May 30, 2025 • 44 mins
To see the photo mentioned in the podcast head over to r/MADHD We also share embarrassing photos of "Bieber Mike" and Dylan's "Fuck You, I'm Drunk" encounter with Greensboro Police.
Mike and Dylan return to their Reddit storytelling roots with an absolutely unhinged episode tackling some of the most bizarre AITA posts yet, including a husband with a public urination kink who's been banned from his sister-in-law's wedding. Between fits of laughter that repeatedly derail their reading, the guys debate the ethics of revealing infidelity to adult children, with Mike insisting "especially if your kids are older" they deserve to know why their parents split. When discussing a babysitter who got stiffed on payment after a child slept through the whole gig, Mike suggests an unconventional approach involving baseball bats while Dylan explains why being "on duty" still warrants full payment.
The conversation takes wild detours through Mike's theories about the CIA watching their podcast, Dylan's Salvia stories featuring friends who believed they were "stuck in glass jars by giants," and an unexpectedly detailed discussion about who they'd eat first in a plane crash survival situation. Their tangential debates reach peak absurdity when Mike reveals he told his wife he'd "eat everybody except dudes because that's gay," sending Dylan into a spiral of laughter as Mike explains the semantic difference between cannibalism and homosexuality.
Despite their chaotic energy returning after some heavier recent episodes, the guys still manage heartfelt moments acknowledging their podcast growth and thanking the listeners.
Join the guys on their new more concise podcast "2 Daddies Judging Baddies" or stick with MADHD for the deep dives and rambling stories they're known for.
Submit your own drama for Mike and Dylan to solve at https://MikeAndDylan.com or join the conversation on their new subreddit r/MADHD https://www.reddit.com/r/MADHD/
About LaborLama
When they're not solving your drama or unpacking generational trauma, Mike and Dylan are behind LaborLama, a clothing brand dedicated to creating comfortable, quality clothes for people who work hard. Unlike those shady print-on-demand companies sending you mismatched shirts that fall apart after one wash, Labor Llama delivers clothing worth your hard-earned money. Check out their quality apparel at https://laborlama.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Bear never bow down Mike and Dylan hate drama, but the Bow
Wow welcome back to another episode of Mike and Dylan hate
hate drama where honestly, we don't know what we're doing.
We just we, we get some advice, we read some Reddit stories.
And y'all listen along. For some reason, yeah, because,
I mean, it's the. Last one was heavy so it was
(00:20):
heavy but. Look, as I view y'all as my
children, OK, my beautiful little kids and I gotta, I gotta
help y'all get through life and stuff like that by giving you
advice you probably shouldn't listen to.
I give advice so bad where people would like sit there and
think about it and they're like,man, I'm I know what he just
said is I should do the completeopposite.
So. So that's kind of advice in
itself. And that way I help him and I
(00:42):
think that's beautiful. Like what the fuck does JRE do
except make hundreds of millionsof dollars?
Talk about aliens and DMT and. We could talk about aliens and
DMT. We should do DMT on the podcast.
Welcome back to the Mike and Dylan experience.
I'm not having to go. We couldn't find DMT so we just
(01:07):
have salvia and. What's so funny is I watched the
video one time way back in the day of a guy doing DMT and he's
just like laying on the bed and he's like.
And then the guy was like who's next?
And he was like. Nah, OK.
I just watched you go through anexperience.
I don't know if it was. I've got a shit ton of salvia
(01:28):
stories. Like I actually have a video of
my buddy doing it and he gets like, he's out for a minute.
Like you know how you just like days out?
And then once he's like coming back, he gets all sweaty and
takes off his shirt and then he's like freaking out and he's
like gets up and starts walking around.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, sit down, sit down.
And then when he explained what he went through, he was like a
(01:49):
giant had picked him up and stuck him in a glass jar and
like put him on a shelf. And so he was like freaking out
and trying to get away from thisgiant being and all that.
Now just stick to coke and bro out with some friends in a
fucking one bedroom apartment talking about the crazy
essentially what they talk abouton Joe Rogan.
Like, yeah, I could hear those conversations any day at a like
(02:10):
I said in one of my friends one bedroom apartment, just around
like a little coffee table. Do you see the where they're
smoking cigarettes? The walls are yellow because we
fucking pack it from going through just packs.
Do you see this theory on the world being flat?
Bro, that we went, we went through so much shit.
Like I remember one time we weretalking about people getting
knocked out and the science behind that because I don't know
(02:31):
if you know this, the science isstill out.
Like they're like, there's a lotof things we think is what
causes knockouts. We're not really fucking sure.
So I was talking about, and I was, you know, if you're on
coke, you're not making a ton of, like, you're making sense in
your brain, but you might not beable to relay that sense to
people. OK, So I'm talking about like,
(02:51):
I'm like, yeah, man. But if it was like, you know,
1930s Germany, we would figure that shit out by now.
And they're like, oh, what are you talking about?
And I was like, well, you know, it takes people to find out,
like it takes working on using your science on people, which is
what they did. They did it to Jews, which is
terrible and it's horrible. And I'm not saying we should do
that. OK, this was coke Mike, but I
was like, but if we were doing that, like you can't just like
(03:12):
get a couple guys there and be like, we're going to knock you
out and then we're going to see what your brains doing and we're
going to figure this shit out like in and and fucking there
was a company. I'm not going to say the name of
because I don't want to get sued.
And also I just saw a clip of it.
This might not be real, but I'm pretty sure it is because it
made the guy who has the podcastonline, he's like, whoa.
(03:32):
So but what they would do is they would send Jewish women to
this company who is a name brandcompany of a medication we have
today. And essentially they would test
their medication on them and then they would call back the
the Nazis a couple weeks later, like, hey, we need more women
really like and it's crazy. And that's a kind of allegedly
(03:54):
about Bayer. Well, there's a ton of that,
like where there was a lot of UScorporations that were very,
very, very, very, very friendly with the.
The Nazi Oh yeah, man, if you got money, that's why it's so
hard for me to believe that Hitler just shot himself.
Because when you, when we take down these countries, we're not
(04:15):
taking down the rich guys. Like, you know, when we go that
that's the thing with War 2 thatpeople don't see.
Like when we're in at war with another country, it's the
poorest fighting the poorest. It's not.
No, rich people are dying duringthis whole excursion.
It's all poor people, 100%. Like that is the 100% casualty
rate. Poor people.
Yeah. Like rich people, they're like,
hey, you know, either they know to get out of the line of fire.
(04:38):
They know. They know ahead of time.
Hey, guys. Yeah.
We're doing a strike coming through your neighborhood.
You might want to go ahead and exit your mansion.
Like, we're not trying to hit your mansion.
It's very nice. And we like you're pulling the
back. It's really, it's really well
designed, but we do have to bombthis one area.
And you might get some collateral.
Right. Because we're just going to say
there's a prominent figure thereand then we're like, no, we
didn't get them. But it's all that's all worry
(04:59):
is, is poor people fighting poorpeople.
But like I said, if it was fucking Nazi Germany, we know
about knockouts now because theytested on people.
Yeah, like now we test on animals.
And then we'll be like, all right, we think this medication
is good. And then they send it out and it
kills a whole bunch of people. And they're like, what you want
us to do? We're testing on rats.
Like there's nothing better. There's nothing better we can
test on. We start testing on monkeys.
Y'all lose y'all's mind. Well, I think in that though,
(05:22):
like people should have their own free will to decide, as long
as, you know, it's a fair assessment of how safe or how
dangerous this drug is, Like people should be able to opt in.
And I know like at a certain stage they can, but a lot of
these things they don't get to human testing until it's like.
Right. If you tell me that I'm
terminally ill with something that's going to slowly kill me,
(05:42):
if you're like, hey, we got thismedication.
Don't know. It might not work.
It might work. It might set your balls on fire
until you die. I'm like, well, you know, roll
them dice. My kids will always Remember Me
how I was, so let's do it. And then, you know, if that's my
balls on fire, they know. Fuck.
Well, that's with like a lot of stuff though, because like,
honestly, I think like medicallyassisted suicide.
(06:05):
It's like. The same brain.
Bro, if he was a woman, you'd bemy girl like that.
We'd be, if I was gay, I'd be, I'd be banging this dude and we
would be making just we would bea power couple.
We'd be one of those couples that people looked at.
You know how you look at old people and you're like, man,
that's that's togetherness. That's what's like a plus about
gay dudes, man. They could just like bro out and
then at the end of the night they could have sex with each
(06:25):
other and you ain't even got a you ain't got to deal with no
nagging or anything like that. Yeah, we fight too though, so.
But not, but we are able to namean argument with your wife
because I can't do it with my wife or a discussion that we've
had that ended in the quickness that ours has.
I think the longest argument we've ever had was maybe 30
(06:46):
minutes. And then at the end of it, we're
like, you know, we don't need tobe.
Yeah, we're good. That's why I broke.
I said it in a dark episode. And if you see a gay couple of
us 2 dudes, normally 9 times outof 1099, times out of 100,
they're like they, they're, theyhave each other's backs.
They're they're fucking lesbian couples 9 times out of 10 or 9/9
(07:07):
times out of 100. It's the craziest fucking
dramatic shit. Like you should be like, yeah, I
stabbed her last week because she wouldn't quit fucking
snorting Xanaxes. And I'm just like, I can't keep,
I can't keep up with this drama,bro.
And just, it's because, you know, I have family members that
are, you know, gay lesbian, mostly lesbian.
I don't know what's going on around and.
(07:29):
I mean, once again, like you've said, like everybody likes
boobs, so. That that that is true man.
It's like a lesbians like I can't understand when a gay
guy's like y'all love penis. I'm just like, they don't do
anything for me because even. When a women are like, women are
like, it looks weird. Like, I mean, they still enjoy
it, but it's like, I think it's kind of funny.
I imagine getting boobs and thenthey're like, all right, So
what, you know, God's putting things together and the angels
(07:50):
was like, what are you going to give the guys?
He's like, Oh, I'm a give them this like fucking meat sack and
he's like, it doesn't look like a meat, you know, it looks like
it's a sack made out of meat. That's all I can describe it as
like he's like, are you going tolike try to make it
aesthetically, but not at all. All right, It's going to look
like we took the innards of something.
All right, And then we just jammed it full of Jelly or
(08:11):
something like that. We're going to stick that right
under the the penis, which, listen, I'm not going to talk
about it like circus vision versus.
I remember I did a skip back in the day, which caused a lot of
what do you call it, controversy?
Yeah, I think this was my first time doing a controversial thing
where people were like, either they loved it or they fucking
(08:31):
were like, we got to get this guy off the Internet.
But it it was like mothers, as soon as their child is born and
I'm sitting there holding a fakebaby and I'm just like will love
you and protect you and you are perfect just the way you are.
Hey, doctor, can we cut some of his Dick off?
Bro? The Internet went fucking wild
about that. They were like some lady was
(08:52):
like, yeah, so how's it cool that they get to do this?
But when we're talking about like, shut up bitch, we're
talking about men right now. Y'all talk about y'all their own
problems. OK, That's what I can't fucking
stand. I can't bring up a problem
without someone being like, but we need to think about this.
But no, no, the fuck we don't. I'm talking about this problem
when I talk about the suicide rate in men.
I don't want a woman coming up and being like yeah but what
about in it still happens if I don't give a fuck about females.
(09:13):
Y'all get a bitch to talk about the suicide rate in females.
If y'all want to, I'll talk about dudes right now.
