Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind
your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat
with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier All right.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So welcome back,
welcome back.
We have a fun episode for youtoday.
Everybody really enjoys when wedo the Am I the Asshole segment
, so it's going to be a regularthing here on Mind your Heart.
So that's what we're doingtoday.
So that's what we're doingtoday.
(01:08):
Um, we're gonna go, yeah, backand forth and read some am I the
asshole situations anddetermine whether they are or
not based on our opinion andthat means, it's true, based on
our professional opinion and wewill wonder is it a typical
Tyler or yeah?
yeah, all right, tyler um.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I have one okay am I
the?
Asshole for not letting mybrother's pregnant girlfriend
use my bathroom yes yes, I agree.
I say yes yeah, but let's see,let's read the.
I'm gonna'm going to move mymicrophone because I have my
computer not on the screen.
All right, some backstory.
So I, a 24 year old female,live in an area where it's
(01:53):
impossible to find apartments,and when you do find them, the
rent is over $1,500.
I also have two big dogs and acat, so renting is basically
impossible for me.
My parents have a house mychildhood home in this area, but
they currently live in anothercity about four hours away from
work for work.
So for those reasons, I live inmy childhood home.
(02:14):
My parents and I are bestiesand this whole arrangement works
great for all of us.
They need someone to watch overthe house and I need somewhere
to live.
It's the perfect solution.
They come visit me once a month, all right.
My brother, 23, was working inanother state on a contract, so
his job paid for him to live ina hotel.
When his contract ended, hedidn't line another one up to
(02:37):
find or find any other work todo.
Also, despite making greatmoney and not having to pay for
housing, he didn't save anymoney from the slash job he had,
oh boy.
So he moved home with me.
That would suck, and he broughthis girlfriend, who's 22, and
their dog.
They were supposed to be herefor a couple weeks max that's in
(02:58):
quotation marks while he foundanother contract, most likely in
a different state.
They've been here for twomonths now.
They got a cat who they'rehiding from my parents.
They don't have jobs, oh mygosh.
They borrow money from myparents for everything.
They sleep all day and leavethe house trashed all the time,
and a couple of weeks ago wefound out that she's pregnant.
Oh boy, mine and my brother'sbedroom are right across from
(03:23):
each other's and we used toshare a bathroom.
Oh man, when I found out theywere coming here, I moved all my
toiletries upstairs to theguest room bathroom so I
wouldn't have to share with them.
Well, no kidding, you don'tneed, like a Jack and Jill
bathroom with your brother.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Oh God.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I know, yes, you do
know.
Yeah, she will usually text me.
Wait a minute, where was, wherewas I?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
well, a few weeks ago
, over toiletries, okay, okay,
moved her toiletries to theupstairs guest bathroom.
That's where you were so sheokay.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I always hated
sharing a bathroom with him.
My parents knew this and wereokay with me taking over the
guest room.
Well, a few weeks ago, beforeknowing she was pregnant, they
went out for her birthday withmy parents and she got drunk
enough that my mom had to puther in the guest room bathroom
bathtub to clean up after pukingon herself.
Is this when she was pregnant?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I mean, I guess it
was.
I guess it was before they knew, is what she said.
So like she didn't know she waspregnant yet, oh, before she
knew she was pregnant.
Okay, you're right yeah, um soever since she could have been
pregnant yeah, so ever since shefound out about the bathtub, oh
my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
So ever since she
found out about the bathtub in
my bathroom, she is constantlyasking to use it.
Their bathroom only has ashower.
She will usually text me whenI'm at work to ask and I never
know what to say because I don'twant her to use it.
But I feel like an asshole fornot wanting to share.
I know that's stupid andprobably makes me sound so
spoiled, but I just want my ownbathroom all to myself.
Is that too much to ask?
(04:54):
They have to take over theentire house, including what
used to be my bathroom.
I just want this one spaceuntouched by them.
Most of the time when she asksand I don't respond, she will
just use my bathroom anyway.
I assume my brother tells herto, because it's not technically
my bathroom anyways.
Today I came home from work andrushed to my bathroom to pee and
I found her asleep in thebathtub.
(05:15):
She had texted me earlier, butI didn't respond.
I didn't react other thantelling my brother she was
asleep so he could make sure shewas okay.
But would I be the asshole if Itold them not to use this
bathroom anymore?
I talked to my parents about itand they are okay with me doing
that.
If she wasn't pregnant, Iwouldn't even hesitate to tell
them not to use it.
My sister thinks I'm an assholebecause she said her baths were
(05:36):
a lifesaver in her firsttrimester.
I agree with that and I don'thate my brother's girlfriend.
I like her and I want to have agood relationship with her, but
I also don't want to be sharingmy bathroom and all my good
products with her.
