October 28, 2025 • 43 mins
I’ve loved sharing birth stories with you, and so many of you have been curious about mine. So for this episode, I’m bringing a special throwback from the earlier version of this podcast, when my co-host Ciana and I sat down to share our first birth stories. We were young, naive, and did the best we could with what we knew (or didn't know!). Join us as we laughingly reflect on the choices and mistakes we made - you might even learn something you can use today!
It was so much fun to record and to listen back to. I can’t wait for you to hear it—enjoy!
I want to hear from you! Tell me your thoughts on this episode, or request to share your birth story in an upcoming episode.
Questions or Comments? Contact or Follow Exie
- YouTube: Tranquil Touch Birth & Women's Wellness channel
- Email: metrodetroitbirthstories@tranquiltouchforwomen.com
- Instagram: @metrodetroitbirthsupport
- Facebook: Tranquil Touch Birth & Women's Wellness
DISCLAIMER: The thoughts and opinions expressed on Metro Detroit Birth Stories are those of the participants. They do not represent any organization or profession. This show is meant to be informative, educational, and entertaining. Nothing in any episode (past, present, or future) should be construed as medical advice or take the place of your medical professional.
Music: https://www.purple-planet.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:50):
Welcome to Metro Detroit BirthStories, where we celebrate the
power, wisdom, and beauty ofbirth.
One story at a time.
I'm your host, Exie Buehler abirth and postpartum doula,
childbirth educator, andmaternal mental and emotional
wellness coach.
My passion for supportingbirthing families began 20 years
(01:13):
ago.
And has only grown since then inthis space, you'll hear real
birth stories from Metro Detroitand beyond, along with insights
from my work that might resonatewith your own journey because
every birth story matters andevery journey deserves to be
heard.
(01:34):
Please note that this podcast isintended for entertainment and
informational purposes only.
The stories shared are from theperspective of the person
sharing it and do not representmy thoughts, opinions, or views.
I am a non-medical professionalwhose thoughts, opinions, and
views are my own.
So nothing said should beconstrued or understood as
(01:58):
medical advice.
Please discuss all of yourconcerns or questions with your
pregnancy provider.
Now, let's hear today's story.
Hey, Ciana, how have you been?
I've been good.
How about you?
Hanging in there?
Hanging in there.
We've got a lot of news going onthis week and, and we'll all be
(02:18):
back to work in about, ninedays.
That is so exciting.
I'm so happy that your customersare gonna get to see you again
and, yeah.
They're excited too.
I, it's, it's a, it's a lot to,to kind of take in, even though
it's been, 12 weeks Since I wasat work.
it's a lot to think about, butI've been really concentrating
through this whole time on, Onbirth, and I'm so glad that I
(02:42):
had this time.
It's a silver lining to be ableto create this podcast with you.
So, yeah, I'm really happy thatwe can record this episode
together before life gets reallycomplicated again for me.
Yeah, the timing was perfect.
This has been the highlight ofthis whole, pandemic for me is
being able to, sit with you andlearn from you.
(03:03):
So it's, it's been a pleasure.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
So, yeah, so by the time that weget this episode up and edited
and out, hopefully the wholestate of Michigan will be back
to work again and back tonormal, and people will be able
to go to the movie theater andwearing their masks, of course.
Yeah.
Social distancing, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so much has changed.
(03:23):
And, on this episode we're,we're talking about, two of our
birth stories, our first births.
They were, they were bothmedicalized births.
And I think our listeners needto be aware of that before we
begin.
So, just be prepared.
Yeah, absolutely.
That you're going to hear aboutmedicalized births.
So for mine, we're gonna go allthe way back to January, 1995.
(03:47):
This was pre-internet pre-cellphone.
The only book that anyone in mygroup of friends read was What
to Expect When You AreExpecting.
Oh goodness.
Yeah.
I actually still have my copy.
I have mine too, actually.
Do you?
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
(04:07):
also back then in 1995.
Formula samples we're stillgiven out in little diaper bags
at prenatal doctor's visits andbaby fairs.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Totally different experiencethat I had.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's it does, it's, it, it wasa, it's a weird thing to think
about now, but that was the,that was the thing to do.
And we were so excited to getour little bag of formula
(04:30):
samples.
Not that we planned on using'em,but hey, we got a bag.
Right?
What girl doesn't love a bag?
Oh, yeah.
And, let's see, in 1995, I choseto cloths, diaper, and
exclusively breastfeed for theeconomic reasons, not because I
was trying to do what was bestfor my baby or for the earth.
(04:52):
So it was kind of the dark agesin comparison to moms who are
having babies now and what theirchoices are.
Yep.
Yeah.
So yeah, I had probablyinformation overload.
Oh yeah.
During my pregnancy you hadGoogle and all these different
forums and blogs were all therage.
(05:13):
And I had a blog and I followedanything pregnancy, childbirth
related that I possibly could.
And I think I received breastpads and things like that and
Oh, wow.
And my little treat bag.
So, yeah.
So really that's quite adifferent experience.
Yeah.
The opposite.
So in 1995, they were pushingformula and in what year was
your daughter born?
2010.
(05:34):
2010.
Yeah.
He got breast pads and amongstother, you know, kind.
Nursing aids.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they were pushingbreastfeeding more.
Oh, wow.
A lot changed.
Well, back in 1995, my husbandand I, we had just celebrated
our second anniversary inDecember, and we were waiting
for our first child to be born aboy.
(05:55):
He was due on January 12, and Iwas two days past my due date.
Feeling like I know right.
Two days passed might as wellhave been two years.
You know, it feels like a Yeah.
Eternity.
Exactly.
And I felt like it would neverhappen.
And I had, done what I thoughtwas the right preparation at the
(06:16):
time I had taken the hospitalbirth class and a good friend of
mine who had had her daughterjust a few months earlier
attended with us.
So that she could be by my sideat, my son's birth.
And we all got our littlegraduation certificates at the
end of class, so to speak.
And I, I remember that the classshowed some birth videos, but
(06:42):
the only part that really standsout is this small bit about
water birth that I rememberbeing quickly dismissed by the
instructor.
Like, it's not even an option,so it shouldn't be in the video.
Don't think about that.
And that's of course the onething that stuck in my mind.
Oh no.
At that class, it was explainedto us that the hospital's policy
(07:04):
was that we had to meet with theanesthesiologist a full three
weeks before our due date inorder to sign the paperwork.
If we even wanted to entertainthe idea of getting an epidural.
If we were inside of that threeweek period, or miss that mark,
we were not considered acandidate.
That's mind boggling to me.
(07:24):
Xy.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
It was a different time.
And, and at that time, you know,I wasn't gonna miss that meeting
because everybody, everybody wassaying that the epidural was
like the Cadillac option forhaving a baby, and it was the
best choice that I could make.
So I made sure that I was ableto get to that meeting with an
(07:45):
anesthesiologist.
And I remember him going overthis long page of risks and I
remember him asking me.
If I had any history previouslywith anesthesia.
Now, by that time I had hadseveral surgeries for various
reasons in my life, and I had,as an adult, had a very, very
(08:07):
bad experience recovering fromgeneral anesthesia in 1992.
And when I relayed that to him,he told me that about 1% of the
population can't wake up fromgeneral anesthesia.
And that I was probably in thatgroup.
Oh, lovely.
Just what a, an expectant, youknow, within a few weeks of her
(08:27):
due date, woman wants to hearRight.
To grieve.
Right, right.
And, and, and he, but he, but hereassured me.
He told me, he did tell me thatI should avoid general
anesthesia if at all possible inthe future.
And, even though the consentform for the epidural covered
everything from a spinalheadache to possible death, he
told me that I shouldn't haveany problems with it.
(08:50):
So, of course I wanted to givemy baby the very best.
So I went ahead and I signed thepaperwork.
And he also explained at thattime that the epidural, now I'm
a candidate for it'cause Isigned the paperwork, but I
wouldn't be allowed to get ituntil I was five centimeters
dilated.
And that is a very importantdetail for our listeners to
(09:11):
remember for my birth story.
Oh, important and.
In my opinion, crazy.
Like I couldn't imagine.
I couldn't imagine them tellingme that I could not have an
epidural until, fivecentimeters.
So.
Wow.
That that was, in 2010, I feellike I said, I was reading blogs
(09:32):
and Googling and doing all thesethings that, have not proven to
have been helpful during mydelivery.
I'll just say that.
and I never had to meet with theanesthesiologist beforehand.
I, I was in the throes ofcontractions and then, and
walked in this miracle person togive me some.
(09:52):
my, my epidural that wassupposed to just knock
everything out for me socompletely.
I didn't know them beforehand.
Didn't meet them beforehand.
I did do similar paperwork.
they always have to give you arundown of every outcome, right?
so I did have that.
But yeah, nothing.
Nothing like your experience.
So I can't wait to hear moreabout it so far in advance.
