May 19, 2025 • 62 mins
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What happens when a mother and daughter candidly explore the most challenging aspects of their relationship? This raw, heartfelt conversation between Emily and Trina delves into those small moments that forge powerful bonds – from end-of-day debriefings that echo childhood rituals to the physical grounding that happens when anxiety takes over.
Through audience questions, they navigate recent misunderstandings between them, revealing how a text message beginning with "For your information..." spiraled into feelings of disconnection until they committed to face-to-face honest communication. Their vulnerability shines as they discuss how third-party intervention can sometimes worsen communication problems rather than solve them.
The conversation takes unexpected turns as they challenge mental health myths, particularly around medication. Both share personal struggles with finding the right treatment – Emily describing herself as "trying every medication ever with all the worst side effects" while her partner found success immediately. This contrast highlights an important reality: mental health journeys look dramatically different for each person.
Perhaps most powerful is their reflection on strength. Trina reveals how her understanding evolved from believing strength meant "putting it all together" to recognizing that "real strength comes in vulnerability." Meanwhile, Emily shares what she would tell her 17-year-old self struggling with an eating disorder: "You won't have to carry this forever."
For listeners wanting to start mental health conversations but feeling overwhelmed, their advice is refreshingly simple: take one small step. "You don't have to figure out how to get on the right train yet," Emily explains. "Just get off the wrong one."
Tune in for a conversation that feels less like a podcast and more like sitting with trusted friends who aren't afraid to share both their struggles and their wisdom. What small step toward better mental health might you take today?
Trina's First Published Book- Hilarious Would You Rather This or That Writing for Kids
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi, hi Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome back.
All right.
So today we're I'm scooching upToday we're we're going to
answer some questions.
We're going to answer someaudience asked questions, and,
yeah, so we will.
I'll read the question and thenwe will answer them.
All right, we need to sharebefore that?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I don't think so.
One thing I just thought of um,this is completely random, um,
and by the time that this comesout it'll be kind of old news,
but uh, and you don'tnecessarily care about this, but
um, the show you on netflix oh,nanny said it.
Oh, the final season came outand um it.
(01:36):
So I was watching this show bymyself.
Jake did not watch any of theother seasons and he watched the
first episode of the new seasonwith me, and then he like got
hooked on it, and so now he likewants me to wait to watch each
episode with him absolutely not,oh, I was like I've been
waiting for this, so now I'vebeen waiting, like we've been
(01:58):
watching.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh, my gosh yeah, um and nanny was blown away oh yeah
I.
I don't know how it ends yet,so like we have.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I think we have two more episodes left in the final
season and like I'm already likeholy shit, like if it's crazy,
and season four ended wild likethat's what nanny thought, that
was the end.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then she was like , oh, there's a whole another
season, yeah, so yeah I don'tknow, I only started it because
of you.
And then I'm like you know what?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I don't like this, and so I just I was gonna say
it's probably not something thatyou would like, but it is.
It's insane.
So I am like tonight, after mylong work, I were watching it
and I and we're gonna finish itand I'm like I am so excited
because I've been waiting forthis season to come out, um, and
(02:52):
then of course it came out andnormally I would have already
finished it by now because theyactually did it right.
They released the whole season.
I cannot stand when nowstreaming platforms are back on
the studio.
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Cable bullshit I don't have cable for this reason
I pay you a large amount everymonth so I can bend all
streaming services, so I canbinge it I know jake's like well
, it's just so that you'll comeback.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And I'm like, oh, I'm coming back.
I'm still paying every month tobe coming back.
So I know, I just want to watcha difference yeah, it's so
weird.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I've been watching the handmaid's tale, which I'm
coming back.
I'm still paying everyone to becoming back.
I know, I just want to watch adifferent.
Yeah, it's so weird.
I've been watching theHandmaid's Tale, which by the
time this comes out, we probablywon't have caught up because
nobody can meet in May.
And I'm like, am I justsupposed to stop watching right
now?
Like, come on, so that's?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I don't know, I might not be able to wait don't know,
I might not be able to waitlike that's, it's like torture,
it's fun to watch it with people, but it's like I want to watch
it right now.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, I want to watch it, um.
And then I'm watching anothergood one called um friends and
neighbors, which is on apple tv.
That's good, that's crazy.
And Dex and I had aconversation about that because
I was going to tell him to watchit and he's.
I almost texted him because Iwas like you got to watch this.
And then he he I almost textedhim because I was like you got
to watch this.
And then he he's like well, I'mwatching this TV.
He's like this show.
I don't watch a lot of TV, butit's, it's really got me and I'm
(04:10):
like and he sets it and I'mlike I was gonna tell you to
watch, like it has someparallels and um, and then he
also has like a kind of messedup sister and I write them later
I go we didn't even talk aboutthe messed up sister.
So it's just, I don't know.
It's funny, it's not funny,it's good, it's good.
(04:30):
And then what else have I beenwatching?
I watched the Kardashians and Ijust finished that I love them
and, yeah, I don't have anythingelse after that, like I, I need
to start it for the fourseasons.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
It's like with, like Tina Fey, oh, I want to see that
.
Is that good?
I literally just started.
What is that on Netflix?
It's on.
Netflix.
I like, I'm like five minutesinto it, so like, but it's like
it's with good people.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, that's why I wanted to see it.
I forgot I knew there wassomething else that I wanted to
see it.
I forgot I knew there wassomething else that I wanted to
see, and the?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
trailer looks cute like, it looks like a good show
and I like all of those people,so I'm like it can't be bad no
way not with Tina Fey and SteveCarell yeah, I'm like there's no
way, it's bad and um.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Did you watch the one with Kate Hudson, the
basketball one?
No, I didn't was it good, yeah,I liked it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I thought, it was it.
I thought it was cute.
Yeah, I thought it was cute.
I watched the trailer and I waslike meh, I don't know, it just
didn't like tickle my fancy.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, if you just want something kind of fun and
light, it's fun in that way.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I've been watching some pretty intense things.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It's hard to go to fun and light when you've been
watching like really good actingand good storytelling it is.
I remember after watching OzarkI was like no, I can't just
watch that, I have to.
It's got to be good acting.
So maybe not, maybe you justwait for a while.
Yeah, all right, so now we canstart with our questions.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
All right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So the first question is what's a small everyday
moment between you two?
That means more than peoplemight expect, and it doesn't
have to be every day, becauseobviously I don't see you every
day, but like a small momentthat that people might not
expect or that means more to usthan people might expect.
I this will be controversial,but whenever we go on trips
together and like I get to seeyou at the end of the day and
like we kind of just like arelike laying out like what
happened and just like talkingabout those things, like I I
(06:47):
enjoy that like because it'slike just it feels like how it
did when we, when I was youngerand like obviously I was living
with you, um, and I would likecome into your room after school
and like tell you all about theday or like stuff like that.
So like the, the debriefing ofany kind, like that, that means
(07:09):
a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, I agree, that means a lot.
That means a lot to me too.
It's um, because it is like acontinuation of what we shared
in a daily relationship yeah,and it's the part that I miss a
lot about you not being, youknow, not seeing or talking to
you regularly, like it is.
(07:30):
It's the part that I miss.