Am I a horrible person for that?
I would even give her some ofmy good products.
I'm a hairstylist so I havelots.
If that would help her enjoyher own bathroom more, hell, I
(05:57):
would tear apart their bathroom,redo it and add the nicest tub
available for her, if I could.
I just want my bathroom tomyself.
Am I the asshole?
Ps, I know the obvious solutionhere is to trade bathrooms with
them.
That's what I was going to say.
Unfortunately, they won't work.
That won't work because my momdoesn't want my brother
destroying her guest room.
Lol, he's a nuisance.
Okay, well, that's dumb.
So because that is the solution, like, just give them the guest
(06:21):
bedroom.
And if the mom doesn't want himtrashing the bedroom, then the
mom needs to tell him I don'twant you trashing the bedroom
and that doesn't even make sense.
Give her the bathroom with thebathtub in it and you just take
your bedroom back and yourbathroom back.
That seems like the logicalresponse.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, no, I agree.
Also.
I'm like how about they justleave, like go find your own
place?
You were supposed to be therefor a couple of weeks and you've
been there for months now.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, that's
ridiculous, and also this is
what a person said, and I agreewith them.
Unfortunately, this is 100% ofa problem that your parents have
created and one they have tosolve.
It's true They've got two adultchildren, one with two big dogs
and a cat and one with agirlfriend and a cat, living
rent free in their home, causingwear and tear and squabbling
about who gets which bathroom.
(07:12):
Now we're going to add a babyto the mix, which they will also
be paying for.
It seems sad.
I wouldn't bet on your brothergetting a job or moving out
anytime soon.
Why should he?
As long as mommy and daddycontinue to enable him, he's
going to continue to shrinkresponsibility and act like a
child.
Your parents are going to haveto sell that house to get rid of
him.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, I agree with
that for sure.
I do too, that's what I thoughtfrom the jump.
I was like well, the parentsare enabling.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
They totally are Like
who's in charge here?
Yeah, so, who's in charge here?
Yeah so.
And like she has to ask herparents if she can go to the
guest room, like that's, thatsounds like another dumb thing.
If you and jake were likestaying here and I was living
four hours away or whatever I,it would be up to you what
bedroom you wanted to use.
So I don't, I don't know, Idon't.
(07:59):
I think that, yeah, and also.
I'm like then like pay some rent, like you I don't know like you
want your own bathroom, buy,get your own apartment, that's.
That's another thing, so do Ido.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
We think she's the
asshole I don't think she's an
asshole, but I don't think thatshe's like like scot-free, like
I feel like she's like they'reall.
All these people are theproblem, in my opinion.
I'm like no one is innocenthere, like they all are messy
and need to figure out theirshit yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I think it's all
right to want your own space I
don't think that she's anasshole for that.
I think she's either excuse meallowed to want her own space
and not want someone who wantssomeone taking a bath in their
bathtub.
Like that's gross.
I don't even want Jacksontaking a bath in the bathtub.
I, when he leaves, I have towait for the house to be cleaned
at least twice before I'll eventhink about putting myself in
(08:55):
that bathtub.
So there's no like.
I would not want that either.
So I understand that feelingbut.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
But you can't want
your own space in a space that's
not yours.
That's true, like that isn'tyour own space, like you knew
what you were signing up for.
You're sharing someone else'sspace well, she didn't know.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Her brother was going
to be there for that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
But it's still not
her space, like she's still
staying in somebody else's house, like I mean, like jake's
sister lives in their dad'shouse, and like he comes and
goes as he wants.
She never complains I mean sheknows that she's living there.
Um, I don't know if she'spaying rent or not, but like,
even if she is, like she knowsthat she's living in his house
(09:39):
yeah, and that he gets to comeand go.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It's his house, so
I'm like true, I mean when you
got you and jake lived in myhouse as soon as jackson came
home, it was like well, theyjust sped you up, up your, your
plans that's for sure well,that's because jackson started
closing our air vent, like theliteral definition of gas
(10:02):
lighting.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
He was.
I don't know why it's hot.
And then I woke up and my airvents closed.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Oh gosh, all right,
so your turn.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Okay, am I the
asshole for requesting that my
teacher not partner me with mydeadbeat father's daughter?
Oh, um this sounds like this islike a step sibling that she
doesn't want to be part.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, it's really,
it's a half sibling if it's the
father's child.
So yeah, you're right, so it'sa half sibling.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
She doesn't want to
be partner with her um I don't
think she's an asshole I thinksometimes we don't want to be
partnered with people yeah, Ithink so too, but also I'm like
what's the like, what's this for?
Is this like something short?
Is this like a full-on project,like?
Yeah okay, my father walked outon my mom when she was pregnant
(10:58):
with me um, pregnant with me 16.