(10:13):
Well, and I, I, I think a lot ofthat too, taking that hospital
birth class, I remember themteaching us, there are certain
times in labor you're supposedto breathe a certain way.
So the two things, my twotakeaways from that class, well,
three actually.
This one I didn't share with youahead of time.
My girlfriend, one of her, whotook the class with me, one of
(10:34):
her first signs of pregnancy is,was that she would start
straining the buttons on hertop.
And here I was towards, eightmonths pregnant, whatever.
And my tops fit exactly thesame.
So she pulled me to the teacherone day, the instructor, and
said.
Is it possible for her tobreastfeed?
(10:55):
'cause her breasts haven't grownat all?
Oh my gosh.
That was like the one, that wasone of the things I recall from
that class.
And yes, we will get to thatlater, but I, I did breastfeed,
remember I said there wereeconomical reasons for me to
breastfeed.
'cause breastfeeding is cheap.
But, also, I took away the, theclip from the water birth in the
(11:17):
video.
And then I took away that thereare certain ways that a woman is
supposed to breathe at certainpoints in labor.
Now you had a totally differentclass education experience,
right?
I did, yeah.
I found a really great class inAnn Arbor and it was led by, a
doula and.
(11:39):
She went over all thesedifferent positions and you
know, talked about more aboutthe analogy of a woman's body
and how we're giving birth andhow we may want to move
differently during the differentstages of labor, and what things
could possibly be a little bitmore effective.
I do have to say.
When I was actually in labor,all of that went out the window.
(12:00):
So like I didn't remember any ofthat.
but we did, we saw somedifferent videos and, and things
of that nature.
though it was really helpful, Ithink more for my husband, he
was able to retain thatinformation a little bit better
than I was.
But he also, all of that flewout of the window when I was
actually actually in labor.
(12:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Did you do a lot of laboring athome?
I did not actually, my, yeah, I,I had mentioned to you
previously, I decided to go thecastor oil.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we'll talk about that in asecond.
'cause that's an exciting story.
So I did not do a lot oflaboring.
(12:41):
Okay.
Well, uh.
Let's get back to 1995 for asecond.
Okay.
We'll let you, we'll let ourlisteners hold on that cast
royal story for a minute.
so for me, in 1995, it was twodays past the evening of January
14th, and my husband and Isplurged on a movie.
So, we were very economicallychallenged.
(13:02):
My, I had lost my job as aprivate nanny when I was.
four months pregnant.
And my husband had worked aseasonal job in lawn care until
he got the job at Ford MotorCompany.
So, you know, this is wintertime.
So his job had been seasonal, sohe'd already been out of work
for a little bit.
and I spent my entire pregnancyon the women Infant and Children
(13:22):
program or the WIC program,which is basically food stamps.
And we didn't have any familysupport or assistance, so.
For us to go out to the, to themovies was really a treat.
And those two movie tickets werea real stretch for us, but I had
been worried about being past mydue date.
You know, it's like that datewas marked on my calendar and it
didn't happen.
Yeah.
(13:43):
And he wanted to make me laughand tape me on a date.
So we went to this movie and Icould not seem to get
comfortable in that movietheater seat.
I did enjoy the movie.
It was very funny.
And as we exited the theater, Iremember looking at my husband
and saying, wouldn't it behilarious if I went into Labor
tonight?
(14:03):
Because the movie that we hadseen was called Junior and it
starred, oh, I know that movie.
It Star Arnold Schwarzeneggerand Danny DeVito and Emma
Thompson.
So our listeners can Google itif they don't know about the
movie, and they'll see the ironythere.
but yeah, it was very funny andI laughed a ton and now I
understand that probably thecombination of the laughter and
(14:25):
nightfall did help me increaseoxytocin levels quite a bit that
night.
So, We got home.
I had told, I had been told, inmy class and by my friends,
you'll know when you go intolabor.
So the contractions would beunmistakable.
And I just felt reallyuncomfortable.
I, I didn't really feel anythingbut a, a nagging back ache that
(14:47):
made, sitting or laying downuncomfortable.
And when we got home, he went tosleep and I strained up our
apartment just in case ourfriends had to come over to look
in on our cat.
And I was feeling something, butit wasn't really anything that
kept happening frequently enoughthat I thought I should sit down
and kind of keep track of this.
So I grabbed an index card.
(15:08):
He didn't really know how totrack contractions, but I felt
like I should do something.
And remember, this is 1995, so Ihad no computer, no internet, no
cell phone with a contractionapp.
Oh no.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I just did what my instinctstold me to do, and suddenly I
felt like after a couple hours,I felt like I had to go to the
bathroom.
So I quietly walked over to thebathroom and I sat down, and
(15:32):
then there was this big whooshand I thought.
Did I just pee and I looked inthe toilet and I thought, that
doesn't really look like pee.
So I cleaned up and I called thedoctor's answering service, and
my goal was just to ask her thisquestion.
And so I explained what hadtranspired and she calmly said,
(15:54):
okay, dear, I'll call the hosthe doctor and tell him to meet
you at the hospital.
And I was like.
The hospital, why do I have togo to the hospital?
And she chuckled and she said,well, honey, your water just
broke.
And I was like, wow, that was soeasy.
If this, if this is how labor'sgoing to be, it'll be a piece of
(16:14):
cake.
And then just like in themovies, I tiptoed into the
bedroom and I shook my husband'sshoulder and I whispered, honey,
it's time.
My water just broke.
And then two contractions later,I was doubled over in pain.
Yeah.
Yep.
And, yeah, the hospital was 10minutes away, but it was, I
swear, the longest car rideever.
(16:37):
And by the time that we gotthere, I expected them to tell
me, A, that I could get thatepidural and b, that I could get
ready to push my baby out.
And what they ended up tellingme was that I was three
centimeters dilated.
Had a really long way to go andI couldn't get the epidural
until I progressed to five.
(16:57):
So then I demanded whateverdrugs they did have that they
could give me, right?
So they gave me, over the courseof the, of a number of hours,
the number of hours that it tookfor me to get to five.
I had gotten two shots of Stadolin my hip, and they made me feel
drugged.
(17:17):
And I remember feeling I wasfloating above my body, and then
when the contraction came, Iwould crash down into my body
again.
My friend had arrived by thattime and she and my husband were
trying desperately to help me,but nothing seemed to work.
So finally I was able to get theepidural, and then I proceeded
to tell the anesthesiologistthat he should not get paid
(17:40):
because it wasn't working.
Oh.
And it never really did work forme.
And I didn't move around likebefore the labor.
I didn't move around a lot.
Like you had mentioned, you weretold all these different
positions.
I don't remember.
Them telling me that I had thoseoptions at all once I got to the
hospital.
So the epidural, once I got it,of course I couldn't get outta
(18:02):
the bed and it didn't matter'cause it didn't really work
anyway.
And now I think it was, my sonwas probably posterior and all
of the pain that I had beenexperiencing was back labor,
which epidurals are notoriousfor not really being able to
help.
Oh, I can totally relate tothat.
I had back labor with mydaughter and I was so angry that
(18:26):
I had gone through all of that.
'cause the epidurals for me, itwas kind of scary.
I'm not a fan of needles anyway.
And then you're havingcontractions and hugging a
pillow and you know you have togo through the process to get it
in.
So I totally, know how thatgoes.
So back to my castor wheel.
Yes.
This is such a great story whenmy labor started with my
(18:46):
daughter.
So I had a girlfriend that was,she's actually my neighbor.
We became friends while we were,her and her husband were living
next, in the, the apartment nextto my husband and I.
So she had, she was due just afew days before me, and she had
went in and gotten her membranesstripped and then had her
(19:06):
daughter like two days later.
And so I thought, I'm, well, I'mgonna do that.
So I go in, I get my membranestripped.
Nothing.
Nothing's ha I don't feel a bitdifferent at all.
I was a little crankyafterwards, but that was it.
Can I ask, were you past yourdue date at this point?
I was not past my due date.
Oh, you were?
You were an overachiever.
(19:27):
Oh, I was like, I told you,Google University let me Sure.
To make lots of differentdecisions.
True.
So I was impatient and I washighly Googled and I just felt
like I knew what I wanted.
And I mentioned it.
And my midwife was like, sure, Ican, I can do it.
And so, yeah, so I, I did allthat.
(19:48):
I did pretty much everythingthat you could think of to try
to get labor to start.
I ranted on Facebook about howthe baby wasn't coming yet, and
I ate eggplant Parmesan at arestaurant, near our house.
So I did everything, all the oldwives tales, all the old wives
tales.
And then I saw castor oil and Ithought.
(20:09):
I'm gonna try it.
So I sent my husband and, lateat night to a 24 hour CVS to
pick up a bottle of castor oiland a jug of orange juice.
Oh.
And he came home.
What, oh, go ahead.
Was that combination recommendedby your midwife, or did you find
that on the internet?
Oh, of course Google told methat.
Yeah, my midwife had no part tothat.
