What's more EXPENSIVE a Stay At Home Mom or Childcare (and Other Relationship Drama) | MADHD Ep22 | Reading Reddit Stories - Mike and Dylan HATE! Drama

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Bear nimble bow down Mike and Dylan hate drama, but the Bow
Wow, Oh my goodness. Welcome back to another episode
of Mike and Dylan hate hate drama.
Now, if you're tuning in, you obviously viewed would have been
yesterday's episode. Not obviously it could be a new
person and it. Could be it could be a new
person. And then I just want to say

(00:22):
thank you guys for not disappearing in droves.
I don't know how the comment section looks.
Yeah. And if and if you are expecting
an apology, you will not double down.
Yeah, double down. You got to.
I'm a double down on whoever hates it the most cuz we talk
shit about both sides and it's out of love.
I do want everybody to understand that is out of love.
I don't want people. I think if people were able to

(00:44):
go to work and they were able to, you know, make a living and
not be struggling, people wouldn't give a fuck.
Nearly as much shit that goes onin the world.
But, you know, people are starving and they're, you know,
angry. And I don't want that so.
I got 2 free meals today so luckily today I'm not starving.
No, I. Got free breakfast and then free

(01:05):
lunch. I am doing a three day fast.
So you got free meals too? That's what I always do before I
start losing weight. Mike.
Mike will get fat and then I'll be like, man, I don't want to be
this fat. And then over like the course of
two months, I'll drop like 50 lbs, but then I'll stop because
I don't lose skin. So I normally, I originally did

(01:25):
it. What was I about?
320? Big Mike, that was.
Big Mike, that was. That's what I called.
You yeah, that was that was nearthe biggest I've ever gotten and
then I was like, oh, I can't do that.
So then I got down to about 2:45it was about 3 months got down
to 2:45 and I was like, all right, we're going to kind of
stabilize right here. Also, I started drinking soda

(01:46):
again. If I don't drink soda, that's my
biggest killers because I don't eat a lot of food because of all
the stomach issues. So if I don't drink sodas, I'm
peachy, bro, peachy. But this one, I'm always started
off with a fast. So we're doing that, which
luckily we don't have to record a podcast during the fast.
Might do A2 daddies judging baddies during that time so we

(02:10):
can Michael be less funny and more angry.
Like, look, just fucking get your life together, OK?
God, get your fucking life together.
I don't really get angry during it's.
Like you're quitting smoking. It's.
Way easier. A fast is infinitely easier than
quitting smoking. Well, yeah, because you can just
smoke cigarettes while you're fast and.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I died. Fucking drink water, energy

(02:31):
shots and smoke cigarettes. Yep.
And I feel great during it too. So well blood pressure is like
real, like stabilized because. I saw some weird MGK video, I
can't remember what he was he itwas like a dark scene but he was
talking about how he doesn't eatlike ever.
He eats like bone broth, kimchi and sauerkraut.

(02:52):
Listen, he's like the skinniest dude, like the tiny, like
there's like no mass to him at all, I think.
People really forget about who MGK assigned to.
How is he diddy's? Yeah, So, you know, a lot of
people said that he did that whole weird phase because of

(03:12):
Eminem dissing them. But could have been, could have
been having that booty hole explored.
I saw this one meme that was Pharrell and he had Diddy on one
side and Lenny Kravitz on the other and was like, I I just
know they ate Pharrell's booty off the bone.
After this photo was taken, I was like, man, listen, I can
laugh. It is sad, all right?
It is sad. And justice needs to be served,

(03:34):
which I don't know. I'm.
I'm not read much about many credits so I didn't know if he
was eating man booty off the bone or not.
I have no idea. I really don't even know
anything about the Diddy case. Yeah, I don't look it up.
I just, it's just nasty and sad.And here's the thing, if Paul,
you, you want to get into that, you're good.

(03:56):
Yeah. OK.
Here's the thing about that though, is that I feel like both
sides are always like, you know,wow, we need to like protect
children, protect children. We literally had a list come out
of people that are like known predators, predators, nothing.
They're not nothing. They fucking not one, not one
pyre, not one great day. So at this point, that's why I'm

(04:17):
just like, man, I'm not even playing the game because
everybody's just more apt to want to be right then.
So really cool thing guys. We had 7 submissions in one day.
That was no voicemails. I don't think the voicemail
yeah, the podcast where we announced the voicemails is
until yesterday, so or until tomorrow.
So really excited about that but7 submissions and one day it was

(04:45):
solid. That's a record and also the the
podcast is just fucking it's just going right now.
It's growing. I don't know if we ruined that
yet. I'll be able to tell you on the
the neck next week's if we just really.
You know you promised everybody 5 next week, right?
Oh fuck, I did do that. Yeah.
Oh my fucking God, this is. One for this week and then we

(05:09):
have to do four more. So look, remember, I think the
Denny's meet up on June 15th, which is apparently happening.
There are people that said they're going to be there at
6:00 PM Eastern Standard Time ifyou can.
Probably just come here, me and you just hanging out.
That's still dope, though. Hanging out behind a Denny's cop

(05:30):
pulls up. What are you guys doing?
We're fucking. We're fucking gone somewhere.
We're. Supposed to be giving out hand
jobs. Are you here for the hand jobs?
We're the reach rounds. I thought you you said Handy's
behind the dumpster. Oh shit.
And like I said, I think you have the term reach round wrong.
I just think, I think. You're reaching.
Out let us know what a fucking reach around.
I'm pretty sure it's just where you reach around.

(05:51):
You could go ahead and Urban Dictionary right now and figure
out what or what A and while he's doing that, I'm going to
read we. Need a We need a Jamie like Joe
Rogan has. Do I read Jamie?
Look up, reach around. I'm going to read one of the
reviews that we got through an e-mail submission.
Title. Not a truck driver Dear Mike and

(06:11):
Dylan, I am not a truck driver but I do work in a coal mining
warehouse. I listen to every episode that
comes out and it helps my day goby much faster.
Thank you so much for MADHD and keep kicking ass.
I look forward to more other side stories.
Love XOXO. Austin loves the IT might have
been the the other side that's got everybody like, Oh yeah,

(06:33):
I'll give them some advice. People fucking loved the other
side, yeah. Which makes me think that maybe
we should make it a MADHD thing.We read it on that just it
splits it up so. Much I think we might have
messed up by splitting this, butI I think people enjoy the two
different. I think The thing is, is like
you, you can't have one where you ramble a lot and then one
that's like or you can't do it both on the same podcast.

(06:55):
I think honestly the people thathated the rambling were were a
lot fewer than the people that just enjoyed.
However far we went down the rabbit hole, I think the
majority enjoyed the rants and. Rambles.
I don't know, I don't know how we should do it because I feel
like that is like a really good thing to keep on like the Reddit
one, the one that's focused moreon Reddit doesn't focus more on

(07:17):
advice. And of course, we could find
just as fun things to do. Well, as long as you guys keep
sending these in, we've got plenty of material to talk upon.
Plenty of it, plenty of it. All right, I had to go to
Incognito, by the way, for reacharound.
You don't want that popping up in your search history.
All right. And the the second review, it's
more so just a comment that was emailed into US title Jolly

(07:41):
Rancher dot dot dot. Dear Mike and Dylan, I am
mortified. That is all.
Sincerely, Ledge. Sorry, Ledge.
I think ledge is the one that wrote in the.
Yeah, that's Ledge. Yeah, because we even commented
on the name Ledge. Yeah, I think he was the
polyamorous one, right? Yeah, yeah, look at that.

(08:02):
Thanks for sticking around, Ledge.
Yeah, Ledge heard the polyamorous jokes and was just
like, you know what? I fuck with these guys.
I got a word. This that way better you always.
Fuck with everybody. Right, I got to stop saying so.
I'm going to read the AI overview of Reach Around.
Oh damn, Google gave that AI overview of that.
Yeah, I'm glad yeah, I was shocked and I'm glad we're kind

(08:23):
of deep in this because the 1st 30 seconds in YouTube is like
the big one you don't cuz this also goes up on YouTube is the
one that you don't want to you don't want to fuck up in that
one cuz they'll be monetize you even though.
We're not monetized. We're not monetized yet, so we.
Need we need more subscribers? Thinking I'm thinking for future
future podcasting things, but a reach around has two main

(08:44):
meanings. Primarily, it refers to manually
stimulating a sexual partner's genitals during sexual
intercourse, specifically from behind.
Additionally, it can be used as an idiomatic sense to describe
an action or gesture that is done to gain favor or mitigate
an unfair situation, according to Wictionary.
What? Additionally, it can be used as

(09:05):
an idiomatic sense in an in an idiomatic sense to describe an
action or gesture that is done to gain favor.
Yeah, bro, just game a fucking reach around.
I get it. Like, oh man, they look the
dictionary. People are fucking on it.
They're on it. Us using slang shit.
But yeah, I think I was right onthat one though.
It's Wiger doing the deed and then you you go and return the

(09:28):
favor, like I said. That there can be no penetration
because then it becomes gay. You can use your hands all day
long for whacking off Wiener andit's not gay because like I
said, you can put together and IKEA furniture with your hands
doesn't make you a Carpenter. So if you're not, you know.
However you want to justify it, man, I'm I'm you.
Do what you do. I justify how I justify.

