February 24, 2025 • 39 mins
In this episode of Mindfully Masculine, Charles and Dan dive into Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover, exploring the psychology behind self-limiting beliefs and how they affect dating, relationships, and personal growth. They discuss how to shift from self-doubt to confidence by embracing vulnerability, reframing rejection, and stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Key Topics Covered:
✅ Overcoming self-limiting beliefs in dating and life
✅ The role of vulnerability and authenticity in attraction
✅ How social conditioning impacts relationships
✅ Breaking free from the fear of rejection
✅ The power of confidence through discomfort
✅ Why men should stop romanticizing unavailable women
✅ Practical steps to challenge self-doubt and build success
Why Listen?
If you’ve ever struggled with confidence in dating or found yourself stuck in negative self-talk, this episode is packed with actionable insights to help you reframe your mindset, build resilience, and take control of your dating life.
Resources & Links:
🎧 Listen to more episodes: MindfullyMasculine.com
📖 Book discussed: Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover
Subscribe & Connect:
🔹 Follow us for more discussions on relationships, masculinity, and personal growth.
🔹 Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!
#DatingAdvice #SelfConfidence #MindfullyMasculine #PersonalGrowth #Men’sDevelopment #OvercomingSelfDoubt
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charles (00:00):
You need to be willing to ask that question of okay,
here's what I bring to the table.
Yeah, do you find thisappealing enough to give me a
chance for the next level ofinteraction, yes or no?
I know a lot of guys that areuncomfortable voicing that
question in a way where itactually gives a woman the power
(00:20):
to say yeah, I am, or no,thanks.
Welcome back to the MindfullyMasculine Podcast.
This is Charles.
In this episode, dan and I willbe talking about dating
essentials for men by Dr RobertGlover, and topics included this
week will be understandingself-limiting beliefs,
vulnerability and authenticityin dating, reframing the purpose
(00:40):
of dating, the impact of socialconditioning on relationships,
overcoming the fear of dating,the impact of social
conditioning on relationships,overcoming the fear of rejection
, building confidence throughdiscomfort, breaking the cycle
of negative self-talk,developing a growth-oriented
dating approach, the importanceof testing for romantic interest
and avoiding the romantizationof unavailable women.
(01:02):
Please check out our website,mindfullymasculinecom, to find
our full audio and videoepisodes, as well as any other
resources we find worthy ofsharing.
Thanks and enjoy.
We're going to jump intochapter two of Dating Essentials
for Men by Dr Robert Glover,and again, the first half of
this book is some real valuablestuff.
All about getting your headright so that you can enter into
(01:25):
dating in a way that doesn'tdoom you to failure, because a
lot of us are walking aroundwith some programming that if we
don't make some edits and somemodifications to that
programming, we're just going toget frustrated by trying to
socialize with date, possiblyromance and girlfriend lover
(01:45):
doesn't say something.
Dan (01:46):
He says all of us come from imperfect homes.
And it's true, that's true,right, and and we all have some
self-limiting beliefs that showup in in different ways.
And yeah, so we all havesomething to work on yeah, the
first thing.
Charles (01:59):
That sort of caught my attention and I printed out the
some pages from this chapter ofthe book where the whole idea of
dating really starts with aquestion of to, to the women of
the world, and eventuallyspecific ones of hey, given
everything that I'm bringing tothe table good and bad, but he
(02:20):
emphasizes the negative, likebased inside of these flaws that
you can see immediately and theones that I'm able to keep
covered up for a little bit.
Inside of these flaws, are yougoing to find me interesting
enough, attractive enough,valuable enough to give me a
shot at having your number orgoing on a date with me or
(02:41):
sleeping with me or marrying meor having kids with me?
Are you and and that's reallywhere it starts you need to be
willing to ask that question ofokay, here's what I bring to the
table.
Yeah, do you find thisappealing enough to give me a
chance for the next level ofinteraction, yes or no?
I know a lot of guys that areuncomfortable voicing that
(03:04):
question in a way where itactually gives a woman the power
to say, yeah, I am, or no,thanks, I'm not interested.
And that's scary, and I thinkthat's why a lot of guys myself
in the past included will try toget that closeness and that
relationship with a womanwithout actually feeling like we
(03:26):
have to be vulnerable enough toask for it.
Dan (03:29):
Yeah, and that's how guys end up in what they call or
consider the friend zone, or oryeah, or the other thing is
covering up a lot more of whoyou are because you're afraid
that's not going to meet herstandards or criteria based on
assumptions that you're making,not even.
A lot of times it's not evenproven facts or information they
(03:52):
have.
It's guesses that you're makingbased on your previous
experiences and a lot of timesthat's inaccurate, and now you
are basically selling somethingthat isn't reality, and so it's
like all right.
Charles (04:07):
So the car dealer gives you one car to test drive, but
then, when it's time to sign thepaper and get the keys, it's
like it's a completely differentcar.
I don't, how would you react tothat?
There are times where you knowwhether it's a job interview or
a first date, where we do feelthat impulse of okay, I've got
to, I got to spit, shine thisturd a little bit who's myself,
so that she doesn't really seewho I really am.
Because we have theseself-limiting beliefs of okay,
(04:30):
if we were just honest anddirect about who we were and
what we wanted and what we wereinterested in, then we would get
rejected.
So we can't do that.
We have to come up with theseother schemes and strategies
instead, and that does lead to alot of disappointment and a lot
of heartache on both sides ofthe romantic equation.
Dan (04:45):
It's immediate distrust, because if you're scheming here,
that means you're a schemer andyou will potentially do it in
other areas and as we learned inour last book, the number one
thing that women look for in menis are you trustworthy?
Charles (04:58):
Are you who you say you are, and do you do what you say
you're going to do?
Dan (05:09):
And everything else that has to be be the and that's not
that easy to do.
It sounds really simple the wayyou spew it out like that, but
it no, it's not.
Especially coming growing up inwhen we grew up and having our
own experiences between moviesand tv and just not parents
relationship, parentsrelationship and no formal
education on what a healthyrelationship is like.
They it'll teach that.
Charles (05:25):
No, they certainly don't.
And and even if they did, it'slike how effective would it be
compared to all the othermessages that we receive and all
the other examples that we see?
Yeah, even if we took twosemesters on it in high school
or college, how much would itreally succeed at deprogramming
the information that we'vealready gotten by that point?
I don't know.
So he makes the argument thatwe change the way that we look
(05:51):
at dating.
Instead of looking at dating asI'm going to do these things
that will make women like mewant to sleep with me, want to
marry me, instead of treatingdating as this exercise of I'm
going to be what I need to be toget what I want from people, no
, think of it instead, as thisis a method for you to clean out
all the crap bouncing around inyour head and the
(06:11):
misunderstandings you have aboutyourself, about the world,
about women in general, aboutone woman in particular.
You're going to use the processof becoming a good dater to fix
all of these problems that youhave inside your head isn't
there an easier way to do this,because that sounds horrible
yeah about that.
Like when I was highlighting it,I thought if I need to travel
(06:33):
26.2 miles running, it iscertainly not the easiest way to
do it.
Yeah, you don't run marathonsbecause, oh, I need to get from
here to this other place 26.2miles away.
You could grab, you could hopon a bike, you could get a car,
you can charter a helicopter.
There's a lot of easier ways togo 26.2 miles than running them
(06:54):
.
But if the goal is okay, I needto get from here to there and I
also have a whole lot of otherwork I need to do on myself in
the process, like eating better,getting in shape, being more
disciplined mentally then, whenyou view it through that prism,
running it might be the best wayto accomplish not only getting
from point A to point B, but allthese other benefits that you
(07:15):
would get.
Dan (07:17):
If it was easy somebody just told you what these issues
were you wouldn't be likely toput in the hard work to actually
shit and get uncomfortable tochange those things.
But if you're in the process oftrying, to date somebody and,
like you, have an epic failabout something or you're
humiliated, you're going toremember that and you're going
to be a lot more likely to wantto do something about it.
Charles (07:39):
Yeah, and Robert Glover is in both his book and in
interviews he's done.
He's honest about the idea ofI'm not interested in teaching
guys how to get chicks.
That's not my goal.
My goal is to teach men how tobe better versions of who they
are, and I use the desire todate, fall in love, have sex,
(08:00):
start a family as the motivationto teach men how to be better
men.
And then he says when I startedchallenging these self-limiting
beliefs and I started askingmyself these hard questions and
I started saying I'm going tosubject myself to
anxiety-inducing experiences,every other aspect of my life
took off.
My business, my friendships,all parts of me being me got
(08:23):
better when I was willing to say, okay, I'm going to tolerate
the difficulties and theanxieties of becoming a better
man in trying to get betterromantic relationships.
And it just affected everyother aspect of his life.
Dan (08:38):
The older I get, the more I realize that life exists
outside of your comfort zone, ora good life, a happy life, a
fulfilled life.
You don't have to go that farout of your comfort zone, but I
think that needs to be a regularpractice.
Yeah, Otherwise you're justgoing to be the same old every
day.
Yeah, because how many Somepeople?
That might be okay for somepeople.
Charles (08:58):
Yeah, how many I think about this all the time.
How many of us guys, from theday we left high school or
college or the military, like,how many of us just spend every
day doing stuff we know we cando?
We just wake up every morningand do things that like, yeah, I
did this yesterday, so I'm notgoing to have any problem doing
it today, and that turns intoyeah, I've done this for the
(09:21):
last 10 years.
Every day for the last 10 yearsI've done this, so I can
probably do it today too.