Also, for me, it's it's evenwhen, like when I'm having a
moment of, like really highstress and you push my shoulders
down and you just like standwith me and you act as if you're
like a weighted blanket.
You help me center and calm,and I don't know if people
(07:54):
necessarily would notice it, orthey might notice it and think
what is she doing, but I don'tthink they would realize, like
how much it means to me.
Yeah, so Nice, all right.
When was a time you completelyoh God, completely misunderstood
each other, and what helped youreconnect or find clarity?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well, what happened recently?
I don't even remember what thesituation was.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I don't either actually, but I totally did
misunderstand you and um.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, and you texted me a text that started with, for
your information.
Oh, and I was like this is notgoing to be good.
I think this was about church.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
I feel like this was about church.
This is about church?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't think so.
I don't know it like for yourinformation.
You never start a text with foryour information.
I know I I read as jake, and Iwas like I started off and I was
like I don't know what this is,but it's definitely not going
to be good because there is nocontext in which you can say for
(09:01):
your information, and itcontinues like in a happy manner
, and I was like this is notgonna be a pleasant text.
It wasn't.
But, um, how we resolved it?
Uh, we ended up talking inperson.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I came to you.
It is, sit down, yeah yeah, andthen we talked yeah, I felt so
disconnected and insecure withour relationship in the
misunderstanding and that wasjust like an added.
I already had started feelingdisconnected and I think that's
(09:38):
a key for people inrelationships when you start
feeling not connected to theperson or you feel like they're
not getting you or you're notgetting them or whatever.
You need to address that,because every little thing after
that feels massive and also Iwas like feeling I don't know
(09:59):
left out and just irrelevant.
It goes back to that irrelevantissue that I have, where I get
really easily tricked by feelingnot tricked, triggered, get
triggered by feeling irrelevant.
So it was a.
We had a great conversation,yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And that, and that's the I think the main thing with
anything like that is open, likeand honest communication, like,
regardless of like and I'm nottrying to shield each other's
emotions, like in those moments,like just being like.
This is honestly what I'mfeeling and thinking, so like
can we work through that, eventhough, like this might be
(10:41):
upsetting.
So I think that's important andthat's something like, too, that
I like have grown to learn,like with Jake is like it, like
I, when I'm upset aboutsomething like whether it's
gonna make him feel good or badlike I'm going to tell him and
then we'll work through it,rather than holding on to being
upset and then just hoping thatsomething will change yeah by
(11:06):
holding.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
You know what I mean because it doesn't ever work,
doesn't it never works itselfout, and um, not everybody is
open for that, though thatthat's hard because it takes
vulnerability on both endsyou're right, and um, because I
mean I feel that way, like whenJackson's upset with me about
something he's very hard to talkto, like he shuts down and
(11:27):
doesn't, like freezes me out,and I and I'm like, so I have to
text what I'm thinking, becausewhich is.
Yeah, and you and you youwouldn't allow me to.
You're like, we're going to sitdown and Well, I was like I'm
not gonna respond.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
No, yeah, I love you, but I will talk to you and I.
At first I was like it wasn'tyeah no, no, I wasn't like fuck
you, like whatever I was.
I was more like I read the textand I was like this is gonna
upset me if I think about itanymore.
And I'm definitely not going torespond over text, because how
(12:07):
I'm feeling and what I'mthinking is like you're going to
read it and how you're feelingand thinking and that's not how
I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
And then there was like a third party that was
deciphering things too, and Ithink that's really dangerous.
I think when somebody else islike being a third party, I
think that's really dangerous, Ithink when somebody else is
like being a third party.
Well, another party that wasinvested in making sure we were
all right but were like kind ofnew, yeah, and I think that's
(12:36):
dangerous because you're gettingyou're not getting the honest
feedback from the person and youneed the feedback from the
person and also you feel evenmore disconnected when someone
else is speaking for your person.
You know what I mean.
I think that's rough.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
I do think it's important to like pause before
having those conversations,though, which, like, that's hard
for me because I'm, like I wasgoing to say, I know it's like
that.
Yeah, that's the abandonmentpart that I'm like oh my gosh, I
got to talk about it right now,which is why I had said I was
like I'm not going to respond tothis, but I'm not ignoring you
Like I would like to revisitthis conversation.
(13:14):
I just like can't write this.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
It was a very good response.
You handled me in a very youdidn't.
I didn't feel like you didn'twant to talk about it or didn't
care about it.
It was that you were doing itin a healthy way and there was
nothing I could push backagainst because I knew it was
logical and rational.
And Dex and I got into a massivefight when I was there for
(13:40):
Thanksgiving.
He did the same thing.
He's like I mean I was ready, Iwas like just blow it all up,
which is not how I ever, it'snot how I ever really feel.
An hour later, yeah, and it'srare that I do that, go to that
extreme.
But I mean my buttons werepushed so I was yeah, I was like
(14:03):
this is going to blow up thewhole thing.
And he was like we can't endour relationship.
We're family, you know, overthis.
He's like we need to sit downand I did not want to and I'm
like, but I knew he was rightand I'm so glad because we both
I mean I instantly apologizedfor overreacting and then I
(14:28):
didn't go in there defensive,like I went in there thinking I
don't want to lose my brotherand I felt the same way with you
.
I don't want to lose myrelationship with Emily.
So that time and space actuallyhelped a lot and yeah, so I
think that's a really I thinkthat's just very effective
communicating.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, and you need to see people's facial expressions
and hear their tone.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Texting a conversation over text where
there's some kind of tension isnever a good idea, because you
can't hear their tone and soyou're interpreting their tone
how you're feeling.
So if you're feeling upset,then you're interpreting their
tone to be that they're likesaying something rude or intense
(15:15):
or whatever, which, like maybethat is how they're saying it,
but most of the time it's not.
So, like it's important that,like you pause and be like most
of the time it's not so likeit's important that, like you
pause and be like, okay, well,like, how are you actually
saying this to me so that I canrespond in a manner that matches
that energy?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Um, no, I think that I thinkthat's, I think that's helpful.
All right, um, and I'm gladthat it was worked out.
Yeah, yeah, and I have feltgreat ever since.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
With you and Dex.
So, yeah, yeah, I mean Dex andI like our fight was worse than
mine and yours because we bothlike hit below the belt for a
little while and that's nevergood, All right, that's never
good, All right.
What's one mental health myth.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
You wish more people, especially moms or daughters,
would stop believing Mentalhealth myth.
Mental health myth.
I don't necessarily think thishas to do with moms and
daughters, but I do think thatthere's still a stigma around
medication.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, so like that's one thing that I wish.
That's where my brain was goingto.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, that's where I wish people were more educated
on that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
But I also think I feel like that's going to get
worse right now with the currentadministration.
The thing about that, too, isthat there are bad doctors that
are out there For sure, for sure, like and you need to have.
That kind of medication needsto be subscribed by an expert,
(17:01):
which is a psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, and sometimes like even there are shitty
psychiatrists.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
So Absolutely, I sometimes like even there are
shitty psychiatrists.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So like I think that that's.
I feel like there's two thatI'm thinking, like I'm like I
feel like people need to likeunderstand medication more, but
I also feel like understandinghow to choose and like get
comfortable, like with a likecounselor, like counselor,
psychiatrist, whatever like isimportant, because it's not
always just like you see someoneand then you're one and done
(17:32):
like most of the time.
