Wife Hid HERPES for 5 YEARS | MADHD EP36 |

The most explosive episode yet! From hidden STDs to career transformations, Mike and Dylan tackle listener stories that'll leave you speechless.00:00:00 - Limp Bizkit Copyright Chaos00:06:00 - Job Choices: Warehouse vs Dealership00:13:00 - Wife's 5-Year Herpes Secret (SHOCKING)00:24:00 - Jimmy Dean's Transgender Date Update00:33:00 - Dealing with Soul-Crushing Jobs00:46:00 - Wardrobe Malfunction Stories00:56:00 - Trade School Success: Broke to Six FiguresCONNECT WITH US:🎯 Submit your story: MikeAndDylan.com👕 Quality workwear: LaborLama.com (MADHD30 = 30% off)📱 Follow for daily contentSubscribe & hit the bell for unfiltered advice that actually helps!Drop a comment: What's the biggest secret someone kept from you? We might feature your story!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Bear nimble bow down my candela Nate drama, but the Bow Wow oh
are we rolling keep rolling rolling rolling what now that is
that is we can get copyright strike for man ah.
Look who's that Fred Durst. You think Fred Durst?

(00:20):
I can't. I can't believe there was a time
where the American youth was like, so out there that they
were like, we're going to make Limp Bizkit famous.
I ain't gonna lie, though. Keep rolling like that one
always. I move in, I move in.
Hands on that. I could imagine me beating up,
like, 30 terrorists at once to that song.
Welcome back to another episode of Mike and Dylan Hate, hate

(00:41):
drama where we read submitted advice and honestly got people
to not or possibly killing themselves.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I would assume at least one bit of advice has caused
somebody to hop over the edge. Man, I hope not, but I mean, if
they did, then you know. That's on them.
Like I said, take it or not. Or, you know, do what you want.

(01:05):
To do? Yeah, there was, clearly or or
not. Right.
Yeah. So we're going to get do you?
Want to tell them what just happened?
Though, OK, so OK, all right, before we get into today's
episode, we're going to talk about a dark episode, a episode
of a new podcast that we're starting called Mike and Dylan
Love Conspiracies, where we talkabout conspiracy theories.
We started this episode. We're not going to make it a

(01:26):
dark episode. We are going to figure out what
to do with it. It will come out.
Oh. Yeah, it will come out.
But brother, we just went on thebiggest political tirade.
Yeah, for those that don't want us to talk about politics, don't
go over to that. One, yes, because that one is
going to be very well with conspiracies.
There's political undertones andstuff like that.
And while we want to cover fun stuff like Bigfoot and cryptids

(01:48):
and aliens, we also want to talkabout society.
Yeah, and come to find out, oursmight or might not be a little
bit fucked. And Mike might be just a little
bit passionate. He's got a little bit of
passion, just a touch. A little more so, maybe.
For everybody, just he loves to put his passion out there for
everybody. And I think my passion cut Dylan

(02:10):
off 967,000 times during that one.
So yeah, we're. Thinking like episode 3 ish
probably we want to get people in there.
Maybe a little bit of fun like. Be a little bit of fun and then
just be like, ah, we're going tobe fucking.
We're going to be serious sometimes too.
And then the next episode just be like, oh, hello.
He was sorry about that. Just who knew?

(02:33):
So last night we were finishing up, me and my daughter's been
doing a Harry Potter marathon and.
What's that take like 4 days? It's 20 hours, which I did not
think it's a movie. So I was like, wow.
Yeah. But she's always like that.
Anytime you try a new voice, youjust you, you do pretty well.

(02:55):
And I'm not listen. She has not heard any other
people do impressions. So anybody that can get in the
ballpark of a character or something.
But we're we're sitting there and I was talking about the
like, I have a thing on my shoulder.
It's a hard bump. I've had it for like 10 years.
So if it's cancerous, I should have been dead like 15 times.

(03:17):
And she saw she's like, you don't get worried about it.
I was like, Nah, it's like another another part of me.
And then I was like, you know, I've had way worse things than
that. One time I bumped my shin and I
had like a a bump on there and Iwas like no bigger than a
Pickanese, mind you, like fucking Hagrid off of it sounded
a lot better because I wasn't trying.

(03:37):
And she was like, she was like, you sounded exactly like him.
You also might die of cancer. And I was like, listen, if it if
it happens, it's not going to because of that bump.
I don't know what that story wasgetting into.
I don't know. Fuck me.
I had AI, had a Bible. Oh no, no, no, because, because
fucking Jesus Christ. Because literally, I do think we

(04:00):
are starting to hit. We're emulating the Harry Potter
movie right now. What's that?
Oh, you mean inhuman? Have you seen Have you seen the
Harry Potter movies? I've seen some of them, but I,
I, I was too old to like, reallyhave gotten in the books and I
just watched them as they came out.
Listen. We're not going to get into that
because we want to give people advice and do what Mike and
Dylan hate drama is all about, which is giving advice to people

(04:21):
who need it and yearn yearn for the advice like the the kids
yearn for the minds. OK, and but it is pretty.
It's, it's emulating all right. Can I tell you about my Bible
since you were talking about your bumps and I know you had
one on like the outside of your wrist or whatever, one of those
Bible bumps that you can smack it and it goes away.
I had. It gangly insist.

(04:41):
Is that what it is? I had it there and it it was
there for a while and my, I think my dad had told me he's
like, yeah, they used to call them Bible bumps because you
just smack it with a Bible and go away.
And it was the weirdest thing. Like I was working on a computer
and then I felt it like just go and it just went away like
because it just popped. And did yours pop or did it just

(05:02):
like get smaller because you hadone like on the outside of your?
Oh, it's gone. Yeah, and it was like pretty
hefty there for a minute. Yeah, it was a fucking.
I got A and I was there. I was like, are you going to
smack it with a thing? And you're like, Nope.
Nope. Oh yeah, it is gone.
Shit, I don't even know what happened to it.
Oh man, that was like your little buddy.
Bro, that shit, just where the fuck did it go?

(05:22):
It was there like a couple days.That's crazy.
That is fucking wild. You didn't even notice it I.
Didn't notice it was gone. You know me so well.
I do listen. God, if we didn't just argue on
an episode of two days judge andbadge people think we fucking
yeah they would think we're. Fucking us arguing probably
means we're fucking more than yeah, right, Not arguing.
But listen, we've been out our frustrations and yes, we know

(05:44):
sometimes the kids are watching.We know you're watching.
But. Mommy and Daddy still love each.
Other that's that's real love real love has adversity and it
has struggles OK, but you make up for it.
But given a really good reach around all right so the first
title is job choices message. Hey Dylan Mike.
I already hate it. My name is Hector.
I'm 20 years old and I work at acar dealership parts department.

(06:06):
I was talking or I was joking talking to my boss about moving
to the parts counter. He didn't ask me if I would want
to move to the new warehouse. We have air conditioner at the
new place, not at the dealershipor stay at the dealership.
I've been there for over a year now and got a raise about two
months ago. My problem is, is that I don't
know what I'll be doing in the new warehouse.
I don't want to stay pulling parts when I have the

(06:26):
opportunity to start semi fresh in a new position at the same
job. Love the pod, love y'all take
care. That scares me though because if
a warehouse is new and it's got air conditioning that they
working out like they. Or they just have to keep the
parts good. For their car, that could be it,
but I like to be you know who they they they working they they

(06:47):
working people there I it depends on what you want to do
like if do you want to be at thestorefront talking to people or
do you want to be. I always believe a manual, a
manual labor job that pays you good will always be better than
a customer service job that'll pay you good.
Because, look, working hard is one thing.

(07:08):
I can work hard all day. I cannot handle people.
Yeah, all the time all. And it's not even like, like
when you do a manual labor job, you, you have an idea of what
you're going into everything. You don't know what you're doing
in customer service. You'll just, you'll just get up
there and a guy will come in andbe like, hey, do you have like a
part that would be like really good for making meth?