And yeah, it really feels likethe exciting parts of life are
when you wake up and decide, allright, I'm going to do
something today I've never donebefore and it might work.
It might not work, I don't know.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
And yeah, I think that's abetter life.
And for some people, that isrunning a marathon and for some
(09:43):
people, that is just I'm goingto say, if you're right to the
fridge, I'm going to say helloto a stranger, or I'm going to
say good morning to someone onmy morning walk and I mean, you
can start as small as you needto do those new things.
And uh, yeah, if it's somethingyou're nervous about.
There's probably an interestingreason why it's probably what
you need Right, exactly Okayabout.
(10:03):
There's probably an interestingreason why it's probably what
you need right, exactly okay.
So he gets into some of thecategories of self-limiting
beliefs that we experience andwhat the the sort of targets are
.
Of those self-limiting beliefs,there are some that are going
to be about about yourself, likeI'm too fill in the blank fat,
poor, shy, whatever.
Or I'm not rich enough, I'm nottall enough, I'm not.
(10:24):
Or I'm not rich enough, I'm nottall enough, I'm not young
enough, I'm not old enough, I'mnot whatever To get the
attention and affection of thekind of women that I'm attracted
to.
Dan (10:34):
Every woman that you're attracted to you don't meet any
of the qualifications.
It's impossible for you to know, I know, funny thing is we all
do it, I've done it.
Funny thing is we all do it,I've done it.
You know what I'm saying.
But it's crazy If you reallybreak it down and think about
that statement for a minute.
It's impossible to know.
And so why would you believethat?
And it's just because youprobably had a few.
What he talks about.
(10:54):
We've had a few experiences.
Yeah, starting in middle schoolusually.
Yeah, and then we apply that toeverything.
Charles (10:59):
Yeah, and even I'll give these SLBs, self-limiting
beliefs, a little bit more gracethan you are.
We might just have one where itmight just be.
There's one thing about me thatmakes me appealing to every
girl.
Oh yeah, you only need one.
It really does.
It only takes one of up tooshort, I'm too tall, I'm too
poor, I'm too, whatever it is,I'm too thin, I'm too fat, I'm
(11:20):
too fat, I'm too young, I'm tooold, whatever it is that you're
zeroing in on to be okay, thisis my essentially, this is my
past, this is my reason.
I don't have to compete in thedating marketplace because I've
got this one thing that makes mea bad choice.
And so, okay, congratulations,you're off the hook.
You're off the hook as long asyou're willing to give up this
relationship.
(11:41):
You're not getting what youwant.
Yeah, you desperately want thecompanionship and the love and
romance of a woman in your life,but you've decided no, there's
this one thing about me thatthat takes that off the table.
So I'm still going todesperately want this thing, but
now I've given myself a passwhere I don't have to do
anything to get it.
Dan (12:09):
I think, particularly now, a lot of young men find
themselves in that positionwhere they're just they've
decided I'm not willing tocompete in the dating
marketplace.
Yeah, he digs into thisscientifically quite a bit.
Apparently, his brother's nameis Danny Glover.
Yeah, I thought that was funny,but I thought it was
fascinating the way he reallymade it simple and explained it.
Like, our brains, as kids,aren't fully developed yet and
so basically all our emotionscome from is the primitive brain
, so we might have an experiencewhere a woman rejects you and
(12:35):
then that kind of getsregistered and at that point now
the way your brain works isit's always going to look for
confirmation of that experience,to believe that it's true.
So now you're going throughyour whole life just reinforcing
that one experience that youhad and you're looking for it in
all these other ways, and sonow it becomes like a
deep-rooted belief and so inorder to undo that, it's going
(12:55):
to take some work yeah, and we,yeah that that paradigm effect
or confirmation bias, whateveryou want to call it, it
definitely it happens.
Charles (13:04):
happens with the news that we get A lot of us our age
and younger get the majority ofour news off social media, and
it's so easy when Instagram,facebook, twitter, whatever
suggests a news source thatwe've already decided we don't
like, we just all unfollow that,and so I want to make sure that
I only get information frompeople I already agree with, and
(13:27):
I'll seek out more people thatI already agree with.
It's much more pleasurable.
Yeah, I don't want to see thatguy.
That guy doesn't think the sameway I do about whatever foreign
policy, fiscal policy, whateverit is.
No, I'm not like him, I don'twant to.
I don't want to hear from himanymore.
You all do it, and then, yeah,it gets easier and easier to
only expose yourself to thethings that you already believe
are true, and we certainly dothat about ourselves as well.
(13:48):
It's like every negativereaction or every time somebody
looks at me in a way thatdoesn't feel good.
Oh, it's because they they seethis thing about myself that
I've already decided I hate andit's not attractive.
So that's what they're thinkingabout when they look at me and
yeah, where can other peoplecould look at me in a positive
(14:08):
way, and I'll just push that offto the side, never pay
attention to it and focus on theconfirmation of I am too short,
this sucks.
Dan (14:13):
And here's the thing too, is if you had a negative
experience as a kid, it camefrom your immature brain as a
child and it was, and it mayhave been an interaction with
another immature brain.
Charles (14:27):
Absolutely.
Dan (14:28):
So it doesn't even apply at this point now, because you've
had many years of experience inlife and maturity as well as the
other person.
So, yeah, we're talking applesand oranges here, but again,
that's so ingrained in ourprimitive brain which keeps us
alive.
Yeah, that it's very difficultto, unless you're really aware
(14:48):
of it and you work on anxietyand your physical reaction when
you're upset, unless you can,like consciously, catch yourself
doing that and tell your brainhey, relax, thank you for doing
this job.
I know you're trying to protectme.
You can relax now and then justbe open to getting more
information instead of justgoing with the old belief and
(15:08):
and going down a rabbit hole ofshame yeah, and it really is.
Charles (15:13):
It can really go all the way back to the very
beginning, with how you weretreated by your parents.
Then, a little few years after,that was the first girl you had
a crush on and how sheinteracted with you.
And, yeah, yeah, you can.
Just that stuff can just getwritten into the, to the base
code and carried along seeminglyforever or until you had enough
compelling, a compelling enoughreason to change it, which
(15:35):
you're listening to, a podcastlike this.
Dan (15:37):
Maybe you've had that moment what was also interesting
was the way he very graceful,the way he explained it is your
self-limiting belief is thatgirls like this don't talk to me
so, and you never talk to girlslike that, sure, so you now
have, basically, you'reconfirming it.
Charles (15:54):
Yeah, basically a vision, just creating your own
evidence on a daily basis toprove that your brain was right
about whatever.
Yeah, so the categories ofself-limiting beliefs that we
can categorize everything intoone of these beliefs about
yourself, beliefs about aparticular woman, meaning oh,
she's so pretty she already hasa boyfriend or she's so put
together that she's probablywith some guy who's equally put
(16:16):
together or certainly more puttogether than me, women in
general, which is, beliefs likewomen have all the control.
All women want a successful man.
Women don't like sex.
All the good women are takenand, yeah, it's very easy to
tell yourself that story.
The other one is all women aregold diggers.
All women care about is datinga guy with money, and that that
(16:40):
one I find to be very pervasiveonline right now with guys who
talk about dating.
It's always all women careabout is how tall a guy is and
how much money he has, and towhich I say depending on how
social you are, how many friendsyou are, you have, I can
confidently say I know guys whohave been in situations where
their girlfriend or wife evenhas left him for a man that is
(17:05):
objectively less attractive bycurrent societal standards or
objectively has way less money,and so that's a real thing.
That happens.
Women will leave rich men forpoor men.
There's doctors and lawyers whoare left every day.
In this country, money can't beloved for musicians and artists
.
That absolutely happens everyday.
(17:26):
And also women will leaveattractive men for guys who are
less attractive again based onthe current standards.
As if it ever happens, thenthis idea of all women want blah
, blah, blah has to be false.
When I hear somebody say allwomen this, or it's like a neon
sign that says my relationshiptrauma is screaming right now,
(17:47):
isn't it?
Dan (17:48):
And but also it's very arrogant, oh for sure.
Charles (17:52):
So you've got every woman on the planet completely
figured out.
You know exactly how they all.
Dan (17:55):
It is partly arrogant, partly immature, and so, yeah,
it's partly arrogant, partlyimmature, and so, yeah, it's
ridiculous to go down that road.
And I as a kid and a teenagerand high school and college I
was I've done that, I've madethose assumptions.
But if you could take a stepback and realize it's just wow,
because no one ever wants tocome across as arrogant.
When I've said that to someother people where they thought
(18:18):
they've made these assumptionsbased on information that they
don't have or couldn't possiblyget, and I was like, don't you
think that's a little bitarrogant?
And they're like good people.
And then they're like, oh, Iwas just like I was, basically,
and it calls them out on themand their self-deprecating
language and using that as anexcuse for not getting what they
(18:39):
want.
And so I think that was awake-up call to a couple of
people that I mentioned it to.
I was just like, hey, dude,you're a smart guy, you're a
great X, y, z, but don't youthink it's a little arrogant to
think that A, B and C here?
And it made them pause for asecond.
Charles (18:54):
Yeah, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend
this week about impostersyndrome and it triggered a
memory that Renata and I talkedabout in one of my sessions
years ago, which is, yeah,sometimes I do feel a little bit
like I've got she's an imposter.
Oh, this is about you.
That is definitely not herproblem.
Renata does not see thestruggle of imposter syndrome,
but I have at points in my life,thought, okay, maybe I'm not as
(19:16):
smart or as competent as Ithink I am.
