July 14, 2025 • 53 mins
In this episode, Elena Apalkova is joined by Shelly Kino to delve into the topic of anxiety in business. They discuss understanding and managing anxiety triggers and emphasize the importance of empathy. The conversation covers strategies for managing future-focused anxiety, time management, and the role of willpower in controlling the mind. They explore accepting imperfections, preventing burnout, and setting personal goals. Shelly shares insights on journaling, gratitude, and learning from failures. The episode also addresses decision-making from a place of calm, handling impulse buys, marketing pressures, and overcoming information overload. The episode concludes with Shelly's final advice.
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(00:02):
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to mindset to result.
Our guest today is Shelly Kino, and we aregoing to speak about very important topic,
which is, I think, not rare case among drivenbusiness owners and entrepreneurs.
And this is about anxiety.
(00:24):
Yes.
About anxiety and also how we can deal withstress situations and, of course, with our
thoughts and feelings.
And Shelly is the expert in special education.
She is author and public speaker.
And, I'm so happy today, Shelley, to have youas a guest on our podcast.
(00:49):
Thank you very much for having me.
You're most welcome.
Tell us a little bit, about yourself.
Because I read about you that you choose to tobe expert in this field not for without reason.
Yes.
There was reason.
(01:10):
And, of course, in many of often, we we chooseto do something when we also had challenges in
our life.
Yes.
And we overcame them, and then we feel thatthere are so many people who are in similar
situations, and we want to help them.
And this is what we choose, to do.
(01:33):
And I think that this situation also is, foryou.
So let us know a little bit about you and whyyou do what you do.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And you're absolutely correct.
I found myself as a child having anxiety, butit wasn't called anxiety.
(01:53):
In fact, nobody knew what to call it.
I would not want to go to school.
I would develop stomach problems.
I and I wasn't consciously making myself sick.
I would just have just horrible stomach painsand and just feel yucky, like, if I was going
to throw up.
(02:13):
My body felt jittery.
And my parents took me to countless doctorappointments when I was a youth, and it always
came back pretty much the same that, oh, it'sjust all in her head.
She just doesn't want to go to school.
She just doesn't wanna be separated from hermom.
And little did they realize they were correct.
(02:35):
It was in my head, but it wasn't that I wasmaking it up.
It was that my body was chemically wireddifferently, and how I perceived things, how I
reacted to things was different than manypeople my age.
So fast forward to adult life, and here I amhelping students in the world of education.
(03:01):
And oftentimes, what goes along witheligibility for special education here in The
United States and I think around the world isfear and anxiety.
And so being able to recognize in students whatI went through and being able to help the
(03:21):
adults that are around them understand what thestudent is going through, that the student
isn't making it up.
But not just students.
As you mentioned, adults deal with anxiety.
It isn't something that has ever completelygone away from me.
I will still occasionally get worked up, getshort of breath, have the heart palpitations,
(03:46):
get the sweaty hands, get the stomach feeling.
But now I know what that is, and I know andI've learned strategies to help me deal with
that so it doesn't debilitate me like it usedto when I was a child.
Yes.
I think when you are speaking, many people canrecognize, one of few symptoms, which you just
(04:10):
mentioned.
And, yes, it is good to know that this is in,like, symptoms, yes, of anxiety.
And, it is not something that the child oradult just creates in order to avoid, yes, a
situation.
But this is mostly, subconsciously.
(04:30):
Yeah.
So, what can trigger like, because it issubconsciously what can trigger these
situations?
Is it a child experience or something negativemoments in the past or present situations, then
children are not happy in school or adults nothappy, or maybe they have fears about the
(04:55):
future.
The fears about the future, I think, is thebiggest one for me.
I I don't want to say that that is for everyonewho has anxiety.
Although, in my experience, talking with peoplewho have dealt with anxiety as well, that's
what it boils down to.
Anxiety for me has tended to be future focused,meaning something will happen and my brain
(05:22):
jumps to the absolute worst case scenario, andit's a future focus.
And then I get stuck in, oh my gosh.
This is going to cause you know?
Like, if I get a a pain in my chest and andsome people do this anyway, but I would take
this to the extreme like, oh, I've got a painin my chest.
(05:43):
I'm gonna have a heart attack, or I'm I'mhaving a heart attack.
And then what's gonna happen if I have a heartattack?
Am I gonna die?
Oh, if I die, then what's gonna happen to myfamily?
You know?
And it's just it's like this future's focusedspiraling out of control of my thoughts.
And so I don't know, like I said, that that isthe case for everybody that has deals with
(06:04):
anxiety, but I think for a lot of people,that's what it is.
And as far as having one trigger, I don't knowif there is just one thing.
I I will share that when I finally found a adiagnosis and had it called anxiety, I started
(06:25):
going to therapy.
And the therapy was helping, but I was stillhaving panic attacks.
I found myself when I would be nursing mynewborn in the middle of the night where I feel
like there must not be a more peaceful settingor environment.
It's just her and I.
(06:47):
It's you know, I'm in the rocking chair.
The room is dark.
There's you know, it's quiet in the house.
I would start to have a panic attack.
And I finally talked to my counselor about it,and that's when I started to realize about that
future focus of my anxiety because I wasthinking, oh my gosh.
You know?
(07:07):
I'm responsible for raising her.
I'm gonna be responsible for every one of herneeds.
What if I don't do this?
What if I don't do that?
What if this happens?
What if that happens?
And it it it wasn't I mean, there wasn't athought specifically that started that.
It was just my brain kicked in.
And when I talked to my therapist, she said alot of times the things will come out when
(07:31):
we're tired, when we're not feeling well,because our sort of, like, mental defenses are
already down a little bit because we're dealingwith stress.
We're dealing with sickness.
We're dealing with not having enough sleep.
And so we're not at our full capacity to thinkclearly and rationally.
And anxiety is a ton of irrational thinking.
(07:54):
Yes.
And, yes.
And most of it, it happens suddenly.
Yes.
Like, something triggers and then all this,like, sequence, yes, of all these different
thoughts.
And when one starts, it it, like, magnetattracts another similar, and then attracts
another similar, and it just goes all.
(08:15):
And interesting that sometimes, people didn'tdon't even recognize that they are because it
is, like, going on in their subconscious mindwithout them choosing thoughts consciously.
And they can be in this inner dialogue forhours and not even realizing what they're
(08:36):
doing.
Yes.
And it is not that they want it, but it is,like, something beyond their will.
Mhmm.
So Yes.
I agree.
Yes.
So how how if we have these symptoms, yes, ifsomeone finds these symptoms, so what is the
(08:57):
solution?
How we we can prevent this, happening?
Maybe be before we can, we can feel some changein energy or something, we can pick it up
before it starts.
Yes.
Because it is always easier to prevent it thanbeing already in this progress process and take
(09:21):
you out of it.
Yeah.
That's a great question.
And there's a scripture in the Bible that saystake captive your thoughts, and that very much
applies when it's someone dealing with anxiety.
Because if we can stop ourself from escalatingall the way down to that farthest point or even
(09:41):
halfway down that point and just stop thatthought and remind ourselves of where we are.
And one of the ways that I learned and I havenow developed, like, little postcards that I
keep around my house, and I've given them outto people.
I say they're postcards.
They're postcard size.
(10:02):
It's the five sort of steps, the five senses.
So if you are starting to sort of escalate inthat anxiety area, pick any color and then find
five of that color around your around yourroom.
Then pick a sound and listen for four differentsounds.
And then pick a texture and touch threedifferent textures.
(10:26):
And then smell two different things.
And then the last step is to take one deepbreath.
Now these steps five, four, three, and two, youcan switch those around.
You could touch four textures and smell or texttouch five textures, smell four different
smells, hear three different sounds.
(10:49):
But it always comes back to that taking thatone deep slow breath in, holding it for a
couple of seconds, and then letting it out.
And what that does is it brings you back to thepresent, and it brings you back to, okay.
I'm safe.
I'm here.
Nothing is happening.
I'm okay.
I just need to focus on being present righthere and right now.
(11:14):
So for me, those have been, you know, the thekey strategies that have worked for me.
And, also, for me, another thing as far as myanxiety was I used to feel responsible for
everybody's feelings.
If I had any interaction with them whatsoever,if they had a negative feeling, I felt that
that was my responsible responsibility and thatI somehow needed to do something different.
(11:40):
In my studies to become a special educationteacher and in my time as a special educator, I
have learned that behaviors are communication.
So if someone is upset by what I say, theymight be dealing with something that I am not
aware of that is causing them to have thereaction that they have.
(12:04):
If I am getting upset, I'm probably dealingwith something, whether I've recognized it or
not.
Again, I could be tired.
I could be hungry.
Maybe I'm sick.
Maybe, you know, if I'm in a work situation,maybe something happened before I got to work,
and I'm still processing that in my body and inmy mind, and it and it's coming out in
(12:25):
unfortunate words.
While I'm not responsible for how somebodyreacts to what I say or what I do, it doesn't
mean I don't have empathy, and it doesn't mean,you know, I I definitely don't want to hurt
people or, you know, make their lives bad.
And so I do wanna recognize if there's acontinual pattern that I'm exhibiting with a
(12:50):
particular person, how can I change myself tobe a better communicator or a better coworker,
but at the
same
time, accepting if somebody is upset by whatI've said?
And I realized in the last year that offense isan action.
(13:12):
We say that someone has been offended.
That's an action.
We say that people take offense.
