Crystal RETURNS!!! With a Wild UPDATE! | MADHD Ep33 | - Mike and Dylan HATE! Drama

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Bear never bow down Mike and Dylan hate drama, but the Bow
Wow. Oh, are we rolling?
Yeah, we're rolling. Oh man.
Welcome back to another episode of Mike and Dylan Hate Hate
Drama where we give you guys advice to help you, the
listener, get through the everyday struggles of living
because God knows there are thousands.

(00:21):
I think in today's episode we have the 1st update Mike and
Dylan Hates Drama has ever received.
Yep, from a submission story. And it is wild.
We have a couple stories. We have a what do you call the
audio ones? Collins, We have a call in which
is dope. And you can find that on the
website mikeanddylan.com, MIKEANDDY, lan.com.

(00:43):
And per usual, you can submit stories or you can submit.
Asking for advice. Yeah, like they're, they're
submissions. We don't submit submissions.
We don't typically read the onesthat are just like, hey, we love
the show. So like if you want advice from
something, you want to tell us aasshole story.
And at the end, you could put how much you love the show and

(01:05):
we'll probably be more biased onyour side.
You can be like, hey, I'm a, youknow, drug dealer.
My wife just left me because I do all these drugs and.
I only sell drugs to children. That's it.
Yeah, only two children and onlyfentanyl and amounts that I know
will cause them to overdose. But love the show guys.
And I was like, well, you're obviously she needs to just
enjoy the money, OK? And shut the fuck up.

(01:25):
You're upstanding, citizen. All right, so we're going to
read the original story and the original ghost.
Am I the asshole for cutting ties with my friend Dear Mike
and Dylan? I'm sorry I didn't make it to
the June 15th reach around behind the Denny's in
Thomasville, NC extravaganza. I was ready for a Mike reach
around but I don't live in the area.

(01:46):
This is my girlfriend's story, Crystal.
All names are fake. She feels really upset because
she is losing a friend and needsadvice.
Crystal, 40 female and Heaven, 34, female both work together.
They bonded over their relationship issues and
drinking. Heaven has two kids, John and
Jess. I just smiled if you were
watching the the video 1 and that is because I know the twist

(02:08):
is coming. You mean you just smiled if
you're listening to the audio one?
Whatever, if you're watching thevideo one OK and I apologize to
the person who put this in, but I am going to smile because it's
fucked all right and we will getthrough this together OK?
Crystal and I started to work onour relationship and we started
to drink less which really helped.

(02:30):
Having continued to fight with Herman to the point where they
were in screaming matches in front of the kids and one would
leave and then come back a couple hours later.
Heaven would tell Crystal about how she was craving sex because
Herman could not have sex with her due to medical and
relationship issues. Heaven started to hang out with
an old friend of hers, Dennis, before male, who is a drug
addict and has allegedly allegedly had sexual relations

(02:51):
with a 16 year old. Yesterday, Heaven told Crystal
that she took Jess and her friend Kim, 16, female, to
Dennis's house. She told the kids it's for a
Wellness check but it was reallyfor some male attention.
Crystal told her that she's not OK with that due to past traumas
and the guy is obviously gross. Crystal and I said that if she
wants to be destructive to not bring the kids and get them
involved. Heaven told Crystal about how

(03:12):
much fun the kids had and Heavenhas never heard them laugh like
that before. They all got home at 5:00 AM
last night. Crystal and Heaven had a long
talk about the whole situation. Crystal tried to tell her that
it is wrong, that this is the wrong path that could lead to
something bad happening to Jess and her friend.
Heaven was making excuses because she loved the attention
of another man and access to drugs.
Crystal decided that the best course of action is to cut ties

(03:34):
with Heaven and focus on us. So Mike and Dylan, is Crystal
the asshole for cutting ties with Heaven because of her bad
decision making? In the original we said Crystal
was not the asshole. Obviously if your friend is
hanging out with a drug dealer and doing drugs.
A pedophile drug. Dealer a pedophile drug dealer
then that is terrible. We then received an update on

(03:55):
our Reddit which is MADHD. If you guys want to fucking
join, how about fucking join theReddit?
OK come hang out with us and post shit and just let's all
pick on each other. God.
Update on Crystal and Heavy's story.
You won't believe. Hey Mike and Dylan, it was me
who wrote the story about my GF,my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend

(04:16):
Crystal and her friend Heaven. So Crystal went to hang out with
a friend of hers from work yesterday night.
She didn't come back until 11 with a text saying we need to
talk. She then told me that she
cheated on me with a random guy she met.
So I politely told her to get her shit and get the fuck out to
what she did. After she left, I made sure to
tell Heaven's man what she was doing behind her back or behind

(04:38):
his back. Sorry.
So at around 2:00 I get a call from an unknown number.
I pick it up and it's fucking Dennis.
He's telling me that the whole thing with the minor was
made-up, he's gay, and he's never had sex with Heaven.
He then tells me Crystal has been making up stories about
Dennis so she can go over there with Heaven and have sex with at
least three different guys and doing ice with them.

(05:01):
Ice is methamphetamines, guys. God damn.
He sent me all the text messagesto prove it.
I asked him why he called me andhe said he wanted to clear the
hit the air with Heaven's man. I'll let him know the whole
story. Crystal then changes her
relationship status from in a relationship to single back to
in a relationship with this methhead.
Listen, I know what I did was right.

(05:23):
Kick that bitch out. I just couldn't believe how this
whole story ends. This is your story brother.
Listen, I apologize that happened to you.
In a couple of years you're going to realize how much of A
blessing in disguise it is because a she cheated on you.
That's horrible. That's something you never do.
No matter how look, I don't knowhow you are in a relationship,

(05:45):
but it is never, it's never OK. No matter how bad the person is
to say I am committed to you andthen go fuck somebody else.
Never cool. On top of that, doing the meth
look, like I said in a cup it might not even take that.
Months. Weeks.
Right now you can't tell me you ain't hurt.

(06:06):
Look a from the first story you were believing the lies and that
sucks, OK? And you do want to believe the
person that is closest to you itit sucks Dick.
In a couple of months you're going to realize that the
essentially the best course of action played out.
And I hope you do find that person that is your person that
is willing to stick by you and not go fuck another guy while

(06:28):
doing meth. We'll see.
The crazy thing is it's like, I'm thankful she came home and
told him right then because technically she could have kept
covering this shit up. And so like, really, this is the
best course of action is she came clean, which then gets you
to just be like, fuck you bitch,you're gone.
And so now you get like, and yougot to figure out a little bit
of the, the behind the scenes ofwhat life she was telling

(06:50):
because you went and like rightfully or wrongfully, I
mean, I, I think you were doing the right thing saying what you
said. However, it is a lie.
So now you got to correct that. But like technically you got to
hear all the details. And it wasn't just one guy, it
was 3 fucking guys. And so like you dodged a bullet
big time. And it's not.
Easy, you can't convince me heaven ain't completely

(07:12):
innocent. No, probably not.
Like I think that maybe what she's going on ain't as bad as
like 3 guys with meth. I also just has meth going on at
his house so obviously not a good guy.
I don't give a fuck if he's gay or not.
He's inviting people to come smoke meth at his house and fuck
three different guys over there.So I'm not going to say that I
trust Dennis's word on a goddamnthing.

(07:34):
Dennis can come up and tell me what the fuck ever and I can see
it with my own eyes. I'm still not going to trust
Dennis. All right, well.
The crazy thing is like we don'treally know technically if she
fucked the guys over at his house or they were doing ice at
his house. Like we just know that that was
going on. Like, I mean, technically he
could just be the guy that's in the know because he's the gay
guy that's friends with the girls.
And like, I'm not throwing heaven under the bus and saying

(07:54):
that she's guilty, but I'm also not saying she's innocent.
The The thing is. Saying he's gay.
The fucking I know he sent you texts that prove things to you,
but brother, look, we're going to have a heart to heart right
now. You do be believing stuff.
Well, I mean, you, you do believe your significant other.
Like I mean, you do like it's it's just natural.
And my thing is with heaven though, is like Heaven could be

(08:16):
completely innocent in this and it could just be Crystal
projecting through that story totry and be like, Oh, I got to go
over there to protect my friend.And there might not be.
Actually, that might just be herexcuse.
Like guys do like, oh, I'm goingto go do this thing with the
guys and then they go off and fuck some girl.
So like it, it could Heaven could be innocent, Dennis could
be innocent. Not saying they are, but like

(08:36):
really the only person that was responsible to you was Crystal
and she was. Shit, one time one of my wife's
friends got angry with me and I didn't even know they were angry
until we got back home. So we go to like a celebration
station or something. I fucking forget what it is, but
it's a place where you go and play games and shit.
So there's another friend there,and this other friend talks

(09:00):
about how crazy and abusive her boyfriend is and, like, he beats
on her all the time and does allthis shit.
OK, so then we're sitting at a table and they're talking about
something. And you know how, like, you're a
dude. You don't give a fuck what
they're talking about. You're just like, paying
attention to the world around you.
Well, it starts to click what they're talking about.
And like, shit starts like, you know, coming back into focus for
me. And I'm like, what?
And they're like, well, yeah, soif he asks, she's going to like

(09:26):
a like a friend that we know she's going over there to hang
with them, but really, she's going to go meet another guy and
fuck him. And she was mad because she was
like, she was like, you could tell.
Like Michael's face was just sitting there and just.
I'm like, yeah, like you're telling me your horrorish
activities. And they're like, oh, you did
that stuff when I was young. Yeah.

