August 4, 2025 • 50 mins
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What does it mean when someone asks "how are you" but doesn't really want the honest answer? Emily and Trina dive into this deceptively complex social interaction before opening up about their current mental health journeys.
Emily shares her recent struggles with depression while simultaneously battling recurring illnesses, a UTI, and infections from antibiotics. She candidly discusses her PCOS diagnosis and pre-diabetes, revealing the frustration of needing medication long-term when she'd hoped to function without it. This leads to a powerful conversation about accepting help when our bodies need it and the disappointment that sometimes comes with that reality.
The mood lightens as Trina recounts her recent European adventure through Ireland, London, and Paris. Her description of finding peace in Ireland's breathtaking landscapes and an adults-only infinity pool overlooking mountains serves as a beautiful contrast to daily life stresses. This travel segment highlights how sometimes physically removing ourselves from our environments can provide much-needed perspective and moments of tranquility.
The conversation then shifts to setting boundaries with family members who cause emotional harm. Using the vivid metaphor of someone "taking a sledgehammer to your safety," they explore how walking away from harmful relationships isn't running—it's making an active, healthy choice. They discuss the manipulation tactics used to make boundary-setters feel guilty and the importance of recognizing these patterns.
Throughout this heartfelt catchup, Emily and Trina weave together personal experiences with broader mental health concepts, creating a tapestry listeners can relate to. Whether you're struggling with health issues, difficult relationships, or simply feeling overwhelmed, their authentic sharing creates a safe space to reflect on your own journey toward peace and self-advocacy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi, hi, welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome, welcome.
So that was a big sigh Me I'mall right.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I mean, I guess I'm yeah, I would like to discuss
how, whenever somebody asks likehow you are, like I have been
so over, like I'm like literallylately I've been answering with
do you want like the honestanswer or do you like are we
just doing like a little bit ofsmall talk?
(01:18):
Because I honestly hate thatquestion, because sometimes when
people say like how are you?
I'm like I'm not great, but Iknow that's not why you're
asking me.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah.
So I think that's yeah, wheneverI ask somebody that I do want
to know, like the actual, likehow they feel, me too, but don't
you think it kind of depends onif you're like in a rush,
you're like like rushing by orno, for sure I think.
Yeah, I mean like if I see aneighbor going around the corner
(01:54):
and I'm trying to walk the dogand I'm like how you doing If
they break into like a long,well, you know what?
No, no, I think that would beall right.
I that has happened recently,which is the reason I feel like
people need to.
Then, yeah, this person reallyneeded to talk, and so we did.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
We sat I'll sit on the corner and talked so I get
kind of like I don't know, likefed up with people asking me how
I am, when they don't reallywant to know the answer yeah,
because sometimes I'm not goingto say that I'm just good
because I'm not.
Yeah, why?
Not why am I not good or why doI get?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
fed.
Why are you not?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
good, I don't know.
Everything's just been a lotlately.
Life feels like a lot.
I've been sick multiple timesover and over.
Then I had a UTI and then I hadan infection, um, and that was
literally like back to back toback.
Like I got back from Peru, Iwas sick for like two weeks and
(02:57):
then I was fine for like a weekor so and then Jake got sick and
then I got sick, then I, then I, after that I had a uti and
then, following the uti, I had ayeast infection from the
antibiotics that I was taking,from being sick.
Yeah, um, so like, health-wise,I'm exhausted.
Um, planning a wedding is a lotof time and thoughts and
(03:25):
decisions and money.
It's a lot of money and yeah, Ifeel a little bit like in, like
an in-between like with where Iam like business-wise.
An in-between like with where Iam like business-wise because,
(03:50):
like I like right now, like formy, for Emily, renee and Co,
like I'm doing like work that islike not my favorite, like on
all ends for not just onespecific thing, like I don't
like I'm doing VA work orwebsite work or social media um,
and that's like it's fine, likeI know that like you don't love
(04:14):
it.
It's not your yeah, it's not, itdoesn't light me up yeah and,
but I need it in order to likebe paying the bills.
Um, but I really am excitedabout a business idea that I
have for something in the future, but that's gonna take a lot of
time, um to like get to theactual like end point.
(04:39):
So, like, I'm in the verybeginning phases of creating
like a business, and part ofthat is learning, and so I have
a part time job currently whichI really like.
Like I'm really happy andexcited to be doing it, but I
(05:00):
like want to like go to that joband then come home and then
think about the things that I'mdreaming?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
yeah, not get to work on your VA stuff?
Yeah, so does the job have todo with the business idea?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
yeah, mm-hmm.
Yeah, like I'm learning, I'mlearning how, what part?
I don't know if I want to likesay it because like, okay, I
don't know, I don't know how, Idon't know, I've only told a few
people so far but, um,basically it has to do with the
floral industry.
(05:34):
Um, and then some do I know itbecause I feel I thought you
told me it in the past, butmaybe it's changed no, yeah, I
think you know it okay, okayyeah, um and that's all that
matters just kidding um, so I'mworking at a flower shop right
now and it's like nine to noon,sometimes nine to one, um, and
(05:55):
we'll be more like during theholidays and stuff, but um which
is so cool.
And.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I told you that your grandmother, your grandma on
your dad's side, would be sohappy.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I told that to Nanny and she was like oh, yeah, yeah,
Honestly, when you said that,like it made me, like it felt,
like it had more meaning, like Idon't know much about her
because she passed away longbefore I was even born yep, um
so, but like I'm like, oh, likeI like that um but very sweet
(06:36):
letters from her.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I should um share them with you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I'd like to see that, um, but yeah, so I'm working on
a flower shop and I really lovethat, and then I come home and
then I'm like I'm tired becauseI'm waking up early, which right
now I know that won't be likethat forever yeah.
I'm definitely like gettinginto a new schedule of like
waking up at the time that I'mwaking up, like I'm not waking
(07:00):
up like at the ass crack of dawn, like I'm waking up at like 7
am so like it's really not thatbad and but then, like I also
want to go to Pilates and I alsolike want to plan the things of
like my future business.
But then I'm like, well, I haveto do this stuff, yeah, that's
like also making me money andit's just like it's hard because
(07:25):
it's like I dread some of it,yeah, which like I don't want to
do, like, but then at the sametime, like I know I, you have to
, you pay your dues, you pavethe way, like that's how it goes
, but sometimes I'm like, man, Idon't want to do that.
Yeah, that's, that's that'sobvious, yeah, and that's not.
(07:50):
It's not fair to like myclients, it's not.
But it's also some of it isn'tjust the fact that I don't want
to do the work, it's like that.
I felt depressed lately, likeI'm like in a season of like
really trying to figure out mymental health and that's
frustrating.
(08:10):
Like I feel frustrated atmyself and then I'm like
frustrated at being frustratedat myself.
Um, so it like some of the likedread of work is simply because
I like it's hard for me to justlike brush my teeth or like
exist.
So like thinking about doingsomething where I have to use
(08:32):
brain power, like feels like, ohmy God, because like I can
barely muster up the energy tobe able to get dressed and wash
my face and whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So, yeah, that's a breakdown of all the things
that's a lot and it's um, but Ithink it's it's good that you
are addressing it and that youyou and we've talked about this
before having a support systemand making sure that you have
all those things in place,especially when you feel like,
(09:09):
when, with depression, likeslipping back into depression,
is it?
sometimes it's like a drasticfeeling and sometimes it's a
slow uh-oh, like I feel, likeI'm oh, like I feel like I'm
(09:30):
losing my grip a little moreevery day and um and so well, I
adjusted my meds so like it'sgood, yeah, when, and like I had
before, I had adjusted them tolike not be taking one of the
ones that I'm taking now becauseI was feeling better.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
But turns out I was feeling better because I was on
that med.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
That med is really tricky because it slows your
metabolism down.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I'm already having issues with all of that
realm of things.
So it's like a deep burden.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
No, because I take it too and I've done the same
thing.
I started weaning off of it.
Yeah, no, because I take it tooand I've done the same thing.
I started weaning off of itbasically and because I'm
dealing with all these hormonesand menopause stuff and it's
frustrating me and so I'm like Idon't need my metabolism to be
stopped, when that already is anissue with menopause, and I was
(10:26):
doing all right.
But then I'm like, oh, no, nope, nope, so then I have to go
start again.
And then now I'm back to likestill trying to wean off a
little bit, but I can tell adifference.
I mean, I felt good, but I'llgive my catch up in a second.
When I was on my trip, whichI'll share about in a minute.
Give my catch up in a secondwhen I was on my trip, which
(10:47):
I'll share about in a minute.
But, um, but when I came home Iwas like, which makes me think
that some of that isn't justchemical, it's situational for
sure, a hundred percent yesbecause when I was, um, in my
peaceful bubble, I I wasn't sad.
I mean, there were times that Iwas even still a little bit
lonely, because you take yourfeelings with you no matter
(11:09):
where you are, even when youthink that you can escape them.
You can't.
But it was definitely athousand times easier to deal
with.
But also, at the same time,real life was not occurring for
me Like I you know I was.
