June 9, 2025 • 11 mins
Even the most successful men can feel like strangers in their own home.
They’ve provided everything — except their presence.
👉 Get the FREE 15-Day Starter Kit to take back control:
High-performing men are silently drifting in their relationships.
You’re doing it all “for them”… but they feel disconnected from you.
This video explores why providing isn’t enough and how to reconnect as a leader, not just a partner.
You’ll learn why emotional absence is just as destructive as physical absence and what to do if you’re already starting to rust.
Because true leadership doesn’t stop at the office door. It starts at home.
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Would you want to be married to you.
Most men don't destroy theirmarriage by cheating.
They destroy it by drifting.
Not one big betrayal, athousand small ones, choosing
work over presence, and it'ssomething that I was super
guilty of in the beginningSilence over honesty,
performance over connection and,the worst part, you don't even
(00:22):
notice that it is happening.
You're doing it for them, right?
That's belief, where you're theprovider.
You have to make thesesacrifices.
You have to do this in order toget the promotion.
You have to do this so youdon't lose your job.
I get it, I have been there,but it's not until you look up
one day and you realize thatyou're not in a relationship
(00:43):
anymore.
You're living with a roommate,someone who you once loved, and
actually you know what you dostill love, but the connection
is gone.
The passion is gone.
This video is for the man who'sdone everything right but still
feels like something is wrong.
If we haven't met yet, I'mLachlan Stewart.
I ran 58 marathons in 58 daysacross all 50 US states and all
(01:06):
eight states and territories ofAustralia, which was one of the
hardest things I've ever done.
But the hardest marathon I'veever run was learning how to
lead from home.
Through my coaching, thepodcasts that you're watching
and events, I helphigh-performing men stop
performing for others and startbecoming the man they actually
want to be.
So I've coached hundreds of menwho looked like they've done it
(01:27):
.
They've had the boomingbusiness, they've had the goals
crushed.
Their life looks polished andperfect, but when the door
closes they're emotionallyzapped, gone.
Their partner's done, waiting,their kids barely notice when
they come home and deep downthey know I built this life but
(01:47):
I don't feel part of it.
It's not burnout, it'sself-betrayal.
One moment that really hit merecently that made me want to do
this one was I was on acoaching call with a client and
he'd built an empire, bought thehouse, created the life, but he
looked me in the eye and we'redoing this over Zoom right.
So when you're just looking atthe screen of this bloke who is
(02:08):
flat, he's frustrated and he'slooking at me with his eyes
hollow and he said I feel like astranger in my own home.
That hit me because I havenever felt like that.
But it is something that I'veheard multiple times from
multiple men and I know thebackstory of these people that
(02:30):
I'm working with and thebackstory of the life that
you're living.
Many of us not all of us,unfortunately, but many of us
have good intention behind thethings that we're doing.
Especially when you're in amarriage or you're in a
long-term relationship, part ofyou, as a man, feels like and
adopts this belief that you needto provide, and, unfortunately,
(02:51):
providing is not justfinancially, it's not even,
unfortunately, so that's not theright words.
There.
It has become more than needingto provide financially.
Not only do you need to bethere and be able to support a
family, and that's the role thatI choose to do.
Everyone's relationship andyour relationship may be
different, but have you hadthose conversations?
(03:12):
But I also want to be thereemotionally.
I want to be there physically.
I want to have time around mywife and my family, and that is
something that we need to build.
And every time we face achallenge in our life, blo said
to me the other day.
He said I'm finding it hard.
How do you have the time, howdo you have the money, how do
you have the energy to be therefor your family while still
(03:34):
building a business?
And I said initially it's hard.
And look, I'm not sitting heresaying, oh, my life's perfect,
I've got things that I'm workingon for sure, but every time I
identify a roadblock or anopportunity for me to use
something as an excuse, I knowthat excuse is something that I
have to break through.
I have to make sure that it isnot a problem anymore.
So if you're finding I want touse this other example and we'll
(03:58):
come back If you're findingyourself in a position where
you're struggling to earn moneyand have time and energy to be
the dad that you want to be orthe husband that you want to be,
you need to figure out whichone is the biggest roadblock.
First, are you trapped by money?
Because if it is, then you needto start thinking about how can
you get more leverage?
