In Sickness And In Health: Three Stories of Survival, Faith, and Unconditional Love

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Three stories of survival that will leave you questioning what it truly means to love someone "in sickness and in health." 

Willie and Patrice Nash, along with Stanley Jean, share unfiltered accounts of their brushes with death and the profound love that pulled them through. From Patrice's harrowing post-hysterectomy complications where toxins silently poisoned her body, to Willie's misdiagnosed blood clots that nearly took his life, to Stanley's seven-hour brain surgery that left him unable to remember his children's names – each story reveals what happens when mortality stares you in the face.

What makes these stories so powerful isn't just the medical drama, but the extraordinary acts of devotion that followed. Spouses who refused to leave hospital rooms, who made life-or-death decisions together, who cleaned bodily fluids without hesitation, who held space for fears too terrifying to name aloud. "That love is about as strong as it's ever gonna be," one survivor reflects, capturing the transformation that occurs when relationships are tested by crisis.

Beyond the immediate danger, these experiences triggered profound life changes. Priorities shifted dramatically - from partying to parenting, from neglecting health to vigilant self-care, from taking loved ones for granted to answering every call. As Stanley puts it, "It's a new me... This is a whole different spirit." These aren't just stories about surviving; they're testaments to how facing death can fundamentally change how we choose to live.

Whether you're married, single, or somewhere in between, these intimate conversations will make you reconsider what it means to truly have someone in your corner. Who would fight for your life when you couldn't? Who would you fight for? Subscribe now for more raw, honest discussions about the experiences that shape our lives and relationships.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
To be honest with you , I didn't think that I was
going to lose her.
I didn't feel it.
All I knew is that I had to bethere for the children.
I had to be there for her.
I couldn't let her see me downwith what was going on with her.
So when I did leave thehospital, that's when I was able
to kind of release and justlike cry, you know, on the way

(00:21):
to the kids.
It was always hard for me toleave her there.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I would say a couple of months after she got better.
Then I started kind of thinkingabout and it could be all the
death that happened.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Have you ever had a situation where you find
yourself staring death right inthe face, your body's failing,
doctors are baffled and theoutcome is totally uncertain.
Who do you lean on?
How do you hold on to hope whenthe odds say you shouldn't be
here?
In this episode, we sit downwith my very good friends,
willie and patrice nash, and mybrother from another mother,

(00:56):
stanley gene.
Three powerful stories ofsurvival, resilience and
unshakable faith.
From being misdiagnosed towaking up from surgeries that
honestly lasted way too long,they've all faced a terrifying
moment of this.
Might be it, so to me, thesestories are really about having

(01:20):
someone there for you.
They are truly about havinglove and unconditional support.
If you're married, you need tolisten to this.
If you're single, you need tofind you someone who will be
there, the way these peoplefound the support that brought
them back and helped themsurvive.

(01:56):
Welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it.
I wanted to have a conversationwith very close friends.
You know, willie, you're one ofmy closest friends.
I love you, brother, love youtoo.
Yeah, yeah, stan, same brotherKnown this dude for 20, 30 years
.
I can do math Close to 30.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yes, crazy.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
So the reason I thought about this particular
episode is as of late I'm goingto say the past couple of years
I've had to face death a lot.
You know, I lost my father lastyear.
I've lost other friends.
I lost my cousin last year aswell.
She's a few years older than Iam.
She had, you know, just a veryaggressive type of cancer.
So I've had to think about awhole lot of that right.
And then I realized I was kindof a bad friend in a way, real

(02:47):
Like as much as I.
I have a lot of friends, butthere's a circle.
You guys are in that innercircle.
As far as I'm concerned, it'sfamily.
And I was checking on willie Iwant to say it's 2022 and I
called you.
I was like man, what's going on?
We haven't talked in a while.
And then you were like man, Iwas in the hospital.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Damn, you died you, I almost died twice.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, and then Stanley, same thing.
This dude was in the hospitalfor a long time, went through a
lot and by the time I told theboth of you guys you were
already out of it.
So I felt like shit, becausefor one I wasn't there.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, man, you say, you, my friend, I know Stay
alive.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
I wasn't there, I didn't know.
And, stanley, I remember yousaid something very specific.
You said I thought you knew.
Yeah, and I was like if I hadknown I would have been there, I
would have called you.
You think I I knew and I justfuck it, I'm not gonna call, I'm
not gonna check on you, nothing.
So I just didn't know.
And I felt horrible.
And when you're in a hospitaland you're going through
something, you're not thinking.

(03:46):
Let me go down the list of whoI need to reach out to, who I
need to let know, that's exactlythat's on your mind.
I can't even say anything aboutthat.
I can't, I'm sorry.
It just really, really sucks.
But it made me think about itand it made me kind of again,
you know, contemplate my ownmortality, my own death.
But I want, I want this storyto not be about this.

(04:06):
I want the story to be a storyof survival, obviously, because
we're here and just ask somequestions about how you overcame
what you overcame, what youwent through and kind of share
that with us.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
And one thing, another thing that you didn't
know is that my wife same thing,yeah, you know she had a
near-death experience which Ilet her talk about this is about
to be deep, so let's get rightinto it.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Who wants to go with their story?
What happened?

Speaker 4 (04:30):
ladies first mine was because I had a full
hysterectomy before then.
I had other complications.
Just being very transparent,because I know it's a lot of men
listening to this, so sorry ify'all don't understand what all
had to go through, but I gotwhat they consider as IUD and I

(04:51):
had complained from thebeginning that something wasn't
right with it.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
I then went to the doctor, I knocked the IUD out of
place, okay.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
This nigga Savage, this nigga Savage.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
Okay, so the IUD was not in place.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
We don't know why.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
But it was called my husband Taking credit, right.
So we get here and I go to thedoctor, finally, because I'm
having some serious pains andthey find out that it was
connected to my fallopian tubes.
So, long story short, they hadthe first surgery.
We removed it.
I'm still cystic, what theyconsider cystic woman whole

(05:32):
different world of for men andso we went about me getting
ready to do a full hysterectomy,had the hysterectomy.
Nothing everybody hears aboutwomen having hysterectomies like
an everyday, everyday thing,you know, go through it whatever
.
Well, for me it wasn't that case, because got sent home right

(05:53):
immediately after I was fine forprobably what about four or
five days and I couldn't use therestroom and I was like I don't
understand what's happeninghere.
So we tried to like do over thecounter medicine because none
of the prescriptions was working.
Long story short, I ended uphaving severe hemorrhaging and

(06:13):
was upstairs in the bathroom bymyself and my mom was there, my
husband was there, the kids wasthere, but nobody could hear me.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 4 (06:23):
So I finally was able to scream loud enough to get, I
believe, my mom's attention.
Willie was in the basement soshe went and got him.
They put me in the bathtub.
They see me hemorrhaging.
My kids see it.
At this point I'm like I'm done.
I looked at my mom and saidtake care of my kids.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (06:43):
So I told you.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I was going to cry.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
Yeah.
The thing that pulled me tofight more was not my husband,
not my mom, but my son, who, atthis time, was not very
emotional at all.
He just doesn't show emotionswas not very emotional at all.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:05):
He just doesn't show emotions.
And he came in there andscreamed Mommy, no.
And I said okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
So he called you back .

