March 11, 2025 • 15 mins
Walking with your partner is a powerful tool that has strengthened my marriage through every season, from dating challenges to parenting transitions and career changes.
• Discovered the power of walking while facing parental disapproval during our engagement
• Walking side-by-side creates a safe space for difficult conversations that face-to-face interaction doesn't
• Daily walks help us download the day, discuss challenges, and reconnect
• Beach walks and neighborhood loops have become our favorite ways to connect
• Walking protected our marriage during major life transitions including empty nesting and career changes
• Side-by-side movement (even driving) creates the same effect when walking isn't possible
• After 23 years of marriage, we're still learning new things about each other during our walks
If you have questions about anything, please do not hesitate to send me an email, moni@monicatanner.com. I can't wait to hear how your walks are going!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever
After podcast.
I'm your host, monica Tanner,and I am doing this episode solo
, without Nate today.
So I know he brings so much tothe podcast and I had a hard
time coming up with a topic totalk about because everything I
came up with I was like, oh no,nate would have some great story
(00:22):
or point of view to add to thistopic, so we'll save that for a
time when we have Nate here.
So today I've really beenthinking about a tool that has
greatly improved my marriage,something that I feel like has
helped strengthen my marriage inevery single season, the good
(00:42):
times and the bad.
I recommended it to one of myclients today and I just really
feel like this one habit willreally fortify you and give you
what you need to make it throughall the busy seasons of your
marriage.
So I first discovered this toolwhen my husband and I were
(01:06):
still dating but getting reallyclose.
We wanted to get married and,uh, ben asked my parents if he
could marry me and my parentssaid no and they were pretty
adamant about it.
They felt like we were tooyoung.
He was still in school, wehadn't known each other long
enough and it was reallyheartbreaking because we were in
(01:33):
love, we wanted to be marriedand we wanted our parents
blessing.
So I had moved from Austin whereI went to school Austin, texas,
go Longhorns and I hadgraduated and I had all of these
plans for my life.
In fact, I was wanting to go ona mission for my church, I
wanted to start graduate schooland getting married was one of
(01:55):
the lowest things on my list.
But Ben came for the summer andwe spent tons of time together,
running together, exercisingtogether, hiking together.
We talked for hours and hoursand hours on end and by the end
of the summer we were in loveand I decided that maybe
(02:15):
marriage was the next right step, even though it wasn't even on
my radar before that.
So once the summer ended, benwent back to start school,
college where he was going inIdaho, and we kind of just kept
dating long distance over thephone, trying to make plans and
decide what the next step wouldbe.
(02:36):
And since I had alreadygraduated and I was kind of in
transition, we decided that Iwould move up to Idaho so that
we could be in closer proximityand date a little bit, as my
parents had requested, and soonce I moved up to Rexburg, it
was a pretty quick decision.
We were like, no, this is it.
(02:56):
We really want to get married.
And we asked my parents againand again.
They said no way, you have notknown each other long enough.
And this was actually reallyhard on our relationship.
In fact we almost broke up overit.
And what happened was we weren'tsure how to progress without
(03:18):
getting our parents blessing,and I think he kind of had some
second thoughts like maybe thisisn't going to work out, maybe
this isn't right, but here I wasin this strange place.
I'd never been to Idaho beforeand I didn't know a soul, and I
was on a college campus justworking, not going to school.
It was freezing cold.
(03:41):
I was so far out of my comfortzone and the future that I was
planning for was crumbling rightin front of me, and so I
panicked when he tried to breakup with me.
I panicked and so I called amentor of mine and I remember
sitting there and he said I wantyou to say a sincere prayer and
(04:04):
I want you to write down all ofthe moments or impressions when
you knew you were doing theright thing that leaving Texas,
moving to Rexburg, movingtowards marriage, um, the all of
the confirmations that you knewyou were doing the right thing.
And so I remember getting offthe phone and sitting in my car
(04:26):
it was freezing cold and I justsaid a little prayer and I
started jotting down in thisnotebook and I think I came up
with 127 separate times in thisshort span of a few months that
I knew I was doing the rightthing.
And I called Ben after he gotoff out of school and back then
(04:50):
we were.
I was calling landline tolandline.
It was super weird way, wayback when, 25 years ago, and I
asked him if we could talk andhe said, yep, I will come get
you.
And we went for a walk around.
I'm pretty sure it was a frozenpond, so cold, and I shared
(05:13):
with him this list.
I just said you know what?
