September 16, 2025 • 12 mins
A marriage advice detox can transform your relationship by eliminating harmful myths and replacing them with practical communication skills. Bad marriage advice like "never go to bed angry" or "happy wife, happy life" often sounds good but leads to frustration and resentment when applied to real relationships.
• Identify the marriage beliefs and advice you've been operating under
• Challenge unhelpful advice by asking if it's actually serving your relationship
• Replace false beliefs with communication skills that foster connection
• Implement the 3% rule: daily communication, weekly date nights, yearly check-ins
• Many couples give up prematurely because they're holding themselves to impossible standards
• The common thread in all bad marriage advice is lazy communication
• Write new rules specifically for your marriage instead of following generic advice
My new book "Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That'll Make You Miserable and What to Do Instead" launches October 1st! Join my launch team by emailing moni@monicatanner.com or sign up for the waitlist at badmarriageadvice.com to be notified when it's available.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever
After podcast.
I'm your host, monica Tanner,and we are going to continue in
our series talking about badmarriage advice, and today's
episode is based on aconversation I had with my
husband the other day where wetalked about how we needed to
detox meaning we've been eatingpretty badly these last few
(00:25):
months lots of sweets and lotsof fast food and things that
aren't really great for our bodyand so periodically we like to
just detox, meaning we're eatingmore healthy, we're being more
conscious of the things we'retaking into our body, because
food is fuel, and so I thoughttoday I would talk about a bad
(00:45):
marriage detox.
Meaning thinking about andbeing conscious of what ideas
and beliefs go in, especiallysurrounding the idea of marriage
.
But when this episode comes out, there's only a couple weeks
left until the launch of my bookBad Marriage Advice.
So if you would like to be partof the launch team meaning
(01:08):
getting the inside scoop on allof these bestseller launch
strategies and lots of Q and A'sand a special challenge I'm
hosting just for my launch teamthat's going to be all about
creating more intimacy in yourmarriage quickly be sure you
email me, monnie, atmonicatanercom, let me know
(01:31):
you're in for the launch teamand I will get you all of the
information.
What we're asking is supersimple just that you purchase a
copy of Bad Marriage Advice onlaunch day and leave a review as
soon as you've read it.
All right on to today's episode.
Let's be honest.
How much marriage advice haveyou been given over the years
(01:54):
from your parents, your friends,your coworkers or even some
random person on social media?
Are you taking in bad marriageadvice or marriage advice that
you haven't fully thoughtthrough?
Because here's the thing abouta lot of this bad quippy advice
it sounds good.
When you hear it, youautomatically think, yeah, that
(02:17):
seems like it would be good, butit ends up making you feel
miserable in your marriage.
It's a lot like food Sometimesthat comfort food like homemade
mac and cheese or something likethat.
It looks like it would be sogood for you, but when you think
about the calories and the fatand the just simple carb intake
(02:40):
sometimes it gives us astomachache, right.
So I want you to think aboutthe marriage advice you have
been given and that you'reoperating on in your marriage
and think about has it actuallyhelped?
Today I want to walk youthrough a marriage detox because
, just like your body feelsbetter when you cut out the junk
(03:00):
food and focus on realnourishment, your marriage can
completely transform when youclear out the junk that's been
weighing it down.
This episode is really specialbecause, like I said, in just
two weeks the book Bad MarriageAdvice Debunking Myths That'll
Make you Miserable and what toDo Instead launches on Amazon
(03:22):
and will be available forpurchase.
So I'm getting really excited.
So let's talk about why wemight need a marriage advice
detox For one.
A lot of the advice out therecan be confusing, contradictory
and even harmful.
The brain clings to thesesimple, quippy cliches because
(03:45):
they're easy to remember, evenwhen they're not helpful, and
over time these myths becomelike rules, especially, I feel,
like older generations that havebeen handing it down.
When somebody we look up to andrespect says something like
happy wife, happy life or nevergo to bed angry, it sticks with
(04:08):
us.
But then we get so frustratedwhen we're up in the middle of
the night arguing, or we feellike our marriage is one-sided
and only one person's happinessis really important.
Sometimes I think aboutmarriage advice like downloading
too many apps on your phone.
At first it seems like they'reall super helpful, but
(04:29):
eventually it starts slowingeverything down.
It's draining your battery morequickly, and half of the apps
are glitchy and don't even work.
Marriage advice can be the sameway, but it's possible to go
through and delete the apps thatare not working in order to
make your phone run moreoptimally.
We can do the same with badmarriage advice, so I'm going to
(04:52):
give you a couple of easy stepshere.
Step one is identify the junkadvice.
