September 29, 2025 • 11 mins
Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to teach you. After 11 years with Amy, I’ve learned 4 powerful lessons that turned our relationship from “housemates” into a partnership that grows stronger every day.
If you’ve ever caught yourself coasting in your relationship, waiting for the next holiday or milestone to feel happy, this episode is your wake-up call.
You’ll learn:
– Why you must never stop dating your wife
– How growth as a man fuels a stronger marriage
– Why teamwork, not competition, is the secret weapon
– The daily practice that keeps you grounded and present
The Man That Can Project podcast is here to help ambitious men build resilience, clarity and leadership.
If you’re ready to level up your marriage and every other area of your life, take the Man That Can Scorecard below and explore coaching with me.
Links:
Coaching: https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/1-1coaching
Scorecard: https://lachlan-an90z9h9.scoreapp.com/
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Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Not because it's easy , but because it has revealed
where I can get better.
Welcome back to the man thatCan Project podcast.
I'm your host, lachie Stewart,and today, well, it's my wife's
birthday.
It's a significant milestone.
We've been together for over 11years, married for coming up to
four.
Wow, the time flies, and todayI wanted to share with you four,
(00:24):
I guess, key things that Ibelieve are important to having
a successful, loving marriage,not one where you are just
housemates, one where youactually continue to grow
together, you fall more in loveevery day and you just can't
wait to see where the futuregoes.
This, for me, is personal,right, it's exciting and it's a
day to celebrate my wife.
(00:45):
And, if you're listening, youmay have that significant other.
You may have someone thatyou've been with just recently,
right, someone, a newrelationship you've entered, or
a relationship that you've beenin for longer than Amy and I
have, and these will truly work.
So, thank you guys.
If you know you're going tolike this one, make sure you
click the subscribe button below.
(01:06):
Well, let's get into it.
So four lessons that marriagehas taught me.
First one don't stop datingever, creating the new
experiences together adventure,fun, and the feedback keeps the
relationships alive.
Think about back when therelationship just started or, if
you're in that phase now, thinkabout what you need to continue
(01:29):
doing, even when you getcomplacent, because when, year
after year, you're doing thesame thing, you tend to
gravitate to the things that youlike.
Right, we're trying newexperiences, we're saying new
things in the relationship andyou're like, oh, can't do that,
or, yes, we can do more of that.
And that's what the body does.
It likes finding routines andit likes finding comfort and
(01:49):
safety.
So therefore, as a byproduct,you're going to build a
comfortable and a saferelationship, and it may lead to
you taking things for granted.
It may lead to you becomingstale.
How often do you catch yourselftalking about back, when you
(02:13):
know, when you were in youryounger years, when the
honeymoon phase was around?
The thing is is that whenthings are new and exciting,
they've got their shine.
We treat them differently.
So the key question to ask hereis how do you keep the shine in
your marriage?
For me, it is literally aboutcontinuing to date.
Who I am now versus who I was adecade ago, who my wife is now
(02:38):
versus who she was a decade agohas changed.
I still remember when we firstmet.
We went on our first holiday inThailand and many of you have
probably heard the bad story ofthat, but there were so many fun
moments in that right.
It was our first holidaytogether overseas, especially.
We were still figuring out whowe were, what our personalities
were like, what were theboundaries and all that sort of
(02:58):
stuff, and it was just so fun.
We were carefree.
We were 23,.
23 and carefree how good's that.
But that was really it.
But every day I remember I wouldwake up and I'm thinking how
can I not stuff this up?
How can I make her fall more inlove with me?
I think, as I've gotten older,there was definitely a period
where I stopped asking myselfthat question.
(03:19):
I just thought to myself we'vebeen together long enough, we're
now married.
She's sticking around, but thatis the wrong thing to think.
You need to think how can Ifind more out about myself?
How can I bring more fun andexcitement and energy to this
marriage so that she continuesto get the best version of me?
(03:40):
Good question to ask yourself.
So think about it this way Keepcreating new experiences.
