December 9, 2024 • 38 mins
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Who knew a Halloween wedding and early Christmas decorating could offer so much insight into managing life's chaos? Join us as we share the highs and lows of our recent adventures, from amusing missteps to finding solace in holiday traditions. Discover how the simple joy of a festive shower curtain becomes a beacon of hope amidst the whirlwind of post-election emotions and holiday hustle. We promise you'll find laughter and maybe even some inspiration in our anecdotes.
Creating this podcast together has been an incredible journey that has not only strengthened our bond but also revealed so much about our mother-daughter relationship. Dive into our reflections on how this shared project has given us dedicated time to connect and a unique platform to express our differing perspectives. As we navigate through scheduling challenges and recording mishaps, we find humor and joy in this journey, sharing those precious moments with you, our audience.
Prioritizing mental health and embracing individuality are themes that resonate deeply through our stories. We open up about our experiences with education, parenting, and communication, shaped by figures like Sir Ken Robinson and the "do it afraid" philosophy. Learn how we balance mental health needs with societal expectations, sharing lessons learned from choosing regular math over advanced classes and the power of resilience. Together, we explore the evolution of our communication and the dynamic dance of roles, as we invite you to reflect on what mental well-being and personal growth mean in your own life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Emily and I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
How are?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
you.
I'm hanging in there.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I'm also hanging in there.
When will this be?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I feel like this will be airing like In November,
yeah, this month, yeah, lateNovember, yeah, be airing like
in November, yeah, this month,yeah, late November, yeah, yeah,
um.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So we just got done with the election, so we are
handling those emotions um andthere's just been a lot going on
this past.
I feel like this past two weeksfor me has been a full month,
like it feels like yeah,insanity.
Like I'm just like my house isa complete disgusting mess.
(01:32):
Like it looks like people arelike squatting in our house.
Basically, sweetie, that sucksit's such a mess?
I mean like when?
So on Halloween we had aHalloween party and Jake had
scheduled you know this like hescheduled the wrong dates to go
(01:56):
to our friend's wedding inAtlanta, so we thought it was
going to be the followingweekend, but it was actually
that it was Halloween weekend.
So we found that out.
He had to change all theflights.
We lost a bunch of money, um,but it was like we had the
halloween party and then we hadto leave the next day.
(02:16):
So like I didn't really get toclean up from the party.
So the house is still a mess,just from the party itself um
wow and then, um, and also totop it off, that night we did
not put up the trash can, so ourtrash can in our garage was
like overflowing with trash, um,and then we had to leave friday
(02:37):
.
I still had to work, like boththursday and friday.
We left friday night, got therefriday late, friday night, had
the wedding Saturday, had toleave the wedding early to get
back on a flight home because wewere both scheduled to well,
jake was running the event thatwas happening Sunday morning at
church and I was on social mediateam because it was baptism
(03:00):
Sunday, so and I was the onlyone scheduled for that, so like
we both had to be there.
Um, and then, yeah, it was justthat weekend alone.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I'm like, yeah, that's a lot.
No, it's it, I agree.
Every time I look down and I'mlike it's only, it's the eighth.
It doesn't feel like it.
Actually this episode comes outon the week of Thanksgiving.
So, um, yeah, it doesn't.
It feels like I can't believeonly eight days have gone by.
It feels like like at least amonth.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It's a it's a crazy.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
But October flew.
October felt like it was justlike a blink of an eye.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, that's true, october was um.
Yeah, it was crazy.
I'm already decorating forChristmas and I have never
decorated for Christmas beforeThanksgiving and you did last
year.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I did yeah, you did last year because you were like
I just want to decorate forChristmas and I was like just,
it's all Amy Lemons's fault,that's, that's who I'm blaming,
my friend Amy.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
She starts decorating , like right in the very
beginning of November and I'mlike I can't, I can't.
And then I'm like you know what, maybe I can't because I'm not
having.
You know, I won't be here forThanksgiving.
I'll be in California yeah andso I am like what's the point of
keeping it decorated for fallnow?
I did decorate for fall prettyearly, so like right at the
(04:20):
beginning of October.
So, um, so I think that I'mready for Christmas, but I have
gone like all out.
I have a shower, a Christmasshower curtain.
I just ordered another.
This is how I'm like copingwith life is spending money that
I don't have.
Um, and that is you know.
I bought a shower curtain forthe bathroom.
(04:43):
I've got new towels for thebathroom.
I bought a comforter Christmascomforter for Jackson's room.
I bought a shower curtain forthe bathroom.
I've got new towels.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
For the bathroom I bought a comforter Christmas
comforter for Jackson's room.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I bought it.
It's very cute, isn't it socute?
I got it on Amazon, it's socute.
And then I got another one formyself um, from Walmart actually
, and it's very cute.
And I got a little tree for myroom and it is, it's yeah, it's
beginning to look like Christmasupstairs and I haven't even
gotten out the decorations.
That is for tomorrow, so I amso looking forward to just
(05:13):
decorating the house.
And, in fact, I was on thephone earlier today and I was
getting highly agitated and so Ijust like started getting my,
like doing my comforter andtaking out and putting the tree,
the little tree up.
And yeah, yes, I'm like I haveto distract myself, I'm just I'm
.
Yeah, my emotions are all overthe place.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So, yeah, no, at last .
I don't remember if it was lastyear, the year before I had
decorated for Christmas likesuper early also, but then, like
by the time Christmas came, Iwas like I want this to put away
, like I was ready to putChristmas away.
So I told myself I was like I'mnot going to do that again
because I want it to be a littlebit shorter, like I want to be
(05:56):
able to enjoy it when it'sactually like December and on
Christmas, because I remember Ithink it was last year like we
like took down Christmas like aday or two after Christmas like.
I was like I'm done.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I always feel that way, though, so it doesn't
matter.
So for me, like I always feelthat way, it's like the next day
, all right, it's time to takeit down, and even if it's only
been up, you know, for a coupleof weeks, and so now I'm like
well, now I have longer for itto be up, and and then it will
come down.
Probably the same, around thesame.
I'm not ready.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I'm not ready for Christmas.
I have no idea what anybodywants, or I don't even know what
I want.
I'm like I don't even.
Like you've asked me, jake hasasked me.
I'm like, oh no, I have no ideaand I have no idea what to get
anybody else.
And Jake, he even said he waslike you know, like he is, mr
Prepared for Christmas in April,but like he's like this is the
(06:50):
least prepared I've been forChristmas ever.
Oh wow, yeah, I think it'sbecause he's focused on like
engagement stuff.
But I, but I'm like I, yeah, Ifeel the same way.
I don't know what to getanybody.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Well, I have gotten you one thing, one small thing,
and I got Jackson one smallthing, and that's it.
I don't have anything else foranyone.
A bunch of Christmas decor.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, I've gotten zero gifts for anyone.
I got my friend Grace abirthday present, but that's in
November.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Well, I don't know.
Anyway, All right.
So today we are going to takesome questions.
This episode is specificallyquestions.
There's questions to you,there's questions to me, there's
questions to both of us.
So I am going to select a fewand we'll take it from there.
Does it sound good?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, you want.
Are you going to read thequestions?
I'm not going to read any.
Okay, cool, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
So, okay, here's the first question, and this one is
for both of us.
So it says how has doing thispodcast together impacted your
relationship as mother anddaughter?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I feel like I have to think.