(09:47):
When I was young and dumb and like, I wasn't fucking married
to somebody and I didn't have a kid with him or some shit, you
know what I'm saying? Like.
Break it off. When I was fucking stupid.
Also, that aside the the cheating aside, didn't you just
say this man was like beating you and he was going to kill
you? What do you think is the straw
that breaks the camel's back here?
When when he finds out you're all fucking some other guy.

(10:08):
Come to find out I've never heard a girl post anything about
the dude. He's still friends with me on
Facebook. Never heard a girl post anything
about the guy about him beating him or anything like that.
Comes off as just kind of like anormal fucking guy.
So some bitches, some guys, OK, we're fucking all inclusive God
God damn. But people make shit up about

(10:29):
the other person to make their actions seem not as bad.
They do that and they do it in their head too.
They'll make up that you are a terrible fucking person to
validate the shit that they are doing to.
Well, he didn't actually beat me, he just said really mean
things to me and I felt like it.Was going to beat me, but
literally, like, she had sent mea message about like, you
couldn't even keep a straight face when she told you that.

(10:49):
Who? Yeah, your wife said that.
No, my wife's friend did. Oh, OK.
And I was like, yeah, I don't want to fucking be behind the
scenes on that shit. Like, I don't give a fuck.
Like, why do I have to be in theknow?
Why? Also, why am I involved?
Yeah, like he's not going to hitme up and be like, hey, what is?
And they were just like, can you, because I remember somebody
saying, can you fix your face? Because I'm not a guy who tends

(11:12):
to like hold anything back. I'm.
Surprised you didn't say anything in the moment.
Oh yeah, I was like making jokesor something like that.
I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't fucking I didn't hear the plans
to fucking, you know, get a story together while she goes
and she goes and horse activities was brought up to.
They were mad about that, but I was like, I can't help your

(11:32):
friends. I'll slut.
I'm like, what do you want me todo?
I don't fucking control my face.Well, yeah, it's 100% different
when somebody is single and sleeping around and somebody is
married and sleeping around. Like those are two totally
different scenarios. Like a single girl, yeah, she
doesn't owe anything to anybody.You know, like, if you want to
call her a slut, that's on you. But like I mean.
It's their big thing. Their big arguing point was that

(11:55):
when I had met Amy, who is my wife now, I was dating this
girl, but we had only been together for six months.
And also I was like 19, she was 17.
And like she was the one where her parents would not let her
fucking do anything. So we really didn't get to see
each other either. And then she was also the one

(12:16):
that like, we had broken up for like a month and then she
rattled off like 19 people she had slept with.
In a month. Yeah, yeah, in a month.
And I was like, God damn. Like she was like trying to get
me to admit that I had slept with this one girl she didn't
like. Which, listen, yes, I was like
cheating. I was a 19 year old kid.
Yeah. Nothing about that relationship
is committed. Also, does that like abstain me
from any fault? No.

(12:37):
Like I was a terrible person that.
Well, I was just young and dumb,honestly.
Like if if someone's like, you know, they cheated on their
partner with four different people and they're like, they're
36, I'm like, that's terrible. If they were like they're 18,
I'd be like, I don't think it was dumb.
That's when the yeah, it was dumb.
I don't think that's when like the serious shit starts.

(12:58):
Like, I'm sorry if that happens to you when you're young.
Which is why we told that one kid who is like falling in love
with that girl who just said heyto him to possibly like take a
step back before you get your heart broke once again.
Man, I am sorry that this is happening to you.
I do think that eventually it will be a blessing in disguise.
Well. I.
Mean it is like at no point it'snot gonna be like 2 years from

(13:20):
now she's gonna be the CEO of big business.
This ain't a Darman fucking goddamn video where it's like
they judged her because she smoked meth while sucking off 3
guys and just having a Dick party with meth but then became
CEO and now you're the janitor at her company.
No, fucking it doesn't work likethat.
So my wife started watching the Martha Stewart story like I
guess there's like a documentaryon Netflix or something.

(13:43):
And Martha Stewart herself was talking about like how her
husband was like cheating on herwith like all these guys and or
all these girls. I'm sorry all these women like
it's. Different because like how it's
so like, I'm mad but mad that you lied to me, OK.
And you was like, yeah, you loveme when you don't even love me.

(14:03):
Types like me, species like that.
But no, he was sleeping around with like all these attractive
women and everything. And then the interviewers like,
but didn't you have an affair like with this other guy before
he started cheating on you? She's like, yeah, but he didn't
know about it. And he the interviewers like,
no, he, he said he knew about it.
He said you told him about it. And and then like my wife's like

(14:27):
I was just trying to point out that like accountability just
like flew right beyond her, right like.
Well, was she in prison when he was doing it?
No, this was like when she was like freshly married.
Like they went on like this fivemonth like honeymoon tour, are
they? Still married.
No, but like they they went out and then she like slept with
this the way that she described it was like this very beautiful
Irish man and like she fucked him and then and then afterwards

(14:51):
like he started sleeping around on her and but like she just
tried to like avoid the accountability of her going
outside the marriage initially did not take any sort of like
blame for that at all. And then like, I guess while she
was out, she like was like kissing some other person at
some other thing. And like, no, it's not her fault
at all. Like she didn't like ruin the

(15:11):
marriage prior to that. And then they were just staying
together because like, you know,whatever we're.
God Bless America, like Jesus Christ.
So yeah, I went around and fucked some bitches too.
Like just just divorce bro. Just like just just cut it off.
An Irish man is like, you never hear that.
Like I just saw this beautiful Irish man.
You. Know what they say about the
Irish? So it's not 12 inches, but it

(15:35):
smells like a foot, so maybe Dick.
Look, we said it without having to put it at the end, of course,
so don't fold. The mouse is going to be real
fucking happy about that. And it's early in the episode,
too. All right, what the hell did I
do? The city I work for is selling
the zoo I work at. Hey Mike and Dylan, love the

(15:57):
content. Never thought I would be sending
in a submission but shit has hitthe fan at work and I'm at my
wit's end and was curious to hear some advice.
So I'm kind of hesitant on reading the story.
Because he was never going to submit.
Well, how many zoos are getting sold right now?
I'm just saying you don't know what could happen.
I just did the whole all 2 daddies.

(16:17):
So you know that could be the thing, but that people share it
could be a mean thing. You don't fucking know what
makes people be like I like thisnow, but then the zoo sees it
and they feed this person to a crocodile and then that's on us.
Well, he he had originally put the town in there and then
decided to take the town out so.So he doesn't want to.

(16:39):
I mean, brother, how many zoos are getting sold?
Listen, rest in peace, this beautiful submitter.
I will look in the belly of the crocodile.
I will. I am a zookeeper in a small city
in Texas. Narrow it down even more and we
are currently up shit Creek without a paddle.
The reason being is that this city is selling to an

(17:02):
organization that has zero experience in the field of
exotic animals. Son, when it comes to money, you
don't have to have experience with nothing.
All right, we fucked in. We make these animals jump, they
say how high and we get the dollars.
OK, the sale is very immoral as the city gives 0 shits on
whether or not we have jobs after the sale is done because
the new buyers don't want to keep the old staff and this is

(17:23):
in the contract that they are signing.
On top of that, the lady buying the zoo is coming up here with
her staff causing problems, stress and drama.
She's also requesting that the city have us train her staff
before we are fired. So what should we do?
I'm curious to hear both Dylan'scalm, cool and collected take as
here as well as to hear what Mike has to say.
I am hoping that the staff can have a good enough laugh with
how y'all present stuff. So look, and anybody's take

(17:47):
should be this, don't fucking well God damn it.
Because here's the thing, if youdon't fucking train them, you
know animals are going to be malnourished, they're going to
get fucking treated poorly. So in any other circumstance, I
would not tell somebody to trainyour replacement.
On the other hand, there's fucking innocent animals on the
other side of this. So I would, I would suggest like

(18:09):
just show them a little bit of stuff, especially if there's
like complete ineptitude about like the new staff that's coming
B you know, handling animals isn't, isn't the the easiest
thing to do. There's a lot of strict
regulations and shit like that. So I would also take the
opportunity while you're training to maybe try to get

(18:31):
some dirt on some fucking peoplethere.
And obviously if this lady's bringing in her own staff, she
has like connections with these people, especially if you could
find the connections with like some of the bigger wigs that are
at that are there and you can anything.
I mean, listen, I guarantee you Texas is not a two party state.
You can secretly record shit. North Carolina's one party
state. I'd be recording like a

(18:51):
motherfucker everything I fucking could.
Because if you can really get that dirt to at least, you know,
postpone either the sale or the actual, you know, running of the
zoo, which hopefully, hopefully listen.
And it does suck for you becauseyou were losing a job.
Hopefully the staff is not inept.
They're not bad people. And they come in and they treat
the animals right. And and the the stress and drama

(19:14):
is just, you know, a company moving from one hand to another
or, you know, 1 competent hand to a hand of yeah, I'd like to
run a zoo. That's a mic.
Shit. If Mike had money just be like a
zoo, I could do that, bro. Easy.
Fucking elephants. What do you feed them?
Peanuts, bro? That's it.
Feed them peanuts. Say hey, good elephant.
Like you're not like Barnum and Bailey out there whipping them.