Now, my book that's coming outreally soon is going to help,
because it includes 15 pieces ofbad marriage advice and why
it's bad marriage advice, aswell as what to do instead.
This idea of marriage requirescompromise, or, if you're
(05:16):
fighting a lot, maybe youmarried the wrong person.
Or this idea that love is allyou need.
I want you to really go throughin your mind and maybe get out
a piece of paper and a pencil oryour journal and write down
some of these marriage beliefsthat you've been operating by,
whether you've been married fordays or decades, or you're not
(05:37):
even married yet.
I want you to think about whatis the big marriage advice that
I was given, what are my beliefsaround it, and is it actually
helpful?
Step two, of course, ischallenge those ideas.
If your answer to the questionis is it helpful?
Is no, many times it'sunhelpful.
(05:59):
Many times it causes more painand frustration than I want you
to challenge it.
I want you to think about isthere a better idea that's going
to bring more connection andintimacy, and especially
communication, into my marriage?
For example, never go to bedangry.
Could we maybe replace thatwith?
(06:20):
Rest is really important, andso if something doesn't get
resolved and it's late at night,we should press pause and
revisit it in the morning whenwe're both fresh.
If you're operating under theassumption that compromise is
the only way and you feel likeyou're giving up so much, maybe
(06:40):
you could challenge it with theidea of there has to be a way
for both of us to get more ofwhat we want in this
relationship.
What skills of communicationand cooperation can we add so
that this partnership feels morecollaborative?
So, like I said, step two is topoke holes in your beliefs or
(07:03):
ideas.
If it sounds nice but it feelsimpossible, that's a red flag.
Truth is sometimes hard at thebeginning, but it will set you
free.
It might stretch you, but inthis, discomfort is where all
the growth and progress happens.
So step one is to identify yourbeliefs around marriage.
(07:27):
Step two challenge thosebeliefs and then step three is
to replace those false beliefsand ideas with skills,
especially and specificallycommunication skills.
I will tell you that thethrough line of all 15 pieces of
bad marriage advice that I talkabout in my book is lazy
(07:50):
communication.
So what I'm really teaching youin each one of those chapters
are skills to communicate moreeffectively and efficiently.
So detoxing doesn't mean justcutting out the junk.
It's really important toreplace it with something
nourishing.
(08:10):
For example, if you'reoperating on an idea that if my
spouse loved me, they would knowhow to make me happy, they
would know what I need at anygiven moment, you've got to
replace that idea with goodskills around making requests.
It is more vulnerable to make arequest because your spouse can
(08:32):
either honor it or not, andthat is scary, especially if we
grew up with the idea that agood person doesn't have needs
and desires.
Again, that'll give yousomething to look at and address
.
If you're operating on thisidea that you love each other so
much, what could go wrong?
(08:52):
Love is all you need.
It will get you throughanything At some point.
That's going to be superfrustrating.
You have to be willing toreplace that with what I call my
3% rule, which is implementinghabits of daily communication,
weekly date night and yearlyrelationship check-ins.
(09:15):
One of the things I reallytried to do with this book is
make it fun and funny and easyto get through.
I really truly believe that oneof the reasons that so many
couples give up prematurely isbecause they're holding
themselves to impossiblestandards.
They think things like we fighttoo much, maybe we're not meant
(09:38):
to be or we're too different,maybe we're just not compatible.
But the truth is is you're justfollowing a faulty guidebook?
A detox will let you startfresh.
It'll give you permission tosay that advice isn't really
serving us.
We're going to write new rulesspecifically for our marriage.
(10:01):
That's what I'm all about.
We want to ditch resentment,ditch roommate syndrome, ditch
bad marriage advice and get backto writing the happily ever
after love story.
We want to be remembered for.
Remember that your kids andyour grandkids and members of
your community are watching you.
It's not too late to ditch thebad advice, detox it and replace
(10:26):
it with things that arenourishing for your marriage.
So here's your challenge thisweek I want you to do a bad
marriage advice detox inpreparation for Bad Marriage
Advice, the book that's comingout October 1st.
Step one write down a fewpieces of bad marriage advice
(10:46):
that you have been carryingaround.
Number two ask yourself is thishelpful or harmful?
And step three replace it witha truth or skill that sets you
free.
And, of course, if you likedthis episode, you are going to
love my new book.
It's basically one big detox.
(11:07):
It comes out October 1st and Icouldn't be more excited to get
it in the most hands humanlypossible of couples who are
striving to live a true happilyever after that they can be
proud of.
So if you want to be notifiedthe moment it's available on
(11:28):
Amazon, be sure to go tobadmarriageadvicecom and sign up
on the wait list there.