How can you either one, earnthe same amount of money you're
(04:20):
earning and get time and energyback?
Or, two, how can you increaseyour earnings so that you once
again can get time and energyback?
And it may mean job changes.
It may mean you need to go outand start work for yourself.
It may mean that you have tostart a bloody side hustle.
That's how I began back in theday.
Mean that you have to start abloody side hustle.
(04:40):
That's how I began back in theday Because you want to be in
control of your finances.
My story the first thing that Ineeded to fix or I felt I
needed to fix was my financialsituation.
I didn't have breathing roombecause of the financial
pressure.
So if you find yourself in thatposition, sort that out, but
also understand that when youare working so hard on removing
financial pressure, you willmore than likely be creating
other problems in your life thatyou'll have to address at some
(05:02):
point.
For me, I sacrificed myrelationship for a long while
until my wife kept saying hey,lockie, is this relationship
actually important to you?
Because it doesn't feel like itis.
And when you start hearing thatit is, that's why I'm doing the
work.
However, relationships andconnections are more than just a
paycheck, and that's somethingthat's super important to
(05:24):
consider and super important tothink about.
So I want to go back to thatconversation I had with a client
.
He said he was feeling likethere's two people under one
roof no warmth, no connection,just quiet resentment.
And you don't want to getyourself to that point.
And the reason why it hit sohard was because I had seen
glimpses of it in myself stayinglate just to finish something,
(05:46):
coming home flat reactivewithdrawal, not giving my best
self because I'd given my bestself to other people.
I just started checking myselfon that and it is so hard well,
at least for me, I found it hardto admit that I wasn't being
the best version of myself.
I found it so hard that I wasusing these excuses that I
(06:07):
thought were warranted, when infact they were just complete BS
around why I wasn't stepping inand trying to grow.
So it's important tocontinually check in on the
relationship.
And what do I want?
And a great question that Iopened this up with was would I
want to be married to me rightnow?
You've got to answer a yes orno to that, and you need to be
(06:27):
honest.
Most men think that beingprovider is the goal, but what
if I told you that providingwithout presence is just a
polished form of abandonment,right?
Thinking that you can buy giftsand fancy things to bring back
the connection is complete crap.
It's why divorce rates are sohigh.
So many people are in resentfulrelationships.
(06:47):
You just got to look around youto realize that that's not the
case.
Let me break this down to, Iguess, with a simple reframe the
provider trap versus thepartnership.
One providing equals money,which is more important.
Partnering equals emotionalsafety.
Which one do you want?
Number two partnering equalsbuilding with them.
(07:10):
Number three providing equalssacrificing.
Partnering equals sharedpurpose.
One thing that Amy and I doreally well and I'm so grateful
for our marriage for this is wepartner.
We have a shared purpose, onewhere we're building a life
together, but we also haveseparate goals that we want to
support each other to achieve aswell.
(07:31):
The other thing is we'rebuilding with them, side by side
.
We're talking about ourfinancial situations, what we're
investing in, what holidays wewant to have, and just doing
small, consistent daily depositsdaily, like having dinner
together.
I bring her a coffee in themorning.
She does nice things for me,but we're building together and
we have the emotional safety.
I do feel like I can talk toher about everything.
(07:53):
It hasn't always been that way,but I started by just developing
my communication skills andbeing honest with myself.
What am I struggling with?
I was carrying so muchfinancial pressure years ago and
I never wanted to put that onher because I didn't want to
burden her, but what I realizedwas that it was changing who I
(08:14):
was.
That stress was just making mecome home resentful and I felt
like I was alone in it.
So the moment that I opened upand shared that, she was able to
, one, understand what I wasexperiencing, but, two, we could
work together to shift ourlifestyle to get back in a
better financial position, andthat changed a lot of things.
So I want you to think aboutthat.
A marriage isn't something youbuild for someone, right?
(08:35):
You don't build a good marriagefor your wife.
You build a good marriagetogether by getting clear on
what it is that you want,setting boundaries,
understanding that you are bothgoing to grow and evolve.
And if you're continuing togrow and if your partner or wife
is continuing to grow, you needto check in and you need to
continue getting to know them,because when you're growing,
your priorities shift, yourinterests shift.