I know you're having secondthoughts, I know we're running
up against some challenges, butI have prayed about it and I've
come up with all of these times,signs, signals, confirmations
that I was doing the right thing, and so I think it would be
really premature to just give upnow.
(05:34):
And I remember he did not giveme the validation or the
response that I was hoping for.
He gave me a hug and he waslike thank you so much for
sharing this with me that I washoping for.
He gave me a hug and he waslike thank you so much for
sharing this with me.
Let me think about it.
And so we got back in the carand he drove me back to where I
lived and he went back to hisapartment and I was still
(05:57):
panicking inside, but I rememberfeeling kind of a peace like oh
, I've done all that I can doand now it's just in God's hands
, right, yeah, and so over thenext couple of days we got
together and, you know, kind oftalked about things and soon
after he proposed so wecontinued on, and so that walk
(06:21):
and I credit prayer and thatwalk around that frozen pond, uh
, with getting through or beingable to talk through a really
difficult point in ourrelationship and in the 23 years
that we've been married we'vegone through highs and lows,
(06:42):
we've had challenges, we've hadhealth challenges, we've had
different seasons that we'vegone through and, especially in
the last few years, lots oftransitions and walking together
and talking and being able togo have difficult conversations
(07:03):
while walking in the samedirection has really, really,
not only strengthened butsafeguarded our relationship,
and so today I wanted to talkabout this habit of walking.
Now, ben and I walk daily.
We like to download the day.
On Sundays we take a familywalk, but most of the other days
(07:28):
of the week, ben and I walktogether.
We have a loop around ourneighborhood that we do, and
then on date nights we'll go forlonger walks.
When we go on vacations, welove to hike and walk.
We love to walk throughdifferent cities, and one of our
very favorite places to walk ison the beach.
So every single year, for thelast at least 10 years, we take
(07:51):
a vacation to a beach somewhereand we love to walk up and down
the beach.
In fact, my husband it's likehis favorite thing to do.
He feels like he gets so muchclarity and understanding when
he's walking on a beach, and sowalking together or moving in
the same direction is awonderful way to learn new
(08:15):
things about each other.
Bring up difficult conversations, work through challenges, talk
about gratitude, learn abouteach other's strengths, be able
to discuss each other'sweaknesses, dream together, make
plans for the future, talkabout difficult transitions and
things that are going on in yourlives or in the lives of your
(08:38):
children or your family members,and so I just cannot recommend
enough being able to make thetime to walk together.
And if you can't walk, if yourhealth or the weather or
something else keeps you frombeing able to walk, then driving
(09:00):
in the same direction also hasthe same effect If you're
driving sitting side by side andable to have these types of
deep, meaningful by side andable to have these types of deep
, meaningful, connecting,intimate conversations.
So we could talk about roadtrips my husband and I have
taken I'll save that for anotherepisode, but it has the same
(09:24):
effect.
So, instead of, you know,sitting face to face, across
from each other and gazing intoeach other's eyes, sometimes
that's really intimidating.
It's hard to get vulnerable,it's hard to have tough
conversations.
Even sitting in bed, um, is atough place to uh, and I know
that's, you know, kind of adefault for people Like you get
(09:46):
the kids to bed, you'reexhausted, you're sitting in bed
and trying to have theseconversations.
I promise, if you will addwalking to your daily at least
frequently, or weekly um routinewith your spouse or your
partner, you will experience somuch connection and closeness
(10:09):
and I can be so bold as to sayit will protect your marriage
from difficult things that youare called to go through.
So I just wanted to make thisepisode a quick one.
I wanted to talk aboutsomething that I really, over
the last probably three or fouryears I think I have recognized
(10:32):
the blessing of walking togetherwith my partner, as we've gone
through so many transitions.
About three years ago my oldestgraduated from high school and
left the home and he went on atwo-year mission, came back.
Now he's getting married.
We're planning his wedding.
It's so exciting.
My husband last year sold hisbusiness that we built together
(10:56):
for 20 years and he went back towork and he has a work schedule
now.
So we talked so much less and Ithink it's become really
prominent, this habit of walking, because before, when he owned
his business, we talked allthroughout the day, whether it
was we called each other ortexted each other or we were
(11:20):
constantly working together ondifferent things and he just had
a lot more time.
And now we don't as much talkthroughout the day.
We wait until he gets home fromwork, we go for walks, whether
it's daytime or nighttime, andwe just kind of download the day
and talk about.
You know all the things thatare on our mind, all the things
(11:42):
that are going on, and now oursecond child is graduating from
high school and she's, you know,figuring out what her next step
is and things like that.