Do you have an answer?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Okay, then you go first.
All right, so I may not havelike a scripted answer but I
yeah, no, I know, if you'reready to answer, then you go
first, I haven't even reallylooked at the questions all the
way, to tell you the truth.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I just opened them up and I was like okay, so, and
like categorized and was all set.
But I think I mean I alreadyfelt, you know, like we have a
special bond, so that already,like there's nothing that has
changed in that case for me.
But you know know, the wholereason why I wanted to do this
(08:46):
podcast was so that we had atleast some time where we were
like we're gonna get together,we have to get together and, um,
although here we are, on zoom,I know, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, this, like we just said, this month has been
wild, so this was just theeasier option.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah, we had to do it this way, but, um, but normally
we don't we come together atone of our houses and we record,
um, and we are able to do thatthanks to Jake and um, and so it
is like a time, but I know I'mgoing to get a chance to spend
with you, and so that issomething that I look forward to
, even though there are timeswhere I'm like, oh gosh, we have
(09:25):
to record, we have to record,so, yeah, so I think, and also I
really have enjoyed having theguests, the guests that we've
had and not all those episodeshave come out yet, but people
will know by the time this onecomes, the just watching you and
like talk and interview andjust engage with other people,
(09:45):
and it's just, I don't know, Ilove it.
It just makes me so proud ofyou.
You are, yeah, you're such alike.
Being able to see you as anadult like watching, yeah, it
makes me feel emotional.
Seeing you as an adult is it'slike you have exceeded every
expectation that I could haveever had, and I never like
(10:08):
wanted to put high expectationsor expectations that were
difficult on you, and so I tryto like, let you just be who you
are and I am like just blownaway by who you are.
I mean, you've always blown meaway from the moment you entered
the world.
Who you are, I mean you'vealways blown me away from the
moment you entered the world.
But, um, but just watching yougrow and change and iterate and
(10:29):
you know make new decisions anddo new things and, um, you know
travel to Bali by yourself andyou know plan to go to Peru and
like all these I don't know, andthen just watching your love
story unfold with Jake and thenjust watching your love story
unfold with Jake, just the wholething has been such a, such a
gift, such a gift.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Thank you, that was a really good answer.
I feel like my answer's goingto pale in comparison to that.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Well, this is not a competition.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, no, I know, but I'm just like wow, thank you,
thank you.
I feel like I don't know, likewhenever we started the podcast,
like I was excited, but I guess, like I didn't even realize
like how it's really interestingto me to be able to hear like
(11:20):
both of our perspectives onthings like in detail in a way
where, like we're not just likehaving a conversation with each
other, but you're also liketalking like to the audience,
like so, like you're explaininglike more in depth about like
the way that you're thinking umwhereas like, like, if we're
just having a conversation, likeobviously you're not fully like
(11:43):
explaining the way, because,like, we're just talking and I
know you.
But I think it's interesting tobe able to like see how we both
think together and separatelyand like what that looks like
when we come together.
So yeah, I don't know, and Ialso I think it's really cool,
like the response that we'vegotten about doing it together
(12:04):
like people are always like, oh,like that's so special, like I
love that you're doing that withyour mom, or like you guys have
such a good connection, and I'mlike, yeah, like it's true,
like, and it's cool.
It's cool for like people toalso like see that, because,
like you said, like it hasalways been like that, like
we've always been like veryclose and I used to like explain
(12:28):
it to people, like I, like whenI think I said this on the
podcast before like I'm likewhen I was in high school, like
I would go home and like tellyou stuff and people would be
like you told your mom that andI'd be like, yeah, like I tell
my mom everything.
Whereas, like now, it's likepeople actually like see how we
communicate.
I'm like I don't have toexplain it Like you can, you can
feel it and see it yourself.
(12:49):
So I think that's cool.
I, yeah, it's all, it's all beengood, like everything's been
good.
It is funny to see like how, um, like you get stressed about,
like, like smaller thingssometimes and I'm like it's all
right, like we're going to beokay things sometimes and I'm
like it's all right, like we'regonna be okay, yeah, no, that's
true.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
But it's also interesting to be explaining it
to an audience, because evenwhen I listen and I know you
don't, oh, it drives me crazy.
Um, I, even when I listen back,I'm like, oh, I didn't mean it
like that.
But I do eventually get achance to say I didn't mean it
like that, but it's justinteresting and you're funny.
Because there was one timewhere I felt like I said
(13:29):
something that almost soundedinsulting to you and you were
like, well, blah, blah, blah,blah, whatever you said.
And I was like, well, shehandled that.
Well, you didn't like get upsetor mad, you just like went with
the flow and kind of explained,and I was like I didn't mean it
like that.
It definitely came out likethat, but I'm glad you didn't
(13:50):
take it like that.
Or, if you did, you did a goodjob of not like reacting.
So, um, yeah, but I mean younormally, you're normally like
that.
So I guess I shouldn't besurprised, but I do.
Yeah, I think it's been, Ithink it's been fun.
Yeah, I agree.
All right, let's go to anotherone.
(14:11):
Okay, so let's do.
Let's do now, let's do one,that's whoops.
Let's do one, I'll do one justfor myself.
So how has your background ineducation and mental health
advocacy influenced the way youapproach conversations with
Emily?
Ooh, um, I'm interested to hearthis answer.
(14:52):
Loved education and lovedteaching.
Really, the, though what was atthe forefront has always been
children and and me wanting tohave my own children.
I mean, I wanted to be a mommore than I wanted to be a
teacher.
I wanted to be a mom and havebabies and and be able to be
(15:13):
home with them.
But you know, we've talkedabout this before, where I feel
like that job was actually notfor that, because it left me so
exhausted and depleted that Ididn't feel like I had the
energy that I wanted to havewith you and Jackson, you know,
(15:37):
focusing on literature and likemaking sure there was lots of
books in the house and I wasconstantly reading to you in my
belly, and like read to you onday one.
The first book I ever read toyou was um, dear Mr Blueberry,
which the main character's namewas Emily, and um, yeah, I
remember that.
Yeah, and so I just it was likeI'm like I didn't even know that
, like I just picked it up, justhappened to be one of the books
that I had received from likefriends or whatever, and I'm
(15:59):
like, oh, this is for Emily andum, and so like that kind of
stuff was good.
But then you know, as time wenton and it became like there
were I don't know if there waspressure on you as far as like
doing well in school.
You know you were a teacher'skid and um, and all that kind of
craziness that goes on, but um,but as I started getting like
(16:24):
frustrated with the system andfeeling like we were hurting
kids, I was like I started tonotice that there were cracks in
your education and how you werefeeling about yourself as a
reader, as a thinker and allthose things.
But I will say like finding SirKen Robinson was like such a
(16:48):
gift.
I just absolutely love him.
Going to the technologyconference, listening to him
speak, talking about childrenand their element about finding
things that they.
Talking about children andtheir element about finding
things that they're passionateabout and finding things that
they were really good at, wasvery inspiring for me and I
really it spoke to me on adifferent level and he talked
about how all of our paths don'tgo in one way and they're not
(17:12):
all linear and we and noteveryone has to go to college.
