May 5, 2025 • 22 mins
Ready to transform your relationship with imposter syndrome? Donna Eade welcomes Nicola Tonsaga, founder of Soul Signatures, for a refreshingly honest conversation about the self-doubt that plagues entrepreneurs at every stage of their journey.
Nicola immediately normalises this experience, explaining that imposter syndrome isn't a sign of weakness but a natural response when we step outside our comfort zones. The transformative shift happens when we move from seeking external validation to cultivating self-worth from within. This inner authority allows us to reframe our narrative from "Who am I to do this?" to "Who am I NOT to do this?"
The conversation delves into how comparison, particularly on social media, fuels our feelings of inadequacy. Nicola shares her own struggle with trying to follow marketing methods that didn't align with her authentic self, highlighting the freedom that comes when you embrace "your business, your rules." This becomes a powerful antidote to the comparisonitis that keeps so many entrepreneurs stuck in doubt.
Perhaps most profound is Nicola's distinction between mindset and embodied belief. While mindset represents our mental stories, true belief resides in the body—you feel it through every fiber of your being. This embodied conviction becomes unshakable, carrying you through challenges regardless of circumstances. For those currently wrestling with imposter syndrome, Nicola offers this transformative advice: get out of your mind and into your body.
Tune in to discover why persistent imposter syndrome might actually be signaling misalignment with your true path, and how growth isn't a linear destination but an ongoing journey of unfolding potential.
Nicola Tonsager is the author of Being Soul Confident and host of the Being Soul Confident Podcast.
FREE 3 Part Audio - Access Here
Buzzsprout - Your go to Podcast Host!Start for FREE
All Your Business Needs Under One Roof
You need a website, a CRM, an EMS, sales funnels, a course platform and more it's all in FEA Create
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Podcast Equipment Recommendations MY KIT
FEA Create Simple all-in-one web, CRM, email system
For graphics Canva
Join the Pod Squad in the FB Group
My MIC ACTION PODCAST - here is a link to Spotify
Read from My Book Shelf & My Guests Book Shelf
Want to Guest? Apply here >>FORM
Edited and produced by Donna Eade
Thank you for your support:)
Until next week, Bye for Now XoX
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Donna Eade (00:00):
You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast,
the place to be to grow andstreamline your business.
I'm your host, donna Eade.
Let's jump into the show.
Well, hello everyone.
I am so excited to be here withyou this week.
(00:22):
This week, I am sharing thefirst in my series of six
episodes that are going out,which are delivering to you the
talks that I did at my liveevent at the beginning of April.
So a month later, I'm nowsharing what those sessions were
(00:42):
with you here on the podcast.
So I'm absolutely delighted toshare with you the first talk
that we had at the event, whichwas Nicola Tonsaga, who was
talking to us about mindset andimposter syndrome and moving out
of the mind and into the body.
(01:04):
Nicola is a fantastic lady.
She is a superstar in what shedoes.
She's the founder of SoulSignatures.
She has a podcast called thebeing Soul Confident podcast.
I urge you to check that out ifyou are so inclined, and I
would love to invite you tolisten to this conversation that
(01:24):
we had about imposter syndrome.
So this is Nicola, everybody.
Nicola, if you would like totake your microphone off the
stand, you need to eat it please.
Nicola Tonsager (01:35):
Oh, oh really oh, yeah, okay, you've got to be
quite close.
If we go in and out, you'llhave to remind me.
Yeah, I will.
Donna Eade (01:41):
I will because we're recording and Matthew has told
me in no uncertain terms we needto be eating the microphones
for the recording purposes.
Nicola Tonsager (01:48):
It's probably not as appetising as lunch, is
it?
Donna Eade (01:50):
No, no, definitely not.
So yeah, there's that Right,Nicola.
Introduce yourself to everybody, Tell them who you are and what
it is that you do.
Nicola Tonsager (02:00):
Hello.
So Nicola Tonsaga Donna hasalready introduced me and I work
primarily with women aroundself-belief, identity,
confidence and self-worth, and Iwork with a process, an
approach called Soul Signatures,which is my own modality, and I
also work with coaching and NLPto support them in their
(02:22):
transformation.
Donna Eade (02:25):
Amazing.
Okay, so today we're going tobe talking about imposter
syndrome, because I think it issomething that hits every single
person at different stages oftheir business and life.
So what does imposter syndromelook like to you?
What does it mean to you?
Nicola Tonsager (02:43):
Well, I think it's really important to
understand that we often faceimposter syndrome and the fact
that we are feeling it doesn'tmake us unique or individual, it
doesn't set us aside from lotsof other people make or mean
that we're doing something wrong.
I think whenever we up level,whenever we move into something
that is outside of our comfortzone, it can be quite normal to
(03:03):
feel as though we can't dosomething or we're looking at,
actually, who am I to do this?
But for me, imposter syndromeand really kind of allowing it
to step back, and some of it isthat narrative in the mind, but
it comes down to self-worth andit comes down to self-belief and
I think if we really look atwho we are and that self-worth
(03:24):
starts to come from within usrather than externally within
life, and we're taught primarilyto look for external validation
but actually looking for itinternally can help to really
shift that narrative to well,actually, who am I to do this,
to who am I not to do this?