And if you wanna be part ofthis movement and get all the
behind the scenes and extrabonuses, join my launch team by
emailing me,monnieatmonicatanercom, and I'll
give you all the details on howyou can help.
(11:50):
Marriage deserves better advice, and so do you and every young
couple embarking on theadventure of marriage.
I want to hear all about yourdetox, so feel free to send me
an email and I will be here,same time, same place next week.
And until then, happymarriaging.
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever
After podcast.
I'm your host, monica Tanner,and we are going to continue in
our series talking about badmarriage advice, and today's
episode is based on aconversation I had with my
husband the other day where wetalked about how we needed to
detox meaning we've been eatingpretty badly these last few
(00:25):
months lots of sweets and lotsof fast food and things that
aren't really great for our bodyand so periodically we like to
just detox, meaning we're eatingmore healthy, we're being more
conscious of the things we'retaking into our body, because
food is fuel, and so I thoughttoday I would talk about a bad
(00:45):
marriage detox.
Meaning thinking about andbeing conscious of what ideas
and beliefs go in, especiallysurrounding the idea of marriage
.
But when this episode comes out, there's only a couple weeks
left until the launch of my bookBad Marriage Advice.
So if you would like to be partof the launch team meaning
(01:08):
getting the inside scoop on allof these bestseller launch
strategies and lots of Q and A'sand a special challenge I'm
hosting just for my launch teamthat's going to be all about
creating more intimacy in yourmarriage quickly be sure you
email me, monnie, atmonicatanercom, let me know
(01:31):
you're in for the launch teamand I will get you all of the
information.
What we're asking is supersimple just that you purchase a
copy of Bad Marriage Advice onlaunch day and leave a review as
soon as you've read it.
All right on to today's episode.
Let's be honest.
How much marriage advice haveyou been given over the years
(01:54):
from your parents, your friends,your coworkers or even some
random person on social media?
Are you taking in bad marriageadvice or marriage advice that
you haven't fully thoughtthrough?
Because here's the thing abouta lot of this bad quippy advice
it sounds good.
When you hear it, youautomatically think, yeah, that
(02:17):
seems like it would be good, butit ends up making you feel
miserable in your marriage.
It's a lot like food Sometimesthat comfort food like homemade
mac and cheese or something likethat.
It looks like it would be sogood for you, but when you think
about the calories and the fatand the just simple carb intake
(02:40):
sometimes it gives us astomachache, right.
So I want you to think aboutthe marriage advice you have
been given and that you'reoperating on in your marriage
and think about has it actuallyhelped?
Today I want to walk youthrough a marriage detox because
, just like your body feelsbetter when you cut out the junk
(03:00):
food and focus on realnourishment, your marriage can
completely transform when youclear out the junk that's been
weighing it down.
This episode is really specialbecause, like I said, in just
two weeks the book Bad MarriageAdvice Debunking Myths That'll
Make you Miserable and what toDo Instead launches on Amazon
(03:22):
and will be available forpurchase.
So I'm getting really excited.
So let's talk about why wemight need a marriage advice
detox For one.
A lot of the advice out therecan be confusing, contradictory
and even harmful.
The brain clings to thesesimple, quippy cliches because
(03:45):
they're easy to remember, evenwhen they're not helpful, and
over time these myths becomelike rules, especially, I feel,
like older generations that havebeen handing it down.
When somebody we look up to andrespect says something like
happy wife, happy life or nevergo to bed angry, it sticks with
(04:08):
us.
But then we get so frustratedwhen we're up in the middle of
the night arguing, or we feellike our marriage is one-sided
and only one person's happinessis really important.
Sometimes I think aboutmarriage advice like downloading
too many apps on your phone.
At first it seems like they'reall super helpful, but
(04:29):
eventually it starts slowingeverything down.
It's draining your battery morequickly, and half of the apps
are glitchy and don't even work.
Marriage advice can be the sameway, but it's possible to go
through and delete the apps thatare not working in order to
make your phone run moreoptimally.
We can do the same with badmarriage advice, so I'm going to
(04:52):
give you a couple of easy stepshere.
Step one is identify the junkadvice.
Now, my book that's coming outreally soon is going to help,
because it includes 15 pieces ofbad marriage advice and why
it's bad marriage advice, aswell as what to do instead.
This idea of marriage requirescompromise, or, if you're
(05:16):
fighting a lot, maybe youmarried the wrong person.
Or this idea that love is allyou need.
I want you to really go throughin your mind and maybe get out
a piece of paper and a pencil oryour journal and write down
some of these marriage beliefsthat you've been operating by,
whether you've been married fordays or decades, or you're not
(05:37):
even married yet.