I didn't have to worry aboutpaying my bills and like all the
(11:31):
stuff, because you know my, youknow it was a very generous
gift and so it was it's you knowwhat I mean Like not real life.
Things were not troubling me.
So if everything was, waswonderful, then I'd probably be
able to manage it a lot better.
Yeah, but um, it is.
It isn't all wonderful, it's,um, it's a lot.
(11:53):
So I think.
So, back to the like, it'simportant to make sure that you
have all things in place so thatyou yeah and and also know that
you may not always get itsolved.
Like it all, it might be anongoing thing in life where you
have to address different thingsyeah, I think that sometimes is
(12:15):
like there's some mourning inthat.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
For sure because it's like I think part of me, like
when I was weaning off of themedication because I was still
taking, like I'm taking, othermedications.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
This was one of yeah, yeah me too.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And like part of me was like oh okay, like I won't
have to be on another medication, and I think, like, like as
much as like I know we havetalked about on here, like how
like medication is important forsome people and like that there
shouldn't be a stigma on it.
(12:55):
But I do also think, like likewe want our bodies to be able to
like function well withoutassistance sometimes, and it's
like it feels like disappointingwhen you have to come to the
idea of like well, like you'regonna need assistance.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, and like, yeah, because it's not really just
the truth of life?
Yeah, it's not doing what youwant it to do or what it's
supposed to do.
Or there's some, because forsome people, you know,
depression can be situationaland it can be just a period of
time, and then you need it canbe seasonal too.
You need some help, and thenit's just for whatever bit of
(13:40):
time in your life and then yougo along.
Bit of time in your life andthen you go along.
But for others you me includedit isn't.
It can be situational, butthere's more going on.
There's a like for me it's alow serotonin level, that is, my
brain doesn't make enough.
That's.
There's nothing I can do aboutthat.
(14:01):
I can't be like make moreserotonin to my brain.
It just it's not going to, youknow, and I can do things like
exercise and eat well and liketake care of myself.
That helps support it.
But but it's still the fact.
This is the fact.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
So yeah, and like that, on top of finding out I
have PCOS and I'm inpre-diabetes is like a lot of
information and a lot of thingsto be like.
Oh well, your body is also notdoing this and it's also not
doing this either, and nowyou're gonna have to be on more
(14:41):
medications, or, um, you goingto have to go to more doctor's
appointments, or so.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
PCOS for people that don't know, is polycystic ovary
syndrome.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
So you've got some health things on the up ahead
that, but again, you have a goodsupport system, yeah, yeah,
which is crucial, for sure, andit's a and to like find out now
not, yeah, in the middle oftrying to have a baby and um and
(15:19):
all the and later and actuallyhave diabetes or um is thank
goodness.
But one of the things is is isthat you have to advocate.
I've been telling my friendthis you have to advocate for
yourself on a regular basis,yeah, and sometimes you have to
find the right people.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
That's so hard.
Yeah, it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's so hard you have to hear the right message or
you have to be open to like huh,maybe this isn't normal, maybe
this is different than maybe mymom does know what she's talking
about.
I'm just kidding, it's justknowing that I, you, and then
(16:05):
finding those people that willthat know what they're doing,
because so many people don't ornot getting the answers.
I mean, even for myself rightnow, I too had had like the
worst UTI I've ever had, um,which is a urinary tract
infection.
Um, oh my, just awful and it's.
(16:27):
And so I've been having thisissue for like weeks now,
because then it went intoanother one and then I don't
know what's going on.
I can't get my doctor to call meback, and so if I just went
along with, if I just acceptedthat, like most people do, then
I wouldn't have get anappointment.
(16:49):
So now I've got to go to aspecialist, which, a
gynecologist, is a specialist,but another specialist where I
have to pay out of pocket,because they're the only ones
that are paying attention andanswering me and that's
frustrating.
So it's like the system is justjust like in the education
(17:12):
system.
The medical system is just asmessed up and the things that
they have to do, and they haveto try this first and do this or
whatever.
It's just, when you standardizesomething, you can't
differentiate for people, andand so when we did, when our
goal is constantly standardized,standardized, standardized,
that means everybody gets thesame thing, but everybody
(17:32):
doesn't need the same thing.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
It's equality over equity.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, and it's frustrating, it's really
frustrating.
So I am yeah, I'm reallyannoyed myself right now about
that, but it is finding theright people, and I was just
kidding about listening to me.
I think life, you know, we cometo different things at
different parts in our lifebecause of our experiences, and
(18:00):
sometimes we definitely fightthings as well because of our
experiences, and so it's hard to.
It's just like anything else.
You have to hear things at theright time in the right way,
maybe repeatedly sometimes.
So I think as long as you aretaking and you are you're taking
(18:21):
you're like, okay, here we go.
And I mean that's not fun, it'shard.
Any kind of medical health,women's health stuff is.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
For sure.
Yeah, it is definitely a lot,and it's also like it's not um,
there's just like a lot of shitthat comes with it.
There's a lot of emotion thatcomes with it.
There's a lot of like, a lot ofadvocating for yourself, like a
lot of like having to do yourown research, having yeah, and
when you're depressed you don'tfeel like doing it yeah, you're
(18:56):
like work.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It is a lot of work somebody else went to school for
that and paid lots of money andput themselves in debt to be
able to do that and then they'renot able to.
Yeah, I'm not able to,basically like, unless you're
paying an arm and a leg andselling your soul.
So it's, yeah, it's difficultand frustrating and exhausting.
(19:19):
When you're already exhaustedand then you're getting into a
situation that's also exhausting, it's like I'm tired of being
tired, of being tired, yeah yeah, the tired is like so many
layers down that you don't evenknow what to fix first.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It's like when you move and you don't know where to
unpack first or where to start.
It's.
It's a lot, so that's a um,it's a big update yeah how are
you?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
how was your?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
My trip was really great.
Where did you go?
Tell us where you went.
I went to Ireland, london andParis.
We had to go to Newark and thenNewark to Shannon.
That was a direct flight,getting out of Tampa and out of
Newark or whatever.
(20:11):
That was a big pain.
Newark was a mess and it waslike constant delay after delay,
after delay and we ended upbeing like they were flying one
flight out and they took us offthe flight we were supposed to
be on and put us on the lastflight and we had like crappy
seats and very uncomfortable andbut you know what, we made it.
(20:34):
So I was like in the end wemade it.
And then the flight from Newarkto Shannon was, I guess, like
six and a half hours and I justslept the whole, almost the
whole time.
So that was great and the mostcomfortable.
That was awesome and then thatwas so good.
And then so we went.
(20:54):
The first we had to drive toGalway, which was like a little
like a little city in the um,like it's not North, it's not
Northern Ireland, ireland, it'sstill on the West coast, but
it's a little bit, a little bitcloser to in the northern
direction.
And then so that was fun.
And we saw the Cliffs of Moher,which were beautiful, and I
(21:20):
went to the Aran Islands androde a bike, like rode a bike
all around the island for hoursand then saw the Cliffs of Moher
from the bottom and that wasreally cool.
And then drank a Guinness in apub with an Irishman who was
like generations of Irishman andhe was great and that was fun
(21:43):
and that was just a lot of fun.
Steve and Nanny, they likedthat.
I think they liked Steve likedGalway the best.
I actually liked Killarney thebest, because then we got in the
car and we drove to Killarney,which is down more and still in
the West, and it was just sobeautiful I stayed in called the
(22:03):
Lake House Hotel, which waslike owned from generations of
people that owned the hotel, soit was like a family-owned hotel
and you could tell, and it wasstunning like the mountains and
the lake and it was justabsolutely beautiful.
They shared property with theKillarney National Forest or
National Park and that wasunbelievable.
(22:25):
And then I hiked the Gap ofDunloe and that was really cool.
And we went to Dingle and drovethe Ring of Dingle and that was
breathtaking and alsoterrifying.
I drove on the left side of thestreet and I did a good job and
Steve was so nervous but I waslike he hit a sign.
But I did not hit a sign, hehit a sign.
(22:47):
So at one point I stopped inthe road as far over to the left
as I could to let other cars go, because there was no way we
were going to go together.
It was so skinny, so narrow, itwas crazy, and so it was, but
it was just.
I didn't want to leave, like thepeople were just the best and
it was beautiful and I didn'twant to leave.
(23:08):
I felt so, so at peace andexcuse me.
And then we flew to London andwe were in London for several
days and we went and visited thehouse where, where I was little
, like not the longest, I meanlike I was like three months or
(23:29):
something like that, or 11months when we moved there and I
left when I was like almostfive and Dex was born there and
it was a little.
It took us forever to get there.
I thought I was going to goinsane.
And we were there for like,okay, here's the house, all
right, let's get back in the carfor three hours.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so we did go to like drive for six hours to be
somewhere for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
It's like it wasn't the same.
We did eat it, like eat at apub, which was very slow, like
everybody in europe goes attheir own pace, oh yeah, and
they're not rushing around likewe are in america.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
They're so much more like honestly most countries are
like that yeah like, like, itwas like that in Peru.