(19:35):
But yeah, just just let's suss them out.
It does give you an opportunity to suss them out.
I guarantee you that being in Texas, there's not a shortage of
wildlife reserves, zoos and shitlike that.
So I do think you'll be able to land somewhere relatively
decent. And also training that staff for
the benefit of the animals does give you time to find a job

(19:55):
somewhere else at another zoo. It is a really hard predicament
that you're going in because anyother time I would say punch
them in the face, tell them suckyour Dick or train them wrong in
the funniest goddamn way possible.
But when there's like innocent life on the other side of that,
like. Listen, fuck a crocodile, I
don't want to see one getting starved to death in a fucking
zoo like nothing. Hey, I think zoos are shitty
anyways. Well, we've all we've all

(20:17):
watched Tiger King, so. Never walked into a zoo and been
like wow these animals look happy that we're here.
They're always like confused or depressed or sad.
I've never seen a happy animal. Like all the animals look like
they would rather be anywhere else than at a fucking zoo.
And I get it, you know, it's good for research or whatever
the fuck y'all say to make yourself feel better.
But I don't want to see an animal get treated any worse

(20:39):
than already being at a zoo. So I do say stay there.
Train them. If you see something shitty
going on, try to document it, record it.
Like I said, a zoo has all theseregulations that they have to
uphold. If any shitty shit comes out
that will either postpone the opening or because, you know,
once it's open, that's usually when the treatment gets worse.
People are more concerned about,you know, the customers coming

(21:01):
through the gate than the animals.
So I don't know Dylan can give his advice, but that's the best
I got. So my thing is, is you have a
livelihood, so go ahead and start looking for your job no
matter what. Like, and I'm sorry, but like if
you get a job and they want you to come before you finish up
training these people, you dip, you got to take care of your
life and your your situation. You don't want to like wait on

(21:23):
the line just so that you can make sure these animals are OK.
That's not your responsibility. I don't want the animals to be
mistreated and all that, but ultimately you've got a
responsibility to you and your family and all that stuff.
So take care of yourself. Number one.
I don't think it's bad if you were to stick around and train
them. However, like that, my take was

(21:45):
going to be like, go back to theplace and keep viewing how the
animals are being taken care of.Like what's their condition,
What's their health afterwards? Like go ahead and do that
investigative. Like, oh shit, the fucking
tigers lost like 50 lbs since we've left.
Like what's going on here? And and then do report any, any
sort of abuse or anything that you can see if they're not

(22:06):
properly taking care of them. But like Mike said, like you can
do that while training to like see if anybody's not holding up
their end of the bargain. And if they aren't, then, you
know, try to get them taken out so that a new person can come in
that actually does care. Ultimately, I think probably the
people that are going to be working with the animals
everyday probably will care justlike you do, just like, you

(22:27):
know, probably your other fellowemployees.
But in order to make sure that those are safe, like, yeah, you
can do a little behind the scenes, whether it's wear metal
glasses or a fucking Insta 360, like go ahead and do the
investigative part of it to ensure that those animals are
cared for properly, but you aren't responsible for them.
You take care of your own. And then I have a little.

(22:50):
Thing to add here. The thing is though, is zoo
customer, you know, viewer at a zoo sees terrible shit going on
is not a headline employee at said zoo because if you're
training staff, you are an employee.
See shit going on. That's a that's a lot bigger 1.

(23:12):
And I'm not saying like, of course, like if you're training
the people, you know, you're going to get fired.
You always need to have a job lined up.
And if the other zoo for whatever reasons, like no, don't
work a two week nose, you come here now.
Hey, they're gonna fucking run your ragged.
You better get some squinchers. Well, no, they'll, they'll like,
all I'm saying is if in the two weeks you're not gonna train
these people up in two weeks, solike, don't wait two months to

(23:34):
try and go looking for a job, goahead and start that process now
because you know, you're losing them.
So. And The thing is though, with
that is like, you're still gonnabe in there behind the scenes
training. But like, if you have footage of
how healthy these animals were while you guys are running it,
and then you can compare it to like, look at how sickly these
animals are. Now that is still a story.

(23:54):
Like former employee also bringing up the topic.
Something we have not thought about.
You said that a lady was buying it.
You did not say that. Like a corporation or there was
a guy there too. So rich lady coming in, maybe
she likes animals, wants to run a zoo.
You're very knowledgeable about these animals.
Maybe you what? Was her name Carol Baskins?
You can't touch, don't talk shitabout it.

(24:15):
They'll put you in jail. Which, listen, Tiger King was
like raping young men with meth.Yeah, which is a thing.
So let's keep that guy behind bars.
Like if, if he's somebody DonaldTrump, like him or hate him, if
he's someone that he won't pardon.
Probably means he's. He should probably be in there.
They're like, these were, if somebody had your 18 year old

(24:37):
kid doing meth and fucking them and they're not gay, fucking
keep that guy in prison. Yeah, keep that.
Keep him locked away in a cell. And he made multiple, multiple,
multiple. Like, I mean what Liver King is
getting in trouble for right now.
Like he made those same threats against fucking Carol Baskins.
Liver King versus kicking the Liver King.
Listen, that's a terrible I would never like Carol Baskins.

(24:59):
That's easy. Like I feel like Tiger King
could beat up Carol Baskins. On no planet could Liver King
actually beat up someone who trains every single fucking day.
And it's just built like a muscular meatball like Joe Rogan
is. Like, it's just not going to
happen. Yeah, this is not going to
happen. But you could swing that Lady
fucker and then you get the keysto the Kingdom.
You get all the riches. That's another take you haven't

(25:20):
even thought of. And then technically all those
animals become your animals and you're like their dad.
So and then there's a Netflix just fucking the lady.
OK, before we jump to any crazy fucking conclusions, just try
having sex with her, all right? What if he's married?
Does your wife have a whole zoo in much money is.
She Poly polyamorous. Is your wife polyamorous?

(25:43):
Because if she is, I can alreadyimagine you have a Mohawk and
multiple piercings. All right, I don't know.
Technically, I just shed it on people with mohawks.
It's always people with like thestraight hair that looks really
greasy and that's all I got bluetips on it.
And then the multiple piercings and they always look like they

(26:04):
just got out of a really hot car.
So but yeah, we, I hope, I hope that was enough to solve your
problems. Fucking Jesus Christ.
Oh yeah, this ones for you. Why me?
Why does it look like I'm fucking diagnosing?
Let's play the audio. It's my phones over there.
You have to grab it for me. Oh man, I don't want to play the

(26:27):
audio with the fan going though,because I don't want the noise
cancellation to be taken out thefan and then we're going to.
Dub it over with the regular audio right I.
Guess. Yeah, a little behind the
scenes, we dub it over with the video or the audio that we
actually have. So you don't get the through the
mic audio. Which is not that much better,
but yeah, no. If you guys do a voice

(26:47):
submission, just make sure you're not like driving in a
car. Make sure nice windows.
Up. Yeah, because we we, we get
like. This one has some turn signal in
it though. Does it we just get some just
like going down the highway, allfour windows down, just hey,
Mike and Dylan fucking love you guys.
Most is Ricky from Oklahoma? Yeah, shout out.
Ricky shout out Ricky bro every day.
Calls us every day. Every day, bro, if I have nobody

(27:09):
checking on in on me, I know I got Ricky checking in on me.
And I'm sorry we don't play all of them, Ricky, but we still
love you. What's up, Mike and Dylan?
It's Eric. So my thing is, I worked a
technical job, worked for years,got to the point where you know

(27:32):
you're tired of you're like shit, I can't wait till this
shit's over with yadda, yadda. Well I got to that point and I
got that shiny shoes job by the desk and this has gotten old
quick. Like I can't even I don't even
feel productive doing this job it's so freaking easy.

(27:53):
But I'm stuck. Like I don't know if I want to
go back to the floor and then start breaking myself again, or
do I just figure out how to grind this office lifeout that
these other dudes. I always just like super chill
with it. And I guess coming from the the

(28:14):
floor, you're like you expect more from people.
I guess the people around you. I'm not sure, but it's just it's
starting to get starting to get old.
I don't know. Let me know what you guys say.
Take care we. Will take care.
Wow. Well, what a what a beautiful
way to end that. Want to be like Delilah?

(28:35):
Everybody's heard of that bitch.Yeah, everybody's heard of her.
I didn't. I thought that was like a North
Carolina. Oh no.
Everywhere. I thought that was like a
Lexington NC. But here's the thing.
So there is a reason why people on the floor hate on management
because we see how little when like y'all motherfuckers in the
office. Why is it every time we got 100%
success rate of walking into theoffice, y'all Dick it off like

(28:58):
doing nothing. Just sitting there talking, two
people just talking. There is, it is a lighter
workload. Like it is not as strenuous as
breaking your fucking back, grinding down your knuckles,
destroying your fucking ankles, your knees, all that shit.
It is a lot lighter. And if you are wanting to be
more productive, nobody is stopping you from doing more.

