Birthing Without Fear, Living in Trust - Lauren's Story - Metro Detroit Birth Stories

Episode Transcript
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Exie (00:00):
Welcome to Metro Detroit Birth Stories, where we

(00:03):
celebrate the power, wisdom, andbeauty of birth.
One story at a time.
I'm your host, Exie Buehler abirth and postpartum doula,
childbirth educator, andmaternal mental and emotional
wellness coach.
My passion for supportingbirthing families began 20 years
ago.
And has only grown since then inthis space, you'll hear real

(00:28):
birth stories from Metro Detroitand beyond, along with insights
from my work that might resonatewith your own journey because
every birth story matters andevery journey deserves to be
heard.
Please note that this podcast isintended for entertainment and
informational purposes only.

(00:49):
The stories shared are from theperspective of the person
sharing it and do not representmy thoughts, opinions, or views.
I am a non-medical professionalwhose thoughts, opinions, and
views are my own.
So nothing said should beconstrued or understood as
medical advice.
Please discuss all of yourconcerns or questions with your

(01:12):
pregnancy provider.
Now, let's hear today's story.
Hi Lauren.
How are you doing today?

Lauren (01:20):
I'm so well, it's really nice to meet you.
Hi.

Exie (01:24):
Likewise.
I'm happy to to put a face tothe story that

Lauren (01:27):
I know, right?

Exie (01:29):
It was a really beautiful story to to hear, and I'm very
grateful that you agreed toshare it with the listeners of
Metro Detroit Birth Stories andanyone on YouTube who is also
likes that format.
We will add some things to it sothey can watch the video as well
if they'd like to see yourlovely face.

Lauren (01:50):
Great.
That's awesome.
Thank you.

Exie (01:52):
You're welcome.
So do you wanna just give abrief intro of who you are and
then we'll get into your birthstory?

Lauren (01:58):
You got it.
Yeah.
So my name is LaurenHawkins-Berndt, and I live in
Commerce Township 42.
I do digital marketing, so Iwork for digital marketing
agency.
And my husband and I went tohigh school together, but we did
not reconnect tell later years.
And so we share a recently 13 asof yesterday, 13-year-old

(02:22):
daughter.
She's my bonus daughter.
And then we also have a almost3-year-old.
So we talk about my husbandbeing the saint of having like a
perimenopause wife and a13-year-old preteen and like a
two and a half year old toddler.
Right.
So, yes.

(02:44):
Yeah.
So we have, we have quite thebusy household, but wouldn't do
it any other way.
Yeah.

Exie (02:50):
Beautiful.
well thanks for sharing that.
And whenever you're ready, let's

Lauren (02:56):
Great.
Okay.
Yeah, this is, this is a reallyexciting story for, for me to
tell.
I am, I, I'm really proud ofthis story and, you know,
through this journey I didn'tnecessarily know that people had
birth stories.
I definitely learned about'emthrough this process of being
pregnant into, into postpartum,and I became really interested

(03:22):
in this whole notion of birthand what stories were, and I'd
always heard people tell methere were story, but I never
like connected the dots to like,that was your birth story,
right?
Like, people would, like mysister-in-laws and friends.
Would share, but I just didn'treally connect the dots until I
experienced it myself.

(03:44):
And I got really passionateabout it because as, as I'll
share here in a few, I had areally beautiful birth story.
It's something that I reallycherish and it's something that
I'm really proud of and it'ssomething that I really love
sharing.
And when I reflected on it, youknow, in kind of my postpartum

(04:06):
phase, I, I kind of started tolook around in like my circle,
you know, even my family orfriends and like birth stories,
like weren't shared, like theone that I had, it was just, it
was just different.
No, no, worse, no any, it wasjust different, right?
And so it, it made me thinklike, wow, you know, I don't

(04:28):
even know if, if so many momsout there.
Know that they can have an inputinto how their birth story goes.
You know, I, I really did somuch reflection afterwards where
like, I would listen back andI'm like, I don't even think my
sister-in-law understood she hada choice.
Like, like, right.
Like, there are all these thingsthat just like started popping

(04:50):
up into me, or I was like, Idon't know if my friend knew
that she could advocate forsomething different.
Right.
And so, you know, I became justlike really passionate about,
about that and, and like reallyfeeling deeply that, gosh, every
like mom should have the abilityto birth however that looks for

(05:12):
them, right?
But that it should really feelsacred and not just something
that they do.
Like we just, we just givebirth.
Right?
And that's like what I was soused to hearing until I walked.
My own journey and I was like,no, wait.
Like we don't just have to dothis.
This is like a, an experiencethat like really matters, right?

(05:35):
And so I think when I look atour birth story, my husband and
I, you know, knew we wanted tohave a, a joint child together.
And I can remember, you know,waking up and being like, I, I
think, I think we're gonna getthe test right?
And I had woke up and he wasstill sleeping'cause I was just

(05:55):
eager to do it.
And, you know, I took thepregnancy test and yeah, it came
back positive and I felt reallyclear that like, yep, I'm
pregnant.
This is all the things.
And since the very beginning wefelt like really spiritually
attached to to our baby.
And I, I shared with you that,you know, shortly after we found

(06:17):
out that we were pregnant,right?
We got a phone call that myhusband's grandfather had passed
away.
And he was really close with.
And you know, we're driving tothen now spend time with the
family and it's like, yeah,winter time, January.
Right?
And you don't see too manyrainbows in January.
Right.
And we were driving and overthis like Misty Lake, we see

(06:41):
this rainbow and we both look ateach other and we kind of
instantly knew that like he wastotally gonna be blessing you
know, this baby and that theyhave connected in, in some way.
'cause like we're the only oneson the road.
So even from that moment, Keithand I, my husband, are pretty

(07:02):
intentional people in general.
So we were able to like leaninto that moment and be like,
this means something, you know,to us.
So really kind of fast forward,I think my journey began as a
little, like unknowing.
I didn't exactly know what thepath was gonna be for me, but
what I did know was I was like,oh my, the owner of the company

(07:26):
that I worked for at the time aswife was a prenatal yoga
teacher, and I had kind of knownwhat she had done.
I'd met her a handful of timesand I was like, I think that's
what people do.
I think they go to prenatalyoga, right?
So I was like, that's where I'mgonna start.
I'm gonna go to prenatal yogabecause that's what I think I
should do.
That's really how I thoughtabout it.

(07:47):
And I showed up empty handed,had no idea what I was doing,
and then they were like the galthat was checking me and was
like, oh, do you have like yourmat and all your things?
I'm like.
Nope.
And I was like, I didn't reallyknow what I'm doing.
And so I like, you know, quicklykinda got off all this stuff
that was in kind of the waitingarea and I entered class and,

(08:11):
you know my personality type is,is definitely a learner.
So I sat right in the front andI was really intrigued with
Elise Bowerman, who was teachingthe class and my, my boss's
wife.
And so we were sitting there andI was just kinda enthralled
after the first class becauseeven just in that, that first

(08:34):
thing she was talking aboutthings that I didn't even, I
didn't even know about my ownbody and she didn't do it in a
way that was like, you know,confusing.
It was just very matter of fact.
Like, okay, like we're gonna sitin, you know, so grab your sit
bones or feel your sit bones.
We're gonna like, and I waslike.
I don't know what a sit bone is.
Right.

(08:55):
You know, and so I'm lookingaround at the room and I was
like, oh God.
And, you know, then we're doinglike breathing work and it's
like, you know, feeling thesedifferent, you know, things.
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Like I, I'm about to have ababy.
And I just like, I don't haveany, I don't have a clue what
my, what is inside of my body,outside of like, what will you
learn, you know, over, overtime.

(09:16):
And so that was a real lightbulb moment for me where I was
like, okay, I gotta kinda learnwhat's going on and what's gonna
be happening to me, you know,over the next nine months.

Exie (09:27):
Yeah.

