AKWARD Bedroom Stories | MADHD EP48 | - Mike and Dylan HATE! Drama

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Bear nimble bound down like a delineate drama, but the bow.
Wow. Oh yeah, let me shoot my fat ass
down boy. Welcome.
God I love that I can cuss. In the 1st 7 seconds.
Because all the platforms we putthis on, YouTube's the only one
that's like a bitch. And they're like, oh.
That we put this on you. Yeah, don't, don't, don't cuss

(00:20):
in the 1st 7 seconds and I'm just like, why would you make me
time my vocabulary, buddy? For for advertisers.
Welcome back to another episode of Mike and Dylan hate hating
drama. The only place where you know
accidental racism is welcome. Is that the only place?
Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

(00:41):
I don't see a lot of signs thesedays so.
Signs like. What the?
I think the. Only.
What do you mean? Whites only signs or what signs?
No, that's not accidental racism.
That is, That is racism on purpose.
I don't like that. All right?
I just like imagine a, a, a world.

(01:03):
I want you to also imagine listening.
Imagine a world. close your eyes.
All right? Unless you're at work and
around, Yeah. On a forklift or something.
Keep your eyes open. Keep your eyes up so you don't.
Just imagine that you're closingyour eyes.
Yeah, imagine that you're closing your eyes, OK?
And you have a white guy, black guy, an Asian guy.
That's like a Netflix show, OK? And everybody is sitting around

(01:27):
talking shit about each other, you know, black guys talking
about how the white guy doesn't,you know, season his food.
Yeah, his food. Which, look, I think that is a
Northeast white thing because they'll talk about raisins and
potato salads. I've never had that.
I have went to a, What do you call it?

(01:48):
It's the ham place. Ham Place.
Honey baked ham. Honey baked ham.
Yeah. I went there and I got some
chicken salad. And the chicken salad was like,
for like a pint of it was like $13.
And I was happy. And I opened it up and that
bitch had dates in it. And I was like, look, when in

(02:09):
Rome. And I took a bite and I was
promptly returning that chicken salad That was.
I was like, what? What the fuck is that?
Like you? How about when I order some
chicken fucking salad instead ofputting it on a menu, say hey
chicken salad don't eat. We we throw that we in that with
dates. How do I have that as like a
second option? Well, I mean, that's what all

(02:29):
Chick-fil-A salads are like withfucking, you know, Mandarin
oranges and fucking blueberries.And are you talking about?
That fruit cup. No.
And they're salads and they're salads.
The ones that my wife gets always have like a bunch of
fruit in the fucking salad. And I'm like, why would you put
fruit in a salad? But that's look, when you're
ordering a salad, obviously, like I guess they're whatever in

(02:53):
there. I don't give a fuck.
See, I think it, I think it's just a specific group of white
people that that falls into because I was from the Northeast
and my mom's we were. From the country like we have
talked about this that there arebut.
My mom's flavor of choice was put bacon and cheddar cheese and
everything. So like and I'm sorry but like

(03:14):
southern people's potato salad is trash.
It's like got mustard in it and it's gross.
That's garbage. My mom's potato salad has bacon
and cheese in it. That's a loaded.
That's a loaded. Potato.
No, it's just a fucking potato. Salad.
No, it is not. That's a loaded.
That's how all potato salad should come.
Because. Well, I also enjoy the one that
has, you know. Mustard in it.
Mustard onion. It has a relish in it.

(03:38):
And egg. And there's loaded potato salad.
And then there's potato salad. There should only be one with
the bacon and the cheese in. It and some they don't put
mustard in there, but you shouldnot be able to taste the mustard
when you put that in potato salad.
And I I am a pretty anti macaroni salad guy.
Do you put sour cream and mayonnaise in your mashed

(03:59):
potatoes? Yeah, I mean, I I would be happy
to. I I mean I don't really eat
mashed potatoes often but if I do usually has cheese and sour
cream on it. So my wife's never.
My wife's dad eats like a toddler and one day I alluded to
the fact that there was mayonnaise and sour cream in the

(04:20):
potato salad or in the mashed potatoes that he loves and he
was like what? And I was like, does it change
for you now? Does it change for you now that
are they no longer good? Shut the fuck up.
See, I just like flavors. You know how annoying it is?
He was like, I just tried a chili cheese dog and it was
delicious. I was like, oh good job buddy,
good job. Wow, you are 60 years old.
Good job. Pat him on the belly.

(04:41):
I'm like, who's who's trying something different?
And then chicken Nuggets and Doctor pepper.
You, you tasted a pepper and it was delicious. yo-yo, you did.
Jesus Christ. He had a heart attack too.
And I'm just like I and he doesn't smoke.
So it's like just from food. And I'm just like, brother,
imagine having a heart attack from bad foods that weren't

(05:03):
good. Like if, if I'm, if I have a
heart attack and they're like, it's from all the steak and
chili cheese dogs and hamburgersand all this shit that you're
eating. I'm OK with that.
Yeah, I fucking achieved something with that.
I ate good food so much. How does, how does that make

(05:23):
third world country feel that I we can die from eating delicious
foods like that we die from that's a fucking badge of honor,
bro, that we die from eating delicious foods.
But imagine having a heart attack and they're like, yeah,
because you eat. Too many chicken Nuggets and.
He loves microwave like some bossy sausages too which I mean
are good, but he eats it at an extent where that's his chicken

(05:46):
nugget bratwursts. We had hot dogs and bratwursts
for dinner tonight. Jessica couldn't eat.
She couldn't eat the hot dogs, she says.
They're gross. And then she got a cheddar worst
and I was like. That's what I'm saying, man,
like fuck RFK, bro. Like, look, if you want to eat
healthy, let them eat healthy. I I get it.

(06:08):
Take off the like the heart health on the Lucky Charms that
did that always used to be like a preposterous thing.
When you look up the old food pyramids and it has like, you
know, Kellogg's cereal above steak and eggs and show like
that. I'm just like, that's not I get
that. I think we're in enough
knowledge. I think people have enough
knowledge now where they're not like my kid eats healthy, eats
heart healthy, you know, Cheerios followed by some whole

(06:32):
grain, you know, fucking flaminghot Cheetos.
Like he's he has a balanced diet.
I don't think. I think we're past that.
Yeah, I think people have the knowledge.
But if if I want to eat my shitty foods, I could eat my
shitty foods. Like you.
He got to do heroin for like 16 years, bro.
Nobody said a God damn thing. Nobody was like, hey, man, you
should not do heroin, all right?I should be allowed to.

(06:55):
I guess people close to him, youknow, I guess that is also like,
nobody's held an intervention with me yet.
I was like, Mike, we know you love steak bud, but.
I don't think there's any problem with steak.
It's, it's the problem with steak is how we have gotten away
from that steak has to travel from fucking Texas on a feed lot
instead of coming from, you know, Concord where there was

(07:17):
just some cows in the field downhere that ate predominantly the
actual ship that they'd normallyeat instead of corn.
Like I think that's where the. Also think people into it, I
get, I get that problem and I respect that problem.
But I also think people need to realize that we do have to feed
7 billion fucking people 350 million in America.

(07:37):
Like you do have to kind of makethe process a little bit
quicker. But having local food does not
make it. It makes.
It so way quicker. Look, I'm local.
It's way way easier way. No, not when animals just like
take so long to grow and shit like that.
Once again, I don't. To like it's the same amount of
time. Is it the same amount of time I
thought they made like the steroids?
Up by doing the corn feed and like they.

(07:59):
But it's, it's the same amount of time, but they speed it up.
I'm just saying I don't know thescience behind it.
Listen, I just know there's a bunch of fucking people to feed.
This is what I'm talking. About eating far more meat than
we ever have before I. Don't give a fuck, let me die.
Let me carotid marteries have whatever carotid marteries let
me do that. I do.
The thing I don't get is just like, you know, the guys that

(08:20):
jog and they they live the if they won't touch anything bad
and they're just like I want to make it to I'm 100.
Why why you want to make it to 100 dog?
I want to I want to live a nice little 50 and get out.
You know what I'm saying? Like 50.
I had a good time. I did some things.
I beat my I beat my meat a couple times.
I'm gone. My time is over.

(08:41):
Beautiful chef's kiss. 50 years old past that like once, once
I'm, you know, 70 and I got this, you know, this thing
that's going on and you know, I'm forgetting some things and
shit like that. Because you can work out and you
get dementia. You get dementia.
That's that's it. You get Alzheimer's.
You get Alzheimer's. Whether it's, you know, the food

(09:02):
we're eating or just, you know, old people.
I've never seen an 80 year old that was like, fuck yeah.
Glad I woke up another day. I haven't fuck all that.
They can keep that. They can keep that they came
from a different. Time.
I mean if you felt like 1,000,000 bucks then why the
fuck would you want to get out? What do you mean?
Like if you were 80 and you're just like, still fucking.

(09:22):
I don't know, I guess also too we like society now is just you
don't retire, you know, like now.
Yeah, trickle down economics works its way through.
We're going to be able to retire.
We're going to have tons of money there.
Look, Dylan has a little drink. A drink.
Yeah, he's bringing out the politics.

(09:42):
Here we go. And that's why I'm saying, look,
the reptile people that came here during the time of the
pyramids, that if they would have just said, hey, this is how
you do it. And they would have, you know,
taken some pictures and left them here and been like, we're
going to come back if y'all fuckit up are.
Reptile people on the right or the left now I don't know
because like back in the day it used to be like a lefties idea.

(10:05):
Was that all? The yeah, they did bro, party
switch, the party switch. It has been fucking crazy
because the fastest party switchI've seen was big pharma because
for a long time it was the left.They you know, the
Pharmaceutical industry is really bad.
Fuck them guys and shit like that.
And then the medicine COVID vaccine came out and it just
like completely farty, farty, farty flipped, farty flipped.

(10:26):
Yeah, farty flipped people to where, you know, they didn't
want to take. And now you're right.
Yeah, it was like a big, it was a like, we don't like the
government lizard people. And then now it's, I don't know,
Republicans are like lizard people, but not our lizard
people. But it's so fucking weird, man.

(10:47):
Politics is for corny. Can somebody put farty flip in
the in the comments so that we can get that one going?
Yeah, let's get that going as a farty.
Plan what do? We do for two daddies.
I forgot what it was, especiallyM movich Movich.
I want to say Maury Povich, but I just said movich.
I shortened it up. I made I made some slang right

(11:08):
there. Movich.
It is hard to say Maury Povich abunch of times when we were
talking about Maury Povich. So I mean, I guess that's good.
Look, Mike and Dylan hate drama or yeah, that was the name of
it. We talk a lot about we give
advice, OK, we give life advice.But then we also have a
surrounding podcast where we don't talk about fucking
anything of substance to make you like to let it not be known

(11:30):
that if you listen to our adviceand then you die, you cannot sue
us because any any reputable judge District Attorney is going
to listen to this podcast and they'll be like they listen to
the advice off of this off of this fucking thing.
A he said farty plip OK, when hewas talking about reptile
people. I don't think I don't think
that's the guy you listen to. Fuck, that's a long one.

(11:51):
This one says should I be looking?
I don't know should you? But they look.
Our guys know how to title it because of how much shit I talk
about Fucking title. Don't give it away.
Don't, don't don't be like, am Ithe asshole for punching my wife
because she was trying to drown my kids at a bathtub?
Just put it as am I the asshole for punching my wife?
There we go. Yeah, at bath time.

(12:13):
There you go. While while she gave my kids a
nice warm bath, but she was holding hold them under the
water trying to murder them. All right, good morning gentle
sirs. Mike and Dylan.
First off, I'm sorry I missed the Denny's reach around event.
I couldn't think of a good pitchto my wife.
They didn't sound super SUS. Secondly, I'm in a current
predicament of whether I should be looking for a new job.