And that was a huge shift forme because I really thought
thought that you know everyone,you know my kids are going to
college, like we're raisingchildren that are going to go to
college and then they'll get ajob and whatever, and um, and so
it was a big shift for me to belike it doesn't have to be this
(17:32):
way and there's other things,and so I was able to accept the
decisions that you made, openly,um, and encouragingly, I feel
like because of that, because ofhaving that background, but um,
that was also a shift for you.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
For you too.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, like if you think about it, because I'm like
that also.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I feel like that sparked like you really starting
to be like I'm going to do myown thing, not as a teacher.
Like that started that mindsettoo.
So I think that changed a lotfor you.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
You're right and that's when I actually was
getting my master's at Full Sail.
It was really Full Sail thatopened my eyes because it was
all about like multipleintelligence and collaboration
and critical thinking and allthese things and I, like fell in
love with that and also Irealized I didn't want to just
be a cog in a machine.
(18:30):
I wanted and I don't think that, I don't think that teachers
are just cogs in a machine.
I think that's how our teachersare treated and it's easy to go
along with that, because youare scared and you, um, you feel
like you have no other choice.
I thought you froze for asecond.
That was a long I yeah, I didfreeze.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Oh, you did.
Okay, we're not closed for thatlong, okay, um yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So I think that, um, okay, yeah, so I think that I
think it was a shift and so, butit but it's.
But that was all kind ofinspired really because of you
and Jackson, which again werelike the forefront for me.
So watching cracks for you andthen Jackson just completely not
be able to handle the systemwas just a different was, yeah.
(19:17):
So I guess, you know, in a wayit like was a massive part, but
in another way it was, I don'tknow, maybe not.
Yeah, it was still always aboutyou and Jackson for me.
Um, but yeah, yeah, that'sinteresting all right, let's do
(19:39):
one for you okay oh, that's agood one.
What's one thing you've learnedfrom your mom that has shaped
your perspective on life andmental health?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
well, the first thing that comes to mind is like the
do it afraid thing, which I feellike I've like talked about
like a lot, um, but that'sdefinitely like just probably
one of the biggest things Idon't know like.
I feel like that's such a hugelife lesson that you've taught
me of just like that sometimes,like you're not gonna not be
(20:17):
afraid, like it's just gonna bescarier, it's just gonna be hard
, but like you can still do itanyways, and that like applies
to literally everything, whetherit be mental health or it be
just like day-to-day life orbusiness or relationships or
whatever.
Like doing it afraid and likebeing okay with accepting like
(20:40):
how you feel and not likejudging your feelings, but
allowing yourself to like moveforward and keep going.
So, yeah, I feel like that'sprobably the thing that I always
think of.
The other thing that came tomind was like be a duck, like I
just thought of that justbecause you said that to me
(21:01):
recently um which, like foranyone that has not ever heard
the be a duck saying, um, it'slike the idea that, like a
duck's like feathers are, likethey repel water, basically, so
like water goes down their backand just like goes right off.
Um, and thinking about likebeing a duck and being like just
(21:22):
letting it, letting it roll offyour back and be okay to keep
moving on, which is kind of likein the same vein as do it
afraid?
Um, so, yeah, those are.
Those are the two things that Iwould say.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, and then there's another part of this
that I was wondering if you feelthe way to, because the
question asked about, likemental health advocacy, that is
always like that's been a thingthat I've struggled with.
So when you struggled, like itwas like I'm like this is
(21:55):
something we need to figure out.
I don't, I don't, I don't thinkI wanted to in the beginning.
I feel like I was in the middleof such chaos and like trying
to get my master's and all thatstuff at the same time and not
really really wanting to knowwhat was happening, and then
realizing I think she's introuble, like I think she's
(22:17):
having a hard time in sixthgrade and um, and what, what can
I do about this?
And one of the things ischanging schools.
Like I got to get her out ofthe school.
I got to be willing to, um, to,you know, go to a charter
school, which, again, as apublic school teacher, you're,
you know that's very like oh, no, and um, and so I was like it
(22:43):
doesn't matter, like it doesn'tmatter what people are saying
about anything.
What matters is her, the wayshe feels.
And then another aspect was Iremember when we were getting
divorced, when your dad and Iwere getting divorced and, um,
your guidance counselor in highschool was like you, you know,
you got to put her.
It was like algebra one or twoor whatever it was.
And they were like she has tobe in this class.
(23:04):
She, you know it's going to behard SATs and all that.
And I was like no, like itdoesn't.
I don't care.
Like what, what you're saying.
I understand that that mightimpact her, but she has too
heavy of a load and there's toomuch going on in her personal
life.
I don't want to put thatpressure on her.
So I made decisions like thatwith you, based on mental health
(23:27):
first, not academics.
Mental health.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yeah, yeah, no, I remember.
I don't remember what grade itwas.
I feel like it was maybe eighthgrade where they wanted me to
go into like an algebra.
Like something like that was ahigh school level math class, ok
, and and so I feel like theyoriginally, like had placed me
(23:52):
in something like that, but thething is, is that I really
wanted to continue being inmusical theater.
Like that was a class that Ilike, really enjoyed and I liked
, and I wanted to keep the sameteacher and, um you needed some
stability too, yeah, and.
I like I had done that since Ihad gotten to that school, um,
(24:13):
so I was like I really want tokeep that.
And they were like the only wayyou can keep that is if you do
just like regular math, likeit's not going to be advanced,
it's not a high school class,like it's literally just called
like math, like, and I was likecool, like I want to do that, um
, and like I ended up doing thatand I remember remember like it
(24:36):
feeling like so good to likejust be, in a class that was
just like.
It was just okay for me to likebe in the just normal range,
like it didn't have to be likeabove all these expectations and
I didn't have to strive forlike excellence all the time.
Like I was just like like doingthe best I could like in a math
(24:57):
class and I loved that teacher.
She was like such a goodteacher and like I like made
friends in that class becausepeople like they were a little
more relaxed, like no one waslike focused on their future all
the time like and I got to bein musical theater like and so,
and that was like reallyimportant to me.
So, yeah, like I do rememberthat.
(25:18):
Like I remember going tobecause they had told you that
and then I also had to go likein person to the counselor and
be like this is my choice.
Like put me in the regular mathclass and give me musical
theater.
And she was like are you sure?
And I'm like yeah, I'm sure.
Like just give me the freakingclass dude like I don't we don't
(25:38):
need to have this conversationover and over again yeah, it was
um.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Yeah, it's crazy.
All right, let's do, let's gobackwards.
So one more for you um.
How has your journey as a Idon't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I feel like I don't know that like it has changed
the way that I communicate withyou, because I feel like I
almost in a sense, like havealways been a mental health
coach.
I know that sounds like kind ofsilly, but like I I just feel
like that's how I have alwayscommunicated, like with people
(26:26):
in general.
So I don't necessarily knowthat like that position has like
changed the way that I talk toyou.
I do think that like thatitself hasn't changed things,
but like just over like the past, like probably like three,
maybe four years, like the waythat we communicate with each
other and like the like thedynamic has like grown into
(26:51):
something different um.
I don't think that has anythingto do with, like, being a mental
health coach.
I just think that it just hadto do with, like me becoming an
adult and like us like shifting,like like us not living
together anymore like that kindof thing.
Um, so yeah, I don't reallythink that, like being a coach
(27:11):
like has changed how Icommunicate with you.
