June 11, 2025 • 47 mins
Mike and Dylan dive deep into comedy analysis while solving real relationship problems from listener submissions.
Ever wondered why clean comedians like Jerry Seinfeld are actually harder working than edgy comics? We break down comedy tiers while giving brutally honest advice.
This episode covers the hierarchy of comedy difficulty, from one-liner masters like Mitch Hedberg to wit legends like Bill Burr. Plus, we tackle listener submissions including a cringe-worthy sex toy mix-up and whether throwing cold water on your spouse makes you the asshole. We also discuss Joe Rogan's impact on comedy, debate Matt Damon as an action hero, and explain why Austin Powers humor hits different for each generation. Unfiltered takes, real advice, zero BS.
We're hosting a Meet & Greet June 15th 2025 at 6 PM at the closed-down Denny's in Thomasville, North Carolina.
Join the guys on their new more concise podcast "2 Daddies Judging Baddies" or stick with MADHD for the deep dives and rambling stories they're known for.
Submit your own drama for Mike and Dylan to solve at https://MikeAndDylan.com or join the conversation on their new subreddit r/MADHD https://www.reddit.com/r/MADHD/ or leave a voicemail at (424) 274-1016
About LaborLama
When they're not solving your drama or unpacking generational trauma, Mike and Dylan are behind LaborLama, a clothing brand dedicated to creating comfortable, quality clothes for people who work hard. Unlike those shady print-on-demand companies sending you mismatched shirts that fall apart after one wash, Labor Llama delivers clothing worth your hard-earned money. Check out their quality apparel at https://laborlama.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Bear Nimble, Bow down. Mike and Dylan hate drama, but
the Bow Wow. You done yelling at me.
Yeah, I'm not going to. I'm I'm going to let you do the
intro. Are we rolling?
Are we rolling? Welcome to Mike and Dylan.
Hate, hate drama. So on this episode, we've got a
bunch of different things. We've got some listener
submissions, only one because we're recording five of these
(00:23):
this week, so it's kind of hard to keep all the submissions
rolling in. Voicemails live.
Go and send in a voicemail and we can play I think.
Do you have the example? I do have no, it's not an
example. We had a a listener call in and
gave us a brief, what would I say advice.
They gave us advice. You guys can go fuck yourselves.
(00:44):
This is the worst show I've everheard in my entire life.
And if you guys can just shut the fuck up and get off the
Internet. That would make my life better.
Bam, there you go. That is essentially how I view
other people viewing this. Yeah, I think we're probably
going to get a lot of those, Like I'm reluctant to what I'm
going to hear being said on those voicemails.
(01:04):
And we're going to play them. We're going to play them.
And it listen guys, we out. I'd like to say that to the
really mean ones that are very mean.
We won't track you down like Liam Neeson and Taken.
I thought you were going. To I'll find you thought.
You were going to offer him somelove and be like compassion.
That's what I'm I hate mantises,bro.
(01:25):
I'm telling you like action movies just are not my cup of
tea. Because to the normal guy who
has his kid kidnapped, OK, he's going to be on the phone.
Like please give him back. I'll find you.
That guy's going to be like Hal,and you just be like, I don't
know, but please, just that that's all you could do.
Doesn't Liam Neeson have a specific set of?
(01:47):
Skills. A particular set of skills that
makes him a nightmare for peoplelike them.
Nobody else has those. Nobody else has those skills.
Really. People don't have those skills.
I I grew up during the Jason Bourne trilogy or whatever it.
Was that one Matt Damon? Yeah, Matt Damon.
I just I can't view Matt Damon as it's the haircut from
(02:09):
Goodwill Hunting. You can't be a action hero to me
now. I like him as an actor, but
mostly. I like him as a samurai.
I love the the Departed. Yeah, they're part it's
phenomenal. It's.
Like one of the greatest movies of all time.
I like him as a samurai. When was he a samurai?
In the song I got. I liked him in Team America too,
(02:31):
like he did a really good job inthat one.
Matt Damon samurai movie The Great Wall.
I don't think I've seen that one.
Yep, it was in 2016 and they were like, you know what would
be a great samurai for this movie?
Matt Damon And then people were like, they should be Asian,
(02:53):
which I agree, they should be Asian.
It should not be in another language, though.
I don't want to. I like I have subtitles on, but
I'm able to watch a movie and mybrain like, I don't know what it
does. Yeah.
You still. Keep Yeah, I'm able to watch the
movie. I don't even really the
subtitle, but when it's in it you have to pay attention to the
subtitles. It was in a different language.
No, it wasn't. No, no, no.
(03:14):
Matt Damon wasn't in there like I was.
About to say like he learned. That would be great.
Yeah bro. Bro is on his.
If he learns Japanese to play a samurai movie, you shut the fuck
up and let him play the goddamn samurai Black Panther.
The new Black Panther is now white.
You're kidding me, right? You're joking?
No. It's so funny, just it's what?
What? For real?
(03:34):
Yes, what? Yeah, he had a white son.
It's in the comics. OK, well then I guess that's
part of it then. I mean, if they're telling that
part of the story, I didn't. I'm not a comic kid because
like, I grew up in the sticks and there was no I.
Think everybody's making a joke about Ryan Gosling playing them,
which would be fucking hilarious.
(03:55):
That would be especially becausein The Legend of Zelda, they're
going to have a black Viking, sothen there could be a white
Black Panther and I'm pretty sure that solves racism.
Yeah, it's done. Check.
Mark. Honestly, me and Dylan have
pretty much solved racism. I mean, what is there that 2
white guys can't talk about thatjust immediately cures it?
(04:17):
Everything. Guys, racism is over.
Go home. Pack it up.
We done figured it out. So we do have a listener
submission. Looks like a time I fucked up.
I've not looked at any of these.Yeah, we got a time.
I fucked up. There's one Am I the asshole?
And then two malicious compliance.
Which got me and Dylan kind of arguing because I was like, you
know, I wanted this to be the. We're an advice podcast.
(04:38):
Yeah, I was like, we're the lessReddit one.
I would be more, you know. Well, if we had advice to.
Talk about just like life stories and Dylan's like no,
we're doing we're doing some reddits once people like start
once the advice starts coming ina lot, then that's a lot easier
for us to spin the whole podcastlike we.
(05:02):
Jumped the gun because, you know, right now we're recording
5 different episodes for next week.
Usually we do 3. And so there's time in between
for people to like, listen to one, submit advice, listen to
one, submit advice and like. We should take like a day break
after this one to let some because while we were shooting
one podcast, a submission came in.
Yeah, I I mean, it's all just a roll of the dice about who
(05:24):
actually takes the time to. I think the voicemail is going
to give people more of a excitedness to do it.
It's it's where is it? California?
It was, it wasn't like Bel Air. It was, I can't remember the
name of where our phone number comes from, but they didn't give
us any local numbers. We're just like, I think it was
Santa. Monica, I thought it was Bel
(05:44):
Air. I thought you said Bel Air.
It we could be the Princess of. That I wish I had an Uncle Phil,
man. God, if I just could have an
Uncle Phil, I want to be here set doing, doing a fucking
podcast. That's that's for damn sure.
You'd probably be in some like drug recovery, like rehab.
(06:06):
Yeah, I'd already like gone infinite, infinite money to buy
drugs. Oh God.
But yeah, man, I, when me and Dylan talk about this podcast,
Dylan be like, yeah, we could dothis for growth.
And I'm just like, oh, yeah, we can do that.
Because my my whole thing is I just like talking and I like
people and I like talking to Dylan, you know, and obviously
(06:28):
it is a job for Dylan to talk tome because it's hard.
It's hard to just sit here and. It's hard for me to sit here and
then wait for you to finish yourthoughts, especially because
you're like, so yeah, this and then over there and then back
and then. So I'm like wait impatiently and
then eventually. That's what makes this a good
team. 10 minutes later. Because I'm sporadic and not put
together and you are the adult and.
(06:49):
Then I say yeah. You are the like Dylan, People
talk about being adults. Like if shit happens, I still
look. I'm like, oh God, there's got to
be a grown person here who can handle this situation.
Dylan's that grown person. He is the, he is the adult that
I look up to. We're going to get to the first
listener submission, which is titled Pyre Dear Mike and Dylan,
(07:10):
since Mike's answer to any situation is either an uppercut
to the jaw or a pyre, what is the best way to construct a
pyre? Thank you, Dylan, for the
spelling on Pyre because I wouldhave spelled it the way Mike
would have loved the show. Keep the rambling coming.
So obviously it's all you got towere you got.
(07:31):
Boy Scouts, Yeah. OK.
Well then you you got you got a good basis to go from.
Right. So essentially the bottom is
going to be like more of the candling and you can even do
like little pyres underneath thebig pyre.
But you can cross the logs. You can actually, Tom, if you
have any that like you, you would usually want to start it
off with like a big limb that has a fork in it, because then
(07:51):
you can have it just free standing.
But if you're tying somebody to the power, they're going to move
around a lot. You're probably.
Going to want to, yeah. You're going to want to secure
it and we would. Probably actually put the main
piece that you're going to put the person on, like actually put
that in the ground. Give it like a good foundation
that it can stick up on and thenbuild around that so that that's
(08:12):
nice and solid in the. Middle, you're building a real
big power. You could do it like the
University of. Phoenix.
No, it wasn't the University of Phoenix.
I'm trying to think of who did it.
They used to build big pyres andthen it collapsed and killed a
couple students. I can't remember what school did
that. Yeah, that would be inadvisable
to be standing in the radius of.How?
But they were building a huge, if we were building huge power.
(08:34):
I mean, was it for like, I look at, I look at the little
watchdog thing, they would have to be a big pyre.
What was it for? Like a class like physics?
Or they just they why we're, I don't know why they started
doing the bonfire, but it just got progressively and
progressively and progressively bigger to where they would have
like engineering students out there fucking helping out doing
the bass and shit. And lumber companies were
(08:56):
donating logs and all sorts of stuff and they were building a
big and then one day they built it and it just kind of fucking
while. It was on fire or?
No, no. While they were building it and
it collapsed on some of the students and guilt some of them
so. So it taught them about
workplace safety and everything.They did build the cool it like
a thoughtful memorial for the kids though.
So the way the university build it was is it They're all doors
(09:19):
that point in the direction of their hometown, which I think is
a very, very cool little memorial to do.
That is outside the box thinking.
That is, yeah, normally, like ifyou, if there's like a mass
death at work, there's nothing. Yeah, you there's memorial,
memorial. We got to put up help, wanted
signs, calm the fuck down and wegot to replace these people.
(09:40):
Don't talk about that to any of the new hires either.
Just. It's awful to like when you look
up all these companies, it's, it's really companies that cause
a lot of the big mass deaths, whether it's like a freight or
you know, tanker, any like a mall collapsing.
(10:01):
It's always like rich people cutting corners and then poor
people dying, and then half the time the companies don't get in
trouble. Yeah, and or they just have to
pay like a small fine. And then that money does not go
to the families. It's always so sad.
And then it's like, but the goodthing is all these safety
regulations, there's no, no, we could have had the safety
regulations. There could have been common
sense that went into building shit.
(10:21):
Well, there was, but then they skirted the law and that's the
only time to get like a little tiny fine is because like, Oh
yeah, you didn't follow this, right?