Okay, my father walked out onmy mom when she was pregnant
with me.
So he was 16, um, so I guessthey were like super young.
Um, they were married.
They were married for like fiveyears at that point.
Okay, so they're definitely hewas not 16.
(11:18):
I don't know what the 16m meansoh the person is 16 years old.
Okay, this is a 16 year old dudeoh, okay, okay so they were
married for like five years atthat point, but he was cheating
a lot.
My mom trying to divorce himwent through hell because they
picked up and moved.
(11:39):
He never met me.
He didn't show up at court fortheir divorce or for custody or
for child support.
He went to jail three times forfailure to pay child support
and for trying to avoid childsupport by quitting his jobs and
not declaring his new place ofemployment.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Jesus, oh gosh, this
is awful.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I still haven't even
met him, but around a year ago
he moved back with his family,the affair partner and their
kids.
He has a daughter five monthsyounger than me, a son about a
year and a half younger and someother kids who are younger
again, but I don't know theirages.
I only know that the older twoages because of school and
(12:21):
sharing some classes with hisdaughter.
She has tried to connect withme but I told her I wasn't
interested, we're not family.
I don't know, I don't want toknow the affair family.
Even though she was upset andcried a little in front of me,
she didn't give up and when wereturned to our classes in
august she was suddenly in fourof mine instead of one, like
(12:43):
last year.
So I went to our teacher, whoassigns a lot of group stuff,
and asked her to never pair herwith me.
Okay, I explained the reasonwhy and she was surprised but
agreed that it would be for thebest to avoid hostility during
the project and especially ifothers are working with us.
Twice she has tried to claim meas a partner or make me a part
(13:04):
of her group, the first time asher solo partner and the second
time as a bigger group.
Both times our teacher refused.
Good for the teacher.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
This made her realize
what I'd done, Told her parents
.
They went to the principal anddemanded a meeting with me and
my mom.
My mom went but left me out ofit Good, and explained why to
the principal and told him shedidn't think the first time I
meet my father correct should bewhen he wants to berate me for
(13:35):
not working with his daughter.
They tried to say I wasbullying their daughter and I
should be facing suspension orbe forced to make it up to her
through some kind of buddyprogram.
Oh my god, the principal didn'ttake it seriously.
Good, but his daughter and sonnow stare at me a lot more in
(13:56):
school the last couple of weekssince the meeting and a couple
of her friends said I was such adick for embarrassing her like
that and not getting to know her.
Am I the asshole?
No, you're not the asshole.
These people are crazy I havelike mixed feelings really I'm
like the the, the daughter isbeing so ridiculous like this.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
That's ridiculous
like I just I, I, I I understand
, like, I think she's, but likefrom her perspective she is
wanting.
Like he might not see them asfamily.
He might think they're.
You know they they're a part ofwhat felt really hurtful.
He got the dad did not choosehim.
(14:40):
That's, that's awful.
It's a terrible feeling.
I have felt that way myself.
It's not a good feeling, um,but in a sense, like, whether
they're they are family, like ifthe kid likes it, or not, like
they're they're biologicallyrelated.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
They might not be
like necessarily family that
you're going to talk to orwhatever, but they they do share
, um, some of the same dna, sothey um I would say they're not
family, they're relatives,because I feel like the word
family is strong to use forsomebody that you don't know,
(15:15):
that you did not grow up with,that you have no connection with
on their side, or that youdon't really talk to.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
They're blood related
, all right, so they're
relatives.
It's not the girl's fault?
No, no, it's not, but she isalso.
I mean, she's put pressure,she's pressuring him and she's
he's pushed it too far um andthen I think that's sad about
him, yeah and that's sad as well.
And the fact that they pushed itto this point, like with the
(15:45):
principal and all that nonsense,and now they're accusing him of
bullying, that's anotherridiculous thing.
All of that is wrong.
I think that's all wrong.
I think the dad is the worst ofall.
He's the asshole.
Um, I don't think the kid is anasshole, but I also think I feel
sorry for the biological sister, because she wants some kind of
connection to her brother.
(16:07):
So, and it's not, and the, thedad that she knows is not the
dad that he knows.
The dad that she knows, youknow, as a loving, supporting
father, the dad he knows issomeone who abandoned his mother
and him and left.
So it's, it's a differentscenario.
I mean.
I say this because, like thisis true for me like I have half
(16:28):
sisters and, um, I mean I havemy brother, who's my mom, and my
dad, but then I have two halfsister, or one half sister from
a different woman he married,and another one from another
woman he married, and um, twomore I mean, and so it's for to
them, to the two, that where hestayed with the mom, and like
they had a long marriageactually with the fourth wife.
