July 14, 2025 • 35 mins
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What happens when complex family dynamics collide with strong personalities? Emily and Trina tackle this question head-on through the lens of Reddit's popular "Am I The Asshole" forum. Their candid conversation explores moral gray areas where there are no perfect answers—only messy, human situations that require thoughtful consideration.
The duo dissects a Mother's Day celebration drama where a newly-married stepmom expects recognition despite the child not even knowing about the marriage. This sparks a deeper discussion about what truly makes someone a parent beyond legal titles. Is it fair to expect immediate recognition, or does parenting status develop through consistent presence and care? Emily and Trina offer nuanced perspectives that challenge listeners to reconsider their assumptions about blended families.
When examining a case involving a hurtful 13-year-old niece, they push back against the common excuse that "kids will be kids." Instead, they make a compelling argument for natural consequences as powerful teaching moments. Their distinction between normal teenage rudeness and actual bullying highlights how these terms have become diluted in everyday language.
The hosts' chemistry shines throughout as they navigate grammatically challenging submissions with humor and patience. Their analysis of teenage friendship dynamics—particularly around the pressure to appear romantically successful—demonstrates remarkable empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is how Emily and Trina consistently look beyond surface-level judgments to examine the underlying emotional needs driving these conflicts. Their practical wisdom offers listeners tools for navigating their own complex relationships with more awareness and compassion.
Ready to sharpen your moral compass while enjoying genuine conversation between friends? Subscribe now and join the conversation about where to draw lines in relationships—and how to do it with both kindness and self-respect.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Emily and I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Welcome back.
Welcome back to another episodeof Am I the Asshole?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I love these.
I don't know why.
I think they're fun.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Well, because they're interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, and I was laughing so hard listening to
the last one that we did.
It just was funny.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, about the man who threw up on his couch and
his wife to clean it up becausehe was an idiot.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I'm like he was like literally gagging on his couch
and not grabbing the bucket andthen, like I'm going to bed, you
can clean it up that's such aman thing to do.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I, I know Like that felt, so like man, I don't know.
It felt like a toddler thing todo, yeah All right so.
Do you want to go first or doyou want me to go first?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, I'll go first, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So am I.
This is how it works we readthe little question, we make a
decision Not based on anyinformation yet, just the
question, and then we read theinformation and we make a
revision on the decision.
Okay, am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
for not acknowledging my sister-in-law as a mom on
Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I feel like this depends, like is she a mom, but
also like not your job tocelebrate her maybe like saying
happy mother's day would be nice, but like yeah, I don't know if
it's like you have to, Iwouldn't say you're the asshole.
No.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
But I like also.
Like I'm like, are you hangingout with your sister-in-law with
other people and then just likeblatantly ignoring her, Like
then you would be kind of anasshole, but like overall, this
question With the context wehave which is none.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I would say no.
Yeah, me too, because I wasthinking about my two
sister-in-laws or, um, yeah, andI was like I.
It's kind of like a hit or missif I've said happy mother's day
to I feel like, unless it'syour mom or your grandma yeah,
(03:00):
like then like, yeah, exactly.
It's just not really.
Sometimes I do say happymother's day to some of my
friends.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I do too.
I definitely do too, but I alsoknow that they don't expect
that.
Yeah, they don't expect it andI don't do it every single year.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Sometimes I just get busy and I don't do it.
But I have on occasion saidthat to Amelia.
But I have never said that toTammy and not that I've just
ignored that she would.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You don't really have that kind of relationship Like
where you would just likerandomly say that yeah, we don't
text each other.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We've never texted each other, yeah, so, yeah, I
think it depends.
All right, let's listen to thecontext.
Okay, so, my, I didn't knowwhat SIL meant for the longest
time.
By the way, um, melanie wouldsay that, and I'm like what you
would abbreviate it in, likespeech, oh, no, no, I'm sorry,
she would text it oh, I was likeshe's on the phone saying sil,
(03:54):
yeah, that's more work thansaying sister-in-law, yeah no,
okay.
So my, I'm just gonna say it mysister-in-law, who's a 22 year
old female that female that'syoung recently married Okay, let
me see, Recently married thefather of my real I don't know
why she's saying real of my realolder sisters.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Well, because this is her sister-in-law.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
This isn't her biological sister.
I know, but my sister-in-lawrecently married the father, the
father of my real older sister.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, so her actual older sister Her biological
sister.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, I understand, but why do you have to say real?
Can't you just say sister?
You already said sister-in-law,so just say sister.
And what's the father of hersister?
Wouldn't that be her father?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
a sister and what's the father of her sister?
Wouldn't that be her father?
Maybe, I'm guessing there'sprobably multiple dads.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Okay, so we'll say and then she also plural, makes
sisters plural your real oldersister's daughter.
Oh yeah, okay, so my realthat's so many like steps.
Yeah.
So my sister-in-law recentlymarried the father of my real
older sister's daughter, my realso of my older sister's
daughter.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
What?
Let's just.
We don't need to know that.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
She married a guy.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
My sweet niece.
So her sister-in-law marriedthe father of her niece.
So her sister-in-law marriedthe father of her niece.
My sweet niece A, who is onlyeight but has been raised around
my sister-in-law as her aunt.
Okay, my relationship with herbrother oh my gosh, these are so
many relatives, 24 is not newWith her brother we have been
(05:43):
together, okay, so she's marriedto the brother of the
sister-in-law, so it's, it's myrelationship with her brother,
with the sister-in-law's brother, is not new, so her
relationship that she's in, thatthis writer is in, is not new.
We have been together for 11years, so my sister-in-law has
has had my family as part ofhers for a long time.
(06:06):
Okay, recently, sister-in-lawgot married to A's father.
This is the niece 28.
28.
After a long or day-longengagement A day-long engagement
, okay, the family wasblindsided.
I asked You're not supposed tobe reading at the same time.
You're supposed to be taking inthe information.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I can't comprehend it if I'm not looking at it at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I asked my sister-in-law if they realized
how confusing this was going tobe for A now that her aunt is
her stepmom.
My sister-in-law told me I wasbeing dramatic and to move on.
When Mother's Day came along, Iplanned a big dinner for my mom
, my mother-in-law and sister.
We had a cake ordered withtheir names on it that read
(06:49):
Happy Mother's Day to the threemomketeers.
Everyone came on time and theparty was in full swing when my
sister-in-law pulled me asideand asked why she wasn't
included in the celebration withthe other moms I'm confused.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Wasn't she?
She was included.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Oh, no, no, no, she's not part of the three mom
coutures, so it was just her mom, mother-in-law, and then this
person's sister sister, okay,but this also.
This person is, like newly, astepmom, but previously known as
an aunt to her now stepdaughterokay, I admit I stared her in
the face and asked why on earthI would do that when she wasn't
(07:32):
a mom.
Oh, that's a little shitty.
Sister-in-law called me anasshole and said nothing to me
the rest of the night.
When I got home, I had about 20messages from a's dad telling
me that she is A's mom as well.