They were on Peruvian time,like there was no timeline,
everything was slow.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
It was slow.
I was fine with it because we'dbeen driving for so long, but
then we had reservations atnight to see, or we were eating,
and then we were seeing on theDevil Wears Prada, which was so
good, it was so good, so it wasa lot in one day.
Like I was very tired, I almostdecided I'm going to go back to
(24:40):
the hotel.
I don't want to go to the playbecause I'm so tired.
But I'm so glad that I didn'tdo that because it was excellent
.
And then the next day Ibasically just like walked all
around London and I spent likehours just walking around and
that was fun.
And then we saw Matilda, whichwas very cute, but we had to
(25:03):
leave really early the next day,so we left at intermission,
which I was like oh, we were sorude, but it was.
I was like I'm tired.
So we left and then we got on atrain, which was really cool.
It's like it travels at likesome crazy over 100 miles per
hour, but you can't really tell.
You're just like sitting there.
And then we ate on the train.
(25:25):
And then we got to Paris andthen, like I of course I'm like
I want to walk around and wewent on a river thing down the
scene and I saw the Eiffel Towerand then I just put stuff in my
GPS and just walked all overthe place again because I'm like
(25:46):
I just need to be constantlymoving because I already do so
much sitting and I bought somechildren's books in French and I
bought some books in Londonkids' books in London and I was
just that was so cool and yeah,and I just spent some good time
with Nanny and Steve and I wasjust so thankful for that
(26:08):
experience because it was justvery and I had a special moment
with Steve and it was just, itwas a nice, it was a nice time,
it was just really.
Yeah, I was like, oh man, wecame back and then it was like
slam right into reality, yeah,Normally how it goes.
(26:31):
Yeah, but it was good.
I tried to stay in in my bubblefor a little while, but that
didn't didn't last very long,it's hard to do when you get
back, because it's like lifejust lives yeah, I was very
happy to see kobe, though it was, um, like, like I almost jumped
(26:52):
on top of him.
I was just, I think I was moreexcited to see him than he was
to see me, because it just hadbeen so long.
I haven't, like slept withouthim for that many days, so it
was that was crazy.
And then it's so hot, so hothere and it was so beautiful
there.
So hot, so hot here and it wasso beautiful there, um, I mean,
(27:18):
it got warm in London, I mean inParis, but it was nothing like
this.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
This is brutal and the thing I think, the thing
that, like people don'tunderstand about Florida is like
they're like, oh well, it's noteven like, sometimes it's not
even in the hundreds, but likethe humidity, with it being in
like the high 90s and recentlyit did get in the hundreds, is
like it feels like you can'tbreathe like oh yeah, it feels
(27:41):
like you're in a sauna brutaland people don't know until they
come.
Because, like, I even had toldthis to teresa before and she,
when she was in miami last yearI don't know, it was like maybe
a year ago she was in miami andI think it was august and she
was like, oh my god, like it'sso hot, and I was like I told
you, like I told you it was hot,and she was like well, like I'm
(28:02):
used to arizona heat, so like Ithought different, it wouldn't
be dry heat is yeah, and I waslike dry heat is not the same as
Florida humidity heat, becauseit's so much worse Like I would
rather it be dry and hot thanwet and hot.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, one of the things I didn't mention was
actually my favorite thing.
Besides the, there was a lotthat was my favorite.
Ireland in Killarney weredefinitely my favorite, but the
hotel had a separate pool thatthere was no kids.
You couldn't have any kids atthe pool and you had to pay and
(28:42):
you had to book a time and I waslike what?
And so I think it was the daythat I hiked.
It was it was the day that Ihiked in the forest and went to
the Torque waterfall.
So I walked for over threehours and my hip hurt.
So I came back and I did yogaand then I saw no one was in the
pool, no one was in the hot tub.
So I went to the desk and I'mlike, how does this work again?
(29:14):
And she's like she actually letme, ended up letting me go at
that time.
And then she's like youbasically gave me extra time
because you only have an hourand a half and it's 20 euros,
and I was like, okay, so I didit.
It was worth every cent,because first I got in the hot
tub and I floated in the hot tuband it was just glorious and
then I got in the pool, whichwas an infinity pool with the
mountains and the lake.
So it was so stunt, I'mactually cried.
(29:35):
I had like emotional, anemotional experience in the pool
and and it was kind of rainingand so it was just like, and it
was just, the temperature wasbeautiful and also the pool is
warm and and it was just oh gosh, it was so great.
And then I got out and I got ina sauna.
I got in the Himalayan saltsauna and I was like, oh gosh,
this is Florida, Let me get outof here.
(29:56):
So I didn't make it very longin that.
And then they had the showerexperience, which at first I was
like what, who needs a showerexperience?
There was three differentshowers and then you got in each
one and it had three to fivedifferent settings.
So like I clicked the firstthing and one of them was, like
(30:16):
you know, Himalayan mist, and itwas like you know, like being
in a rainforest, and you're like, oh, this is nice.
And then one of them was aglacial ice, whatever, and it
was like being in a cold plunge.
It was it literally.
I was like like I couldn'tbreathe.
It took my breath away, it wasso cold and I tried to like stay
in there as long as possible.
And then I was like.
Himalayan mist.
(30:37):
Himalayan mist.
It was so cold and they justhad all these different I don't
even know how to describe it.
Those are the two I rememberthe most, but it felt so good,
it was like.
It really was like anexperience.
And then I got out and they hadthis what is it called
Meditation room, and it wasagain looking out at the
mountains and the lake andpeople were just.
(30:58):
Some people were reading and Ijust sat and I prayed and I
thought and I it was.
That was the best, that wasdefinitely the best.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
So nice.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, it was, it was nice.
So that was really, that wasreally, that was really great.
I loved that.
Um, yeah, so, but now here weare, back in the, here we are,
we're at the beginning of umschool for a lot of teachers and
, yeah, just crazy like I meanit's august're in August yeah,
(31:33):
it's August.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I feel like July was so fast.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I know July did go by fast.
And now here I mean Jackson andJackson's 21 tomorrow.
Like that's crazy that is crazy, it's time.
Time goes so fast.
I guess it won't be August 1stwhen this comes out.
It won't be whatever Monday is.
(31:59):
Yeah, yeah.
So that's a catch up.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
That is a catch up.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I left out some of my rough parts.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
You didn't say really how you were.
You just told us about yourtrip yeah, I'm all right.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I have had a um upsetting thing go on with with
my son and so that's been hard,it's been super hard, it's
weighed on me and um, it's beenreally, yeah, really difficult.
I think it's really difficultwhen you I don't know, when you
(32:41):
just love someone so much andyou feel like you give, give,
give and you try to do your best, even though you know you've, I
know I've messed up a milliontimes and I've let you guys down
in so many ways, down in somany ways.
(33:05):
But I think you would bothagree that I've at least tried.
And Jackson and I have been in asimilar situation to where we
are right now, when he was likearound 14, 15 years old and he
totally shut me out of his lifefor like nine months, and after
he came home to me and I waslike willing and unconditionally
(33:27):
loving and accepting, we talkeda lot about that and I told him
how hurtful that was that and Itold him how hurtful that was.
Like one of the worst things Ithink someone can do to me is
kind of shut me out, likeabandon me again.
Like I've already been, I'vealready already deal with
(33:49):
abandonment issues and that isvery hard for me and you know,
and even when not with you, Iremember one time we got into an
argument and you're like I'mnot leaving, I'm here, I'll talk
to you, whatever you said, andI was like okay.
So it like allowed me to knowthat, even though you were mad,
(34:10):
like you were just taking spaceto like regroup and to think
because you were hurt, but youdidn't need to hurt me too.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah.
In the meantime and yeah likethere was communication about
what was going on and it wasalso yeah, I remember Cause like
I also like know, like I knowhow you are, like I know, I know
you, so I'm like well, I'm notgoing to just be like Like I
know you, so I'm like I'm notgoing to just be like he, he, he
, like I'm not going to respond.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
I'm going to leave her.
Yeah, and he left me in themiddle of the night, so I mean
he knew exactly what he wasdoing.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And, like, my intention in that situation was
not ever to hurt you, it wasjust to figure out a time to
communicate where I was readyand you were ready.
We both needed the time.
It was helpful.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
It was very helpful.
It ultimately was very helpful,but anyway.
So he and I have talked abouthe knows this about me, and so
to to do it again.
However, many years later,after we've been through so much
, so many conversations, so manyreally smart, emotional,
(35:24):
intelligent things that he hassaid and what we've talked about
, that we've worked through, andthen I just feel like I'm I,
this is a different person, likethis feels it's not a different
person because there's beenevidence of some of his behavior
towards you all along.
I guess it's maybe the firsttime I have seen it so glaringly
(35:50):
.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yeah, and also that it's an active choice, yes,
choice yes, because like yes, Ithink, like um, it's easy to pin
, like some of the behaviorsbetween him and I when we were
younger, on like him being youngyeah and like not knowing
better.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Which like is not necessarily true like no, it's
not necessarily true, but you'reright, regardless it's.