But they were already there. They're just like, ah, let's use
cheaper products. And I don't know, nobody cares
about poor people dying. So if it was happening to rich
people like a button, you know 25 rich people died in one
single event. There would be.
(10:42):
It's like how the government treated the January 6th shit
where they were talking about making it a holiday and stuff.
Like none of y'all motherfuckersdied, man.
Y'all didn't die. Shut the fuck up.
Kamala was sitting there talkingabout like fucking making it all
that shit. Look, I don't agree with what
(11:02):
happened. I'm not sitting here being like
a but also it's essentially not that big a fucking it.
Was a non issue. Yeah, at the end of like what it
came, what came of it. The only people that died were
people that were. I know the Ashley girl died.
She got shot by a cop though andlike nothing but to politicians
that's like oh they tried to attack us.
(11:24):
We need to make this a big thing.
Bro, shut the fuck up. I don't know man.
I don't like, I don't like people I don't like, not people
I don't like, personalities, including myself.
I hate me. Don't hate yourself, but I think
this. Yeah, let's get into the I
think. This today I fucked up is going
(11:45):
to brighten your day. All right, yeah, let's get into
this before Mike gets on a tangent.
The time I fucked up by assumingmy travel luggage was empty
before letting a Co worker borrow it.
There's sex toys in it. I already know I ain't even got
AI, ain't even got to read into it to know.
My 37 female young Co worker 20 female was talking about what
(12:05):
she needed to buy for an upcoming trip across the
country. I was trying to be helpful and
offered her to use my suitcase for her trip so she could save
money. I get the suitcase out of my
closet and make sure the smallerone is inside the bigger 1 and
make sure there is nothing in the bigger suitcase pockets.
After every trip I always make sure to empty out my suitcase
before I put them up so I didn'tthink about looking inside of
(12:26):
them. Time.
I fucked up by assuming there was nothing in the smaller
suitcase since I hadn't used it in two years.
Why did I do this? If I could turn back time I
would. I drop off the suitcase to my
coworker and go home feeling happy about the good deed I've
done. A day later I get a message that
starts off with don't be embarrassed but you left
something in your suitcase. I'm like OK maybe it's underwear
(12:46):
or something. Nope.
She sends me a picture of a selfpleasure toy I barely remember
having. She asked me if she needs to
bring it to me. I was like for the love of God
just throw it away. True story.
I don't know I was in there other than maybe I was thinking
it was a good place to hide frommy nosy kids.
I am panicking. I lie.
I'm like please tell me this is not happening and she's so young
she was so mature about it and I'm over here planning to quit
(13:07):
my job and leave the country. I immediately had to tell my
husband what happened and we cosmic laughed for two whole
hours until we were so sore. I tell my husband everything
even he is like how did that getin there and why didn't you
check both suitcases? For the life of me I wish I knew
why I didn't look in the smallersuitcase.
My first day seeing her after this was super awkward but we
just laughed and went on and I apologize profusely.
(13:27):
Everybody blinks. The bean and beasts.
The meat, bro. That's my wife hates that term.
Don't flicking the mouse or flicking the bean.
She she hates whenever they. They listen, they flick the
bean, they fucking fiddle the the skin bulb.
I don't fucking know. I tried to come up with a new
one. I couldn't do it.
Everybody does it now with guys a little bit different because
(13:51):
if you already. Equipped.
With yeah. And I'm getting a like a large
black dildo in there. I'm just like, now I got to look
at my friend differently. Like I have to look at him
differently. I swear that's my wife's.
With women, it's just, or if it's like if I open it up and
it's like this big piece of machinery that's like turbo
sucker 9000 with pulsating beadsand fucking come.
(14:12):
It refurbishes the come to turn it into it, extracts like the
water in it, and then you can use the come part for fertilizer
and the water part to drink. I would be like, bro, what the
fuck did you just send me? And also can I use it?
But like, it's, it's a non issue.
I don't think he would have saidanything.
You just started cleaning it up.A lot of, I don't know the
percentage of women that have sex toys, but it's a lot of
(14:34):
them. Well, the fact that she's like,
I didn't even remember having that one.
Like obviously there's multiplesin the house.
She hasn't missed this one for. Yeah, it's like I got the swing
here and then I got the the husband just like walking in
with a ball gag and shit. Have you ever seen like the
vacuum thing that like the like where they put suction on the
(14:56):
labia and make it engulfed or not?
Yeah, I was like, that is a wildtoy and somebody invented it and
used it. Like this is what people want is
to. It's kind of like the Swedish
made penis enlarger like are. They are they engulfing the lips
or the labia? The the outer lips OK, OK.
(15:18):
And it just like makes it very, very, very large.
And it's, it's like a. Like puffed.
Like puffed. Yeah, like you know the one from
Austin Powers, the Swedish made penis in larger like where it's
like and then it. I'm gonna be honest with y'all,
I'm not. You've never seen Austin Powers?
It didn't do nothing for me. Those were pretty good comedies
(15:39):
for back in. There, I remember watching one
where they were pulling shit outof the bag in the tent and in
the shadow. That was a very funny scene.
But when I watched it, I was like, and listen, I'm not gonna
be a person that says Austin, that show is not funny.
I just said it was not my cup oftea.
The thing about comedy is, is that if something makes someone
laugh, especially if it makes a bunch of people laugh, that,
(16:02):
like, people like to shit on Matt Rife.
That's just not your style of comedy.
But a bunch of people do find him funny.
He is a comedian. People like to shit on Brandon
Schaub. A bunch of people find him
funny. So he's a comedian.
Yeah. I mean, even when you look at
like someone like Dave Chappelle, so who everybody will
recognize as a comedian, there'sa large group of people that
don't find him funny. Yeah, I'm not one of those.
I love Dave Chappelle, but there's a large group of people
(16:23):
that. But that does not take away from
his comedic stature. When I watch Austin Powers, it's
just not. I grew up on them, so they were
like my in the zeitgeist when I was growing up.
And so like they when they were coming out, they and like I only
probably remember really the first two maybe.
But I I understand like there's a flavor to comedy and like my
(16:44):
wife loves female comedians and for the most part it's all about
female issues. So she's not talking to me and
it's not jokes for me. Like it's for women and like the
I can understand where women find that funny, But for me and
my travel through life, the jokes aren't meant for me.
So I don't find them funny. I don't think she's not a good
comedian. I just.
(17:05):
I Who are you talking about? I mean, I don't know the names
of any of them, but like my wife.
Amy Schumer. No.
Not comedian, I don't think I just kidding.
But no, she'd watch these different female comedians and
she's like, this is funny. And I'm like, that's cool.
I think I can't stand this on a female comedian.
Soccer and a guy'll be like, they're always talking about
their vaginas. What do they have, bro?
(17:28):
Like, yeah, we're not always talking about our vaginas
because we don't fucking have them.
Like obviously that is for women.
Like they are talking about things for when sometimes you
get these just abnormal comedians that are at the the
pinnacle. Like they understand comedy to a
degree. Most people will never
understand me. You could tell when I did the
(17:49):
freestyle the other side that when I did that, that I used
swear words as a crutch because,and that is a crutch for me,
thinking of things. It's kind of like a thing that
gives me even a microsecond to fucking think about something
else. Yeah, when you look at people
like Jerry Seinfeld, Nate Burgatzi, like guys that do not,
(18:11):
there is nothing edgy. There's nothing that means that
you have to make people laugh with being funny, with thinking
of concepts just outside of the norm.
And just almost like he can takethose guys.
Like I I enjoy an edgier style of comic like Anthony Jeselnik,
(18:35):
you know, all the new, a lot of the new guys coming up.
I really enjoy that stuff because that feels like it's in,
you know, my realm. That's what me and my friends
would, you know, talk about and joke around about.
Yeah, but those guys, they are on a different playing field
than everybody else. When Jerry Seinfeld made the
joke of extra strength Tylenol, how they came up with it and
(18:57):
he's like one doctor was like, you know, give me the amount
that would kill a human being and just dial it back a little
bit. Like stuff like that.
To think about stuff like that sets you on a different level.
Like when you got And I'm not like shitting on these guys.
Shane Gillis is probably right now the I put him at according
(19:18):
to like his next special that really will hammer in like how
great he is. He's very, very, very good.
But like the George Washington and slave teeth and stuff like
that. So when you start off with an
already, here's the thing about edgy comedy and why it's kind of
lazy. It is kind of lazy because when
you think of like an Anthony Jeselnik joke where he's talking
(19:42):
about, you know, his uncle beinga camp counselor and then he's
also a child molester. So there's already jokes tied
into those. There's already things that come
about that that where you can say, hey, like there's
stereotypes around it. Like if you talk about like joke
around with black people, even if it's a good like a good edgy
(20:03):
joke. That toes the line between like,
you know, racism and shit like that.
There are already stereotypes there.
There's already stereotypes withgay people.
Whatever you use to be edgy, There's already jokes there.
There's your. Listeners already already in
tune with. Like they're already in tune
with what you're saying, but a clean comic is coming at you
with nothing. They're coming at you with what
(20:23):
they are doing and then they aremaking it funny.
And that is a an incredibly, it's, it's way more difficult to
do that with something that people aren't sitting around
thinking about extra strength. Tylenol.
Yeah, that's not happening. People hear, you know, you hear
racist jokes when you're growingup, you, you're fucking
accustomed to everybody joking on everybody and things already
(20:44):
being established, like when youfucking think about like
Hispanic people and fucking swimming and stuff like that.
So when then I make a joke and then I tie it into swimming with
Hispanic people. Ah, it's funny, but it was
already there. Yeah.
When you're thinking about extrastrength, there's nothing.
Nobody's fucking sitting there thinking about extra strength
until Jerry Seinfeld says it. And then you dial it.
You give me, give me the dose that's going to kill a human
(21:05):
being. Dial it back a little bit.
That's wild. Neighbor Gotzi, like you look at
his comedy. That shit is man plays dumb like
he does. He does play dumb.
He does play the carrot like what he portrays on stage very
well. He may like I, I, I, I watch it
(21:27):
when he's on podcast and stuff. I've I've listened to him in
interviews, I am unable to deduce whether he is who he says
he is. But like I said, not everybody
is smart in the same thing. Well.
That's like Larry the Cable guy.I mean, he put on a persona to
be and so like even when he was in interviews and stuff, he was
still in character, right? Even though he wasn't
(21:49):
technically that guy, so. But I'm going to tell you this,
if he, if Nate Bergotzi is not agenius, he's a genius in comedy
because. Well, like one of my favorites
and I, I wouldn't consider him aclean or like family friendly
comedian, but like he didn't rely on any of that was Mitch
Hedberg. And like he was like his own
like little box of and like, if you've never listened to him
(22:10):
before, it takes you like 10 to 15 jokes before you're like, Oh,
I get what he's doing. And like for the most part, when
I show people that they're like,this is dumb and I'm like, no,
no, no, you just you literally have to understand this comedy
to then get into it and understand like how all these
jokes are absolutely, absolutelyhilarious.
But it's a lot of. People think that Mitch Hedberg
(22:30):
was like, because because anytime a, you know, comedian, a
personality, they die young. They like, blow it up.