I told him.
Neither he nor my sister-in-lawwere in the room when A was
born and he had no right to tellme who my niece's mom is.
(07:53):
Maybe I am being the asshole,but I don't feel like I should
have to include her in thecelebration when she just
married this guy and A onlyknows her as her aunt.
Also, I do believe stepmoms arereal moms.
I'm just finding it hard toview her that way.
Now everyone is saying I shouldapologize and include her in
any other mother-relatedcelebrations.
(08:14):
So, reddit, am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
uh, a little bit.
Yeah, I think the way that shedealt with it was definitely
like bitchy, yeah, but I also,like, like I understand the
logic, like like, of notincluding her on this cake.
Yeah, like I don't necessarilyknow that like it was needed,
that she needed to be on thecake no yeah but also like she
(08:45):
could, she, she didn't have tosay like you're not, I mean also
and she left her out like.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And then she says eta , which what?
I had no indication beforehandthat the sister-in-law would
even want to be celebrated.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Well, who doesn't want to be celebrated?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
no, kidding, and do you have to be told that someone
wants to be celebrated?
A is unaware that thesister-in-law and her father are
married.
Oh what?
Yeah, that's interesting.
A's father also does not havecustody, nor does he involve
himself in her life other thanholidays.
Oh for gosh sakes.
Yeah, this is a mess.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yeah I mean, I still think this person's being a bit
of a bitch, but, but, like Ialso don't think that they're
like the only one in the wronghere, like it's.
I guess that's why there shouldhave been indication if she
wanted to be celebrated, becauseit's like if your stepchild
doesn't know, they're your.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, that stepchild, you're right, that's true.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That is a good point, because Because then it's like
like do you want me to spill thebeans for you?
Or like what do you, what doyou want here?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
and she's celebrating her own mother, her
mother-in-law and her sisterwhich makes sense just gonna
jump and throw all mothers onthe cake.
You would be, yeah, outrageous.
And somebody says you're notthe asshole if they had been
married for years already.
Then you would be, because stepparents often do become real
parental figures over time.
And if the father has beenactively involved in shared
(10:11):
custody, you would be theasshole again, because in that
case both adults would beco-parenting.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,um.
And then someone says how doesthe child feel?
Um, then that's.
Other people said no, not atall, and then not, yeah, so I
think the only thing I wouldn'tknow.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I stopped reading after the first sentence, I
agree, because it was veryconfusing yeah, I definitely
think, like the, the way thatshe like approached the
sister-in-law was rude, but likeI don't think that she's in the
wrong for like the rest of thestuff.
Yeah, especially with thecontext, like especially knowing
(10:52):
that a doesn't even know thatthat's your stepmom, like you're
not gonna be the one to tellher that it's not your place.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, I agree, it's not, definitely not your place,
and that's very, and also thedad doesn't spend time with her
or have custody of her.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, Like what the hell.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So I don't actually think she was an asshole, I just
think the whole thing is a bigfat mess.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Okay, am I the asshole for not bringing my
niece shopping after she wasextremely rude slash mean to me,
even if she quotationsapologized, wait, say that one
more time.
No, yeah, I don't think soeither.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
If someone's rude and mean to you, even if they
apologize.
They were rude and mean to you,so I don't think you have to
take them shopping.
Yeah, I don't think so either.
If someone's rude and mean toyou, even if they apologize,
they were rude and mean to you,so I don't think you have to
take them shopping.
Yeah, I mean if you have tofeed them, but you don't have to
take them shopping.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Well, this person, it's their niece.
So, like you also, like you'renot required to do anything with
this child yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Well overall, anything with this?
Yeah, I agree.
So well overall.
This at the top it says votednot the asshole.
So oh, I didn't know thatpeople look, it's sometimes it
is sometimes it isn't like itdepends on the like.
this one's seven days old, solike I think the one that you
read was an hour ago, oh so likeit's not been voted yet.
Okay, okay, oh, this, oh, thisone's kind of long.
I do not have kids and I alsohave not really had a lot of
(12:28):
experience dealing with kidsbefore my niece.
I don't have younger siblingsor cousins.
I never babysat, etc.
I'm explaining this becausethis is my blind spot and why
I'm posting.
Okay, well, it sounds like thisperson is at least like
self-aware yeah.
About a month ago, my nieceGabby that's in quotes, yeah,
(12:51):
it's probably not her name and Iwere at the park together.
I like to spend time with herand usually take her out to do
things just the two of us everycouple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
How old is Gabby?
It doesn't say, we don't knowOkay.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Oh of weeks.
How old is gabby?
It doesn't say we don't know.
Okay, oh, 13.
Okay, I read further she's 13.
While we were at the park, I wastalking about an event I'm
going to attend with myboyfriend of a few years.
She asked to see my dress, so Ishowed her a pic of me in it.
She made a yucky face and saidthat's so ugly.
You look really fat, isn't?
And isn't my boyfriend gonnathink it's bad?
I was so hurt.
(13:29):
She's only 13.
I'm not even a big girl in anysense.
I have fat on my body, but I amdefinitely not fat.
My sister was surprised and shesaid she would talk to her.
A few days later she had gabbycome over to apologize.
From my point of view, it wasnot sincere.
She was rolling her eyes andlooked angry and just got out
(13:50):
the words.
I told her thank you forapologizing and then told them
to leave.
I have not gone out of my wayto spend time with her since I
had told Gabby that I would takeher shopping for the summer and
we'd pick out fun stufftogether.
I look forward to doing thingslike this with her, not really
anymore.
When we were at my mom's housefor Mother's Day.
Gabby asked me when we would goAfter her stunt.
(14:11):
I've changed my mind.
I said that she probably hasplenty of summer clothes to wear
.
She was upset and said but Isaid I was sorry over and over.
I told her that I know she saidshe was sorry, but just because
someone says they're sorry toyou doesn't mean that your
actions are forgiven, that youhave to prove to the other
person you won't do it again.
And she hasn't.
(14:33):
My mom and sister say I'mexpecting adult behavior from a
child and that it was ridiculousto cancel the shopping date.
I'm apparently beefing with achild at my big age.
They said she apologized andhasn't said anything else.
Rude to me since they asked howlong I'm going to hold it
against her.
I really don't know how to takethis.
(14:53):
I trust their judgment most ofthe time, but this was just an
outright mean thing from her.
I am worried that as she growsup this behavior will continue
and she will turn out to be abully.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
No, no, I don't think so either.
And first of all, she hasn'tsaid any okay their excuse for
like expecting her to be she's13.
She should be acting like arespectable person and not say
something mean and hurtful andthink it's just no big deal.
Yeah, she's not three years old.
She didn't apologize on her ownfree will.
She was made to apologize andshe reluctantly apologized, and
(15:29):
that doesn't really count foranything because she didn't
really mean it and because shehasn't said anything like that
again.
Well, that's expected behavior.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
That's the bare minimum.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, that is exactly the bare minimum and that is
ridiculous.