It's like dating, like you haveto kind of date around for those
people to see who is an expertin your specific trauma or like
what you're dealing with or likehas been working with clients
that have similar symptoms and x, y and z.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
So yeah, I totally agree.
I think it is like dating andit is like it.
It also reminds me of thatmuscle you have to use when
you're, when you're determiningif something is accurate,
information like fake news, um,it's the same type of
deciphering muscle that you haveto use because, yeah, I can
think of some bad psychiatriststhat I'm like, and then also
(18:12):
some general practitioners andI'm like you have no business
recommending or talking aboutthis because it's a very
complicated.
It's a complicated process andscience.
So, especially when you'retalking about individuals, like
some people, you know, you gotsome people that go right on the
on the track and they're theycan start with the first thing
you prescribe and they're fineand they're good to go, but that
(18:34):
that is probably not that'sjake.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
It's like jake and I are literally the complete
opposite yeah because, like I,because and he was also prepared
for my journey, which is not aslike it's like we're both on
the opposite ends of thespectrum.
Most people fall like kind ofin the middle.
Like you, you try a couple andthen you figure it out and like,
(18:58):
okay, like you have somesymptoms here and there, you're
good to go.
But like I'm on the, you and Iare on.
Like we've tried all everysingle medication ever and have
had all the worst symptoms andhave had really crappy
psychiatrists and so on and soforth.
Jake was like I found mypsychiatrist I'm taking this and
(19:19):
I works like good to go, sowhich I was like hallelujah, I
felt so grateful that that waswhat happened.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Because it takes a lot of patience to go through.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
And you're in a position where you don't really
have the patience, where youdon't have the patience and
sometimes, which probably leadsto it might be more situational
for him, and where it's like anactual chemical imbalance for
you and I, and so it's.
You know, I think it'sdifferent, so, okay, that's a
good one, all right.
If your relationship had atheme song, what would it be,
(19:58):
and why?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Where you lead, I will follow anywhere that you
tell me to.
That was immediately what cameinto my head.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's good.
I like that Absolutely.
What role does humor play inyour mental health conversations
?
Has laughter ever helped youthrough a tough moment?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Oh, absolutely.
One hundred percent.
Yeah, I mean that's where,whenever I start, I mean I've
told the story about friends, solike that's a huge example for
me.
But also whenever I startedwatching like YouTubers when I
was younger, that was that was aheavy thing that got me through
.
That's why I was so into goingto playlists, like I wanted to
(20:45):
meet those people Like, and nowwhat's so cool about that is
that I have what like people Ihave watched are now parents,
like they're like they're withtheir partner and they have kids
, like, and I'm like this is socool that, like I kind of grew
up with you and like, yeah,there and there's hope, like
look how your life has turnedout, yeah and they like were a
(21:07):
bright spot in my day where Icould just laugh and feel like
calm and safe.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
And so yeah, humor, I think, is a I think that's
currently helping me right now,because I'm very upset about
things and um, and when I get towatch people that are like
making fun of some of it, it'slike I mean it's hard to believe
it's actually real.
But it is a relief to be like,okay, I can laugh about it.
Yeah, I can laugh about it.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
SNL is helpful for that.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's one of the ones I wasthinking of.
Yeah, how do you each rechargewhen you're feeling mentally or
emotionally drained, and do youdo it differently from one
another?
Yeah, we definitely do itdifferently from one another For
me.
I mean, I need like quiet time,like I need to be away from
(21:57):
people and low, like not a lotof sensory things happening, and
sometimes that's actually nottrue.
Sometimes, being like justwalking in a crowd of people I
don't have to respond but I canjust be, also helps me.
That can really help me too,but it's usually like just
(22:20):
getting grounded for myself.
Working out is a big one for me.
Working out really helps me alot.
Sometimes I just jump on thePeloton.
I'm so thankful for the Peloton.
I just jump on the Peloton andI'm like okay, I feel better.
I already feel better.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, I think it depends for me.
Like it definitely it dependson where I am in my cycle.
That's like a big thing,because I'm like if I'm in my
luteal phase, then like I don'twant to be around people, I want
to like sit on the couch andwatch a show and have a comfort
(22:57):
food and then like go to bedearly.
But like when I'm like in myfollicular, I'm like I want to
go to Pilates, like I want tosee my friends, like I want to
like be doing something, I wantto go outside.
So I think it just reallydepends on, like where I'm at
like in my cycle during, likewhat is going on, like there are
(23:19):
different ways that I recharge,because I have noticed that
like, even though I am anintrovert, because I have
noticed that like even though Iam an introvert, I have noticed
that like in some stages of mycycle, like I'm more, I get more
recharged when I am aroundpeople.
Yeah, me too, and like I didn'tused to feel like that.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, me either, but it's definitely.
It's definitely true, which isprobably why, like it can be
deceiving, because I can seem Idon't always appear to be
introverted or I didn't used to.
I think when people knew mewhen I was younger would
probably never have guessed that, um, I feel like I like kind of
(23:57):
forced myself, though, to be anextrovert for a yeah, some
people say that about me too.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
They're like you're an introvert and I'm like, well,
just because I'm like able tobe around people doesn't mean
that's how I recharge, like soyeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Okay, um, have your views on what if.
What it means to be strongchanged over time, especially in
the context of mental health.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I don't really think they've changed.
I think I've always felt likepretty much like the same around
, like strength coming from,like within and being able to
like do things when, even whenit's hard or when you're scared,
and um, yeah, like I, I don'tthink that I've ever really
(24:44):
wavered in like my definition ofstrength.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I think for me I definitely have, because I feel
like it was a different way ofgrowing up, Like it was more
acceptable to to for you to belike it's hard I'm having a hard
time, or whatever as far asmental health, but for me
growing up it wasn't.
It was like put on a happy faceand let's talk about the
(25:09):
positives and we're not going totalk about the negatives.
Even in my own house, with mylike, with my grandmother, and
I'm like wait a minute, I havesome bad things to tell you for
the day from the day too.
And so I was like I got to talkabout these too.
And also I think I used to feellike to be strong meant you had
(25:33):
to be all together and put itall together and fight through
feelings.
But I don't think that anymore.
I really think real strengthcomes in being vulnerable, and I
think that's actually so muchmore attractive than putting on
a happy face and like actinglike you're strong when you're
(25:55):
crumbling inside.
Okay, so we have just a few more.
What advice would you give to amom or daughter who wants to
talk more openly about mentalhealth but doesn't know how to
start?
Speaker 1 (26:09):
This is gonna sound like I don't know, like it's
probably gonna sound weird, butI'm like, just like.
So.
One thing I actually sawrecently on Instagram it was it
was this person standing infront of like a subway train.
That was like like going by andum, the caption was like um,
(26:31):
the longer you stay on the wrongtrain, the more expensive it
becomes to get back to whereyou're supposed to be going, and
I like that really likeresonated with me because I'm
like it.
You can always be like oh, likethis is not the right time, this
is not the right time.
There's never going to be.