(07:29):
And you think this is made-up? It's just, it happens.
I guarantee you someone's heard it.
It's like this part where I can like make this stuff and you
like, what are you fucking talking about?
Are you stupid, man? Look at, I don't even know what
it could be, but it could be part of a It's just people are
fucking weird and they blame youfor everything that's wrong with
the store. If you like what you do, pulling
parts, if you fucking like interacting with people,

(07:51):
grabbing shit, sure. I'm pretty sure at a warehouse
you don't have to deal with anybody.
At the dealership you 100% have to deal with people.
I would probably just look at if, if it was me and this is how
I worked my way through the factory is I looked for the
people that paid the most and worked the least and like was
just looking for like the best option.
That's why I went into maintenance from being like a
lab tech where I was testing like 1000 different kinds of

(08:14):
fabric in a day. And I was like, OK, I could work
out on the floor. I'd get paid a little better,
but I'd be working all kinds of crazy hours and also like hot as
fuck all the time and I could not leave my machine or I could
go to work in maintenance and basically walk around, do
whatever I want, smoke as many cigarettes as I want and go on
break. And I was like, those guys got
it made and they make the most money.
I want to be them. So in that situation, if it like

(08:38):
it said like I think something about your manager, I would just
talk with him and be like, Hey, what do you think is smart?
Like what are you smart about the warehouse?
Yeah. Like is there room for upward
mobility over there? Like can I be the the supervisor
of the warehouse? Do you see that?
As a likely is there multiple shifts?
Am I going to be put on a weird off like is there a possibility
that I'm like, I get the ultimatum once I go over there,
then hey, I know we brought you over for first, but either you

(09:00):
go to 3rd or we don't need you. You go to 2nd.
We don't need you. Just find out.
Also, it might be new, but I'm pretty sure you can still look
up like employee reviews and no places like, you know, even if
it's a year old, people are going to say new.
I don't know how long it's been open.
I'm not rereading it, but if it's been open for some time,
someone can tell you about something that's been there.
Just go visit. Like if people are standing
outside, be like, what do you think of the?

(09:21):
Place I don't think it it your status of where you're at
currently either. Either way is fine.
Like, I mean, it's, it's just kind of what I.
Like, imagine you pull up to this warehouse that's AC OK, and
you see a bunch of Mexican dudesout there who look like they
just saw a lot. Was it La La Rona?
They're just like sitting out there, just like smoking a
cigarette. Then you know, brother gone.

(09:43):
I worked at that fucking T Rex place in Lexington the day I
started Mexican guy, Mexican like this man had on fucking off
color flannel shirt tucked into his fucking pants, Mexican
brother necklace, gold necklace.And he was walking out and I was

(10:04):
like, I don't, I don't know whatI'm walking into, but I know it
can be used as a form of punishment.
And I sure as shit I was pullingoff these big metal racks out of
a paint oven, standing right next to the oven inside of a
building. I got sunburnt inside of the
building. Sunburnt.
Well, just. From the just from the heat.

(10:25):
Just from the heat of it, man. And like every so often, like
one guy would just like get off the line and go throw up.
That was. Normal.
Yeah, every day they go over there and throw up a fucking
drink. Drink.
And I was like, never. I was like, we make brother, we
make $7.00 and 75% an hour. No, I said.

(10:45):
I said no Moss. I looked at them.
I said who's with me? And they fucking they ignored
me. But that's brother T rat going
out of business. They start they start bringing
ice down here. Gone.
Gone. A lot of companies will.
Yeah, yeah, you ain't getting, you ain't getting a lot of white
and black, white and black youthin that in that place that's

(11:07):
going to stay I'm. Going to read the second.
One. Oh yeah, read the second one.
My wife hid her herpes from me. Nice.
You want to make pre judgments. I think it's mouth herpes.
Hello you 2 sexy bearded daddies.
RIP Mike's beard. Guys I'm lost and have no clue

(11:28):
what to do. So I'm 30 and my wife is 28,
female. We're not really married but
we've been together for five years and have one child
together, our son and her daughter who is basically mine.
She refers to me as dad. Adding to this we did get a in a
relationship because I knocked her up.
So we live 3 hours from the coast where our parents live and
took the kids out for a vacationsince I'm an HVAC and if it's

(11:50):
hot I'm working non-stop. Anyway she left meds on the
stove top that she forgot and out of curiosity and since she
was taken off some medication and would need to dispose of
some I looked at them. Unfortunately for us, I saw one
that was for the herp. I looked for an hour on Google
for what else this could be for.When I brought it up that

(12:12):
evening, she got upset that I looked at the medication.
After a short time we talked about it and she admitted that
her first husband gave it to her.
Now I'm going to quote her verbatim because I know I
because I know I joke about my first marriage.
But he used that to trap me and tell me that no one would ever
want me and I believed him. Even now I still do.
I'm worried you're going to leave for reals now.

(12:34):
So after our whole relationship and before we had sex she never
shared that with me and set me up for a life changing issue.
I'm not angry, just lost. Guys send help.
I would get DNA tests for your kids.
I would try to find out what thefuck else she's lied about

(12:56):
because that listen, when you lie about something like that,
that's an everyday thing and everyday lie, Bold faced doesn't
even fucking sweat. There's days you guys are just
sitting there on the couch laughing and looking at each
other in the eyes and having a good old time.
And if she's withholding that from you, brother, there's other
shit. I'm sorry.
There's other shit. There is not.
That is someone you cannot trustlike that is a little while,

(13:20):
like, you know, here and there say, you know, your girl's
trying to quit smoking and she smokes a cigarette.
Come on, man. You know, she feels ashamed of
herself. That's that shit.
You can look past herpes is not that's a that's a big thing.
That's something you you have discussions with.
Have you ever looked into like herpes, like what the actual
like severity of it is and like the like Adam Ruins Everything

(13:42):
did an episode on it and like basically it's been blown up to
be this huge thing that it's really, it's really.
Herpes. Yeah, the like the well, that's.
That's what he's talking about though, is like a different
kind. No, there's like 90% of the
world has herpes of some form ofall all the different kinds.
And don't take medicine unless it's for the the genital.

(14:03):
Yeah, but The thing is though ismost people like a lot of people
have genital herpes and never have a sore, never have anything
like it's just it's almost like a non issue.
So like there's. Takes medicine for it, brother.
She knows about it. I'm not.
Saying that she's in the right for not telling him about it.
Yes, definitely in the wrong fornot telling him and not

(14:23):
disclosing that. All I'm getting at though, is
that like in all actuality, herpes, genital herpes, all all
kinds of herpes are not really actually near as big of a issue
as what they've been made out tobe.
Like, there's really. There's still like a stigma and
a stigma the things behind it, and someone you're with deserves
to know that. Like, yes, no, I'm not.
I'm not saying that she's not. How did y'all get through that

(14:45):
without like did you not go to OBGYN appointments when they
were like hey I see you. Got you?
Don't. Want to give this to the kids?
How often does she have sores oranything?
Because that's kind of what I. Don't know if it's general
herpes now. I think it might be my
therapies. OK.
And that's all I'm getting at though is like it's, it's one of
those things where it's yes, sheis in the wrong.
Do you want the? Paper.
Yeah, I want the paper cuz there's some things said let me,

(15:06):
let me. All I'm getting at though is
like herpes is not when I was growing up, it was made out to
be like this huge fucking deal that Oh my God, they had herpes.
And like from learning from whatAdam, whatever Conover said or
whatever he did, like a a full on episode on it.
And like the majority of the world has herpes.

(15:27):
This is why I'm saying get your kid tested.
Fucking look into what else she's lied about because you
catch her. She's taking medication for
herpes. OK, this is genital herpes
because the husband tried to trap her.
The ex-husband tried to trap herwith it.
You can't trap people with fucking a cold sore like a guy.
Literally this is guy's look. A guy could be sitting at a bar

(15:49):
and see this bad bitch. Beautiful.
All right, she turn around. She have a big one lip to lip.
And he'd be like, I mean, I don't know, can you give me hid?
Like, is that A and she's like, Nah, something might happen.
He'd be like, my, my yeah, we'regoing to try it out.
We're going to try it out. But here's the thing.
Because this is what she said toyou, because I know I joke about

(16:11):
my first marriage, but he used that to trap me and tell me that
no one would ever want me. And I believed him.
Even now, I still do. I'm worried that you're going to
leave for real now. So you caught her in a lie and
she's like, well, I lied becauseI'm scared of what you would do.
That's when someone does that, bro.