Lauren (09:28):
and the community of women that Elise put together in
the class were, were soinstrumental in my phase of
learning because it was, it waspeople that were women that
were.
Nine months pregnant and therewere people like me that were
maybe like two months pregnant.
Right.
So it was this huge spectrum ofwise women, you know, gathering

(09:54):
together to what you think isjust a yoga class.
Right.
That's definitely how I thoughtit was gonna be.
We're just gonna do some yoga,get my body ready and stuff.
But it, it became this placethat was like deeply sacred and
where.
So much of what I learned in thecoming months was gonna stem
from, so every week that I wouldgo back, I feel like I was

(10:16):
learning like another thing,right?
We'd come back into class andwe'd always open with kind of
telling, you know, what wasgoing on with, you know, you
from the weeks prior, what'shappening with baby, what's
happening at home, et cetera.
And these just like littlenuggets really kept getting
dropped of like oh, you know,I'm interacting with with this

(10:37):
provider, or I'm interactingwith here.
And I kept being like, huh.
Huh.
And you know, my mind is justlike bouncing all over the
place.
And at the time I was workingwith an OB'cause you know, my
mom had a, had a midwife and Iknew that, but it didn't, didn't
connect for me initially when I,when I was pregnant, that was

(10:57):
something that I, that I woulddo.
And we were working with an ob.
Again, I, I didn't really knowearly on, you just kind of
Googled.
I, I asked for some referralsand then I just like Googled
people around me, you know, andI was like, okay, well I guess I
need an OB now, right?
And we get an OB and it was, itwas fine, you know.
But then.

(11:18):
I learned in our yoga class thatyou could choose to a certain
degree where you wanted tobirth.
Right?
That like you didn't necessarilyhave to birth the hospital that
was the closest to you.
That, and, you know, in somesituations you could birth where
you wanted to birth.
And I was like, huh.
Didn't know that.
So I didn't necessarily want tobirth in the hospital.

(11:40):
That was closest to me.
I definitely wanted to birth inHenry Ford, west Bloomfield.
That just somewhere that I, I'veheard along the way was really
good.
I've got a girlfriend that worksthere and I was like okay.
So I went back to my OB and Iwas like, Hey, I want a birth at
Henry Ford.
What does that look like?
And they were like, we don't, wedon't deliver there.

Exie (12:01):
Right.

Lauren (12:01):
So I was like, okay.
And then, you know, come back tomy yoga class.
I'm like, okay, what, what do Ido now?
My OB doesn't birth there,right?
And they were like, oh, thenjust go and seebie at Henry
Ford.
And I was like.
Okay, so I go to Henry Ford.
I go and I start to see some obsthere.
And you know, I went in veryopen but my husband and I just

(12:25):
didn't have a great, goodexperience.
It doesn't mean that it's, it,it was wrong for anybody.
It just wasn't, I think what Ihad envisioned, especially since
I was in a group of women who Iwas starting to hear from, like
what their experiences were

Exie (12:40):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (12:41):
initially then what I was receiving didn't meet what I
had necessarily wanted.
Right.
It was a little short, it wasreally medical.
I didn't really feel cared for.
I think at one time a doctor waslike, I don't even know.
He spent the whole time liketalking about himself.
It, it just was, it just feltreally weird.

(13:01):
It was weird.
Yeah.
He was like talking about the,like he had like the highest
score in his medical class.
Like it just, there was allthese like really weird.
Weird things.

Exie (13:13):
you that he's a quality provider?

Lauren (13:17):
Yes.
Which I was starting to learnfrom my yoga circle.
Right.
That, that was making me feel alittle inferior.
Right.
Where I was like, where I waslike, wait a second.
And I was like, I'm, I'm thecenter here.
Right.
Me and my baby are the mostimportant thing in the room.
So if you are feeling like youare the most important thing in

(13:38):
the room, like we might bedisconnected emotionally.
Right.

Exie (13:42):
right.
That's an excellent point.
And did you feel connected toyour previous OB?
That was at a differenthospital.

Lauren (13:50):
I don't think that we, we only had met a couple of
times, so maybe, maybe more soFor sure.
Maybe more so, but, but therewasn't enough of a, a timeframe
for us to really get

Exie (14:01):
it.

Lauren (14:01):
there.
It, yeah.
Yeah.
So a little bit different.

Exie (14:06):
where were you in your pregnancy when you tried to make
the switch to Henry

Lauren (14:10):
So I was probably a, yeah, I was probably five or so
months, five, six months in.
So yeah, we were getting,getting there, right.
And every time we would leave, Ilooked at my husband and he
could sense it to again, likepretty intuitive people.
And I was just like, I justdon't love this.

(14:30):
Right?
And you know, I shared thatstory when I came back to my
Yoga Circle group and you know,as we're sharing, I was like,
this is kind of what happened.
I didn't feel great about that.
And you know, I think it mayhave been Elise who said, well,
you know, you can, you can tryOB or you know, midwives at
Henry Ford, they have awonderful midwife program there.

(14:52):
And I was like, huh, here I gotagain.
Right?
All these light bulb things.
I was like, I can do that.
And I was like, I don't evenknow how to do that.
And you were, she was like, youjust ask.

Exie (15:01):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (15:03):
the next statement I'm gonna make, gosh has stayed with
me even through today as now amom, you know, mothering, you
know, two, two children here,earth side.
I, I remember feeling a littlefrustrated with like, what do
you mean I can see mid midwives,right?
And I was like, why?
I said to her, and I was like,why wouldn't that have been
offered to me?

(15:24):
Like, why wouldn't I have when Ibecame a patient, you know, why
would somebody have not said tome, Hey, here are all your
options.
What feels right to you?
Right.
And I felt like reallyfrustrated with that.
And she said to me, you know,very lovingly and also very
direct, right, that nobody isgonna give you all of the

(15:46):
answers.
It's your job as a mom to nowseek them out.
It's the most like divineresponsibility to be a mom

Exie (15:56):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (15:56):
and you have to seek out what you want.

Exie (16:00):
Yeah.

Lauren (16:01):
I was like.
Okay.

Exie (16:05):
Yeah.
It's a, it's a bigresponsibility, but what
everything that you've said kindof speaks to the power dynamics
that we are raised to justconform to

Lauren (16:18):
Yes.

Exie (16:19):
little life

Lauren (16:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Exie (16:22):
through.
Especially when you said thatthe doctor was making you feel
inferior, because that hierarchyin the

Lauren (16:28):
Yes.

Exie (16:29):
we all are used to it.
It's just we don't questionanything.
So for her to say that to you,that was incredibly profound.
And I'm sure a little bit like,oh dear.

Lauren (16:43):
Yeah, Exie, that's exactly what it felt like.
I was like, oh gosh.
Right, because you're exactlyright.
Like we, especially when itcomes to medical treatment, we
really just go along with whatour providers kind of telling
are, tell us, you know,believing that they have our
best interests in heart and,and, and all of them, most of
them do, right.
It's just, you know, if you'relooking for a connection that,

(17:05):
that feels different, like.
You, you can have that,

Exie (17:08):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (17:09):
know, and, and that advocacy in your, in your voice
and, you know, really thinkingthrough that was, was a really
powerful moment for me where Iwas like, okay, I cannot be a
passenger in my birth, right?
Like, I have to be the driver.
And that was that moment where Iwas like, okay, got it.

(17:30):
And so we ended up switching tothe midwife team.
Ironically, I had a lifelongfriend who just transferred to
Henry Ford on the OB team, or onthe midwife team.
So I, it was awesome because Iwas able to, to begin to see her
and a couple other gals that sheworked with.
And it was, it was night andday.
It really was.

(17:50):
You know, I know a lot ofpeople, you know, say that and,
you know, but it, it really wasnight and day and, you know.
My oldest daughter was able tocome in, into the room for some
appointments also, and, youknow, do the monitoring, hearing
the heartbeat, and it, it wasvery calm and conversational and

(18:11):
warm.
And I was like, okay, we're onthe right, we're on the right
path.
This is definitely where, wherewe're going.
And then it was that, that, thatconversation with Elise was that
moment of enlightenment

Exie (18:23):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (18:24):
for me, where it was like, okay.
And then, you know, we heardsome people in, in yoga class
that worked with Janice Wheelerand, and doing hypnobirthing.
Right.
And yet telling my Theo,everybody knows Janice.
Right.
Every time I talk about it,everybody's like, oh yeah,
Janice.
And at that time, I had no ideawho Janice was.

Exie (18:45):
Right, right.

Lauren (18:46):
And we had to do a virtual class'cause you know, it
was a year or so after COVID, soit was still, still virtual.
And I, I chatted with my husbandthat there were some women in
class that had takenHypnobirthing through, through
Janice.
And it was something that I wasreally interested in.
And my husband's a beautifulsupporter of, you know, things

(19:06):
that I wanna try.
And he's definitely an activeparticipant and he was curious,
you know, he has a, we, he hasan older daughter, you know,
from our previous marriage.
And, you know, it was abeautiful birth, you know, in in
what he knew at the time.
Right.
And, and that's kind of the, theevolution is that like, when we
know better.

