June 30, 2025 • 45 mins
In this episode, Elena Apalkova talks with George Haymaker about his journey of transformation and personal growth. George shares insights from his early life, discussing how childhood experiences shaped his identity and addiction struggles. They explore neuroplasticity and its role in reshaping identity, emphasizing the importance of practice and repetition in overcoming old patterns. The conversation delves into the brain's resistance to change, strategies for habit change, and the reconstruction of self-image for personal development. George highlights the significance of mentors and offers actionable advice for listeners. The episode concludes with a call to action and closing remarks.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to mindset to results.
Our guest today is George Haymaker, and he hasso fascinating story.
How he changed his life, how he changed his,unhelpful patterns, and totally re reprogrammed
(00:23):
his, those patterns, reprogrammed his programs,subconscious mind, and figured out how he can
live successfully, and now he is helping somany people to do the same.
Hi, George.
Hi, Elena.
(00:44):
Good morning here from California.
So nice to see you, and, hello, everyone.
Great to be here.
Yeah.
You're most welcome.
Tell us a little bit about you.
Okay.
As I said, I live in California, sunny Napa,California, where they make great wine.
Unfortunately, I can't drink any of it becauseI'm in recovery.
(01:06):
So that's a big part of my story is I abouttwelve years ago, I'm in my mid sixties now, so
early fifties, I succumbed to addiction to painpills and alcohol.
And I had been using alcohol and pain pills andother substances to cope with unhelpful mental
patterns for much of my adulthood ever sincestarted in college.
(01:30):
And my story really originates back inchildhood as many as everyone's does,
obviously, but these mental patterns thatyou're talking about that aren't helpful
typically will begin to develop in childhood asa result of our upbringing, things that we
experience when we're young.
And that was the case for me.
(01:53):
I moved around a lot with my family.
We I was in and out of schools every year orso.
My family was very into discipline, physicaldiscipline.
I had some sexual abuse, not from my parents,but from some other people.
And then my parents moved overseas when I wasin ninth grade, and I stayed in The US and went
(02:16):
to boarding school, I was fending for myself.
So I grew up very uncomfortable and on my ownskin, a lot of self doubt, a lot of anxiety, a
lot of anger.
And I got to college and I've started usingdrugs and alcohol, and I found how much better
I felt when I did.
And so that became my coping mechanism for manyyears during adulthood to deal with these
(02:40):
unhelpful mental patterns.
And I was very successful as a as an adult inbusiness.
I was an entrepreneur, as many of yourlisteners are.
And, you know, the the problem with thatlifestyle or the one of the as your listeners
will know, there's a lot of uncertainty,potentially a lot of stress.
(03:00):
A you have to do everything when you're anentrepreneur, like there's no one to delegate
to, at least at the beginning.
And so I was my nervous system was highlyactivated always.
Combination of the lifestyle, the business, andthen these patterns that were in my brain that
had developed since childhood.
So I was always high wired.
(03:22):
And and so I used these substances to medicate.
And so that's that that was my formula forabout thirty years until I, again, hit my early
fifties and hit a hard bottom, where addictionovercame me, and I just couldn't control it
anymore, which is what happens with addiction.
And, I had to go to rehab.
(03:42):
And so at that point, I began to look at I knewthat my life had not gone well the way that I
was proud of and wanted it to.
I knew that it was unsustainable.
I had to change.
And so I began to open my mind to new thinking,new possibilities, new ways of being, and that
started my road to recovery where I started tolearn about my brain.
(04:05):
Up until that point, and I you know, with theall the people I talked to, I think a lot of us
don't understand what the brain is on our onour in our heads.
Like, we don't understand how it works, how itfunctions, how it changes, if change is even
possible.
We just think that we're stuck with this thingthat, you know, we're born with, and that's all
(04:29):
we get.
That's all we can do about it.
And nothing could be further from the truth.
Twelve years later, as you said, I've rewiredmy brain.
I have a new identity that I formed aboutmyself.
I live according to that new identity.
If I with all the unhelpful patterns that I hadfrom childhood, I've rewired those so that
(04:50):
they're more helpful now.
And so just wanna communicate that the brain ishighly elastic.
It's it's the gift of neuroplasticity means thebrain will change, adapt, and evolve, but we
have to show it the way.
Yes.
Yes.
You mentioned about, new identity.
(05:12):
Let's speak a little bit about this.
Why it is important to have new identity, andwhat is identity, and how identities is formed
initially, and why it is important to build newidentity when you understand where you want to
be.
(05:32):
Because where you are now, it is the result ofyour identity.
Right?
Like your standards Yep.
Your self image, what you think is possible,what is impossible, all your beliefs, all
habits.
This all forms your identity, and this is howyou get these results, which is just reflection
(05:53):
of what is going inside.
And for people who maybe don't like and nothappy with their results and they understand
that they are here for more.
They know that they can be better.
They can do better.
They can do more.
How important is to start this new journey fromdeciding who you really want to become and
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build that new identity?
Such a great question, and it really goes tothe heart of, becoming someone that you want to
become.
It's critical that it starts with identity.
So identity simply is how we view ourselves.
Our personality is how other people view us,but our identity is how we view ourselves.
(06:40):
Important distinction there.
And as you said, it's made up it's it'sconstructed.
And and I wanna use that word because that's animportant word, constructed.
Because all mental life, whether it's ourthoughts, our emotions, the actions that come
into our brain that we're that we wanna take,and our identity are constructed over time.