(09:50):
Listen, am I the asshole for notwanting my girlfriend to be a
stay at home mom? Those are tough all right, but
also once you have a kid that's a lot cheaper than daycare.
Daycare prices. Bro.
It's so hard not to talk about politics, to get everything so
fucked up man. I start talking about shit and I
got to talk about how fucked up shit is and like yes we would

(10:12):
like $500 a week for daycare. Oh, and that's cheap.
Yeah, but it's stupid because the daycare place, they got like
60 kids, they're watching. I'll pay them $500 a week and
then you'll go up to one of the daycare employees.
But how much you make, they'll be like like $4.00 an hour. 12
bucks. An hour, I don't know, they just
they, they pay me that and then fucking I contacted the IRS,

(10:35):
Better Business Bureau. They were like, you shut the
fuck up and you work for that $4.00.
They don't make shit. No Dear Mike and Dylan, me and
my girlfriend just had an argument about our future.
I want to move South towards thecountry in the state we are
currently living in and she wants to move N towards the
city. I don't think that it is fair
for either us, either of us to give up our jobs to move to
where either of us, either of uswant to be.

(10:58):
Fucking Jesus. This spawned a conversation
about when we get older and we get married and have kids.
She says she wants to be a stay at home mom but the healthcare
through my work sucks booty holeand is expensive.
I want her to work so I don't have to be the sole provider for
the family. She says I should just join a
union but that would be done because I would not make as much
money as I would because I am a mechanic.

(11:19):
She told me in the argument thatall she is hearing is I think
being a stay at home mom isn't draining and isn't a job.
I do think it is draining and I could see how it is a job but is
it a job but it but it is a job that doesn't pay the bills.
God damn it Mike Reed. Reed you got this.
So am I the asshole and is thereany advice you guys have for me?

(11:40):
It would have been a lot better if you just told us what state
you were in also so we can make like a better judgement call.
Moving towards the city is a dumb idea.
Doesn't matter if y'all are going to be both be working or
not, it just gets infinitely more expensive for not.
It's not worth it, it's not worth that.
It never makes sense. The thing that like, I mean,
this is the difference between men and women is because like

(12:02):
women like the luxury of being close by all the amenities.
So you can go out to eat, you can go to like, shopping.
Bro I could do venom likes and then if you just like eating the
same shit over and over and overand over.
And over 4, four places to eat at.
And then like we do have a Walmart.
So like there's shopping. There is no Target or anything
outside. OK, so you go.

(12:22):
So you move to a city, it's super expensive.
You're like, well, is my space going to be bigger?
Absolutely not. It's going to be infinitely
smaller. Well, is the crime going to be
better? Worst, worst place to be for a
crime is in the big city. And it's like, so why is
everything so expensive? There's a mall right there.
Pretty much so you could. Just you could just walk over.

(12:42):
You could just walk over to the mall.
Well, there's usually better like places to work and things
like that. Like I mean, there there are
benefits to cities, but like literally living outside of them
is the best option and commutinghowever you can, like moving.
That's the crazy thing though istechnically down here in
Lexington, I pay more in taxes for my house than I paid when I
was in Greensboro. Like so the amount that I spend

(13:06):
is actually more living 40 minutes South of Greensboro than
living directly like in the city.
So I. Had a dream that we were rich.
That was pretty cool. Can.
You just go ahead and say deja vu now so that we can fix that
fucking problem. No, because then it shifted
towards it was me, Amy and the kids.

(13:27):
We were going to an Airbnb at the beach and then so we get in
there and then like all the doors lock and it locks us in
this room and it starts filling up with this black sludge.
I don't know why. Alien invasion.
So I go to like hit the door andit opens up and then closes with
Amy and the kids still in the room.
You left them in the room, no? Listen, because this is really

(13:49):
cool because remember how I saidI could wake myself up from a
dream but I can't really like take it over?
I was like no that doors coming the fuck down.
So I like hit it with my shoulder and on the third one,
it opens. So then I get the kids and Amy
out of the room and I'm going down the stairs and I get
attacked by these two massive dogs.
And I'm like, bro, I don't even give a fuck.
One's like latched onto my arm. I have the other one, like bites
ears. And I just like, take them

(14:09):
outside, slam them on the pavement.
We get in our car and drive off.And I was like, all right, so
apparently I need to remind my dreams.
Just don't fuck with my kids because once you fuck with my
kids, I'm like, Nah, this ain't happening.
Yeah, it was cool to be deja vu,just like the ending of the rich
part. Like people talk about having
nightmares about something happening to their kids and I
was like, that never happens in a dream of mine.
I remember 1 where my middle son, we went to this wedding and

(14:32):
they had a lake there. So like a week later I dreamed
about that place and him going into the lake and I literally
turned into fucking David Hasselhoff off the SpongeBob
movie. And I swim immediately out there
and grab them and he's just like, all right, just don't fuck
with my kids and my dreams, man.But yeah, fuck I.
Don't know one of the comments that I wanted to make on that

(14:53):
story though. And like any of the women that
are listening, I, I know we, we speak differently and like we
like men tend to like work on logic.
Women tend to work on emotion. But like the line that really
got me in there is like she was putting words in his mouth
saying that he thinks that beinga stay at home mom isn't a job

(15:18):
and you know, isn't hard and draining.
And like, I imagine those words never exited that guy's mouth.
She's. Don't know this also it's his
side of the story and we don't know how many conversations
they've had on what they've said.
Can I finish my comment? Finish.
Comment All right, so like, I mean this is something that me
and my wife battle all the time as I will say something and she
will hear a completely differentthing than what I've said.

(15:41):
And So what I'm getting at though, is like in these
discussions, he's probably like talking about like how they need
2 incomes, blah blah blah, blah,blah.
And somehow in that she switchedit around to like, oh, you don't
value being a stay at home mom, It's not a job, it's not work,
so blah blah blah, I'm not contributing.
All I'm saying is like, and thisprobably goes for some men too,
but like when somebody says something to you, you don't get

(16:04):
to then process it how you heardit.
You have to like legitimately use the words that they had said
because that's the actual message that they conveyed.
Because like in that moment right there, like he is talking
about something that's real. Like he wants 2 incomes.
I think probably daycare is probably going to eat up most of
that second income. So you might as well just stay
at home. That's my take on that part.

(16:26):
But in that he did not say that he doesn't value a stay at home.
Mom doesn't think that it's a job, doesn't think that it's
draining. Like he didn't say that
according to his words right there.
So like, don't put that on him as if that's what he was saying,
even though he didn't say that. Like that's, that's one of my
biggest gripes with communication is like, you can't

(16:48):
reinvent. You can't take what somebody
says and then spin it into your narrative of what you think they
meant by those words, right? I mean, I agree that it that you
describing the person that here's what they want to hear.
I'm just like, man, I was looking at the camera.
That sounds sounds a lot like Michael.
That sounds like something Michael would do.
My thing is is like when you do get one of these stories, you do

(17:10):
have to infer, like you have to extrapolate information that's
not there. You have to understand that this
is one person's side of the story and this is probably been
an ongoing discussion. I do think Dylan's right that
fucking daycare is going to he'll, he'll what what will
happen is, is they'll work 2 jobs, they'll have a kid,
they'll, you know, put it in daycare and then he'll be like,
man, you know, we're not making that much more money when we get

(17:33):
home. Nothing's, you know, I got to
fucking sit here and help clean around the house and do all this
stuff. And it was like, man, what if
all that stuff was done and justalready?
That's a probably a good bargaining chip on your like you
want to move towards the country, she wants to move
towards the city. The city's going to be more
expensive and daycare and all that stuff's going to be more
expensive. That way if you move towards the
country and your cost of living is less and you can support

(17:55):
yourself on one income, She stays at home, takes care of the
kid. Like personally, I didn't choose
for my wife to be a stay at homemom.
She she's constantly been like trying to do entrepreneurial
stuff through being at home withmy daughter.
But like the amount of time thatyou get to spend and like
actually pour into those kids and help them become kind of the

(18:18):
people that you want to see thembe it you couldn't pay that.
Like you couldn't. The amount of money that you're
not making does not compare to how much you get to like
actually spend with that kid. Like that is so much more
valuable than any money ever. So if you can cut your expenses,
let her stay at home, you know, build a really awesome human

(18:39):
being in the process, That sounds way more.
It does. It sounds nice, going to work,
putting your kid in daycare until you start getting, until
you're crying in your car because you're watching, you
know, your daughter somewhere atpractice or somewhere you can't
be. And that's going to happen a
lot. They just that that really
fucking it makes it everything now it's hard.

(19:02):
It is hard. And I think that having having
the opportunity to stay home, like if you want to have a
career, nobody's going to fucking stop you from doing
that. You know what I'm saying?
Like if you were dead set on, you know, I want to work, I want
to be this. I don't want to just be a stay
at home mom because that does become your identity.
So I do see how women don't fucking like that shit.
Some women just don't don't wantto do that.
It's a respectable thing. But I mean, you miss the biggest

(19:27):
moments, like you'll fucking go pick your kid up from daycare
and then hear about the daycare people talking about, Oh yeah,
fucking taking his first steps today.
And then you got to be like, fuck, I missed that.
Yeah. So there's always, you know,
pros and cons to literally any, really any decision you make in
life. So.
Well and if she wants to stay home then like that would be my
way of trying to get her on. Moving to South?