I think that it's only just likeallowed me to do it in like a
different way almost with you,because, like I am, like
sometimes I am your coach andsometimes I'm not so, like
whenever I am your coach, like I, but I when I, when I say that
(27:33):
I'm like the dynamic that hasgrown and shifted with us, like
has allowed me to be a coach foryou.
Like I don't think that I wouldhave been able to do that like
in a healthy way a couple ofyears ago.
Like I don't think I would havebeen able to like separate that
as much as like I can likecompartmentalize it now um, but
(27:55):
like I think the same is truefor me.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I, um, I'm able to accept, like, what you have to
say and offer as somebody thatthat is more, um is better at
that than I am, um, and that's a.
I think that can be a shift for, like, a parent, child, um, as
far as feeling like you knowwhat I mean, I actually feel
that way as far as, like, workstuff goes as well, where, um,
(28:22):
like you doing social mediathings for me, I like in the
past I was like, well, I knowthis and she doesn't know that,
and now I'm like, oh no, shedoes it better than I can,
whatever she says.
Um, so, like, that's a.
You know what I mean.
That's a.
That's a shift as well.
So I think no, and you, you'reso professional, like when you
(28:43):
do the coaching part, I don'teven sometimes feel like I'm
talking to you.
I feel like I'm yeah, so thatis um so interesting.
But you're right, you havealways I mean even when it
wasn't really appropriate foryou to be my like my person um,
you were.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
So it's the natural, it's like a natural part of who
you are yeah, and I feel likethat was like a lot of people
too, like I yeah, I just kind offeel like I've always yeah just
had that role.
I mean people used to call memom in high school like I was
the person people came to likefor that kind of advice.
(29:22):
So like, yeah, I don't know, I Idon't think that specifically
has changed anything for me.
I just think that time and likegrowth has like shifted the way
that I can like look at it andthen like healthily
compartmentalize like differentsections of it, if that makes
sense it does all right.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Um, and then one for me.
What's one thing you've learnedfrom Emily about mental health
or self-care that's changed theway you see things.
You have like failed drugs,like failed like medications for
(30:05):
depression.
As opposed to meaning I meanyou failed, I mean they failed.
Like they didn't, they didn'twork.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Prescription drugs.
Just so we're clear.
I'm not like on, like crack oranything like that.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Having watched the fact that it was difficult for
you to find, like that was thesame thing for me, but it was
actually.
It seemed harder, even harderfor you because you didn't have
a good person to start with andI had an outstanding person from
the beginning, so, um, so Ithink that was a huge difference
.
But watching how that can happento people and how they can get
(30:38):
the wrong people and get thewrong you know medication and
then it was like very eyeopeningto see and understand.
Also, um, I think the thingthat I've learned from you is
like how like you're, you'relike committed to self care and,
um, I think your generation isactually committed to self care
(31:00):
and like work life balance,whereas my generation is just
like you grind until there'snothing left and um, and so I'm
like it's really.
There's like two parts of mesometimes where I'm like well,
why are people taking naps?
It's grind until you can't goany further, and then um, but
then there's another part of methat's like and look where that
(31:22):
got you, you know.
So it's very commendable at thesame time, to see that you've
prioritized your well-being andyour mental health, and I think
that is really important andinspirational.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
One of my affirmations is like I'm
successful even when I don'tpush myself to my limit, so that
I can like remind myself ofthat because it's definitely
it's hard.
It's so hard especially whenyou are a business owner,
because like yeah, you do haveto grind in like other kinds of
(32:09):
ways, but it's like having tohave the balance of like not
pushing yourself to burn out,basically, and also working to
make it work.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So yeah, yeah, all right.
Um, we'll do two more, so thisone is for both of us.
Um, do you think other mothersand daughters should try a
similar project together, andwhat advice would you give them?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Uh, that is such that's so hard to answer,
because I'm like who are thepeople Like, like, what's their?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
dynamic, like.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
I think that like this works for us, because, like
of our relationship and the waythat we think and the way that
we already communicate, um, likeI even like I was saying like
if we tried to do this fouryears ago, I don't think that it
would have been good oh no, wewould have been unhappy and it
would have been a mess and itjust wouldn't have been
(33:06):
enjoyable, um, so I'm like no, Idon't think every mother and
daughter should do this, um, butdo I think that every like
parent, child like dynamic,should like work on their
communication with each other?
yeah, yeah, like.
I think that, but that doesn'tlook like doing a project
together, yeah, or a podcast,like I feel like that can just
(33:28):
be like okay, well, we don'ttalk very often.
Okay, like start texting once aweek or something like that.
Like just making like thecommunication a priority for us.
Like we have done a lot of workon our communication and how we
work together, so, and this islike a creative way for both of
us to come together and continuethat growth.
(33:48):
So I'm like it made sense forus, but it definitely would not
make sense for everybody and itwould not have made sense for us
three or four years ago.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, I agree, I think it would have been.
We could have done it when youwere younger.
I think that we would have havebeen.
We could have done it when youwere younger.
I think that we would have.
It would have been fun and wewould have had a great time.
But there was a an adjustmentperiod for both of us, like you
leaving the nest and growing upand you know, and Jake being
like the primary person and mebeing like, oh, where do I fit,
(34:19):
where do I stand?
Like I'm losing her.
She needs space and boundariesand all those things, and um,
and like how you deal andnavigate with that.
Like I think that time periodin life it can be hard.
Um, it's especially, I felt,like for us, because we didn't
have, like those angst years ofteenage.
(34:41):
You being a teenager, like Iwas unprepared for that to
happen at 21.
Like I was like, wait a minute,she doesn't like me now.
Like I, made.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
It was never that I didn't like you, no I didn't
like you.
Yeah, no, it's like.
It was like not a subtletransition like there was no
transition stage.
It was like boom, boom likethis is the difference yeah, and
that was difficult.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
So, um, yeah, I mean yeah.
So I think, I think it dependsyeah depends on the person, all
right.
And then the last question is afun question and this is going
to be so easy like this.
I already laughed at this one.
This is the one I did actuallyread and I was like, okay, if
you could pick any fictionalmother daughter duo to join you
(35:30):
on an episode, who would it beand what would you talk about?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I wonder who we're gonna pick lorelei and rory
gilmore yep, oh, lorelei and riand Rory.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And what would we talk about?
We would talk.
We would ask questions aboutLuke.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
We would ask questions about Logan, I would
want to know who's yeah, who'sthe father, who's the?
Freaking father of Rory.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Who's the daddy yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:57):
who's the baby daddy?
Like give us the tea.
And and then also like, do youeventually end up with logan,
because you freaking should like, yeah, he loves you you love
him.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Let's make it happen, man, and let's hear about luke
and laura and how they love, howthey love each other and their
marriage, and all that goodstuff and um, and how's emily?
And?
Yeah, all the, all the.
How do you keep in contact withSuki, like I really want to
know about that.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Yeah, so how's Michelle, like these are
questions.
Yep, I agree, yep.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
What's happening?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Stars Hollow, Is Taylor going crazy Like give us
all.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Oh gosh, yeah.
So there's like a bunch more,but we can do this another day.
I think this is.
I think this is good for now,so thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you to the audience forlistening.
Thanks for tuning in.
We are here every Monday forMind your Heart Mondays.
If you enjoy watching, then youcan always watch us on YouTube.
Just subscribe, and then youcan even watch us on YouTube.