(12:34):
I have a job currently I manage a small warehouse, always pool
work, receive shipments, manage inventory and clean the
warehouse, push a broom. The only person I have to manage
is myself there and other employees working in the
warehouse, which gives me a lot of great appreciation or
appreciated freedom and autonomy.
I live 5 minutes from my job andget to go home for lunch every
day. I get off of working time to
pick my son up from school if need be.

(12:54):
I get to see my wife for a couple of hours each day before
she has to go to work. My boss is great.
He wholeheartedly trusts me to do my job and does not
micromanage me. He works in another building and
checks on me occasionally. He also doesn't mind if I leave
work to take care of my of any small family emergencies.
I get 3 day weekends every week.The downside is is that I'm not

(13:15):
getting my full 40 hours. I get paid around $40,000 a
year, probably less of hours. I've been at my job for at least
three years now. The other day I got an ND
notification about a job a little further out.
I go in later in the morning andI won't get off in time to get
my son from school, or I won't, or I won't get to see my wife
through the week. I won't get a three day weekend
anymore. I won't be able to come home for
lunch. However, the job

(13:35):
responsibilities are basically what I do now and it pays almost
double of what I make now. Naturally, I talked to my wife
about it. Her thinking was the same as
mine. It would be nice for you to make
more money, but I enjoy the timeI get to spend with you.
We are able to make ends meet, but really can't afford to do
much else. Hanging in the area like a hair
on a biscuit. I could have sworn that shit was
supposed to get cheaper, but somehow it's only gotten more

(13:57):
expensive. A little a little dig, little
dig at the Also, I've been living in NC since I was in 3rd
grade. My parents made a big move from
South Carolina to North Carolinawhen I was a kid.
Good move. Grandparents 38, male.
What would you guys do? Also, fun fact, if you change
the word girl girl into a in a song to squirrel, it makes the

(14:18):
song sound so much better, IE Jesse Squirrel.
Keep up the good work fellas. There's a little tidbit in there
you can both for girl and it's still rhyme.
Squirrel. Yeah.
Swapping out everywhere. Right.
Look at all these politicians, fucking young squirrels, man God
damn. We should really fucking we
should do something about that. Make them send out that list.

(14:40):
Fucking squirrel, little squirrel fuckers.
That's a look. That's what we're going to do
from now on anytime I squirrel fuckers yeah about like the
Epstein list or something like that or fucking pedo
politicians. I'm just going to be like
squirrel fuckers and then peoplehere will know because they've
listened to the episode. But people who just TuneIn are
going to be like, he has a random passion about something

(15:02):
that I do not think goes on thatmuch, yeah.
I do not think people are out there.
Fucking little squirrels. That much I mean, I assume that
it does happen, but I think thisis like a really niche thing to
be to be mad about when little do they know, apparently it's a
big thing. God bless.
Man, it is a little thing then, so little that the all of it was
made-up. You know, since this is real

(15:22):
advice, I'll let Dylan answer this advice.
I mean, my whole thing is, is life is the most important part.
Like money is cool and yes it will allow you to do some stuff,
but how much are you? How many things are you giving
up to get that, you know, doublepay, Yes, double pay sounds
great. However, how much are you

(15:43):
willing to sell off? You know, seeing your wife all
the time, being able to pick your kid up from school, leaving
for family emergencies, being able to, you know, dip in and
out pretty nonchalantly? That's not most jobs.
So yes, the money's great. But at the same time, is it
worth losing all of what you had?
It felt like you had listed far more things you'd give up than

(16:04):
things that are advantageous to the new job.
My dream scenario, like with thepodcast and the skits that I do,
is just get to a place where I have just enough to survive.
And that's my dream scenario. So, you know, I love what I do.
I love making podcasts. I love making skits and stuff
like that. I fuck it.
I just love spending time with my family.
I love being at home and it's what I like to do.

(16:28):
Look, being rich from what people say is it would be, you
know, really, really fucking fun.
But at the end of the day, I'm like, man, I just want to do the
things that I love to do and be able to go see my family and
not, you know, worry about billsand stuff like that.
If you're able to achieve that now, man, I'd say stick with
what you got because if you are truly happy, that's all that
matters, man. Like and you will find that out

(16:50):
once you go to somewhere else and you're like, when the fuck
it's harder. They said, you know, we only
work Monday through Friday, but now we're working, you know,
Saturday or Sunday because you don't know what the what the
place is really like until you get there.
On the baseline of what they sayis not going to be the baseline.
Because I just had a job interview for a first shift job
and I get down there and they'relike, it's a second shift job.
And I was just like, I will see myself out guys.

(17:14):
This was said it was for first because immediately she knew
what she would like the lady because it's like a group of
people. They're doing like a group
hiring event for a company that I said on here before was a
really good place to work. Apparently shit has changed
because I'm sitting in there forone.
They have us meet at 12:00. She doesn't come in until 12:45.

(17:37):
I'm like, what the fuck is this?But are we getting, is this like
a police interview where they'relike, we're going to make them
sweat for like 45 minutes? Yeah, we're just in there and
they're talking about like, you know, shit's a lot harder.
There's a guy who was working there.
He has not worked there for likea month.
He quit a month ago, and they'remaking them do the hiring
process again. And he was like, yeah, you know,

(17:57):
they had this new thing. They merged, or I think they
merged with another company. I have no clue.
But it's like the system that they have now where it's to kind
of make sure that we're not losing time.
He's like, it fucking sucks. It's like if I shit's changed.
And when I walked through there,the first time I had ever
interviewed there, like I said, I went through there and then I

(18:18):
decided to, I got the, you know,supervisor job at a box shop.
The first time I went through there, it was lackadaisical.
People were like fucking listening to music, just
strolling around this time. Militant.
Yeah, just boots the asses. Like, yeah, they were fucking
getting it. So I was like, oh, a little bit
different, you know, I'm coming off the couch.
It's been been a minute since I've been in the factory.

(18:39):
This will be a little bit tough,but you know what, Mike can get
healthy. I sit down as soon as she walks
in there and she's like, I do want to just be clear with
everybody. This is for 2nd shift
opportunities and they only havea first and 2nd shift right now.
And I was like, so you lied to me.
And I'm once again, look, I'm not going to sit here.
I'm not going to waste my time. I don't care how shit looks.

(19:01):
She was like, I just want to tell everybody to know there's a
second shift opportunity. I raised my hand.
I was like, they said it was forfirst shift.
She was like, I know, but this is for 2nd shift.
And I was like later. They then send me an e-mail.
This is the funniest part. They send me an e-mail and
they're like, we really respect you putting in the application,
but we, you're not a good choiceat this time.
I'm like, I don't you bitch. Like I'd said you weren't good

(19:25):
enough. Imagine, you know, breaking up
with somebody and then they're like, well, you know what?
I don't love you anymore. I was like, that's good.
I just I broke up with you though, and it was.
Like I know that they didn't give a shit any which way.
They literally just were like, Oh yeah, send out all the
emails. And so if you weren't hired,
then you were not you. Were going to shit though, bro,
because there was just the the crowd that I was with.

(19:46):
Look, that's one thing about me too, is I can interview my ass
off. I know all I've been supervisor.
I know all the right things to say, even if you don't mean it.
I know all the right things to say.
And I looked around and I was just like, well, they were
probably going to hire. 3/4 of the people that were there,
they, they do these fucking group interviews and I guess now
it's like a if you make it, you make it.

(20:07):
If you don't, you don't. Because once again, it was very
boots to asses there. People did not look like they
were having a good the first time it was like, you know,
we're having a good time, we're getting things done.
And they were like, yeah, you know, we up upstairs, they're
saying, hey, you know, don't push people too hard.
Now they're like fucking you work, you work and you will like
it. And if you don't like it, you
can fucking leave. Amazon gets away with it.

(20:27):
We can too. Right, Yeah, things things had
changed. So I was pretty good going out
of that one that had another one, another one, and this one
was going well. Once again, Mikey knows
everything to say back-to-back stations.
He shows me. That's the one thing too is like
we get there, we interview a little bit and he's like, I want
to I want to show you the show on the floor.

(20:48):
I'm I'm talking them up and he'slike, I want to show you the
show on the floor. So we go first station, we go to
someone's like dog. And I was like, oh, hey, you
know, And he's like, oh, you guys know each other.
And he was like, oh, he makes like content on the Internet.
And I'm just like, fuck, why would you?
Yeah, why, Why say that out loud?

(21:10):
So then we go to the next stage.She's like, oh, what kind of
content do you make? And I was like, I'll just make
like, you know, comedy. Look, when I say a couple jokes,
he's like, oh, OK, so a lot of people must know you then for
making that. And I'm like, yeah, so the next
day should we go by, he was like, oh, fuck.
And he says felonious falafel. I'm like you said, my name.
Call me out. He was like, I love.
Me to work I was like, I'm not going to be able to now.
Yeah, they're going to look at it and bro was just like he was

(21:32):
the guy interviewing me was justlike hell yeah.
Never heard from him again because I guarantee he goes
baby. But yeah, who was that guy?
Oh man, let me show you. He's like watching like, you
know what Steve, Fuck you suck my Dick, Steve.
I'm going to rape you. No, Mike.
Oh God, that's really. You guys see how the sausage is

(21:53):
made? That's really a skit that I've
done. I fucking I did bend my
supervisor over in a skit and just plow him, which to us is
funny. Oh good, have a good time To The
guy who's trying to hire me is just like, God damn, what?
Is that based on real events? Right?

(22:13):
I don't want to get bent over I.Smack a guy with a textbook and
he's just like fucking, you know, like a procedures, a book
of procedures. There's all sorts of shit where
you show it on there. Terrible, terrible.
So you don't know how it's goingto be.
We'll see until you start working I.
Think you've got trauma from when you tell your youngest son
to SH and so you couldn't just SH?

(22:36):
Yeah, I was like, man, if I tellhim show he's going to start
whooping my ass. All right, we're going to get
into the next bit of advice here, but yeah, so that did not
it didn't go well for me. Yeah, the about said the name of
the company. I'll start.
I almost said it. People can have that.
They can have the office. Yeah, the office.

(22:57):
There you go. But I will let y'all know though
if I was to be like yeah I'll sign on to this 12 hour 2nd
shift. That's it dog.
Like I'm a A. Full time warehouse.
Employee full house warehouse full time warehouse employee.
All right, so the title is advice on getting off on time.

(23:17):
And then just start beating yeahwith enough time that you know
are. You using your good hand to do
it? Like maybe you need to add a
little bit of Vaseline to. It on Lube or dry?
What are we doing? The good thing with Vaseline
though is you use it, you nut, and then you nut while trying to
get it off of you. So 2 rounds?
Yeah, Hell yeah. 2 rounds and for the price of 1.

(23:39):
The message is my dearest Dylan and Mike.
Well fuck this guy. I need help getting off and
advice for my anxiety. I tried to just not have it but
it doesn't seem to work for thissituation.
Well, I'm gonna need it to work.Bitch.
Yeah, go outside and fucking what do What do people call it
earthing or whatever where you go out?
I mean, you fucking put your feet on the ground and then the
electricity or something takes all the eggs out.

(24:00):
That's. What it's called when you're
sunning your butt hole. Like charging?
Yeah, that's what we that's whatwe're going to tell you to do.
I'm not even going to read your fucking story.
You can go outside and put your feet on the grass and put your
butt hole to the sun. Get the fuck over it.
All right, so situation I-35 male started talking to this
woman 45 female who recently moved.
She apparently needed help setting up her Internet at 2100

(24:25):
at night. Did you drink the beer or did I
drink? It which I found weird.
What do you talk about? You're keep like burping or
something like. That brother I had some my wife
made, like the KFC Famous Bowls.It's just talking back to me
right now. This is like, it's there a
little bit of GERD. As a former Internet installer,
it wasn't a big deal. She offered wine.