Speaker 4 (07:16):
He pulled me back.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:17):
We get to the hospital, I'm still conscious.
I never lost consciousness oranything.
My vitals seemed to be okay,but they knew something was
going on.
I stayed in the hospital forprobably 16, 17 days them
searching well, 13 days of themsearching to see what was going

(07:37):
on.
Come to find out I wasbasically having where IUD.
It ruptured my bowels when theydid it, so I had toxins behind
my colon that was spilling intomy body, so my platelet counts
were going high but theycouldn't find any infection.
This was after two to threeblood transfusions, from what I

(07:59):
remember from them telling mebecause I was conscious but I
couldn't.
I wasn't there.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
You were out of it.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
I hadn't eaten, the only thing I could do was take a
spoonful of Jell-O to take themedicine, but to the point where
I remember my doctor saying I'mjust going in blind because we
don't know.
So if it wasn't for my doctoractually saying you know what we
just we got to take everythingoff the table and just search.
So like the house scene wherethey go in and just search for

(08:28):
something, that's where theylifted and saw all the toxins.
This happened in December 13thI think.
I didn't recover fully untillike March or April and that
plays into his story.
We lost quite a few people thatyear, so we were dealing with a
lot of deaths.
And then my husband, if youwant to tell your story happened

(08:52):
in July.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Well, before we go into that, how old is your son
when this is happening, becausehe comes in screaming?
Mom, you know how old is he?

Speaker 4 (09:00):
So he was like 9, 10.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Okay, yeah, and he's typically a stoic kind of kid
just doesn't show emotion at all, like when I tell you he.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
He's shown emotion with me a few times, but no, he
doesn't wear his feelings on hissleeve at all and it's not
something he was taught.
It's just who he is yeah and tosee the hurt in his face.
I couldn couldn't deal withthat.
I couldn't leave him.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah, I don't want to change subjects here, but I
totally believe in these choicesthat we have on a spiritual
level, where it's a decision forus but that's a subject for
another day.
So you made the decision thereand to me that resonates so much
.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, I agree with that, because even through my
husband, having seen some things, I've lost a lot as a man.
You really don't want to see,but I actually anybody want to
see it, but I know I was therefor it all he was.

Speaker 4 (10:00):
He never left my side .
He would go check on the kidsevery blue moon, but my mom and
dad held us down.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
They really rallied around our kids.
My nieces came to keep themtheir mind off of it, to the
point where my brother got onthe interstate because they
didn't know what would happen tome and he just drove.
He was like I want to see mysister.
Coming from Memphis Coming fromMemphis, coming from Memphis.
He never told his wife.

(10:28):
I just wake up in the room andthey're like, is your brother
there?
And I'm like he is, what areyou doing?
And nobody knew.
Yeah, because at this pointthis was right before my last
surgery and after they got readyto do the next blood
transfusion, right before theygot ready to do the next blood
transfusion and he was just likeI had to lay eyes on you and he

(10:51):
was the one that was actuallybesides Willie, that stayed
through my surgery and he'salways been my protector.
So to have him there and atthis point I'm really not
understanding the severity of itall.
To this day I can't feel whatthey felt like.

(11:13):
I know it traumatized him.
It traumatized my kids to thepoint where my daughter was very
protective of me.
She didn't want her daddytouching me.
She, she, she couldn'tunderstand our love because she
was scared.
It put some fear in her becauseshe saw more than she should
have, because they rushed meinto her bathroom.

(11:35):
Oh, wow, it was a lot for a lotof the ones that I love, and I
thank them for never giving up.
My mom cussing doctors out likey'all got to fix this.
And the power of prayer yeah,it's truly, truly a blessing.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
How are you today?

Speaker 4 (11:54):
I'm great.
Today I had a um going back toprophesying Um, I had a friend
right after this.
Me and her had never talkedoutside of school.
She didn't know my story, shedidn't know anything that was
going on.
And she sent me a message andshe said I don't know what's
going on with you, but God sentit to my heart to say you'll

(12:15):
never hurt again.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
And I haven't.
And no one knew I was sufferingas bad Like I'll be, like I'm
in pain.
But he didn't know the levelsof the pain that I was going
into until right before thesurgery, to the point where I
could barely walk.
I never want him to see me thatvulnerable ever again.
That hurt him, it scared him,it scared my kids.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
God, I just You're going through all this, but
you're thinking you don't wantthem hurting.
That is truly the heart of,like you said, of a wife and a
mother.
Yeah, I'm so glad that on thatday you weren't home alone.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
Exactly and ironically, the way I knew I was
feeling better.
But prior to this I haveserious sinus issues, so I
couldn't smell anything.
That's a whole nother bell.
And I couldn't smell anything.
That's a whole nother matter.
And I couldn't smell a thing.
So my brother's in there withme and I looked at him.
I said hey, I think I want someMcDonald's.

(13:12):
He's like you want to eat?
I was like yeah, but he didn'tknow the significance of the
fact that I said I wanted to eatbecause it had been like crazy
days.
Then I smelled the McDonald'sand I was like, oh shit, I can
smell all these drugs they gaveme.
I don't learn how to smellagain.
So he ended up the first thingI said was tell Willie to bring

(13:37):
me my perfume.
He bought me there.
Everybody said they loved howit smelled.
So that was like the turningpoint.
But during the whole time Iwould never say that I was in
bad spirits because I didn'tunderstand the magnitude of what
I was going through.
Yeah, so it wasn't like likeI'm facing death.
I know now what it was right,but they kept my spirits high.

(14:01):
The nursing staff was amazing.
They gave me gifts when I left.
That's how I think they werelike she's been here forever
because it was right beforeChristmas and they were like
we're going to get you homebefore Christmas.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
It was only like two or three, maybe two or three
days before Christmas.

Speaker 4 (14:19):
So the kids decorated the tree for me, which was
still, to this day, the worsttree ever.
It was beautiful, it beautiful,it's like y'all did that and my
nieces helped them and I was sohappy for them.
Um shout out to carissa andjaylen for holding their sisters
and brother sister and brotherdown.

(14:40):
They call them their sister andbrother, but, but you know, but
they truly rallied around myfamily and showed unconditional
love.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
It's beautiful Willie .
I thought it was one time, butapparently it was twice.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, it was twice the first was probably the worst
.
Trees probably had to hit me alot with this, because what year
was that?
18?
2018,.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
July, yeah, 2018.
That's like what a year apart,not even a year Wow.
Yeah, it was a death everymonth from January to June.
Then his story happened in July.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
So I kept getting winded, you know, and I couldn't
understand why and I know I'mfat as fuck, but that wasn't it
you know, it wasn't it wasn'tthe normal out of breath yeah,
you know what I'm saying.
I'm you know, just puttingshoes on and I'm, you know, out
of breath, or putting clothes onand I'm like man, something's
not right, you know.

(15:38):
So I um tell my wife I'm gonnaset an appointment with my
primary care.
I went up there and, um, theysaid it was, you know, asthma
Idiot.
Yeah, it got me an asthma pumpand you know.
But I'm like no, this is notright.
So I was came home and I saidyou know, trish, I think I'm
just going to go lay down.
I started walking up the steps,made it halfway up the steps

(16:00):
and I'm sweating.