(08:56):
So make sure you stay on top ofthat so that you don't find
yourself where you're feelingunfulfilled or you don't feel
yourself where you're feelingsorry.
You don't find yourself whereyou feel resentful.
Extremely important to thinkabout that.
So we talk about pressure, weplan our future as teammates, we
invest in each other's growth,not just our own, because
(09:17):
success without connection it'sjust a fancy form of loneliness,
and most men don't crash.
They rust right.
It's a slow process to gettingthere.
So if this is hitting a littleclose to home, that is a good
thing.
You don't need to start over,you need to start there.
So if this is hitting a littleclose to home, that is a good
thing.
You don't need to start over.
You need to start honest.
That's why I created the 15-Dayman that Can Starter Kit.
(09:39):
It's helped myself and so manymen.
When I went to build it, I waslike what's a free resource that
I can give to you guys that'sgoing to help you daily?
Now look, you'll get an emaildaily how it works, and my
recommendation is you read itand you follow the prompt.
The prompt is to get youthinking so that you can get an
understanding and awarenessaround how you can improve these
(10:01):
areas of your life.
If you just read the email andyou don't do it, I would say
you're not going to be anybetter off.
So make sure that you slow downenough to do it if you really
want to make some change.
All I'm going to ask for inexchange is an email address and
hopefully, if you get valuefrom the 15-day course, you'll
get value from my emails thatare going to help give you
perspectives, insights like thisthat can help you improve your
(10:24):
quality of life and you canbecome a better version of
yourself.
So all you need to do in thecomments or on my social media
is just comment the word 15.
Here's the truth.
Your partner doesn't care howmany other plants you're growing
.
So whether you're growing yourfinances, whether you're growing
your lifestyle, whether you'regrowing your health or your
hobbies, if they're the oneswiltering in the corner, they
(10:46):
don't give a shit.
If you don't want to water it,it dies.
So ask yourself would I want tobe in a relationship with me?
And if the answer is not a fullbody yes, then this is your
wake-up call.
Not time to give up yourambition, but to stop making
them chase it from behind.
Your life doesn't change bywatching another video.
It changes when you stopperforming and you start
(11:06):
becoming, so hit the subscribebutton.
If this has helped, and if youwant tools to start leading
yourself again, make sure youcheck out the 15-Day Starter Kit
.
My name is Lachlan Stewart.
No-transcript.
Would you want to be married to you.
Most men don't destroy theirmarriage by cheating.
They destroy it by drifting.
Not one big betrayal, athousand small ones, choosing
work over presence, and it'ssomething that I was super
guilty of in the beginningSilence over honesty,
performance over connection and,the worst part, you don't even
(00:22):
notice that it is happening.
You're doing it for them, right?
That's belief, where you're theprovider.
You have to make thesesacrifices.
You have to do this in order toget the promotion.
You have to do this so youdon't lose your job.
I get it, I have been there,but it's not until you look up
one day and you realize thatyou're not in a relationship
(00:43):
anymore.
You're living with a roommate,someone who you once loved, and
actually you know what you dostill love, but the connection
is gone.
The passion is gone.
This video is for the man who'sdone everything right but still
feels like something is wrong.
If we haven't met yet, I'mLachlan Stewart.
I ran 58 marathons in 58 daysacross all 50 US states and all
(01:06):
eight states and territories ofAustralia, which was one of the
hardest things I've ever done.
But the hardest marathon I'veever run was learning how to
lead from home.
Through my coaching, thepodcasts that you're watching
and events, I helphigh-performing men stop
performing for others and startbecoming the man they actually
want to be.
So I've coached hundreds of menwho looked like they've done it
(01:27):
.
They've had the boomingbusiness, they've had the goals
crushed.
Their life looks polished andperfect, but when the door
closes they're emotionallyzapped, gone.
Their partner's done, waiting,their kids barely notice when
they come home and deep downthey know I built this life but
(01:47):
I don't feel part of it.
It's not burnout, it'sself-betrayal.
One moment that really hit merecently that made me want to do
this one was I was on acoaching call with a client and
he'd built an empire, bought thehouse, created the life, but he
looked me in the eye and we'redoing this over Zoom right.