(29:18):
I understand once you get into the rhythm of doing less.
Like I said, I, you know, workedin a box shop 12 hours, seven
days a week. And I moved up to a management
position and I told, I told stories about, you know, going
out to lead man, and how the fucking supervisor would just be
like, yeah, let's just hang out and smoke cigarettes.
I'm like, I feel like we're doing nothing.
And then I went back to doing something and it did suck.
OK, it will suck going back to that.

(29:40):
And I assume you are probably being paid more.
So if you want to find that productivity, and it doesn't
even have to be productivity pertaining to the fucking
company, you can just fucking start working on your own shit.
You know, as long as you're not fucking around and it's taking
time out of what you normally do, start working on your own
shit. Fucking little sideways to make
money learning new fucking skills or something like that.
Make some of those fantasy novels that the women all like

(30:02):
to listen to. Make some make some Twilight pen
pics where Edward and. Jacob.
Yeah, where Edward and Jacob, they push Bella to the side and
they find out they actually havea blossoming relationship and
they have little vampire werewolf babies.
All right, Just you could do that.
But there's a reason why people on the floor have that

(30:23):
resentment. They're in there busting their
ass. The workload is more spread out
in the in the office. It is delegated a lot better.
It is air conditioned and you are sitting down and it just
feels like you're not sitting there busting your fucking ass.
So I'm going to say I understand.
You start yearning for the grindagain.

(30:44):
You're starting to get a little bit fat.
That is a good thing. Maybe work out, do a little
joggy thing, get a stand up desk.
You don't need to go back to thefloor because you're going to
immediately regret it. And it's really hard to get a
position like that. Just soak up all the experience
you can. If you want to move into
something different, maybe what you're doing in the office is
not for you. You could try to move into sales
or something like that, but where you're at now, it's going

(31:05):
to be a lot easier to move from different departments inside of
an office than it is if you wereon the floor.
So stick with what you're doing,maybe start hanging out with
some other people in a differentdepartment that you want to be
in. Don't just go back to the floor
though, because you were going to immediately realize that
you're fucked up. Well, yeah, that's the big thing
is like, yes, it's not as productive, but you can be as
productive as you want. Like your your job is to do sad

(31:27):
things and like you can find other things.
Like when I was working at the pipeline, I worked on Excel
spreadsheets that weren't necessary, but like I was coming
up with like a new system that we were going to do.
And I just fucking sat there andGoogled and just did shit just
for. Does that sound like all the
pubs GE played? Oh, no, we did a lot of that.
But that that was actually, thatwas actually more when I was

(31:48):
working like the manual side of things than I did when I was
really. Yeah, that was more like when I
was like a Rover and stuff like that.
But I mean, we worked at a box shop, we were still busting our
ass and playing fucking Call of Duty Mobile.
And we just fucking go in there and I had four fingers like
mastered and I'd be fucking people would just be like this
and I'd be like jumping around and fucking just like, and then

(32:09):
like, what is it? I'm like just the autism in the
ADHD. It makes me a superhuman when I
play video games. It literally does.
Like I'm fucking cracked at video games, card game, shit
like that. Yeah.
But The thing is, is like Mike said, you don't necessarily have
to stay with the bounds of what you got.
And there's plenty of ways that you can advance yourself, like

(32:30):
get all your work done and then move on to whatever the fuck you
want to do. Like, you could read other
stuff. You could like, you could read
books. You could, you know, take on
other activities. And then, yeah, if you need more
like outlet, if you're not working out now, work out in the
morning, get that energy out so that you feel like you've like
done something physical. But it the, the big thing is, is

(32:50):
you're not going to get younger.So like the people on the floor
that are, you know, 50 look likethey're 70 because they've just
put themselves through the wringer.
So don't go back to that. Like, I mean, you can, it's your
choice, but like you're not going to get younger.
Your body's not going to keep upwith it better.
So if you're just looking for that, find that in other avenues

(33:11):
and stick with the job that probably does pay better,
probably doesn't tax you as much.
You're probably not as tired when you get home.
Like go ahead and find ways to exert yourself outside of work
because then at least you're enjoying it rather than.
There's got to be at least one pretty bitch in the office, bro.
Start flirting like what are youdoing?
Like that'll make your day go by.
What about the? Married man.

(33:32):
Listen, he's probably married, but look.
But then he's going to end up fucking her because that's.
No, you don't have to do that. Jesus Christ.
It does not always end up with like fucking.
You can have a. It leads to that 90% of the time
I. Don't put myself in the position
so I fucking know so, but look man, fucking.
If you see the work receptionistmore often than you see your

(33:55):
wife, then it's going to eventually lead to something.
Look, maybe, maybe pick up some cornhole.
There you go. Put a put a cornhole board in
the office something bro. Or pick up smoking like you said
and just go and spend half your day outside at.
Least this is the least you can do.
At least get enough fucking experience.
Do it for a fucking year. So if you go back to the floor
and you're like, I fucked up, you can go somewhere else and

(34:16):
work in an office again. You don't want to just have that
floor experience and then try toget an office job somewhere else
and they're like, well, we don'tknow because you never did it
before or you make yourself. So good that you end up becoming
the boss of all the people that you say aren't doing good
enough. And then you're now you're the
boss and you're like, come on guys, now you got to fucking do
it because I'm your boss. So like, if you don't, I'm going
to fire. You bro oral plant manager like

(34:36):
he would, he would go out to lunch and then we wouldn't see
him for the rest of the day And then he'd show up at like
because we would work seven to seven.
He come back in like it's like 6:00 and the supervisor was
like, where'd you go? And he'd be like, oh, I went to
fucking Applebee's and then I started drinking and I fell
asleep in my car. Damn.
He just go right back to grow right back into his office and
was like all right, fuck. See, I had a maintenance guy, I

(34:57):
don't know whether he didn't like going home or what, but
like it didn't matter what time I drove by that plant.
Like he would always, like the maintenance supervisor was
literally always at the plant and it'd be like 11:00 on a
Saturday and I'm like what the fuck are you?
Doing. I have never understood how the
fuck every maintenance. Like, if you work in
maintenance, you're a little bitlazy, all right?
You're a little bit self absorbed.

(35:18):
Everything's operator error. You want to get off your ass and
do nothing. The maintenance supervisor is
like a goddamn drill Sergeant. So how the fuck is everybody in
maintenance so goddamn lazy? Because I've worked at many a
fucking places. Hey, my my machine.
Oh my God. Can you not see I'm working?
You're sitting on a bucket. Yeah, but I was thinking about

(35:39):
work, which is like work. I was.
Trying to solve a problem that was.
Maintenance supervisor, He's missing a limb.
Always across the board. Missing a limb, an eye, a finger
or something. All right, fucking buzz cut has
a fucking trucker hat on and everything else is like the full
goddamn maintenance uniform. And I mean in his mind he runs a

(36:00):
tight ship and his guys are fucking the most elite trained
killers of machines ever. That guy's super fucking serious
and will work 16/18/20 fucking hours.
But he was just always there. Like, I mean, he was working,
but like he was always in his office, like he was never.
And they're always turning a wrench.
Dicks the supervisor is the likeyou see where the others get it

(36:24):
from. I almost got fired because I
went on vacation for literally aweekend.
I, I was going to leave out Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I
put it in like months prior and it got to be, I think it was
Thursday. He's like, sorry, you can't, you
can't take off this weekend. We got this maintenance we got
to do like PM, we're changing our roller or something like
that. And I was like, dude, no, I put

(36:44):
that in months ago. Like you had to plan around
that. Like I'm, you knew you were
going to be a man down like you should have done this last
weekend, next weekend, whatever.But like this is not happening
this weekend. I'm going and he's like, no,
sorry, like you got to come in. So then I went and made myself
throw up. Like I stuck my finger down my
throat, had the watery eyes and everything.
I'm like, and then walked up to him, man, I'm sick.

(37:04):
I got to go home. And so I went to the beach on
Thursday and on Friday, fuck, yeah.
And then he calls. He calls on or I call in on
Friday morning. I'm like, man, I'm still feeling
sick. Like I won't be able to make it
in. He's like, well, you better show
up with the doctor's note. And I was like, OK, all right,
how? Long were y'all's preventative
maintenance, y'all's PMS. What do you mean like?
When y'all had to like shut a machine down or whatever to do

(37:25):
it. It was all day like I mean we
didn't we take down a machine like when it.
Wasn't all day and it's so crazyhow they could be in time to
make all day 2 hours or an hour and a half or look we just got
this thing coming in so this maintenance that we have to do
we just ain't going to do it andwhen the machine fucks up it's
your fault by the. Way that was actually the
weekend that they had taken the front end off of an extruder, a

(37:47):
plastic extruder and then it shot melting plastic all over
everybody and the one guy that Iwould have been working with the
I would have been like right there and got covered in hot
melted plastic too. So like I, I dodged a bullet
pretty hardcore on that one. Yeah, we had one that had like
Hotmail glue and this was at notactually at a place where it was

(38:10):
corrugated board. This was at a different place.
I was paper board. So they have one that uses
Hotmail glue and one of the maintenance guys was working on
it and it fucking exploded all over.
But he got like real fucked. I don't know if he lived.
Oh shit, yeah. Like he, I mean, that's what
happened to this guy. He got it like all over him,
like and like had 30 years burns.