A we make up 75% of suicides. But every time, man, if you
bring up something about fuckingsome kind of oppression or
something, there's someone therebeing like, well, this was
worse. And another thing too is, look,
this is very close to being a dark episode.
I'm look, Mike's pissed off. You're good.
(09:35):
Mike's got some, Mike's got someemotion in him.
But the reason that we with everything, like every kind of
oppression there is the reason that we look that we're so
forced to focus on the past oppression is so we don't look
at the shit that's going on now.That's all that's about like, oh
man, we need to make up for thisand this and this that happened
(09:55):
back in the day that nobody thatis alive right now had a part of
it was except for some old people boomers, y'all was y'all
was telling people to go to a different water fountain.
All right, you know who you are.But other than that, we didn't
have nothing to fucking do with it.
And nine times out of 10, they were poor people didn't own
slaves. You know, people weren't, you
know, there for the Holocaust. There's a bunch of shit that
(10:15):
happened to a bunch of people, you know, fucking.
You don't know anybody that led Native Americans down the Trail
of Tears. But the media latches on to that
stuff because they're like, hey,yeah, look at this, but don't
look over here. Don't look at like everything
getting worse. Yeah, consecutively, it doesn't
matter who is in the fucking office.
It's getting worse. Don't look at this because
(10:36):
that's the, that's the ultimate thing, man, The day that people
are like united. Oh, that's scary.
Yeah, and I'm distracting. That's some spooky shit.
Like right now our CIA guy that watches this is like fucking
start a red story. Mike, I don't have to kill you.
Come on man. Read the Reddit stories man,
just. Next week there's going to be a
news article. It's like seriously overweight
influencer commit suicide by chopping himself up into, you
(10:59):
know, 1000 pieces and throwing himself in a lake.
Fucking God you're. Like.
Did Mike watch the bowling? All right, so we're going to get
into what we got. 3, two stories.
How many is this? Yeah, I think there's three.
Let's go with the shortens first, all right?
Oh, God, too much reading. All right, so we're going to get
(11:22):
into am I the asshole? Like I said before I get
suicided, Am I the asshole for telling my daughter that her mom
cheated on me when my daughter said my new girlfriend looks
like an Only fans chick? Are you doing good, brother?
If like, if someone's like, likeif there's a couple people in my
family, they're like, yeah, my girl's doing only fans.
(11:43):
I'm like, is it? Is it like a passion project?
What kind of like? What kind of niche is she?
Bro, but I mean look if you a big girl, if you, it doesn't
matter man. There is a niche for everybody
sexually and that's a beautiful thing.
Well, my wife has that like short index finger and I was
like you could just. Oh, just like God, just like.
Squishing food and stuff. You don't even have to make it
I. Just imagine that little finger
(12:04):
running down my body like they they are.
Bro there is a doesn't work for men that well but.
Well, there probably is like once again, but you would
definitely be probably men. On women that view our videos,
let us know do you want me to doyou want to watch me eat cake
with my asshole? I mean as a nut, because we're
getting we're pretty fucking poor, so we're pretty fucking
(12:25):
we're exploring all options right, like if my feet are real
fucked up. But if you want.
Like you chew your toenails? Like you chew your fingernails.
I can't even get my leg up therereally well.
I got to stub like my stomach's like I'm protected from that.
I'll watch out after the feet, but yeah, let us know you don't
want me to fucking like stomp around and some some grapes or
something like that. It's going to be all guys going.
Yes, yes, we would like that very much.
(12:46):
Remember Me when me and MarshallPatrick took that fucking the
shirtless picture? We did this one where we're like
2 workers. It would look like it was for a
calendar for gay men and it's it's really funny photo.
I would. Maybe we should show that one.
We'll put that on Reddit. Yeah, the last time we Dylan
said that he was going to show the photo.
We'll put it on Reddit. Go to Reddit M ADHD but it was
(13:08):
so many gay dudes like we actually do really enjoy this by
the way. So I have saved this into my
phone and I was like all right like I'll bro I'd be.
Killing it. I think you're gonna have to
read the title again. Am I the asshole for telling my
daughter that her mom cheated onme when my daughter said my new
girlfriend looked like an only fans chick?
Throwaway account and fake names.
(13:28):
I, 49 male, got divorced from mywife Emily, 49 female, because
she cheated on me with multiple men at once.
Or separate because that's either way.
Yeah, we got to have info, brother.
You got to really. We we hate drama, but we like it
at the same time because if someone at work told me that was
like, yeah, my wife cheated on me with multiple guys, I'm like
at the same time, like, no, they're all separate like.
(13:51):
Oh, was it like they stand in the line where they.
Real. Was it a train?
Was it a bukaki? Like what are we talking about?
Get some details. We have a son and daughter.
Our son Nick, 22, male has always been closer to his mom
and our daughter Skyler has always been closer to me.
Not knowing why we got divorced,the kids took their mom's side
naturally. I recently started dating Lisa.
(14:12):
She has a fun personality, 54 female by the way.
So she's smoking hot and she dresses very fun.
I was about to say she's 54 and people were like that's the only
fans chick. Brother knocked it out of the
bark when I introduced Lisa to my kids.
Nick took a liking to her while Skylar looked annoyed.
Days later, Skylar said that Lisa looks like an Only Fans
chick. If you knew Skylar you would be
(14:34):
shocked that she would use it that way or use that as a way to
insult another woman. I told her that her mom Emily
was the one who cheated on me and that I met Lisa after the
divorce. Skylar just said oh and got real
quiet. But the next day my wife, my
ex-wife Emily confronted me. I reminded her that I never
promised to keep her cheating a secret.
I said that I implied that it would be a secret on the fact
(14:55):
that I've never said whether or not I would tell the kids.
So am I the asshole? No man, like especially if your
kids are older too, like you don't want to sit down a six
year old like your mom. Your mom's a whore.
She's out here sleeping with allthese guys, all these penises
were in her. And the same thing for a fucking
woman. You can't be like your dad's out
here just fucking anything that walks, man.
There, there was guys, there waswomen, a couple dogs in and your
(15:17):
guys are fucking weird like. How how old is the daughter now?
22, Yeah. Wait, no, no, no, 1919 old
enough to know Well, and and like you're not going to go into
detail, like you're not going totell her if it was a boot.
Cock. Yeah, she was like, alright one
time I was on my phone and I wasjust like, I was like, oh man, I
got to order some pizza, but my phone was dead.
So I picked up my mom's phone and as soon as I put it on it
was a bootcock, man. That was like 36 men.
(15:37):
They were all jacking off on your mom and a couple of them
were slapping her in the face, calling her a bitch.
And she was like oh, call me a bitch again.
And I was like, oh man, this is like real fucked up.
And then they took her to another room.
They just sadder on my stool, stare up, the legs up.
It's like the kids just sitting there.
Like what? No, but I think that's like,
that's the unfair nature of divorce.
(15:59):
And like he did a very good job of waiting until she was 19 and
like for the right moment, like,hey, I'm trying to move on with
my life and now you're going to like shit talk my my current
partner. Like, just so you know, like, I
didn't choose to move on from your mom.
Your mom, Tom, chose to end thismarriage.
If you have an affair, you are owed nothing.
(16:20):
You are owed no dignity, nothing.
Like you. If someone wants to be like,
hey, even at a young age, be like, hey, your mom is the
reason that we are no longer together.
That's their prerogative. I wouldn't do it.
Like I said, I would wait until they're a little bit older and
be like your mom's slut. Like, listen, all right, you
know, Amy would probably wait till they're older, but your
dad's a whore. What can I do and what can I say
about it? You know, fucking I'll just do
(16:41):
on this video. All right, he's there, bunch of
guys, but Cocky start his legs off.
But yeah, I think that's the thecrazy thing with it is like the
the the dad did right by the kidand then mom was protected the
whole time. And then we have to read the
edits because it explains. Oh, is it good?
OK, all right. I looked at it and it looked a
bit boring. I will read the edit.
(17:03):
So that goes into what I'm saying though is the mom was
protected this whole time. The kids thought she was like
poor mom dad fucked up and got divorced.
Yeah, cuz yeah, they took her side, yeah.
And so at this moment, he's justlike, OK, well, just so you guys
know, go ahead and. Read All right, SO something of
an update since I posted. This is an edit.
(17:24):
Even though my daughter is in her bedroom in my house, I
messaged her because she doesn'twant to see anyone.
She sent me a very, very long message she had written
beforehand. In the message, my daughter
admitted that her mom and her maternal aunt said those kinds
of things about Lisa. She said she's embarrassed that
she repeated those awful things.She said she thought I was the
one who cheated on her mom. She said she thought I had
(17:44):
cheated on her mom with Lisa. She said she's not mad at me.
She said she's mad at her mom. She said Lisa seems like a
wonderful, hurtful woman. She said she wants to talk about
this face to face, but not anytime soon.
She said she'll tell me when she's up to talking about it
face to face. When?
When she thinks she can do it without crying.
How long ago do they fucking cheat on the what?
(18:05):
How long ago was this? I don't know when they said they
got divorced. Because they seem pretty.
I like if she's thinking like that's the person, like if it's
been 10 years, you wouldn't think that like, Oh, Lisa was
the so I had to be relatively club bro.
If my son is 19, I'm like, your mom was getting digged down in a
God damn in a backseat of a Corolla and I walked up with
some Chinese take out and I had to see her getting just
(18:26):
manhandled in the back of her. I'll tell my son that 19 years
old and he'd be like, God damn, mama's doing that.
I'm like, yeah, so no, we can't be together.
Sorry. He's like, but I was just like,
we had the perfect. We had had bitch.
It's gone now. I would leave it at she cheated
and and let them. Out.
I wouldn't go into detail about it.
We'll see. There's a bunch of toys laying
around and. Right.
(18:48):
It was like this 14 inches blackand it was like, I don't know, I
tried to turn it off. It whipped my ass.
Like I had to call. I had to call the fire
department, turn it off. I was like, how do you even use
that? Apparently you know the fucking
rearrange their damn fallopian tubes.
She can't have kids no more. Kids just suck.
Fucking dramatize. Am I the asshole for expecting
(19:09):
full payment when the baby fallsasleep while babysitting?
Some of these is just like what kind of the baby was asleep?
Come on, Like for four hours even though you were here?
That's. Basically the story they leave
it all it like word it like incaspit, like don't clickbait
(19:30):
me, but like keep it keep me tantalized a little bit because
I in return have to turn this into tantalizing things for
other people. It's our discussion that's
tantalizing. I think it was tantalized the
stories you saw. You see how good two daddies
judge and baddies is versus thisone.
People are like, oh man, we hateto hear Mike and Dylan talk,
(19:51):
even though Mike and Dylan is bigger but at like a growing
rate. 2 daddies judge and baddies which you haven't
checked. If you haven't checked it out,
go check it out. It's us just doing the damn am I
the assholes? Just that yeah, just that you
don't get any of the legs and a stir.
Maybe we should just do am I theassholes over here too?
But just add more because we don't understand an advice.
Nobody like we had a good run ofadvice, but everybody we also
(20:13):
did stop asking for it. Like I mean, we mention it, but
we don't like drive it home. Send in some advice, all right?
If you're not subscribed to the podcast, subscribe to it.
If you got a problem, we'll helpyou solve it.
Now sometimes something while the DJ revolves.
Worst song ever made. All right.
I 19, babysit occasionally for acouple in my neighborhood.
They're nice and the kid is sweet.
