We Got CANCELED by Patreon Immediately | MADHD EP41 | - Mike and Dylan HATE! Drama

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Bear nimble bound down my candela Nate drama but the bound
wow oh are we rolling? Keep rolling, rolling, rolling.
What? So people are going to notice
the people who watch 22% that wehave switched to 1 camera angle?
Can you just do your band, the people for me?
The people. There you go.
Yeah, Gotham City. Look, welcome back to another

(00:23):
episode of Mike and Dylan Hate Hate drama where we we give
advice, we talk about, you know,things going on the current, the
current happenings. You know what I'm saying?
Stay in hip, stay in. What do the kids say?
Gooning? I don't fucking know.
You know, you know you're. Hey, I told us not to say that
anymore. And it said that it could be a
touchy subject. Yeah.
Gooning could be a touch to Gooning is a touchy subject,

(00:43):
touchy subject. Literally you.
Literally you touch yourself until you edge.
The, the membership version of it, the membership episode that
we did, I was just like, hey, Mike's dad, because Mike likes
to call Claude his dad. And so I was like, hey, could
you just look this over and makesure we didn't go too far on
anything? And they're like, well, you
know, you went pretty far on this.
You went pretty far on that. You went pretty far.

(01:04):
And then at the end, it's like, but it's an adult podcast.
And as long as everybody's adults, then you guys handled it
pretty well. So I was like, good job.
Yeah, that's a that's a father. Like I honestly, son, I
wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn'ttalk about this.
And, you know, I probably want to say as many F bombs as you
do, but listen, you do you, buddy.
You do you. And I, I imagine just looking at
Claude across the, you know, kitchen table.

(01:26):
Yeah. Yeah.
Just, like, thanks, Dad. I think he's proud.
God man, it must be so nice having a goddamn dad.
It's pretty I. See, look at that.
He's like, it's fucking it's, it's, it's fantastic.
We have switched to 1 camera angle because look, brother, we
got all this editing and all this stuff and I, I called up
Shane Gillis and I was like, heyman, how did you know?

(01:50):
How do you do? And he was like, bro, I just use
1 camera angle. And I was like, thanks bro.
And that call was me imagining that because all Dylan did was
he looked up an episode of Shane's podcast.
The most recent one and they're just sitting on couches and.
I was like, wait, he could do it, then we could do it.
Well, and The thing is we'll probably go back to the three
camera angles. We will once we can get.
So I'll just go on the backside of like the technology we use

(02:12):
three cameras, but then we have to process it so that it
switches between me and Mike talk and all the stuff and it's
very interesting. It's cool.
However, most people don't watchand so if we're going to invest
that much time, what we wanted to do was get this automatic
Switcher that we hit record here.
It does all that. Like there's somebody actively
doing it. Like, yeah, we're not paying
somebody. Fuck that.
We don't make any money, so we're not paying somebody.

(02:32):
To do it. That's right.
But yeah, so there's this machine that we can get that
will do it, but then we have to have three matching cameras
because otherwise it just gets in all this stuff.
So once we get back to that point where we have officially
making money off this, we will probably invest in that and
we'll go back to three, but. Speaking of the making money, we
did set up Patreon. Now anybody who is which, we've
had a bunch of people sign up for the Patreon.

(02:53):
We're in 12 now. Yeah, that's dope and we love
y'all and thank you guys so much, but right now we can't
access that fucking account. No, as soon as I set it up
they're like deactivated. And look, it's cool.
Like they're like, oh, suspicious activity.
I'm like, that's fine, yes, OK. Thanks for.
Looking I'm a suspicious lookingguy.
OK, but they kept the Patreon page up so people can still
sign. We can't update, we can't post

(03:15):
no fucking video. I can't be like, hey guys, this
is what's happening. I can't do anything.
So I tweeted because I told I told Hitler.
I was like I'm I'm an online Karen.
OK, I know the online avenues avenues to complain to somebody.
So I'm like, hey, Patreon and guess what?
This aren't responding to my tweets.
Terrible experience so far. Patreon really needs look, we

(03:38):
need to invent something that isthe rival to them because we're
like, listen, if you are, you could be a Nigerian scammer.
For some reason you're able to get Patreon members.
Do it well and Patreon is still collecting everybody's money.
It's not going through our stripes, so we haven't received
the money, which is fine like it's still in limbo, but stop
taking people's money like stop accepting subscriptions to our

(04:00):
thing. If you're like this account is
deactivated. Just don't fucking let them sign
up. It's.
Suspicious, we go, OK, look, we don't know if you guys are a
fraud or not. So we're just going to take all
this money. We're going to, we're going to
take the money and just so we know that it's going to a good
home, a billion dollar corporation and not, you know,
if this, if this $13.95 goes to a scammer, then we feel like

(04:20):
we've not done our job. Yeah, and but it was crazy
because like, as I had just posted the video, I think it was
Thursday's video saying like, hey, we got it all set up.
And then I went back in to make sure that I could connect the
Spotify and the Patreon. And it's like, this account has
been deactivated. And then so I go over to the
e-mail and it's like suspicious activity, give us all this
information. I was like, OK, here's all the

(04:41):
information and. You know, Dylan, Dylan says a
lot. It's like the universe is trying
to talk to us. And I think I'm starting to like
be able to translate it. And it really sounds like it's
saying quit, like just just stopand we all wanna give up.
This is not Mike. You were made to make one hell
of a box. OK, that's it.
At at 7000 pieces per hour. And then?
You get back to it. The whole box world is hurting

(05:01):
because you're sitting here trying to live out some kind of
fantasy. You just need to be.
You just need to quit like Joey Swell did.
So what happened with Julie? He quit.
He yeah, he's done. He he which they're never done.
Look, no, it doesn't matter whatyou did, how you view what
someone does. Anytime a creator is like, I
quit, in six months there'll be a comeback, or a year there'll

(05:23):
be a comeback. Listen.
What was it? Alright, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll
give you a timeline of what happened, OK?
No, but like, who was that? Paul Logan Paul, Like he had
that big controversy with like, making jokes.
Much worse. No, no, no.
So he just recorded a guy hanging in the woods and posted
it. Yeah.
Which is much worse than what Joey Swell did.
Yeah. So Joey was on alive, Hulk Hogan

(05:45):
had died and he posted a video of him and Hulk Hogan outfit
working out. Like I said, it don't matter
what the fuck you think about Terry Bollea.
You can you can be sad about Hulk Hogan.
Not he was an icon. He was everybody's childhood.
He was a character, right? He was a he was a character.
And honestly, if someone likes Terry, like I don't like Hulk
Hogan the person because of justhow like self-centered he was.

(06:08):
I didn't like that he he didn't really give people his due.
I'm also a Shawn Michaels stand and when they wrestled at
WrestleMania after that, Shawn Michaels was supposed to get a
win over Hulk Hogan and Hope didn't give him that.
Shawn, like in my eyes, best technical wrestler of all time.
I just I couldn't I couldn't forgive him.
And then, you know, the Undertakers on all these podcast

(06:31):
just kind of he he doesn't say it because, but he's just like,
yeah, dude was a cock stand, which I mean, honestly,
everybody says. Well, most of the most famous
people are like, there's very like at.
The top of the when you're talking about at the top of the
game, and that's because. There's not a ton of like.
There's only one thing that person thinks about, and that is
the business. Like, they don't give.
It's the business. How do I make more money for

(06:52):
these guys? So that money translates the
money in my pocket. Everybody that's at the top of
their game are all just like douchebags, Like, well, there's
go, go, go have an interaction with Michael Jordan and be like,
what? Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, this guy is just what you would see as a shit stain.
But literally like that's, that's what his focus was.
He was like, I'm going to be thegreatest and I'm going to make

(07:15):
all the fucking money. But there's there's good
examples that of that that are the outliers, but they're not.
It's like the post Malone's and like people like that that like.
Legitimately like the very top of the game you're talking about
greatest of all time. We're talking.
These are like, you know, Post Malone is great.
I love Post Malone. And if anybody said about I'd
punch in the fucking mouth, OK, You hear me?