(19:27):
We can do differently, you know?
And so the birth with his firstdaughter was, was beautiful and,
and great.
And she's this beautiful13-year-old, right?
But he definitely was, was apassenger in the birth.
And he didn't, again, he didn'tknow either any differently,
didn't, didn't questionanything.
It was like, okay, we do this,we go in,

Exie (19:48):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (19:49):
I stand here I cut the cord, then I hold Right.
That, that was kind of like whathis motion was, right?
And what, what he was told andknew to do.

Exie (20:00):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (20:00):
when we opened up this kind of chapter and I was like,
here's what we're gonna do.
And he had to see those hypnobirthing classes with, with
Janice and the other parentsthat were on there.
It was so eye-opening to him andreally transformational that he,
he also was like.
Wow, this is a really big dealand we can do things differently

(20:25):
and I can be involveddifferently and I can support
you differently.
And this is really exciting.
And he was with me, you know,through all, through all the
classes and was reallyparticipatory and would, would
speak up and began to reallyunderstand what his role was
gonna be in this birth.

(20:46):
Which, you know, in, in talkingto Elise who kind of coached me
a lot is that like men reallyneed that role and they need to
understand and be kind ofdirected to what they're going,
what they're going to be doing.
And my husband is, is very muchlike that.
He's a, he's a builder, he's amechanic.
He's hands on, right.
So it's like you gotta give hima job

Exie (21:08):
Right.

Lauren (21:08):
kind of do, and then he'll knock it out of the park,
right.

Exie (21:12):
Right.
Yeah.
And the messaging that, again,back to that messaging that we
have societally, is that thefathers are bystanders to this
experience.
And so everything that you saidabout his first experience kind
of just reinforces thatmessaging that, know, this is

(21:33):
all about her.
This

Lauren (21:35):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (21:35):
to do with you.
You have very little that youcan do.
And we do need to change that.
Men want to be involved, butlike you said, they don't always
know how, because that's notwhat has happened generations
past.

Lauren (21:48):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (21:48):
not what is messaged now.
So

Lauren (21:51):
And you know, we're making, if you don't talk about
it prior to, then we're makinglike really rash decisions in
the moment of labor,

Exie (22:00):
Exactly.

Lauren (22:01):
now they're, they're panic driven, you know, or
they're a little more chaotic.
And then the husband doesn'treally necessarily, the partner
doesn't necessarily know how to,how to support.
And so like, if, if that cankind of be nurtured and talked
about, about how we're gonnawork together to bring this baby
earth side, then, you know, the,the father has the ability to be

(22:22):
right there and experience it inthe way that a father does,
right?

Exie (22:28):
right.
Yeah.

Lauren (22:30):
that was really incredible.
She, she helped us immenselyand, and really just
understanding, gosh, birth,birth, not only what's gonna
happen, but just like the psychpsychology of birth, which is
fascinating, right?
And like where gosh, like thatcould talk about that, that
forever, right?
Like that is just fascinating.
And my husband also found thatand how things changed and like,

(22:52):
how did you know in the courseof our modern medicine, how did
we go from, you know, birthingwith midwives and circles of
women and how, how over time didwe get here

Exie (23:03):
Yeah.

Lauren (23:04):
like, you know, a male, primarily male dominated, you
know, OB system.

Exie (23:09):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (23:10):
you know, she talked about that in, you know, our
education class, which I feltlike really helpful to
understand how babies were bornat one period and how just life
changed that, you know?
And that was really fascinatingfor me.
So, you know, we continuethrough with Janice and was,

(23:30):
we're feeling really good about,about things and go back to yoga
class, talk about it.
And then somebody talks aboutthe fact that they're doing
prenatal yoga, massage.
Like massage, right?
And I was like, oh, again, feelslike something I should be
doing.
All these little, all theselittle wisdom things, right?
And you learn again about howmuch taking care of yourself

(23:53):
being pregnant is really gonnahelp, you know, not only the
ease of your delivery, but alsolike prepping you the things
that I was learning with Janicethrough hypnobirthing.
And then also being able tolike, receive you know, massage
and receive comfort was all, wassomething that I definitely
wanted, wanted to, to do.
And so we hired Kristen atOakland, prenatal massage, and

(24:17):
oh my gosh, Kristen became like.
A part of our family because,and, and her business model at
the time was doing at homemassage.
So we were really fortunate tobring her into our home and you
know, slowly my husband startedgetting in on them as well.
And I really encouraged thatbecause, you know, the both of

(24:40):
us that can stay in a really,you know, calm state and that we
can learn how to relax, youknow, we, we both need that as
we're kind of going towards theend of, of pregnancy.
Like we both need, we both needthat big time.
And Kristen was just absolutelyinstrumental in our kind of

(25:02):
birth team.
And you know, at when you startto get later into pregnancy, you
very much look forward to thosemassage appointments because.
Your body just isn't moving thesame way and you're not sleeping
the same way.
And to have somebody help youthrough that, I mean, gosh.

(25:22):
Right?
Like she, we would talk aboutsleeping positions and Chris,
and I'm like, you know, so she'slike my massage therapist,
right?
But we're also talking aboutlike, what do I do with this
belly and like, how do I sleep?
You know what I mean?
And she would send me all thesepillows and, you know, all these
different things that from a,you know, therapeutic side,

Exie (25:41):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (25:41):
were gonna be helpful for me.
So you learn that all thesepeople that are in the birthing
community just have like, somuch knowledge and you just like
wanna soak it all up'causethey're there to help women like
me, right?
Deliver babies.
So we kind of move, we're kindof now getting closer to the end
of our, our birth and, you know,we had asked Elise to be our

(26:04):
doula.

Exie (26:04):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (26:05):
So we got to that point where we felt really really
confident that, that, that we,we wanted that layer of support
as well.
And so Elise came in to, tobecome our doula.
And we worked together monthsprior to, to actually having our
baby.
And we worked on that kind ofstuff.
We worked on, you know, what'sthe birth plan, what do I want

(26:27):
and don't want, what is Keith'srole gonna be?
How do I wanna be supported?
And you know, Elise really helpsask those questions of, like,
Lauren, if you are in intenselabor.
How do you want Keith to showup?
Is touching helpful?
Is talking helpful, right?
Because not everybody wants tobe like touched and not

(26:47):
everybody wants to be talked to.
Right?
And that was, those werequestions that I was like, oh
gosh, like I'm so glad thatwe're talking about this because
you're right.
Like this might look and feel,feel different.
And so we had to like starthaving those conversations of,
you know, hey, when I feel likeI'm in, you know, a surge or
pain, how do I want you to showup?

Exie (27:08):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (27:09):
You know, how do we want our room to be and what type of
intervention?
You know, we, we knew reallyearly on that we were gonna have
a no intervention birth.
And you know, Exie, that was,that was really interesting when
we decided to have a no a nointervention birth.
When I would share that withpeople, this was something that
was really interesting to me andsomething I was not prepared

(27:32):
for, nor did I even think about.
I didn't necessarily have themost like warming response to
that.

Exie (27:38):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (27:39):
Which was so interesting.
E even now I think about it,the, the responses that I got
from, from women, right?
Were Oh yeah.
Like, I wish I could have donethat, but no, give me all the
drugs

Exie (27:51):
Right.

Lauren (27:52):
or yeah, we'll see you say that now, but we'll see what
happens when you actually getinto the room.
And I was like, what aninteresting, and, and it was
like that almost all the time.
It was very seldom that therewas like an encouraging vibe of
like, yeah, like, mama, go anddo this.
Like, you can do it.

(28:12):
Like, that was very seldom, veryseldom.
And you know, when I, when I hadto kind of unpack that, like
Elise and I unpacked that,unpacked that a lot and.
That's their own story thatthey're telling themselves of
maybe something that they wantedto have done differently.
And so it's really like adefense mechanism.

(28:34):
If somebody wanted to changesomething or looking, reflecting
back, they're like, man, I wishI could have done it.
And that's also something that Itry to do today too.
And I tell you that I'm, I'mpassionate about it, is like
supporting women in any choicethat they wanna make and just,
just being there and likecheering, cheering them on.
'cause it's hard.