(20:34):
It's usually an easy gig. Last weekend they asked if I
could watch their two year old from 6 to 10:00 PM while they
went to dinner with friends. I agreed on the usual rate and
showed up at 6. By 620 the baby was already
passed out in my arms after a bottle on quick cuddle.
I later in the crib and didn't hear a peep the rest of the
night. Literally just sat on their
couch scrolling my phone for almost 4 hours and check the
baby monitor a few times and that was it.
(20:56):
They came home around 9:45 and were surprised the baby had been
asleep almost the whole time. Then the husband half jokingly
says Dang maybe we should just pay you $20 or pay you for the
20 minutes of work and the wife laughed.
I laughed too at first thinking was a joke but then they handed
me cash for one hour and said honestly we feel weird paying
full price when you really didn't do anything at that
point. Brian has down all of them
(21:16):
inside. Take the baby out.
I imagine like, because I feel like this is going to give ideas
to employers like, well, you know, the machine was running on
its own. You didn't really touch it.
So yeah, we'll just, we'll just pay for an hour.
Well, they can't do that. That's what's good about, you
know, cameras and every though. That's the good thing about you
fucking watching me like a God damn hawk.
You'd be a robot, work all the time.
(21:37):
If you're not working, we're watching you.
Yeah, well, maybe if you got, ifyou ask him did some
supervising, this place would befucking different.
People want to work here, Steve,Bitch.
I told them that I still came over, they still had their night
out and part of babysitting is just me being there in case the
baby wakes up. They didn't budget and said they
make it up to me next time, but I left feeling kind of taken
(21:58):
advantage of. I didn't argue further because I
didn't want to cause a scene. When I vented to my sister she
said they were being cheap and Iwas totally all right to expect
full pay. So am I the asshole for
expecting full pay even though the baby was asleep the whole
almost the whole time? If my daughter came home and
said, hey, Dad, do you think this sounds OK?
I went over to, you know, to do the babysitting, and the baby
(22:19):
fell asleep at 6:20, and they got home at 9:45.
And they only paid me for the 20minutes that I watched the baby.
What do you think about that, Dad?
And I'd be like, oh, that's crazy.
Let me explain to you how life works.
And I'd be telling her about howsince she was there, you know,
she was like, what? Yeah.
Yeah. We're getting in the car.
Well, first she sees me, like, grab a baseball bat and, like,
we're getting in the game. We're driving down.
And I'm just like. And so even though technically
(22:40):
like you're not, you know, handling the baby, you're still,
you know, making sure the baby is protected, right?
And then we get out of the car and like, I'm still explaining
that to her. And I'm like, so then paying you
$20, I'm knocking on the door. We're paying you for 20 minutes.
It's just, it's a RIP off. And as soon as they open the
door, if it's the dad baseball bat across forehead, if it's the
(23:00):
mom, it's 2025 baseball bat across forehead.
And then we're going to be like,hey, we're going to run their
pockets. We're going to teach them about
running pockets and then we're going to leave.
And see that's how you resolve that situation.
Yeah, Dad does. Dad will do it.
Don't don't take that into your own hands.
I'll I'll take the. Right.
Especially working in a factory.They don't care if I got a
(23:21):
felony. They don't give a fuck if I'm
like, hey, you know, I got to goto court and they're like, well,
for what? And I'm like, you know, assault
with a deadly weapon, they tend to kill.
They're like, damn, you're not going to get a lot of time for
that, are you? I don't think so.
And then I mean, you're not judicial system's a joke.
You're going to go there, they're going to be like, oh,
you've not been in trouble or we'll give you 6 months
probation. What are they going to do?
(23:42):
Sue me? Fucking OK.
That's the that's what I people get sued for $1,000,000 all the
time. You don't have to pay it.
They'll be like, well, we'll we'll put like a lien on your
house and you'll never be able to sell your house.
Good bitch. You think I do?
I look like I'm in the position to fucking sell my house and
move it to another house. Honestly if y'all took the house
that would been a lot easier. Not with rent prices.
(24:06):
Fucking I don't know what happened, man, Like it's just
the housing market, which fucking shout out, you know,
Mike for getting the house rightbefore that shit fucked up.
God, I look back, I was like, man, it was a kind of a stupid
time to do it, but because, you know, I was still like building
everything and trying to get everything right.
And I'm fucking up my life and everything.
(24:27):
And I got my credit good enough.And what's so funny is I, I went
to the Bank of, you know, the State employees credit Union and
I was like, yeah, I want a loan for a house.
And he's like looking at the stuff and he's like, I don't
know, I'm going to have to go talk with like my higher up guy.
So I leave and then I go to Rocket Mortgage and I'm like,
yeah, because they, yeah, terrible rates and shit like
(24:47):
that. So then I was like, he called me
back and he was like, well, we'dlike to see that.
I was like, oh, it's fine. I'm going to go with Rocket
Mortgage. He was like, I'm going to call
you back. Wait a second.
And then bam, yeah, we got good.I don't know any of the rights.
He asked my wife that, but it's it's pretty solid.
So. And then like I said, my house
doubled in that I did nothing. If anything, I made the house
worse. But it doubled in value because
(25:11):
I don't know the markets, right?Yeah, the markets.
People can just be like, hey, you know what, instead of your
rent being 650 now, it's now $1500 a month.
I had a buddy of mine who. Date.
His he bought a house and it literally he went to sell it and
he was going to make like 100 grand on it after like 2 years.
(25:31):
He did a little bit of renovations and stuff nothing
that would equal $100,000 but hedid that and like went to list
it with the realtor that he bought it with.
And so he was going to list it again and they offered him this
price. And so he decided not to go with
the realtor and put it on like offer pad or something like that
or offer, I can't remember. One of those housing sites,
eBay. And they they listed it for like
(25:54):
another hundred over what the realtor said that they were
going to list it for. And then beyond that, like
people started a bidding war on it.
And so he ended up over doublinghis.
So instead of getting like $230,000 for it, which he paid
for it or no, I think he bought it for like 180.
He ended up getting over $400,000 for this house and they
instantly, as soon as they bought it, they put it for rent
(26:17):
for like $2500 in Greensboro, which is like insane rent
prices, but they're, that's whatthey were doing.
They were just like, we'll buy the house, put it up for rent.
And I was like that. I think if you're, if you're a
publicly traded company, you should not be able to buy
residential. Yeah, businesses.
That's so fucking goofy, man. Like I said, you know, couple
(26:37):
people start getting angry, grabbing some pitchforks, shit
starts changing. I'm just saying what?
When in history has shit changedfrom not throwing some tea in a
harbor? You know what I'm saying?
Not being fucking this sucks. While I'm gonna complain about
it on Facebook. Draw the line, yeah.
Actually take action. I mean, you go up to like a
senator's house. Yeah, if, if like I said.
(26:58):
You have to before we. Before I before I before I, you
know, swayed y'all into a coup d'etat, which I would have.
No, you know, I'd be like, look,I'm not the fighting type.
Look at me. I'm not billed for war.
I'm not billed for tactical. I'm about billed for Taco Bell.
But I'm just saying that's the you got to you got to dissuade
those guys for making a bunch offucking from getting lobby for a
(27:19):
bunch of money. And the only way to do that is
say, hey, I'm punch in the face like whoa, what?
You can't do the you were gonna but you can't but but we're
going to and then be like, well,the cops will arrest you and
then the cops will be like, Nah,we're not going to arrest them.
I was like, whoa, what the fuckshappening right now?
And then they have no power. God, I'm going to get bowing
because of this episode. Fuck.
Well, you've been working up to it.
I have been. I'm going to get suicided, man.
(27:41):
God pick a hope that they're going to like burning the death
to your car. No.
Yeah. You talk.
You talk about us getting punched in the face.
You get in the worst one. Let me get the Princess Diana
treatment. Look at Dylan.
Dylan's nervous right now. Go to the next.
One right, they'll be like, well, Dylan, Dylan told him to
(28:03):
go, so he's one of us, all right, So we like him.
So I'm just saying if it comes, if it, if it changes to Dylan
hates drama. You know what happened.
Yeah, yeah, he randomly came into $100 million to.
Them get them Internet sleuth things going.
Audience request Reddit Hall of Fame?
Oh, this was requested by an audience member?
(28:25):
Am I the asshole for not attending my sister's wedding
since my husband is not invited?Got to get into it.
Maybe the husband did something bad all right and this is a
Reddit Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame.
Let me start by saying I do understand my husband his
behavior is appropriate. I don't know why it sound like I
had a stroke and or was drunk. Let me start by saying I do not
(28:46):
know why my husband's behave or fucking Jesus Christ.
Take two, take 5. Let me start by saying I do
understand that my husband's behavior is inappropriate, but
like all of us, he's not perfectand I took vows to stand by him
and accept him as a whole person, including his flaws.
Overall, he's a good husband andI love him despite this one
(29:07):
issue. It's the given that video where
it's like that's my man and I'm a stand beside him like it gives
that energy. So my husband has a kink for
urinating on himself in public. Gal Jesus what that went.
Oh, what? And his minor flaws, like he's
and his all of us have flaws, right?
You know how you bite your nails, Mike?
(29:28):
Like you, you'll sit there and bite your nails and Bill, he'll
just piss on himself. He just likes to pee himself.
Yeah, he likes to pee himself infront of people.
Anybody especially. Yeah, I think, yeah, it's a
kink. I think it's the humiliation
aspect that gets him off. So sometimes, not every time we
get together with my family, he will pee his pants.
But overall, it's not really that disruptive.
(29:49):
He just stands up and says something like, Oh no, I've
pissed myself. And then he goes to the bathroom
and changes always bring up bring a change of pants and
underwear for him just in case this happens.
And when he gets back we just move and don't talk about it.
My belly hurts and I don't want to read the story anymore.
Of course we don't want people to know my husband is doing this
for a kink. So we told my family he has a
medical condition that causes him to not have full control of
(30:11):
his bladder. I told him the reason he doesn't
wear adult diapers is that he's ashamed of needing diapers at
his age. So he's basically in denial that
he that he needs them and refuses to wear them.
Well now my sister's getting married and she says my husband
can't come because she doesn't want him disrupting her wedding
by peeing on him. Peeing on himself.
I can't get through this man. I told her it was unfair to
(30:31):
exclude him over a medical condition he can't help, which
is true as far as she knows, butshe said it's his own choice to
refuse to wear adult diapers so it's his fault God don't like
this. I told her it's her wedding and
she can invite who she wants, but if my husband isn't invited
I'm not coming. He loves my family and I know it
really hurts him to be excluded from the wedding just because of
(30:52):
a kink he can't help having. He's been crying and saying he
feels disgusted for having this kink and that he can't control
himself and now that my family doesn't even want him around
it's really good. This guy doesn't have a kink for
little kids though, because he can't control see.
That's The thing is like, you can control any kink.
Yeah, you have. Like, I remember there's this
one Reddit story that we need toread one day, and it's about a
guy who like, he's like, I wannakill myself because, you know,
(31:13):
he's never acted on it. And he might have ended up
taking his own life or somethinglike that.
And I was like, that right theremeans that whoever does this, I
don't give a fuck. Like, once again, it's a it's
it's something saying, hey, oh, I'm attracted to children.
Your brain's fucked up. Yeah, your brain's fucked up.
Seek. Help and try to get over it
like. Once you act on it, that's when
you burn in the pyre. Like that's when we have grit
(31:33):
day where we pour hot flame grits on you.
Grit day, right? Honestly this is fucking weird.