And I think we're all here.
I don't know about you, ladies,but you know we're all here.
(03:44):
I don't know about you, ladies,but we're all here to be of
service to the world, to dothings that actually help
support, whether that isshifting mindset, whether it's
shifting belief, whether it'sbringing more joy into our life,
whether it's actuallyunderstanding what freedom is.
For us and for me, that meansthat we're going to meet those
aspects of ourselves that aregoing to ask us to grow, that
are going to ask us to stepoutside of what we know to be
(04:07):
safe, what we know to be certain, and in doing that, we're going
to meet those parts ofourselves that do wonder,
actually, can I do this?
How am I going to do this?
And maybe that's more of aquestion to ask how am I going
to do this rather than can I dothis?
Donna Eade (04:25):
Yeah, brilliant, brilliant.
So when we are dealing with about of imposter syndrome, where
do you think that's?
Nicola Tonsager (04:36):
coming from.
I think it depends what you'redoing and I think it depends
where you are within yourself,but very often it's an aspect of
safety.
I mean, we are programmed forsafety, you know, from a very
young age, or subconscious mindseeks to protect us.
So we're programmed for safetyand whenever we step outside of
that aspect of what is known tous, we are moving into territory
(04:58):
that's unknown.
Yep, and if we think about theonline world as well, there is a
huge amount of comparison, butthere's also a huge amount of
stuff that isn't really real,and we were having a
conversation this morning aboutthe fact that, as business
owners and as women in business,nothing is rosy all of the time
.
We all meet challenges, andthat is absolutely perfectly
(05:19):
normal.
So if we're having a bout ofimposter syndrome, usually it's
because we are about to stepinto something that is going to
ask us to grow, that is going tochallenge us in some way, and
the thing that certainly helpsme move through that is actually
what I'm aiming toward, notwhat I'm moving away from, but
(05:43):
actually what I'm aiming towardand what my desire is, what my
passion is, how I'm serving, howI'm serving, how I'm supporting
, and that desire and that goalbecomes bigger than the voice
that says I'm not sure I can dothis or I don't know how to do
this, and then that becomes well, I don't know how to do this
yet, but I'll figure out a wayto do it.
Yeah, and it's a.
It's really attaching to whowe're here to be, but it's also
attaching to the change that wewant to create in the world and
(06:03):
really asking ourselves to stepforward into that space and to
know that, actually, if we havethat vision and we have that aim
and we have that desire, thatit's possible, because if it
wasn't, we wouldn't have itwithin us in the first place so
good, so good.
Donna Eade (06:20):
So when we were talking before, yeah, we had a
conversation about this.
I had a conversation with allof my speakers before.
I totally forgot what thatconversation was, which is why
I'm here to prompt you um, so wewere talking about passion and
worthiness and comparisonitis,yeah, um, how do you think those
show up for business owners,and why is it such a thing that
(06:43):
we just don't seem to be able tomove past?
Why does it get us stuck?
Nicola Tonsager (06:49):
Well, I think, first of all, there's something
about staying in our own lane.
It's really easy, particularlyon social media, to see
everybody else doing sobrilliantly, and of course, we
want to post the stuff that weget right and we want to share
all of the amazing things thatwe do.
But we also have moments whereactually things are not so great
, where we're finding that thatwe're meeting a challenge, where
(07:10):
we're trying to change whatwe're doing or we're going
through a shift in ourselves andwe're having to learn how to do
things differently.
But we're also having to learnhow to look at things
differently.
So I think I think we canreally get caught up in looking
what someone else is doing, andit's really easy to compare
ourselves to somebody who's beenin business five years if we're
(07:30):
only actually in year two, andthat doesn't do ourselves any
favours because we are doingsomething differently.
We're learning our business ourway, and I think that's also
important because we areindividuals.
And I don't know about you guys,but if it comes down to
marketing, I struggled for abouttwo years to try and do
marketing the way somebody toldme I should do marketing and it
(07:51):
just did not align to who I wasand because it didn't align to
who I was.
And it wasn't about not beingwilling to look at something
from a different perspective,but it was about realizing that
the way someone else did it wasnot the way that sat right for
me, and as soon as I realizedthat, it shifted.
So I think we have to look atourselves as an individual and
(08:13):
we can learn from what otherpeople are doing.
But to compare ourselvesactually takes us away from the
joy in the journey that we areon.
Yeah, because we're comparingourselves usually to what we're
not doing right, and there'salways something that we are
doing right, there's alwayssomething that we're doing
brilliantly.
But to take away the joy ofthat journey and the growth of
(08:36):
that journey and the learning ofthe journey that we are, that
happens when we actually compareourselves to what someone else
is doing.
Donna Eade (08:42):
Yeah, I think you're completely right.
Right, I had literally this wasthe topic of my podcast this
week.
If you haven't listened to it,it was stay in your own lane.
And that is because I think wedo, and I, and one of the things
that um jenny has said, um inher slide, and something that
carly is always saying, carly ismy business bestie.