(24:47):
I quit drinking recently but went to set it up anyway.
She said if I drink I'd be staying the night for safety.
You have to be putting two and two together.
You have to. She's like doing like the
fucking runway to her pussy right now.
So you got to, you got to be picking up on that.
Well, on the way there she ran out of wine.
So I stopped and grabbed 2 bottles, one red, 1 white JIC

(25:08):
just in case. OK I get there and I set up the
Internet in 3 minutes. Like I said she could do it and
I walk her through it as well asthe instructions provided.
Well she offers watching Happy Guilmore 2.
Only TV is in her bedroom so we turn it on.
I press play and it is on all caps.
I'm glad Mike gave the cunnilingus advice, I knew it
helped one person. She had a few orgasms and even a

(25:32):
nice spit of squirt. A nice sip of squirt.
Much better fresh versus the canned stuff.
What the fuck am I reading, brother?
I mean, at least he prefers all natural.
Like that's where I had the canned stuff.
Yeah, I just, I'll, I just looked at the preservatives and
I was like, Nah, Nah, they're putting.

(25:52):
Up with sugars in this they're. Putting that trans, the trans
squirt in there now and then. I don't like that.
I tried to make a trans fat joke.
It didn't come off. It didn't come off well.
But look, we're going to leave it there down, all right?
After an hour and a half of her getting her reward, we take a
break. She seemed to upset it was
taking so long. Even tried butthole pressure
while slobbering on the knob. Nothing.

(26:14):
Still holding like a Chevy truck, like a rock, with the
help of a pill and a half of SIDINAFIL Sid sidenophil.
I. Don't know, I think it might be
a joke but I just don't know that word.
She just really wanted to get meto finish.
I thought about just faking it but I explained I normally need

(26:35):
a nap to reset. She gave it another good try and
we give up. Next morning I gave an OK
weanering, finally got her done and got her a mayonnaise Dick.
How do I get to where I can havea normal length session where I
feel so stressed or embarrassed to take so long and am able to
get a good night's sleep? Only thing I can think of is
starting earlier but I have things to do in the day and

(26:56):
don't want to waste 4 hours again.
Love the long form. I'd like to see mom showing dad
how to play Yugi man game. Just basic.
I couldn't do that. Now I just don't know shit about
card games, but it was interesting listening to someone
talk about what they are passionate about Pokémon box
shop, cameras, cunnilingus, lighting, anything.
We love the passion and staying true to yourself.

(27:17):
Look at that. And after the last episode where
I was just like, listen, we're in Mike's villain arc.
We are well, we have entered theera where even my most
passionate like people that are going to stand by me are going
to be like Mike, stop, you got to fucking stop, man.
But that, that feels like a they're going to listen to the

(27:38):
last episode. Like, fuck, I really hope they
don't read that afterwards, Dale, like where I'm just like,
keep going like you do you, because we are going to talk
about, you know, just, I don't know, I'm just not, I don't give
a fuck anymore, man. I gave a fuck at one point and I
was just like, you know what? I want to do things positively,
you know what I'm saying? I don't want to hit on like, you
know, dark stuff and do all thisstuff because that's the easy

(28:01):
route. And fuck all that shit, man,
fuck all that shit. Anything's on the table.
A lot of things. Some of it's pretty dark.
Some of, you know, some jokes that involve children on an
island. Sometimes, you know, at first I
would be like, you know, I want to be respectful.
Fuck all that shit. I'm not being respectful
anymore. What you got to do, man, is you

(28:23):
just got to beat it down, man. And if she'll call you like you
don't like a good time, like I don't know how you get yourself
to come faster. I've never had that problem like
I think. He might have probably, he
probably, it's just probably like a, you know, a first time
thing. Once you get into it and you
kind of get rhythm with the girl, you'll probably be able to
do it easier. See, I've never, like had an it.

(28:43):
Like the only time that I'd suffer from that is when like
I'm trying to speed it up. If I'm just in it, I can pretty
much like choose when it happens.
That's what. Yeah.
But like, if I'm not in it and like, like say we're in a rush
to do it, then I'm like, fuck, Ican't do it.
I used to tell you about time too.
Now, now I'm just like, look, I'm gonna eat it till she come.
I'm gonna do that till she come and then I'm done.

(29:05):
Like I'm, I'm we're out and I'm going to sleep.
At first I was like, I like to, I like to take it slowly.
I like to have an event. Now I'm just like, I'm a dude.
And there's time and place for that still in like a marriage,
but like it's not every single fucking time.
Like you've you've proven what you can do And like, sorry, this
isn't the Super Bowl. We're not playing that that game
this time. I'm.
Going to tell you though, it's not a big of a problem as you

(29:26):
think it is because it's way better and then y'all just start
and then you're just like. Well, the whole thing is though,
it's like, it is like you don't necessarily have to come every
time, like a lot of women don't.You don't have to like in.
Wait, women are supposed to come?
Oh fuck, fuck at the Super. Bowl the 11 game a year.

(29:48):
Let. Me tell you the funniest fucking
story because you just said that.
So one night I am laying in bed.All right, this is back Once I
say the once I say the Super Bowl name, y'all are going to
know the date of this. I don't remember how long ago it
was, but I'm laying in bed and Iam sleeping.
Listen, I look guys like to be waking up with blowjobs.

(30:09):
That's what they think they like.
OK, I like I love sleep when I'msleeping, I enjoy sleep.
OK, I get she's trying to be allcute and shit like that.
So she comes in there and startsgiving me some head and stuff
like that. In my brain, though, I'm still
like half conscious. So in my mind, we are having sex
in a stadium. There's no people there.
We're just on the 50 yard line. And then she gets on top and

(30:33):
starts riding it. And once again, like, my eyes
are closed, brother. I am half in of it, half in it,
half out. The Broncos and Seahawks are
about to play in the Super Bowl.OK, so like, we're doing it and
everything like that. And I say what I think is real
fucking smooth because in my brain you're in the stadium.
Yeah, I'm in this fucking stadium.

(30:55):
And I I asked her. I'm like, so girl, who do you
think's going to win the Super Bowl?
And she's like, what? And I'm like, who do you think's
going to win that? She's like Michael.
And I'm like, she's like, where you sleeping?
She's like, why the fuck would you ask me then?
And she like, gets off. And I was like, what's wrong?
Come on, let's fucking finish. Like we're already doing it.
Now I'm awake, now I'm like withHarnold, she's like you just, I

(31:17):
don't know, I'm like sitting here doing all the shit and you
just ask me who's going to win the Super Bowl?
I was like, yeah, I thought I was on the 50 yard line having
in my brain that was fucking smooth as fuck.
Because at this point too, I don't know why she's like laying
next to me, but she's still riding in real life, but she's
like laying next to me and I'm like, so because we had just got
done having sex and I was like, so who do you think's going to
win the Super Bowl? It's like a joke.

(31:38):
Like, that's smooth as fuck, butif a girl's just trying to have
sex with you and Middlesex, you're just like, so you think
it's going to the Super Bowl. She got turned off by that.
And I was just like, well, maybeyou should probably not do it.
Maybe you should wake me up. Like wake me up, wake me up
instead of like, well, I'm stillsleeping because you're going to
hear some crazy shit in the dream.
She tried it one time too. I I had been drinking and I

(31:59):
don't drink and like I'm fuckingstupid drunk and she's like, so
I'm like on top. I was just like trying to
survive. I was like and she's like, well,
I'm like move one way and my titty like right here goes above
her mouth and she blows a big Raspberry on it.

(32:32):
This is how we were too. We couldn't stop laughing.
We just went to sleep like because I was just like, I have
no energy to like get up. I fucking just did.
Yeah. So I was just like, look, if I'm

(32:56):
sleepy, I'm just going to go to sleep because it's not going to
be good for anybody. You could, you could flick the
old bean if I am just not awake enough to do it.
Yeah, man, that was that. And it was one of those, you
know, one of those laughs where you're like, fuck, I haven't
laughed like that in a long time.
Where you, you're like, I could die.

(33:16):
I could die from that. I haven't had one since I had
watched that. Billie Eilish when she gets the
whole crowd to quiet down. Somebody farts.
Yeah, and then just that little.And that's not why it gets to be
the laughest, the people that are laughing without trying to
make noise and you can fucking hear it.
I love a good fart. And then also to the Oppenheimer

(33:38):
fart where it's like 321. And then everybody in the crowd
like, actually laughs. What's in the movie?
Yeah, you never seen that one? I'm gonna show it to you real
quick. Where's?
In that, Yep, I'm showing it to.This one's easy.
Oh, man, this is AI. Which is crazy, because I didn't
see the Oppenheimer fart until after I saw Billie Eilish.

(33:58):
The Billie Eilish fart? Yeah.
And then when is that German? You can handle the truth.
I can handle the truth. So, Mike, you found it?

(34:21):
They had to do that on purpose. Oh yeah, the person farting,
Definitely. They waited for that countdown
and then there's in there. Do you think Billie Eilish did,
though? Standing in a concert?
I don't think you would let thatone slip on purpose.
Billie Eilish didn't fart though.
I know I'm saying like the somebody in the crowds.
Knowledge definitely they they knew it was super quiet in there
so they let out the little poop man.

(34:42):
It's so good because imagine, imagine she hears it.
Because if I'm on stage singing and I get everybody to quiet and
it's so quiet in there and I hear I'm fucking like I'm on the
ground laughing, I'm not going to be able to finish that
fucking concert. See, that's one of the worst
parts about going to a concert though, is because like,
everybody knows that you can't like pinpoint who does it.
And so like literally all most concerts just smell like ass

(35:04):
because somebody's in there likefucking ripping it down.
And I'm like, why? Like we all have to breathe this
like fucking stale air already. And then like, it's stinky,
sweaty. Air that's been breathed through
a. 1000 times you're going to shit yourself in here and like,
not just once, like repeatedly. I had some Taco Bell before I
came. It's right there beside the
venue. There's always a Taco Bell right

(35:25):
there beside the venue. So then, you know, they get all
the business and then all the people go to fucking so
miserable. It is, It is a pretty bad
experience. There was this one girl, this is
back in me, little one brothers.She's a big girl too, and.
They need loving too. They do.
That's what I'm saying. So I was just like, you know,

(35:45):
she was like going through her insecurities and stuff like
that. I was like, well, me, they ain't
got to be in securities girl because it's only going to last
one night anyways, but so you ain't got to worry.
All right, You know, in a bit ofa dry spell.
So I got to get something. So she's just like, OK, let's
go. And I was like, you know, she's
got big boobs. So that's what I was I was like,

(36:07):
well, that's the focus of today's session.
OK, so we get into the room and I don't like fake sexy, you know
what I'm saying? If we're going to have sex,
let's fuck and everything like that.
But she's like trying to be sexywhile she gets on the bed and
her I guess her pants were a little bit tight.
She's pretty heavy girl. And she just lets out of right

(36:28):
there and like she has her hand over her mouth.
Her face is as red as these little mic cover things.
And she's like, and I'm laughingtoo.
And she was like, I'm so bad. I was like, there's really,
there's no need to be embarrassed.
I'm fucking dying. And she was like, all right, so
we're going to do this. I was like, no, no, I'd already
fucking had to talk myself into doing it anyways.

(36:50):
And now I've been laughing for 15 minutes straight.
Oh, I'm going to hang out with friends like.
Poor girl's insecurities just ramped up.
I can't help it. Like I talk, if he's not playing
ball, nobody's playing ball. God, man, I had one girl trying
to fucking do a in the shower. OK, wild all place.