So lots of really fun andinteresting transitions.
There have been challengesinvolved in some of these things
and I know I had a bout of kindof anxiety when my son was
(12:03):
coming home from his mission.
There was a lot going on, a lotof family coming in town, and
so we have been able to reallyget through those challenges
together merely by walking andtalking.
So if you live close to a beach, you're in the mountains, you
can hike together, but myhusband and I have loved just
(12:25):
walking around the loop in ourneighborhood.
Another reason that we'vegotten so good at walking around
our neighborhood is we have ahouse full of teenagers and on
the weekends they love to havetheir friends over and we love
having all the kids at our houseand we don't feel comfortable
maybe going far for a date night, and so lots of times we will
(12:47):
just spend date night or theweekend nights, when our house
is full of teenagers close tohome, walking around our
neighborhood for hours justtalking about the things that
are on our minds, on our hearts,the things we're thinking about
, how we're thinking about them,our dreams, so many wonderful
(13:08):
things.
So my strong recommendation foryou, if you're already doing
this, if you're already walkingwith your partner, I would say
up the frequency of your walksand definitely think about
adding in difficultconversations, ones that you've,
you know, been nervous, tothings that you've been nervous
(13:29):
to bring up.
If you're running out of thingsto talk about, you can look up
conversation starters.
There's the Gottman card deckson my website.
There's tons of questions youcan ask your spouse.
So definitely kind of up yourgame up level, instead of just
being on autopilot like plan outor, you know, really share
(13:52):
what's on your heart and on yourmind and try to learn something
new about your spouse.
My husband and I have beenmarried, for it'll be 23 years
this year and we are stilllearning things about one
another.
Um, there's no end to that.
So, and if you're not walkingor driving, then start, start
(14:14):
somewhere.
Do it for date night, um, uh,you know, start doing it a
couple of times a week.
Um, just a little 10 minutewalk around the neighborhood.
I guarantee being out in thefresh air, being together, being
out in the fresh air, beingtogether, walking in the same
direction and having somethingdeep, difficult, connecting,
(14:35):
intimate to talk about will dowonders for your relationship.
So thank you so much forjoining me for this episode, the
solo episode that I did withoutNate.
I'm sure Nate would jump onhere and be like heck, yes,
start walking.
But since he's not here, you'lljust have to take my word for
it and make sure you join usnext week for a special
(14:58):
interview that I did withMarriage IQ Super fun.
If you have questions aboutanything, please do not hesitate
to send me an email, moni atmonicatanercom.
So M-O-N-I at monicatanercom,and I can't wait to hear from
(15:18):
all of you how your walks aregoing.
Bye-bye for now.
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever
After podcast.
I'm your host, monica Tanner,and I am doing this episode solo
, without Nate today.
So I know he brings so much tothe podcast and I had a hard
time coming up with a topic totalk about because everything I
came up with I was like, oh no,nate would have some great story
(00:22):
or point of view to add to thistopic, so we'll save that for a
time when we have Nate here.
So today I've really beenthinking about a tool that has
greatly improved my marriage,something that I feel like has
helped strengthen my marriage inevery single season, the good
(00:42):
times and the bad.
I recommended it to one of myclients today and I just really
feel like this one habit willreally fortify you and give you
what you need to make it throughall the busy seasons of your
marriage.
So I first discovered this toolwhen my husband and I were
(01:06):
still dating but getting reallyclose.
We wanted to get married and,uh, ben asked my parents if he
could marry me and my parentssaid no and they were pretty
adamant about it.
They felt like we were tooyoung.
He was still in school, wehadn't known each other long
enough and it was reallyheartbreaking because we were in
(01:33):
love, we wanted to be marriedand we wanted our parents
blessing.
So I had moved from Austin whereI went to school Austin, texas,
go Longhorns and I hadgraduated and I had all of these
plans for my life.
In fact, I was wanting to go ona mission for my church, I
wanted to start graduate schooland getting married was one of
(01:55):
the lowest things on my list.
But Ben came for the summer andwe spent tons of time together,
running together, exercisingtogether, hiking together.
We talked for hours and hoursand hours on end and by the end
of the summer we were in loveand I decided that maybe
(02:15):
marriage was the next right step, even though it wasn't even on
my radar before that.
So once the summer ended, benwent back to start school,
college where he was going inIdaho, and we kind of just kept
dating long distance over thephone, trying to make plans and
decide what the next step wouldbe.