But I also think that thisperson should, instead of like
having a forced I wouldn't haveeven been okay with someone
forcing their teenager toapologize I would be like no, if
they want to apologize and theywant to talk to me about it,
let's talk about it, but you'renot, I'm not, we're not forcing
(16:03):
them, nobody.
A forced apology is never areal apology.
That's so dumb.
So I think that she should justgo talk to her, ask her why she
acted like that.
Why did she say those kind ofhurtful things?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
yeah and um and and I also don't think she owes this
13 year old anything?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
no, she definitely does not owe her anything, and I
think that's a naturalconsequence.
I'm sorry, I don't want tospend time with you.
When you have said mean thingsto me and when you act like that
, you actually that was reallyhurtful.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, no kidding.
Yeah, I agree.
I think like I don't know andto me I'm like the mom of Gabby
and the grandma of Gabby so thisperson's mom are excusing this
behavior and making that beacceptable way to treat people,
and whether you're not expectingadult behavior.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You're expecting human decency from a 13-year-old
.
You're teaching her a lesson.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
You're teaching her behavior that's acceptable and
what's not yeah and I think likeyeah, when you're 13, you say
stupid shit and you makemistakes and whatever, but like
you still have to learn from it.
You don't just get excused fromconsequences because you're 13.
Yeah, like that's not how itworks.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Like and you work to develop the relationship, not as
part of like going shopping,yeah, like, yeah, and it sounds
like this.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
She's not even upset about not spending time with her
, she just wants to go shopping,yeah, which is worse.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So she's an entitled brat so I don't, yeah, I don't
think she's an asshole, I thinkshe, I think, I definitely think
she should have a conversationwith the teenager if she wants a
relationship with her, and ifshe doesn't, she doesn't have to
have one.
Yeah, so that's the other part.
Well, okay, yeah, I mean to saysomething so like blatantly,
(17:57):
like I don't know, I mean, ifyou don't like the dress, that's
fine, but you have to call herfat and tell her she looks fat
in it.
Yeah, like I just I don't know,I just don't think that's
necessary yeah, um, yeah,everybody's saying like that,
not the asshole.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I think 13 is old enough to understand right from
wrong and will be good lifelesson for her, your niece.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
She can learn that her words have and actions have
consequences I think I think aseven-year-old would understand
that that's not right yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
She doesn't regret what she said.
She just regrets that it ruinedher shopping spree.
Somebody said exactly I said Iwas sorry.
Is what every bully says whenthey get called out.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I don't know if I would assume she's a bully, like
that's a little bit of anextreme.
She's not a bully.
She's not.
People get bullying confusedwith not being nice.
You can be a jerk and not benice doesn't mean you're a bully
.
There's like a specific exampleof what bullying means.
Everybody uses a jerk or notnice as a bully.
That's not the same thing.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So Sorry, same thing.
Yeah, yeah, so sorry.
I feel very, um, as a student,former student support
specialist, where every parentthought every child that was
acting like a jerk was a bully.
It was like we've overused theword.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
It's like over the word gaslighting, we've overused
the word bullying this wordsaid mean girls suck and they'll
see consequences of being astinker if they keep it up.
Yeah, I agree, yeah, yeah, sonot the asshole, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Okay, let's do one more each, okay, okay.
So am I the asshole for tellingmy grandma I was doing her a
favor?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah uh, it sounds like it, because you probably
shouldn't.
I don't know, like I don't knowwhen, what way you could say
that nicely, yeah I was doingyou a favor.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, yeah or rude, I was doing you a favor, grandma
I mean, I don't know so thatstill sounds manipulative to me,
but how would you?
yeah, okay, hello, that's howthat's how it starts.
Hi, a little bit of context.
My immediate family is out ofthe country.
(20:13):
I am now.
I am now and my parents I amnow and my parents pay money to
my grandma for having me.
I wonder, wonder, how old thisperson is.
Yeah, so my grandma andobviously me is moving out as
she is getting a divorce.
Oh, she does not use thefreeway and I am currently on
vacation.
So I told her I was going tomultiple rides to drop things
(20:37):
off so she does not have to paywhat?
She does not use the freewayand I am currently on vacation,
so I told her I was going to domultiple rides to drop things
off so she does not have to pay.
Okay, so maybe she has to domultiple trips, but because the
(21:08):
grandma is avoiding the freeway,I don't know.
That was a very confusing way ofwriting it.
Yeah, yesterday, you know whatthe takeaway here is?
That people need to payattention in school when they're
learning how to write.
That is the takeaway, okay, soyesterday I was dropping things
off.
Well, there's no commas,there's no like grammarly, get
grammarly.
Yesterday, I was droppingthings off and I figured out.
I was missing the key to go in,so I called her and tell her.
(21:30):
I called her and told her iswhat she said we forgot the keys
.
She comes and was like why yougave me the keys.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
What so?
Grandma needs a grammar lessontoo.
On a totally why you gave methe keys.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
What so grandma needs a grammar lesson too.
On a tone why you gave me thekeys, why you gave me the keys.
On a tone that was kind of likeblaming me.
Between by the way, by the way,thank you, I never get that.
I always want to say between.
By the way, she usually makes alot of these comments.
If she forgot her doctorappointment or something, she is
like why you?
(22:07):
Oh my gosh, I can't take it.
Why you did not remember me,never acknowledge it was her
fault, but it was like it's mine.
But if it's like mine, but ifit's like mine, why you did not
remember me, never acknowledgeit was her fault, but if it's
like mine, but as if it's likemine, but if it's like mine, why
you did not remember me, neveracknowledge it was her fault,
but if it's like mine, but as ifit's like hers, like it's her
(22:30):
fault, kid grief.
I was mad and I told her well,don't blame me, as I was doing
you a favor.
What was the favor?
You forgot the keys.
We forgot the keys, okay.
Yesterday I was dropping thingsoff and I figured out I was
missing the key to go in, okay.
So the girl forgot, yeah.
(22:52):
So what favor were you doingher?
I guess multiple trips avoidingthe freeway when I go home.
She was saying how I wasegotistic and that basically
implied she was going to kick meout.
Another important thing is thatMonday I get injections on my
(23:12):
lower back PRP.
I don't know what that is andalthough it hurts to drive, I'm
going to do that too Well.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
First of all, it sounds like you need an English
lesson.
Second of all, it sounds likeyou need an English lesson yeah.
Second of all, it sounds likegrandma does too, yeah.
Third of all, you both sound alittle rude to each other.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Okay, Okay.
This says OP has offeredfollowing explanation for why
they think they might be theasshole Telling my grandma I was
doing her a favor although welive together, and if she moves,
I am technically moving.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Huh, yeah, this one says.
The sheer nerve of her blamingyou for the keys when you are
already going out of your way tohelp while injured is wild and
the kicker threatening to kickyou out over it that's not just
ungrateful, it's manipulative,manipulative.
Here's the thing Favors arevoluntary, not obligations.
(24:12):
That's true.
If she's going to act likeyou're indebted to her for
helping her, then maybe shedoesn't deserve the help.