By by the way, you've gotsweets in your bag, enjoy them.
(09:03):
It's really a case of yourbusiness, your rules, your
journey.
Yeah, and we really need tofocus on what it is that we are
doing in our business, and Ithink we spend too much time
looking at what everybody elseis doing.
Nicola Tonsager (09:22):
Yeah, and don't get me wrong, there are things
that we all have to learn, and Ithink one of the things that we
have to do is also open ourmind to the different way we can
do things.
Yeah, because it's differentstages of growth, we'll need to
reflect how we've done somethingup to this point is probably
not how we do something for thenext stage, and we have to open
our mind and our perspective tohow things can be done
(09:43):
differently.
But we also have to stayattuned to what feels right for
us, to what is right for us andactually to what our vision is,
and make sure we are actuallyaiming towards that and not
taking lots of tangents Justbecause something is trendy or
because someone else is doingsomething and it looks good or
it appears to look good.
Donna Eade (10:04):
Yeah, yeah, and that's the other thing, isn't it
is?
And and I said that on thepodcast this week is how people
put out the best version ofthemselves, because that's what
we want to do, isn't it?
We don't want to show all thewarts and everything and, and
there are people out there thatshare some you know, more
personal things.
I know andrea's really good atlike integrating the personal
with the business, but thenthere are some people that just
(10:26):
don't put anything personal outand you can't connect to that.
But they're giving it all thisand I'm, I'm here and I'm great
and everything else, and youdon't really get to see the real
what's going on behind thescenes and they're keeping that
private and it's it's completelyup to you.
You don't have to put yourbusiness all over social media.
That's not what it's there for.
But it's really important asconsumers of that content that
(10:47):
we remember this is only asnapshot of somebody's life.
It is not exactly what they'redoing all the time.
It doesn't mean that theyhaven't got hard things going on
behind the scenes, and itdoesn't mean they're as
successful as they areportraying themselves to be,
because we're all doing a littlebit of fake it till you make it
, don't you think?
Nicola Tonsager (11:07):
so that's really interesting so I think we
do, maybe, but then I alsothink that we're moving away
from that aspect of fake it tillwe make it.
And there's a really bigdifference for me between having
belief in what I'm here for andreally feeling that all the way
through me and really followingthat path.
And okay, there are going to bestumbles and it's okay to share
(11:29):
those, but actually beingreally true to who you are and
but also giving other peoplepermission to do that too.
So actually giving other peoplepermission to say, actually,
you know what, I'm having a badweek, I'm having a bad day.
This maybe hasn't gone to plan,but it doesn't alter the belief
that I have in what I'm doingand and what I'm here to do and
what I'm here to bring.
(11:50):
And I know we're kind of talkinga little bit about mindset, but
for me, belief is body.
Yes, belief, you feel itthrough every single fiber of
your being, and the mindset isis the story.
The mindset is the you know,like if you're going to go to
the gym or something and youknow it's going to be hard work
and the mind says, oh no, youdon't really want to do that
today.
That's the story that we canchange, but that belief that
(12:13):
we're holding, that's in thebody and we feel it.
And you know, when you've hadthat conviction, that passion,
that real sense of certainty forwhat you're here for, there is
absolutely no doubt, doesn'tmatter what comes up for you,
doesn't matter where you are inyour journey, that belief is
absolutely unshakable.
(12:33):
And if it's not really anchored, I would say you haven't
actually quite got that beliefexactly where it needs to be and
maybe there's a little bit ofyou that doesn't really quite
believe it.
And if you believe it, thatwill carry you through
everything.
Donna Eade (12:49):
So potentially part of the imposter syndrome could
be that we're actually not doingthe right thing, not doing what
we are called to do.
Nicola Tonsager (12:58):
Yeah, sometimes and I think you know
alignment's a really big wordit's a quite a big buzzword at
the moment.
I'm not sure it's a word that Ireally love, because I
personally I think we realignall of the time.
You know, vibrationally we'rechanging, our frequency changes,
so we're in a constant processof actually realigning to who we
are in the moment, to what'sreally true for us right now.
(13:18):
But I do think that when we arein that place where maybe we're
heading in the wrong direction,that's where we haven't got the
belief, we haven't got thatcentered sense of self and that
centered sense of certaintywhich actually carries us
through the challenge, to thegoal, to the road that we're
(13:38):
traveling to where we want to goon.
So, yeah, in that respect,absolutely, maybe if we are
really facing a lot of impostersyndrome, it's maybe because
we're not actually on thejourney that we need to be on,
on the road that we need to beon really in the wrong lane,
ladies?
Donna Eade (13:52):
yeah, absolutely in the wrong lane.
Love that, love that.
Um.
So do you think that it's a oneand done process, like working
out what it is that we're hereto do?
And I've got a feeling Ialready know the answer from
what you've just said, butexplain it to us like can we
like work it all out, get pastimposter syndrome and be
(14:12):
perfectly okay and just live therest of our lives all happy
with no more imposter syndrome?
We all want the yes answer tothat.