(07:35):
Yeah, but. In history.
He's. Going to be 1 of like the top
dogs that gets talked about fromthis era of like, you know, top
earners, top performers. Like he's going to be that in
the future. He'll be he'll be talked about
that once he retires because people don't in the moment, they
don't see it. But like, it's just like LeBron,
bro, in 10 years, like people will be like, you know, he's not

(07:57):
on Michael's. They'll put him adjacent to
Michael's level. But just because it's always
that, well, that was a, that wasthe biggest, that was in the
past. Like people, people like to say
that they're looking at it with like, recency bias.
Yeah, and it's honestly, recencybias does not beat nostalgia.
Nostalgia bias will always win. The old thing, the thing that I

(08:18):
grew up with, the thing that, you know, my life was good
during this time. He was the best during this
time. They were the idols of the
people that you're talking aboutwill be the idols now like.
You're talking about two people who are just as athletically
gifted and as good as it does. Numbers don't mean anything.
They both have phenomenal numbers.
Championships really don't mean anything in a team sport.
Obviously they're good. Nobody's saying, hey, Dan Marino

(08:40):
is a terrible quarterback because he never won a Super
Bowl. But they're both just, you know,
once once in a once in a generation monsters at at what
they do. But Joey, someone you know,
people are seeing that video andobviously Hulk Hogan said some
racist things in his past and the white people who stick up

(09:05):
for black people were in Joey Swalls live and they were like,
whoa, why were you posting aboutHulk Hogan?
And Joey told them as I'm like just matter of factly to their
face said it was chest. And he was like, listen to you
know, I he did say he did some things like 20 years ago.
He said he didn't know what he did.

(09:27):
Listen, man, I heard all that stuff, all the bad stuff Hulk
Hogan did. Like I said, he was like, like
my dad growing up. So I was just like, you know
what, Pops? I forgive you.
I know everybody makes mistakes.I forgive you.
I'm sorry, dog. Like, as much as like Hulk Hogan
wanted you to hate him, I didn'tlike him.
But you know what I'm saying? It's like, I don't I love you.
I don't like you because you helped me through my childhood

(09:51):
holster. You gave somebody, you gave
somebody something to believe in.
So that's not if Joey would havejust stopped there.
If he would have, just like I'm going to sell my salts that I'm
selling on live or whatever the fuck He was selling some kind of
seasoning or something. Yeah, some supplementary
seasoning. If he just stopped there, he'd
have been all right. But then he goes, is this?
Like a workout guy or is this a.He's a workout guy.
Chef. He's a workout guy.
So what does he sell then? Like seasoning, I.

(10:13):
Don't know, I thought it was seasoning.
I didn't pay that much. I don't really give a fuck.
He's a big muscular dude. I bought only 5-6 though man and
it always baffles me when I found out people like him and
Joe Rogan are 5-6 because they feel like they're monsters.
Well, it you know, it's easier as a smaller guy to get like
really big. Yeah.
Oh, bro, as soon as the short guy starts lifting weights, they
get jacked. Yeah.
So I don't understand it. You fucking me?

(10:37):
I mean, you're school. Bro, even when I was like, even
when I was working out at the, if I were just like stop a
little bit, the love handles will start growing.
I'm like, what is it that my love handles just grow before
anything else? But if he had stopped there, it
would have been all right. He then goes to say, I don't see
why you guys aren't jumping on all these colored athletes who
are also, you know, saying rest in peace Hulk are doing their

(10:59):
tributes and that's where everybody got.
Upset, yeah, foot in the mouth, but like, that's when you just
shut the fuck up afterwards, like.
Listen, I think what because howdo black how do how do white
people that get mad upset for black people want us to say
people of color? All right, And honestly, if you
think about it, what is more black culture than shorten in a

(11:20):
fucking phrase like that? Like you hear what I'm saying,
You're me, you're me. That's so easy.
So if anything, Joey swell just saying colored out.
He's that's, that's almost. That's almost for the culture
man, That's almost. He just took off people of and
then. Right.
Yeah. And I'm just saying, man, what's
more black culture than that? That's fucking beautiful, but

(11:42):
everybody got upset, all right, Which is, listen, I once again,
I, you have the freedom of speech, you have the freedom to
make jokes, say what you want todo.
People have the freedom to get upset about it.
Like if I'm out there on the corner doing a fucking stand up
and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to go like reel
against the grain. That's my prerogative.
I could do it. I can be out there saying
whatever the fuck I want to. If somebody then hears that and
they're like, I all of a sudden have the inspiration to punch

(12:05):
that guy in the mouth, Yeah. And somebody in the mouth not
might not be free speech, but you are not free from the
freedom of like repercussion. Yeah, but I mean, hasn't like
the the right came to his rescueand put him on every single fox?
News and no he was he was the type of guy who I guess he
that's the one thing too, man, just don't if you like you know,

(12:28):
I'm cool with gay people I'm cool with black people.
I ain't going to sit here and like be like, this is this is
the number one thing I think about when I fucking when I wake
up. I'm like, how can I save black
people today? And when I wake up, I'm not just
like, you know what I'm going to, I'm going to attack people
online because they don't like gay people.
I just not, you know what? That's what he was, I guess he
so I know he he was a holier than thou type figure.

(12:50):
So when you're a holier than thou type figure.
On the left like woke style. I guess I don't fucking.
I don't watch. Congress, like the whole thing
is though, is like, that's the crazy thing about the left is
they will eat you alive. For one, they and their own
people step out of line. Oh man, and they can't wait to
they can't wait to the left. Bro, listen there could they

(13:11):
could be making fucking fucking what do you call them
concentration camps for Hispanicpeople?
As a crazy as the thought of that is, you know, making
concentration camps for Hispanicpeople.
They could be doing that and people on the left will just be
like, you know, this creator. That's what I'm focusing all my
time on. Joey Swell.
Joey Swell is the problem and I'm just like you guys.
That's why nobody takes y'all fucking seriously.

(13:33):
I would love to take y'all seriously, but y'all are just
like Joey Swell. Fuck Joey Swell.
It's like, it's like they alwaysact like something's like the
biggest problem ever. This is the biggest problem,
guys. We all got a band together and
get in the streets and have our voices heard.
And then they're like Joey Swellsaid what?
They're. I guess it's because it's full
of a side that that whole side. Yeah, I think the other side is

(13:55):
just like, ADHD ain't a real thing.
And they're like, it is a real thing.
I guess it is because they can'tstay on a fucking subject to
save their God damn life. Like this is like, look over
here, look over here. What's over here?
You see this over here? Yeah.
You want to fucking. It's like be mad.
I forgot what Starbucks did. Listen.
To piss off the left. Yeah, so during the time of

(14:18):
Israel attacking Gaza, which listen, I am, if people would
just speak in terms of accountability instead of
saying, hey, my side is completely right, we have done
nothing wrong and you just have to accept it.
If people were just like, hey, fucking Hamas attacking Israel
is a terrible thing. Israel then retaliating by bomb
places, hospitals with children,that's a fucking terrible thing.

(14:40):
And if people could just say, Hey, it doesn't matter what side
you're on, if you said, hey, my fucking side did something
horrible, but now we're you know, we don't think that, then
people can understand more Instead of you saying, Hey, my
side is completely OK by killingthose Zionist fucks.
They're dead, their families aredead.
Like that's fucked up. And nobody's going to be on your

(15:01):
side. And that is not how you like
imagine, imagine somebody's angry at you in public, OK?
And they're just fucking berating you.
And you're just sitting there just like, yo man, I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to fucking, you know, step on your toes and shit
like that and fucking, you know,say you stepped on somebody's
shoe by accident and y'all get into an argument.
They're just brighten the fuck out of you and you just fucking

(15:25):
walk away. Everybody's going to be like
man, that dude's fucked up. I hope that guy gets hit by a
car. You see it every day on any type
of video, any kind of instant karma video, whatever.
If you step on somebody's shoe and they're like, yo, man, like
they're starting to be and you like what you going to do,
motherfucker? Then nobody's on your side.
Like nobody's on your side. So they just don't know how to
say, hey, you know, this side orthe children of Gaza are getting

(15:49):
killed. That's a fucked up thing.
What Hamas did was a fucked up thing.
Let's throw that aside. That was a fucked up thing they
did. It's right now kids are dying.
Then people be like, oh I understand where you work up,
but it's impossible. Impossible.
This is The thing is, and I've said it 100 times and I'll say
it 100 more times is as soon as you put a label on people
instead of actually talking about the people like, and I say
this about like right wingers, they're like, I like that black

(16:12):
person, but not the rest of them.
The rest of them are like this. Like as soon as you put the
label on it and make them the other, make them something that
you don't see into their eyes, eye to eye, like all of a sudden
they're not human anymore. And you can fucking do whatever
you want. And like that's one of the
biggest issues is like, as long as we're talking about Israel
and Hamas, No, the fucking family with kids and and like
they're the dad that went to go get fucking groceries so that

(16:34):
his kids could eat and then he doesn't come back because he got
shot or fucking maimed by a bomb.
Like that's the problem is the second that you start putting
people in buckets of names like the the man of.
Molasses human. Yes and like that's why you can
deport the Mexicans, but like when you see your your friend
Jose that works with you that may have came here illegally,