Yeah. And all I'm saying is I think
Mitch Hedberg is great. But the path, the fact that
people don't talk about Stephen Wright Moore fucking makes me
angry. I don't know who he is.
That's what I'm saying man. He does one liners just like
(22:53):
fucking Mitch does and they're both extremely funny but damn
like and what's so funny as I play Steve for other people it
might be Steven. Like I said, look, I know
Mitchell Hedsberg 100% I know it's not Mitchell but Steve
Wright his his shit man. Just back-to-back to back
bangers of 1 liners and it is like I think you know, his get
(23:18):
does get overshadowed by Mitch dying early and they were like
listen to this guy say 1 liners because there's not a lot of one
liner comedians. Yeah, no, like I think that's
the. Craziest thing though, Mark
Norman's really, really fucking good at one liners too.
His are just a little bit more extended and he could tie
stories to him, but he's a really good too.
Well, and I think that's the crazy thing though is to like
have it be any sort of competition.
Like I know it automatically is going to be like you want to
(23:40):
like, you know, jockey people into place, but like, I don't
think just like one person beingawesome doesn't take away from
another person being awesome. It's like, honestly, with those
guys, I've never heard of them. And it's not that I don't like
them. It's just I've never come across
any of that. And and like, I think it is one
thing to be said about all the people that have died young and
(24:02):
music and entertainment and all this other stuff you do not that
it's beneficial to you. It's better to be alive.
But like, you do enter a legendary status.
Like, what could they have done?Or like what?
Like their early work was so great.
Like, like, I mean, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, like
Tupac, like all these people, where would they be had they not
(24:24):
passed away? They'd still be a prominent
figure. But would they be this like
legendary? Status, right?
It's like Patrice O'Neal, man, like one of the best of his
time, really great comedic comedian, but no one was really,
like, giving him his flowers until after he passed away.
Like, nobody was talking about Patrice O'Neill until after he
died. Yeah.
(24:44):
And like, you read stuff about like, Patrice and him going to a
Comedy Central roast and fuckingnot have anything prepared.
So he just starts roasting mother fuckers like that type of
shit. It it you do get a lot of, I
don't know, you get a lot of recognition when you do pass
away. Like if you're a musician right
(25:05):
now and you're struggling, but you got some, you got some
bangers there. Just die, bro.
That's it. Just die bro.
Our lawyers said not to follow Mike's advice.
We ain't got lawyers, man. Like if you see us, we're
fucked. Like I don't, I don't know.
You get the cameras. It's all we got.
You get the cameras, yes, You get to have the desk, you get
the cup. But yeah, man, it's there's just
(25:29):
there's I mean, there's a littlefucking there's a lot of greats
out there and I'm not I don't want anybody to think that I'm
saying Mitch Hedberg was not. He was phenomenal at one liners.
But man, there's just there's some there's some great
comedians out there. I just saw it just sucks when
you see a guy and he doesn't get.
His well, I think you do get some.
He's way older too. Not really.
(25:50):
Like, you know, he's right. You know, before I was born and
then when I was a little kid. So he could have been just like
killing it. I haven't looked at his
Wikipedia page. I'm just saying we, it was also
like during the time of Mitch Hedgeburg too.
So it's just like, I don't hear about him like I hear about
Mitch. Well, yeah.
And I think The thing is, is like you, if you are slightly
(26:11):
famous, passing away, even if you were like kind like really
reaching fame at that time, onceyou pass away, you're a story,
you know, And so now the people that didn't know about you are
now going to find out about you,because now it's like this kind
of celebrity is dead. This is a great story for us to
push out. And then it becomes this big
narrative and then everybody goes back and they're like, Oh,
(26:32):
that is awesome. And so it, it gives you that
virality that you could never get as just being alive.
You I. Didn't do something about that
and then just dying in your prime too.
You have the people that are like, oh, what could have been
when normally, you know, when when people die in their prime,
that could have been is just sad.
Like it's, it's the decline and it's which I watch this one
(26:56):
thing, man, I want to tell you wit is hard to come by.
I've tried my whole life to to be witty.
Bill Burr's like the wittiest motherfucker on earth.
When I forgot who was interviewing him, he was on talk
show and they were like, you know, you're getting older and
he's like, what the fuck you think I'm going to do Tara AC
I'll not be able to tell a joke anymore.
Bro is like that's I look at like, you know, different.
I look at comedy in like different sections and and what
(27:20):
like people are great in like I said, the one liners and Mitch
Hedberg's in the great. He's in the best of 1 liners and
then you got like wit and just just being smart and off the
cuff type shit. People will say, you know, Robin
Williams stole jokes, which it sucks when you are riffing.
I don't think he ever did it on purpose.
Like Joe words it as like he fucking would run out of
(27:41):
something and be like oh this guy said he's not thinking that.
He's just, he's just fucking saying it.
And that happens to people in everyday situations.
Like you'll say a joke when the time comes that maybe you didn't
fucking that you. Made you spend literally your
whole life like doing comedy andlike being around comedians and
stuff like that. You can't necessarily like
encyclopedia in your head. Yeah, everything.
(28:02):
This is something that somebody else wrote and this and it is
really hard to like Fact Check yourself and and then be like,
OK, now I've written a joke and now I must go down every single
like to to the guys who would like actually go to like clubs
and shit and fucking take it like Carlos MCIA and shit like
that. That is, that is stealing a joke
that everything else, everythingelse that I view as like if
(28:25):
someone didn't purposely do it, they're not known for doing it,
but they accidentally do it. That's just.
Well, if 90% of your catalog is you and then 10% are some slip
UPS like that's one thing. But if it's like the other way
of like most of your whole repertoire or like 5050 even.
Not change the equation once it is a set that you have worked on
(28:46):
religiously and mastered and youhave, you know, went to, you
know, open mic nights because they don't just like comedians
don't just come up with a set. They just they, they write, they
go to open mic nights. Then, you know, they're trying
that joke out on different places.
Then that joke goes into, you know, the bigger set that's
going on TV and that's essentially how they kind of
formulate it and then they can kind of storyboard how
(29:07):
everything is now. Once you're at that point and
you have jokes that are not yours, you're going to have been
made aware that's not your joke.So I give more leniency to Robin
Williams because you don't know what the fuck he's going to say.
The when you go watch a show andwatch a different one when you
would watch it recipes Robin, it's different.
So but like I said, even if jokes are similar, people are
(29:29):
going to come up with similar style jokes for concepts.
And also not everybody is aware of every single comedian so that
you can take a joke so far wherepeople?
Oh man, this guy said it on a fucking PBS special back in I'm
fucking I didn't know that. Did you laugh?
Then shut the fuck up. So I I don't condone stealing
(29:52):
jokes. Well, all I'm getting at is like
if it's if you can still like feign ignorance.
Like if it's you don't actually know, like it's more forgivable.
Like if you are known to steal jokes and you continue to do so,
you're the asshole. But like, you know, in a like,
if you have not been made aware of it and then all of a sudden
(30:12):
you are be like, oh, my bad. And then rework your set or
whatever. But like if you're just going to
continue down that road of like stealing, actually stealing like
a premise is not a joke. But like, if it's fully you can
say that was attributed to this person, then you should be like,
OK, I'll I'll rework it. Right.
Like it won't make it to Netflixspecial without you being made
(30:35):
aware of it. If you then produce the Netflix
special with the joke included, you're the ass.
Because like, honestly, there's nothing original technically.
It's all a conglomeration of like humor is funny because it's
a collective, like understandingof what situations are funny.
And you can now bake a new cake with it.
But like it's with ingredients that have been tested as funny
(30:59):
for a long. Time I wish I knew this guy his
name he's on he's he's doing really well on like the short
form social media right now veryfunny fat guy looks like
probably he could be related to me, but he is I mean he is he
just told this one about being on a school bus.
(31:20):
I can't fucking tell you what itwas, but I was just, I was
watching it and I was just like that's it's so funny.
Like when you watch 1 comic and then you watch another one and
you could tell like you know who's going to really like go to
the next level. And it's weird too because
unfortunately with comedy right now, comedy is less about how
(31:46):
funny you are and is more about how many tickets are you going
to sell? Like how many people fuck with
you? So more people will go to a
comedian show that once again it's very hard because judge and
comedy is it's weird because once again, things that I do not
find funny. There's a whole group of people
(32:08):
that will think they are the topdog.
And I think that we have startedto create an unfair balance.
Though I will say that there there is an unfair balance that
was created by Joe Rogan like hehas.
If you're kind of not in his circle, you, you don't get past
that. It's not joke gatekeeping.
He's not gatekeeping people, OK?There's only so many people he
(32:30):
can. It's that when you Joe Rogan hat
is the biggest form of media right now.
So when Joe Rogan was bringing on these comedians, he was
bringing on, you know, differentpeople to show their it was
good. But now he's kind of, he's boxed
himself in to where honestly, I think Joe Rogan's getting burned
out. But you know, he's he's brought
(32:53):
into more of a how the world should be, even though he's not
connected to that anymore. Yeah.
He's not even way too rich for long.
Too long. Well, I mean, he's got his his
comedy club, so like he does seenew people come through and is
part of that, but. Like, but if they don't get the,
if they don't get what those guys got, they don't get to that
level because that's what the other media wants to show.
Like that's what they want to show when it comes to that form
(33:14):
of entertainment because it's onthe biggest 1.
So they just want to go by the biggest 1.
So then you have other comments that who are out right now, who
are just incredibly, incredibly funny.
Like you don't have to be. I would say like one of the
outliers is Nate. That's why I'm telling you, man,
Bros on a different level because I guarantee you right
(33:37):
now you are watching this. It doesn't matter what you like.
You watching a Nate Burgazi fucking special, you're going to
laugh. He's that, he's that good.
And he it's just there's some comedians who just fucking, they
know how to do it. They just know that.
I mean, once again, if that if he's not secretly like going
back home and it's just like a big brainiac motherfucker, then
(33:57):
he just got the genius bug in comedy because God damn, he is
fire. He is fire.
I wanted to do stand up and thenI saw him do stand up and I was
like fucking. I quit.
Yeah, One of my favorites is Bill Burr, like you said, like
he's just got so many like wittytakes on things and he kind of
like punches everybody in the middle.
Like, you know, you can kind of understand where he lies on on
(34:17):
things. But like, for the most part,
like he is just like. He does, he tends to go a little
bit too left and he he needs to South Park it because he he
understands there's things wrongwith that side too.
He just needs to South Park it and you throw you throw punches
at both. That red rocks one where he was
talking about abortion. Like, I mean, it was it was the
best take on. He's like, he's like, yes, it
might not be a cake yet, but like the batter is in the oven,
(34:39):
like right, but you killed a baby and he took that take on it
and it's. I will agree.
Yeah, I will agree. And it's one of those things
where he wasn't saying anything about legal, illegal, whatever.
He was just saying facts on the table.
Yes, you have the right to choose all this stuff.
But if you leave that cake in the oven, it's going to turn
(35:01):
into a baby. So like.
Right. Yeah.
And you know, like, I'm not taking any stance on that
either. But like, it's, it's one of
those things where, like, that'sthe type of comedy that is great
because it is just like, punch everybody in the mouth.
It's the South Park. It's the accountability aspect
of it. It's I have to 100% make this
what my side thinks is correct. Yeah, we're not going to get
(35:22):
into politics. Nope.