(28:54):
And when, when women say that mypath is to do without
intervention, like celebratethat and, and also for the women
that, you know, maybe wanted todo things differently, like
there's always the power ofrepair, you know, and going
through and like having thatconversation and speaking that

(29:15):
out loud and saying that truth.
And that's why I think I'm sopassionate about people getting.
Knowing that they have theability to do something
differently.
Because if you just went intothe system and you were like,
okay, this is what we do, maybethat wasn't like truly aligned

Exie (29:30):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (29:31):
with your heart.
Right?
And then you have feelingsafterwards,

Exie (29:35):
Right.

Lauren (29:36):
know?
So that was, that was a littleinteresting as we worked
through, through that piece.
But you know, Elise reallyhelped, helped with that.
And she changed, you know, shehelped me change my narrative.
When I would tell what I plannedto do, I would say things like,
yeah, we're gonna, I'm gonna tryfor a natural birth.
And she was like, Lauren, yousay you are going to have a
natural birth, right?

(29:57):
And all of these like things Ineeded to like, say to myself,
like, to, to be sure that, that,that I knew that I could do it
within, within me, right?
And so we began, we, we hiredher on, she came and met with
Keith and I, we did a lot ofpreparing at home exercises,
different ways in which he couldsupport me.
And then we began to, to createour birth plan, right?

(30:17):
And so at this moment in time, Igot yoga, right?
I got went through Janice'sclasses.
Classes.
We had Kristen, I had Elise.
And so like, we were reallyfeeling very excited.
I, I don't recall there being awhole lot of panic or stress or
anything, anything like that.
It's not the feeling that, thatwe had and then, you know, come

(30:39):
time to, to birth.
We, I had learned through allthis education and, and
curiosity that you know, Iwanted to birth at home as long
as I could.
I, I knew that I wanted to birthin a hospital, but I did wanna
do as most.
As much as I could here.

Exie (30:55):
right.

Lauren (30:56):
because I did learn about, you know, there can be
some situations where your bodytenses up if you're in, you
know, a hospital setting for toolong.
And so we were good and, and we,I remember it was a Friday
evening, I went out with myin-laws and my sister-in-laws
and we had dinner and we werecelebrating.
And I remember feeling some,some labor kind of coming on and

(31:20):
then that proceeded to happenfrom about the next three or so
days.
But just in the evening, theevening time, of course.
Right.
So you know, you're fine andyour evenings are disruptive and
yeah, like I was, I wasuncomfortable, but you know, we
were able to move through it andit was about three days of that.
And then we get to the, thebeginning of the week, and I'm

(31:42):
off work at this, at this momentin time.
And I wanna say this is like a,either a Monday or a Tuesday
where my husband got home fromwork.
And, you know, I, I have thispicture of me looking back where
I am on a yoga, like a bigexercise ball.
I'm just kind of draped over andI've got my snack and my dog is
next to me.
And, and my husband took thatpicture and you could tell like,

(32:05):
I was like in the zone,

Exie (32:06):
Hmm.

Lauren (32:07):
And so Keith is kind of now talking with Elise and
letting her know that this iskind of what's going on.
And that probably lasted anothercouple of hours.
Just kind of, you know, bobbingand weaving and, and walking and
doing things like that.
And then kind of tracking wherewe were at.
And, you know, my stuff was kindof packed and ready to go.
And, you know, as, as amazed meas my husband did through this,

(32:29):
that was the one thing I keptbeing like, the bag.
The bag.
And, I don't know why that wasthe thing that Right, that I
could like grab onto is like thepiece of control, you know?

Exie (32:37):
are right,

Lauren (32:37):
And so I had like my bag of you know, I had prepped food,

Exie (32:42):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (32:43):
to take to the, to the hospital because again, we can
eat when we are giving, youknow, in through this.
We don't have to, to not, youdon't have to starve ourselves.
If we want to eat, we can eat,we can drink, right?
So I packed the bag of thingsthat were gonna be good for my
body for then.
And you know, I remember we weregetting all of our stuff packed

(33:04):
up and my husband made this likereally profound thing.
He saw like my bag of all thehealthy sandwiches and like the
nuts and the date, all thethings, right?
And he was like, Lauren, can wejust get a bag of Doritos?
And I was like, seriously?
And I was like.
I so gr like Doritos, likereally?
And then I was like, okay, likewhatever.

(33:24):
Not the big of a deal.
Just put a bag of Doritos in thebag.
Right.
So we are, I'm on the exerciseball and I, I say to him at some
point between tracking theconversions and the feeling of
my surges that I said, I, Ithink, I think we probably need
to start getting ready to go to,to the hospital.
I feel ready.
I feel like, you know, yeah.

(33:44):
It's just the time.
So I, I took a shower and, andhe kind of got everything ready,
the car packed and stuff.
And it was funny'cause I waslistening to one of your other
stories that were shared andthey were talking about the
roads Right.
In Detroit.
That's a real, that is totally areal thing.

Exie (34:01):
the

Lauren (34:01):
I, the potholes, yeah.
That is like so, so real.
Because that was in my, in myrecollection of the drive from,
you know, I don't remember a tonof the drive from the house to
the hospital, you know,'cause myeyes were closed.
I was very deep in like hypnoburling training and stuff.
But I do remember, you know,kind of grabbing that and

(34:22):
wincing and like telling, likegrabbing my husband's arm.
Like, ugh.
Right.
I a hundred percent rememberthat.

Exie (34:28):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (34:28):
So, you know, my, my husband also in, in preparing,
understood his role in terms oflike who to contact and, you
know there being like onemessenger in our family so that
he didn't have to be respondingto everybody.
So like, all those systems werereally set, set up where like,
we call the lease and then wecalled my mom and it was one

(34:51):
information feed.
My mom would be responsible forletting everybody else in the
family know so that Keith couldalso be as present as he could
with me.
But we know that family wants toknow what's going on.
Like, we get that, you know, sowe, we, you know, have that in
place going in to Henry Fordalso.

Exie (35:07):
That's

Lauren (35:08):
So, yeah, it was nice and it allowed Keith to not be
glued to his phone.
Right.
Because I, I know being on theother side of my nieces being
born, when people stopresponding to you, you just
like, go into like total panic,

Exie (35:22):
Yeah.
You

Lauren (35:22):
you know?

Exie (35:23):
in gaps.
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (35:25):
You do, you're like, why are they responding?
And like your logical brain islike, well,'cause they're,
they're giving birth, but you'realso like, but why isn't
somebody responding?
So we didn't want anybody tofeel necessarily that, but, but
we wanted to manage it, right?
So we, we showed up at thehospital we get up to triage and
again, like, as most peopleprobably say, I, I was in such a

(35:45):
deep state of you know,meditative, whatever you wanna
necessarily wanna call it, thatsome of the details of like the
last 12 hours, like are in andout, you know.
But we, we showed up and I, myhusband's got the birth plan.
You know, in our folder and ittalks about like what we want
and what we don't want.
And, you know, I don't want IVsand how we wanted the room to

(36:09):
be, who we wanted to be in theroom, you know, et cetera.
And this this was about midnightat this point in time, so about,
about midnight.
And so we had a newer nurse thatwas doing the blood work you
know, initially, and she kind ofpulled out the needle and my
husband was like, no, no, no,no.
Like done our birth plan.
Like she doesn't get any, any,any you know, needles and stuff.

(36:32):
And they kind of explained well.
We're not putting anything init.
It's, it's just a port.
Just for, and we were like,okay, that's fine.
And but the nurse, bless her,was, was very new and was having
a really, really hard time

Exie (36:48):
Hmm.

Lauren (36:48):
with the iv.
And I'll tell you that, that Iremember that being more
uncomfortable than actuallysitting in active labor.
Right.

Exie (36:57):
A lot of people have said that.
A lot of my clients

Lauren (37:00):
really?

Exie (37:01):
have said that.
Yes.

Lauren (37:03):
Yes.
It was really, reallyuncomfortable.
And my husband is looking at mein a lot of uncomfortability
and, you know, again, he knewhis role, right?
Because we had talked aboutthis.
And so he kind of stepped in andwas like, you know, un
unfortunately, like, no, nomore, you know, like, we'll go
ahead with the port, but we willgive like one more shot to do
it.