(16:51):
This is so complicated I feellike I'm reading something from
Reddit myself.
Anyway, they, you know, lovedmy dad.
He's passed away now, but theyloved him and they think of him
as a good father.
I don't, and they are desperate.
When he was dying, they weredesperate for me to understand
(17:13):
and to see him as a good person.
For whatever reason, they justfelt desperate.
I'm sorry I couldn't give themwhat they wanted.
I offered him forgiveness, butI could not see it the way they
see it, because that's not theway my childhood was.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, it's not your
reality.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
It's not my reality
and he, you know, he.
I mean.
What I remember vividly is himdriving our stuff to my mom's,
dumping it off in the drivewayand driving away and not saying
goodbye, and so that's what Iremember.
So they it's.
It doesn't have anything to dowith my, my mom, which they try
to blame.
It has nothing to do withanything but the fact that of
(17:54):
the kind of father he was to me.
So, um, but I don't, I'm notmad at them.
I don't think of them as theother family, um, but also I was
older.
It's a little bit different,it's.
It's a they didn't force, tryto force the relationship on me.
In fact, I probably wouldn't doa very good job if they tried
to force a relationship on me,because I already have a hard
(18:16):
enough time.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Um that's the thing I
have a problem with is that
like?
I understand like well.
I don't act like I.
I can sympathize witheverything that you're saying I
I obviously don't understandfrom like my own perspective,
but I get that like I'm like Ihear you.
But the thing that I have aproblem with from the like the
daughter, is that she's likeaggressively, like pushing his
(18:41):
boundaries when he has likeknock on out of his way to be
mean he has literally went tothe teacher before this was even
like a problem and just saidlike I feel, like I would be
uncomfortable yes, he was veryproactive, you're right.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah, I don't think
he's an asshole.
I I definitely don't think.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
I don't think he's an
asshole.
I don't think the girl's anasshole, but I do think she's
not learning how to acceptpeople's boundaries and that's
like no when no, when someonesays no, no means no yeah, like
you can want and crave anddesire to be close to your, like
half brother, all you want.
But if they don't want that youcan't force that.
(19:17):
And if they are blatantlysaying like please no, and being
kind to you in the process, butlike just setting their own
boundary, then, like you, youshouldn't go around talking shit
about them when they have donenothing wrong they have and
accusing them of being a bully.
Yeah, yeah, they've been nicehe's been very respectful and
(19:38):
like dealt with this in such amature manner and now like the
girl's going around, like makingit more of a problem than it
really needs to be.
Like I get it, you can be sad,be upset, have your feelings
about not having a relationshipwith him, but like yeah don't
make it something that it's not.
And then I'm like you are beingkind of an asshole yeah, yeah,
(19:58):
yeah, all right, ready.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Um can't decide which
one.
I'm gonna read them both to youand you tell me which one.
Um, oh, there's like three, butno, I won't go to that one all
right, so just pick one, pickone okay, I want one that's like
a little bit lighter.
That's not, um, all right, am Ithe asshole for asking my
(20:22):
husband's best man to wear atuxedo?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
no, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
So I mean like I
don't either, I think yeah, I
think you should be wearing atuxedo, so it's not that
expensive.
I mean, come on so I agree thattoo yeah, no, yeah, for sure I
don't.
I'm not expecting him to buyone.
That's expensive, all right.
So let's see what they say.
I am not the what's OOP.
(20:52):
Oh, this is the conclusion.
I don't want to read theconclusion yet.
Oh, trigger warning, what?
Okay, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Wait, no, now I need
to know I'm not, I don't know
what the OOPop is.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Somebody else, what's
oop mean oop?
Has since deleted their account.
I am the asshole for asking myhusband's best man to wear a
tuxedo.
Okay, well, here's the originalpost.
Um, this is a woman.
She's 26.
She's getting married to ummark, who's 28.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Thank goodness she
uses some names, because I know,
know, can we call her Sally?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
She's going to have
to give her name, okay, oh,
maybe not.
Okay, we can call her Sally.
Okay, so Sally is married toMark.
He's 28.
She's 26.
He's a handsome, responsible,intelligent man with a kind
heart and a great sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Aw, that's good, we
love that for you his best man.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, so Jennifer is
going to be his best man, her
sister.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
So, jennifer, okay,
this changes things for me, yeah
.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Jennifer is best
friends with my husband Mark.
That's a little weird.
Yeah, I just don't know how thedynamic works like that.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
It smells fishy to me
?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I agree.
Okay, so Jennifer is bestfriends with my husband, mark.
We already said he was 26.
He's known her more than twiceas long as he's known me.
We only really met and talkedat my link at any length about
three years ago or so.
They were co-workers togetherat her high school job and she's
been in a part a part of hisgaming group since then.