And sometimes points in my lifethought, okay, maybe I'm not as
smart or as competent as I thinkI am and sometimes I can just
get by on my charisma and mysalesman skills and things like
that.
And she was the one thatbrought up oh so you really
think you're that much smarterthan everybody that you've got
every person in yourprofessional orbit is just
convinced that you're good.
You're not actually good.
You've just you're such a super, a criminal mastermind that
(19:37):
you've got this whole industryconvinced that you're not really
as good as you actually are.
And so, yeah, that that would.
That does take quite a bit ofhubris to say everybody I've
ever worked with is just someidiot that I've conned into
thinking that I'm good at my joband that can't.
Yeah, that doesn't pass.
When you say it out loud, itdefinitely does not pass the
test.
(19:57):
It doesn't make any sense.
Dan (19:59):
It's very difficult.
I think we all suffer fromimposter syndrome at one point
or another.
Charles (20:03):
I would say so, unless you're just an absolute
psychopath.
Dan (20:07):
Yes, yeah, and the reason why I think it is just something
that we all need to just acceptis because we are learning from
people who are smarter than us,and so we immediately think
this is where we need to be, orthis is the standard, and not
where we are, and, unlessdifferent, in a classroom
setting where you have, likeother students and they're on
(20:28):
your level, but like these days,as an adult, a lot of times
when we're learning from things,it's videos, it's people on
social media where it's likepolished and professional and
they've got all this stuff andwe're learning from them and
that's great, but at the sametime, we're also secretly
comparing ourselves to them andgoing this is where we need to
be and, of course, that's goingto feed into yeah, I'm an
(20:48):
imposter, I'm not going to beable to be that good and yeah,
you won't be at the beginning,but that's where we need to have
a little bit self-compassionand be a little humble.
Charles (21:04):
And where we need to have a little bit
self-compassion and be a littlehumble, and for me, it also
works to have a little bit oflogic.
Okay, yeah, a lot of logic.
The idea.
The idea that you're notcompetent and capable and you
just can.
You're super competent andcapable at convincing people
that you're competent andcapable, but you're not actually
competent and capable so thatdumb thing that you've, you
fooled them like you're notactually doing a good job.
Dan (21:14):
Yeah, the yeah.
Charles (21:16):
Occam's razor that, all things being equal, the the
simplest explanation is probablytrue is oh no, I probably am
just decent at my job and peopleprobably like working with me
because I'm enjoyable to workwith and not because I've cast
some sort of a smell oneverybody and convince them to
thinking that I'm something thatI'm not okay.
He gets into one.
One interesting thing is theemotionally laden language that
(21:39):
we use, which is how we canexpose some of our SLBs with the
way that we talk aboutourselves and the stories that
we tell, and he gives someexamples like she shot me down
versus she said no, or I blew itagain versus it didn't work out
.
And, yeah, sometimes the waythat we tell a story about how
an interaction may have gonewith a woman will reveal a lot
(22:01):
of where we're coming from andhow we feel about ourselves.
Also reinforces how we feelabout ourselves.
Correct, exactly, yeah, whenyou hear yourself talking that
way about yourself, you believethe messages that your brain
tells you.
So if you're someone who saysand the last one that he uses,
which I really like, hisposition on rejection, the word
and the concept of what isrejection, when you ask a girl
(22:22):
out for coffee and she says, oh,no, thank you.
Is she rejecting you or is shejust expressing a lack of
interest or low enough interestthat she doesn't want to go out
with you?
And that's why I think we someof us have probably experienced
rejection either from a parentor from if you're with a partner
(22:44):
for a long time, like a year,thanks, but no thanks, I'm not
interested anymore.
That is difficult, but that'snot.
But our brain wants to makethat the same as asking that
(23:07):
stranger out for coffee, likeour fears triggered.
Oh, if she says no, this willfeel just as bad as the time I
got dumped by my wife and so I'mbetter off to not to not even
bother asking her.
But it's really not the same.
Your brain wants to tell youthat it's the same, but it's not
the same.
Having somebody who says nothanks, I don't want to go out
with you, when she knows thismuch about you, should not feel
(23:31):
as painful as my wife left me.
Dan (23:34):
Here's why it's also not the same.
She's not the same person,correct.
It's always a different person,right.
It will never, ever not thesame.
She's not the same person,correct, it's always a different
person, right.
Charles (23:41):
It will never ever be the same Correct yeah, no
relationship that ends and nofirst date rejection is ever the
idea of get to know as quicklyas you can, because the faster
(24:02):
you get to a no response fromsomeone, the less it's going to
hurt you.
Guys, I've seen it in myselfand in my friends.
It's like that fear of giving awoman the power to say thumbs
up or thumbs down is soparalyzing.
That's how we find ourselves inthe friend zone for two or
three years with a girl thatwe've got a crush on.
Dan (24:21):
Yeah, and I think that happens because our minds start
fantasizing about a life that isnot reality for us.
Person, yes, it's.
They didn't know you as long asyou were married to your
ex-wife in the example that youwere getting right.
But in your mind, if let's say,this isn't a woman that you
just saw it on a bar somewhereor a coffee shop, this is
(24:41):
somebody that you know andyou're talking about being in a
friend zone, those two yearsyou're fantasizing.
You're not thinking about, oh,what great friends you're going
to be.
You're just like walking downthe road hey pal, that's not
what guys do and the feeling,these emotions, as they're
(25:02):
replaying it in their minds.
And so now you have built up ayear or two of these connections
and these like strong feelingsand everything else like that.
Charles (25:06):
So, yeah, it's gonna sting a lot more if she does
reject you, and so then you pushit back right and just taking
what you can get correct and andI think one of the main
benefits of doing this kind ofinternal work when it comes to
the way that you perceive ofdating relationships and romance
is you've got to get yourselfto a point where, when you are
(25:27):
evaluating a woman for going outon a date or having a future
with is an absolutely rigid dealbreaker for me is a woman has
to be romantically attracted tome and willing to express that.
I am not going to get caught upand infatuated with some woman
(25:49):
that I don't even know she hasromantic interest in me.
Dan (25:52):
Yeah, because that's what a girlfriend or a partnership is.
It includes romance and sex andattraction and companionship
and all these other things.
It's not coupons, right?
It's not a chauffeur, right.
That's what a normal, widelyunderstood relationship requires
(26:14):
and is comprised of, and so tobe in one and you're not having
the basics being met, right.
Charles (26:23):
You have to get to the point where you waste your time,
and I know it's.
It's not up to us.
We don't get to choose whatemotions or feelings spring up
inside of us, but we do get tochoose which ones we are going
to feed and nurture and care for, and have, grow and grow and
grow.
To feed and nurture and carefor and have, grow and grow and
grow.
And you just you got to get tothe point where I am not willing
to let myself feel strongromantic attraction for women
(26:49):
that have not expressed anyinterest in me, and that's why,
again, so you get to know asquickly as you can.
Hey, I'd be interested ingetting to know you better.
You want to get a coffee?
Oh, no, thank you, I'm notinterested.
Okay, then I'm going to turnaround and walk in the other
direction and not continue toput myself in her proximity and
continue to think about andruminate on what future we could
have.
She says she doesn't want itright now.
(27:09):
So believe her and move on.
And I know it's easier saidthan done.
But look, I went from a crushingon girls friend zone type of
guy to one who doesn't do thatanymore, even when I was on the
dating apps.
It's like I would match with agirl.
I would say, hey, I'm glad wematch.
I'd like to get to know you'reavailable for getting coffee or
getting a drink.
(27:30):
All go to a public place andhave a coffee with them.
Oh, okay, we're looking fordifferent things.
It's great meeting you.
I wish you the best.
And boom, I was onto the nextone and that was good for her
and good for me.
That's how it's supposed towork.
Somebody isn't sure about youand you are interested in
knowing more about them.
You got to believe, take themat their word, believe them and
(27:52):
say, okay, we're not looking forthe same kind of experience
right now.
I'm gonna move on and wish youthe best.
Let's talk about some of theseabsolutely anxiety inducing
activities that glover istelling you should engage in and
that I'm going to try to dosome of these again.
Dan (28:09):
That makes sense in the context of I'm already in a
relationship yeah, you know whatwe should go and we should let
us literally know what we'vedone as part of these things
already.
Charles (28:17):
Okay so go places you don't usually go.
Okay, done that.
Yeah, I have two both, both ona big level and, uh, at a small
level often shops things likethat correct.
Dan (28:28):
Yeah, yeah, being a gym, I've done that because the yeah,
the chains, whatever yeah, talkto everyone you meet no, I've
never done that, not everyoneyeah, and that's the talk to
everyone you meet.
Charles (28:41):
Oh, okay, if I meet less people, have less people to
talk to.
There's definitely ways thatyou can try to, but, like we
said about taking care ofyourself and your space.
Who are you trying to game here?
Who are you trying to get oneover on it's make and hold eye
contact?
I've definitely done someplaying around with that.
Just walk around the mall andstuff.
Where every person I pass, Ihold eye contact with them and
(29:01):
it can be a little uncomfortable.
Dan (29:02):
Oh yeah, I've only done it a couple of times because it was
yeah.
Charles (29:05):
And usually I find once it starts to feel a little
uncomfortable if you just give alittle smile and a nod and then
just keep walking on your way.
Dan (29:12):
So that's one of my self-limiting beliefs is anybody
who stares is a psychopath or apervert or whatever.
So right, those are all and andit's, I think all that's all
from movies, not from real lifeor television shows you know,
science tells us the opposite.
Charles (29:27):
Science tells us it or it's the predator who, as soon
as he gets caught looking, looksaway yeah, it's so.