(07:07):
And so the the components of identity arethings that you mentioned, our values, our
strengths, our character traits, our beliefsystems about ourselves and about the world
around us.
And then when we and it's like a fabric.
It's like our roots of a tree inside of us,inside of our brain.
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And and then we our thoughts and our emotionsand actions emanate or emerge from that
identity.
Now this identity that we have today isconstructed from a set of ingredients that the
brain uses to build our view of ourselves.
(07:52):
And so, a big part of that is our pastexperiences.
So, the brain is like a hard drive or a filingcabinet, and it records all of our past
experiences, all the things that have everhappened to us, all of our previous thoughts,
emotions, behaviors, interpretations, and itrecords all this.
(08:18):
And so it's very much like, going to the gymand when we do repetitions, with in the gym and
we build up bigger muscles, that's what thebrain is doing.
So the more times that we engage in certainthoughts, emotions, and actions, the stronger
that those patterns become.
(08:40):
These patterns are made up of neurons.
Neurons are brain cells.
There's 85,000,000,000 brain cells in our brainand they form they link together based on our
past experiences.
And so everybody's brain looks differentbecause we've all had our own past experiences.
And so the brain, if you were to take an imageof it, kinda looks like a a road map of like a
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country with all the roads going every whichway.
And they these roads have formed themselvesbased on what's happened to us before.
And so that's how our identity gets constructedis it's made up of all of these past
experiences, whether they've been helpful orunhelpful, whether they give us problems in the
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current in our in our current state, you know,that is what becomes our identity.
And so we have to determine if how we are ishow we want to be Because the identity can be
reconstructed into something different, but wehave to decide that what parts of our current
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identity are not helping us.
Are do we have problems with self confidence?
Maybe we were raised in a certain way that,like, you know, in my story, where I had a lot
of confidence issues, self esteem issues, youknow, self doubt and so on and anger.
Those were patterns that because I practicedthem over and over again being that way, they
(10:11):
became very strong.
They became part of my identity.
And so what I had to do is decide that that wasnot who I wanted to be.
It was causing me problems in my life.
And so what we do then is, like, when I workwith people is we have to do we have to take
these patterns that are not helpful and analyzethem.
And we have to go back into our past and andanalyze where they started, why they started.
(10:36):
And when this happens, the person gets a realeye opening epiphany about why they are how
they are today because of things that havehappened to them in their past.
And it begins to make a lot of sense.
Okay?
Then because these patterns are usually highlypracticed, highly repetition, they're very
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strong.
And so we what we have to do is loosen the gripthat these patterns have on our identity and
our our psyche.
And so we do exercises to loosen the grip ofthese patterns.
It's like they're like gluey and stickypatterns that are that are hard to break apart
because we've practiced them so much.
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So we do things like identify, you know, whythey why we develop them in the first place as
a child to or whenever they started to get by,but why they don't make sense anymore.
Are they or why, you know, why did they happenthen and why they aren't helping us today?
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And just by virtue of that, it begins to openup a window as to, you know, these patterns.
They they it begins to loosen the grip thatthey have on our psyche.
We start to analyze all the pros and cons ofhaving these patterns.
How are they helping us?
How are they hurting us?
And then you get a list that's really long onhow they're hurting us and very short on how
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they're helping us.
And so then it's it's called, you know,analyzing the cost of these patterns.
You you take a look at, you know, if somebodyelse, if one of your friends was having these
problems, what would you guide and counsel themto do?
And so you you you take a number of thesedifferent approaches to loosen the grip that
these patterns have over your psyche, and thenthey'd be then they then your brain begins to
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open up to new possibilities.
It says, okay.
I understand that these aren't helpful.
They don't make sense anymore.
They originated years and years ago, but theydon't have to be true anymore today.
Here's all the costs of them.
And then and then we start to then craft a newidentity that represents how we want to be.
It's like it's like you get to sit down with ablank sheet of paper and develop this person
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that you'd like to be for the rest of yourlife.
And so, you know, in my case, there were abunch of patterns I wanted to get rid of and a
bunch of new ones I wanted to put in theirplace.
And so you develop this character of yourself.
It's very much like if you're an actor, you goyou get a screenplay from your director and,
you know, the the screenplay has your characterin it.
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And you have to learn how to be that newcharacter.
You have to learn how the person thinks andfeels and behaves and every their personality,
everything about them.
And then you have to rehearse them.
And that's what we're doing here is we're, youknow, designing this this ideal person that you
wanna be.
And then with all of their new charactertraits, their new belief systems about
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themselves and others, their values, and thenwe start to practice being that person over and
over and over again over a period of time untilwe begin to shift into that person.
Now remember that the the reason this works isbecause we are digging into the root system of
the brain and changing the root system.
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We're not just doing surface level behaviorchanges.
We're actually reconstructing how the brain isforming its identity, and that's very critical.
So it's like changing the roots of a tree.
So I'm gonna stop there and see if you have anyfollow-up questions.
I know I rambled on for quite a bit.
(14:22):
Yeah.
Yes.
Of course.
I I totally agree with you that this is the wayhow to build a new identity, and we just cannot
say that, oh, I'm not going to think like that,or I'm not going to do that anymore.
We always can replace.
We we should identify what is holding us back,what beliefs, or maybe standards which we have.
(14:48):
Right?
We raised our standards and decided from nowon, I accept these things, and I don't tolerate
that anymore.
And this is what we put in our description.
And this also, of course, not enough just toread once.
We have to read it and visualize ourselves asthat person and think and feel and act as we
(15:14):
already that person.
Right?
