The Brutal Truth About Being a Man at 40+ (Master Your Midlife)

Midlife is often framed as a crisis, but is it really? In this roundtable episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, host Marc Azoulay is guiding the conversation toward a deeper and more accurate question. What happens when a man’s identity no longer fits the life he has built?

Joining the discussion are Shana James and Silvan Summers. Shana is a relationship and intimacy coach known for her work on love and sex after 40.  Silvan is a somatic psychotherapist and therapeutic coach at Men’s Therapy Online. Together, they examine the midlife crisis. It is less about impulsive decisions and more about a profound reckoning with emotional truth and meaning.

Shana is describing midlife as a moment when “most of our dreams and fantasies have shattered”. But at the same time, it’s an opportunity to create incredible love and sex beyond anything we could create when we’re younger. She is emphasizing that identity is shifting, from who men were taught to be to who they actually are.

Silvan is approaching the topic through the body. “We experience emotion through sensation,” he explains. “If we don’t understand what’s happening in the body, we lose control over where our emotional life goes.” For many men, this disconnection shows up as numbness, emotional shutdown, and a growing sense of feeling lost.

Marc frames the discussion by naming what many men quietly experience: success on paper, but confusion internally. Careers, marriages, and responsibilities remain intact, yet something essential feels missing. This episode is examining that missing piece, not as failure, but as initiation.

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