Nicola Tonsager (14:19):
Okay um, so so yeah, if you, if, if you, if you
want, if you want, if you wantto live, if you want to live an
entirely different life, thatwhere you're not really
connecting to who you are, thenI think you could, you can go
and do that.
But no, because I think wechange all the time and I think
our identity changes all thetime as well.
And you know, I think we'rehere to.
My belief is we're here tounfold everything that we are,
(14:44):
you know, and as we meet aparticular potential, as we meet
a particular aim, we meet apotential within who we are,
within what we're tryingparticular aim, we meet a
potential within who we are,within what we're trying to
achieve, a different potentialunfolds.
So I don't believe that we everget to the destination, and the
destination is the final point.
I believe that the journey thatwe're on, as we get to that
place, helps us to unfold intosomething more, with a different
(15:09):
vision, with a, with a boldergoal, with something else that
we really want to bring to theworld, with a different vision,
with a bolder goal, withsomething else that we really
want to bring to the world, witha different way we want to
serve with a different aspect ofpurpose.
So and that doesn't mean to saythere isn't immense joy and
there isn't immense wonder inthe journey but I think if we
look at ourselves as a journey,so we're always evolving, we're
(15:30):
always kind of unbecoming all ofthe stories and the, the
conditioning that we are andwe're allowing ourselves to
really unfold into the fullnessof who we are.
So there's a freer expressionwithin who we are.
Then that's a journey, and sowe're never quite.
We don't actually quite get tothere, because when we get there
(15:51):
we realize there's more andthere's more growth, there's
more journey, there's more joy,there's a different road that we
want to travel and we're readyfor it because we've traveled.
We've traveled the journey tothat point.
So, and I think when we look atit like that, if something
changes and maybe we don't quitehit the destination that we
(16:12):
were originally aiming for,that's okay, because actually
there's something else that isjust as exciting, that is just
as worthwhile and that'sactually going to bring us a
deeper level of fulfillment soyeah, so no, no honestly, I was
really hoping for that, yes, butI think I think I have looked
(16:33):
at it.
Donna Eade (16:33):
I look outside of me a lot, and I did.
I've been spending the lastcouple of years looking
internally a lot more.
But I spent a long time lookingout at everybody and I have
been an entrepreneur on and offsince I was 18.
And I have been in jobs anddone all of that raised a child,
et cetera.
And I watch other people in mycommunity you know mums of kids
(16:57):
that go to my school and I justlook at them like living their
lives and they're not doinganything and I'm just like how
can you be happy just doing thatkind of life?
It's like I just couldn'tcomprehend how somebody could
just bear seven children I knowsomeone like this not work, stay
(17:18):
at home, look after the kidsand and be happy like I.
Just I was wish and it could bethat that is completely their
purpose, their fulfillment andwhat brings them utter joy, but
it was.
It would make me want to dieinside and I'm just like I don't
.
I don't understand why can't Ibe happy?
Nicola Tonsager (17:35):
but you're you and your journey is your journey
, and the path that you're hereto walk and the way that you are
unfolding and what you'rebringing to the world, you know,
with the way that you supportpodcasts and people to launch
their podcasts, that is, that isa purpose, that's a passion,
that's a mission for you and andwhether you, whether you would
(17:56):
like, let's say, an easier,easier path sometimes what it
looks like- to be from theoutside, but that's not to say
that it is for sure it wouldn'tfulfill you no, yeah, because
there's a drive and there's apassion, there's a desire within
you that you are being asked toexpress.
Donna Eade (18:12):
Yeah and I think that is a really good point that
to come out of thisconversation is is finding what
that journey, what that path isfor you and and really honing in
on that finding what the pathis right now, knowing that
actually that path may bedifferent in 12 months time,
five years time, you know, andjust allowing yourself to be the
(18:34):
journey.
Nicola Tonsager (18:34):
And I don't, I really don't believe that there
is anything external within lifethat has any hold on who we
really are.
It's not about what we'restriving for, it's about who we
are becoming in the journeytowards that and how we help
other people to actually reallyconnect more deeply into
(18:56):
themselves and allow a greatersense of freedom and a greater
sense of expression in who theyare.
Um, I have a great belief thatsoul is here to actualize
through the human experience.
You know.
So it's so we are.
We are fully within thatexpanse of energy, and that
happens with freedom.
That happens with the freedomfrom all of the limitations that
(19:17):
we place upon ourselves or thatare placed upon us, and
actually being able to expandbeyond those and have a full
free expression of who we areyeah, absolutely love that.
Donna Eade (19:29):
So have a question.
If anybody has any questions,please think about it.
Put your hand up.
I can get you to shout out in aminute.
But a question I've got for youis if somebody is here today
and they are stuck in thisimposter syndrome they're not
feeling great about it whatwould you say would be the first
steps they need to take to findtheir way?
Nicola Tonsager (19:49):
so imposter syndrome for me is mind.
It is the mind telling us whatwe cannot, what we cannot do, um
.
So my advice would be to getout of the mind and get in the
body, however that works for you, whether it's whether it's
movement, whether it's reallyfeeling a deep connection within
yourself.
But move out of the mind, andyou know the mind should serve
(20:10):
the desire that comes fromwithin us, not the other way
around.