Just subscribe, and then youcan even hit that little
(37:09):
notification button, little bell, so that way you get notified
when the video goes live.
And then, if you're just alistener, you're listening to us
in the shower, in the car, onthe walk then subscribe wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, and feel free to like leave your own question.
Yeah, put that in the commentswherever you listen, or on the
comments of youtube.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
So yeah, comments anywhere.
There's also um a link in allthe descriptions where you can
like.
If you have an in-depthquestion, then you can fill that
out.
That's maybe more personal toyou.
Then we can go over that too.
So yeah, lots of options foryou.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, see you next week, all right, bye.
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Emily and I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
How are?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
you.
I'm hanging in there.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I'm also hanging in there.
When will this be?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I feel like this will be airing like In November,
yeah, this month, yeah, lateNovember, yeah, be airing like
in November, yeah, this month,yeah, late November, yeah, yeah,
um.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So we just got done with the election, so we are
handling those emotions um andthere's just been a lot going on
this past.
I feel like this past two weeksfor me has been a full month,
like it feels like yeah,insanity.
Like I'm just like my house isa complete disgusting mess.
(01:32):
Like it looks like people arelike squatting in our house.
Basically, sweetie, that sucksit's such a mess?
I mean like when?
So on Halloween we had aHalloween party and Jake had
scheduled you know this like hescheduled the wrong dates to go
(01:56):
to our friend's wedding inAtlanta, so we thought it was
going to be the followingweekend, but it was actually
that it was Halloween weekend.
So we found that out.
He had to change all theflights.
We lost a bunch of money, um,but it was like we had the
halloween party and then we hadto leave the next day.
(02:16):
So like I didn't really get toclean up from the party.
So the house is still a mess,just from the party itself um
wow and then, um, and also totop it off, that night we did
not put up the trash can, so ourtrash can in our garage was
like overflowing with trash, um,and then we had to leave friday
(02:37):
.
I still had to work, like boththursday and friday.
We left friday night, got therefriday late, friday night, had
the wedding Saturday, had toleave the wedding early to get
back on a flight home because wewere both scheduled to well,
jake was running the event thatwas happening Sunday morning at
church and I was on social mediateam because it was baptism
(03:00):
Sunday, so and I was the onlyone scheduled for that, so like
we both had to be there.
Um, and then, yeah, it was justthat weekend alone.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I'm like, yeah, that's a lot.
No, it's it, I agree.
Every time I look down and I'mlike it's only, it's the eighth.
It doesn't feel like it.
Actually this episode comes outon the week of Thanksgiving.
So, um, yeah, it doesn't.
It feels like I can't believeonly eight days have gone by.
It feels like like at least amonth.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It's a it's a crazy.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
But October flew.
October felt like it was justlike a blink of an eye.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, that's true, october was um.
Yeah, it was crazy.
I'm already decorating forChristmas and I have never
decorated for Christmas beforeThanksgiving and you did last
year.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I did yeah, you did last year because you were like
I just want to decorate forChristmas and I was like just,
it's all Amy Lemons's fault,that's, that's who I'm blaming,
my friend Amy.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
She starts decorating , like right in the very
beginning of November and I'mlike I can't, I can't.
And then I'm like you know what, maybe I can't because I'm not
having.
You know, I won't be here forThanksgiving.
I'll be in California yeah andso I am like what's the point of
keeping it decorated for fallnow?
I did decorate for fall prettyearly, so like right at the
(04:20):
beginning of October.
So, um, so I think that I'mready for Christmas, but I have
gone like all out.
I have a shower, a Christmasshower curtain.
I just ordered another.
This is how I'm like copingwith life is spending money that
I don't have.
Um, and that is you know.
I bought a shower curtain forthe bathroom.
(04:43):
I've got new towels for thebathroom.
I bought a comforter Christmascomforter for Jackson's room.
I bought a shower curtain forthe bathroom.
I've got new towels.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
For the bathroom I bought a comforter Christmas
comforter for Jackson's room.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I bought it.
It's very cute, isn't it socute?
I got it on Amazon, it's socute.
And then I got another one formyself um, from Walmart actually
, and it's very cute.
And I got a little tree for myroom and it is, it's yeah, it's
beginning to look like Christmasupstairs and I haven't even
gotten out the decorations.
That is for tomorrow, so I amso looking forward to just
(05:13):
decorating the house.
And, in fact, I was on thephone earlier today and I was
getting highly agitated and so Ijust like started getting my,
like doing my comforter andtaking out and putting the tree,
the little tree up.
And yeah, yes, I'm like I haveto distract myself, I'm just I'm
.
Yeah, my emotions are all overthe place.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So, yeah, no, at last .
I don't remember if it was lastyear, the year before I had
decorated for Christmas likesuper early also, but then, like
by the time Christmas came, Iwas like I want this to put away
, like I was ready to putChristmas away.
So I told myself I was like I'mnot going to do that again
because I want it to be a littlebit shorter, like I want to be
(05:56):
able to enjoy it when it'sactually like December and on
Christmas, because I remember Ithink it was last year like we
like took down Christmas like aday or two after Christmas like.
I was like I'm done.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I always feel that way, though, so it doesn't
matter.
So for me, like I always feelthat way, it's like the next day
, all right, it's time to takeit down, and even if it's only
been up, you know, for a coupleof weeks, and so now I'm like
well, now I have longer for itto be up, and and then it will
come down.
Probably the same, around thesame.
I'm not ready.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I'm not ready for Christmas.
I have no idea what anybodywants, or I don't even know what
I want.
I'm like I don't even.
Like you've asked me, jake hasasked me.
I'm like, oh no, I have no ideaand I have no idea what to get
anybody else.
And Jake, he even said he waslike you know, like he is, mr
Prepared for Christmas in April,but like he's like this is the
(06:50):
least prepared I've been forChristmas ever.
Oh wow, yeah, I think it'sbecause he's focused on like
engagement stuff.
But I, but I'm like I, yeah, Ifeel the same way.
I don't know what to getanybody.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Well, I have gotten you one thing, one small thing,
and I got Jackson one smallthing, and that's it.
I don't have anything else foranyone.
A bunch of Christmas decor.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, I've gotten zero gifts for anyone.
I got my friend Grace abirthday present, but that's in
November.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Well, I don't know.
Anyway, All right.
So today we are going to takesome questions.
This episode is specificallyquestions.
There's questions to you,there's questions to me, there's
questions to both of us.
So I am going to select a fewand we'll take it from there.
Does it sound good?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, you want.
Are you going to read thequestions?
I'm not going to read any.
Okay, cool, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
So, okay, here's the first question, and this one is
for both of us.
So it says how has doing thispodcast together impacted your
relationship as mother anddaughter?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I feel like I have to think.
Do you have an answer?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Okay, then you go first.
All right, so I may not havelike a scripted answer but I
yeah, no, I know, if you'reready to answer, then you go
first, I haven't even reallylooked at the questions all the
way, to tell you the truth.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I just opened them up and I was like okay, so, and
like categorized and was all set.
But I think I mean I alreadyfelt, you know, like we have a
special bond, so that already,like there's nothing that has
changed in that case for me.