(37:23):
And you know, no offense, wejust need to have somebody else
come in and try, right?
Because this isn't going welland this is not how we want
things to start.
And so, you know, we got thattransition and then, then Elise
shows up.
So he got the new nurse, Eliseshows up and I'm like, okay,
cool.
Like, we're doing this.

(37:44):
Had no idea what we were gonnabe doing, but I'm like, okay, my
people are here, let's go.
So we get all checked in andthey, the nurse kind of comes in
and tells us that there is no,there's no more birthing suites
available at this time.
And so I need to stay in triageuntil a birthing room is

(38:04):
available, which again, I knowno different.
I'm a first time mom.
Right.
And I was like,

Exie (38:11):
Whatever.

Lauren (38:12):
know what a birthing screen.
Yeah.
I'm kind of like, okay, fine.
So we, we go over into, into thetriage room and I definitely
like.
Understood that it was likesmaller and there was no bath
and stuff like that.
But in the moment it reallydidn't seem to like, it didn't
seem like an obstacle.
And you know, we get kind of setup and Elise and Keith get the
room.
Just how we had talked about, wehad, you know, our diffuser, we

(38:36):
had our crystals.
My husband wears patchouli and Ilike love that smell.
So he like made sure to put thaton because as he was gonna be,
you know, near me or holding meor with me, like that was a
smell that was really calmingand like, safe for me was just
'cause my eyes, you know,weren't gonna be open.

(38:56):
So I wasn't gonna always be ableto like, see him.
But to be able to like smell himor touch him was, was really
important for me.
And.
There we go.
And then, so now we're kind ofjust walking around the room and
Keith is doing a great job kindof supporting me and, you know,
compressing at the hips andworking behind and, you know,

(39:18):
doing, doing all the thingsthat, that we had practiced.
And, you know, everything'sgoing, you know, smoothly.
And I, I'm in like a very,again, like my eyes are closed
and I remember, you know,working on a lot of the deep
ooo-s.

Exie (39:32):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (39:32):
And so, you know, I've heard your other mothers also
share like, yeah, you thinklike, you sound like a cow,
right?
Like, I think I'm really loud,you know what I mean?
And I'm in triage, so like, I'mseparated by like a curtain,

Exie (39:45):
Yeah.

Lauren (39:46):
So I remember being like, my God am I like so loud.
And I was like can everybodyhear me?
Can hear me?
And you know, Elise and myhusband were like, Keith, were
like, no.
Like, it's, it's not as loud asyou think.
I'm like, okay.
And so, you know, we're we're,you know, in, in labor and I
would get, like, sometimes Iwould get like high pitched

(40:07):
ooo-s and I remember Elise, youknow, coaching me to like come
back down to like the deep.
So I remember her doing that.
And I remember at one point Ithink my blood pressure maybe
started to get a littleelevated, some, something like
that.
And I hadn't had high bloodpressure issues through
pregnancy or anything like that.

(40:28):
And so there's like some beepinggoing on and like you just
again, don't love the beeping.
Right.
And so I kind of was lookingover at, I remember looking over
at Elise and being like, I, Ineeded, you know, that sign from
her like, what's going on?
'cause I can't really talkeither, right?
Because you're just on like sucha deep thing that like talking
is actually really, really hard.

(40:50):
So it's like you gotta kind ofcommunicate through other means,

Exie (40:53):
Right.

Lauren (40:54):
right?
And that, that's kind ofinteresting.
And the nurse came in at thetime because we're in the, we're
in the overnight crew.
And that's just, that's whathappens.

Exie (41:02):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (41:03):
That's the other thing that, like, you have to
understand.
I think when you're birthing ina hospital, just there's shifts.
And so the crew at night, myteam at night was not my ideal
team.
I mean, nothing was majorlywrong, but it wasn't, it wasn't
the group of women that, that wehad built.
You know,

Exie (41:19):
Yeah.

Lauren (41:20):
it was, it was okay for me at the moment because I knew
we were gonna be here for awhile, and I knew that wasn't
gonna be my, my, you know, myteam all the whole time.
Right.

Exie (41:29):
Right, right.

Lauren (41:30):
So I looked at Elise and the nurse kind of came in and,
you know, she, she definitelylooked a little concerned.
And I think at, at one pointshe, you know, suggested giving
me fluids or something through,through the iv, and I really
looked at Elise like, no, youknow what I mean?
Like, no.
And Elise was like, listen isthis, and this is all the

(41:53):
questions that you learn workingin Hypnobirthing and working
with a midwife, is, is this likelife threatening vitals

Exie (42:00):
Right, right.

Lauren (42:02):
And if it's not, do we have time to correct?
Because time we usually have alot of, if we're not in a really
high state, right.

Exie (42:11):
Right.

Lauren (42:12):
But in a lot of times with our medical providers, time
is not on their side.
So it's immediate cause and, youknow what I mean?
Like, something happened, fixit, something happened, fix it.
And so Elise and my husband wereable to, you know, help advocate
that.
Do we have time to reposition,

Exie (42:32):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (42:33):
to maybe get up and see if just a new position helps
before we, and you know, the,she was fine, the, the nurse,
but it was kind of like, yeah,okay.
More like that kind of thing,you know what I mean?
And she left and allowed Eliseand I to work through like a
different position

Exie (42:51):
Okay,

Lauren (42:52):
and yeah, like in about 15 minutes everything was fine.

Exie (42:56):
so

Lauren (42:57):
Numbers.

Exie (42:58):
your blood pressure was up and then the baby's heart rate
was affected by that.
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (43:03):
Yep.
Exactly right.
Exactly right.
And so, you know, that's why Ithink we wanted to understand
like, what were we dealing, wasit something really significant
that we needed to act on, or didthis feel like we had some time
to kind of just adjust somethings and, you know, we, and in
our situation, we had time,right?
And so it just, it just was aposition that I was laying in

Exie (43:24):
Yep.

Lauren (43:24):
that was causing just, you know, that to happen.
And that's sometimes part of it,right?
And that happens.
And so we were able just to kindof move around.
I think I was laying on my sideat the time and that wasn't a, a
good position for vitals.
And so getting up, I thinkmoving around the position, kind
of moving and, and touching mybelly yeah, that was, it moved

(43:47):
on.
It never happened again,

Exie (43:49):
Yeah.

Lauren (43:49):
you know, and that's the power too that I, I shared in
the beginning of like, really,you know, being like, this is
my, my journey.
And as long as there aren't.
Major, major issues, like I'm incontrol of what we're gonna do.

Exie (44:05):
Yep.

Lauren (44:06):
The shift change happened, so I think we're now
at 6:00 AM and kind of the teamthat I had been working with is
now here.
So my midwife the nurses that I,that I have, have met, so kind
of my people join, you know,Elise and Keith, about six, and
that was great.
I could not tell you a lot aboutwhat happened between six and

(44:28):
delivery, right?
I was just, again, really in a,a very, very deep state.
I do remember my girlfriend thatI had known from the hospital
came in and I remember hearingher voice, but then my eyes were
closed.
And you know, I had a, I had along.
Labor, I gu, you know it hadbeen three or four days active
before coming in, active laborat the hospital, and then we

(44:51):
reached some point, I'm not surethe exact time, if, if I had to
guess it would probably besomewhere around maybe 10 or 11
in the morning, maybe somethinglike that.
My midwife Sarah at Henry Ford,who was just incredible, she,
you know, started to talk and itwas just so beautiful how she

(45:11):
did it because she's, she, shebrought everybody to have a
conversation.

Exie (45:15):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (45:15):
she came in with the nurses and Elise and my husband
and we just had a conversationof like, you know, you, you've
been in active labor for quite awhile.

Exie (45:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Lauren (45:27):
And because my envision what I thought was gonna happen
is that I'd be like on that, youknow, all fours and I'd bear the
baby, and baby would just dropdown and I would just have baby.
That was what was going on in myhead.
Right?
That's how I thought I was gonnabirth her.
And so Sarah is just like, youknow, we've just been at this
for a while, you know, and like,I'm, I'm not in a state where

(45:49):
I'm concerned or anything'swrong, but we just wanna
maintain like your stamina.
We wanna make sure that, thatyou're doing good and that, you
know, and she was like, I mightrecommend that we, we think
about going on your back andstart, you know, work on like a
more of a pushing.
And one of the things in what Ihad learned is like pushing

(46:13):
sometimes gets this like, badwrap of a word.
And it did for me too.
I, I totally.
'cause when she said pushing, Iwas like, I look, I remember
looking at Elise and I'm like,I.
I'm not supposed to push, baby'sjust supposed to come out.