So, yeah, move out of the mindbrilliant.
Donna Eade (20:17):
Has anybody else got any questions for nicola before
we end the session?
Go zina hello.
Nicola Tonsager (20:26):
Oh, I'm so pleased.
Oh, thank you very much, thankyou lovely.
Donna Eade (20:31):
Thank you, zina.
And just for those of you whoare listening back home, she
said that everything wasresonating with her.
We haven't got the microphoneso um, yeah, brilliant.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, nicola, for being myfirst speaker most welcome.
thank you.
Well, I hope you enjoyed thatconversation with me and nicola
at the live podcast event.
(20:51):
I will be sharing the nextinterview with you next week,
which will be Andrea Rainsford.
We were talking about planningand why that is important in
your business.
She has a great story to share,so join us next week for Andrea
Rainsford's session.
Thank you, nicola, for joiningme on this session and for being
(21:12):
at the event.
If you want to check out Nicola, all of her links will be in
the show notes, so go ahead andcheck her out and I'll see you
next week.
Nicola Tonsager (21:21):
Bye for now.
You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast,
the place to be to grow andstreamline your business.
I'm your host, donna Eade.
Let's jump into the show.
Well, hello everyone.
I am so excited to be here withyou this week.
(00:22):
This week, I am sharing thefirst in my series of six
episodes that are going out,which are delivering to you the
talks that I did at my liveevent at the beginning of April.
So a month later, I'm nowsharing what those sessions were
(00:42):
with you here on the podcast.
So I'm absolutely delighted toshare with you the first talk
that we had at the event, whichwas Nicola Tonsaga, who was
talking to us about mindset andimposter syndrome and moving out
of the mind and into the body.
(01:04):
Nicola is a fantastic lady.
She is a superstar in what shedoes.
She's the founder of SoulSignatures.
She has a podcast called thebeing Soul Confident podcast.
I urge you to check that out ifyou are so inclined, and I
would love to invite you tolisten to this conversation that
(01:24):
we had about imposter syndrome.
So this is Nicola, everybody.
Nicola, if you would like totake your microphone off the
stand, you need to eat it please.
Nicola Tonsager (01:35):
Oh, oh really oh, yeah, okay, you've got to be
quite close.
If we go in and out, you'llhave to remind me.
Yeah, I will.
Donna Eade (01:41):
I will because we're recording and Matthew has told
me in no uncertain terms we needto be eating the microphones
for the recording purposes.
Nicola Tonsager (01:48):
It's probably not as appetising as lunch, is
it?
Donna Eade (01:50):
No, no, definitely not.
So yeah, there's that Right,Nicola.
Introduce yourself to everybody, Tell them who you are and what
it is that you do.
Nicola Tonsager (02:00):
Hello.
So Nicola Tonsaga Donna hasalready introduced me and I work
primarily with women aroundself-belief, identity,
confidence and self-worth, and Iwork with a process, an
approach called Soul Signatures,which is my own modality, and I
also work with coaching and NLPto support them in their
(02:22):
transformation.
Donna Eade (02:25):
Amazing.
Okay, so today we're going tobe talking about imposter
syndrome, because I think it issomething that hits every single
person at different stages oftheir business and life.
So what does imposter syndromelook like to you?
What does it mean to you?
Nicola Tonsager (02:43):
Well, I think it's really important to
understand that we often faceimposter syndrome and the fact
that we are feeling it doesn'tmake us unique or individual, it
doesn't set us aside from lotsof other people make or mean
that we're doing something wrong.
I think whenever we up level,whenever we move into something
that is outside of our comfortzone, it can be quite normal to
(03:03):
feel as though we can't dosomething or we're looking at,
actually, who am I to do this?
But for me, imposter syndromeand really kind of allowing it
to step back, and some of it isthat narrative in the mind, but
it comes down to self-worth andit comes down to self-belief and
I think if we really look atwho we are and that self-worth
(03:24):
starts to come from within usrather than externally within
life, and we're taught primarilyto look for external validation
but actually looking for itinternally can help to really
shift that narrative to well,actually, who am I to do this,
to who am I not to do this?
And I think we're all here.
I don't know about you, ladies,but you know we're all here.
(03:44):
I don't know about you, ladies,but we're all here to be of
service to the world, to dothings that actually help
support, whether that isshifting mindset, whether it's
shifting belief, whether it'sbringing more joy into our life,
whether it's actuallyunderstanding what freedom is.
For us and for me, that meansthat we're going to meet those
aspects of ourselves that aregoing to ask us to grow, that
are going to ask us to stepoutside of what we know to be
(04:07):
safe, what we know to be certain, and in doing that, we're going
to meet those parts ofourselves that do wonder,
actually, can I do this?
How am I going to do this?
And maybe that's more of aquestion to ask how am I going
to do this rather than can I dothis?
Donna Eade (04:25):
Yeah, brilliant, brilliant.
So when we are dealing with about of imposter syndrome, where
do you think that's?
Nicola Tonsager (04:36):
coming from.
I think it depends what you'redoing and I think it depends
where you are within yourself,but very often it's an aspect of
safety.