That's an action.
They are choosing, whether consciously orsubconsciously, to accept what you have said or
done as an offense to them personally.
(13:33):
And so if we can choose to take it, we can alsochoose not to take it and be offended.
And learning to do that is a definite process.
It doesn't you can't just or at least it didn'thappen that way for me.
You can't just automatically say, oh, I'm notgonna be offended by that.
It's a process you have to learn.
It's a process you have to practice.
(13:55):
And, again, it's it's that understanding forme, understanding that behaviors or
communication, whatever someone else is sayingor doing to me, they're going through something
and not taking it personally.
Even if the person is yelling at me and tellingme I'm an awful person, I'm not taking that
personally.
(14:16):
I've I've been able to teach myself that'sthem.
I need to feel bad for them actually becausethey're going through something pretty hard
that they're treating me the way that they'retreating me.
Yes.
Yes.
It is so important.
Yes.
So important, what you said, that the first,that our conscious mind has ability to accept
(14:37):
or reject.
Yeah.
So if we don't like something, we can just,decide to reject.
It means not to accept because there are somany people.
Yes.
And people if you listen many people, they canhave totally different opposite views.
So Right.
When they say something, it is just, what isgoing inside of them.
(15:02):
Yeah.
Because people always project their innerworld.
And so if they're angry or, as you said,yelling, it is just what is going inside of
them, and we can Right.
Feel empathy towards them.
As instead accepting, we say, okay.
(15:24):
This is situation.
We can look at the situation as like, we arelooking, like, not inside.
You're not being in that and just lookinginside.
Okay.
This is situation.
This is person behavior, so behaves, like, notadequate.
Yes.
Like, let's say.
So you can be pay yeah.
Feel empathy.
(15:44):
Yeah.
Empathy because as you said, something is goingon.
Maybe this person needs help, and it is he whohas problems.
Yes.
Like, he needs help.
Yes.
And if you have this attitude, we will not,like, take it all inside.
Yes?
And, of course, we will not react like manypeople.
(16:04):
If somebody yelling, they also start yellingtoward back.
Right?
So and, of course, this will not, be getanywhere better.
Yes.
So this is very good, to observe situation,accept the situation as it is, feel empathy to
that person, and just respond, like, how youcan respond with love and empathy empathy, and
(16:28):
this is how the conflict will be, cooled down.
Yes.
And, yes.
So this is, yeah, this is very important, yes,to feel empathy towards ourselves and also
towards other people and understand thateveryone behavior is just projection what is
(16:53):
going inside.
And to protect our energy, we can choose we canchoose surrounding, like, who we communicate,
who we let in to our energy, to our life so wecan be more protective for our energy.
(17:14):
Yes.
Absolutely.
I agree with that.
And I I it is it's very easy once you get intothe habit of it.
I'm not perfect at it still.
I people have often said things to me, and thenthey've apologized.
Oh, I didn't mean to offend.
I hope I didn't offend.
And I I tell them I'm one of the most difficultpeople to offend because of what I know, what
(17:38):
I've learned, what I practice.
But I can still sometimes accept the offenseand then, you know, in the immediate situation,
and then I'll remind myself, no.
You know, that they're whatever that's on them.
You know?
Whatever they're going through, we don't alwaysknow and may many times, we'll never know what
(18:00):
that other person is dealing with.
You know, we all have however many years anddays of baggage with us up to that moment of
that communication with the other person.
So none of us knows everything that anybody hasbeen through, and we just you know, something a
(18:21):
smell.
I mean, there are for some people, there aresmells, sounds, textures that are triggers of
things that had happened to them, and that doescause anxiety to creep in for for some
situations.
But as far as, like, to be able to say aspecific trigger like you had asked before, I
can't give one because it's different for eachperson.
(18:43):
But we just don't know a memory could havepopped up in somebody's head that they had
forgotten about or or thought they had dealtwith or healed from, and then it pops into
their life and they they're starting to, youknow, build that anxiety in again and and have
that panic attack.
And what if I go back to that situation andthen, you know, how what's my future going to
(19:04):
look like?
And they start to again, it's that future.
What if I mean, they think they're going back,but they're thinking forward.
Like, what if I fall and I and I find myself inthat trap again of thinking that way or
interacting that way or whatever it is?
And so just trying to always be very cognizantof what you're thinking.
(19:30):
You said that, you had that future based,anxiety.
Yes.
Like, future anxiety.
So what, what you would suggest people to do ifthey worry about future?
Well, again, I think it's it's bringingyourself back to the present moment that you're
in.
(19:51):
I I know for me as a business owner and as anas a special education teacher and a education
teacher and business owners have a lot ofthings in common because we have lists and
lists of things that never get completelyfinished.
There's always you know, we get two or threethings finished, then five more things get
(20:11):
added to the bottom of the list.
And so for me, and I think for many people,it's important to say, okay.
I can only do as much as I can do, but then Ialso have to take a break for myself, for my
own mental health, for my own physicalwell-being.
I have to stop.
I cannot work constantly and really feel thatI'm giving what I need to be giving in every
(20:38):
situation.
Sometimes we think we have to, you know, getall these 20 tasks done in in one hour or one
day, but we'll we'll we'll train ourselves tothe point that we're not gonna be able to do
those things to the level that we would wantthem to be completed.
And therefore, then we feel bad, which aboutourselves.
(21:00):
And then that sort of starts the cycle of, oh,I can't get everything done, but I need to get
everything done.
And, well, I'm just gonna do it just to have itdone, and then you don't live up to your own
standard.
And then you're back to that I'm spinning incircles because I want to do good, but I'm not
able to do good because I haven't taken care ofmyself and set my boundaries.
And and we live in a very fast paced societynow, and so a lot of times that's diff we feel
(21:26):
like, oh my gosh.
If I don't get all of these things done, I'mgonna lose a client or I'm gonna, you know, be
behind in production or whatever it is.
And usually, those things are not the case.
If we just stop and and focus on, okay.
I've got one task, and we write them down.
And for some people, it's it's helpful to checkthose things off or cross them off.
(21:49):
Like, I've got 20 things to do.
I'm just gonna focus on this one today.
And getting that one thing done sometimes justputs our brains into the right place that, oh,
now we can do that second thing.
But a lot of people with anxiety getoverwhelmed when they go, oh, I have 20 tasks
to do.
And then they can't do any of them becausethey're almost frozen in a sense.
(22:10):
So if you just give yourself the grace to say,I'm gonna just focus on one and two today,
Likely, you will find that you'll get one andtwo completed, and you'll still have energy or
you'll still have time in your day.
So you'll go on to three or four or howevermany you can get to.
Mhmm.
Yes.
So true that it is important to focus on onetask at a time.
(22:35):
Yes.
Although you can have a list, but, write it inpriorities.
What is most important to be completed today?
And what will be the next?
What will be the next?
And put things in priority.
And once you've done this, focus only on onething.
(22:56):
And, of course, your mind will want you to jumpto another thing.
Yes?
And ideas can come, and you would like toimplement that ideas.
But here is when you have to use your will.
Yeah.
You have to give yourself command that you arenot going to do anything else, but only one
(23:17):
task which you choose as priority.
And if other ideas come, you have the paper andwrite them down.
So Yes.
You get this out of your head because anxietyis caused when you have so many thoughts in
your mind, and your mind is just like thatjumping monkey.
(23:39):
It just jumps with one idea, another idea,another idea, another idea.
And this is what creates anxiety that when youhave so many ideas and nothing is done.
And it is, like, one day, another day, weekafter week, and you know that you have to do
and you don't do.
But mind is jumping all the time, and it takesenergy.
(24:00):
Is it weak?
Like, consume energy, not productive way, andthis what brings anxiety.
So when you say yourself that you better do onetask, but you will compete it, then you do
another Everything what you have in your head,just sit down and write it on the paper.
Release that all, like, motorway in your headwith so many cars going different directions,
(24:27):
and this is what takes creates that state.
Yes?
So when you put it all on the paper, you willrelease.
You will know that you will not forgetanything.
Everything is written.
You have control.
And then prioritize and give yourself commandthat you focus only on one.
(24:48):
And whatever happens, put your mobile onsilence and focus on one, make break, answer
your phone and break, or what do you need, andthen another one.
Is there are some, good, time managementtechniques when you can create those windows.
Like, you focus twenty five minutes, then youdo five or ten minutes break.
(25:10):
Again, twenty five minutes.
So in those twenty five minutes, you giveyourself commands to focus only one task, and
you shut off everything else, don't letyourself be distracted.
Yeah.
Because this will help you to focus and becalm, and it will save you from anxiety.
(25:32):
Yes.
Absolutely.
And that's a great point that, yeah, if wewrite it down, then our brain thinks that we've
done we've completed it, and so it doesn'tfocus on it as much.
And, absolutely, that was that was an excellenttip, and there's there's science behind that.
Also, a lot of times having a timer and tellingourselves, okay.
I've got a task that I really don't wanna do.
(25:55):
And, you know, for whatever that reason is, andif I I'm just gonna start on it, and I'm gonna
work on it for ten minutes.
And you literally set a timer for ten minutesor whatever time frame you've given yourself.
And then you just focus on it.
And you're and because then your brain's like,okay.
I'm gonna get a break from this.
As soon as this thing beeps or whatever,however it ends and I know that it ends, then
(26:17):
I'm gonna get a break.
And so that sets your brain.