Like just that, like aha, likemovie magic kind of moment, like
(26:54):
you kind of just have to belike OK, like I'm going to start
somewhere, even if it'ssomething small, or sharing
something from your day and theneasing into it that way.
But like, the longer you don'tdo it, the harder it becomes to
do as time goes on.
So, like, when I say, like justdo it, like that sounds easier
(27:14):
said than done, for sure, butlike it's, you have to just kind
of be like I'm just gonna do itand then go from there yeah,
and, and it can even besomething as simple as like
finding like a counselor.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah, and it's not like the pressure of the whole
thing.
I'm finding a counselor.
It's like today I'm going tosearch for three names and make
three calls and that's all.
I don't have to do anythingafter that.
I don't even have to make anappointment yet.
Those are just the three.
And then you next day I'm goingto make an appointment with one
(27:49):
of the three people, or I'mgoing to search for three more
people or whatever.
Just something that doesn't feeloverwhelming.
Or I'm going to walk to mymailbox.
I'm going to go walk to mymailbox today and and take a
first step in that.
Or I'm going to listen to alike a headspace.
(28:11):
That's an app, that is ameditation app, but they also
have counseling on it now.
So they have there's, and thatmakes it very so much like an
easy on-ramp as far as likestarting something, doing
something, because that's just,that's just a little bit of
(28:31):
action which moves you forward,and so then you can continue to
move forward.
It doesn't have to be a big,huge proclamation I'm going to
start medication tomorrow, orI'm going to find the best
doctor ever tomorrow.
It's just one little move ofaction.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Yeah, yeah it's.
It's like in the, I mean likeeven in the analogy of like the
subway.
It's like I'm just going to getoff the wrong train, like yes,
no like you don't have to figureout how to get on the right
train.
Yeah, you don't even need toknow what train you're getting
on next, just get off the wrongone.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
I like that a lot.
Two more what's one habit ormindset tool that has made the
biggest difference in yourpersonal healing journeys?
So for me, I guess I have a fewLike.
One of them is like having,like a mindset coach.
(29:23):
That's really helpful for me.
Or finding the right counselor.
I had the best counselor foryears who was life-changing, a
life-changing counselor, alife-saving counselor, and I
have now worked with someexcellent like mindset people
and that really helps me toopeople and that really helped.
(29:47):
That helps me too.
But I think two things thatstick out to me the most are
like I keep a gratitude journaland and I started it in January
of this year again because I waslike all right and so every
single night I open up my notesapp on my phone and it's
whatever month I'm on, like Ijust made a new month for May
and May and I write down threethings that I'm grateful for for
(30:07):
the day and that's all.
And it doesn't have to be anylike harder than that, and
sometimes it's super easy, and Icould go on and on and I could
list more than three.
And then sometimes I'm like Idon't know, I can't think of
anything.
And then I'm like oh, my pillow, and I write down my pillow and
my bed and my blankets, allright, um, and that's okay too.
Yeah, and so, and then theother thing would for sure has
(30:32):
been like exercise, yoga.
Yoga is very calming for me andreally, um, helps me feel like
grounded and centered.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
So yeah, I would.
I would agree with like thecoaches.
Like um, I've had like multipledifferent kinds of coaches, I
mean, and counseling like thathas been huge for me.
Um, that was like the firstthing that I needed.
Um, so, like that would, thatwould be one.
(31:02):
Um.
I would also say, like rightnow, like specifically like my
routines, like I have likeroutines at night, like where
that I like I'm not on my phone,like I read, like I do a
migraine, my migraine treatmentthing, like I do legs up the
wall, like that's, like I do.
That I might have like aspecific routine.
Um, that I built when I waswith my gut health coach.
(31:26):
Like, um, like those things areimportant in my current like
self-care routine.
Um, when I was in the thick ofit, it was definitely counseling
regularly um managing mymedication.
That's always so oh yeah, that'snumber one for me yeah, so, um,
I would say stuff like that andalso like I mean, practicing
(31:48):
affirmations is like a big oneaffirmations is really a good.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
I need to get back to that.
I still use that widget thatyou told me about.
I am, and I do look at thatevery single day.
Now it has a little like streakthing.
So you're, you know, yeah,wanting to keep.
Yeah, I agree with that um youjust retreats.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
I will say I went on like was life-changing, so like
finding stuff, like communities.
So I guess I would be more likefinding communities that like
are on like the same, likewavelength, and like this bring
that good kind of energy in tomy life.
Would be that for me too yeah,I think that's good.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You, I thought of something when you were talking
and then it went right out of myhead and I thought it was um,
important, but now I can'tremember what it was.
So, um, travel, travel, that isreally.
That is a really good one forme.
That does help me a lot.
It kind of resets yeah and um,and I definitely need a
(32:53):
periodically need a reset,because I get very like I feel
stuck, yeah and I'm and I'm, I'm, I know I'm ready to move like
literally to, and I know I'mready to move like literally too
, and so, like that at leastkeeps like that part of me like
it's okay, like it's all rightto yeah.
(33:15):
I can't think of the otherthing I was going to say oh well
, all right.
The last one is oh, if youcould go back and give your
younger selves one piece ofreassurance, what would it be?
Speaker 1 (33:28):
That's hard.
I don't know.
I guess it would depend onwhich version of myself I was
talking to.
Version of myself I was talkingto, um like I always kind of go
back to like 17-year-old me,like who like was in the midst
(33:57):
of an eating disorder, like Iwould probably say like, like
you're, you're not, you don'thave to stay like this.
And like, eventually, likeyou're, you'll love yourself
enough to not feel this hate allthe time, like you won't have
to carry this forever.
Um, so like, maybe somethinglike that, but also like I guess
also all of the versions like,reminding them that, like you,
(34:18):
like you will grow into someonelike who will feel safe, like in
safety, will, will like be uh,like consistent thing.
So like, just keep going likeyou'll you'll get it.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, that's so pretty.
Yeah, I did remember my otherone, so I want to go back to
that for a second.
It was boundaries, like havingboundaries for myself.
Yeah, um, that's one thing thatI feel like recently I've been
practicing, instead of justsaying I've been practicing, I
know that I need food at certainincrements and so, instead of
(34:56):
waiting to see if people followthat, I've taken care of it for
myself, or knowing that I want adifferent, some quiet time or
whatever, instead of feelingguilty or allowing someone to
make like make me feel guilty.
I'm like, this is what I, thisis how I have to take care of
myself.
This is the way I can show upfor you is if I'm, I'm okay and
(35:20):
and I'm not always okay, so Ineed to make sure that I take
care of that.
Okay, so my, what I would tellmy I would definitely tell my
there's like a couple of things.
One thing is like get out of myown way, like that's a, that's
a huge theme that I and alsolike, like I need, like I should
.
I wish I could tell my I'm goingto say 16-year-old self like to
(35:46):
trust my instincts, to actuallylisten to my body and how my
body's responding and where mymind is going and to trust them.
That probably 90% of the time,like I was right already, I just
doubted myself and didn'tbelieve in myself, got in my own
(36:10):
way and believed that I wasn'tworthy of something better.
So and that even makes me thinkof like me as a mom Like I
didn't trust my instincts.
I knew there was somethingwrong with you and you I'm like
(36:32):
she seems kind of yellowish andeveryone's like, oh no, it's
just the color of her skin, andI'm like I don't think so.