(19:48):
Yeah, Yeah, we moved to the South.
You would stay home, Mom. Yeah.
So that is that is crazy becausethis is the first man in
history, though, that I've ever heard where their wife wanted to
be stay at home and they were just like, you're going to
fucking work. I can't have you staying at
home. Get them goddamn work boots on,
bitch. Fucking go in that factory.
I mean handle some material. If she's like the breadwinner,

(20:09):
like a substantial like. Oh yeah, we he should have sent
us what job she had. Like bro, she's like a fucking
she's like a top dog at a bank. We can't lose that $150,000 a
year. All right so this one's titled
family group text. Hey Mike and Dylan, am I the
asshole for not wanting to be inthe family group text?
I'm a 44 year old male who doesn't like being in the family

(20:30):
group text because the only family members I talk text are
my mom and brother. From the past experience I've
only ever been in contact by other members other than mom and
brother was to be asked to help them move.
Being a fat guy is like being someone that drives a truck.
You're only needed when someone needs something moved.
That is so fucking You're a big strong boy.
I am not. I am not.
What about me says that I do anything athletic?

(20:52):
Just because I carried this weight around doesn't.
Mean, I got my calves great. They're used to carrying around
a lot of weight upper body. I ain't going to be able to help
you do shit. My I throw my back out sleeping
bitch. Like that's what it is about
being fat. So am I the asshole?
Absolutely not the asshole. I don't want to be in Group
chats. I don't either.
Where it's my friends, the people I love the most.

(21:12):
I don't want to be in that groupchat.
I don't want to start getting notifications when like 2
friends are having just like a they're, they're going back and
forth and fuck y'all. I'm trying to sleep.
Well, Mike, it's 2:00 in the afternoon.
I said everything. Dylan interrupting me.
God damn. I won't let you talk at all.
That's been a problem with this podcast.
It's interrupting. And for viewers that just
starting the day, you know, it'sDylan that does it.

(21:34):
Well my thing is with like grouptext and everything I put
everything my phone stays and vibrate but if something gets
really annoying I just turn thatbitch into silent.
Like I let the rest of my phone be vibrate still but like I'll
just totally ignore group messages.
I just learned how to do that toturn notifications off on one
set of messages and it has changed my life.

(21:54):
So that would be my advice to him is like, you don't have to
exit it, just go back and check it like once a week if you feel
it. And then you're not hurting
anybody's feelings. Usually.
You could just go to the message, press or hold it, go to
the little three dots in the top, turn off notifications for
that bitch and just look. They can talk up a storm if
they're wanting you to like, partake in the conversation.
That's just weird. Sorry, I was at work.
Sorry, I was busy. I had a doctor's appointment.
Yeah, I'm always busy and can't get to my text messages.

(22:18):
Dylan will tell you, man, I try to, I try to help out a lot of
people who obviously should helpthemselves out, learn how to
help themselves out. I've been a safety blanket for a
lot of people. And once I once I started
turning off the notifications totheir messages and shit, it's
gotten, it's gotten so much easier.
You don't owe anybody your attention like you don't owe it
to them. So it's just man, I hate and

(22:40):
that where they get me as they got kids too.
So and here towards the end of it, because Amy was always
trying to be like look, they never hit you up unless they
want money. Like they never talk to you
unless they want something. So why are you entertaining it?
And like towards the end I wouldbe getting these elaborate

(23:00):
stories. My sister hit me up and said she
got fired from her job, the first job she ever had at 3534
something like that for being autistic.
And then she just needed $20.00 for I don't fucking know.
I would rather you just ask me for money.
Don't give me this if you if youstart doing this whole story,

(23:21):
like at least I have a family member that I'd be like, but hey
man, I just got a really great deal on drug.
Can you give me like $60.00? Yeah, 'cause I I want to get a
bunch like this. I respect that more and he'll be
like, I'll I'll pay you back when we get our monthly check.
Probably not. Fuck no, I'm like, no man, what
$60.00? You know my wife will see that.

(23:41):
Like obviously you what? She just shared a meme that was
like, let me read this meme because it's like I read it.
I was like, bro, that's the I get there's some guys out there
and there's some women who like it.
That's not me, man. It is not.
I'm going to read this fucking thing.
Not stating which one. When I read this to you, you're
going to be like what the what the fuck?

(24:03):
Yeah, with my like, I agree completely on that.
Because like I used to have homeless people when I was in
Greensboro downtown working, they'd be like, hey, can you buy
me a sandwich? Or like, can you give me money
for a sandwich? And I'll be like, I'll go buy
you one. I'm not going to give you like
I'm not going to give you the money, but like, there's Jimmy
John's right there. I'll totally buy you a sandwich.
And like, there'd be some. No.
And I was like, if you told me you wanted a beer, I would have

(24:24):
gave you money. If you wanted drugs, I would
have probably gave you money. Just be.
Honest man, don't give me this whole, you know, my kids are
hungry, he has no children with them and we're homeless.
Like where the fuck are you kidsat bro?
Like you should have them on thestreet with sympathy.
Yeah, sympathy you got. There's your money makers.
I could not deny a little 4 yearold coming up.
Like suck I have a dollar. I'm so hump.

(24:46):
Fuck yeah man, I'll give you $5.Don't buy candy with that.
He's like, well, I can't. I got to give it to my dad so he
could buy some drugs. But this is the this is the
thing. I love my wife to death, but she
knows who wears the crown and she knows who the king is, and
she knows her place. I know mine and I know mine.
Bet you won't steal this one. Well, fuck, you ain't got a job.

(25:08):
Like what are you talking about?Like I could respect it a little
bit if that motherfucker was just like on life killing shit
CEO of his reality, like everybody, like I conquer shit.
I bring in all the motherfuckingmoney.
Don't talk no shit to me. I run this bitch.
That guy got a motherfucking job, bro.
You got to have something like what kind of king is that?

(25:28):
What kind of if I'm a peasant and my king ain't got no job,
he's up there poor asking me formoney, which is normally I'll
have some kings and give him some taxes.
But still I would want my king to be rich to make some kind of
rules. Like imagine you ain't got the
power over nothing. They live, they live with their
he lives with his in laws parents.

(25:51):
What are you the king of your bedroom?
Like? I don't get it like I did so
it's so cringy. I just saw Oscar the Grouch.
Like give him that. Like in his little trash can
he's like, hey bitch you. Better trash can.
You better listen to me because I'm the king of this trash.
When you're in this trash can right here, if you are in my
room, slash the half bathroom that's connected.

(26:13):
I am the king of this castle unless they unless they kick
this out. Well, that shit gets me too,
because he has been working, which kudos he's you know, I
guess I don't fucking. I don't really pay attention but
he will still ask for money and or he'll talk about how broke he
is and I'm like you ain't got nobills, dawg.

(26:34):
How What is like you ain't got no bills.
It's really easy to find things to spend money on them.
You ain't got no bills, bro. I got $1100 mortgage, bro.
You ain't got no bills. Give me some money.
Like what are you talking about?That was one thing too, when we

(26:55):
all live together. So everybody except me had a job
because I was 17 and I had to register as homeless to go to
school, which sounds stupid, butto make because like CPS wanted
to move me back with mom. And so I had to do like this.
It's it's called something weird.
I can't fucking tell you what itis.
So that's what I was like registered as.
And I would go to all these job interviews for like Bojangles,

(27:16):
McDonald's, Taco Bell, and they'd be like, you're homeless.
And I was like, well, not technically like we can't hire
you. I was like, why?
Because you're homeless. How the fuck am I supposed to
get unhomeless? Like if y'all are viewing me as
homeless how am I supposed to get unhomeless?
That was the worst thing too because especially when you are
like living in attention you might not.
It just says that, but actually I live with my grandma and

(27:37):
they'll be like, well we still can't, but why?
You couldn't just lie about where you lived.
I could have I guess. All the things you've lied about
in your life and you wouldn't lie on application to.
There was a lot of like it was acake of shit that happened.
So I don't, I didn't have an ID.So I had this other form of

(27:57):
documentation that you used to get work.
And when I would take that to them, like that would have like
most of my information on it because that's how like if
you're homeless and you're a kid, I don't know if you can,
can you get an ID before you're 18?
I don't know. Well, yeah, I mean, most kids
get their license. Yeah.
North Carolina, It's 15. I didn't get your permit.

(28:18):
Brother, I was 19 when I first got my license.
I had to get that shit all on myown, which I wish I would have
one of them parents to do that. But yeah, I had this little
piece of paper band that had fucking everything on there.
That's weird. It was rough.
So the guy at the school actually tried to help me get a
job. I might have had an idea.
I can't fucking remember. See I worked under the table

(28:39):
until I think I was like 16. But you have to have like, like
mail and stuff like, well, this is before I knew because listen,
this is before I knew what factories paid because my
brothers worked in like retail and restaurant.
And I was just like, oh, you know, $9 an hour sounds good, $8

(29:00):
an hour sounds, you know, good. It's $0.50 more than minimum
wage doing good there, brother. And then, you know, applied at
the box shop and there was like,I was like, what's up?
How much people make here is like all top pay right now is
like 1825. And I'm just like, how much you
tell me that if I, if I do this job, I'm going to be rich, that
I want to have the, the, the allthe money, bro.

(29:21):
I was, and that's so funny to think back.
I was kingship, man. Oh, yeah.
But it was great. And they'd be like, you want to
work, you know, fucking 80 hoursa week.
Yes, yes. Oh yeah.
We would do so if you worked 16 hours, you could get the next
day off like if you had to. And I just worked 16 hours and

(29:42):
then I'd go to sleep for like 4 and then I'd just go back to
work. Yeah.
I loved it. I love make it.
Listen, I was good at making boxes.
Maybe that was my calling. Yeah.
And I'm away from it. And that's why the universe is
like, you ain't going to make nomoney with this podcast cuz you
need to go. You need to do what what God
made you to do. Yeah, you were.
You were designed to be the ultimate box maker.