(37:12):
Like that's the first like that's the first place she wants
to have sex. My mind is automatically going
to there's probably something wrong with the first place we're
fucking is in the shower becausewe were on a bed and then she
was like, no, come in here. And then we get in the shower
and I'm like, why? And I don't want to be I don't
want to be mean to people. I'm 18 at this time and she has

(37:33):
had a couple of kids by this point.
All right, So she has like, and I'm not used to that as a kid.
Now I suck it into my mouth. The little, you know, the little
belly pooch. I love that super sexy.
Back then I was I, it wasn't what a woman's body was supposed
to look like in my brain. So I get in the shower, which is
flaming fucking hot. And the women, I don't know if

(37:56):
they got to wash away their sinsor some shit like that.
I don't fucking know, man, but bitches love a shower that is
100,000° melts your fucking skinoff.
So that shit's hitting me and I'm like, like every time I
touch the water. She should know.
And bro is turdling like he is turdling.
She is like sucking him out. It's like slapping back in like

(38:18):
a fucking like a slinky and just.
Not like that cartoon of the thebird trying to pull the worm
out. Yeah.
And just. And it slaps back in, slaps back
in, slaps back in. And she keeps looking up, going,
is it me? And I'm like, I am on drugs with
a lady. Like I'm thinking of like what

(38:38):
you have right now. What's wrong with wow?
The fucking first time we got todo something is in a shower and
now, you know, I'm getting fucking the hell lava sprayed
onto my skin. And now I'm trying to get hard
so I don't make you feel bad. I have all these things racing
through my mind. So she keeps doing.

(38:59):
And then she stands up and says I'm like, what am I supposed to
do with this? Just just like, and this is
like, OK, maybe if I like rubberband them to my like middle
finger or something like that, Ican just like, yeah, I don't
fucking know what to do. It's fucking 1000°.
And then what made it doubly hard to is because I'm like,
come on man, come on brother, you got this brother.

(39:20):
And then she's like, is it me? Well.
Yeah, I guess so. I was built by this point too.
I was, I was, I was in pretty good shape.
So I was like, is girls you? It's either you or Percocet.
Somebody's doing it. It's not me.
It's fucking the water too. She had created.
She had created a hostile environment for an erection.

(39:41):
That's a good way to put it. Right.
Like if I'm sitting here and I have this lake and this lake,
there is lime that is like, you know, running off into the
fucking water. And then there's this big salt
mine that runs off into the water and the, it's in a place
that's, you know, 120° all the time.
So the water's just super fucking hot.
I'm not going to be like a little bit, there's big bass in

(40:03):
there. I'm not going to think that no,
there's not going to be any fishin there.
It's not conducive for somethingto live.
The environment she created was not conducive for an erection to
live. So I could not achieve one.
I just got to be like. You're going to have to think
about that for the rest of your life.
Not me. So I got to go like Jesus
Christ. But you're the one telling on
the podcast 20 years later. Yeah, and it was with the So I

(40:25):
went through life pretty much saying like, you know, I had
came from a bad place and I was bouncing around constantly.
So if I kept a you know, a girl,if I was in contact with her
like really spending time with her, it wouldn't usually last
for like more than two months. I never considered a girlfriend

(40:45):
me locked down. So the first girl that really I
had gotten to like that kind of relationship with, I don't know,
I think it was cuz you know, I quit doing coke or something so
I was getting emotions again. So I was just I don't know why I
did it, why her of all people also.
But I did cheat on her a bunch cuz I was just like, because in

(41:07):
my brain, you know, I get what I'm like, you know, yeah, we
could. And she's like, you're not going
to like, you know, be fucking around and you all you might.
Wow, yeah, if if you are my girlfriend, I can't do that
anymore. All right.
And she's like, yeah, what? Yeah, no, you can't do that
anymore. She's like, fuck.
And I never listened to that poor girl.
Poor girl. It happens though.
You're young and stupid so. Yeah, most young guys are not

(41:29):
equipped for that. Have you ever had an
environment? What's the worst sexual
experience you ever had? Because that was probably.
I mean, there was a time where Iwas hooking up with this girl
and she had. Before Dylan tells us this,
sending your worst sexual experience to Mike at dylan.com,
MIKEANDDY, lan.com It doesn't have to just be advice, it could

(41:50):
be anything. We talked about sending your
worst sexual experience and we will read it here Live if you
got a good one. Not live, not live.
I don't know why I said it just sounded like grave Digger
Monster Jam kids. See, still just 5 bucks.
Yeah, I was like 16 or 17 and, you know, still trying to figure
out the whole girl situation, but I was.

(42:12):
To figure out if it was girls orguys.
Yeah, yeah, I'm. Just trying trying everything.
Right. It's like once I had once I suck
at about 20 Dicks and had about 40 in my butt.
I was just like. You could say honestly whether
you gave it a good shot or not. Right.
Yeah. I was like, I tried, you know,
if someone that ever went to a ditty party was just like, I am
not gay. I'm like, I believe that man.
I really, I really believe that.But yeah, like this girl went

(42:36):
down on me for a little bit and then ultimately it was leading
to sex anyways. And so I like I, I was in my
cunnilingus arc of like, that was one of my big badges of
honor. And so like, I started kissing
on down and I was, I was very slow and sensual and like, you
know, really trying to turn her body on.
And I made it down to like the belly button and it was like not

(42:59):
smelling fresh and so clean. So I was just like kiss back up
and slowly. And I felt so bad afterwards
just cuz like, you know, it, it probably was fine.
It was probably fine. I could have just kept going and
probably would have made it out all right.
But I was just like, it's not going to take that risk right
now. And they think about it for the
rest of sex too. That's the worst part is cuz

(43:20):
you're like I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but that's a
you area and you kind of got a. When I've I've, I've learned in
my old age the difference between like what is just
straight body odor, which is completely fine, and then what
is kind of funky stuff you don'twant to you don't want to go
swimming in but. So that was one thing with the

(43:43):
girl that I started dating is wehad sex the day before and then
we got to have sex the day afterand I'm like, you know, kissing
down and I'm just like, hey, just take a shower.
And she was like, no, I just went to sleep.
And then, you know, we started, I was like, you got up at 1.
She was like, yeah, I was like, you should have warned me

(44:04):
because she was like, at first she was like, don't do that.
I was like, don't do that. I'm a trooper.
Come on, girl. I went down and I was like, ah,
I am not, I am not. That's when I So thankfully I
had never smelled that before. What it smells like once you
have the next day, because imagine just getting another
guy's that would be that fuckingrough old cream pie.

(44:28):
But I'm like, yeah, I do the I do the kiss technique.
The worst I had ever got to because I was pretty good about
like starting down, going up, because that doesn't necessarily
mean you're going to eat the pussy.
So I had to learn to do that. Well, that was one.
I think I talked about this on the podcast where it didn't
smell bad. But when I started to do it, it
immediately tasted like I was fucking licking on a penny.

(44:48):
And I was like, ah man, random bitch, period blood fuck.
So I did it like twice. I guess she knew to follow it
after we had sex. I guess that she found out
because then I, you know, I do the thing and it looks like a
murder scene. Yeah, I can't say.
Like, I've definitely eaten at the Y.

(45:08):
Well, it was going on, but I I was focusing on the little man.
Yeah, well, my wife this was. Unexpected.
I'm saying like focusing on the little man in the boat.
Like not I didn't. I've never went full on murder
face style. It depends on what day we are in
the period. Not doing it.
What day we are in the period, which is crazy because if you

(45:30):
kind of get there's like this sweet spot in the middle of the
period where it tapers off to almost it's not there because
then like the next day after that, then there's old blood and
that's, I don't want to fuck with that.
But there's like this sweet spotwhere you can't do it, but then
once you start having actual sex, it's still a.
More warrior than? I am.
I'm fucking. I don't care.

(45:51):
Yeah, I'm not. Now, blood on the spade.
Steak raw, you pussy raw, I don't give a fuck.
Blood on the sword's one thing, but yeah, I'm not not eating.
No, I'll fucking sit there and God damn, yeah, I'll look.
I'll fucking put dots on my face.
Stem cells I look like. Fucking warmonger out there.
Put like a fucking for every time I've done it.
Every time I had another one I went like 115 and it's like God

(46:12):
damn man, that guy's a fucking killer.
Go out there like that. Imagine someone breaks into my
house though and I just come outand I already have like the
blood painted off and. Then you get down in that weird
like spread leg position like that one girl or.
Something here here's my thing because what if somebody breaks
into my house and I just like come out of my bedroom just like

(46:35):
like what do you do in that situation?
That's what I'm saying does it increase my chances of getting
shot or are you getting the fuckout of there?
If I'm. No, you're you're probably
shooting. You would probably feel like
you're immediately in danger, and if you had a weapon you
would probably go ahead and unload that.
And then they're talking to the cops and then like, yeah, we
just came across corner. We heard yeah.
And the cops like, well, fuck out.

(46:55):
We. Shot a lady screaming and we
thought that there was possibly like something going so we.
Coming there, this guy was like blood all over his back.
It's on his face and it's like, I'm gonna let you find fun,
young gentleman. Go.
Then your wife comes out and this is just my period blood.
Oh, yeah, no, this is this is a crazy scenario.
You're you're, you're coming in for questioning.
Yeah, right. Like that, Look at that guy this

(47:16):
is. But once again, like I said,
there's like a day in between where like really tapers off so.
Yeah, No, I haven't been that bold.
You're a tougher man than I, I'm.
A warrior. I try to avoid it.
I can feel it on my chin, you know what I'm saying?
Starts to beard hair starts to stick together a little bit for.
So from then I learned I was like, OK, first day, which first
day you ain't doing a shooting girl.

(47:36):
The 1st and 2nd day, girl ain't gonna let you do anything.
Third day, they kind of get horny, though.
That's what we've learned too. They, they fucking attack me,
fat boy. But I have learned I was like,
you know, there's nothing, Naomi.
I'm not like sticking my tongue inside.
Yeah. How do women watch this podcast?
I don't know that they watch it,but even if they listen to it,
yeah, I don't know how they do it.

(47:58):
We never get we need like a rollcall.
What if who's listening? Yeah, but send in your send in
your worst sexual experience. We want to read that shit.
That's that's the thing too, because we say, we say, we say
advice. So I think anytime we read over
advice and we start talking about like one of our stories
where, you know, maybe it's something crazy you went

(48:19):
through, maybe there's like a drug deal gone wrong.
Maybe it's, you know, whatever. We need to start thinking about
that and be like, hey, so we could read that because I think
it's dope. If someone has like a real dope
one like those will probably vetto make sure.
Like it's not the plot to a fucking movie.
Yeah, send it. Yeah, right. 2 1/2 hour podcast.

(48:41):
So yeah, it was me and my my father, and we're out in the
plains of Africa and my uncle fucking just pushes them off of
Goddamn Yeah. Took me a second.
I was trying to look for a. Person movie.
And I was like Nope, Nope. Nope.
Oh, Lion King. Yeah, that's fucking look such a
great movie. Here's the thing too, because I

(49:02):
hated Lion King as a kid becauseI was like, why?
Why make me say I don't want to go through that when I watch it?
Dude every single fucking Disneymovie is always like kill the
parent, kill the parent. We got to make these children
fucking grow up. We got to make them feel.
Because like Bambi fucking Snow White doesn't have any parents.
Not not like a live Parents Cinderella fucking every single

(49:24):
one of them. Just dead parents.
That's so crazy. Like I don't why does Disney and
Pixar like Pixar less, but Disney's like if this comes out
like we have to send you througha moment.
Who? Did Big Hero 6, was that like a
Pixar that wasn't a Pixar, that wasn't a Pixar or Disney, but
like that thing right there? I think it's Disney because it's

(49:44):
on Disney's like maybe they didn't do it on.
Every day, that's the fucking day.
With that one there, like when the brother dies, I'm just like,
really? Why the Why is that necessary?
He. Didn't have to die like we can
make this, you know, action start in a different way.
I mean could have taken off the Ant I guess maybe.

(50:06):
I'm looking up to see who did Big Hero 6.
I just thought that Fall Out Boydid the the music for it.
That's good. We could just say Fall Out Boy
made it. Is it American who who who
produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios?
So you were right. You know your cartoons.
I. Know them.

(50:26):
You do, You are. AI know that I've watched.
Master of cartoons, and I mean, what better way to what better
way to? If you're going to kidnap a kid
then to just start a conversation about cartoons,
then you feel like a safe personreally.
I feel like those movies are just like some of the best ones
get that get made because like they're just, I don't know,
they're you're not you're not expecting a bunch from them.