And also there was a lot ofguilt.
I had a lot of guilt, feelinglike I didn't want I, I knew, he
knew that I that I picked youin so many situations and and so
, and I was talking to my friendcarol about that today and
(36:32):
she's like, and rightfully so,and I'm like you, right, but I
never put that part in.
I just stopped it at that, likeyou picked one child over
another.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Because that was used as a weapon against you, which
is the same exact thing that daddid to me Whenever I decided
not to live with him.
It was just you decided toleave me and not live with me
Instead of yeah, rightfully.
So, Like you didn't deserve forme to live there when you
(37:09):
created an unsafe environmentfor me.
So like, sometimes there arethings where, when somebody's
saying the truth and it's a hardtruth like you have to also be
like okay, but that's true for areason.
Yeah, like it's not.
You're not, you're just sayingthat in a way where it doesn't
paint the whole story.
You're making yourself soundlike you have no accountability.
(37:34):
And because when he used to say, well, you're the one that
decided that I didn't want todecide to not live with my dad,
yeah, I, that was the last thingI wanted to choose when I was
14.
Yeah, so like me decidingquote-unquote, deciding that was
not, that was not somethingthat was just on me.
(37:57):
Like it's when somebody putsthat out there, like they're not
taking accountability for theirside Of why that is happening.
So in this case, jackson usedto say Like, oh, you always pick
Emily.
You always pick Emily Becauseyou're mean to people.
When you're mean to people,they don't want to do things
with you.
(38:17):
They don't want to talk thingswith you.
They don't want to to talk toyou about things.
When you insult people or putthem down, that's that doesn't
know what.
That nobody is going to pickthat, yeah.
So it's like not takingaccountability for the part that
they have in it and thenputting it all on you and then
(38:40):
and then, because you and I areempathetic people, we're like oh
yeah, I did decide that, or Idid do that.
Yeah, you did, but there was areason for that, and the
accountability is not, is notbeing taken from the person that
puts you in a position to haveto make it a safer choice for
(39:01):
yourself.
Ultimately, what they should besaying is you made a healthy
decision.
Fuck you, yeah.
And that I mean.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
That's what narcissistic people no, and
manipulate, manipulate,manipulation.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
It's actually textbook manipulation, yep,
which is insane yeah, and thatalways used to make me so mad.
I would get so angry because hewould wash jackson's brain with
.
Emily chose this, like shechose not to be with you, and
this and that um and same, yeah,and I chose to leave yeah, it
(39:38):
always felt like I didn't choosethis.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
I didn't yeah because yeah, when, while I'm listening
to you, my heart feels sad likeI'm, because I it it's
upsetting to think about youfeeling like you had to make
that choice at that age.
Yeah, um, choice at that age,that's sad and I'm also relating
(40:05):
because I'm like I didn't wantto be divorced, I wanted to be
married.
So I felt like I had to makethat choice for everyone's sake,
and it wasn't easy at all.
There was nothing easy about it.
So it's yeah, it is really justa total denial of your
(40:27):
accountability in the situation,and so you're right, because it
feels like an active choice.
I can't dismiss it as childish,whatever, or immaturity, or
because they've been hurt ordealt with trauma.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
This is who you're choosing to be right now.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, this is who you .
Yes, you are now 20, are goingto be a 21 year old man, and
this is who you have chosen tobe.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
And with.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
When another person says, well, they were just
disrespectful, I'm like, no, itwasn't just disrespect, it was
emotional abuse and that isunacceptable.
And because I have been so far,I can't accept it from anyone,
even my own child.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
But you shouldn't.
There's no.
You can't accept it.
You shouldn't accept it fromanyone.
No one should accept emotionalabuse from anyone, no matter who
it is.
I don't care about that wholefamily.
Blood bullshit, it doesn'tmatter.
Whoever is being abusive in anyform emotional like mental,
(41:34):
physical they don't deserve yourenergy, your time or your
presence.
There's no, but they'll makeyou think that you do.
Yeah, and that's where likeit's hard, because the part of
you that wants to be there feelslike I need to.
(41:55):
I need to be there.
I'm the mom or I'm the daughter.
I still want to be around mydad, it doesn't matter.
He didn't deserve that and he'snot acting deserving of that
space.
Now, when somebody is coming inand taking a sledgehammer to
the safety, then you leave, andthat's not running away away,
(42:19):
it's making an active, healthychoice.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
That is really, really hard yeah, that was a
really good way of explaining ittaking a sledgehammer to your
safety or your peace yeah,because you can't rip the
sledgehammer from their hands.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
No, because that's even more unsafe.
Like then you're walking forsomebody with a weapon, yeah.
So instead you have to make achoice to be like am I gonna
keep picking up these thingsthat keep breaking, or am I
gonna walk away and hope thatone day they decide to put down
the sledgehammer and walk incalmly?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, sucks, because it's like completely out of your
control.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yeah, for sure.
And I started going tocounseling again at your request
, which was good, which was yousetting a good, firm boundary,
and that was hard, but it wasnecessary.
And one I just forgot my wholepoint.
(43:32):
Yeah, I forgot what I?
I don't know what I was saying.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
That you started going to counseling?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
yeah, but right before that, what was I saying?
Um?
Speaker 1 (43:48):
I mean, we're talking about being in an unsafe space
and making the choice to leaveand Making the choice to leave.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
And yeah, I don't know, I left.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
It's gone.
Yeah, I don't know.
Either way, it's, it's a hard.
It's a hard, it's been a hardroad.
(44:24):
Yeah, so having a break from itand like was nice, yeah, it was
, it was really nice I thinkthat's needed sometimes, like
yeah sometimes we just need todisconnect and like be away from
the reality of things honestly.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
That's be away from the reality of things honestly.
That's one of the things thatsounds like funny overall, like
our.
One of the things I'm lookingforward to most about our
wedding is that after thewedding, we have booked like a
hotel like we're staying in,like this nice hotel, um, like
from the day, like the night ofour wedding until like five days
(45:00):
after, and it's like a resortand spa.
And I told jake I was like Iknow we have friends and family
coming from out of town.
I don't want to see a singleperson during that.
I'm like I don't care if theysay that they're here for this
or that, don't care, comeearlier.
(45:21):
I'm not.
I'm not spending time withanyone, but my new husband at
that point and myself and we'regoing to be in a bubble of just
being married and being awayfrom everybody and all the chaos
and all the year-long planningthat we just did, and I was like
(45:41):
I want it to be like peacefuland literally to just be in a
bubble for just those five days.
I'm like.
I'm not asking for much.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah, I think that's understandable and, honestly,
when we were overseas I saidthat to, I think, to Nanny,
nanny and I talked about this Isaid I like I could have seen
you guys going to Paris, likegetting married in Paris, and
then just having a trip andprobably spending less money and
(46:15):
it being being a hundredpercent less of a stressful
thing, because I could, just Icould totally see you, um,
enjoying it like I could see youlike really loving it yeah yeah
definitely been personallyduring this whole process.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
It's like how much do I want a wedding?
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Yeah, I mean, that's understandable, it's a
apparently that's also a commonfeeling.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
So I'm not.
We are, we're having a wedding,we've, we've committed we're.
We're this far in like yeah, Igotta keep going.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Great, Like I'm excited whatever.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
But I was talking to one of my friends who, um got
married recently and she waslike there were multiple times
where we almost called the wholething off and like we're like
we're going to the courthouseand just going on a trip and I'm
like, oh yeah, I understand whyyou would feel like that yeah,
me too, me too, for sure.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
And the afterwards.
I mean I remember when webecause the night of our wedding
did we?
Yeah, no, we stayed at thehotel where the reception was.
But then the next day we camehome, got our stuff and then got
in the car and drove to NewOrleans.
We went to Biloxi, mississippifirst.
(47:34):
But I remember climbing in thecar and being like don't talk to
me Like I just wanted to go tosleep Because I had had pink eye
and I had taken too manysteroids and so I was exhausted.
And you know it was my firstyear teaching and I got married.
I know it couldn't have beenmore insane and I was just
exhausted.
(47:54):
So I know what you mean.
I mean I was fine by the timewe got to New Orleans and
Mississippi, but I was not, Iwas not fine at the beginning.
So I understand.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Yeah, I know our wedding planner.
She was like when I got married, like I slept for like a whole
24 hours the day after and I waslike, yeah, that's pretty much
the plan.
It's exhausting the plan.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
It's exhausting.
Well, it's gonna be.
It's gonna be great though yepall right, I think this was a
good catch-up episode and we canend here.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Yeah sounds good to me.
Daisy, this is a gross littleending ending, but it's a little
bit lighter.
Um, my cat Tebow, um threw upon the carpet and I got home in
a rush like I had.
I had an appointment beforethis and we were supposed to
(48:50):
film at one and whatever it's.
We started at 1, 30 and um, andso I was like I'm just gonna
have to put like a bowl over thethrow up so that I can clean it
after, because daisy will eatit.
And I've been sitting here thiswhole time right next to it and
(49:11):
daisy is seriously sitting likeeyeing this bowl with her paws
like right in front of her face.