Dan (29:35):
that's the thing is.
I'm not intentionally likelooking and then as soon as they
look I look away.
I just do a perusal kind ofthing, just seeing where
everything's going.
Usually I'm not intentionallymaking eye contact, unless it
was we were.
Charles (29:48):
we had talked about doing that and practicing, but I
could see that, yeah, that'sworse Like looking away like
that, yeah, yeah that, thatresponse of, oh, I just got
caught doing something I'm notsupposed to do and I looked down
especially.
That's the.
If you do a little digging intowomen, in particular friends or
(30:11):
women that you know.
Yeah, it's not the, oh, Icaught a guy looking at me.
That creeps them out.
It's.
I caught a guy looking at meand he immediately looked away.
Dan (30:14):
That's the creeps, Absolutely that's worse,
absolutely yes.
Charles (30:17):
If a guy locks eyes with a woman briefly and then
gives her a little smile or headnod and then just keeps going
on his way, never talks to her,never interrupts her.
I don't know any woman who'sexplained that exact situation
to me and felt like, oh, I feltreally unsafe or really creeped
out by a guy who we made eyecontact.
He smiled and he just keptwalking.
He left me alone.
That is almost the safestscenario is to do that.
(30:40):
Yeah, that's something I'vechallenged myself with when I've
been around the mall.
Yeah, make eye contact witheverybody.
If they hold it for a second,give them a smile and then just
keep walking.
You don't have to interruptthem, you don't have to insert
yourself into their day or theirlife, you just keep going.
Dan (30:56):
I feel like I'm inviting into my life, if I'm staring at
them like I want, and so that'sone of my other reluctances.
As they could, they can decideif they want to say hello to you
or not.
Yeah, absolutely no, I, I getthat.
I I just feel like it's justhokey, provoking somebody.
I don't know.
Charles (31:15):
That's me, though yeah, but I think again, that's where
the smile and the nod,especially if it's dudes I mean,
it's not like I've done it withwhen I've gone out and decided
I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna dowith everybody, and sometimes,
yeah, dude will will look at meand he'll hold it for a second
and I'll just give him a littlenod of the head and I'll keep
going.
Does he look you up and down?
kind of doing one of them I mean, everybody does, especially
(31:36):
when I wear my five inch shorts.
So, yeah, making and holdingeye contact and I think that is
also something that we've talkedabout in previous episodes and
how you can there's differentlevels of trying that out that
you can experiment with Ask awoman to meet you for coffee
yeah, that's a little bit biggerthan making and holding eye
contact, but it's.
I've never done that too.
I have not either.
(31:57):
I've never done what they wouldcall a cold pickup, where you
just see somebody in public andwe'll talk about why.
Glover's not a big advocate ofcold pickup either, of just
finding a stranger.
Now, what's the criteria thatyou're evaluating here?
Like, and look, if it's acomplete stranger, it really
does come down to I think I'dlike to see you naked.
So therefore, that's enough.
(32:17):
That, and only that, is enoughreason for me to approach you
and introduce myself into yourlife, and I that's not.
Dan (32:24):
One of my beliefs of myself is that I'm shallow, and so
when I, if I were ever to dothat to somebody, immediately my
mind goes to I'm being shallow.
I'm showing the person that I'mshallow.
Charles (32:37):
Yeah, and there may.
Yeah, if you've seen someone alittle bit and how they interact
with people and you findsomething attractive about
that's one thing.
But just walking into a brandnew bar, nightclub, cafe,
whatever, and you just see theprettiest girl and you just
immediately walk up to her andask her out for coffee.
I'm not saying there's anythingethically wrong with that.
But number one I'm not going todo it because I'm not
(32:59):
comfortable doing it.
And number two I don't feellike it has a high probability
of success.
Dan (33:03):
Yeah, I think there's got to be a little bit more detail
that Glover's leaving out here,because I don't think that would
work in almost any situationwithout a little preamble, a
little conversation first.
Oh hey, and some indicators ofinterest from her.
Yeah, I'm a Cowboys fan too.
Charles (33:20):
And Glover's whole thing is and we'll get into this
later on, I think in the nextsection of the book don't be
banging on locked doors.
When a woman opens the door foryou, all you have to do is walk
through it.
And so at one point, asking herout for coffee might be she may
have given you all theindications and all the signs
that the next thing you shoulddo is ask her for coffee.
(33:40):
He's not saying walk up tocomplete strangers and say, hey,
will you get coffee with me?
But there is a time in theprocess of testing for a woman's
interest that the next logicalstep is hey, do you want to get
some coffee?
Dan (33:53):
I thought it was literally just walking up to somebody and
going hey, do you want to grabcoffee?
Charles (33:58):
He's just putting this on the list of things that
uncomfortable, anxiety inducingthings that you will have to try
at some point got it okay, notthat you should be doing these
to get out of your comfort zonenow that's what is.
Tell a woman to give you herphone number, okay, walk it up
to a stranger and say give meyour phone number.
Yes, that that is going to beand your social yeah, that's a.
(34:19):
That's going to be a high riskmaneuver that will usually not
work for you.
But as you learn the differentlevels of testing women for
their interest, at some pointthe next thing that makes sense
is going to be asking her forher phone number.
And then, when it is you'regoing to have to do, you're
going to have to build a wholelot of high anxiety activities
that get you to the point wherethe next thing that makes sense
(34:41):
is hey, give me your phonenumber so I can give you a call.
That will make sense at somepoint, but not right when you
walk into a room and you see apretty girl and you just decide,
okay, what I'm going to do iswalk up and say give me your
phone number, Good luck, Okay.
And then he offers the exampleof wanting to learn how to salsa
dance and using that as a wayto prompt some of these anxiety
(35:03):
inducing situations.
The value is not in I'm going tomeet my wife in this dance
class.
It's going to be I'm going to dosomething I'm not comfortable
doing and I'm going to surviveit, and I'm going to become the
kind of person that does thingsthat I'm not comfortable with to
see what might happen.
That's really where the valueis.
We already talked about thesection on why you started lying
(35:23):
to yourself.
Basically, when you're inmiddle school and you're
crushing on a girl who may ormay not be crushing back at you,
you're both going to be verysloppy and awkward with the way
that romance or those romanticintentions express themselves.
It's going to be in almostevery case.
It's going to be rough becauseyou're learning how to be people
much less learning how to bepeople who are attracted to the
(35:44):
same or opposite sex and you'regonna you're gonna run into some
pretty sloppy interactions andthey can really be carried
forward into your history withromance and dating for the rest
of your life yeah and being ableto just say I was just a dumb
kid and she was just a dumb kidand we.
We did what came natural to usand it was probably the wrong
thing.
There's value in being able tojust discount some of that and
(36:05):
say because most of the womenthat you interact with now are
going to have at least some clueon how to talk to a man, what
they're interested in a man.
You can cut through some of thelevel of bullshit that you
absolutely had to deal with whenyou were middle school or you
had a crush on somebody bullshitthat you absolutely had to deal
with when you were middleschool, or who had a crush on
somebody.
Yeah, we, and we also talkedabout how your mind is going to
continually reinforce the thingsthat you already believe to be
(36:27):
true.
And again, we'll say somethingwe say all the time if what
you're doing now is working foryou, then you don't need to
listen to us or robert glover oranybody else.
If you're completely satisfiedwith the results that you're
having, I don't know why you'relistening to the podcast in the
first place, but if you are notsatisfied, it seems to make
sense to say okay, part of thereason I'm not satisfied might
(36:49):
be because I believe things thataren't true and I'm relying on
the beliefs that I have aboutthings that are not true to get
me to where I want to go.
To get me to where I want to go, and so you got to be open to
letting some of those ideas go.
If you're not completelysatisfied with how your life's
going, you got to be willing tosay okay, is this the result of
me believing some things that Ijust got wrong?
Dan (37:12):
And that's scary.
A lot of.
Most of us don't want to godown that road because they'll
start questioning everything.
Charles (37:18):
Yeah, we'll accept familiar discomfort over
unfamiliar comfort, absolutely.
And, yeah, and we findourselves stuck in situations
whether that's jobs orrelationships or or lack of
relationships, that we're notparticularly satisfied with.
But you know, you know it,you're comfortable with it, you
know what to expect tomorrowmorning when you wake up.
You know what life's going tolook like.
(37:39):
Yeah, and people will getcomfortable expecting some
pretty miserable things justbecause they're comfortable, and
we are encouraging you not todo that.
Yeah, knock it off.
Be willing to say, okay, someof the things that I'm certain
of may not be true, and I'mwilling to at least temporarily
experiment with letting go ofthose beliefs and trying
something else and humbleeverybody.
(38:00):
You're not going to fail orsucceed until you try first.
And yeah, whether it's dancingor whatever it is, put yourself
out there and say, yeah, I canattempt this and no matter what
happens, I'm going to be okay.
Dan (38:13):
Yeah, I've tried.
You're going to starve.
You're going to go to jail.
Charles (38:17):
Most of the time Right, yeah, yeah, what you tell
yourself.
The negative potentialdownsides are probably
completely made up in your headwhere it's going to be either
upside or neutral side.
To whatever attempt you make,it's either going to be a wash
or it's going to be somethinggood's going to happen.
Dan (38:35):
I think regardless.
You could say something goodhappens because you get more
information, regardless of whathappens you get more information
regardless of what happens,right?
Charles (38:48):
you get more information now, and so you and
your identity changes intosomebody who's willing to try
difficult, uncomfortable things.
It's win-win right.