(50:48):
And so, like, I'll watch. I think that's why it is.
Did you cry during Coco? Coco, I didn't cry, but.
It was a fucking sad one, fuckedme, fucking got me.
And it's just because like, you know, did you watch Was your
daughter alive when that movie came out?
I. Didn't watch it until.
She was just like, I watch it and you know, I think about

(51:09):
myself and like, what if I, you know, what if I go out on I was
on a train or some shit like that and someone threw some
fucking fentanyl cocaine in my face and I overdosed right
there. And then my wife grows is like,
yeah, you're fucking drug addict.
Yeah, drug addict. Father went to go do some drug,
left the fucking family. I thought he was clean.
Went to go do some drugs and died on a train.
And then my daughter grows up thinking the whole my whole life

(51:31):
that I chose that over coming back home to her.
We'll see. And I think that's the wild
thing is because, like, the daughter never really felt that
way. Right, she all, you know.
She still held her father dear. And then she starts singing the
Remember Me. They sing it together.
And I'm just, I'm just sitting there like, what's so good about
like me crying is that's a special thing because my kids,

(51:53):
they'll tell you they never seenme cry.
And I'm just like, this is goingto make me look weak.
This is really going to take away the the time that I really
do cry. You know what I'm saying?
I'm saying that for when Amy dies, for them to see me cry,
you know? You act like you're going to be
there for that. I'm not.

(52:13):
Maybe Amy's second or third husband will be there for when
she dies. I'll be long dead before then.
But that's what I was trying to say before.
And the off chance she gets in acar accident or something, you
know what I'm saying? Something, something freak would
have to happen for her to die before me.
But that's what I was saving it for.
And I'm just like watching Coco and I'm just onward fucked me up
too. And it's not because I didn't

(52:34):
have a dad. Fuck y'all OK, Because I know I
said that. And it was like, oh, because
Mike didn't have a daddy, that one didn't fuck me up.
It's because the one, like, one kid never got to meet his dad,
but he was like, you know, the other son resigned himself too,
you know, because he was like, Igot to meet him.
I got to meet him. I got to meet him.
And then hears about his older brother fucking.

(52:55):
His last memory of his dad was him.
Like, you know, going through cancer and shit like that and
wasting away in the hospital bedand hooked up to all this shit.
And it fucking fucked him up. That was his last image of his
dad. I'm not choking up or anything.
I was losing breath just going in on that.
I was going, yeah, I was going in on that sentence right there.
I didn't want to stop. And I was just like, man, that
fucked me. And then he goes through the
thing where his brother was likehis dad.

(53:16):
I fucked with that a little bit.OK.
Oh, yeah. Because you know, my older
brother, before he lost his way,he fucking really, you know,
carried that kind of for me. And I'm just like sitting there
and you know, I guess because Amy's like, oh, this is really
she's like peeking around. And I was like, this is not even
getting to me. There's, there's been a lot of
things like, I mean, I'm not, I'm not saying I cry a lot, but

(53:38):
like there's a lot of movies that like get you to that point
where you know, you're not like outright crying, but it brings a
tear to your eye. Boy in the Striped Pajamas.
I was like what a fucking dumb ass.
I was just like. Oh boy in striped pajamas.
I don't think it. Oh, well, if you're never going
to watch the movie, let me ruin it for you.
It's about a German family. And the kid goes up to this

(53:59):
concentration camp and plays with this little boy, this
Jewish boy from the fence. Like, they play games and stuff
like that. Well, at the end of the movie,
the German boy hops the fence tohang out with a friend and they
get sent to the gas chambers together.
And people were always so sad. And I was just like, you fucking
moron, just like, hey, my dad's like the I just work in LA.

(54:19):
Just, I don't know, say any fucking thing.
And it was also what? What a crazy fucking quinky dink
that the day you decided to hop,it was this day.
Yeah, I was like, what a stupid fucking get.
Your buddy to hop. Out, but it was where they're
like, it's sad. Never get me click every time
without fail. Fuck click.
The episode of Family Matters where Carl gets the dog and he

(54:40):
doesn't want the dog, but then he falls in love with the dog.
That one fucks me up too. See, you've got a list of them.
I can't think of the ones that have actually like gotten me.
A lot of them have to do with like, you know, parent kid
situations, like where the, it'sa sad scenario between the two
of them. Those ones usually get me just
cause like thinking as a parent now, it's totally different than

(55:01):
just being a individual by yourself.
I mean, and that's new to me really.
And so over the past like four or five years, I'm just like,
oh, that what's pulling up my heartstrings might, might just
tear up a little. Bit here's the thing with having
children, having children make you mortal, that is that's the
thing, man. Like before I had kids, I didn't
care if something killed me too.Like it's not only that, it's

(55:23):
just I didn't care. Like I had No Fear of nothing
really. Like, you know, I didn't want to
fight people and shit like that,but it was like not really.
Like I feel like I would do it. Like if something if I was like,
fuck, I could die during this, Istill would do it.
And once you have kids, it's notonly like, are you worried about
the kids life, but then you're more worried about your life

(55:43):
because you're like, fuck, I don't want to fuck them up if I
die. You know, and then leave your
significant other with the responsibility of.
Honestly, in my case, they mightbe better off.
Yeah. Like, yeah, you're.
After. Like I would like to just be a
family on the wall if I were to die.
And then Amy's like talking to the kids when they're teenagers.
So he said, tell us about dad. He's like, wow, what a he was

(56:05):
weird. OK.
And then for some reason he was just like, I'm going to be a
star bait, which I've never, butI was like, if I did like die or
something like that, that's whatpeople would view it as and be
like, fuck, the dude was poor asfuck when he died, when he was
like trying to live out his dream and was like, Nah man.
I gave it a shot. You know, it did well.
I was like, maybe there's something here.
It didn't work. I died before I could do it.
That's the corny thing, bro. If I die, if I died during this,

(56:28):
that fucking sucks cuz then I die poor and it's just like what
a loser thing. That's my.
Legacy. But see, then I'll carry on your
legacy because it'll be the viral moment.
That we know in the documentary it'll be like.
And then finally Mike died, which freed Dylan to actually
become the beautiful butterfly he was meant to be.
But. The virality of the story is
what's gonna allow me to, you know, get the money.

(56:51):
I hope so. Like, if I did die, they would
raise a lot of money for like, you know, and you know, he died
and he didn't have a lot because, you know, fucking he
sucked at it, but. His kids and wife were well
taken care of afterwards and. No, that's what I hope is like
they do like the go fund me and it raises a bunch of money.
King beard X died. That fucking sucks.
You don't know a lot of these guys, but he was one that got
big during the time when I got big, and that's really fucking

(57:16):
sad too. Is he just he was a reaction
creator, which look, I talk my shit about, you know, a guy
taking a viral video and then he, you know, that's what
reaction creators do. It's like a viral video.
It's a thing that you already know is going to go off to be
well, I could do that today, today, do that kind of content.
It's just not my I could go to where the money is, but in my

(57:37):
heart of hearts, I just want to do shit.
That's kind of, you know, my way.
But he was one of those still loved him like once again, like
you. It's not like a it's not like a
jealousy, but like when they have like something go on.
I'm just not like, you know, real like, well, I mean you take
the video and then you add a 5 second video of you talking

(58:00):
about that or saying like a funny joke and that's the video.
So, you know, in the past and inthe future I will talk shit
about that. I'm not talking shit about
people like as like a person or,or whatever in the creation
space. He did do that.
I'm saying I fucking loved his shit.
He was really funny with it honestly, out of all the other

(58:20):
like out of all the other peoplethat I've seen do like reaction
creations, they're normally people who have money,
technology, shit like that. He had fucking nothing.
And you could tell when he started, he had fucking nothing.
And that's always why I've been like, you know, if people that
you know, they don't have the technology and shit like that.
And he was, you know, blowing upduring a time too where they had

(58:42):
switched to the over one minute content.
So when he would post things about, you know, him not making
a lot of money on here, that's why, you know, it's fucking they
had switched to that. If like I said, if I give
anybody a pass for that, as people like that, people who
have a lot of fucking money who are who are come in as like
already established celebrities and they start doing and I'm
just like, what a fucking what agay thing.

(59:04):
I also think Ray Williams Johnson, like I love the shit
that he made when I when I when I was a kid, I was fucking a big
fan of him and now he just does the fucking true crime shit.
I'm just like, fuck, because youknow, he's making pucking.
He makes bank off of that. He he has to be bringing in the
big bucks. I hate it.
I just hate your crime because II don't like the fact that we

(59:27):
take a story of something that'scut and dry.
We know exactly what's happened to the person there.
You, you're not doing it for their honor.
Yeah. And then you make a whole video
about it. The fucking thing that gets me
is like when Mr. Ball Ballin's talking about what the guy's
thinking and then he dies right there.
And I'm like, how the fuck did we know what he was thinking?
Like, how the fuck did that happen?
And you're like, Mike, how did you get that far?

(59:49):
It's appealing. Is it not Like true crime is
appealing when you're like, ah, so if the terrible happen,
you're like, I have to know whathappened.
And there is a market, bro, we could do it.
Let's just sell outlook. If we're going into Mike's
villain art, let's just sell out.
I really want to do that once again where it's like the rich
guys, like how do you get rich? Well, the first thing I did is I

(01:00:09):
immediately stopped having sex with women, started having sex
with children. Let me ask you something which
is more expensive. All right, A dinner at Red
Lobster. Oh, we're a happy meal.
Like let's just really get into that shit where it just starts
off like fuck. And it's like it can't get any
worse. I was like, it does.
That's the guy. I mean, but that's comedy I

(01:00:31):
guess. I hate trying man.
That's the thing I fucking hate cuz we're sitting here not
posted a single bit of content and fuck in cuz I'm just like if
we're not doing it right I don'twant to do it.
Well, see, and I think that's where I'm glad that we're going
to kind of come back to the doing skits and stuff just
because it is our chance really ultimately I I know we have to

(01:00:55):
do the skits to try and start paying bills because we're just
not fucking there right now. But like, The thing is, is like,
I ultimately want to get to the point where we are doing like
short films like that's, that's.What I want to do, but that shit
takes money and it's like. Well, and I think it does, but I
think it doesn't. I think it's, it's us putting
the constraints on there that like it's going to probably star

(01:01:18):
me and you and then a couple ancillary characters.
But like we put those guardrailsup as that's where we're going
to design the story in and we just fucking go with it and we
can make good stories. It's just that's where it like
kind of has to live until we do have money to do it bigger.
But like we, we start with that as the premise of like, OK, we
can have 4 characters because weknow we can do this, this and

(01:01:40):
this. And then how can we make a
compelling enough story? With four characters. 4
characters, limited sets, like is it outside?
Is it, you know, in a studio or is it at a house?
Like what? What are we able to do?
Because you do. Have to find people.
This is the the shitty thing about like short film and shit
like that. You can have like a compelling

(01:02:01):
story for your budget. You could have a compelling
whatever for your budget. You could have good lighting for
your budget. You could have all this stuff,
you can work your way around that.
You cannot work your way around somebody that needs to deliver
on camera. That just doesn't do it because
that'll immediately take somebody out.
But. That's also part of it though, I
think is is designing stories tofit the characters that are

(01:02:25):
available to work with us. That's like so.
That's the difficult part though, because I, you know,
until we have the easy part is when we have money, we go up to
fucking one of these places and get like a actor and shit like
that. But even like the low budget
actors, a lot of them are shit like they're, they're just shit
like they don't have the reps ineither.
And so like it's it's finding the right person.

(01:02:46):
I mean, that's why casting is soimportant for movies.
But if we can find a good crew of people and kind of learn what
their characters are and like who they can play, Are they good
at being a villain or do they have to be, you know, let.
Me tell you who's good actors, dumb people are dumb people are
the best fucking actors, right, because a smart person, they
immediately go in and they're like they're thinking they're

(01:03:07):
like, oh fuck, I got to be this and then a dumb person just goes
president is like I am this Whatlike that's bro.
I'm telling you. That's why when you see these
celebrities and you're like these guys are fucking morons.
They're fucking morons, man. They are dumb fucking people.
They go in and they don't think about it.
That's the thing. When you act, it's not about
you're not sitting there like I am.