But you know know, the wholereason why I wanted to do this
(08:46):
podcast was so that we had atleast some time where we were
like we're gonna get together,we have to get together and, um,
although here we are, on zoom,I know, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, this, like we just said, this month has been
wild, so this was just theeasier option.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah, we had to do it this way, but, um, but normally
we don't we come together atone of our houses and we record,
um, and we are able to do thatthanks to Jake and um, and so it
is like a time, but I know I'mgoing to get a chance to spend
with you, and so that issomething that I look forward to
, even though there are timeswhere I'm like, oh gosh, we have
(09:25):
to record, we have to record,so, yeah, so I think, and also I
really have enjoyed having theguests, the guests that we've
had and not all those episodeshave come out yet, but people
will know by the time this onecomes, the just watching you and
like talk and interview andjust engage with other people,
(09:45):
and it's just, I don't know, Ilove it.
It just makes me so proud ofyou.
You are, yeah, you're such alike.
Being able to see you as anadult like watching, yeah, it
makes me feel emotional.
Seeing you as an adult is it'slike you have exceeded every
expectation that I could haveever had, and I never like
(10:08):
wanted to put high expectationsor expectations that were
difficult on you, and so I tryto like, let you just be who you
are and I am like just blownaway by who you are.
I mean, you've always blown meaway from the moment you entered
the world.
Who you are, I mean you'vealways blown me away from the
moment you entered the world.
But, um, but just watching yougrow and change and iterate and
(10:29):
you know make new decisions anddo new things and, um, you know
travel to Bali by yourself andyou know plan to go to Peru and
like all these I don't know, andthen just watching your love
story unfold with Jake and thenjust watching your love story
unfold with Jake, just the wholething has been such a, such a
gift, such a gift.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Thank you, that was a really good answer.
I feel like my answer's goingto pale in comparison to that.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Well, this is not a competition.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, no, I know, but I'm just like wow, thank you,
thank you.
I feel like I don't know, likewhenever we started the podcast,
like I was excited, but I guess, like I didn't even realize
like how it's really interestingto me to be able to hear like
(11:20):
both of our perspectives onthings like in detail in a way
where, like we're not just likehaving a conversation with each
other, but you're also liketalking like to the audience,
like so, like you're explaininglike more in depth about like
the way that you're thinking umwhereas like, like, if we're
just having a conversation, likeobviously you're not fully like
(11:43):
explaining the way, because,like, we're just talking and I
know you.
But I think it's interesting tobe able to like see how we both
think together and separatelyand like what that looks like
when we come together.
So yeah, I don't know, and Ialso I think it's really cool,
like the response that we'vegotten about doing it together
(12:04):
like people are always like, oh,like that's so special, like I
love that you're doing that withyour mom, or like you guys have
such a good connection, and I'mlike, yeah, like it's true,
like, and it's cool.
It's cool for like people toalso like see that, because,
like you said, like it hasalways been like that, like
we've always been like veryclose and I used to like explain
(12:28):
it to people, like I, like whenI think I said this on the
podcast before like I'm likewhen I was in high school, like
I would go home and like tellyou stuff and people would be
like you told your mom that andI'd be like, yeah, like I tell
my mom everything.
Whereas, like now, it's likepeople actually like see how we
communicate.
I'm like I don't have toexplain it Like you can, you can
feel it and see it yourself.
(12:49):
So I think that's cool.
I, yeah, it's all, it's all beengood, like everything's been
good.
It is funny to see like how, um, like you get stressed about,
like, like smaller thingssometimes and I'm like it's all
right, like we're going to beokay things sometimes and I'm
like it's all right, like we'regonna be okay, yeah, no, that's
true.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
But it's also interesting to be explaining it
to an audience, because evenwhen I listen and I know you
don't, oh, it drives me crazy.
Um, I, even when I listen back,I'm like, oh, I didn't mean it
like that.
But I do eventually get achance to say I didn't mean it
like that, but it's justinteresting and you're funny.
Because there was one timewhere I felt like I said
(13:29):
something that almost soundedinsulting to you and you were
like, well, blah, blah, blah,blah, whatever you said.
And I was like, well, shehandled that.
Well, you didn't like get upsetor mad, you just like went with
the flow and kind of explained,and I was like I didn't mean it
like that.
It definitely came out likethat, but I'm glad you didn't
(13:50):
take it like that.
Or, if you did, you did a goodjob of not like reacting.
So, um, yeah, but I mean younormally, you're normally like
that.
So I guess I shouldn't besurprised, but I do.
Yeah, I think it's been, Ithink it's been fun.
Yeah, I agree.
All right, let's go to anotherone.
(14:11):
Okay, so let's do.
Let's do now, let's do one,that's whoops.
Let's do one, I'll do one justfor myself.
So how has your background ineducation and mental health
advocacy influenced the way youapproach conversations with
Emily?
Ooh, um, I'm interested to hearthis answer.
(14:52):
Loved education and lovedteaching.
Really, the, though what was atthe forefront has always been
children and and me wanting tohave my own children.
I mean, I wanted to be a mommore than I wanted to be a
teacher.
I wanted to be a mom and havebabies and and be able to be
(15:13):
home with them.
But you know, we've talkedabout this before, where I feel
like that job was actually notfor that, because it left me so
exhausted and depleted that Ididn't feel like I had the
energy that I wanted to havewith you and Jackson, you know,
(15:37):
focusing on literature and likemaking sure there was lots of
books in the house and I wasconstantly reading to you in my
belly, and like read to you onday one.
The first book I ever read toyou was um, dear Mr Blueberry,
which the main character's namewas Emily, and um, yeah, I
remember that.
Yeah, and so I just it was likeI'm like I didn't even know that
, like I just picked it up, justhappened to be one of the books
that I had received from likefriends or whatever, and I'm
(15:59):
like, oh, this is for Emily andum, and so like that kind of
stuff was good.
But then you know, as time wenton and it became like there
were I don't know if there waspressure on you as far as like
doing well in school.
You know you were a teacher'skid and um, and all that kind of
craziness that goes on, but um,but as I started getting like
(16:24):
frustrated with the system andfeeling like we were hurting
kids, I was like I started tonotice that there were cracks in
your education and how you werefeeling about yourself as a
reader, as a thinker and allthose things.
But I will say like finding SirKen Robinson was like such a
(16:48):
gift.
I just absolutely love him.
Going to the technologyconference, listening to him
speak, talking about childrenand their element about finding
things that they.
Talking about children andtheir element about finding
things that they're passionateabout and finding things that
they were really good at, wasvery inspiring for me and I
really it spoke to me on adifferent level and he talked
about how all of our paths don'tgo in one way and they're not
(17:12):
all linear and we and noteveryone has to go to college.
And that was a huge shift forme because I really thought
thought that you know everyone,you know my kids are going to
college, like we're raisingchildren that are going to go to
college and then they'll get ajob and whatever, and um, and so
it was a big shift for me to belike it doesn't have to be this
(17:32):
way and there's other things,and so I was able to accept the
decisions that you made, openly,um, and encouragingly, I feel
like because of that, because ofhaving that background, but um,
that was also a shift for you.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
For you too.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, like if you think about it, because I'm like
that also.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I feel like that sparked like you really starting
to be like I'm going to do myown thing, not as a teacher.
Like that started that mindsettoo.
So I think that changed a lotfor you.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
You're right and that's when I actually was
getting my master's at Full Sail.