(38:31):
This was in 2000. Well you said a fucking
extruder, so never mind. Yeah, I mean, it was a hot glue
extruder. Like 2021.
It was a Hotmail machine that extruded the glue through and
then put it through a head that went on.
It wasn't boxes, it was fabric. But but the thing was is like
when I got back on Monday, kind.Of like crazy right there bro.

(38:53):
If we were like. But then I I got back on.
Monday if you think. About it on Monday and my, my
boss, he's like, do you have your doctor's note?
And I was like, no, I was only out for two days.
Like I'm not. No, he's like, you were out for
three days because you were required to be here Saturday.
I was like, no, like that's overtime.
That's not mandatory. Like that's you were just

(39:14):
telling me that I had to work it, but like I was out half a
day on Thursday and then all of Friday.
So like I don't need a doctor's note.
And so like he he literally was going in to write me up and then
he got in trouble for it becausehe was being an asshole.
I was also friends with the plant manager.
So like, plant manager wasn't going to let him fire me.
Wait, is that the plant manager you talked to the other that one
time? No, that was a different one.

(39:34):
Yeah, I don't know, but yeah, itwas funny just because, like he
was trying to get me in trouble and then he actually got in
trouble for trying to get me in trouble.
Well, he was also probably in trouble for what?
It just went down on Saturday too.
Probably he was getting like a whole just cake of shit.
Yeah, they emptied out the the glue out of the extruder and so
it's supposed to be empty. But that front piece just had

(39:55):
enough like in the screw to like'cause enough pressure to build
up, 'cause they have to get it hot to take it apart, 'cause
it's basically glued together with all the glue in there.
And then once they like release the pressure on it, it just like
squirted everywhere and. I don't know what happened with
this guy, but it was like, so they were working on the machine
and they turned on one part, which the whole the whole

(40:17):
machine. Anybody who's worked in a box
shop like these are a lot different and paperboard, it's
the closest. I didn't work there long.
It's the closest thing that I can compare compared to is like
a fucking it's like a corrugator.
It puts the however fuck paperboard goes together.
Like I said, I did not work paperboard long.
I know a lot about it, like, youknow, corrugated board and how

(40:37):
that's fucking put together. But so there's this one part
that spins, so the fucking thingthat put the glue on there that
fucking I don't like I said, I don't know how paperwork goes
together. It fucking like it was like a
sack or some shit or in a box orsomething.
And that just essentially broke free and hit the fucking
ceiling. And just like spit it all on
him. He was right there and his whole
body, like whole frontal part. And they said by the time they

(40:59):
got him out, his skin was fucking peeling off and shit.
And. Because it's like 300 and some
degrees to melt that pasta. I worked with a friend that this
was in corrugated. Now we had like the hot melt
machines. So if something happened during
like when we were this was in the plant, that was like the
poor plant. They had the shitty machines
down there. So if it was running through a
machine and it didn't like glue it right, something's wrong with

(41:21):
the glue head, which I mean, happens all the all the time.
Yeah, usually you could spot that though when you're like,
why is there no fucking glue on the box?
God damn it. And then you're like fucking
running over there after you've been fucking off for a while.
We had these little spray nozzles that we had to like go
and like poke hole, like poke back open again and then hope
that the spray would actually like spray back out.
Because like the original hot Melt had, it was just like a

(41:43):
head that would like squeeze it out and then the fabric would
touch it and like actually like rub onto it like a squeegee.
But then they got this new development that they wanted to
spray the glue on because it wasgoing to be like more even and
all this other stuff. But like technically the way
it's supposed to be designed to spray straight down, but the
machines that we had, the head would be straight forward.
And so then that caused like allthese errors of like the glue is

(42:05):
not meant to spray out. And so we had to make this jank
ass. Thing work how annoying this
fucking machine is so with normal machines, you know you
have the glue head and it's down.
You got a little fucking like rail right here, So it's going
to go through when it this is with like a flexifolder gluer.
So when the box first touches that sensor, it knows how long

(42:27):
to wait. You know, if it's a fucking 6
inch panel, it knows to wait 6 inches, then glue the center and
then fucking don't glue again for six inches.
OK, but the fucking glue head isfucking facing down gravity.
Great. OK, then you have some machines
like Langston Saturn's where thefucking the glue head is pointed
straight up. That's so dumb.

(42:48):
It's the fucking it's the dumbest.
It is the dumbest because then and I was like, how is this?
I thought they had fucked it up because I had never ever, ever,
ever fucking seen one like that or since then.
And if you're like, well, how does that work in I don't know,
never had a problem with that goddamn blue head because I was
like crazy. It would just like fall down.
It would just like gravity wouldlike fuck it up because we had

(43:11):
I've ran two other Langston Saturns.
I've mostly ran like, you know, marquee boards and shit like
that. Langston Saturn does upside
down, but with the fucking like they there's fold underneath
where marquee ward will fold top.
You know it lets gravity fold the lengths and Saturn fucking
folds underneath. So once again I was like it'll

(43:34):
just like fucking fall down likehow's it shoot the fuck up?
I could not wrap my head around that fucking machine.
Out of all the glue heads, that was the one I had like the least
amount of problems with. Now, now, after a day, though,
you would have like a like from all day of gluing, but no, boxes
would not be glued. It would have like some run off,

(43:57):
like down. You know, you have to like pull
that shit off and then you have to fucking suck the glue heads,
which you did with any other machine.
But like as far as like not gluing And what's cool too is
instead of which I mean, the marquee boards are in were a lot
bigger too. So it would be like, you know,
fucking the folding rail would be, you know, 10 feet in the air
and I'd have to be looking up there not wearing glass.

(44:20):
I'd wear safety glasses, not prescription safety glasses.
So I'd just be like, man, I really hope that's gluing.
And also they're big, bigger, more expensive boxes where
lengths and Saturns. I think the cylinder on this was
like 36 inches is too big. It's probably like around 26 or
something. It was a tiny machine, almost
like as tiny as fucking like Amba's make boxes, which are

(44:42):
really small boxes. But like I said, it folded
underneath the rail is right there.
I could just fucking sit there. I can sit at the load former and
watch the fucking just boxes go through and just be like nice.
It's working, it's working, it'sdoing what it's supposed to do.
Do you? Want me to read this one or you
go read it? I'll fucking do it man, because
if you read it, I want to fucking look.

(45:03):
I will be looking at Dylan and I'll be listening, but then I'll
be like man. Then Magic bands were really
good. Which this does date the podcast
the band list for Magic togetherand came out for standard.
And I'm not going to get into itcuz I know everybody does like
Magic, but they fucking naked itman.
And I was hoping they would because the format was stale.
And then if you take the things out that make the format so fast
or you give aggro decks, this mid range thing with Corey still

(45:24):
Cutter, then that allows the bean decks to become a problem.
It allows the admissions decks to become a problem, which they
didn't ban admissions, they banned Buello, but it turns a
turn 4 combo into a turn 5 comboand bringing back control that
does that does mean a big deal. And that deck will completely
fall off. It'll become literally a 5050
deck. Well, honestly, I want to say a
2575 deck because aggro decks now have a whole nother turn to

(45:47):
beat it and then combo's going to be back.
So you guys don't understand. I could do a whole fucking I
could. I could solo a podcast about
Magic the Gathering if you just want to set it up and then
because you're not here to keep the reins in, you're just going
to be watching it. This will be a six hour and.
I'll be like, that's why the aliens and they they don't want
us fucking. They don't want us looking up
and thinking about that shit because they'll fucking they'll

(46:08):
they'll tase your goddamn children and you'll be like,
what is that like? You wipe off your glasses and
it'll be goddamn, what's his face?
Alex Jones Title, Nucky. Title knuckle dragging autist as
soon as I said. Nucky.
I was like done, done. You can't come back from Nucky,

(46:31):
man. Knuckle dragging autist
submission 2. Just so you know, it was 3
pages. He wanted to know how many pages
it was. All right, Dear Mike and Dylan,
I need advice. Again, sorry in advance for the
length but not the girth. I'm one inch long and 12 inches
wide. Bitches call me the plate.
That's cheese wheel, buddy. I want to follow up on my last
advice mission. Ask a new one and give Mike some

(46:54):
info. Feel free to hold off on reading
this if it's too long for any particular episode.
I know Mike hates us and doesn'twant us to have longer episodes.
It's OK though. We'll just give it to Dylan to
read because he can get through it.
Anyway, Dylan gave good advice last time I wrote in, but I
wanted to say that Mike definitely has a jaded
perspective about having kids. Dylan was right.

(47:16):
Hear that, Mike? This is not a spotified comment
so you can't ignore it this timeyou smug ass tubby motherfucker.
I'm listening bro, I wanna get smug ass tubby motherfucker

(47:36):
tattooed on me. That would be hilarious.
OK, continue. I'm trying.
So God Bless America. I don't even remember the
conversation he's talking about.It's the guy that was talking
about he's autistic and wants tohave kids and so he wanted your
advice on having kids and. Well, it sounds like you already
knew what kind of advice you wanted, brother, but continue.

