Shadow Work and the Secret Lives of Angry Nice Guys

In this episode of Men’s Therapy Podcast, Marc highlights the importance of shadow work for men. “You think you’re the nice guy. You never raise your voice, you always say yes, you avoid conflict. But behind that politeness is often a man full of anger, resentment, and even self-hatred,” says Marc Azoulay. Drawing from his clinical work with men, Marc reveals how many men wear a mask of agreeableness. They do this to survive chaotic or emotionally unstable childhood environments. “If you grew up in a home with an abusive or narcissistic parent, you learned early that fighting back only made things worse. So you became compliant, you became the nice guy.”

This compliance often leads to deep emotional repression. Anger doesn’t disappear but instead festers beneath the surface. “The longer you keep that anger buried,” he warns, “the more it leaks out as resentment, passive aggression, and even self-destruction.”

Marc’s insights lay bare a universal truth for men navigating toxic masculinity and a desperate desire to be seen as “good.” The path to healing, he insists, lies not in perfection but in integration, an honest reckoning with the self through shadow work.

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