Yeah, eyes are like she's likelocked in on this bowl and I'm
like you are so disgusting, oh,so gross waiting for me to like
(49:31):
make a misstep and accidentallymove this bowl over.
She's literally sitting by myfeet, which is near where the
bowl is, and I'm like disgusting, so we will on that note gross.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
That is so, so gross.
Yeah, it's really gross.
I don't think my dog is thatgross I don't think you know,
because he has puked before andhe's never eaten it.
He's never gone back and eatenit.
Yeah, daisy has, and it was hiswhole full food like and some
(50:05):
saliva yeah, daisy's nastyshe'll, she will literally eat
anything yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, well, all right, that's agreat way to end.
See you next time bye.
Yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, well, all right, that's agreat way to end.
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Bye.
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi, hi, welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome, welcome.
So that was a big sigh Me I'mall right.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I mean, I guess I'm yeah, I would like to discuss
how, whenever somebody asks likehow you are, like I have been
so over, like I'm like literallylately I've been answering with
do you want like the honestanswer or do you like are we
just doing like a little bit ofsmall talk?
(01:18):
Because I honestly hate thatquestion, because sometimes when
people say like how are you?
I'm like I'm not great, but Iknow that's not why you're
asking me.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah.
So I think that's yeah, wheneverI ask somebody that I do want
to know, like the actual, likehow they feel, me too, but don't
you think it kind of depends onif you're like in a rush,
you're like like rushing by orno, for sure I think.
Yeah, I mean like if I see aneighbor going around the corner
(01:54):
and I'm trying to walk the dogand I'm like how you doing If
they break into like a long,well, you know what?
No, no, I think that would beall right.
I that has happened recently,which is the reason I feel like
people need to.
Then, yeah, this person reallyneeded to talk, and so we did.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
We sat I'll sit on the corner and talked so I get
kind of like I don't know, likefed up with people asking me how
I am, when they don't reallywant to know the answer yeah,
because sometimes I'm not goingto say that I'm just good
because I'm not.
Yeah, why?
Not why am I not good or why doI get?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
fed.
Why are you not?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
good, I don't know.
Everything's just been a lotlately.
Life feels like a lot.
I've been sick multiple timesover and over.
Then I had a UTI and then I hadan infection, um, and that was
literally like back to back toback.
Like I got back from Peru, Iwas sick for like two weeks and
(02:57):
then I was fine for like a weekor so and then Jake got sick and
then I got sick, then I, then I, after that I had a uti and
then, following the uti, I had ayeast infection from the
antibiotics that I was taking,from being sick.
Yeah, um, so like, health-wise,I'm exhausted.
Um, planning a wedding is a lotof time and thoughts and
(03:25):
decisions and money.
It's a lot of money and yeah, Ifeel a little bit like in, like
an in-between like with where Iam like business-wise.
An in-between like with where Iam like business-wise because,
(03:50):
like I like right now, like formy, for Emily, renee and Co,
like I'm doing like work that islike not my favorite, like on
all ends for not just onespecific thing, like I don't
like I'm doing VA work orwebsite work or social media um,
and that's like it's fine, likeI know that like you don't love
(04:14):
it.
It's not your yeah, it's not, itdoesn't light me up yeah and,
but I need it in order to likebe paying the bills.
Um, but I really am excitedabout a business idea that I
have for something in the future, but that's gonna take a lot of
time, um to like get to theactual like end point.
(04:39):
So, like, I'm in the verybeginning phases of creating
like a business, and part ofthat is learning, and so I have
a part time job currently whichI really like.
Like I'm really happy andexcited to be doing it, but I
(05:00):
like want to like go to that joband then come home and then
think about the things that I'mdreaming?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
yeah, not get to work on your VA stuff?
Yeah, so does the job have todo with the business idea?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
yeah, mm-hmm.
Yeah, like I'm learning, I'mlearning how, what part?
I don't know if I want to likesay it because like, okay, I
don't know, I don't know how, Idon't know, I've only told a few
people so far but, um,basically it has to do with the
floral industry.
(05:34):
Um, and then some do I know itbecause I feel I thought you
told me it in the past, butmaybe it's changed no, yeah, I
think you know it okay, okayyeah, um and that's all that
matters just kidding um, so I'mworking at a flower shop right
now and it's like nine to noon,sometimes nine to one, um, and
(05:55):
we'll be more like during theholidays and stuff, but um which
is so cool.
And.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I told you that your grandmother, your grandma on
your dad's side, would be sohappy.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I told that to Nanny and she was like oh, yeah, yeah,
Honestly, when you said that,like it made me, like it felt,
like it had more meaning, like Idon't know much about her
because she passed away longbefore I was even born yep, um
so, but like I'm like, oh, likeI like that um but very sweet
(06:36):
letters from her.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I should um share them with you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I'd like to see that, um, but yeah, so I'm working on
a flower shop and I really lovethat, and then I come home and
then I'm like I'm tired becauseI'm waking up early, which right
now I know that won't be likethat forever yeah.
I'm definitely like gettinginto a new schedule of like
waking up at the time that I'mwaking up, like I'm not waking
(07:00):
up like at the ass crack of dawn, like I'm waking up at like 7
am so like it's really not thatbad and but then, like I also
want to go to Pilates and I alsolike want to plan the things of
like my future business.
But then I'm like, well, I haveto do this stuff, yeah, that's
like also making me money andit's just like it's hard because
(07:25):
it's like I dread some of it,yeah, which like I don't want to
do, like, but then at the sametime, like I know I, you have to
, you pay your dues, you pavethe way, like that's how it goes
, but sometimes I'm like, man, Idon't want to do that.
Yeah, that's, that's that'sobvious, yeah, and that's not.
(07:50):
It's not fair to like myclients, it's not.
But it's also some of it isn'tjust the fact that I don't want
to do the work, it's like that.
I felt depressed lately, likeI'm like in a season of like
really trying to figure out mymental health and that's
frustrating.
(08:10):
Like I feel frustrated atmyself and then I'm like
frustrated at being frustratedat myself.
Um, so it like some of the likedread of work is simply because
I like it's hard for me to justlike brush my teeth or like
exist.
So like thinking about doingsomething where I have to use
(08:32):
brain power, like feels like, ohmy God, because like I can
barely muster up the energy tobe able to get dressed and wash
my face and whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So, yeah, that's a breakdown of all the things
that's a lot and it's um, but Ithink it's it's good that you
are addressing it and that youyou and we've talked about this
before having a support systemand making sure that you have
all those things in place,especially when you feel like,
(09:09):
when, with depression, likeslipping back into depression,
is it?
sometimes it's like a drasticfeeling and sometimes it's a
slow uh-oh, like I feel, likeI'm oh, like I feel like I'm
(09:30):
losing my grip a little moreevery day and um and so well, I
adjusted my meds so like it'sgood, yeah, when, and like I had
before, I had adjusted them tolike not be taking one of the
ones that I'm taking now becauseI was feeling better.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
But turns out I was feeling better because I was on
that med.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
That med is really tricky because it slows your
metabolism down.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I'm already having issues with all of that
realm of things.
So it's like a deep burden.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
No, because I take it too and I've done the same
thing.
I started weaning off of it.
Yeah, no, because I take it tooand I've done the same thing.
I started weaning off of itbasically and because I'm
dealing with all these hormonesand menopause stuff and it's
frustrating me and so I'm like Idon't need my metabolism to be
stopped, when that already is anissue with menopause, and I was
(10:26):
doing all right.
But then I'm like, oh, no, nope, nope, so then I have to go
start again.
And then now I'm back to likestill trying to wean off a
little bit, but I can tell adifference.
I mean, I felt good, but I'llgive my catch up in a second.
When I was on my trip, whichI'll share about in a minute.
Give my catch up in a secondwhen I was on my trip, which
(10:47):
I'll share about in a minute.
But, um, but when I came home Iwas like, which makes me think
that some of that isn't justchemical, it's situational for
sure, a hundred percent yesbecause when I was, um, in my
peaceful bubble, I I wasn't sad.
I mean, there were times that Iwas even still a little bit
lonely, because you take yourfeelings with you no matter
(11:09):
where you are, even when youthink that you can escape them.
You can't.
But it was definitely athousand times easier to deal
with.
But also, at the same time,real life was not occurring for
me Like I you know I was.
I didn't have to worry aboutpaying my bills and like all the
(11:31):
stuff, because you know my, youknow it was a very generous
gift and so it was it's you knowwhat I mean Like not real life.
Things were not troubling me.
So if everything was, waswonderful, then I'd probably be
able to manage it a lot better.
Yeah, but um, it is.
It isn't all wonderful, it's,um, it's a lot.
(11:53):
So I think.
So, back to the like, it'simportant to make sure that you
have all things in place so thatyou yeah and and also know that
you may not always get itsolved.