(16:33):
Like if she was like, I'm a lie because I'm ashamed of it.
I don't want you to think I'm a nasty bitch.
You know what I'm saying? Like it's not that big of a
deal. She laid out the facts right
there. But then she was like, I lied
because I think you're going to leave me for it.
That's immediately just like pushing off the blame on
somebody. I'm I'm more so like comforting
him in his process of like if hedoes end up with herpes, it's

(16:56):
not a huge deal like it like allI'm saying is look into what
the. But I'm telling you bro, she's
never going to tell you anything.
Like if she thinks that you're going to get mildly upset about
it, you are never going to know if she fucking anything happens.
There's there's no trust there bro.
Three years lied about fucking bad 5 God damn look.

(17:19):
And he's like, I wasn't even thinking that much about it.
And then fucking I look, listen,that is, that is something man.
You cannot trust her. Like it doesn't matter.
And then once again, if she's like, you know, I felt disgusted
and shit and then I got so far into it.
I was like, fuck. And now I don't want to bring it
up because now I look doubly also you don't, I mean, look to
see how long she has had this. I would be like, look, I need
dates, I need fucking. I need proof that you've had

(17:40):
this for more than five years, honestly.
Well I knew a guy that like backwhen I used to play in music and
he was a musician and he used tosleep around all the time and by
the time he was like 17 he had herpes already and he slept with
any girl that came around and never once disclosed.

(18:03):
Nice. Yeah, nice.
If someone did that to my daughter, you would never have
to disclose that you don't have herpes again.
Because my dad, I love that guy.Whatever.
There's actually a big case in up in New York where I grew up
at, where this guy, he, he endedup going to jail because he had

(18:24):
AIDS and he was knowingly sleeping with like multiple
women in the area and not disclosing.
Yeah, he, he ended up going to jail.
I don't know for how long or whatever.
I mean, you should catch like fucking you could.
You should if you know and you don't disclose it straight to
jail like for I guess ever cuz aids is forever so can't just

(18:45):
shed off weight or aids with a you know keto diet.
So you just do the money in the blender.
Yeah, You got like Magic Johnson, Magic Johnson, like
everybody was. People were dying during that
time. Magic was just like, not as bad
as you think it is. No, we're good.
Did you ever watch Dallas by Meyer do?

(19:06):
You agree with me. Great movie.
Yeah, no, like I, I I'm not. Talking a lot of shit about
Jared Leto and then like people will start naming roles and I'll
be like, listen, let me just letme just hate on Jared Leto
because of the Batman. I'll enjoy Jared Leto and like
fucking reckon for a dream and shit like that.
Let me just yeah, let me just hate because he was trying to
like play the fucking Heath Ledger.

(19:27):
I'm going crazy for this role that just it you're a 50 year
old man bro. You ain't got to just do that If
you just did the job said hey, I'm not trying to be that.
If if anybody look one rant, it's not going to be long.
It's. Not going to be political
either, right? It's got to go on and on the
run. If if you were listening to this

(19:48):
podcast and you enjoy DC Movies,OK, understand that the reason
why the DC universe can't get upand going is because.
You mother fuckers can't get outof the past.
There is always someone you're comparing somebody to somebody
you're fucking. Listen, it's like with fucking

(20:09):
Spider Man. Every time a Spider Man series
comes out, people watch it and it's like one of the most
watched movies of the year because they're like, hey, it's
a adaptation that we love and shit like that.
You guys are so ready to put somebody on the pitchfork if
it's not exactly the way that you want it that you scare these
directors and everybody into making shit movies.
Also, it's the first time a shitdirector gives y'all a non shit

(20:31):
movie. Y'all are like, oh, well, this
is the best we're ever going to get, so please keep making these
movies. And then they're shit.
Like you guys are so scared to step out-of-the-box.
Step out of the fucking box. You ain't got to be somebody.
If somebody plays the Joker, they don't have to be.
They don't have to be Heath Ledger.
They don't have to be fucking Jack Nicholson.
Yeah, but I was going to say, you know what is the one who

(20:53):
flew over the Cuckoo's nest? The fucking.
I was going to start names. Yeah.
Jack Nicholson, you don't have to be that.
Like you don't have to be the exact same.
Heath Ledger was not the exact same.
He was not, as anybody portrayedit, well.
They're better, like I mean, it's better for them to be
unique. If I was the Joker, how would I
be? Like what would I be?
Me personally, I'd just be fucking crazy.

(21:14):
Like I can't stick to a God damnsubject ADHD Riddle.
I'd just be the guy that like fucking like rushed in, killed a
lot of people, blew shit up to get my fucking to make my
escape. That's how I would be the Joker.
I wouldn't be this calculated fucking person.
I'm not calculated. Like if you're sitting there
Jared Leto, and you're like, howwould I be the Joker if you were
just like, man, if I was a that's what acting is.

(21:35):
That's like, if I was this, how would I do it?
Well, not a person. Yeah, right.
I'd be fucking this dizzy brained, crazy fucking guy who
like literally had no regards for life at all.
Maniacal, right, That had no no regard for life.
Because if I was to play a crazyguy who could pull off even an
iota of what the Joker could, itwould be out of sheer

(21:56):
recklessness. That would be it.
There would be no plan. There would be no fucking rhyme
or reason. The shit that would happen, you
would not be able to predict because this guy does not have a
plan. But that would be me playing the
Joker. And if the next person who plays
the Joker just use it like that instead of my father was a
drinker and a fiend and why so serious it would be good.

(22:16):
Like you don't even have to do the voice.
You can fucking give him a crazyvoice.
Fuck it like just give him something different.
Go at it differently. All right?
That's why. Why the fuck did I get on
Batman? Because of Jared Leto, Dallas
Buyers Club Mike and Dylan hate drama.
This is MADHDI can do that. OK, thank you.
Got scared. I was like, are we all 2
daddies? What are we on right now?

(22:37):
I was just. Talking about fucking Matthew
McConaughey, how skinny he got for that.
That's movie so goddamn good though.
They knocked that shit out of the fucking park.
Out of the park, that's my favorite autobiography is
Matthew Mcconaughey's Green Light.
I think it is. And you listen to the audio book
version of it and it's just him talking about his life for like

(22:58):
fucking like 3 or 4 hours. It's.
Just all right. Yeah.
And then, you know, I went down the road.
Fucking yeah the whole time. There she was and I was.
Yeah. Come here, Don.
Just fucking doing all that crazy shit.
I love it, man. All Jimmy Dean update Also meet
your advice. Need your advice.

(23:20):
Oh, it says also meet your advice, but wait a second.
OK? Hey Mike and Dylan, I do have an
update. What the fuck was Jimmy Dean
about? Well, no.
Why would you not put in just like, hey, just like the Crystal
story? He was like, let me give you a
little update because I know Mike.
God damn it, Jimmy Dean. So I got to Texas on July 3rd.

(23:43):
I met up with her at dinner. I told her I was going.
To the guy that has to dress up as Trump and Mexican.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK. And I told her I was going to
get a hotel room. She's like, no, I'll come back
to my apartment. And I was like, she was like,
no, come back to my apartment. I was like, OK, cool.
So, you know, we start making out a little bit and we end up
passing out watch a movie. So the next day was the 4th.

(24:05):
So we're celebrating that together at her apartment.
She wanted to do this thing, butshe couldn't find the Trump
outfit. So she found a MAGA hat, thank
God. But she did the Mexican St. corn
bit. So this guy has a Latina with a
fatty absolute dumpster and she will only sleep with him if he
wears something republican, which obviously means her
parents are republican and she didn't want to be.

(24:26):
And like they berate her and she's got some kind of daddy
issue that causes her to fetishize this shit.
So or. She's just worried about getting
deported. Yeah, that something's causing
her to fetishize this. This is not.
Mike and Dylan are psychologists.
I don't know, but we're going tokeep reading.
Ohio my bit. But here's where it gets
interesting. And this is where I need your
guy's opinion. So earlier that day, I noticed

(24:47):
there was this picture of a young man.
And I was like, man, I'm gonna need to ask her if she has a
boyfriend. And I asked her.
I was like, do you have a boyfriend?
She said, no, that's my brother that passed away.
And I was like, man, I'm really sorry for your loss.
And this part is important. So I'm gonna come back to it.
When she was doing the Mexican St. corn bit.
So after that was done, I went to the bathroom and I know
something wasn't right about hervagina.
It didn't look right. And I thought to myself, you

(25:08):
know what? It's the first time you've ever
been with a Mexican woman. Maybe it's nothing.
So we get done and we're laying in bed and she looked like she
had some strange look on her face.
And I was like, what's wrong? And she said, if I tell you
something will you not be mad? And I was waiting for her to
say, hey, I have a boyfriend. Nope, she used to be a man.
Fuck, damn it. Ha, this gotta be satire.