So it in time, these new ideas will beimpressed into our subconscious mind.
And in time, because we will focus on it, wegive energy to these new ideas, those old ideas
will be replaced.
Yes?
And So what Mhmm.
(15:35):
I'm I'm sorry.
So what happens there neurologically is youhave these patterns in your brain that are
these strings of neurons that have connectedthat represent your old ways of thinking,
feeling, and behaving.
And by virtue and every time that we do one ofthose things or think that way or feel that
way, chemicals and electricity go through thatstring of neurons.
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It's like a Christmas light, okay, with all theneurons connected to another that go all around
your brain that represent that pattern.
And every time you engage in that and firechemicals and electricity, it gets stronger.
And so if you stop being that way and don't putany more chemicals or electricity through that
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pattern, it starts to get weaker.
It's very similar to like a plant.
If you stop watering and fertilizing it overtime, the plant would little by little begin to
get weaker and begin to die.
That's what happens with these old patterns.
So it's you've I'm sure we've all heard theterm fake it till you make it, and that's what
we're doing is we're becoming this we we forceourselves with our conscious mind.
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Eventually, it's gonna go to the subconscious,but at the beginning, we have to work very hard
at this because it's new and different andchallenging.
So it's up here in the front part of our brain.
And so we have to force ourselves to act, feel,and think like this new person, but it's
important to design that person first.
You can't just say I'm gonna take this onethought and change it.
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That's surface level.
You have to tie it to this new identity.
This is who I am deep inside me.
Okay?
That's how it gets connected to the roots.
Okay?
And then the brain works on repetition, itworks on emotion, and it works on reward.
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Okay?
So with all of these changes that we're making,you have to understand that you're gonna be
working at this for days and weeks and monthsuntil gradually you begin to shift.
It isn't a light switch.
You can't say, I'm gonna try this for two weeksand then that's it.
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This is a commitment that you make that you aregonna change based on a new identity and you
have to stay with it.
You you have to then feel with emotion why thisis gonna be so much better for you.
You have to feel the the emotion is the thingthat adds strength and glue to the new pattern.
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And so you it's important that you continue towork with the emotional aspects of these new
patterns and how much more helpful they'regonna be for you and how proud you're gonna be
when you actually become this way.
And then you have to focus on the reward.
Why is this so much better for me than whatI've been doing?
And so, you know, you have to detail all thesedifferent things that are gonna be better for
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you.
You're gonna be calmer.
You're gonna be more confident.
You're gonna be proud of yourself.
You're gonna be living according to your newidentity that you've outlined.
You you're gonna be a person of your word, soon and so forth.
These are intrinsic values that are reallyimportant that to tether these new patterns to.
It's like, again, new roots of a tree.
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And so if you can continually repeat being thisperson in every way, shape, and form, use
emotion to strengthen these new patterns andthen focus on the reward and experience the
reward, then the brain actually begins to likethese new patterns because the brain wants
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reward.
Reward are are neurochemicals that travelthrough these neural pathways, these Christmas
lights, and they feel good.
So things like dopamine and serotonin,endorphins, oxytocin, these are all chemicals
that when we feel good, these are the thingsthat are traveling through our brain.
And so we want that.
(19:37):
And so we in these new patterns, we have tofocus on all these things that these new
patterns are helping us with, why we're feelinggood, and that helps complete the loop of
cementing these new patterns in place.
Yes.
Yes.
So yes.
So you explained it so well that this allthrough repetition, many people write New Year
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resolutions, yeah, at the December.
At the December, and they say, oh, from firstJanuary, I become a new person and I do this.
I will not do that.
But we know that in two weeks, nothing changes.
Yes.
Nothing changes because it is it is it is notworking this way.
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You cannot change all habits at one day.
You can work only on one, two habits at a time.
So you decide.
You first analyze, yes, like, which habits youhave, which bring you results you want, and
which don't bring you results which you want.
And then you decide how you want to replacethem, what you are going to do instead, and
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focus on only one habit at the time.
Master it that it will become inconvenient notto do that.
It becomes part of your new identity, thenfocus on another one.
So it really takes time and commitment, and itis not easy.
It is not easy.
It is simple, but it is not easy.
And to do Yeah.
(21:06):
Yes.
You have to know why.
Yes.
You have to have big big goal and purpose to tosee that, as you said, reward is so what why
you want to do that if you have really big goallike old Nightingale calls it burning desire.
Yes.
And Napoleon Hill also.
Burning desire, you should find that burningdesire because you will need that fuel.
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You will need that goal.
Motivation.
Yeah.
Motivation.
Yeah.
And inspiration to go through it.
Because your old paradigms, those programs,they will fight with you.
They you will feel physically not well.
You can feel, like, really, like, something inyou, like, some like, two different characters.
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One is old and one is new, and there is afight, and you have to get strong first in your
mind.
Mhmm.
That's very well said.
It is like two characters for a while becauseyou've got this new one that you've diagrammed,
and you've got this old one that's a result ofwho you've been.
And so, you know, I I appreciate you said, youknow, you work on one or two patterns at a
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time, but if you have done a good job ofdeveloping a picture, really complete picture
of who this new person is, then and and thenwhat we do is we construct a life that supports
that new person.
So there may be things that you're doing inyour daily life, activities, ways you're
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conducting yourself, what you're doing withyour time, how you're eating, how you're
exercising, how you're sleeping, are youtraining your you know, all kinds of things
that do not support this new person.
And so you have to then, again, draw up anideal version of your identity, how you wanna
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be, and then you have to construct your dailylife to support that.