So get out there and dosomething.
I'm gonna ask you yes, I'mgonna ask you next week.
Get something you did betweenrecordings that you are
comfortable with the very nextrecording we're about to do in a
few minutes but next week, whenwe get together, I'm gonna ask
you about something.
Yeah, sounds good.
All right, thanks, dan, we'lltalk to you next time.
(39:08):
Thank you so much for listeningto the entire episode.
Start to finish, dan, and Ireally appreciate it.
Again.
Please check out our website,mindfullymasculinecom, where you
can find full audio and videoepisodes, as well as any
resources we find worth sharing.
Thanks, we'll talk to you nexttime.
You need to be willing to ask that question of okay,
here's what I bring to the table.
Yeah, do you find thisappealing enough to give me a
chance for the next level ofinteraction, yes or no?
I know a lot of guys that areuncomfortable voicing that
question in a way where itactually gives a woman the power
(00:20):
to say yeah, I am, or no,thanks.
Welcome back to the MindfullyMasculine Podcast.
This is Charles.
In this episode, dan and I willbe talking about dating
essentials for men by Dr RobertGlover, and topics included this
week will be understandingself-limiting beliefs,
vulnerability and authenticityin dating, reframing the purpose
(00:40):
of dating, the impact of socialconditioning on relationships,
overcoming the fear of dating,the impact of social
conditioning on relationships,overcoming the fear of rejection
, building confidence throughdiscomfort, breaking the cycle
of negative self-talk,developing a growth-oriented
dating approach, the importanceof testing for romantic interest
and avoiding the romantizationof unavailable women.
(01:02):
Please check out our website,mindfullymasculinecom, to find
our full audio and videoepisodes, as well as any other
resources we find worthy ofsharing.
Thanks and enjoy.
We're going to jump intochapter two of Dating Essentials
for Men by Dr Robert Glover,and again, the first half of
this book is some real valuablestuff.
All about getting your headright so that you can enter into
(01:25):
dating in a way that doesn'tdoom you to failure, because a
lot of us are walking aroundwith some programming that if we
don't make some edits and somemodifications to that
programming, we're just going toget frustrated by trying to
socialize with date, possiblyromance and girlfriend lover
(01:45):
doesn't say something.
Dan (01:46):
He says all of us come from imperfect homes.
And it's true, that's true,right, and and we all have some
self-limiting beliefs that showup in in different ways.
And yeah, so we all havesomething to work on yeah, the
first thing.
Charles (01:59):
That sort of caught my attention and I printed out the
some pages from this chapter ofthe book where the whole idea of
dating really starts with aquestion of to, to the women of
the world, and eventuallyspecific ones of hey, given
everything that I'm bringing tothe table good and bad, but he
(02:20):
emphasizes the negative, likebased inside of these flaws that
you can see immediately and theones that I'm able to keep
covered up for a little bit.
Inside of these flaws, are yougoing to find me interesting
enough, attractive enough,valuable enough to give me a
shot at having your number orgoing on a date with me or
(02:41):
sleeping with me or marrying meor having kids with me?
Are you and and that's reallywhere it starts you need to be
willing to ask that question ofokay, here's what I bring to the
table.
Yeah, do you find thisappealing enough to give me a
chance for the next level ofinteraction, yes or no?
I know a lot of guys that areuncomfortable voicing that
(03:04):
question in a way where itactually gives a woman the power
to say, yeah, I am, or no,thanks, I'm not interested.
And that's scary, and I thinkthat's why a lot of guys myself
in the past included will try toget that closeness and that
relationship with a womanwithout actually feeling like we
(03:26):
have to be vulnerable enough toask for it.
Dan (03:29):
Yeah, and that's how guys end up in what they call or
consider the friend zone, or oryeah, or the other thing is
covering up a lot more of whoyou are because you're afraid
that's not going to meet herstandards or criteria based on
assumptions that you're making,not even.
A lot of times it's not evenproven facts or information they
(03:52):
have.
It's guesses that you're makingbased on your previous
experiences and a lot of timesthat's inaccurate, and now you
are basically selling somethingthat isn't reality, and so it's
like all right.
Charles (04:07):
So the car dealer gives you one car to test drive, but
then, when it's time to sign thepaper and get the keys, it's
like it's a completely differentcar.
I don't, how would you react tothat?
There are times where you knowwhether it's a job interview or
a first date, where we do feelthat impulse of okay, I've got
to, I got to spit, shine thisturd a little bit who's myself,
so that she doesn't really seewho I really am.
Because we have theseself-limiting beliefs of okay,
(04:30):
if we were just honest anddirect about who we were and
what we wanted and what we wereinterested in, then we would get
rejected.
So we can't do that.
We have to come up with theseother schemes and strategies
instead, and that does lead to alot of disappointment and a lot
of heartache on both sides ofthe romantic equation.
Dan (04:45):
It's immediate distrust, because if you're scheming here,
that means you're a schemer andyou will potentially do it in
other areas and as we learned inour last book, the number one
thing that women look for in menis are you trustworthy?
Charles (04:58):
Are you who you say you are, and do you do what you say
you're going to do?
Dan (05:09):
And everything else that has to be be the and that's not
that easy to do.
It sounds really simple the wayyou spew it out like that, but
it no, it's not.
Especially coming growing up inwhen we grew up and having our
own experiences between moviesand tv and just not parents
relationship, parentsrelationship and no formal
education on what a healthyrelationship is like.
They it'll teach that.
Charles (05:25):
No, they certainly don't.
And and even if they did, it'slike how effective would it be
compared to all the othermessages that we receive and all
the other examples that we see?
Yeah, even if we took twosemesters on it in high school
or college, how much would itreally succeed at deprogramming
the information that we'vealready gotten by that point?
I don't know.
So he makes the argument thatwe change the way that we look
(05:51):
at dating.
Instead of looking at dating asI'm going to do these things
that will make women like mewant to sleep with me, want to
marry me, instead of treatingdating as this exercise of I'm
going to be what I need to be toget what I want from people, no
, think of it instead, as thisis a method for you to clean out
all the crap bouncing around inyour head and the
(06:11):
misunderstandings you have aboutyourself, about the world,
about women in general, aboutone woman in particular.
You're going to use the processof becoming a good dater to fix
all of these problems that youhave inside your head isn't
there an easier way to do this,because that sounds horrible
yeah about that.
Like when I was highlighting it,I thought if I need to travel
(06:33):
26.2 miles running, it iscertainly not the easiest way to
do it.
Yeah, you don't run marathonsbecause, oh, I need to get from
here to this other place 26.2miles away.
You could grab, you could hopon a bike, you could get a car,
you can charter a helicopter.
There's a lot of easier ways togo 26.2 miles than running them
(06:54):
.
But if the goal is okay, I needto get from here to there and I
also have a whole lot of otherwork I need to do on myself in
the process, like eating better,getting in shape, being more
disciplined mentally then, whenyou view it through that prism,
running it might be the best wayto accomplish not only getting
from point A to point B, but allthese other benefits that you
(07:15):
would get.
Dan (07:17):
If it was easy somebody just told you what these issues
were you wouldn't be likely toput in the hard work to actually
shit and get uncomfortable tochange those things.
But if you're in the process oftrying, to date somebody and,
like you, have an epic failabout something or you're
humiliated, you're going toremember that and you're going
to be a lot more likely to wantto do something about it.
Charles (07:39):
Yeah, and Robert Glover is in both his book and in
interviews he's done.
He's honest about the idea ofI'm not interested in teaching
guys how to get chicks.
That's not my goal.
My goal is to teach men how tobe better versions of who they
are, and I use the desire todate, fall in love, have sex,
(08:00):
start a family as the motivationto teach men how to be better
men.
And then he says when I startedchallenging these self-limiting
beliefs and I started askingmyself these hard questions and
I started saying I'm going tosubject myself to
anxiety-inducing experiences,every other aspect of my life
took off.
My business, my friendships,all parts of me being me got
(08:23):
better when I was willing to say, okay, I'm going to tolerate
the difficulties and theanxieties of becoming a better
man in trying to get betterromantic relationships.
And it just affected everyother aspect of his life.
Dan (08:38):
The older I get, the more I realize that life exists
outside of your comfort zone, ora good life, a happy life, a
fulfilled life.
You don't have to go that farout of your comfort zone, but I
think that needs to be a regularpractice.
Yeah, Otherwise you're justgoing to be the same old every
day.
Yeah, because how many Somepeople?
That might be okay for somepeople.
Charles (08:58):
Yeah, how many I think about this all the time.
How many of us guys, from theday we left high school or
college or the military, like,how many of us just spend every
day doing stuff we know we cando?
We just wake up every morningand do things that like, yeah, I
did this yesterday, so I'm notgoing to have any problem doing
it today, and that turns intoyeah, I've done this for the
(09:21):
last 10 years.
Every day for the last 10 yearsI've done this, so I can
probably do it today too.
And yeah, it really feels likethe exciting parts of life are
when you wake up and decide, allright, I'm going to do
something today I've never donebefore and it might work.
It might not work, I don't know.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
And yeah, I think that's abetter life.
And for some people, that isrunning a marathon and for some
(09:43):
people, that is just I'm goingto say, if you're right to the
fridge, I'm going to say helloto a stranger, or I'm going to
say good morning to someone onmy morning walk and I mean, you
can start as small as you needto do those new things.
And uh, yeah, if it's somethingyou're nervous about.
There's probably an interestingreason why it's probably what
you need Right, exactly Okayabout.
(10:03):
There's probably an interestingreason why it's probably what
you need right, exactly okay.