(25:31):
I love it though. I fucking love it.
So my question is, am I gay? Now?
A little bit. Because obviously I grabbed all
my shit and I went back to my truck and I drove out of Texas.
We're like a madman. So my question is, am I gay for
what happened to me? But I need your guy's opinion
and be brutally honest. And PS I'm a big fan of you
guys. I tell every trucker I come

(25:51):
across to listen to you guys. So hopefully the truckers can
keep you guys on the air and make sure you guys make that
money you deserve. You guys deserve it.
Your #1 fan Jimmy Dean. Fuck me, I'm getting cancelled.
So listen, I just feel like I could tell between.

(26:11):
Fake meat and real meat. They all, they all natural in
the soybean variance. You know what I'm saying?
I feel like I could. You can't trick me with a
fucking tofu tofu burger and be.Like, yeah, I've never, I've
never seen one. So I don't know what they do.
I've never, I've never seen one either, but I could have seen
one that I'm scared now because I'm like, I could have seen one
and it's just like like just on.Close enough to pass right?
Like just, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like I feel.

(26:35):
I assume I assume that I have not.
I feel like I would be able to tell.
This is where I'll get slightly political.
I don't think it's right for somebody to not.
No, that's fucked. That's that's fucked.
I I love women, OK? I love women.
I am not an expert on transgender people.

(26:56):
I can't tell you about bodies dysmorphia if you used to have a
Dick. I don't like that.
You need to disclose. That yeah, that's not a, that's
not my sexuality. Respect my goddamn.
If I'm respecting every weird fucking sexuality that's out
there, you're gonna respect my goddamn sexuality.
And my sexuality is I don't wanna fuck nobody who has or had
a penis. 100% organic vagina. Without it being disclosed to
me. Listen, yes, without it being

(27:18):
disclosed. I don't know what the fuck Mike
is like, you know what I'm saying?
I know I don't like Dick, but ifI see like a bad bitch, she's
like, I gotta use to have a Dick, right?
And this used to be a Dick. At least I could sit there and
be like I can do my I can. Like there's a scale of hotness
to hat a Dick. I assume it's there and every
guy who's listening to this podcast, I don't give a fuck

(27:39):
what your political beliefs are.I don't give a fuck what your
political beliefs are. That scale is real for you.
All right, There's got to be a big old titties, fat ass and
there's a pussy. And then they're like, hey, it
used to be a Dick. No, no, it wasn't.
No, girl, you go sit. There, and you could be like,
God, you'll be doing calculus and I'm going to tell you what

(28:00):
sometimes the math ain't going to go the way you think it is.
I'm telling you, the math ain't going to go the way you think it
is. But they got to disclose.
All I'm saying is that night when I go to bed, I had sex with
titties in a pussy. That's why that's how I would
rationalize it, because you had no choice in the matter.
Some people are going to be likeI would be.
I'd kill that person and I go bego be gay somewhere else,

(28:23):
brother. Like, we ain't going to get that
angry. I was in a hole that looked like
a vagina. I was swindled, all right?
If anything, I'm a victim, not gay.
I'm a victim, swindled. And I was bamboozled.
I'm not going to kill anybody. Especially every party right
here knows about it. They were like, yeah, I also
have AIDS now. My health is in danger.

(28:44):
Now. We could talk about something
different, all right, but like Isaid, any guy out there, I don't
give a fuck how just I'm the I'mthe not gayest man on earth.
Like I will not kiss a bitch who's ever kissed another man,
because that's like kissing somebody else's Dick.
I don't give a fuck if you see ajust a bad gorgeous big old

(29:06):
boobies, big old ass. All right, you going to be doing
that math? You can be fucking sitting there
carrying the tubes, bitch, Like I don't give a fuck.
It's going to happen. This whole circumstance is
weird. It does feel like they grew up
in a very Republican household and they were berated by their

(29:27):
parents who wanted them to be, you know, Nah, we don't want
that gay shit, you know? Stop dressing up like a woman.
Where's my man son at? You're supposed to be a man
bitch. Stop being a bitch.
Man grew up with that. So they fetishized it, and now
it is what it is. If the story's real, once again,
you are not gay, all right. If you think to yourself,
though, this is what I want you to think.

(29:48):
Take her, add the Dick, all right.
If you were like, I would have still went through with the
situation. Little gay all.
Right. Yeah, if you would have put it
in the back door. Yeah, there.
There's a Dick there. If I'm like, I think of the same
situation, but I'm getting pounded from the back and I'm
still OK with it. Then you could be like I'm a
little gay, but literally you were swindled into some great

(30:09):
value pussy. All right, so some beyond pussy
yeah, it is it's the it's the fucking Chinese the the the the
Alibaba off brand. That's what you got.
So you didn't know it wasn't designer.
All right, you didn't know that it was a brand name.
Nothing makes you gay. Once again think about the
situation if you want to know if.
You go back. You might, yeah.
Add a Dick, add a Dick and then you can say if you're gay or

(30:31):
not. The people that are like I would
kill that person. That's one.
That's when I'm like, you are gay and love penis.
You just love penis, Yeah. You just don't want people.
To there's none of the other stuff around it yeah once people
like they're like, I'll kill a gay person I'm like, brother,
you just get out of that closet,go prance around and live your
life yeah and fucking. It's OK for you to wear a
glitter tube top at the. Right at the Friday across the

(30:52):
board, man. And gay people hate it.
They're like, don't mask hate for people being closeted across
the board, man. Anytime you hear somebody,
especially in the public eye, bethat ditty, Yeah, be fucking
homophobic and easily come here play like, hey, you going to
earn that deal and fucking dudesto that.
It's just that the gayest peoplesay the most craziest shit.

(31:14):
Like they'll be like burning allgay people.
As soon as I hear that bro, I'm like.
They're at the truck stop. You want it so bad, blow jobs.
You want it so very, very bad. Now, conversely, once again, I
mean, if you have all the information, if you sit there

(31:34):
and you think about it and you was like, I nutted, I enjoyed
it. Can I tell you if it's gay or
not? I'm not.
I am not. I could say, hey, I don't want
that person playing in a woman'ssport.
That's about as far as I go withit.
But other than that, if it's gayor not, brother, that's I guess
up to. Everything's up to.

(31:55):
Him to decide whether he wants to go back and knock him down
again like that's. Right.
Like, can you handle one time being in a pussy and then here
harder? Like they fuck up and they go
back to that hard voice. It's got to be so hard for gay
people, man, to just wake up andbe like, OK, this is how I talk.
OK, let's get in the voice. Let's get in the character.
You mother fucker. Right.
Just be normal like you don't have to like get up or talking

(32:16):
like a black woman that I can't stand.
You are a little white man. Stop talking like a black woman
and how black women aren't mad about that because it's like
they talk about appropriation and shit.
Gay white dudes immediately werejust like everything a black
woman does I'm going to do now and nothing because they're on

(32:36):
the same side. Listen, Yeah, I need to listen
to the dark episode when it comes out.
I'm Mike and Mike and Dylan loveconspiracies.
Jesus Christ. All right, I'm gonna get into
the. Short 2 pager.
That's not a big two pager. I'm going to do the little ones
first, then we'll get into the big one last because Dylan will
probably read the big one. This title says God fucking damn

(32:59):
Jimmy Dean. Let me know what you like.
I do want to do an update to that.
And if you, if you like being Donald Trump fucking dude pussy.
I listen, I'm the first person. I say live your life, live your
life, have you fun as long as you.
Guys are not. Going to judge anybody for it.
You know, consenting adults. You do what you don't give a
fuck. The first person that goes, oh

(33:20):
man, I would. I would fucking, I would, I
would kill them and then I wouldcry.
I would cry and I'd rock myself back and forth and I'd be like
I'm not a gay boy daddy. I am not a gay boy daddy.
I don't have feelings. I'm a man daddy.
That's what I that's what I always think of when it's like
people are like real crazy as gay people.
The title is dealing with my shit job.