We we think our brains control us, but we havea lot of control over our thoughts too.
And so telling ourselves, I'm gonna do this forten minutes.
Okay.
And a lot of times, I have had to do this formyself.
I'm my desk is normally very messy.
And so every once in a while, I'll have toclean it, and I that's not something that I
(26:41):
enjoy.
So I will have to set a timer for myself justto start.
And once I'm in it and I'm doing the thing,then it's kinda like the creativity kind of is
flowing at that point.
And I oftentimes don't stop for that breakbecause I've gotten myself going into it.
Sometimes I do, and that's okay.
Then I come back to it later.
(27:03):
Understanding yourself is very important.
And and as I said, recognizing thinking aboutyour thinking.
Why do I think this way?
What makes me think this way?
How can I change my thinking to be morepositive and try to adjust?
You know?
The world is this is we can't live in a chickenlittle mindset that the world is falling every
(27:24):
time an acorn falls out of a tree.
That's not really what's happening.
It's just an acorn because of gravity that fellout of a tree.
And so just being very factual again, becauseas I said in the beginning, your anxiety is a
lot of irrational thinking.
So reminding ourselves of the real facts ofwhat is happening right in that moment will
(27:46):
also help reduce anxiety.
Yes.
Yes.
Very, important.
When we, understand that we can control ourmind, that we are not the brain, the brain is
just a switching station, which receiving andsending signals.
(28:07):
But our mind is more powerful, and we have,high mental faculties, and one of them is will.
And we can practice, and we can develop will.
And will is ability to focus on one thing tothe exclusion to everything else.
And you can practice this focus on one thing.
(28:31):
And this is what, is sometimes very difficultbecause we used to jump from one task on
another task.
And when we say ourselves that I am going tofocus on one thing, it is not easy because our
brain already programmed the different way, andit will like to jump.
So when we sit and say that I am focused on onething, our brain will make us again jump.
(28:58):
Yes.
And here is when the will comes.
So it is very good technique when we, look atthe candle or we can put the dot on the
opposite, wall where we sit and focus fiveminutes on the dot.
Five minutes Mhmm.
Only thinking about the dot or about the flameif you're watching candle and not allowing any
(29:22):
other thought.
And, of course, you will notice that in one,two seconds, you will start thinking something
else, and that is normal.
So what you do, which is, get your attentionback to the daughter or to the candle and
practice like this.
Of course, it will be initially you can startwith one minute, two minute, and then make it
(29:43):
till five minutes.
So when you learn how to focus on one thing, inthis exercise, this will help you a lot to
focus on, act one activity when you start, yourday.
Yeah.
And give yourself the grace to develop up tothose five minutes.
(30:04):
Like you said, you know, you if that's yourgoal, then absolutely.
Okay.
I focused for twenty seconds that time before Istarted wandering off.
Great.
Okay.
Kudos to me.
That's five seconds more than I did the firsttime I tried this.
And and because if we're if we're doubtingourselves, if we're down on ourselves and go,
oh, you only did that for twenty seconds.
(30:25):
It's going to be that much harder for our brainto wanna try it again.
So if we can say to ourselves, hey.
Alright.
That's even one second longer than the timebefore.
That's progress.
We have to get also into that mindset ofprogress over perfection.
We're not going to be perfect.
Even the best whatever, the best athlete, thebest actor, actress, the best politician, the
(30:51):
best leaders, they still have to practice theirskills, or they quickly drop from being the
best at whatever it is.
And we have to do that too.
We have to give ourself grace, and we have tokeep practicing and reminding ourselves,
alright.
I'm I'm human.
I am going to make mistakes, and that is okay.
And being able to accept that.
(31:13):
I think that also goes a lot with anxiety andperfectionism.
Those two things are pretty closely related.
And so allowing ourselves to be human andaccepting that we truly are human and we're
going to make mistakes, We're going to letpeople down, not because we want to, but
because we we're not perfect.
(31:34):
We're not robots.
We cannot do everything the exact same wayevery single time.
And having that acceptance for me wastremendous in helping with my anxiety and
understanding like, oh, right.
Everybody falters.
And if anybody else around me would everfalter, I was like, it's okay.
(31:54):
Don't worry about it.
Everybody makes a mistake.
But I was way harder on myself and wouldn'tallow myself the same grace that I applied to
other people.
So I think that's key too is is understandingwe're human.
We're going to make a mistake every once in awhile.
Yes.
Yes.
And celebrating even small wins.
Yes.
As you said, twenty seconds, it is good.
(32:16):
Twenty seconds.
Yes.
So celebrated that you could do it.
Because sometimes we have that hyperachiever inour mind.
We have that so called saboteurs who alwaystell us it is not enough.
You can do more.
You can be better.
You didn't do that.
Why you didn't do that?
Right?
It's like, all these saboteurs, they allabusing our strength.
(32:41):
Yes.
They over overuse our strength, what we have.
So it is negative energy.
So we can, catch it and tell it is not mespeaking.
It is saboteur, for example, judge orhyperachiever speaking in me.
And if you can identify that it's, like,separate ourselves and those voices, it also
(33:04):
will help.
And, of course, don't, ask so much fromyourself.
As as you said, remember that you are human.
Allow yourself just to breathe and do things inthe way how you do.
Accept whatever is.
Just accept this situation and do what you cando in this situation.
(33:26):
Don't ask yourself more than you can because,otherwise, this is how so many entrepreneurial
business owners find themselves with insomniaor depression or burnout.
Mhmm.
Because they just don't allow themselves to bethemselves.
They look at other people.
Oh, that achieved that.
(33:46):
That achieved that.
Why I'm not like them?
What is wrong with me?
Yes.
And they start putting themselves in so muchand not letting themselves be themselves.
Yes.
Because everyone is unique, and everyone has todo things in his way.
And in the space that it will be all balanced,like rest and mental rest, yes, like, we'd all
(34:11):
need spend some good time where we can justrelax, enjoy, spend time with job, when we do
task, we spend time with family.
And this is why all this important in our life,sport.
Yes.
That when we do sport physical activities, wealso release that mental stress.
(34:32):
So, yeah, when you have that balance or harmonyin different areas, it also helps, to prevent
anxiety.
Yeah.
And I really appreciated what you said about,you know, we we say, oh, this person's doing
this, and this person's doing this.
And I absolutely did that.
I would look and say, oh, this person is bestat this, and then person two is best at this,
(34:55):
but I have to be best at both of those things,which would increase my anxiety because, of
course, I can't be best at every single thingin the world.
But when we try to do that comparison, thenthat's exactly what we're doing is we're
saying, oh, well, this person's above me inthis, so I have to get there.
Oh, and now somebody else is above me, so Ihave to get there.
(35:17):
And we need to accept we're we're not all ablenor should we try.
We need to be the best us we can be, the bestversion of ourselves.
And if that you know, there we're all gonna beat different levels with that, and that's okay.
Our best is not the best in the world, butthat's why there are 8,000,000,000 people on
(35:39):
the planet because each of us can support eachother and bring all of our bests together and
make something incredible.
But if one person has it all well, first ofall, it's not possible.
But if one person has it all, that nobody wouldever wanna be around that person.
Could you imagine?
They would just be so egotistical and arrogant.
(36:00):
You wouldn't be able to probably stand in thesame room with them.
Yeah.
So decide decide what is your path.
Decide what is your goal, and, what is the wayfor you is the best way.
Yes.
They don't think that other people did thisthat way, and you should do exactly like that.
(36:21):
Because that was good for them.
But for you, you create your own way.
Create something that didn't exist yet.
Yeah.
Because everyone is creative, and nobody knowsbetter than you what is good for you and where
you want to be.
And just be passionate about what you do.
(36:42):
Feel empathy to yourself, to other people, andput yourself first.
Put your mental state, like mental health,physical health, emotional health first.
When you feel good, when you spend some timeeven sitting in silence, when you just think
(37:02):
about nothing and just empty that your mindjust to release all those thoughts, you will
find that you will be more productive andeffective.
Because when you release all those chaoticthoughts, you will start getting ideas which
will help you to create something unique and,that will help you to be different from others.
(37:31):
Yes.
Absolutely.
And another thing for me that has been helpfulin trying to figure out my path is prayer and
and asking for that divine guidance from God ofwhat the path that he wants me to take is.
And that has helped me tremendously as well.
And I know for you know, that's not going towork for everybody, because everybody doesn't
(37:54):
have the same belief that I have.
But find that thing that works for you, whetherthat's, you know, like you just kinda
mentioned, just sitting quietly in a room orgoing for a bike ride or taking a walk or
having some other sort of physical exercise orlistening to music.
(38:14):
But, yeah, bringing yourself back to thepresent moment and what you're doing in that
moment and then kind of, you know, trying notto be that perfection of every possible thing
that there is in the world and accepting who weare and accepting others for who they are.
Yes.
(38:34):
Yes.
Yeah.
That's so important.
Yeah.
Everything what we discussed, it is really veryimportant.
And another thing which came to my mind isthat, it is also helps to journaling.
Yeah.
When we journal and put our thoughts to thepaper to journal, and this also will we take
everything on the paper.
(38:55):
So it is not in our thoughts anymore.
It's journaling and just like like, writing,sitting, like, ten minutes, fifteen minutes.
And what is just going in the mind, thethoughts come.
You just write them all, write them down.
So it will help you to get the order.
Because sometimes people who have anxiety, theysometimes have thoughts that they it is
(39:21):
difficult for them to just, like so manydifferent thoughts together, and it is
difficult for them to get them in the order.