Honestly, I like talking about the comedians more, but yeah,
it's so hard because you see like some of these guys and
you're like, man, that could be some because back in the day you
could do that. You could see somebody on like
the just for laughs or somethinglike that.
And you could be like, man, thatguy's, that guy's going to be
different now. It just feels like fucking shit.
(35:44):
I hope you go to the right podcast and you say the right
things and you get the right clips taken on your podcast.
And so we're we're judging people from, like I said, once
again, Joe Rogan didn't start it, but it's kind of like the
mold now. It's like you, you need to be on
these podcasts and you need to say the right thing at the right
time with the right people laughing in the crazy ass laugh
or like people to fucking get toknow who you are.
(36:05):
Well, I think there is a slight democratization of it where you
know, like technically if you dogood stand up and you can get
those clips in a club. Like if people do actually fuck
with your kind of humor and the jokes that you're laying out.
Like the only hard part is, is like, like you said, most
comedians go and they workshop all these different jokes and
(36:27):
the different ideas and conceptsthat they have.
And so if you have those clips, you almost have to keep coming
up with new material. Whereas like old school style is
you worked on this one set and made a special and that's what
you would go on tour with. But like nowadays, if you want
to be funny on social media, youhave to create a way deeper
bench of comedy because like youcan't repost that same joke.
(36:50):
I mean, you can, but like after a while it's going to like
fatigue like. There's it's way harder now too,
because people think with increased exposure, it makes
things easier, but increased exposure increases for
everybody. Like it's, it's like now
everybody who is you know, they're, they're, they're really
funny, but they don't really know how to like fucking command
(37:12):
the crowd. They don't know to fucking
everything's not perfected. They're getting a bunch of views
on their fucking clips too. And so now you're just, it's
all, it's like a desensitizationthing where it like now you have
so much of it that you just got to be like wildly outside of it.
When I don't think a lot of people, most people watch comedy
(37:34):
on Netflix or whatever their platform is that they watch it
on or YouTube. For the most part people don't
go to comedy clubs. Like I like going to them and
I've been maybe 5-6 times in my life and it's funny and great
every time. But like it's one of those
things where like, what are we doing this weekend?
It isn't like let's go to the comedy club.
Right. Well, that used to be you go to
(37:54):
a comedy club to hear funny stuff.
But now because stand up comedy is so popular, there's so many
people wanting to be stand up comedies.
Comedy clubs have turned into open mic nights and open mic
nights. Is everybody going there to test
their skills? And some people are just
starting out. Some people you know, they don't
exactly know how to, like, formulate a joke.
(38:15):
All the comedy zones, they've still got like, I mean, they've
still got comedians coming through every weekend.
Like they're not open mic. They're legit ticket buying for
for people that are in the medium tier of comedy.
You're not getting a Dave Chappelle or right, what's his
name, some Kevin Hart. Like you're not getting those
(38:37):
people. Those people are stadiums and
larger venues. But like all the see.
Shane Gillis thought out of stadium, did he?
Yeah. Fucking dope.
Because the reason Shane Gillis is so good is it's like talking
to a friend. It's like, it's just like, like
it seems is he's like the funny friend, except for where the
funny friend, like, you know, about 50% of the things he says
(39:00):
he hits all of his stuff is, is is pretty good at hitting.
And once again, there's gonna bea bunch of people in here who's
like, I don't like Shane Gillis.Once again, everybody stays in
comedy is different. I'm saying that he is good.
And then I'm able to also take that step back, like I'm able to
take, like I said, I'm really good at seeing perspectives of
other people. I'm able to take that step back
(39:21):
and see that he is just generally funny, like when he's
doing a when he's doing a stand up set.
So it's not only that I fuck with it, it's that he is a very
funny person. So him fuck yeah, that feels
just like a normal dude. Just like, like, yeah, you could
look at Shane Gillis and tell God did not design him to
fucking, you know, go. And he's just like, you know
(39:42):
what? I'm still do it.
Well, that's like when they did the Bud Light commercial, him
and Post Malone. I was like, those are two dudes
I'd actually sit down and would enjoy having a Bud Light.
But they really feel like peoplethat weren't supposed to like
Jelly Roll does not feel like a guy who was.
And honestly, we pros and cons about Joe Rogan is that we used
(40:02):
to come from a time where you were decided if you were going
to make it or not. So there was A and, and now we
are at the time where the peopleare like, hey, this is our guy.
Hey, this is our guy. So that that does make it a lot
better. I just wish, you know, he just
fucks, fucks more. Look, I I brought up political
shit on my Facebook. Everybody was like, shut the
fuck up. And you focus more on comedy.
(40:22):
Yeah. That's what I was going to say
to Joe Rogan. So that was a a moment where I
was calling the pot or, you know, kettle black, whatever the
pot was calling kettle black. And then you really the
difference. Is the difference is I am poor?
I am very poor, no influence. On these decisions, a year ago I
was working in a box shop. So it's not it's there's a
little bit of difference to it. I'm still out here.
(40:44):
I'm out here in the struggle, OK.
I'm out here struggling with everybody else in the struggle,
so we're going to get to this. Am I the asshole now?
God Bless America land that I love.
Am I the asshole for throwing a cup of water on my naked
husband? My husband has been tested for
ADHD, but he doesn't have it. He's the he has the kind of
problems that are associated with ADHD.
(41:05):
However, he says writing lists, making a schedule, setting
alarms is physically painful forhim and he'd rather just deal
with the occasional emergencies rather than be proactive.
The specific problem, he often forgets to put the shower
diverter valve down. You know the little rod and the
tough facet that you put down toYep.
I always leave that up and but normally I usually everybody in
(41:28):
the house does. We're all riddled with the with
the tism. So I always get go to fucking
turn the bath on to run a bath for like a kid and then get hit
in the neck with water. At least twice a month I have a
very unpleasant wake up cold shower because I turn the water
on and get a cold spray from theshower.
And every fucking time he's apologetic.
And then two weeks later it happens again.
(41:49):
He will do better for a while, and then it slips again.
He is always telling me that he's working on it and has been
better about it lately, but somehow he's always working on
it, always improving, but never fucking stops.
Put up a fucking sign bro. Like if you if it's that big of
a problem, have something there to remind him each and every
time. The sign becomes just noise too,
like you don't. I don't think so because it's
there and it is a visual reminder.
(42:10):
I have I have a sticker on my mirror that I put up like when I
went full time doing video and Iput up these words it says take
action on my mirror in my bathroom at home.
I do not see that anymore. What is that?
To remind you to masturbate? Yeah.
Take action. Start.
Do it now. Today I just fucking had it.
(42:31):
I stepped into the shower, turned it on, had a very cold
route awakening. I couldn't stand it anymore.
I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches of
cold water. Walked out there to where he was
standing naked. He had just taken off his
pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.
Then that's a fucking. Without warning, he was looking
down. I held up that plastic cup in my
hand, grasping it tightly, and Ijerked that motherfucker in a
45° angle to get that cold waterall over his torso and face.
(42:53):
If he did that, that would be assault and he would lose the
rights to see his kids. Just like how look men do have
it hard. Look, we can all agree men, men,
men have it pretty rough in the eyes of the law, OK?
That was abuse. Right.
And I will take that overnight, having periods every single day.
I'll take it. I told him that his apologies
were worth the paper they were written on and I was tired of
(43:15):
listening to him congratulate himself for getting better when
I had been asking for 20 fuckingyears to stop doing this shit.
I told him I don't accept his apologies and the fact that it's
an accident does not excuse. I told him that from now on,
every time I'm taking a cold shower, he's taking a cold
shower. I ain't reading all that.
I get the fucking point. Are you an asshole?
Yes. I mean it's all fucking yeah.
It's a non issue bro. Like that is really a non issue
(43:37):
if you are getting mad at him for being unable to put it down,
why the fuck can't you get it inyour God damn rhythm to check
the fucking thing before you turn on?
The it's the same thing. If you are unable to set it in
your routine that you can check that little stopper being up or
down before you turn it on, why are you for him not being able
to turn it off? It's the It's literally the same
(44:00):
thing. That is the same thing.
Well, that's one of my gripes with the toilet seat.
And like I, I agree the toilet seat should be done, but I don't
like normally forget it, but if I happen to forget it, it was an
accident. Like it's like it sucks, but
like also you're not like your routine isn't to check it.
And that's The thing is I'm responsible for putting it down
all the time. But if I'm like here at the
(44:21):
office, like I'm the only one peeing in here for most of the
day. So I'm just going to leave it
up. And that's like, but like with
that one, why the fuck if you get that all the time, don't go
into the full fucking shower before you turn the water.
On do it, you can't fucking remember, just like he can't
remember to put it down. And that's what I'm saying.
People can't they can't just step back and be like, if I hear
(44:41):
this problem and immediately come to that conclusion, I don't
read these fucking things like Ijust hear the problem.
I'm immediately like, why can't you put it down before you turn
on the shower? Well, that's like, I'm real
particular about my toilet paperbeing on a certain way.
Everybody loves a beard. They hate a mullet.
So over, not under. And like my wife even said in
her wedding vows that she would put the toilet paper on wrong on
(45:03):
the right way, and she does not.At a certain point I was just
like, OK. Wait, what are you gonna do?
The toilet paper comes over so it's easy to grab because while
she puts it underneath and it's like you have to fight to find
where the end of the toilet paper is.
And so like it bugs me and I'm like that weird like OCD guy
where I'm just like, I, I, I don't know how to.
And so I just eventually got thefuck over it.
(45:24):
Like she's not going to learn. So I'm just put it on while I'm
sitting there. I'll just turn it around And now
that's what it's done. So like I'm.
Honestly I was going to agree with you but then I thought to
myself, I have not never thoughtof that and ever like the way it
is. Both ways is very easily
accessible If you struggle getting your toilet paper with
(45:45):
the toilet paper turned a different way than man a
brother. When you go to roll it like
you're gonna roll it a certain direction because you think that
it's coming out that way. You you can't pull it if.
It's not there to be seen and you're thinking like, where's
the end of the toilet? Paper.
It's either a or a. If it does, the moon will give
you toilet paper coming out it. Sticks on the toilet paper roll
(46:08):
and you don't know where the endis.
What toilet paper are you? This must be fancy people
toilet. Paper.
No, it's cheap. Because I get, I get that
fucking sandpaper that they got a Dollar General that's like
$2.00. No, that's that's not it's
called John Wayne toilet paper. Was that why?
Why? Rough, tough, and don't take
shit off of nobody. I mean it takes the shit off,
but it's takes. 14 wipes to takethe.
(46:29):
Shit off I have I have used Charmin before and I was like
man, that's a cloud upon my butthole.
But and. It cleans faster too so like
technically you use less toilet paper.
If you have decent toilet paper you don't have to go like for
pillow soft but like the sandpaper stuff does not like it
just smears everything rather than like clean whereas like if
you hit the mid tier to. How many sheets on toilet paper
(46:51):
do you use for? I'd 100% look.
I knew this by talking to him. Knew that he was a guy that knew
specifically how many sheets he gets for toilet paper.
My dad said you can wipe your ass with one.
Me, I'm a toilet and then I RIP it off.
No, I'd clog a toilet if I did that.