So he gets into some of thecategories of self-limiting
beliefs that we experience andwhat the the sort of targets are
.
Of those self-limiting beliefs,there are some that are going
to be about about yourself, likeI'm too fill in the blank fat,
poor, shy, whatever.
Or I'm not rich enough, I'm nottall enough, I'm not.
(10:24):
Or I'm not rich enough, I'm nottall enough, I'm not young
enough, I'm not old enough, I'mnot whatever To get the
attention and affection of thekind of women that I'm attracted
to.
Dan (10:34):
Every woman that you're attracted to you don't meet any
of the qualifications.
It's impossible for you to know, I know, funny thing is we all
do it, I've done it.
Funny thing is we all do it,I've done it.
You know what I'm saying.
But it's crazy If you reallybreak it down and think about
that statement for a minute.
It's impossible to know.
And so why would you believethat?
And it's just because youprobably had a few.
What he talks about.
(10:54):
We've had a few experiences.
Yeah, starting in middle schoolusually.
Yeah, and then we apply that toeverything.
Charles (10:59):
Yeah, and even I'll give these SLBs, self-limiting
beliefs, a little bit more gracethan you are.
We might just have one where itmight just be.
There's one thing about me thatmakes me appealing to every
girl.
Oh yeah, you only need one.
It really does.
It only takes one of up tooshort, I'm too tall, I'm too
poor, I'm too, whatever it is,I'm too thin, I'm too fat, I'm
(11:20):
too fat, I'm too young, I'm tooold, whatever it is that you're
zeroing in on to be okay, thisis my essentially, this is my
past, this is my reason.
I don't have to compete in thedating marketplace because I've
got this one thing that makes mea bad choice.
And so, okay, congratulations,you're off the hook.
You're off the hook as long asyou're willing to give up this
relationship.
(11:41):
You're not getting what youwant.
Yeah, you desperately want thecompanionship and the love and
romance of a woman in your life,but you've decided no, there's
this one thing about me thatthat takes that off the table.
So I'm still going todesperately want this thing, but
now I've given myself a passwhere I don't have to do
anything to get it.
Dan (12:09):
I think, particularly now, a lot of young men find
themselves in that positionwhere they're just they've
decided I'm not willing tocompete in the dating
marketplace.
Yeah, he digs into thisscientifically quite a bit.
Apparently, his brother's nameis Danny Glover.
Yeah, I thought that was funny,but I thought it was
fascinating the way he reallymade it simple and explained it.
Like, our brains, as kids,aren't fully developed yet and
so basically all our emotionscome from is the primitive brain
, so we might have an experiencewhere a woman rejects you and
(12:35):
then that kind of getsregistered and at that point now
the way your brain works isit's always going to look for
confirmation of that experience,to believe that it's true.
So now you're going throughyour whole life just reinforcing
that one experience that youhad and you're looking for it in
all these other ways, and sonow it becomes like a
deep-rooted belief and so inorder to undo that, it's going
(12:55):
to take some work yeah, and we,yeah that that paradigm effect
or confirmation bias, whateveryou want to call it, it
definitely it happens.
Charles (13:04):
happens with the news that we get A lot of us our age
and younger get the majority ofour news off social media, and
it's so easy when Instagram,facebook, twitter, whatever
suggests a news source thatwe've already decided we don't
like, we just all unfollow that,and so I want to make sure that
I only get information frompeople I already agree with, and
(13:27):
I'll seek out more people thatI already agree with.
It's much more pleasurable.
Yeah, I don't want to see thatguy.
That guy doesn't think the sameway I do about whatever foreign
policy, fiscal policy, whateverit is.
No, I'm not like him, I don'twant to.
I don't want to hear from himanymore.
You all do it, and then, yeah,it gets easier and easier to
only expose yourself to thethings that you already believe
are true, and we certainly dothat about ourselves as well.
(13:48):
It's like every negativereaction or every time somebody
looks at me in a way thatdoesn't feel good.
Oh, it's because they they seethis thing about myself that
I've already decided I hate andit's not attractive.
So that's what they're thinkingabout when they look at me and
yeah, where can other peoplecould look at me in a positive
(14:08):
way, and I'll just push that offto the side, never pay
attention to it and focus on theconfirmation of I am too short,
this sucks.
Dan (14:13):
And here's the thing too, is if you had a negative
experience as a kid, it camefrom your immature brain as a
child and it was, and it mayhave been an interaction with
another immature brain.
Charles (14:27):
Absolutely.
Dan (14:28):
So it doesn't even apply at this point now, because you've
had many years of experience inlife and maturity as well as the
other person.
So, yeah, we're talking applesand oranges here, but again,
that's so ingrained in ourprimitive brain which keeps us
alive.
Yeah, that it's very difficultto, unless you're really aware
(14:48):
of it and you work on anxietyand your physical reaction when
you're upset, unless you can,like consciously, catch yourself
doing that and tell your brainhey, relax, thank you for doing
this job.
I know you're trying to protectme.
You can relax now and then justbe open to getting more
information instead of justgoing with the old belief and
(15:08):
and going down a rabbit hole ofshame yeah, and it really is.
Charles (15:13):
It can really go all the way back to the very
beginning, with how you weretreated by your parents.
Then, a little few years after,that was the first girl you had
a crush on and how sheinteracted with you.
And, yeah, yeah, you can.
Just that stuff can just getwritten into the, to the base
code and carried along seeminglyforever or until you had enough
compelling, a compelling enoughreason to change it, which
(15:35):
you're listening to, a podcastlike this.
Dan (15:37):
Maybe you've had that moment what was also interesting
was the way he very graceful,the way he explained it is your
self-limiting belief is thatgirls like this don't talk to me
so, and you never talk to girlslike that, sure, so you now
have, basically, you'reconfirming it.
Charles (15:54):
Yeah, basically a vision, just creating your own
evidence on a daily basis toprove that your brain was right
about whatever.
Yeah, so the categories ofself-limiting beliefs that we
can categorize everything intoone of these beliefs about
yourself, beliefs about aparticular woman, meaning oh,
she's so pretty she already hasa boyfriend or she's so put
together that she's probablywith some guy who's equally put
(16:16):
together or certainly more puttogether than me, women in
general, which is, beliefs likewomen have all the control.
All women want a successful man.
Women don't like sex.
All the good women are takenand, yeah, it's very easy to
tell yourself that story.
The other one is all women aregold diggers.
All women care about is datinga guy with money, and that that
(16:40):
one I find to be very pervasiveonline right now with guys who
talk about dating.
It's always all women careabout is how tall a guy is and
how much money he has, and towhich I say depending on how
social you are, how many friendsyou are, you have, I can
confidently say I know guys whohave been in situations where
their girlfriend or wife evenhas left him for a man that is
(17:05):
objectively less attractive bycurrent societal standards or
objectively has way less money,and so that's a real thing.
That happens.
Women will leave rich men forpoor men.
There's doctors and lawyers whoare left every day.
In this country, money can't beloved for musicians and artists
.
That absolutely happens everyday.
(17:26):
And also women will leaveattractive men for guys who are
less attractive again based onthe current standards.
As if it ever happens, thenthis idea of all women want blah
, blah, blah has to be false.
When I hear somebody say allwomen this, or it's like a neon
sign that says my relationshiptrauma is screaming right now,
(17:47):
isn't it?
Dan (17:48):
And but also it's very arrogant, oh for sure.
Charles (17:52):
So you've got every woman on the planet completely
figured out.
You know exactly how they all.
Dan (17:55):
It is partly arrogant, partly immature, and so, yeah,
it's partly arrogant, partlyimmature, and so, yeah, it's
ridiculous to go down that road.
And I as a kid and a teenagerand high school and college I
was I've done that, I've madethose assumptions.
But if you could take a stepback and realize it's just wow,
because no one ever wants tocome across as arrogant.
When I've said that to someother people where they thought
(18:18):
they've made these assumptionsbased on information that they
don't have or couldn't possiblyget, and I was like, don't you
think that's a little bitarrogant?
And they're like good people.
And then they're like, oh, Iwas just like I was, basically,
and it calls them out on themand their self-deprecating
language and using that as anexcuse for not getting what they
(18:39):
want.
And so I think that was awake-up call to a couple of
people that I mentioned it to.
I was just like, hey, dude,you're a smart guy, you're a
great X, y, z, but don't youthink it's a little arrogant to
think that A, B and C here?
And it made them pause for asecond.
Charles (18:54):
Yeah, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend
this week about impostersyndrome and it triggered a
memory that Renata and I talkedabout in one of my sessions
years ago, which is, yeah,sometimes I do feel a little bit
like I've got she's an imposter.
Oh, this is about you.
That is definitely not herproblem.
Renata does not see thestruggle of imposter syndrome,
but I have at points in my life,thought, okay, maybe I'm not as
(19:16):
smart or as competent as Ithink I am.
And sometimes points in my lifethought, okay, maybe I'm not as
smart or as competent as I thinkI am and sometimes I can just
get by on my charisma and mysalesman skills and things like
that.
And she was the one thatbrought up oh so you really
think you're that much smarterthan everybody that you've got
every person in yourprofessional orbit is just
convinced that you're good.
You're not actually good.
You've just you're such a super, a criminal mastermind that
(19:37):
you've got this whole industryconvinced that you're not really
as good as you actually are.
And so, yeah, that that would.
That does take quite a bit ofhubris to say everybody I've
ever worked with is just someidiot that I've conned into
thinking that I'm good at my joband that can't.
Yeah, that doesn't pass.