What have you done over the last?
What are we now?
Keep creating new experiences.
What have you done over thelast?
What are we now we're inSeptember Last nine months that
have brought fun and excitementinto the relationship, or have
you just been going through thehamster wheel?
Only you can answer that.
(04:00):
And if you don't get the answeror the response that you would
like, only you can change it.
Okay, only you can change it.
I can look back on my year.
Amy and I have traveled aroundeurope.
We've traveled around theunited states, we're looking at
another, another holiday.
But even outside of those bigthings, we're always doing
(04:23):
little micro activities likedate nights, going to new
restaurants, just trying newthings, and for us it keeps
things fun, it keeps thingsexciting.
So don't stop dating.
Number one.
Point two keep learning.
You may be thinking to yourselfwhy do I need to keep learning?
For me, it's always looking tobe a better husband, a better
(04:48):
friend and a better person,because growth does not stop.
So whenever I'm around thehouse or we're going into the
new season of life where we'reabout to have our first child,
I'm thinking how can I be betterin this situation?
Not just, I guess, buying moreand providing more, but what
skills do I need to learn?
I think back to a decade ago or2014,.
(05:09):
My initial thoughts were I wantto be a good husband and I want
to be a good father one day,even though I was not thinking
about having kids.
That was just like my benchmark, because it made me think about
things.
Okay, well, I want to bepresent.
What do I need to do in orderto be present?
I needed to build my ownbusiness.
I needed to earn X amount ofmoney.
Then I thought, from anemotional standpoint, I want to
build my own business.
I needed to earn X amount ofmoney.
(05:30):
Then I thought, from anemotional standpoint, I want to
make her feel loved and secured.
I want to be able to have fun.
I want to be able tocommunicate well.
So I started learning all ofthose skills because I needed to
get better.
Who I was then is very differentto who I am now, and it's going
to be very different.
I guess the version of me, whoI am now, is going to be very
(05:51):
different over the next 10 years, because I need to continue
growing, and the cool thingabout growth, guys, is, as you
find out more about yourself, asyou continue to evolve every
day, your wife or partner isgoing to get the best version of
themselves of you, sorry andit's going to get a new version
of you because you're constantlygetting 1% better.
(06:11):
So think about that.
Growth doesn't stop.
You should never, ever, ever,stop growing.
A little side note one thingthat I recommended to a client
this morning was looking at andJesse Itzler gave me this idea
but the Masogi what's the onething he wants to achieve for
next year and how can he get hismates involved?
(06:32):
For me, I'm doing the exactsame thing.
I actually just sent off aninquiry to do something in Japan
with my mates.
It's going to be a four orfive-day adventure, but I want
it to be something that makesthem train for it.
It's going to be something onmy bucket list.
(06:53):
No-transcript.
You're not competition, right?
You're a team.
The thing is is like you'reco-founders of this shared life.
Every win is multiplied whenit's built as a team.
I see couples who are justfighting against each other.
It's like this is my money,that's your money.
(07:13):
That's your goal, that's mygoal.
Yes, it's important to haveindependence and a sense of
independence.
I think that's highly important, but you've got to be doing
things together.
Your success is your partner'ssuccess and vice versa.
That's the way Amy and I lookat it.
We truly celebrate and supporteach other.
There are times when I need tolead and then there's times
(07:34):
where I need to step back andsupport, and we know when to do
that, based on who'sprioritizing what goal.
And I think it's so importantto be able to do that, because,
had I not known when to lead andnot known when to support?
I guess I didn't figure thisout until over time.
It definitely took time tofigure this one out, but there
are times when Amy wants me tolead, amy wants me to take
(07:57):
control, but there's also timeswhen she's on tour or she's
releasing a new album where shewants to support, and I could
imagine now that we're having akid, it's going to be different
and we're going to have tonavigate that, but it's being
aware.
If we aren't aware of theproblems and if you aren't aware
that you aren't workingtogether, it's going to be very
(08:17):
hard to shift that.