(16:54):
but he's like literally the mostdependable fucking Co worker you
have like. I still don't know if it's
racist or not because once again, it's hard because you
got, like I said, a lot of and honestly a lot of the the left
is a lot of white people defending black people just look
good. Like it's just with the greater
signalling. Yeah, and just anger.
They do a lot of that too, like,just like look good, Which I

(17:18):
mean, I don't know how it is. If somebody has a cause and
you're sitting there fighting for it, I don't know if it's
beneficial or not beneficial if you're doing it just because
you're like, man, this will makeme look real good.
It's like, you know, giving a homeless person some money
because you're like, you know what, the world's going to shine
brightly on me now. I don't fucking know.
But I was it the last episode where I don't know if it was me

(17:38):
and you talking to me and my wife talking, but someone said
Korean American person. I was like, you mean an American
person, Korean descent. That's like, I hate that shit
where we're just like, you were like any other country.
If you're born in that country, you are called that.
Like you are. If you're born in Kenya, you're
Kenyan. If you're born in Russian,
you're Russian. If you're born in fucking
Nicaragua, you're Nicaraguan. If you're born in Japan, you're

(18:01):
Japanese. Over here in America.
If you're born in America, if you are born here, you're
American. Brother, I'm sorry.
I think the one issue where thatcomes into play is because the
actual native people that were here, you're not automatically
assumed that you're that you're American ish.

(18:22):
Like, I mean like we have overtaken like we as in like
Europeans and for the most part like.
Well, we're Americans now because it's been America.
Yeah, but that's the thing though, is like we, the people
here aren't. People are going to be like,
people are going to like, Mike, you, you sound like you, like I
do not like Donald Trump. I want you.
But also at the same time I wantto say I don't like any.
I don't I don't like any. Well, that was what I was going

(18:44):
to say about like this whole like Hulk Hogan thing.
Like, is the left going to be soup in arms when people start
saying good things about like Joe Biden?
Because Joe Biden said a fuckingbunch of racist shit over his
his tenure. And like, so are we going to be
that rage baited in that? Like, and I'm not saying that he
came out and said maybe as bad. I want to say like as Hulk
Hogan, as like a personal thing.Joe Biden was not nearly as bad

(19:07):
as just like. Although if you look at the
actual impact on American black people, Joe Biden did a lot
worse for the American black people.
I don't know. I don't know anything about that
brother. Before this turns into Mike and
Dylan love politics, we're goingto we're going to kind of
sidestep into racist jokes. No.

(19:28):
Yeah. A lighter subject.
A lighter subject. So on the Patreon episode for
two daddies judging baddies, we had an one about a Chinese chef
and I did not know. So he was rivaling with this
lady. She's a French chef and
sister-in-law. Yeah.
The sister-in-law and the sister-in-law, like they have

(19:49):
arguments back and forth about like cooking styles.
And the she tries to tell the Chinese chef how to cook and
he's like, hey, you know, I do things my way.
And she was like, yeah, you makeKung Pao chicken at the Chinese
restaurant. I was like, how's that racist?
And it's like saying, oh black person you make, you know, just
cuz you're making fried chicken at home don't make you, you

(20:10):
know, chef so. It took a minute before I could
like really like soak it in The father-in-law then gets look,
there's a difference between like trying to be like comedic
and then being racist. Like there's a if you if I were
to say a joke that involves race, even if that joke doesn't
land, I did. It didn't come from hate.
Like it didn't come from hate. It came from like goodwill and

(20:33):
not goodwill, but, you know, wanting to make people laugh and
which I mean, I said like the atthe end he was like, I, I know
everybody was hoping for a happyending.
And I was like, oh, what a what a terrible, yeah, what a
terrible word to use. Even though it's, it's funny,
like it's a happy ending. It's a it's just like to be like
to point that out is to be like make everybody giggle a little

(20:54):
bit. So we go outside and Dylan was
talking about a friend and he was like, yeah, he told this
like 1 horribly racist joke about Mike Tyson in the Pope.
And I was like, I love that joke.
And then he was like, what? You love that joke?
And I was like, yeah, man, I love that joke.
And he was like, well, how did? And I was like, what?
Maybe the guy told you it all fucked up.
So we're the guy fucked up. All right?

(21:14):
We're I'm gonna, I'm gonna give y'all guys the joke.
And then we're gonna go in between just like if you're
gonna make jokes, OK, If you want to make jokes that involve
race, how to do it. And I'm gonna teach you how to
do it, OK cuz. And this is the episode we get
cancelled. No, not, not even this. 3rd
Joey. Joey Swoll moment.
So, OK, Mike Tyson and Don King were in Rome visiting the

(21:36):
Vatican. All right, as they're walking
down the street, Mike Tyson has his hat on sideways and he's
eating a bag of Cheetos. And Don King's just like, hey,
you know, Mike, you know, we're,you know, we're in Rome, we're
at the Vatican. Maybe we should look a little
bit more presentable, be respectful.
Mike Tyson's like, fuck that shit.

(21:57):
I do whatever the I do whatever the hell I want.
And so he's like sitting there, he sees some fucking birds and
she's like throwing them like Cheetos at the birds, like not
even really feeding them, just like pelting them with the
Cheetos. And Don Keynes is like, fuck
Mike, man. We got to like, we got to do
better than this, bro. We're at the, we're at the
Vatican, man. This is, you know, the Povis
here. Like we want to be, we want to
be respectful. Mike Tyson's like, fuck that

(22:19):
shit. I do whatever the hell I want.
So they come up to this, they come up to this fountain that
has a statue of Mary. And Mike Tyson is still sitting
there just like pelting these fucking birds with these
Cheetos. And Don King's standing there
and he sees the Pope and he's like, Oh my God, Mike, hurry.
Look, just look presentable, man.
The post standing right there, Mike Tyson.
I don't give a fuck. I'm Mike Tyson.

(22:41):
I do whatever the hell I want. Don King's sitting there like,
Oh my God. Well, then he looks over to the
Pope and he sees the Pope. Blessed Mike Tyson.
Now, this is going to be a lot. The joke's going to be a lot
funnier to people who watch the video because you're not going
to be able to see what I'm doing.
What is this called? The blast?
You know the blast and Mike Tyson walks off and Don King's

(23:05):
just standing there stunned and he walks up to the Pope and he's
like, man, I am just so taken aback, man.
I'm not really, you know, a religious person.
But to see, to see you in all ofyour kind hardness, bless a man
who is just being utterly disrespectful.
That man that just shows me likehow how beautiful of a soul you

(23:29):
have and how how maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong about all this
religious stuff. I'm post like, what the fuck are
you talking about? And he's like, what you just,
you just bless Mike. He's like, I ain't bless Mike.
I said, Hey, you tell that man to put his hat correct on his
head, pick up the motherfucking Cheetos and get his black ass
off my property. So that's the version I would

(23:49):
tell it, Dylan's version. The guy said like the N word or
something like that and didn't really have a discussion with
the Pope. So the difference between how I
told the story is, is that the racism isn't the focal point.
It then becomes Don King thinks the Pope is going to forgive
Mike and he like Don King's so taken aback.
He's like, I mean, he's being so, you know, Mike's being so

(24:12):
bad. And yeah, so you think, you
think, you know, he's blessing him.
And it's like this real beautiful moment.
And then it turns out post racesas fuck.
But in the way that Dylan's hey,if you're gonna tell a joke that
has race, never, just never go for the the big slurs,
especially if you're white. Now, if you're Mexican, look.
I think it makes you assume, especially with the white people
though it, it you're just assuming that everybody else is

(24:33):
cool with you using the N word around him and like that's you
should know your audience prior to just dropping the N word Cuz
like I I don't find it proper for a white person to that's
right. But like.
White people are never allowed to say the N word.
Unless you are losing an argument in a Call of Duty
lobby, then nobody knows who youare, no?
Holds. You gotta fight back.