It's not that much. It's that time, just one time,
and the people know what I'm talking about.
If they fucking do it to the toilet, they know how much
(47:13):
toilet paper that is and that's good.
That word again. There you go.
It's not like a fucking Pokémon here.
But all right, guys, listen, hey, we have the voicemail up.
MADHD is not about politics. It's not about comedians.
It's not about, it's my thinking, he's an expert in
judging comedians. It is about giving advice to
people. So if you want to hear us, give
advice. Send it in.
Yes, send it in. You can do it at
(47:34):
mikeanddylan.com MIKEANDDY lan.com.
We also have a voicemail. We also have a subreddit.
There are so many ways that if you have a come in life, we can
help you. We can solve it now some some
something while the DJ revolves that worst song that was ever
made. And I will.
I will see you guys next time later.
Bear Nimble, Bow down. Mike and Dylan hate drama, but
the Bow Wow. You done yelling at me.
Yeah, I'm not going to. I'm I'm going to let you do the
intro. Are we rolling?
Are we rolling? Welcome to Mike and Dylan.
Hate, hate drama. So on this episode, we've got a
bunch of different things. We've got some listener
submissions, only one because we're recording five of these
(00:23):
this week, so it's kind of hard to keep all the submissions
rolling in. Voicemails live.
Go and send in a voicemail and we can play I think.
Do you have the example? I do have no, it's not an
example. We had a a listener call in and
gave us a brief, what would I say advice.
They gave us advice. You guys can go fuck yourselves.
(00:44):
This is the worst show I've everheard in my entire life.
And if you guys can just shut the fuck up and get off the
Internet. That would make my life better.
Bam, there you go. That is essentially how I view
other people viewing this. Yeah, I think we're probably
going to get a lot of those, Like I'm reluctant to what I'm
going to hear being said on those voicemails.
(01:04):
And we're going to play them. We're going to play them.
And it listen guys, we out. I'd like to say that to the
really mean ones that are very mean.
We won't track you down like Liam Neeson and Taken.
I thought you were going. To I'll find you thought.
You were going to offer him somelove and be like compassion.
That's what I'm I hate mantises,bro.
(01:25):
I'm telling you like action movies just are not my cup of
tea. Because to the normal guy who
has his kid kidnapped, OK, he's going to be on the phone.
Like please give him back. I'll find you.
That guy's going to be like Hal,and you just be like, I don't
know, but please, just that that's all you could do.
Doesn't Liam Neeson have a specific set of?
(01:47):
Skills. A particular set of skills that
makes him a nightmare for peoplelike them.
Nobody else has those. Nobody else has those skills.
Really. People don't have those skills.
I I grew up during the Jason Bourne trilogy or whatever it.
Was that one Matt Damon? Yeah, Matt Damon.
I just I can't view Matt Damon as it's the haircut from
(02:09):
Goodwill Hunting. You can't be a action hero to me
now. I like him as an actor, but
mostly. I like him as a samurai.
I love the the Departed. Yeah, they're part it's
phenomenal. It's.
Like one of the greatest movies of all time.
I like him as a samurai. When was he a samurai?
In the song I got. I liked him in Team America too,
(02:31):
like he did a really good job inthat one.
Matt Damon samurai movie The Great Wall.
I don't think I've seen that one.
Yep, it was in 2016 and they were like, you know what would
be a great samurai for this movie?
Matt Damon And then people were like, they should be Asian,
(02:53):
which I agree, they should be Asian.
It should not be in another language, though.
I don't want to. I like I have subtitles on, but
I'm able to watch a movie and mybrain like, I don't know what it
does. Yeah.
You still. Keep Yeah, I'm able to watch the
movie. I don't even really the
subtitle, but when it's in it you have to pay attention to the
subtitles. It was in a different language.
No, it wasn't. No, no, no.
(03:14):
Matt Damon wasn't in there like I was.
About to say like he learned. That would be great.
Yeah bro. Bro is on his.
If he learns Japanese to play a samurai movie, you shut the fuck
up and let him play the goddamn samurai Black Panther.
The new Black Panther is now white.
You're kidding me, right? You're joking?
No. It's so funny, just it's what?
What? For real?
(03:34):
Yes, what? Yeah, he had a white son.
It's in the comics. OK, well then I guess that's
part of it then. I mean, if they're telling that
part of the story, I didn't. I'm not a comic kid because
like, I grew up in the sticks and there was no I.
Think everybody's making a joke about Ryan Gosling playing them,
which would be fucking hilarious.
(03:55):
That would be especially becausein The Legend of Zelda, they're
going to have a black Viking, sothen there could be a white
Black Panther and I'm pretty sure that solves racism.
Yeah, it's done. Check.
Mark. Honestly, me and Dylan have
pretty much solved racism. I mean, what is there that 2
white guys can't talk about thatjust immediately cures it?
(04:17):
Everything. Guys, racism is over.
Go home. Pack it up.
We done figured it out. So we do have a listener
submission. Looks like a time I fucked up.
I've not looked at any of these.Yeah, we got a time.
I fucked up. There's one Am I the asshole?
And then two malicious compliance.
Which got me and Dylan kind of arguing because I was like, you
know, I wanted this to be the. We're an advice podcast.
(04:38):
Yeah, I was like, we're the lessReddit one.
I would be more, you know. Well, if we had advice to.
Talk about just like life stories and Dylan's like no,
we're doing we're doing some reddits once people like start
once the advice starts coming ina lot, then that's a lot easier
for us to spin the whole podcastlike we.
(05:02):
Jumped the gun because, you know, right now we're recording
5 different episodes for next week.
Usually we do 3. And so there's time in between
for people to like, listen to one, submit advice, listen to
one, submit advice and like. We should take like a day break
after this one to let some because while we were shooting
one podcast, a submission came in.
Yeah, I I mean, it's all just a roll of the dice about who
(05:24):
actually takes the time to. I think the voicemail is going
to give people more of a excitedness to do it.
It's it's where is it? California?
It was, it wasn't like Bel Air. It was, I can't remember the
name of where our phone number comes from, but they didn't give
us any local numbers. We're just like, I think it was
Santa. Monica, I thought it was Bel
(05:44):
Air. I thought you said Bel Air.
It we could be the Princess of. That I wish I had an Uncle Phil,
man. God, if I just could have an
Uncle Phil, I want to be here set doing, doing a fucking
podcast. That's that's for damn sure.
You'd probably be in some like drug recovery, like rehab.
(06:06):
Yeah, I'd already like gone infinite, infinite money to buy
drugs. Oh God.
But yeah, man, I, when me and Dylan talk about this podcast,
Dylan be like, yeah, we could dothis for growth.
And I'm just like, oh, yeah, we can do that.
Because my my whole thing is I just like talking and I like
people and I like talking to Dylan, you know, and obviously
(06:28):
it is a job for Dylan to talk tome because it's hard.
It's hard to just sit here and. It's hard for me to sit here and
then wait for you to finish yourthoughts, especially because
you're like, so yeah, this and then over there and then back
and then. So I'm like wait impatiently and
then eventually. That's what makes this a good
team. 10 minutes later. Because I'm sporadic and not put
together and you are the adult and.
(06:49):
Then I say yeah. You are the like Dylan, People
talk about being adults. Like if shit happens, I still
look. I'm like, oh God, there's got to
be a grown person here who can handle this situation.
Dylan's that grown person. He is the, he is the adult that
I look up to. We're going to get to the first
listener submission, which is titled Pyre Dear Mike and Dylan,
(07:10):
since Mike's answer to any situation is either an uppercut
to the jaw or a pyre, what is the best way to construct a
pyre? Thank you, Dylan, for the
spelling on Pyre because I wouldhave spelled it the way Mike
would have loved the show. Keep the rambling coming.
So obviously it's all you got towere you got.
(07:31):
Boy Scouts, Yeah. OK.
Well then you you got you got a good basis to go from.
Right. So essentially the bottom is
going to be like more of the candling and you can even do
like little pyres underneath thebig pyre.
But you can cross the logs. You can actually, Tom, if you
have any that like you, you would usually want to start it
off with like a big limb that has a fork in it, because then
(07:51):
you can have it just free standing.
But if you're tying somebody to the power, they're going to move
around a lot. You're probably.
Going to want to, yeah. You're going to want to secure
it and we would. Probably actually put the main
piece that you're going to put the person on, like actually put
that in the ground. Give it like a good foundation
that it can stick up on and thenbuild around that so that that's
(08:12):
nice and solid in the. Middle, you're building a real
big power. You could do it like the
University of. Phoenix.
No, it wasn't the University of Phoenix.
I'm trying to think of who did it.
They used to build big pyres andthen it collapsed and killed a
couple students. I can't remember what school did
that. Yeah, that would be inadvisable
to be standing in the radius of.How?
But they were building a huge, if we were building huge power.
(08:34):
I mean, was it for like, I look at, I look at the little
watchdog thing, they would have to be a big pyre.
What was it for? Like a class like physics?
Or they just they why we're, I don't know why they started
doing the bonfire, but it just got progressively and
progressively and progressively bigger to where they would have
like engineering students out there fucking helping out doing
the bass and shit. And lumber companies were
(08:56):
donating logs and all sorts of stuff and they were building a
big and then one day they built it and it just kind of fucking
while. It was on fire or?
No, no. While they were building it and
it collapsed on some of the students and guilt some of them
so. So it taught them about
workplace safety and everything.They did build the cool it like
a thoughtful memorial for the kids though.
So the way the university build it was is it They're all doors
(09:19):
that point in the direction of their hometown, which I think is
a very, very cool little memorial to do.
That is outside the box thinking.
That is, yeah, normally, like ifyou, if there's like a mass
death at work, there's nothing. Yeah, you there's memorial,
memorial. We got to put up help, wanted
signs, calm the fuck down and wegot to replace these people.
(09:40):
Don't talk about that to any of the new hires either.
Just. It's awful to like when you look
up all these companies, it's, it's really companies that cause
a lot of the big mass deaths, whether it's like a freight or
you know, tanker, any like a mall collapsing.
(10:01):
It's always like rich people cutting corners and then poor
people dying, and then half the time the companies don't get in
trouble. Yeah, and or they just have to
pay like a small fine. And then that money does not go
to the families. It's always so sad.
And then it's like, but the goodthing is all these safety
regulations, there's no, no, we could have had the safety
regulations. There could have been common
sense that went into building shit.
(10:21):
Well, there was, but then they skirted the law and that's the
only time to get like a little tiny fine is because like, Oh
yeah, you didn't follow this, right?
But they were already there. They're just like, ah, let's use
cheaper products. And I don't know, nobody cares
about poor people dying. So if it was happening to rich
people like a button, you know 25 rich people died in one
single event. There would be.
(10:42):
It's like how the government treated the January 6th shit
where they were talking about making it a holiday and stuff.
Like none of y'all motherfuckersdied, man.
Y'all didn't die. Shut the fuck up.
Kamala was sitting there talkingabout like fucking making it all
that shit. Look, I don't agree with what
(11:02):
happened. I'm not sitting here being like
a but also it's essentially not that big a fucking it.
Was a non issue. Yeah, at the end of like what it
came, what came of it. The only people that died were
people that were. I know the Ashley girl died.
She got shot by a cop though andlike nothing but to politicians
that's like oh they tried to attack us.