When you say it out loud, itdefinitely does not pass the
test.
(19:57):
It doesn't make any sense.
Dan (19:59):
It's very difficult.
I think we all suffer fromimposter syndrome at one point
or another.
Charles (20:03):
I would say so, unless you're just an absolute
psychopath.
Dan (20:07):
Yes, yeah, and the reason why I think it is just something
that we all need to just acceptis because we are learning from
people who are smarter than us,and so we immediately think
this is where we need to be, orthis is the standard, and not
where we are, and, unlessdifferent, in a classroom
setting where you have, likeother students and they're on
(20:28):
your level, but like these days,as an adult, a lot of times
when we're learning from things,it's videos, it's people on
social media where it's likepolished and professional and
they've got all this stuff andwe're learning from them and
that's great, but at the sametime, we're also secretly
comparing ourselves to them andgoing this is where we need to
be and, of course, that's goingto feed into yeah, I'm an
(20:48):
imposter, I'm not going to beable to be that good and yeah,
you won't be at the beginning,but that's where we need to have
a little bit self-compassionand be a little humble.
Charles (21:04):
And where we need to have a little bit
self-compassion and be a littlehumble, and for me, it also
works to have a little bit oflogic.
Okay, yeah, a lot of logic.
The idea.
The idea that you're notcompetent and capable and you
just can.
You're super competent andcapable at convincing people
that you're competent andcapable, but you're not actually
competent and capable so thatdumb thing that you've, you
fooled them like you're notactually doing a good job.
Dan (21:14):
Yeah, the yeah.
Charles (21:16):
Occam's razor that, all things being equal, the the
simplest explanation is probablytrue is oh no, I probably am
just decent at my job and peopleprobably like working with me
because I'm enjoyable to workwith and not because I've cast
some sort of a smell oneverybody and convince them to
thinking that I'm something thatI'm not okay.
He gets into one.
One interesting thing is theemotionally laden language that
(21:39):
we use, which is how we canexpose some of our SLBs with the
way that we talk aboutourselves and the stories that
we tell, and he gives someexamples like she shot me down
versus she said no, or I blew itagain versus it didn't work out
.
And, yeah, sometimes the waythat we tell a story about how
an interaction may have gonewith a woman will reveal a lot
(22:01):
of where we're coming from andhow we feel about ourselves.
Also reinforces how we feelabout ourselves.
Correct, exactly, yeah, whenyou hear yourself talking that
way about yourself, you believethe messages that your brain
tells you.
So if you're someone who saysand the last one that he uses,
which I really like, hisposition on rejection, the word
and the concept of what isrejection, when you ask a girl
(22:22):
out for coffee and she says, oh,no, thank you.
Is she rejecting you or is shejust expressing a lack of
interest or low enough interestthat she doesn't want to go out
with you?
And that's why I think we someof us have probably experienced
rejection either from a parentor from if you're with a partner
(22:44):
for a long time, like a year,thanks, but no thanks, I'm not
interested anymore.
That is difficult, but that'snot.
But our brain wants to makethat the same as asking that
(23:07):
stranger out for coffee, likeour fears triggered.
Oh, if she says no, this willfeel just as bad as the time I
got dumped by my wife and so I'mbetter off to not to not even
bother asking her.
But it's really not the same.
Your brain wants to tell youthat it's the same, but it's not
the same.
Having somebody who says nothanks, I don't want to go out
with you, when she knows thismuch about you, should not feel
(23:31):
as painful as my wife left me.
Dan (23:34):
Here's why it's also not the same.
She's not the same person,correct.
It's always a different person,right.
It will never, ever not thesame.
She's not the same person,correct, it's always a different
person, right.
Charles (23:41):
It will never ever be the same Correct yeah, no
relationship that ends and nofirst date rejection is ever the
idea of get to know as quicklyas you can, because the faster
(24:02):
you get to a no response fromsomeone, the less it's going to
hurt you.
Guys, I've seen it in myselfand in my friends.
It's like that fear of giving awoman the power to say thumbs
up or thumbs down is soparalyzing.
That's how we find ourselves inthe friend zone for two or
three years with a girl thatwe've got a crush on.
Dan (24:21):
Yeah, and I think that happens because our minds start
fantasizing about a life that isnot reality for us.
Person, yes, it's.
They didn't know you as long asyou were married to your
ex-wife in the example that youwere getting right.
But in your mind, if let's say,this isn't a woman that you
just saw it on a bar somewhereor a coffee shop, this is
(24:41):
somebody that you know andyou're talking about being in a
friend zone, those two yearsyou're fantasizing.
You're not thinking about, oh,what great friends you're going
to be.
You're just like walking downthe road hey pal, that's not
what guys do and the feeling,these emotions, as they're
(25:02):
replaying it in their minds.
And so now you have built up ayear or two of these connections
and these like strong feelingsand everything else like that.
Charles (25:06):
So, yeah, it's gonna sting a lot more if she does
reject you, and so then you pushit back right and just taking
what you can get correct and andI think one of the main
benefits of doing this kind ofinternal work when it comes to
the way that you perceive ofdating relationships and romance
is you've got to get yourselfto a point where, when you are
(25:27):
evaluating a woman for going outon a date or having a future
with is an absolutely rigid dealbreaker for me is a woman has
to be romantically attracted tome and willing to express that.
I am not going to get caught upand infatuated with some woman
(25:49):
that I don't even know she hasromantic interest in me.
Dan (25:52):
Yeah, because that's what a girlfriend or a partnership is.
It includes romance and sex andattraction and companionship
and all these other things.
It's not coupons, right?
It's not a chauffeur, right.
That's what a normal, widelyunderstood relationship requires
(26:14):
and is comprised of, and so tobe in one and you're not having
the basics being met, right.
Charles (26:23):
You have to get to the point where you waste your time,
and I know it's.
It's not up to us.
We don't get to choose whatemotions or feelings spring up
inside of us, but we do get tochoose which ones we are going
to feed and nurture and care for, and have, grow and grow and
grow.
To feed and nurture and carefor and have, grow and grow and
grow.
And you just you got to get tothe point where I am not willing
to let myself feel strongromantic attraction for women
(26:49):
that have not expressed anyinterest in me, and that's why,
again, so you get to know asquickly as you can.
Hey, I'd be interested ingetting to know you better.
You want to get a coffee?
Oh, no, thank you, I'm notinterested.
Okay, then I'm going to turnaround and walk in the other
direction and not continue toput myself in her proximity and
continue to think about andruminate on what future we could
have.
She says she doesn't want itright now.
(27:09):
So believe her and move on.
And I know it's easier saidthan done.
But look, I went from a crushingon girls friend zone type of
guy to one who doesn't do thatanymore, even when I was on the
dating apps.
It's like I would match with agirl.
I would say, hey, I'm glad wematch.
I'd like to get to know you'reavailable for getting coffee or
getting a drink.
(27:30):
All go to a public place andhave a coffee with them.
Oh, okay, we're looking fordifferent things.
It's great meeting you.
I wish you the best.
And boom, I was onto the nextone and that was good for her
and good for me.
That's how it's supposed towork.
Somebody isn't sure about youand you are interested in
knowing more about them.
You got to believe, take themat their word, believe them and
(27:52):
say, okay, we're not looking forthe same kind of experience
right now.
I'm gonna move on and wish youthe best.
Let's talk about some of theseabsolutely anxiety inducing
activities that glover istelling you should engage in and
that I'm going to try to dosome of these again.
Dan (28:09):
That makes sense in the context of I'm already in a
relationship yeah, you know whatwe should go and we should let
us literally know what we'vedone as part of these things
already.
Charles (28:17):
Okay so go places you don't usually go.
Okay, done that.
Yeah, I have two both, both ona big level and, uh, at a small
level often shops things likethat correct.
Dan (28:28):
Yeah, yeah, being a gym, I've done that because the yeah,
the chains, whatever yeah, talkto everyone you meet no, I've
never done that, not everyoneyeah, and that's the talk to
everyone you meet.
Charles (28:41):
Oh, okay, if I meet less people, have less people to
talk to.
There's definitely ways thatyou can try to, but, like we
said about taking care ofyourself and your space.
Who are you trying to game here?
Who are you trying to get oneover on it's make and hold eye
contact?
I've definitely done someplaying around with that.
Just walk around the mall andstuff.
Where every person I pass, Ihold eye contact with them and
(29:01):
it can be a little uncomfortable.
Dan (29:02):
Oh yeah, I've only done it a couple of times because it was
yeah.
Charles (29:05):
And usually I find once it starts to feel a little
uncomfortable if you just give alittle smile and a nod and then
just keep walking on your way.
Dan (29:12):
So that's one of my self-limiting beliefs is anybody
who stares is a psychopath or apervert or whatever.
So right, those are all and andit's, I think all that's all
from movies, not from real lifeor television shows you know,
science tells us the opposite.
Charles (29:27):
Science tells us it or it's the predator who, as soon
as he gets caught looking, looksaway yeah, it's so.
Dan (29:35):
that's the thing is.
I'm not intentionally likelooking and then as soon as they
look I look away.
I just do a perusal kind ofthing, just seeing where
everything's going.
Usually I'm not intentionallymaking eye contact, unless it
was we were.
Charles (29:48):
we had talked about doing that and practicing, but I
could see that, yeah, that'sworse Like looking away like
that, yeah, yeah that, thatresponse of, oh, I just got
caught doing something I'm notsupposed to do and I looked down
especially.
That's the.
If you do a little digging intowomen, in particular friends or
(30:11):
women that you know.