(24:54):
Black people are really good at jokes.
I'm gonna let you know that I used to do maybe I don't say
that one cuz maybe I'm gonna do like a write a little stand up.
So I don't wanna give away all the good stuff.
But it, it involved, I'm not going to talk about it.
OK, But but yeah, there's a there's a difference.
So if you are making a joke withrace in it and you want to be

(25:16):
like, man, like how can I reallytoe the line?
There's several way like how canI do this?
How can I where everybody? Because you want everybody to
laugh. You don't ever want to be one of
those. It's like, I think Anthony
Jeselnik said it like he does a lot of race jokes, just like
very dark, dark jokes, but he's like, if you're doing it for the

(25:36):
sake of doing it for the sake ofgetting clicks, like for the
sake of the shock factor, that'snot what comedy is like.
You never want somebody leaving your show angry.
That's just that's not what you want to do.
And if you like are just like constantly like trying harder
and harder and harder with each and every joke to be more edgy
than the last fucking joke, thenit puts a sour taste in people's

(25:56):
mouth. At the end of the day, comedians
want to make people laugh. So if you are like doing one of
those type of jokes, a lot of the ways is like Gary Owens does
a really good job at poker fun of himself.
Because if you make a joke aboutrace and in that same joke about
race, black people are the quoteUN quote, villains, punchline,
whatever, it's going to come offbad really, no matter how you do

(26:19):
it structure wise. So if you are able to make
yourself the butt of the joke while adding like stereotypes,
you know, the fucking innuendos and shit like that, then it
becomes funny If you were able to like throw in some of your
racist stereotypes with their racist stereotypes.
It's funny. And the joke and the way I told
the joke, yes, he's saying, you know, get your black outside and

(26:40):
he is like racist, but it's the Pope.
The Pope is now the butt of the joke because you think he is,
you know, blessed to being a holier than thou and being good
and. He's just a piece of shit too.
So the biggest thing I think thebiggest thing for comedy and how
I like got better at like skit structure and joke structure and

(27:02):
how to form form a joke is in a stand up Dave Chappelle said I'm
so good at writing jokes I can write them backwards.
I start, I like and he says the punch line to a kicker right in
the pussy and then he goes on that big joke and then he kicks
right in the pussy. And I don't know when he said
that it was like something clicked for me.
I was like, oh, you know, so I then knew how to kind of with my

(27:25):
thing. And sometimes everything you
have to work on, like if you're doing a skit, if you're doing a
joke, I do believe you should always start with the punchline.
You want a really good punchlineand then kind of build the story
from there where you can fuck upwith that is is like, you got
the punchline and you're so focused on the punchline that
the story building up to the punchline is ass.
Yeah. Or it's so over the top that it

(27:46):
takes away from the punchline, which is something that, you
know, just working with Dylan on.
What did we work on? Where I was like, it's too like,
I'm being too comedic in it. And then all the other side on
yeah, 2 daddies judging baddies,yeah.
Because you guys saw the second version of that, but we recorded
our first one that was. Like 2 days Judge and baddies
did. Well, I mean most people have

(28:08):
watched both of these but yeah, like the other.
But the other side on that thing, like Mike had wrote like
it was like 6 pages and it was like so in depth and so many
jokes and it was like joke afterjoke after joke after joke.
And like, it did detract from the amount of like, you know,
there's got to be those peaks and valleys.
You got to like let people like kind of come down off of the

(28:31):
last joke before you throw them with another one.
And like, sometimes the rolling is good, but it it can't be just
a non-stop roll because then yeah, at the end it's like,
what? What the fuck did I just listen
to? What did I just hear?
I just got into it man, and that's why it is good to always
have like friends and stuff. I know a lot of comedians, they
have comedic friends, so they are more they have like that

(28:53):
veteran leadership almost by just like having a number of
friends, but it's also good to have that one guy who's like not
in on it. You know what I'm saying?
That's not he's he's just there to laugh.
He's just hanging out to and that's what Dylan really is good
for. Dylan is like the ground to both
podcasts. You are you keep it in reality.
People do not understand how annoying a fucking podcast can

(29:17):
be when it's just like 2 guys who are not not based in
reality. It then devolves into something
that is just it's not listenable.
Or if it is listenable like after three episodes you're just
like oh God damn it. I mean, I get to a fucking
point. I've got a group of friends and
they're, they're so much fun to hang out with.
So much fun to hang out with. However, they are like that
comedic troupe that like, and it's all just like non-stop

(29:38):
rapid fire like 5 things going on at once.
And they're they're keeping up with it because that's like
their normal like gym that they work out in.
Like they're just used to it. But like going out to eat with
them, it's like if you don't have ADHD and then all of a
sudden you were to catch it. That's what it's like being
around them because it's just like squirrel, squirrel,
squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.
And it's like taxing to like finish up that dinner.

(30:01):
They're they're awesome people and it's a great time and it is
funny, but at a certain point you're like, holy shit, guys.
Like can we like come down and like, eat for a second or just
like, you know, can? We have a minute to breathe,
not. Just like, but that's how they
are just non-stop. And like, I love them.
But that's kind of like the point that you're getting at
though, is like it, it can be too much even though it's funny
and it's still like, it's not not funny, it's not not

(30:23):
entertaining. But like there is a point where
you're like, holy shit. Like I just need a second to
like gather my thoughts and analyze what's happened over the
last 30 seconds. Wow.
God, remember when I was like, oh man, I'm going to do I'm
going to do stand up again so wecan get like clips and shit like
that. And then I'm in here and I do
multiple routines for Dylan and he's like fucking, he's like

(30:45):
loving it. He's like all you should do that
one. Then I'm sitting there, I'm
like, I'm doing none of those. I'm going to do 1.
I just thought of and he's like,he's like, how you going to do a
joke? You just thought and I really
did. I fucking made a 5 minute set
off of what bananas. It was like banana.
Bananas were the the central howyou eat a banana in prison.
It was talking about my brother and I was like, you know, my

(31:07):
brother went to the first crime he ever did was burglary.
Like, I mean, if you're going tofucking start, you know, go big.
But he did like a year and a half at prison.
So he comes out of prison. I'm like, fuck, yeah, my
brother's out. So I go pick him up in the
morning. We go back to my house for
eating breakfast and shit. And I go to eat a banana.
And he's like, man, in prison wedon't eat that shit.

(31:29):
I'm like, you don't eat bananas.He's like, Nah, man, cuz you
know, it's gay. It looks like you're sucking
Dick. And I stopped for a second and I
was thinking and I was like, man, I bet the guy who like
rapes people in prison started that fucking rumor right there.
Because I guarantee you it's a whole lot easier to rape someone
if they're going through potassium deficiencies.
And it was like a really, reallyfucking good one.

(31:50):
And it ends up because I always,I'll always bring my shit back
around every, every. I just like doing it.
People love the little callbacks.
But at the end of the joke, I forgot, I forgot what I was
saying. I still.
Have it recorded I think. Right, so I say that part guy
with possession, if I was like, because if I'm in prison, man,

(32:12):
I'm getting all the bananas. Listen, I'm getting all the it's
going to be hard as fuck to rapeme.
I'm going to be fucking geeking off potassium when you come for
me. And I was like, I don't know,
like what? Oh, and then he was talking
about there was a juice in prison and you never drank the
juice because it had Dick softener in it.
I'm like, brother, what is Dick softener?
He's like, if you drink it, you can't get an erection.

(32:33):
And I think that prison would bethe last place I would want an
erection. Like what?
Well, what good is an erection? I'm going to drink the juice.
I'm going to drink as much juiceas I can because I want to dig
in hard in prison. And I'm like, what does he
thinks going to happen? Like one day, this fucking, this
Ward, fat grizzly bitch Ward is just going to come down from an
office or something like that. She's going to be walking

(32:53):
through the prison and she's going to be like, all right,
line everybody up. And she's going to line
everybody up. My brother's just standing there
and she's going to walk by and be like you.
If you can fuck me right now andgive me an orgasm, I'm gonna let
you go right now because bro, that, that ain't going to
happen. You don't need a hard Dick in
prison like you don't need. There's no instance where a hard
Dick is going to be useful. And besides, if that shit

(33:15):
happened to me, I got all these bananas I can fuck it with.
So Dylan watched that like in like real time, 45 minutes
before we went to this little open mic to do that.
The only I just don't. The problem with open mics is I
think I'm too nervous of doing in front of non comedians, but
then also you're doing it in front of comedians.

(33:35):
Yeah. And then?
That's the only people that are there.
Every open mic that we've been to, it's everybody's getting up
on stage. Like that one guy that saw me
there, so there's this one guy, he's getting ready to go up and
I walk up and he's like, my fucking God.
Listen, I make tick tock videos,brother.
I'm not a stand up comedian. There's way.
Easier to make a tick tock. Video.
It's so much easier to make a tick tock video than do stand

(33:58):
up. It doesn't matter what kind of
comedian you are. Okay, if you are a you do skits
or whatever you do, you make content.
It does not matter. The guys doing stand up comedy
are a notch above you. They are going every single
time. They're going into a place, a
lot of them before they get famous, they're going into a
place that ain't even expecting comedy, like a fucking bowling
alley or a bar. And those are the worst places

(34:20):
to do comedy when someone's justnot.
Expecting a birthday party? Right, Imagine two guys like
man, I just had a long fucking day at work.
I hate my God damn life. I'm so fucking angry.
Let's just go to the bar and drink, brother.
And he's like, all right, man, you know, I'm, I'm going through
a two, my old lady just cheatingon me and they're sitting there
and then the fucking guy runningthe bar is like, all right,
guys. And from Lexington, NC.
We got a little, we got a littletreat for you guys tonight.