(01:03:29):
I got to be this. You play you.
You're that person like you are that person.
You become that person. I would say it's a stretch to
say that most of them are dumb, but yeah.
I'm telling you, I'm saying a dumb person, like if you get
anybody that's never had any acting experience, that's what
I'm saying. OK then And he just.
Like comes in, that's the biggest thing I can say.
And now if you're hearing this and you're like, but I want to

(01:03:50):
be an actor, hey, just be dumb, be dumb.
Like just honestly take everything out of your mind and
just be that person. And I feel that's easier for
someone who's not like sitting there second guessing
themselves. They just become that person.
Well, I think a lot. Of it too is is just like, I
mean, it's it's this right here.Like if we like when we started,
we were not as good at this as what we are now.

(01:04:11):
And not to say that I think thatwe've gotten substantially
better, but you know, we're we're definitely not as in our
heads about like the conversation as we were the
first at bats. And so like, and I think I think
one of the things that you're worried about is my acting
skills on screen and like, that's one of the things that
you've voiced and everything, but like, I don't have any at

(01:04:31):
bats. Like how many videos have you
done you've done? Thousands and right and when I
started I sucked Dick yeah so. That's what I'm getting at is we
don't start hoping that we're going to do this fucking banger.
We just start because we need tostart and start getting those
because it's it's less so how great we do with that first one,
it's how good we are on the 100th 1.

(01:04:53):
But also we talk about that stuff.
We don't talk about like the corny shit of me doing it in the
house. Do you know how often someone in
my household walks in there? Well, I'm just talking to
myself. I'm doing shit like, and they'll
be like, by this point now they're like, oh, Mike's got
Mike's doing something and he's playing that character because I
do that. And then bro, shout out Amy
though, because she still loves me.

(01:05:14):
And I'll just be, I'll just be in there just fucking doing
whatever. And it might be the corniest
shit you've ever fucking heard, but that's how, yeah, Dylan will
tell you when we've when we've shot shit like that, I'll
usually portray that character. Like, I'm not going to say I'm a
method actor. Like if you're talking to me
like Michael, I'm probably stillgoing to talk to you in the
voice and in the cadence of the person that I'm being.

(01:05:35):
Because that's just, it just helps me stay in the character
longer. And then you kind of start
formulating into that person that you are.
Like if I'm not, I don't take itto the extremes that one of our
friends do. That's fucking annoying.
If we ever if we ever make it, bro, and we get someone like
that, I'm going to lose somebody.
You're fired, all right? You got to get the fuck off of
here, because that. Look, I want to talk to you.
I don't want to talk. I'm not sitting here trying to

(01:05:57):
talk to Michael Myers, all right?
Stop acting like you won't kill me.
What I want you to do. Stop punching the camera, guys,
OK? Fucking no, No, OK.
I can. They've they've released
everything in their mind. No, I think, I think it is.
I think there's value in each person's procedures and in it

(01:06:17):
like I. Well, it's the thing too.
It's what I told my daughter. I mean, are you doing like these
things of when you've heard the discussions I had with my
daughter when she's like, I wantto be and stuff, I'm like, cool,
learn how to act. And she's like, what do you
mean? I'm like, put on YouTube videos,
Fucking work on it. Like you can do it.
If you really want something, fucking put in the time to do
it. And then I'll I'll go.

(01:06:38):
I don't have time in my day to like, you know, guide you
through these things of like what we do and everything like
that. Because I worked with her before
and I'm like, yeah, there's something here.
There's something you've worked with her.
We've worked with her out in thefucking field.
And we see she's a smart girl. She can get it.
When we're doing something like that now, we have like time
constraints we have, we're at a place.
When we got a lot of other people, yeah, we got on the

(01:06:58):
hook. Yeah, and it's just like we got,
you know, we got a guy fucking, you know, setting up make up and
shit over here and all this other stuff is going on.
Like I can't be sitting here andbe like, hey, this is the Mike
and daughter show. And I was like, just like if you
take that time, the out of your free time to learn that, yes,

(01:07:21):
you could be in, you know, more stuff and you could do more
things. But if you don't show that
initiative, I don't think that'sreally a passion of yours.
You just be like, oh, that wouldbe fun type thing.
What I'm looking for is I'll look for Dylan will tell you
too. I'll look for passion over
talent. That's Dylan.
Yeah, Dylan does too. When we, when we initially
started bringing people into thefold to do different things and

(01:07:44):
be part of different projects, whether it was shooting or
acting or, you know, just being part of whatever we've got going
on. I would 1000% take somebody
who's ambitiously trying over somebody who is doing exactly
what we say if. You're listening to this right
now and you're like, fuck, I would love to do that.
And that's what you would reallylove to do.

(01:08:05):
Fucking hit us up if you expect,if you're from, look, if you're
from Seattle, yeah, if you're from Seattle, WA, don't ruin
your lives and get down here to partake in a poor man project.
Yeah, because we're you can't pay you.
Yeah, that's not going to make any fucking money.
That's what I'm saying too, though.
But that also that does show youwho is with you like that.
That was one big thing when I did get big and I was hanging
around like just no, I'm not going to say bad people, but

(01:08:27):
people that I don't need to be hanging around that are honestly
hanging around me because of whoI am.
Well, like when we shot the adventures, clever Sykes, like I
was the only one that showed up like as like a professional.
I was the only one. And I'm just like, hey guys,
like if we're not going to get our shit together and fucking
get some shots done, I'm going to go home to my family because

(01:08:48):
I'm just here helping like with this project.
Like I'm not, I'm not buddies with you guys.
I'm not hanging out at the card store, just hanging out.
This is so funny. Like I'm like, no guys, like if
you guys want to shoot it, let'sshoot it, but like let's fucking
get the and that was actually one of the first, like that was
the first time that me and Mike had worked together.
But it was like when I I really laid down like, Mike, if you say

(01:09:10):
9, I'm going to be here at like 8:45, so you need to be here at
9. And he's like, yeah, I know, I'm
sorry. And then like literally it was a
couple more times and I was like, dude, I'm just going to
not fucking come anymore. Like if you guys can't get your
shit together. And like we say.
So technically the the turn around was the I have a business
speech. I remember it.
I remember like it was yesterday.

(01:09:32):
So we're talking about somethingand I do bring up stuff in the
wrong way. Michael stay in joke mode.
Like if she gets serious, Mike stays in joke mode.
So I'll still in joke mode while, you know, Dylan's talking
about it. Cuz right now I am more of, I'm
just like, you know, I'm a comedian, always being funny and
stuff like that, staying up late, not being a professional

(01:09:53):
about it. And Dylan is giving some like
you're giving this, you know, talk about, you know, we got
things to do. We need to be efficient.
And I'm still sitting there joking.
And then he goes into this. He's like, brother, I got a
business, I got a family to feedlike this is.
And then, you know, when I met Dylan, Dylan is a videographer.
He's one of the he's, in my opinion, the best.

(01:10:14):
Only in your opinion, but yeah. In my opinion the best
videographer in our fucking area.
So when he charges, like when hegoes and works with other
people, it is 4/4. What do you call it?
4 digits? 4 digits.
That's what the cost of work is per day going along with Mike.

(01:10:37):
Nothing for for for free, for free $0.00.
You're not making, you're not making anything.
Honestly, you're just losing patience.
Like losing patience. They had money.
So he laid down the whole, I remember it too.
I got a, you know, I got a business and he's like, this is
this takes away from my business.
And that's when it was like, oh,Oh, yeah, no, I see now and

(01:11:00):
then. When it was the the big thing is
is like literally from day one of like just meeting you and
then like seeing what you had inmind for that and then just
continuing to work with you. I always and always, and I still
do see the potential in what US working together equals out to
like the cool shit that we're gonna do.
And I still feel that way. I'll kiss you right man?

(01:11:22):
The hard part was is that, you know, like I was not making
anything, but like, I was, I wasthere and like, I'm, I, I was
always willing to like donate mytime and make sure that we were
making the right strides to likeachieving that dream that we
both see as our future. But yeah, there's been a few
times and I, I think it was because the normal people that

(01:11:43):
are around you just are like coattails, like, sorry, where we
can go? Like we'll be here.
And so like, whatever Mike wantsto do, fuck it, we'll just kind
of ride along with him. But like, I was like, no, dude,
like I'm I'm either in it to do what we're actually saying we're
going to do or I'm out. We'll talk about like when, you
know, I met Amy and now I'm hanging around all these people,
even people that are my age who have their shit together.

(01:12:06):
That's and that's what caused meto be like, aw fuck, I feel like
shit, like I feel like a loser. I gotta fucking push myself up
again. Well, then I pushed myself up
and I pushed myself up too far, you know, to a far enough place
where I'm not. And you're a creator.
You're not around all these other creators.
I don't know all these other people in my area that are
creating, you know, So I'm now going places.
People are like, oh, fuck it, you know, it's you.

(01:12:27):
And then I'm hanging around people I don't normally hang
around. And all the people I was hanging
around literally ask Dylan. Not a single one had a job.
One had a job, kinda, but not a single one of them had a job.
And I didn't realize from that that I had that I was slowly
bringing myself back down to thepeople that I was hanging out
with before. And I'm going to tell you right

(01:12:48):
now, look, you know, if you listen to this podcast and you
ain't, you ain't got shit together.
You do need to look at the people that you're hanging
around with because that is misery loves company, man.
And until you can surround yourself, once you start
surrounding yourself with professionals and shit like
that, then you start feeling badabout like if you, if you say
9:00 and you get there at 10 o'clock 945, you're like, fuck,

(01:13:08):
I fucked up. I mean, you start kicking
yourself in the ass for it. Where then it was just like, you
know, whenever I show up, it happens.
It's literally the people that you surround yourself with that
do you know, make you want to tobe better.
Yeah, and I, I think there's, you know, a double edged sword.
There's people that take themselves far too seriously and
then there's people who don't take themselves seriously
enough. And like, it wasn't that the

(01:13:30):
people that you were hanging around with bore bad.
I think they were bad for you atthe time that you were hanging
around with like in that circle and what was going on,
professional, personal, like it,it just was not the right place
and for you to continue to be who you wanted to be like.
And, and you had that goal, but like it was kind of keeping you.