And then as you begin to live your life, youwill know when this old character starts to pop
up.
You will certain patterns will come back up.
Frequently, they're triggered by stress becausethat's what activates old patterns.
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They're automatic responses coming from yoursubconscious.
But what's what's key there is that, remember,if you engage in the old pattern again, you are
watering and fertilizing it one more time andmaking it just a little bit stronger.
So the key is is to develop patience, theability to pause, recognize when the old
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character is surfacing, and pause and stop it.
Do not water or fertilize it.
Do not think that way, emote that way, orbehave that way because we wanna stop watering
and fertilizing the plant and allow it togradually get weaker and and break apart.
And so that's what we really try to do is juststay committed to this new identity.
(24:05):
And if you catch the old one popping up, youyou stop it, analyze what's happened, and you
can then start to look at your brainobjectively.
Instead of being overwhelmed by it, you can sayto yourself, well, this is just my old
character popping up.
It only makes sense.
I practiced being this person for years andyears.
It's gonna pop up from time to time, and thenit's okay.
(24:28):
And so that's what we begin to look at ourbrain objectively, not as this thing that is
controlling our life, because it's not.
We are actually controlling our brain.
We are the ones who've made it the way that itis.
The brain doesn't lead us anywhere.
It only is a result or a reflection of whatwe've trained it to be.
And so if we've trained it to be a certain way,we can easily train it to be a different way.
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The brain doesn't stop being trainable ever.
It can be trained late into our life.
Neuroplasticity, the ability for the brain tochange, adapt, and evolve, is with us forever.
Okay?
So this whole idea of an old dog can't learnnew tricks or I can never change, That is
scientifically not true, and it it's only amatter of you deciding that enough is enough
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and I'm going to be different.
And that's what people have problems with iswhen is enough enough.
For me, I had to have a lot of really badconsequences, be miserable with addiction in
order for me to change.
Unfortunately, that's what it takes for a lotof people.
The reason for that is the brain does not wantto seek change in and of itself.
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It is designed the brain's number one job is tokeep you safe and in survival and conserve
resources.
The brain is on twenty four seven.
It's always working.
It has to conserve resources because thinkabout everything it's doing all day every day.
It's the busiest organ in your body.
It consumes the most energy of anything, morethan your heart, more than your liver.
(26:06):
It is a energy hog.
And so it's trying to conserve energy andresources, trying to keep you safe and in
survival.
That's it.
It doesn't care if you build a great business.
It doesn't care if you have a big home, if youget to it only wants to keep you safe so that
you can have babies and continue with thespecies.
So because of that, when we are unhappy andwant to change, the brain is unsure of that.
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That is why when you think about change, itfeels hard.
That is why you say, I can't change, is becausethe brain wants to stay where it is with what's
familiar.
The reason for that is because the brain isalways predicting what's gonna happen next.
And so it again, it can't analyze everysituation to the nth degree.
(26:53):
It takes in information from your senses, andit says this is what I predict is going to
happen.
Here's how I think you should think, feel, andbehave because that's how you've shown me in
the past.
So it just wants to keep things constant tokeep you alive and safe.
So the initial parts of change feel hardbecause your brain is resisting it because it
doesn't know yet that your new identity isgonna be safe, and it doesn't know that it's
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gonna be rewarding.
Once you force it through conscious commitment,motivation, and effort, you have to force it.
That's why it's it feels hard.
It's up here in the front part of the brain.
If you stay with it long enough, then the brainbegins to understand that it's safe because
it's through repetition, it's experienced it.
(27:39):
Right?
Over and over and over again now, and it beginsto say, okay.
Well, this is safe.
I'm gonna stop resisting as much, which meansit's gonna stop feeling as hard.
And then if it's emotionally satisfying andrewarding, it not only stops resisting, it
actually starts to prefer it because it itloves reward and it loves emotion.
(27:59):
And so that's why I I can't state this clearlyenough that when you decide you're gonna be a
new and different person, you have to take alot of time to detail every aspect of this new
identity and you have to and like you said,envision it, think there and sit there and
close your eyes, feel emotion tied to it, thinkabout all the reward that's gonna come from
(28:25):
being this person.
And every time that you either think about it,talk about it, or actually do it, you it counts
as a repetition.
Your brain doesn't know the difference betweenvisualizing, doing, thinking, talking, it all
feels like a repetition to the brain.
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So that's why at the beginning, it is just youhave to live this new identity.
If you catch yourself falling back into the oldcharacter, you have to pull your stop it, pull
yourself out of it immediately, and dosomething different that's in alignment with
this new identity.
I see.
Yes.
So true.
So true.
Yes.
(29:05):
It takes efforts.
It takes determination, consistency.
And, yeah, that's why the reward should be bigenough.
Yeah.
Because if they go small, you will not besustainable.
Yeah.
You will not be consistent.
You have to find out what is the big reasonbehind this, what you're going to do, why you
(29:26):
want to become that new personality.
And as you said, everyone can build totally newpersonality.
It is just creating that script like a authortechnique.
Create script, read the script, repeat thescript, fill the script.
Right?
Like, actors sorry, actor technique.
(29:49):
Act as if yes.
Like, actors.
Yep.
Like, given script, they don't know about,like, this subject of this movie.
But they read it, repeat, and they feel, andthey embody that new personality.
And this is how when we watch the movie, wethink sometimes, oh, this is that person.
And we think that it is so natural that we wethink that this is this person in life.