(47:58):
Like like Dylan said, I'm not 19.
I travelled and had my fun already.
I'm worried about not getting. I'm not worried about not
getting to have fun because having kids will ruin it.
I fully believe that having kidswill improve my life
immeasurably. So actually me and Dylan did
have a discussion after the podcast about that where like,
I'm, I'm normally a person that can, you know, see the

(48:21):
perspective of others. Now, it doesn't come
immediately, OK? It's not like someone said
something. I'm just like, oh, OK, I could
see how me having kids at 19 is just kind of like, you know, you
don't get to really do anything through, you know, your early
20s because you're worried aboutfucking, you know, raising kids
and bringing them up in the world.
So, you know, an hour, hour and a half podcast is a short amount

(48:44):
of time for me to like, turn my perspective around.
We did shit on The Beatles in the last episode and I told, I
told Dylan I was like, you know what?
I walked into a gas station and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
was playing and it slapped, slapped so much.
I listened to it on the way home, put it on my phone and
listen to it. So and what if I song like 19

(49:05):
times today? Lucy in the Sky.
It's just in my head. It's in my head but.
With new challenges, sure, but my fear is that I'm legitimately
too autistic to be a good dad. On that note, I'm 100% sure my
ADHD was misdiagnosis and that Ihave raging autism.
This is where Mike needs to pay attention.
Look Mikey. Car keys buddy.

(49:26):
Jingle, Jingle. Bro what?
Look, okay, listen the tubby comment Bunny, but you sound
like a goddamn woman right now, okay?
You sound like a woman. If you already have it set in
your mind that you want to have kids, do it.
It sounds like you already have it figured out.
Why the fuck are you still asking?
That's my thing. Why are you still?

(49:48):
He's worried about his autism. Oh God.
In conjunction with autism, I think I have what is referred to
as an autism profile. Mike referred to this in episode
30 but didn't have a name for it.
He said oh I always thought I was just an asshole implying
there was an underlying autism reason and I'm here to say I
have one. Like that call back to me being
an army vet. Yes, the Army does have a lot of

(50:10):
us. My tamest conspiracy is that
they actually seek out functional autistics because we
are their ideal soldiers. Not even joking.
Well, I mean, they don't have tosuss you out.
You guys are ready to you guys are already there in high school
senior year. Just say I already have the bus
cut like you're in the army and you're sitting there just yes,
Sir, the sign sealed delivered. All right, You ain't even

(50:30):
there's some people there that are like nervous and the the the
army guys can like suss them out.
They can see they're like, look,you just trying to get your
college paid for and they're like, yes, the ones who are just
like, I'm ready to defend my cup.
They're like now you going, you going to defend it Real good
buddy. But back to it, I am certain
that I have an autism profile known as Pathological Demand

(50:52):
Avoidance or PDA, which is to beincredibly reductive, the Autism
DLC expansion for opposition Oppositional Defiant Disorder
which another listener talked about in episode 30.
PDA is not yet recognized as an individual diagnosis like ADHD
or ODD anywhere in the world andis not part of EU s s DSM 5

(51:14):
whatsoever. Both are conditions that cause
you to be abrasive, struggle maintaining meaningful
relationships, Co occur with other conditions like ADHD, lead
to a lot of conflict and have a heavy resistance to any demands.
The main difference is ODD behavioral and emotional, caused
by environment and not caused bya physical difference in the

(51:35):
brains neurology and chemistry like autism or ADHDODD looks
much more like narcissism because it presents as defiance
and anger and is driven by the need for control.
Whatever the situation, ODD willbe defiant for the love of the
game. That sounds like me cunt
sometimes. Oh no, came in roast.

(51:55):
I'm about to roast the shit out of them.
Across the board opposition to almost everything.
Behavioral intervention can often fix the problem.
Autism PDA subtype of autism driven by abnormally high
anxiety and a pathological need for autonomy.
Severe resistance to perceived demands do largely to anxiety,
not willful, willful defiance. Jesus perceived demands equals

(52:20):
task given by others goals, deadlines and anything else that
the individuals brain registers as.
This is a new scary requirement you must now meet.
You will fail. Have you considered freaking the
absolute fuck out about it? Often tied to activities that
involve sensory overload or social burnout.
Behavior is not always consistent.
Like ODD, it varies by context. Again, this is a very short

(52:42):
version as I'm being very reductive here despite the
length. I thought might appreciate the
new info on the on to the advicerequests.
Piggybacking off of my last submission that you read, I deal
with what is likely autism PDA. What can I do to better mentally
prepare myself for fatherhood? What positive habits can I get
into? How can I not make the habit of

(53:03):
just assuming my parenting styleis the best around and all other
opinions are retarded? I want to be the best me that I
can possibly be when the kids are born.
Nobody is perfect or has it all figured out, but I want to do
this as well as I possibly can. My wife will be getting a baby
out of me soon. Shouldn't she be getting the
baby out of her? Nice, I know.

(53:27):
Look, she starts riding it backwards, so.
This is nice. This is.
No longer your choice in this matter like.
Either I guess it's happening, either we fucking or she's
fucking. I joke but it is important to
her that it happens sooner rather than later due to her
losing an ovary to torsion and necrosis.
And we do both want kids. And the new advice?

(53:48):
I can't find time to cook healthy meals at home.
Learning new recipes sucks because there's a literal life
story. Do you want to say me?
Like do you want to? Do you want to cover the first
part first and? The first part, brother, look,
God damn, you explained everything in your post except
for the time where you went and spoke to a fucking a therapist,
a psychologist, someone like that.

(54:10):
All right, listen, I get it. I don't get it, OK?
Never there. I wasn't just like coasting
through life going like, man, what are all these mental
symptoms that I have and not being able to like, you know,
pay attention and, you know, being aggressive towards
everything. No, the, the schools I went to,
they were like, son, something'swrong with you.
Like you got to go fucking talk to somebody.

(54:31):
And then I would talk to people.I would talk to, you know,
therapists, psychologists and stuff like that.
And that's where they came up with these things.
OK, The shit you're coming up with when you're like, it's not
it's not the classified yet, butit's it's this variation of this
thing. It's not recognized by Matt
because you got for TikTok, brother, you could tell me all
day, you ain't get it for TikTok.
But I see what my wife shares with her friends because she'll

(54:53):
be sending some videos to me. She's like, maybe Theo has this.
I'm like, I don't know, maybe you should talk to his goddamn
therapist or you know, the people fucking doing therapy
with him. Alright, brother, you can't just
be like, look, I think I got allthat.
And but here's a thing also too,where people would would like,
you know, any kind of mental illness, any kind of anything,
we don't know. We got it.

(55:13):
Like we are not like, yeah, we have all these symptoms.
Like I just got to talk. That's why the doctors like, is
it hard for you to pay attention?
Is it hard for you to sit still?And I'm just like, yeah, yeah,
that shit that I got to go. It was like, OK, you just, you
fucking you don't like it when shit touches you.
I'm like, Nah, I don't like thatshit.
He's like, all right, cool, we're getting somewhere.
If you got it all figured out, brother, you just want problems

(55:36):
to have. Look, I don't, I don't, I don't
get it. You starting to write down all
these problems. Maybe a girl's telling you that
you got all these problems. You might be perfect just the
way you are, but God damn it, talk to a fucking doctor.
I hope your next update is like,I have been to a, a therapist, a
psychologist, I've been to somebody, a goddamn pediatrician
when he was 11 years old. And they said these things might
don't just come out of nowhere with I got this.

(55:59):
And and because you can watch fucking Tik Tok's all day,
Instagrams that reaffirm how you're feeling and all these
people have this too. OK, People like to join in on a
crowd that you don't need to fucking join in on.
Like, I've been going through this shit since I was goddamn
five years old, since I, I was sitting in a goddamn elementary
school. It's been rough.

(56:20):
And now it seems like everybody who wants to just join in is
just like, you know, I probably got that because it's, it's
sometimes, it's sometimes difficult for me.
I went to four different middle schools, four different high
schools. I was kicked out of three for
the dumbest shit that you could ever fucking imagine.
Then I dropped out my senior year and you're like, Mike, why
would you drop out your senior year?

(56:42):
Just cuz I was like, you know what?
I'm gonna do it sounds like a good idea.
And then I went back and got kicked out.
So look, I get it. Everybody wants to join in.
They want everybody's got to be included in everything.
But God damn. Let your next update be like, I
have spoken to somebody that is not a guy on a podcast, OK,
Because the shit that I say thatI have I didn't make up.

(57:05):
I'm not like, oh, I have those symptoms that that that sounds
like me. No, no, I've had a doctor.
I've had people that have been to like medical schools,
psychologist be like, brother, you're a little bit retarded,
right? All right, so just in the next
update, do that. Also don't ask for advice on if
you should get married or have akid.