And the fact that he's doing hiskink in front of where kids are,
too. Well, and the.
He should go on the. Power the big thing is, is like
that's her sister's big day, which is like important to
everybody like getting married is like a a milestone in life.
(31:54):
And also if he does decide to dothat, like that's like the most
like sexual thing like because it is a sexual thing for.
Him that he's doing in front of children, but he's.
Doing it in front of like however many like hundreds of
people, like that's going to be that much more pleasurable for
him. So most likely he's going to do
that because he enjoys that situation.
(32:16):
So her sister saying no don't come is completely legitimate
like. Well, technically and the
sisters actually thinks it's a medical condition, but even
though because the sister thinksit's a medical.
Condition. That's what they said, but like,
nobody announces that they peed themselves.
Oh no, I have pissed my pants. Look at me, I'm so humiliated
(32:36):
pyre pyre. I know it will really hurt him
if I just left him home and wentto the wedding by myself.
He told me it's my choice to go and if I want or if I want and
that he won't be mad but I know he'd be really upset if I went.
I love my sister and my family but my husband is my life
partner so he's always my numberone priority above anyone else
and I believe I should stand by him and support him rather than
(32:56):
choosing my family over him. This is the type of woman that
you know protects the protects the pedophile.
So yeah. So I told my sister I won't be
making it to the wedding and nowshe's extremely angry with me
saying I'm a bad sister because I won't be there to support her.
She's marrying a woman. So she also makes it look like
I'm a homophobic if I don't showup to support their union.
I told her, listen, that is double because it's going to be
(33:18):
interesting. There's going to be drama
everywhere. It's going to be crazy.
People are going to get stabbed.It's going to look like the
Royal Rumble, like WWE Royal Rumble.
That's the what I imagine lesbian with.
And listen, I fuck with lesbians, all right?
Not like that. Because they don't they think
I'm disgusting. Look, we can, we can have jokes,
all right? Everybody, everybody's included
in jokes. Don't get any panties because
(33:40):
Mike made a joke about you, OK? I ain't here discriminating you
I'm just saying God damn y'all all ain't got to stab each other
like Jesus Christ. I told her I'd love to come if
my husband was invited but she says she can't stand the thought
of him pissing on himself duringthe ceremony or reception.
I told her how much it hurts my husband and he's or that he's
(34:01):
excluded and she doesn't care. I said fine but that means I
can't come. But she won't let it go and keep
starting fights saying that I'm a bad sister.
I do feel bad that it hurts her that I won't be there.
Am I the asshole? Absolutely the asshole.
Also, you're just disgusting andhonestly, this Reddit sluice
don't do good jobs. I hate fucking I hate you don't
(34:22):
hate true crime and I think it'sjust people making money off of,
you know, a tragic story. They're like, oh, I'm a fucking
try to make this as tan align aspossible.
Make sure to like share and subscribe so I can make as much
money off this dying kid as I can.
All right, but also what true crime did was it started this
whole Reddit culture of detectives.
They're all detectives, OK, And more often than not, sometimes
(34:43):
they get a case, then they they crack something in that case,
but 99.9999999% they ruin somebody's fucking life by
making somebody the wrong suspect.
What they're really good at doing too, is tracking people
down. Like tracking people down.
Finding that, why not find this guy a piece of like, he's a
fucking weirdo. Like this is a fucking weirdo
and at least register him somewhere.
(35:03):
I'm not saying be violent towards them.
We don't know. I mean still, if you're if you
have a kink and you do that shitin public around family around
kids pyre like I just pyre like if you do anything sexual around
kids PYRE. Which until Dylan made that
fucking thumbnail I thought was PIRE.
So glad I didn't make it becausethat'll look stupid.
I had to spell check in. Some did you have to because I
(35:24):
wouldn't have thought of a why no, I thought, you know, we
would try to make it look. Cooler no, but that's the thing
with any of these kinks is like it's OK to have kinks.
It's OK as long because everybody is a consenting adult.
You can do that, but right now you are There is no consent.
(35:45):
From the family for anybody elseonce you include.
Kids. Well, I mean, even if you leave
out animals and it's just right.Yeah.
Adults like no we aren't consenting to watching you piss.
Oh God that just. And if that is something that
turns you on and that is a sexual thing for you, it is
inappropriate for you to do thataround unconsenting people.
(36:06):
If someone did that at just any place where we were having a
family gathering and they did ita lot in the one way, you know
what I'm saying? Pretty much.
She spelled it out like the family does have to know that
it's a it's a fucking kink. I'd be like, don't worry, we're
going to help him change. And then, you know, a bunch of
the guys, we're going to go helphim change.
And I mean, he might change. He might might be a little too
(36:28):
late. Well, he might pee himself, but
not because he. Wanted to, right.
Well, it's never been. He would like that, though.
If you beat him so bad, he then he'd be doubly humiliated.
You're actually. How do you beat somebody up that
has a boner? That's got to be rough.
I made a joke the other day because fucking yeah, I got to
make jokes all the time but I forgot what me and Amy were
(36:48):
watching. But it was about cannibals.
And you know, if a woman asked you something, bro, just be
honest. Like say or or don't even like
don't even be honest. Just go with like the craziest
fucking answer cuz that's all that's gonna shut.
Like if you, if she was like, ifsomething happened, would you
resort to eating somebody? And you can't be like, well, you
know, it's like a moral thing. They're like, come on, like
there's no food. They can just keep it going.
(37:10):
So immediately I'm just like, absolutely, I'd be eating
fucking everybody. I was like, except dudes because
that's gay. And she was like, how's it gay
to eat dudes? I'll be like me sitting around a
fucking campfire enjoying a man going inside of me.
She was like, well, when you wear it like that, it sounds
gay. And I was like, because this way
it's worded like that. I'm sitting around a campfire.
Put his meat inside. My mouth literally put his meat
in my mouth. That's gay, just so y'all know
(37:32):
women, if y'all are ever in an airplane accident with me, watch
the fuck out because I'm not going to not eat like you know
what I'm saying? I'm making it out.
That's what the I like. I read about the what is it
Dahmer family. It's not Dahmer, it's a fuck.
What is their names? I don't know about a family of.
(37:53):
No. Well, it's a party.
A party. Dahmer party.
What is it? Well, Dahmer was the one that.
Ate people not talking about dot?
What the fuck was this? Party.
Oh, you're talking about the ones that crashed in the Andes
mountains, right? Yeah.
I can't remember the name. It was a a football team.
Not that, not that one like I'm just putting in all the
(38:15):
keywords. I can't remember from it's
Donner, it's Donner, Donner. You were close.
So it's Donner Party and essentially this guy made a book
about a trail that was easier togo through and some fucking like
I said, I can't remember. I fucking read about it one
night and I got really like intoa hole about it.
But he wrote a book on how therewas a easier passage.
I think it was like an Oregon orsome ship.
(38:35):
And so this whole, this family, they're the Donners.
When you have other families that are like, oh, we're going
to follow you. You're called that guy's party.
OK, So they all go through thesemountains.
Well, the passage takes a lot longer.
It's terrible. Like there, it's all up
mountains and shit like that. And they're fucking wagons are
getting stuck and you know, cowsare dying, horses are dying.
And then they got to go through desert, which kills a lot more
(38:58):
of the livestock and it's takingthem a long time.
And then it gets to the winter time in Oregon, Washington area,
I guess. Fuck, I want to see the area
because I want to keep naming the fucking where it's not at.
So this was back like. 1846 Yep Who migrated to California they
went through the Sahara Nevada, which is you know really fucking
(39:19):
hard they started in was it on the Oregon trail?
Oh, it was on the Oregon Trail and I guess it will go through
Nevada into California. There we go.
So they, they go through the mountains and it starts snowing
and they get snowed in and a lotof them resort to like
cannibalism. And, and just like one guy was
(39:40):
just like fucking just like, he,he, he was loving it out there.
And he was like, yeah, this is this is where I belong.
And then, you know, people did all these studies of, you know,
was what they did, you know, fucking just like a defiled act
against humanity. Or was it something out of
desperation, which obviously if no one's ate a person before
this happened. And then it's just scared people
(40:02):
do scary shit. Like honestly, scared people do
scary shit. I'm eating y'all, like I'm not
scared either. Like I'm not even going to wait
until I get like dead 'cause I got to get out of there and I
got to keep my strength up. I don't want to wait until I'm
20 lbs of skin and bone. I got to start munching those
people if there's been a couple people dead.
(40:22):
But what if you're there with your family?
Like who's who's getting? Is my family alive?
I'm not. I'm not even my family.
OK, so I'm lying on them. So.
What do you like? Cut off an arm and give them
your. Arms me and my family.
Do you like give them limbs to let them go ahead and survive
or? I'd eat Amy.
I would. I love you, babe.
Right, kids, be like, where'd you get this beat from?
(40:44):
Where's mom at? Mom died down the hill and then
I found a deer. What's that deer have mom's
shoulder tattoo. The only tattoos that she got,
She regrets. She has that tattoo.
I always forget. She always forgets she has that
tattoo. I was like, there was your whore
tattoo back, back when you were all from his skin.
She was and she was with a womanfor nine years.
(41:05):
You know how many like man points I got from that because
a, she was the general manager at the Hardee's that I was a
cashier at woman with a woman for nine years.
And then she ruined her life by I was like a rebound though,
because they had just broke up in a nine year relationship.
You're fucked up after that. And what better time to just
swoop in and be like, you know, is it only women or is there a
(41:26):
Gray area? Great pick up line.
Use the old Dave. Chappelle Gotcha bitch.
Gotcha bitch. Yeah, just got.
How long are we into this one? I think we are 42 minutes.
They're kind of short, man. We are going through a lot of
shit right now, Got a lot of shit going on.
Watch stepdad still dying so. That's heavy.
(41:50):
That is heavy. The only reason we're smiling is
because the other episode was shot like, yeah, 20 minutes,
Yeah or. 20 minutes before. Trying to get some shit out
right now, but but yeah, so, yeah, nothing has changed since,
you know, the hour that we announced that that was
happening. What else we do?
Look, we're going to we're goingto speak to the audience right
now, all right? We're not going to fucking what
(42:13):
is it called? Sugar coated, not sugar coat.
We're not going to pity you intosaying this shit.
But hey, subscribing or whateverplatform you listening to does
fucking help. Helps out a lot.
Well, and sharing. And sharing too, man.
Don't you want your friends to laugh?
Don't you love your friends? Don't you love me and doing a
little bit. Well then you can have inside
jokes like mayonnaise, Dick and you know, napkin, tampon, or.
(42:34):
And then everybody could just assume you're gay.
Yeah. And then, look, life is life is
a lot better. But it is it does help us out
tremendously. Guys, we are going to wrap this
episode up after this. We're going to give you all
longer episodes. We are kind of just kind of
fucking shit's rough right now. And, you know, I'm dealing with
a lot of hysterical people. So am I still trying to make
jokes? Dylan heard me on a phone call
(42:55):
earlier. Yes, I am.
All right, look, I have. That doesn't change.
All right, they're not landing as well.
But they are not landing as well.
They're still coming out. I'm still firing on all
cylinders. All right.
That doesn't mean. Doesn't mean I'm not.
Yeah, doesn't. Mean the cannonballs are hitting
the spot. OK, maybe they're a little off.
Maybe they're taking off. You know, allies heads right
now. Sorry.