(30:14):
But in life, it is totally different character.
Yes.
So this exact way, we write the script and weread it till it become natural for us.
And then we start acting like that.
And of course, initially, it may feel weirdbecause we are not that person.
Right?
But through repetition, as you said, our brainwill start getting this as familiar.
(30:37):
So it is more you repeat and more youconsistently do it, it already start accepting
your subconscious mind, start believing this.
It can be true.
And then you one day comes that you see this isme.
This is me.
This is Yeah.
Don't recognize myself, anymore.
You look back at before you started, and yousay, was that me?
(30:59):
I I don't even recognize.
I'm totally different person now.
And you really will enjoy by building yourself.
Yes?
Because Yep.
Who we are now, like, if we didn't do thatprocess before, it means that our parents,
school, teachers, like, our environment when wewere infants formed our self image because self
(31:23):
image is formed between, like, when we zero andfive years.
And then that self image totally dictatesbecause we cannot overcome our self image.
Self image dictates the boundaries ofindividual achievements.
So we can only do things in that limit of ourself image.
(31:43):
That is why when we want something bigger, thisis first thing to start with.
We have to change that self image and startseeing big picture and believing that this is
possible, that this is I can do that.
Right?
And for Right.
I can do that.
This is who we have to become.
That for person who thinks that this issomething natural to do that.
(32:06):
Yeah.
I mean, you you just said it so well.
Yeah.
A couple of points.
So the self image you're talking about is ouridentity, and it's it's been constructed
through the experiences that we've had.
And but it can be reconstructed.
So it it's just something that's beenpracticed.
(32:27):
And so if we decide that the self image oridentity that we are living is not the one that
we want and and our goals and aspirations feeltoo difficult or too much for us, we have to
then reconstruct our identity so that theydon't seem too big for us.
And one of the things we do in that process iswe start to look at all the other things that
(32:52):
you've been able to achieve in your life.
So the big things that have happened in yourlife that you've been able to overcome or
achieve, successes that you've had.
And so then the brain begins to say, well,okay.
I was able to do those things and those werehard.
So why is this new goal or aspiration anyharder than those?
(33:14):
And that's all this process of changing thebelief system.
Right?
Because the brain has developed this beliefsystem that I can't do that.
But then when your brain starts to look at thethings you have done, it's contrary evidence to
what your belief is.
And that starts to break down the validity ofthat old belief that I can't do it.
(33:37):
It starts to break it down so the brain setthen there's a door that opens in the brain.
And it says, I believe this, but maybe it's nottrue.
And that's what we're looking for.
We're looking for these little doorways to openwhere the brain says, maybe that isn't true.
And then you have the opportunity to putsomething else in its place.
(33:59):
Okay?
And then you just have to and then what we dois we construct a lifestyle that begins to
build gradually so that you begin to believe.
And this idea of moving things to theconscious.
So the subconscious is this back part of ourbrain, the basal ganglia, where once we have
repeated something so often and it's automatic,that's where it goes into subconscious.
(34:25):
So it comes out of the front part of the brainwhere we have to think and try really hard and
remember, like, all the steps.
And then we repeat it a lot and we getemotionally tied to it because it's beneficial
and rewarding.
And then it begins to go to the back part ofour brain.
So, you know, think of riding a bike orbrushing your teeth, or let's say you've
(34:47):
learned a new language or learned a newinstrument.
And at the heart at the beginning, it wasreally hard.
You had to think about it all the time.
But after a while, it got into yoursubconscious because you did enough repetitions
and the brain liked it.
It was safe.
It was rewarding.
And so that's what we're after here is thatmovement of that memory that you're developing,
(35:09):
the new habit, it's a memory, from the frontpart of your brain into the back part of your
brain.
That's what we're after here with this identityshow.
Right?
Because we have to memorize and have this newidentity be automatic.
And so we just if we practice being thisperson, as you said, another good analogy is
like a spy.
(35:29):
Okay?
A spy.
Remember how, you know, they go into theseforeign countries and they have to go
undercover, deep undercover.
Right?
And they have to be they have to develop a newlegend, they're called legends.
They're basically a new identity.
And you've heard stories about they have tolive these identities sometimes for years
undercover, and they come back from theirassignment and that's all that's their new
(35:56):
identity.
It's like they don't know how to be anydifferent.
It's a lot like a soldier.
Right?
You go off into war and you come back, andyou've developed this new identity of being a
soldier in combat, and you have difficultycoming back to it to transitioning back to the
old identity or a different identity.
Right?
And so these are all very what the importanceof these analogies are that it paints a picture
(36:20):
in the person's mind so they understand whatthey're dealing with.
Right?
If if you don't know that you're gonna how thisworks and the big picture of what you're trying
to accomplish and the journey that you have togo on to have this be successful, then you just
don't have a plan.
You don't have a understanding or a road map,and that's why it becomes frustrating.
(36:40):
But if if I worked with you and I told you it'sgonna take this long, it's gonna take this many
repetitions, here's what the repetitions haveto look like, here's the setbacks that are
gonna happen along the way and they're onlynatural, and here's what you're gonna do when
they occur, then you, you know, you start tosay okay.
You you're not as overwhelmed when thingsaren't going exactly as you had hoped.
(37:03):
Right?
And so that's the critical nature of what I tryto do is educating people about the brain, how
it works, so that as these things unfold,they're more comfortable in the environment.
Yes.
Clarity is very important.
Who you want to become and, the steps we haveto do.