I mean, we are programmed forsafety, you know, from a very
young age, or subconscious mindseeks to protect us.
So we're programmed for safetyand whenever we step outside of
that aspect of what is known tous, we are moving into territory
(04:58):
that's unknown.
Yep, and if we think about theonline world as well, there is a
huge amount of comparison, butthere's also a huge amount of
stuff that isn't really real,and we were having a
conversation this morning aboutthe fact that, as business
owners and as women in business,nothing is rosy all of the time
.
We all meet challenges, andthat is absolutely perfectly
(05:19):
normal.
So if we're having a bout ofimposter syndrome, usually it's
because we are about to stepinto something that is going to
ask us to grow, that is going tochallenge us in some way, and
the thing that certainly helpsme move through that is actually
what I'm aiming toward, notwhat I'm moving away from, but
(05:43):
actually what I'm aiming towardand what my desire is, what my
passion is, how I'm serving, howI'm serving, how I'm supporting
, and that desire and that goalbecomes bigger than the voice
that says I'm not sure I can dothis or I don't know how to do
this, and then that becomes well, I don't know how to do this
yet, but I'll figure out a wayto do it.
Yeah, and it's a.
It's really attaching to whowe're here to be, but it's also
attaching to the change that wewant to create in the world and
(06:03):
really asking ourselves to stepforward into that space and to
know that, actually, if we havethat vision and we have that aim
and we have that desire, thatit's possible, because if it
wasn't, we wouldn't have itwithin us in the first place so
good, so good.
Donna Eade (06:20):
So when we were talking before, yeah, we had a
conversation about this.
I had a conversation with allof my speakers before.
I totally forgot what thatconversation was, which is why
I'm here to prompt you um, so wewere talking about passion and
worthiness and comparisonitis,yeah, um, how do you think those
show up for business owners,and why is it such a thing that
(06:43):
we just don't seem to be able tomove past?
Why does it get us stuck?
Nicola Tonsager (06:49):
Well, I think, first of all, there's something
about staying in our own lane.
It's really easy, particularlyon social media, to see
everybody else doing sobrilliantly, and of course, we
want to post the stuff that weget right and we want to share
all of the amazing things thatwe do.
But we also have moments whereactually things are not so great
, where we're finding that thatwe're meeting a challenge, where
(07:10):
we're trying to change whatwe're doing or we're going
through a shift in ourselves andwe're having to learn how to do
things differently.
But we're also having to learnhow to look at things
differently.
So I think I think we canreally get caught up in looking
what someone else is doing, andit's really easy to compare
ourselves to somebody who's beenin business five years if we're
(07:30):
only actually in year two, andthat doesn't do ourselves any
favours because we are doingsomething differently.
We're learning our business ourway, and I think that's also
important because we areindividuals.
And I don't know about you guys,but if it comes down to
marketing, I struggled for abouttwo years to try and do
marketing the way somebody toldme I should do marketing and it
(07:51):
just did not align to who I wasand because it didn't align to
who I was.
And it wasn't about not beingwilling to look at something
from a different perspective,but it was about realizing that
the way someone else did it wasnot the way that sat right for
me, and as soon as I realizedthat, it shifted.
So I think we have to look atourselves as an individual and
(08:13):
we can learn from what otherpeople are doing.
But to compare ourselvesactually takes us away from the
joy in the journey that we areon.
Yeah, because we're comparingourselves usually to what we're
not doing right, and there'salways something that we are
doing right, there's alwayssomething that we're doing
brilliantly.
But to take away the joy ofthat journey and the growth of
(08:36):
that journey and the learning ofthe journey that we are, that
happens when we actually compareourselves to what someone else
is doing.
Donna Eade (08:42):
Yeah, I think you're completely right.
Right, I had literally this wasthe topic of my podcast this
week.
If you haven't listened to it,it was stay in your own lane.
And that is because I think wedo, and I, and one of the things
that um jenny has said, um inher slide, and something that
carly is always saying, carly ismy business bestie.
By by the way, you've gotsweets in your bag, enjoy them.
(09:03):
It's really a case of yourbusiness, your rules, your
journey.
Yeah, and we really need tofocus on what it is that we are
doing in our business, and Ithink we spend too much time
looking at what everybody elseis doing.
Nicola Tonsager (09:22):
Yeah, and don't get me wrong, there are things
that we all have to learn, and Ithink one of the things that we
have to do is also open ourmind to the different way we can
do things.
Yeah, because it's differentstages of growth, we'll need to
reflect how we've done somethingup to this point is probably
not how we do something for thenext stage, and we have to open
our mind and our perspective tohow things can be done
(09:43):
differently.
But we also have to stayattuned to what feels right for
us, to what is right for us andactually to what our vision is,
and make sure we are actuallyaiming towards that and not
taking lots of tangents Justbecause something is trendy or
because someone else is doingsomething and it looks good or
it appears to look good.
Donna Eade (10:04):
Yeah, yeah, and that's the other thing, isn't it
is?
And and I said that on thepodcast this week is how people
put out the best version ofthemselves, because that's what
we want to do, isn't it?