(11:24):
We need to make this a big thing.
Bro, shut the fuck up. I don't know man.
I don't like, I don't like people I don't like, not people
I don't like, personalities, including myself.
I hate me. Don't hate yourself, but I think
this. Yeah, let's get into the I
think. This today I fucked up is going
(11:45):
to brighten your day. All right, yeah, let's get into
this before Mike gets on a tangent.
The time I fucked up by assumingmy travel luggage was empty
before letting a Co worker borrow it.
There's sex toys in it. I already know I ain't even got
AI, ain't even got to read into it to know.
My 37 female young Co worker 20 female was talking about what
(12:05):
she needed to buy for an upcoming trip across the
country. I was trying to be helpful and
offered her to use my suitcase for her trip so she could save
money. I get the suitcase out of my
closet and make sure the smallerone is inside the bigger 1 and
make sure there is nothing in the bigger suitcase pockets.
After every trip I always make sure to empty out my suitcase
before I put them up so I didn'tthink about looking inside of
(12:26):
them. Time.
I fucked up by assuming there was nothing in the smaller
suitcase since I hadn't used it in two years.
Why did I do this? If I could turn back time I
would. I drop off the suitcase to my
coworker and go home feeling happy about the good deed I've
done. A day later I get a message that
starts off with don't be embarrassed but you left
something in your suitcase. I'm like OK maybe it's underwear
(12:46):
or something. Nope.
She sends me a picture of a selfpleasure toy I barely remember
having. She asked me if she needs to
bring it to me. I was like for the love of God
just throw it away. True story.
I don't know I was in there other than maybe I was thinking
it was a good place to hide frommy nosy kids.
I am panicking. I lie.
I'm like please tell me this is not happening and she's so young
she was so mature about it and I'm over here planning to quit
(13:07):
my job and leave the country. I immediately had to tell my
husband what happened and we cosmic laughed for two whole
hours until we were so sore. I tell my husband everything
even he is like how did that getin there and why didn't you
check both suitcases? For the life of me I wish I knew
why I didn't look in the smallersuitcase.
My first day seeing her after this was super awkward but we
just laughed and went on and I apologize profusely.
(13:27):
Everybody blinks. The bean and beasts.
The meat, bro. That's my wife hates that term.
Don't flicking the mouse or flicking the bean.
She she hates whenever they. They listen, they flick the
bean, they fucking fiddle the the skin bulb.
I don't fucking know. I tried to come up with a new
one. I couldn't do it.
Everybody does it now with guys a little bit different because
(13:51):
if you already. Equipped.
With yeah. And I'm getting a like a large
black dildo in there. I'm just like, now I got to look
at my friend differently. Like I have to look at him
differently. I swear that's my wife's.
With women, it's just, or if it's like if I open it up and
it's like this big piece of machinery that's like turbo
sucker 9000 with pulsating beadsand fucking come.
(14:12):
It refurbishes the come to turn it into it, extracts like the
water in it, and then you can use the come part for fertilizer
and the water part to drink. I would be like, bro, what the
fuck did you just send me? And also can I use it?
But like, it's, it's a non issue.
I don't think he would have saidanything.
You just started cleaning it up.A lot of, I don't know the
percentage of women that have sex toys, but it's a lot of
(14:34):
them. Well, the fact that she's like,
I didn't even remember having that one.
Like obviously there's multiplesin the house.
She hasn't missed this one for. Yeah, it's like I got the swing
here and then I got the the husband just like walking in
with a ball gag and shit. Have you ever seen like the
vacuum thing that like the like where they put suction on the
(14:56):
labia and make it engulfed or not?
Yeah, I was like, that is a wildtoy and somebody invented it and
used it. Like this is what people want is
to. It's kind of like the Swedish
made penis enlarger like are. They are they engulfing the lips
or the labia? The the outer lips OK, OK.
(15:18):
And it just like makes it very, very, very large.
And it's, it's like a. Like puffed.
Like puffed. Yeah, like you know the one from
Austin Powers, the Swedish made penis in larger like where it's
like and then it. I'm gonna be honest with y'all,
I'm not. You've never seen Austin Powers?
It didn't do nothing for me. Those were pretty good comedies
(15:39):
for back in. There, I remember watching one
where they were pulling shit outof the bag in the tent and in
the shadow. That was a very funny scene.
But when I watched it, I was like, and listen, I'm not gonna
be a person that says Austin, that show is not funny.
I just said it was not my cup oftea.
The thing about comedy is, is that if something makes someone
laugh, especially if it makes a bunch of people laugh, that,
(16:02):
like, people like to shit on Matt Rife.
That's just not your style of comedy.
But a bunch of people do find him funny.
He is a comedian. People like to shit on Brandon
Schaub. A bunch of people find him
funny. So he's a comedian.
Yeah. I mean, even when you look at
like someone like Dave Chappelle, so who everybody will
recognize as a comedian, there'sa large group of people that
don't find him funny. Yeah, I'm not one of those.
I love Dave Chappelle, but there's a large group of people
(16:23):
that. But that does not take away from
his comedic stature. When I watch Austin Powers, it's
just not. I grew up on them, so they were
like my in the zeitgeist when I was growing up.
And so like they when they were coming out, they and like I only
probably remember really the first two maybe.
But I I understand like there's a flavor to comedy and like my
(16:44):
wife loves female comedians and for the most part it's all about
female issues. So she's not talking to me and
it's not jokes for me. Like it's for women and like the
I can understand where women find that funny, But for me and
my travel through life, the jokes aren't meant for me.
So I don't find them funny. I don't think she's not a good
comedian. I just.
(17:05):
I Who are you talking about? I mean, I don't know the names
of any of them, but like my wife.
Amy Schumer. No.
Not comedian, I don't think I just kidding.
But no, she'd watch these different female comedians and
she's like, this is funny. And I'm like, that's cool.
I think I can't stand this on a female comedian.
Soccer and a guy'll be like, they're always talking about
their vaginas. What do they have, bro?
(17:28):
Like, yeah, we're not always talking about our vaginas
because we don't fucking have them.
Like obviously that is for women.
Like they are talking about things for when sometimes you
get these just abnormal comedians that are at the the
pinnacle. Like they understand comedy to a
degree. Most people will never
understand me. You could tell when I did the
(17:49):
freestyle the other side that when I did that, that I used
swear words as a crutch because,and that is a crutch for me,
thinking of things. It's kind of like a thing that
gives me even a microsecond to fucking think about something
else. Yeah, when you look at people
like Jerry Seinfeld, Nate Burgatzi, like guys that do not,
(18:11):
there is nothing edgy. There's nothing that means that
you have to make people laugh with being funny, with thinking
of concepts just outside of the norm.
And just almost like he can takethose guys.
Like I I enjoy an edgier style of comic like Anthony Jeselnik,
(18:35):
you know, all the new, a lot of the new guys coming up.
I really enjoy that stuff because that feels like it's in,
you know, my realm. That's what me and my friends
would, you know, talk about and joke around about.
Yeah, but those guys, they are on a different playing field
than everybody else. When Jerry Seinfeld made the
joke of extra strength Tylenol, how they came up with it and
(18:57):
he's like one doctor was like, you know, give me the amount
that would kill a human being and just dial it back a little
bit. Like stuff like that.
To think about stuff like that sets you on a different level.
Like when you got And I'm not like shitting on these guys.
Shane Gillis is probably right now the I put him at according
(19:18):
to like his next special that really will hammer in like how
great he is. He's very, very, very good.
But like the George Washington and slave teeth and stuff like
that. So when you start off with an
already, here's the thing about edgy comedy and why it's kind of
lazy. It is kind of lazy because when
you think of like an Anthony Jeselnik joke where he's talking
(19:42):
about, you know, his uncle beinga camp counselor and then he's
also a child molester. So there's already jokes tied
into those. There's already things that come
about that that where you can say, hey, like there's
stereotypes around it. Like if you talk about like joke
around with black people, even if it's a good like a good edgy
(20:03):
joke. That toes the line between like,
you know, racism and shit like that.
There are already stereotypes there.
There's already stereotypes withgay people.
Whatever you use to be edgy, There's already jokes there.
There's your. Listeners already already in
tune with. Like they're already in tune
with what you're saying, but a clean comic is coming at you
with nothing. They're coming at you with what
(20:23):
they are doing and then they aremaking it funny.
And that is a an incredibly, it's, it's way more difficult to
do that with something that people aren't sitting around
thinking about extra strength. Tylenol.
Yeah, that's not happening. People hear, you know, you hear
racist jokes when you're growingup, you, you're fucking
accustomed to everybody joking on everybody and things already
(20:44):
being established, like when youfucking think about like
Hispanic people and fucking swimming and stuff like that.
So when then I make a joke and then I tie it into swimming with
Hispanic people. Ah, it's funny, but it was
already there. Yeah.
When you're thinking about extrastrength, there's nothing.
Nobody's fucking sitting there thinking about extra strength
until Jerry Seinfeld says it. And then you dial it.
You give me, give me the dose that's going to kill a human
(21:05):
being. Dial it back a little bit.
That's wild. Neighbor Gotzi, like you look at
his comedy. That shit is man plays dumb like
he does. He does play dumb.
He does play the carrot like what he portrays on stage very
well. He may like I, I, I, I watch it
(21:27):
when he's on podcast and stuff. I've I've listened to him in
interviews, I am unable to deduce whether he is who he says
he is. But like I said, not everybody
is smart in the same thing. Well.
That's like Larry the Cable guy.I mean, he put on a persona to
be and so like even when he was in interviews and stuff, he was
still in character, right? Even though he wasn't
(21:49):
technically that guy, so. But I'm going to tell you this,
if he, if Nate Bergotzi is not agenius, he's a genius in comedy
because. Well, like one of my favorites
and I, I wouldn't consider him aclean or like family friendly
comedian, but like he didn't rely on any of that was Mitch
Hedberg. And like he was like his own
like little box of and like, if you've never listened to him
(22:10):
before, it takes you like 10 to 15 jokes before you're like, Oh,
I get what he's doing. And like for the most part, when
I show people that they're like,this is dumb and I'm like, no,
no, no, you just you literally have to understand this comedy
to then get into it and understand like how all these
jokes are absolutely, absolutelyhilarious.
But it's a lot of. People think that Mitch Hedberg
(22:30):
was like, because because anytime a, you know, comedian, a
personality, they die young. They like, blow it up.
Yeah. And all I'm saying is I think
Mitch Hedberg is great. But the path, the fact that
people don't talk about Stephen Wright Moore fucking makes me
angry. I don't know who he is.
That's what I'm saying man. He does one liners just like
(22:53):
fucking Mitch does and they're both extremely funny but damn
like and what's so funny as I play Steve for other people it
might be Steven. Like I said, look, I know
Mitchell Hedsberg 100% I know it's not Mitchell but Steve
Wright his his shit man. Just back-to-back to back
bangers of 1 liners and it is like I think you know, his get
(23:18):
does get overshadowed by Mitch dying early and they were like
listen to this guy say 1 liners because there's not a lot of one
liner comedians. Yeah, no, like I think that's
the. Craziest thing though, Mark
Norman's really, really fucking good at one liners too.
His are just a little bit more extended and he could tie
stories to him, but he's a really good too.