Speaker 4 (16:02):
I didn't go half him.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
Nine and a half steps Two steps, two steps, and I
just started sweating and I'm,you know, out of breath and I'm
like, let me just get to the bed, I'm going to go lay down.
She was like no, we're going tothe emergency room, all right.
So we get to the emergency room, I go in, they come in and do,

(16:26):
and I think my oxygen level waslike 70, 80%.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
They was like uh-uh, come on, they put me in the
wheelchair.
What's?

Speaker 2 (16:30):
it supposed to be 90 plus 95, 96.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Oh yeah, I don't know anything.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah.
So, walking from the car tojust the front desk in the
emergency room, you know, I waslike tired Swimming, like
profusely swimming, yeah, likeprofusely sweating, yeah.
So they was like, uh, they putme in a wheelchair, sent me to
the back, start putting methrough all these tests, the
machines and the EKG and all thedifferent types of stuff.
So as we was waiting on theresults to come back, uh, the

(16:54):
doctor came.
They put me in a room.
Doctor came in and said haveyou been traveling out of the
country or anything?
I was like no, so what do youdo for a living?
I said, well, I sell lifeinsurance, so I drive a lot in
the state of Georgia.
He said, well, you have severalblood clots in your lungs.
I was like what we got to do?
A surgery right now, emergencysurgery.

(17:15):
So they take me to the back,they did a clot busting thing
where they go into my groin andit didn't work.
I can't remember how long I wasin the hospital, but I mean, I I
know that I didn't, and eventhen I didn't know how serious
that was.
I was, you know, tired andbreathing hard and you know, and

(17:35):
all this stuff couldn't,couldn't catch my breath.

Speaker 4 (17:37):
So you didn't tell the whole story that's what I'm
saying.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
She got to be here.
I'm glad you're here.
Tell it.
Tell it, Patrice.

Speaker 4 (17:43):
They give you heparin and it's supposed to thin out
your clots.
They gave him a high dosage ofheparin.
That was 24 hours.
It didn't work.
So they came back and saidthere's two clots that we're
worried about.
One is next to your heart andthere's one in your lungs.
If we don't do this, you won'tmake it, you won't survive.

(18:03):
When he say they just gothrough the groin and the burst,
that's not true.
The way they came and explainedit to us was he's going to have
to lay flat on his back for 24hours.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
I do remember that, yeah.

Speaker 4 (18:16):
And he cannot move, he cannot lift anything, he
can't turn because he will bleedout.
It will make his brain bleed,oh my God.
So risk is see what happenswith the heparin if it keeps
working or if it eventuallyworks with the heart, or do this
because we need to burst theseclots.
At the time, the struggle washe was also going through a gout

(18:39):
flare up and, which is verysignificant to his health, he
had the gout flare up so it wasessentially painful in his foot.
But they were like you can'tmove your foot, you can't do
anything.
So he was like I just wanty'all to treat this foot.
His foot was hurting so badthat he couldn't focus on his
heart, I didn't care about theblood clot.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
That's a lot of pain.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
At this point I never knew the significance of gout
or how extreme it can get.
And he is there's like it'sworse than childbirth.
I was like nothing's worse thanchildbirth I've had.
It was like no, it's like worsepain, like it's continuous
throbbing pain that you can'tget away from.
So he kept fussing about thefoot and I'm like honey, we need

(19:22):
to focus on what are we goingto do?
He decided to do the 24 hour.
We prayed about it.
Another time.
My parents and his unclerallied around Dad came, your
dad his dad.
His dad didn't travel like that,like get on the road.
His dad came, his sister came,everybody, our family.
We're not from Atlanta, soevery time we have an issue they

(19:46):
got to travel from Memphis.
So they got to come six hoursFor any kind of family emergency
.
Drop of the dime, they're there.
They put him flat for 24 hours.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Which sucked it did suck.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
And he couldn't move I can only imagine five minutes.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
I can't sit still.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
And it's no drugs.
They don't put you to sleep,they don't do anything.
You can't use the restroom Atthe bed Like they just gotta
lift your butt.
All that.
So when he say, he saw somestuff, I saw some stuff too.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
Y'all sharing stuff we're sharing stuff.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
What's your stuff like?

Speaker 2 (20:20):
That love is about as strong, as strong as it's ever
gonna be.

Speaker 4 (20:24):
So he, he went through that and that love is
about as strong as it's evergoing to be.
So he went through that and heovercame it, but he always.
They told him he was going tohave to only do blood thinners
for a year, but then he had asecond bout of blood clots which
is significant to the gal.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah that's when we talked you and I.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, that's when we talked.
And that one I felt this painin my leg, which that's where it
started.
They started in this left leg.
So I was feeling this pain inmy leg.
I wasn't feeling the symptomsof being tired and out of breath
, but it was just a pain in theleg.
So we were at the mall walkingaround.
I said man, that's not right.

(21:06):
I said I need to go ahead andgo to the doctor in case it is
another clot or whatever.

Speaker 4 (21:11):
He's like I'm getting that feeling again yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
And I had stopped taking the blood thinners and
all that I hadn't taken them ina long time Right and went to
the hospital.
Another blood clot.

Speaker 4 (21:23):
No, this one Right and went to the hospital.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Another blood clot.
No, this one was worse, so goahead.
That one is fine that one theydid.

Speaker 4 (21:27):
They were able to treat it with the heparin, so he
didn't have to stay in thehospital as long.
But yeah, that one was scariertoo.
So now he's on blood thinnersfor the rest of his life.
But what we figured out was notthrough the help of doctors,
but just knowing your body andwatching what you do and
patterns, and that's why it'svery important to document

(21:50):
what's happening.
We can almost pinpoint if hehad a gout flare-up and traveled
with that gout flare-up,because it stiffens your
arteries in your legs.
It's pretty much collectingblood.
That's what the gout is doing.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
It's a crystalline, yeah, you're building up in your
, in your body.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
So your blood flow is not there and he would travel
on a flare I mean a gout flareup because he'd be like I got a
flare up but I gotta go, I gotta, I gotta steal.
The first, I think, we weregoing to Chicago.
Then you ended up working whenyou got the flare up and then
you got the clot.
Then the next time we weregoing to Memphis and he couldn't

(22:33):
even enjoy Memphis because hehad the flare up.
But he traveled back homedriving your leg's stuck.
Still, you're in pain.
Guess what you have anotherblood clot.
So now it's a rule for me if hehas a gout flare-up, he can't go
anywhere.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Can't go anywhere.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
So it starts with that gout.
So basically what it iscontrolling the gout really
helps me pretty much stop eatingred meat, stop drinking beer.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
No alcohol right.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
That's not going to be true, just the beer.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
I gave him the beer and stuff.
I still drink, but I don'tdrink as much.
No, I have a drink.
My uncle came over to the housethe other day and I had a
couple of drinks with him.
So it's more social andsometimes I don't even drink.
I just try to avoid certainthings because, like she was
just saying, understanding yourbody, not understanding what

(23:26):
triggers certain things to go on.
So now I pay more attention,you know, to what I shouldn't do
and I'm more alert, you know,about those type of things
because I mean I want to see my,my kids, grow up.
You know, I want to want to behere for them and Walk Mary down
the aisle.
Walk Mary down the aisle.
Those things are more importantto me now.