(33:43):
Dear Mike and Dylan. I'm a 28 year old male with a
wife and a 2 year old daughter. I've been working for a milk
company as a receiver. Our person from the last story
is about to be a receiver. I'm just joking all right.
The job is a very physical and mentally draining job.
The management sucks pretty muchlike every job these days and
they keep adding more work for us to do.
I don't mind working hard but ithas become overwhelming.

(34:06):
Most days when I go to management about it they do
nothing. They say a bunch of stuff to try
and make me feel better but in reality they don't give a shit.
I try my best to stick through it.
I don't know how much more I cantake.
I do have another baby on the way which makes this even harder
because I need the insurance go out so I just can't up and quit.
God that that dark episode. Yeah, that that's for him.
Listen, Yeah, also. Oh, well, I also am the sole.

(34:31):
I also am the sole provider for my family.
And sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a father and a
husband. What advice can you guys give
me? PS The show.
I listen to you guys every day. Not too many people out there
are as straightforward as you guys are.
I love it and keep it going. You're right.
That's why I'm poor and nobody listens to us.
Because we created a whole otherpodcast that's gonna be even.
Yeah, that's gonna be even more.And at this point there's gonna

(34:55):
be like 5 people on this earth that be like, I really fuck with
them guys. Yeah, those guys, they're,
they're saying they fucking, they try their hardest to get
people to not listen to them. Dude, you're not failing.
That's number one thing. We go over that like you're
doing, dude. You're.
Fucking you're getting through asystem that is designed for you
to fail like that is that is thething.
And I do want you to view how you're living because once

(35:17):
again, a lot of people get confused with giving their child
a better life and being a good parent.
Man, kids are not going to remember the gifts they got.
They're going to remember Tom's dad was there.
So once again, the first thing Ialways say is if it's a shit
job, look at your finances, lookat what you're actually
spending, what how you could do better.
And if you can, you know, reducesome of that shit, find a better

(35:40):
job where you're with the kids more and spending that quality
time with them. Like I said, fucking iPad, fuck
the latest shit. They're going to hear about
other kids getting that stuff and they're going to be sad
about it. And then they're going to
actually see that kid on like a day-to-day basis, say they're
playing sports or something likethat.
You're going to be out there andthey're like, damn, where's your
parent at that? And like, oh, well, you know,
she's with her new boyfriend or what do you know what I'm

(36:01):
saying? And then it'll then it'll click
for him. They'll be like oh so my dad
chooses to love me instead of try to, you know, compensate his
love with items and shit. The best way I ever heard that
put it was a friend of mine and it was a quote from her dad and
he said I didn't always get you what you want, but I always made
sure you have what you need and.Don't ever say that because

(36:22):
that's the worst thing to say and it's so fucking annoying to
hear as a kid. What the fuck are you talking
about? Because of that, you can't
always get what you want song. No, no, it's it's like
legitimately you were always provided with your needs.
Like I always made sure your needs were met.
Before dealing is really passionate.
I'm not saying my brothers the fucking lyrics from the song I.
Know my brothers used to sing that song to me.
Yeah, it's not the lyrics. From the song Always.

(36:44):
No, I that's not the fucking lyrics.
What would you say? I didn't always get you what you
wanted, but I always made sure you had what you needed.
If you needed food, if you needed clothes on your back, if
you needed hospital, I made surethat you got that.
It's not the quote from the song.
It's a legitimate parenting advice of like, I didn't buy you
the fucking iPad. I didn't buy you the game
system. I made sure you had what you

(37:04):
needed, but I didn't always get you what you wanted, what you
asked for, my brothers. Used to sing that to me in a
very condescending way when it would be shit about.
Like, you know, shoes for schoolinstead of wearing swimming
shoes. They would also constantly do
the man from the Amanda Bond show, which would get like my I
would be so mad, bro, and I knowI couldn't beat them up because
I was a little fat kid. So I just sit there and do like

(37:26):
that bro. Listen, older brothers fucking
suck until you could beat them up and then it kind of becomes
better. But then they turn into not shit
dudes. And then I always want to bum
money from you. But listen man, that's what I
should do. Every time they go to bum money
from you just be like get a job.You have 4 kids bro what are you
doing? Like come on get on your ship

(37:49):
brother. I didn't mean to sound so
egregious with it, but. Well, it's not the lyrics of the
song. You heard the lyrics of the
song. But that's not just bro that
used to be. I was like that there's a
difference because my stepdad would do it too.
I'd be like, bro, there's a difference between like a a Game
Boy Color and then shoes where people can't smell my feet from
outside of the shoes because they're designed for water.

(38:11):
They're water. Shoes.
Those shoes they're wearing now?No, because I smell them over
here. Oh, yeah, that's because I don't
wear socks and they're, they're like $8 Walmart shoes.
I'm, I'm going through a tough time right now, brother.
But yeah, like, once again, figure out your finances.
I can't tell you what your finances are.
And if you can like, you know, cut down on some shit.
Once again, a kid is going to bebro, tell a kid right now.

(38:38):
If they want something real bad,tell them be like, I ain't got
the money to get you that, OK? They're going to be sad and then
start wrestling with them on a bed and see how long they stay
sad for because it's not going to be long.
Well, and there's smart ways to talk about money around kids
because that's one of the thingsthat poor people do is they talk
about money in a way that makes it like, you know, you don't
have enough. But like that same quote of

(39:00):
like, you know, wants versus needs.
Like if a kid can really understand that, like, hey, I
don't need the fucking Game Boy.I need food.
I need a roof over my head. If you can start getting through
to them and be like, we have money, but we're deciding we're
going to put money towards this.We're going to put money towards
that. You want to play a sport, that's
where we want to put our money towards rather than buy
something that you're going to waste when.

(39:23):
Sorry, yeah, but it's just like you, you got to speak about
money in a way that you're not saying like you don't have
enough money. It's just you're choosing where
you're going to put your money in a responsible.
Man, I tell my daughter we have money to live.
Like I'll be like, at no point does my bank account just sit
with $0.00 in it. It sits with money in there that
needs to go to things like the mortgage so we have a house and

(39:44):
food so we can eat. And it's like I don't have money
right now for a video game. I don't have extra money that is
not being allotted to something that requires us to live.
I don't have money outside of what we need to live.
So that's how I try to explain it to her.
But once again I am bad at moneyso.
Well, and with him, like, I mean, if he finds a different
career that he could go into or like, like you said, the easiest

(40:07):
way to be better off more wealthy is exactly like you
said, look where you're spendingyour money now.
Is there anywhere that you couldcut back?
Is there anything you could do to make your money go further,
make those changes and then you automatically have gotten a
raise from work? Even a 2?
Year old daughter and then another kid.
Listen, that's why I would do that.
I was out. And look, if your wife is like a

(40:29):
real ride or die partner and you're like, listen, I can't
stand this. I want to cut back on stuff.
Can we see what we could do? She's gonna help you out, man.
And yeah. What?
One second, look, I'm not a crier man, except for like,

(40:51):
right, Just a podcast. Like I don't know what it does.
I get to talking about shit. Don't hold shit back.
But you know, I started working and then I would work 12 hours,
6-7 days a week, man. And I was doing what a man did
and a good bit of seven years ofmy daughter's life, I saw her

(41:12):
once a week and then a week for vacation and everything that led
up to. I can tell you with that.
And once again, like, I'll talk about like, you know, not making
money with the podcast or struggling financially.
I am not struggling, you know, in my heart, you know, people

(41:34):
talk about like a wealthy man isa man with love, and I am one of
those. Like I would like to have a
podcast of things set up where Icould do it and not have to
worry about the also the money aspect.
Don't give a fuck about being rich or none of that shit.
I just want to do what I love and be comfortable while doing
it. But nothing, nothing ever came
of that that was worth me missing that that I would never

(41:56):
there's not an opportunity for me to get back.
So if you already just don't like it, man, I would be looking
into something else that had, you know, less hours, looking
where I could cut things financially, just doing the the
most that you can to watch that shit.
Because I'm telling you, I have a, you know, my daughter's my
best friend. They're still that like I said,

(42:17):
that seven-year period that I didn't get and with my youngest,
you know, my middle son too, I missed like, you know, the first
four years. He's three years younger than a
sister. But I see these things that my
youngest goes through and, you know, and then I hear my wife
talk about, well, yeah, you know, when they were in, they
did this. And it's just like, you just
hear about that stuff. That's that's all you do is you.