(01:13:51):
It was actually bringing you back more closer to your roots
of growing up rather than where you're looking to like, you
know, be in the end and show your kids.
And so, you know, it's not any shade against those people
because like for some people, that's where they belong.
Like that's where they enjoy, that's where they're happy.
And like, I'm not telling anybody to change like who they
were. If you enjoy that, fucking do

(01:14:12):
you. But with what you were trying to
accomplish with your. Just to let people, people be
clear, when I die, I want history to like at least be a
fucking footnote and God damn something like I want to be
there. I want to have something that's
like, you know, this guy did this after I'm gone, you know,
once, once I die. I mean, even now that I don't

(01:14:33):
create, you know, if someone sees me, they're like, oh,
felonious falafel, Michael Wright, they're like forklift
guy. I want to get to that point
where when somebody sees me, they know my motherfucking name.
Like that's, and I say, you know, I do hate it, but that's
what I want to do in in history.Like I want to have something
like that. And to be able to achieve that
takes a different way different dedication than I had back then,

(01:14:57):
a way different work ethic than I had back then.
And something that I'm still to this day trying to work on
getting better with the work. And I feel like I am getting a
lot better. We come in here at 9 and we're
fucking shooting shit. We're at, we're here.
What is it, 1:00 in the morning?Yeah, it's twelve 12:15 and.
Then we're going to be here at 9:00 o'clock in the morning
shooting fucking skits and shit like that.
It's getting up and just doing the fucking work, eating the

(01:15:19):
shit. And honestly, we've ate a lot of
shit. Oh fuck ton, yeah, fuck ton.
And I'm just like, man, you know, we don't have to quit in
US. Hopefully it does start fucking
turning around. God, fingers crossed it does
start turning around. But I do think with us, you
know, putting in the work and the different things that we've
done, I think we do now. We now have the skill set that

(01:15:40):
we didn't have when we were doing like the real good shit.
I think we do have that skill set now that we're going to turn
that fucking tide. We've also went through the shit
enough where I was just like, I don't give a fuck.
Like, I don't give a fuck what people, I don't give a fuck if
this upsets people. I'm not trying to please
everybody anymore. I know the people that I want to

(01:16:02):
make laugh, I'm going to make them fucking laugh.
Fuck everybody else. That's that's essentially Mike's
villain arc. And it's going to be some very
dark, weird shit because that's the shit I like so well.
And I 100% know that, you know, with Dylan, not only is it going
to be funny, it's going to be fucking great.
Because I don't know if you guysknow this, but the all the

(01:16:26):
really crazy shit that you've seen where Mike and Mike is on
camera together with each other.I know it's not been a lot of
videos. With the best 1, and I don't
know whether you did put it backup, was the roofer on the news?
Because everybody loves that little ticker at the bottom
where it. Changes shit man, and that's
fucking Dylan's touch right there.
The Psychedelic 1. Wrote it all in there the.
Psychedelic one, Remember that one where it goes to the big

(01:16:49):
trip fucking session bro. That's Dylan shit right there.
And that is what makes already the shit that Dylan shot where
it's like, this is a fucking, you know, this is a fucking
skit. This looks really, really
fucking good. And then he he has shot it like
that. He has fucking planned it out.
Yes, Mike had to get dressed 16 times.
I could have got dressed 16 times using technology that I

(01:17:10):
have and it would look dog shit,brother.
And then he's adding these things to it, which takes it to
a whole nother level. Like you're like, fuck, you're
like, oh fuck, a studio did this.
And it's just like Dylan's like I am the studio.
I'm so glad that we timed that fucking fentanyl, whatever
pocket you made it perfect. I am so glad that it it worked

(01:17:34):
because yeah, there's so many ways that that could have went
wrong and it it worked. That was when I saw that and
it's just like perfect camera tocamera.
I'm playing though, I'm playing both characters and it looks
like we are standing face to face having this conversation,
shooting back and forth and it looks like in real time I take
the fucking fentanyl and I hit the cop in the face with it
right there. Bam and.

(01:17:57):
MM, that did great. On literally everything we put
it on though, and if a it would have done better if it's not, if
the title of the we brought backthe old YouTube and we're we're
looking at titles like country boy versus cop.
I'm like, who the fuck? Like if someone sees that title,
they're not, you know, now we know how to a make it more
clickbait for YouTube because it's gay and it's a gay

(01:18:17):
platform. Listen, but we know how to do
like thumbnails and shit like that too.
So like I said, I think eating the shit has gave us more skills
to now when we do this, like we fucking do it.
And as you know, we start leveling this shit up, we start
bringing people in. And once again, like I said, if
you're close to Lexington, you're like, fuck, I'm all
fucking in. Come on down.

(01:18:38):
Like fucking come shoot some goddamn skits.
We don't give a fuck. Mike and dylan.com in my
KEADDYLE n.com come on down. But I think as it starts to to
grow and shit like that and we start to, you know, get more
resources and shit, that's when we're going to be able to
fucking really like put it down to where there's people watch

(01:19:03):
other people shit and they're like, yeah, but it's not as good
as Mike and Dylan. There's a 48 hour Film Festival
coming up in October 3rd through5th.
Well, that's my well. Greensboro.
That's my daughter's birthday, son.
Yeah. Not doing that one.
In Greensboro, I could probably do it. 48 hours.

(01:19:23):
So Friday night to Sunday night.Yeah, I'm not gonna stay there
all day. No, you have to legit start
fucking filming like as soon as it starts.
Wait, what? What is it?
It's. A 48 hour Film Festival.
So you have to like literally you get your prompt for what
you're making a movie on on Friday at like 8:00 PM, and then
you have to submit a finished film by Sunday at 8:00 PM.

(01:19:45):
No fucking way. Yeah, let's do it.
We always have my daughter's birthday at the end.
Look, look, I can make it up to her.
This is the type of shit, bro. No, no, no, no, no, no.
With the mortgage and everything.
I was like, look, in movies, in movies, there, there's always
that. What's the prize?
Oh, nothing. OK.
I don't give a fuck. Look, but that would have been

(01:20:06):
destiny right there. Well, it's October.
Yeah, it would have still been not too late.
We're already going to be homeless.
Yeah, I'd be homeless, but look,we got to fucking do it, bro,
because once again, if we get, hey, we got to, you know, rub
elbows with people that fucking,I don't know, get molested and
shit about producers and stuff like that.
You know what I'm saying? Look, I know you guys love us,
but we might have to suck one Dick to get into Hollywood.

(01:20:28):
It sucks, but. Reach around Denny's.
Yeah, we're already professionals at it.
They're going to some old guys going to be like, you're really
good at this. I'm like, we don't go to Denny's
lot, you know? And that sounds fun as pop dude.
You haven't seen me behind the Denny's.
Before so it's just me and you. We don't.
We get a prompt and then we go out.

(01:20:49):
Is it? Just us 2 that's going to pull
this thing off. Who else are we going to bring?
I mean, literally we can get like Scott and the other Dylan
and like we can get Crew I. Think the smallest skeleton crew
that we used to beat everybody makes more of a statement than
if we showed up, you know what I'm saying?
With a whole bunch of volunteer people.
The one thing that I would love to do is have somebody that can

(01:21:09):
be editing while we're shooting because like that's the big
thing is editing takes so fucking long.
And so like I want us to be ableto continue to shoot and then
have somebody that's already working on.
That so we have to shoot in order.
You don't have to, you can do scenes.
So they're just going to be likedoing color grading and audio
and shit like that while we're. Doing setting up scenes so like
you know, if we've covered like that would be the thing of

(01:21:31):
having multiple cameras so that we can shoot a scene like you
know, 3 cameras rolling all at once so.
I think the best thing we could do for like the shorts and shit
like that is if we had like a audio guy that was bought into,
that'd be the biggest or anotherperson to help you with camera
and lighting. Fuck.
OK, so if we had like 3 people bought in three more, that's all

(01:21:54):
we need is we need an audio guy,we need a we need a lighting
guy, and then we need a fuck that shit.
We don't need an editor. We need a fucking editor.
No, I've seen so many people saythey're a goddamn editor and
then you shit on them. Yeah, you fucking shit on them.
Like I. Can Polish at the end.
Why are we going to tell like that?
That's the shitty thing too, is like to bring a guy in and be
like, you're not as good as thisguy, You know what I'm saying?
Well, there's different phases of things.

(01:22:15):
Like it's one thing to like and,and it's almost like my wife is
so good at putting shit togetherand fucking like troubleshooting
things with her voice commands. She says, hey, honey, can you
help me with this? And I fucking put it all
together. Like this is the same thing with
me as I could technically tell somebody like, hey, this is the

(01:22:37):
scene. Look for the good spots, put it
all together. Four people bought it all right,
so we need another. Editor number one is the fucking
first thing. We do need an editor, but like.
Because imagine they like, rightnow our podcast could be
substantially bigger if we had an editor that was cutting out
clips from every single one of these episodes and sharing them

(01:22:57):
and doing the work. And by the way, you're free to
do that if you want to. You want to still clips on these
podcasts. You want to run them through
like, oh, it's clips or something like that.
Start your own Mike and Dylan channel.
You can have all the money from that too.
We don't even give a fuck. Help us grow.
Yeah, we don't care about that. Steal the content all day long.
They still want felonious flaw shit all the time.
Yeah, God, where the most of. Where the fucking Nigerian and
Indian guys that are stealing Mike and Dylan stuff, that's

(01:23:19):
what we need. Fuck, I want to do that, man.
I want to do that little film fest.
Thing we can I want yeah, I wanted to I'll.
Go tell, I'll go tell Amy about Amy about it and just I'll talk
with my daughter. We're really going to be the
whole weekend though. Like, we're going to have to be
very strategic about it, but yeah.
Duh. Yeah.
Yeah, if we can crank it out in 40, neither of a sleep so.

(01:23:39):
Yeah, that's one good thing too,is we're gonna be.
Up all night, Yeah. And it's like how did y'all
create this? Well, we slept between.
How much time did you get for sleep?
And you're like, sleep? We slept.
We slept 30 minutes before this thing, and then we just didn't
sleep again. Are you on drugs?
No, no, that's just surprisinglypure ADHD.
Pure just, I don't know, existential dread just keeps us

(01:24:01):
up being broke. We panic through this.
Honestly, we could put my daughter in the movie too, and
she'll enjoy that. Like, hey, why don't you do this
with us? Fuck.
Yeah. I'm gonna ask her.
I'm like, hey, that's how I'll. That's how I'll get.
That's how I'll get Amy to get. I'll be like, hey, for your
birthday, how about do you want?To be in a film.
Yeah, Come be in a film with us.We're going to make a, we're
going to make a movie. You know, if you were anybody
but her father, that would soundweird.

(01:24:21):
That would yeah, that's what's that was what was hard about
getting women for the skits thatwe have like, hey, girl, so, so
if you you want to be in a, you want to be in a skit.
What's a skit? It's like, it's like a small
video. Are you going to rape me?
No, no, no. I'm just going to have you say
things. So the title of is XXX.
Right. Yeah, The the what's this?

(01:24:42):
I don't know. Should I?
Give you the title the the actual title that'll go on the
web page at the time or yeah. It's just going to be on
YouTube, you know? I'm a YouTube, huh, Youporn?
Yeah, yeah. There you go, Youporn.
That fuck up and say that someone said maybe we say this
wrong but it says MHDHD fantasy.It's MADHD Mike and Dil Hadron.

(01:25:07):
Maybe they just mistyped it. It's OK look I still love you.
Hey Mike and Dylan, Patreon member #8 here.
Oh shit yes I looked when I signed up to see how many paying
members there were and it said 8.
So I'm claiming that spot 8 is actually my favorite number, and
I've already stated 8 was my favorite number and they're
stating it because of that. Well, now that there's only
four, are you still #8? Or what do you mean?
No, there's only four Patreon subscribers.

(01:25:28):
There's like 24. There's like 25 or something on
Patreon. I'm being patronizing.
I've heard Mike mention footballin the Carolina Panthers before
and no. Don't get him started.
This is actually this is actually before last episode, so
they would not have known that Carolina Panthers is like a
keyword to have Mike to get angry so.

(01:25:48):
This will be the next episode. Yes, but this is recorded before
last episode was shown to them before they had a chance to see
last episode. Yeah, but.
They are going to hear the last episode before they hear this
one. They're going to be like oh fuck
I hope he doesn't. I hope he doesn't see where I
fucking triggered him. Right.
Oh OK. So I've heard Mike mention

(01:26:11):
football and Carolina Panthers before and I was wondering if
you would get together some listeners to start a fantasy
league. I'm not sure if Dylan would be
interested because he doesn't mention sports, but it's just a
suggestion. Love the pod.
Keep it up, Kyle. Well, Kyle, listen, that would
be a beautiful thing if I had time to you guys.
Can yeah you guys like we would love for you to have MADHD

(01:26:31):
fantasy. League, yes.
Mike, unfortunately, is in a bitof a pickle right now.
I do not have time to like he was just like, what are you
doing? I'm like, oh, I'm in my fantasy
league. Should I just leave you right
now? Like probably, probably.
I cannot get this together in mylife.
Stay while they foreclose on theHouse, right?
Yeah. It's just like, it's OK, it's
the fantasy league. Look, it's for you.
Don't see the video? I've learned about squatters

(01:26:51):
rights and so we're just. Yeah, we can squat.
We can squat all day long. But also I do want to say you
will see from the last episode, I love the Carolina Panthers.
I know everything about CarolinaPanthers history.
I watch every game. I am not a football fan.
I love the Carolina Panthers. I love the game of football.
I'm not. I just, if it's not, my team's
not playing. I don't care.