So when you're just looking atthe screen of this bloke who is
(02:08):
flat, he's frustrated and he'slooking at me with his eyes
hollow and he said I feel like astranger in my own home.
That hit me because I havenever felt like that.
But it is something that I'veheard multiple times from
multiple men and I know thebackstory of these people that
(02:30):
I'm working with and thebackstory of the life that
you're living.
Many of us not all of us,unfortunately, but many of us
have good intention behind thethings that we're doing.
Especially when you're in amarriage or you're in a
long-term relationship, part ofyou, as a man, feels like and
adopts this belief that you needto provide, and, unfortunately,
(02:51):
providing is not justfinancially, it's not even,
unfortunately, so that's not theright words.
There.
It has become more than needingto provide financially.
Not only do you need to bethere and be able to support a
family, and that's the role thatI choose to do.
Everyone's relationship andyour relationship may be
different, but have you hadthose conversations?
(03:12):
But I also want to be thereemotionally.
I want to be there physically.
I want to have time around mywife and my family, and that is
something that we need to build.
And every time we face achallenge in our life, blo said
to me the other day.
He said I'm finding it hard.
How do you have the time, howdo you have the money, how do
you have the energy to be therefor your family while still
(03:34):
building a business?
And I said initially it's hard.
And look, I'm not sitting heresaying, oh, my life's perfect,
I've got things that I'm workingon for sure, but every time I
identify a roadblock or anopportunity for me to use
something as an excuse, I knowthat excuse is something that I
have to break through.
I have to make sure that it isnot a problem anymore.
So if you're finding I want touse this other example and we'll
(03:58):
come back If you're findingyourself in a position where
you're struggling to earn moneyand have time and energy to be
the dad that you want to be orthe husband that you want to be,
you need to figure out whichone is the biggest roadblock.
First, are you trapped by money?
Because if it is, then you needto start thinking about how can
you get more leverage?
How can you either one, earnthe same amount of money you're
(04:20):
earning and get time and energyback?
Or, two, how can you increaseyour earnings so that you once
again can get time and energyback?
And it may mean job changes.
It may mean you need to go outand start work for yourself.
It may mean that you have tostart a bloody side hustle.
That's how I began back in theday.
Mean that you have to start abloody side hustle.
(04:40):
That's how I began back in theday Because you want to be in
control of your finances.
My story the first thing that Ineeded to fix or I felt I
needed to fix was my financialsituation.
I didn't have breathing roombecause of the financial
pressure.
So if you find yourself in thatposition, sort that out, but
also understand that when youare working so hard on removing
financial pressure, you willmore than likely be creating
other problems in your life thatyou'll have to address at some
(05:02):
point.
For me, I sacrificed myrelationship for a long while
until my wife kept saying hey,lockie, is this relationship
actually important to you?
Because it doesn't feel like itis.
And when you start hearing thatit is, that's why I'm doing the
work.
However, relationships andconnections are more than just a
paycheck, and that's somethingthat's super important to
(05:24):
consider and super important tothink about.
So I want to go back to thatconversation I had with a client
.
He said he was feeling likethere's two people under one
roof no warmth, no connection,just quiet resentment.
And you don't want to getyourself to that point.
And the reason why it hit sohard was because I had seen
glimpses of it in myself stayinglate just to finish something,
(05:46):
coming home flat reactivewithdrawal, not giving my best
self because I'd given my bestself to other people.
I just started checking myselfon that and it is so hard well,
at least for me, I found it hardto admit that I wasn't being
the best version of myself.
I found it so hard that I wasusing these excuses that I
(06:07):
thought were warranted, when infact they were just complete BS
around why I wasn't stepping inand trying to grow.
So it's important tocontinually check in on the
relationship.
And what do I want?
And a great question that Iopened this up with was would I
want to be married to me rightnow?
You've got to answer a yes orno to that, and you need to be
(06:27):
honest.
Most men think that beingprovider is the goal, but what
if I told you that providingwithout presence is just a
polished form of abandonment,right?
Thinking that you can buy giftsand fancy things to bring back
the connection is complete crap.
It's why divorce rates are sohigh.
So many people are in resentfulrelationships.
(06:47):
You just got to look around youto realize that that's not the
case.