And then you were full on,jaundiced, and then you were
like your eyes were yellow andit was like I knew it, dentist.
And then you like your eyeswere yellow and it was like I
knew it and so I should havejust believed.
And then there were so manytimes that I'm like I know they
were getting sick or they arestarting an ear infection or
something, and then it would belike no, no, no, that's fine.
(36:55):
And then it wasn't fine.
So I just it's really trusting,trusting my instincts is pretty
massive.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Yeah, that's good Well thank you, thank you, I
love you for being here to thelisteners.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I love you too.
Yes, thank you.
Um, sometimes I forget thatwe're talking to them.
Yeah, all right, we'll see youin two weeks.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All right, sounds good, bye, bye, no-transcript.
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi, hi Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome back.
All right.
So today we're I'm scooching upToday we're we're going to
answer some questions.
We're going to answer someaudience asked questions, and,
yeah, so we will.
I'll read the question and thenwe will answer them.
All right, we need to sharebefore that?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I don't think so.
One thing I just thought of um,this is completely random, um,
and by the time that this comesout it'll be kind of old news,
but uh, and you don'tnecessarily care about this, but
um, the show you on netflix oh,nanny said it.
Oh, the final season came outand um it.
(01:36):
So I was watching this show bymyself.
Jake did not watch any of theother seasons and he watched the
first episode of the new seasonwith me, and then he like got
hooked on it, and so now he likewants me to wait to watch each
episode with him absolutely not,oh, I was like I've been
waiting for this, so now I'vebeen waiting, like we've been
(01:58):
watching.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh, my gosh yeah, um and nanny was blown away oh yeah
I.
I don't know how it ends yet,so like we have.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I think we have two more episodes left in the final
season and like I'm already likeholy shit, like if it's crazy,
and season four ended wild likethat's what nanny thought, that
was the end.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then she was like , oh, there's a whole another
season, yeah, so yeah I don'tknow, I only started it because
of you.
And then I'm like you know what?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I don't like this, and so I just I was gonna say
it's probably not something thatyou would like, but it is.
It's insane.
So I am like tonight, after mylong work, I were watching it
and I and we're gonna finish itand I'm like I am so excited
because I've been waiting forthis season to come out, um, and
(02:52):
then of course it came out andnormally I would have already
finished it by now because theyactually did it right.
They released the whole season.
I cannot stand when nowstreaming platforms are back on
the studio.
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Cable bullshit I don't have cable for this reason
I pay you a large amount everymonth so I can bend all
streaming services, so I canbinge it I know jake's like well
, it's just so that you'll comeback.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And I'm like, oh, I'm coming back.
I'm still paying every month tobe coming back.
So I know, I just want to watcha difference yeah, it's so
weird.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I've been watching the handmaid's tale, which I'm
coming back.
I'm still paying everyone to becoming back.
I know, I just want to watch adifferent.
Yeah, it's so weird.
I've been watching theHandmaid's Tale, which by the
time this comes out, we probablywon't have caught up because
nobody can meet in May.
And I'm like, am I justsupposed to stop watching right
now?
Like, come on, so that's?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I don't know, I might not be able to wait don't know,
I might not be able to waitlike that's, it's like torture,
it's fun to watch it with people, but it's like I want to watch
it right now.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, I want to watch it, um.
And then I'm watching anothergood one called um friends and
neighbors, which is on apple tv.
That's good, that's crazy.
And Dex and I had aconversation about that because
I was going to tell him to watchit and he's.
I almost texted him because Iwas like you got to watch this.
And then he he I almost textedhim because I was like you got
to watch this.
And then he he's like well, I'mwatching this TV.
He's like this show.
I don't watch a lot of TV, butit's, it's really got me and I'm
(04:10):
like and he sets it and I'mlike I was gonna tell you to
watch, like it has someparallels and um, and then he
also has like a kind of messedup sister and I write them later
I go we didn't even talk aboutthe messed up sister.
So it's just, I don't know.
It's funny, it's not funny,it's good, it's good.
(04:30):
And then what else have I beenwatching?
I watched the Kardashians and Ijust finished that I love them
and, yeah, I don't have anythingelse after that, like I, I need
to start it for the fourseasons.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
It's like with, like Tina Fey, oh, I want to see that
.
Is that good?
I literally just started.
What is that on Netflix?
It's on.
Netflix.
I like, I'm like five minutesinto it, so like, but it's like
it's with good people.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, that's why I wanted to see it.
I forgot I knew there wassomething else that I wanted to
see it.
I forgot I knew there wassomething else that I wanted to
see, and the?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
trailer looks cute like, it looks like a good show
and I like all of those people,so I'm like it can't be bad no
way not with Tina Fey and SteveCarell yeah, I'm like there's no
way, it's bad and um.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Did you watch the one with Kate Hudson, the
basketball one?
No, I didn't was it good, yeah,I liked it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I thought, it was it.
I thought it was cute.
Yeah, I thought it was cute.
I watched the trailer and I waslike meh, I don't know, it just
didn't like tickle my fancy.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, if you just want something kind of fun and
light, it's fun in that way.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I've been watching some pretty intense things.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It's hard to go to fun and light when you've been
watching like really good actingand good storytelling it is.
I remember after watching OzarkI was like no, I can't just
watch that, I have to.
It's got to be good acting.
So maybe not, maybe you justwait for a while.
Yeah, all right, so now we canstart with our questions.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
All right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So the first question is what's a small everyday
moment between you two?
That means more than peoplemight expect, and it doesn't
have to be every day, becauseobviously I don't see you every
day, but like a small momentthat that people might not
expect or that means more to usthan people might expect.
I this will be controversial,but whenever we go on trips
together and like I get to seeyou at the end of the day and
like we kind of just like arelike laying out like what
happened and just like talkingabout those things, like I I
(06:47):
enjoy that like because it'slike just it feels like how it
did when we, when I was youngerand like obviously I was living
with you, um, and I would likecome into your room after school
and like tell you all about theday or like stuff like that.
So like the, the debriefing ofany kind, like that, that means
(07:09):
a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, I agree, that means a lot.
That means a lot to me too.
It's um, because it is like acontinuation of what we shared
in a daily relationship yeah,and it's the part that I miss a
lot about you not being, youknow, not seeing or talking to
you regularly, like it is.
(07:30):
It's the part that I miss.
Also, for me, it's it's evenwhen, like when I'm having a
moment of, like really highstress and you push my shoulders
down and you just like standwith me and you act as if you're
like a weighted blanket.
You help me center and calm,and I don't know if people
(07:54):
necessarily would notice it, orthey might notice it and think
what is she doing, but I don'tthink they would realize, like
how much it means to me.
Yeah, so Nice, all right.
When was a time you completelyoh God, completely misunderstood
each other, and what helped youreconnect or find clarity?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well, what happened recently?
I don't even remember what thesituation was.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I don't either actually, but I totally did
misunderstand you and um.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, and you texted me a text that started with, for
your information.
Oh, and I was like this is notgoing to be good.
I think this was about church.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
I feel like this was about church.
This is about church?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't think so.
I don't know it like for yourinformation.
You never start a text with foryour information.