(23:48):
Before, I just wanted to have agood time.
I'm a party, I'm going to dowhatever I can tell, that's the
spirit.

Speaker 4 (23:56):
He was the life of the party.
Now he could shut it down.
I always mess with him the Nashname.
If anybody knows the Nash's,shout out to my peeps I love
y'all, but they can drink.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
And they can start at like 10 am Until 2, 3, 4, 5 and
you'll be like wait, and we canbe in the front yard or the
backyard and we're having a time.
They're not out in the street.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
Don't think they're getting DUIs, no, no, this is
just family hanging at the house, drinking together, laughing
and joking at somebody's house,and they all stay there.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, wow.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
So it was definitely a sobering moment for us because
I would say we never grievedhis hurt and one of the
conversations I had with my dadright after he had his flare up,
my dad asked how did we know?

(24:55):
And I told him Willie'ssymptoms and all this stuff and
my dad turned around and saidwell, I've been having some
symptoms with my heart.
My dad turned around and saidwell, I've been having some
symptoms with my heart and wegot into like one of our debates
another day and I said, Dad,you need to go, because he had

(25:15):
just got diagnosed with prostatecancer and he was like, if I
die, it's going to be my heartand three months later it was
his heart.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 4 (25:21):
So knowing your body and listening to it is truly
important.
You know, you just can't playaround with people, especially
men.
One thing that I was we'rehorrible at it.
Y'all are.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Let me tell you something.
I've been to the doctor moretimes in the past three months
that I have, and it's onlybecause a friend of mine was
diagnosed with prostate cancer.
He's like you got to go checkit out and so I've gone and
gotten a couple of tests is thebest part.
I come back and Zola's likewhat did the doctor say?
I'm like I don't fuckingremember.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
He can't tell him.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
He calls me if he's in the room.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I put it on speakerphone.

Speaker 4 (25:56):
He has to put me on speakerphone.
I don't care if I got to listento what they're saying, because
he's not going to remember, orI read his chart Like it's,
because that's what pissed meoff about him at the time.
He was going to sit there andlet this man I still don't know
who this man is, because I willfuck him up he, literally the

(26:17):
doctor told him yeah, it mightbe, bronchitis Might be, gave
him an asthma pump and didn'ttest anything, didn't check
anything.
You didn't look at his vitalsanything and Willie was like
okay, he said it might.
My mama had asthma, so I mighthave.
I was like Negro, you ain'tnever had asthma before.

(26:37):
Sounded good to me, right, I'mat work, literally at work.
And I'm like Willie, no, youneed to go to the next doctor.
I said you need to go to the ER.
He was like no, I'm just goingto get some rest.
I'm like, willie, are you goodto drive?
He was like yeah, I was likebut I'm not going to go to the
ER, I'll just wait till tomorrow.
And the doctor said if he wouldhave waited that next day he
wouldn't have been here.

(26:58):
But I left work early and said Ihave to go check on my husband
because he just not soundingright, and I get there when I
talk to him.
I know he was on our couch.
The stairs was probably whereyour stairs are.
He made two stairs and I saidyou didn't even make it anywhere

(27:18):
.
He was like I'm going to getthere.
I was like no, you're not.
You're going to get in this carand we're going to go to the
doctor now.
And he tried to fight me toothand nail about getting in their
car and I was like hell, no,like, what kind of wife would I
be?
To be like OK, baby, I'll justwait.
So, ladies, if you out theredon't listen to that crazy ass.
They don't know shit.
The roles you guys play is socrazy.

(27:48):
It's so, so significant.
I would not change our storiesin any kind of way, because
they're our story, but itbrought us so much closer yeah
like we realized we could fightanything during those times,
because that was a hard.
What 12 months for us.
We lost parents, we lostaunties well, not aunties,
uncles, uncles.
We lost close friends.
It was a lot that happenedthrough that year, that's a lot.

(28:11):
It's a lot.
It's a lot.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
It's a lot between what septic shock that could
have happened to you andoftentimes that actually speaks
to the hospital setting wherethese doctors are overworked.
The hospital setting wherethese doctors are overworked.
So, they'll see someone assumewhat the issue is and say maybe
it's asthma, maybe because ofhis weight or whatever.
Oh yeah, it's typical.

(28:33):
Without doing any tests and yourun the risk of losing
someone's life.
It goes to show how important Ithink I need women around.

Speaker 4 (28:44):
I won't why I have daughters women around.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
I won't I have daughters.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
That's why I say women, how many do you need?

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I only have girls around me.
I'm going to make sure I saidthat.

Speaker 4 (28:57):
Delete that part.
Let's go back and repeat it.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
I didn't mean to say that no, but I really do need
all these female energies aroundme because they balance me out,
because I'm also stubborn.
I guess that leads me to mystory.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
So I don't know where to start, because I don't know
what started it you, the onethat's moving iuds and causing
problems, puncturing uh colonsand all but uh for me it's.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
It's a little, um, unnerving because I don't know
what caused it, so I don't knowhow to prevent it, if that makes
sense.
So a couple of years ago Ithink it was 2022, I was feeling
a pain, a numbing pain.
Though it's just on my rightside For the most part.
I would feel like I don't knowhow to explain it, but it's like
being slightly electrocuted,but you could sense it.

(30:01):
It's like nerves, that's how itfeels.
It's like I could feel thatzzzz type of feeling.
I don't know if you ever feltthat before, but it would come
and go no big deal.
I'm a man.
I got things to do.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
I have time to go to the doctor.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
I'm the only one working in the house and I have
two daughters.
That's what I meant by I havetwo daughters, a wife that I
have to care for, you know.
I mean, I have to make sureeverything is correct.
So, okay, cool, it comes andgoes.
But when it comes it'll comefor like a week and then it'll

(30:36):
disappear for like a month.
But when it comes back it addsanother anatomy to it.
So it's not just my leg now,now it's my fingertips with the
leg.
So I'm just like, okay, coolquick thing.

Speaker 4 (30:48):
Did you have heart attack?

Speaker 3 (30:49):
no, okay, no, please no, but um, fortunately that
that wasn't part of my heart.
So again it goes and comes back, but now it's my arm, my leg
and my fingertips.
I'm just like whoa, something'swrong, but I'm not telling
anybody, I'm just dealing withit for weeks on end you.

(31:11):
Just, it was like a year, a year.
It was like a year.
I'm like yo, it comes, goes, nobig deal.
But at the point I was like yo,there's a problem.
It hit my right side of mynostril, right up a lip.
That's it, right.
It was every hour on the hour,like every 9 16.

(31:32):
I mean every 16 minutes afterthe hour it would happen.
I'm like, okay, let me, let mespeak to wifey and see what's
going on.
Like yo, listen, this is what'shappening.
She was like okay, let's go seethe doctor.
So we had this vip doctor thatwe were paying for.
Best idea ever.
I spent an hour and a half inthe room just him talking to me.
He's just right now, hour and ahalf, usually 15 minutes max.