Well, and I think that's the crazy thing though is to like
have it be any sort of competition.
Like I know it automatically is going to be like you want to
(23:40):
like, you know, jockey people into place, but like, I don't
think just like one person beingawesome doesn't take away from
another person being awesome. It's like, honestly, with those
guys, I've never heard of them. And it's not that I don't like
them. It's just I've never come across
any of that. And and like, I think it is one
thing to be said about all the people that have died young and
(24:02):
music and entertainment and all this other stuff you do not that
it's beneficial to you. It's better to be alive.
But like, you do enter a legendary status.
Like, what could they have done?Or like what?
Like their early work was so great.
Like, like, I mean, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, like
Tupac, like all these people, where would they be had they not
(24:24):
passed away? They'd still be a prominent
figure. But would they be this like
legendary? Status, right?
It's like Patrice O'Neal, man, like one of the best of his
time, really great comedic comedian, but no one was really,
like, giving him his flowers until after he passed away.
Like, nobody was talking about Patrice O'Neill until after he
died. Yeah.
(24:44):
And like, you read stuff about like, Patrice and him going to a
Comedy Central roast and fuckingnot have anything prepared.
So he just starts roasting mother fuckers like that type of
shit. It it you do get a lot of, I
don't know, you get a lot of recognition when you do pass
away. Like if you're a musician right
(25:05):
now and you're struggling, but you got some, you got some
bangers there. Just die, bro.
That's it. Just die bro.
Our lawyers said not to follow Mike's advice.
We ain't got lawyers, man. Like if you see us, we're
fucked. Like I don't, I don't know.
You get the cameras. It's all we got.
You get the cameras, yes, You get to have the desk, you get
the cup. But yeah, man, it's there's just
(25:29):
there's I mean, there's a littlefucking there's a lot of greats
out there and I'm not I don't want anybody to think that I'm
saying Mitch Hedberg was not. He was phenomenal at one liners.
But man, there's just there's some there's some great
comedians out there. I just saw it just sucks when
you see a guy and he doesn't get.
His well, I think you do get some.
He's way older too. Not really.
(25:50):
Like, you know, he's right. You know, before I was born and
then when I was a little kid. So he could have been just like
killing it. I haven't looked at his
Wikipedia page. I'm just saying we, it was also
like during the time of Mitch Hedgeburg too.
So it's just like, I don't hear about him like I hear about
Mitch. Well, yeah.
And I think The thing is, is like you, if you are slightly
(26:11):
famous, passing away, even if you were like kind like really
reaching fame at that time, onceyou pass away, you're a story,
you know, And so now the people that didn't know about you are
now going to find out about you,because now it's like this kind
of celebrity is dead. This is a great story for us to
push out. And then it becomes this big
narrative and then everybody goes back and they're like, Oh,
(26:32):
that is awesome. And so it, it gives you that
virality that you could never get as just being alive.
You I. Didn't do something about that
and then just dying in your prime too.
You have the people that are like, oh, what could have been
when normally, you know, when when people die in their prime,
that could have been is just sad.
Like it's, it's the decline and it's which I watch this one
(26:56):
thing, man, I want to tell you wit is hard to come by.
I've tried my whole life to to be witty.
Bill Burr's like the wittiest motherfucker on earth.
When I forgot who was interviewing him, he was on talk
show and they were like, you know, you're getting older and
he's like, what the fuck you think I'm going to do Tara AC
I'll not be able to tell a joke anymore.
Bro is like that's I look at like, you know, different.
I look at comedy in like different sections and and what
(27:20):
like people are great in like I said, the one liners and Mitch
Hedberg's in the great. He's in the best of 1 liners and
then you got like wit and just just being smart and off the
cuff type shit. People will say, you know, Robin
Williams stole jokes, which it sucks when you are riffing.
I don't think he ever did it on purpose.
Like Joe words it as like he fucking would run out of
(27:41):
something and be like oh this guy said he's not thinking that.
He's just, he's just fucking saying it.
And that happens to people in everyday situations.
Like you'll say a joke when the time comes that maybe you didn't
fucking that you. Made you spend literally your
whole life like doing comedy andlike being around comedians and
stuff like that. You can't necessarily like
encyclopedia in your head. Yeah, everything.
(28:02):
This is something that somebody else wrote and this and it is
really hard to like Fact Check yourself and and then be like,
OK, now I've written a joke and now I must go down every single
like to to the guys who would like actually go to like clubs
and shit and fucking take it like Carlos MCIA and shit like
that. That is, that is stealing a joke
that everything else, everythingelse that I view as like if
(28:25):
someone didn't purposely do it, they're not known for doing it,
but they accidentally do it. That's just.
Well, if 90% of your catalog is you and then 10% are some slip
UPS like that's one thing. But if it's like the other way
of like most of your whole repertoire or like 5050 even.
Not change the equation once it is a set that you have worked on
(28:46):
religiously and mastered and youhave, you know, went to, you
know, open mic nights because they don't just like comedians
don't just come up with a set. They just they, they write, they
go to open mic nights. Then, you know, they're trying
that joke out on different places.
Then that joke goes into, you know, the bigger set that's
going on TV and that's essentially how they kind of
formulate it and then they can kind of storyboard how
(29:07):
everything is now. Once you're at that point and
you have jokes that are not yours, you're going to have been
made aware that's not your joke.So I give more leniency to Robin
Williams because you don't know what the fuck he's going to say.
The when you go watch a show andwatch a different one when you
would watch it recipes Robin, it's different.
So but like I said, even if jokes are similar, people are
(29:29):
going to come up with similar style jokes for concepts.
And also not everybody is aware of every single comedian so that
you can take a joke so far wherepeople?
Oh man, this guy said it on a fucking PBS special back in I'm
fucking I didn't know that. Did you laugh?
Then shut the fuck up. So I I don't condone stealing
(29:52):
jokes. Well, all I'm getting at is like
if it's if you can still like feign ignorance.
Like if it's you don't actually know, like it's more forgivable.
Like if you are known to steal jokes and you continue to do so,
you're the asshole. But like, you know, in a like,
if you have not been made aware of it and then all of a sudden
(30:12):
you are be like, oh, my bad. And then rework your set or
whatever. But like if you're just going to
continue down that road of like stealing, actually stealing like
a premise is not a joke. But like, if it's fully you can
say that was attributed to this person, then you should be like,
OK, I'll I'll rework it. Right.
Like it won't make it to Netflixspecial without you being made
(30:35):
aware of it. If you then produce the Netflix
special with the joke included, you're the ass.
Because like, honestly, there's nothing original technically.
It's all a conglomeration of like humor is funny because it's
a collective, like understandingof what situations are funny.
And you can now bake a new cake with it.
But like it's with ingredients that have been tested as funny
(30:59):
for a long. Time I wish I knew this guy his
name he's on he's he's doing really well on like the short
form social media right now veryfunny fat guy looks like
probably he could be related to me, but he is I mean he is he
just told this one about being on a school bus.
(31:20):
I can't fucking tell you what itwas, but I was just, I was
watching it and I was just like that's it's so funny.
Like when you watch 1 comic and then you watch another one and
you could tell like you know who's going to really like go to
the next level. And it's weird too because
unfortunately with comedy right now, comedy is less about how
(31:46):
funny you are and is more about how many tickets are you going
to sell? Like how many people fuck with
you? So more people will go to a
comedian show that once again it's very hard because judge and
comedy is it's weird because once again, things that I do not
find funny. There's a whole group of people
(32:08):
that will think they are the topdog.
And I think that we have startedto create an unfair balance.
Though I will say that there there is an unfair balance that
was created by Joe Rogan like hehas.
If you're kind of not in his circle, you, you don't get past
that. It's not joke gatekeeping.
He's not gatekeeping people, OK?There's only so many people he
(32:30):
can. It's that when you Joe Rogan hat
is the biggest form of media right now.
So when Joe Rogan was bringing on these comedians, he was
bringing on, you know, differentpeople to show their it was
good. But now he's kind of, he's boxed
himself in to where honestly, I think Joe Rogan's getting burned
out. But you know, he's he's brought
(32:53):
into more of a how the world should be, even though he's not
connected to that anymore. Yeah.
He's not even way too rich for long.
Too long. Well, I mean, he's got his his
comedy club, so like he does seenew people come through and is
part of that, but. Like, but if they don't get the,
if they don't get what those guys got, they don't get to that
level because that's what the other media wants to show.
Like that's what they want to show when it comes to that form
(33:14):
of entertainment because it's onthe biggest 1.
So they just want to go by the biggest 1.
So then you have other comments that who are out right now, who
are just incredibly, incredibly funny.
Like you don't have to be. I would say like one of the
outliers is Nate. That's why I'm telling you, man,
Bros on a different level because I guarantee you right
(33:37):
now you are watching this. It doesn't matter what you like.
You watching a Nate Burgazi fucking special, you're going to
laugh. He's that, he's that good.
And he it's just there's some comedians who just fucking, they
know how to do it. They just know that.
I mean, once again, if that if he's not secretly like going
back home and it's just like a big brainiac motherfucker, then
(33:57):
he just got the genius bug in comedy because God damn, he is
fire. He is fire.
I wanted to do stand up and thenI saw him do stand up and I was
like fucking. I quit.
Yeah, One of my favorites is Bill Burr, like you said, like
he's just got so many like wittytakes on things and he kind of
like punches everybody in the middle.
Like, you know, you can kind of understand where he lies on on
(34:17):
things. But like, for the most part,
like he is just like. He does, he tends to go a little
bit too left and he he needs to South Park it because he he
understands there's things wrongwith that side too.
He just needs to South Park it and you throw you throw punches
at both. That red rocks one where he was
talking about abortion. Like, I mean, it was it was the
best take on. He's like, he's like, yes, it
might not be a cake yet, but like the batter is in the oven,
(34:39):
like right, but you killed a baby and he took that take on it
and it's. I will agree.
Yeah, I will agree. And it's one of those things
where he wasn't saying anything about legal, illegal, whatever.
He was just saying facts on the table.
Yes, you have the right to choose all this stuff.
But if you leave that cake in the oven, it's going to turn
(35:01):
into a baby. So like.
Right. Yeah.
And you know, like, I'm not taking any stance on that
either. But like, it's, it's one of
those things where, like, that'sthe type of comedy that is great
because it is just like, punch everybody in the mouth.
It's the South Park. It's the accountability aspect
of it. It's I have to 100% make this
what my side thinks is correct. Yeah, we're not going to get
(35:22):
into politics. Nope.
Honestly, I like talking about the comedians more, but yeah,
it's so hard because you see like some of these guys and
you're like, man, that could be some because back in the day you
could do that. You could see somebody on like
the just for laughs or somethinglike that.
And you could be like, man, thatguy's, that guy's going to be
different now. It just feels like fucking shit.
(35:44):
I hope you go to the right podcast and you say the right
things and you get the right clips taken on your podcast.
And so we're we're judging people from, like I said, once
again, Joe Rogan didn't start it, but it's kind of like the
mold now. It's like you, you need to be on
these podcasts and you need to say the right thing at the right
time with the right people laughing in the crazy ass laugh
or like people to fucking get toknow who you are.