(02:36):
And since I had alreadygraduated and I was kind of in
transition, we decided that Iwould move up to Idaho so that
we could be in closer proximityand date a little bit, as my
parents had requested, and soonce I moved up to Rexburg, it
was a pretty quick decision.
We were like, no, this is it.
(02:56):
We really want to get married.
And we asked my parents againand again.
They said no way, you have notknown each other long enough.
And this was actually reallyhard on our relationship.
In fact we almost broke up overit.
And what happened was we weren'tsure how to progress without
(03:18):
getting our parents blessing,and I think he kind of had some
second thoughts like maybe thisisn't going to work out, maybe
this isn't right, but here I wasin this strange place.
I'd never been to Idaho beforeand I didn't know a soul, and I
was on a college campus justworking, not going to school.
It was freezing cold.
(03:41):
I was so far out of my comfortzone and the future that I was
planning for was crumbling rightin front of me, and so I
panicked when he tried to breakup with me.
I panicked and so I called amentor of mine and I remember
sitting there and he said I wantyou to say a sincere prayer and
(04:04):
I want you to write down all ofthe moments or impressions when
you knew you were doing theright thing that leaving Texas,
moving to Rexburg, movingtowards marriage, um, the all of
the confirmations that you knewyou were doing the right thing.
And so I remember getting offthe phone and sitting in my car
(04:26):
it was freezing cold and I justsaid a little prayer and I
started jotting down in thisnotebook and I think I came up
with 127 separate times in thisshort span of a few months that
I knew I was doing the rightthing.
And I called Ben after he gotoff out of school and back then
(04:50):
we were.
I was calling landline tolandline.
It was super weird way, wayback when, 25 years ago, and I
asked him if we could talk andhe said, yep, I will come get
you.
And we went for a walk around.
I'm pretty sure it was a frozenpond, so cold, and I shared
(05:13):
with him this list.
I just said you know what?
I know you're having secondthoughts, I know we're running
up against some challenges, butI have prayed about it and I've
come up with all of these times,signs, signals, confirmations
that I was doing the right thing, and so I think it would be
really premature to just give upnow.
(05:34):
And I remember he did not giveme the validation or the
response that I was hoping for.
He gave me a hug and he waslike thank you so much for
sharing this with me that I washoping for.
He gave me a hug and he waslike thank you so much for
sharing this with me.
Let me think about it.
And so we got back in the carand he drove me back to where I
lived and he went back to hisapartment and I was still
(05:57):
panicking inside, but I rememberfeeling kind of a peace like oh
, I've done all that I can doand now it's just in God's hands
, right, yeah, and so over thenext couple of days we got
together and, you know, kind oftalked about things and soon
after he proposed so wecontinued on, and so that walk
(06:21):
and I credit prayer and thatwalk around that frozen pond, uh
, with getting through or beingable to talk through a really
difficult point in ourrelationship and in the 23 years
that we've been married we'vegone through highs and lows,
(06:42):
we've had challenges, we've hadhealth challenges, we've had
different seasons that we'vegone through and, especially in
the last few years, lots oftransitions and walking together
and talking and being able togo have difficult conversations
(07:03):
while walking in the samedirection has really, really,
not only strengthened butsafeguarded our relationship,
and so today I wanted to talkabout this habit of walking.
Now, ben and I walk daily.
We like to download the day.
On Sundays we take a familywalk, but most of the other days
(07:28):
of the week, ben and I walktogether.
We have a loop around ourneighborhood that we do, and
then on date nights we'll go forlonger walks.
When we go on vacations, welove to hike and walk.
We love to walk throughdifferent cities, and one of our
very favorite places to walk ison the beach.
So every single year, for thelast at least 10 years, we take
(07:51):
a vacation to a beach somewhereand we love to walk up and down
the beach.
In fact, my husband it's likehis favorite thing to do.
He feels like he gets so muchclarity and understanding when
he's walking on a beach, and sowalking together or moving in
the same direction is awonderful way to learn new
(08:15):
things about each other.
Bring up difficult conversations, work through challenges, talk
about gratitude, learn abouteach other's strengths, be able
to discuss each other'sweaknesses, dream together, make
plans for the future, talkabout difficult transitions and
things that are going on in yourlives or in the lives of your
(08:38):
children or your family members,and so I just cannot recommend
enough being able to make thetime to walk together.
And if you can't walk, if yourhealth or the weather or
something else keeps you frombeing able to walk, then driving
(09:00):
in the same direction also hasthe same effect If you're
driving sitting side by side andable to have these types of
deep, meaningful by side andable to have these types of deep
, meaningful, connecting,intimate conversations.