I know I I read as jake, and Iwas like I started off and I was
like I don't know what this is,but it's definitely not going
to be good because there is nocontext in which you can say for
(09:01):
your information, and itcontinues like in a happy manner
, and I was like this is notgonna be a pleasant text.
It wasn't.
But, um, how we resolved it?
Uh, we ended up talking inperson.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I came to you.
It is, sit down, yeah yeah, andthen we talked yeah, I felt so
disconnected and insecure withour relationship in the
misunderstanding and that wasjust like an added.
I already had started feelingdisconnected and I think that's
(09:38):
a key for people inrelationships when you start
feeling not connected to theperson or you feel like they're
not getting you or you're notgetting them or whatever.
You need to address that,because every little thing after
that feels massive and also Iwas like feeling I don't know
(09:59):
left out and just irrelevant.
It goes back to that irrelevantissue that I have, where I get
really easily tricked by feelingnot tricked, triggered, get
triggered by feeling irrelevant.
So it was a.
We had a great conversation,yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And that, and that's the I think the main thing with
anything like that is open, likeand honest communication, like,
regardless of like and I'm nottrying to shield each other's
emotions, like in those moments,like just being like.
This is honestly what I'mfeeling and thinking, so like
can we work through that, eventhough, like this might be
(10:41):
upsetting.
So I think that's important andthat's something like, too, that
I like have grown to learn,like with Jake is like it, like
I, when I'm upset aboutsomething like whether it's
gonna make him feel good or badlike I'm going to tell him and
then we'll work through it,rather than holding on to being
upset and then just hoping thatsomething will change yeah by
(11:06):
holding.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
You know what I mean because it doesn't ever work,
doesn't it never works itselfout, and um, not everybody is
open for that, though thatthat's hard because it takes
vulnerability on both endsyou're right, and um, because I
mean I feel that way, like whenJackson's upset with me about
something he's very hard to talkto, like he shuts down and
(11:27):
doesn't, like freezes me out,and I and I'm like, so I have to
text what I'm thinking, becausewhich is.
Yeah, and you and you youwouldn't allow me to.
You're like, we're going to sitdown and Well, I was like I'm
not gonna respond.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
No, yeah, I love you, but I will talk to you and I.
At first I was like it wasn'tyeah no, no, I wasn't like fuck
you, like whatever I was.
I was more like I read the textand I was like this is gonna
upset me if I think about itanymore.
And I'm definitely not going torespond over text, because how
(12:07):
I'm feeling and what I'mthinking is like you're going to
read it and how you're feelingand thinking and that's not how
I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
And then there was like a third party that was
deciphering things too, and Ithink that's really dangerous.
I think when somebody else islike being a third party, I
think that's really dangerous, Ithink when somebody else is
like being a third party.
Well, another party that wasinvested in making sure we were
all right but were like kind ofnew, yeah, and I think that's
(12:36):
dangerous because you're gettingyou're not getting the honest
feedback from the person and youneed the feedback from the
person and also you feel evenmore disconnected when someone
else is speaking for your person.
You know what I mean.
I think that's rough.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
I do think it's important to like pause before
having those conversations,though, which, like, that's hard
for me because I'm, like I wasgoing to say, I know it's like
that.
Yeah, that's the abandonmentpart that I'm like oh my gosh, I
got to talk about it right now,which is why I had said I was
like I'm not going to respond tothis, but I'm not ignoring you
Like I would like to revisitthis conversation.
(13:14):
I just like can't write this.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
It was a very good response.
You handled me in a very youdidn't.
I didn't feel like you didn'twant to talk about it or didn't
care about it.
It was that you were doing itin a healthy way and there was
nothing I could push backagainst because I knew it was
logical and rational.
And Dex and I got into a massivefight when I was there for
(13:40):
Thanksgiving.
He did the same thing.
He's like I mean I was ready, Iwas like just blow it all up,
which is not how I ever, it'snot how I ever really feel.
An hour later, yeah, and it'srare that I do that, go to that
extreme.
But I mean my buttons werepushed so I was yeah, I was like
(14:03):
this is going to blow up thewhole thing.
And he was like we can't endour relationship.
We're family, you know, overthis.
He's like we need to sit downand I did not want to and I'm
like, but I knew he was rightand I'm so glad because we both
I mean I instantly apologizedfor overreacting and then I
(14:28):
didn't go in there defensive,like I went in there thinking I
don't want to lose my brotherand I felt the same way with you
.
I don't want to lose myrelationship with Emily.
So that time and space actuallyhelped a lot and yeah, so I
think that's a really I thinkthat's just very effective
communicating.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, and you need to see people's facial expressions
and hear their tone.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Texting a conversation over text where
there's some kind of tension isnever a good idea, because you
can't hear their tone and soyou're interpreting their tone
how you're feeling.
So if you're feeling upset,then you're interpreting their
tone to be that they're likesaying something rude or intense
(15:15):
or whatever, which, like maybethat is how they're saying it,
but most of the time it's not.
So, like it's important that,like you pause and be like most
of the time it's not so likeit's important that, like you
pause and be like, okay, well,like, how are you actually
saying this to me so that I canrespond in a manner that matches
that energy?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Um, no, I think that I thinkthat's, I think that's helpful.
All right, um, and I'm gladthat it was worked out.
Yeah, yeah, and I have feltgreat ever since.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
With you and Dex.
So, yeah, yeah, I mean Dex andI like our fight was worse than
mine and yours because we bothlike hit below the belt for a
little while and that's nevergood, All right, that's never
good, All right.
What's one mental health myth.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
You wish more people, especially moms or daughters,
would stop believing Mentalhealth myth.
Mental health myth.
I don't necessarily think thishas to do with moms and
daughters, but I do think thatthere's still a stigma around
medication.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, so like that's one thing that I wish.
That's where my brain was goingto.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, that's where I wish people were more educated
on that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
But I also think I feel like that's going to get
worse right now with the currentadministration.
The thing about that, too, isthat there are bad doctors that
are out there For sure, for sure, like and you need to have.
That kind of medication needsto be subscribed by an expert,
(17:01):
which is a psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, and sometimes like even there are shitty
psychiatrists.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
So Absolutely, I sometimes like even there are
shitty psychiatrists.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So like I think that that's.
I feel like there's two thatI'm thinking, like I'm like I
feel like people need to likeunderstand medication more, but
I also feel like understandinghow to choose and like get
comfortable, like with a likecounselor, like counselor,
psychiatrist, whatever like isimportant, because it's not
always just like you see someoneand then you're one and done
(17:32):
like most of the time.
It's like dating, like you haveto kind of date around for those
people to see who is an expertin your specific trauma or like
what you're dealing with or likehas been working with clients
that have similar symptoms and x, y and z.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
So yeah, I totally agree.
I think it is like dating andit is like it.
It also reminds me of thatmuscle you have to use when
you're, when you're determiningif something is accurate,
information like fake news, um,it's the same type of
deciphering muscle that you haveto use because, yeah, I can
think of some bad psychiatriststhat I'm like, and then also
(18:12):
some general practitioners andI'm like you have no business
recommending or talking aboutthis because it's a very
complicated.
It's a complicated process andscience.
