and this isexactly why, because of what I
just mentioned, yourphotographs, and your book
collection.
I'm not going to dive into thatquote anymore, but Jim Rohn, if
(02:56):
you have not listened to him,highly, highly, highly recommend
listening to him.
But one of my favorite books andbiographies was The Happiest Man
on Earth by Eddie Jacku.
And if you haven't read that, godo yourself a favor and spend
some time reading it.
It is can't put into words howtransformational that book was.
But Eddie was a Holocaustsurvivor who lived through
(03:19):
unthinkable horrors.
But when he's what stood out tome was the way that he spoke
about forgiveness, kindness, andperspective.
His words weren't polishedspeeches, they were raw truths.
And a rawness taught me moreabout authentic communication
than any manual ever could.
So, the happiest man on earth.
(03:40):
Go give it a listen.
There's a great quote as well byGeorge R.
R.
Martin, and he once said, areader lives a thousand lives
before he dies.
Now, every time you read, yougain another lens to see life
through another perspective.
And the more lenses that youhave, the better you can connect
with people, the better youunderstand their perspectives,
(04:04):
and the more self-aware youbecome.
Self-awareness is something thata lot of us are wanting to
improve upon.
How can I get better?
How can I see my blind spots?
Watching what other people wentthrough, their thoughts, their
ideas, their perspectives, theirchallenges is constantly putting
sending little light bulbs offin your own life.
And you can go, wow, I'mactually experiencing that.
(04:26):
I didn't realize that or Ididn't recognize that in the
moment.
So that can be a great thing todo there.
So I would highly recommendreading.
But a practical step, when youread, don't just absorb the
information.
Highlight the sentences, sorry,that land with you.
Then ask yourself, how would Iexplain this in my own word?
That's how you train thecommunication muscle.
(04:47):
You have to start taking otherpeople's ideas, other people's
perspectives, other people'ssentence structures, and start
using it for yourself.
That's how we learn.
We do not need to, I guess,recreate the wheel.
If it's already there, peopleare doing it well in a way that
you connect with, you can learnfrom them.
Now, step two, write yourthoughts.
(05:10):
So step one is absorbing andreading other people's thoughts.
Step two is writing your ownthoughts.
Writing is thinking slowed down.
I always walked away fromwriting, even when I was writing
uh the script for this, or as Iwas writing down the ideas and
(05:31):
looking for quotes and puttingmy own personal story into this,
I was thinking a lot more.
And initially, when I wastalking to Jed about this, I was
just like boom, boom, boom,boom, boom, boom, boom.
And it was obviously just comingfresh from my mind.
As I took time to write thingsdown, I started structuring it,
and I go, okay, I could tweakthat.
(05:51):
Maybe I need a metaphor here toexplain that a bit better
because I don't have a personalstory.
And that allowed me to get moreclear and concise.
And that is one of the bestthings about writing.
If you can't write somethingclearly, the chances are that
you won't be able to say itclearly either.
So think about that.
If you can't, and I want you toactually write this one down.
(06:13):
If you can't write somethingclearly, chances are you won't
be able to say it clearlyeither.
So for me, journaling has beengame-changing.
And I've actually just createdMan That Can journals, which
will be available on Amazonsoon.
I'm not making any profit out ofthem, I just want to get you
guys books.
I've ordered the first test copyjust to make sure that I'm happy
(06:34):
with it, but eventually you'llsee that start coming out.
But I think of writing likesharpening a knife.
For anyone who's done it, youput it through the blade, uh the
blade through the sharpener.
The first draft is always dulland clunky, but with each part
you shave away the excess untilit becomes sharp enough to cut
through the confusion.
(06:56):
Be okay with sucking.
Be okay with not being good atcommunication.
I remember a story years ago,2014, and I was at a pub, and I
only actually took time to thinkabout what was the event that
was happening because I alwaystold this story and I said, I
can't really remember thequestion, I can't really
(07:16):
remember the event.
But I was at the pub Alfred andConstance here in Brisbane,
2014.
Just started dating Amy, andthey were talking about the
death of Philip Hughes, who wasan Australian cricketer who
copped a ball and died,unfortunately, and it was a sad
thing.
And he asked what I thoughtabout it.
And my response was, that'seffing effed.
(07:38):
Thinking that that would thatshould tell him how I feel.
And for some reason or another,this bloke just said, mate, stop
swearing and tell me what youactually mean.
In the moment, that pissed meoff.
Because someone had pulled me upon not being able to communicate
my ideas properly.
And I didn't, you know, continuethat conversation with Old Bub
(08:00):
because I was angry.
But that has stuck with me eversince.
And I start thinking, okay,well, if I use it's effing
effed, what would I really mean?
And at the time I didn't know.
But if I were to have writtendown now to go, how could I
expand on that sentence?
How can I learn to communicatethat and cut through the
confusion?
What would I have actuallymeant?
(08:20):
And I probably would have saidsomething like, Oh, that's
horrific.