(57:27):
If you're gonna have a kid, alright.
Just don't be like hey should I do this?
Well, I am doing it and I your your perspective is jaded it.
He wasn't. He wasn't talking about not
having a kid. You told him not to have a kid.
He knew he was wanting to have akid.
I get that you he said that he wanted to.
Have It's gonna be rough, alright, but also, and it's not
like the the sister thing. It's not like that.
OK, But you making up all this goddamn shit, you gonna add a

(57:48):
kid on top of that? Get your stuff figured out
before you bring a life into this world and you still trying
to play doctor on yourself. Well, that's what he's trying to
do. Like, I mean, that's ultimately
what the advice that he's askingfor is how to do it.
And since you have a kid with autism and you have autism, are
you diagnosed with autism? Yes.
And ADHD and. I thought you said that you
didn't figure out that you had autism until you went to the

(58:09):
doctor. For your son.
And then they weren't tested forthat shit when I was in
elementary school. But then you went back and got
tested. 2019 OK yeah, that's when I started seeing a
psychologist again for the scarysky stuff.
But like, ultimately, that's what this guy is asking for.
Like, and he's, he's just sayingthat he has an idea of what he

(58:31):
thinks it is because he's not asextreme as odd.
He's got a different reasoning behind why he doesn't like to do
things because of the anxiety and stuff like that.
I agree with Mike, you should goseek professional help just to
put it into perspective, know what you need to do because
they're going to have way betteradvice on how to handle it and
how to overcome these scenarios and probably how to be a good

(58:54):
parent in that process. Like so I completely agree with
Mike. I just don't think it says like
he he was planning on having kids.
He wants to have kids, but like he's scared of it because he's
autistic and he doesn't know that he's going to be a good
father. Like so you jump to the don't
have kids. Just fuck up your life.
So like I'm saying like if he ifhe, if you having a rough go

(59:15):
about it, it doesn't make it easier.
No, and it goes back to my if you are not, if you're not ready
to have a kid, if you're not ready to say, Hey, this is my
fucking this is my guy through thick or thin.
If you're having doubts about that, maybe hold off until you
are fucking ready. That's what I'm saying.
Like I did not have the benefit of being ready.
And yes, that does put like a jaded perspective on it.

(59:36):
You have the benefit of saying, hey, we're trying to have a kid.
So you have like the preconcet, like the the ability to be like,
am I ready to think of all thesethings?
If you're having doubts and shitlike that, maybe wait a minute
if you're ready to fucking do it.
Because here's the thing, once you have kid, you cannot unkid.
That's the thing. You cannot unkid.

(59:57):
So once you have a child, it's there.
So Are you ready? Are you not?
Are these things something you have spoken with a psychologist
about? I hope so.
Because it's not a good thing todo.
It's not a good thing to start self diagnosis because once you
start with yourself, you're gonna go with your kids.
I have seen it happen. We literally just talked about
it in Two Daddies Judge Baddies with my sister.
I have seen it before. It's just better to speak to
somebody, right? I am, like I said, you want to

(01:00:21):
experience life, you want to fucking do all this shit, that's
fine. And I didn't get that.
So I would have a jaded perspective.
He is older. He is, you know, lived through
the the fun things, but there still are things there that I'm
like. Well, you're never going to be
ready to have kids. Like, like I thought I was ready
and like I'm still learning. Like that's The thing is.
And it goes back to what you always say is like, as long as

(01:00:42):
you keep trying and you see where you fail and you keep
trying to do better, that's the what the kid needs because
you're never going to be perfect.
It's never going to happen. The kid advice that I have, and
it's worked really well with my daughter who's 4 now and they're
still like ups and downs. But if I put my 4 year old up
next to most other 4 year olds, I will guarantee the behavior is

(01:01:02):
substantially better. But is the gentle parenting
where you don't just tell your kid no, stop, don't do that.
You explain to him like, hey, come over here, like I'll tell
you why that's dangerous. I'll tell you why you can't
climb to the top of that thing inside the house.
And there's like all these sharpobjects around like we'll, we'll
give you a different place to godo that right?

(01:01:24):
And and so gentle parenting. And I don't buy into it as
religiously as some people do. Like you still have to keep your
kid in line, but it's a lot easier to explain to your kid
and it takes longer than just saying no and then making them
scared of you. But like really your kid
shouldn't be scared of you except for in the moments when
it's a life or death situation. Like with my daughter when she

(01:01:47):
like goes running and then I tell her to stop.
If she doesn't stop and she's reaching a dangerous point, I
will yell at her and then she'llget upset because I'm yelling at
her. That's how I need to speak to
the other. Yeah.
Like if he does something bad, he like brother we can't touch
electrical sockets because they could shock us instead after
he's just like I was like that's.

(01:02:09):
What it's going to feel. Like but worse.
That's why it's scary. Spooky.
He started playing, Bro just randomly starts playing.
Duck, duck goose. Doesn't matter who's playing,
he's just going around duck duck.
And he never says Goose though. He'll just go duck and then take
off running. So you have to kind of judge
when you have to go after him. But yeah, just I mean, you can

(01:02:32):
like, I don't know to its I don't to the most watered down
take ever. Yes, no one is ever ready to
have kids. You know, you kids present all
these different things that no book is going to fucking help
guide you through. But if you are having like this
much concern with your mental state to where you're writing

(01:02:54):
down, like I said, all these things, talk to a fucking a
psychologist, a therapist, somebody before you have a child
or work out your stuff because that is something that is
prevalent going on that once again, we'll have to take a back
burner once you have a child. Yeah, and I mean, ultimately you
get ready when it becomes real too.
Like, I mean, you prior to knowing that you guys were

(01:03:16):
having a kid to you actually having a kid in your arms, like
that moment right there is like,shit, this is real.
I have to like actually take care of this little human in my
hands. And like that was when like even
when my mom, my wife, that was weird.
Even when my wife. Leave it in.
You got to leave it in. That's good, right?

(01:03:37):
There even when my wife was pregnant, like it never really
sunk in until like it really like until I had my daughter in
my hands. It it we can move.
On Everybody's Done it, bro, Everybody's Done.
It fine, but we can still continue to just keep moving on
through the podcast. Man, let me laugh a.
Little you did but like until. I called a teacher mom.

(01:04:01):
Yeah. No coming back bro.
No coming back. I did it in like 9th grade.
Well, and then like the you get off the phone with somebody that
you shouldn't. Say yeah, my God.
Should not say it to. And you're like, well that was
awkward. Yep.
It's always and it's never not awkward, no love you, bye and
just. Well, like if it's a friend,
it's like, OK, yeah, that's acceptable.
But like, if it's like, you know, some rent the other day I

(01:04:25):
did it at a cookout, so we were.Not that.
Specifically, but like I was talking to my daughter in the
back and the lady on the cookoutthings like, so will that be all
your order? And I'm like, yeah, thanks babe.
And I was meaning to say it to my daughter and I said it into
the thing. So I was like, did you?

(01:04:47):
Go fuck I'm so sorry I just drove off like you will never
see who is behind the wheel of this car.
No, it was. I pulled right down.
All right, let's. Get into their second part now,
all right? Oh God.
I can't find to cook. I can't find time to cook
healthy meals at home. Learning new recipes sucks
because there is a literal life story before every single recipe
on a recipe blog. It's not about the money.

(01:05:08):
I can microwave dinner as well as I can buy McDonald's and I'm
the three times a week McDonald's guy.
I have very little free time between my pets, full time A&P
school, taking care of the housestuff, a new job, and my mental
conditions. It's just a lot.
I have struggled with an all my whole life and I have never
really cooked healthy for myself.

(01:05:28):
How do I work it into what is analready and possibly busy
schedule? How do I make the time?
The next update that you inevitably send us, because it
will come. I'm not.
Well, he has to answer back for all your.
No, I'm rambling, brother. I am not a fortune teller here.
There, he's definitely going to speak his piece and we will read

(01:05:50):
it on the podcast. Look, I hope you have the really
funny insults because God damn, that was the fucking most
hilarious shit I've heard this week.
I really hope you talk. Ours are speaking to a therapist
or you know somebody, a doctor or something at least getting it
going to get into the whole mental health trade because I'm
gonna let you know it is a toughship to get into getting

(01:06:11):
doctor's appointments, especially like if you knew
patients somewhere. It is a rough gig and it is a
rough gig finding somebody you trust because literally that is
your whole like mental fortitudeis in their hands.
So they're helping you guide through that shit.
And then you're doing different therapies and you want to be
with somebody you trust. So I really hope you're in that
process because if not, it is a long process.
It is not just like I want to get this fixed.

(01:06:32):
I go to the first person I see. So when I say like at least be
talking to somebody, it is a law.
Like it's a fucking, it's a lot of shit.
It's not as cut and dry as goingto a heart doctor because you
have a heart problem. You can get into therapy easy by
going direct to a therapist but like you can't get like
diagnosis from doctors and stuffbut on the on the healthy.
Therapist is one thing, psychologist is better and that

(01:06:54):
is going to help out a lot. The best thing though if you
like AI bro AI is great. Claude dot AI and then say hey
Claude I want to eat better. And you can talk to it.
Right, yeah, You could talk to it.
I suck at cooking. You could tell him anything you
want to fucking do, and he is going to simplify it the best
way possible. Like he is going to give.

