October 7, 2025 • 26 mins
In this episode of Midlife with Courage™, host Kim welcomes Sue Willoughby, a passionate coach from the Seattle area who integrates horses into her coaching practice.
Sue shares her inspiring journey of growing up with an alcoholic mother, moving across the country, and exploring various interests like stand-up comedy, acting, and piloting.
They delve into topics of courage, overcoming fear, and finding confidence in midlife. Sue emphasizes the importance of maintaining curiosity and awareness to help women flourish after 40.
Listen in as Sue offers insights on how horses can help in personal growth and transformation.
00:00 Welcome to Midlife with Courage
00:17 Meet Sue Willoughby: A Journey with Horses
01:34 Sue's Courageous Life Story
03:34 From Horses to Coaching: Sue's Path
07:23 Building Confidence in Midlife
13:20 Sue's Adventures: Comedy, Acting, and More
16:28 Embracing New Experiences
21:52 Sue's Coaching and Retreats
23:59 Final Thoughts and Farewell
You can find all of Sue's offerings including her podcast and social media links on her website: www.willoughbycoaching.com.
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Just add your email to the popup and your guide will be on its way to your inbox.
From morning until bedtime, you can help yourself feel better!
Reserve your spot today to get in on the very first Courage & Confidence Hour!
Kim Benoy is a retired RN, Certified Aromatherapist, wife and mom who is passionate about inspiring and encouraging women over 40. She wants you to see your own beauty, value and worth through sharing stories of other women just like you.
My Courage & Confidence Circle is now open! Join a supportive group of other midlife women who are ready to live with courage and stop waiting for someday! This 3-month program starts in November and I would love to see you there!
Want to be a guest on Midlife with Courage™-Flourishing After Forty with Kim Benoy? Send Kim Benoy a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1646938231742x613487048806393700
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You are listening to midlifewith courage.
This is where women in midlifecome for inspiration,
motivation, and sometimes alittle education to help them
flourish.
After 40, don't forget to hitthat follow button so you don't
miss an episode.
Now let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome backto Midlife With Courage.
(00:22):
I am Kim Benoy, your host, andI'm so happy to have you all
here.
I'm also very happy to have myguest here with me today.
Her name is Sue Willoughby.
Welcome to the podcast, Sue.
Hi Kim.
Thanks for having me on.
I'm happy to be here today.
Yes.
Little do the listeners know.
We've already been talking forquite a while because we share a
love of horses.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
(00:43):
So why don't you introduceyourself.
Tell us where in the world youare and what you're doing.
Okay, great.
Yeah, Sue Willoughby, that's myname.
And I am in the Seattle area, sothe Pacific Northwest.
And I'm originally from the Eastcoast, so I'm originally from
the Northeast, so I kinda did alittle migration across the
country, just a little.
And I, yeah, just a little, butI've been out here for over 30
(01:05):
years and I just love it.
I grew up with horses.
Part of the reason that we weretalking about them and I use
them currently in my coachingpractice, so I partner with
horses as.
A very intuitive feedback loopand a mirror for my clients to
work with.
So that's, it's a reallyinteresting thing to do.
(01:25):
Horses are very intuitive.
They're very heart-centered andthey do keep us honest, so yes,
they do.
Yeah.
Well I wanna talk more aboutyour story, but first tell us
about a time in your life whenyou felt courageous or you
showed courage.
Well I would say that that iskind of a daily occurrence.
(01:46):
Mm-hmm.
I, the way I grew up, and alittle bit of a backstory in
there.
I grew up and my mom was, well,for all intents and purposes, a
single parent.
My parents split up when I waslike 11, and my mom was an
alcoholic.
So I grew up pretty quickly andI was very independent or I, I
had to be very independent.
(02:06):
So I guess that kind of, thatcourage.
I don't know if it was courageor stupidity when I was younger.
But, but it led me to just trynew things.
Anything that came up.
Like learning to fly.
I got my private pilot'slicense.
I mean, there's so manyinstances in my life that a lot
(02:27):
of people would say, wow, thatwas really courageous.
And I was just like, oh, I wasjust interested in that.
So I figured I'd give it a shot,you know?
So it's kind of like, you know,I grew up in discomfort, so
getting outta my comfort zone.
You know, was pretty easybecause my comfort zone was
already discomfort.
But courage is something that Ithink personally, you know,
(02:49):
there's the other side ofcourage is fear, right?
Mm-hmm.
And I think that looking atthose things together and
separately is an interesting wayto.
And I work with my clients to,you know, get out of their
comfort zone and try new things.
And it does take courage, butfear is sometimes so hard to
(03:10):
overcome.
So I've done a lot of thingsthat's taken courage.
Yes, it sure sounds like it.
I love to have my guests talkabout, where they started, where
they came from mm-hmm.
And kind of gives us an idea ofwhy they're doing what they're
doing now.
Yeah.
Where would, would you like toshare any of that?
You weren't always a, a coachand Right.
Helping other women, so, can wetalk about that a little bit?
(03:33):
Yeah.
And you know, it kind of goesback to my, my original roots
and.
Part of those roots were havinghorses around.
I remember when my mom and Imoved to Connecticut and I was
probably about 13 or 14 orsomething, and I noticed that
there was a riding stable acrossthe street and I had grown up
with horses.
When I was young.
(03:54):
I would have my mom take me tothe barn, you know, in three
feet of snow.
I grew up in upstate New Yorkand.
It just felt good to me.
It was like my happy place andmy safe place because I never
knew kind of what I was gonnaget at home.
And the horses just, theyaccepted me and I felt
comfortable and it just, the,you know, the sense of them and
(04:14):
their energy and I didn'trealize why I felt so good at
the time.
Mm-hmm.
It just did, it just feltnatural.
It just felt good.
Mm-hmm.
And then when we moved toConnecticut, I was across the
street before the car evenstopped and begging the, you
know, grizzly old guy that ownedthe barn to let me clean stalls
just for the privilege ofriding.
Sure.
Which he did happily.
(04:35):
He's like, sure, come on kid.