So, especially when you'retalking about individuals, like
some people, you know, you gotsome people that go right on the
on the track and they're theycan start with the first thing
you prescribe and they're fineand they're good to go, but that
(18:34):
that is probably not that'sjake.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
It's like jake and I are literally the complete
opposite yeah because, like I,because and he was also prepared
for my journey, which is not aslike it's like we're both on
the opposite ends of thespectrum.
Most people fall like kind ofin the middle.
Like you, you try a couple andthen you figure it out and like,
(18:58):
okay, like you have somesymptoms here and there, you're
good to go.
But like I'm on the, you and Iare on.
Like we've tried all everysingle medication ever and have
had all the worst symptoms andhave had really crappy
psychiatrists and so on and soforth.
Jake was like I found mypsychiatrist I'm taking this and
(19:19):
I works like good to go, sowhich I was like hallelujah, I
felt so grateful that that waswhat happened.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Because it takes a lot of patience to go through.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
And you're in a position where you don't really
have the patience, where youdon't have the patience and
sometimes, which probably leadsto it might be more situational
for him, and where it's like anactual chemical imbalance for
you and I, and so it's.
You know, I think it'sdifferent, so, okay, that's a
good one, all right.
If your relationship had atheme song, what would it be,
(19:58):
and why?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Where you lead, I will follow anywhere that you
tell me to.
That was immediately what cameinto my head.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's good.
I like that Absolutely.
What role does humor play inyour mental health conversations
?
Has laughter ever helped youthrough a tough moment?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Oh, absolutely.
One hundred percent.
Yeah, I mean that's where,whenever I start, I mean I've
told the story about friends, solike that's a huge example for
me.
But also whenever I startedwatching like YouTubers when I
was younger, that was that was aheavy thing that got me through
.
That's why I was so into goingto playlists, like I wanted to
(20:45):
meet those people Like, and nowwhat's so cool about that is
that I have what like people Ihave watched are now parents,
like they're like they're withtheir partner and they have kids
, like, and I'm like this is socool that, like I kind of grew
up with you and like, yeah,there and there's hope, like
look how your life has turnedout, yeah and they like were a
(21:07):
bright spot in my day where Icould just laugh and feel like
calm and safe.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
And so yeah, humor, I think, is a I think that's
currently helping me right now,because I'm very upset about
things and um, and when I get towatch people that are like
making fun of some of it, it'slike I mean it's hard to believe
it's actually real.
But it is a relief to be like,okay, I can laugh about it.
Yeah, I can laugh about it.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
SNL is helpful for that.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's one of the ones I wasthinking of.
Yeah, how do you each rechargewhen you're feeling mentally or
emotionally drained, and do youdo it differently from one
another?
Yeah, we definitely do itdifferently from one another For
me.
I mean, I need like quiet time,like I need to be away from
(21:57):
people and low, like not a lotof sensory things happening, and
sometimes that's actually nottrue.
Sometimes, being like justwalking in a crowd of people I
don't have to respond but I canjust be, also helps me.
That can really help me too,but it's usually like just
(22:20):
getting grounded for myself.
Working out is a big one for me.
Working out really helps me alot.
Sometimes I just jump on thePeloton.
I'm so thankful for the Peloton.
I just jump on the Peloton andI'm like okay, I feel better.
I already feel better.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, I think it depends for me.
Like it definitely it dependson where I am in my cycle.
That's like a big thing,because I'm like if I'm in my
luteal phase, then like I don'twant to be around people, I want
to like sit on the couch andwatch a show and have a comfort
(22:57):
food and then like go to bedearly.
But like when I'm like in myfollicular, I'm like I want to
go to Pilates, like I want tosee my friends, like I want to
like be doing something, I wantto go outside.
So I think it just reallydepends on, like where I'm at
like in my cycle during, likewhat is going on, like there are
(23:19):
different ways that I recharge,because I have noticed that
like, even though I am anintrovert, because I have
noticed that like even though Iam an introvert, I have noticed
that like in some stages of mycycle, like I'm more, I get more
recharged when I am aroundpeople.
Yeah, me too, and like I didn'tused to feel like that.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, me either, but it's definitely.
It's definitely true, which isprobably why, like it can be
deceiving, because I can seem Idon't always appear to be
introverted or I didn't used to.
I think when people knew mewhen I was younger would
probably never have guessed that, um, I feel like I like kind of
(23:57):
forced myself, though, to be anextrovert for a yeah, some
people say that about me too.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
They're like you're an introvert and I'm like, well,
just because I'm like able tobe around people doesn't mean
that's how I recharge, like soyeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Okay, um, have your views on what if.
What it means to be strongchanged over time, especially in
the context of mental health.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I don't really think they've changed.
I think I've always felt likepretty much like the same around
, like strength coming from,like within and being able to
like do things when, even whenit's hard or when you're scared,
and um, yeah, like I, I don'tthink that I've ever really
(24:44):
wavered in like my definition ofstrength.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I think for me I definitely have, because I feel
like it was a different way ofgrowing up, Like it was more
acceptable to to for you to belike it's hard I'm having a hard
time, or whatever as far asmental health, but for me
growing up it wasn't.
It was like put on a happy faceand let's talk about the
(25:09):
positives and we're not going totalk about the negatives.
Even in my own house, with mylike, with my grandmother, and
I'm like wait a minute, I havesome bad things to tell you for
the day from the day too.
And so I was like I got to talkabout these too.
And also I think I used to feellike to be strong meant you had
(25:33):
to be all together and put itall together and fight through
feelings.
But I don't think that anymore.
I really think real strengthcomes in being vulnerable, and I
think that's actually so muchmore attractive than putting on
a happy face and like actinglike you're strong when you're
(25:55):
crumbling inside.
Okay, so we have just a few more.
What advice would you give to amom or daughter who wants to
talk more openly about mentalhealth but doesn't know how to
start?
Speaker 1 (26:09):
This is gonna sound like I don't know, like it's
probably gonna sound weird, butI'm like, just like.
So.
One thing I actually sawrecently on Instagram it was it
was this person standing infront of like a subway train.
That was like like going by andum, the caption was like um,
(26:31):
the longer you stay on the wrongtrain, the more expensive it
becomes to get back to whereyou're supposed to be going, and
I like that really likeresonated with me because I'm
like it.
You can always be like oh, likethis is not the right time, this
is not the right time.
There's never going to be.
Like just that, like aha, likemovie magic kind of moment, like
(26:54):
you kind of just have to belike OK, like I'm going to start
somewhere, even if it'ssomething small, or sharing
something from your day and theneasing into it that way.
But like, the longer you don'tdo it, the harder it becomes to
do as time goes on.
So, like, when I say, like justdo it, like that sounds easier
(27:14):
said than done, for sure, butlike it's, you have to just kind
of be like I'm just gonna do itand then go from there yeah,
and, and it can even besomething as simple as like
finding like a counselor.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah, and it's not like the pressure of the whole
thing.
I'm finding a counselor.
It's like today I'm going tosearch for three names and make
three calls and that's all.
I don't have to do anythingafter that.
I don't even have to make anappointment yet.
Those are just the three.
And then you next day I'm goingto make an appointment with one
(27:49):
of the three people, or I'mgoing to search for three more
people or whatever.