(01:07:15):
If you don't have a lot of moneyto spend on your budget for
food. Look, I was one of those people.
I was like, listen, AI is comingto take my children, all right?
They're a robot sentient race that is here to hate us.
Claude is a good guy, OK? I fuck with Claude.
Claude knows I say thank you, bythe way.
I. Always.
Did you not do that? I say please and thank you.
Yep, just in case, you know, when they take over, they're

(01:07:36):
going to this guy, he said. Please and thank you, good guy.
We fuck with Mike. That's why I'm nice to the Taco
Bell. Yeah, Yep, that I'm nice to that
too, just because I have two voucher for me.
But AI is a great tool for to figure out the simplest way to
because you're going to have to meal prep, you're going to have
to pick one day. And it's a lot easier when you

(01:07:57):
do it like that one day to kind of like plan out your meals.
So what you do is you'll cook. You can cook 7, keep 3 in the
fridge, freeze 4, and then once you get to like day three you
put four and then you only have to pick one day where you spend
5-6 hours cooking. It's a lot easier.
Yeah and you can do that in likea crock pot.
You can just make bigger meals that you can and so you just get

(01:08:19):
the containers that make sense. I would suggest like the paper
containers cuz I don't microwaveplastic, but that's just a a me
thing. But like get containers that you
can basically put all these meals in.
And like Mike said, you don't want to have, you know, 50 of
the same meal in your fridge because it's going to go bad
before you can eat it. So make sure you're cycling
through and write what it is, the date and how long you got to

(01:08:41):
cook it. And you in a weekend, you could
be ready for the next couple weeks.
And then you just keep. Let me tell you about let.
Me tell you about autism though.OK, so I, I've showed you
pictures of, you know, the 20/20/20, you know, from from
the time my middle son was born to about two years ago.
I was in great shape. Do you know why I was in great

(01:09:02):
shape? Because I'm meal prepped.
Here's The funny thing too is I didn't work out a lot.
You know, I worked in up until Ibecame supervisor.
I was I walking around a lot. Sometimes I help feed a machine
and shit like that. The reason I was in great shape
was because I'm meal prepped andbrother, just be healthy.
Kind of have. And I don't want to get you

(01:09:24):
started on the whole macro nutrient thing because you're
going to go down a rabbit hole of thinking you ain't got to do
if you're just trying to be healthy.
Because I had all my macro nutrients to a fucking tea when
I was doing my meal prep and like what I was planning to eat
because I'd be working from 7:00at night till 7:00 in the
morning. So that's three meals you got to
have. And you know, Amy's cooking

(01:09:46):
other stuff and I'm just like, you know, I'll just like fucking
while I'm doing this, I'll, you know, have my own time to
fucking eat my shit, make my stuff.
So we ain't got to do like, you know, 2 meals or anything like
that. And just focus on just being
healthier. Like I was doing shit that
bodybuilders do when they're trying to get down to like 10%
body fat. You ain't got to do that, man.

(01:10:07):
And that's shit like you just get, you get fixated and you get
fucking obsessed with it. And that's a shitty guy.
Well, the. Easiest way to do it, and this
is what I try to explain to people is like.
Well, it's not a symptom of OCD by the way.
People will be like, well that'slike light OCD.
No OCD is like your. You're.
Yeah, you're. Compelled to do things outside
of getting like, like fascinatedwith something that's more along

(01:10:31):
like the the autism, the highly fixated on shit and ADHD having
to perfect it. Yeah, it's essentially a symptom
of both. But people will be like, you
know, I have this, so I have OCD, and that's not OCD, bro.
OCD makes you go out of your wayto make something routine that
is not that is not routine. Well, and the thing with the
food is like it's basically calorie deficits for the most

(01:10:54):
part. And also the easiest way that I
explain diet, at least the way that I understand it is the best
thing you can do is eat fresh food.
So if you make that meal and youmake with fresh vegetables and
fresh meat, really you could pretty much eat as much as you
want of that. But as soon as you start doing
like the microwaved meal from the grocery store, like none of

(01:11:17):
that stuff is healthy for your body.
Like it's been preserved so muchlike freezing is a great
preservation thing, but that's not what it is in the store.
It's like packed with all kinds of preservatives to try and make
this thing last on a shelf for years on end.
Like you should be cycling through your food within like
the month and just cook fresh vegetables, fresh meat, and eat

(01:11:39):
fresh fruit. As long as you're eating fresh
stuff like it's pretty hard to eat too much.
I would cycle keto so I would make this one thing and it was
so easy too because I was like, oh, I'll just make a bowl of
this, which I honestly when I like switched back to like carbs
because I would cycle like doingketo for.
I don't know why it was like a thing that people were doing.
I always so instead of doing thethree, I did switch to like O

(01:12:03):
mad or just like eaten in a window IF which is honestly, I
loved it because I also have stomach problems.
So if I ate within a four hour window and then like worked all
day and then I went to bed, I would have no fucking like
gastrointestinal things going on, But I would always do
because a base of everything would be rice, rice.

(01:12:23):
And then when Amy started to help me on it would be it became
sweet potatoes because she foundout how to, like, dice and roast
them in a way that was just awesome.
So yeah, my thing would be like this all-encompassing,
all-encompassing, like Taco salad with everything in it.
And then like, if it wasn't hitting the correct amount of
macros, then I would, like, use fucking avocado oil to make it
correct. And then Amy would do it.
And hers would be like, steak tips and sweet potatoes.

(01:12:48):
And so like, what? But she was also working during
that time. So when she helped me out on it,
I ate like a fucking king. And I had like different stuff
and it was great when I did it. Like I said, the macros were all
figured out, but it was usually like crazy stuff I would want to
do. The hardest thing to find was
like the fats and shit. Like I said, just focus on
eating because yeah, I'm gettingreal into it.

(01:13:08):
Just focus on eating healthier because like Dylan said, if you
are eating the right thing, somethings like hamburger meat,
that's like 1300 calories in 1 LB, Yeah, when 1 LB of meat is a
lot, but it's also not a lot, you know what I'm saying?
If you like to put it on. It takes a lot to eat a pound of
of meat. Just meat.
But like, if you're making a meal, there's going to be a lot
of other. Stuff supplementary you're

(01:13:30):
supplementing it and just focus on don't focus on anything that
has anything to do with calories.
Don't think of yourself eating less.
Just make better choices at 1st and eat as much as those of
those better choices as you wantto and then over time start
making better choices of when you eat and shit like that.
It's a lot easier, it's a lot less of a headache.

(01:13:51):
And like you'll like from experience of me dealing with
this because I got real fucking into it.
I got like just probably like 190 lbs not doing drugs.
So I look great bro. And my bro, my Dick was like
twice as long. I swear to God.
I swear to God, I was like, hey,I missed that guy.
This guy's just like like old turtle man, the turtle priest

(01:14:13):
from fucking Elden Ring Church of Owls, people who's played the
game, it looked like his neck and head.
That's what it looks like now. He's just real depressed and
sad. But yeah, that's the advice on
the healthy stuff. Don't really get too into.
It well develop the habits. That's the same thing with
working out or anything like if you go hard into it and it's
hard for you to do it, you don'tdevelop the.

(01:14:33):
Habits, habits. That's when it starts to feel
like, fuck, now I got to do thislike whole big thing and it
starts. Well, no, once you once you make
it easy. So like really you can meal prep
shitty food and just start the process of meal prepping.
Like it's it's kind of like whatyou were saying earlier is like
make the start objective small, just meal prep, not even with
like good, just do it with. Chip food, just just eat better

(01:14:55):
stuff and eat as much as that shit is like just eat as much
better things as you want right now.
Like don't fucking. You can eat double the amount of
calories that you're fucking currently eating.
It doesn't matter as long as they're healthier options.
Honestly, options that you know you have to prep in some way are
always going to be better than options you can grab immediately
because that's going to cut out a lot of the fast food and shit

(01:15:16):
like that. But just eat as much of the
healthier options and then once you're, you know, used to eating
the healthier options and stuff like that, start choosing what
times you eat and then you couldkind of like meal prep.
Well, the have yeah, that soundslike the meal prep and does have
to go first. Well then if you do like, I mean
if you are going out to eat, just choose a better restaurant

(01:15:36):
like go to Qdoba or like a placewhere you can get like a burrito
bowl. Least worst options at the worst
places to eat at SO and that's pretty good.
So happy about. That family What?
Was it? What was it?
I should get that tattooed on me.
Smug ass tubby motherfucker. Smug ass Listen, I'm just a smug

(01:15:56):
ass tubby motherfucker. I'm gonna start doing the sign
offs with that, but I fucking I love this episode.
That was great. I don't think we've ever laughed
like that on the podcast that. Was a good.
One, we gotta use that clip cuz everybody uses those clips.
Hey who? I saw this Jewish guy yesterday
and the other guy just starts laughing.
What's funny about? You yeah, what's funny about the

(01:16:17):
Jewish guy I need to know. But guys, if you have any
submissions that you would like mine and Dylan's take on or
Dylan's take cuz apparently God damn.
He's the gift to all people thatneed advice.
You can submit your submissions at mikeanddylan.com, MIKEANDDY
lan.com. Also, shout out today's sponsor,
Labor Llama. As always, it's mine and Dylan's

(01:16:38):
clothing brand clothing for bluecollar workers.
Listen, it's quality premium clothes and you were going to
love it. Check it out at Labor Llama.
What? And it's still 30% off.
Oh yeah, yeah, MA HD-30, that isthe promo code to get anything
in the store off 30%. Look, get it while it's hot.
That's at LABOR lama.com. Get you some damn get you some

(01:17:00):
nice. It's quality, it's great.
You go and love it Comfy. It's comfy and me and Dylan
personally shit that shit to you, so check that out.
And guys, look, I am a smug tubby motherfucker.
Tubby and I will. Uh huh.
Or, Oh yeah, smug ass Tubby. And I'm just a smug ass tubby
motherfucker and I'll see you next time.
Later.

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Crystal RETURNS!!! With a Wild UPDATE! | MADHD Ep33 |

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Crystal RETURNS!!! With a Wild UPDATE! | MADHD Ep33 |