Wait a minute, you can't get.
So yeah, the girl, the personis living with her grandma for,
probably for free.
Yeah, also the.
Why didn't you remind me?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
crop textbook deflection.
My ex this person has sometheir own trauma.
My ex's mom did that.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Forgot her own birthday dinner reservations and
yelled at us for not caring.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
This person needs to write their own.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
She's like you're not her secretary, her chauffeur or
her emotional punching bag.
She wants to play victim letter, but don't let her gaslight you
into thinking you're theproblem here.
Oh, for heaven's sakes, this isa mess.
This is a mess.
I don't like that one.
Yeah, uh, yeah, canceled, Icannot.
I cannot read this.
(25:05):
Yeah, it's hard to read.
Um, why?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
you forget me why you ?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
where does it say why you?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
forget me, why you not remember me or whatever like
.
I find that now, yeah, it'slike for her appointment.
She said why you not rememberme?
You're like maybe because youcan't speak english oh gosh, all
right, well, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I think you and your grandma are assholes.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Well, yeah, you're just both rude.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
No, I don't know.
I don't actually have a feelingabout it.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, because I don't understand.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
It's confusing.
Alright, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Okay, would I be the asshole if I confront my friend
for his lies?
No, no, all right.
I, 17 male, am in a friendgroup with three other people
anstey, who is also 17 these arethe weirdest names.
(26:24):
Anstey, str, who is also 17.
These are the weirdest namesAnstey, strathmore and Willis.
Okay, willis is fine, butStrathmore and Anstey, their
parents are.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
These are the text messages I mean.
These are the people in thetext.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
This is in the friend group.
The three other people, anstey,strathmore and Willis.
Strathmore and Willis are 18,but Anstey is 17, just like the
writer.
Okay, and they used commas,good job.
We were friends from primaryschool, but we're now all at
different ends of the city afterwe each moved, so we don't see
(27:04):
each other often on account ofthe fact we are busy studying
for year 12 and we mainlyconversate through a group chat.
Okay, this person's definitelylike british or something.
Yeah, um, early last year well,that makes sense of Anstey and
Strathmore.
Early last year, willis.
(27:30):
Every time I read the wordwhat's up Willis, yeah, what you
?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
talking about.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Willis yeah, Early last year Willis told us he was
in a relationship and now had agirlfriend, and we were very
excited for him.
He seemed to be very happy too,sharing updates on how things
were going, etc.
But recently the rest of thegroup has found that Willis is
saying what Willis is saying tobe a bit suspicious For one.
(27:54):
In his year-long relationshiphe hasn't even told us his
girlfriend's name, referring toher exclusively as my GF, let
alone actually introduced her tous.
Okay, I have to pause becausethis is just so teenager like
this is dumb.
Uh, anyways, so none of usactually even know her name,
(28:17):
even though we don't meet up inperson.
Do they ask?
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And who has a girlfriend?
Anstey, willis, willis.
So, willis, why haven't yousaid the girlfriend's name?
Why didn't they just ask that,though I don't know, willis?
What's your girlfriend's name.
Yeah, this is solved.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Even though we don't meet up in person often.
Surely even having her join inon one of our hangout sessions
on the phone would have happenedby now?
Why?
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Secondly, this doesn't line up with the fact
that ever since we were littlekids, willis' parents have been
very strict, especially abouthis studying and hanging out
with anyone outside of school.
Yet apparently him and hisgirlfriend have been hanging out
every day after school, goingon dates and even spending the
weekend over a few times.
Me and the rest of the groupnoticed this, and Strathmore,
(29:12):
who recently got into arelationship, found it quite
strange for Willis to be hidinghis girlfriend from us, and
especially strange that hehasn't told us her name.
So we're all starting to thinkthat he's been lying to us for a
year, which is very strange anda bit unlike him.
But it seems to be the onlypossibility now that we plan to
(29:33):
confront him about his lyingsoon, because it's caused us to
lose a lot of trust in him as afriend oh for gosh sakes, okay,
that's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
First of all, just ask willis what the girl's name
is.
Secondly, he might not be lying.
He could be, and who cares ifhe is about having a fake
girlfriend yeah, also it's.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
This sounds like uh, antsy strathmore.
Willis and the writer have somesort of relationship where they
need to share all their others.
Like you're just a friend group, like you don't need to know
all the details of willis andthey don't even get together in
person, they just get togetheron a phone.
On the phone, yeah so that justseems like a little extreme I
(30:17):
think so too.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I think that's why would their girlfriend come?
I think that would be weird.
Did they invite othergirlfriends?
I don't know.
And also, his girlfriend couldbe chat GBT, and then he would
be telling the truth.
He hangs out with them all thetime, yeah, and he's fallen in
love?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah, not the asshole .
I personally would talk to himone-on-one to not make it a
(31:03):
whole scene and have him feelconcerned, a little insecure
about his relationship statusand wants people to believe he
has a girlfriend.
It's not that uncommon, sodon't make him feel too bad.
Let him know he doesn't need totell these lies that was a good
answer.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, I like that.
I think that's a good answerand also, um, that, yeah, that's
kind of.
I mean, I didn't say iteloquently, I just said who
cares?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
if he has a girlfriend.
It's like this person is makingit about them, like it's not
about you?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Has he been dishonest in any other way?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, they said it was unlike him to lie like that.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So it's not a common thing for him to do, and I feel
like sometimes, when you're ateenager, there's a lot of
pressure for you to have agirlfriend, have a boyfriend,
have sex like whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Like there's pressure that doesn't need to be
pressure.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, I definitely.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Actually, I don't even know why I'm saying that.
As a teenager, I feel likethat's true All the time.
In general, it's like are youdating anyone?
Have you been seeing anyone?
It's like are you dating anyone?
Have you been seeing anyone?
Like, if not, you're a loserwho just sits at home by
themselves.
What I want to say, let me tellyou the people I have dated I
(32:17):
would rather be sitting at homeby myself.
I'm waiting for my hot.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Irishman.
Yeah, I think this is sillyBecause, like to me, I'm like
it's not about you.
Like if Willis feels like heneeds to lie, that's like a
whole nother.
Like then maybe like you're notcreating the safe friend group
that you think you are, and likethat needs to be something that
(32:42):
is talked about instead of whocares.
If he's lying about his like agirlfriend, it's not like he's
like telling you he's a somebody.
He's not like he's just tryingto fit in like every other 17 or
18 year old.
Yeah, that's sad.
Yeah, so justice for Willis.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
And if Chad is his girlfriend, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Well, maybe not yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
We could do a whole episode on my online dating
experience, because my lastexperience was a good one.
Oh man, anyway, okay, becausemy last experience was oh a good
one oh man, anyway, okay, sothat's it, that's it, yeah, all
right well well we'll see youwhen we see you?
Speaker 1 (33:39):
bye what?
Why did you say that like that?
I don't know.
You sounded like a cartooncharacter.
I don't know why.
You're something, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Oh, that just reminded me of a funny thing.