Like, what have I to do first?
I have to do that and that, but what is thefirst?
And for them, it is difficult.
So when you write everything, just write whenyou write, you will start getting everything
more clear.
(39:42):
It is very good habit to journal and also begrateful.
Yeah.
Just take breath.
Take those moments.
Just be in grateful state.
Think what you have done already.
Yes.
Appreciate yourself.
Accommodate yourself for what you alreadyachieved, what you already have done.
(40:02):
And being that grateful state, this is alsoimportant because you cannot be grateful and
anxious the same time or grateful and, scaredor grateful, angry.
Yes.
It is again
Right.
What you choose.
When you consciously choose to be grateful, ititself, it will help you to move to that
(40:24):
positive sage state instead of being innegative energy.
Yeah.
100%.
I that has definitely also helped me over theyears is to just realize how blessed I am even
even when I'm in pain, just that I can feelthat pain.
Unfortunately, there are people who can't feelthat pain because it their, you know, their
(40:48):
body doesn't send them the signals that theyhave a pain somewhere.
Being hungry means that at some point, I didhave food.
So, you know, being thankful that that therewas a time when I had food, and there'll be a
time when I'll have food again.
So even in those you know, or, you know, ifwe're talking business, overcoming problems,
(41:11):
going through problems, learning problemsolving skills.
What do you learn from every situation that yougo through?
That will then help that anxiety not come backin the future because you've you've taught
yourself, okay.
I came through that.
It was a risk.
I took that risk.
It was successful or unsuccessful.
If it was unsuccessful, what can I learn fromit so that I can apply that the next time and
(41:36):
be successful?
Or, you know, I mean, they I think they saythat Thomas Edison tried over 500 or a thousand
different things before he found the thing thatwas the filament that that helped keep the
light bulb on.
He never looked at those as failures.
He just said, well, that just doesn't work, soI'm gonna try something else.
(41:57):
Mhmm.
He Okay.
Being successful every time.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
10,000 attempts he did till he found whatreally worked, and he just found what didn't
work before.
So it is important not to not to stop andcontinue because if you don't quit, you will,
(42:19):
not, fail.
Yes?
Till you if you continue doing what you'redoing, you will win.
Yeah.
Just continue on doing that in your own space.
Be grateful.
Yes.
Love yourself.
Put yourself first.
And don't think if you, if don't make anydecisions in a hurry or under stress that some
(42:44):
oh, you have to decide or this opportunity willgo.
You never decide in stress.
You you just let it go.
Everything comes on its time.
And when you make decision, you should feelthat this is the right time and right place
when you make decision.
(43:04):
And never make decision from fear or doubt orstress because these decisions will never bring
good results.
You always have to make decisions in positivewhen you feel positive, not when you're under
pressure.
If you're pressure, just pause and, tellyourself that I want to pause and contemplate
(43:28):
about this and think, feel what intuition says.
You're not just what your head say logically,but what really your heart or your intuition
say because it is always right.
So never hurry up.
Never, do something with rush.
Just take pause and contemplate and then make adecision when you feel better.
(43:54):
Yeah.
And I think for people in general, you know,and I was in The UK for a while, and and they
did it there too as we do here in The UnitedStates.
When you are at a retail place and you're up attheir cash register and there's all these
little things, and those are called impulsebuys, and you have to be in control of those
(44:16):
impulses.
And it's not just at this cash register.
It's there's, you know, a whole thing calledfear of missing out or FOMO that a lot of
people deal with, and we have to capture thatproblem too of, oh, if I don't buy this thing
right now or if I don't purchase this softwaresystem or if I don't implement this new
(44:41):
marketing tool, I'm gonna be behind everybodyelse.
And we have to step back from that.
And it's difficult because we get swept up inthe emotions of things.
I just attended a webinar this week actuallywhere all the way through it, they were saying,
oh, you know, this is this value and this valueand this value and this value and this value,
and you're gonna get all of that stuff.
And it was like a $20,000 value.
(45:03):
And they're like, you only have to pay $2,497if you purchase it right now.
I had to step away.
And I and I kinda felt myself getting swept upinto it, but I thought, nope.
Because I don't have that amount of money rightnow.
And as much as this might seem like a goodprogram for me, it's not a good investment for
(45:26):
me right now.
But I had to catch myself because I got intothat that marketing strategy, which is what it
is exactly, and tried to say, okay.
I can wait.
Maybe I don't get this one this cheaply, butthe way that our world works, there's gonna be
another one.
(45:47):
It might not be this year.
Maybe it'll be next year.
But there'll be another system similar to thisone and maybe even improved because this is the
first one in the way of this particular kind ofsystem.
So being able to okay.
I need things in my business to go a certainway in order to continue to progress, but I
(46:09):
don't need to buy every single new shiny thingthat gets my attention.
Because that'll cause you anxiety if you spendmoney that you don't have and you don't get a
return on that investment because then you'llbe thinking, well, what do I have to do now?
How am I gonna keep my business afloat?
Why did I make those decisions?
And you'll start to get down on yourself.
So being able to control those impulse buys.
(46:33):
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So true.
There are a lot of different, strategiesmarketing strategies now, and, people just want
to make sure that like, make you think that itis so important thing.
But you can look at things which you alreadyhave and what you already know.
(46:56):
Because if you implement what you already know,you would be already so far from where you are
now.
So it is not always about something that wedon't have.
It is in many cases the gap between what weknow and what we do.
We already have so many things and know somuch, but we don't it doesn't mean that we
(47:17):
implement them.
Yes?
It doesn't mean that we do what we alreadyknow.
So just maybe focus on what you can startimplementing from what you already have, yes,
and get results from this.
Because I know people who just go in oneprogram after another program, another program,
and they never even finish what they have.
But they have that paradigm, that program thatthey need something else.
(47:41):
Yes?
And and that is autopilot.
They just makes them just to buy stuff andnever just even open it or never continue what
they start.
And this is just like a loop, like, like,pattern pattern behave behavioral pattern.
So you also can look at yourself and see, like,what patterns I have, what behavior is,
(48:05):
repeating on autopilot.
And maybe this also you can see, like, if it itis good for you or not.
So maybe look at your habits, what you doregularly, and what habits are really results
producing what you want to achieve and whathabits are not there so you can start working
on implementing those habits, cultivating thosehabits which really bring you to results you
(48:30):
want.
Yes.
Yes.
And one one maybe final thing to talk about isthe news cycles and the social media cycles.
And the fact that we have instantaneous accessto everything now, I think, is overwhelming.
We actually process 74 gigabytes of informationevery day, which five hundred years ago, that's
(48:57):
as much as a person with the highest intellectwould have processed in an entire year.
But we do that every single day, and everybodyaround us is processing that much information.
And I believe that that's overwhelming oursystems.
And we just think, oh, you know, oh, the stockmarket crashed or, oh, the, you know, there's a
(49:18):
war here or, oh, and and we just get all workedup because it's it's right then and there in
that second, and then and then that's all wefocus on because everywhere we turn on the on
the television or every paper that we pick upor everything that we listen to, you know, as
we stream our music or listen to radio stationsor or, you know, however, is all about that
thing on that day.
(49:39):
And then the next thing, it's an you know, thenext day, it's a different worry.
And we're just constantly bombarding ourselveswith a lot of negative stuff, And we have to
figure out and weed out where the good thingsare amongst all of that negative stuff.
The stock market is gonna fluctuate everysingle day.
(50:00):
That's just how it works.
If you have stocks, if you have a retirementplan, if you have, you know, something, an
investment system for your business, you can'tlook at it every minute of every day.
It will drive you crazy.
You have to step back and just go, okay.
It's it's I'm in this for the long haul.
(50:21):
Making, as you mentioned, any decision justlike that.
Oh, this business is not working.
I'm gonna I'm just gonna leave it.
Well, as you said, is there something that Ialready know that I could do different, that I
could implement differently?
And, again, just focus right in that second.
Bring yourself to that present moment and go,okay.
(50:42):
Take stock in the situation.
Take some take a second.
Take a breath.
And that can be literate literally as well asfiguratively.
And set those priorities and find out.
K.
Reach out to people.
Hey.
I'm in this situation.
Maybe you've been in that situation.
What did you do?
Get that support because you might have hityour best at that moment, but someone else's
(51:06):
best is gonna be able to help you go above andbeyond where you are and thought you could only
go.
Yes.
Yes.
So you always know what is the best when youlisten your intuition and, when you take time
to think and then not just react, but reallyrespond to everything and, be wise.
(51:31):
Yes.
Be wise and use your, as I said, reasoningfactor, will to focus, and intuition.
Yes.
Yes.
Mhmm.
Thank you so much, Shelley.
Is there anything else?
If there would be one advice, that you couldtell our audience before we wrap up this
(51:52):
episode, what would that be?
We know who we are, but not who we will be.
And I I knew who I was in those moments ofanxiety when I was a kid.
I had no idea of who I would be today in 2025,and that happens for everybody.
(52:14):
Mhmm.
Yes.
So be who you are, know who you are, studyyourself, and trust yourself.
Yes.
And, find your own way.
Yeah.
Find your own way and know what you really wantin life.
Why?
And, go for it with that pace that will whenyou will feel good.
(52:39):
Yes.
When you feel, happy, joyful, and, in your ownspeed and pace.
Yep.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Shelley.