We don't want to show all thewarts and everything and, and
there are people out there thatshare some you know, more
personal things.
I know andrea's really good atlike integrating the personal
with the business, but thenthere are some people that just
(10:26):
don't put anything personal outand you can't connect to that.
But they're giving it all thisand I'm, I'm here and I'm great
and everything else, and youdon't really get to see the real
what's going on behind thescenes and they're keeping that
private and it's it's completelyup to you.
You don't have to put yourbusiness all over social media.
That's not what it's there for.
But it's really important asconsumers of that content that
(10:47):
we remember this is only asnapshot of somebody's life.
It is not exactly what they'redoing all the time.
It doesn't mean that theyhaven't got hard things going on
behind the scenes, and itdoesn't mean they're as
successful as they areportraying themselves to be,
because we're all doing a littlebit of fake it till you make it
, don't you think?
Nicola Tonsager (11:07):
so that's really interesting so I think we
do, maybe, but then I alsothink that we're moving away
from that aspect of fake it tillwe make it.
And there's a really bigdifference for me between having
belief in what I'm here for andreally feeling that all the way
through me and really followingthat path.
And okay, there are going to bestumbles and it's okay to share
(11:29):
those, but actually beingreally true to who you are and
but also giving other peoplepermission to do that too.
So actually giving other peoplepermission to say, actually,
you know what, I'm having a badweek, I'm having a bad day.
This maybe hasn't gone to plan,but it doesn't alter the belief
that I have in what I'm doingand and what I'm here to do and
what I'm here to bring.
(11:50):
And I know we're kind of talkinga little bit about mindset, but
for me, belief is body.
Yes, belief, you feel itthrough every single fiber of
your being, and the mindset isis the story.
The mindset is the you know,like if you're going to go to
the gym or something and youknow it's going to be hard work
and the mind says, oh no, youdon't really want to do that
today.
That's the story that we canchange, but that belief that
(12:13):
we're holding, that's in thebody and we feel it.
And you know, when you've hadthat conviction, that passion,
that real sense of certainty forwhat you're here for, there is
absolutely no doubt, doesn'tmatter what comes up for you,
doesn't matter where you are inyour journey, that belief is
absolutely unshakable.
(12:33):
And if it's not really anchored, I would say you haven't
actually quite got that beliefexactly where it needs to be and
maybe there's a little bit ofyou that doesn't really quite
believe it.
And if you believe it, thatwill carry you through
everything.
Donna Eade (12:49):
So potentially part of the imposter syndrome could
be that we're actually not doingthe right thing, not doing what
we are called to do.
Nicola Tonsager (12:58):
Yeah, sometimes and I think you know
alignment's a really big wordit's a quite a big buzzword at
the moment.
I'm not sure it's a word that Ireally love, because I
personally I think we realignall of the time.
You know, vibrationally we'rechanging, our frequency changes,
so we're in a constant processof actually realigning to who we
are in the moment, to what'sreally true for us right now.
(13:18):
But I do think that when we arein that place where maybe we're
heading in the wrong direction,that's where we haven't got the
belief, we haven't got thatcentered sense of self and that
centered sense of certaintywhich actually carries us
through the challenge, to thegoal, to the road that we're
(13:38):
traveling to where we want to goon.
So, yeah, in that respect,absolutely, maybe if we are
really facing a lot of impostersyndrome, it's maybe because
we're not actually on thejourney that we need to be on,
on the road that we need to beon really in the wrong lane,
ladies?
Donna Eade (13:52):
yeah, absolutely in the wrong lane.
Love that, love that.
Um.
So do you think that it's a oneand done process, like working
out what it is that we're hereto do?
And I've got a feeling Ialready know the answer from
what you've just said, butexplain it to us like can we
like work it all out, get pastimposter syndrome and be
(14:12):
perfectly okay and just live therest of our lives all happy
with no more imposter syndrome?
We all want the yes answer tothat.
Nicola Tonsager (14:19):
Okay um, so so yeah, if you, if, if you, if you
want, if you want, if you wantto live, if you want to live an
entirely different life, thatwhere you're not really
connecting to who you are, thenI think you could, you can go
and do that.
But no, because I think wechange all the time and I think
our identity changes all thetime as well.
And you know, I think we'rehere to.
My belief is we're here tounfold everything that we are,
(14:44):
you know, and as we meet aparticular potential, as we meet
a particular aim, we meet apotential within who we are,
within what we're tryingparticular aim, we meet a
potential within who we are,within what we're trying to
achieve, a different potentialunfolds.
So I don't believe that we everget to the destination, and the
destination is the final point.
I believe that the journey thatwe're on, as we get to that
place, helps us to unfold intosomething more, with a different
(15:09):
vision, with a, with a boldergoal, with something else that
we really want to bring to theworld, with a different vision,
with a bolder goal, withsomething else that we really
want to bring to the world, witha different way we want to
serve with a different aspect ofpurpose.
So and that doesn't mean to saythere isn't immense joy and
there isn't immense wonder inthe journey but I think if we
look at ourselves as a journey,so we're always evolving, we're
(15:30):
always kind of unbecoming all ofthe stories and the, the
conditioning that we are andwe're allowing ourselves to
really unfold into the fullnessof who we are.