(42:39):
You get to hear about it or you get to watch it through a video.
And it'll never make up for actually being there in real
life. And I'm telling you, man, being
behind on a bill, I would ratherbe behind on every bill that I
have and be able to go home to them and US, play video games,
watch Harry Potter for the goddamn 19th time because she
won't watch Lord of the Rings. I would trade that.

(42:59):
Like I would never, ever trade that for just, you know, going
back to work and doing that. I'm slaving away to get ahead.
Well, and I think that's like where like right now, we're at a
point where we're like, we're pushing really hard to get these
things off the ground so that they do, like Mike said, we're
not looking to become like millionaires from this, but

(43:21):
we're just looking to have a jobwhere we can develop that like
balance with our family. And right now we do a really
good job of working our fucking asses off but still being around
for our family. Like last night, I came up and
edited to make sure that the episode went out this morning.
And it was one of those cases where like I didn't get as much
sleep as I should, but I got to spend the whole fucking day with
my family. I couldn't do that at my other
job like I would, I would literally have to be there.

(43:43):
Whatever hours they tell me I got to be there, which is
usually the hours that my family's awake.
And so I didn't have the abilityto just be like, ah, no, I'll
just push that till they're asleep.
And like tomorrow Mike's going to get his tooth removed.
And like he told me that this morning.
And we're talking about kind of like how my daughter was going
to be taken care of for the week.
Usually my mom watches her in the mornings and then my my wife

(44:03):
on Tuesdays watches her. And so since Mike was getting
his tooth pulled out, I was like, fuck you.
She, she's been saying for a while she's like, I miss you
because like I do still work a lot even though it's not, you
know, the same as my former job,but like, she's like, I miss you
and like, I want to spend time with you.
And we did spend the whole weekend together.
But for her, like, you know, shedoesn't know weekdays versus
weekends versus anything. So I was like, tomorrow we'll

(44:25):
get to do a daddy daughter day and it'll just be me and you.
And so we get to like figure outwhat the fuck we want to do.
We can go to the pool, we can godo something and like chill it
up. And like, that's something that
I couldn't do at a different job.
Not saying that this guy should,you know, start his own business
because that's terrible. Don't do it.
You will be broke. But like, overall, yeah, like it
it in the work life balance doesn't exist.

(44:48):
There's no such thing as that. But you have to find what you're
willing to accept. And it's going to be a trade off
of family time versus giving your your life away to a company
or somebody. And if there is opportunities
for you to get a better job withless hours even if you don't get
paid more. Like just figure out what makes
the most sense for you and in your relationship with your wife

(45:11):
and your kids and balance all that out.
Figure out what makes sense and the easiest ways.
Daughter's home alone had to check it.
What's that? Daughter's home alone had to
check the phone to make sure I didn't get like a text or
nothing. I'd hate to get a text. 35
minutes, then there's somebody strange to the front door.
Fuck shit. But yeah, find what you love,

(45:33):
especially if you already hate it.
Now there's no amount of no amount of money is going to make
you doing what you don't love worth it.
And you're doing the right thingby contemplating what the
options are. Right, And here's one thing a
man who was trying, who was who was giving it his all, who who
was thinking about how he is to his family is never failing as a

(45:56):
father or a husband. I don't give a fuck if you say,
if you sit there and you have those moments of doubt in
yourself and you're thinking about I need to do better and
all this other, you're doing just fine.
You're doing just fine. This is not a cut and dry thing.
Ain't nobody got to figure it out.
Me and me and Dylan can say the nicest things in the world.
We can, we can say it like we haven't figured out, but we make
mistakes every fucking day as asparents, as adults, as we don't

(46:20):
have it figured out. But here's the thing.
If you think, if you know that you don't have it figured out
and you assume that you're failing and you want to get
better, I believe you're 100% onthe right track.
All right, so the next one says awkward morning.
Hi, Mike and Dylan. Figured you would join a good
laugh this morning. I woke up late and got dressed
in the dark to not wake my family up.

(46:41):
Was this on the Reddit? Yeah.
OK. Yeah.
I didn't read this one. Yeah.
So I, I just figured it was there.
I figured it was a good one to put on.
Usually I read, although I'm really involved in it right now.
Fucking can't wait till tomorrow.
I'm on a nut that's going to be so funny when the dentist pulls
it out and I just fucking nut everywhere.
I was like, sorry for all the nut.
And he's like, it's OK, I got a vagina and I'm like, whoa, what?

(47:01):
I'm also a Latina. Put on this bag of hat.
OK OK I got dressed in the dark to not wake up my family.
I jumped in the truck and ran tothe grocery store to do a nice
deed for my wife. Been at the store for an hour
and just checked out and got back to my truck.
I said good morning to everyone as I'm a friendly person and got

(47:21):
a weird look every time I was wondering what everyone's issue
was. Then I got to the checkout line.
The checker was nice enough to tell me that my jeans fly was
open and that my bright red boxers were showing.
Dang someone couldn't have told me XYZ like we used to in
school. Any advice on how to properly
get dressed when your baby Co sleeps and you can't get ready
in your room? I asked since I heard y'all

(47:41):
talking about kids sleeping in your bed and one of the
podcasts. Currently I try to set out
clothes when I remember and get dressed in the dark in the
living room so I don't wake up my 5 year old.
I'll be lying if I said this is the first time, but I usually
catch it out in the truck on theway to work.
That's memories. Memories that working at the box
shop and fucking going into a different room to get dressed,
to put on my shoes, everything. What's so funny is when you grab

(48:02):
your clothes from the room, you go out, then you got to go back
in because you didn't get socks,then you got to go back in and
get shoes. And your wife's just like, why
can't you do this all at one time?
And I'm like, there is one person getting ready for work
right now, and it's not you. So don't tell me how to do it.
OK? Don't tell me how to do it.
I don't want to go. I don't want to go back.
So yeah, the fly thing, honestly, not as bad as.

(48:23):
Did you see the picture circulating about the guy in the
checkout line? And I mean, the biggest cum
stain on his shirt, on his shirtand it was it was even off.
And yeah, Oh yeah. And it was even the folded like
that with the big you knew and stuck every person, every guy
knows. Every guy knows that is.
That toothpaste. No, that's, that's, that's
that's bubble gum. That bro, that stain is so

(48:48):
synonymous. You don't want to get sour cream
on your shirt. Little sour cream right there,
bro. We're calling that nut actual
nut. And I'm talking about listen,
that's a it's a healthy young lad.
It was big. That was a.
Yeah, it should have been from multiple occasions, but it was
the the pattern just made it look like, oh man, look, I got
to show Dylan now. Well, the way I explained it on

(49:10):
the Reddit was like, I, I do thelike wallet like checking for
shit in my pockets. And part of what I do is I like
put my finger across the fly just to see if it's open because
I do that all the time. Like, and I think I have pants.
Do you have pants that just are like, oh, the fly just comes
down on its own? Do you have pants that like the

(49:31):
fly comes down without it like? Oh yeah, yeah, everybody has to
wear the zippers. Like wore out.
And so that I do like a check sometimes, not that I but like,
I don't really think it's that bad.
Like why? OK, there we go.
Look Hardy stain. Oh, man, and it's got the ropes
and everything. Yeah, so I googled that.
I googled it wrong the first time so.

(49:54):
Poor kid. Yep.
Got a lot of nothing. Glues together like that.
Yeah, nothing. That's not brother.
That is not adhesive. Isn't that what Superman that
hoe was about? Was like doing that on a girl's
back. And then what's that?
It could be like one of those diabetes.
Oh yeah, that's definitely not the.

(50:15):
Yeah, that is splooge. And he is not the only person
that's ever went out like. That not on.
It's not on his pants, not on his nothing.
I think I did it not too long ago.
I. Think it would be better if it
was on the front of your shirt so then you could.
At least you have like sour cream, you know that's I just
had a donut or you. Just like walk through like
this. You'd just be like, Oh yeah, no,
no, my sides hurting so. Yeah, you know, fucking.

(50:37):
I had a donut and they had like the drippy glaze on it and
people were like drippy glad, like drippy, just drippy glaze.
And then it it glued itself backtogether.
Yeah, but you can't been dried like on the back too.
No, you're done. Because then we're making jokes.
We were like, you know what? On the back.
Yeah, you got. And it was just right there.
They just what? Was that from Diddy?
Yeah, you're never, ever gettingover that.