Like it all, it might be anongoing thing in life where you
have to address different thingsyeah, I think that sometimes is
(12:15):
like there's some mourning inthat.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
For sure because it's like I think part of me, like
when I was weaning off of themedication because I was still
taking, like I'm taking, othermedications.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
This was one of yeah, yeah me too.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And like part of me was like oh okay, like I won't
have to be on another medication, and I think, like, like as
much as like I know we havetalked about on here, like how
like medication is important forsome people and like that there
shouldn't be a stigma on it.
(12:55):
But I do also think, like likewe want our bodies to be able to
like function well withoutassistance sometimes, and it's
like it feels like disappointingwhen you have to come to the
idea of like well, like you'regonna need assistance.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, and like, yeah, because it's not really just
the truth of life?
Yeah, it's not doing what youwant it to do or what it's
supposed to do.
Or there's some, because forsome people, you know,
depression can be situationaland it can be just a period of
time, and then you need it canbe seasonal too.
You need some help, and thenit's just for whatever bit of
(13:40):
time in your life and then yougo along.
Bit of time in your life andthen you go along.
But for others you me includedit isn't.
It can be situational, butthere's more going on.
There's a like for me it's alow serotonin level, that is, my
brain doesn't make enough.
That's.
There's nothing I can do aboutthat.
(14:01):
I can't be like make moreserotonin to my brain.
It just it's not going to, youknow, and I can do things like
exercise and eat well and liketake care of myself.
That helps support it.
But but it's still the fact.
This is the fact.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
So yeah, and like that, on top of finding out I
have PCOS and I'm inpre-diabetes is like a lot of
information and a lot of thingsto be like.
Oh well, your body is also notdoing this and it's also not
doing this either, and nowyou're gonna have to be on more
(14:41):
medications, or, um, you goingto have to go to more doctor's
appointments, or so.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
PCOS for people that don't know, is polycystic ovary
syndrome.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
So you've got some health things on the up ahead
that, but again, you have a goodsupport system, yeah, yeah,
which is crucial, for sure, andit's a and to like find out now
not, yeah, in the middle oftrying to have a baby and um and
(15:19):
all the and later and actuallyhave diabetes or um is thank
goodness.
But one of the things is is isthat you have to advocate.
I've been telling my friendthis you have to advocate for
yourself on a regular basis,yeah, and sometimes you have to
find the right people.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
That's so hard.
Yeah, it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's so hard you have to hear the right message or
you have to be open to like huh,maybe this isn't normal, maybe
this is different than maybe mymom does know what she's talking
about.
I'm just kidding, it's justknowing that I, you, and then
(16:05):
finding those people that willthat know what they're doing,
because so many people don't ornot getting the answers.
I mean, even for myself rightnow, I too had had like the
worst UTI I've ever had, um,which is a urinary tract
infection.
Um, oh my, just awful and it's.
(16:27):
And so I've been having thisissue for like weeks now,
because then it went intoanother one and then I don't
know what's going on.
I can't get my doctor to call meback, and so if I just went
along with, if I just acceptedthat, like most people do, then
I wouldn't have get anappointment.
(16:49):
So now I've got to go to aspecialist, which, a
gynecologist, is a specialist,but another specialist where I
have to pay out of pocket,because they're the only ones
that are paying attention andanswering me and that's
frustrating.
So it's like the system is justjust like in the education
(17:12):
system.
The medical system is just asmessed up and the things that
they have to do, and they haveto try this first and do this or
whatever.
It's just, when you standardizesomething, you can't
differentiate for people, andand so when we did, when our
goal is constantly standardized,standardized, standardized,
that means everybody gets thesame thing, but everybody
(17:32):
doesn't need the same thing.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
It's equality over equity.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, and it's frustrating, it's really
frustrating.
So I am yeah, I'm reallyannoyed myself right now about
that, but it is finding theright people, and I was just
kidding about listening to me.
I think life, you know, we cometo different things at
different parts in our lifebecause of our experiences, and
(18:00):
sometimes we definitely fightthings as well because of our
experiences, and so it's hard to.
It's just like anything else.
You have to hear things at theright time in the right way,
maybe repeatedly sometimes.
So I think as long as you aretaking and you are you're taking
(18:21):
you're like, okay, here we go.
And I mean that's not fun, it'shard.
Any kind of medical health,women's health stuff is.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
For sure.
Yeah, it is definitely a lot,and it's also like it's not um,
there's just like a lot of shitthat comes with it.
There's a lot of emotion thatcomes with it.
There's a lot of like, a lot ofadvocating for yourself, like a
lot of like having to do yourown research, having yeah, and
when you're depressed you don'tfeel like doing it yeah, you're
(18:56):
like work.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It is a lot of work somebody else went to school for
that and paid lots of money andput themselves in debt to be
able to do that and then they'renot able to.
Yeah, I'm not able to,basically like, unless you're
paying an arm and a leg andselling your soul.
So it's, yeah, it's difficultand frustrating and exhausting.
(19:19):
When you're already exhaustedand then you're getting into a
situation that's also exhausting, it's like I'm tired of being
tired, of being tired, yeah yeah, the tired is like so many
layers down that you don't evenknow what to fix first.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It's like when you move and you don't know where to
unpack first or where to start.
It's.
It's a lot, so that's a um,it's a big update yeah how are
you?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
how was your?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
My trip was really great.
Where did you go?
Tell us where you went.
I went to Ireland, london andParis.
We had to go to Newark and thenNewark to Shannon.
That was a direct flight,getting out of Tampa and out of
Newark or whatever.
(20:11):
That was a big pain.
Newark was a mess and it waslike constant delay after delay,
after delay and we ended upbeing like they were flying one
flight out and they took us offthe flight we were supposed to
be on and put us on the lastflight and we had like crappy
seats and very uncomfortable andbut you know what, we made it.
(20:34):
So I was like in the end wemade it.
And then the flight from Newarkto Shannon was, I guess, like
six and a half hours and I justslept the whole, almost the
whole time.
So that was great and the mostcomfortable.
That was awesome and then thatwas so good.
And then so we went.
(20:54):
The first we had to drive toGalway, which was like a little
like a little city in the um,like it's not North, it's not
Northern Ireland, ireland, it'sstill on the West coast, but
it's a little bit, a little bitcloser to in the northern
direction.
And then so that was fun.
And we saw the Cliffs of Moher,which were beautiful, and I
(21:20):
went to the Aran Islands androde a bike, like rode a bike
all around the island for hoursand then saw the Cliffs of Moher
from the bottom and that wasreally cool.
And then drank a Guinness in apub with an Irishman who was
like generations of Irishman andhe was great and that was fun
(21:43):
and that was just a lot of fun.
Steve and Nanny, they likedthat.
I think they liked Steve likedGalway the best.
I actually liked Killarney thebest, because then we got in the
car and we drove to Killarney,which is down more and still in
the West, and it was just sobeautiful I stayed in called the
(22:03):
Lake House Hotel, which waslike owned from generations of
people that owned the hotel, soit was like a family-owned hotel
and you could tell, and it wasstunning like the mountains and
the lake and it was justabsolutely beautiful.
They shared property with theKillarney National Forest or
National Park and that wasunbelievable.
(22:25):
And then I hiked the Gap ofDunloe and that was really cool.
And we went to Dingle and drovethe Ring of Dingle and that was
breathtaking and alsoterrifying.
I drove on the left side of thestreet and I did a good job and
Steve was so nervous but I waslike he hit a sign.
But I did not hit a sign, hehit a sign.
(22:47):
So at one point I stopped inthe road as far over to the left
as I could to let other cars go, because there was no way we
were going to go together.
It was so skinny, so narrow, itwas crazy, and so it was, but
it was just.
I didn't want to leave, like thepeople were just the best and
it was beautiful and I didn'twant to leave.
(23:08):
I felt so, so at peace andexcuse me.
And then we flew to London andwe were in London for several
days and we went and visited thehouse where, where I was little
, like not the longest, I meanlike I was like three months or
(23:29):
something like that, or 11months when we moved there and I
left when I was like almostfive and Dex was born there and
it was a little.
It took us forever to get there.
I thought I was going to goinsane.
And we were there for like,okay, here's the house, all
right, let's get back in the carfor three hours.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so we did go to like drive for six hours to be
somewhere for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
It's like it wasn't the same.
We did eat it, like eat at apub, which was very slow, like
everybody in europe goes attheir own pace, oh yeah, and
they're not rushing around likewe are in america.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
They're so much more like honestly most countries are
like that yeah like, like, itwas like that in Peru.
They were on Peruvian time,like there was no timeline,
everything was slow.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
It was slow.
I was fine with it because we'dbeen driving for so long, but
then we had reservations atnight to see, or we were eating,
and then we were seeing on theDevil Wears Prada, which was so
good, it was so good, so it wasa lot in one day.
Like I was very tired, I almostdecided I'm going to go back to
(24:40):
the hotel.
I don't want to go to the playbecause I'm so tired.
But I'm so glad that I didn'tdo that because it was excellent
.
And then the next day Ibasically just like walked all
around London and I spent likehours just walking around and
that was fun.
And then we saw Matilda, whichwas very cute, but we had to
(25:03):
leave really early the next day,so we left at intermission,
which I was like oh, we were sorude, but it was.
I was like I'm tired.