So there's a freer expressionwithin who we are.
Then that's a journey, and sowe're never quite.
We don't actually quite get tothere, because when we get there
(15:51):
we realize there's more andthere's more growth, there's
more journey, there's more joy,there's a different road that we
want to travel and we're readyfor it because we've traveled.
We've traveled the journey tothat point.
So, and I think when we look atit like that, if something
changes and maybe we don't quitehit the destination that we
(16:12):
were originally aiming for,that's okay, because actually
there's something else that isjust as exciting, that is just
as worthwhile and that'sactually going to bring us a
deeper level of fulfillment soyeah, so no, no honestly, I was
really hoping for that, yes, butI think I think I have looked
(16:33):
at it.
Donna Eade (16:33):
I look outside of me a lot, and I did.
I've been spending the lastcouple of years looking
internally a lot more.
But I spent a long time lookingout at everybody and I have
been an entrepreneur on and offsince I was 18.
And I have been in jobs anddone all of that raised a child,
et cetera.
And I watch other people in mycommunity you know mums of kids
(16:57):
that go to my school and I justlook at them like living their
lives and they're not doinganything and I'm just like how
can you be happy just doing thatkind of life?
It's like I just couldn'tcomprehend how somebody could
just bear seven children I knowsomeone like this not work, stay
(17:18):
at home, look after the kidsand and be happy like I.
Just I was wish and it could bethat that is completely their
purpose, their fulfillment andwhat brings them utter joy, but
it was.
It would make me want to dieinside and I'm just like I don't
.
I don't understand why can't Ibe happy?
Nicola Tonsager (17:35):
but you're you and your journey is your journey
, and the path that you're hereto walk and the way that you are
unfolding and what you'rebringing to the world, you know,
with the way that you supportpodcasts and people to launch
their podcasts, that is, that isa purpose, that's a passion,
that's a mission for you and andwhether you, whether you would
(17:56):
like, let's say, an easier,easier path sometimes what it
looks like- to be from theoutside, but that's not to say
that it is for sure it wouldn'tfulfill you no, yeah, because
there's a drive and there's apassion, there's a desire within
you that you are being asked toexpress.
Donna Eade (18:12):
Yeah and I think that is a really good point that
to come out of thisconversation is is finding what
that journey, what that path isfor you and and really honing in
on that finding what the pathis right now, knowing that
actually that path may bedifferent in 12 months time,
five years time, you know, andjust allowing yourself to be the
(18:34):
journey.
Nicola Tonsager (18:34):
And I don't, I really don't believe that there
is anything external within lifethat has any hold on who we
really are.
It's not about what we'restriving for, it's about who we
are becoming in the journeytowards that and how we help
other people to actually reallyconnect more deeply into
(18:56):
themselves and allow a greatersense of freedom and a greater
sense of expression in who theyare.
Um, I have a great belief thatsoul is here to actualize
through the human experience.
You know.
So it's so we are.
We are fully within thatexpanse of energy, and that
happens with freedom.
That happens with the freedomfrom all of the limitations that
(19:17):
we place upon ourselves or thatare placed upon us, and
actually being able to expandbeyond those and have a full
free expression of who we areyeah, absolutely love that.
Donna Eade (19:29):
So have a question.
If anybody has any questions,please think about it.
Put your hand up.
I can get you to shout out in aminute.
But a question I've got for youis if somebody is here today
and they are stuck in thisimposter syndrome they're not
feeling great about it whatwould you say would be the first
steps they need to take to findtheir way?
Nicola Tonsager (19:49):
so imposter syndrome for me is mind.
It is the mind telling us whatwe cannot, what we cannot do, um
.
So my advice would be to getout of the mind and get in the
body, however that works for you, whether it's whether it's
movement, whether it's reallyfeeling a deep connection within
yourself.
But move out of the mind, andyou know the mind should serve
(20:10):
the desire that comes fromwithin us, not the other way
around.
So, yeah, move out of the mindbrilliant.
Donna Eade (20:17):
Has anybody else got any questions for nicola before
we end the session?
Go zina hello.
Nicola Tonsager (20:26):
Oh, I'm so pleased.
Oh, thank you very much, thankyou lovely.
Donna Eade (20:31):
Thank you, zina.
And just for those of you whoare listening back home, she
said that everything wasresonating with her.
We haven't got the microphoneso um, yeah, brilliant.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, nicola, for being myfirst speaker most welcome.
thank you.
Well, I hope you enjoyed thatconversation with me and nicola
at the live podcast event.
(20:51):
I will be sharing the nextinterview with you next week,
which will be Andrea Rainsford.
We were talking about planningand why that is important in
your business.
She has a great story to share,so join us next week for Andrea
Rainsford's session.
Thank you, nicola, for joiningme on this session and for being
(21:12):
at the event.
If you want to check out Nicola, all of her links will be in
the show notes, so go ahead andcheck her out and I'll see you
next week.
Nicola Tonsager (21:21):
Bye for now.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.