But yeah, that does help out tremendously enjoying the
Reddit. If you want to MADHD, check out
(43:17):
two Daddies Judging Baddies and I'm gonna stop fucking telling
these people to do stuff and and.
On the Reddit, we'll go ahead and put that picture of Mike and
Marshall, and then from the two episodes previous, we'll have
some pictures of Bieber, Mike, and also I'll put up my fuck
you, I'm drunk. Greensboro Police.
(43:37):
Just give y'all, we'll start doing more stuff in there too.
Just fucking talking about shit.But we just want to say thanks
for everybody listening along because we have had a lot of
sport and it is growing. I'm not saying that, all right?
Dylan's saying that. I'm saying that.
And we have, you know, a lot of growth.
And we just want to say thank you for listening.
And I want to say thank you evenmore than Dylan did for the for
(44:00):
the more growth and what else isyour in that?
I'm not giving you any ammo. Just just just more thank you,
OK, And I love you actually. I love you like you guys are my
family or a lover honestly. And you guys are the best and
you being happy and healthy makes my life better actually,
(44:22):
just because you exist and I'm proud of you and we will see you
next time later.
Bear never bow down Mike and Dylan hate drama, but the Bow
Wow welcome back to another episode of Mike and Dylan hate
hate drama where honestly, we don't know what we're doing.
We just we, we get some advice, we read some Reddit stories.
And y'all listen along. For some reason, yeah, because,
I mean, it's the. Last one was heavy so it was
(00:20):
heavy but. Look, as I view y'all as my
children, OK, my beautiful little kids and I gotta, I gotta
help y'all get through life and stuff like that by giving you
advice you probably shouldn't listen to.
I give advice so bad where people would like sit there and
think about it and they're like,man, I'm I know what he just
said is I should do the completeopposite.
So. So that's kind of advice in
itself. And that way I help him and I
(00:42):
think that's beautiful. Like what the fuck does JRE do
except make hundreds of millionsof dollars?
Talk about aliens and DMT and. We could talk about aliens and
DMT. We should do DMT on the podcast.
Welcome back to the Mike and Dylan experience.
I'm not having to go. We couldn't find DMT so we just
(01:07):
have salvia and. What's so funny is I watched the
video one time way back in the day of a guy doing DMT and he's
just like laying on the bed and he's like.
And then the guy was like who's next?
And he was like. Nah, OK.
I just watched you go through anexperience.
I don't know if it was. I've got a shit ton of salvia
(01:28):
stories. Like I actually have a video of
my buddy doing it and he gets like, he's out for a minute.
Like you know how you just like days out?
And then once he's like coming back, he gets all sweaty and
takes off his shirt and then he's like freaking out and he's
like gets up and starts walking around.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, sit down, sit down.
And then when he explained what he went through, he was like a
(01:49):
giant had picked him up and stuck him in a glass jar and
like put him on a shelf. And so he was like freaking out
and trying to get away from thisgiant being and all that.
Now just stick to coke and bro out with some friends in a
fucking one bedroom apartment talking about the crazy
essentially what they talk abouton Joe Rogan.
Like, yeah, I could hear those conversations any day at a like
(02:10):
I said in one of my friends one bedroom apartment, just around
like a little coffee table. Do you see the where they're
smoking cigarettes? The walls are yellow because we
fucking pack it from going through just packs.
Do you see this theory on the world being flat?
Bro, that we went, we went through so much shit.
Like I remember one time we weretalking about people getting
knocked out and the science behind that because I don't know
(02:31):
if you know this, the science isstill out.
Like they're like, there's a lotof things we think is what
causes knockouts. We're not really fucking sure.
So I was talking about, and I was, you know, if you're on
coke, you're not making a ton of, like, you're making sense in
your brain, but you might not beable to relay that sense to
people. OK, So I'm talking about like,
(02:51):
I'm like, yeah, man. But if it was like, you know,
1930s Germany, we would figure that shit out by now.
And they're like, oh, what are you talking about?
And I was like, well, you know, it takes people to find out,
like it takes working on using your science on people, which is
what they did. They did it to Jews, which is
terrible and it's horrible. And I'm not saying we should do
that. OK, this was coke Mike, but I
was like, but if we were doing that, like you can't just like
(03:12):
get a couple guys there and be like, we're going to knock you
out and then we're going to see what your brains doing and we're
going to figure this shit out like in and and fucking there
was a company. I'm not going to say the name of
because I don't want to get sued.
And also I just saw a clip of it.
This might not be real, but I'm pretty sure it is because it
made the guy who has the podcastonline, he's like, whoa.
(03:32):
So but what they would do is they would send Jewish women to
this company who is a name brandcompany of a medication we have
today. And essentially they would test
their medication on them and then they would call back the
the Nazis a couple weeks later, like, hey, we need more women
really like and it's crazy. And that's a kind of allegedly
(03:54):
about Bayer. Well, there's a ton of that,
like where there was a lot of UScorporations that were very,
very, very, very, very friendly with the.
The Nazi Oh yeah, man, if you got money, that's why it's so
hard for me to believe that Hitler just shot himself.
Because when you, when we take down these countries, we're not
(04:15):
taking down the rich guys. Like, you know, when we go that
that's the thing with War 2 thatpeople don't see.
Like when we're in at war with another country, it's the
poorest fighting the poorest. It's not.
No, rich people are dying duringthis whole excursion.
It's all poor people, 100%. Like that is the 100% casualty
rate. Poor people.
Yeah. Like rich people, they're like,
hey, you know, either they know to get out of the line of fire.
(04:38):
They know. They know ahead of time.
Hey, guys. Yeah.
We're doing a strike coming through your neighborhood.
You might want to go ahead and exit your mansion.
Like, we're not trying to hit your mansion.
It's very nice. And we like you're pulling the
back. It's really, it's really well
designed, but we do have to bombthis one area.
And you might get some collateral.
Right. Because we're just going to say
there's a prominent figure thereand then we're like, no, we
didn't get them. But it's all that's all worry
(04:59):
is, is poor people fighting poorpeople.
But like I said, if it was fucking Nazi Germany, we know
about knockouts now because theytested on people.
Yeah, like now we test on animals.
And then we'll be like, all right, we think this medication
is good. And then they send it out and it
kills a whole bunch of people. And they're like, what you want
us to do? We're testing on rats.
Like there's nothing better. There's nothing better we can
test on. We start testing on monkeys.
Y'all lose y'all's mind. Well, I think in that though,
(05:22):
like people should have their own free will to decide, as long
as, you know, it's a fair assessment of how safe or how
dangerous this drug is, Like people should be able to opt in.
And I know like at a certain stage they can, but a lot of
these things they don't get to human testing until it's like.
Right. If you tell me that I'm
terminally ill with something that's going to slowly kill me,
(05:42):
if you're like, hey, we got thismedication.
Don't know. It might not work.
It might work. It might set your balls on fire
until you die. I'm like, well, you know, roll
them dice. My kids will always Remember Me
how I was, so let's do it. And then, you know, if that's my
balls on fire, they know. Fuck.
Well, that's with like a lot of stuff though, because like,
honestly, I think like medicallyassisted suicide.
(06:05):
It's like. The same brain.
Bro, if he was a woman, you'd bemy girl like that.
We'd be, if I was gay, I'd be, I'd be banging this dude and we
would be making just we would bea power couple.
We'd be one of those couples that people looked at.
You know how you look at old people and you're like, man,
that's that's togetherness. That's what's like a plus about
gay dudes, man. They could just like bro out and
then at the end of the night they could have sex with each
(06:25):
other and you ain't even got a you ain't got to deal with no
nagging or anything like that. Yeah, we fight too though, so.
But not, but we are able to namean argument with your wife
because I can't do it with my wife or a discussion that we've
had that ended in the quickness that ours has.
I think the longest argument we've ever had was maybe 30
(06:46):
minutes. And then at the end of it, we're
like, you know, we don't need tobe.
Yeah, we're good. That's why I broke.
I said it in a dark episode. And if you see a gay couple of
us 2 dudes, normally 9 times outof 1099, times out of 100,
they're like they, they're, theyhave each other's backs.
They're they're fucking lesbian couples 9 times out of 10 or 9/9
(07:07):
times out of 100. It's the craziest fucking
dramatic shit. Like you should be like, yeah, I
stabbed her last week because she wouldn't quit fucking
snorting Xanaxes. And I'm just like, I can't keep,
I can't keep up with this drama,bro.
And just, it's because, you know, I have family members that
are, you know, gay lesbian, mostly lesbian.
I don't know what's going on around and.
(07:29):
I mean, once again, like you've said, like everybody likes
boobs, so. That that that is true man.
It's like a lesbians like I can't understand when a gay
guy's like y'all love penis. I'm just like, they don't do
anything for me because even. When a women are like, women are
like, it looks weird. Like, I mean, they still enjoy
it, but it's like, I think it's kind of funny.
I imagine getting boobs and thenthey're like, all right, So
what, you know, God's putting things together and the angels
(07:50):
was like, what are you going to give the guys?
He's like, Oh, I'm a give them this like fucking meat sack and
he's like, it doesn't look like a meat, you know, it looks like
it's a sack made out of meat. That's all I can describe it as
like he's like, are you going tolike try to make it
aesthetically, but not at all. All right, It's going to look
like we took the innards of something.
All right, And then we just jammed it full of Jelly or
(08:11):
something like that. We're going to stick that right
under the the penis, which, listen, I'm not going to talk
about it like circus vision versus.
I remember I did a skip back in the day, which caused a lot of
what do you call it, controversy?
Yeah, I think this was my first time doing a controversial thing
where people were like, either they loved it or they fucking
(08:31):
were like, we got to get this guy off the Internet.
But it it was like mothers, as soon as their child is born and
I'm sitting there holding a fakebaby and I'm just like will love
you and protect you and you are perfect just the way you are.
Hey, doctor, can we cut some of his Dick off?
Bro? The Internet went fucking wild
about that. They were like some lady was
(08:52):
like, yeah, so how's it cool that they get to do this?
But when we're talking about like, shut up bitch, we're
talking about men right now. Y'all talk about y'all their own
problems. OK, That's what I can't fucking
stand. I can't bring up a problem
without someone being like, but we need to think about this.
But no, no, the fuck we don't. I'm talking about this problem
when I talk about the suicide rate in men.
I don't want a woman coming up and being like yeah but what
about in it still happens if I don't give a fuck about females.
(09:13):
Y'all get a bitch to talk about the suicide rate in females.
If y'all want to, I'll talk about dudes right now.
A we make up 75% of suicides. But every time, man, if you
bring up something about fuckingsome kind of oppression or
something, there's someone therebeing like, well, this was
worse. And another thing too is, look,
this is very close to being a dark episode.
I'm look, Mike's pissed off. You're good.
(09:35):
Mike's got some, Mike's got someemotion in him.
But the reason that we with everything, like every kind of
oppression there is the reason that we look that we're so
forced to focus on the past oppression is so we don't look
at the shit that's going on now.That's all that's about like, oh
man, we need to make up for thisand this and this that happened
(09:55):
back in the day that nobody thatis alive right now had a part of
it was except for some old people boomers, y'all was y'all
was telling people to go to a different water fountain.
All right, you know who you are.But other than that, we didn't
have nothing to fucking do with it.
And nine times out of 10, they were poor people didn't own
slaves. You know, people weren't, you
know, there for the Holocaust. There's a bunch of shit that
(10:15):
happened to a bunch of people, you know, fucking.
