Fostering Growth and Balance in Marital Relationships

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Join us on a sacred journey through the landscape of matrimony, where we'll explore the profound impact our individual contributions have on our marriage. Together, we promise to uncover the essence of what it means to bring value to your partnership, whether it's the fire that purifies or the ice that preserves. From the biblical narratives of loyalty and devotion in Ruth to the personal growth exemplified by Joseph, we'll share practical insights that will empower you to build a stronger, more balanced bond with your significant other.

Ever wondered how to strike the right balance of power and respect within your marriage? This episode, we're candidly discussing the common myths about partner availability, the dangers of settling, and the necessity of being equally yoked with your spouse. We share our own experiences in forming a strong marital partnership, emphasizing the need for teamwork and shared decision-making. It's time to reflect on how to foster a relationship that thrives on mutual growth and compatibility.

As we wrap up this heart-to-heart, we delve into the interplay between relationship dynamics, mental health, and maintaining a healthy marriage. From setting boundaries to the importance of seeking counsel, we'll guide you through the factors that contribute to a thriving partnership. We invite you to engage with us, sharing your thoughts and questions, as we continue to build stronger marriages for a fortified society. Remember, it takes two to build a marriage, but only one to destroy it; tune in next Monday for more empowering discussions.

Episode Transcript

Kenya (00:00):
Welcome to Marriage Mondays with the Kings.
I'm Kenya and I'm Shan, and weare the Kings.

Shan (00:04):
We are back Marriage Mondays with the Kings.
We're so happy that you arejoining us on tonight for
another show.
We're going to get intotonight's show, but you know, as
we always say, we can't do thatwithout thanking our sponsor.
So Christian Humor 4 slashInspiration is a group that is
designed to uplift, inspire andbring humor to everyday life in

(00:24):
a Christian way.
So if you are in the socialmedia, please check them out,
simply by going to search themon Facebook at ChristianHumorcom
.
Now, we never open our showwithout going before the Lord in
prayer.
So we ask that, if you all aresafely able to do so, bow your
head.
If you are listening, with yourhoney or as a family, we ask

(00:46):
that you join hands as we gobefore the Lord in prayer.
Most gracious Heavenly Father,we come to you, dear God, just
thanking you for another day.
Dear God, we thank you forbeing in the land of the living,
dear God, because we know thatthere are many.
That is not, dear God.
Dear God, we thank you forordering our steps.
We thank you for keeping us,protecting us and leading us,
dear God.
Dear God, we thank you forordering our steps.
We thank you for keeping us,protecting us and leading us,

(01:07):
dear God.
Dear God, we lift ourleadership around the world up
to you, dear God, in everycapacity.
If it's a teacher leading aclassroom all the way up to
officials, dear God, that leadscountries, heavenly Father, we
ask that each and every one ofthese individuals, or anybody
that's in a leadership position,will humble themselves enough
to fall to their knees, dear God, and ask you how to guide and

(01:30):
how you want them to direct andguide your people, dear God,
dear God, we ask that, as apeople, that you will continue
to just enter into our lives,dear God, that you will continue
to just direct us and keep us.
Heavenly Father, we ask, dearGod, that us as individuals,
dear God, be willing to allowyou to come in, dear God, that
we don't make decisions of ourown self, our own flesh, and,

(01:52):
dear God, turn around and saythat it is of you.
Heavenly Father, dear God, wethank you so much for what you
are doing in marriages and welift every marriage up to you,
dear God.
Dear God, anything that theenemy tries to do to come
against marriage or make theinstitution of marriage look bad
, dear God, we ask that you willbind that thing right now, in
the name of Jesus, heavenlyfather, we ask that you will

(02:15):
continue to allow individualsthat you have chosen to speak up
and speak out boldly pertainingto marriage and how you desire
for it to be, dear God.
That marriages will continue tobe examples to others, dear God
.
That there will again be adesire in the hearts of many for
marriage, heavenly Father, andthat individuals will wait on

(02:36):
the person that you have createdfor them to marry, dear God,
not who they think, but who youhave created, heavenly Father,
we thank you so much forMarriage Mondays with the Kings
giving the opportunity to beable to go before your people.
Dear God, we ask that it be lessof Kenya and I and more of you,
dear God, that you would useour mouths as a mouthpiece to be
a blessing to many, those whoare struggling right now in

(02:59):
their marriage, those who do notknow which way to turn.
Dear God, let the words that wespeak be answered, prayer, dear
God, and direction for thosewho feel like they want to give
up.
Dear God, we ask that youplease remove the enemy off
their marriage, heavenly father,and that they will not listen
to individuals who are tied tothe enemy, heavenly father, but

(03:19):
they will turn to you, that theywill seek guidance, dear God,
for their marriage, not whenit's just in turmoil, but as a
precaution, dear God, that theywill pre and be determined to
seek out guidance when it comesto their marriage.
Heavenly Father, we thank youso much for Kingdom Revelation,
gospel Network and ProsperityBroadcasting, dear God, that

(03:40):
allows us to go forth and notjust us, but many of your people
, dear God, on KRG, and to goforth to be a mouthpiece and a
blessing to many who arestruggling.
Dear God, we ask that those whoare struggling as this is mental
health month, heavenly father,with mental challenges, dear God
, we ask that you would justshow up and show out, dear God,
that what they may be goingthrough will be temporarily,

(04:02):
heavenly father, that the rainwill lift, dear God, and that
they will turn their trial intotestimony, dear God, Not they,
but you, dear God, that theywill go about just spreading the
testimony of you, heavenlyFather, how you came in and
showed out at their lowest point.
Not only that, dear God, butthat they would open their
hearts for you to be able tocome in.

(04:23):
We ask that you will bless thisshow on tonight, dear God.
We ask that you would justcontinue to keep Kenya and I as
we go forth in obedience to you.
Heavenly Father, we ask andpray all these things in your
son's Jesus name, amen.

Kenya (04:36):
Amen and our foundational scripture for the show comes
from Matthew, the 19th chapterand the sixth verse, and it
reads so they are no longer two,but one flesh.

Shan (04:45):
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate, and our motto forMarriage Mondays with the Kings
is helping to build strongermarriages, which lead to
stronger families and strongercommunities.

Kenya (04:56):
And our KRGN disclaimer.
Views expressed on this showare those of the hosts, guests
and callers and are notnecessarily those of this
station, its management or otheradvertisers.
This station holds noresponsibility for the validity
or accuracy of information onthis show.

Shan (05:14):
And please keep in mind that, although we are counseling
professionals, the informationshared on our show is for
ministry educational purposesonly.
Also, note that topicsdiscussed are reflective of
supporters who contact usdesiring to have a deeper
knowledge of these topics.
No information is shared on ourshow based upon our counseling
experiences.
Topics are for theencouragement of marriages,

(05:34):
families and communities as Goddesires us to minister.

Kenya (05:38):
And so the topic that we're going to be speaking on
tonight kind of goes back to aseries that we were doing a
little while back.
It happened to be a part of ourlove series that we did not get
a chance to get to, and so thetopic tonight is marriage.
What do you bring to the table,fire or ice?
Once again, the topic fortonight marriage.

(05:59):
What do you bring to the table,fire or ice?