(34:41):
We're going to have Michael Ryando some comedy And I just stand
up and I'm just like, well, what's up guys with a little bit
dark in here, you know, fucking good God.
Why is that your old? Why does everybody look all sad
like their old lady just fucked another guy?
He's like, I fucked you buddy. And I'm just like, Jesus Christ.
So, so tough crowd. Yeah, those and also too.
I just think that doing that, living that lifestyle, you're

(35:05):
more imbued with comedy like youare.
It's just. Well like I could grab the
guitar right now and play a songand technically be playing it
for 1000 plus people. I could do that.
The nervousness of me grabbing my guitar and playing in front
of 1000 people in right in frontof me.
Two totally different things. So so you can make a video that

(35:27):
you know a million people are going to see and that's cool.
But the nervousness of making that video while those 1,000,000
people watch while you make the video, 2 totally different
things. So like doing stand up to a room
of 25 to 50, a thousand, a million is totally different
than making the video and posting it and then thousands,
millions people have seen like. Right.
It's easy because you got multiple takes at stand up.

(35:49):
You can't just be like, let me start over.
Well, see, you don't understand like.
Yeah, yeah. Well, let me go.
Let me go back. And that's also too.
I'm just like, because of how mybrain works, you're getting on
stage. I, I want to be like oh fuck you
should. Build 1 like that, like where it
looks like you're fucking up thewhole time and then like it's
actually you, you built in the fuck ups be like, Oh well, we'll

(36:09):
see. No, you got to go.
Back. If that doesn't land though,
then it just is. Like it's still funny.
Look at this fat guy on stage. You'll enjoy it bloundering.
I remember the first time I did stand up, it was like in 2016 or
something like that. And my, I think it was my
brother-in-law. Yeah, it was my brother-in-law.
He was like, hey man, you know what?

(36:29):
You should go do some stand up. And I'm like, bro, you are
fucking right. You have had a lot of ideas
today, brother. That was the best one.
Why not? I'm going to do some stand up
and I'm on a fucking. This is pre anxiety and all
that. Shit.
Yeah, this is before I had like the agoraphobia and shit.
So we go up there, man, and I sign up and I'm like, yeah, I
knew it's my first time. They're like, oh, you're going

(36:50):
to do great. You're going to have a wonderful
time and that's going to be and we're going to put you dead
last. And I'm like, OK, yeah, I'm dead
last, you know, close the show. So I'm sitting there and as the
the night goes on, you get some people that go up there.
It's open mic. So a bunch of people are going
up and the more people went up, the more nervous I got because

(37:15):
then somebody will get up there and they'll do some like one guy
was doing this whole cats and dog joke about fucking the Nazis
being dogs and the Jewish peoplebeing cats because, you know,
fucking dog chase cats. And then as he starts like he
switches to another joke and then he in that joke he mentions
that he's a dog person. I was like, I was fucking bomb.
That was great. If I was call us and see I've

(37:36):
been fucking, but I was like, damn, that's a really good
fucking joke. And I'm getting nervous.
And then like I at one point I was like, I'm just, we're just
let's just leave because it's getting late.
And you know, I got to work tomorrow.
I was working 12 hours seven days a week at this point.
I'm just like, I got to work tomorrow and it's just it's like
11:30 at night. And this one guy goes up and he

(38:00):
has a notebook. And then the lady that ran the
Comedy Store, like the guy just starts making so many jokes
about fucking her and like what he would do if she was his
girlfriend. And nobody was like laughing.
And people were even going like,oh, like, oh bro.
The place that you guys were. At Yeah, yeah, because it was
like, not tasteful at all. And he was like, yeah, I was.
It's crazy to see a woman, you know, running this and being

(38:21):
like, damn, do I want to do comedy or do I want to fuck her?
And he was like this notebook out in front of him and I'm just
like you did you write like how did get the notebook out in
front of your face? Because there's no way you're
reading from that while making jokes.
But it was his first time there.So he gets down and I'm like,
there is absolutely no way I cando worse than that.
So that gave me a little bit of confidence.
So I go up there for my part andI immediately go blind and deaf.

(38:46):
Like I really, I go blind and deaf lights.
They have a little spotlight on me.
I can't see a motherfucking thing.
My ears the whole time are just like blood pressure I guarantee
is at a level where the ambulance will be like, all
right, we're going to go ahead and take you.
I was just, it was, it was a butthat's where I introduced that
one joke where I was talking about, you know, when we moved

(39:09):
to the hood and there's a bunch of kids playing outside.
So I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm goingto play with those guys.
So I run out there to go play and my stepdad stops me and he's
like, listen to that. We're in a different spot.
So I want to warn you, OK, there's a black kids out there
and I don't know if you know this, Black people smoke crack.
And I paused for a second and then I looked at him and I was
like, but motherfucker, you smoke crack.

(39:30):
Like so I mean, I'm talking about the whole time I did that
shit, bro. I could not see, I could not
hear. And then I get off, I get off
the stage and the funniest part,we're watching the video back
because we recorded it with a cell phone and it just because
we were like, oh, we can like put together.

(39:50):
That's when we found out, Oh, they have different, they have
different things recording. That's not a cell phone.
We're playing it back. And I got some decent laughs,
you know what I'm saying? Like I'm rushing through.
I'm. Oh, yeah.
What you would call panicked. Like, I do come off a little
panicked. But if you're doing, that's what
I'm saying, if you're doing likeopen mics, you want to do it in

(40:11):
front of people who are like, I was there at one point.
You know, I did that at one point.
So there was one really funny part where I had mentioned the
street that I moved on. And when I do that, you can hear
a couple people go, God damn. I thought that was the funniest
part of the whole fucking thing.You can hear this one, you know?
Yeah, you can hear this one big black guy go, oh, God damn.

(40:34):
That was the that was the. I wouldn't want to walk down
through that street and fuck, yeah.
I mean, I always want to make movies.
And I was just like, man, you know, I'm not fucking
technically gifted with cameras.And they're like, well, you
know, you get a camera, you become technically gifted with
it and you shoot your own littleproject movies.
And I'm like, fuck, that takes learning the whole skill that

(40:57):
I'm not fucking passionate about, you know what I'm saying?
So it never occurred to me to belike, hey, you know, maybe post
in Facebook groups or something like that, find people within
the community because everybody likes to fuck around, you know
what I'm saying? So, and there's a bunch of
people who like to do this, except for when my version of
like Facebook community is I like I met a professional.
So now, now it's our goal to that's where I want to get to.

(41:18):
And I'm just like, man, you know, what the fuck does it take
to get to that fucking point? Like what do we have to do?
I think if we make the, once thepodcast becomes, you know, like
self-sustaining starts bringing in like a little bit of livable
money and shit like that, I think that's when we can finally
jump into making those. Cuz we, I got like 4 in the

(41:38):
chamber right now. Yeah.
And I one of them but if I can get that made in the next 5
years I guarantee you bro it would fucking it would be that
shit cuz it's just off the zeitgeist of today.
Yeah, I think honestly, we're onthe cusp of it.
That's the hardest part is just like we've kept trying to do

(42:00):
this without asking anybody for anything.
And I think that's the hardest thing is like, you just expect
that the, you know, you bring enough people to the dance that
the platforms are going to pay you.
And that's, that was a miscalculation on our part.
And there's plenty of people, I mean just from 2 days of having
a a Patreon and memberships and stuff, you the listener have

(42:24):
like shown up. I think all around with every
platform, we're up to like 20 members now.
Some of those are 299, Some of those are, yeah.
But still, it's the fact that podcast too, they're just, it's
not like short form content. Short form content.
Someone's just like Hot video, Hot video, Hot video, Hot video.
So they're watching a video for me.
They don't give a fuck about you, man.
Short form fame, short form cloud, man, that shit is not

(42:46):
real. It is not real.
It's what? You can take that and then make
that into something like a podcast when someone's like,
hey, I'm gonna dedicate an hour of my fucking life to listen to
these absolute fucking weirdos. Yeah, talk about the dumbest
shit. Like Mike has said like 5 racist
things during this podcast. I still fuck with him because I
know he's retarded. And when when the the Joey Swole
comes out and talks about how he's like representing for for

(43:09):
felonious falafel after he passes, you guys can be like,
you know, he he was a racist piece of shit.
You shouldn't like him. He didn't apologize to.
That's the worst thing. You can't never apologize
because once you apologize, you tell him the right like, oh man,
like I my words do and I gotta, you know, cater to these guys
that are mad at me. So then they don't even they're
not like, hey, you know, you should be able to say what you

(43:31):
want to say you. Only have to apologize if you
meant it with I'll intent and no.
Because if you made it with I'llintent, then you mean it.
That's what you. That's what I'm making the video
with. Listen guys, I've got a lot to
say about black people. And that's that's what I'm
getting at though, is like, if you say it with I'll intent and
then you decide that you were like, oh, I was wrong in that
moment. And I'm not actually saying

(43:52):
apologize. I'm not like having the actual
like I'm talking in a serious manner.
Like, if you didn't mean it in an I'll way by apologizing,
you're basically being like, well, yeah, no, I was really
rich. Yeah, I was.
Really. No, I was.
Very rich you were not and there's you can learn, but you
don't need to apologize because you did not actually say it in a
way that you were like. The stupidest shit that he said

(44:13):
during his whole apology was I referred to athletes as colored.
And someone educated me that that was an outdated term.
No third grade. Like when I was in first grade,
they were like, hey, you probably shouldn't call black
people colored people. And I was like, man, but it's
like a real concise word. And you can get a lot of people
in there like, you don't, then it's saving time.