All right, they went to thesame college and their
(22:32):
co-workers again, now workingfor his friend john, who's 42.
His company, john's company,mark, was in college for the
better part of a decade who'sjohn?
john is the owner of the companythat jennifer the sister, and
jennifer and mark work for john.
For john, okay, yeah, okay.
(22:53):
So mark was in college for thebetter part of a decade good
grief, getting two undergraduatedegrees and his phd whoa, why
do you need two undergraduatedegrees anyway?
And jennifer ended up doing thesame major as him, likely due
to his encouragement.
She's thinking about hermaster's in the same field, but
they both work full-time now.
(23:14):
In addition to being co-workersand playing dungeons and
dragons together, they also gameonline and they hang out all
the time.
They've gone to conventionstogether, either as part of a
group or just the two of them.
They do local classes andevents together, and mark helps
jennifer with her photographyand editing.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
You sound weirdly
close to me.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, I know, I don't
think that's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Okay, so after we got
engaged?
Oh wait.
While she has a solid full-timejob, she likes, jennifer still
has aspirations of being a modelor influencer.
She loves fashion and she'salso into cosplay.
What's's that?
it's like when you like dress up, for it's basically like
(24:02):
playing a certain character fromlike a story and like doing
it's kind of like dungeons anddragons, but like you dress up
okay, um, after we got engaged,we were at a family dinner and I
was talking to mark about thewedding party and I mentioned
that, even though I have twosisters, I wanted my own best
friend, helen 26, to be my maidof honor.
Totally understandable.
(24:23):
I don't think you should haveto have your brother or sister.
Mark said that was greatbecause he actually wanted to
ask Jennifer to be his best man.
Jennifer immediately andenthusiastically agreed being a
female best man is just the kindof thing she'd love, obviously,
even if that meant she wouldn'tbe one of my bridesmaids.
She also knew that between ourother sister and some of my
(24:43):
friends, I had too many peoplewho needed to be bridesmaids,
and Mark was worried about beingshort on groomsmen.
This was all fine and welluntil later on, when we were
talking about what people weregoing to wear, I picked out my
dream wedding dress, Icoordinated the bridesmaids
dresses and Mark was going tohave his groom men, most of
which were other gaming buddiesand tuxedos.
(25:03):
I had to talk to him.
I had to talk him out ofputting them in.
Go explain rain, fair, red andfair stuff.
Oh no, I don't know what thatis.
Jennifer was going to wear adress.
Jennifer is a very tall, veryattractive woman and, to be
(25:24):
perfectly frank, she has a largechest.
The dress she wanted to wearwas designed by one of her
friends online and while it'snot white or anything, it's
mostly red and black and prettywell matches the other groomsmen
and it's formal and fancy.
It definitely shows off herfigure I wouldn't say in a
slutty way at all, but it justdoes.
She would also, as best woman,stand out from the other men on
(25:44):
the groom's side, especially inthe heels she wanted to wear
with the dress.
After dropping a few hints hereand there about and broaching
the subject of each side of thewedding party matching and
women's tuxedos, I gentlyrequested that Mark have
Jennifer wear a tuxedo ratherthan the dress and shoes she
wanted and had previously liked.
When they gave me pushback, Ipointed out to Jennifer that she
(26:06):
might be too exposed or shemight distract people with such
a flashy dress.
Jennifer gave me a dirty lookand said half under her breath
are you fucking serious?
And before I could react shejust said again fine, fuck it,
you're the bride, I'll wear thefucking tuxedo.
Mark sighed and half half saidsome things about it being
(26:27):
ridiculous.
But then when I asked him whathe said, he just said, okay,
it's whatever, it's fine, thatwas crappy, that's red flag
number three.
So he like, even if he's sidingwith the sister yeah, I know,
even if he thinks it's a dumbidea, like a kind-hearted great
guy to me he has to have yourback, especially in public.
(26:49):
If he thinks it's ridiculous, hecan tell you that privately.
Since then, mark and jenniferhaveaggressively making fun of
my concerns.
Okay, this is a problem Withthem doing things like Mark
comedy oogling her chest, or hermaking her all sorts of boob
jokes.
She's done things likeostentatiously covering up her
(27:10):
chest with her hands when shemoves past people, while saying
things like Gotta guard, thegirls Wouldn't want to knock
anyone over.
This is ridiculous.
Both her and mark keep makingfake fraudrian slip fraudian
slips about her chest or herfigure, and jennifer even
pretended to lose her balanceand fall over because her boobs
were too heavy.
They pretty much do this whenI'm around.
(27:31):
They seem to think it'shilarious.
They've made it very well known.
This is so long.
They've made it very well known.
This is so long.
They've made it very well knownthat Jennifer is really
disappointed about not gettingto wear the dress and that her
seamstress friend is upset aboutit too.