Yeah, it's not the, oh, Icaught a guy looking at me.
That creeps them out.
It's.
I caught a guy looking at meand he immediately looked away.
Dan (30:14):
That's the creeps, Absolutely that's worse,
absolutely yes.
Charles (30:17):
If a guy locks eyes with a woman briefly and then
gives her a little smile or headnod and then just keeps going
on his way, never talks to her,never interrupts her.
I don't know any woman who'sexplained that exact situation
to me and felt like, oh, I feltreally unsafe or really creeped
out by a guy who we made eyecontact.
He smiled and he just keptwalking.
He left me alone.
That is almost the safestscenario is to do that.
(30:40):
Yeah, that's something I'vechallenged myself with when I've
been around the mall.
Yeah, make eye contact witheverybody.
If they hold it for a second,give them a smile and then just
keep walking.
You don't have to interruptthem, you don't have to insert
yourself into their day or theirlife, you just keep going.
Dan (30:56):
I feel like I'm inviting into my life, if I'm staring at
them like I want, and so that'sone of my other reluctances.
As they could, they can decideif they want to say hello to you
or not.
Yeah, absolutely no, I, I getthat.
I I just feel like it's justhokey, provoking somebody.
I don't know.
Charles (31:15):
That's me, though yeah, but I think again, that's where
the smile and the nod,especially if it's dudes I mean,
it's not like I've done it withwhen I've gone out and decided
I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna dowith everybody, and sometimes,
yeah, dude will will look at meand he'll hold it for a second
and I'll just give him a littlenod of the head and I'll keep
going.
Does he look you up and down?
kind of doing one of them I mean, everybody does, especially
(31:36):
when I wear my five inch shorts.
So, yeah, making and holdingeye contact and I think that is
also something that we've talkedabout in previous episodes and
how you can there's differentlevels of trying that out that
you can experiment with Ask awoman to meet you for coffee
yeah, that's a little bit biggerthan making and holding eye
contact, but it's.
I've never done that too.
I have not either.
(31:57):
I've never done what they wouldcall a cold pickup, where you
just see somebody in public andwe'll talk about why.
Glover's not a big advocate ofcold pickup either, of just
finding a stranger.
Now, what's the criteria thatyou're evaluating here?
Like, and look, if it's acomplete stranger, it really
does come down to I think I'dlike to see you naked.
So therefore, that's enough.
(32:17):
That, and only that, is enoughreason for me to approach you
and introduce myself into yourlife, and I that's not.
Dan (32:24):
One of my beliefs of myself is that I'm shallow, and so
when I, if I were ever to dothat to somebody, immediately my
mind goes to I'm being shallow.
I'm showing the person that I'mshallow.
Charles (32:37):
Yeah, and there may.
Yeah, if you've seen someone alittle bit and how they interact
with people and you findsomething attractive about
that's one thing.
But just walking into a brandnew bar, nightclub, cafe,
whatever, and you just see theprettiest girl and you just
immediately walk up to her andask her out for coffee.
I'm not saying there's anythingethically wrong with that.
But number one I'm not going todo it because I'm not
(32:59):
comfortable doing it.
And number two I don't feellike it has a high probability
of success.
Dan (33:03):
Yeah, I think there's got to be a little bit more detail
that Glover's leaving out here,because I don't think that would
work in almost any situationwithout a little preamble, a
little conversation first.
Oh hey, and some indicators ofinterest from her.
Yeah, I'm a Cowboys fan too.
Charles (33:20):
And Glover's whole thing is and we'll get into this
later on, I think in the nextsection of the book don't be
banging on locked doors.
When a woman opens the door foryou, all you have to do is walk
through it.
And so at one point, asking herout for coffee might be she may
have given you all theindications and all the signs
that the next thing you shoulddo is ask her for coffee.
(33:40):
He's not saying walk up tocomplete strangers and say, hey,
will you get coffee with me?
But there is a time in theprocess of testing for a woman's
interest that the next logicalstep is hey, do you want to get
some coffee?
Dan (33:53):
I thought it was literally just walking up to somebody and
going hey, do you want to grabcoffee?
Charles (33:58):
He's just putting this on the list of things that
uncomfortable, anxiety inducingthings that you will have to try
at some point got it okay, notthat you should be doing these
to get out of your comfort zonenow that's what is.
Tell a woman to give you herphone number, okay, walk it up
to a stranger and say give meyour phone number.
Yes, that that is going to beand your social yeah, that's a.
(34:19):
That's going to be a high riskmaneuver that will usually not
work for you.
But as you learn the differentlevels of testing women for
their interest, at some pointthe next thing that makes sense
is going to be asking her forher phone number.
And then, when it is you'regoing to have to do, you're
going to have to build a wholelot of high anxiety activities
that get you to the point wherethe next thing that makes sense
(34:41):
is hey, give me your phonenumber so I can give you a call.
That will make sense at somepoint, but not right when you
walk into a room and you see apretty girl and you just decide,
okay, what I'm going to do iswalk up and say give me your
phone number, Good luck, Okay.
And then he offers the exampleof wanting to learn how to salsa
dance and using that as a wayto prompt some of these anxiety
(35:03):
inducing situations.
The value is not in I'm going tomeet my wife in this dance
class.
It's going to be I'm going to dosomething I'm not comfortable
doing and I'm going to surviveit, and I'm going to become the
kind of person that does thingsthat I'm not comfortable with to
see what might happen.
That's really where the valueis.
We already talked about thesection on why you started lying
(35:23):
to yourself.
Basically, when you're inmiddle school and you're
crushing on a girl who may ormay not be crushing back at you,
you're both going to be verysloppy and awkward with the way
that romance or those romanticintentions express themselves.
It's going to be in almostevery case.
It's going to be rough becauseyou're learning how to be people
much less learning how to bepeople who are attracted to the
(35:44):
same or opposite sex and you'regonna you're gonna run into some
pretty sloppy interactions andthey can really be carried
forward into your history withromance and dating for the rest
of your life yeah and being ableto just say I was just a dumb
kid and she was just a dumb kidand we.
We did what came natural to usand it was probably the wrong
thing.
There's value in being able tojust discount some of that and
(36:05):
say because most of the womenthat you interact with now are
going to have at least some clueon how to talk to a man, what
they're interested in a man.
You can cut through some of thelevel of bullshit that you
absolutely had to deal with whenyou were middle school or you
had a crush on somebody bullshitthat you absolutely had to deal
with when you were middleschool, or who had a crush on
somebody.
Yeah, we, and we also talkedabout how your mind is going to
continually reinforce the thingsthat you already believe to be
(36:27):
true.
And again, we'll say somethingwe say all the time if what
you're doing now is working foryou, then you don't need to
listen to us or robert glover oranybody else.
If you're completely satisfiedwith the results that you're
having, I don't know why you'relistening to the podcast in the
first place, but if you are notsatisfied, it seems to make
sense to say okay, part of thereason I'm not satisfied might
(36:49):
be because I believe things thataren't true and I'm relying on
the beliefs that I have aboutthings that are not true to get
me to where I want to go.
To get me to where I want to go, and so you got to be open to
letting some of those ideas go.
If you're not completelysatisfied with how your life's
going, you got to be willing tosay okay, is this the result of
me believing some things that Ijust got wrong?
Dan (37:12):
And that's scary.
A lot of.
Most of us don't want to godown that road because they'll
start questioning everything.
Charles (37:18):
Yeah, we'll accept familiar discomfort over
unfamiliar comfort, absolutely.
And, yeah, and we findourselves stuck in situations
whether that's jobs orrelationships or or lack of
relationships, that we're notparticularly satisfied with.
But you know, you know it,you're comfortable with it, you
know what to expect tomorrowmorning when you wake up.
You know what life's going tolook like.
(37:39):
Yeah, and people will getcomfortable expecting some
pretty miserable things justbecause they're comfortable, and
we are encouraging you not todo that.
Yeah, knock it off.
Be willing to say, okay, someof the things that I'm certain
of may not be true, and I'mwilling to at least temporarily
experiment with letting go ofthose beliefs and trying
something else and humbleeverybody.
(38:00):
You're not going to fail orsucceed until you try first.
And yeah, whether it's dancingor whatever it is, put yourself
out there and say, yeah, I canattempt this and no matter what
happens, I'm going to be okay.
Dan (38:13):
Yeah, I've tried.
You're going to starve.
You're going to go to jail.
Charles (38:17):
Most of the time Right, yeah, yeah, what you tell
yourself.
The negative potentialdownsides are probably
completely made up in your headwhere it's going to be either
upside or neutral side.
To whatever attempt you make,it's either going to be a wash
or it's going to be somethinggood's going to happen.
Dan (38:35):
I think regardless.
You could say something goodhappens because you get more
information, regardless of whathappens you get more information
regardless of what happens,right?
Charles (38:48):
you get more information now, and so you and
your identity changes intosomebody who's willing to try
difficult, uncomfortable things.
It's win-win right.
So get out there and dosomething.
I'm gonna ask you yes, I'mgonna ask you next week.
Get something you did betweenrecordings that you are
comfortable with the very nextrecording we're about to do in a
few minutes but next week, whenwe get together, I'm gonna ask
you about something.
Yeah, sounds good.
All right, thanks, dan, we'lltalk to you next time.
(39:08):
Thank you so much for listeningto the entire episode.
Start to finish, dan, and Ireally appreciate it.
Again.
Please check out our website,mindfullymasculinecom, where you
can find full audio and videoepisodes, as well as any
resources we find worth sharing.
Thanks, we'll talk to you nexttime.
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