(44:35):
And this black kid behind was like, yeah, that he does do that
shit. I feel you.
Well, and now that now the term is people of color and like,
it's like, OK. I'm say black version Mexican
Asian person. And.
Asian's just hard, brother. I can't be like Korean,
Japanese, Chinese. I'm gonna get that shit wrong.

(44:56):
10 out of 10. Times, I mean, that's that's
what. You're supposed to do with as
soon as you get it, as soon as you get it.
The funniest thing is listen theleft.
I love y'all. Y'all be so goofy sometimes, all
right? I love everybody but fuck when
y'all are like and it's so wrongto ask somebody where they're
from, why? Why then you know, what if it's
so wrong to ask you what? I'm just going to get it wrong.

(45:17):
I'm like, you can't assume either So what am I supposed to?
Am I just supposed to treat you like you're me, like you're we
like you're a white person. I'm just like, God, that's so
good. But like they're like, no, all
this stuff is bad. Nothing is good.
Which listen, I'm tell I'm telling you right now that's not
everybody on the left. It's the Super far.
I'm not going to get a job. Everything.

(45:37):
Everybody needs to cater to me. It's.
Usually white people that are the ones being offended by it
and like I'm sorry, but for the most part, like if I and I'm
speaking in generality, if it was me, I would rather somebody
ask me than just assume. Like if if I was Hispanic of
some descent, like I wouldn't want you to be like Mexican or
like I would rather you be like.I've never met a hood

(45:58):
motherfucker that was like, oh that's racist.
I've never, never encountered that.
I've heard people say racist things to hood mother, like God
damn man, that's fucked up. Like that's and then yeah, the
continue about that. It's where, like I said, you get
like the white people that are just like, you know what, I have

(46:19):
to look holier than thou and it's the same person that
they'll make a microaggression or some shit like that.
And then the other people who are just like that are going to
eat that person and it's going to continue the cycle of,
listen, we don't know what y'allfight for.
Are they vegan? But it seems like y'all fight.
Y'all fight for just what you believe in so you can eat other
people that fight for what you believe in.

(46:39):
For not believing is what in what you believe.
In as hard. Yeah, as hard as you believe in
that thing and they just keep that little, which is crazy
because you look at the far leftand they're like eating each
other. Look at the far right, like the
actual like racist guys. I'm not talking about people on
the right. I'm not talking about
Republicans. I'm talking about that where
they're like, you know, I don't like black people.
You know what I I think we should lock.

(47:02):
I think we should lock Mexicans in on air conditioned.
Well, they said it had air conditioner while they were
standing there just sweating their asses off.
But the, the far left, like are you look at the far right.
Them mother fuckers teamed up, bro, teamed up.
And that's the that's the craziest thing because they're
like, that's our enemy and they're all they're all over
there. They're like, you know what,

(47:24):
what you just said came off kindof gay, but we still accept you.
Like you could say if you're on the far right, you could pretty
much say any fucking thing you get.
And as soon as you're just like,oh, I didn't mean like that.
They're like, that's the best. So that I am mean like that
because then everybody's like, oh, OK, you can say the craziest
fucking thing, but I mean like that.
And they'll be like, oh, I don'tknow what you meant, but he

(47:44):
didn't mean like that. So whatever I was thinking, he
meant it as he didn't mean like that.
So they are they're clicked up like a motherfucker and that's
so funny. There's a because I was writing
for that stand. I'll give you all like a little
piece of it, but I'll be like, it talks about when I was like
real SJW in my youth and I was like fighting for all these
causes and everything like that.And I was like, yeah, man, you
know, I fucking believe this shit.

(48:05):
And it sounds good. Like who?
Who's our enemy? And then they point over there.
I'm like, oh shit, all the guys with the guns and they're like,
yeah, yeah. And we we're going to, we're
going to go at them violently ifnecessary.
How do you, hey, you violently go against somebody with a gun
without guns and it just it goesinto that.
I don't know what the fuck that joke was for.
I had it right down. I guarantee you it is it Look,

(48:27):
watch, because I just put it in notes.
I'm not serious about doing stand up and I probably would
never do it, but I still write it down just in case I'm ever
put in a position where like, I don't know, I need to do stand
up or somebody's going to shoot my fucking family.
Let me go in my notes. Look, it's funnier when I had
it. There's one joke in here that
fucking all right. So yeah, it says the side with

(48:47):
guns. The thing above that says black
people in Alaska. I couldn't tell you what the
fuck that means. Everybody wants extra till it's
chromosomes. Could I tell you the joke behind
that? I couldn't fucking tell you the
joke behind that. Was it probably funny?
Maybe a little bit. You can add voice notes to that
too, right? You can just touch it and talk

(49:08):
to. It can you really.
Yeah, up at the top. That's still too much.
I like to put my shit so I know the black people in Alaska when
I was like I was watching this video man crazy as fuck.
So 2 black guys like they're walking up to this bar and shit
like that and they just immediately just like start
opening fire on this one mother fucker.
And then out of nowhere this guywith an assault rifle just puts

(49:30):
him down. Puts him down.
It talks about like, you know, because it's talking about it's
still on the whatever it is likeGen.
Z. They care too much like that.
They care so much that it makes you not care anymore.
Also, I don't know if y'all knowthis.
I'm desensitized to everything, OK?
I've seen every, I've seen so many mass shootings.
If a mass shooting doesn't have a lot of casualties, I'm just
like, man, that's not near. Yeah, last week that got a

(49:53):
terrible like I'm starting to judge the mass shooters.
That's how fucking desensitized I am.
I'm so desensitized. I watch the fucking video of,
you know, 2 black guys. They fucking walk up to this bar
there in Alaska and there there's this crowd of people and
they just start fucking opening fire.
And then this one guy just runs up, not even in the fucking
altercation with a whole assaultrifle.
And he just mows the two black guys down.

(50:14):
And I was like, holy fucking shit, there's black people in
Alaska. That was the fucking, that was
the fucking joke behind that stupid little thing.
But bro, there's so much in my notes that just have the
corniest or just like the dumbest lines.
And if my wife were to ever be like, what is he up to?
I'm going to look through it. And she starts looking through
all these notes. She's like what?

(50:35):
What the fuck is it like? I don't is is it racist?
Is he like, is this a manus manifest?
What do they call it? Manifest.
Manifest. Yeah.
There you go. Like for real, like just awful
off of that little thing. I'll be like man, honestly, like
and you could tell manifesto like yeah, manifesto.
There you go. I'm about fuck this joke that I

(50:57):
came up with up and like, you know, I'm fucking sitting there
fucking judging these mass shootings.
I'm like 4 people bro, don't even have a manifesto like that.
That's how I'm judging them now.Like I'm so fucking
desensitized. I'm just like, damn, you didn't
live up to his potential for an AK47 at a daycare.
Like who's stopping that? You only got 3 kids?
Jesus Christ, look, if you go after children, I don't know

(51:21):
man, it'd be like 3 kids killed.People who were like, damn,
that's fucked up. That guy was fucking evil.
But until you get into like the 20s, you are going to be on the
news for a singular day. That's it.
And then you're off of it. And then nobody thinks about it
anymore. Nobody thinks about it anymore.
It's wild. It is wild.
The funniest thing is because I am when I am in the camp of I

(51:49):
believe that we're in a mental health crisis, not a not a gun
crisis. You can stab people, you can
bomb people without guns. If evil wants to hurt people
like they can, they'll, they will find ways to hurt people.
And I remember during the big gun thing, they had all the like
the Democrat fucking politiciansbeing like, and we have had 256

(52:14):
mass shootings so far this year.I'm like, no, the fuck we
haven't. So they just counted.
They counted anything. So like if someone got shot, but
there was multiple, like shots fired, multiple, that's what
they were counted as. It was like in COVID when they
were just like, you know, this person that who got horribly
mangled in a car crash. And listen, I know people on the
left are going to be like, Mike,you are, you are.