(37:24):
And, of course, the role of mentor and coach isso important because as we mentioned, people
have those patterns, and they don't distinguishpatterns and themselves.
Like, they think that they are their brain, butit is not.
You are not your brain.
(37:44):
Brain is just receiving and sending station,like radio station.
Which frequency which channel you set it, ityou get that freak to that frequency, and you
listen to that program.
Right?
And you will listen only that program.
This is what you get in life.
You are at that certain frequency.
This is your channel.
(38:05):
Everything what happened with you will be indeeper zone of these frequencies.
Like, your magnet to will do everything what isin that level.
Right?
The.
You want to change different channel.
You want to have different life.
You have to switch to different frequency.
So your brain has to operate a differentfrequency, like different thoughts, different
(38:27):
identity, different feelings, and then how youwill start to track different things, people,
situations in life.
Yes.
So this is so important topic.
Yes.
That identifying that you are not yourthoughts, you are not your brain, you have
reasoning factor.
Yes.
You have high mental faculties such asimagination, reason, perception.
(38:50):
You can look at things different if you want.
There's not only one way.
You use, you can develop those muscles.
Reason is the high mental faculty which makes abig difference between human beings and other
creatures because animals don't don't havereason.
They have instincts.
But human beings have reason.
(39:12):
It means that we can we can generate thoughtswhich are different from what brain
automatically generates because brain justgenerates the same tape recorded stuff all over
again.
Right?
And this is why people say, oh, I'm in the samesituation again and again.
Of course, because you attract those situationbecause you have the same patterns, and as
(39:36):
magnitude, you just create the same results.
So you have to reinforce new patterns, newbeliefs, and that is why mentor as coach is so
important because you don't see yourselfbecause you are inside that picture.
You need somebody outside who can see where youare and have bigger picture, right, and tell
(39:58):
you, okay.
You are now in this picture.
I can get you to that one, and this is what youdo.
Let's go together.
Yes.
So that is why it's so important to have suchamazing people as you who not only read books,
yes, but really had life experience, wentthrough all these challenges, metamorphosis in
(40:19):
their life.
And now you say, yes.
Now I got it.
Yes.
Because you never can get this from justreading the books right there.
Of course, it is important, but it is like, younever can, learn how to drive just when you
watch other people drive.
Or you never can swim if you're just sittingand watching other people swim.
(40:42):
Or you you this life is important to havethose, and that is so good that we have so
amazing mentors, coaches nowadays.
Yes.
That everything is available when you open yourmind and you start deciding, like, what I want
to be, what I want to become, what I want tohave, how I want to live my life.
(41:06):
Yeah.
Boy, you just sum it up perfectly.
Well said.
Yes.
Yeah.
So yes.
Thank you so much, George.
Would you like to have one advice before wewrap up our episode for people who listen to
us.
What advice maybe would they have to start orreally something that can happen them to take
(41:26):
it serious?
Because this is their life.
Right?
And we live only four thousand weeks.
Some interesting statistics.
Only four thousand weeks.
Many people think that they have agreement forfifty thousand years, but no.
Just four thousand weeks.
And the best time to start thinking and startre building your identity is today?
(41:51):
Yeah.
Boy, that means I only have so many weeks left.
Yikes.
The advice I have is, you know, this idea ofyour relationship with your brain.
It's very important to understand that, likeyou said, you are not your brain.
Your brain is simply a record of theexperiences that you've shown it.
(42:13):
And so what I try to help people do is to comeoutside their body and sit about five feet away
and look at themselves objectively.
Look at their brains objectively.
Don't be over I know it's easy to say, butdon't allow yourself to be subject to your
(42:36):
brain in the sense that you have no choice oryou have no agency or involvement or control or
command.
You do.
It's simply you have simply developed yourbrain into what it is today.
But be by virtue of the fact that you've doneit once, you can do it again.
And so really start to think about your brainobjectively.
(42:57):
When things come into your mind, which the mindis just what emerges from the brain, the
physical organ, just think of it that, well,I've designed it that way.
I've designed it that way.
And and then give yourself a break and say thatit's okay.
I designed it that way because it helped memeet my needs at some point in my life.
(43:21):
It it's okay.
But now I know because of Elena and George toldme that it can be different.
I just have to redesign it in a different waythat's more helpful now, that'll meet my needs
now.
And so that's start to look at your brainobjectively and start to understand that it can
(43:42):
change scientifically.
And all it takes is you, you're the only onethat can do it, no one else can, is take is you
taking an active role in your brain in guidingand directing your brain, designing your new
mental life.
Okay?
So that's hopefully, it gives people some hopeand encouragement that this is entirely
(44:04):
possible.
And I assure you, if I can do it, is it as bada place I was and as hard headed as I am, I
assure you that everyone else could do it.
Yes.
And the journey of thousand miles starts withone step, and that one step is your decision.
You don't need anything to make decision.
(44:27):
It is just Right.
It's free.
And, yeah, it is free.
So make decision today who you want to become.
Listen our episode again.
Also, you're welcome to ask question, subscribeto our channel, and reach out to George if you
want to know more how he can help you.
Yeah.
I'd love to hear from people.
My website is georgehaymaker.com.
(44:50):
There's a link there that you can schedule afree discovery call for thirty minutes that we
can talk about what's going on in your life andhow we might be able to help each other.
And so I, you know, would love to hear from youand just hear what's going on in your life.
Yeah.
Thank you, George, so much.
It was my pleasure to have you, and you wereamazing guest at our podcast.
(45:14):
I'm looking forward to see you again in ourfuture episodes.