(20:33):
I probably, I probably shouldhave asked her first.
Yeah.
Let's, let's make sure ourlisteners don't make the same
mistake.
Cast castor oil probably shouldnot be taken unless your, your
provider is aware.
Yes.
ladies do not self castor oilfor any reason.
It was a bad choice.
I will say I.
Yes, I think I, I felt somethingbecause of a rumble in the
(20:56):
digestive tract and not, not,from contractions.
So I had the wrong kind ofcontractions.
So I, I take it, and I wasn'tsure of the dosing because
Google could not agree on howmany tablespoons or teaspoons I
needed.
So I just kind of was wingingit, and I spent several hours on
(21:17):
the toilet.
My husband would come and checkon me, and I would come out for
a brief moment and then I wouldbe right back on the toilet.
So this went on for a while andfinally I'm like, exhausted,
probably dehydrated.
I just was feeling, just drainedand I go to lay down'cause I'm
(21:37):
just, I can't take it anymore.
And it was in the middle of thenight by that point.
As soon as I got comfortable, Ifelt a pop.
I'm like, oh.
So I, I jump up.
I don't even know how I was ableto move and I was like a ninja.
I literally jumped out of thebed and went to the bathroom
and, was trickling a little bitand I thought, oh my, and my
(22:00):
husband was already up, but he,he saw my reaction and he.
I go back in and he's changedSuperman, it was from pajamas to
fully dressed.
So I would like to know if heremembers it that way.
He does.
He said he doesn't remembergetting dressed at all.
He just, the clothes are just.
Um, so, so not only do birthingpeople have superpowers, but
(22:24):
their partners do too,apparently.
Yeah.
I wish a superpower would'vebeen to not bring me that castor
oil that I asked for.
So we get to the, we have todrive to the hospital now, since
while we're driving, we hadabout.
I'd say a 30 ish minute drive tothe hospital because of the one
that I chose to deliver at.
(22:46):
So I'm starting to feelcontractions, and I'm nervous.
My whole body is tense.
And we get there and they can'tfind, they do a swab for
amniotic fluid.
It was negative.
So this nurse is ready to sendme home.
She's you don't feel like you'redilated really.
And.
I don't see any trace ofamniotic fluid, so I'm feeling
(23:08):
defeated and yeah, I still haveto use the bathroom, so, oh my
goodness.
So Ev, do you remember how fardilated you were or did you not?
I think I may have been acentimeter, maybe two.
So just very, I was still veryearly, so at every time she left
the room, I went to the bathroombecause I still was having the,
(23:29):
oh my goodness.
Side effects of the castor oil.
Finally, I kind of shifted mybody.
I felt another little trickle,and my husband waves the nurse
down.
She comes back in swabs again,and finally she sees the, fern
imprint that she was lookingfor.
That that showed that I had,that it was amniotic fluid.
And so they get me into a roomand right away the
(23:50):
anesthesiologist came in and.
And I signed the paperwork andhe got to business, so, oh, so
you got it very early then?
I did.
Definitely not five centimeters.
Definitely not.
Nope.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
Well that was, an exciting startto your labor.
Way more thrilling than my wishof fluid on the toilet.
(24:13):
I wish that I had that becausethen I would not have tried to
take matters into my own.
Oh, wow.
Well, you know, having your.
Your water break like I did, atthe beginning of labor.
It, it can, you know, it, it hadset me up.
Like I said, I thought I wasgonna be ready to push my baby
(24:33):
out.
Uh, the way that it, it was nottypical to what I had.
Remembered being taught inbirthing class, and because I
had so little access toinformation I really did not
even know that that was apossibility that your labor,
that your water could break andyou could still have many, many
hours of labor to go.
(24:53):
So I was sitting there in thehospital many hours in pain.
I, I did have to have theoxygen.
I, I know I had an oxygen maskon me.
we also have it on video, sosome of these things I are more
a reminder that I, after I hadwatched the video But I didn't
really understand why.
I know, I didn't understand whyI had to have oxygen on at the
(25:15):
time.
And I had, I was in the bed inpretty much just one position.
I, I know now, like as a doula,we rotate and even the nurses,
you know, with the epidural,it's gravity based and you
should be rotating and changingpositions multiple times and
there's lots of positions that abirthing person can be put into,
(25:36):
even staying in the bed.
But I was never given thoseoptions.
So.
Finally, the doctor told me thatI could push, but I didn't know
how to effectively do this.
And I know that I, I tried forlike 40 minutes and it felt like
hours and I had, my friend wassinging to me because I had
(25:57):
forgotten the tape player.
Yes.
I said tape there with the musicthat I wanted, and my husband
was all gloved up because thedoctor encouraged.
The fathers to catch theirbabies or the partners to catch
their babies.
So he wasn't even at my side.
He was down on the business endof things.
And I remember a nurse yellingat me because I kept pushing
(26:18):
myself up the bed to get awayfrom the pain.
I know that there was a nurse onI, or, well, my friend was on
one side and the nurse was onthe other side holding my legs
way far apart with my knees upto my ears.
And I remember the nurse who washolding my left leg stepped away
and I started screaming, my leg,my leg.
(26:39):
And I, I remember like, I canstill feel the feeling of being
abandoned when that physicalsupport suddenly and
unexpectedly was removed.
Yeah.
And at some point, knowing whatI know now, my son's heart rate
must have gone down.
I don't really remember a lot,but he was born with the
(27:00):
assistance of the ventus or thevacuum extractor.
And I didn't realize until manyyears later that I was really
very close to being taken to theOR for his birth.
And I have a picture of myselfholding him immediately
following the birth.
And I have this look on my face,like I didn't understand what
happened.
(27:21):
My baby was healthy and I wasthrilled to have him in my arms
and labor was over, and I wasglad about that.
But I honestly, I, I do rememberfeeling like it had all happened
to someone else, and I think thefact that I got those narcotics
was a contributing factorbecause I learned years.
Later that I have a geneticcondition that prevents things
(27:43):
like heavy drugs from beingmetabolized well in my system.
So they stay in my bloodstream alot longer than normal.
Oh, wow.
And so, medications like Stadolare very bad for me, and, but I
wouldn't get that diagnosis formany, many years after my second
birth.
So, you know, you just don't,you don't know these things.
Right.
And I di I didn't know.
(28:04):
Yeah.
Wow, I see that.
I, I think, you know, I didn'thave any medications like that
other than the epidural, but Ikind of wonder if sometimes that
afterbirth fog is more commonthan, than we realize, because I
remember kind of feeling thesame way and, and support is so
(28:25):
important as well.
I had a really good, nurse.
She was also.
Studying to become a doula.
So yeah, you had mentioned thaton our last episode.
Yeah.
Yep.
So she was really helpful, withkind of having me, I did some
maneuvering around, but I wasterrified.
yeah, that the.
Side effects of the castor oil.
Were going to continue to hauntme.
(28:47):
Oh, during, during delivery, so,oh, no.
Yeah.
So I definitely was not asrelaxed as I could have been.
And, my daughter, her heart ratestarted to drop and, and the
monitors that were, strapped inmy belly, they couldn't detect
it anymore.
So they had to do the monitor,you know, kind of like in her
scalp, just to make sure thatshe was okay.
(29:08):
And that just.
Woke up, the mama bear in me.
And I literally just like, Ijust pushed her out.
I just, I was like, I wanted herout and I wanted to see, you
know, see her.
But I feel like throughout thewhole labor and delivery, I was
just looking at the end result.
So by the time she was out,everything else just kind of
felt like it didn't reallyhappen to me.
(29:29):
You know?
Like I wasn't Like, I wasn'tthere and present for the whole
thing.
So, yeah, it, it's so funny how.
Once you, once that baby is out,that's what your focus is on.
You kind of just forgeteverything about what you've
just experienced.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and gratefully and I, Itell.
The birthing people that I workwith, frequently I try to
(29:52):
remember to tell them that we doget this amnesia thing.
You know, the perception of timeGets very skewed once you are
deep in labor.
And that's, that's a blessing.
It's a, it's a, a great thingand if you can really become one
with your baby during the laborprocess, then everything will
progress.
Well.
(30:13):
I think.
With medicalized birth, you haveso much that's happening, you
know, so much has to happen,right?
Like the nurses have to bechecking and you have the
monitors on.
And, and if like with you andwith me, if the heart rate isn't
being traced well by theexternal, then they wanna do an
internal.
And so that, whenever thathappens, it kind of pulls you
(30:36):
out of that space of being one.
With the process.
That it's so much harder to getback into it each time.
But yeah, that the amnesia thathappens once your baby is in
your arms.
It does really, it is a realthing.
It's, and it's, it's a blessing.
I think it's, it's a blessingthat we have that, but of course
we still have the recovery.
(30:56):
Right, right.
Yeah.
And, and for me, my recovery wasvery painful and very difficult
because I had to have theassistance of the vacuum.
And nursing was extremelychallenging for me, and I had no
resources.