(30:03):
Fuck you fucked it all up tryingto be funny.
Trying to be funny. Funny on the Internet.
Jesus Christ. All right, we're going to get
into the next bit of advice. Would I be the asshole for
firing my friend? What's up Mike and Dylan, I 26
year old male work in the car industry as a technology
specialist and I hired my friend28 year old male as an assistant

(30:23):
and to eventually take over the position while I move up in the
company. Never hire your friends.
He previously worked for anothercompany for less money, no
benefits and often less than 40 hours a week.
He constantly complaints he needs more money because he has
been here a year. He hasn't shown any improvement
and causes me to do both of our jobs sometimes.
The company sent him to a training conference to learn the

(30:44):
position and we ended up gettingcalls asking if we sent somebody
from our dealership to the conference.
We found out he skipped the conferences sleeping in and
enjoying the luxury hotel. In another situation, he was
with a customer while I was in ameeting with our GM and he was
blowing up my phone because he didn't know how to help the
customer with a simple task. Working Saturdays are mandatory
for our job position and he often skips Saturdays to go play
volleyball and if he does show up he leaves before we are

(31:07):
supposed to. With him being my assistant, is
it my job to fight for his raises even though he doesn't
deserve? With him being my assistant, it
is my job for him for me to fight for his raises even when
he doesn't deserve it. But it's hard for me to fight
for a raise that he A doesn't deserve and B everyone else in
the company notices he is incompetent at his job.
It's gotten to the point where Ireceived calls on my day off.

(31:29):
I feel like he's taking advantage of me and the fact
that he's my friend and my day asshole because I'm thinking
about firing on him. Would you feel bad firing that
guy if he was not your friend? And if you say no, then you
should not feel bad. Well, and I mean, honestly, I
think it's even more powerful isyour friend should be showing up
for to like help you put your name out there.

(31:50):
And I know it doesn't work this way like this.
This is Dylan's fake fantasy world.
But like as a friend, you shouldshow the fuck up to make your
other friend look good. So he should be doing more and
trying to do his best and like doing on.
That point I want to say something too, because when me
and Dylan like first met and I'll say like 6 months into, you

(32:12):
know, us being we're starting tobecome friends and everything
like that, Dylan would have to go to like a professional
setting and he'd be like, all right, Mike, just like, you know
how you're you, can you not be that?
And I'm just like, bro, yeah, I know.
This is like your fucking, this is like your life.
Either a I'll shut up, you know,or if when I do speak, it'll be
only smart shit. So I just don't fucking I know

(32:34):
to make that effort for my friend to be a better person
than I normally am, like to not make those stupid jokes.
If I'm in a setting that is likehe's a very he's very
professional, especially in front of, you know, customers or
just in front of people in general.
He's a he's a very professional person.
So I know to a not be Mike in those situations, which I mean,

(32:56):
I'm pretty sure if I like just acted every situation as if
maybe I could turn my life around.
Oh fuck, really? I think about this.
One having having epiphanies now.
Yeah, no, Mike, like, and it's it's never that I think that
you're going to it's just the forewarning of like, hey, this
is what we're walking into because like, I mean we cut it
up and I I'm just as vulgar and,you know, say crazy shit as you

(33:21):
do. I'm just not typically that in
front of random people. Whereas you're just gonna like,
pop off with some crazy shit. Bro, we were going crazy during
that flowers presentation though.
Yeah, because a, they were giving us THC beer.
That's what it was for. And at the end of it, I don't
even think we were talking to the guys.
We were just like talking to each other, bro.

(33:41):
It was just. Because we were hot.
We were so, yeah, we were just like, they're sitting there,
they're laughing their ass off, but they're they're off on the
side and me and Dylan just like cutting it up right there.
That was a but that was a fucking.
We did a banging job with that presentation.
You skipped one. On this one I'll I skipped.
One on this one. You skipped the top.
Yeah, you read it because I'm starting to read like a child.

(34:02):
We got family drama. Hey Mike and Dylan, I have some
family drama that I need advice for.
I had my first child, a boy, when I was 29.
Six months later his mom cheatedon me and I kicked her out.
So for several years it was justhim and I.
I met my wife when my son was 11years old and he's now almost
16. They have a very love hate
relationship. I truly hate being a referee.

(34:25):
My son tries to use the loss of his mom.
She has basically abandoned him.She hasn't talked or seen him
talk to him or seen him in nearly seven years.
My wife is trying everything to mend her, her and his
relationship and it seems like one step forward and then it
takes 5 steps back. What can I do to help fix this?
Bro's a teenager, man. Like he's going through.

(34:47):
Imagine just being a kid and it was like, all right, now I'm
going to give you all these hormones that's going to make
you horny. You're going to be confused all
the time. You're going to have so much
energy. You're going to be happy, then
you're going to be sad, then you're going to be angry.
You can't control your emotions.It's rough being a fucking
teenager. It's rough being a kid that has
a parent, like especially when you're a teenager, that's when

(35:11):
you like it. It, it kind of seeps into your
body that that person does not love you.
And that's a fucking that's a crazy thing to to come from
somebody to be somebody's child and to understand that that
person does not love you. And it sucks to say, but a
stepmom coming in to a kid who has a child like a parent that

(35:35):
abandoned them, especially if it's been 7 years.
So he's had that on off, you know, his mom would come in,
wouldn't come in, you know what I'm saying?
So he's he's been around her. He's like yearned for that
affection and shit like that. The the stepmom's not going to
be something that is going to fix that for him.
It's not going to be the the same type of love.

(35:57):
Do I think absolutely in a couple years he's going to value
his stepmother. Like he's going to understand
that, you know, she does care for him when his mom doesn't.
But right now your brain's not fully developed.
You're getting all these hormones.
It's rough being a fucking teenager.
It's rough being a teenager thatdoesn't have a parent who love,
you know, that has a parent who doesn't want them.

(36:17):
That's a, that's a tough pill toswallow.
And no side person coming in that's not been there his whole
life is going to be able to really make up for that.
Yeah, I, I think from my side ofthings, I am a step parent.
And so like I showed up when shewas 6 and it's it's always a

(36:39):
love hate situation. It's tough because you can't
force the kid into anything. Like you can't make them think
of you in a certain way. You can't make them respect you.
You can't get them to like, you know, feel like you are that
parent that they need. So the only advice that I can

(37:00):
give is like you as the husband or the is it a girlfriend or
wife? I think so you need to support
your wife and being there for him.
So like the way that I try to doit with my daughter, is she, if
I see opportunities where she isgoing to enjoy a situation and

(37:25):
have a good experience, I normally would be like, I don't
really want to do that. And then I go fucking do it.
Like when we went to Kersey Valley, like she really wanted
to go to Kersey Valley and I didn't want to go at all, but
she had a friend that she wantedto go with and I thought that it
was going to be a great experience for her.
It's going to be one that she remembers.
And like it's not going to be that she remembers like, oh, you

(37:46):
know, my stepdad took me to the it's not going to be that, but
it's going to be a great memory that she has.
And if I can facilitate as many of those as possible.
I don't do it for her to favor me.
I do it for her to be a well-rounded young adult as she
continues to grow. But in that process, I do show
up in those moments that are meaningful for her.

(38:09):
And I just hope that in the future, you know, she'll
understand that yes, I was the step parent.
Yes, I wasn't, you know, like her official parent.
But when she needed something, Iwas there.
When she like really could use advice, I was there.
When she was going through hardship, I was there.
And it's not so much that I'm her dad, but I'm an adult figure

(38:32):
in her life that she loves and respects in some way, shape or
form. So even though they love, hate
each other, the more of those experiences you can help your
wife get to with your son, the more likely he'll turn around
his view of like, she's not trying to replace my mom, she's
just trying to be there for me, period.
She doesn't have to be my mom todo that.

(38:53):
So that would be my advice to you as the husband.
Try to help her find those moments.
Right. And she should always go into a
situation just, you know, like Isaid, with the kids best
interest. It's not to be liked, it's not
to be hated. It's like, hey, if I say no to
this, he's going to be mad, but he doesn't need to do this.

(39:14):
If I say that, you know, that's how you should treat it all it
don't ever go into something with the intentions of, oh, if I
do this, they'll like me more. Don't do that because fucking
that shit, don't listen. It's I have done nice things in
my life and in the back of my mind, I'm like, yeah, karma's
going to fucking like, help me out.
That never happens, all right? It never happens.
If you do nice things out of like, oh, you know, it'll come

(39:37):
back to me in the world. It just doesn't happen.
I want to give you a great example of like, you know how
they say like, no good deed goesunpunished.
So field day, all right, we haveno fucking money.
All right, we have no money. So we're going, I'm going up
there cuz Amy, did they, they have a Kona truck.