Just something that doesn't feeloverwhelming.
Or I'm going to walk to mymailbox.
I'm going to go walk to mymailbox today and and take a
first step in that.
Or I'm going to listen to alike a headspace.
(28:11):
That's an app, that is ameditation app, but they also
have counseling on it now.
So they have there's, and thatmakes it very so much like an
easy on-ramp as far as likestarting something, doing
something, because that's just,that's just a little bit of
(28:31):
action which moves you forward,and so then you can continue to
move forward.
It doesn't have to be a big,huge proclamation I'm going to
start medication tomorrow, orI'm going to find the best
doctor ever tomorrow.
It's just one little move ofaction.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Yeah, yeah it's.
It's like in the, I mean likeeven in the analogy of like the
subway.
It's like I'm just going to getoff the wrong train, like yes,
no like you don't have to figureout how to get on the right
train.
Yeah, you don't even need toknow what train you're getting
on next, just get off the wrongone.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
I like that a lot.
Two more what's one habit ormindset tool that has made the
biggest difference in yourpersonal healing journeys?
So for me, I guess I have a fewLike.
One of them is like having,like a mindset coach.
(29:23):
That's really helpful for me.
Or finding the right counselor.
I had the best counselor foryears who was life-changing, a
life-changing counselor, alife-saving counselor, and I
have now worked with someexcellent like mindset people
and that really helps me toopeople and that really helped.
(29:47):
That helps me too.
But I think two things thatstick out to me the most are
like I keep a gratitude journaland and I started it in January
of this year again because I waslike all right and so every
single night I open up my notesapp on my phone and it's
whatever month I'm on, like Ijust made a new month for May
and May and I write down threethings that I'm grateful for for
(30:07):
the day and that's all.
And it doesn't have to be anylike harder than that, and
sometimes it's super easy, and Icould go on and on and I could
list more than three.
And then sometimes I'm like Idon't know, I can't think of
anything.
And then I'm like oh, my pillow, and I write down my pillow and
my bed and my blankets, allright, um, and that's okay too.
Yeah, and so, and then theother thing would for sure has
(30:32):
been like exercise, yoga.
Yoga is very calming for me andreally, um, helps me feel like
grounded and centered.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
So yeah, I would.
I would agree with like thecoaches.
Like um, I've had like multipledifferent kinds of coaches, I
mean, and counseling like thathas been huge for me.
Um, that was like the firstthing that I needed.
Um, so, like that would, thatwould be one.
(31:02):
Um.
I would also say, like rightnow, like specifically like my
routines, like I have likeroutines at night, like where
that I like I'm not on my phone,like I read, like I do a
migraine, my migraine treatmentthing, like I do legs up the
wall, like that's, like I do.
That I might have like aspecific routine.
Um, that I built when I waswith my gut health coach.
(31:26):
Like, um, like those things areimportant in my current like
self-care routine.
Um, when I was in the thick ofit, it was definitely counseling
regularly um managing mymedication.
That's always so oh yeah, that'snumber one for me yeah, so, um,
I would say stuff like that andalso like I mean, practicing
(31:48):
affirmations is like a big oneaffirmations is really a good.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
I need to get back to that.
I still use that widget thatyou told me about.
I am, and I do look at thatevery single day.
Now it has a little like streakthing.
So you're, you know, yeah,wanting to keep.
Yeah, I agree with that um youjust retreats.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
I will say I went on like was life-changing, so like
finding stuff, like communities.
So I guess I would be more likefinding communities that like
are on like the same, likewavelength, and like this bring
that good kind of energy in tomy life.
Would be that for me too yeah,I think that's good.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You, I thought of something when you were talking
and then it went right out of myhead and I thought it was um,
important, but now I can'tremember what it was.
So, um, travel, travel, that isreally.
That is a really good one forme.
That does help me a lot.
It kind of resets yeah and um,and I definitely need a
(32:53):
periodically need a reset,because I get very like I feel
stuck, yeah and I'm and I'm, I'm, I know I'm ready to move like
literally to, and I know I'mready to move like literally too
, and so, like that at leastkeeps like that part of me like
it's okay, like it's all rightto yeah.
(33:15):
I can't think of the otherthing I was going to say oh well
, all right.
The last one is oh, if youcould go back and give your
younger selves one piece ofreassurance, what would it be?
Speaker 1 (33:28):
That's hard.
I don't know.
I guess it would depend onwhich version of myself I was
talking to.
Version of myself I was talkingto, um like I always kind of go
back to like 17-year-old me,like who like was in the midst
(33:57):
of an eating disorder, like Iwould probably say like, like
you're, you're not, you don'thave to stay like this.
And like, eventually, likeyou're, you'll love yourself
enough to not feel this hate allthe time, like you won't have
to carry this forever.
Um, so like, maybe somethinglike that, but also like I guess
also all of the versions like,reminding them that, like you,
(34:18):
like you will grow into someonelike who will feel safe, like in
safety, will, will like be uh,like consistent thing.
So like, just keep going likeyou'll you'll get it.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, that's so pretty.
Yeah, I did remember my otherone, so I want to go back to
that for a second.
It was boundaries, like havingboundaries for myself.
Yeah, um, that's one thing thatI feel like recently I've been
practicing, instead of justsaying I've been practicing, I
know that I need food at certainincrements and so, instead of
(34:56):
waiting to see if people followthat, I've taken care of it for
myself, or knowing that I want adifferent, some quiet time or
whatever, instead of feelingguilty or allowing someone to
make like make me feel guilty.
I'm like, this is what I, thisis how I have to take care of
myself.
This is the way I can show upfor you is if I'm, I'm okay and
(35:20):
and I'm not always okay, so Ineed to make sure that I take
care of that.
Okay, so my, what I would tellmy I would definitely tell my
there's like a couple of things.
One thing is like get out of myown way, like that's a, that's
a huge theme that I and alsolike, like I need, like I should
.
I wish I could tell my I'm goingto say 16-year-old self like to
(35:46):
trust my instincts, to actuallylisten to my body and how my
body's responding and where mymind is going and to trust them.
That probably 90% of the time,like I was right already, I just
doubted myself and didn'tbelieve in myself, got in my own
(36:10):
way and believed that I wasn'tworthy of something better.
So and that even makes me thinkof like me as a mom Like I
didn't trust my instincts.
I knew there was somethingwrong with you and you I'm like
(36:32):
she seems kind of yellowish andeveryone's like, oh no, it's
just the color of her skin, andI'm like I don't think so.
And then you were full on,jaundiced, and then you were
like your eyes were yellow andit was like I knew it, dentist.
And then you like your eyeswere yellow and it was like I
knew it and so I should havejust believed.
And then there were so manytimes that I'm like I know they
were getting sick or they arestarting an ear infection or
something, and then it would belike no, no, no, that's fine.
(36:55):
And then it wasn't fine.
So I just it's really trusting,trusting my instincts is pretty
massive.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Yeah, that's good Well thank you, thank you, I
love you for being here to thelisteners.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I love you too.
Yes, thank you.
Um, sometimes I forget thatwe're talking to them.
Yeah, all right, we'll see youin two weeks.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All right, sounds good, bye, bye, no-transcript.
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