(36:05):
Well, I think there is a slight democratization of it where you
know, like technically if you dogood stand up and you can get
those clips in a club. Like if people do actually fuck
with your kind of humor and the jokes that you're laying out.
Like the only hard part is, is like, like you said, most
comedians go and they workshop all these different jokes and
(36:27):
the different ideas and conceptsthat they have.
And so if you have those clips, you almost have to keep coming
up with new material. Whereas like old school style is
you worked on this one set and made a special and that's what
you would go on tour with. But like nowadays, if you want
to be funny on social media, youhave to create a way deeper
bench of comedy because like youcan't repost that same joke.
(36:50):
I mean, you can, but like after a while it's going to like
fatigue like. There's it's way harder now too,
because people think with increased exposure, it makes
things easier, but increased exposure increases for
everybody. Like it's, it's like now
everybody who is you know, they're, they're, they're really
funny, but they don't really know how to like fucking command
(37:12):
the crowd. They don't know to fucking
everything's not perfected. They're getting a bunch of views
on their fucking clips too. And so now you're just, it's
all, it's like a desensitizationthing where it like now you have
so much of it that you just got to be like wildly outside of it.
When I don't think a lot of people, most people watch comedy
(37:34):
on Netflix or whatever their platform is that they watch it
on or YouTube. For the most part people don't
go to comedy clubs. Like I like going to them and
I've been maybe 5-6 times in my life and it's funny and great
every time. But like it's one of those
things where like, what are we doing this weekend?
It isn't like let's go to the comedy club.
Right. Well, that used to be you go to
(37:54):
a comedy club to hear funny stuff.
But now because stand up comedy is so popular, there's so many
people wanting to be stand up comedies.
Comedy clubs have turned into open mic nights and open mic
nights. Is everybody going there to test
their skills? And some people are just
starting out. Some people you know, they don't
exactly know how to, like, formulate a joke.
(38:15):
All the comedy zones, they've still got like, I mean, they've
still got comedians coming through every weekend.
Like they're not open mic. They're legit ticket buying for
for people that are in the medium tier of comedy.
You're not getting a Dave Chappelle or right, what's his
name, some Kevin Hart. Like you're not getting those
(38:37):
people. Those people are stadiums and
larger venues. But like all the see.
Shane Gillis thought out of stadium, did he?
Yeah. Fucking dope.
Because the reason Shane Gillis is so good is it's like talking
to a friend. It's like, it's just like, like
it seems is he's like the funny friend, except for where the
funny friend, like, you know, about 50% of the things he says
(39:00):
he hits all of his stuff is, is is pretty good at hitting.
And once again, there's gonna bea bunch of people in here who's
like, I don't like Shane Gillis.Once again, everybody stays in
comedy is different. I'm saying that he is good.
And then I'm able to also take that step back, like I'm able to
take, like I said, I'm really good at seeing perspectives of
other people. I'm able to take that step back
(39:21):
and see that he is just generally funny, like when he's
doing a when he's doing a stand up set.
So it's not only that I fuck with it, it's that he is a very
funny person. So him fuck yeah, that feels
just like a normal dude. Just like, like, yeah, you could
look at Shane Gillis and tell God did not design him to
fucking, you know, go. And he's just like, you know
(39:42):
what? I'm still do it.
Well, that's like when they did the Bud Light commercial, him
and Post Malone. I was like, those are two dudes
I'd actually sit down and would enjoy having a Bud Light.
But they really feel like peoplethat weren't supposed to like
Jelly Roll does not feel like a guy who was.
And honestly, we pros and cons about Joe Rogan is that we used
(40:02):
to come from a time where you were decided if you were going
to make it or not. So there was A and, and now we
are at the time where the peopleare like, hey, this is our guy.
Hey, this is our guy. So that that does make it a lot
better. I just wish, you know, he just
fucks, fucks more. Look, I I brought up political
shit on my Facebook. Everybody was like, shut the
fuck up. And you focus more on comedy.
(40:22):
Yeah. That's what I was going to say
to Joe Rogan. So that was a a moment where I
was calling the pot or, you know, kettle black, whatever the
pot was calling kettle black. And then you really the
difference. Is the difference is I am poor?
I am very poor, no influence. On these decisions, a year ago I
was working in a box shop. So it's not it's there's a
little bit of difference to it. I'm still out here.
(40:44):
I'm out here in the struggle, OK.
I'm out here struggling with everybody else in the struggle,
so we're going to get to this. Am I the asshole now?
God Bless America land that I love.
Am I the asshole for throwing a cup of water on my naked
husband? My husband has been tested for
ADHD, but he doesn't have it. He's the he has the kind of
problems that are associated with ADHD.
(41:05):
However, he says writing lists, making a schedule, setting
alarms is physically painful forhim and he'd rather just deal
with the occasional emergencies rather than be proactive.
The specific problem, he often forgets to put the shower
diverter valve down. You know the little rod and the
tough facet that you put down toYep.
I always leave that up and but normally I usually everybody in
(41:28):
the house does. We're all riddled with the with
the tism. So I always get go to fucking
turn the bath on to run a bath for like a kid and then get hit
in the neck with water. At least twice a month I have a
very unpleasant wake up cold shower because I turn the water
on and get a cold spray from theshower.
And every fucking time he's apologetic.
And then two weeks later it happens again.
(41:49):
He will do better for a while, and then it slips again.
He is always telling me that he's working on it and has been
better about it lately, but somehow he's always working on
it, always improving, but never fucking stops.
Put up a fucking sign bro. Like if you if it's that big of
a problem, have something there to remind him each and every
time. The sign becomes just noise too,
like you don't. I don't think so because it's
there and it is a visual reminder.
(42:10):
I have I have a sticker on my mirror that I put up like when I
went full time doing video and Iput up these words it says take
action on my mirror in my bathroom at home.
I do not see that anymore. What is that?
To remind you to masturbate? Yeah.
Take action. Start.
Do it now. Today I just fucking had it.
(42:31):
I stepped into the shower, turned it on, had a very cold
route awakening. I couldn't stand it anymore.
I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches of
cold water. Walked out there to where he was
standing naked. He had just taken off his
pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.
Then that's a fucking. Without warning, he was looking
down. I held up that plastic cup in my
hand, grasping it tightly, and Ijerked that motherfucker in a
45° angle to get that cold waterall over his torso and face.
(42:53):
If he did that, that would be assault and he would lose the
rights to see his kids. Just like how look men do have
it hard. Look, we can all agree men, men,
men have it pretty rough in the eyes of the law, OK?
That was abuse. Right.
And I will take that overnight, having periods every single day.
I'll take it. I told him that his apologies
were worth the paper they were written on and I was tired of
(43:15):
listening to him congratulate himself for getting better when
I had been asking for 20 fuckingyears to stop doing this shit.
I told him I don't accept his apologies and the fact that it's
an accident does not excuse. I told him that from now on,
every time I'm taking a cold shower, he's taking a cold
shower. I ain't reading all that.
I get the fucking point. Are you an asshole?
Yes. I mean it's all fucking yeah.
It's a non issue bro. Like that is really a non issue
(43:37):
if you are getting mad at him for being unable to put it down,
why the fuck can't you get it inyour God damn rhythm to check
the fucking thing before you turn on?
The it's the same thing. If you are unable to set it in
your routine that you can check that little stopper being up or
down before you turn it on, why are you for him not being able
to turn it off? It's the It's literally the same
(44:00):
thing. That is the same thing.
Well, that's one of my gripes with the toilet seat.
And like I, I agree the toilet seat should be done, but I don't
like normally forget it, but if I happen to forget it, it was an
accident. Like it's like it sucks, but
like also you're not like your routine isn't to check it.
And that's The thing is I'm responsible for putting it down
all the time. But if I'm like here at the
(44:21):
office, like I'm the only one peeing in here for most of the
day. So I'm just going to leave it
up. And that's like, but like with
that one, why the fuck if you get that all the time, don't go
into the full fucking shower before you turn the water.
On do it, you can't fucking remember, just like he can't
remember to put it down. And that's what I'm saying.
People can't they can't just step back and be like, if I hear
(44:41):
this problem and immediately come to that conclusion, I don't
read these fucking things like Ijust hear the problem.
I'm immediately like, why can't you put it down before you turn
on the shower? Well, that's like, I'm real
particular about my toilet paperbeing on a certain way.
Everybody loves a beard. They hate a mullet.
So over, not under. And like my wife even said in
her wedding vows that she would put the toilet paper on wrong on
(45:03):
the right way, and she does not.At a certain point I was just
like, OK. Wait, what are you gonna do?
The toilet paper comes over so it's easy to grab because while
she puts it underneath and it's like you have to fight to find
where the end of the toilet paper is.
And so like it bugs me and I'm like that weird like OCD guy
where I'm just like, I, I, I don't know how to.
And so I just eventually got thefuck over it.
(45:24):
Like she's not going to learn. So I'm just put it on while I'm
sitting there. I'll just turn it around And now
that's what it's done. So like I'm.
Honestly I was going to agree with you but then I thought to
myself, I have not never thoughtof that and ever like the way it
is. Both ways is very easily
accessible If you struggle getting your toilet paper with
(45:45):
the toilet paper turned a different way than man a
brother. When you go to roll it like
you're gonna roll it a certain direction because you think that
it's coming out that way. You you can't pull it if.
It's not there to be seen and you're thinking like, where's
the end of the toilet? Paper.
It's either a or a. If it does, the moon will give
you toilet paper coming out it. Sticks on the toilet paper roll
(46:08):
and you don't know where the endis.
What toilet paper are you? This must be fancy people
toilet. Paper.
No, it's cheap. Because I get, I get that
fucking sandpaper that they got a Dollar General that's like
$2.00. No, that's that's not it's
called John Wayne toilet paper. Was that why?
Why? Rough, tough, and don't take
shit off of nobody. I mean it takes the shit off,
but it's takes. 14 wipes to takethe.
(46:29):
Shit off I have I have used Charmin before and I was like
man, that's a cloud upon my butthole.
But and. It cleans faster too so like
technically you use less toilet paper.
If you have decent toilet paper you don't have to go like for
pillow soft but like the sandpaper stuff does not like it
just smears everything rather than like clean whereas like if
you hit the mid tier to. How many sheets on toilet paper
(46:51):
do you use for? I'd 100% look.
I knew this by talking to him. Knew that he was a guy that knew
specifically how many sheets he gets for toilet paper.
My dad said you can wipe your ass with one.
Me, I'm a toilet and then I RIP it off.
No, I'd clog a toilet if I did that.
It's not that much. It's that time, just one time,
and the people know what I'm talking about.
If they fucking do it to the toilet, they know how much
(47:13):
toilet paper that is and that's good.
That word again. There you go.
It's not like a fucking Pokémon here.
But all right, guys, listen, hey, we have the voicemail up.
MADHD is not about politics. It's not about comedians.
It's not about, it's my thinking, he's an expert in
judging comedians. It is about giving advice to
people. So if you want to hear us, give
advice. Send it in.
Yes, send it in. You can do it at
(47:34):
mikeanddylan.com MIKEANDDY lan.com.
We also have a voicemail. We also have a subreddit.
There are so many ways that if you have a come in life, we can
help you. We can solve it now some some
something while the DJ revolves that worst song that was ever
made. And I will.
I will see you guys next time later.
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