It's such a you know a tragicloss that such an incredible
sportsman had his life takendoing something that he loved.
It makes me sad.
That's probably what I wanted tosay, looking back on hindsight.
But for me, as I was saying,journaling has been
game-changing.
(08:41):
I've had moments where I thoughtI understood something,
something, but when I tried toput it into words, I just
couldn't.
And that used to frustrate me,and maybe it may frustrate you
as well.
But I want you to challengeyourself to push through it,
push through it, seekunderstanding, seek clarity,
just write, review, revise,continue.
(09:04):
You will gain clarity on it.
I promise you.
So I realized my thoughts werejust scattered, and that's
uncomfortable because it's alsowhere the growth happens.
It forces you to refine not justwhat you think but how you
think.
So a practical step for youguys: write one page about
something that you believe in.
(09:24):
Don't worry about soundingsmart, just get it down.
Then read it back and ask, wouldthis make sense to someone else?
This is a simple habit that'sgoing to expose the blind spots
and strengthen your clarity.
Much like I started the podcastThe Man That Can project, it
actually used to be called WellFit with Lockie Stewart because
I spoke more on fitness andmindset.
(09:45):
Over the years, it's grown andevolved as I've gone.
I want to share more skills,insights, and interviews to help
men who listen to this showbecome the best version of
themselves.
Now, finally, number three, whatI am doing exactly right now,
what you're listening to, andyou can listen to yourself.
Record yourself speaking.
(10:08):
Think about athletes.
They watch game tape to see ifthey see what they did right and
where they need to improve.
Singers record rehearsals sothey can hear what the audience
hears, and communicators shoulddo the same.
You should do the same.
Game tape is where the feedbackcomes.
It highlights the blind spots,it shows you, especially in
video, you might just do audioon your phone and you don't need
(10:31):
any special equipment.
Anyone who has a phone now, uh asmartphone, I think they're
called smartphones, you can useyour camera or you can use voice
notes if you don't feelcomfortable just doing that yet.
But listen to how you use yourvoice.
It's so powerful.
And you've got to ask yourself,how does the words that I how
(10:52):
sorry, how are the words I'musing, how do they make me feel?
Do they are they clear?
Are they concise?
Am I engaging?
Am I speaking too fast?
Am I speaking too slow?
All questions that you cananswer.
But I still remember the firsttime that I listened back to one
of my keynotes, and actually, Iwant to change the story here.
(11:12):
I just thought of another one.
When I was doing a sales course,probably around 2014, 2015, my
coach at the time was making merecord my cold calls.
I was doing cold calls to getused to rejection, but also
obviously to sell.
He said, start recordingyourself so you can see
yourself.
(11:32):
What's your tone of voice?
How's your posture?
What's your opening?
Are you hooking them?
All of these things.
And honestly, I cringed watchingit back.
I noticed the filler words thatI never realized that I used
arm, but, uh, right, so.
All of those words that Icontinue to use, and my tone
(11:54):
didn't land where I thought itdid.
Right?
We sound different to otherpeople than we do to ourselves
because our voice, right now, asI'm speaking, it's hitting all
my bones and sounds a little bitdifferent to me.
Hopefully, to you guys, itsounds much better than it does
how it sounds to me.
But instead of beating myselfup, I realized this was gold.
These were the small tweaksbetween sounding average and
(12:17):
sounding world class.
And you can do this too.
You can review all of thesethings to get your ideas across
perfectly.
So it's like lifting weights infront of a mirror.
You catch the form errors you'dnever see otherwise.
Or if you have a coach, theyalso do that for you as well.
A practical step record atwo-minute voice note or video
(12:40):
on your phone about your day.
What did you do today?
What was the highlight?
What was the low light?
What did you learn?
Then play it back and look forthree things.
Firstly, was I clear?
Secondly, how was my tone?
Thirdly, did I use any fillerwords?
So, filler words are essentiallywords that you're using that
(13:01):
don't need to be there.
So if you think about beingclear and concise, do that.
Repeat this once a week, or youif you want to fast track that,
you might repeat this every day.
And over time you'll hearyourself getting sharper,
clearer, and more confident.
So let's bring it all together.
Firstly, read others' thoughtsto expand your perspective.
Secondly, write your ownthoughts to clarify your
(13:24):
perspective.
Thirdly, record your voice torefine how you share your
perspective.
The better you can communicatewith yourself, the better you'll
communicate with others.
And when you do, you don't justget heard, you get understood.
So this week, pick one of thesethree habits and commit to it.
Maybe it's starting a journal,maybe it's picking up a book, or
(13:45):
maybe it's recording a quickvoice note.
If you stick with it, I promiseyour communication will improve
and so will your confidence.
And if you keep, yeah, so if youwant to go deeper, take the free
Man That Can scorecard at theManThatCan Project.com.
It'll show you exactly whereyou're thriving and where you're
holding yourself back across theseven domains of life.
(14:07):
Thanks for tuning in.