'cause remember this is 1995,back in the dark ages, and I had
(31:18):
very little support and I, Ifelt very isolated and I, I
didn't know what I didn't know.
Mm-hmm.
But I knew that if I ever hadanother baby again, I was going
to do things differently and Iwasn't convinced that I would go
through it again.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
In those first couple of weeks.
Oh, I'm sure.
(31:38):
Yeah.
But, but yeah.
And so two weeks after he wasborn, we had a baby shower
scheduled and I was well enoughand felt great and you know,
enough to go.
And the nursing was going wellenough that I remember being
able to nurse him during thebaby shower.
And we introduced him to all ofour friends.
and we only had one little kindof hiccup after that.
(32:01):
And he, that was, he went on alittle nursing strike when he
was four weeks old.
Mm-hmm.
So that he just.
Went through this little stintwhere he was refusing to nurse,
and once we got through that, wereally hit our stride and we
bonded very well, and he, henursed exclusively till he was
about 16 months old.
So it, it went very, very wellafter that.
(32:24):
And then we had a surprisepregnancy in 1997 that resulted
in the birth of our second sonin the spring of 1998.
And I did do things a little bitdifferently with that birth, and
we'll talk about that in anotherepisode.
Upcoming.
That's awesome.
I actually, we are so on thesame wavelength because.
(32:45):
I also, you know, aftereverything was said and done, I
had a, a surprise.
My son was a complete surprise,so I can't wait to tell to tell
that story, but I also had apainful recovery.
You know, I.
My, when I first was told that Icould push, I was afraid to do
so because, oh, the castor oil,yet again, castor oil comes
(33:06):
back.
So I would not relax and likebear down and, and push.
Yeah.
And you know, the, my midwifeand the nurse, they were trying
to get me, you know, like, youhave to push.
And I told them, I was like, I,I don't want to, you know, I'm
afraid I took castor oil.
Like I finally just told themand they looked, oh, no.
(33:27):
But you know, that's the thingis all things come out in the
open eventually.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep.
I had to tell on myself and I'mhappy that I did because they
offered to bring me a mirror.
Oh, that really helped.
Once I could see what I wasdoing and not doing right then
that helped me to, you know, andthen when my daughter needed,
(33:50):
the internal, heart ratemonitor, that kind of just
really.
Caused me to kind of push herout.
But in doing so, I ended upfracturing my tailbone.
So that in addition to just the,general healing that that needs
to take place, it was verypainful.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
And so what do they do for afractured tailbone?
(34:12):
'cause I know our listeners areprobably wondering really
nothing, you just let it heal.
Mm-hmm.
so I.
Just tried to rest as much as Icould.
And then I'm trying to nurse, I,the lactation consultant came
in, initially she came in onetime and helped me get my
daughter latched and everything,but that was very painful.
(34:33):
It felt like her latch wasn'tright.
She was making a clicking noisemm-hmm.
As I was nursing her.
And, I was determined to do so.
My mother nursed myself and mysiblings and it wasn't anything
that I.
I would not have been told like,no, this is not going to work.
I was going to make, make itwork in any way that I possibly
could.
(34:54):
but she had issues with latchingand I had issues with, healing,
and she was, rubbing me in thewrong way.
And I had like, just flats.
I had to do some healing of, ofmy, nipples and everything,
which was very painful.
And then trying to heal from atailbone, mm-hmm.
Injury.
I felt like I was down for along time.
(35:15):
At two weeks postpartum, Iwouldn't have been able to show
her to anyone, Yeah.
I was still in the bed lookingcrazy, so, Aw.
I got better around like thefour week mark is when things
really started to take a turn, Iwould say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So both of our kids are healthy.
They're, did you successfullybreastfeed her?
(35:37):
I did.
Yeah.
For how long?
So I exclusively breasted herfor six months.
I went back to work when she wasnine weeks old.
So I was up, up working andpumping mama.
Oh, wow.
And then she had a dairyallergy.
Oh.
So that made it reallydifficult.
I, dairy is sneaky.
It's in a lot of things that youwouldn't even consider.
(35:59):
So it was causing her to have.
like eczema and some diaperrashes and I just could not get
it out of my diet.
I kept trying, kept trying.
So eventually I ended up lateron, I think she was probably
around like eight months or so,and I had to switch her over to
a soy formula.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, yeah, breastfeeding can be awhole separate episode, couldn't
(36:22):
it?
Yep, it could.
Yep.
We might, we might have to dothat.
Yeah, so I think the moral, Ofour stories is a lot changes in
medicine.
15 years and, and a lot changedwith policy.
Um, our listeners will find outin a, when we talk about our
second birth, that a lot changesin just a matter of a couple
(36:43):
years.
Even.
Yep.
It sure does.
but, and even though I had afriend at my, my birth, helping
me kind of.
She wasn't a doula by training,but she was, additional support.
I think both of us agree, right?
That having a professionaltrained doula at our birth
would've probably really helpedand maybe not help change some
(37:07):
of the options that wereavailable to us at the time.
You know, 1995.
I didn't have the same optionsthat you had, but maybe to just.
For me helped me to not havethat feeling of abandonment.
When the nurse had to turnaround and take care of nurse
duties.
Yep.
And, and for you, you hadmentioned in our past episode
that the nurse that was givingyou that counter pressure, she
(37:29):
left midstream.
She did, yeah.
Shift change and, and she wasgone.
And I, I can totally relate tothat feeling of a loss, you
know, for of a support person.
My husband tried to kind of fillher shoes, but it's different
when there's someone that istrained to support in that way.
In, you know, he did the bestthat he could, but he didn't
(37:50):
know exactly where to apply thepressure and how to apply it.
And, you know, no fault of hisown, but.
Two things that I would changeabout my birth for sure would
be, obviously, one, don't docastor oil without, without your
medical provider telling you to,and I would definitely have had
a doula.
(38:10):
I just think even just the, thepresence alone, the emotional
support that, that calming andsoothing, would've helped me
tremendously.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think for both ofus, having a, a birth doula
would've been beneficial andprobably a postpartum or after
birth doula as well.
Oh, absolutely.
(38:30):
Yeah, for sure.
Well, I am just, your birthstory was very entertaining.
Thank you for sharing it.
Oh, you're welcome.
Birth has a lot of, a lot of funthings that happen to it, and
years later we can tell thestory and, and smile and
hopefully our listeners havelearned something about birth
(38:52):
back in the dark ages.
Mm-hmm.
When I had my son and, maybe,Question, some questions or some
things that they might consider.
now having the internetavailable you said was almost
detrimental to you?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
There's so much out there andyou have to really be careful
(39:12):
about what you're reading.
Just the internet told me allthese old wives, methods right?
To try to, to try to inducelabor.
Also there was a lot of, Ideveloped a lot of fear based
off of, scenarios that couldhappen mm-hmm.
That actually are very uncommon.
Mm-hmm.
And most, healthy women and, andin most labor and delivery.
(39:35):
so that was a little bitdifficult.
for me.
I was terrified going into itbecause I had.
The wrong information, the wrongtype of information.
Yeah.
So I definitely would, yeah.
Yeah.
I caution women against, againstGoogle University.
It's great for a lot of things,but you know, you may get a
(39:55):
little, you may get things thatare not.
Likely to happen and things thatmay kind of have you hold back
mm-hmm.
When you're in that moment ofbringing your baby.
So, wow.
So this, this is a lot, this isa lot for our, our, our second
full length episode.
yeah, I hope everybody enjoyedit.
And, in our next episode, we'regoing to be talking about
(40:17):
induction because our secondbabies.
We're both induced, but yep.
Fair.
We figured out that ourchildren, our first and second
children, there's 15 years inbetween my first and your first
and my second and your second.
So, the way that inductions.
(40:37):
Are done now even Oh yeah.
Is different than the way thatthey were done when you had
yours.
Yep.
And much different than when Ihad mine, so.
Mm-hmm.
I can't wait to tell thesestories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's fun being able to walk,down memory lane.
It's, it's, and, and.
The fact too, to remember thatwe only know what we know at the
(41:00):
time and we make the bestdecisions that we can with the
information that we haveavailable.
Absolutely.
So if there's nothing else thatour listeners take away, I hope
that they do use Google to findgood quality childbirth
education.
Mm-hmm.
And hopefully a doula in theirarea, and if not in their area,
(41:23):
then one virtually mm-hmm.
Can support them and give themsome emotional support and
information.
Direct them to the properinformation at the time.
And, also maybe even look intoafter birth.
Doula.
Yes.
Someone who can come in andhelp, I would highly recommend,
I would highly recommend that Ihope that, that every woman gets
(41:44):
the support that she needsduring, one of the most special
times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, thank you so much alright,bye.
Exie (42:33):
Thank you for spending time with me today on Metro
Detroit Birth Stories.
If you loved this episode, letme know.