Who cares?
This is the bride.
This is for the bride, yeah,and Mark has seemed a bit
distant and disinterested inwedding planning.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Yeah, because he
wants to marry your sister.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah, I was looking
over some tuxedos for women and
making some suggestions toJennifer about ones that aren't
too tight in the chest or hipsand she just showed me the one
that said she had already pickedout and said is this fine, or
did you want to furthermicromanage my specific tuxedo?
I do agree with that.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yeah, Well, she's
like trying to like make her
like hide her body, like youcan't help if you have a bigger
chest.
Like stop making comments aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yeah, I agree with
that.
I think that that's ridiculous.
We started to get into a fightand she accused me of being a
bridezilla.
When I told her she was being abad sister, she said that she
wasn't the one who was beingbody shamed and told me what to
wear.
I told her and told what towear.
I told her my requests weren'tbody shaming and she said that
they were the same thing.
My parents completely tookJennifer's side and said that I
(28:42):
should just let her wear thedress.
Obviously, she showed it tothem and they thought it was
beautiful.
They like her friend too, andher friend has done clothing and
costumes with her before.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Who cares about the
friend?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, like no one
cares about the friend like no
one cares about the friend.
The friend doesn't matter andher opinions and thoughts are
not relevant at the moment.
Yeah, no, I fit.
My father said that I should atleast stop bothering her about
the tuxedo if I'm going to makeher wear one and then I should
just let her go with the one shepicked.
I do agree with that.
She's got to back off on that,um.
The one she wants, though, isvery is high visual impact and
(29:14):
also very tailored.
Of course it is because youdon't want to stand there
looking like a man in the tuxedo.
She said that she could matchit to the colors, but I feel
like she'd still stand out.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
She's going to stand
out.
She's going to.
She's a woman.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Yeah, she's going to
have to get over that.
When I tried to get Mark toweigh in on this, he just said
said it's your wedding, dowhatever you want.
I guess I'll tell her to dowhatever you want.
I know it's your wedding andhe's it's not his too.
And obviously I know and Iobviously don't feel like he's
very invested.
I feel like yeah clearly he'snot no, he's not, but he just
(29:49):
doesn't want to argue.
He always, he's always likethat.
Okay, well, that's a problem,that's he is not, doesn't want
to communicate yeah, no, youhave to sometimes engage in
conflict.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
There's healthy ways
to do it, but it has to happen
yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Even though we both
have good jobs, both jennifer
and I still live at home withour parents.
Oh boy, because housing isridiculous and it's been awkward
around each other.
I've been staying over atmark's a lot over the last year
and I was supposed to beofficially moving in, but he's
been kind of cool and passiveabout it recently.
Ooh everyone.
Yeah, everyone seems to beacting like I'm the asshole here
(30:25):
, even though Mark and Jenniferare the ones being passive,
aggressive and unreasonable.
I almost feel like I shouldhave just made Jennifer a
bridesmaid right off the bat, ortold Mark that it didn't make
sense for him to have my have afemale groomsman.
Am I the asshole for wanting myhusband's best man to just wear
a normal tuxedo?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Oh, so many thoughts
on that yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Kind of yes to no,
because you're being an asshole.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Everybody here is an
asshole.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
She's the she.
You're asking a woman to wear aman's suit Like.
You're not allowing her to makeit a woman's suit.
She doesn't.
Just because she's the best mandoesn't mean she has to be a
man Like and they can actuallycall her the best person anyway,
best woman, yeah, best person,best woman, so it doesn't so
(31:09):
that that seems ridiculous.
However, I do understand it'sprobably a lot more to it and it
probably has to do with herfeeling like the sister
outshines her regularly and itsounds like she does she does
yeah, with the with mark.
So that's, that's the problem,but there is a follow-up.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
That's not good news
it's, I don't know well, it's
definitely like it seems like,because the bride is making it
sound like she is, like has veryidealistic, like conservative
views on, like men and women,and their roles, but and like I
have no idea if that's how sheactually feels or not, um, but
(31:47):
like that's how it's comingacross and that she's like
basically, like you need to hideyour body so that, like I am
standing out, but like that's no, like that's not cool, she is
body shaming her.
I mean like she is, to a degree, like basically saying like
cover what you can't control up,because it's, in my way, like
(32:09):
no, that's not cool, but alsoyour husband and your sister are
in love with each other.
Sorry to break it to you.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Yeah, it does.
It does seem like that they doeverything together.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
They're literally
best friends and they laugh and
make jokes about you Like that'snot, you don't want that.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
No, that's not OK.
All right, so she updated it.
This was just a few months ago.
Actually, there's not going tobe a wedding.
This was just a few months ago.