Shan (06:02):
And so we want to let you all know because we always share
this with you, kind of like,how these topics come about.
I'm going to definitely saythat I feel you know, I'm sure
Kenya may feel the same way thatit is directed by God, and so
we didn't come up with thistopic on our own happened to be
having a conversation with anamazing counselor in the Central
Texas area and her name isYanikaka willis, and so we were

(06:25):
just kind of talking about, ifyou will, um, when it comes to
marriage, it's like, what is itthat people bring?
Now let's kind of go back alittle bit, and I know kenya
have some things that he want toshare, but if you all remember,
not too long ago maybe, maybeit was last year, whatever the
case may be everybody was so bigthe singles, that is of what do

(06:47):
you bring to the table?
You know, all these little I'mgoing to say corny cliches,
y'all just pray for me, but whatdo you bring to the table?
And so I kind of get it, butthen, at the same token, I don't
.
However, we're going to speakand share some things with the
singles on tonight, but we sharesome things with the singles on
tonight, but we are wanting toreally focus on marriage, asking

(07:11):
those who are in marriage whatare you bringing to the table?
Are you bringing fire or areyou bringing ice?
And so, looking at those twoelements fire and ice they can
go, they can both be bad or itcan be good, and so, however,
god allows us to speak aboutthose elements in certain
instances.
That's what we will be doing ontonight.

Kenya (07:29):
You know, I think just starting off we just got to go
bare bones with it and juststart breaking it down.
Number one this whole thingabout individuals having a
conversation.
What do you bring to the table?
People may ask well, why do youwant to know that Oftentimes in
relationships what we're tryingto do is to really establish
communication, establishconnection, find out what it is

(07:52):
about this individual, to see ifI can really have a continued
attraction to you.
Because for a lot ofindividuals you can come to the
table, you can look good in this, that and other, you can sound
well, but when they really foundout the deep innards of you, if
you will, that's going to makea determination if you desire to
seek more in that relationship.
So this is one of the things Iwas doing in my notes.

(08:12):
When you ask that question, whatdo you bring to the table, stop
and think about a table in yourhome, in a restaurant, anywhere
a table may be, and think aboutthe setting that may be or that
may come with that table, andthere's some things that are
good and there's some thingsthere that you may want to be
careful about.
See, a table is a place wherewe can come and we can gather
around, we can communicate, wecan share ideas, we can share

(08:34):
thoughts.
We can even take time enough toget to know individuals at a
deeper level.
We may be discussing businessand things of that nature when
it comes to eating.
Oftentimes you have atablecloth and that tablecloth
kind of covers the actual tableso that maybe something that you
may spill or something doesn'tstain that table.
Now you may be on there, kenya.
Where are you going with this?

(08:55):
Because when you're having thisconversation, when it talks
about what do you bring to thetable, what are you doing to
protect yourself from the thingsthat that person had?
That may be either fire or icethat may damage your table?
That's already there.
See, we have to understand thatsometimes with a table, there
comes decorations that are there, so it's someone throwing you
out decorations, making it lookgood, but it's really something

(09:17):
that's not that's going to begood for you.
So that's why I like to bringthat out.
We have silverware that goes onthe table that's designed to
help someone eat.
That's not just natural food,that's spiritual food.
That's there is knowledge beingpresented for an individual so
they can feed their mind.
It's a whole lot deeper thanjust somebody coming in and
saying, hey, well, what is itabout that you can bring to the

(09:38):
table?
It's going to be beneficial tome.
Yes, that's the part that Idefinitely want to jump into and
start to talk about.
Yes, that's the part that Idefinitely want to jump into and
start to talk about.
And so the first thing that Ihave to say when it comes to
bringing things to the tableNumber one everything doesn't
have to be spoken at a table.

(09:59):
Sometimes your actions are goingto speak way louder than your
words, and so, while we have aperson that may be sitting there
in front of us telling us whatthis is, what I can do, this is
how I can make you feel, this iswhat I can give you, this is
what I can, this and that, butif their actions don't line up
with that, you need to mirrorthose things up, because a lot
of people in the beginning willshow you a whole bunch of good

(10:19):
stuff and then, when you deepenthat relationship, it's the
complete opposite.
So, while it's important to havethese conversations, you might
want to be looking and doingsome checking as singles, even
in your relationship, as beingmarried, to say, hey, this
person is showing me all this,or they're saying all this but
they ain't showing me nothing.
So it's important that ifyou're going to have that

(10:40):
conversation about what youbring to the table, y'all got to
break that thing down to themost finite thing and ask
yourself that question Is thisperson going to bring some fire,
let's say on the good side,that's going to motivate me,
that's going to light me up todo things, it's going to fuel me
to do things in relationships,or are they going to bring some
type of destruction that's goingto push me away from the
relationship, that's going toput me down and put that person

(11:03):
on the pedestal?
It can go so many differentways.
So once again, ask yourselfthat question what do you bring
to the table?

Shan (11:17):
Yes, so I'm sitting up here thinking about God
preparing a table for us Nowthinking about that from a
marital standpoint.
We go for God, we're at thealtar, we are either courtroom,
whatever the case may be, wehave witnesses to where we are
vowing to one another, what weare going to do in our marriage
before God.
Now, let's kind of bring thisMost people, I think, when it,

(11:37):
when you think about Godprepares a table before us, god
prepares a table in the presenceof our enemies and different
things like that.
We think about Psalms 23 and 5.
I want to make sure that Ididn't get that wrong For those
of you who are listening.
If you want to watch us, pleasego to Marriage Mondays with the
Kings YouTube channel.
You can watch us right now.
Okay, now, god prepares thetable for us in the presence of

(11:59):
our own enemies.
I remember growing up in churchhow people used to speak about
more so focusing on Godpreparing a table for us and
talking about when we go toheaven.
Ok, what I want to know, if youare married, husband and wife,
and you're listening to thisshow, are you watching this show
on our social medias orwhatever the case may be, what
God has prepared, the table.

(12:19):
God has given us instructions,basic instructions in his word
of what we should be doing ashusband and wife.
So what part are you playing inthat table that God has already
prepared when you became nolonger two but one?
Oh, that's good.
What are you bringing?
So, when we say what are youbringing to the table, think

(12:39):
about it.
In that aspect is what I wantyou all to do for a moment.
When you said I do after you,you know, you said I do, you put
the rings, you did all theceremonial stuff and, you know,
had the nice one, all that.
God has prepared this table forthe two of you to come forth to
the table.
I want you all to think about,and I don't want to jump ahead
of myself.
Think about business partners,think about partnerships.

(13:02):
When you come to the table,that thing is about business and
generally, nine times out of 10, when you come to the table
especially if you all have everbeen to a business table or even
a meeting at your job orwhatever you come, meaning
business, you're coming totogether as individuals so that
you can help, you know, bringyour minds together to produce a

(13:25):
positive outcome for you goingforward.
A lot of individuals are toobusy coming to the table Like,
can you just say it, to see whatthey can get out of the table.
You're not interested inputting nothing in it.
I I mean forgive me if I'mwrong.
Like I said, I don't know theword of God backwards and
forwards and all this kind ofstuff like that.
Um, what I'm saying?