I don't care.
Yeah.
As someone who's cleaned stallsbefore, I know that that's a big
deal.
Absolutely.
I.
I love it.
To this day, I still lovecleaning stalls.
Yeah.
I find it very sort ofmeditative and just quiet and,
you know but so horses justcontinued to be a thread.
I kind of got away from it for awhile in my, you know, teenage
(04:57):
years'cause I was doing othercrazy things.
But then they always would seemto weave themselves back in and.
I had an opportunity to, or,well, I saw an ad in the paper.
This is back in the seventies,right?
It was a long time ago.
Where they needed campcounselors and horseback riding
coaches or, you know,instructors for this camp, for
(05:18):
individuals with special needs.
So I wrote them a letter.
Put it in the mail, send it off,you know, old school, remember
letters, mailbox and all thatkind of stuff.
I kind of remember that.
Yes.
Stamped.
And long story short, I ended upgoing to summer camp and being
part of their therapeuticwriting program, which I didn't
even know what that was at thetime.
I just thought it was fun andinteresting and I went back
(05:40):
multiple summers to do the samething.
And that was kind of myintroduction into horses, being
able to.
Work with and as part of apartnership with, with.
People in general.
Mm-hmm.
Later on in life, I volunteeredat a therapeutic riding center
for real and actually knew whatit was.
(06:00):
And then I got into equinemassage because my heart is
really with the horses.
It's not that, it's not with thepeople.
Mm-hmm.
And so now it has evolved whereI can partner with horses and
people and bring a healingcontainer and atmosphere.
So that's kind of the, yeah.
And there was a lot of detoursalong the way.
Trust me.
'Cause you did some other, Ithink you were into real estate
(06:22):
investing and some other thingsI read in your Yeah.
Biography and stuff.
I get what you're saying aboutthe horses and what, like,
realizing like you didn'trealize what they were doing for
you because, I didn't havehorses as a kid, but as I grew
up and, it took me a while tofigure it out, but when I go to
the barn and I was reallystressed out, I'd feel better.
Mm-hmm.
(06:42):
And sometimes I, if I hadn'tgone to the barn to be around
the horses for a while, I'd getso like frustrated and stressed
out and like, I need to go tothe barn.
I finally figured it out.
Yes.
Those horses are helping me.
Just, just being, being around'em.
'cause yeah, I was nervous aboutriding, but just being around'em
(07:02):
and yeah, having that, you, youwalk into the barn and you hear
the knickers and hellos and, youknow, yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And they're communicating witheach other all the time and
they're, you know, they're justreally incredible beings.
So, here, here we are.
Back at the horses again.
Sorry.
Yes.
Here we are.
No, that's okay.
That's okay.
(07:23):
Let's talk about confidence alittle bit.
Mm-hmm.
Because that's kind of one of mynew, a little focus that I'm
working on with women inmidlife.
How do women find theirconfidence at this age?
Do you have any thoughts onthat?
Yeah, I think, you know, a lotof it has to do with identity
where, you know, women reach acertain age and they have, they
find themselves in this identitythat they've either maybe
(07:45):
outgrown or want to outgrow.
Mm-hmm.
Whether it be, you know, acorporate level, you know,
position or something, and.
Or having raised a family, whichis a huge deal.
Mm-hmm.
And now they're like, well, nowwhat do I do?
Right.
The kids are gone and now I'vebeen, you know, this CEO of the
(08:05):
home and now I just don't, youknow, they don't realize that
they have a lot of.
Skills that are transferableand, and I think that, you know,
it's interesting because I thinkmen sort of excel as they get
older in some ways where theyjust automatically have that
confidence.
And I think women, yes, there'sare a lot of powerful, confident
women out there, but I thinkwhen women reach their middle
(08:29):
age, they think, well, you know,what is left for me?
What do I, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna just kind of.
Be quiet and, and fade into thebackdrop.
So I think getting over that andrealizing, starting to regain
your curiosity and regain yourawareness of what really lights
(08:49):
you up.
And I work with people in thatregard.
We lose our curiosity, you know,we get in our routines, we get
stuck in our identities, we getall of this stuff, and then.
To like, you know, take off theglasses that are one identity
put on, you know, and look atthings with fresh eyes and start
being curious again.
(09:10):
Mm-hmm.
I think that can help peoplebuild their confidence.
Like, oh, there's a lot ofthings that I can do.
There's a lot of things thatI've put on the back burner that
I can take off the back burnernow because I have time, or I
have resources, or I havewhatever.
Mm-hmm.
So I think, you know, for me.
Helping people build theirconfidence is just helping them
(09:33):
build their curiosity and theirawareness mm-hmm.
Of what's going, you know,because there's so many things
that we see on a regular basisthat we.
Know, we're like, we just takeso many things for granted.
Yeah.
It's like if you start lookingat things like a little kid
would look at something, youknow, they'd be like, oh, that's
fantastic.
Ooh, that's so exciting.
You know, me, I have kind of aDHD and I think everything's
(09:54):
exciting all the time.
Yes, I totally have the squirrelsyndrome.
Yeah.
But we tend to push those thingsdown and not be curious about
things and be like, okay, I'vegotta just do this next thing.
Put one foot in front of theother, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Take care of this person, dothat.
And we put ourselves on the backburner.
Sure.
So when did this all happen foryou?
Or did, I'm assuming it didhappen for you because you're
(10:17):
doing these wonderful things.
Well, like I said before, Kim, Ithink it, it's not something
that happened overnight.
I mean, I, mm-hmm.
I've definitely evolved.
At one point in my life when Iwas living on the East coast, I
actually met someone who wassomeone different and kind of
outside of my.
(10:37):
Current scope of friends and soforth who challenged me to try
new things and, you know, andactually I moved across country
with them.
Mm-hmm.
And.
Started a new life and that wassort of a pivotal point for me.
And I was probably about 30, Iwas in my thirties, I think.
Mm-hmm.
And it really did change mylife.
(11:00):
Having that opportunity to betaken out of physically the
environment that I was in, thatwasn't the healthiest
environment for me.