(39:59):
I hate the school so much. I don't like it.
That's fucking all, man. Listen, I hate it.
So some of the kids in the classwill not get like you have to
pay for it. And I was like, that's, that's
real stupid. You should have done like a
thing where you could like we could have some kid could have
filled out vouchers if they didn't have because that's it's

(40:20):
crazy to be like, oh, someone doesn't have 5.
That's a real fucking thing, man.
There was things at school. It was a field trip that I was
going to go to. It cost $3.
I had to get it for my grandma. She wrote it in a check and I
listen, I didn't know anything about checks, but I handed them
a $3 check and it worked. So it.
Probably bounced later, but they're like.
Yeah, fuck it, it's $3, but theyshould have had something like

(40:40):
that. And so I am up there because of
my daughter's friend did not bring any money and her parents
were like, oh fuck can you? I was like, yeah, it's $5.
Especially me. I'm terrible with money.
I don't have it, but I'll find so I.
Go up there. They're one of the first classes
that go up there. Well, they're up there with a
little little kindergarten class, little babies and the

(41:05):
bait, like half the class has tostay behind because they don't
have the, it's like, it's like 3kids, OK.
And then there's 12 kids going up getting ICS and this is so
good. And I'm like, oh, I got them.
I'll do it. Fucking poor bro.
Like I'm fucking poor. So then another class walks up
and another class walks up and I'm like, I'm, I just can't stay

(41:28):
here all day. I'm going to fucking enjoy some
time with my kids. So I was like, just like however
many you got to fucking do. And he was like, so you want to
do like 100? I was like, I guess.
And he's like $425 when I tell you, when I told my wife that
she was like, are you fucking are you stupid?
Like did God give you half a brain?
Is that what happened? And I'm like, well, the babies

(41:49):
up there, I didn't want to fucking do it.
Like I'm standing there begrudgingly, like fucking
handed that, like I did not wantto do it stomach like, oh bro,
like I was fucking I but I can't.
It sucks, man, going through that and being that kid when
you're a kid and then you see other kids go through and he was
like, I can't fucking do this. I can't watch these and this
little babies, man. And the whole time I'm talking
shit to like any like. Because I don't.

(42:10):
The great thing is like the the operations persons up there, so
they had a person that donated 105 cups, but they can't give it
to any kid because there's more than 105 kids that need it.
Even though there's kids that fucking call out there that
don't go on the last day, like half the school isn't there.
And she was like, how would we know who to give it to and who
not to give it to? I was like, well this is what

(42:31):
you do. You give it to the 1st 105 kids
who doesn't have it and then whatever is left over the school
takes care of. Like you have, you have pizza
day where you charge fucking every Friday 2 pieces of pizza
for $5. All right, so you're making
money, you're making $10 off every goddamn pizza you buy.
Like I know that that could go to fucking giving these kids

(42:52):
something. So like I said, Amy's like
grilling me, which I understand too.
We have no fucking money. Like that would be nice if Mike
was like. Had 400.
If I was one of those influencers, that was if I'm
like Mr. Beast, I I should be looked at as to do that.
That sounds weird, but fucking Ishould be looked at if I got it
help out, you know? And so it happens.

(43:16):
And I'm talking about Amy's day.Immediately went from happy to
not. We're not happy.
We're not happy. And look, people would be like,
oh, but MM did a nice thing. Mike's a fucking moron, OK?
I am impulsive. I am terrible with money.
I am a lot of a lot of negative things.
And that's what I try to tell mykids too, because they'll be

(43:36):
like, man, you're so much more fun than mom.
I was like, yeah, but mom's a good parent.
Like, I am not a I'm a fun parent.
I am not a good parent. Like I try to teach them life
lessons. I try to do the best I can, but
like, at the end of the day, I'mdoing the best I can.
I think I'm not raising, you know, fuck Nuggets.
I hope so. So I'm talking my shit.

(43:58):
And we, we go through the rest of the day.
We leave Amy still, she could understand why I why I did it.
And I was like, man, I'm just like standing up there.
They I went up there the same time that all the classes with
the little babies went up there.And that will that'll get you
that'll get you because they're.They don't understand why
they're not getting fucking well, and they should like that
105 like it should go, that's what.

(44:20):
Blue Bro, I'm sitting there and Amy says that I'm embarrassing
her because they have the the lady who overseas like the
operations and stuff and she's explaining it to me.
And I'm like, your explanation'sfucking stupid and Amy's like,
it's not. How did they decide what I was
like? No, no, no.
The kids that don't have money that aren't getting a fucking
cone if you give. There's three, however.

(44:42):
And I was like, there's no way. There's no way.
There's not going to There's going to be more than 105 that
don't need it because a, it was like half did pay prepaid
because you could do the prepaidthing, which is what Amy did.
So and then I was like, there's going to be a lot of kids that
show up with money and there wasa lot of kids that show up with
money. So you'd be like, OK, who has
prepaid? All right, who has money?
And then there's three kids leftand like you still get some, but

(45:03):
we just have to if they did that, they wouldn't 100% would
have had enough. All right, once again, I did it.
I did not want to do it. On the way back, we get a
message that Conan was like, Oh yeah, they're I forgot what
happened, but they were like, wehad enough.
So we're going to refund your money.
Oh, so I thought you said no good deed goes unpunished.
Well, it's because I didn't do it because I wanted to be good.

(45:24):
I didn't want to do it. I did not want to do it.
I did not want to. I knew as I'm handing this card
I'm like this bitch, don't kill me.
A All right. B.
You know, fucking lizard Aspen, like new shoes for like 3 months
now. And I was like, she's going to
bring that. Like your daughter wants new
shoes. You think we could do that with
you doing that? I'm like fucking Jesus Christ,

(45:47):
woman, like, I'm sorry, you sentme up there with an impossible
task. An impossible task.
You sent me up there where they're playing the goddamn
Hunger Games. And then so I found out about
the 105 cups. I pay for 100.
I like. So now you go back to all those
classes. You get the kids that didn't get
one because that was like two classes that went up.
And I was like, you go to the and you make sure that those

(46:08):
kids that didn't get one, she's like, I can't do that.
I'm like, what the fuck you meanyou can't do that?
You don't want to do it. That's what the fuck that means.
You don't want to do it. Yeah, and God damn it, man,
that's a, that's a fucking, that's one of them schools where
they care about feelings and. We'll see at my daughter's
school, like they don't pay for lunch.
Like every kid gets free lunch. Well, man, people that like

(46:30):
that, like I said, they're one of those schools that care about
feelings and respecting all these cultures and all this,
unless you're poor, man. And that's, that's another thing
too, is a lot of people fucking well, that's the one minority or
not minority, That's the that's the majority.
That's that's the one person nobody cares about is is fucking
people who don't have don't haveit.
Well, even other poor people, they're like fuck you poor
person, you're brokey like and. And I just don't get it, man.

(46:54):
I don't understand. I think that people like those
it's it's rough, man, and I hateGod damn hate being so fucking
caring about people. I wish I was one of those guys
that could just be like, look, Igot a cryptocurrency coming out.
All right, let's all buy it. We're all going, we're going to
the moon, baby. And then bam, I ain't got to

(47:14):
worry about it. Yeah, can't fucking do it.
I can't be the God damn reason why I can't do fucking the
fucking. We could get the God damn what
are you, the gambling, the little fucking sports gambling
apps. We could do that all day long to
her blue in the face. Can't fucking do it.
Man, what was it? Theo Von?
He's doing the DraftKings. I can't do it, man.

(47:36):
I can't just be like, hey, I understand that when I do this,
it is your, it is up to you to do it like it's your life.
But there are people that cannothandle that shit that cannot.
They are they are predisposed toto being what is it
irresponsible? Yeah, like that.
That's a real fucking thing. There are people that are

(47:58):
predisposed to be an irresponsible and I can't in
good conscience. I saw a happy one.
My grandma had a great grandma. One of those little gambling
houses popped up. My grandma never had.
I don't think she's done a drug in her life, never drank.
Normal fucking person immediately went downhill, spent
all her time and they, like my grandpa, had a lot of money,
like saved up. She spent through all that.

(48:18):
I mean, that is the only place you could find her.
So I'll watch that happen. And I just can't do that to
another fucking human being. I I can't do it.
Like it's not like I get that it's your life.
That's cool. It is ultimately that person's
responsibility. But then your kids have to watch
that too. So, so if I never do it, then I
never have to go to bed at nightthinking, damn, you know,

(48:39):
somebody's fucking dad or, or mom is out there just fucking
well, I got this 99 leg parlay that if it hits, man, that $50
is going to turn into $5000 and we're fucking eating and.
Yeah, or you could have just taken the 500 that you started
with and eat. Yeah, and just eat.
And I don't know, man, gambling wouldn't be a thing if people
were OK. Well, you starve a bunch of

(49:00):
people and you're like, here's the dream of a better life.
You could get all this money fornothing.
It's, it's very, like, I mean, it's all a bunch of chemicals in
our head that tell us what to chase after.
So drugs, sex, gambling, things like that.
But I think with your, with yoursituation though, I mean, you do
have a big heart. And like those kids, they

(49:21):
couldn't have made the $5. Like they're fucking
kindergarteners. Like, I mean, my daughter's got
her own business, but that's because she's a fucking crazy 4
year old. But like.
And she, bro, she's fucking adorable.
So you can't say no. That's the, that's the honestly,
if I had a fucking, I put my youngest one up there, he ain't

(49:42):
going to be able to tell you shit.
I'm like, but yeah, but that's what he say.
He got a sign. He's nowhere near the sign.
He's over there blowing bubbles.I'm like, yeah, man, he's
autistic as fuck, bro. OK, but he wants to sell this
stuff. So somebody a.
Couple people have asked us, they're like does she get to
keep the money from this? We're like yes, it's for a
business like she started it. She pays for the supplies like,

(50:03):
and we've been true. I like, I mean her comprehension
of what money is and all that stuff's not there yet.
But like, I mean, when my wife'slike you got to pay me for the
plants like wholesale price and she's like, OK, how much do I
owe you? And then doles out the money
like I count it for her and she gives it back to mom.
Mom goes and buys new plants forher and her store's set up and.