I'd love to be here.
Thank you, Elena.
Nice nice to meet you.
You're most welcome.
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to mindset to results.
Our guest today is George Haymaker, and he hasso fascinating story.
How he changed his life, how he changed his,unhelpful patterns, and totally re reprogrammed
(00:23):
his, those patterns, reprogrammed his programs,subconscious mind, and figured out how he can
live successfully, and now he is helping somany people to do the same.
Hi, George.
Hi, Elena.
(00:44):
Good morning here from California.
So nice to see you, and, hello, everyone.
Great to be here.
Yeah.
You're most welcome.
Tell us a little bit about you.
Okay.
As I said, I live in California, sunny Napa,California, where they make great wine.
Unfortunately, I can't drink any of it becauseI'm in recovery.
(01:06):
So that's a big part of my story is I abouttwelve years ago, I'm in my mid sixties now, so
early fifties, I succumbed to addiction to painpills and alcohol.
And I had been using alcohol and pain pills andother substances to cope with unhelpful mental
patterns for much of my adulthood ever sincestarted in college.
(01:30):
And my story really originates back inchildhood as many as everyone's does,
obviously, but these mental patterns thatyou're talking about that aren't helpful
typically will begin to develop in childhood asa result of our upbringing, things that we
experience when we're young.
And that was the case for me.
(01:53):
I moved around a lot with my family.
We I was in and out of schools every year orso.
My family was very into discipline, physicaldiscipline.
I had some sexual abuse, not from my parents,but from some other people.
And then my parents moved overseas when I wasin ninth grade, and I stayed in The US and went
(02:16):
to boarding school, I was fending for myself.
So I grew up very uncomfortable and on my ownskin, a lot of self doubt, a lot of anxiety, a
lot of anger.
And I got to college and I've started usingdrugs and alcohol, and I found how much better
I felt when I did.
And so that became my coping mechanism for manyyears during adulthood to deal with these
(02:40):
unhelpful mental patterns.
And I was very successful as a as an adult inbusiness.
I was an entrepreneur, as many of yourlisteners are.
And, you know, the the problem with thatlifestyle or the one of the as your listeners
will know, there's a lot of uncertainty,potentially a lot of stress.
(03:00):
A you have to do everything when you're anentrepreneur, like there's no one to delegate
to, at least at the beginning.
And so I was my nervous system was highlyactivated always.
Combination of the lifestyle, the business, andthen these patterns that were in my brain that
had developed since childhood.
So I was always high wired.
(03:22):
And and so I used these substances to medicate.
And so that's that that was my formula forabout thirty years until I, again, hit my early
fifties and hit a hard bottom, where addictionovercame me, and I just couldn't control it
anymore, which is what happens with addiction.
And, I had to go to rehab.
(03:42):
And so at that point, I began to look at I knewthat my life had not gone well the way that I
was proud of and wanted it to.
I knew that it was unsustainable.
I had to change.
And so I began to open my mind to new thinking,new possibilities, new ways of being, and that
started my road to recovery where I started tolearn about my brain.
(04:05):
Up until that point, and I you know, with theall the people I talked to, I think a lot of us
don't understand what the brain is on our onour in our heads.
Like, we don't understand how it works, how itfunctions, how it changes, if change is even
possible.
We just think that we're stuck with this thingthat, you know, we're born with, and that's all
(04:29):
we get.
That's all we can do about it.
And nothing could be further from the truth.
Twelve years later, as you said, I've rewiredmy brain.
I have a new identity that I formed aboutmyself.
I live according to that new identity.
If I with all the unhelpful patterns that I hadfrom childhood, I've rewired those so that
(04:50):
they're more helpful now.
And so just wanna communicate that the brain ishighly elastic.
It's it's the gift of neuroplasticity means thebrain will change, adapt, and evolve, but we
have to show it the way.
Yes.
Yes.
You mentioned about, new identity.
(05:12):
Let's speak a little bit about this.
Why it is important to have new identity, andwhat is identity, and how identities is formed
initially, and why it is important to build newidentity when you understand where you want to
be.
(05:32):
Because where you are now, it is the result ofyour identity.
Right?
Like your standards Yep.
Your self image, what you think is possible,what is impossible, all your beliefs, all
habits.
This all forms your identity, and this is howyou get these results, which is just reflection
(05:53):
of what is going inside.
And for people who maybe don't like and nothappy with their results and they understand
that they are here for more.
They know that they can be better.
They can do better.
They can do more.
How important is to start this new journey fromdeciding who you really want to become and
(06:17):
build that new identity?
Such a great question, and it really goes tothe heart of, becoming someone that you want to
become.
It's critical that it starts with identity.
So identity simply is how we view ourselves.
Our personality is how other people view us,but our identity is how we view ourselves.
(06:40):
Important distinction there.
And as you said, it's made up it's it'sconstructed.
And and I wanna use that word because that's animportant word, constructed.
Because all mental life, whether it's ourthoughts, our emotions, the actions that come
into our brain that we're that we wanna take,and our identity are constructed over time.
(07:07):
And so the the components of identity arethings that you mentioned, our values, our
strengths, our character traits, our beliefsystems about ourselves and about the world
around us.
And then when we and it's like a fabric.
It's like our roots of a tree inside of us,inside of our brain.
(07:30):
And and then we our thoughts and our emotionsand actions emanate or emerge from that
identity.
Now this identity that we have today isconstructed from a set of ingredients that the
brain uses to build our view of ourselves.
(07:52):
And so, a big part of that is our pastexperiences.