So we left and then we got on atrain, which was really cool.
It's like it travels at likesome crazy over 100 miles per
hour, but you can't really tell.
You're just like sitting there.
And then we ate on the train.
(25:25):
And then we got to Paris andthen, like I of course I'm like
I want to walk around and wewent on a river thing down the
scene and I saw the Eiffel Towerand then I just put stuff in my
GPS and just walked all overthe place again because I'm like
(25:46):
I just need to be constantlymoving because I already do so
much sitting and I bought somechildren's books in French and I
bought some books in Londonkids' books in London and I was
just that was so cool and yeah,and I just spent some good time
with Nanny and Steve and I wasjust so thankful for that
(26:08):
experience because it was justvery and I had a special moment
with Steve and it was just, itwas a nice, it was a nice time,
it was just really.
Yeah, I was like, oh man, wecame back and then it was like
slam right into reality, yeah,Normally how it goes.
(26:31):
Yeah, but it was good.
I tried to stay in in my bubblefor a little while, but that
didn't didn't last very long,it's hard to do when you get
back, because it's like lifejust lives yeah, I was very
happy to see kobe, though it was, um, like, like I almost jumped
(26:52):
on top of him.
I was just, I think I was moreexcited to see him than he was
to see me, because it just hadbeen so long.
I haven't, like slept withouthim for that many days, so it
was that was crazy.
And then it's so hot, so hothere and it was so beautiful
there.
So hot, so hot here and it wasso beautiful there, um, I mean,
(27:18):
it got warm in London, I mean inParis, but it was nothing like
this.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
This is brutal and the thing I think, the thing
that, like people don'tunderstand about Florida is like
they're like, oh well, it's noteven like, sometimes it's not
even in the hundreds, but likethe humidity, with it being in
like the high 90s and recentlyit did get in the hundreds, is
like it feels like you can'tbreathe like oh yeah, it feels
(27:41):
like you're in a sauna brutaland people don't know until they
come.
Because, like, I even had toldthis to teresa before and she,
when she was in miami last yearI don't know, it was like maybe
a year ago she was in miami andI think it was august and she
was like, oh my god, like it'sso hot, and I was like I told
you, like I told you it was hot,and she was like well, like I'm
(28:02):
used to arizona heat, so like Ithought different, it wouldn't
be dry heat is yeah, and I waslike dry heat is not the same as
Florida humidity heat, becauseit's so much worse Like I would
rather it be dry and hot thanwet and hot.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, one of the things I didn't mention was
actually my favorite thing.
Besides the, there was a lotthat was my favorite.
Ireland in Killarney weredefinitely my favorite, but the
hotel had a separate pool thatthere was no kids.
You couldn't have any kids atthe pool and you had to pay and
(28:42):
you had to book a time and I waslike what?
And so I think it was the daythat I hiked.
It was it was the day that Ihiked in the forest and went to
the Torque waterfall.
So I walked for over threehours and my hip hurt.
So I came back and I did yogaand then I saw no one was in the
pool, no one was in the hot tub.
So I went to the desk and I'mlike, how does this work again?
(29:14):
And she's like she actually letme, ended up letting me go at
that time.
And then she's like youbasically gave me extra time
because you only have an hourand a half and it's 20 euros,
and I was like, okay, so I didit.
It was worth every cent,because first I got in the hot
tub and I floated in the hot tuband it was just glorious and
then I got in the pool, whichwas an infinity pool with the
mountains and the lake.
So it was so stunt, I'mactually cried.
(29:35):
I had like emotional, anemotional experience in the pool
and and it was kind of rainingand so it was just like, and it
was just, the temperature wasbeautiful and also the pool is
warm and and it was just oh gosh, it was so great.
And then I got out and I got ina sauna.
I got in the Himalayan saltsauna and I was like, oh gosh,
this is Florida, Let me get outof here.
(29:56):
So I didn't make it very longin that.
And then they had the showerexperience, which at first I was
like what, who needs a showerexperience?
There was three differentshowers and then you got in each
one and it had three to fivedifferent settings.
So like I clicked the firstthing and one of them was, like
(30:16):
you know, Himalayan mist, and itwas like you know, like being
in a rainforest, and you're like, oh, this is nice.
And then one of them was aglacial ice, whatever, and it
was like being in a cold plunge.
It was it literally.
I was like like I couldn'tbreathe.
It took my breath away, it wasso cold and I tried to like stay
in there as long as possible.
And then I was like.
Himalayan mist.
(30:37):
Himalayan mist.
It was so cold and they justhad all these different I don't
even know how to describe it.
Those are the two I rememberthe most, but it felt so good,
it was like.
It really was like anexperience.
And then I got out and they hadthis what is it called
Meditation room, and it wasagain looking out at the
mountains and the lake andpeople were just.
(30:58):
Some people were reading and Ijust sat and I prayed and I
thought and I it was.
That was the best, that wasdefinitely the best.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
So nice.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, it was, it was nice.
So that was really, that wasreally, that was really great.
I loved that.
Um, yeah, so, but now here weare, back in the, here we are,
we're at the beginning of umschool for a lot of teachers and
, yeah, just crazy like I meanit's august're in August yeah,
(31:33):
it's August.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I feel like July was so fast.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I know July did go by fast.
And now here I mean Jackson andJackson's 21 tomorrow.
Like that's crazy that is crazy, it's time.
Time goes so fast.
I guess it won't be August 1stwhen this comes out.
It won't be whatever Monday is.
(31:59):
Yeah, yeah.
So that's a catch up.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
That is a catch up.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I left out some of my rough parts.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
You didn't say really how you were.
You just told us about yourtrip yeah, I'm all right.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I have had a um upsetting thing go on with with
my son and so that's been hard,it's been super hard, it's
weighed on me and um, it's beenreally, yeah, really difficult.
I think it's really difficultwhen you I don't know, when you
(32:41):
just love someone so much andyou feel like you give, give,
give and you try to do your best, even though you know you've, I
know I've messed up a milliontimes and I've let you guys down
in so many ways, down in somany ways.
(33:05):
But I think you would bothagree that I've at least tried.
And Jackson and I have been in asimilar situation to where we
are right now, when he was likearound 14, 15 years old and he
totally shut me out of his lifefor like nine months, and after
he came home to me and I waslike willing and unconditionally
(33:27):
loving and accepting, we talkeda lot about that and I told him
how hurtful that was that and Itold him how hurtful that was.
Like one of the worst things Ithink someone can do to me is
kind of shut me out, likeabandon me again.
Like I've already been, I'vealready already deal with
(33:49):
abandonment issues and that isvery hard for me and you know,
and even when not with you, Iremember one time we got into an
argument and you're like I'mnot leaving, I'm here, I'll talk
to you, whatever you said, andI was like okay.
So it like allowed me to knowthat, even though you were mad,
(34:10):
like you were just taking spaceto like regroup and to think
because you were hurt, but youdidn't need to hurt me too.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah.
In the meantime and yeah likethere was communication about
what was going on and it wasalso yeah, I remember Cause like
I also like know, like I knowhow you are, like I know, I know
you, so I'm like well, I'm notgoing to just be like Like I
know you, so I'm like I'm notgoing to just be like he, he, he
, like I'm not going to respond.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
I'm going to leave her.
Yeah, and he left me in themiddle of the night, so I mean
he knew exactly what he wasdoing.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And, like, my intention in that situation was
not ever to hurt you, it wasjust to figure out a time to
communicate where I was readyand you were ready.
We both needed the time.
It was helpful.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
It was very helpful.
It ultimately was very helpful,but anyway.
So he and I have talked abouthe knows this about me, and so
to to do it again.
However, many years later,after we've been through so much
, so many conversations, so manyreally smart, emotional,
(35:24):
intelligent things that he hassaid and what we've talked about
, that we've worked through, andthen I just feel like I'm I,
this is a different person, likethis feels it's not a different
person because there's beenevidence of some of his behavior
towards you all along.
I guess it's maybe the firsttime I have seen it so glaringly
(35:50):
.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yeah, and also that it's an active choice, yes,
choice yes, because like yes, Ithink, like um, it's easy to pin
, like some of the behaviorsbetween him and I when we were
younger, on like him being youngyeah and like not knowing
better.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Which like is not necessarily true like no, it's
not necessarily true, but you'reright, regardless it's.
And also there was a lot ofguilt.
I had a lot of guilt, feelinglike I didn't want I, I knew, he
knew that I that I picked youin so many situations and and so
, and I was talking to my friendcarol about that today and
(36:32):
she's like, and rightfully so,and I'm like you, right, but I
never put that part in.
I just stopped it at that, likeyou picked one child over
another.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Because that was used as a weapon against you, which
is the same exact thing that daddid to me Whenever I decided
not to live with him.
It was just you decided toleave me and not live with me
Instead of yeah, rightfully.
So, Like you didn't deserve forme to live there when you
(37:09):
created an unsafe environmentfor me.
So like, sometimes there arethings where, when somebody's
saying the truth and it's a hardtruth like you have to also be
like okay, but that's true for areason.
Yeah, like it's not.