(50:59):
But the zipper undone bright redboxers.
I thought it was going to be like panties or something.
You put on some panties and I was going.
To put on the girls. Yeah.
Oh, like brother, you could be honest with us, but it was it
was just unzipper. It was zipper down.
And listen, I've zippered down commando.
Oh yeah. That's dangerous though, because
like, that's the one time that you're shit, like actually wants

(51:19):
to like, like go in to zip it up.
It's like, whoa, that was way too close.
Yeah, So just I wonder if girls have ever had that issue.
I would say pubes. I've never like.
Almost zipped my actual Wiener. Up.
I've been close. Pubes though, like and also I
don't. How often have you ever unzipped

(51:40):
your pants to pee? I don't usually.
It's usually unbuttoned and then.
Right, yeah, pull down. I just kind of just like flip it
over the top too. I just fucking and just be like
sitting there. See, I should do it like the
little kids, like the little boys, like where you just like.
Drop your ass down like. Just drop drop them fucking.
Pants down, hole, asses out. Yeah, and just hold it.

(52:01):
So we potty trained my youngest and he's doing that and I got to
pee with him too. And judge middlefucker, he is
peeing 100%. Four years old, nonverbal
autistic dad did that. All right, listen, I'm not
saying I'm God's gift to parent and autistic babies, but I'm
just saying we can read each other's vines.
So it's a little bit easier, allright?

(52:22):
We come from the same tree of learning.
But so, you know, I go in there and I'm showing him how to do it
the whole time. And what's so funny is like I'm
showing him how I hold my Wienerand he can't hold his like that.
So I gotta get down there and I'm like grabbing his hands and
we're like, I'm trying to use his hands to Peach it and to
like aim it in there and to pee.It's like a squirt gun, you just

(52:44):
gotta point it. Right.
And I was like, man, he's never gonna get it.
And then the second, literally second time we went, he just
does it like he's a fucking professional.
Been doing it the whole time. And then he'll start peeing in
there. Remember I pee with him too.
And now when he pees, he just like, cuz he'll go in there when
he doesn't have to. It'll like dribble, dribble.
So I'm actually peeing. And then he'll like sit back and

(53:04):
he'll go stinky. I'm like, I'm a grown man.
I ain't grown man. Stuff smells like asparagus and
depression. Shut up.
But he's just like, Daddy's peeing stinky.
I'm like, shut up, Dick. So you're non verbal except for
judgement. Yeah, he's Albar.
He'll judge you like the funniest shit.

(53:26):
And once again, I can't. We're at the point where we
can't say non verbal, but that'swhat.
Yeah, Well, I mean, if he can't.If he can't, like if he's not
kept up with. He's severely severely speech
delayed and cannot tell you anything coherently.
Cannot form a sentence so we just say non verbal.
How's the the pad thing working?Has he they?
Ordered it, they've not brought it.
He is getting one of the speech pads that you talk with.

(53:48):
I don't know. I don't know why I have to
clarify that about my son. It's just cuz people create like
a hierarchy and how disabled their child is.
And then I'm just like, there's something wrong with you if
you're bringing that up. Well, he could say some words.
So it's not like true. You can shut the fuck up, bitch.
Like obviously your child doesn't talk because you like to
run your goddamn mouth too much.Apparently you've used all of
the fucking family talking points.

(54:09):
Up Oh, is that why that's? Probably why he's that's why,
yes, he's I'm at the, I'm at thelast.
One and he's just. He's ran out.
He's ran out. Middle son just doesn't speak
because he's like, listen, I don't fuck with really nobody.
I'm a lone wolf until he wants. But that he's the best at
buttering somebody up. Yeah, seems like.
But Dad, you were just so funny and handsome.
And I'm like, damn, bud, thank you.

(54:31):
He'd be like, you told a joke earlier.
I just. I thought it was funny, man.
I wanted to come up and tell youmy daughter, she just makes it
obvious. He'll he'll say something like
that and he'll even like say part of that.
I'm like, you heard it and you thought I was saying you got it.
He was like, yeah, I got it, man.
I'm smart. And yeah, I think I get that.
I think I get it from you how smart I am because you know,
I'll be saying stuff to mom, flyover.
I'll be like, right, right. He'd be like, so there's this

(54:52):
thing, it's like 1000 Roebucks fucker.
See, what he needs to learn how to do is to go out of the room,
go find some time just doing something else, and then be
like, oh dad, there's this cool thing on.
Roblox, let it sit a little. Bit just let it marinate.
He'll do that. He's really good at it.
He's really, he'll just be like,you know what?
You know what we haven't done ina while, Dad?

(55:14):
We haven't played this game together.
Yeah. And there's this thing that's
like, motherfucker, all right, so we are getting on the last
oh, it's stop hating. Well, in trade school.
I'm getting it now. Do you want?
Me to read it. Now I got it all right.
I'm, I'm. What's the word?

(55:40):
Ready for your OH? Fuck, what's the word?
Like I'm in, I'm locked in. There we go.
Yeah, for the 5th podcast that we've done in the right now.
4th. 4th Today 4th. We've only been doing this for.
Six hours. 7 hours. You should.
Have almost 8 hours. Should have at 10.

(56:01):
I should have at 9:00. Yep, 916 I was that.
I pulled up at 9:16. I don't.
Think so. I got a fucking text message
right here, buddy. 916 in the motherfucking moaning.
Oh, I left it now. So I got here at 9:20, 925

(56:25):
o'clock. So long as they put in.
Stop hating welding training school, All right, listen, this
is the this is the advice we need to give out, all right?
We need to focus on that and not.
How long you been? Mike's tardiness.
OK, Howdy Mike and Dylan. Just wanted to give my comments
story on welding trade school. I'm gonna start by saying it's
the best thing I ever did. I quit a job because the company

(56:45):
tried to use my military serviceagainst me, pay opportunities,
etcetera. After which I was job hopping
and just mentally down how they use that against you.
Oh, I guess since she was over there killing people, you got to
kill people now for us and we ain't gonna pay you anymore.
I've got a kid to feed and I'm barely making it.
Then I found out about the localwelding school at the Patrick
Henry Community College, Henry County, Virginia.

(57:07):
For those nearby and opportunities available, I gave
it my all two days a week for six hours each.
That's up near DC. Yeah, we're doing a we're doing
a Patrick Henry Community College ad right now.
Nighttime classes available as well as shorter hours for three
days. My trainer teacher told everyone
to treat it like a job and he would be a reference.
I loved every moment of it took blueprint reading and metal or.

(57:32):
Metallurgy. Metallurgy explains how metal
works. Learned so much even with
explanations of how some jobs will be or expectations.
Used FASTFA and always covered. My next goal while in school was
to find a job already and had many certifications.
John Deere, Kernerville North Carolina was my first choice and
with these certifications I applied.

(57:53):
It's a hard it's the hardest jobto get on.
Got an e-mail to take a welding test.
Had a bar in my dad's truck with$20.00 of gas to get there.
Went there took the test and then explained how far I was and
they gave me an interview. Then couple days later I'm in
school and explain to my teacherI think I'm all right I'm just
waiting for a call to see if I got the job.
He then asked to check my e-mail.

(58:13):
I opened my e-mail, tears began to roll.
Him, another welder standing by me.
I got the job. Best ending to the start of an
awesome career. No apprenticeship, no hassle,
just two weeks of classroom for safety and such.
Then straight to the line welding doing the same thing as
everyone else. A welding job where I'm not
traveling, all equipment is covered.
It would be expensive. Safety is #1 best pay for non

(58:33):
traveling welders, plenty of time off even if you call out,
helping a relative, spouse have a baby, bereavement, got to go
to kids, school events and others.
Overall many jobs will see your schooling as job experience.
I went from seeing if my bank would charge for overdraft to
what I can invest some spare money in.
I mean I've made six figures some years.

(58:54):
So stop hating on the trade school and promote it.
Can you give me a job? Flip the pages.
I want to get a job. Yeah, it's right over there in
Kernsville. You can.
Get that's what I'm saying. It's right up the road from us,
you. Can go to DDCC and get your
welding certificates. Does it take two weeks?
I think he was talking about thetraining at John Deere was the.
Two weeks, man. I don't think it's very long
though, like I think you can getcertificates pretty quick at

(59:16):
trade schools. Damn absolutely love the
podcast. Watch Mike's videos many times
and just found the podcast a couple weeks ago and playing
them non-stop. Enjoy how many are put out.
Also I've listened to Smosh Reed's Reddit stories and never
cared to have a Reddit but y'allmake me want to have one.
Y'all are definitely better. Y'all are definitely better than

(59:36):
Smosh Reed's reddits. Bringing it in more personal in
responses and just normal conversations.
No care in the world to go on a rant and I'm here for it.
I've listened to many podcasts, but just to say, I looked at the
video and I seriously did not think Dylan would look like
that. He sounds like an office guy.