Mm-hmm.
And be challenged by people whocame from different backgrounds
than I came from and haddifferent types of jobs that
were, you know, what I felt insome ways I had, you know, big
insecurity complex and I feltsort of like, I will say
(11:23):
inferior.
I mean it was hard for me to bearound people that, you know,
went to Ivy League schools andall that.
'cause that was not mybackground.
But it did.
Encouraged me to, you know, todo something different, to try
new things.
I started doing standup comedy.
I took acting classes.
I I went back to school, which,you know, okay, here's the
(11:43):
truth.
I quit high school twice becauseI just didn't.
I didn't fit in.
I didn't like it.
I was bored, remember of the ADHD thing.
I'm pretty sure I've been unundiagnosed all these years.
And I just wasn't challenged.
You know, I, my mom used to tellme that I was too smart, you
know, for my own good and, whichwas probably a little bit true.
So that gave me the opportunityto, you know, go back to school
(12:06):
and learn new stuff.
I got into technology.
All of a sudden I, you know, waslooking at, you know.
Careers that were in tech.
And so then I, I went intocorporate training and
instructional design for manyyears and had a, you know, six
figure career there.
And so it really, that was areal pivotal point for me.
(12:26):
It also then I started a more ofa spiritual journey.
I was exposed to energy work andspirituality and all of those
things, and it just keptlayering and layering and
layering to.
Force me to do some internalwork and some internal, you
(12:47):
know, self-evaluation andtherapy and all of that stuff
and peel back those layers andreally address some issues that
I was not addressing.
Yeah.
That's hard to do.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
When we get quiet withourselves, things get really
loud.
And I think that that is verychallenging for people.
(13:08):
I love that.
That's so true.
And as much as we wanna avoidit, if we wanna grow and change
and do mm-hmm.
We can't avoid that, thathappening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My goodness.
So let's go back to somethingyou mentioned,'cause it's really
interesting to me, the standupcomedy and acting.
Talk about that.
That sounds There's part of meterrifying, right?
(13:30):
Really cool.
Yeah.
Like, I wanna try that, butyeah.
So why, why that, you know well,I.
I've always had a very healthysense of humor, and it is
probably one of the biggestthings that has saved me from
all of my dark times.
That and horses.
Mm-hmm.
But I've always had a sense ofhumor and it used to be a lot
(13:50):
more biting and sarcastic andkind of like, not really nice,
right?
Mm-hmm.
But, but looking at the humorousside of life and, and looking at
yourself humorously and like.
It really does take a lot of theangst and the anger and all of
this stuff out.
It just deflates it becauselike, oh, you do something
(14:12):
stupid and you laugh at it.
It is like, okay, well, youknow, that's why a lot of
comedians do self-deprecatinghumor because.
It, it sort of deflates all thisstuff that they're dealing with
and, and, yeah.
And so I just took a couple ofstandup comedy classes and, and
it was part of the, you know,acting school that I was in.
Mm-hmm.
And it was just fun.
It was fun and improvisationalstuff was fun.
(14:34):
Like I said, I'm the type ofperson that if there's something
that I'm interested in mm-hmm.
I try it.
Yeah.
It doesn't mean that you have tobe, you know, put in the 10,000
hours and be, you know.
The next Rosie O'Donnell or youknow, whatever.
You don't have to do that, butat least explore those
opportunities and try it out.
(14:55):
I mean, did I wanna be a standupcomic and, no, not really.
It was horrifying to be, in theholding pen when you're waiting
for your opportunity to go up onstage for open mic nights.
It was just.
But I did it.
Oh my gosh.
Did.
And it was, it was fun.
And I, you know, I enjoyed it.
So could I go back and do it nowwhen I'm not so self-conscious?
Probably.
And I probably would have a lotmore fun with it.
(15:16):
Sure.
So, sure.
But it was a little horrifyingat the time.
I bet.
I bet.
It's like saying something andwait for people to laugh, like,
right.
Yeah.
But you, you brought up a reallygood point in there too, like.
I don't know if, because I'mcompetitive or just how I was
brought up or whatever, I wannabe the best at whatever I'm
doing.
Right.
But we don't have to be the bestat whatever we're doing because
(15:39):
we're doing it for ourselves.
Mm-hmm.
And I think you hit the nail onthe head there, is that.
Once again, if we go back to,you know, looking at things with
fresh eyes mm-hmm.
Nobody wants to be a beginner.
Right.
You said you wanna be the bestat it.
Mm-hmm.
Well, to be the best, you haveto start somewhere and you have
to really suck at what you'redoing first because you're not,
(15:59):
if you don't suck at it, you'renever gonna get better.
Right.
So people don't want to be.
They don't want to look like abeginner.
They don't wanna look foolish.
And that's another reason thatpeople don't try new things is
because I don't wanna looksilly.
Right.
I don't wanna, I don't wannalook like a beginner.
I don't know how to do that.
Well, great.
Learn how to do it.
(16:19):
That's the fun part.
Learning is the fun part.
Like I'm a lifelong learner.
I will try just about anythingand I have tried just about
anything.
Yeah.
Two years ago at 63, I decidedto learn how to play polo or
start playing taking pololessons.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Of course, I promptly fell offand shattered my wrist during a
polo match.
(16:40):
But you know, there's that.
There's that.
But it was fun.
I mean, the, the, you know, thep it was fun until then, right?
The street from me.
And even then it, that didn'tstop me.
I mean, I, you know, went back.
That stopped me for the season,for sure.
Yeah.
But, you know, then I went backand hopped up and do a little
stick and ball now and again.
(17:01):
That's so cool.
Yeah.
So, I mean, it, it really, yeah.
I think it's just like fear oflooking like a beginner and, and
it's okay.
And especially if you do have acompetitive nature.
And I think we all do.
I always say, oh, I'm notcompetitive until I get in a
competitive situation.
And then I'm like, yeah, I wannawin for sure.
(17:24):
Get outta my way.
Watch out.
It's my turn.
That's why I fell off the horse.