(50:23):
That's how you teach them the value of a.
Dollar like probably close to $300.00 at 4:00.
Like but like what I'm getting at those like those kids can't
be expected to show. It's on the parents to show,
have them come with money, right?
However, some people aren't in aposition where they can spend 5
extra dollars on a Kona ice. Like for one thing, it's just

(50:44):
fucking ice with a little bit ofsyrup on top.
It's $0.10 worth of a product that you're paying 5 bucks for.
Let me tell you something real beautiful I just experienced
too. So this is the youngest ones.
It's his graduation. He's in a program for like when
I say he's autistic, He he he's in he's in that spectrum.

(51:06):
All right, he is. He's a lot deeper than on the on
the rim of it. So he's in a program where he's
in a pre-K class to kind of and his speech and everything's
gotten a lot better from doing that.
So the pre-K is having a graduation.
He gets to wear a graduation suit.
He is not graduating. He's going to pre-K next year.
Like he's a baby. Like he's a little baby, which
is the best part. Listen, it's the best part.

(51:26):
If you got a nonverbal autistic child, you just get a baby for
longer and they're like dope, cute little babies.
And you'll tell it's fucking adorable.
He's adorable. Just oh God.
But there's this tall black man next to me, all right, who
clearly just got off work. He's there for his kid.

(51:47):
And every time a child's name isannounced, he's very loudly.
Yeah, let's go. Yeah.
To the point where 1 teacher goes, Sir, can you not do that?
He was like, ma'am, there are some people here.
There are some of these kids here who don't have a parent to
cheer them all. He's like, I'm a cheer them all.
And I was just like, that's it. That's my man right there.

(52:07):
I was like, if they try to get you out here, we find them
together. They don't have the jobless.
Well then why? Why is that inappropriate?
Like I mean. Because people just, they want
to have, once people can have that idea that they have some
sort of power, they're going to fucking use it.
Like it's just a thing, man. I would never want to be in a
position where I had any sort of.

(52:29):
So like my parents were working when I had my, you know,
kindergarten graduation. So maybe like my mom came, but
then there was a lot of events that like my parents can't take
off work for every fucking thingthat is going on at the school.
So like some of that stuff, I was just there and everybody
else's parents were there. They were there for the field
trips. They were there for all the
other stuff. And my parents ain't got money

(52:49):
like that. So they showed up to work,
which, you know, like. My mom and I have a job.
She slept in bed all day. Listen in first grade she came
to one award show. Then she didn't come to like 2.
It was like 2 more after that because they had them every
semester because she was like, Ialready seen you get an award
one time and I was like, whatever my I have a memory bro.

(53:15):
That is my favorite. And it's so crazy you think
about because like when you, when you are just like in the
ship, like when you just have nothing, when you're a kid, it's
not that bad because you are accustomed to your life.
And I know that sounds shitty and it it sucks to say, but you
are a sort of accustomed to it. And I remember one time we had

(53:37):
just moved into a house. We weren't there long.
This is during the cocaine era, but we were in a house and the
elementary school was right there.
I was going to Allen J Elementary.
I mean, we lived on that road towards it and I was at school
one day and I get done with school and bro, look, I'm all
fucking tear up. Talking about this is rough.

(54:00):
Oh, I don't like this. I ain't going to do it.
You'll get through. I ain't going to do all right.
So I remember normally like I just ride the bus right down the
road, but my mom had walked up there to get me.
So I thought like something thatwas up or something crazy was
happening. And then we get to home.
Like we get home and it sounds weird, man, but she had made me

(54:21):
a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich and it's weird.
Like we don't really have food to eat.
So going home to that peanut butter and Jelly is like a
fucking it's still a delicacy tome, right?
2:00 in the morning. That's why I got fast.
But that was just one of my, I just, I don't know, man, felt
like I felt like I was a kid. Well, that's the crazy thing is

(54:42):
like I I think the best thing totake from all that.
And it's tough because like without the absence of, you
know, your mom not showing up for those things and your mom
not being there for those things, it wouldn't be as an
impactful of a moment in your life.
But like, that's one of the things that you can take now as
a father is like those moments count.

(55:05):
And like, so the moments that you're tired, that you don't
want to do the thing, not sayingyou have to do it all the time,
but like those moments mean a lot.
Like cuz I played basketball when I was in 7th and 8th grade
and out of all the games and allthe practices and all the things
that I did, my parents showed upfor one game.
And like I remember that game, Iremember looking up in the
stands and seeing them cuz they showed up for that one.

(55:27):
They didn't show up for any of the other.
Ones But even when she told me that she was like, I went to one
in my little kid brain that madesense.
So I wasn't like, you know, yeah, an OP bro, back during
those times, I was a really, really good kid.
So I mean, I was a on a roll, perfect attendance.
I was racking them up. Boy, I cared about all that
shit. You know, I'm going to tell you
what. So I did go through this shift
where I did become essentially abad student.

(55:50):
And it started in 3rd grade. I wasn't like, I didn't get real
bad until I got into, it was like at towards the end of 5th
grade going into middle school, and that's when I was like
constantly in trouble and shit like that.
Before then I was like a good kid who cared and everything.
In 3rd grade we had this teacher, I mean she was a big
old fat lady and she was mean asfuck and like super.

(56:12):
And then also too we had anotherone.
She was a little bit fat, but itwas like I would go from a fat
white lady to a fat black lady and they both had the same
personality and they were both mean as fuck.
So I remember and we were poor bro.
I'd have to wear the same pants and I still do now I have a

(56:34):
couple more pairs of pants now. I still do it just cuz you know,
fucking I changed my underwear and my shirt.
We're good on the shorts. But she would just like make fun
of me and then I would go from her to the other teacher and
like the one of the kids was talking about what happened in
the class before where she talked about cuz she was like,

(56:55):
when you going to change them pants?
That's and like the whole class laughed.
So then I go to the next class and I, because it has a, it's a
pair of sweatpants with a hole right there.
And well, these are, these are different because they, the kids
were talking about to that teacher and she was like, no,
the teacher went, no, it's not. There's the same host.
I saw that yesterday. I watched them.
So bro, I'm just like and listen, I have like I said, I am

(57:17):
a good kid. And I was like at the point
where I believe that if you wentand told like that they had your
back because they were adults and adults were there for you.
And that's when I was like, I was learning.
People don't give a fuck. I'd go tell the principal.
He was just like, I don't know, go back to that.
You know how much shit I got to deal with.
Yeah. I was like, yeah, I show up here
with a God damn Blick and I mow everybody down.

(57:37):
You don't care about it, bitch. That's the crazy thing, man.
Nobody gives a fuck about a kid getting bullied until he does
something about it, until he feels like it.
Because I mean, what do I do there?
Because I go home. I tell my parents, you know,
they don't give a fuck. Who cares?
Who cares what people say about you me bitch?
The whole class is laughing likeeverybody is laughing at me.

(57:57):
I obviously care. I wouldn't have come to you if I
did not care. Now that's the crazy man.
Fuck that sucks as a kid when you are like there is nowhere I
can go to where someone will have my back.
I got beat up in the neighborhood.
I was in like 4th or 5th grade by this.
I got beat up a lot in elementary school, which is why
I started fighting people. But there was this kid, Josh

(58:19):
Benfield. I'm saying his name because he's
a bitch, bro. He's a fucking bitch.
You could just say he's a he was.
As old as my brother. So he's a high schooler and I'm
like a little kid and bro would just like slap me in the back of
the head and then he'd be like do something, I'll beat you up.
I was like what? So one day he like slaps me in
the back of the head and I shoothim with a Nerf gun and he comes

(58:40):
up and beat the shit out of me. So I go up and tell my brother
and he was like, well, I'm not going up there.
I'm like the same age, man. Go there.
What are you talking about? Like I would defend my honor,
motherfucker. Yeah.
I'm your little brother. Right, and then I got to tell my
stepdad and he'd be like, well, y'all were just kids out there
playing. I'm like bleeding and shit.
I'm like, he beat the shit out of me somebody.