It was great to discuss this, and I'm surethose people who are listening to this episode
will find so much available insights andimplemented in their life.
(53:05):
And so thank you so much for being amazingguest today in our podcast.
Thank you for having me.
It was a great conversation.
Yeah.
I really enjoyed.
So see you again in future episodes.
K.
Bye bye.
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to mindset to result.
Our guest today is Shelly Kino, and we aregoing to speak about very important topic,
which is, I think, not rare case among drivenbusiness owners and entrepreneurs.
And this is about anxiety.
(00:24):
Yes.
About anxiety and also how we can deal withstress situations and, of course, with our
thoughts and feelings.
And Shelly is the expert in special education.
She is author and public speaker.
And, I'm so happy today, Shelley, to have youas a guest on our podcast.
(00:49):
Thank you very much for having me.
You're most welcome.
Tell us a little bit, about yourself.
Because I read about you that you choose to tobe expert in this field not for without reason.
Yes.
There was reason.
(01:10):
And, of course, in many of often, we we chooseto do something when we also had challenges in
our life.
Yes.
And we overcame them, and then we feel thatthere are so many people who are in similar
situations, and we want to help them.
And this is what we choose, to do.
(01:33):
And I think that this situation also is, foryou.
So let us know a little bit about you and whyyou do what you do.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And you're absolutely correct.
I found myself as a child having anxiety, butit wasn't called anxiety.
(01:53):
In fact, nobody knew what to call it.
I would not want to go to school.
I would develop stomach problems.
I and I wasn't consciously making myself sick.
I would just have just horrible stomach painsand and just feel yucky, like, if I was going
to throw up.
(02:13):
My body felt jittery.
And my parents took me to countless doctorappointments when I was a youth, and it always
came back pretty much the same that, oh, it'sjust all in her head.
She just doesn't want to go to school.
She just doesn't wanna be separated from hermom.
And little did they realize they were correct.
(02:35):
It was in my head, but it wasn't that I wasmaking it up.
It was that my body was chemically wireddifferently, and how I perceived things, how I
reacted to things was different than manypeople my age.
So fast forward to adult life, and here I amhelping students in the world of education.
(03:01):
And oftentimes, what goes along witheligibility for special education here in The
United States and I think around the world isfear and anxiety.
And so being able to recognize in students whatI went through and being able to help the
(03:21):
adults that are around them understand what thestudent is going through, that the student
isn't making it up.
But not just students.
As you mentioned, adults deal with anxiety.
It isn't something that has ever completelygone away from me.
I will still occasionally get worked up, getshort of breath, have the heart palpitations,
(03:46):
get the sweaty hands, get the stomach feeling.
But now I know what that is, and I know andI've learned strategies to help me deal with
that so it doesn't debilitate me like it usedto when I was a child.
Yes.
I think when you are speaking, many people canrecognize, one of few symptoms, which you just
(04:10):
mentioned.
And, yes, it is good to know that this is in,like, symptoms, yes, of anxiety.
And, it is not something that the child oradult just creates in order to avoid, yes, a
situation.
But this is mostly, subconsciously.
(04:30):
Yeah.
So, what can trigger like, because it issubconsciously what can trigger these
situations?
Is it a child experience or something negativemoments in the past or present situations, then
children are not happy in school or adults nothappy, or maybe they have fears about the
(04:55):
future.
The fears about the future, I think, is thebiggest one for me.
I I don't want to say that that is for everyonewho has anxiety.
Although, in my experience, talking with peoplewho have dealt with anxiety as well, that's
what it boils down to.
Anxiety for me has tended to be future focused,meaning something will happen and my brain
(05:22):
jumps to the absolute worst case scenario, andit's a future focus.
And then I get stuck in, oh my gosh.
This is going to cause you know?
Like, if I get a a pain in my chest and andsome people do this anyway, but I would take
this to the extreme like, oh, I've got a painin my chest.
(05:43):
I'm gonna have a heart attack, or I'm I'mhaving a heart attack.
And then what's gonna happen if I have a heartattack?
Am I gonna die?
Oh, if I die, then what's gonna happen to myfamily?
You know?
And it's just it's like this future's focusedspiraling out of control of my thoughts.
And so I don't know, like I said, that that isthe case for everybody that has deals with
(06:04):
anxiety, but I think for a lot of people,that's what it is.
And as far as having one trigger, I don't knowif there is just one thing.
I I will share that when I finally found a adiagnosis and had it called anxiety, I started
(06:25):
going to therapy.
And the therapy was helping, but I was stillhaving panic attacks.
I found myself when I would be nursing mynewborn in the middle of the night where I feel
like there must not be a more peaceful settingor environment.
It's just her and I.
(06:47):
It's you know, I'm in the rocking chair.
The room is dark.
There's you know, it's quiet in the house.
I would start to have a panic attack.
And I finally talked to my counselor about it,and that's when I started to realize about that
future focus of my anxiety because I wasthinking, oh my gosh.
You know?
(07:07):
I'm responsible for raising her.
I'm gonna be responsible for every one of herneeds.
What if I don't do this?
What if I don't do that?
What if this happens?
What if that happens?
And it it it wasn't I mean, there wasn't athought specifically that started that.
It was just my brain kicked in.
And when I talked to my therapist, she said alot of times the things will come out when
(07:31):
we're tired, when we're not feeling well,because our sort of, like, mental defenses are
already down a little bit because we're dealingwith stress.
We're dealing with sickness.
We're dealing with not having enough sleep.
And so we're not at our full capacity to thinkclearly and rationally.
And anxiety is a ton of irrational thinking.
(07:54):
Yes.
And, yes.
And most of it, it happens suddenly.
Yes.
Like, something triggers and then all this,like, sequence, yes, of all these different
thoughts.
And when one starts, it it, like, magnetattracts another similar, and then attracts
another similar, and it just goes all.
(08:15):
And interesting that sometimes, people didn'tdon't even recognize that they are because it
is, like, going on in their subconscious mindwithout them choosing thoughts consciously.
And they can be in this inner dialogue forhours and not even realizing what they're
(08:36):
doing.
Yes.
And it is not that they want it, but it is,like, something beyond their will.
Mhmm.
So Yes.
I agree.
Yes.
So how how if we have these symptoms, yes, ifsomeone finds these symptoms, so what is the
(08:57):
solution?
How we we can prevent this, happening?
Maybe be before we can, we can feel some changein energy or something, we can pick it up
before it starts.
Yes.
Because it is always easier to prevent it thanbeing already in this progress process and take
(09:21):
you out of it.
Yeah.
That's a great question.
And there's a scripture in the Bible that saystake captive your thoughts, and that very much
applies when it's someone dealing with anxiety.
Because if we can stop ourself from escalatingall the way down to that farthest point or even
(09:41):
halfway down that point and just stop thatthought and remind ourselves of where we are.
And one of the ways that I learned and I havenow developed, like, little postcards that I
keep around my house, and I've given them outto people.
I say they're postcards.
They're postcard size.
(10:02):
It's the five sort of steps, the five senses.
So if you are starting to sort of escalate inthat anxiety area, pick any color and then find
five of that color around your around yourroom.
Then pick a sound and listen for four differentsounds.
And then pick a texture and touch threedifferent textures.
(10:26):
And then smell two different things.
And then the last step is to take one deepbreath.
Now these steps five, four, three, and two, youcan switch those around.
You could touch four textures and smell or texttouch five textures, smell four different
smells, hear three different sounds.
(10:49):
But it always comes back to that taking thatone deep slow breath in, holding it for a
couple of seconds, and then letting it out.
And what that does is it brings you back to thepresent, and it brings you back to, okay.
I'm safe.
I'm here.
Nothing is happening.
I'm okay.
I just need to focus on being present righthere and right now.
(11:14):
So for me, those have been, you know, the thekey strategies that have worked for me.
And, also, for me, another thing as far as myanxiety was I used to feel responsible for
everybody's feelings.
If I had any interaction with them whatsoever,if they had a negative feeling, I felt that
that was my responsible responsibility and thatI somehow needed to do something different.
(11:40):
In my studies to become a special educationteacher and in my time as a special educator, I
have learned that behaviors are communication.
So if someone is upset by what I say, theymight be dealing with something that I am not
aware of that is causing them to have thereaction that they have.
(12:04):
If I am getting upset, I'm probably dealingwith something, whether I've recognized it or
not.
Again, I could be tired.
I could be hungry.
Maybe I'm sick.
Maybe, you know, if I'm in a work situation,maybe something happened before I got to work,
and I'm still processing that in my body and inmy mind, and it and it's coming out in
(12:25):
unfortunate words.
While I'm not responsible for how somebodyreacts to what I say or what I do, it doesn't
mean I don't have empathy, and it doesn't mean,you know, I I definitely don't want to hurt
people or, you know, make their lives bad.
And so I do wanna recognize if there's acontinual pattern that I'm exhibiting with a
(12:50):
particular person, how can I change myself tobe a better communicator or a better coworker,
but at the
same
time, accepting if somebody is upset by whatI've said?
And I realized in the last year that offense isan action.
(13:12):
We say that someone has been offended.
That's an action.
We say that people take offense.
That's an action.
They are choosing, whether consciously orsubconsciously, to accept what you have said or
done as an offense to them personally.
(13:33):
And so if we can choose to take it, we can alsochoose not to take it and be offended.
And learning to do that is a definite process.
It doesn't you can't just or at least it didn'thappen that way for me.