Leave a review, share it with afriend, and come connect with me
on Instagram@metrodetroitbirthsupport and if
you have a birth story to share,I would love to hear it.
(42:54):
Please take a moment to reachout to me, whether it was six
months ago or 60 years ago.
Your story could be theinspiration for someone who
hears it to gain the confidencethey need as they embark on
their own birth journey.
My email is in the show notes.
This podcast is produced andfunded by me, and I really
(43:17):
appreciate you listening.
Until next time, take care.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to others, and remember,every birth story deserves to be
told.
The music you hear on MetroDetroit Birth Stories has been
provided by Purple Planet Music,written and performed by Chris
(43:40):
Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
Welcome to Metro Detroit BirthStories, where we celebrate the
power, wisdom, and beauty ofbirth.
One story at a time.
I'm your host, Exie Buehler abirth and postpartum doula,
childbirth educator, andmaternal mental and emotional
wellness coach.
My passion for supportingbirthing families began 20 years
(01:13):
ago.
And has only grown since then inthis space, you'll hear real
birth stories from Metro Detroitand beyond, along with insights
from my work that might resonatewith your own journey because
every birth story matters andevery journey deserves to be
heard.
(01:34):
Please note that this podcast isintended for entertainment and
informational purposes only.
The stories shared are from theperspective of the person
sharing it and do not representmy thoughts, opinions, or views.
I am a non-medical professionalwhose thoughts, opinions, and
views are my own.
So nothing said should beconstrued or understood as
(01:58):
medical advice.
Please discuss all of yourconcerns or questions with your
pregnancy provider.
Now, let's hear today's story.
Hey, Ciana, how have you been?
I've been good.
How about you?
Hanging in there?
Hanging in there.
We've got a lot of news going onthis week and, and we'll all be
(02:18):
back to work in about, ninedays.
That is so exciting.
I'm so happy that your customersare gonna get to see you again
and, yeah.
They're excited too.
I, it's, it's a, it's a lot to,to kind of take in, even though
it's been, 12 weeks Since I wasat work.
it's a lot to think about, butI've been really concentrating
through this whole time on, Onbirth, and I'm so glad that I
(02:42):
had this time.
It's a silver lining to be ableto create this podcast with you.
So, yeah, I'm really happy thatwe can record this episode
together before life gets reallycomplicated again for me.
Yeah, the timing was perfect.
This has been the highlight ofthis whole, pandemic for me is
being able to, sit with you andlearn from you.
(03:03):
So it's, it's been a pleasure.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
So, yeah, so by the time that weget this episode up and edited
and out, hopefully the wholestate of Michigan will be back
to work again and back tonormal, and people will be able
to go to the movie theater andwearing their masks, of course.
Yeah.
Social distancing, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so much has changed.
(03:23):
And, on this episode we're,we're talking about, two of our
birth stories, our first births.
They were, they were bothmedicalized births.
And I think our listeners needto be aware of that before we
begin.
So, just be prepared.
Yeah, absolutely.
That you're going to hear aboutmedicalized births.
So for mine, we're gonna go allthe way back to January, 1995.
(03:47):
This was pre-internet pre-cellphone.
The only book that anyone in mygroup of friends read was What
to Expect When You AreExpecting.
Oh goodness.
Yeah.
I actually still have my copy.
I have mine too, actually.
Do you?
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
(04:07):
also back then in 1995.
Formula samples we're stillgiven out in little diaper bags
at prenatal doctor's visits andbaby fairs.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Totally different experiencethat I had.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's it does, it's, it, it wasa, it's a weird thing to think
about now, but that was the,that was the thing to do.
And we were so excited to getour little bag of formula
(04:30):
samples.
Not that we planned on using'em,but hey, we got a bag.
Right?
What girl doesn't love a bag?
Oh, yeah.
And, let's see, in 1995, I choseto cloths, diaper, and
exclusively breastfeed for theeconomic reasons, not because I
was trying to do what was bestfor my baby or for the earth.
(04:52):
So it was kind of the dark agesin comparison to moms who are
having babies now and what theirchoices are.
Yep.
Yeah.
So yeah, I had probablyinformation overload.
Oh yeah.
During my pregnancy you hadGoogle and all these different
forums and blogs were all therage.
(05:13):
And I had a blog and I followedanything pregnancy, childbirth
related that I possibly could.
And I think I received breastpads and things like that and
Oh, wow.
And my little treat bag.
So, yeah.
So really that's quite adifferent experience.
Yeah.
The opposite.
So in 1995, they were pushingformula and in what year was
your daughter born?
2010.
(05:34):
2010.
Yeah.
He got breast pads and amongstother, you know, kind.
Nursing aids.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they were pushingbreastfeeding more.
Oh, wow.
A lot changed.
Well, back in 1995, my husbandand I, we had just celebrated
our second anniversary inDecember, and we were waiting
for our first child to be born aboy.
(05:55):
He was due on January 12, and Iwas two days past my due date.
Feeling like I know right.
Two days passed might as wellhave been two years.
You know, it feels like a Yeah.
Eternity.
Exactly.
And I felt like it would neverhappen.
And I had, done what I thoughtwas the right preparation at the
(06:16):
time I had taken the hospitalbirth class and a good friend of
mine who had had her daughterjust a few months earlier
attended with us.
So that she could be by my sideat, my son's birth.
And we all got our littlegraduation certificates at the
end of class, so to speak.
And I, I remember that the classshowed some birth videos, but
(06:42):
the only part that really standsout is this small bit about
water birth that I rememberbeing quickly dismissed by the
instructor.
Like, it's not even an option,so it shouldn't be in the video.
Don't think about that.
And that's of course the onething that stuck in my mind.
Oh no.
At that class, it was explainedto us that the hospital's policy
(07:04):
was that we had to meet with theanesthesiologist a full three
weeks before our due date inorder to sign the paperwork.
If we even wanted to entertainthe idea of getting an epidural.
If we were inside of that threeweek period, or miss that mark,
we were not considered acandidate.
That's mind boggling to me.
(07:24):
Xy.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
It was a different time.
And, and at that time, you know,I wasn't gonna miss that meeting
because everybody, everybody wassaying that the epidural was
like the Cadillac option forhaving a baby, and it was the
best choice that I could make.
So I made sure that I was ableto get to that meeting with an
(07:45):
anesthesiologist.
And I remember him going overthis long page of risks and I
remember him asking me.
If I had any history previouslywith anesthesia.
Now, by that time I had hadseveral surgeries for various
reasons in my life, and I had,as an adult, had a very, very
(08:07):
bad experience recovering fromgeneral anesthesia in 1992.
And when I relayed that to him,he told me that about 1% of the
population can't wake up fromgeneral anesthesia.
And that I was probably in thatgroup.
Oh, lovely.
Just what a, an expectant, youknow, within a few weeks of her
(08:27):
due date, woman wants to hearRight.
To grieve.
Right, right.
And, and, and he, but he, but hereassured me.
He told me, he did tell me thatI should avoid general
anesthesia if at all possible inthe future.
And, even though the consentform for the epidural covered
everything from a spinalheadache to possible death, he
told me that I shouldn't haveany problems with it.
(08:50):
So, of course I wanted to givemy baby the very best.
So I went ahead and I signed thepaperwork.
And he also explained at thattime that the epidural, now I'm
a candidate for it'cause Isigned the paperwork, but I
wouldn't be allowed to get ituntil I was five centimeters
dilated.
And that is a very importantdetail for our listeners to
(09:11):
remember for my birth story.
Oh, important and.
In my opinion, crazy.
Like I couldn't imagine.
I couldn't imagine them tellingme that I could not have an
epidural until, fivecentimeters.
So.
Wow.
That that was, in 2010, I feellike I said, I was reading blogs
(09:32):
and Googling and doing all thesethings that, have not proven to
have been helpful during mydelivery.
I'll just say that.
and I never had to meet with theanesthesiologist beforehand.
I, I was in the throes ofcontractions and then, and
walked in this miracle person togive me some.
(09:52):
my, my epidural that wassupposed to just knock
everything out for me socompletely.
I didn't know them beforehand.
Didn't meet them beforehand.
I did do similar paperwork.
they always have to give you arundown of every outcome, right?
so I did have that.
But yeah, nothing.
Nothing like your experience.
So I can't wait to hear moreabout it so far in advance.
(10:13):
Well, and I, I, I think a lot ofthat too, taking that hospital
birth class, I remember themteaching us, there are certain
times in labor you're supposedto breathe a certain way.
So the two things, my twotakeaways from that class, well,
three actually.
This one I didn't share with youahead of time.
My girlfriend, one of her, whotook the class with me, one of
(10:34):
her first signs of pregnancy is,was that she would start
straining the buttons on hertop.
And here I was towards, eightmonths pregnant, whatever.
And my tops fit exactly thesame.
So she pulled me to the teacherone day, the instructor, and
said.
Is it possible for her tobreastfeed?
(10:55):
'cause her breasts haven't grownat all?