So just step back.
Think about how's the quality ofyour marriage right now.
Do you feel like you guys areworking together or are you
working against each other?
You know the answer to that.
And then, if you feel likeyou're working together, awesome
.
That's what teamwork is andthat is what I believe will lead
you to a continued successful,healthy marriage.
(08:39):
If you're working apart, youneed to start having some
conversations to get on the samepage.
And that goes back to step two,like continued learning or keep
learning If you don't feelcomfortable doing that.
This is where we got to start.
This is the bottleneck, this isthe roadblock that is stopping
you achieving that.
Maybe you should check out myman that Can scorecard, which
(09:02):
you can get in the comments, butit'll help you see where you're
thriving and where you'redrifting in the seven key
domains of life.
Now four, be here now.
Happiness, and I want to readthis one out.
But happiness isn't waiting atthe next milestone.
It's in the moments we chooseto fully enjoy today.
It's very easy to say I'll behappy when I pay off the house,
(09:26):
I'll be happy when I get thenext promotion, I'll be happy
when I get healthy.
They will all amplify what youalready are.
So if you are not happy in thismoment, you're probably not
going to be happy.
Then Ask yourself what do I needto do or what do I need to
focus on today in order to behappy in order to enjoy the
(09:49):
thing, because it's veryimportant to realize that you're
not always going to be happy,because when you're looking to
grow, it means you have signed acontract with adversity.
There's going to be challengesand sometimes that isn't fun,
and for me, I'm not happy in themoment of a challenge or in the
moment of adversity or in themoment of discomfort.
I'm very happy after, when Ilook back and go, wow, I cannot
(10:12):
believe I achieved that.
So that is an important oneLearn what you need to focus on
in the day, even if it's justlooking back and you know
practicing gratitudes.
And I've got a new journalcoming out soon that you'll be
able to buy.
I'll share it with you whenit's live, but that's going to
be an important one to look at.
So marriage has been one of mygreatest teachers and I hope for
(10:33):
you it is as well.
It's not just about when youfeel like you're growing apart
and there's tension.
You want to look at that and goask yourself what do I need to
learn from this?
Where can I grow?
My name is Lachlan Stewart.
Thank you, guys for tuning in.
If you liked this episode,share it on your socials.
Make sure you tag me and if youhaven't left a rating or review
(10:55):
on Spotify or wherever you'relistening to this, make sure you
do that.
We'll see you next week.
Not because it's easy , but because it has revealed
where I can get better.
Welcome back to the man thatCan Project podcast.
I'm your host, lachie Stewart,and today, well, it's my wife's
birthday.
It's a significant milestone.
We've been together for over 11years, married for coming up to
four.
Wow, the time flies, and todayI wanted to share with you four,
(00:24):
I guess, key things that Ibelieve are important to having
a successful, loving marriage,not one where you are just
housemates, one where youactually continue to grow
together, you fall more in loveevery day and you just can't
wait to see where the futuregoes.
This, for me, is personal,right, it's exciting and it's a
day to celebrate my wife.
(00:45):
And, if you're listening, youmay have that significant other.
You may have someone thatyou've been with just recently,
right, someone, a newrelationship you've entered, or
a relationship that you've beenin for longer than Amy and I
have, and these will truly work.
So, thank you guys.
If you know you're going tolike this one, make sure you
click the subscribe button below.
(01:06):
Well, let's get into it.
So four lessons that marriagehas taught me.
First one don't stop datingever, creating the new
experiences together adventure,fun, and the feedback keeps the
relationships alive.
Think about back when therelationship just started or, if
you're in that phase now, thinkabout what you need to continue
(01:29):
doing, even when you getcomplacent, because when, year
after year, you're doing thesame thing, you tend to
gravitate to the things that youlike.
Right, we're trying newexperiences, we're saying new
things in the relationship andyou're like, oh, can't do that,
or, yes, we can do more of that.
And that's what the body does.
It likes finding routines andit likes finding comfort and
(01:49):
safety.