I went to the opera for thefirst time.
You told me, okay, I was goingto throw this story in at the
last minute.
Okay, the opera.
And you know what I honestlythink a good opera I really
(34:16):
would like to see, because, likethere were parts that I was
like, oh yes, I can see myselfreally liking it, but in this
case it was like a communitytheater opera.
And why I thought of this storyis because there was this one
guy and he was like you're notgonna be able to see this, but
he was like, oh, he was doingthis crazy context.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
She's opening her mouth extremely wide and
sticking out her tongue hewasn't sticking his tongue out.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
it's just that I have botox so I can't do the full
expression.
It was very um, it was likehaving to bear these facial
expressions in order to sing.
I don't know.
It was very distracting, verydistracting.
Okay, that's all.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
All right, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Emily and I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Welcome back.
Welcome back to another episodeof Am I the Asshole?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I love these.
I don't know why.
I think they're fun.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Well, because they're interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, and I was laughing so hard listening to
the last one that we did.
It just was funny.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, about the man who threw up on his couch and
his wife to clean it up becausehe was an idiot.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I'm like he was like literally gagging on his couch
and not grabbing the bucket andthen, like I'm going to bed, you
can clean it up that's such aman thing to do.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I, I know Like that felt, so like man, I don't know.
It felt like a toddler thing todo, yeah All right so.
Do you want to go first or doyou want me to go first?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, I'll go first, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
So am I.
This is how it works we readthe little question, we make a
decision Not based on anyinformation yet, just the
question, and then we read theinformation and we make a
revision on the decision.
Okay, am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
for not acknowledging my sister-in-law as a mom on
Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I feel like this depends, like is she a mom, but
also like not your job tocelebrate her maybe like saying
happy mother's day would be nice, but like yeah, I don't know if
it's like you have to, Iwouldn't say you're the asshole.
No.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
But I like also.
Like I'm like, are you hangingout with your sister-in-law with
other people and then just likeblatantly ignoring her, Like
then you would be kind of anasshole, but like overall, this
question With the context wehave which is none.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I would say no.
Yeah, me too, because I wasthinking about my two
sister-in-laws or, um, yeah, andI was like I.
It's kind of like a hit or missif I've said happy mother's day
to I feel like, unless it'syour mom or your grandma yeah,
(03:00):
like then like, yeah, exactly.
It's just not really.
Sometimes I do say happymother's day to some of my
friends.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I do too.
I definitely do too, but I alsoknow that they don't expect
that.
Yeah, they don't expect it andI don't do it every single year.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Sometimes I just get busy and I don't do it.
But I have on occasion saidthat to Amelia.
But I have never said that toTammy and not that I've just
ignored that she would.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You don't really have that kind of relationship Like
where you would just likerandomly say that yeah, we don't
text each other.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We've never texted each other, yeah, so, yeah, I
think it depends.
All right, let's listen to thecontext.
Okay, so, my, I didn't knowwhat SIL meant for the longest
time.
By the way, um, melanie wouldsay that, and I'm like what you
would abbreviate it in, likespeech, oh, no, no, I'm sorry,
she would text it oh, I was likeshe's on the phone saying sil,
(03:54):
yeah, that's more work thansaying sister-in-law, yeah no,
okay.
So my, I'm just gonna say it mysister-in-law, who's a 22 year
old female that female that'syoung recently married Okay, let
me see, Recently married thefather of my real I don't know
why she's saying real of my realolder sisters.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Well, because this is her sister-in-law.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
This isn't her biological sister.
I know, but my sister-in-lawrecently married the father, the
father of my real older sister.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, so her actual older sister Her biological
sister.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, I understand, but why do you have to say real?
Can't you just say sister?
You already said sister-in-law,so just say sister.
And what's the father of hersister?
Wouldn't that be her father?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
a sister and what's the father of her sister?
Wouldn't that be her father?
Maybe, I'm guessing there'sprobably multiple dads.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Okay, so we'll say and then she also plural, makes
sisters plural your real oldersister's daughter.
Oh yeah, okay, so my realthat's so many like steps.
Yeah.
So my sister-in-law recentlymarried the father of my real
older sister's daughter, my realso of my older sister's
daughter.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
What?
Let's just.
We don't need to know that.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
She married a guy.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
My sweet niece.
So her sister-in-law marriedthe father of her niece.
So her sister-in-law marriedthe father of her niece.
My sweet niece A, who is onlyeight but has been raised around
my sister-in-law as her aunt.
Okay, my relationship with herbrother oh my gosh, these are so
many relatives, 24 is not newWith her brother we have been
(05:43):
together, okay, so she's marriedto the brother of the
sister-in-law, so it's, it's myrelationship with her brother,
with the sister-in-law's brother, is not new, so her
relationship that she's in, thatthis writer is in, is not new.
We have been together for 11years, so my sister-in-law has
has had my family as part ofhers for a long time.
(06:06):
Okay, recently, sister-in-lawgot married to A's father.
This is the niece 28.
28.
After a long or day-longengagement A day-long engagement
, okay, the family wasblindsided.
I asked You're not supposed tobe reading at the same time.
You're supposed to be taking inthe information.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I can't comprehend it if I'm not looking at it at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I asked my sister-in-law if they realized
how confusing this was going tobe for A now that her aunt is
her stepmom.
My sister-in-law told me I wasbeing dramatic and to move on.
When Mother's Day came along, Iplanned a big dinner for my mom
, my mother-in-law and sister.
We had a cake ordered withtheir names on it that read
(06:49):
Happy Mother's Day to the threemomketeers.
Everyone came on time and theparty was in full swing when my
sister-in-law pulled me asideand asked why she wasn't
included in the celebration withthe other moms I'm confused.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Wasn't she?
She was included.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Oh, no, no, no, she's not part of the three mom
coutures, so it was just her mom, mother-in-law, and then this
person's sister sister, okay,but this also.
This person is, like newly, astepmom, but previously known as
an aunt to her now stepdaughterokay, I admit I stared her in
the face and asked why on earthI would do that when she wasn't
(07:32):
a mom.
Oh, that's a little shitty.
Sister-in-law called me anasshole and said nothing to me
the rest of the night.
When I got home, I had about 20messages from a's dad telling
me that she is A's mom as well.
I told him.
Neither he nor my sister-in-lawwere in the room when A was
born and he had no right to tellme who my niece's mom is.
(07:53):
Maybe I am being the asshole,but I don't feel like I should
have to include her in thecelebration when she just
married this guy and A onlyknows her as her aunt.
Also, I do believe stepmoms arereal moms.
I'm just finding it hard toview her that way.
Now everyone is saying I shouldapologize and include her in
any other mother-relatedcelebrations.
(08:14):
So, reddit, am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
uh, a little bit.
Yeah, I think the way that shedealt with it was definitely
like bitchy, yeah, but I also,like, like I understand the
logic, like like, of notincluding her on this cake.