Oh no.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, so.
Sometimes, I think though, whenwe get into our midlife time, we
kinda lose that.
Some of those fears though,because, things like, if I go to
the store without putting makeupon, that used to be like a huge
(17:46):
thing.
If I go outta my house right,without makeup now I'm like, I
don't care.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
So do you think there's somepoint where we kind of, it's a
little easier to, to explore anddo those things'cause we lose a
little bit of that fear or maybewe're accepting of it or
something?
Yeah, and I think, you know,the, like what you're talking
about is like we, you know,like, well I don't care how I
(18:08):
look when I go to the grocerystore or whatever, is a little
bit different than tryingsomething new, right?
Like, yeah, yeah.
It was a bad example, but No,but I understand what you're
saying.
It's like we.
We give less of a, you know,what about things?
Yes.
In some ways, like, like we arewho we are and I think that it,
but it still takes a bit ofunderstanding and
(18:32):
self-confidence to not go put ona full face of makeup to go to
the grocery store.
Right.
And then I do think though thatyes, you're, you're right.
And I think that still.
We struggle trying to find thatextra oomph to like, we may not
care how we, you know, look whenwe leave the house, however, how
(18:56):
we look, you know, how we showup to try something new or to
actually take a step to, go in adifferent direction is a little
bit different.
'cause then that's like, okay,well I'm out of the house in
sweatpants, however, I, I am notready to jump out of an airplane
yet.
Right?
So baby steps, baby steps,right?
(19:17):
Baby steps.
And I think that you don't, notnot caring as much about what
people think is, is a healthything.
And, and I'm not saying thatyou, you know, look, have to
look like alumb all the time,but just, that does help you
with when you try something new,like, it's okay if I look silly.
Mm-hmm.
It's okay if I wanna takedancing lessons or, you know, go
to the boxing gym and don't knowhow to skip rope because I
(19:39):
haven't done it since I wasfive.
That was a true story.
So yes, I think that gettingmore grounded in our middle age
and being like, you know what,it doesn't matter.
Mm-hmm.
Is a big, is.
It's definitely a, a big plus.
Yeah, for sure.
And you said you're a pilot too?
Yes.
You do all these things?
I have done a lot of things andonce again, it comes from just
(20:02):
trying stuff.
Yeah.
And just, I.
Yeah, I that's so cool.
Someone gave me a, you know, oneof those free flight lessons,
and then I was like, okay, wellnow I wanna get my pilot's
license.
And they're like, well, that'snot exactly what I had in mind.
I thought you'd just have a funadventure.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna get my pilot's licenseand then I'm gonna buy a plane
because that's how I roll.
Oh gosh.
Did you have, do you have yourown plane?
(20:23):
I don't anymore, and I'm not,I'm not a current pilot.
I mean, I'll always have mypilot's license, but I'm, I'm
out of currency because if youdon't fly all the time, it.
It's a dangerous Yeah.
And you know, it's expensive toSure.
You know, bore holes in the skyfor no apparent reason.
Yeah.
So it's good.
Always good to have a purpose.
Oh my gosh.
So what, what's something youhaven't done yet that you wanna
(20:45):
do?
Oh, golly.
Gee.
Well, I don't really have abucket list.
I think, you know I would liketo travel more.
Mm-hmm.
And I would like to.
I, I wanna give back more.
Mm-hmm.
And I want to do something, andthis sounds kind of grandiose,
but I want to bring morepositive energy to the greater
(21:07):
good and the greaterconsciousness level to mm-hmm.
You know, raise up the vibrationof, I don't know if you wanna
say the universe, right.
So, I mean, just to continue tocontribute.
Positive energy and positiveactions to, you know, not just
help, you know, other women, butyes, help other women so that
(21:30):
they can do the same thing sothat they can, you know, be
empowered and, and do the thingsthat they love.
So, you know, I think travel andjust be a better person and
bring that energy to the greaterconsciousness.
Yeah, that sounds kind of woowoo, but love it.
I like woo woo.
We're all about the woo woohere.
(21:50):
Love the woo woo.
We love it.
Yeah.
We've talked about the horsesand your horse coaching.
Do you wanna share about that alittle bit more and maybe let
the listeners know where theycan find you and learn more
about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
So just, we've talked abouttherapeutic riding, but the
coaching that I do is all on theground, so there's no riding
experience, there's none ofthat.
(22:10):
And basically you're just beingwith the horse.
Now, for those of you who don'tknow, I will say really quickly
that horses, because I hear thisa lot of times, I'm afraid of
horses or somebody's had a quoteunquote bad experience with a
horse.
Horses are prey animals.
They're big.
Prey animals, but they are stillprey animals.
(22:31):
And because of that, theirnature is to be hyper aware of
their surroundings.
And they also connect withhumans because they're also herd
animals.
And when we're with them, we arepart of their herd.
So they do connect with us on avery heart-centered.
Level.
So it's all about thecommunication and how you show
(22:53):
up in relationship andactivities around that.
The horses are at liberty, sothey get to do whatever they
want and just be a horse.
And it teaches you a lot abouthow you're showing up and where
you are and, and how you arebeing, and also finding your,
your core and your center.
So it is very, very groundingthat way.
(23:15):
I also coach online.
As well without the horses,because I've developed a little
bit of a horse since over theyears.
And then I have retreats.
I have a retreat coming up inPaa Robles, California.
I don't know when this will willair, but that's gonna be in
mid-October.
Okay.
Of this year.
And.
Yeah, so you can findme@willoughbycoaching.com.
(23:37):
Okay.
I'm also on Instagram at SueWilloughby and you know,
Facebook and the other things aswell.
But those are the two mainplaces where I hang out.
Oh, and I also have a podcast,midlife Strategies for Badass
Women.
There you go.
Love it.
Love it.
Yes.
That's awesome.
We'll put the links to yourwebsite and your podcast in the
show notes for people.
(23:57):
Sounds great.
Yeah.
Is there any, I don't, I justwanna keep talking to you.
We can have a part two, we canhave a little mini series.