So therefore, as a byproduct,you're going to build a
comfortable and a saferelationship, and it may lead to
you taking things for granted.
It may lead to you becomingstale.
How often do you catch yourselftalking about back, when you
(02:13):
know, when you were in youryounger years, when the
honeymoon phase was around?
The thing is is that whenthings are new and exciting,
they've got their shine.
We treat them differently.
So the key question to ask hereis how do you keep the shine in
your marriage?
For me, it is literally aboutcontinuing to date.
Who I am now versus who I was adecade ago, who my wife is now
(02:38):
versus who she was a decade agohas changed.
I still remember when we firstmet.
We went on our first holiday inThailand and many of you have
probably heard the bad story ofthat, but there were so many fun
moments in that right.
It was our first holidaytogether overseas, especially.
We were still figuring out whowe were, what our personalities
were like, what were theboundaries and all that sort of
(02:58):
stuff, and it was just so fun.
We were carefree.
We were 23,.
23 and carefree how good's that.
But that was really it.
But every day I remember I wouldwake up and I'm thinking how
can I not stuff this up?
How can I make her fall more inlove with me?
I think, as I've gotten older,there was definitely a period
where I stopped asking myselfthat question.
(03:19):
I just thought to myself we'vebeen together long enough, we're
now married.
She's sticking around, but thatis the wrong thing to think.
You need to think how can Ifind more out about myself?
How can I bring more fun andexcitement and energy to this
marriage so that she continuesto get the best version of me?
(03:40):
Good question to ask yourself.
So think about it this way Keepcreating new experiences.
What have you done over the last?
What are we now?
Keep creating new experiences.
What have you done over thelast?
What are we now we're inSeptember Last nine months that
have brought fun and excitementinto the relationship, or have
you just been going through thehamster wheel?
Only you can answer that.
(04:00):
And if you don't get the answeror the response that you would
like, only you can change it.
Okay, only you can change it.
I can look back on my year.
Amy and I have traveled aroundeurope.
We've traveled around theunited states, we're looking at
another, another holiday.
But even outside of those bigthings, we're always doing
(04:23):
little micro activities likedate nights, going to new
restaurants, just trying newthings, and for us it keeps
things fun, it keeps thingsexciting.
So don't stop dating.
Number one.
Point two keep learning.
You may be thinking to yourselfwhy do I need to keep learning?
For me, it's always looking tobe a better husband, a better
(04:48):
friend and a better person,because growth does not stop.
So whenever I'm around thehouse or we're going into the
new season of life where we'reabout to have our first child,
I'm thinking how can I be betterin this situation?
Not just, I guess, buying moreand providing more, but what
skills do I need to learn?
I think back to a decade ago or2014,.
(05:09):
My initial thoughts were I wantto be a good husband and I want
to be a good father one day,even though I was not thinking
about having kids.
That was just like my benchmark, because it made me think about
things.
Okay, well, I want to bepresent.
What do I need to do in orderto be present?
I needed to build my ownbusiness.
I needed to earn X amount ofmoney.
Then I thought, from anemotional standpoint, I want to
build my own business.
I needed to earn X amount ofmoney.
(05:30):
Then I thought, from anemotional standpoint, I want to
make her feel loved and secured.
I want to be able to have fun.
I want to be able tocommunicate well.
So I started learning all ofthose skills because I needed to
get better.
Who I was then is very differentto who I am now, and it's going
to be very different.
I guess the version of me, whoI am now, is going to be very
(05:51):
different over the next 10 years, because I need to continue
growing, and the cool thingabout growth, guys, is, as you
find out more about yourself, asyou continue to evolve every
day, your wife or partner isgoing to get the best version of
themselves of you, sorry andit's going to get a new version
of you because you're constantlygetting 1% better.
(06:11):
So think about that.
Growth doesn't stop.
You should never, ever, ever,stop growing.
A little side note one thingthat I recommended to a client
this morning was looking at andJesse Itzler gave me this idea
but the Masogi what's the onething he wants to achieve for
next year and how can he get hismates involved?