Exie (46:27):
Right.

Lauren (46:28):
I was initially like, no.
Like, what do you mean?
I have to go on my back and, andpush, like, I don't think that
that's what is supposed tohappen.

Exie (46:37):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (46:38):
And Elise looked at me and she was like, Lauren, I
birthed both my kids on my back.
It is just fine.
You're not going againstanything.
I just want you to know that,that like, it is, it is okay to
birth on your back.

Exie (46:54):
Yeah.

Lauren (46:55):
I was like, okay.
And we got on my, my back and Ithink you know, I probably
actively, you know, pushed or sofor, for maybe an hour and a
half maybe.
I don't even really remember.
It could have been shorter,frankly.
I really don't remember.
And that was really intense.
The only part that I rememberfeeling is I didn't know what

(47:18):
this feeling was called untilsome, some gals told me, but I
felt the ring of fire when herhead, that's what some people
termed it when I would, I'mlike, I don't know.
And I was like, I just rememberfeeling this like crazy burning
sensation and they're like, oh,the ring a fire.
And I was like.
Yeah, that's what that's called.
That's definitely what happened.

(47:39):
So I remember that was like,really, like when I talk about
like pain, you know, a lot ofpeople when they, they talk
about, and I don't, I don'trecall experiencing pain.
Was I uncomfortable?
Yes.
Did I have surges?
A hundred percent.
But the ring of fire wasdefinitely that.
Like, ooh, okay.
And you know, we had the mirrorup and Sarah said, you know,

(48:01):
Lauren, her head is, is righthere, you know, do you, do you
wanna see?
And I was like, I think it wasthe first time I opened my eyes
and felt like a day, you know,like I hadn't, my eyes had just
been closed for so long.
And so I see like her head and Iwas like, oh my God.
Okay.
And and then she really justbeautifully came out.

(48:22):
My husband was right there.
You know, he was holding oneleg.
Elise was holding the other leg.
Elise is filming, you know, sowe got, like, she's taking
pictures and filming.
So we got like some really,really nice photos and you know,
to be able to have, and youknow, they placed baby right,
right on me, right on my belly.
And this moment that I'lldescribe next is something that

(48:46):
my husband, it stays with himand he shares all the time
because we learned throughworking with all of our, our
people that sometimes in birththat the baby will crawl.

Exie (48:59):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (49:00):
Instinctively up to the breast, right?
We had learned that that was athing.
And so you know, the team putbaby right on on me, and she
did.
And Keith was able to get it onvideo and she just did her
little instinctive crawl, like,up my body.
And I was like, oh.

(49:21):
And I knew I was gonnabreastfeed, or at least that was
my intention, you know?
But like, that's the other piecethat like, you don't really talk
about it like baby's earth side,you know what I mean?
And I knew I wanted to br but,and so I was like, okay.
And baby just kind of came upand she kind of just like
latched on.
I'm like, okay, like we're doingthis breastfeeding thing.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know what we're doing,but we're doing it right.

(49:43):
And I remember being like, wow,and this is happening.
And as that is happening Idelivered the placenta.
I.
I think I was listening toElisa's story and you know,
sometimes she described it aslike the blah kind of moment.
Right?
And that's so perfect.
That's exactly how it felt.
And I'm sitting there and, youknow, I'm holding, holding baby

(50:04):
with me and my husband there,you know, he's crying and it's
just like this really beautifulmoment.
And then, you know, we're, we'rein this room of like, these just
really incredibly.
Profound, like wise women,right?
And they are talking about myplacenta.
I, that's also something that Ididn't really fully explore.
Like, I was like, I, I knew thatthat came out after, but I

(50:26):
didn't really know much beyondthat.
And so this, this group of likemedical women and, and birthing
like, you know, enthusiastsstanding around the table
looking at my placenta and theywere like, this is so beautiful.
And they were like, this is likethe most, this is like, so
intact.

(50:46):
I mean, they were just like inawe.
And I remember hearing this andthey were like, do you wanna
see?
And I'm kind of like, I'm good.
Like I'm, I'm all about likenatural, but I'm good.
I'm, that was the point where Iwas like, I'm okay.
And Elise was like, I dunno,Lauren, it's really beautiful
and I.
I don't really know.
And so I just remember thatconversation happening.
And you know, keep in mind, I I,I didn't mention this'cause it

(51:08):
kind of skipped my mind, but we,we decided to stay in triage.
So, so they they did, yes, theydid come at like, I think some
point and we're like, oh, wehave a room for you.
And we're like, no, like we'recommitted, we're here, our
energy's here, everything ishere.
Like, we're not just gonna like,you know, pick up and go.
So she, she was delivered in, intriage and so we just have like
this, you know, curtain and babyis now, you know, like, like I

(51:32):
talking about and the women inthe room and they were, we
shared the name and her name isLuna Rose.
And there's where there was thislike deep silence, like this all
kind of thing in the room and.
Everybody was like, what?
What did you say her name was?
And I was like, Luna Rose.

(51:54):
And there was four women, it wasElise, a midwife, I mean midwife
Sarah and two, two femalenurses.
And every single one of thosewomen went around and their
daughter either was named Luna,or was named Rose, or had a
middle name of Luna or Rose.

(52:14):
So we were all like, gosh, wewere so divinely put here
together.

Exie (52:22):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (52:23):
like was supposed to happen this way.
And like how incredible thatthat four women here are sharing
this kinda together.
And you know, everybody's kindof sobbing at this point.
And'cause that was just like, Ithink touching to everybody.
And so midwives, nurses Keithwe're all just like, oh my gosh,
it was very powerful.

(52:44):
And Sarah, our midwife, came upkind of closer to me and she,
she looked me like right, kindof in the eyes and she said to
me thank you so much for thisbirth and letting me be here
that I'll get choked up talkingabout it because it was so
personal.
And she was like, but like,thank you so much for this.

(53:04):
And she was like, I have had astretch of not so great births.

Exie (53:10):
Hmm.

Lauren (53:10):
And she was like, and this really restored why I do
what I do.
And she's like, and it broughtback like that this, this is
possible that this is what weare capable of doing and this is
it.
This room right now, this is it.
And I'm like, you know, just hada baby.

(53:32):
So I'm like, you know,waterworks and would never have
thought that that would haveimpacted.
A midwife, right.
Like that, who you're like, theydo this stuff all the time, you
know?
But it looks, looks differentlya lot of the time,

Exie (53:46):
Yep.

Lauren (53:46):
you know?

Exie (53:47):
Yeah.

Lauren (53:48):
Yeah, yeah.
So we, so at that point in timewe kinda wrapped things up.
We went in to, to our suite andI was hungry and I was excited
to have what I had heard thathospital food is good.
So I was kind of excited aboutthat.
We got it.
It was not good.
It was not good at all.

(54:08):
It was like really bad.

Exie (54:10):
oh, no.

Lauren (54:11):
And so I was like, oh.
I was like looking forward tothis, like whatever it was gonna
be, you know, just something youknow, that I was gonna just
totally engorge.
And so I was like, okay, well Iguess we're gonna get the bag of
food that I brought, like, youknow, my Turkey sandwich and all
that kind of stuff.
And then I saw the bag ofDoritos, I Exie, and I, I was
like.

(54:32):
Nope, I want the Doritos.
And I sat there happy as a clam,holding my new baby and eating a
bag of Doritos

Exie (54:42):
goodness.
I

Lauren (54:43):
and

Exie (54:43):
that.

Lauren (54:44):
kind of came full circle there.
And

Exie (54:48):
willing to, to give those up for you.

Lauren (54:50):
he was sleeping and he was willing, yes, he was
resting, he was really restingat that point.
But I definitely told him that,that I am taking these.
And at that point he was like,no problem.
You know, because I deserve'em.
And you know, I'm riding off thehigh right, that our body gives
off.
Like he is to a certain degree,but doesn't have the
physiological high.

(55:12):
So he, he's a lot, he actuallywas more tired than I was, you
know, post, post baby.
So yeah,

Exie (55:21):
I love

Lauren (55:22):
that's my story.

Exie (55:23):
Oh

Lauren (55:23):
Yeah.