So we could talk about roadtrips my husband and I have
taken I'll save that for anotherepisode, but it has the same
(09:24):
effect.
So, instead of, you know,sitting face to face, across
from each other and gazing intoeach other's eyes, sometimes
that's really intimidating.
It's hard to get vulnerable,it's hard to have tough
conversations.
Even sitting in bed, um, is atough place to uh, and I know
that's, you know, kind of adefault for people Like you get
(09:46):
the kids to bed, you'reexhausted, you're sitting in bed
and trying to have theseconversations.
I promise, if you will addwalking to your daily at least
frequently, or weekly um routinewith your spouse or your
partner, you will experience somuch connection and closeness
(10:09):
and I can be so bold as to sayit will protect your marriage
from difficult things that youare called to go through.
So I just wanted to make thisepisode a quick one.
I wanted to talk aboutsomething that I really, over
the last probably three or fouryears I think I have recognized
(10:32):
the blessing of walking togetherwith my partner, as we've gone
through so many transitions.
About three years ago my oldestgraduated from high school and
left the home and he went on atwo-year mission, came back.
Now he's getting married.
We're planning his wedding.
It's so exciting.
My husband last year sold hisbusiness that we built together
(10:56):
for 20 years and he went back towork and he has a work schedule
now.
So we talked so much less and Ithink it's become really
prominent, this habit of walking, because before, when he owned
his business, we talked allthroughout the day, whether it
was we called each other ortexted each other or we were
(11:20):
constantly working together ondifferent things and he just had
a lot more time.
And now we don't as much talkthroughout the day.
We wait until he gets home fromwork, we go for walks, whether
it's daytime or nighttime, andwe just kind of download the day
and talk about.
You know all the things thatare on our mind, all the things
(11:42):
that are going on, and now oursecond child is graduating from
high school and she's, you know,figuring out what her next step
is and things like that.
So lots of really fun andinteresting transitions.
There have been challengesinvolved in some of these things
and I know I had a bout of kindof anxiety when my son was
(12:03):
coming home from his mission.
There was a lot going on, a lotof family coming in town, and
so we have been able to reallyget through those challenges
together merely by walking andtalking.
So if you live close to a beach, you're in the mountains, you
can hike together, but myhusband and I have loved just
(12:25):
walking around the loop in ourneighborhood.
Another reason that we'vegotten so good at walking around
our neighborhood is we have ahouse full of teenagers and on
the weekends they love to havetheir friends over and we love
having all the kids at our houseand we don't feel comfortable
maybe going far for a date night, and so lots of times we will
(12:47):
just spend date night or theweekend nights, when our house
is full of teenagers close tohome, walking around our
neighborhood for hours justtalking about the things that
are on our minds, on our hearts,the things we're thinking about
, how we're thinking about them,our dreams, so many wonderful
(13:08):
things.
So my strong recommendation foryou, if you're already doing
this, if you're already walkingwith your partner, I would say
up the frequency of your walksand definitely think about
adding in difficultconversations, ones that you've,
you know, been nervous, tothings that you've been nervous
(13:29):
to bring up.
If you're running out of thingsto talk about, you can look up
conversation starters.
There's the Gottman card deckson my website.
There's tons of questions youcan ask your spouse.
So definitely kind of up yourgame up level, instead of just
being on autopilot like plan outor, you know, really share
(13:52):
what's on your heart and on yourmind and try to learn something
new about your spouse.
My husband and I have beenmarried, for it'll be 23 years
this year and we are stilllearning things about one
another.
Um, there's no end to that.
So, and if you're not walkingor driving, then start, start
(14:14):
somewhere.
Do it for date night, um, uh,you know, start doing it a
couple of times a week.
Um, just a little 10 minutewalk around the neighborhood.
I guarantee being out in thefresh air, being together, being
out in the fresh air, beingtogether, walking in the same
direction and having somethingdeep, difficult, connecting,
(14:35):
intimate to talk about will dowonders for your relationship.
So thank you so much forjoining me for this episode, the
solo episode that I did withoutNate.
I'm sure Nate would jump onhere and be like heck, yes,
start walking.
But since he's not here, you'lljust have to take my word for
it and make sure you join usnext week for a special
(14:58):
interview that I did withMarriage IQ Super fun.
If you have questions aboutanything, please do not hesitate
to send me an email, moni atmonicatanercom.
So M-O-N-I at monicatanercom,and I can't wait to hear from
(15:18):
all of you how your walks aregoing.
Bye-bye for now.
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