You're not, you're just sayingthat in a way where it doesn't
paint the whole story.
You're making yourself soundlike you have no accountability.
(37:34):
And because when he used to say, well, you're the one that
decided that I didn't want todecide to not live with my dad,
yeah, I, that was the last thingI wanted to choose when I was
14.
Yeah, so like me decidingquote-unquote, deciding that was
not, that was not somethingthat was just on me.
(37:57):
Like it's when somebody putsthat out there, like they're not
taking accountability for theirside Of why that is happening.
So in this case, jackson usedto say Like, oh, you always pick
Emily.
You always pick Emily Becauseyou're mean to people.
When you're mean to people,they don't want to do things
with you.
(38:17):
They don't want to talk thingswith you.
They don't want to to talk toyou about things.
When you insult people or putthem down, that's that doesn't
know what.
That nobody is going to pickthat, yeah.
So it's like not takingaccountability for the part that
they have in it and thenputting it all on you and then
(38:40):
and then, because you and I areempathetic people, we're like oh
yeah, I did decide that, or Idid do that.
Yeah, you did, but there was areason for that, and the
accountability is not, is notbeing taken from the person that
puts you in a position to haveto make it a safer choice for
(39:01):
yourself.
Ultimately, what they should besaying is you made a healthy
decision.
Fuck you, yeah.
And that I mean.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
That's what narcissistic people no, and
manipulate, manipulate,manipulation.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
It's actually textbook manipulation, yep,
which is insane yeah, and thatalways used to make me so mad.
I would get so angry because hewould wash jackson's brain with
.
Emily chose this, like shechose not to be with you, and
this and that um and same, yeah,and I chose to leave yeah, it
(39:38):
always felt like I didn't choosethis.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
I didn't yeah because yeah, when, while I'm listening
to you, my heart feels sad likeI'm, because I it it's
upsetting to think about youfeeling like you had to make
that choice at that age.
Yeah, um, choice at that age,that's sad and I'm also relating
(40:05):
because I'm like I didn't wantto be divorced, I wanted to be
married.
So I felt like I had to makethat choice for everyone's sake,
and it wasn't easy at all.
There was nothing easy about it.
So it's yeah, it is really justa total denial of your
(40:27):
accountability in the situation,and so you're right, because it
feels like an active choice.
I can't dismiss it as childish,whatever, or immaturity, or
because they've been hurt ordealt with trauma.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
This is who you're choosing to be right now.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, this is who you .
Yes, you are now 20, are goingto be a 21 year old man, and
this is who you have chosen tobe.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
And with.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
When another person says, well, they were just
disrespectful, I'm like, no, itwasn't just disrespect, it was
emotional abuse and that isunacceptable.
And because I have been so far,I can't accept it from anyone,
even my own child.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
But you shouldn't.
There's no.
You can't accept it.
You shouldn't accept it fromanyone.
No one should accept emotionalabuse from anyone, no matter who
it is.
I don't care about that wholefamily.
Blood bullshit, it doesn'tmatter.
Whoever is being abusive in anyform emotional like mental,
(41:34):
physical they don't deserve yourenergy, your time or your
presence.
There's no, but they'll makeyou think that you do.
Yeah, and that's where likeit's hard, because the part of
you that wants to be there feelslike I need to.
(41:55):
I need to be there.
I'm the mom or I'm the daughter.
I still want to be around mydad, it doesn't matter.
He didn't deserve that and he'snot acting deserving of that
space.
Now, when somebody is coming inand taking a sledgehammer to
the safety, then you leave, andthat's not running away away,
(42:19):
it's making an active, healthychoice.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
That is really, really hard yeah, that was a
really good way of explaining ittaking a sledgehammer to your
safety or your peace yeah,because you can't rip the
sledgehammer from their hands.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
No, because that's even more unsafe.
Like then you're walking forsomebody with a weapon, yeah.
So instead you have to make achoice to be like am I gonna
keep picking up these thingsthat keep breaking, or am I
gonna walk away and hope thatone day they decide to put down
the sledgehammer and walk incalmly?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, sucks, because it's like completely out of your
control.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yeah, for sure.
And I started going tocounseling again at your request
, which was good, which was yousetting a good, firm boundary,
and that was hard, but it wasnecessary.
And one I just forgot my wholepoint.
(43:32):
Yeah, I forgot what I?
I don't know what I was saying.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
That you started going to counseling?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
yeah, but right before that, what was I saying?
Um?
Speaker 1 (43:48):
I mean, we're talking about being in an unsafe space
and making the choice to leaveand Making the choice to leave.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
And yeah, I don't know, I left.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
It's gone.
Yeah, I don't know.
Either way, it's, it's a hard.
It's a hard, it's been a hardroad.
(44:24):
Yeah, so having a break from itand like was nice, yeah, it was
, it was really nice I thinkthat's needed sometimes, like
yeah sometimes we just need todisconnect and like be away from
the reality of things honestly.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
That's be away from the reality of things honestly.
That's one of the things thatsounds like funny overall, like
our.
One of the things I'm lookingforward to most about our
wedding is that after thewedding, we have booked like a
hotel like we're staying in,like this nice hotel, um, like
from the day, like the night ofour wedding until like five days
(45:00):
after, and it's like a resortand spa.
And I told jake I was like Iknow we have friends and family
coming from out of town.
I don't want to see a singleperson during that.
I'm like I don't care if theysay that they're here for this
or that, don't care, comeearlier.
(45:21):
I'm not.
I'm not spending time withanyone, but my new husband at
that point and myself and we'regoing to be in a bubble of just
being married and being awayfrom everybody and all the chaos
and all the year-long planningthat we just did, and I was like
(45:41):
I want it to be like peacefuland literally to just be in a
bubble for just those five days.
I'm like.
I'm not asking for much.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah, I think that's understandable and, honestly,
when we were overseas I saidthat to, I think, to Nanny,
nanny and I talked about this Isaid I like I could have seen
you guys going to Paris, likegetting married in Paris, and
then just having a trip andprobably spending less money and
(46:15):
it being being a hundredpercent less of a stressful
thing, because I could, just Icould totally see you, um,
enjoying it like I could see youlike really loving it yeah yeah
definitely been personallyduring this whole process.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
It's like how much do I want a wedding?
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Yeah, I mean, that's understandable, it's a
apparently that's also a commonfeeling.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
So I'm not.
We are, we're having a wedding,we've, we've committed we're.
We're this far in like yeah, Igotta keep going.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Great, Like I'm excited whatever.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
But I was talking to one of my friends who, um got
married recently and she waslike there were multiple times
where we almost called the wholething off and like we're like
we're going to the courthouseand just going on a trip and I'm
like, oh yeah, I understand whyyou would feel like that yeah,
me too, me too, for sure.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
And the afterwards.
I mean I remember when webecause the night of our wedding
did we?
Yeah, no, we stayed at thehotel where the reception was.
But then the next day we camehome, got our stuff and then got
in the car and drove to NewOrleans.
We went to Biloxi, mississippifirst.
(47:34):
But I remember climbing in thecar and being like don't talk to
me Like I just wanted to go tosleep Because I had had pink eye
and I had taken too manysteroids and so I was exhausted.
And you know it was my firstyear teaching and I got married.
I know it couldn't have beenmore insane and I was just
exhausted.
(47:54):
So I know what you mean.
I mean I was fine by the timewe got to New Orleans and
Mississippi, but I was not, Iwas not fine at the beginning.
So I understand.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Yeah, I know our wedding planner.
She was like when I got married, like I slept for like a whole
24 hours the day after and I waslike, yeah, that's pretty much
the plan.
It's exhausting the plan.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
It's exhausting.
Well, it's gonna be.
It's gonna be great though yepall right, I think this was a
good catch-up episode and we canend here.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Yeah sounds good to me.
Daisy, this is a gross littleending ending, but it's a little
bit lighter.
Um, my cat Tebow, um threw upon the carpet and I got home in
a rush like I had.
I had an appointment beforethis and we were supposed to
(48:50):
film at one and whatever it's.
We started at 1, 30 and um, andso I was like I'm just gonna
have to put like a bowl over thethrow up so that I can clean it
after, because daisy will eatit.
And I've been sitting here thiswhole time right next to it and
(49:11):
daisy is seriously sitting likeeyeing this bowl with her paws
like right in front of her face.
Yeah, eyes are like she's likelocked in on this bowl and I'm
like you are so disgusting, oh,so gross waiting for me to like
(49:31):
make a misstep and accidentallymove this bowl over.
She's literally sitting by myfeet, which is near where the
bowl is, and I'm like disgusting, so we will on that note gross.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
That is so, so gross.
Yeah, it's really gross.
I don't think my dog is thatgross I don't think you know,
because he has puked before andhe's never eaten it.
He's never gone back and eatenit.
Yeah, daisy has, and it was hiswhole full food like and some
(50:05):
saliva yeah, daisy's nastyshe'll, she will literally eat
anything yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, well, all right, that's agreat way to end.
See you next time bye.
Yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, well, all right, that's agreat way to end.
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Bye.
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