Exie (55:24):
Thank you so much for sharing that, that there are,
there are several points thatthe story that I just wanna
highlight.
The first is when you broughtyour daughter into the
appointment with the midwivesand she was able to participate.
And I think that that's one ofthe things that I know I try to
teach my, my clients I just camefrom the Michigan Department of

(55:49):
Health and Human Services,Maternal Infant Health Summit,
and we had this beautifulplenary with Reginald Day where
he talked about.
How we can involve fathers it'sreally a family.
When a, when a baby is born, itis a family event.

(56:09):
It changes the dynamics of thefamily.
And so your ability and yourgraciousness of helping her come
into that space and thegraciousness of your providers
to do that as well, I mean,that's gonna imprint on her for
the rest of her life too.
And when she gets to the agewhere she's considering whether

(56:29):
or not she wants to havechildren, I'm sure that that
memory will stay with her.

Lauren (56:34):
Yeah.
She talks about it a hundredpercent being able to be there.
Right.
Because, you know, yeah.
Our, our other children areinvolved.
If you, if they just see mompregnant and then I go to an
appointment and I come back andI go to an appointment and I
come back, you know, they don'tunderstand what's going on or
what am I doing at thatappointment, or they can't hear
the conversation or ask theirown questions right.

(56:57):
About what might be happening.
And so I, I so agree with youthat including it and really
reframing this from this beinga, a mother's experience to,
it's really, it's, it's a family

Exie (57:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I also love, so labor anddelivery beds are not made for
comfort.
Right.
But triage beds are even worse.
So

Lauren (57:23):
I know and I had no idea.
I know, I know.
And I had no idea.
And Elise will tell me that whenshe, when we talk about our
birth story, she'll be like, thefact that you were in a triage
bed.
And I was like, I guess it's tomy benefit that it was a first
time thing because I don't knowwhat the alternative was.

Exie (57:41):
right, right.
Yeah.
Those beds are so much morenarrow.
They're

Lauren (57:45):
Yes.

Exie (57:46):
mattresses are very, very thin and every, like, the feet
don't go down or up the, the topdoes, but it's manual.
So there's like, there's.
There's not this kind of smoothup and

Lauren (57:59):
No, and you're right, because when I did get finally
into the laboring delivery room,you're right, that bed is so
much wider,

Exie (58:06):
Yes.

Lauren (58:07):
you know, like there's so much more space.
Like two people could fit inthere.
Yeah.
Triage, no, no, no,

Exie (58:13):
Oh my

Lauren (58:13):
no.
Narrow bed.

Exie (58:14):
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
And also really appreciated theflexibility of your providers,
the nurses, your midwives,because had this conversation
with a client recently where wewere talking I said to, to her,
I said, it's theirresponsibility to accommodate
you, not the other way around.

(58:35):
You're the one giving birth

Lauren (58:35):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (58:36):
It's not your responsibility to accommodate
them and make their job easier.

Lauren (58:39):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (58:40):
You have the, the most important job at that moment.

Lauren (58:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's so, so true.
But I feel like, yeah, unlesswe, us moms are, you know open
to curiosity and seek thatinformation out like you do for,
for your moms I think we, weforget that we have that
ability.

Exie (58:59):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's beautiful that you shareyour story with with people in
your life that you come across.
It's beautiful that you'veagreed to share it in this
platform to reach people thatare not necessarily in your
circle.

Lauren (59:14):
Yeah.

Exie (59:16):
as a first time mom too, I think the, the fact that you
were so courageous to questionthe normal dynamics, to be open
to hearing these little thingsand letting those seeds be
planted and then explore them,so.

(59:37):
What, is that just yourpersonality or was that
something unique to beingpregnant?
What do you think contributed tothat?

Lauren (59:46):
Such a great question.
People have asked me that beforeactually.
And it's definitely a pers it'sdefinitely a personality trait
and but here's what I'll tellyou that I think is, is an
important for any, any momthat's listening is so I have
continued my relationship with,with Elise kind of outside and
now kind of work with her inother capacities of work that,
that she's doing in, in the, themotherhood space.

(01:00:09):
And what I have been able tokind of share with, with Elise
and others is that I am curiousand I want to learn a lot about
what's, what's out there, but Ialso am really overwhelmed with
information.
So.
It's really hard for me to likebe a singular person going out

(01:00:30):
and trying to find things.
Because I, I want to know them,but I just like, I'm kind of
daunted by it.
I, I don't really want to go anddo all of it, but I want the
information.

Exie (01:00:41):
Right?

Lauren (01:00:42):
So what has like really worked for me is, is finding
those trusted people that havealready done the research,
they've already done the work,and can kind of give me the
CliffNotes version,

Exie (01:00:55):
Yeah.

Lauren (01:00:55):
you will, so that I feel empowered to make decisions.
I'm in control, but I don't haveto spend like hours and hours
like spiraling and trying tofigure some something out.
And that's translated over intohow I care for the girls today,
where I seek out a ton ofinformation, but it's from
people that, that I've trustedin whatever vertical that might

(01:01:17):
be.
And I think that's such like aninteresting, you know,
perspective to look at it.
'cause like we're not.
You know, we don't have to dothis by ourselves and there are
people out there that do thisstuff.
So we don't have to be scrollingand finding all of this
information.
We can be curious and work withpeople that do this for a

(01:01:38):
living.

Exie (01:01:38):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And changing providers.
So I try to tell my clients asearly on as I can, sometimes
even before they get pregnant,when I was doing prenatal
massage, if they were letting meknow that they were wanting to
get pregnant and they were justcoming to me for regular
massage, is pick your facilityfirst and then pick your

Lauren (01:02:00):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (01:02:01):
provider.
Like what your ideal birth is.
In your mind, and then pick thefacility that could closely
deliver that to you, and thenpick your provider.
And so many times I think womeneither just continue the
relationship they had with theirgynecologist who also happens to
be an ob.

(01:02:22):
and they're afraid, they'reafraid to hurt their feelings.
They're, they're afraid.
It's, it's, like you said,overwhelming and daunting to
think about.
can changing facilities and theinsurance aspect and all of
that.

Lauren (01:02:34):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Exie (01:02:37):
it's, it, it sounds when you, when you tell your story,
it sounds like it, it sort ofsounds like there was a little
bit of a buildup to that, but italso sort of sounds like you
made that decision ratherquickly.
So can you, can you expound onthat

Lauren (01:02:49):
Yeah,

Exie (01:02:50):
piece a little bit?

Lauren (01:02:52):
I did.
Yeah, because I think again,just from, just from conditional
learning, when you, you kind offind out you're pregnant and
then, you know, I knew that, youknow, most providers wouldn't
see you until you're like, youknow, three or so months
pregnant, or, or, you know, aslong as bar and everything is,
is seemingly going well.
And so for me, that was what I.

(01:03:13):
Was, okay, well I gotta get inand like with somebody, like
check me out and make sure thatI like, have all the things that
I'm supposed to, to have.
Like is they all, that's justlike where my, my brain
naturally went to.
And I think so many people dobecause it's like, okay, well
somebody's gotta confirm this.
You've gotta look at vitals, youhave to do this, you have to,

(01:03:34):
you have to find somebody first.
Right.
And like you said, Exie, when Iwas in prenatal yoga, I very,
that's how I learned where a lotof the other moms that were
further along exactly what youjust said, find the facility.
And so when I started talkingabout in prenatal yoga class
that this is what I think Iwanted, you know, I still a lot

(01:03:56):
more to learn, but I think thisis what I want my birth to look
like.
Then people were starting toshare, okay, Ann Arbor, Henry
Ford West Bloomfield, and theystarted like kinda giving me
suggestions and so I was like.
Yeah.
Had, had we asked that questionkind of or went through that in
a little bit of a differentsteps, how do I want my birth to

(01:04:17):
feel and then go into it.
But I think you're in, you're inlike the height of the moment,
so you're just like, okay, Igotta find a provider.
'cause like somebody's gottaconfirm that everything's going
right.

Exie (01:04:27):
right, right.

Lauren (01:04:28):
Yeah.

Exie (01:04:28):
Yeah.
And, what did that feel like?
What?
What did that feel like to youwhen going into your provider
and like having to have thatconversation?
Because I think that's also whata lot of people are afraid of.
Is that kind of challenging,that authority figure?