(31:56):
So hour and a half we're justtalking.
He was like, okay, I'm gonnasend you out for an mri of the
brain, see what's going on,because there must be some
signaling.
That's incorrect.
So I'm just like, okay, cool,okay, mri was cool, came back
waiting for the results.
I see my doctor's number on myphone at.
I think it was 9, 10 pm.

(32:16):
I was like, damn, can't be good, you're not going to call me to
tell me everything's good at 10pm.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
Right.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
So he's like yeah, you have a tumor in your brain,
right, I know, I know.
So it's like okay, cool, nowthat I didn't want to tell
anyone because I'm concernedabout their reaction.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
That's crazy.
That's where you all went tofirst.
All of you.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
You have to you have to, I have to keep everything
together, uh, and have a planbefore things, you know, run out
of hand.
So I'm just like okay, um, Ihave a tumor.
What does that mean?
He was like I don't know, I'mnot really proficient in that
area.
Um, I might have to see a, uh,neurosurgeon.
I went to go see the first one.
He referred me to someone.

(33:01):
He was cool.
He says listen, I'm going to behonest with you.
You can function, You're good,but at some point you're going
to have to operate.
I'm like wait, that changeseverything.
So I'm at the office, I'mlaughing.
I laugh at every time I'muncomfortable, I laugh.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
The first reaction.
It is what it is.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
So I'm laughing.
I'm like, okay, cool, he tellsme that and I come home.
So by now my wife knows thatI'm at the hospital.
She's like, yo, what'd they say?
What'd they say?
I'm like, well, no big deal.
I mean I'm functional, I'm good.
There's no way I'm lettingsomeone cut into my head.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Figure some things out that I'm not comfortable
with, but you're not tellinganything.

Speaker 3 (33:45):
I'm being honest now.
Now I was getting serious.
Okay, I have a tumor.
Like come on, I'm just likewhat are you going to do?
So I'm just like, okay, I hadmore information on how it came
about.
You know, it's the capillariesthat are leaking blood into my
brain and when my brain issensing all this extra liquid,
it's like yo, it's likeparalyzed at some point, or it's

(34:06):
just irritated, so it's sendinga signal somewhere else, and
it's like it's always happening.
So at some point, that's thathemorrhaging that you were
referring to.
So I was like.
The doctor said at some pointyou're going to have to do it
Better.
You do it now because you'reyounger.
The doctor said at some pointyou're going to have to do it
Better.
You do it now because you'reyounger, Right Next 10 years
you're not going to heal as fastor whatever.
I'm like, whatever.

(34:27):
So I'm chilling and I'm goingto work, but my job entails
working with a lot of clinicians, speaking to them in public,
doing all this extra stuff.
So now my wife has a friendthat lives in Jersey.
She says, hey, I have a friendthat lives in, I mean, works at
Mount Sinai in New York and heworks with the chief

(34:47):
neurosurgeon.
Like you can't make this up.
I was like oh, ok, cool, so hecalls me, said yo, send me your
scans, your MRI scans, and I'llgive it to my doctor and we'll
see what's up.
That was Thursday.
On Friday, the next day, hecalled me up.
He was like yo, listen, I havean interview, we could do it
virtually, and so on and soforth.
I'll never forget this.

(35:09):
My Leslie is the nursepractitioner of neurosurgery and
she says oh, I think we need tosee you as soon as possible.
Monday I go up there.
I remember right by my birthdaytime, november 14th, the chief
comes out.
Very serious guy comes out.
He's like I know you understandwhat's going on.
He says you're going to operate, ok, and I felt like a kid.

(35:31):
I said OK, and it was right.
Before he goes to vacation inDecember.
He says and I want you to do itbefore I go on vacation, it's
like two weeks.
So I come out like now my lifeis like upside down.
How is this going to affect meat any point?
He's like no, don't worry aboutit, it's just going to be a

(35:53):
scar.
You have a scar, just that andthe other.
Your hair will grow back, nobig deal.
So I'm just like nothing'sserious to me.
I'm going have.
I have a blast.
I'm in my gown, anesthesiacoming through.
You know surgeries, I meansurgeons coming through
everything wait a second at thatpoint.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
So how's your, how's your wife reacting to all this?
The news, I mean you'relaughing through it, but how is
she dealing with it?

Speaker 3 (36:18):
she's a quiet reactor .
She thinks a lot, she's aplanner, so she's not being very
reactive, um, but she'sthinking about it.
She's a quiet reactor, shethinks a lot, she's a planner,
so she's not being very reactive, um, but she's thinking about
it.
She's like okay, so this iswhat good, what we're going to
do, so on and so forth, and, andI know how she is, though
that's why I didn't want tospeak to her, because now
everything is happening itbecomes real to you yes, very
real, especially when I'mspeaking to the kids about it.

(36:41):
Yeah, now there I think she was.
Celine was about 14 ish, isabelwas about maybe 10.
So I'm telling my girls I havea tumor.
The probability of me notsurviving it is kind of high,
right.
So I'm just like, uh, I'mletting them know and, mind you,
my family has been goingthrough a lot of downs and ups

(37:03):
but, down some more and then ups.
But the typical.
But I know my, my children areexperiencing all of this, so I'm
adding another layer of aburden on their shoulders, like,
hey, your dad, yeah, I know theprovider right now.
But yeah.
And they get quiet.
They ask questions and I tellthem.
So, long story short, I getinto the operating room and I

(37:25):
got to give love to my family myfather, who lives here in
Georgia, my other mom, marleneshe's amazing, they drove up or
flew whatever they did to NewYork.
My mom is in the room, I meanin the waiting room, my cousins,
my step stepmom, like peoplewho aren't normally together

(37:46):
yeah they all came it.
It's so motivating, right?
So I understand this.
Everyone comes and I'm havingsurgery seven hours.
Jeez, seven hours.
They had to take a break.
A few breaks as I'm on thetable.
Yeah, head open.
The doctor's like I'm gonnatake 15, yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
They had to take a break, a few breaks, as I'm on
the table, man, with your headopen.
Yeah, head open.
The doctor's like I'm going totake 15.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah, he had to.
You have to refocus, yeah.
So, my God, all of this, Idon't know.
It's afterwards.
I'm knowing, right, everyone'sbugging out, like downstairs,
like quiet, we don't know what'sgoing on.
And he's upstairs God knowswhat's going on.
And, long story short, I'mcoming out of surgery.
I get into the PACU, I'mgetting over anesthesia.

(38:28):
I see someone familiar.
I know who she is.
Oh yeah, it's my wife.
It didn't hit me until she saidhey, everyone downstairs wants
to speak to you.
First thing she says, becauseyou know, that's the dynamic
downstairs, it's kind of tense.
I'm like I really don't want tospeak, but and I just froze,

(38:53):
what's my kids names again?
Wow, yeah, right now.
I got goosebumps because I losta lot of memory.
I lost the abilities to speak.
I'm speaking right now but I'mstruggling.
Like, well, I don't want tospeak.
I'm speaking right now but I'mstruggling.
I don't want to say I'mstruggling.
I have to be intentional onwhat I'm going to say, when I'm
going to say it, because itmessed up my whole.
I'm not the same and I'll neverbe the same wow the level of, I

(39:16):
guess, damage that occurred.
it wasn't too bad, but it wasbad enough for me to not
remember my kids' names and,when I tell you, my head was
like lopsided, serious atrophygoing on.
And my first thing that I saidto everyone downstairs is don't
worry about me, I'm going tomake sure I fight back, make

(39:37):
sure I come back to where Inormally am.
So I promise you and I'm reallyspeaking to my daughters I
promise you you ain't gotnothing to worry about, I'm good
.
I promise you I'll make it work.
I'll make it work.
Make it work this whole time.
And the kind of prayer and Iguess that solitude you know,

(39:57):
forces you to pray.
It's kind of like a deep prayerthat's saying oh your god, bro,
I have no control of this.
I I need you to step in, I needpeople to take care of my, my
family, my kids, my wife, mythis, that and the other, and
I'm just like I have no control,which is why I still have a
little feel, very, very little,that this may come back.