Let me break this down to, Iguess, with a simple reframe the
provider trap versus thepartnership.
One providing equals money,which is more important.
Partnering equals emotionalsafety.
Which one do you want?
Number two partnering equalsbuilding with them.
(07:10):
Number three providing equalssacrificing.
Partnering equals sharedpurpose.
One thing that Amy and I doreally well and I'm so grateful
for our marriage for this is wepartner.
We have a shared purpose, onewhere we're building a life
together, but we also haveseparate goals that we want to
support each other to achieve aswell.
(07:31):
The other thing is we'rebuilding with them, side by side
.
We're talking about ourfinancial situations, what we're
investing in, what holidays wewant to have, and just doing
small, consistent daily depositsdaily, like having dinner
together.
I bring her a coffee in themorning.
She does nice things for me,but we're building together and
we have the emotional safety.
I do feel like I can talk toher about everything.
(07:53):
It hasn't always been that way,but I started by just developing
my communication skills andbeing honest with myself.
What am I struggling with?
I was carrying so muchfinancial pressure years ago and
I never wanted to put that onher because I didn't want to
burden her, but what I realizedwas that it was changing who I
(08:14):
was.
That stress was just making mecome home resentful and I felt
like I was alone in it.
So the moment that I opened upand shared that, she was able to
, one, understand what I wasexperiencing, but, two, we could
work together to shift ourlifestyle to get back in a
better financial position, andthat changed a lot of things.
So I want you to think aboutthat.
A marriage isn't something youbuild for someone, right?
(08:35):
You don't build a good marriagefor your wife.
You build a good marriagetogether by getting clear on
what it is that you want,setting boundaries,
understanding that you are bothgoing to grow and evolve.
And if you're continuing togrow and if your partner or wife
is continuing to grow, you needto check in and you need to
continue getting to know them,because when you're growing,
your priorities shift, yourinterests shift.
(08:56):
So make sure you stay on top ofthat so that you don't find
yourself where you're feelingunfulfilled or you don't feel
yourself where you're feelingsorry.
You don't find yourself whereyou feel resentful.
Extremely important to thinkabout that.
So we talk about pressure, weplan our future as teammates, we
invest in each other's growth,not just our own, because
(09:17):
success without connection it'sjust a fancy form of loneliness,
and most men don't crash.
They rust right.
It's a slow process to gettingthere.
So if this is hitting a littleclose to home, that is a good
thing.
You don't need to start over,you need to start there.
So if this is hitting a littleclose to home, that is a good
thing.
You don't need to start over.
You need to start honest.
That's why I created the 15-Dayman that Can Starter Kit.
(09:39):
It's helped myself and so manymen.
When I went to build it, I waslike what's a free resource that
I can give to you guys that'sgoing to help you daily?
Now look, you'll get an emaildaily how it works, and my
recommendation is you read itand you follow the prompt.
The prompt is to get youthinking so that you can get an
understanding and awarenessaround how you can improve these
(10:01):
areas of your life.
If you just read the email andyou don't do it, I would say
you're not going to be anybetter off.
So make sure that you slow downenough to do it if you really
want to make some change.
All I'm going to ask for inexchange is an email address and
hopefully, if you get valuefrom the 15-day course, you'll
get value from my emails thatare going to help give you
perspectives, insights like thisthat can help you improve your
(10:24):
quality of life and you canbecome a better version of
yourself.
So all you need to do in thecomments or on my social media
is just comment the word 15.
Here's the truth.
Your partner doesn't care howmany other plants you're growing
.
So whether you're growing yourfinances, whether you're growing
your lifestyle, whether you'regrowing your health or your
hobbies, if they're the oneswiltering in the corner, they
(10:46):
don't give a shit.
If you don't want to water it,it dies.
So ask yourself would I want tobe in a relationship with me?
And if the answer is not a fullbody yes, then this is your
wake-up call.
Not time to give up yourambition, but to stop making
them chase it from behind.
Your life doesn't change bywatching another video.
It changes when you stopperforming and you start
(11:06):
becoming, so hit the subscribebutton.
If this has helped, and if youwant tools to start leading
yourself again, make sure youcheck out the 15-Day Starter Kit
.
My name is Lachlan Stewart.
No-transcript.
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