(13:46):
To try to act like I'm this deepbible scholar, but I do not see
anywhere in the scriptureswhere the word of god says that
you should go into a marriagewith your mindset on what more
than you can receive than whatyou can give.
When we think about the newtestament and the word of god
talk about the husbands, whatthe husband should do.
When we think about, uh, firstcorinthians, chapter 13, the

(14:07):
love chapter, is this commonlyreferred to?
It's not talking about what youshould be.
It says the word of god tellsus give so you can receive.
So how are you coming to atable that god has prepared for
you with a mindset, a serpentmindset?
That's what I'm gonna say.
That's good.
How?

Kenya (14:23):
are you coming with a serpent mindset, that's what I'm
going to say.

Shan (14:24):
That's good.
How are you coming with aserpent mindset?
And I remember, um, our recentshow, babe, you had said
something about oh, we areallowing the world to mess up
our marriages.
We are allowing the world, weare giving the world permission
to mess up our marriages.
And so when we when this partworld permission to mess up our

(14:47):
marriages, and so when we whenthis part, um, having this
conversation with unique will isthe part about fire and ice.
Now let's look at theseelements.
So you have fire.
Okay, fire can be a good thingbecause fire can purify.
They use fire to, uh, when itcome to diamonds, in the process
of making a beautiful diamond,fire can be used to burn away
impurities, and correct me if.

Kenya (15:07):
I'm wrong, and gold yeah.

Shan (15:09):
Gold, all these things.
So fire can be a beautifulthing.
However, in my mindset, when Ithink about oh and this is
another positive thing when theysay keep your fire burning in
your marriage, that right, thereis a glorious thing.
Listen to the words that I justsaid Keep your fire burning in
your marriage.
Too many of us focus on keepingthe fire burning in everybody

(15:32):
else's marriage, that's good,but see, we're not ready for
this grown folks conversation ontonight.
See, we didn't already pray thatGod speaks through us?
That's why a lot of marriagesare messed up.
Now let's flip the element whenit comes to fire.
Let's flip it for a minute,asking yourself are you the one
responsible for bringingdestruction to your own marriage
?
Fire can burn, fire can destroy.

(15:55):
It's a whole bunch of negativeswhen it comes to fire.
So if you are listening as ahusband, a wife or a husband and
wife, don't be so quick topoint the finger to your spouse.
For those of you who arelistening, you've been married
before.
I say this all the time I feellike when I'm in the presence of
an individual or individualswho've been married before I say
this all the time I feel likewhen I'm in the presence of an

(16:15):
individual or individuals who'vebeen married before and have
gotten divorced, I learned somuch from them when they take
personal responsibility, whenthey say, yeah and my husband
has said it so many times onthis show yes, I was married
before.
Yes, shannon is my second wife.
You know, in my last marriagethere's things that my ex did

(16:35):
wrong and it's things that I didwrong.
Personal responsibility A lot ofus want to blame God.
You're destroying yourself.
Okay, a lot of us want to blameGod.
We want to blame marriage andsay marriage is not real.
So do you mean that God isalive Because he created the
union of marriage?
I mean, that's what I've alwaysbeen taught.
So you got that.

(16:56):
And then, when it comes tomarriage, you're not taking or
divorce, you're not taking apersonal responsibility.
So you mean to tell me you'vebeen married three or four times
and divorced three or fourtimes, and it was always
everybody else, it was never you.
That is very destructive.
That's that fire that we'respeaking about Now.

(17:16):
I talk about ice and Olivia.

Kenya (17:19):
All right.
So you know, I agree witheverything you said.
And to go back, as we say thatwe are letting the world destroy
our marriages, and a lot oftimes it's because we're looking
at everything else, trying tobring that into the relationship
, because it looks good on TV,it looks good on social media,
but you ain't seeing all thatstuff once those cameras get
turned on.

(17:39):
And so one of the things that Ithink we need to do, if you
want to talk about what do youbring to the table before you
get married Individuals that aremarried you can go back and
take a look at your relationship, but I want to specifically
talk to the singles, just for aminute.
Ok, I want to take everybodyall the way back to somebody
that brought some stuff to thetable, and we always, in a sense

(18:00):
, take that for granted.
I want to go back to the bookof Ruth Now.
For those of you that arefamiliar with the story, y'all
know that Ruth was very, verypatriotic.
She was very loyal to Naomi,who was her mother-in-law, and
no matter what happened in herlife, ruth stayed with Naomi.

(18:21):
Now, watch this, I'm going togo down to the 15th verse or
16th verse.
And Ruth said entreat me not toleave thee or to return from
following after thee, for wherethou goest I will go and where
thou lodgest, I will lodge.
Thy people shall be my peopleand thy God my God, right off

(18:42):
the bat.
There, naomi has not met herhusband yet, but she's showing
people in and around her who shereally is.
She's showing that she's loyal,she's showing that she's
faithful, she's willing to do tohelp someone else, and it
doesn't have to be at herbenefit.
So before she even got to thetable, the conversation is

(19:02):
already being had.
Now when you get down to thatfact where she comes into close
proximity, if you will, withBoaz.
She's out in the field working.
Boaz sees her off in thedistance and say hey, hey, hey,
you're one of the leaders here,one of the people watching over
the people in the field.
Who is that woman right there?
So see, you're already showingwhat you bring to the table,

(19:25):
before a word was even spokenout of her mouth.
But then she gets thatopportunity to say only thing
she wants to do is to be able toglean.
And when you look up the wordglean, it's going to tell you
that in that particular time,when she was in the field, in
the wheat fields, she's takingthe stuff that's left over.
And she's still yet speaking toher soon to be husband because

(19:46):
I can take a little and make alot.
Ladies and gentlemen, what doyou bring to the table?
Do you have that type ofsincerity within you to follow
someone and glean from them, sothat in the end, your benefit is
going to come, because God isgoing to put somebody in
position to see what you'redoing?
So, once again, it ain't alwaysabout the talking.

(20:06):
It's about the action.
The second part that I want toget into this and I hope we
don't roll through this too fastis that for some reason,
everyone thinks bringingsomething to the table always
has to be materialistic.
Okay, doesn't have to be thatway.
It should not be that way.
Why do we see that what Ruthbrought to the table wasn't

(20:27):
materialistic?
She brought her loyalty, shebrought her faith, and along
with that, later down the line,came the favor and the blessings
of God.
See, we always want somethingthat's going to make us feel
good for the moment or make usshine, to have a status.
I got this car, I got thishouse.
He makes six figures.
She does this, she does that.
Ain't none of that worthanything?

(20:48):
If God takes it all away fromyou, what are you giving back to
God?
What are you giving back toyour people?
It all away from you.
What are you giving back to God?
What are you giving back toyour people?
Are you too busy trying to setyourself up for success to say I
got all this, instead of sayingwhat do we both bring so that
we can multiply that and be ableto help other individuals?
Now, if you want to go backwith that.
You can go in the New Testament.

(21:09):
You can see what Jesus fed thefive thousands.
They were trying to send thepeople away because they were
pressing against him and he saiddon't send them away.
He said we need to feed them.
How many people in your life asa husband, as wife, as
boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance,whatever the case may be have
you not taken the time to showwhat you bring to the table by
pushing people off instead oftaking care of God's people?
Because, in the end, when youdo that, everybody is blessed,

(21:31):
including yourself.
So when Jesus asked the end,when you do that, everybody
isn't blessed, includingyourself.
So when Jesus asked thedisciples that we need to feed
them, they said the only thingwe got is two fish and five
loaves of bread.
In other words, watch this.
You're just about to takesomething that's little and
you're about to feed 5,000people.
What are you bringing to thetable that you can multiply?
That's what it should be about.