Yes, yes.
But before we say, say goodbyeto the listeners, is there any
one last message you wanna sharewith them?
Be curious, regain yourcuriosity and your sense of
(24:18):
awareness.
You know, even if you're goingthe same path to work or to the
store, or to whatever, you know,maybe take a different path or
notice some things that you mayhave just taken for granted and
never noticed before.
Look at things with fresh eyes,and I think it'll give you a
different perspective on life.
Love it.
Wonderful.
(24:38):
Sue, thank you so much fortalking with me today.
Thank you.
Really enjoyed this.
You, it's been a pleasure.
Yeah.
So hug those horses and I willtalk to you soon.
Sounds great.
Thanks Kim.
You've been listening to theMidlife with Courage Podcast.
If you liked what you heard, Iwould love it if you would leave
me a review or even better senda link of this episode to a
friend.
(24:58):
Until next time, take care ofyour beautiful self.
You are listening to midlifewith courage.
This is where women in midlifecome for inspiration,
motivation, and sometimes alittle education to help them
flourish.
After 40, don't forget to hitthat follow button so you don't
miss an episode.
Now let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome backto Midlife With Courage.
(00:22):
I am Kim Benoy, your host, andI'm so happy to have you all
here.
I'm also very happy to have myguest here with me today.
Her name is Sue Willoughby.
Welcome to the podcast, Sue.
Hi Kim.
Thanks for having me on.
I'm happy to be here today.
Yes.
Little do the listeners know.
We've already been talking forquite a while because we share a
love of horses.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
(00:43):
So why don't you introduceyourself.
Tell us where in the world youare and what you're doing.
Okay, great.
Yeah, Sue Willoughby, that's myname.
And I am in the Seattle area, sothe Pacific Northwest.
And I'm originally from the Eastcoast, so I'm originally from
the Northeast, so I kinda did alittle migration across the
country, just a little.
And I, yeah, just a little, butI've been out here for over 30
(01:05):
years and I just love it.
I grew up with horses.
Part of the reason that we weretalking about them and I use
them currently in my coachingpractice, so I partner with
horses as.
A very intuitive feedback loopand a mirror for my clients to
work with.
So that's, it's a reallyinteresting thing to do.
(01:25):
Horses are very intuitive.
They're very heart-centered andthey do keep us honest, so yes,
they do.
Yeah.
Well I wanna talk more aboutyour story, but first tell us
about a time in your life whenyou felt courageous or you
showed courage.
Well I would say that that iskind of a daily occurrence.
(01:46):
Mm-hmm.
I, the way I grew up, and alittle bit of a backstory in
there.
I grew up and my mom was, well,for all intents and purposes, a
single parent.
My parents split up when I waslike 11, and my mom was an
alcoholic.
So I grew up pretty quickly andI was very independent or I, I
had to be very independent.
(02:06):
So I guess that kind of, thatcourage.
I don't know if it was courageor stupidity when I was younger.
But, but it led me to just trynew things.
Anything that came up.
Like learning to fly.
I got my private pilot'slicense.
I mean, there's so manyinstances in my life that a lot
(02:27):
of people would say, wow, thatwas really courageous.
And I was just like, oh, I wasjust interested in that.
So I figured I'd give it a shot,you know?
So it's kind of like, you know,I grew up in discomfort, so
getting outta my comfort zone.
You know, was pretty easybecause my comfort zone was
already discomfort.
But courage is something that Ithink personally, you know,
(02:49):
there's the other side ofcourage is fear, right?
Mm-hmm.
And I think that looking atthose things together and
separately is an interesting wayto.
And I work with my clients to,you know, get out of their
comfort zone and try new things.
And it does take courage, butfear is sometimes so hard to
(03:10):
overcome.
So I've done a lot of thingsthat's taken courage.
Yes, it sure sounds like it.
I love to have my guests talkabout, where they started, where
they came from mm-hmm.
And kind of gives us an idea ofwhy they're doing what they're
doing now.
Yeah.
Where would, would you like toshare any of that?
You weren't always a, a coachand Right.
Helping other women, so, can wetalk about that a little bit?
(03:33):
Yeah.
And you know, it kind of goesback to my, my original roots
and.
Part of those roots were havinghorses around.
I remember when my mom and Imoved to Connecticut and I was
probably about 13 or 14 orsomething, and I noticed that
there was a riding stable acrossthe street and I had grown up
with horses.
When I was young.
(03:54):
I would have my mom take me tothe barn, you know, in three
feet of snow.
I grew up in upstate New Yorkand.
It just felt good to me.
It was like my happy place andmy safe place because I never
knew kind of what I was gonnaget at home.
And the horses just, theyaccepted me and I felt
comfortable and it just, the,you know, the sense of them and
(04:14):
their energy and I didn'trealize why I felt so good at
the time.
Mm-hmm.
It just did, it just feltnatural.
It just felt good.
Mm-hmm.
And then when we moved toConnecticut, I was across the
street before the car evenstopped and begging the, you
know, grizzly old guy that ownedthe barn to let me clean stalls
just for the privilege ofriding.
Sure.
Which he did happily.
(04:35):
He's like, sure, come on kid.
I don't care.
Yeah.
As someone who's cleaned stallsbefore, I know that that's a big
deal.
Absolutely.
I.
I love it.
To this day, I still lovecleaning stalls.
Yeah.
I find it very sort ofmeditative and just quiet and,
you know but so horses justcontinued to be a thread.
I kind of got away from it for awhile in my, you know, teenage
(04:57):
years'cause I was doing othercrazy things.
But then they always would seemto weave themselves back in and.
I had an opportunity to, or,well, I saw an ad in the paper.
This is back in the seventies,right?
It was a long time ago.
Where they needed campcounselors and horseback riding
coaches or, you know,instructors for this camp, for
(05:18):
individuals with special needs.
So I wrote them a letter.
Put it in the mail, send it off,you know, old school, remember
letters, mailbox and all thatkind of stuff.
I kind of remember that.
Yes.
Stamped.