Actually, there's not going tobe a wedding.
John, of all people the bossremember Mark's boss and gaming
buddy noticed my post as it gotway, way more attention than I
ever expected.
We've only ever met a couple oftimes and hardly ever talked
(32:49):
before, but he reached out to mewith this is John, lol, call me
.
So I called him from theparking lot after work.
John says he's been married forabout 20 years and he's tried
to give Mark relationship advice.
He doesn't think we're a goodmatch.
He told whoa.
He told me that.
I should not work yeah, he toldme that I should talk to Mark
and that Mark has been unhappywith our relationship, oh, and
(33:10):
extremely unhappy with thewedding plan planning even to
the point clearly running gagamongst him and his friends.
I got into a bit with john, Iknow because, to be fair to me,
mark's ideas have beenridiculous.
Just some of the things he saidfor in which john and jennifer
and his buddies thought would becool he wanted the wedding
party to have custom swords anddaggers and, oh my god, the
(33:34):
amulets.
He wanted them to have thesword during the ceremony and he
thought people would likefantasy amulets.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Mark sounds like a
wedding for jennifer and mark,
because clearly they're bothinto that.
If she really enjoys cosplay,then they can do cosplay at
their wedding.
But that is not what sallywants, so he was right in a
sense of being like this is yourwedding, because they're doing
nothing that he wants, whichlike as ridiculous and crazy as
(34:03):
it may sound to some people, meincluded it it's not to him,
like that's what he wants forhis wedding and so like they're
just having two differentweddings.
But keep going.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Sorry oh it's, it's
just way too long um oh well, I
want to know the update.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
So they're just, this
is the update.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
So I'm having a
wedding and um mark is just
stressed out.
And he said the dress jenniferwanted to wear was just about
the final straw because I toldhim he could pick the outfit for
the groomsmen.
Blah, blah, blah blah.
He said it was upsetting andthat it body shamed Jennifer.
When I asked him why heproposed if I apparently gave
(34:43):
him anxiety and he doesn't evenwant me to move in with him, he
said he felt like it was.
Oh, it was pressure to eitherpropose or break up and he hoped
things would get better.
And then he didn't know if he,if he, had a good enough reason
to break up.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
What so?
Yeah, better.
And that he didn't know if he,if he, had a good enough reason
to break up.
What so it goes, yeah, it goeson and on and on.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Um man, she started
this with like singing mark's
praises and I don't like mark.
Yeah, one of my commenters onmy original post asked why I was
marrying my sister's boyfriend,and my mom asked very nearly
the same thing.
She questioned how I hadstarted dating mark just as
about as soon as his, as soon ashis age gap with jennifer
stopped being awkward, and sheimplied I shouldn't have been
dating him in the first place.
(35:27):
That's not fair at all.
It's not like he's her propertyand jennifer can clearly yeah,
and then she just it's whatever,whatever so okay, I guess we're
broken up for dating um that'swhat I don't know, are they?
um, it doesn't say, but I'mguessing.
Yes, I'm guessing.
The answer is yes.
(35:47):
I should have pre-read that.
That was so long.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
I did not expect that
to be so, but it was very
interesting and interesting.
So many layers to this yeah,that's crazy um yeah oh gosh.
I'm sad for Sally but at thesame time like really glad she
did not get married to him, andthen find all of this out yeah
(36:14):
so like good for John, likehaving a private conversation
with her and giving her theinformation.
So that she could make aneducated decision for herself.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
That's a hard place
to be for John.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
And also I mean like
she doesn't even realize because
she's so fixated on these smalldetails like the bigger picture
, the bigger, the reason she'sfixated on the small details is
because she's so like trying tocompartmentalize the fact that
her then fiance is in love withher sister.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
She's like trying to
cover it up with like things
that she's annoyed about that.
Really, she's not annoyed aboutit.
She's annoyed that he's not theone yeah, poor jennifer,
hopefully she finds love forsally I mean sally, poor sally.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
I hope sally finds
love somewhere else, not
jennifer.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, jennifer can
never found love in Mark.
Yeah, jennifer's good to go.
Yeah, okay, do you want me todo the last one?
Yeah, okay, okay, let's see Hmm.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Hmm, so many
different layers, so many
different things.
Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (37:44):
yeah, okay.
So um, am I the asshole forrefusing to feed my sister's
kids for free every day?
Speaker 2 (37:54):
no, no.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Okay, yeah, I also
think no.
My older sister, who's 37, hasthree kids under 10.
Oh jeez, I, 25-year-old male,don't have kids yet, but I'm a
junior sous chef and I cook alot in my spare time.
During some recent time offfrom work, my sister asked if I
(38:20):
could babysit her kids afterschool for three days.