You can't just automatically say, oh, I'm notgonna be offended by that.
It's a process you have to learn.
It's a process you have to practice.
(13:55):
And, again, it's it's that understanding forme, understanding that behaviors or
communication, whatever someone else is sayingor doing to me, they're going through something
and not taking it personally.
Even if the person is yelling at me and tellingme I'm an awful person, I'm not taking that
personally.
(14:16):
I've I've been able to teach myself that'sthem.
I need to feel bad for them actually becausethey're going through something pretty hard
that they're treating me the way that they'retreating me.
Yes.
Yes.
It is so important.
Yes.
So important, what you said, that the first,that our conscious mind has ability to accept
(14:37):
or reject.
Yeah.
So if we don't like something, we can just,decide to reject.
It means not to accept because there are somany people.
Yes.
And people if you listen many people, they canhave totally different opposite views.
So Right.
When they say something, it is just, what isgoing inside of them.
(15:02):
Yeah.
Because people always project their innerworld.
And so if they're angry or, as you said,yelling, it is just what is going inside of
them, and we can Right.
Feel empathy towards them.
As instead accepting, we say, okay.
(15:24):
This is situation.
We can look at the situation as like, we arelooking, like, not inside.
You're not being in that and just lookinginside.
Okay.
This is situation.
This is person behavior, so behaves, like, notadequate.
Yes.
Like, let's say.
So you can be pay yeah.
Feel empathy.
(15:44):
Yeah.
Empathy because as you said, something is goingon.
Maybe this person needs help, and it is he whohas problems.
Yes.
Like, he needs help.
Yes.
And if you have this attitude, we will not,like, take it all inside.
Yes?
And, of course, we will not react like manypeople.
(16:04):
If somebody yelling, they also start yellingtoward back.
Right?
So and, of course, this will not, be getanywhere better.
Yes.
So this is very good, to observe situation,accept the situation as it is, feel empathy to
that person, and just respond, like, how youcan respond with love and empathy empathy, and
(16:28):
this is how the conflict will be, cooled down.
Yes.
And, yes.
So this is, yeah, this is very important, yes,to feel empathy towards ourselves and also
towards other people and understand thateveryone behavior is just projection what is
(16:53):
going inside.
And to protect our energy, we can choose we canchoose surrounding, like, who we communicate,
who we let in to our energy, to our life so wecan be more protective for our energy.
(17:14):
Yes.
Absolutely.
I agree with that.
And I I it is it's very easy once you get intothe habit of it.
I'm not perfect at it still.
I people have often said things to me, and thenthey've apologized.
Oh, I didn't mean to offend.
I hope I didn't offend.
And I I tell them I'm one of the most difficultpeople to offend because of what I know, what
(17:38):
I've learned, what I practice.
But I can still sometimes accept the offenseand then, you know, in the immediate situation,
and then I'll remind myself, no.
You know, that they're whatever that's on them.
You know?
Whatever they're going through, we don't alwaysknow and may many times, we'll never know what
(18:00):
that other person is dealing with.
You know, we all have however many years anddays of baggage with us up to that moment of
that communication with the other person.
So none of us knows everything that anybody hasbeen through, and we just you know, something a
(18:21):
smell.
I mean, there are for some people, there aresmells, sounds, textures that are triggers of
things that had happened to them, and that doescause anxiety to creep in for for some
situations.
But as far as, like, to be able to say aspecific trigger like you had asked before, I
can't give one because it's different for eachperson.
(18:43):
But we just don't know a memory could havepopped up in somebody's head that they had
forgotten about or or thought they had dealtwith or healed from, and then it pops into
their life and they they're starting to, youknow, build that anxiety in again and and have
that panic attack.
And what if I go back to that situation andthen, you know, how what's my future going to
(19:04):
look like?
And they start to again, it's that future.
What if I mean, they think they're going back,but they're thinking forward.
Like, what if I fall and I and I find myself inthat trap again of thinking that way or
interacting that way or whatever it is?
And so just trying to always be very cognizantof what you're thinking.
(19:30):
You said that, you had that future based,anxiety.
Yes.
Like, future anxiety.
So what, what you would suggest people to do ifthey worry about future?
Well, again, I think it's it's bringingyourself back to the present moment that you're
in.
(19:51):
I I know for me as a business owner and as anas a special education teacher and a education
teacher and business owners have a lot ofthings in common because we have lists and
lists of things that never get completelyfinished.
There's always you know, we get two or threethings finished, then five more things get
(20:11):
added to the bottom of the list.
And so for me, and I think for many people,it's important to say, okay.
I can only do as much as I can do, but then Ialso have to take a break for myself, for my
own mental health, for my own physicalwell-being.
I have to stop.
I cannot work constantly and really feel thatI'm giving what I need to be giving in every
(20:38):
situation.
Sometimes we think we have to, you know, getall these 20 tasks done in in one hour or one
day, but we'll we'll we'll train ourselves tothe point that we're not gonna be able to do
those things to the level that we would wantthem to be completed.
And therefore, then we feel bad, which aboutourselves.
(21:00):
And then that sort of starts the cycle of, oh,I can't get everything done, but I need to get
everything done.
And, well, I'm just gonna do it just to have itdone, and then you don't live up to your own
standard.
And then you're back to that I'm spinning incircles because I want to do good, but I'm not
able to do good because I haven't taken care ofmyself and set my boundaries.
And and we live in a very fast paced societynow, and so a lot of times that's diff we feel
(21:26):
like, oh my gosh.
If I don't get all of these things done, I'mgonna lose a client or I'm gonna, you know, be
behind in production or whatever it is.
And usually, those things are not the case.
If we just stop and and focus on, okay.
I've got one task, and we write them down.
And for some people, it's it's helpful to checkthose things off or cross them off.
(21:49):
Like, I've got 20 things to do.
I'm just gonna focus on this one today.
And getting that one thing done sometimes justputs our brains into the right place that, oh,
now we can do that second thing.
But a lot of people with anxiety getoverwhelmed when they go, oh, I have 20 tasks
to do.
And then they can't do any of them becausethey're almost frozen in a sense.
(22:10):
So if you just give yourself the grace to say,I'm gonna just focus on one and two today,
Likely, you will find that you'll get one andtwo completed, and you'll still have energy or
you'll still have time in your day.
So you'll go on to three or four or howevermany you can get to.
Mhmm.
Yes.
So true that it is important to focus on onetask at a time.
(22:35):
Yes.
Although you can have a list, but, write it inpriorities.
What is most important to be completed today?
And what will be the next?
What will be the next?
And put things in priority.
And once you've done this, focus only on onething.
(22:56):
And, of course, your mind will want you to jumpto another thing.
Yes?
And ideas can come, and you would like toimplement that ideas.
But here is when you have to use your will.
Yeah.
You have to give yourself command that you arenot going to do anything else, but only one
(23:17):
task which you choose as priority.
And if other ideas come, you have the paper andwrite them down.
So Yes.
You get this out of your head because anxietyis caused when you have so many thoughts in
your mind, and your mind is just like thatjumping monkey.
(23:39):
It just jumps with one idea, another idea,another idea, another idea.
And this is what creates anxiety that when youhave so many ideas and nothing is done.
And it is, like, one day, another day, weekafter week, and you know that you have to do
and you don't do.
But mind is jumping all the time, and it takesenergy.
(24:00):
Is it weak?
Like, consume energy, not productive way, andthis what brings anxiety.
So when you say yourself that you better do onetask, but you will compete it, then you do
another Everything what you have in your head,just sit down and write it on the paper.
Release that all, like, motorway in your headwith so many cars going different directions,
(24:27):
and this is what takes creates that state.
Yes?
So when you put it all on the paper, you willrelease.
You will know that you will not forgetanything.
Everything is written.
You have control.
And then prioritize and give yourself commandthat you focus only on one.
(24:48):
And whatever happens, put your mobile onsilence and focus on one, make break, answer
your phone and break, or what do you need, andthen another one.
Is there are some, good, time managementtechniques when you can create those windows.
Like, you focus twenty five minutes, then youdo five or ten minutes break.
(25:10):
Again, twenty five minutes.
So in those twenty five minutes, you giveyourself commands to focus only one task, and
you shut off everything else, don't letyourself be distracted.
Yeah.
Because this will help you to focus and becalm, and it will save you from anxiety.
(25:32):
Yes.
Absolutely.
And that's a great point that, yeah, if wewrite it down, then our brain thinks that we've
done we've completed it, and so it doesn'tfocus on it as much.
And, absolutely, that was that was an excellenttip, and there's there's science behind that.
Also, a lot of times having a timer and tellingourselves, okay.
I've got a task that I really don't wanna do.
(25:55):
And, you know, for whatever that reason is, andif I I'm just gonna start on it, and I'm gonna
work on it for ten minutes.
And you literally set a timer for ten minutesor whatever time frame you've given yourself.
And then you just focus on it.
And you're and because then your brain's like,okay.
I'm gonna get a break from this.
As soon as this thing beeps or whatever,however it ends and I know that it ends, then
(26:17):
I'm gonna get a break.
And so that sets your brain.
We we think our brains control us, but we havea lot of control over our thoughts too.
And so telling ourselves, I'm gonna do this forten minutes.
Okay.
And a lot of times, I have had to do this formyself.
I'm my desk is normally very messy.
And so every once in a while, I'll have toclean it, and I that's not something that I
(26:41):
enjoy.