(40:17):
It's like your own blood clots.
Do you know what's causing them?

Speaker 1 (40:20):
not necessarily right not necessarily same thing idea
, but you I mean exactly, soit's like any feeling I get in
my leg.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
I'm yeah so you're on it right.
Exactly that's how I feel rightnow, just like okay.
Yes, this has been going forclose to two years now, but I
don't know how it came, so Idon't know if I can prevent it
at this point.
So, with that being said, Icame to this point in my life
where I said you know what,everything that I didn't do
before but wanted to do, I'mdoing it now.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
Yes, yeah, it definitely gives you a new
perspective on life.
Thank God you're here.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
Thank God Absolutely, and your girls have been.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
I'm pretty sure your girls have been a strong support
system for you.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Oh, absolutely they didn't have to say anything.
It's a new me, in a sense,where I went back to school.
I was a C student in highschool.
I'm a 4.0 right now.
How I can't make this up.
I'm not tooting my own hornit's just like this is someone
totally different.
This is a whole differentspirit.

(41:21):
Right now it's just like okay,you were playing games.
Yeah, now no more games.
That's just how I feel rightnow.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
It's just different.
That's actually a question thatI have for all three of you.
What's changed?
What's the new you, after thisvery close call, for all three
of you, what's the new sense ofpurpose?

Speaker 1 (41:36):
For me.
I'm being more conscious.
I go to the doctor.
I need to know, I want to knowwhat's going on.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
I'm going to tell this quick story about my friend
, 48 years old.
We were out partying for hisbirthday a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
The week later he had a stroke and it's like he knew
that something wasn't right.
He just figured that he can manthrough it.
You know, and we have torealize that at the end of the
day it's a human element toeverything.
You know, and we have torespect the fact that if you
don't do what's necessary to tryto help your situation, if we

(42:11):
try to ignore it, it's going toeventually just blow up.
Luckily his wife give a shoutout to the wives.
She got to him because he wasdriving.
Wife made it to him within 30minutes, got him to the hospital
.
They was able to put themedicine in him to reverse the
stroke or whatever.
So he had very limited damage,which was a blessing.
He got all his faculties andthings of that nature.

(42:32):
So that happened and I broughthim up simply because that kind
of reiterated you know thethings that you really need to
do and we can't ignore it LikeI'm losing weight.
No, y'all probably can't tell.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
Yes, sir, let's go.

Speaker 4 (42:47):
I can tell baby I'm losing weight, okay, thanks.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Don't make me an accountability partner.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
I will be on your ass , we don't do little people in
our house.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
I put on a few pounds .
I put on a few pounds.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
So I mean so.
I've always heard you can'toutwork a bad diet.
That's a fact.
I am getting more active andmoving, more than I was moving
before.
You know, and I think aboutsome people have a stroke and
they can't talk anymore.
I talk for a living.
You know I have to be able tocommunicate and talk to people,
so if I'm not able to do that,then I'm out of work.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Yeah, what's changed for you two guys?
You've gone back to school.
You're a new person.
Talk to me about that a littlebit.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
They only gave me three months just to heal,
because I didn't do rehab at all.
But my job required for me tospeak a lot for hours at a time.
I can't even remember thescript.
I can't remember.
You know what I do, but Icouldn't do it as well as I once
did, you know I needed moretime.
So I moved to Georgia at thispoint and I noticed that it was

(43:59):
tough for me to keep my job.
It was like I'm not givinganyone an opportunity to kind of
push me out one way or another.
So I said you know what, let mejust skill up, go back to
school, do what I actuallyreally want to do, so I'll
always have some sort ofsecurity, not only for me but
for my family.
So, with that being said, I'mgoing through the rigor right
now, all day, every day.
All I'm going through the rigorright now, all day, every day.

(44:20):
All I'm doing is reading a book,figuring how to be one of the
exemplary students in my class.
Mind you, my entire class ispredominantly less than 30.
The funny thing is, I washaving a joke between two
students and a teacher and, asthe student was actually leaving
a female student, I said, hey,have a good weekend or whatever

(44:43):
the case may be.
And she said, okay, goodbye sir.
And it just hit me.
I'm like, wait, she's making itsound like I'm the teacher or
something.
I'm like, okay, but I get thedynamic and I don't care, like
I've been through the fire andI'm not going back.
So I'm making it work this timearound.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
So proud of you bro.
I'm trying, I'm trying 4.0average and everything For now,
man.
Like don't jinx it.
It's nothing that can be jinxed, man.

Speaker 4 (45:12):
I commend you for that, especially knowing the
challenges you may face.
Because you don't want to be alabel, so you don't want to be a
label, so you're, you don'twant to walk in your.
Your story, that's your story,so you don't want to always have
people judging you based off ofthat and I can see from a
management standpoint how peoplemay do that because they're

(45:34):
expecting you to be on andyou're like that's not how I
used to be that person I.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
I know I want to give you that it's different man,
when you realize it doesn't hitthe same.
Right, right, right right.

Speaker 4 (45:45):
I think it would take somebody who truly cares to
understand and listen and helpyou because it's Wait she didn't
answer.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
Oh how she's different.
Yeah, please.

Speaker 4 (45:57):
Oh, honestly, I didn't answer because I don't
know.
Oh, honestly, I didn't answerbecause I don't know.
It didn't hit me two yearslater, probably about two or
three years later, the truemagnitude of what I went through
.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
That this was a brush with death.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
Yeah, okay, what's next?
Okay, my uncle has passed away.
My dad is sad.
Okay, now my husband is sick.
Okay, let me get him over thishurdle.
Okay, I lost a really closechildhood friend.
We lost his dad.
Okay, we lost my dad, so Ididn't have it's a lot time to
process because it just wasn'tgiven to me and I don't regret

(46:31):
it or anything like that.
But it didn't hit me until, Ithink we saw a picture come up
on Facebook of me being rolledat the hospital and I was like,
dang, I really was off bad.
He was like, yeah, because I'm,you know, vain for a woman.
I was like, dang, I really wasoff bad.
He was like, yeah, because I'mvain for a woman.
I'm like, well, shit, I ain'teight for 16 days, but, baby,
I'm a snatch.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Look at this one.
She did talk about it.