Oh my gosh.
That was like the one, that wasone of the things I recall from
that class.
And yes, we will get to thatlater, but I, I did breastfeed,
remember I said there wereeconomical reasons for me to
breastfeed.
'cause breastfeeding is cheap.
But, also, I took away the, theclip from the water birth in the
(11:17):
video.
And then I took away that thereare certain ways that a woman is
supposed to breathe at certainpoints in labor.
Now you had a totally differentclass education experience,
right?
I did, yeah.
I found a really great class inAnn Arbor and it was led by, a
doula and.
(11:39):
She went over all thesedifferent positions and you
know, talked about more aboutthe analogy of a woman's body
and how we're giving birth andhow we may want to move
differently during the differentstages of labor, and what things
could possibly be a little bitmore effective.
I do have to say.
When I was actually in labor,all of that went out the window.
(12:00):
So like I didn't remember any ofthat.
but we did, we saw somedifferent videos and, and things
of that nature.
though it was really helpful, Ithink more for my husband, he
was able to retain thatinformation a little bit better
than I was.
But he also, all of that flewout of the window when I was
actually actually in labor.
(12:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Did you do a lot of laboring athome?
I did not actually, my, yeah, I,I had mentioned to you
previously, I decided to go thecastor oil.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we'll talk about that in asecond.
'cause that's an exciting story.
So I did not do a lot oflaboring.
(12:41):
Okay.
Well, uh.
Let's get back to 1995 for asecond.
Okay.
We'll let you, we'll let ourlisteners hold on that cast
royal story for a minute.
so for me, in 1995, it was twodays past the evening of January
14th, and my husband and Isplurged on a movie.
So, we were very economicallychallenged.
(13:02):
My, I had lost my job as aprivate nanny when I was.
four months pregnant.
And my husband had worked aseasonal job in lawn care until
he got the job at Ford MotorCompany.
So, you know, this is wintertime.
So his job had been seasonal, sohe'd already been out of work
for a little bit.
and I spent my entire pregnancyon the women Infant and Children
(13:22):
program or the WIC program,which is basically food stamps.
And we didn't have any familysupport or assistance, so.
For us to go out to the, to themovies was really a treat.
And those two movie tickets werea real stretch for us, but I had
been worried about being past mydue date.
You know, it's like that datewas marked on my calendar and it
didn't happen.
Yeah.
(13:43):
And he wanted to make me laughand tape me on a date.
So we went to this movie and Icould not seem to get
comfortable in that movietheater seat.
I did enjoy the movie.
It was very funny.
And as we exited the theater, Iremember looking at my husband
and saying, wouldn't it behilarious if I went into Labor
tonight?
(14:03):
Because the movie that we hadseen was called Junior and it
starred, oh, I know that movie.
It Star Arnold Schwarzeneggerand Danny DeVito and Emma
Thompson.
So our listeners can Google itif they don't know about the
movie, and they'll see the ironythere.
but yeah, it was very funny andI laughed a ton and now I
understand that probably thecombination of the laughter and
(14:25):
nightfall did help me increaseoxytocin levels quite a bit that
night.
So, We got home.
I had told, I had been told, inmy class and by my friends,
you'll know when you go intolabor.
So the contractions would beunmistakable.
And I just felt reallyuncomfortable.
I, I didn't really feel anythingbut a, a nagging back ache that
(14:47):
made, sitting or laying downuncomfortable.
And when we got home, he went tosleep and I strained up our
apartment just in case ourfriends had to come over to look
in on our cat.
And I was feeling something, butit wasn't really anything that
kept happening frequently enoughthat I thought I should sit down
and kind of keep track of this.
So I grabbed an index card.
(15:08):
He didn't really know how totrack contractions, but I felt
like I should do something.
And remember, this is 1995, so Ihad no computer, no internet, no
cell phone with a contractionapp.
Oh no.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I just did what my instinctstold me to do, and suddenly I
felt like after a couple hours,I felt like I had to go to the
bathroom.
So I quietly walked over to thebathroom and I sat down, and
(15:32):
then there was this big whooshand I thought.
Did I just pee and I looked inthe toilet and I thought, that
doesn't really look like pee.
So I cleaned up and I called thedoctor's answering service, and
my goal was just to ask her thisquestion.
And so I explained what hadtranspired and she calmly said,
(15:54):
okay, dear, I'll call the hosthe doctor and tell him to meet
you at the hospital.
And I was like.
The hospital, why do I have togo to the hospital?
And she chuckled and she said,well, honey, your water just
broke.
And I was like, wow, that was soeasy.
If this, if this is how labor'sgoing to be, it'll be a piece of
(16:14):
cake.
And then just like in themovies, I tiptoed into the
bedroom and I shook my husband'sshoulder and I whispered, honey,
it's time.
My water just broke.
And then two contractions later,I was doubled over in pain.
Yeah.
Yep.
And, yeah, the hospital was 10minutes away, but it was, I
swear, the longest car rideever.
(16:37):
And by the time that we gotthere, I expected them to tell
me, A, that I could get thatepidural and b, that I could get
ready to push my baby out.
And what they ended up tellingme was that I was three
centimeters dilated.
Had a really long way to go andI couldn't get the epidural
until I progressed to five.
(16:57):
So then I demanded whateverdrugs they did have that they
could give me, right?
So they gave me, over the courseof the, of a number of hours,
the number of hours that it tookfor me to get to five.
I had gotten two shots of Stadolin my hip, and they made me feel
drugged.
(17:17):
And I remember feeling I wasfloating above my body, and then
when the contraction came, Iwould crash down into my body
again.
My friend had arrived by thattime and she and my husband were
trying desperately to help me,but nothing seemed to work.
So finally I was able to get theepidural, and then I proceeded
to tell the anesthesiologistthat he should not get paid
(17:40):
because it wasn't working.
Oh.
And it never really did work forme.
And I didn't move around likebefore the labor.
I didn't move around a lot.
Like you had mentioned, you weretold all these different
positions.
I don't remember.
Them telling me that I had thoseoptions at all once I got to the
hospital.
So the epidural, once I got it,of course I couldn't get outta
(18:02):
the bed and it didn't matter'cause it didn't really work
anyway.
And now I think it was, my sonwas probably posterior and all
of the pain that I had beenexperiencing was back labor,
which epidurals are notoriousfor not really being able to
help.
Oh, I can totally relate tothat.
I had back labor with mydaughter and I was so angry that
(18:26):
I had gone through all of that.
'cause the epidurals for me, itwas kind of scary.
I'm not a fan of needles anyway.
And then you're havingcontractions and hugging a
pillow and you know you have togo through the process to get it
in.
So I totally, know how thatgoes.
So back to my castor wheel.
Yes.
This is such a great story whenmy labor started with my
(18:46):
daughter.
So I had a girlfriend that was,she's actually my neighbor.
We became friends while we were,her and her husband were living
next, in the, the apartment nextto my husband and I.
So she had, she was due just afew days before me, and she had
went in and gotten her membranesstripped and then had her
(19:06):
daughter like two days later.
And so I thought, I'm, well, I'mgonna do that.
So I go in, I get my membranestripped.
Nothing.
Nothing's ha I don't feel a bitdifferent at all.
I was a little crankyafterwards, but that was it.
Can I ask, were you past yourdue date at this point?
I was not past my due date.
Oh, you were?
You were an overachiever.
(19:27):
Oh, I was like, I told you,Google University let me Sure.
To make lots of differentdecisions.
True.
So I was impatient and I washighly Googled and I just felt
like I knew what I wanted.
And I mentioned it.
And my midwife was like, sure, Ican, I can do it.
And so, yeah, so I, I did allthat.
(19:48):
I did pretty much everythingthat you could think of to try
to get labor to start.
I ranted on Facebook about howthe baby wasn't coming yet, and
I ate eggplant Parmesan at arestaurant, near our house.
So I did everything, all the oldwives tales, all the old wives
tales.
And then I saw castor oil and Ithought.
(20:09):
I'm gonna try it.
So I sent my husband and, lateat night to a 24 hour CVS to
pick up a bottle of castor oiland a jug of orange juice.
Oh.
And he came home.
What, oh, go ahead.
Was that combination recommendedby your midwife, or did you find
that on the internet?
Oh, of course Google told methat.
Yeah, my midwife had no part tothat.
(20:33):
I probably, I probably shouldhave asked her first.
Yeah.
Let's, let's make sure ourlisteners don't make the same
mistake.
Cast castor oil probably shouldnot be taken unless your, your
provider is aware.
Yes.
ladies do not self castor oilfor any reason.
It was a bad choice.
I will say I.
Yes, I think I, I felt somethingbecause of a rumble in the
(20:56):
digestive tract and not, not,from contractions.
So I had the wrong kind ofcontractions.
So I, I take it, and I wasn'tsure of the dosing because
Google could not agree on howmany tablespoons or teaspoons I
needed.