So I will have to set a timer for myself justto start.
And once I'm in it and I'm doing the thing,then it's kinda like the creativity kind of is
flowing at that point.
And I oftentimes don't stop for that breakbecause I've gotten myself going into it.
Sometimes I do, and that's okay.
Then I come back to it later.
(27:03):
Understanding yourself is very important.
And and as I said, recognizing thinking aboutyour thinking.
Why do I think this way?
What makes me think this way?
How can I change my thinking to be morepositive and try to adjust?
You know?
The world is this is we can't live in a chickenlittle mindset that the world is falling every
(27:24):
time an acorn falls out of a tree.
That's not really what's happening.
It's just an acorn because of gravity that fellout of a tree.
And so just being very factual again, becauseas I said in the beginning, your anxiety is a
lot of irrational thinking.
So reminding ourselves of the real facts ofwhat is happening right in that moment will
(27:46):
also help reduce anxiety.
Yes.
Yes.
Very, important.
When we, understand that we can control ourmind, that we are not the brain, the brain is
just a switching station, which receiving andsending signals.
(28:07):
But our mind is more powerful, and we have,high mental faculties, and one of them is will.
And we can practice, and we can develop will.
And will is ability to focus on one thing tothe exclusion to everything else.
And you can practice this focus on one thing.
(28:31):
And this is what, is sometimes very difficultbecause we used to jump from one task on
another task.
And when we say ourselves that I am going tofocus on one thing, it is not easy because our
brain already programmed the different way, andit will like to jump.
So when we sit and say that I am focused on onething, our brain will make us again jump.
(28:58):
Yes.
And here is when the will comes.
So it is very good technique when we, look atthe candle or we can put the dot on the
opposite, wall where we sit and focus fiveminutes on the dot.
Five minutes Mhmm.
Only thinking about the dot or about the flameif you're watching candle and not allowing any
(29:22):
other thought.
And, of course, you will notice that in one,two seconds, you will start thinking something
else, and that is normal.
So what you do, which is, get your attentionback to the daughter or to the candle and
practice like this.
Of course, it will be initially you can startwith one minute, two minute, and then make it
(29:43):
till five minutes.
So when you learn how to focus on one thing, inthis exercise, this will help you a lot to
focus on, act one activity when you start, yourday.
Yeah.
And give yourself the grace to develop up tothose five minutes.
(30:04):
Like you said, you know, you if that's yourgoal, then absolutely.
Okay.
I focused for twenty seconds that time before Istarted wandering off.
Great.
Okay.
Kudos to me.
That's five seconds more than I did the firsttime I tried this.
And and because if we're if we're doubtingourselves, if we're down on ourselves and go,
oh, you only did that for twenty seconds.
(30:25):
It's going to be that much harder for our brainto wanna try it again.
So if we can say to ourselves, hey.
Alright.
That's even one second longer than the timebefore.
That's progress.
We have to get also into that mindset ofprogress over perfection.
We're not going to be perfect.
Even the best whatever, the best athlete, thebest actor, actress, the best politician, the
(30:51):
best leaders, they still have to practice theirskills, or they quickly drop from being the
best at whatever it is.
And we have to do that too.
We have to give ourself grace, and we have tokeep practicing and reminding ourselves,
alright.
I'm I'm human.
I am going to make mistakes, and that is okay.
And being able to accept that.
(31:13):
I think that also goes a lot with anxiety andperfectionism.
Those two things are pretty closely related.
And so allowing ourselves to be human andaccepting that we truly are human and we're
going to make mistakes, We're going to letpeople down, not because we want to, but
because we we're not perfect.
(31:34):
We're not robots.
We cannot do everything the exact same wayevery single time.
And having that acceptance for me wastremendous in helping with my anxiety and
understanding like, oh, right.
Everybody falters.
And if anybody else around me would everfalter, I was like, it's okay.
(31:54):
Don't worry about it.
Everybody makes a mistake.
But I was way harder on myself and wouldn'tallow myself the same grace that I applied to
other people.
So I think that's key too is is understandingwe're human.
We're going to make a mistake every once in awhile.
Yes.
Yes.
And celebrating even small wins.
Yes.
As you said, twenty seconds, it is good.
(32:16):
Twenty seconds.
Yes.
So celebrated that you could do it.
Because sometimes we have that hyperachiever inour mind.
We have that so called saboteurs who alwaystell us it is not enough.
You can do more.
You can be better.
You didn't do that.
Why you didn't do that?
Right?
It's like, all these saboteurs, they allabusing our strength.
(32:41):
Yes.
They over overuse our strength, what we have.
So it is negative energy.
So we can, catch it and tell it is not mespeaking.
It is saboteur, for example, judge orhyperachiever speaking in me.
And if you can identify that it's, like,separate ourselves and those voices, it also
(33:04):
will help.
And, of course, don't, ask so much fromyourself.
As as you said, remember that you are human.
Allow yourself just to breathe and do things inthe way how you do.
Accept whatever is.
Just accept this situation and do what you cando in this situation.
(33:26):
Don't ask yourself more than you can because,otherwise, this is how so many entrepreneurial
business owners find themselves with insomniaor depression or burnout.
Mhmm.
Because they just don't allow themselves to bethemselves.
They look at other people.
Oh, that achieved that.
(33:46):
That achieved that.
Why I'm not like them?
What is wrong with me?
Yes.
And they start putting themselves in so muchand not letting themselves be themselves.
Yes.
Because everyone is unique, and everyone has todo things in his way.
And in the space that it will be all balanced,like rest and mental rest, yes, like, we'd all
(34:11):
need spend some good time where we can justrelax, enjoy, spend time with job, when we do
task, we spend time with family.
And this is why all this important in our life,sport.
Yes.
That when we do sport physical activities, wealso release that mental stress.
(34:32):
So, yeah, when you have that balance or harmonyin different areas, it also helps, to prevent
anxiety.
Yeah.
And I really appreciated what you said about,you know, we we say, oh, this person's doing
this, and this person's doing this.
And I absolutely did that.
I would look and say, oh, this person is bestat this, and then person two is best at this,
(34:55):
but I have to be best at both of those things,which would increase my anxiety because, of
course, I can't be best at every single thingin the world.
But when we try to do that comparison, thenthat's exactly what we're doing is we're
saying, oh, well, this person's above me inthis, so I have to get there.
Oh, and now somebody else is above me, so Ihave to get there.
(35:17):
And we need to accept we're we're not all ablenor should we try.
We need to be the best us we can be, the bestversion of ourselves.
And if that you know, there we're all gonna beat different levels with that, and that's okay.
Our best is not the best in the world, butthat's why there are 8,000,000,000 people on
(35:39):
the planet because each of us can support eachother and bring all of our bests together and
make something incredible.
But if one person has it all well, first ofall, it's not possible.
But if one person has it all, that nobody wouldever wanna be around that person.
Could you imagine?
They would just be so egotistical and arrogant.
(36:00):
You wouldn't be able to probably stand in thesame room with them.
Yeah.
So decide decide what is your path.
Decide what is your goal, and, what is the wayfor you is the best way.
Yes.
They don't think that other people did thisthat way, and you should do exactly like that.
(36:21):
Because that was good for them.
But for you, you create your own way.
Create something that didn't exist yet.
Yeah.
Because everyone is creative, and nobody knowsbetter than you what is good for you and where
you want to be.
And just be passionate about what you do.
(36:42):
Feel empathy to yourself, to other people, andput yourself first.
Put your mental state, like mental health,physical health, emotional health first.
When you feel good, when you spend some timeeven sitting in silence, when you just think
(37:02):
about nothing and just empty that your mindjust to release all those thoughts, you will
find that you will be more productive andeffective.
Because when you release all those chaoticthoughts, you will start getting ideas which
will help you to create something unique and,that will help you to be different from others.
(37:31):
Yes.
Absolutely.
And another thing for me that has been helpfulin trying to figure out my path is prayer and
and asking for that divine guidance from God ofwhat the path that he wants me to take is.
And that has helped me tremendously as well.
And I know for you know, that's not going towork for everybody, because everybody doesn't
(37:54):
have the same belief that I have.
But find that thing that works for you, whetherthat's, you know, like you just kinda
mentioned, just sitting quietly in a room orgoing for a bike ride or taking a walk or
having some other sort of physical exercise orlistening to music.
(38:14):
But, yeah, bringing yourself back to thepresent moment and what you're doing in that
moment and then kind of, you know, trying notto be that perfection of every possible thing
that there is in the world and accepting who weare and accepting others for who they are.
Yes.
(38:34):
Yes.
Yeah.
That's so important.
Yeah.
Everything what we discussed, it is really veryimportant.
And another thing which came to my mind isthat, it is also helps to journaling.
Yeah.
When we journal and put our thoughts to thepaper to journal, and this also will we take
everything on the paper.
(38:55):
So it is not in our thoughts anymore.
It's journaling and just like like, writing,sitting, like, ten minutes, fifteen minutes.
And what is just going in the mind, thethoughts come.
You just write them all, write them down.
So it will help you to get the order.
Because sometimes people who have anxiety, theysometimes have thoughts that they it is
(39:21):
difficult for them to just, like so manydifferent thoughts together, and it is
difficult for them to get them in the order.
Like, what have I to do first?
I have to do that and that, but what is thefirst?
And for them, it is difficult.
So when you write everything, just write whenyou write, you will start getting everything
more clear.
(39:42):
It is very good habit to journal and also begrateful.