(06:32):
For me, I'm doing the exactsame thing.
I actually just sent off aninquiry to do something in Japan
with my mates.
It's going to be a four orfive-day adventure, but I want
it to be something that makesthem train for it.
It's going to be something onmy bucket list.
(06:53):
No-transcript.
You're not competition, right?
You're a team.
The thing is is like you'reco-founders of this shared life.
Every win is multiplied whenit's built as a team.
I see couples who are justfighting against each other.
It's like this is my money,that's your money.
(07:13):
That's your goal, that's mygoal.
Yes, it's important to haveindependence and a sense of
independence.
I think that's highly important, but you've got to be doing
things together.
Your success is your partner'ssuccess and vice versa.
That's the way Amy and I lookat it.
We truly celebrate and supporteach other.
There are times when I need tolead and then there's times
(07:34):
where I need to step back andsupport, and we know when to do
that, based on who'sprioritizing what goal.
And I think it's so importantto be able to do that, because,
had I not known when to lead andnot known when to support?
I guess I didn't figure thisout until over time.
It definitely took time tofigure this one out, but there
are times when Amy wants me tolead, amy wants me to take
(07:57):
control, but there's also timeswhen she's on tour or she's
releasing a new album where shewants to support, and I could
imagine now that we're having akid, it's going to be different
and we're going to have tonavigate that, but it's being
aware.
If we aren't aware of theproblems and if you aren't aware
that you aren't workingtogether, it's going to be very
(08:17):
hard to shift that.
So just step back.
Think about how's the quality ofyour marriage right now.
Do you feel like you guys areworking together or are you
working against each other?
You know the answer to that.
And then, if you feel likeyou're working together, awesome
.
That's what teamwork is andthat is what I believe will lead
you to a continued successful,healthy marriage.
(08:39):
If you're working apart, youneed to start having some
conversations to get on the samepage.
And that goes back to step two,like continued learning or keep
learning If you don't feelcomfortable doing that.
This is where we got to start.
This is the bottleneck, this isthe roadblock that is stopping
you achieving that.
Maybe you should check out myman that Can scorecard, which
(09:02):
you can get in the comments, butit'll help you see where you're
thriving and where you'redrifting in the seven key
domains of life.
Now four, be here now.
Happiness, and I want to readthis one out.
But happiness isn't waiting atthe next milestone.
It's in the moments we chooseto fully enjoy today.
It's very easy to say I'll behappy when I pay off the house,
(09:26):
I'll be happy when I get thenext promotion, I'll be happy
when I get healthy.
They will all amplify what youalready are.
So if you are not happy in thismoment, you're probably not
going to be happy.
Then Ask yourself what do I needto do or what do I need to
focus on today in order to behappy in order to enjoy the
(09:49):
thing, because it's veryimportant to realize that you're
not always going to be happy,because when you're looking to
grow, it means you have signed acontract with adversity.
There's going to be challengesand sometimes that isn't fun,
and for me, I'm not happy in themoment of a challenge or in the
moment of adversity or in themoment of discomfort.
I'm very happy after, when Ilook back and go, wow, I cannot
(10:12):
believe I achieved that.
So that is an important oneLearn what you need to focus on
in the day, even if it's justlooking back and you know
practicing gratitudes.
And I've got a new journalcoming out soon that you'll be
able to buy.
I'll share it with you whenit's live, but that's going to
be an important one to look at.
So marriage has been one of mygreatest teachers and I hope for
(10:33):
you it is as well.
It's not just about when youfeel like you're growing apart
and there's tension.
You want to look at that and goask yourself what do I need to
learn from this?
Where can I grow?
My name is Lachlan Stewart.
Thank you, guys for tuning in.
If you liked this episode,share it on your socials.
Make sure you tag me and if youhaven't left a rating or review
(10:55):
on Spotify or wherever you'relistening to this, make sure you
do that.
We'll see you next week.
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