(52:36):
That's kind of like a right. It was not a right conspiracy.
There was literally a lady that was like, listen, we need to be
safe. There's video evidence of her
saying this, that we need to be safe.
And if somebody passes away, just go ahead and list it as
COVID. That's what we're going to do.
We have video evidence of that. Also.
It is funny seeing how well like, and I don't know,
actually, I'm not going to say what I was going to say because

(52:57):
I read that off Twitter and bro,I read something.
Listen, this is if people, if it's like some people on the
right could just like listen to what I'm saying.
You're a Gen. Xer.
No, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm young millennial.
I know, but what you're about tosay I feel like you're about to
admit you're Gen. X.
It's not, no, it's not. It's not Gen.
X stuff, but it's just for people on the right.

(53:18):
Just like, look, if you read a meme, let's like research a
little bit, do a couple Google searches and let's see if what
actually happened happened because I've said shit before.
And then I just got off of a meme and I was just like, I'm
gonna take this at face value. Run with it.
Yep, run Kitty litter in school.They're putting cat boxes out in
school. And then my wife's like, that
literally never happened one time.

(53:39):
And I was like, fuck, I fucking read it, dummy.
Yeah, What was it? They used it to like clean up
like puke or something like that.
And cat litter, yeah, like. Which you remember in school,
like they had the little fuckingshit to pick up.
Yeah, and I'm like reading it. And I'm just like.
But it could have happened. It could have happened.
I mean, you've seen how weird these kids are acting, right?
And like, how bad would you feelas a trans person?

(54:01):
All right, Be like, imagine trans people.
OK, listen, this is for the Republican listening to.
All right, Imagine you're growing up and you're like, man,
I feel like a woman, which is a song.
Yeah, I feel like a woman. All right.
And I can't shake this feeling. So I'm going to start, you know,
dressing like a woman, acting like a woman and all this shit.

(54:22):
And then you got, you got someone across the street that's
like, man, I feel like a werewolf, like a cat.
Yeah, I feel like a cat. So.
It's like equal. Yeah, we're equal.
Listen, you know, I feel like a cat.
I feel like a cat. Yeah, you feel like a that's
exactly. And we are all on exactly the
same page. It's like when the SNL skit

(54:42):
where the rock creates the childmolesting robot and that guy was
like, it's a robot that molest children in the rocks.
Like exactly. This guy gets it.
And he's like, whoa, I'm not, I'm not in a doning this.
Imagine like you're fucking. And all these, all these
Republicans are like, we don't fucking, we don't believe you.
That's weird. That's a mental thing.
And they're like, Nah, this is this is this is how I feel.
And then across the street the, the cat person's like, this is

(55:03):
how I feel too. And we're on the ah, man with
the clicked up. We're clicked up.
Hell yeah. So there's once again, it's
Huberman Lab, like he goes so deep into like all these crazy
things. Like this is the part that I
have issue with the right on thetransgender thing is it is not
XY that makes you male or female.
Like that's not true. It's on the Y chromosome.

(55:25):
There's this other little thing that's a differentiator.
And so like there's like all these weird cases and it's, it's
a very slim, but there's so manydifferent ones that it ends up
being not a lot, but like still there's a good amount of these
people that. It's the, it's the problem of
there are people like that. It's like when you like the

(55:46):
hermaphrodite show I I read thatlike well.
There's tons there's different like differentiators that can
because. Let's wear.
You got something that is rare. That is rare.
But then you have people that are like, fuck, I want
attention. Yeah, you know what?
I want attention. And then you got some fat dude
in his basement that puts on a pink wig and that wears like a
fucking bra. And then they're posting videos

(56:08):
with their shirt off going and hi, what?
And I just feel like. And one of the problems with
that, though, is like, and this has been my argument since gay
marriage was the big thing that they were fighting for.
And it's the outrage of it that makes it so.
It's because of Republican politicians.
They'll be like, they'll be likethey're trying to turn your kids

(56:30):
transgender. If you get in within 10 feet of
a transgender, your kids will then turn into it.
It's like, it's like a werewolf thing.
I swear to God, if they fuck you, if there's saliva gets on
you, you don't. And then they're they're going
into the women's restroom and they are molesting me.
With the gay marriage thing, hadit just been like, yeah, I don't
know, fucking gay people can getmarried to like that.

(56:50):
Like churches can tell you that you can't get married in their
church because that's like a religious, you know, freedom,
whatever, fine. But like outside.
Nobody likes to hate like a church.
Does, But yeah, But like, outside of that, like, you know,
yeah, gay people can get married, no big deal.
Like, had that been the way? And like, honestly, transgender
people exist. They fucking do.
Like, I mean, you can fight about it all you want about

(57:10):
whether you know. Whether they're, whether it's a
real condition, whatever they'remaking up, they're there.
They're fucking yes. And and so like, have there not
been so much outrage and all this other stuff?
It wouldn't be the end thing I. Think this is what I think the
fucked up though is listen, imagine, imagine your little
daughter right there, OK, and you watch her and she's like,
Daddy, I want to I want to do track and field and I I I want

(57:36):
to give it my all. She's like a little Naruto, OK,
believe it. And she's doing her best and you
watch her grow and and it's highschool time and she's at this
meet and you're like, come on, she can get a scholarship and
change her life. And then you got this fucking
black dude walking up and he's just like fucking stretching.
He's got fucking 9 pack We're going.
He's like, yeah, I'm Janiqua, but around fucking and Janiqua

(57:57):
sets the women's record for the fact that that's where that's
where we start getting in the territory where this was like,
and then once again, nobody can be like liberals will be like,
you have to accept everything and nothing.
You can't say if you say they can't play in sports, cancelled,
microaggression cancelled. And that's so stupid.
OK, Because if a scientist is like, yeah, you know, they're

(58:20):
you fucking. Especially if they went through
puberty, they had it's like theytook testosterone their whole
fucking childhood, took steroidstheir whole childhood and is now
racing against girls. Yeah.
So listen, if if people could just fucking if people could be
accountable and say, hey, yeah, I probably they probably
shouldn't be playing in the samefucking sports.
Or if they could just say, hey, there are things wrong with how

(58:40):
I'm looking at things or there are things like, yes, I fight
for these people. There's some some things they
shouldn't do, you know, or but Iknow it sounds shitty.
Create like their own fucking sport or whatever.
Well, there should be like, there should be the option that
there is like all gender sports.Like, you just compete and like,
yeah. Well, that's that's dudes.
There's all gender sports is dudes, guys or trans women would

(59:04):
be the only one which look, let's watch compete.
Yeah, but like. So so just to finish up, like
the Huberman lab thing though, is like there's there's like
actual a bunch of different cases of these different genetic
abnormalities, but like one of them is literally called the
penis at 12 thing where it a girl the whole way through.

(59:28):
And there's like the ability forlike the the testosterone and
all these other things. So they present as a girl.
They are a girl. And then at 12 all of a sudden
Bing out pops a penis like legitlike just random like it.
But that's how crazy our genetics are that these are
actual. You understand you're talking to

(59:48):
Republicans, right? And I love you.
Like I said, I love, I love Democrats.
I love, I love everybody, OK? And I think we should all get
along and do a little bit of coup d'etat picnic at the park
afterwards. Republicans are listening to
this going science ain't real, brother.
So. You need to take your gay agenda
somewhere else. Well, no, this Huberman Lab

(01:00:09):
thing like I I should put it in the show notes of this because
it is interesting for every. Now you're trying to turn their
kids gay and trans. God, next thing you know,
they're going into women's bathrooms and molesting people
just like priests do all over the world.
I think that's the problem is, is that the people that are
feeding the right their science aren't actual scientists,

(01:00:30):
they're people that are are veryindoctrinated in their own
agenda. So yeah, once.
And I find those to be the minority, like people well.
That's what I'm saying is the actual people on the right.
People have to understand there's ignoring, there's a
scale, there is people in the center that's like both sides
stupid shit. And we don't want to partake in
any of it. And we're just going to watch

(01:00:50):
Pineapple Express and the world's just going to burn
behind us. And then you have Democrats,
Republicans, and then off on this side, you got like the only
people that media shows the far right and the far left.
If you fucking didn't go out in the real world and actually talk
to people, which is a fucking Gen.
Z problem. They stay in their apartments
all day and their whole life is through the Internet.