And long story short, I ended upgoing to summer camp and being
part of their therapeuticwriting program, which I didn't
even know what that was at thetime.
I just thought it was fun andinteresting and I went back
(05:40):
multiple summers to do the samething.
And that was kind of myintroduction into horses, being
able to.
Work with and as part of apartnership with, with.
People in general.
Mm-hmm.
Later on in life, I volunteeredat a therapeutic riding center
for real and actually knew whatit was.
(06:00):
And then I got into equinemassage because my heart is
really with the horses.
It's not that, it's not with thepeople.
Mm-hmm.
And so now it has evolved whereI can partner with horses and
people and bring a healingcontainer and atmosphere.
So that's kind of the, yeah.
And there was a lot of detoursalong the way.
Trust me.
'Cause you did some other, Ithink you were into real estate
(06:22):
investing and some other thingsI read in your Yeah.
Biography and stuff.
I get what you're saying aboutthe horses and what, like,
realizing like you didn'trealize what they were doing for
you because, I didn't havehorses as a kid, but as I grew
up and, it took me a while tofigure it out, but when I go to
the barn and I was reallystressed out, I'd feel better.
Mm-hmm.
(06:42):
And sometimes I, if I hadn'tgone to the barn to be around
the horses for a while, I'd getso like frustrated and stressed
out and like, I need to go tothe barn.
I finally figured it out.
Yes.
Those horses are helping me.
Just, just being, being around'em.
'cause yeah, I was nervous aboutriding, but just being around'em
(07:02):
and yeah, having that, you, youwalk into the barn and you hear
the knickers and hellos and, youknow, yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And they're communicating witheach other all the time and
they're, you know, they're justreally incredible beings.
So, here, here we are.
Back at the horses again.
Sorry.
Yes.
Here we are.
No, that's okay.
That's okay.
(07:23):
Let's talk about confidence alittle bit.
Mm-hmm.
Because that's kind of one of mynew, a little focus that I'm
working on with women inmidlife.
How do women find theirconfidence at this age?
Do you have any thoughts onthat?
Yeah, I think, you know, a lotof it has to do with identity
where, you know, women reach acertain age and they have, they
find themselves in this identitythat they've either maybe
(07:45):
outgrown or want to outgrow.
Mm-hmm.
Whether it be, you know, acorporate level, you know,
position or something, and.
Or having raised a family, whichis a huge deal.
Mm-hmm.
And now they're like, well, nowwhat do I do?
Right.
The kids are gone and now I'vebeen, you know, this CEO of the
(08:05):
home and now I just don't, youknow, they don't realize that
they have a lot of.
Skills that are transferableand, and I think that, you know,
it's interesting because I thinkmen sort of excel as they get
older in some ways where theyjust automatically have that
confidence.
And I think women, yes, there'sare a lot of powerful, confident
women out there, but I thinkwhen women reach their middle
(08:29):
age, they think, well, you know,what is left for me?
What do I, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna just kind of.
Be quiet and, and fade into thebackdrop.
So I think getting over that andrealizing, starting to regain
your curiosity and regain yourawareness of what really lights
(08:49):
you up.
And I work with people in thatregard.
We lose our curiosity, you know,we get in our routines, we get
stuck in our identities, we getall of this stuff, and then.
To like, you know, take off theglasses that are one identity
put on, you know, and look atthings with fresh eyes and start
being curious again.
(09:10):
Mm-hmm.
I think that can help peoplebuild their confidence.
Like, oh, there's a lot ofthings that I can do.
There's a lot of things thatI've put on the back burner that
I can take off the back burnernow because I have time, or I
have resources, or I havewhatever.
Mm-hmm.
So I think, you know, for me.
Helping people build theirconfidence is just helping them
(09:33):
build their curiosity and theirawareness mm-hmm.
Of what's going, you know,because there's so many things
that we see on a regular basisthat we.
Know, we're like, we just takeso many things for granted.
Yeah.
It's like if you start lookingat things like a little kid
would look at something, youknow, they'd be like, oh, that's
fantastic.
Ooh, that's so exciting.
You know, me, I have kind of aDHD and I think everything's
(09:54):
exciting all the time.
Yes, I totally have the squirrelsyndrome.
Yeah.
But we tend to push those thingsdown and not be curious about
things and be like, okay, I'vegotta just do this next thing.
Put one foot in front of theother, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Take care of this person, dothat.
And we put ourselves on the backburner.
Sure.
So when did this all happen foryou?
Or did, I'm assuming it didhappen for you because you're
(10:17):
doing these wonderful things.
Well, like I said before, Kim, Ithink it, it's not something
that happened overnight.
I mean, I, mm-hmm.
I've definitely evolved.
At one point in my life when Iwas living on the East coast, I
actually met someone who wassomeone different and kind of
outside of my.
(10:37):
Current scope of friends and soforth who challenged me to try
new things and, you know, andactually I moved across country
with them.
Mm-hmm.
And.
Started a new life and that wassort of a pivotal point for me.
And I was probably about 30, Iwas in my thirties, I think.
Mm-hmm.
And it really did change mylife.
(11:00):
Having that opportunity to betaken out of physically the
environment that I was in, thatwasn't the healthiest
environment for me.
Mm-hmm.
And be challenged by people whocame from different backgrounds
than I came from and haddifferent types of jobs that
were, you know, what I felt insome ways I had, you know, big
insecurity complex and I feltsort of like, I will say
(11:23):
inferior.
I mean it was hard for me to bearound people that, you know,
went to Ivy League schools andall that.
'cause that was not mybackground.
But it did.
Encouraged me to, you know, todo something different, to try
new things.
I started doing standup comedy.
I took acting classes.
I I went back to school, which,you know, okay, here's the
(11:43):
truth.
I quit high school twice becauseI just didn't.
I didn't fit in.
I didn't like it.
I was bored, remember of the ADHD thing.
I'm pretty sure I've been unundiagnosed all these years.
And I just wasn't challenged.
You know, I, my mom used to tellme that I was too smart, you
know, for my own good and, whichwas probably a little bit true.