So I just kind of was wingingit, and I spent several hours on
(21:17):
the toilet.
My husband would come and checkon me, and I would come out for
a brief moment and then I wouldbe right back on the toilet.
So this went on for a while andfinally I'm like, exhausted,
probably dehydrated.
I just was feeling, just drainedand I go to lay down'cause I'm
(21:37):
just, I can't take it anymore.
And it was in the middle of thenight by that point.
As soon as I got comfortable, Ifelt a pop.
I'm like, oh.
So I, I jump up.
I don't even know how I was ableto move and I was like a ninja.
I literally jumped out of thebed and went to the bathroom
and, was trickling a little bitand I thought, oh my, and my
(22:00):
husband was already up, but he,he saw my reaction and he.
I go back in and he's changedSuperman, it was from pajamas to
fully dressed.
So I would like to know if heremembers it that way.
He does.
He said he doesn't remembergetting dressed at all.
He just, the clothes are just.
Um, so, so not only do birthingpeople have superpowers, but
(22:24):
their partners do too,apparently.
Yeah.
I wish a superpower would'vebeen to not bring me that castor
oil that I asked for.
So we get to the, we have todrive to the hospital now, since
while we're driving, we hadabout.
I'd say a 30 ish minute drive tothe hospital because of the one
that I chose to deliver at.
(22:46):
So I'm starting to feelcontractions, and I'm nervous.
My whole body is tense.
And we get there and they can'tfind, they do a swab for
amniotic fluid.
It was negative.
So this nurse is ready to sendme home.
She's you don't feel like you'redilated really.
And.
I don't see any trace ofamniotic fluid, so I'm feeling
(23:08):
defeated and yeah, I still haveto use the bathroom, so, oh my
goodness.
So Ev, do you remember how fardilated you were or did you not?
I think I may have been acentimeter, maybe two.
So just very, I was still veryearly, so at every time she left
the room, I went to the bathroombecause I still was having the,
(23:29):
oh my goodness.
Side effects of the castor oil.
Finally, I kind of shifted mybody.
I felt another little trickle,and my husband waves the nurse
down.
She comes back in swabs again,and finally she sees the, fern
imprint that she was lookingfor.
That that showed that I had,that it was amniotic fluid.
And so they get me into a roomand right away the
(23:50):
anesthesiologist came in and.
And I signed the paperwork andhe got to business, so, oh, so
you got it very early then?
I did.
Definitely not five centimeters.
Definitely not.
Nope.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
Well that was, an exciting startto your labor.
Way more thrilling than my wishof fluid on the toilet.
(24:13):
I wish that I had that becausethen I would not have tried to
take matters into my own.
Oh, wow.
Well, you know, having your.
Your water break like I did, atthe beginning of labor.
It, it can, you know, it, it hadset me up.
Like I said, I thought I wasgonna be ready to push my baby
(24:33):
out.
Uh, the way that it, it was nottypical to what I had.
Remembered being taught inbirthing class, and because I
had so little access toinformation I really did not
even know that that was apossibility that your labor,
that your water could break andyou could still have many, many
hours of labor to go.
(24:53):
So I was sitting there in thehospital many hours in pain.
I, I did have to have theoxygen.
I, I know I had an oxygen maskon me.
we also have it on video, sosome of these things I are more
a reminder that I, after I hadwatched the video But I didn't
really understand why.
I know, I didn't understand whyI had to have oxygen on at the
(25:15):
time.
And I had, I was in the bed inpretty much just one position.
I, I know now, like as a doula,we rotate and even the nurses,
you know, with the epidural,it's gravity based and you
should be rotating and changingpositions multiple times and
there's lots of positions that abirthing person can be put into,
(25:36):
even staying in the bed.
But I was never given thoseoptions.
So.
Finally, the doctor told me thatI could push, but I didn't know
how to effectively do this.
And I know that I, I tried forlike 40 minutes and it felt like
hours and I had, my friend wassinging to me because I had
(25:57):
forgotten the tape player.
Yes.
I said tape there with the musicthat I wanted, and my husband
was all gloved up because thedoctor encouraged.
The fathers to catch theirbabies or the partners to catch
their babies.
So he wasn't even at my side.
He was down on the business endof things.
And I remember a nurse yellingat me because I kept pushing
(26:18):
myself up the bed to get awayfrom the pain.
I know that there was a nurse onI, or, well, my friend was on
one side and the nurse was onthe other side holding my legs
way far apart with my knees upto my ears.
And I remember the nurse who washolding my left leg stepped away
and I started screaming, my leg,my leg.
(26:39):
And I, I remember like, I canstill feel the feeling of being
abandoned when that physicalsupport suddenly and
unexpectedly was removed.
Yeah.
And at some point, knowing whatI know now, my son's heart rate
must have gone down.
I don't really remember a lot,but he was born with the
(27:00):
assistance of the ventus or thevacuum extractor.
And I didn't realize until manyyears later that I was really
very close to being taken to theOR for his birth.
And I have a picture of myselfholding him immediately
following the birth.
And I have this look on my face,like I didn't understand what
happened.
(27:21):
My baby was healthy and I wasthrilled to have him in my arms
and labor was over, and I wasglad about that.
But I honestly, I, I do rememberfeeling like it had all happened
to someone else, and I think thefact that I got those narcotics
was a contributing factorbecause I learned years.
Later that I have a geneticcondition that prevents things
(27:43):
like heavy drugs from beingmetabolized well in my system.
So they stay in my bloodstream alot longer than normal.
Oh, wow.
And so, medications like Stadolare very bad for me, and, but I
wouldn't get that diagnosis formany, many years after my second
birth.
So, you know, you just don't,you don't know these things.
Right.
And I di I didn't know.
(28:04):
Yeah.
Wow, I see that.
I, I think, you know, I didn'thave any medications like that
other than the epidural, but Ikind of wonder if sometimes that
afterbirth fog is more commonthan, than we realize, because I
remember kind of feeling thesame way and, and support is so
(28:25):
important as well.
I had a really good, nurse.
She was also.
Studying to become a doula.
So yeah, you had mentioned thaton our last episode.
Yeah.
Yep.
So she was really helpful, withkind of having me, I did some
maneuvering around, but I wasterrified.
yeah, that the.
Side effects of the castor oil.
Were going to continue to hauntme.
(28:47):
Oh, during, during delivery, so,oh, no.
Yeah.
So I definitely was not asrelaxed as I could have been.
And, my daughter, her heart ratestarted to drop and, and the
monitors that were, strapped inmy belly, they couldn't detect
it anymore.
So they had to do the monitor,you know, kind of like in her
scalp, just to make sure thatshe was okay.
(29:08):
And that just.
Woke up, the mama bear in me.
And I literally just like, Ijust pushed her out.
I just, I was like, I wanted herout and I wanted to see, you
know, see her.
But I feel like throughout thewhole labor and delivery, I was
just looking at the end result.
So by the time she was out,everything else just kind of
felt like it didn't reallyhappen to me.
(29:29):
You know?
Like I wasn't Like, I wasn'tthere and present for the whole
thing.
So, yeah, it, it's so funny how.
Once you, once that baby is out,that's what your focus is on.
You kind of just forgeteverything about what you've
just experienced.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and gratefully and I, Itell.
The birthing people that I workwith, frequently I try to
(29:52):
remember to tell them that we doget this amnesia thing.
You know, the perception of timeGets very skewed once you are
deep in labor.
And that's, that's a blessing.
It's a, it's a, a great thingand if you can really become one
with your baby during the laborprocess, then everything will
progress.
Well.
(30:13):
I think.
With medicalized birth, you haveso much that's happening, you
know, so much has to happen,right?
Like the nurses have to bechecking and you have the
monitors on.
And, and if like with you andwith me, if the heart rate isn't
being traced well by theexternal, then they wanna do an
internal.
And so that, whenever thathappens, it kind of pulls you
(30:36):
out of that space of being one.
With the process.
That it's so much harder to getback into it each time.
But yeah, that the amnesia thathappens once your baby is in
your arms.
It does really, it is a realthing.
It's, and it's, it's a blessing.
I think it's, it's a blessingthat we have that, but of course
we still have the recovery.
(30:56):
Right, right.
Yeah.
And, and for me, my recovery wasvery painful and very difficult
because I had to have theassistance of the vacuum.
And nursing was extremelychallenging for me, and I had no
resources.
'cause remember this is 1995,back in the dark ages, and I had
(31:18):
very little support and I, Ifelt very isolated and I, I
didn't know what I didn't know.
Mm-hmm.
But I knew that if I ever hadanother baby again, I was going
to do things differently and Iwasn't convinced that I would go
through it again.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
In those first couple of weeks.
Oh, I'm sure.
(31:38):
Yeah.
But, but yeah.
And so two weeks after he wasborn, we had a baby shower
scheduled and I was well enoughand felt great and you know,
enough to go.
And the nursing was going wellenough that I remember being
able to nurse him during thebaby shower.