(21:52):
It should be about multiplyingthe things that you have,
whether it's somethingmaterialistic or whether it's
something that's internal, acharacteristic, or something
about you that can help yourselfand other people.
So at that time, jesus isbreaking bread and feeding all
those individuals.
And he did it because onelittle boy had five fish, or
five loaves of bread and twofish and I've said this before

(22:14):
on the show, I've used this asan example.
I had a friend of mine who was aminister, I want to say, up
around the Detroit, in theMichigan area, somewhere up in
Michigan, and he asked me that along time ago.
He said, if you was there thenwhen Jesus made that miracle
happen, would you rather be thefish or the bread?
And I'm sitting there lookinglike man, I don't know, this is

(22:35):
crazy.
I don't know, maybe the bread.
And he asked me why.
I don't know, there's morebread to go around.
He said, no, it don't matterwhich one you pick, as long as
you want to be multiplied.
So when you're talking aboutcoming to the table, talk about
what you bring to the table thatcan be multiplied for other
individuals benefits, becauseGod is going to reap he's going
to let you reap a good reward ifyou are doing what you're

(22:57):
supposed to do by serving him,by serving other individuals,
because your marriage, yourrelationship is all going to be
best and better than blessed,because you're obedient, because
you're not just thinking aboutyou, you're also thinking about
others.

Shan (23:09):
Yes.
So I want to go back to theelement of ice.
I want us to because?
To the element of ice?
I want us to because are youfire?
Are you ice?
You really need to examineyourself and that's something
that we share a lot on the showand ask yourself what are you?
You know how people say, and Ithink it's we are not to think
as highly of ourselves.
We are not, but for some reason, especially in this newer day

(23:32):
in time, a lot of individualsthink more highly than
themselves than they should.
I mean just being honest.
So that's why sometimes, whenKenya and I set up and say
examine yourself, are you theproblem?
Could you be the source or theroot of the issue?
A lot of people still won'ttake the time to acknowledge and

(23:52):
examine that you may very wellbe the problem.
So, when it comes to the elementof ice, ice can help preserve.
We think about food.
We think about I was about tosay icebox, because I'm country,
I still say icebox but we thinkabout a refrigerator.
We think about a freezer ordeep freeze, as say in the
country um, and things like that.

(24:13):
So it could have some good youknow some good elements to it.
People take ice baths.
I could not unless I absolutelyhave to.
I don't big up to the uh, thesports athletes oh, my god bless
y'all's heart because I wouldbe screaming.
But you know, they said it'ssupposed to help with muscles
and you know all this kind ofthings like that.
However, when I think about icewhen it comes to a relationship

(24:35):
, I think of somebody that'scold and heartless.
I think about somebody thisselfish um, people have been
wearing this diagnosis out.
I can't you know what I'm aboutto say.
I cannot stand when people usethis word and don't even really
know what it means.
You are so upset that thingsdidn't work out in your

(24:56):
relationship or your marriage orwhatever.
So everybody's a narcissist.
Do you really even know whatthat mean?
You know?
Quit jumping on a bandwagonwith words that you have no clue
.
And for those who are licensedmental health providers,
licensed professionals, theyjust looking at you and shaking
their head because you're usingit out of context.
So please stop using that word.

(25:17):
But ice can definitely destroy.
Think about people who arestuck in a snowstorm.
Think about people who arestuck in an avalanche and they
try to get to them as fast asthey can, because you can get
frostbite and all thesedifferent things like that.
So ask yourself whether it befire or ice.
Are you bringing certainelements to your marriage that

(25:39):
is destroying, you're bringingit to God's table.
So think about your husband andyour wife.
If you're visual, like I amsitting at a table that God has
prepared for you.
Now he didn't lay it out.
Can you say you got theutensils, you got the cloth,
everything looked good for you?
Now he didn't lay it out.
Kenya said you got the utensils, you got the cloth, everything
looked good.
But you two, as husband andwife, have to work together in
partnership in order to multiplythis thing, like Kenya was

(26:03):
saying with the fish and thebread.
So is your marriage beingmultiplied?
If your marriage is not beingmultiplied, you can't always set
up and blame it on your spouseBecause, like I always say that
people don't want to hear,you're the one said I do, I
don't know, you know, no, no,knock to kentucky, tennessee.
You know we used to bestationed there for some years,

(26:23):
but I even there when we werestationed there.
I don't remember hearing aboutany shotgun weddings.
It sounds like that youwillingly said I do to your
husband or your wife.
So let's stop with the blamegame, because what I've this is
something that I commonly say inthe 2024, feel free to borrow
it, but just make sure youtrademark it here first.

(26:44):
I always share with people thatI do not play well with adult
children.
I don't play well with adultchildren.
I prefer being that I've wentthrough my healing journey and
did what I was supposed to do.
I prefer to deal with adults.
Adult children make excuses.
Adult children like to pointthe finger.
Adult children like always saywhat are you doing?

(27:08):
Because if God is truly in yourmarriage, how can you be acting
like an adult child when Godhas given us the BIBLE as a
foundation?
Adult children.
So when it comes to yourmarriage, ask yourself again if
you're visual sitting at thetable, husband and wife.

(27:28):
Because think about when you goto a wedding, they have the
head table right.
You have the husband and thewife.
That looks nice, they alldressed up and all the things
like that.
So that's beautiful.
Like ken, you were saying allthe decorations and things.
But then ask yourself visualize, are you the one sitting there
in an adult body but you in atoddler's booster seat?

Kenya (27:52):
That's good.

Shan (27:53):
Ask yourself that's only a question you can ask yourself.
Do you throw temper tantrumslike a child or do you conduct
yourself and carry yourself asan adult, as the wife that God
has called you to be, as thehusband that God has called you
to be to lead your home and yourmarriage?
Wife, you're being an amazinghelp me, as God has called you
to be.

(28:13):
So in a bit, I want to kind oftouch on partnership.
I found an excellentexplanation for partnership when
it comes to marriage and that'sgood.

Kenya (28:23):
And you know, one of the things that I really like to
look at and I'm gonna go backagain to you know the story of
Ruth, because there's somethings I really want to bring
home there.
We focus too much on, once again, the materialistic things that
usually develop or come out of arelationship.
You know, we talked about itbefore.
I want this man to come to meand he already has to have

(28:45):
himself straight.
But do you have yourselfstraight?
Most of the time we don't.
We're expecting all thesethings out of one person but
we're not willing to do thethings that need to be to kind
of take care of ourselves, toboost ourselves up, to make our
self-esteem better, to fix theissues that we have going on in
our life.
Sometimes you may run across anindividual that's not going to

(29:07):
bring all that to the table.
They ain't got the money, theyain't got this.
But if you can really connectwith that individual, based off
of your loyalty, like Ruth,based off of your hard work and
dedication like Ruth, then theremay be a different benefit that
you get in the end, and it'snot going to always be of a

(29:28):
monetary value.
So let me show what I'm talkingabout value.
So let me show what I'm talkingabout.
I'm going to go back to Ruth,the second chapter, and I'm
going to start down at the 11thverse.
And it reads and Boaz answeredand said unto her it had fully

(29:48):
been shown me all that thou hasdone unto thy mother-in-law
since the death of thine husbandand how thou has left thy
father and thy mother and theland of the nativity and art
come unto thou people, and thouknewest not heretofore.
So in other words, he's sayingthat she's already showed some
things to him that he likes.