Lauren (01:04:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we had seen the, the, the OBmaybe, like I said, maybe two or
three times if, if that, maybeonly twice.
So, so we did recognize fairlyearly on that we wanted to do
the facility.
So we didn't have a ton and atthat point invested.
And you know, I was really, youknow, when I called them up and
said we wouldn't be continuingit was really just, for me, it

(01:05:08):
was a little bit, I feel like,kind of easier.
'cause actually those areconversations that normally I
dread, like I can barely changea hair appointment, you know
what I mean?
Because I was like, I don'twanna call and do that, right?
So thinking of like telling anob, but for me it actually just
worked out because I was reallysimply able to say like, you
know, I'm gonna be birthing atHenry Ford and you don't.
So I had a little bit of aneasier conversation

Exie (01:05:30):
Yeah.

Lauren (01:05:31):
because it just was black and white.
But I can definitely see if.
Your original provider stilldelivered at the, the new place
you wanted to go, how that mightbe an uncomfortable
conversation, but I think it'sjust continuing to surround
yourself with people that youknow, share your vision.
And, and I think, you know, likewhat I talked about at the

(01:05:52):
beginning, I, I can't emphasizethis enough.
What I thought was just aprenatal yoga class became the
circle.
And gosh, do we need circles andwe need, we need women in
circles together workingtogether alongside one another,
because that is just like,we're, so much wisdom

Exie (01:06:12):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (01:06:12):
is shared and my heart just goes out to people that
have to do it alone.
That maybe, whatever, becauseit's like I, I don't know how I
would've gotten through or, youknow, been fortunate enough to,
to really create a care circle,you know, for myself because I
put myself in a place whereother women were gonna be.

Exie (01:06:31):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that leads me to probably myfinal question, which is about
your husband.
So

Lauren (01:06:39):
Yes.

Exie (01:06:39):
like, I mean, you, you've talked about him as being this
wonderful, really involved,really curious dad and dad to
be.
And a lot of men, they don'tunderstand why their birthing
loved one would want to bring ina doula.

(01:07:01):
So

Lauren (01:07:02):
Mm-hmm.

Exie (01:07:03):
what was that like?
I mean, he sounds very open,

Lauren (01:07:07):
Yeah.
Yeah.
He didn't, he did not know whata doula was.
So, so fair enough.
When I brought up the word, hehad no idea what that was.
And so he, he was kind of like,okay, well, like what is, what's
the role you, I mean, so like,he was definitely kind of, you
know, cautious to, luckily he,he, he knew Elise through, you

(01:07:28):
know, other, other means.
And so I think that for surehelped had I brought in somebody
that maybe I didn't know, I'mnot sure how that dynamic would
have really gone, or maybe hewould've been a little bit more
skeptical to it.
But I think once, you know helearned about it and I explained
to him why I needed somebodyelse there.

(01:07:52):
That was maybe the turning pointfor him where I was like,
listen, I need you to be herefor me as like your wife and
your baby and stuff, but, butyou are not, you are not tr
trained in, in this space to, toadvocate for me in the way, like
you're gonna advocate for me'cause I'm your wife.

(01:08:12):
But, but there are certainskills that you are, you are not
gonna have and that's okay.
You don't have to have them.
'cause guess what?
We can bring in this.
And I think that was aconversation I remember having
with him that there are skillsthat you don't have that I need
in the room with us for a levelof security.
You know, and for what I need tofeel safe is, is to have an

(01:08:37):
extra layer, layer of support.
And I think when I explained tohim that way.
Then it was like, yeah, I getit.
And then when, when Elise wouldcome over and she, she showed
what her role was, he actuallybecame very complimentary and
very appreciative of herpreparing him too.
Because again, it's not justabout preparing me, it's also

(01:08:58):
about, you know, working with adoula, preparing him for what,
what he's gonna go through.
His first time around, he was abystander this time around, he
was an active participant.
And so that was gonna look andfeel very differently to him,
you know, and you know, he, heheld the responsibility of also
like.
You hold the re responsibilityof reshaping what it means to be

(01:09:22):
a father in the room.

Exie (01:09:23):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (01:09:24):
we have that conversation, you know, just as
it gets, you know, we get somuch as, as mom and women to
break generational cycles.
Well, like you haveresponsibility too, right?
And you have a responsibility tobreak the generational cycle
too, that men are activeparticipants in birth.

Exie (01:09:42):
Mm-hmm.

Lauren (01:09:42):
And we had a lot of those, like really deep, you
know, conversations about thatkind of stuff, you know, and I
was like, it's not just on in onme, it's, it's your
responsibility too.
And luckily we, we have the,where we can talk really deep
like that, but I think that wasa real heavy moment for him too.

Exie (01:10:00):
Sure, sure.
And I'd imagine that he iseducating his male friends and
co-workers

Lauren (01:10:05):
Yes.

Exie (01:10:06):
and everything about

Lauren (01:10:07):
Yes.

Exie (01:10:08):
this is what birth can look like, if you want

Lauren (01:10:10):
Exie, I'll Exie,, I will tell you, he is like sometimes
more advocating than I ambecause he will, people that
have been in our circle thathave been, you know, getting
ready, he will be the first inline to be like, let me tell you
what me and my wife did.
So we did this, we talked abouthypnobirthing.
I was in the room.

(01:10:30):
Like, he will shout it that likethis was different for him'cause
he had the ability to see it twodifferent ways.
And he is like such an advocatethat he will talk to anybody
that will listen to him.
I'm telling you about why thiswas a, was different and why he
would advocate for all of thethings that we went through and,

(01:10:52):
but like, get in the room, bethere.
And he'll, I remember him on thephone with friends being like,
you know, you can question, youcan ask questions.

Exie (01:11:00):
Yeah.

Lauren (01:11:00):
You know, so like, that's fantastic.
Yeah.

Exie (01:11:03):
That,

Lauren (01:11:04):
Yep.
Yep.

Exie (01:11:04):
is really that is really amazing.
And and so that ripple effectyour birth you know, ripples to
your children, of course, butalso then to your intimate
circle who knew who your mom wasupdating and then expands
further.
And the fact that your midwifefelt this shift in her, in

(01:11:27):
herself from witnessing your,what normal physiological birth
looks like and that time period,that COVID time period.
Yes.
All of those healthcare workersexperienced very, very hard
things.

Lauren (01:11:42):
Mm-hmm.
so your ability to gift her withthat reminder is just that
ripple effect is gonna, I'msure, has already reached
hundreds of women.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I believe so too.
Yeah, we all, we all had amoment together, that's for
sure.

Exie (01:12:01):
Well, that is so beautiful.
Thank much

Lauren (01:12:03):
Yes,

Exie (01:12:04):
Lauren.
Is there anything else thatyou'd like to share before we
sign off?

Lauren (01:12:08):
No, thanks for just giving me the, the platform and,
and the work that you're doingis amazing because I, I, so, I
just couldn't agree more that weneed to talk about this stuff
and women need to be heard andshare for whatever experience
they went through.
Right.
We're all, we're all here tohear it and uplift one another,
so thanks for giving theplatform.

Exie (01:12:26):
Oh, you're so welcome.
I feel so honored that you came

Lauren (01:12:29):
Yeah.

Exie (01:12:30):
on today.
So I hope you have a great

Lauren (01:12:32):
Thank you.

Exie (01:12:32):
day and

Lauren (01:12:33):
Thank you.

Exie (01:12:34):
we'll

Lauren (01:12:34):
talk

Exie (01:12:34):
again real soon.

Lauren (01:12:36):
Yeah, sounds great.
Have.

Exie (01:12:37):
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Thank you for spending time withme today on Metro Detroit Birth
Stories.
If you loved this episode, letme know.
Leave a review, share it with afriend, and come connect with me
on Instagram@metrodetroitbirthsupport and if

(01:12:59):
you have a birth story to share,I would love to hear it.
Please take a moment to reachout to me, whether it was six
months ago or 60 years ago.
Your story could be theinspiration for someone who
hears it to gain the confidencethey need as they embark on
their own birth journey.
My email is in the show notes.

(01:13:21):
This podcast is produced andfunded by me, and I really
appreciate you listening.
Until next time, take care.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to others, and remember,every birth story deserves to be
told.
The music you hear on MetroDetroit Birth Stories has been

(01:13:44):
provided by Purple Planet Music,written and performed by Chris
Martyn and Geoff Harvey.

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Birthing Without Fear, Living in Trust - Lauren's Story

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Birthing Without Fear, Living in Trust - Lauren's Story