(59:57):
It's dill in, dill out. All right, You're the Dylan guy
and that was it. All right, look, I love you so
much and I know it is your opinion to say that we are
better than Smosh Reed's Reddit.That's your opinion and I
respect your opinion. I'm not going to say neither
here nor there if. Mike and Dylan hate drama is
better than Smosh. Reach Reddit.

(01:00:18):
I'm not going to say that because you said it, but fuck
yeah man. Look, that is a very valid point
to what I was saying. Well, I think.
He that's The thing is people that have actually experienced
that stuff know at least some ofit because like, we aren't
welders, we're not in that thing.
And like if that works, but like, I think we were thinking
of it as like one of these like welding schools, like a school

(01:00:40):
that you go to for welding and not just the Community College.
The Community College is going to be fairly cheap for most.
Yeah, and fast foot and all thatstuff, but like shit that I
don't get is like, you know, theTCPI shit and stuff like that
and oh. ECPI like the.
ECPI. Yeah, computer.
Tech stuff, yeah. And there's one also there was

(01:01:00):
God, man, it's like UTI, UTI. That one's the one.
I like urinary tract infection. They go by UTI.
I'm like, did y'all? There's various ways y'all could
have fucking made this. Well, my mom was talking about
her primary care physician the other day, and she's like, yeah,
I got to talk to my PCPI was like, what?
Angel dust, why are you? Are you?

(01:01:21):
Doing a horse tranquilizer. Are you fucking snoring it?
PCP is age dust. Yeah.
Which is horse tranquilizer. No, Yes.
No it's not bro brother. No it is not.
You will be anything but tranquilized for PCP.
What? Who's who's going to all?
Right, we're going to see what is PCP that also is a street

(01:01:47):
drug as Angel dust among other names.
It is a dissociative anesthetic mainly used recreationally for a
significant mind altering effects PCP may cause I guess it
is because it's anesthetic it says right there.
So that would be a but also cocaine is an anaesthetic and
you wouldn't call it a tranquilizer.
PCP was developed in the 1950s at an intravenous.

(01:02:09):
Anaesthetic. Yes, that is a nuts.
For Humans was discontinued because it caused patients to
become agitated, delusional and irrational.
Wait a second, let me let me make sure I'm right.
Anaesthetic medicationally that blocks and prevents pain or
discomfort. So yeah, so it is a numb, but
also cocaine is a an anaesthetic.
So not a tranquilizer. That's just what I was saying.

(01:02:31):
It's not a tranquilizer. You ain't going to be like,
yeah, I've seen people do PCP and not one of them was just
like all of them was just like, I'm scared and I want to run and
I'm terrified and I'm going to run away from being terrified of
running. That's one I saw, man.

(01:02:52):
I just like like I've seen people accidentally smoke it
too, like in marijuana. And I'm just like, who does
that? Who's just like this is the I
really love PCP. So I guess it's very similar to
ketamine. Ketamine is a tranquil that's
tranq. It says PCP, like ketamine, also

(01:03:13):
acts as a potent dopamine D2 receptor partial antagonist.
OK, so that would I guess it would be more.
I just don't, I don't understandcuz the I know the anesthetic is
just anything. They're like nums.
Yeah. And block signals like
anesthesia. That is a tranquilizer too.
Maybe, I don't know, maybe there's a different name for the

(01:03:35):
like the lidocaines, the cocaines and the shit like that.
I don't fucking know. Tranquilizer.
I wouldn't label it as that. Yeah, no, I that's just what.
I always, like I said, I've onlyexperienced people doing it like
two or three times and they never seem tranked.
No they didn't seem down. I've seen people do ketamine and
literally fucking fentling so. I've never seen ketamine usage

(01:04:00):
either. You know, my cousins used to
really love the worst tranquilizer and they're like,
hey, you want to ruin your wholefucking day and not get shit
done? I'm like, no God that sounds.
That's what if somebody breaks. In to your house and y'all are
just like and I'm. Just no.
Like how's the day? Like you just basically clicked.
You would be like. Ketamine with fentanyl now
injecting it and I'm just, it's so crazy because I just

(01:04:22):
experienced the first person I've ever experienced actually
snort like they do straight fentanyl and I'm that's like how
much do you do? Cuz they're like a grain of
sand. I'll kill you.
This guy is obviously immortal. Immortal.
And it's the man made drugs thatlike keep coming out that are
like the worst. That's the one.
They're the worst ones. Like the ones that that God

(01:04:44):
intended, like cocaine. He was like, look, you got to
put a little gasoline. On it or or or you could just
like chew the fucking leaves andyou get like a buzz like.
No way, because I'll get, I'll get like I need to get.
That's originally where they gotit.
How much? How much time do I get for
getting the leaves? I don't know.
I think there's, there's probably, you could probably
grow it in your yard. I don't know.
It's when it's when you distill it down that.
Listen, that's God right there. If I could chew on a leaf, I

(01:05:07):
get. I guarantee you chewing on the
leaf is more healthy than an energy shot.
Oh, yeah, I'm 100% saying that right now.
Now, when you use gas to really extract it, we get something
different, all right? And we're getting the extracted
version. OK, that's like zoom zoom, but.
Yeah, see, you just do the the weed, the mushrooms just chew on
the. Like kratom though, because

(01:05:28):
kratom comes from a plant also, and I don't know, there's a big
push to get that shit like illegalized and there's a bunch
of people that say it helps themlike with addiction and stuff
like that. Anything is just anything's
abusable, brother. That's just.
And The thing is though, is the ones that are the most abusable

(01:05:49):
are the ones that they sell at the fucking drugstore.
Right. Yeah, the man made shit, Yeah.
Like, like you don't see people,like, the only reason you see
people doing a bunch of stupid shit with the illegal ones is
because there's a black market and that's, so there's a lot of
money in it. There's a lot of like, theft
and, you know, crime. Associated around it what you
do, though, what you do to really get the the the black

(01:06:11):
markets going is you're like, hey, here's a prescription
medication that acts just like kind of like a baby version of
that one and we're going to makeit massive bun and get a bunch
of people Dick. Then we're going to pull it all
the way as soon as this crazy shit called.
Expensive. As soon as this crazy shit
called fentanyl comes out, whichyou could tell me all day, I'm
sorry. There's coincidences, then
there's conspiracies. You can check that out on or

(01:06:32):
that's gonna be. One of our episodes need to do
some write ups of what we're gonna do on the.
Oh, man, I know I'm gonna have agreat time.
I do think. I think we do something real
fun. Then we do like opioids.
Yeah. And then we go into the fucking
crazy political one and then funagain.
And then people are like, listen, you don't know what
you're gonna get. Cuz honestly it could be about
the Chupacabra I really like. History ones too.

(01:06:54):
Fucking love it. History ones are gonna.
Because, you know, I wanted to do the the manliest men in
history. Yeah, shit.
And we were gonna cover like George Washington fucking
Genghis Khan. I was like, they don't have to
be a good person, They just gotta be manly.
But yeah, I think this has been a great episode of Mike and
Dylan Hate Hate Drama. If you guys need advice, if you

(01:07:15):
need help in your life, you could submit at
mikeanddylan.com. MIKEANDDY lan.com.
Also, if you are a blue collar worker or no, a blue collar
worker that would like some nicequality clothing, you can find
that at laborllama.com. LABORLAMA.
That is Mike and Dylan Hate Drama.
That's their official sponsor because me and Dylan own it.

(01:07:36):
We make sure that every piece ofclothing is quality and ready to
come to you and, I don't know, make your life better.
And just like our advice, we're running a special right now.
M ADHD30 gets you 30% off anything in the store.
Anything in the store? Man, what a great deal by some
great guys. Listen, I love you all and I
hope your penis grows an inch overnight.

(01:07:57):
I hope your boobs get a little bit bigger.
I do hope that's not in cancerous.
I do want to bring that up too, and we will see you next time.
Later.