(30:10):
You stay with somebody afterthe death of your husband, but
you left your father and yourmother and stayed in this
particular country.
One of the first things it sayswhen you get ready to get
married that you got to leaveand cleave.
So she's showing that she hasthis biblical virtue about her
and they ain't even talked about.
Well, how much land do you have?
How many sheep do you got?
Do you got cattle on a thousandhill?

(30:31):
Ain't none of that came about?
He's looking at what she'sbringing to the table and she
ain't had to say a word about itbecause her actions are
speaking louder than the words.
Now I'm going to go down evenfurther.
And he said, when she was risenup to glean because now he's
allowed her to glean Boazcommanded his young men saying
let her glean, even amongst thesheaves, and reproach her.
Not See, when somebody seessomething that's so good in you,

(30:55):
of the things that you'rebringing to the table, not only
are they going to let you do alittle bit, because it says let
her go ahead and glean, that'swhat she requested.
But then he added to thatrequest we're going to let her
glean, but don't rebuke hereither.
All right Now, this is just theway God works.
This is just what I'm trying toshow you.
Then it says so she gleaned inthe field, even into even, and

(31:16):
beat out that she had gleaned,and it was about an ephah of
barley.
So in other words, when she wasout there collecting the stuff
that was left over, she stillhad to beat it out to get the
treat, if you will, or thesubstance that she was going to
need to be able to eat.
And it says, and hermother-in-law said unto her
where thou hast gleaned today,answer that question.
And where wroughtest thou,blessed be he that did take

(31:40):
knowledge of thee.
And she showed hermother-in-law, with whom she had
wrought, and said the man'sname with whom I wrought today
is Boaz, All right Now.
And Naomi said unto herdaughter-in-law blessed be he of
the Lord who have not left offhis kindness to the living and
to the dead.
And Naomi said to her the manis near of kin unto us, one of

(32:02):
our next kinsmen, and Ruth andthe boy said unto me also thou
shall keep fast by my young menuntil they have ended all my
harvest.
Now watch this.
She didn't have nothing.
She asked to glean.
She went and gleaned, but hesaid don't say nothing to her,
Don't say nothing wrong againsther Now, even after he had said

(32:24):
let her glean that time.
This right here tells us thateven as the Moabites were
continuing to get stuff out ofthe fields, she was still able
to gather some things that arethere.
Sometimes, the thing that aperson brings to the table, that
hard work, that dedication,pays off way down the line.
It ain't just what they'regoing to see right there, and it
doesn't have to be about a newcar or a $600,000 house or a

(32:44):
$100,000 job.
It's about what virtue thatindividual has that somebody
else sees in them.
That will help multiply thatindividual so that both of those
individuals end up making it inthe end.
See, sometimes we have tounderstand and I've got a lot of
biblical scripture when itcomes to this sometimes we don't
understand that the very peoplein our lives that be set out to

(33:08):
hurt us really end up helpingus that's true.
Think about joseph that they duga pit for him because, oh, he's
daddy's favorite.
Look at the coat he got.
We're going to take this pitand we're going to dig it.
We're going to dig this pit andwe're going to take his coat
and do some things to it andtake it back to daddy and say
something bad happened to him.
But then Joseph ended up beingin the palace from the pit to

(33:28):
the palace and then didn't holdno grudge, came back and because
of the things they did to himin the position that he was in,
he was able to bless his family.
So why do I say that, whateveryou bring to the table, you got
to be ready for some pits tocome in there as well, because
there's going to be some peoplethat don't want you to eat at
the table Come on, but then theygo eat because of you.
I'm going to leave that onealone and come back to that one

(33:50):
later.

Shan (33:52):
Look, I like how this.
This is just so juicy Good tome.
This is what I wrote down whenyou were, when you were speaking
, um and this is in reference tothe part where you talking
about the requirements, becausewe hear this a lot where people
require, um, I hear single,single men, mainly single women.
Uh, you know, no knock, but Ijust keep it real.
They say, oh no, he got to havethis, he got to have that.

(34:15):
We talk about this all the time.
So what I put is in marriage,require what you are.
In marriage, require what youare.
So, if you are a single personand you're thinking about
getting married, require whatyou are.
Don't require something thatyou are not.
So it could be on easy streetand that's why a lot of people

(34:37):
in this day and time say thereare no good men and women out
there.
I used to say that way back inthe day because I used to hear
the women say that a lot oh,there is no good men.
But I come to find out that'sfalse.
I come to find out that that istruly a false statement and I
can admit that right now, todayon this show, but require what
you are.
And so, if you are, let's say,uh, ma'am, sis, if you are, you

(35:03):
have your own home, you have ajob, um, you know you, you pay
your own bills and this, thatand other, then okay, require
what you, what you are, you know.
It don't require a millionairefor you to be married to a
millionaire so you can live thiseasy life that everybody's
talking about.
When you're not a millionaire,You're probably in debt.

(35:23):
You may have all these things,but it doesn't match.
I would go as far as saying Ihope I'm not taking them.
That's unequal People like touse the word unequally yoked.
That's unequal because you'retrying to require something that
you are not.
So get that foolishness outyour head.
Like Kenya was saying when hewas reading the scriptures
listen, sis was out there inthat field doing a doggone thing

(35:44):
, her husband, and see whenpeople would say I can't wait
for my Boaz, I can't wait for myBoaz, and you never really read
the scripture.
You was just jumping on theBoaz Boaz bandwagon, but when
you read the scripture, sis wasout there working Boaz.
Seen her working.
Okay, but see what we mess uptoo on the flip side is ladies.
I don't know why I'm on this,but I'm going to be on.

(36:06):
It is, we'll set up here andyeah, we are.
We have the things that werequire.
But then you settle because youoperate out of the will of God.
You allow a man to come inbecause he said you cute and he
liked the way you look in thatdress.
Can we keep it real for amoment on tonight?
You set up and allow this jokerto see.
He slowly started creeping in.

(36:27):
Next thing, you know hedropping you off at work, he's
sleeping on your couch.
And then you know we know thisis an inspirational show, but
he's sleeping in your bed.
And the next thing, you know hetalking about, he the man and
he the head of your household.
And I almost said something thatI ain't got no business saying.
Thank you, lord, for bridlingmy tongue, cause I'm about to
say something that we say in thecountry, but y'all know what
they say about the pot and thewindow.

(36:48):
I'm gonna let y'all figure thatout.
So now you set up her big man,because you didn't allow some, a
serpent, to come and leech offof you.
Okay, but anyway, now let'stalk about um building together
in a partnership.
So we're sitting at this table.
We didn't got married.
We didn't say I do.
What does it look like to be ina, uh, a marital partnership?