(59:00):
And it's really, it's a, it feels so weird to understand.
Like it don't fucking matter. Nobody's got my back.
Let's see. And unfortunately that was your
situation because like, your kids come with a bloody lip and
you're like, where the fuck is what's going?
On beating some fucking. And now I'm just like, if you,
if I'm, I'm the type of person, if I'm hanging out with you and

(59:22):
you look at me like if we're hanging out and someone say we
have a third friend and we're hanging out with that person and
that person's like, man, Dylan'sa fucking weird guy, ain't he?
Like I'm a hitch in the fucking mouth.
Like what? Don't talk about my God damn
friend. Like Dylan's seen it before too,
because someone that I'm not going to get into the

(59:44):
relationship, but someone said something off about the way
Dylan does shit. And I was like, bro, that guy
can fucking die. Fuck that motherfucker.
Yeah, he's a bitch, bro. Like I immediately go into that
because you just don't like, I don't know.
And it's crazy when you then grow up and.
When you go through that, we gotto release the dark episode, the

(01:00:05):
night Night episode, so everybody can understand.
I think we've, Oh yeah, we essentially, I never wanted to
fight people. I was scared to fight.
And it's just like something youhad to do when you were getting
bullied, which then when something was happening to
somebody else, something happened to my brother, they'd
be like, well, Mikey's going to fight him.
I'm like what the? Fuck y'all didn't have my back
when I was a little kid and couldn't defend myself.
See, I, I lucked out in that department because my dad truly,

(01:00:28):
like even when I was wrong, showed up and like if I was in
trouble at school, he was down there at the principal's office
talking about it, figuring out what's going on and then like
solving it and not getting me out of trouble.
But then when I got home, I had to deal with him and like, I
mean, he wasn't, he was scary asfuck, but like never laid a hand

(01:00:49):
on me after. Like we got little pop pops when
we were kids, but from then on out we never got like hit or
anything like that. But like he was a scary
motherfucker. Like I saw him fold ironing
board in half in the middle where it doesn't fold.
Just hit. The iron down on there and it
just folded up and I was like, oh shit.
And that's what he would do. Like because he's taking out his

(01:01:11):
aggression. Like I feel it.
I don't do that in front of my daughter just because I don't
want to like give her those samelike but even when I was wrong,
he would show up, but then we would have like 3 hour
discussion about like, hey dude,what the fuck are you doing?
Why did you do this thing? Like that's not who you are, is
it? Like that's what you want to be
known for? So I did have that support at
home and that's probably why I went the route that I did.

(01:01:34):
It's so crazy because people would be like, well, the reason
why kids are so bad now is because they don't get
whooping's bro. Everybody I know that had
whoopings, I was whooped with a paddle that had holes in it.
I don't know why the holes were in there.
Make more faster, makes the aerodynamic.
That's what I was thinking. So the wind don't really get it,
but like we were beat with shit like that.
I remember that paddle too. I told you the story where I
broke all my brother and he was like so mad.

(01:01:56):
He tried to stab him with it. I'm like so fucking fucking
crazy, bro. We were still like, we were
crazy. Like we didn't, we didn't stop
just because he's fucking yeah, beating us with a paddle.
We knew what was coming. Like we would still go do dumb
shit. And also they were like, oh
wait, we didn't respect that man.
I had a 0%. Yeah, 0%.
Like it's. He didn't earn the respect like

(01:02:18):
it's. He tried to beat it into.
My kids, they don't get whoopings.
They go to school and they're nice to people.
Do you know why I'm nice to them?
I explain shit to them. I explain why we get in trouble
for things, why we had to go siton our bed.
Well, they're a lot smarter thanwhat we give them credit.
Like they can understand, but ittakes a lot of explaining to get
that point across. Whereas like you can tell an

(01:02:39):
adult in two sentences, hey, This is why this is a kid.
You're going to have to spend some time and, and go over it
and ask them what they're confused about.
Like what, what made you do it? Why did you decide to do it?
Do you see how that could be wrong?
Like me and my daughter went over the definition of
ungrateful because she didn't believe.
She got real fucking mad at me. And she slams her door.
So I go in there and I'm like, like, who the fuck are you to
slam doors? Like what if are you the hero of

(01:03:02):
your story right now? Do you feel like that?
She's like, well, you're just being like you're not, you're
just, you're just being, I don'tfucking know, over dramatic or
whatever. And I was like, no, you asked
for something earlier and you got it and you asked for
something now and you're not getting that.
And it was like 22 sweet things.I was like, that's not going to
happen. Like, you got up and then I was
like, there's kids out there that don't get this shit.

(01:03:23):
Like they don't fucking yeah, ever, ever.
They don't get this shit. And I know you can't understand
because you've not lived that life.
And now, like, she's getting like, experiences through like
having friends and seeing friends at school that don't
have that stuff. So that's really good too, to
see that. And once again, like Dylan said,
kids are a lot smarter. So you're able to like, explain
things to him. My middle son went to the

(01:03:44):
dentist and he's petrified all right, Screaming, doesn't want
to do it. So they rescheduled it and he'll
get the like the gas because he doesn't like getting the shots
in the face, which is, hey, if you're scared of that, that's a
normal thing. If I was there, he would have
done it though. Because here's the thing, when

(01:04:04):
my wife goes to they both hate taking medicine.
My daughter has like a rational fear of liquid medicine.
She just will not, you cannot get her to do it ever since she
was a baby. Some stuff they gave her at the
doctor, I think it was like a antibiotic was disgusting and
she had a large reaction to it. Since then she won't fucking she
would not go near medicine. So I'm trying to give him some

(01:04:24):
medicine and this is during the stomach event, the strep and Amy
had just tried to do it and she was like, I can't get him to do
it. And she was losing her temper
too. And I was trying to get some
rest. So I was like fuck.
So I get up, I pour the medicinein the thing like because she,

(01:04:45):
she didn't, she hadn't even donethat.
She I poured the medicine and thing.
He's sitting there and I was just like, I'm doing the sweet
talk and everything with him andhe's like, I don't want to do
it. I don't like covering his mouth
and I'm being really nice to him.
And then I turn, I have the cup and I said, take this now that

(01:05:07):
there's no options. Like will you take No, I said,
take this now. And he grabbed it and fucking.
And that's what you got to do. You like you, you have to be
sweet to him. And then you kind of got to
like, bro, we got to do this. When it's serious and serious
all. Right, It's happening.
And then as soon as like once the option is gone and it's like
we're we now have to do this. It just, it just works so well
with him. It's because he's the he's the

(01:05:30):
autistic like me. So I know I kind of know how to
get through that. Yeah, you know what works for
you. All right, so this is the last
one, the last submission, and itsays please help me with what I
should do. First off, I should give you a
back story. First off, you should probably
say dear Mike and Dylan. All right, because now we're
going to give you terrible advice.
I'm 35 years old and have an 18 year old daughter and a 12 year

(01:05:53):
old son. Yes, I was 16 when I got
pregnant and their dad was 25. That was a completely different
story of my life that I will be telling you about separately,
but I have been in a five year relationship with a boyfriend
and he has a child with someone else just like I do.
This is the first relationship I've been in where they also
have a child. Anywho, Jason, the man I've been
with for five years and I've been on a roller coaster ride.

(01:06:15):
He has let his son's mom and daughter who is not theirs stay
all weekend multiple times. Well, that's not having a
partner. Now.
I feel like I need to tell you more of the story.
My son, who is now 6, was diagnosed with leukemia 2 years
ago. His son, not her son.
His son okay his son who was now6 was diagnosed with leukemia 2
years ago. So I've been on intent on her

(01:06:37):
being there. But he would originally tell me
that she was only staying there for dinner because it was the
anniversary of when they found out he had cancer.
But then she would end up staying the whole entire weekend
and he would barely talk to me the whole time.
And this has happened multiple times before finding out that
his son had cancer where his ex stays over there all weekend.
And my boyfriend and my boyfriend was telling me that it

(01:06:58):
was because he was on call and he wanted to be able to have his
son because his and he wanted tobe able to have his son because
his son lives an hour away and I'm the only one that he would
and I and the only way that he could keep him when he was on
call was when his mom could staythere with him.
Jesus Christ. Look, guys, we're deep into this
podcast. You guys know farther we get in,

(01:07:20):
the more I can't read. Also false started on that not
around your partner. I did.
I started reading the story. Well now here I am five years in
and I moved into this house and he has tried to kick me and my
son out multiple times. Even tonight he is telling me to

(01:07:40):
make arrangements to live somewhere else.
I don't have any options of where I can go because my mom
doesn't want me there. My dad is deceased and I have
nowhere else. I don't even have a lot of time
to even say much because I'm saying all this whispering and
he is just on the front porch and he will get super mad if he
knows I'm saying any of this. But even with this little bit of
information, what is your advice?
Leave that motherfucking guy. What the fuck.

(01:08:00):
Get the fuck out of there. There is someone that is going
to value you that is going to understand that the relationship
that they were in is no longer look is you got your life.
I got my life The the moment in time where someone's like, I'm
bringing this relationship into this relationship.
You got to fucking run. You got to fight there.
There's someone out there that'sgoing to value you and they are

(01:08:21):
going to understand that their Xis their X and I don't I don't
have an X right now that I wouldbe like, Hey, you stay over.
I understand the kid with leukemia thing.
That's rough. I don't understand why she ain't
got to stay the fucking night. We'll see.
Like and I, I don't really have any objections to the ex being

(01:08:42):
part of the picture and all thatstuff.
My objections are he's asked youto leave like so obviously like
you're not really welcome into this, like you aren't being
appreciated and that you can walk away from that and move
forward in your life because obviously that's not a healthy
relationship. Like with him dealing with his

(01:09:02):
son with cancer and the axe and all that other stuff.
Like that's his cross to bear. That's his problem that he needs
to solve. But like ultimately you can tell
he's asked you to leave a coupletimes and now you're sitting
there like there's no fixing that.
Like if he's. Especially five years like you,
you're growing attached to somebody.
It's, I don't know, man, The theleukemia thing makes it

(01:09:24):
difficult because he's going through a rough time.
Your kid having cancer is the worst thing a fucking parent
could go through and witness. It is rough that that's what it
just makes this very, very difficult.
The you should have set your boundaries early on that that
wasn't allowed. We're not going to have her
fucking spending the night at our you know where we fucking
where we stay at. We're not going to have her
spending the night. And then he's like, well, it's

(01:09:45):
my house. It's my you could have hopped
out and. Started doing that prior to like
her moving in and stuff. So like he was, he was off
working on call, they would stayat his house so that he could
come back and like spend time with his son, which is all that
like, it's hard to like say likehe's wrong or but in this

(01:10:05):
scenario, like you're, you're not as valued, I think.
He's being the cheeks though, probably.
Yeah. I mean, he can't act as like the
the bringing, bringing her over to spend the night, especially
if you're not there like. But yeah, it creates a weird
dynamic. But even if he isn't, it's still
not a healthy position for you to be in.
Like you should not be putting yourself through.
To think about that, like I'm not going to put Amy in a

(01:10:27):
position where she has to think,is she out there, you know,
fucking up? It's just you don't do that.
You once again, it's like the when I talked about the guy at
the park, like if, if that guy was not a predator.
Back story, he was walking with a dog.
Me and my daughter are swinging.He doesn't see us.