You don't know anybody that led Native Americans down the Trail
of Tears. But the media latches on to that
stuff because they're like, hey,yeah, look at this, but don't
look over here. Don't look at like everything
getting worse. Yeah, consecutively, it doesn't
matter who is in the fucking office.
It's getting worse. Don't look at this because
(10:36):
that's the, that's the ultimate thing, man, The day that people
are like united. Oh, that's scary.
Yeah, and I'm distracting. That's some spooky shit.
Like right now our CIA guy that watches this is like fucking
start a red story. Mike, I don't have to kill you.
Come on man. Read the Reddit stories man,
just. Next week there's going to be a
news article. It's like seriously overweight
influencer commit suicide by chopping himself up into, you
(10:59):
know, 1000 pieces and throwing himself in a lake.
Fucking God you're. Like.
Did Mike watch the bowling? All right, so we're going to get
into what we got. 3, two stories.
How many is this? Yeah, I think there's three.
Let's go with the shortens first, all right?
Oh, God, too much reading. All right, so we're going to get
(11:22):
into am I the asshole? Like I said before I get
suicided, Am I the asshole for telling my daughter that her mom
cheated on me when my daughter said my new girlfriend looks
like an Only fans chick? Are you doing good, brother?
If like, if someone's like, likeif there's a couple people in my
family, they're like, yeah, my girl's doing only fans.
(11:43):
I'm like, is it? Is it like a passion project?
What kind of like? What kind of niche is she?
Bro, but I mean look if you a big girl, if you, it doesn't
matter man. There is a niche for everybody
sexually and that's a beautiful thing.
Well, my wife has that like short index finger and I was
like you could just. Oh, just like God, just like.
Squishing food and stuff. You don't even have to make it
I. Just imagine that little finger
(12:04):
running down my body like they they are.
Bro there is a doesn't work for men that well but.
Well, there probably is like once again, but you would
definitely be probably men. On women that view our videos,
let us know do you want me to doyou want to watch me eat cake
with my asshole? I mean as a nut, because we're
getting we're pretty fucking poor, so we're pretty fucking
(12:25):
we're exploring all options right, like if my feet are real
fucked up. But if you want.
Like you chew your toenails? Like you chew your fingernails.
I can't even get my leg up therereally well.
I got to stub like my stomach's like I'm protected from that.
I'll watch out after the feet, but yeah, let us know you don't
want me to fucking like stomp around and some some grapes or
something like that. It's going to be all guys going.
Yes, yes, we would like that very much.
(12:46):
Remember Me when me and MarshallPatrick took that fucking the
shirtless picture? We did this one where we're like
2 workers. It would look like it was for a
calendar for gay men and it's it's really funny photo.
I would. Maybe we should show that one.
We'll put that on Reddit. Yeah, the last time we Dylan
said that he was going to show the photo.
We'll put it on Reddit. Go to Reddit M ADHD but it was
(13:08):
so many gay dudes like we actually do really enjoy this by
the way. So I have saved this into my
phone and I was like all right like I'll bro I'd be.
Killing it. I think you're gonna have to
read the title again. Am I the asshole for telling my
daughter that her mom cheated onme when my daughter said my new
girlfriend looked like an only fans chick?
Throwaway account and fake names.
(13:28):
I, 49 male, got divorced from mywife Emily, 49 female, because
she cheated on me with multiple men at once.
Or separate because that's either way.
Yeah, we got to have info, brother.
You got to really. We we hate drama, but we like it
at the same time because if someone at work told me that was
like, yeah, my wife cheated on me with multiple guys, I'm like
at the same time, like, no, they're all separate like.
(13:51):
Oh, was it like they stand in the line where they.
Real. Was it a train?
Was it a bukaki? Like what are we talking about?
Get some details. We have a son and daughter.
Our son Nick, 22, male has always been closer to his mom
and our daughter Skyler has always been closer to me.
Not knowing why we got divorced,the kids took their mom's side
naturally. I recently started dating Lisa.
(14:12):
She has a fun personality, 54 female by the way.
So she's smoking hot and she dresses very fun.
I was about to say she's 54 and people were like that's the only
fans chick. Brother knocked it out of the
bark when I introduced Lisa to my kids.
Nick took a liking to her while Skylar looked annoyed.
Days later, Skylar said that Lisa looks like an Only Fans
chick. If you knew Skylar you would be
(14:34):
shocked that she would use it that way or use that as a way to
insult another woman. I told her that her mom Emily
was the one who cheated on me and that I met Lisa after the
divorce. Skylar just said oh and got real
quiet. But the next day my wife, my
ex-wife Emily confronted me. I reminded her that I never
promised to keep her cheating a secret.
I said that I implied that it would be a secret on the fact
(14:55):
that I've never said whether or not I would tell the kids.
So am I the asshole? No man, like especially if your
kids are older too, like you don't want to sit down a six
year old like your mom. Your mom's a whore.
She's out here sleeping with allthese guys, all these penises
were in her. And the same thing for a fucking
woman. You can't be like your dad's out
here just fucking anything that walks, man.
There, there was guys, there waswomen, a couple dogs in and your
(15:17):
guys are fucking weird like. How how old is the daughter now?
22, Yeah. Wait, no, no, no, 1919 old
enough to know Well, and and like you're not going to go into
detail, like you're not going totell her if it was a boot.
Cock. Yeah, she was like, alright one
time I was on my phone and I wasjust like, I was like, oh man, I
got to order some pizza, but my phone was dead.
So I picked up my mom's phone and as soon as I put it on it
was a bootcock, man. That was like 36 men.
(15:37):
They were all jacking off on your mom and a couple of them
were slapping her in the face, calling her a bitch.
And she was like oh, call me a bitch again.
And I was like, oh man, this is like real fucked up.
And then they took her to another room.
They just sadder on my stool, stare up, the legs up.
It's like the kids just sitting there.
Like what? No, but I think that's like,
that's the unfair nature of divorce.
(15:59):
And like he did a very good job of waiting until she was 19 and
like for the right moment, like,hey, I'm trying to move on with
my life and now you're going to like shit talk my my current
partner. Like, just so you know, like, I
didn't choose to move on from your mom.
Your mom, Tom, chose to end thismarriage.
If you have an affair, you are owed nothing.
(16:20):
You are owed no dignity, nothing.
Like you. If someone wants to be like,
hey, even at a young age, be like, hey, your mom is the
reason that we are no longer together.
That's their prerogative. I wouldn't do it.
Like I said, I would wait until they're a little bit older and
be like your mom's slut. Like, listen, all right, you
know, Amy would probably wait till they're older, but your
dad's a whore. What can I do and what can I say
about it? You know, fucking I'll just do
(16:41):
on this video. All right, he's there, bunch of
guys, but Cocky start his legs off.
But yeah, I think that's the thecrazy thing with it is like the
the the dad did right by the kidand then mom was protected the
whole time. And then we have to read the
edits because it explains. Oh, is it good?
OK, all right. I looked at it and it looked a
bit boring. I will read the edit.
(17:03):
So that goes into what I'm saying though is the mom was
protected this whole time. The kids thought she was like
poor mom dad fucked up and got divorced.
Yeah, cuz yeah, they took her side, yeah.
And so at this moment, he's justlike, OK, well, just so you guys
know, go ahead and. Read All right, SO something of
an update since I posted. This is an edit.
(17:24):
Even though my daughter is in her bedroom in my house, I
messaged her because she doesn'twant to see anyone.
She sent me a very, very long message she had written
beforehand. In the message, my daughter
admitted that her mom and her maternal aunt said those kinds
of things about Lisa. She said she's embarrassed that
she repeated those awful things.She said she thought I was the
one who cheated on her mom. She said she thought I had
(17:44):
cheated on her mom with Lisa. She said she's not mad at me.
She said she's mad at her mom. She said Lisa seems like a
wonderful, hurtful woman. She said she wants to talk about
this face to face, but not anytime soon.
She said she'll tell me when she's up to talking about it
face to face. When?
When she thinks she can do it without crying.
How long ago do they fucking cheat on the what?
(18:05):
How long ago was this? I don't know when they said they
got divorced. Because they seem pretty.
I like if she's thinking like that's the person, like if it's
been 10 years, you wouldn't think that like, Oh, Lisa was
the so I had to be relatively club bro.
If my son is 19, I'm like, your mom was getting digged down in a
God damn in a backseat of a Corolla and I walked up with
some Chinese take out and I had to see her getting just
(18:26):
manhandled in the back of her. I'll tell my son that 19 years
old and he'd be like, God damn, mama's doing that.
I'm like, yeah, so no, we can't be together.
Sorry. He's like, but I was just like,
we had the perfect. We had had bitch.
It's gone now. I would leave it at she cheated
and and let them. Out.
I wouldn't go into detail about it.
We'll see. There's a bunch of toys laying
around and. Right.
(18:48):
It was like this 14 inches blackand it was like, I don't know, I
tried to turn it off. It whipped my ass.
Like I had to call. I had to call the fire
department, turn it off. I was like, how do you even use
that? Apparently you know the fucking
rearrange their damn fallopian tubes.
She can't have kids no more. Kids just suck.
Fucking dramatize. Am I the asshole for expecting
(19:09):
full payment when the baby fallsasleep while babysitting?
Some of these is just like what kind of the baby was asleep?
Come on, Like for four hours even though you were here?
That's. Basically the story they leave
it all it like word it like incaspit, like don't clickbait
(19:30):
me, but like keep it keep me tantalized a little bit because
I in return have to turn this into tantalizing things for
other people. It's our discussion that's
tantalizing. I think it was tantalized the
stories you saw. You see how good two daddies
judge and baddies is versus thisone.
People are like, oh man, we hateto hear Mike and Dylan talk,
(19:51):
even though Mike and Dylan is bigger but at like a growing
rate. 2 daddies judge and baddies which you haven't
checked. If you haven't checked it out,
go check it out. It's us just doing the damn am I
the assholes? Just that yeah, just that you
don't get any of the legs and a stir.
Maybe we should just do am I theassholes over here too?
But just add more because we don't understand an advice.
Nobody like we had a good run ofadvice, but everybody we also
(20:13):
did stop asking for it. Like I mean, we mention it, but
we don't like drive it home. Send in some advice, all right?
If you're not subscribed to the podcast, subscribe to it.
If you got a problem, we'll helpyou solve it.
Now sometimes something while the DJ revolves.
Worst song ever made. All right.
I 19, babysit occasionally for acouple in my neighborhood.
They're nice and the kid is sweet.
(20:34):
It's usually an easy gig. Last weekend they asked if I
could watch their two year old from 6 to 10:00 PM while they
went to dinner with friends. I agreed on the usual rate and
showed up at 6. By 620 the baby was already
passed out in my arms after a bottle on quick cuddle.
I later in the crib and didn't hear a peep the rest of the
night. Literally just sat on their
couch scrolling my phone for almost 4 hours and check the
baby monitor a few times and that was it.
(20:56):
They came home around 9:45 and were surprised the baby had been
asleep almost the whole time. Then the husband half jokingly
says Dang maybe we should just pay you $20 or pay you for the
20 minutes of work and the wife laughed.
I laughed too at first thinking was a joke but then they handed
me cash for one hour and said honestly we feel weird paying
full price when you really didn't do anything at that
point. Brian has down all of them
(21:16):
inside. Take the baby out.
I imagine like, because I feel like this is going to give ideas
to employers like, well, you know, the machine was running on
its own. You didn't really touch it.
So yeah, we'll just, we'll just pay for an hour.