(01:01:12):
Then you would be like, those are the only people that exist.
There are regular ass Republicans that you can have a
great day with as gay friends like that you can spend time
with. There are fucking people on the
left that are gonna crack funny jokes and just have a good time.
It is not. That's not the majority.
It is not. But if you fucking sit there and
you live your whole life on, on on the Internet, you're going to

(01:01:32):
be like, man, this is what the world is made of.
Jesus. Well.
And on, on all the news and everything, because they all
fall in those categories too. Like they're not far far left
and far far right, but they theytoe the line of those things and
be like, well, yeah, you should be mad about that, about that
microaggression. Did you see this social media
influencer talking about, you know, colored?
And they just, they just harp onit too, man.

(01:01:56):
They just harp on it. But I, I believe it's going to
resolve more. Look, that's what I believe it's
going to happen. And look, they're going to fight
it out. And then the far right and the
far left, but the far, the far left, they also believe in guns
and they're like researching howto build bombs and shit like
that. They are.
They don't want to fight physically, they want to fight.

(01:02:17):
Back in the day there were the eco terrorists that would like
blow up like bulldozers and crazy shit like that.
What was Timothy McVeigh? Was he a Republican or Democrat?
I think he was more so like, just like.
Crazy. He was definitely crazy.
Well, no, like this is The thingis like, I mean, I I haven't
looked super far in depth of these things, but like a lot of
times people are saying like these people were basically set

(01:02:40):
up by the government, the three letter agencies, like they were,
they were radicalized, created and then they did.
We need to look at, yeah, we need to look at Timothy.
Well, because there was like theRuby Ridge guy and like.
That's what they went. Let's talk about that.
Let's talk about that on the next podcast.
And I'm going to have like the story because I'll, I don't love
that story, no. But there's more to it than what

(01:03:01):
has been told in the. Environment Kent State, though,
like it's just a it's just a they could describe it to you
differently. Waco see Waco's tough though,
because Waco's not like oh guy has shotgun that is not allowed
that is illegal. Waco is like, they did have a
whole fucking communal living weird thing going on.
Yeah, but like. What if you weren't hurting
anybody? What is what is the problem with

(01:03:23):
having weird living? Like I mean, fucking look at all
of Utah. Yeah, but not all of Utah. 99%
of those, they're fucking kids. And they're fucking.
That's their That's their cultures.
They're like fucking impregnating kids and fucking 12
years old. You're married in a grown ass
man. There's a lot of once.
Again, Utah. Like the whole fucking state.
Burning the fuck down, that's what.
Look. Sorry, Utah.
Look, it had to go, all right. And what's so funny is people

(01:03:45):
that live in Salt Lake, they'll be like, yeah, yeah, Salt Lake
doesn't need to go too. And we're like, that's not even
where they're at. And he's like but, but it could
be. That's where their temple.
Is I love everybody who's from acity, hates the fucking city.
They're like bro, this city sucks so goddamn bad and it's
the worst. Then why do you live there?
It's the only place I can find ajob, so back.
At SLC Punk I like when they pushed the car in the little
water and I don't think it's true but like they they they

(01:04:06):
stole a car and then they try topush it into the water and it's
just floating on top of the water.
I think it does that. A car.
Would some of them do that? Yeah.
That would be wild to see metal float on top of a Salt Lake.
It's not about metal floating, it's about.
Yeah, the buoyancy. Air inside of.
If something could own air inside of it, you could float
anything. Yeah, I understand that.

(01:04:27):
But cars aren't watertight, so they're airtight water because
it doesn't matter. Oh yeah, the water.
Water if the water. Gets in, then it would sink.
I think I've seen that somewherebefore also, but where the car
floated I. Mean if the seals were good
enough to keep the air and waterseparated.
Then do they really have a Salt Lake in Salt Lake City?
It's a Salt Lake. I mean, salt does make things

(01:04:50):
more buoyant. Yes, I understand all that.
But it's crazy. People drown in the ocean.
Metal fucking. Well, I mean, yeah, waves and
currents and yeah, yeah, OK, I do see that.
God, look at this guy. Fucking fucking science with
this science with this science about how you could grow a
vagina as well. No, a penis.
That'd be weird if it did backwards.

(01:05:10):
Like a penis shrunk in and then what's?
Going on and you go to your parents.
She's like, mom, dad, something's going on with my
penis. And then they sit down and they
explain to you how it's normal. And you're like, oh, it's
normal. And then like everybody's like
fucking around and you're like, they're all joking about it.
And it's like, oh, you should pull yours out.
You're like, yeah man, I got thesame thing and you fucking pull.
Wow, where'd it go? Wow.

(01:05:31):
What is that? Oh, my God, it's normal.
This is what you guys got, right?
No. What is that?
And then you go back and you're like, dad, everybody's saying
it's not normal. And like, son is completely
normal. It might be a little bit small.
OK, look, your dad didn't have the great, the greatest genetics
to give you. And he's like, oh, OK.
And he pulls it down. He's like, oh, what are you?

(01:05:52):
What are you doing with my son? Have you been going to Norman
bathrooms? Fucking look.
Still got to be funny about it, man.
Look guys, if you guys submit stuff for us to give you advice
on, we'll give you advice on it all day.
I'll sit here and read it and I'll understand your.

(01:06:12):
I have sympathy for what you're going through.
Like say you're having sex with this Latina chick that was once
a guy that. Yeah, I figured we would hear
another. Update on that no.
No updates. He's dead now she's tracked him
down. Now she's tracking us down.
Are you gonna fuck her before you?

(01:06:33):
Are you gonna dress up as trunks?
I have to then pull out my scaleof how how incredibly attractive
you have to be with fake pussy. It's just like fake.
Pussy and Donald Trump because. What it does, what it does is
like attractiveness and then it's like real pussy, fake
pussy, penis and that the scale for that's way high.

(01:06:56):
I don't know how like. So it really starts low though,
because with real vagina it doesn't have to be super
attractive, but then like once you get to penis.
Level. You look like a gremlin.
I'm just like. Once the penis level, it has to
be like literally the hottest chick you've ever seen in your
life. I don't think that it's just
because penises are so unattractive.
Well, yeah, but like, what if she just doesn't show you that
she has a penis? What if you only see?

(01:07:16):
The problem is is you could onlyhave sex with one of the holes
and when they present the butt, all that shit is just going to
be there. And I'm just like, I don't think
that would look. I'm not going to look at that
and be like, wow, I'm still turned on.
Because at that point you don't see beauty anymore.
All you see is a Dick and balls.Without hairy asshole just
staring at. I imagine that if they've done

(01:07:37):
enough work. Women don't do it.
Women don't do it, so I'm not going to.
Yeah, but if you were a man trying to present as a woman,
like to get men, you probably would do the work that women
don't normally do. You're going to go above and
beyond. Because you're you're.
Like, well, that now I'm thinking about like she's
sitting there. She's like, I cook clean, I do
the lot. You don't do nothing, you go to
work. Every day when you get home.

(01:07:58):
Blow jobs. It's just like.
Sandwich already ready? Every guy on every guy less than
this. But I'm just pissed in there
sweating like I'm not gay. It's like it's a Dick, it's a,
it's a penis. I'm thinking crazy all the rest.
Of the things. Add up perfect.
And then what's also great is I used to be a guy so I can go
work on the car. I mow the lawn.
I go out there and fucking trim hedges and then I'm like, I got

(01:08:19):
to get out of here you. Can just you can just come home
from work and play video games. You can play video games.
Make it. Make it make.
Me stop. Oh, man.
All right. This has been a great episode of
Mike and Dylan hate drama. If you want to have a US handle
advice for you, because obviously we're clearly

(01:08:40):
qualified. So qualified.
It's been a fucking banger episode, bro.
So fucking fun. Then you can submit a submission
at mikeanddylan.com. MIKEANDDY lan.com.
We have a Reddit, guys. We now have a Patreon.
Mike and Dylan don't fucking go to it yet.
I don't even know why I said something.
About it? Don't.
Don't. Yeah, don't, don't, don't go to
it yet because. Don't sign up until.
We're trying to, we're trying toget in there.

(01:09:01):
All right, So don't, don't, don't go give Patreon your
money. The next subscription one will
come out on Friday, so hopefullywe'll have it resolved by then.
Hopefully yes yes I pray with all my heart to fly with Dragons
in a land of what up? Cuz I was watching Dragon tales
when 911 happened. What a just lazy rhyme and heart
with heart. Lil Wayne wouldn't do that.

(01:09:22):
Eminem wouldn't do it. We'll see you guys next time
later.

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