So that gave me the opportunityto, you know, go back to school
(12:06):
and learn new stuff.
I got into technology.
All of a sudden I, you know, waslooking at, you know.
Careers that were in tech.
And so then I, I went intocorporate training and
instructional design for manyyears and had a, you know, six
figure career there.
And so it really, that was areal pivotal point for me.
(12:26):
It also then I started a more ofa spiritual journey.
I was exposed to energy work andspirituality and all of those
things, and it just keptlayering and layering and
layering to.
Force me to do some internalwork and some internal, you
(12:47):
know, self-evaluation andtherapy and all of that stuff
and peel back those layers andreally address some issues that
I was not addressing.
Yeah.
That's hard to do.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
When we get quiet withourselves, things get really
loud.
And I think that that is verychallenging for people.
(13:08):
I love that.
That's so true.
And as much as we wanna avoidit, if we wanna grow and change
and do mm-hmm.
We can't avoid that, thathappening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My goodness.
So let's go back to somethingyou mentioned,'cause it's really
interesting to me, the standupcomedy and acting.
Talk about that.
That sounds There's part of meterrifying, right?
(13:30):
Really cool.
Yeah.
Like, I wanna try that, butyeah.
So why, why that, you know well,I.
I've always had a very healthysense of humor, and it is
probably one of the biggestthings that has saved me from
all of my dark times.
That and horses.
Mm-hmm.
But I've always had a sense ofhumor and it used to be a lot
(13:50):
more biting and sarcastic andkind of like, not really nice,
right?
Mm-hmm.
But, but looking at the humorousside of life and, and looking at
yourself humorously and like.
It really does take a lot of theangst and the anger and all of
this stuff out.
It just deflates it becauselike, oh, you do something
(14:12):
stupid and you laugh at it.
It is like, okay, well, youknow, that's why a lot of
comedians do self-deprecatinghumor because.
It, it sort of deflates all thisstuff that they're dealing with
and, and, yeah.
And so I just took a couple ofstandup comedy classes and, and
it was part of the, you know,acting school that I was in.
Mm-hmm.
And it was just fun.
It was fun and improvisationalstuff was fun.
(14:34):
Like I said, I'm the type ofperson that if there's something
that I'm interested in mm-hmm.
I try it.
Yeah.
It doesn't mean that you have tobe, you know, put in the 10,000
hours and be, you know.
The next Rosie O'Donnell or youknow, whatever.
You don't have to do that, butat least explore those
opportunities and try it out.
(14:55):
I mean, did I wanna be a standupcomic and, no, not really.
It was horrifying to be, in theholding pen when you're waiting
for your opportunity to go up onstage for open mic nights.
It was just.
But I did it.
Oh my gosh.
Did.
And it was, it was fun.
And I, you know, I enjoyed it.
So could I go back and do it nowwhen I'm not so self-conscious?
Probably.
And I probably would have a lotmore fun with it.
(15:16):
Sure.
So, sure.
But it was a little horrifyingat the time.
I bet.
I bet.
It's like saying something andwait for people to laugh, like,
right.
Yeah.
But you, you brought up a reallygood point in there too, like.
I don't know if, because I'mcompetitive or just how I was
brought up or whatever, I wannabe the best at whatever I'm
doing.
Right.
But we don't have to be the bestat whatever we're doing because
(15:39):
we're doing it for ourselves.
Mm-hmm.
And I think you hit the nail onthe head there, is that.
Once again, if we go back to,you know, looking at things with
fresh eyes mm-hmm.
Nobody wants to be a beginner.
Right.
You said you wanna be the bestat it.
Mm-hmm.
Well, to be the best, you haveto start somewhere and you have
to really suck at what you'redoing first because you're not,
(15:59):
if you don't suck at it, you'renever gonna get better.
Right.
So people don't want to be.
They don't want to look like abeginner.
They don't wanna look foolish.
And that's another reason thatpeople don't try new things is
because I don't wanna looksilly.
Right.
I don't wanna, I don't wannalook like a beginner.
I don't know how to do that.
Well, great.
Learn how to do it.
(16:19):
That's the fun part.
Learning is the fun part.
Like I'm a lifelong learner.
I will try just about anythingand I have tried just about
anything.
Yeah.
Two years ago at 63, I decidedto learn how to play polo or
start playing taking pololessons.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Of course, I promptly fell offand shattered my wrist during a
polo match.
(16:40):
But you know, there's that.
There's that.
But it was fun.
I mean, the, the, you know, thep it was fun until then, right?
The street from me.
And even then it, that didn'tstop me.
I mean, I, you know, went back.
That stopped me for the season,for sure.
Yeah.
But, you know, then I went backand hopped up and do a little
stick and ball now and again.
(17:01):
That's so cool.
Yeah.
So, I mean, it, it really, yeah.
I think it's just like fear oflooking like a beginner and, and
it's okay.
And especially if you do have acompetitive nature.
And I think we all do.
I always say, oh, I'm notcompetitive until I get in a
competitive situation.
And then I'm like, yeah, I wannawin for sure.
(17:24):
Get outta my way.
Watch out.
It's my turn.
That's why I fell off the horse.
Oh no.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, so.
Sometimes, I think though, whenwe get into our midlife time, we
kinda lose that.
Some of those fears though,because, things like, if I go to
the store without putting makeupon, that used to be like a huge
(17:46):
thing.
If I go outta my house right,without makeup now I'm like, I
don't care.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
So do you think there's somepoint where we kind of, it's a
little easier to, to explore anddo those things'cause we lose a
little bit of that fear or maybewe're accepting of it or
something?
Yeah, and I think, you know,the, like what you're talking
about is like we, you know,like, well I don't care how I
(18:08):
look when I go to the grocerystore or whatever, is a little
bit different than tryingsomething new, right?
Like, yeah, yeah.
It was a bad example, but No,but I understand what you're
saying.
It's like we.
We give less of a, you know,what about things?
Yes.
In some ways, like, like we arewho we are and I think that it,
but it still takes a bit ofunderstanding and
(18:32):
self-confidence to not go put ona full face of makeup to go to
the grocery store.