Yeah.
Just take breath.
Take those moments.
Just be in grateful state.
Think what you have done already.
Yes.
Appreciate yourself.
Accommodate yourself for what you alreadyachieved, what you already have done.
(40:02):
And being that grateful state, this is alsoimportant because you cannot be grateful and
anxious the same time or grateful and, scaredor grateful, angry.
Yes.
It is again
Right.
What you choose.
When you consciously choose to be grateful, ititself, it will help you to move to that
(40:24):
positive sage state instead of being innegative energy.
Yeah.
100%.
I that has definitely also helped me over theyears is to just realize how blessed I am even
even when I'm in pain, just that I can feelthat pain.
Unfortunately, there are people who can't feelthat pain because it their, you know, their
(40:48):
body doesn't send them the signals that theyhave a pain somewhere.
Being hungry means that at some point, I didhave food.
So, you know, being thankful that that therewas a time when I had food, and there'll be a
time when I'll have food again.
So even in those you know, or, you know, ifwe're talking business, overcoming problems,
(41:11):
going through problems, learning problemsolving skills.
What do you learn from every situation that yougo through?
That will then help that anxiety not come backin the future because you've you've taught
yourself, okay.
I came through that.
It was a risk.
I took that risk.
It was successful or unsuccessful.
If it was unsuccessful, what can I learn fromit so that I can apply that the next time and
(41:36):
be successful?
Or, you know, I mean, they I think they saythat Thomas Edison tried over 500 or a thousand
different things before he found the thing thatwas the filament that that helped keep the
light bulb on.
He never looked at those as failures.
He just said, well, that just doesn't work, soI'm gonna try something else.
(41:57):
Mhmm.
He Okay.
Being successful every time.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
10,000 attempts he did till he found whatreally worked, and he just found what didn't
work before.
So it is important not to not to stop andcontinue because if you don't quit, you will,
(42:19):
not, fail.
Yes?
Till you if you continue doing what you'redoing, you will win.
Yeah.
Just continue on doing that in your own space.
Be grateful.
Yes.
Love yourself.
Put yourself first.
And don't think if you, if don't make anydecisions in a hurry or under stress that some
(42:44):
oh, you have to decide or this opportunity willgo.
You never decide in stress.
You you just let it go.
Everything comes on its time.
And when you make decision, you should feelthat this is the right time and right place
when you make decision.
(43:04):
And never make decision from fear or doubt orstress because these decisions will never bring
good results.
You always have to make decisions in positivewhen you feel positive, not when you're under
pressure.
If you're pressure, just pause and, tellyourself that I want to pause and contemplate
(43:28):
about this and think, feel what intuition says.
You're not just what your head say logically,but what really your heart or your intuition
say because it is always right.
So never hurry up.
Never, do something with rush.
Just take pause and contemplate and then make adecision when you feel better.
(43:54):
Yeah.
And I think for people in general, you know,and I was in The UK for a while, and and they
did it there too as we do here in The UnitedStates.
When you are at a retail place and you're up attheir cash register and there's all these
little things, and those are called impulsebuys, and you have to be in control of those
(44:16):
impulses.
And it's not just at this cash register.
It's there's, you know, a whole thing calledfear of missing out or FOMO that a lot of
people deal with, and we have to capture thatproblem too of, oh, if I don't buy this thing
right now or if I don't purchase this softwaresystem or if I don't implement this new
(44:41):
marketing tool, I'm gonna be behind everybodyelse.
And we have to step back from that.
And it's difficult because we get swept up inthe emotions of things.
I just attended a webinar this week actuallywhere all the way through it, they were saying,
oh, you know, this is this value and this valueand this value and this value and this value,
and you're gonna get all of that stuff.
And it was like a $20,000 value.
(45:03):
And they're like, you only have to pay $2,497if you purchase it right now.
I had to step away.
And I and I kinda felt myself getting swept upinto it, but I thought, nope.
Because I don't have that amount of money rightnow.
And as much as this might seem like a goodprogram for me, it's not a good investment for
(45:26):
me right now.
But I had to catch myself because I got intothat that marketing strategy, which is what it
is exactly, and tried to say, okay.
I can wait.
Maybe I don't get this one this cheaply, butthe way that our world works, there's gonna be
another one.
(45:47):
It might not be this year.
Maybe it'll be next year.
But there'll be another system similar to thisone and maybe even improved because this is the
first one in the way of this particular kind ofsystem.
So being able to okay.
I need things in my business to go a certainway in order to continue to progress, but I
(46:09):
don't need to buy every single new shiny thingthat gets my attention.
Because that'll cause you anxiety if you spendmoney that you don't have and you don't get a
return on that investment because then you'llbe thinking, well, what do I have to do now?
How am I gonna keep my business afloat?
Why did I make those decisions?
And you'll start to get down on yourself.
So being able to control those impulse buys.
(46:33):
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So true.
There are a lot of different, strategiesmarketing strategies now, and, people just want
to make sure that like, make you think that itis so important thing.
But you can look at things which you alreadyhave and what you already know.
(46:56):
Because if you implement what you already know,you would be already so far from where you are
now.
So it is not always about something that wedon't have.
It is in many cases the gap between what weknow and what we do.
We already have so many things and know somuch, but we don't it doesn't mean that we
(47:17):
implement them.
Yes?
It doesn't mean that we do what we alreadyknow.
So just maybe focus on what you can startimplementing from what you already have, yes,
and get results from this.
Because I know people who just go in oneprogram after another program, another program,
and they never even finish what they have.
But they have that paradigm, that program thatthey need something else.
(47:41):
Yes?
And and that is autopilot.
They just makes them just to buy stuff andnever just even open it or never continue what
they start.
And this is just like a loop, like, like,pattern pattern behave behavioral pattern.
So you also can look at yourself and see, like,what patterns I have, what behavior is,
(48:05):
repeating on autopilot.
And maybe this also you can see, like, if it itis good for you or not.
So maybe look at your habits, what you doregularly, and what habits are really results
producing what you want to achieve and whathabits are not there so you can start working
on implementing those habits, cultivating thosehabits which really bring you to results you
(48:30):
want.
Yes.
Yes.
And one one maybe final thing to talk about isthe news cycles and the social media cycles.
And the fact that we have instantaneous accessto everything now, I think, is overwhelming.
We actually process 74 gigabytes of informationevery day, which five hundred years ago, that's
(48:57):
as much as a person with the highest intellectwould have processed in an entire year.
But we do that every single day, and everybodyaround us is processing that much information.
And I believe that that's overwhelming oursystems.
And we just think, oh, you know, oh, the stockmarket crashed or, oh, the, you know, there's a
(49:18):
war here or, oh, and and we just get all workedup because it's it's right then and there in
that second, and then and then that's all wefocus on because everywhere we turn on the on
the television or every paper that we pick upor everything that we listen to, you know, as
we stream our music or listen to radio stationsor or, you know, however, is all about that
thing on that day.
(49:39):
And then the next thing, it's an you know, thenext day, it's a different worry.
And we're just constantly bombarding ourselveswith a lot of negative stuff, And we have to
figure out and weed out where the good thingsare amongst all of that negative stuff.
The stock market is gonna fluctuate everysingle day.
(50:00):
That's just how it works.
If you have stocks, if you have a retirementplan, if you have, you know, something, an
investment system for your business, you can'tlook at it every minute of every day.
It will drive you crazy.
You have to step back and just go, okay.
It's it's I'm in this for the long haul.
(50:21):
Making, as you mentioned, any decision justlike that.
Oh, this business is not working.
I'm gonna I'm just gonna leave it.
Well, as you said, is there something that Ialready know that I could do different, that I
could implement differently?
And, again, just focus right in that second.
Bring yourself to that present moment and go,okay.
(50:42):
Take stock in the situation.
Take some take a second.
Take a breath.
And that can be literate literally as well asfiguratively.
And set those priorities and find out.
K.
Reach out to people.
Hey.
I'm in this situation.
Maybe you've been in that situation.
What did you do?
Get that support because you might have hityour best at that moment, but someone else's
(51:06):
best is gonna be able to help you go above andbeyond where you are and thought you could only
go.
Yes.
Yes.
So you always know what is the best when youlisten your intuition and, when you take time
to think and then not just react, but reallyrespond to everything and, be wise.
(51:31):
Yes.
Be wise and use your, as I said, reasoningfactor, will to focus, and intuition.
Yes.
Yes.
Mhmm.
Thank you so much, Shelley.
Is there anything else?
If there would be one advice, that you couldtell our audience before we wrap up this
(51:52):
episode, what would that be?
We know who we are, but not who we will be.
And I I knew who I was in those moments ofanxiety when I was a kid.
I had no idea of who I would be today in 2025,and that happens for everybody.
(52:14):
Mhmm.
Yes.
So be who you are, know who you are, studyyourself, and trust yourself.
Yes.
And, find your own way.
Yeah.
Find your own way and know what you really wantin life.
Why?
And, go for it with that pace that will whenyou will feel good.
(52:39):
Yes.
When you feel, happy, joyful, and, in your ownspeed and pace.
Yep.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Shelley.
It was great to discuss this, and I'm surethose people who are listening to this episode
will find so much available insights andimplemented in their life.
(53:05):
And so thank you so much for being amazingguest today in our podcast.
Thank you for having me.
It was a great conversation.
Yeah.
I really enjoyed.
So see you again in future episodes.
K.
Bye bye.
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