Yeah, like I don't necessarilyknow that like it was needed,
that she needed to be on thecake no yeah but also like she
(08:45):
could, she, she didn't have tosay like you're not, I mean also
and she left her out like.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And then she says eta , which what?
I had no indication beforehandthat the sister-in-law would
even want to be celebrated.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Well, who doesn't want to be celebrated?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
no, kidding, and do you have to be told that someone
wants to be celebrated?
A is unaware that thesister-in-law and her father are
married.
Oh what?
Yeah, that's interesting.
A's father also does not havecustody, nor does he involve
himself in her life other thanholidays.
Oh for gosh sakes.
Yeah, this is a mess.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yeah I mean, I still think this person's being a bit
of a bitch, but, but, like Ialso don't think that they're
like the only one in the wronghere, like it's.
I guess that's why there shouldhave been indication if she
wanted to be celebrated, becauseit's like if your stepchild
doesn't know, they're your.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, that stepchild, you're right, that's true.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That is a good point, because Because then it's like
like do you want me to spill thebeans for you?
Or like what do you, what doyou want here?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
and she's celebrating her own mother, her
mother-in-law and her sisterwhich makes sense just gonna
jump and throw all mothers onthe cake.
You would be, yeah, outrageous.
And somebody says you're notthe asshole if they had been
married for years already.
Then you would be, because stepparents often do become real
parental figures over time.
And if the father has beenactively involved in shared
(10:11):
custody, you would be theasshole again, because in that
case both adults would beco-parenting.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,um.
And then someone says how doesthe child feel?
Um, then that's.
Other people said no, not atall, and then not, yeah, so I
think the only thing I wouldn'tknow.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I stopped reading after the first sentence, I
agree, because it was veryconfusing yeah, I definitely
think, like the, the way thatshe like approached the
sister-in-law was rude, but likeI don't think that she's in the
wrong for like the rest of thestuff.
Yeah, especially with thecontext, like especially knowing
(10:52):
that a doesn't even know thatthat's your stepmom, like you're
not gonna be the one to tellher that it's not your place.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, I agree, it's not, definitely not your place,
and that's very, and also thedad doesn't spend time with her
or have custody of her.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, Like what the hell.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So I don't actually think she was an asshole, I just
think the whole thing is a bigfat mess.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Okay, am I the asshole for not bringing my
niece shopping after she wasextremely rude slash mean to me,
even if she quotationsapologized, wait, say that one
more time.
No, yeah, I don't think soeither.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
If someone's rude and mean to you, even if they
apologize.
They were rude and mean to you,so I don't think you have to
take them shopping.
Yeah, I don't think so either.
If someone's rude and mean toyou, even if they apologize,
they were rude and mean to you,so I don't think you have to
take them shopping.
Yeah, I mean if you have tofeed them, but you don't have to
take them shopping.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Well, this person, it's their niece.
So, like you also, like you'renot required to do anything with
this child yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Well overall, anything with this?
Yeah, I agree.
So well overall.
This at the top it says votednot the asshole.
So oh, I didn't know thatpeople look, it's sometimes it
is sometimes it isn't like itdepends on the like.
this one's seven days old, solike I think the one that you
read was an hour ago, oh so likeit's not been voted yet.
Okay, okay, oh, this, oh, thisone's kind of long.
I do not have kids and I alsohave not really had a lot of
(12:28):
experience dealing with kidsbefore my niece.
I don't have younger siblingsor cousins.
I never babysat, etc.
I'm explaining this becausethis is my blind spot and why
I'm posting.
Okay, well, it sounds like thisperson is at least like
self-aware yeah.
About a month ago, my nieceGabby that's in quotes, yeah,
(12:51):
it's probably not her name and Iwere at the park together.
I like to spend time with herand usually take her out to do
things just the two of us everycouple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
How old is Gabby?
It doesn't say, we don't knowOkay.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Oh of weeks.
How old is gabby?
It doesn't say we don't know.
Okay, oh, 13.
Okay, I read further she's 13.
While we were at the park, I wastalking about an event I'm
going to attend with myboyfriend of a few years.
She asked to see my dress, so Ishowed her a pic of me in it.
She made a yucky face and saidthat's so ugly.
You look really fat, isn't?
And isn't my boyfriend gonnathink it's bad?
I was so hurt.
(13:29):
She's only 13.
I'm not even a big girl in anysense.
I have fat on my body, but I amdefinitely not fat.
My sister was surprised and shesaid she would talk to her.
A few days later she had gabbycome over to apologize.
From my point of view, it wasnot sincere.
She was rolling her eyes andlooked angry and just got out
(13:50):
the words.
I told her thank you forapologizing and then told them
to leave.
I have not gone out of my wayto spend time with her since I
had told Gabby that I would takeher shopping for the summer and
we'd pick out fun stufftogether.
I look forward to doing thingslike this with her, not really
anymore.
When we were at my mom's housefor Mother's Day.
Gabby asked me when we would goAfter her stunt.
(14:11):
I've changed my mind.
I said that she probably hasplenty of summer clothes to wear
.
She was upset and said but Isaid I was sorry over and over.
I told her that I know she saidshe was sorry, but just because
someone says they're sorry toyou doesn't mean that your
actions are forgiven, that youhave to prove to the other
person you won't do it again.
And she hasn't.
(14:33):
My mom and sister say I'mexpecting adult behavior from a
child and that it was ridiculousto cancel the shopping date.
I'm apparently beefing with achild at my big age.
They said she apologized andhasn't said anything else.
Rude to me since they asked howlong I'm going to hold it
against her.
I really don't know how to takethis.
(14:53):
I trust their judgment most ofthe time, but this was just an
outright mean thing from her.
I am worried that as she growsup this behavior will continue
and she will turn out to be abully.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
No, no, I don't think so either.
And first of all, she hasn'tsaid any okay their excuse for
like expecting her to be she's13.
She should be acting like arespectable person and not say
something mean and hurtful andthink it's just no big deal.
Yeah, she's not three years old.
She didn't apologize on her ownfree will.
She was made to apologize andshe reluctantly apologized, and
(15:29):
that doesn't really count foranything because she didn't
really mean it and because shehasn't said anything like that
again.
Well, that's expected behavior.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
That's the bare minimum.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, that is exactly the bare minimum and that is
ridiculous.
But I also think that thisperson should, instead of like
having a forced I wouldn't haveeven been okay with someone
forcing their teenager toapologize I would be like no, if
they want to apologize and theywant to talk to me about it,
let's talk about it, but you'renot, I'm not, we're not forcing
(16:03):
them, nobody.
A forced apology is never areal apology.
That's so dumb.
So I think that she should justgo talk to her, ask her why she
acted like that.
Why did she say those kind ofhurtful things?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
yeah and um and and I also don't think she owes this
13 year old anything?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
no, she definitely does not owe her anything, and I
think that's a naturalconsequence.
I'm sorry, I don't want tospend time with you.
When you have said mean thingsto me and when you act like that
, you actually that was reallyhurtful.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, no kidding.
Yeah, I agree.