Speaker 4 (46:54):
I was more worried about baby.
I was sad Eight.
Okay, let me get that up out.
You Let me go shopping.
So I was focused on the wrongelements of it.
But now I would say it did helpme value the closeness of my

(47:14):
family, because really I tellyou I'm not one of those people
who show I was like my son.
I don't show too many familyemotions, like when you ask me
something like all right,whatever.
But to see my mom and dadcoexist, for me, which they were
had like at this point, um,they came together to rally

(47:35):
around us, to see Willie'sfamily support us, to see which
is my family too but I have tojust differentiate the names and
just to see that love Made meanswer my phone more Because I
never knew if that was the lastcall.
And that was a blessing for meBecause I used to put my parents
off.
They'd call.
I'm like I'll talk to themlater.

(47:56):
I'll call them tomorrow BecauseI didn't feel like I wanted to
be bothered At that time.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
But that's a huge change.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
That would be the massive change, because I don't
take that for granted anymore,which gave me a blessing,
because when my dad did passaway, typically we wouldn't have
talked as much leading up.
But discernment gave mesomething to think about and say
you know what, every time yourdad called, take that call.
I got some criticalconversations, to the point

(48:26):
where a lot of my siblingsdidn't even know some of the
things that him and I weretalking about.
Like I knew his, what heexpected for Christmas.
I got us the gift that hewanted, just from him having
conversations with me, I knewwhere his finances were, I knew
how to access all his documents.
Like it was boom boom, boom,boom, boom.
We didn't miss a beat andeverybody was like okay, why do

(48:48):
you know this?
And I'm like I got this.
Don't y'all worry, I'm the baby, that's why they give it to us.
But no, it was.
That would probably be the onething that I'll say I changed
was I value my family, myimmediate family, and those
conversations with them a lotmore.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
Willie, how did you cope with the fear of possibly
losing her?

Speaker 1 (49:15):
To be honest with you , I didn't think that I was
going to lose her.
I didn't feel it.
All I knew is that I had to bethere for the children.
I had to be there for her.
I couldn't let her see me downwith what was going on with her.
So when I did leave thehospital, that's when I was able
to kind of release and justlike cry, you know, on the way

(49:36):
to the kids.
It was always hard for me toleave her there.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
I would say a couple of months after she got better.
Then I started kind of thinkingabout and it could be all the
death that happened.
You know I was like man meraising the kids by myself not
being there, and even to thisday I tell the kids listen, she
got y'all back.
She's the one that's going tomake sure things are done.

(50:02):
Y'all need to cherish yourmother, so it made me put more
into them about how to make sureshe's taken care of yeah you
know, making sure she doesn'twant for anything, because I see
she go hard for them kids.
I mean she goes in anything forthem and you need to appreciate
her while she's here.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
You know, when I lost my parents, it made me realize
that people can really die.
I know, I know People reallydying, you know, although I'm in
a death business and I see itall the time and hear it all the
time.
But it's just different whenit's knocking at your door, yeah
.
So I never thought in my heartof hearts that I would lose her.
I just knew she was going tocome home.

Speaker 4 (50:44):
The way I coped with him.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
With a possibility.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
With a possibility was prayer, the power of prayer.
It brought us closer.
I just knew God had alreadydelivered us.
So you know it is what it is.
But that first time, seeing himvulnerable, I was scared and I
couldn't let him see it.
So I would go in the hallway,cry, pray about it.

(51:09):
But I was seriously and Icouldn't let him see it.
So I would go in the hallway,cry, pray about it.
But I was seriously, seriouslyscared and didn't know what that
would mean for us.
But I couldn't, like he said, Icouldn't let him see it.
So you're fighting a battle ofmaking sure your spirits are
high.
Because I saw the fear in hiseyes, because he was like what
am I supposed to do?
He was like what do you think?
And he looked.
He was like what do you think?

(51:30):
And he looked at me to make thedecision and I'm like, if this
is the wrong decision?

Speaker 3 (51:36):
That's so me.

Speaker 4 (51:37):
That's so me, because my husband truly is trusting me
with his life and that spokevolumes to me too.
Hearing his dad thank me forbeing there.
Hearing his sister say he helucky to have you, you know
those things I valued at thattime to realize I'm an important
person in his life.
I don't know I cope by cryingin the car.

(51:58):
I never show real emotionsaround him.
Too often it has to be abreaking point Because if
whatever emotion I show, oh, hego take it on 10 times.
So if I'm crying or if I'm hurt, he's feeling like he got to
fix it and I'm like it's nothingyou can fix, I'm just going

(52:18):
through it and I tried not toever show him that, but it would
be plenty of times.
I would cry in the car and I'llhave testimonies in the car and
saying thank you, lord, you know, and I'll have testimonies in
the car and saying thank you,lord, because we are blessed.
Our story could have ended at2017, 2018, but God didn't see
that for us.
So I don't take him for granted.

(52:40):
I don't take our marriage forgranted.
I don't take our relationshipwith our kids.
One thing he didn't say thatchanged in him.
he got closer to our kidsthrough One thing he didn't say,
that changed in him he gotcloser to our kids through that,
especially our son, becausethey didn't speak the same
language, they didn't understandeach other and again you know
he's just seeing one parentalmost pass away.

(53:00):
And then he got his dad now,who also is battling and he
don't understand.
Kids at that age don't know thesignificance of what you go
through.
So it took him to startbuilding that relationship,
start being so tough and stopfighting for his point in the
house and realize the kids arenot nothing, anything like you.

(53:21):
Just let them be who they areand raise them in the manner
that needs to be.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
So yeah, it's tough because a lot of what you guys
are saying kind of hits home,because in retrospect I feel
like our children see us assuperhuman You're not going to
die until that time comes.
And now their life is shatteredand I remember my kids being
upset at me for not telling themsooner, like I can't tell you I

(53:47):
have a tumor with no planthat's not going to help you out
.
But they didn't care about that.
They feel like you have toinclude me and you know they
want to be included and as aparent it's hard.
You gotta, I know shaking yourhead like no, there's no way
there's no way I'm gonna tellyou, but but that's exactly what
it was, uh.
And there's one more thing.

(54:08):
So of course, with every tumorthey have to, you know, take a
biopsy.
You know they came back that Ihad uh cancer wow but they
retested and it was benign.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
I know I say that kind of quick because, yes, yeah
, we have so much that you'recarrying at that moment for the
family to come back and like,yeah, this is yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
It said yeah, there's a trace of glioma that's what
they call it and it's likecancer of the brain and I just
had a brother-in-law that justdied from it.
Like I mean fast, veryunfortunate.
And now I'm hearing I have itand the possibility of surviving
it is less than 10.
So I was just like, really, soI had to deal with that for a

(54:51):
week that I didn't tell anyonebecause I know they're retesting
, but I say that to say theydon't see you dying they just
don't see that.
So until that time comes.
So that was a week in hell andhell, bro, and I had to do it
myself, especially my mom.
There's no way I could tell,there's no way I could tell my
mom I can't, I can't tell anyone, I just had to do it myself,
especially my mom.
There's no way I could tell,there's no way I could tell my
mom I can't tell anyone.