(37:10):
And when we, when we speakabout this, when I speak about
this, I'm talking about betweenthe two of you.
Okay, because that's anotherthing.
I'm gonna say this A lot of theleaders in the ministries are
not going to like it, but let'sjust keep it honest on tonight.
Um, I remember it being said,the three, uh, braided the

(37:30):
strand the three braided cordthe three, the three, and so how
it's often illustrated is Godthe husband and the wife, god
the husband and the wife, thatbeing the three, god being the
foundation and also the head oftheir marriage.
But oftentimes we allow thosewho are in leadership positions,

(37:52):
whether it be at work, church,your organization or whatever
the case may be.
Now you got all these extrastrands in your court.
Now it's about 15 people up inthere trying to tell the sisters
over here in this organizationis trying to tell me what to do,
and the brothers over there inthat organization trying to tell
them what to do.
Then we go to church in thepast and his wife wait a minute,

(38:13):
what kind of foolery is goingon up in here?
That's 15 to 20 differentstrands.
Y'all might want to narrow thatback down to god and the two.
Okay, so let's talk about thispartnership thing.
This is what I wanted to read.
I looked it up, um and so, um,what I looked up is a marriage
partnership depth definition,and you know I found this on
Google.

(38:33):
Okay, I'm not going to act likeI came up with this and and
check this out.
It said a marriage partnershipis a business model that views
marriage as a partnershipbetween two people who
contribute time, money andenergy to the marriage.
In a true partnership, bothpartners are equally committed
to the marriage and wanted tosucceed.

(38:54):
Let me say that one more timeIn a true partnership, both
partners are equally committedto the marriage and wanted to
succeed.
Both partners are equallycommitted to the marriage and
wanted to succeed.
They should also have an equalvoice in all decisions and feel
like they can influence therelationship.
Here are some ways to build amarriage partnership Share power

(39:15):
.
Make an intentional effort toshare power and accept influence
in your marriage.
Honor your spouse's preferences.
It says.
Consider each other's needs andtreat each other with respect.
Okay, work as a team.
Share household tasks and avoidgatekeeping.

(39:37):
That's the latest term in thisyear.
And then the last one says, assome ways to build a marriage
partnership avoid makingimportant decisions
independently.
Consider taking your partner'sthoughts and feelings into
account when you make decisions,and vice versa.

(39:58):
So I want you all to thinkabout some of those tools that
was just shared.
What's?

Kenya (40:03):
on your mind.
No, I mean, there's a lot there.
I want to go back to what youhad talked about before, and one
of the things that really hitme as you were, you know, giving
that synopsis is it just goesback to a heart condition of
people.

Shan (40:21):
Okay, it's a heart condition.

Kenya (40:22):
Why have we gotten to the spot in our relationships and
marriages and dating and thingsof that nature, where everything
has to be the flashy the money,this, that and others?
It's about a heart condition.
And people are starting to saywell, it's all about me, I want
you to do this and this is allI'm going to do, and so, while
some people will say I requirethis in my relationships, it's

(40:43):
funny to me how you can haverequirements, but the other
individual can't have norequirements for you.
Because, when you go that way,you don't have balance in your
relationship.
So I'll just use this as anexample.
If I require my wife to cook, Imight want to be the one that
brings the food in the house.
Let's take it back way backbefore, when before we had

(41:03):
grocery stores and you had tolive off the land.
I can't require her to cook andI ain't bringing nothing in the
house.
I got to be one going out thereshooting a deer, skinning a
rabbit or something of thatnature.
It doesn't balance out.
If I require something from you, I got to be able to have
something that goes along withit.
It does no good for you torequire me to go hunt and then,
when I kill it, nobody don'tknow how to cook it.

(41:24):
That's where that partnershipcomes in.
Yes, if I do go out and makeall the money and I'm not going
to say this is a bad thing,because God can do it seedling
abundantly.
Above all, we can ask or thinkthat may be a young man or a
young lady out there that'sgetting ready to get married to
somebody, and they may be fromthe hood, and that person is
from I don't know Affluential.

Shan (41:43):
Yeah, they're in the Hamptons.

Kenya (41:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey whoever you meet, whoever you
love.
That's what it is.
Yes, but can you balance thatindividual out?

Shan (41:51):
Can you build together?

Kenya (41:53):
That's it, because I might be from the Hamptons,
let's say, shan is from the hood.
Mm-hmm, hey, hey, I'm justspending frivolously, I don't
care, I'm not managing nocheckbook or nothing, right?
But because how she grew up,she can say well, hold on a
minute, baby, look, check thisout.
Blah, blah, blah.
What are you bringing to thetable?

Shan (42:09):
Yes so.

Kenya (42:10):
I'm bringing the money, but I don't know how to manage
it.
Right, that's where that balancecomes in at.
That's where that partnershipis at.
Don't handle money.
Well, you think it's alwaysgoing to grow on trees.
Let me show you how we keep ourtree going.
That's what it's all about.
We can't get caught up in thisthing that the world is trying
to show us.
Well, you know what?
I don't need a man for nothing.

(42:32):
I don't need this, or how it'sturned now, as men are now
saying I don't need a woman fornothing, they show off.
I can just have somebody to giveme a few dollars here and there
and I I'm going to lay on thiscouch today, that couch tomorrow
, wherever I can be at.
And it's all because we have letthe world system come in and
affect the negative way of howGod was designed marriage to be,

(42:52):
so we just got to reverse thatthing.
The other thing that I kind ofwanted to talk about as we were
talking about Naomi is we haveto understand, as we bring to
the table, take away all of thematerialistic things, and ask
yourself what's left.
Ask yourself what's left,because if that's all that you
can bring, you're going to belacking in some areas.

(43:15):
And we know and I'm just goingto be honest, this is an adult
show there's a lot of peoplethat say they bring a lot of
stuff to the table and then,when they don't live up to that
that other person that theymarried now they go find it with
somebody else.
So be honest with yourselves.
Don't set yourself up forfailure saying I can do this,
that and other, and then youcan't come through on it.

(43:35):
Words are just words.
Actions speak louder than words.
So I will tell you when Shannonand I got together, I told her
this type person I am, this iswhat I like to do.
When Shannon and I got together, I told her this type of person
I am, this is what I like to do.
If there's one thing that,hopefully, you will never have
to worry about, it's going to bebills paid and food in the
house.
I'm going to promise you thatwe're going to eat.
I'm an outdoorsman.
I'm going to hunt fish.
Whatever I got to do, I'm goingto work hard and that's what I

(43:59):
have delivered on.
Now.
Am I a perfect individual?
No, because I got some ice inthere.
That's freezing some stuff uptoo.
This is being real, but with themost part of it, can we sit
down in our relationships andjust be honest with ourselves?
Why bring somebody else's intothe tomfoolery?
When you talk aboutpartnerships, how many of y'all
out there listening have saidthat I want to join this

(44:19):
organization, I want to be apart of this business, I want to
get in on this business venture.
And then, when you really getdeep into it, you find out it
ain't everything that it wascracked up to be.
Why do we do that with ourrelationships?
We'll do that so quick witheverything else, but we won't
pay attention to ourrelationship and say this ain't
something that maybe I need tobe joined with.
I'm going to say that againMaybe this ain't something I

(44:40):
need to be joined with, and it'snot a bad thing, because
everything doesn't go together,right, everything doesn't go
together.
Mashed potatoes and gravy, itgoes together.
You know, maybe rice and beansthat go together it go together
All the water don't mix.
It does not.
And sometimes, when we're atthe table, whatever we bring,

(45:02):
when we see that it's not mixingwell, it might be best to say
maybe this isn't the rightperson for me.
Now that's not to say thatsometimes opposites they do
attract.
Sometimes it balances out thatway but guess what?
I don't care what nobody tellsyou.
That's between you, thatindividual, and God.