(01:27:12):
I don't care. It could be the most spectacular
fucking game ever. People could be like, it's the
greatest game that's ever happened ever.
I don't give a fuck. I don't watch.
Do you watch any other sports like basketball or college
basketball? College basketball, if UNC is
playing and then we don't have ANBA or we don't have an MLB

(01:27:33):
team, we have ANBA team. I'm not watching that.
Look, the Hornets have never been anything.
And then I watch. All Carolina.
All Carol, I know, yeah. I don't believe people are
actual fans if they're like, youknow, I'm like Ohio State and
Duke for football or Ohio State for college basketball, Duke for
football, Kansas City for NFL. And then, you know, they're just

(01:27:54):
going to live through a list of powerhouses.
I'm just like, I don't know how that happens.
Oh well, you know my great unclehe was and my grandpa and my dad
and then, you know, my brother. And then one day when I was a
kid and then all these fucking you had this Slumdog Millionaire
life where you just liked all the best teams.
Shut the fuck up bro. Maybe you and or a person that
just likes who's popular. OK.

(01:28:15):
And listen, other people can talk shit about that because it
is corny and that is kind of selling out.
And I listen, all the teams thatI just rattled off have been
shit for a while now. They have been shit for a while
now, although the usual one that's not shit for us is UNC
and they're going through a bit of a shit pickle.
OK, It's OK. I still through thick or thin,

(01:28:35):
stick with them. That's just my thing.
All right, so. There's no baseball team.
No, we do not have a baseball team, an MLB team, all the.
40,000 like minor league teams. Brother, there's nothing for
steak like there, you know what I'm saying?
What do we got, though? The Winston Salem Dash?

(01:28:57):
The Greensboro Grasshoppers? The High Point Rockers?
High Point Rockers, The Thomasville High Toms?
The fucking Lexington has one now, too.
The Hog. I bet I could go throw a pitch
at one of those A. Hog Hog Town or something like
that. And then when they announce my
name like 4, you hear four people out of the whole thing
clap. I'll never do that shit again
bro. Oh my God, that's all again.

(01:29:18):
Again, fucking you've done. It before.
Oh, when they had me go up on that thing, I.
Didn't get to. I wasn't there for that one.
And I'm like, brother, listen, if if you have say you have a
million followers, OK, And there's 350 people, 350 million
people in America, that literally means one out of 350
people know who you are. And I tried to explain this to

(01:29:39):
him, like, cool, it's good if we're doing like ads and stuff
like that. But if we're just doing like a
I'm there, hey, not a lot of people are going to know who I
am and then I get out on that thing and then they're
announcing it and I didn't want to do it and like 4 people
clapped and I just wanted to kill myself and get off that
fucking stage. I'm like, I would rather become
part of this haunted attraction than ever do that again.

(01:30:00):
Like just kill me right now. And then he's like, yeah, throw
these beads at people. So I'm like belt pelting
children with the beads, trying to get off that fucking bridge
as fast as I could. Thank God, like my daughter went
up there and she was like, but Ijust had the time of my life and
I was like, that's great. And I'm not listen, I am not a

(01:30:21):
oh, look, people know who I am type of person.
All right. I am a friendly guy.
I'll be friendly if you mean I'll shake your hand, I'll make
a joke about, you know, sucking your Dick, eating cake with my
butt hole, something like that. Some crazy shit.
OK, But I'm not like I'm not seeking that.
I am not going anywhere. I am not like, let me put on any
kind of gear that even shows whoI am.

(01:30:42):
I love when I shave my face and people don't recognize me.
For some reason people recognizeme more.
I'm like, oh, I'm in Incognito mode.
That's why I after that I did love the spooky woods thing
because it's dark. And he said we're welcome this
year anytime we want to come. Oh, really?
Yeah, without all the. Without it, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's a good dude. Yeah, he donated some stuff to

(01:31:03):
my daughter's school. That's cool.
He's a he's just a really good dude.
So yeah. Yeah, it'd be fun to dress up
though, and to like be like a zombie out there.
That I wanted to do that at least once, and I guess all we
have to do is just go buy the makeup thing, yeah.
We can. We can be for performers instead
of do. You want to do that like at a,

(01:31:23):
just like. Yeah, I'm down for it.
Last time it was fucking cold though, man, that was.
What the last time that we went?No, it wasn't.
It was pleasant. Yeah.
I don't remember being cold how many times.
The one time it did get cold, though, was when it was like
walked through that water feature and yeah, and we got
fucking soaked. That pipe was leaking.
That's what I remember from and also I'm thinking about the

(01:31:44):
Christmas. The Christmas one that 1 was
fucking I. Didn't go to that one.
That one hurt. I was like, listen, I don't, I
don't know what global warming'sdoing, but it's not doing
enough. I'm trying to have Florida,
Florida winters down here. All right, So this last bit of
advice we're going to get on before we wrap this whole thing
up is should I that's it. Look, tantalize me, daddy.

(01:32:04):
Like that's all I want to be tantalized.
I see, Should I? I'm like, I don't know what they
should. So I'm ready to read this story.
Tantalized. Hey, Mike, you tubby roll.
OK, that's an insult. So I got to get this, right?
Hey, Mike, you tubby Roly Poly lacking a beard.
Right? And Dylan, I don't have one
because you don't have a last name.
OK, It's Mike, You tubby, Roly Poly, lacking a beard.

(01:32:27):
Right? That was the whole 1:00.
Not that good. Not that good.
What was the other one? You tubby?
I can't remember you got. To get that one because that one
is fucking. And then Dylan, I don't have a
last name because you don't havea last name.
I'm pretty sure if you just likeGoogle the podcast you find out
his last name. So I've been listening to the

(01:32:50):
podcast for a while and they always ask for comments and
people to rate their podcast. Should I comment on their stuff
or just keep not doing it and laughing my ass off under my
wealth helmet at work? PS conspiracy theory.
Y'all had a big turn out at the reach around behind the Denny's
but are pretending some more people come out next one come
out to the next one. Clever fellas.
That did not happen. I was not exhausted.

(01:33:11):
The next podcast, which was shotthe next day.
So that's how you know if I was if I was giving it my all with a
bunch of reach around I. Totally thought that that one
guy in the blue car was coming I.
Really think he was and he just didn't see us because he stopped
and like waited and like turned around.
Turned around. How's that?
If he would have just looked at the parking lot next to him at
the Ruby Tuesdays, yeah, he'd have been like, there they are

(01:33:33):
just sitting. We watched.
Him, we need to go ahead and invest in sandwich boards.
Well, obviously next time we're going to plan it not on fucking
Father's. And we're probably going to do
it like months ahead of time andlike hiking up a fucking closed
down restaurant and probably on a Saturday did not jive
together. Probably on a Saturday, not at a
closed restaurant. Maybe in a field somewhere.

(01:33:53):
Not on Father's Day. Definitely not on Father's Day.
Well, see, that was the thing with my class reunion is like
everybody's talking about it andthey're like, well, maybe next
time we'll do it at like this place or this place or this
place. And like, we had ours at a camp
spot like like not. Let's do like a spooky dooky
March through Lexington on like Saturday.

(01:34:15):
The Saturday before Halloween. We all dress up like turds or
something like that. Like legit turds.
Like just pieces of shit, just this podcast is shit.
Look, and we all dress up like shits and we all just fucking
March through Lexington. So we're wearing like the clever
Sykes. We're all dressed like turds,
like actual dookie. Maybe we could paper mache.
Oh, that. 'D be cool.

(01:34:36):
People come with their paper mache turd makes.
Really cool paper mache turd costumes.
I don't know. Are we going like turd emoji or
like realistic turd? Dookie like yeah, I want shit
and just crazy shit costumes everybody has crazy just Doo Doo
costumes and we. Could get the news out for that
thing. We could, we could and we

(01:34:56):
should. Protest something in the in the
thing like we. Should protest the stupidest
thing. Let's have the stupidest fucking
protest in Lexington. Let's protest.
Being closed on Mondays. Fuck yeah.
No, God, look, we're going to think of the protests.
If somebody looks, send in your best protest.

(01:35:18):
I mean we. Could like totally get fucked in
Lexington by like talking shit about the BBQ.
We, we would be like cast out ofthe city.
Yeah, we would be. We would be thrown out.
But guys, send in your best thing that we could protest
Innocuous, OK, Nothing political.
Make it super fucking innocuous.I think this is actually a good

(01:35:40):
idea. Look, mandatory luck, OK?
Because so many people are mad about the pit bull thing.
So let's do Toddlers need to be mandatorily trained on how to.
Act around a. Self-defense against pit bulls.
That's it. That's on India.

(01:36:01):
Old people too. Yeah, yeah, old people and pit
bulls have to have mandatory training, but how do we cope
with a protest? But it needs to be worded in a
way that it's like, you know something about them getting
like getting along like. By the next podcast, I'll we
will have this fleshed out. All right, so guys, look, I
think we settled it the weekend,the Saturday before Halloween.

(01:36:24):
This is the we're in. It's basically two months away.
Two months away. Over two months away.
We will we will flesh this out more.
We will come up with slogans forit.
We will start paper machine. Yeah, we will start making our
signs. Paper machine costumes.
This is it guys. This is the.
The reach around behind Denny's that never.

(01:36:47):
That never was, except for we'reall going to dress like dookie
and then we're going to protest.Protest for the mandatory
training of toddlers and old people against pit bulls.
What is it? What is it called?
It's like, it's not diversity training.
It's it's like talking about training, like at work where

(01:37:07):
you're like training. Sensitivity training, yeah.
But toddler sensitivity training, right?
Yeah. Something or other, I don't
know. Or training pit bulls.
Not the sensitivity training forpit bulls to stop eating
toddlers and old people, but we got to have it made.
Like obviously spell out something funny like the fat
cock protest or something like that, and we're all dressed like

(01:37:28):
shit. I don't know why we're dressed.
Like shit. We are going to do this.
Maybe we have. We got to make it like form to
dookie now. Do you really think that like?
No, look, we have half the people.
Look, I'll leave the baby squad.Yeah, we'll be dressed like
babies. OK.
I'll be the part of the baby squad.
You be part of the old people squad.

(01:37:49):
And then we'll have some people dressed as pitbulls.
However many wants to come as pitbulls.
But some have to be babies, somehave to be old people.
And then it's like a a March, but like the babies and the old
people are kind of running. Oh, they're.
Racing each other. No.
Yeah, and the pitbulls are behind it.
We mean, you're no harm, right? Yes, we're no harm.
We want to coexist and it's the coexistence of old peoples.

(01:38:10):
And I don't know, we got to think about this.
Listen, guys, if you want to support us on Patreon, you can
go to Patreon slash Mike and Dylan, or just look us up on
Patreon. Also if you want advice.
Also, if you want to submit yourwildest sex experience, go to
mikeanddylan.com. MIKEANDDY, lan.com.
If you want to talk more about the ideas behind this March,

(01:38:30):
we're going to have the weekend before Halloween.
Join the subreddit MADHD. That that's a easier place to
access me and me and Dylan, as long as you don't like
back-to-back spam some memes because there's only so many I
can comment on. Guy, I don't know Pickle Rick.
Yeah, Pickle Rick, that does it.He's probably like, man, Mike's
not talking about the Pickles. You do a lot, brother.
You're very passionate about posting memes.

(01:38:51):
I can't keep up with all that stuff.
And also if you go to laborllama.com, LABOR lama.com,
you could find this gear that wemade for hard working
individuals. We have a promo code M ADHD 30.
It's 30% off anything in the store and we love you and we
will see you next time later Gotthink about this protest
brother.

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AKWARD Bedroom Stories | MADHD EP48 |

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}AKWARD Bedroom Stories | MADHD EP48 |