(55:12):
I just had to deal with it.
Until she came back, she waslike, yeah, we had a feeling
that something was kind of offwith the biopsy and I'm just
like okay, great, I think thatwas God's joke.
Ha, ha.
It wasn't really funny but itwas like yo, why would you do it
?
But I think a lot of that kindof revives.
You Sometimes in church we haverevivals where you've got to

(55:35):
refocus, and my refocus rightnow is being intentional about a
lot of the things that I do inlife, a lot of the relationships
you kind of strengthen your,your children, so on and so
forth.
So, um, I don't take anythingfor granted anymore great and
she's not here, unfortunately,your wife.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
I don't know if you can answer this question.
No, probably not.
How has this experience broughtyou closer, if at all?

Speaker 3 (56:02):
you know what's crazy ?
Um, I think you get to a pointin this society, this culture,
where you think you have it alltogether.
You think you're independentfor real, for real.
So far it's a lie, because whenI couldn't speak, I was taking
a lot of steroids which made me,I guess, according to them, a
little more angrier than Inormally am.

(56:22):
Like, she literally took careof me, regardless of whatever
that was going on, took care ofme for days, months, even till
now yeah I don't think it everends.
It's just a level of care andconcern that you normally think
you only get from your mom, butit's actually coming from
someone else that chooses to dothat.

(56:44):
Right, it's, I see youdifferently because I would do
the same.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
Yeah, yeah, lord you, just a key word right there.
That's a choice that chooses todo this right Cause the mom's
always going to be there andwe'll do it to her last breath.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
But I couldn't even wipe my own ass.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
She wiped my ass, man , that's real.

Speaker 4 (57:05):
It's real.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
That's real.
That's, that's real.
That was an experience.

Speaker 4 (57:17):
The irony of it all we was having a conversation
with my mom and I was like, ifyou get old and I have to wipe
your ass, you just gotta go tothe nursing home, mom.
And she was like, um, nope, I'mnot, I'm, you're gonna, you're
gonna do it because you're somemother's love, you're gonna love
me enough.
So I was like no, mom, I'm justnot gonna wipe anybody else.
I'm like I'm not wipingwillie's, I'm not watching you
wiping yours and then turnaround and have to wipe, then

(57:40):
it's not a little ass I was likeand it's got to be clean.
I was like, no, and I didn'twant anybody wiping him up, I
didn't want anybody doinganything.
I was like I got this.
Like you know, you have nursesthere that could be there, but I
knew the dignity of my husbandand what he would expect and I

(58:01):
was like, oh, let me put thispride aside, but it was an
experience you know, um, so younever say what you're not going
to do because, like my mom said,unconditional love will teach
you.
Man, I was like Jesus, I saidit, but I didn't really mean it
you didn't have to prove mewrong.
Like here we go it's real butno, it was.

(58:23):
It's one of those things thatyou just go through it, you as a
spouse, as having somebodythere.
There, you know, one thing youhit on.
My husband used to always sayis um, the only woman that ever
loved me unconditionally was mymama.
And I'm like damn, what aboutme?
No, I get it.

(58:45):
I had to prove my love to him,like, because, you know, moms,
nobody can compare to a man anda mama Like.
I raised a boy and I don't carewhat them little heifers think
they do, I'm his mama.
He might fuss at me, he mightbe like no, I ain't doing it,
but at the end of the day, if Ilook and say, ok, well, fine, he

(59:07):
come running and so with that,if you would have asked us what
at the beginning of our marriage, baby, you better call your
sister.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
But you know what's crazy.
We grew into this.
We grew, we grew into this love.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
That's exactly.
That's a great point, becauseit actually gets stronger.
Yes, and some people think thatover time it dilutes, but I've
seen the opposite.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
I've witnessed the opposite it gets real yeah,
that's the word real, yeah it'snot even that I don't consider
that emotion.
Love it's those moments whereyou you're doing things out of
duty because it's the rightthing to do.
I love this person.
I want to make, I love thisperson.
I want to make sure that thisperson is okay.
Like you said, he would havefelt a certain way if someone

(59:55):
else was cleaning him, but youknow that about them.
So to me that's the act of lovethat really matters.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
That's real, that's real.
And just sleeping on that greencouch, I mean that is love.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
Uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
If you have never experienced that green couch or
that chair, that gray chair orthat green couch, baby.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
I already know.

Speaker 4 (01:00:18):
That's love right there.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I don't know who got that damn contract.
But that is just shit.

Speaker 4 (01:00:20):
I know right, it's such an ass.
That green shit out, because itdoesn't matter where you are in
this country.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
It's a stupid ass, green couch.

Speaker 4 (01:00:28):
Yeah, and they think, now that they can pull the
cushion down, it's supposed tomake it better.
No it does not, but yeah, no.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
So last question, not to tug anymore at your
heartstrings, but I have to askall three of you If today was
your last day, what is the onething you want your spouse to
know?

Speaker 4 (01:00:47):
without a doubt, I wouldn't have done this with
anybody else.
Oh man, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
Leave it to her to just shut you all up.
I think she's speaking for allthree.
No, she's not.

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
What you got to say back, what you want me to know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
That sums it up.
I changed for you.
It was all for you, wow.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Yeah, y'all for you.
Wow, yeah, y'all are deep ashell.
Man, there's no way, followthat brother.
I can follow that, follow that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
The message I would want her to know is that I want
her to know not to worry.
If she were in my shoes, seewhat I'm saying.
Like I would do it for you ahundred times over, like I would
pay that forward right back toyou.
You don't have to worry, andI've been through it, so I know,
so I got you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
Fantastic, are you asking me.
Nobody asked me, so I'm justgoing to move on.

Speaker 4 (01:01:41):
What you, over there, telling us all Did you have
surgery.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
You know, if today was my last day, I've always
felt guilty in a sense that Ididn't meet her sooner, that I
wasn't there to protect her whenshe needed protecting.
I wish I could change that.
She needs to know that I'malways going to be there, no
matter what happens, that shenever has to question that I
have an extreme devotion tocommitment.
So for me it's for real, it'sfor life.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
All right, all right, there you go this guy man, when
I tell you I admire this guy,always have so I think, you got
10 years over me yeah when Itell you, I don't kill.
He was like he doesn't knowthis, but there was a point in
time in my life where, you know,he was my big brother right and

(01:02:29):
there was this admiration, notabout what he did or what he can
do, it was just his presence,his love for love.
He was always this poeticShakespeare type of person.
I'm like yo, bro, but I alwaysadmire you, and until today it
just never stops.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
So I appreciate being here, bro, I appreciate you
guys being here.
I appreciate you, stan, loveyou guys man.
So, yeah, you lost the betearlier, you lost the coin toss.
So I'm about to hand this overto you.
I have a brain injury.

Speaker 3 (01:03:02):
It's hard for me to read.

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
So you lost the coin toss.
That means you have to read theoutro, but in whoever's voice
we, we decide.
Yeah, I know that you could doa good haitian accent.
Almost not haitian haitian I'veever met him.

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
I think I can do haitian if you are not following
the show.
Um, that leaves us a gloriousfive-star sync review.
Uh, it will really help us togrow.
What is the difference uh, itdoes sound african between a

(01:03:45):
17-year marriage and athree-year marriage?
Give up 14 years, 14, 14.
Next week, we will have a real,grown, unfiltered conversation
about those experiences and whatcan expect in most
relationships, trust me.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
You do not want to miss this manhood matters, cause
it never ended from ourperspective or the truth, a
podcast for all that I pointedto.