Well, they can't do that. That's what's good about, you
know, cameras and every though. That's the good thing about you
fucking watching me like a God damn hawk.
You'd be a robot, work all the time.
(21:37):
If you're not working, we're watching you.
Yeah, well, maybe if you got, ifyou ask him did some
supervising, this place would befucking different.
People want to work here, Steve,Bitch.
I told them that I still came over, they still had their night
out and part of babysitting is just me being there in case the
baby wakes up. They didn't budget and said they
make it up to me next time, but I left feeling kind of taken
(21:58):
advantage of. I didn't argue further because I
didn't want to cause a scene. When I vented to my sister she
said they were being cheap and Iwas totally all right to expect
full pay. So am I the asshole for
expecting full pay even though the baby was asleep the whole
almost the whole time? If my daughter came home and
said, hey, Dad, do you think this sounds OK?
I went over to, you know, to do the babysitting, and the baby
(22:19):
fell asleep at 6:20, and they got home at 9:45.
And they only paid me for the 20minutes that I watched the baby.
What do you think about that, Dad?
And I'd be like, oh, that's crazy.
Let me explain to you how life works.
And I'd be telling her about howsince she was there, you know,
she was like, what? Yeah.
Yeah. We're getting in the car.
Well, first she sees me, like, grab a baseball bat and, like,
we're getting in the game. We're driving down.
And I'm just like. And so even though technically
(22:40):
like you're not, you know, handling the baby, you're still,
you know, making sure the baby is protected, right?
And then we get out of the car and like, I'm still explaining
that to her. And I'm like, so then paying you
$20, I'm knocking on the door. We're paying you for 20 minutes.
It's just, it's a RIP off. And as soon as they open the
door, if it's the dad baseball bat across forehead, if it's the
(23:00):
mom, it's 2025 baseball bat across forehead.
And then we're going to be like,hey, we're going to run their
pockets. We're going to teach them about
running pockets and then we're going to leave.
And see that's how you resolve that situation.
Yeah, Dad does. Dad will do it.
Don't don't take that into your own hands.
I'll I'll take the. Right.
Especially working in a factory.They don't care if I got a
(23:21):
felony. They don't give a fuck if I'm
like, hey, you know, I got to goto court and they're like, well,
for what? And I'm like, you know, assault
with a deadly weapon, they tend to kill.
They're like, damn, you're not going to get a lot of time for
that, are you? I don't think so.
And then I mean, you're not judicial system's a joke.
You're going to go there, they're going to be like, oh,
you've not been in trouble or we'll give you 6 months
probation. What are they going to do?
(23:42):
Sue me? Fucking OK.
That's the that's what I people get sued for $1,000,000 all the
time. You don't have to pay it.
They'll be like, well, we'll we'll put like a lien on your
house and you'll never be able to sell your house.
Good bitch. You think I do?
I look like I'm in the position to fucking sell my house and
move it to another house. Honestly if y'all took the house
that would been a lot easier. Not with rent prices.
(24:06):
Fucking I don't know what happened, man, Like it's just
the housing market, which fucking shout out, you know,
Mike for getting the house rightbefore that shit fucked up.
God, I look back, I was like, man, it was a kind of a stupid
time to do it, but because, you know, I was still like building
everything and trying to get everything right.
And I'm fucking up my life and everything.
(24:27):
And I got my credit good enough.And what's so funny is I, I went
to the Bank of, you know, the State employees credit Union and
I was like, yeah, I want a loan for a house.
And he's like looking at the stuff and he's like, I don't
know, I'm going to have to go talk with like my higher up guy.
So I leave and then I go to Rocket Mortgage and I'm like,
yeah, because they, yeah, terrible rates and shit like
(24:47):
that. So then I was like, he called me
back and he was like, well, we'dlike to see that.
I was like, oh, it's fine. I'm going to go with Rocket
Mortgage. He was like, I'm going to call
you back. Wait a second.
And then bam, yeah, we got good.I don't know any of the rights.
He asked my wife that, but it's it's pretty solid.
So. And then like I said, my house
doubled in that I did nothing. If anything, I made the house
worse. But it doubled in value because
(25:11):
I don't know the markets, right?Yeah, the markets.
People can just be like, hey, you know what, instead of your
rent being 650 now, it's now $1500 a month.
I had a buddy of mine who. Date.
His he bought a house and it literally he went to sell it and
he was going to make like 100 grand on it after like 2 years.
(25:31):
He did a little bit of renovations and stuff nothing
that would equal $100,000 but hedid that and like went to list
it with the realtor that he bought it with.
And so he was going to list it again and they offered him this
price. And so he decided not to go with
the realtor and put it on like offer pad or something like that
or offer, I can't remember. One of those housing sites,
eBay. And they they listed it for like
(25:54):
another hundred over what the realtor said that they were
going to list it for. And then beyond that, like
people started a bidding war on it.
And so he ended up over doublinghis.
So instead of getting like $230,000 for it, which he paid
for it or no, I think he bought it for like 180.
He ended up getting over $400,000 for this house and they
instantly, as soon as they bought it, they put it for rent
(26:17):
for like $2500 in Greensboro, which is like insane rent
prices, but they're, that's whatthey were doing.
They were just like, we'll buy the house, put it up for rent.
And I was like that. I think if you're, if you're a
publicly traded company, you should not be able to buy
residential. Yeah, businesses.
That's so fucking goofy, man. Like I said, you know, couple
(26:37):
people start getting angry, grabbing some pitchforks, shit
starts changing. I'm just saying what?
When in history has shit changedfrom not throwing some tea in a
harbor? You know what I'm saying?
Not being fucking this sucks. While I'm gonna complain about
it on Facebook. Draw the line, yeah.
Actually take action. I mean, you go up to like a
senator's house. Yeah, if, if like I said.
(26:58):
You have to before we. Before I before I before I, you
know, swayed y'all into a coup d'etat, which I would have.
No, you know, I'd be like, look,I'm not the fighting type.
Look at me. I'm not billed for war.
I'm not billed for tactical. I'm about billed for Taco Bell.
But I'm just saying that's the you got to you got to dissuade
those guys for making a bunch offucking from getting lobby for a
(27:19):
bunch of money. And the only way to do that is
say, hey, I'm punch in the face like whoa, what?
You can't do the you were gonna but you can't but but we're
going to and then be like, well,the cops will arrest you and
then the cops will be like, Nah,we're not going to arrest them.
I was like, whoa, what the fuckshappening right now?
And then they have no power. God, I'm going to get bowing
because of this episode. Fuck.
Well, you've been working up to it.
I have been. I'm going to get suicided, man.
(27:41):
God pick a hope that they're going to like burning the death
to your car. No.
Yeah. You talk.
You talk about us getting punched in the face.
You get in the worst one. Let me get the Princess Diana
treatment. Look at Dylan.
Dylan's nervous right now. Go to the next.
One right, they'll be like, well, Dylan, Dylan told him to
(28:03):
go, so he's one of us, all right, So we like him.
So I'm just saying if it comes, if it, if it changes to Dylan
hates drama. You know what happened.
Yeah, yeah, he randomly came into $100 million to.
Them get them Internet sleuth things going.
Audience request Reddit Hall of Fame?
Oh, this was requested by an audience member?
(28:25):
Am I the asshole for not attending my sister's wedding
since my husband is not invited?Got to get into it.
Maybe the husband did something bad all right and this is a
Reddit Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame.
Let me start by saying I do understand my husband his
behavior is appropriate. I don't know why it sound like I
had a stroke and or was drunk. Let me start by saying I do not
(28:46):
know why my husband's behave or fucking Jesus Christ.
Take two, take 5. Let me start by saying I do
understand that my husband's behavior is inappropriate, but
like all of us, he's not perfectand I took vows to stand by him
and accept him as a whole person, including his flaws.
Overall, he's a good husband andI love him despite this one
(29:07):
issue. It's the given that video where
it's like that's my man and I'm a stand beside him like it gives
that energy. So my husband has a kink for
urinating on himself in public. Gal Jesus what that went.
Oh, what? And his minor flaws, like he's
and his all of us have flaws, right?
You know how you bite your nails, Mike?
(29:28):
Like you, you'll sit there and bite your nails and Bill, he'll
just piss on himself. He just likes to pee himself.
Yeah, he likes to pee himself infront of people.
Anybody especially. Yeah, I think, yeah, it's a
kink. I think it's the humiliation
aspect that gets him off. So sometimes, not every time we
get together with my family, he will pee his pants.
But overall, it's not really that disruptive.
(29:49):
He just stands up and says something like, Oh no, I've
pissed myself. And then he goes to the bathroom
and changes always bring up bring a change of pants and
underwear for him just in case this happens.
And when he gets back we just move and don't talk about it.
My belly hurts and I don't want to read the story anymore.
Of course we don't want people to know my husband is doing this
for a kink. So we told my family he has a
medical condition that causes him to not have full control of
(30:11):
his bladder. I told him the reason he doesn't
wear adult diapers is that he's ashamed of needing diapers at
his age. So he's basically in denial that
he that he needs them and refuses to wear them.
Well now my sister's getting married and she says my husband
can't come because she doesn't want him disrupting her wedding
by peeing on him. Peeing on himself.
I can't get through this man. I told her it was unfair to
(30:31):
exclude him over a medical condition he can't help, which
is true as far as she knows, butshe said it's his own choice to
refuse to wear adult diapers so it's his fault God don't like
this. I told her it's her wedding and
she can invite who she wants, but if my husband isn't invited
I'm not coming. He loves my family and I know it
really hurts him to be excluded from the wedding just because of
(30:52):
a kink he can't help having. He's been crying and saying he
feels disgusted for having this kink and that he can't control
himself and now that my family doesn't even want him around
it's really good. This guy doesn't have a kink for
little kids though, because he can't control see.
That's The thing is like, you can control any kink.
Yeah, you have. Like, I remember there's this
one Reddit story that we need toread one day, and it's about a
guy who like, he's like, I wannakill myself because, you know,
(31:13):
he's never acted on it. And he might have ended up
taking his own life or somethinglike that.
And I was like, that right theremeans that whoever does this, I
don't give a fuck. Like, once again, it's a it's
it's something saying, hey, oh, I'm attracted to children.
Your brain's fucked up. Yeah, your brain's fucked up.
Seek. Help and try to get over it
like. Once you act on it, that's when
you burn in the pyre. Like that's when we have grit
(31:33):
day where we pour hot flame grits on you.
Grit day, right? Honestly this is fucking weird.
And the fact that he's doing hiskink in front of where kids are,
too. Well, and the.
He should go on the. Power the big thing is, is like
that's her sister's big day, which is like important to
everybody like getting married is like a a milestone in life.
(31:54):
And also if he does decide to dothat, like that's like the most
like sexual thing like because it is a sexual thing for.
Him that he's doing in front of children, but he's.
Doing it in front of like however many like hundreds of
people, like that's going to be that much more pleasurable for
him. So most likely he's going to do
that because he enjoys that situation.
(32:16):
So her sister saying no don't come is completely legitimate
like. Well, technically and the
sisters actually thinks it's a medical condition, but even
though because the sister thinksit's a medical.
Condition. That's what they said, but like,
nobody announces that they peed themselves.
Oh no, I have pissed my pants. Look at me, I'm so humiliated
(32:36):
pyre pyre. I know it will really hurt him
if I just left him home and wentto the wedding by myself.
He told me it's my choice to go and if I want or if I want and
that he won't be mad but I know he'd be really upset if I went.