I said yes, I watched the kids,she paid me for it and I
thought that would be it.
But then she asked me what thekids ate with me after the week
had ended, and then she wantedto know how I got her kids to
eat a full meal.
Her kids are picky eaters.
They are typically the kids whowill eat what they take off a
(38:41):
plate meat and potatoes, rice ornoodles and then leave the rest
veggies and sauces.
According to my sister andbrother-in-law, even if you give
more veggies than somethingelse, they won't eat them and
they'll wait until their nextmeal.
And if you give all veggies orinsist they eat the veggies
before anything else, they'llskip the meal.
(39:02):
I sort of knew that about thembefore I babysat, so I blended
veggies and other good stuffinto their dinner, the first day
with me, and the second day Iserved them.
Served them, but I did.
I did them but hid them inplain sight and on the last day
I just served them in a way.
They don't get them normallyand because they knew they had
(39:25):
them, they ate them without anissue, but they wouldn't eat
them for my sister orbrother-in-law.
After there was some back andforth between us and I shared
some recipes but my sister saidshe couldn't get them to eat the
food, so she wanted me to makefood for her kids every day.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Oh gosh, that's
ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
I asked if she was
going to pay me for spending all
that time and money, and shetold me I should do it as a way
to help my nieces and nephewsstay healthy.
Oh gosh, I told her it's a bigask.
She told me I have the chanceto really help and put my skills
to good use for her family.
I feel like it's that is aridiculous ask yeah, I feel like
(40:12):
it's asking a lot because theyexpect me to make something
every day for the kids, but mysister feels like I'm being a
bad brother and uncle.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (40:21):
no, no no, she's
being ridiculous.
That is absolutely ridiculous.
She doesn't want to do itherself, and then she wants her
brother, and then she's not evengoing to pay for the groceries.
Like no, even if you don'tvalue his time and think that he
should be paid for his time,you're not even paying for the
ingredients.
He's just going to provide freefood for your kids.
Like that's ridiculous.
(40:42):
No, that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I would never expect
that of my brother.
That is so stupid.
No, kidding no he's not theasshole.
She is, I agree, and also it'sher.
She's got to figure out how toget her own kids to eat.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
No, kidding, what is
he going to do?
Prepare food for them for therest of their lives?
Like they're under 10 years old, they've got a long way to go
to be living in.
There's three of them, threekids under 10.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
That's a lot You're
outnumbered.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, no, figure it
out, sister.
Also, like, if he he's like,here's the method that I used.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
You so like.
If he he's like, here's themethod that I used.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
You can take this and
use it, and if she can't figure
it out that they're not hiskids, they are just his nieces
and nephews, and that's.
The bonus of having nieces andnephews is that you don't have
to do the hard parts most of thetime.
You get to show them for fun,and sometimes you will spend
some meals and then you don'thave to do that anymore.
(41:40):
Yeah, Good grief.
Yeah, no, this person isdefinitely not the asshole.
I'm like wondering what.
Okay?
Op has offered the followingexplanation for why they think
they might be the asshole Irefuse to cook for my sister's
kids for free every day.
I do cook for a living and Iknow the kids would eat better
(42:00):
if I agreed.
And I'm not a struggling chefexactly.
So it's not that I would bereally struggling if I did, but
it's a lot to ask for someone todo seven days a week without
getting anything.
But still I could do it withoutsuffering, which is why I think
I could be the asshole.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Oh no, just because
it wouldn't put you into a
suffering mode doesn't mean thatyou um, that you should be,
that you should have to do that.
That's just.
That's just too much of a like.
She's pushing beyond anappropriate boundary.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
So that's, that's
outrageous yeah, somebody said
not the asshole.
Does your sister know how muchfood costs?
oh no, kidding, that's anothergood point yeah, if she wants to
buy the food and bring it overand provide the disposable to-go
boxes, then I think you shoulddo it.
I cook for people all the timefor free, but they pay for the
(42:51):
food and if you enjoy it itgives you experience.
But only if she pays for thefood and costs associated with
it.
And the OP said she wanted meto accept the cost even though
she'd already be saving money bybuying less.
So she's willing to pay you towatch them but won't pay you to
(43:11):
feed them.
The math ain't mathin', not theasshole.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
I agree, that's crazy
.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
That's crazy right
well, all right, that was
another adventure yep yep, seeyou next week yeah, yeah, I
guess we'll see you next week.
If you like, if you enjoywatching, subscribe on youtube.
If you enjoy listening um, Ithink you can subscribe on like
(43:42):
or maybe follow like on spotify,apple music, apple podcast.
Whatever you're listening on um, and if you have any questions
for us or have any, if you wantto know if you're the asshole
yeah comment below and we'lltell you yep all right, we will
see you next week.
Bye.