I think like I don't know andto me I'm like the mom of Gabby
and the grandma of Gabby so thisperson's mom are excusing this
behavior and making that beacceptable way to treat people,
and whether you're not expectingadult behavior.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You're expecting human decency from a 13-year-old
.
You're teaching her a lesson.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
You're teaching her behavior that's acceptable and
what's not yeah and I think likeyeah, when you're 13, you say
stupid shit and you makemistakes and whatever, but like
you still have to learn from it.
You don't just get excused fromconsequences because you're 13.
Yeah, like that's not how itworks.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Like and you work to develop the relationship, not as
part of like going shopping,yeah, like, yeah, and it sounds
like this.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
She's not even upset about not spending time with her
, she just wants to go shopping,yeah, which is worse.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So she's an entitled brat so I don't, yeah, I don't
think she's an asshole, I thinkshe, I think, I definitely think
she should have a conversationwith the teenager if she wants a
relationship with her, and ifshe doesn't, she doesn't have to
have one.
Yeah, so that's the other part.
Well, okay, yeah, I mean to saysomething so like blatantly,
(17:57):
like I don't know, I mean, ifyou don't like the dress, that's
fine, but you have to call herfat and tell her she looks fat
in it.
Yeah, like I just I don't know,I just don't think that's
necessary yeah, um, yeah,everybody's saying like that,
not the asshole.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I think 13 is old enough to understand right from
wrong and will be good lifelesson for her, your niece.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
She can learn that her words have and actions have
consequences I think I think aseven-year-old would understand
that that's not right yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
She doesn't regret what she said.
She just regrets that it ruinedher shopping spree.
Somebody said exactly I said Iwas sorry.
Is what every bully says whenthey get called out.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I don't know if I would assume she's a bully, like
that's a little bit of anextreme.
She's not a bully.
She's not.
People get bullying confusedwith not being nice.
You can be a jerk and not benice doesn't mean you're a bully
.
There's like a specific exampleof what bullying means.
Everybody uses a jerk or notnice as a bully.
That's not the same thing.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So Sorry, same thing.
Yeah, yeah, so sorry.
I feel very, um, as a student,former student support
specialist, where every parentthought every child that was
acting like a jerk was a bully.
It was like we've overused theword.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
It's like over the word gaslighting, we've overused
the word bullying this wordsaid mean girls suck and they'll
see consequences of being astinker if they keep it up.
Yeah, I agree, yeah, yeah, sonot the asshole, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Okay, let's do one more each, okay, okay.
So am I the asshole for tellingmy grandma I was doing her a
favor?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah uh, it sounds like it, because you probably
shouldn't.
I don't know, like I don't knowwhen, what way you could say
that nicely, yeah I was doingyou a favor.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, yeah or rude, I was doing you a favor, grandma
I mean, I don't know so thatstill sounds manipulative to me,
but how would you?
yeah, okay, hello, that's howthat's how it starts.
Hi, a little bit of context.
My immediate family is out ofthe country.
(20:13):
I am now.
I am now and my parents I amnow and my parents pay money to
my grandma for having me.
I wonder, wonder, how old thisperson is.
Yeah, so my grandma andobviously me is moving out as
she is getting a divorce.
Oh, she does not use thefreeway and I am currently on
vacation.
So I told her I was going tomultiple rides to drop things
(20:37):
off so she does not have to paywhat?
She does not use the freewayand I am currently on vacation,
so I told her I was going to domultiple rides to drop things
off so she does not have to pay.
Okay, so maybe she has to domultiple trips, but because the
(21:08):
grandma is avoiding the freeway,I don't know.
That was a very confusing way ofwriting it.
Yeah, yesterday, you know whatthe takeaway here is?
That people need to payattention in school when they're
learning how to write.
That is the takeaway, okay, soyesterday I was dropping things
off.
Well, there's no commas,there's no like grammarly, get
grammarly.
Yesterday, I was droppingthings off and I figured out.
I was missing the key to go in,so I called her and tell her.
(21:30):
I called her and told her iswhat she said we forgot the keys
.
She comes and was like why yougave me the keys.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
What so?
Grandma needs a grammar lessontoo.
On a totally why you gave methe keys.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
What so grandma needs a grammar lesson too.
On a tone why you gave me thekeys, why you gave me the keys.
On a tone that was kind of likeblaming me.
Between by the way, by the way,thank you, I never get that.
I always want to say between.
By the way, she usually makes alot of these comments.
If she forgot her doctorappointment or something, she is
like why you?
(22:07):
Oh my gosh, I can't take it.
Why you did not remember me,never acknowledge it was her
fault, but it was like it's mine.
But if it's like mine, but ifit's like mine, why you did not
remember me, never acknowledgeit was her fault, but if it's
like mine, but as if it's likemine, but if it's like mine, why
you did not remember me, neveracknowledge it was her fault,
but if it's like mine, but as ifit's like hers, like it's her
(22:30):
fault, kid grief.
I was mad and I told her well,don't blame me, as I was doing
you a favor.
What was the favor?
You forgot the keys.
We forgot the keys, okay.
Yesterday I was dropping thingsoff and I figured out I was
missing the key to go in, okay.
So the girl forgot, yeah.
(22:52):
So what favor were you doingher?
I guess multiple trips avoidingthe freeway when I go home.
She was saying how I wasegotistic and that basically
implied she was going to kick meout.
Another important thing is thatMonday I get injections on my
(23:12):
lower back PRP.
I don't know what that is andalthough it hurts to drive, I'm
going to do that too Well.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
First of all, it sounds like you need an English
lesson.
Second of all, it sounds likeyou need an English lesson yeah.
Second of all, it sounds likegrandma does too, yeah.
Third of all, you both sound alittle rude to each other.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Okay, Okay.
This says OP has offeredfollowing explanation for why
they think they might be theasshole Telling my grandma I was
doing her a favor although welive together, and if she moves,
I am technically moving.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Huh, yeah, this one says.
The sheer nerve of her blamingyou for the keys when you are
already going out of your way tohelp while injured is wild and
the kicker threatening to kickyou out over it that's not just
ungrateful, it's manipulative,manipulative.
Here's the thing Favors arevoluntary, not obligations.
(24:12):
That's true.
If she's going to act likeyou're indebted to her for
helping her, then maybe shedoesn't deserve the help.
Wait a minute, you can't get.
So yeah, the girl, the personis living with her grandma for,
probably for free.
Yeah, also the.
Why didn't you remind me?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
crop textbook deflection.
My ex this person has sometheir own trauma.
My ex's mom did that.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Forgot her own birthday dinner reservations and
yelled at us for not caring.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
This person needs to write their own.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
She's like you're not her secretary, her chauffeur or
her emotional punching bag.
She wants to play victim letter, but don't let her gaslight you
into thinking you're theproblem here.
Oh, for heaven's sakes, this isa mess.
This is a mess.
I don't like that one.
Yeah, uh, yeah, canceled, Icannot.
I cannot read this.
(25:05):
Yeah, it's hard to read.