Right.
And then I do think though thatyes, you're, you're right.
And I think that still.
We struggle trying to find thatextra oomph to like, we may not
care how we, you know, look whenwe leave the house, however, how
(18:56):
we look, you know, how we showup to try something new or to
actually take a step to, go in adifferent direction is a little
bit different.
'cause then that's like, okay,well I'm out of the house in
sweatpants, however, I, I am notready to jump out of an airplane
yet.
Right?
So baby steps, baby steps,right?
(19:17):
Baby steps.
And I think that you don't, notnot caring as much about what
people think is, is a healthything.
And, and I'm not saying thatyou, you know, look, have to
look like alumb all the time,but just, that does help you
with when you try something new,like, it's okay if I look silly.
Mm-hmm.
It's okay if I wanna takedancing lessons or, you know, go
to the boxing gym and don't knowhow to skip rope because I
(19:39):
haven't done it since I wasfive.
That was a true story.
So yes, I think that gettingmore grounded in our middle age
and being like, you know what,it doesn't matter.
Mm-hmm.
Is a big, is.
It's definitely a, a big plus.
Yeah, for sure.
And you said you're a pilot too?
Yes.
You do all these things?
I have done a lot of things andonce again, it comes from just
(20:02):
trying stuff.
Yeah.
And just, I.
Yeah, I that's so cool.
Someone gave me a, you know, oneof those free flight lessons,
and then I was like, okay, wellnow I wanna get my pilot's
license.
And they're like, well, that'snot exactly what I had in mind.
I thought you'd just have a funadventure.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna get my pilot's licenseand then I'm gonna buy a plane
because that's how I roll.
Oh gosh.
Did you have, do you have yourown plane?
(20:23):
I don't anymore, and I'm not,I'm not a current pilot.
I mean, I'll always have mypilot's license, but I'm, I'm
out of currency because if youdon't fly all the time, it.
It's a dangerous Yeah.
And you know, it's expensive toSure.
You know, bore holes in the skyfor no apparent reason.
Yeah.
So it's good.
Always good to have a purpose.
Oh my gosh.
So what, what's something youhaven't done yet that you wanna
(20:45):
do?
Oh, golly.
Gee.
Well, I don't really have abucket list.
I think, you know I would liketo travel more.
Mm-hmm.
And I would like to.
I, I wanna give back more.
Mm-hmm.
And I want to do something, andthis sounds kind of grandiose,
but I want to bring morepositive energy to the greater
(21:07):
good and the greaterconsciousness level to mm-hmm.
You know, raise up the vibrationof, I don't know if you wanna
say the universe, right.
So, I mean, just to continue tocontribute.
Positive energy and positiveactions to, you know, not just
help, you know, other women, butyes, help other women so that
(21:30):
they can do the same thing sothat they can, you know, be
empowered and, and do the thingsthat they love.
So, you know, I think travel andjust be a better person and
bring that energy to the greaterconsciousness.
Yeah, that sounds kind of woowoo, but love it.
I like woo woo.
We're all about the woo woohere.
(21:50):
Love the woo woo.
We love it.
Yeah.
We've talked about the horsesand your horse coaching.
Do you wanna share about that alittle bit more and maybe let
the listeners know where theycan find you and learn more
about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
So just, we've talked abouttherapeutic riding, but the
coaching that I do is all on theground, so there's no riding
experience, there's none ofthat.
(22:10):
And basically you're just beingwith the horse.
Now, for those of you who don'tknow, I will say really quickly
that horses, because I hear thisa lot of times, I'm afraid of
horses or somebody's had a quoteunquote bad experience with a
horse.
Horses are prey animals.
They're big.
Prey animals, but they are stillprey animals.
(22:31):
And because of that, theirnature is to be hyper aware of
their surroundings.
And they also connect withhumans because they're also herd
animals.
And when we're with them, we arepart of their herd.
So they do connect with us on avery heart-centered.
Level.
So it's all about thecommunication and how you show
(22:53):
up in relationship andactivities around that.
The horses are at liberty, sothey get to do whatever they
want and just be a horse.
And it teaches you a lot abouthow you're showing up and where
you are and, and how you arebeing, and also finding your,
your core and your center.
So it is very, very groundingthat way.
(23:15):
I also coach online.
As well without the horses,because I've developed a little
bit of a horse since over theyears.
And then I have retreats.
I have a retreat coming up inPaa Robles, California.
I don't know when this will willair, but that's gonna be in
mid-October.
Okay.
Of this year.
And.
Yeah, so you can findme@willoughbycoaching.com.
(23:37):
Okay.
I'm also on Instagram at SueWilloughby and you know,
Facebook and the other things aswell.
But those are the two mainplaces where I hang out.
Oh, and I also have a podcast,midlife Strategies for Badass
Women.
There you go.
Love it.
Love it.
Yes.
That's awesome.
We'll put the links to yourwebsite and your podcast in the
show notes for people.
(23:57):
Sounds great.
Yeah.
Is there any, I don't, I justwanna keep talking to you.
We can have a part two, we canhave a little mini series.
Yes, yes.
But before we say, say goodbyeto the listeners, is there any
one last message you wanna sharewith them?
Be curious, regain yourcuriosity and your sense of
(24:18):
awareness.
You know, even if you're goingthe same path to work or to the
store, or to whatever, you know,maybe take a different path or
notice some things that you mayhave just taken for granted and
never noticed before.
Look at things with fresh eyes,and I think it'll give you a
different perspective on life.
Love it.
Wonderful.
(24:38):
Sue, thank you so much fortalking with me today.
Thank you.
Really enjoyed this.
You, it's been a pleasure.
Yeah.
So hug those horses and I willtalk to you soon.
Sounds great.
Thanks Kim.
You've been listening to theMidlife with Courage Podcast.
If you liked what you heard, Iwould love it if you would leave
me a review or even better senda link of this episode to a
friend.
(24:58):
Until next time, take care ofyour beautiful self.
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