Shan (45:19):
Yes.

Kenya (45:21):
That's it.
I've had a lot of people tellme that me and my wife we don't
really look like y'all go welltogether.
But well, people say that fromthe beginning 25 years, five
kids, five grandkids later saysomething totally different.

Shan (45:31):
Come on, lord, won't he do it?

Kenya (45:33):
And that's what we have to understand.
I'm going to say this and I'mlooking to get married.
That's your table, that's youand that individual that you
want to share.
Whatever it is at that table,that ain't your mom and your
daddy, your aunts and youruncles.
That ain't the bishop, thepastor, that ain't the teacher

(45:55):
at school.
Now, I'm not saying that to sayother people can't impart good
things into your relationship.

Shan (46:00):
They can.

Kenya (46:01):
But when it comes to what you bring to the table and how
you're going to manifest thethings that come from that,
that's between you and that man,you and that woman.
However your marriage is set up, that's between y'all, because,
guess what?
Everybody can't eat at yourtable.

Shan (46:16):
Everybody cannot Drop mic.

Kenya (46:19):
Everybody can't eat at your table.

Shan (46:20):
That's true, and so this is the thing.
If you're listening and you'resingle and you're thinking about
marriage or it's truly in yourheart to desire marriage,
whether you be male or female,one of the questions that I
wrote before we came on the showis ask yourself when looking at
this individual now listen,listen now, because, like Kenya
said, people are good fordisplay bells and whistles.

(46:43):
You can say, oh, I wantedsomebody who's educated.
Check this, check, check, check, check.
You know, and it can lookreally good.
But don't stay on the surface.
We encourage you to go deep.
Okay, hey, if we decide to getmarried one day and our marriage
is in turmoil, ask these typeof questions.
This is free that we give itout.

(47:03):
Are marriages in turmoil?
How are we going to get it backto a nice resolve?
These are deep questions.
I wish I would have known yearsago.

Kenya (47:13):
You know what I'm saying.
If I lost everything that I gotthat you see me with right now,
are you still going to be there?

Shan (47:18):
Yes, and God forbid I fall in times of sickness because
I'm going to let y'all notice.
There are people out there whoknow that they're sick and they
do not disclose it until rightafter.
You say I do, because eitheryou got some good health
insurance and they don't.
They need somebody to take careof them, because they need to
burn bridges.
This is why it's so importantto do a Matthew 6 and 33 seek ye

(47:39):
first the kingdom of God.
You better seek God first.
You better wait that thing outa little bit know what I'm
saying To see if that person'sreally on the up and up.
But the question that I putdown is I want you to ask
yourself can you be inpartnership with this person?
Can you be in partnership withthem?
Can you grow with them?
Can you come to the table andyou all act like?

(48:01):
You know, not act like, but be,be equally yo.
Now, this is the thing.
That doesn't mean that youbabysitting them.
That doesn't mean that you,being a parent because this is
what I'm saying a lot of womendo right now you're ending up
with men who got mommy issuesand you trying to mommy him
instead of walking in the orderof being his wife and then, when
y'all been in this marriage 10to 15 years, you are per big man

(48:22):
, huffing and puffing like thebig bad wolf because why I got
to be his mama?
He just like another one of oneof our children.
You did that, you created that.
You can't be superman orsuperwoman and try to fix the
person in whom you, you are with.
You can't fix everyone, and sothink about it.
When it comes to partnership,can I be in partnership with

(48:45):
this person Before you, evenagain singles, get into
partnership with anyone ormarriage, because we do not want
to make a spectacle of God'smarriage and me and Kenya is not
going to set up and try to actlike y'all already know.
Y'all have been hearing the showfor about seven, eight years.
We've been sharing, we alreadyhave come to the conclusion,
that of which we go through.

(49:05):
God allows us to go through itso we can share with y'all, so
it could be a blessing tosomeone else.
But these are the things weencourage you all to look at.
So, baby, for the people, forthe people in the last little
bit of the show that we haveleft and I know that's kind of
random and off the top of myhead.
Um, let's share with themthings that we had to learn in

(49:27):
order to become a partnershipwith each other and, whether it
be good or bad, we learned.
I had to learn to stop doingthis.
We had to learn between us todo that.
What would you, what would youshare?
And the things that we bring tothe table, so what we're
talking about tonight, what thekings have been through, okay,
Okay, I'm going to take that.

Kenya (49:45):
I'm going to spin it a little bit, okay, just to show
people that we don't play aroundwith this.
Right, I'm going to do thethings that I know that you
learned.
Okay, and you do the thingsthat you know I learned Okay For
my wife.
Early on, she had a idea or atheory in her mind that, even
though we were married, that I,in a sense, was trying to

(50:14):
control her.
In other words, she was sayingI don't need a man for nothing,
I don't need you for this, thatand other.
And what she had to learn wasthat it wasn't about the need,
so to speak.
It was what I was supposed tobe doing.
That's how I'm supposed to bein a relationship and protect
and provide and look out for youthis, that and other.
I think she also learned in themidst of it she said it several
times on the radio where Italked about that part about

(50:34):
everybody can't eat at yourtable, and this is something
that we learned together.
We always had people at ourhouse.
We would barbecue in a heartbeat.
And I remember my mother toldme this.
It was some other individualsthat we hung around.
I said, hey, baby, everybodyain't supposed to be in your
house.
We're just looking at it justlike.
We're just trying to be goodstewards of what God has given

(50:55):
us.
Some people may not be eatingon the weekends.
They can come by and get aplate.
That's the way we were lookingat it.
But other people looking at it,well, what can I get my foot in
in the door?
Everybody can't eat at yourtable.
So we started getting veryselective, uh, with the
individuals that we hung around.
And then another thing I wouldsay um, that my wife learned and
this is probably us together aswell is that we love church we

(51:18):
we really do, uh.
But then it came a time in ourrelationship we would spend so
much, much in the church.
We weren't putting nothing intous.

Shan (51:24):
Yes.

Kenya (51:25):
And we had to back away from that, and I still thank God
for this woman today that mywife at Caneville College said
hey, do y'all do date nights oranything?
That's the reason why the Kingsdo date nights to this very day
, right, because of what sheimparted in us, because that was
for the benefit of ourrelationship, because she went
through that same thing, benefitof our relationship because she

(51:47):
went through that same thing.
And so the last thing I'll sayand this is just I'm going to
jump on me that was her.
I'm going to jump on me just tosay one of the things I learned
I can't help everybody.
I was raised to be a helper.
I believe that is somethingthat God put down on the inside
of me.
But one of the biggest issuesthat we have within our
relationship was that I wasalways trying to help everybody,
not realizing everybody wasn'tlooking at me trying to be a

(52:09):
helper.
There were some individualsthat was looking for some other
stuff.
There were some individualsthat were trying to take
advantage of.
There were some individualsthat say, well, if I can keep
him separated from her, thenthey won't be together or I can
side my way in.
So I had to realize there'snothing wrong with being a
helper that God has sent me tobe.
But I got to use thediscernment as well, to know
when somebody truly needs helpand when I need to back away

(52:31):
from that thing, Because thatmay be a pit that somebody is
setting a trap for me at.