Um, why?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
you forget me why you ?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
where does it say why you?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
forget me, why you not remember me or whatever like
.
I find that now, yeah, it'slike for her appointment.
She said why you not rememberme?
You're like maybe because youcan't speak english oh gosh, all
right, well, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I think you and your grandma are assholes.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Well, yeah, you're just both rude.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
No, I don't know.
I don't actually have a feelingabout it.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, because I don't understand.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
It's confusing.
Alright, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Okay, would I be the asshole if I confront my friend
for his lies?
No, no, all right.
I, 17 male, am in a friendgroup with three other people
anstey, who is also 17 these arethe weirdest names.
(26:24):
Anstey, str, who is also 17.
These are the weirdest namesAnstey, strathmore and Willis.
Okay, willis is fine, butStrathmore and Anstey, their
parents are.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
These are the text messages I mean.
These are the people in thetext.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
This is in the friend group.
The three other people, anstey,strathmore and Willis.
Strathmore and Willis are 18,but Anstey is 17, just like the
writer.
Okay, and they used commas,good job.
We were friends from primaryschool, but we're now all at
different ends of the city afterwe each moved, so we don't see
(27:04):
each other often on account ofthe fact we are busy studying
for year 12 and we mainlyconversate through a group chat.
Okay, this person's definitelylike british or something.
Yeah, um, early last year well,that makes sense of Anstey and
Strathmore.
Early last year, willis.
(27:30):
Every time I read the wordwhat's up Willis, yeah, what you
?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
talking about.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Willis yeah, Early last year Willis told us he was
in a relationship and now had agirlfriend, and we were very
excited for him.
He seemed to be very happy too,sharing updates on how things
were going, etc.
But recently the rest of thegroup has found that Willis is
saying what Willis is saying tobe a bit suspicious For one.
(27:54):
In his year-long relationshiphe hasn't even told us his
girlfriend's name, referring toher exclusively as my GF, let
alone actually introduced her tous.
Okay, I have to pause becausethis is just so teenager like
this is dumb.
Uh, anyways, so none of usactually even know her name,
(28:17):
even though we don't meet up inperson.
Do they ask?
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And who has a girlfriend?
Anstey, willis, willis.
So, willis, why haven't yousaid the girlfriend's name?
Why didn't they just ask that,though I don't know, willis?
What's your girlfriend's name.
Yeah, this is solved.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Even though we don't meet up in person often.
Surely even having her join inon one of our hangout sessions
on the phone would have happenedby now?
Why?
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Secondly, this doesn't line up with the fact
that ever since we were littlekids, willis' parents have been
very strict, especially abouthis studying and hanging out
with anyone outside of school.
Yet apparently him and hisgirlfriend have been hanging out
every day after school, goingon dates and even spending the
weekend over a few times.
Me and the rest of the groupnoticed this, and Strathmore,
(29:12):
who recently got into arelationship, found it quite
strange for Willis to be hidinghis girlfriend from us, and
especially strange that hehasn't told us her name.
So we're all starting to thinkthat he's been lying to us for a
year, which is very strange anda bit unlike him.
But it seems to be the onlypossibility now that we plan to
(29:33):
confront him about his lyingsoon, because it's caused us to
lose a lot of trust in him as afriend oh for gosh sakes, okay,
that's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
First of all, just ask willis what the girl's name
is.
Secondly, he might not be lying.
He could be, and who cares ifhe is about having a fake
girlfriend yeah, also it's.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
This sounds like uh, antsy strathmore.
Willis and the writer have somesort of relationship where they
need to share all their others.
Like you're just a friend group, like you don't need to know
all the details of willis andthey don't even get together in
person, they just get togetheron a phone.
On the phone, yeah so that justseems like a little extreme I
(30:17):
think so too.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I think that's why would their girlfriend come?
I think that would be weird.
Did they invite othergirlfriends?
I don't know.
And also, his girlfriend couldbe chat GBT, and then he would
be telling the truth.
He hangs out with them all thetime, yeah, and he's fallen in
love?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah, not the asshole .
I personally would talk to himone-on-one to not make it a
(31:03):
whole scene and have him feelconcerned, a little insecure
about his relationship statusand wants people to believe he
has a girlfriend.
It's not that uncommon, sodon't make him feel too bad.
Let him know he doesn't need totell these lies that was a good
answer.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, I like that.
I think that's a good answerand also, um, that, yeah, that's
kind of.
I mean, I didn't say iteloquently, I just said who
cares?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
if he has a girlfriend.
It's like this person is makingit about them, like it's not
about you?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Has he been dishonest in any other way?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, they said it was unlike him to lie like that.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So it's not a common thing for him to do, and I feel
like sometimes, when you're ateenager, there's a lot of
pressure for you to have agirlfriend, have a boyfriend,
have sex like whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Like there's pressure that doesn't need to be
pressure.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, I definitely.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Actually, I don't even know why I'm saying that.
As a teenager, I feel likethat's true All the time.
In general, it's like are youdating anyone?
Have you been seeing anyone?
It's like are you dating anyone?
Have you been seeing anyone?
Like, if not, you're a loserwho just sits at home by
themselves.
What I want to say, let me tellyou the people I have dated I
(32:17):
would rather be sitting at homeby myself.
I'm waiting for my hot.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Irishman.
Yeah, I think this is sillyBecause, like to me, I'm like
it's not about you.
Like if Willis feels like heneeds to lie, that's like a
whole nother.
Like then maybe like you're notcreating the safe friend group
that you think you are, and likethat needs to be something that
(32:42):
is talked about instead of whocares.
If he's lying about his like agirlfriend, it's not like he's
like telling you he's a somebody.
He's not like he's just tryingto fit in like every other 17 or
18 year old.
Yeah, that's sad.
Yeah, so justice for Willis.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
And if Chad is his girlfriend, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Well, maybe not yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
We could do a whole episode on my online dating
experience, because my lastexperience was a good one.
Oh man, anyway, okay, becausemy last experience was oh a good
one oh man, anyway, okay, sothat's it, that's it, yeah, all
right well well we'll see youwhen we see you?
Speaker 1 (33:39):
bye what?
Why did you say that like that?
I don't know.
You sounded like a cartooncharacter.
I don't know why.
You're something, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Oh, that just reminded me of a funny thing.
I went to the opera for thefirst time.
You told me, okay, I was goingto throw this story in at the
last minute.
Okay, the opera.
And you know what I honestlythink a good opera I really
(34:16):
would like to see, because, likethere were parts that I was
like, oh yes, I can see myselfreally liking it, but in this
case it was like a communitytheater opera.
And why I thought of this storyis because there was this one
guy and he was like you're notgonna be able to see this, but
he was like, oh, he was doingthis crazy context.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
She's opening her mouth extremely wide and
sticking out her tongue hewasn't sticking his tongue out.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
it's just that I have botox so I can't do the full
expression.
It was very um, it was likehaving to bear these facial
expressions in order to sing.
I don't know.
It was very distracting, verydistracting.
Okay, that's all.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
All right, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
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