I love my sister and my family but my husband is my life
partner so he's always my numberone priority above anyone else
and I believe I should stand by him and support him rather than
(32:56):
choosing my family over him. This is the type of woman that
you know protects the protects the pedophile.
So yeah. So I told my sister I won't be
making it to the wedding and nowshe's extremely angry with me
saying I'm a bad sister because I won't be there to support her.
She's marrying a woman. So she also makes it look like
I'm a homophobic if I don't showup to support their union.
I told her, listen, that is double because it's going to be
(33:18):
interesting. There's going to be drama
everywhere. It's going to be crazy.
People are going to get stabbed.It's going to look like the
Royal Rumble, like WWE Royal Rumble.
That's the what I imagine lesbian with.
And listen, I fuck with lesbians, all right?
Not like that. Because they don't they think
I'm disgusting. Look, we can, we can have jokes,
all right? Everybody, everybody's included
in jokes. Don't get any panties because
(33:40):
Mike made a joke about you, OK? I ain't here discriminating you
I'm just saying God damn y'all all ain't got to stab each other
like Jesus Christ. I told her I'd love to come if
my husband was invited but she says she can't stand the thought
of him pissing on himself duringthe ceremony or reception.
I told her how much it hurts my husband and he's or that he's
(34:01):
excluded and she doesn't care. I said fine but that means I
can't come. But she won't let it go and keep
starting fights saying that I'm a bad sister.
I do feel bad that it hurts her that I won't be there.
Am I the asshole? Absolutely the asshole.
Also, you're just disgusting andhonestly, this Reddit sluice
don't do good jobs. I hate fucking I hate you don't
(34:22):
hate true crime and I think it'sjust people making money off of,
you know, a tragic story. They're like, oh, I'm a fucking
try to make this as tan align aspossible.
Make sure to like share and subscribe so I can make as much
money off this dying kid as I can.
All right, but also what true crime did was it started this
whole Reddit culture of detectives.
They're all detectives, OK, And more often than not, sometimes
(34:43):
they get a case, then they they crack something in that case,
but 99.9999999% they ruin somebody's fucking life by
making somebody the wrong suspect.
What they're really good at doing too, is tracking people
down. Like tracking people down.
Finding that, why not find this guy a piece of like, he's a
fucking weirdo. Like this is a fucking weirdo
and at least register him somewhere.
(35:03):
I'm not saying be violent towards them.
We don't know. I mean still, if you're if you
have a kink and you do that shitin public around family around
kids pyre like I just pyre like if you do anything sexual around
kids PYRE. Which until Dylan made that
fucking thumbnail I thought was PIRE.
So glad I didn't make it becausethat'll look stupid.
I had to spell check in. Some did you have to because I
(35:24):
wouldn't have thought of a why no, I thought, you know, we
would try to make it look. Cooler no, but that's the thing
with any of these kinks is like it's OK to have kinks.
It's OK as long because everybody is a consenting adult.
You can do that, but right now you are There is no consent.
(35:45):
From the family for anybody elseonce you include.
Kids. Well, I mean, even if you leave
out animals and it's just right.Yeah.
Adults like no we aren't consenting to watching you piss.
Oh God that just. And if that is something that
turns you on and that is a sexual thing for you, it is
inappropriate for you to do thataround unconsenting people.
(36:06):
If someone did that at just any place where we were having a
family gathering and they did ita lot in the one way, you know
what I'm saying? Pretty much.
She spelled it out like the family does have to know that
it's a it's a fucking kink. I'd be like, don't worry, we're
going to help him change. And then, you know, a bunch of
the guys, we're going to go helphim change.
And I mean, he might change. He might might be a little too
(36:28):
late. Well, he might pee himself, but
not because he. Wanted to, right.
Well, it's never been. He would like that, though.
If you beat him so bad, he then he'd be doubly humiliated.
You're actually. How do you beat somebody up that
has a boner? That's got to be rough.
I made a joke the other day because fucking yeah, I got to
make jokes all the time but I forgot what me and Amy were
(36:48):
watching. But it was about cannibals.
And you know, if a woman asked you something, bro, just be
honest. Like say or or don't even like
don't even be honest. Just go with like the craziest
fucking answer cuz that's all that's gonna shut.
Like if you, if she was like, ifsomething happened, would you
resort to eating somebody? And you can't be like, well, you
know, it's like a moral thing. They're like, come on, like
there's no food. They can just keep it going.
(37:10):
So immediately I'm just like, absolutely, I'd be eating
fucking everybody. I was like, except dudes because
that's gay. And she was like, how's it gay
to eat dudes? I'll be like me sitting around a
fucking campfire enjoying a man going inside of me.
She was like, well, when you wear it like that, it sounds
gay. And I was like, because this way
it's worded like that. I'm sitting around a campfire.
Put his meat inside. My mouth literally put his meat
in my mouth. That's gay, just so y'all know
(37:32):
women, if y'all are ever in an airplane accident with me, watch
the fuck out because I'm not going to not eat like you know
what I'm saying? I'm making it out.
That's what the I like. I read about the what is it
Dahmer family. It's not Dahmer, it's a fuck.
What is their names? I don't know about a family of.
(37:53):
No. Well, it's a party.
A party. Dahmer party.
What is it? Well, Dahmer was the one that.
Ate people not talking about dot?
What the fuck was this? Party.
Oh, you're talking about the ones that crashed in the Andes
mountains, right? Yeah.
I can't remember the name. It was a a football team.
Not that, not that one like I'm just putting in all the
(38:15):
keywords. I can't remember from it's
Donner, it's Donner, Donner. You were close.
So it's Donner Party and essentially this guy made a book
about a trail that was easier togo through and some fucking like
I said, I can't remember. I fucking read about it one
night and I got really like intoa hole about it.
But he wrote a book on how therewas a easier passage.
I think it was like an Oregon orsome ship.
(38:35):
And so this whole, this family, they're the Donners.
When you have other families that are like, oh, we're going
to follow you. You're called that guy's party.
OK, So they all go through thesemountains.
Well, the passage takes a lot longer.
It's terrible. Like there, it's all up
mountains and shit like that. And they're fucking wagons are
getting stuck and you know, cowsare dying, horses are dying.
And then they got to go through desert, which kills a lot more
(38:58):
of the livestock and it's takingthem a long time.
And then it gets to the winter time in Oregon, Washington area,
I guess. Fuck, I want to see the area
because I want to keep naming the fucking where it's not at.
So this was back like. 1846 Yep Who migrated to California they
went through the Sahara Nevada, which is you know really fucking
(39:19):
hard they started in was it on the Oregon trail?
Oh, it was on the Oregon Trail and I guess it will go through
Nevada into California. There we go.
So they, they go through the mountains and it starts snowing
and they get snowed in and a lotof them resort to like
cannibalism. And, and just like one guy was
(39:40):
just like fucking just like, he,he, he was loving it out there.
And he was like, yeah, this is this is where I belong.
And then, you know, people did all these studies of, you know,
was what they did, you know, fucking just like a defiled act
against humanity. Or was it something out of
desperation, which obviously if no one's ate a person before
this happened. And then it's just scared people
(40:02):
do scary shit. Like honestly, scared people do
scary shit. I'm eating y'all, like I'm not
scared either. Like I'm not even going to wait
until I get like dead 'cause I got to get out of there and I
got to keep my strength up. I don't want to wait until I'm
20 lbs of skin and bone. I got to start munching those
people if there's been a couple people dead.
(40:22):
But what if you're there with your family?
Like who's who's getting? Is my family alive?
I'm not. I'm not even my family.
OK, so I'm lying on them. So.
What do you like? Cut off an arm and give them
your. Arms me and my family.
Do you like give them limbs to let them go ahead and survive
or? I'd eat Amy.
I would. I love you, babe.
Right, kids, be like, where'd you get this beat from?
(40:44):
Where's mom at? Mom died down the hill and then
I found a deer. What's that deer have mom's
shoulder tattoo. The only tattoos that she got,
She regrets. She has that tattoo.
I always forget. She always forgets she has that
tattoo. I was like, there was your whore
tattoo back, back when you were all from his skin.
She was and she was with a womanfor nine years.
(41:05):
You know how many like man points I got from that because
a, she was the general manager at the Hardee's that I was a
cashier at woman with a woman for nine years.
And then she ruined her life by I was like a rebound though,
because they had just broke up in a nine year relationship.
You're fucked up after that. And what better time to just
swoop in and be like, you know, is it only women or is there a
(41:26):
Gray area? Great pick up line.
Use the old Dave. Chappelle Gotcha bitch.
Gotcha bitch. Yeah, just got.
How long are we into this one? I think we are 42 minutes.
They're kind of short, man. We are going through a lot of
shit right now, Got a lot of shit going on.
Watch stepdad still dying so. That's heavy.
(41:50):
That is heavy. The only reason we're smiling is
because the other episode was shot like, yeah, 20 minutes,
Yeah or. 20 minutes before. Trying to get some shit out
right now, but but yeah, so, yeah, nothing has changed since,
you know, the hour that we announced that that was
happening. What else we do?
Look, we're going to we're goingto speak to the audience right
now, all right? We're not going to fucking what
(42:13):
is it called? Sugar coated, not sugar coat.
We're not going to pity you intosaying this shit.
But hey, subscribing or whateverplatform you listening to does
fucking help. Helps out a lot.
Well, and sharing. And sharing too, man.
Don't you want your friends to laugh?
Don't you love your friends? Don't you love me and doing a
little bit. Well then you can have inside
jokes like mayonnaise, Dick and you know, napkin, tampon, or.
(42:34):
And then everybody could just assume you're gay.
Yeah. And then, look, life is life is
a lot better. But it is it does help us out
tremendously. Guys, we are going to wrap this
episode up after this. We're going to give you all
longer episodes. We are kind of just kind of
fucking shit's rough right now. And, you know, I'm dealing with
a lot of hysterical people. So am I still trying to make
jokes? Dylan heard me on a phone call
(42:55):
earlier. Yes, I am.
All right, look, I have. That doesn't change.
All right, they're not landing as well.
But they are not landing as well.
They're still coming out. I'm still firing on all
cylinders. All right.
That doesn't mean. Doesn't mean I'm not.
Yeah, doesn't. Mean the cannonballs are hitting
the spot. OK, maybe they're a little off.
Maybe they're taking off. You know, allies heads right
now. Sorry.
But yeah, that does help out tremendously enjoying the
Reddit. If you want to MADHD, check out
(43:17):
two Daddies Judging Baddies and I'm gonna stop fucking telling
these people to do stuff and and.
On the Reddit, we'll go ahead and put that picture of Mike and
Marshall, and then from the two episodes previous, we'll have
some pictures of Bieber, Mike, and also I'll put up my fuck
you, I'm drunk. Greensboro Police.
(43:37):
Just give y'all, we'll start doing more stuff in there too.
Just fucking talking about shit.But we just want to say thanks
for everybody listening along because we have had a lot of
sport and it is growing. I'm not saying that, all right?
Dylan's saying that. I'm saying that.
And we have, you know, a lot of growth.
And we just want to say thank you for listening.
And I want to say thank you evenmore than Dylan did for the for
(44:00):
the more growth and what else isyour in that?
I'm not giving you any ammo. Just just just more thank you,
OK, And I love you actually. I love you like you guys are my
family or a lover honestly. And you guys are the best and
you being happy and healthy makes my life better actually,
(44:22):
just because you exist and I'm proud of you and we will see you
next time later.
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