I want you to think about whatis the big marriage advice that
I was given, what are my beliefsaround it, and is it actually
helpful?
Step two, of course, ischallenge those ideas.
If your answer to the questionis is it helpful?
Is no, many times it'sunhelpful.
(05:59):
Many times it causes more painand frustration than I want you
to challenge it.
I want you to think about isthere a better idea that's going
to bring more connection andintimacy, and especially
communication, into my marriage?
For example, never go to bedangry.
Could we maybe replace thatwith?
(06:20):
Rest is really important, andso if something doesn't get
resolved and it's late at night,we should press pause and
revisit it in the morning whenwe're both fresh.
If you're operating under theassumption that compromise is
the only way and you feel likeyou're giving up so much, maybe
(06:40):
you could challenge it with theidea of there has to be a way
for both of us to get more ofwhat we want in this
relationship.
What skills of communicationand cooperation can we add so
that this partnership feels morecollaborative?
So, like I said, step two is topoke holes in your beliefs or
(07:03):
ideas.
If it sounds nice but it feelsimpossible, that's a red flag.
Truth is sometimes hard at thebeginning, but it will set you
free.
It might stretch you, but inthis, discomfort is where all
the growth and progress happens.
So step one is to identify yourbeliefs around marriage.
(07:27):
Step two challenge thosebeliefs and then step three is
to replace those false beliefsand ideas with skills,
especially and specificallycommunication skills.
I will tell you that thethrough line of all 15 pieces of
bad marriage advice that I talkabout in my book is lazy
(07:50):
communication.
So what I'm really teaching youin each one of those chapters
are skills to communicate moreeffectively and efficiently.
So detoxing doesn't mean justcutting out the junk.
It's really important toreplace it with something
nourishing.
(08:10):
For example, if you'reoperating on an idea that if my
spouse loved me, they would knowhow to make me happy, they
would know what I need at anygiven moment, you've got to
replace that idea with goodskills around making requests.
It is more vulnerable to make arequest because your spouse can
(08:32):
either honor it or not, andthat is scary, especially if we
grew up with the idea that agood person doesn't have needs
and desires.
Again, that'll give yousomething to look at and address
.
If you're operating on thisidea that you love each other so
much, what could go wrong?
(08:52):
Love is all you need.
It will get you throughanything At some point.
That's going to be superfrustrating.
You have to be willing toreplace that with what I call my
3% rule, which is implementinghabits of daily communication,
weekly date night and yearlyrelationship check-ins.
(09:15):
One of the things I reallytried to do with this book is
make it fun and funny and easyto get through.
I really truly believe that oneof the reasons that so many
couples give up prematurely isbecause they're holding
themselves to impossiblestandards.
They think things like we fighttoo much, maybe we're not meant
(09:38):
to be or we're too different,maybe we're just not compatible.
But the truth is is you're justfollowing a faulty guidebook?
A detox will let you startfresh.
It'll give you permission tosay that advice isn't really
serving us.
We're going to write new rulesspecifically for our marriage.
(10:01):
That's what I'm all about.
We want to ditch resentment,ditch roommate syndrome, ditch
bad marriage advice and get backto writing the happily ever
after love story.
We want to be remembered for.
Remember that your kids andyour grandkids and members of
your community are watching you.
It's not too late to ditch thebad advice, detox it and replace
(10:26):
it with things that arenourishing for your marriage.
So here's your challenge thisweek I want you to do a bad
marriage advice detox inpreparation for Bad Marriage
Advice, the book that's comingout October 1st.
Step one write down a fewpieces of bad marriage advice
(10:46):
that you have been carryingaround.
Number two ask yourself is thishelpful or harmful?
And step three replace it witha truth or skill that sets you
free.
And, of course, if you likedthis episode, you are going to
love my new book.
It's basically one big detox.
(11:07):
It comes out October 1st and Icouldn't be more excited to get
it in the most hands humanlypossible of couples who are
striving to live a true happilyever after that they can be
proud of.
So if you want to be notifiedthe moment it's available on
(11:28):
Amazon, be sure to go tobadmarriageadvicecom and sign up
on the wait list there.
And if you wanna be part ofthis movement and get all the
behind the scenes and extrabonuses, join my launch team by
emailing me,monnieatmonicatanercom, and I'll
give you all the details on howyou can help.
(11:50):
Marriage deserves better advice, and so do you and every young
couple embarking on theadventure of marriage.
I want to hear all about yourdetox, so feel free to send me
an email and I will be here,same time, same place next week.
And until then, happymarriaging.
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