It was really Full Sail thatopened my eyes because it was
all about like multipleintelligence and collaboration
and critical thinking and allthese things and I, like fell in
love with that and also Irealized I didn't want to just
be a cog in a machine.
(18:30):
I wanted and I don't think that, I don't think that teachers
are just cogs in a machine.
I think that's how our teachersare treated and it's easy to go
along with that, because youare scared and you, um, you feel
like you have no other choice.
I thought you froze for asecond.
That was a long I yeah, I didfreeze.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Oh, you did.
Okay, we're not closed for thatlong, okay, um yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So I think that, um, okay, yeah, so I think that I
think it was a shift and so, butit but it's.
But that was all kind ofinspired really because of you
and Jackson, which again werelike the forefront for me.
So watching cracks for you andthen Jackson just completely not
be able to handle the systemwas just a different was, yeah.
(19:17):
So I guess, you know, in a wayit like was a massive part, but
in another way it was, I don'tknow, maybe not.
Yeah, it was still always aboutyou and Jackson for me.
Um, but yeah, yeah, that'sinteresting all right, let's do
(19:39):
one for you okay oh, that's agood one.
What's one thing you've learnedfrom your mom that has shaped
your perspective on life andmental health?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
well, the first thing that comes to mind is like the
do it afraid thing, which I feellike I've like talked about
like a lot, um, but that'sdefinitely like just probably
one of the biggest things Idon't know like.
I feel like that's such a hugelife lesson that you've taught
me of just like that sometimes,like you're not gonna not be
(20:17):
afraid, like it's just gonna bescarier, it's just gonna be hard
, but like you can still do itanyways, and that like applies
to literally everything, whetherit be mental health or it be
just like day-to-day life orbusiness or relationships or
whatever.
Like doing it afraid and likebeing okay with accepting like
(20:40):
how you feel and not likejudging your feelings, but
allowing yourself to like moveforward and keep going.
So, yeah, I feel like that'sprobably the thing that I always
think of.
The other thing that came tomind was like be a duck, like I
just thought of that justbecause you said that to me
(21:01):
recently um which, like foranyone that has not ever heard
the be a duck saying, um, it'slike the idea that, like a
duck's like feathers are, likethey repel water, basically, so
like water goes down their backand just like goes right off.
Um, and thinking about likebeing a duck and being like just
(21:22):
letting it, letting it roll offyour back and be okay to keep
moving on, which is kind of likein the same vein as do it
afraid?
Um, so, yeah, those are.
Those are the two things that Iwould say.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, and then there's another part of this
that I was wondering if you feelthe way to, because the
question asked about, likemental health advocacy, that is
always like that's been a thingthat I've struggled with.
So when you struggled, like itwas like I'm like this is
(21:55):
something we need to figure out.
I don't, I don't, I don't thinkI wanted to in the beginning.
I feel like I was in the middleof such chaos and like trying
to get my master's and all thatstuff at the same time and not
really really wanting to knowwhat was happening, and then
realizing I think she's introuble, like I think she's
(22:17):
having a hard time in sixthgrade and um, and what, what can
I do about this?
And one of the things ischanging schools.
Like I got to get her out ofthe school.
I got to be willing to, um, to,you know, go to a charter
school, which, again, as apublic school teacher, you're,
you know that's very like oh, no, and um, and so I was like it
(22:43):
doesn't matter, like it doesn'tmatter what people are saying
about anything.
What matters is her, the wayshe feels.
And then another aspect was Iremember when we were getting
divorced, when your dad and Iwere getting divorced and, um,
your guidance counselor in highschool was like you, you know,
you got to put her.
It was like algebra one or twoor whatever it was.
And they were like she has tobe in this class.
(23:04):
She, you know it's going to behard SATs and all that.
And I was like no, like itdoesn't.
I don't care.
Like what, what you're saying.
I understand that that mightimpact her, but she has too
heavy of a load and there's toomuch going on in her personal
life.
I don't want to put thatpressure on her.
So I made decisions like thatwith you, based on mental health
(23:27):
first, not academics.
Mental health.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yeah, yeah, no, I remember.
I don't remember what grade itwas.
I feel like it was maybe eighthgrade where they wanted me to
go into like an algebra.
Like something like that was ahigh school level math class, ok
, and and so I feel like theyoriginally, like had placed me
(23:52):
in something like that, but thething is, is that I really
wanted to continue being inmusical theater.
Like that was a class that Ilike, really enjoyed and I liked
, and I wanted to keep the sameteacher and, um you needed some
stability too, yeah, and.
I like I had done that since Ihad gotten to that school, um,
(24:13):
so I was like I really want tokeep that.
And they were like the only wayyou can keep that is if you do
just like regular math, likeit's not going to be advanced,
it's not a high school class,like it's literally just called
like math, like, and I was likecool, like I want to do that, um
, and like I ended up doing thatand I remember remember like it
(24:36):
feeling like so good to likejust be, in a class that was
just like.
It was just okay for me to likebe in the just normal range,
like it didn't have to be likeabove all these expectations and
I didn't have to strive forlike excellence all the time.
Like I was just like like doingthe best I could like in a math
(24:57):
class and I loved that teacher.
She was like such a goodteacher and like I like made
friends in that class becausepeople like they were a little
more relaxed, like no one waslike focused on their future all
the time like and I got to bein musical theater like and so,
and that was like reallyimportant to me.
So, yeah, like I do rememberthat.
(25:18):
Like I remember going tobecause they had told you that
and then I also had to go likein person to the counselor and
be like this is my choice.
Like put me in the regular mathclass and give me musical
theater.
And she was like are you sure?
And I'm like yeah, I'm sure.
Like just give me the freakingclass dude like I don't we don't
(25:38):
need to have this conversationover and over again yeah, it was
um.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Yeah, it's crazy.
All right, let's do, let's gobackwards.
So one more for you um.
How has your journey as a Idon't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I feel like I don't know that like it has changed
the way that I communicate withyou, because I feel like I
almost in a sense, like havealways been a mental health
coach.
I know that sounds like kind ofsilly, but like I I just feel
like that's how I have alwayscommunicated, like with people
(26:26):
in general.
So I don't necessarily knowthat like that position has like
changed the way that I talk toyou.
I do think that like thatitself hasn't changed things,
but like just over like the past, like probably like three,
maybe four years, like the waythat we communicate with each
other and like the like thedynamic has like grown into
(26:51):
something different um.
I don't think that has anythingto do with, like, being a mental
health coach.
I just think that it just hadto do with, like me becoming an
adult and like us like shifting,like like us not living
together anymore like that kindof thing.
Um, so yeah, I don't reallythink that, like being a coach
(27:11):
like has changed how Icommunicate with you.
I think that it's only just likeallowed me to do it in like a
different way almost with you,because, like I am, like
sometimes I am your coach andsometimes I'm not so, like
whenever I am your coach, like I, but I when I, when I say that
(27:33):
I'm like the dynamic that hasgrown and shifted with us, like
has allowed me to be a coach foryou.
Like I don't think that I wouldhave been able to do that like
in a healthy way a couple ofyears ago.
Like I don't think I would havebeen able to like separate that
as much as like I can likecompartmentalize it now um, but
(27:55):
like I think the same is truefor me.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I, um, I'm able to accept, like, what you have to
say and offer as somebody thatthat is more, um is better at
that than I am, um, and that's a.