And we introduced him to all ofour friends.
and we only had one little kindof hiccup after that.
(32:01):
And he, that was, he went on alittle nursing strike when he
was four weeks old.
Mm-hmm.
So that he just.
Went through this little stintwhere he was refusing to nurse,
and once we got through that, wereally hit our stride and we
bonded very well, and he, henursed exclusively till he was
about 16 months old.
So it, it went very, very wellafter that.
(32:24):
And then we had a surprisepregnancy in 1997 that resulted
in the birth of our second sonin the spring of 1998.
And I did do things a little bitdifferently with that birth, and
we'll talk about that in anotherepisode.
Upcoming.
That's awesome.
I actually, we are so on thesame wavelength because.
(32:45):
I also, you know, aftereverything was said and done, I
had a, a surprise.
My son was a complete surprise,so I can't wait to tell to tell
that story, but I also had apainful recovery.
You know, I.
My, when I first was told that Icould push, I was afraid to do
so because, oh, the castor oil,yet again, castor oil comes
(33:06):
back.
So I would not relax and likebear down and, and push.
Yeah.
And you know, the, my midwifeand the nurse, they were trying
to get me, you know, like, youhave to push.
And I told them, I was like, I,I don't want to, you know, I'm
afraid I took castor oil.
Like I finally just told themand they looked, oh, no.
(33:27):
But you know, that's the thingis all things come out in the
open eventually.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep.
I had to tell on myself and I'mhappy that I did because they
offered to bring me a mirror.
Oh, that really helped.
Once I could see what I wasdoing and not doing right then
that helped me to, you know, andthen when my daughter needed,
(33:50):
the internal, heart ratemonitor, that kind of just
really.
Caused me to kind of push herout.
But in doing so, I ended upfracturing my tailbone.
So that in addition to just the,general healing that that needs
to take place, it was verypainful.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
And so what do they do for afractured tailbone?
(34:12):
'cause I know our listeners areprobably wondering really
nothing, you just let it heal.
Mm-hmm.
so I.
Just tried to rest as much as Icould.
And then I'm trying to nurse, I,the lactation consultant came
in, initially she came in onetime and helped me get my
daughter latched and everything,but that was very painful.
(34:33):
It felt like her latch wasn'tright.
She was making a clicking noisemm-hmm.
As I was nursing her.
And, I was determined to do so.
My mother nursed myself and mysiblings and it wasn't anything
that I.
I would not have been told like,no, this is not going to work.
I was going to make, make itwork in any way that I possibly
could.
(34:54):
but she had issues with latchingand I had issues with, healing,
and she was, rubbing me in thewrong way.
And I had like, just flats.
I had to do some healing of, ofmy, nipples and everything,
which was very painful.
And then trying to heal from atailbone, mm-hmm.
Injury.
I felt like I was down for along time.
(35:15):
At two weeks postpartum, Iwouldn't have been able to show
her to anyone, Yeah.
I was still in the bed lookingcrazy, so, Aw.
I got better around like thefour week mark is when things
really started to take a turn, Iwould say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So both of our kids are healthy.
They're, did you successfullybreastfeed her?
(35:37):
I did.
Yeah.
For how long?
So I exclusively breasted herfor six months.
I went back to work when she wasnine weeks old.
So I was up, up working andpumping mama.
Oh, wow.
And then she had a dairyallergy.
Oh.
So that made it reallydifficult.
I, dairy is sneaky.
It's in a lot of things that youwouldn't even consider.
(35:59):
So it was causing her to have.
like eczema and some diaperrashes and I just could not get
it out of my diet.
I kept trying, kept trying.
So eventually I ended up lateron, I think she was probably
around like eight months or so,and I had to switch her over to
a soy formula.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, yeah, breastfeeding can be awhole separate episode, couldn't
(36:22):
it?
Yep, it could.
Yep.
We might, we might have to dothat.
Yeah, so I think the moral, Ofour stories is a lot changes in
medicine.
15 years and, and a lot changedwith policy.
Um, our listeners will find outin a, when we talk about our
second birth, that a lot changesin just a matter of a couple
(36:43):
years.
Even.
Yep.
It sure does.
but, and even though I had afriend at my, my birth, helping
me kind of.
She wasn't a doula by training,but she was, additional support.
I think both of us agree, right?
That having a professionaltrained doula at our birth
would've probably really helpedand maybe not help change some
(37:07):
of the options that wereavailable to us at the time.
You know, 1995.
I didn't have the same optionsthat you had, but maybe to just.
For me helped me to not havethat feeling of abandonment.
When the nurse had to turnaround and take care of nurse
duties.
Yep.
And, and for you, you hadmentioned in our past episode
that the nurse that was givingyou that counter pressure, she
(37:29):
left midstream.
She did, yeah.
Shift change and, and she wasgone.
And I, I can totally relate tothat feeling of a loss, you
know, for of a support person.
My husband tried to kind of fillher shoes, but it's different
when there's someone that istrained to support in that way.
In, you know, he did the bestthat he could, but he didn't
(37:50):
know exactly where to apply thepressure and how to apply it.
And, you know, no fault of hisown, but.
Two things that I would changeabout my birth for sure would
be, obviously, one, don't docastor oil without, without your
medical provider telling you to,and I would definitely have had
a doula.
(38:10):
I just think even just the, thepresence alone, the emotional
support that, that calming andsoothing, would've helped me
tremendously.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think for both ofus, having a, a birth doula
would've been beneficial andprobably a postpartum or after
birth doula as well.
Oh, absolutely.
(38:30):
Yeah, for sure.
Well, I am just, your birthstory was very entertaining.
Thank you for sharing it.
Oh, you're welcome.
Birth has a lot of, a lot of funthings that happen to it, and
years later we can tell thestory and, and smile and
hopefully our listeners havelearned something about birth
(38:52):
back in the dark ages.
Mm-hmm.
When I had my son and, maybe,Question, some questions or some
things that they might consider.
now having the internetavailable you said was almost
detrimental to you?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
There's so much out there andyou have to really be careful
(39:12):
about what you're reading.
Just the internet told me allthese old wives, methods right?
To try to, to try to inducelabor.
Also there was a lot of, Ideveloped a lot of fear based
off of, scenarios that couldhappen mm-hmm.
That actually are very uncommon.
Mm-hmm.
And most, healthy women and, andin most labor and delivery.
(39:35):
so that was a little bitdifficult.
for me.
I was terrified going into itbecause I had.
The wrong information, the wrongtype of information.
Yeah.
So I definitely would, yeah.
Yeah.
I caution women against, againstGoogle University.
It's great for a lot of things,but you know, you may get a
(39:55):
little, you may get things thatare not.
Likely to happen and things thatmay kind of have you hold back
mm-hmm.
When you're in that moment ofbringing your baby.
So, wow.
So this, this is a lot, this isa lot for our, our, our second
full length episode.
yeah, I hope everybody enjoyedit.
And, in our next episode, we'regoing to be talking about
(40:17):
induction because our secondbabies.
We're both induced, but yep.
Fair.
We figured out that ourchildren, our first and second
children, there's 15 years inbetween my first and your first
and my second and your second.
So, the way that inductions.
(40:37):
Are done now even Oh yeah.
Is different than the way thatthey were done when you had
yours.
Yep.
And much different than when Ihad mine, so.
Mm-hmm.
I can't wait to tell thesestories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's fun being able to walk,down memory lane.
It's, it's, and, and.
The fact too, to remember thatwe only know what we know at the
(41:00):
time and we make the bestdecisions that we can with the
information that we haveavailable.
Absolutely.
So if there's nothing else thatour listeners take away, I hope
that they do use Google to findgood quality childbirth
education.
Mm-hmm.
And hopefully a doula in theirarea, and if not in their area,
(41:23):
then one virtually mm-hmm.
Can support them and give themsome emotional support and
information.
Direct them to the properinformation at the time.
And, also maybe even look intoafter birth.
Doula.
Yes.
Someone who can come in andhelp, I would highly recommend,
I would highly recommend that Ihope that, that every woman gets
(41:44):
the support that she needsduring, one of the most special
times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, thank you so much alright,bye.
Exie (42:33):
Thank you for spending time with me today on Metro
Detroit Birth Stories.
If you loved this episode, letme know.
Leave a review, share it with afriend, and come connect with me
on Instagram@metrodetroitbirthsupport and if
you have a birth story to share,I would love to hear it.
(42:54):
Please take a moment to reachout to me, whether it was six
months ago or 60 years ago.
Your story could be theinspiration for someone who
hears it to gain the confidencethey need as they embark on
their own birth journey.
My email is in the show notes.
This podcast is produced andfunded by me, and I really
(43:17):
appreciate you listening.
Until next time, take care.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to others, and remember,every birth story deserves to be
told.
The music you hear on MetroDetroit Birth Stories has been
provided by Purple Planet Music,written and performed by Chris
(43:40):
Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
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