Shan (52:36):
So OK, so one of the things and, like he said, I
can't solely say that it's justhim, this is going to be some
things I'm sure I'm going to saythat it's us, but when it comes
to tonight's topic, what do youbring to the table?
And then being fire and ice andthe kings in our table is one

(52:57):
of the biggest things that I cansay that we both learn, because
from our culture, we were oftentaught that if we need help, we
just take it to the Lord inprayer and that's it.
But we both learned that mentalhealth is important, not just
the fact of us god placing us inthe position, and we're not
speaking from that hat ontonight.
We're speaking from marriage,mondays with the kings.
That hat okay, but but we can't, um, not include being mental

(53:17):
health providers.
Before we became mental healthproviders, we were struggling.
We were struggling within ourindividual selves, we were
struggling.
We were struggling within ourindividual selves, we were
struggling within our marriage.
And so you know, I remembertelling my nah, I got to go get
some help, I got to go tocounseling.
Not only was I going tocounseling, he was going to
counseling.
Mental health is very importantwhen it comes to marriage.

(53:38):
So when it came to our tablewith all the things that we were
doing and constantly pouringout, he just shared with you all
, being there for everybody.
I was the same way, baby.
Let let my family call me forsomething.
I don't, we probably ain't evenpaid all our bills yet and I
used to be baby.
I got to help them.
I got to help them because Idid grow up in the hood and

(53:58):
you're not supposed to leaveanybody behind, you know, and he
was very supportive.
So mental health is one umrecognizing our strong suits.
So being a man, um and many ofyou men can probably attest to
this on tonight You've oftenbasically been taught, and it's
been grinding you, that youcarried the weight of the world
on your shoulders.

(54:19):
So when I used to ask my husband, baby, are you okay?
I could look and tell myhusband was in pain.
I can look and tell that thingswasn't right.
I could feel it in my spirit,because my discernment is on a
thousand.
I could feel him and then hesay, nope, I'm good, I'm good,
I'm good, nothing's wrong Me.
How many y'all can attest tothat?
Huh, and she, trying to be your, help me, but you could.

(54:40):
That's some things that welearned.
And guess what?
What I had to learn in that isI had to come to him and say
look man, look bro, like babyI'm trying to help you.
You don't have to carry allthis.
So, recognizing our strongpoints we recognized in our
marriage and bringing things tothe table, we had to recognize

(55:01):
what we bring into the table.
We were so accustomed,especially both being prior
military, we was uh, we weretrained to adjust, adapt and
overcome, make it happen.

Kenya (55:14):
You know you talk about suck it up and drive on.

Shan (55:18):
We were both non-commissioned officers who
joined the military at 17 and 18years old, so trying to carry
that weight on our own when Godhas put us in partnership.
We didn't know how to partnerbecause we were both military
first.
Okay, now spending time witheach other and taking time off
of work.
Listen here, this one righthere is a good one and I know we

(55:39):
haven't yet told the show, butthis one right here is a good
one for the simple fact that Iremember I used to ask my
husband Well, first, our friendstaught us.
We have some good friends.
I'm going to shout them out.
They didn't give us permission,but we love y'all, the
Fontenots.
The Fontenots taught us how totravel back in I think it was

(55:59):
2006, when we were stationed atFort Campbell, kentucky.
Okay, they taught us how totravel.
All right, the potters taughtus how to date.
So with the fontanels, I'mthinking it's expensive.
So as we got on this routine oftraveling and getting away, we
didn't have a healthy balance.
And I used to ask my husbandbaby, okay, so we all going on a

(56:22):
trip here, or how about thesedays?
And what he would always say isand again this goes back to a
military mindset.
Well, I got to go to work and Igot to check and see what we
got going on at work and I justbe like what, what you mean?
You got to go check and I keepasking and keep asking to eat,
keep asking.
I think it was something thatwas going on a program.
He was over and I was able tomake a correlation to say you

(56:43):
see how you upset that thegeneral at that time didn't sign
that policy.
That's how I feel when I'mtrying to accomplish something
for us so you can get away andnot be overwhelmed in this job.
I'm trying to get answers foryou, just like you trying to get
answers from the general.
And he was like oh.
And so I was like please don'ttell me anymore.
Hey, I'm not lying, pleasedon't tell me anymore.

(57:04):
And hey, I'm not lying, pleasedon't tell me anymore that you
got to go check the job firstbecause I had to learn to myself
while I was getting sofrustrated, what that
communicated to me is your jobcomes first, okay, and we come
second.
That's how it had to be,because we was in the military.
We came up in the army that ifthe army wanted us to have a
military.
Uh, if the army wanted us tohave a family, they would have

(57:26):
issued us one, and although hewas retired, he was still in
that same army mindset.
So now we plan, I get away andour balance, but go ahead.
I know you had something else?

Kenya (57:38):
no, this is the last thing I'll say.
We talked about this topic.
What are you bringing to thetable?
Fire and ice?
Understand that you both ofy'all might be fire, both of
y'all may be ice.
There's good qualities in both,right, but you got to find a
balance there.
Yes, if you've got too muchfire, stuff cooks and it burns.
If you've got too much ice,something freezes and there's
nothing that goes for it.
It gets stale and it gets stuckin.
The next thing I'll tell you isthis and I feel that this is

(58:02):
going to be speaking to somepeople out there Okay.
I don't care what you brought tothe table.
That same thing is going tokeep coming up over and over and
over again.

Shan (58:09):
Yes.

Kenya (58:15):
You don't go to your table and cook pot roast and
that's the only time you cookpot roast.
Pot roast is going to show backup on your table again.
So be willing to have theseconversations, not just that one
time when you're thinking aboutdating and getting married and
all that.
This has to be stuff that isconstantly talked about from
time to time, because you haveto keep renewing your mind, you
have to keep working on issues,because the world is changing.
New things are coming about.
Even though they say there'snothing new under the sun,

(58:37):
there's still new things thatpopped up in your relationship
that you may not know before,and you got to know how you're
going to handle that.
Are you going to bring the fire?
Are you going to bring the iceto it?
Right?
So our thought of the week isgoing to be coming from a
Pinterest quote, and it reads assuch One spouse cannot build or
fix a marriage when the otherspouse is committing to

(58:59):
destroying it.

Shan (58:59):
It takes two to build and one to destroy.
That is deep and once againthat comes from Pinterest.
Yes.
So thank y'all so much forjoining us for another show of
Marriage Mondays with the Kings.
We want to thank our sponsor,christian Humor 4 slash
Inspiration.
Listen, go to Facebook, searchout Christian Humor 4 slash
Inspiration.
Like that page, okay, so youcan get some inspiration and we
thank God for them.
We want to let you know that,if you want to get in

(59:21):
communication or contact withthe Kings, we want to let you
know that if you want to get incommunication or contact with
the Kings, you got a topic, aquestion or anything, go to our
website,marriagemondayswiththekingscom,
hit on that contact us tab andtrust our team will get that
information to us.
So we want to thank you so muchfor joining us for another
amazing show that we feel we askthat you join us back next

(59:43):
Monday at 7 pm Central StandardTime.
If God says the same, we willbe here and, as always, keep it
locked right here on KRGN 98.5FM the Rock.