I think that can be a shift for, like, a parent, child, um, as
far as feeling like you knowwhat I mean, I actually feel
that way as far as, like, workstuff goes as well, where, um,
(28:22):
like you doing social mediathings for me, I like in the
past I was like, well, I knowthis and she doesn't know that,
and now I'm like, oh no, shedoes it better than I can,
whatever she says.
Um, so, like, that's a.
You know what I mean.
That's a.
That's a shift as well.
So I think no, and you, you'reso professional, like when you
(28:43):
do the coaching part, I don'teven sometimes feel like I'm
talking to you.
I feel like I'm yeah, so thatis um so interesting.
But you're right, you havealways I mean even when it
wasn't really appropriate foryou to be my like my person um,
you were.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
So it's the natural, it's like a natural part of who
you are yeah, and I feel likethat was like a lot of people
too, like I yeah, I just kind offeel like I've always yeah just
had that role.
I mean people used to call memom in high school like I was
the person people came to likefor that kind of advice.
(29:22):
So like, yeah, I don't know, I Idon't think that specifically
has changed anything for me.
I just think that time and likegrowth has like shifted the way
that I can like look at it andthen like healthily
compartmentalize like differentsections of it, if that makes
sense it does all right.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Um, and then one for me.
What's one thing you've learnedfrom Emily about mental health
or self-care that's changed theway you see things.
You have like failed drugs,like failed like medications for
(30:05):
depression.
As opposed to meaning I meanyou failed, I mean they failed.
Like they didn't, they didn'twork.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Prescription drugs.
Just so we're clear.
I'm not like on, like crack oranything like that.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Having watched the fact that it was difficult for
you to find, like that was thesame thing for me, but it was
actually.
It seemed harder, even harderfor you because you didn't have
a good person to start with andI had an outstanding person from
the beginning, so, um, so Ithink that was a huge difference
.
But watching how that can happento people and how they can get
(30:38):
the wrong people and get thewrong you know medication and
then it was like very eyeopeningto see and understand.
Also, um, I think the thingthat I've learned from you is
like how like you're, you'relike committed to self care and,
um, I think your generation isactually committed to self care
(31:00):
and like work life balance,whereas my generation is just
like you grind until there'snothing left and um, and so I'm
like it's really.
There's like two parts of mesometimes where I'm like well,
why are people taking naps?
It's grind until you can't goany further, and then um, but
then there's another part of methat's like and look where that
(31:22):
got you, you know.
So it's very commendable at thesame time, to see that you've
prioritized your well-being andyour mental health, and I think
that is really important andinspirational.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
One of my affirmations is like I'm
successful even when I don'tpush myself to my limit, so that
I can like remind myself ofthat because it's definitely
it's hard.
It's so hard especially whenyou are a business owner,
because like yeah, you do haveto grind in like other kinds of
(32:09):
ways, but it's like having tohave the balance of like not
pushing yourself to burn out,basically, and also working to
make it work.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So yeah, yeah, all right.
Um, we'll do two more, so thisone is for both of us.
Um, do you think other mothersand daughters should try a
similar project together, andwhat advice would you give them?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Uh, that is such that's so hard to answer,
because I'm like who are thepeople Like, like, what's their?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
dynamic, like.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
I think that like this works for us, because, like
of our relationship and the waythat we think and the way that
we already communicate, um, likeI even like I was saying like
if we tried to do this fouryears ago, I don't think that it
would have been good oh no, wewould have been unhappy and it
would have been a mess and itjust wouldn't have been
(33:06):
enjoyable, um, so I'm like no, Idon't think every mother and
daughter should do this, um, butdo I think that every like
parent, child like dynamic,should like work on their
communication with each other?
yeah, yeah, like.
I think that, but that doesn'tlook like doing a project
together, yeah, or a podcast,like I feel like that can just
(33:28):
be like okay, well, we don'ttalk very often.
Okay, like start texting once aweek or something like that.
Like just making like thecommunication a priority for us.
Like we have done a lot of workon our communication and how we
work together, so, and this islike a creative way for both of
us to come together and continuethat growth.
(33:48):
So I'm like it made sense forus, but it definitely would not
make sense for everybody and itwould not have made sense for us
three or four years ago.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, I agree, I think it would have been.
We could have done it when youwere younger.
I think that we would have havebeen.
We could have done it when youwere younger.
I think that we would have.
It would have been fun and wewould have had a great time.
But there was a an adjustmentperiod for both of us, like you
leaving the nest and growing upand you know, and Jake being
like the primary person and mebeing like, oh, where do I fit,
(34:19):
where do I stand?
Like I'm losing her.
She needs space and boundariesand all those things, and um,
and like how you deal andnavigate with that.
Like I think that time periodin life it can be hard.
Um, it's especially, I felt,like for us, because we didn't
have, like those angst years ofteenage.
(34:41):
You being a teenager, like Iwas unprepared for that to
happen at 21.
Like I was like, wait a minute,she doesn't like me now.
Like I, made.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
It was never that I didn't like you, no I didn't
like you.
Yeah, no, it's like.
It was like not a subtletransition like there was no
transition stage.
It was like boom, boom likethis is the difference yeah, and
that was difficult.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
So, um, yeah, I mean yeah.
So I think, I think it dependsyeah depends on the person, all
right.
And then the last question is afun question and this is going
to be so easy like this.
I already laughed at this one.
This is the one I did actuallyread and I was like, okay, if
you could pick any fictionalmother daughter duo to join you
(35:30):
on an episode, who would it beand what would you talk about?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I wonder who we're gonna pick lorelei and rory
gilmore yep, oh, lorelei and riand Rory.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And what would we talk about?
We would talk.
We would ask questions aboutLuke.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
We would ask questions about Logan, I would
want to know who's yeah, who'sthe father, who's the?
Freaking father of Rory.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Who's the daddy yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:57):
who's the baby daddy?
Like give us the tea.
And and then also like, do youeventually end up with logan,
because you freaking should like, yeah, he loves you you love
him.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Let's make it happen, man, and let's hear about luke
and laura and how they love, howthey love each other and their
marriage, and all that goodstuff and um, and how's emily?
And?
Yeah, all the, all the.
How do you keep in contact withSuki, like I really want to
know about that.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Yeah, so how's Michelle, like these are
questions.
Yep, I agree, yep.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
What's happening?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Stars Hollow, Is Taylor going crazy Like give us
all.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Oh gosh, yeah.
So there's like a bunch more,but we can do this another day.
I think this is.
I think this is good for now,so thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you to the audience forlistening.
Thanks for tuning in.
We are here every Monday forMind your Heart Mondays.
If you enjoy watching, then youcan always watch us on YouTube.
Just subscribe, and then youcan even watch us on YouTube.
Just subscribe, and then youcan even hit that little
(37:09):
notification button, little bell, so that way you get notified
when the video goes live.
And then, if you're just alistener, you're listening to us
in the shower, in the car, onthe walk then subscribe wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, and feel free to like leave your own question.
Yeah, put that in the commentswherever you listen, or on the
comments of youtube.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
So yeah, comments anywhere.
There's also um a link in allthe descriptions where you can
like.
If you have an in-depthquestion, then you can fill that
out.
That's maybe more personal toyou.
Then we can go over that too.
So yeah, lots of options foryou.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, see you next week, all right, bye.
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