(01:10:47):
A couple teenage girls walk pasthim and he's like, you girls
want to pet my dog on the off chance that guy is not a
predator. So I'm saying the off chance he
is not a predator. As a man, you don't put yourself
in a position like that. So in a relationship, it's it's
very similar. You don't put yourself in a
position where you can, like, raise doubt about somebody's
character. Yeah.
Like if I have a history with drugs, if Amy found out that I

(01:11:09):
was at a trap house and I'm justlike, out.
Hanging out but not even doing drugs.
Also, I've never done drugs where I think I would need to be
at a trap house because they were like the real big ones.
But we're just saying if I'm at a trap house, like how do I
explain that? Well, I wasn't doing drugs.
What the fuck were you doing? Like, yeah, what were you doing?
It's just you don't put yourselfin that position.

(01:11:30):
That's some, that's some really weird shit, girl.
But you do got a, you got a hot tail and run and find somebody
that's going to value you. Well, really I I feel like with
her back story and all that stuff, you probably got to
figure out you. You're cooking on the advice
today, by the way. I'm a vice giver, but like I I
really think you're. Just like the video.
Games or you know, I was still right about that putting your

(01:11:51):
daughter down. This is like you are cooking
with this advice. I said dog and I was still right
about the video games. But the the big thing is, is
like you have to hey, not be dependent on him because right
now, currently, if you don't have any other place to go,
you're 100% dependent on this guy.
So if he kicks you out today, you're homeless.
You need to make. If you haven't been kicked out

(01:12:14):
after you've heard this, you need to make arrangements to get
yourself out on your own because.
That was something we didn't think about during the stay at
home mom thing, but she wants tobe a stay at home mom.
So, but that means, bro, that means she's a fucking for that
guy. We're sorry you're getting
advice that's laid into it. That does mean she loves you and
trust you, though. Yeah, because she's saying I am.

(01:12:36):
I am willing to be 100 percent, 100% dependent on you.
Yeah. So that is something sweet you
could take away from that. And maybe y'all have discussions
and not arguments over it just well.
Yeah, and that's where you discuss your, your.
Like, hey, we move to the South,where's, you know, we move into
the country. Not the South.
Yeah, we move to the country. Well, I don't count any northern

(01:12:56):
thing as country, but. I grew up.
I understand. Where did you work?
There's nothing more more country than like fucking the
Dakotas, but Idaho like but still like moving towards the
South. That's good.
But yeah, you got to fucking. You got to get out there, girl.
You got to run away. You still said it.
What? Moving to the South.

(01:13:17):
This is that's what I think about the country, the country.
But yeah, like, just make make whatever arrangements if you are
still there, like you need to start focusing on how to get out
on your own and probably stay out on your own for a little bit
before you worry about good little bit.
Well, and your kids are grown. So like, I mean, you like not

(01:13:37):
grown grown, but they're about to fly the coop and not too long
12 years old. So you got six more years left
with your son. Like don't just jump into
another relationship and live inanother guy's house.
Like, see, try to do it on your own because for one thing,
you're only going to get so manyyears left with your kids.

(01:13:57):
Make it about them, not about some guy that you're seeing.
And that guy sounds kind of toxic anyways so.
Man, I'm just ready to go home and play some Call of Duty with
my daughter. Look, we had one night where I
wasn't playing with glasses. I told you about this and she
did. Really She her KDR is above 1,
which is really good for an 11 year old girl.

(01:14:18):
Look, that's a good KDR that means.
Killed the death ratio. Yeah, yeah, killed the death
ratio. And then she plays against me
and me, I am once again competitive at everything I do.
So when if I do something, I cannot do it casually, I cannot
play it casually. I do look up, look up how to be
better in things. So I'm pretty cracked in Call of
Duty, bro. I am very, very cracked.

(01:14:39):
So we got a Nuketown and she's like 1 V 1.
And I just looked at her before the game started, I was like,
kill me five times, you win. She was like, I want to kill you
way more than five times. She didn't even kill you once
because you said that you let her hit you with the frags or.
The Oh yeah, because I wanted to, I ran out of Semtex.
I had a gearhead and we're playing Cold War right now
because it has outbreak zombies.So I let her kill me so it would

(01:15:03):
replenish my fucking two Semtex so I could just stick her with
it because that's about kill streaks too.
Is like the bow, then the hand cannon.
Like I don't get any of those. She's not got to worry about
helicopters flying around or strafes or anything like that
because I could like spawn like I could spawn trap her to where
she's just getting hit with a strafe every every time she
spawns. But I'm not going to do that.

(01:15:25):
I'm not a mean dad. OK, so I'll just.
So I want to clarify on the video games because Mike brought
it back up and. Because I play these video
games, I'm not going to kill a bunch.
Of people Mayo Dick just for don't fold the maps.
Everybody Mayo Dick for don't fold the maps.
That's for you. But the video game thing it it

(01:15:47):
is not. I did not say that people that
play video games shoot up schools.
I said in all the media landscape of everything, the
absence of reality is what causes that.
And video games do play a part in it.
And there are studies that it says it increases aggression and
like that is a proven fact. Yeah, when you tell me to get
off the video game, I don't wantto keep playing.

(01:16:07):
I'm not saying everybody that plays a video game is going to
want to shoot up a school because like, that's what the
comments are. I've been playing since I was 12
and I haven't shot up a school. Well, yeah, it doesn't mean
everybody does it. Like you have to have a certain
mix of crazy mixed with like no basis in reality.
Some crazy 4 Chan shit or wherever.
Terrible parents, terrible parents, not good upbringing,

(01:16:28):
probably bullying. Like there's a.
Little bit of a little bit of diddling in there.
But you got to make that whole soup in order for it to be a bad
thing. In no way, shape or form did I
say video games cause school shootings, which is what
everybody's take is. And they're like, that's been
disproven. Video games can increase
aggression and things like that.So I'm just stating that, once

(01:16:49):
again, I didn't say video games equal school shootings.
I'm saying that they play into this whole like formula of what
creates people that are willing to do that.
And it is a piece of the puzzle.But it's not.
The whole thing. When you give a take like when
we're like having like a playfulargument, people are naturally

(01:17:12):
going to choose my side because they come from probably a
platform that I brought them to the so they are very accustomed
to me and I'm like, once again, I'm like the the fun dad.
I'm not really the responsible one.
Give this podcast like 6 months and everybody just going to be
like, Mike, you got to listen toDylan, bro.
Shut the fuck up, bro. We are so tired of those

(01:17:34):
boneheaded takes. But but I do think that anytime,
well, I don't know if like I didplay a role by pointing out that
you said maybe nobody would havepointed that out had I not
pointed that out. It does sound like daughter
though. It does.
No, it sounds like it if you're a Southerner that says dar.
Like if you don't actually pronounce daughter.

(01:17:55):
It's like a it's like there's like a little glitch either in
your speaking or the audio that gives it a second syllable.
It does. I don't know how to describe.
It dog down, dog down. No, because I had to put down.
You're like when you say Dog, itsounds like there's a gur at the
end. There's something with the
audio. You got to really listen to that
audio. There's a ER at the end of dog.

(01:18:15):
Yeah. And if you go into it with your
brain and I think you. Might have gone to like like you
went into like a thinking pattern like or right after you
said that you could have went into something like that that
gave it that. But bro, it sounds like it.
If you hear if you want to hear daughter, it's kind of like the
the when you're I saw Vertasium did it and like if you I can

(01:18:37):
share the link, but like he doesit where he's saying bear.
But if you move the audio and the video separate it says fair
because when you say bear and fair they look the same.
But if you move the lip. Bare, bare, bare.
But your brain, your brain actually like sees the the lips

(01:18:59):
moving and it changes the way that you hear the word.
And so like in that moment, if you listen for me to say dog,
you're going to hear me say dog.But if you aren't paying
attention or whatever, you can extrapolate whatever you want.
But if you go back and listen for dog I, you can hear clearly
that I said dog, not daughter. But it's all a Southern thing.

(01:19:22):
I really actually agree with myself and know that it didn't
sound like that. But guys, I think this has been
a really it's wild nice for pre from the the last podcast that
y'all got once again, that was arough one.
Remember, if you guys want to submit advice, you can go to
mikeanddylan.com, MIKEANDDYLE, n.com.

(01:19:47):
We do have a number where you can leave a voicemail that we
will play on the podcast and then give your give you your
advice that could be found in the description of where
whatever platform you're lookingon right now, it might be on the
website by the time this one goes up.
I have no clue. And listen hand jobs behind at
Denny's June 15th. 6:00 PM. 6:00PM.

(01:20:09):
Thomasville, NC. Thomasville, NC.
We will see you next time. Later.

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