So, the brain is like a hard drive or a filingcabinet, and it records all of our past
experiences, all the things that have everhappened to us, all of our previous thoughts,
emotions, behaviors, interpretations, and itrecords all this.
(08:18):
And so it's very much like, going to the gymand when we do repetitions, with in the gym and
we build up bigger muscles, that's what thebrain is doing.
So the more times that we engage in certainthoughts, emotions, and actions, the stronger
that those patterns become.
(08:40):
These patterns are made up of neurons.
Neurons are brain cells.
There's 85,000,000,000 brain cells in our brainand they form they link together based on our
past experiences.
And so everybody's brain looks differentbecause we've all had our own past experiences.
And so the brain, if you were to take an imageof it, kinda looks like a a road map of like a
(09:05):
country with all the roads going every whichway.
And they these roads have formed themselvesbased on what's happened to us before.
And so that's how our identity gets constructedis it's made up of all of these past
experiences, whether they've been helpful orunhelpful, whether they give us problems in the
(09:26):
current in our in our current state, you know,that is what becomes our identity.
And so we have to determine if how we are ishow we want to be Because the identity can be
reconstructed into something different, but wehave to decide that what parts of our current
(09:48):
identity are not helping us.
Are do we have problems with self confidence?
Maybe we were raised in a certain way that,like, you know, in my story, where I had a lot
of confidence issues, self esteem issues, youknow, self doubt and so on and anger.
Those were patterns that because I practicedthem over and over again being that way, they
(10:11):
became very strong.
They became part of my identity.
And so what I had to do is decide that that wasnot who I wanted to be.
It was causing me problems in my life.
And so what we do then is, like, when I workwith people is we have to do we have to take
these patterns that are not helpful and analyzethem.
And we have to go back into our past and andanalyze where they started, why they started.
(10:36):
And when this happens, the person gets a realeye opening epiphany about why they are how
they are today because of things that havehappened to them in their past.
And it begins to make a lot of sense.
Okay?
Then because these patterns are usually highlypracticed, highly repetition, they're very
(11:00):
strong.
And so we what we have to do is loosen the gripthat these patterns have on our identity and
our our psyche.
And so we do exercises to loosen the grip ofthese patterns.
It's like they're like gluey and stickypatterns that are that are hard to break apart
because we've practiced them so much.
(11:22):
So we do things like identify, you know, whythey why we develop them in the first place as
a child to or whenever they started to get by,but why they don't make sense anymore.
Are they or why, you know, why did they happenthen and why they aren't helping us today?
(11:42):
And just by virtue of that, it begins to openup a window as to, you know, these patterns.
They they it begins to loosen the grip thatthey have on our psyche.
We start to analyze all the pros and cons ofhaving these patterns.
How are they helping us?
How are they hurting us?
And then you get a list that's really long onhow they're hurting us and very short on how
(12:04):
they're helping us.
And so then it's it's called, you know,analyzing the cost of these patterns.
You you take a look at, you know, if somebodyelse, if one of your friends was having these
problems, what would you guide and counsel themto do?
And so you you you take a number of thesedifferent approaches to loosen the grip that
these patterns have over your psyche, and thenthey'd be then they then your brain begins to
(12:29):
open up to new possibilities.
It says, okay.
I understand that these aren't helpful.
They don't make sense anymore.
They originated years and years ago, but theydon't have to be true anymore today.
Here's all the costs of them.
And then and then we start to then craft a newidentity that represents how we want to be.
It's like it's like you get to sit down with ablank sheet of paper and develop this person
(12:54):
that you'd like to be for the rest of yourlife.
And so, you know, in my case, there were abunch of patterns I wanted to get rid of and a
bunch of new ones I wanted to put in theirplace.
And so you develop this character of yourself.
It's very much like if you're an actor, you goyou get a screenplay from your director and,
you know, the the screenplay has your characterin it.
(13:16):
And you have to learn how to be that newcharacter.
You have to learn how the person thinks andfeels and behaves and every their personality,
everything about them.
And then you have to rehearse them.
And that's what we're doing here is we're, youknow, designing this this ideal person that you
wanna be.
And then with all of their new charactertraits, their new belief systems about
(13:39):
themselves and others, their values, and thenwe start to practice being that person over and
over and over again over a period of time untilwe begin to shift into that person.
Now remember that the the reason this works isbecause we are digging into the root system of
the brain and changing the root system.
(14:01):
We're not just doing surface level behaviorchanges.
We're actually reconstructing how the brain isforming its identity, and that's very critical.
So it's like changing the roots of a tree.
So I'm gonna stop there and see if you have anyfollow-up questions.
I know I rambled on for quite a bit.
(14:22):
Yeah.
Yes.
Of course.
I I totally agree with you that this is the wayhow to build a new identity, and we just cannot
say that, oh, I'm not going to think like that,or I'm not going to do that anymore.
We always can replace.
We we should identify what is holding us back,what beliefs, or maybe standards which we have.
(14:48):
Right?
We raised our standards and decided from nowon, I accept these things, and I don't tolerate
that anymore.
And this is what we put in our description.
And this also, of course, not enough just toread once.
We have to read it and visualize ourselves asthat person and think and feel and act as we
(15:14):
already that person.
Right?
So it in time, these new ideas will beimpressed into our subconscious mind.
And in time, because we will focus on it, wegive energy to these new ideas, those old ideas
will be replaced.
Yes?
And So what Mhmm.
(15:35):
I'm I'm sorry.
So what happens there neurologically is youhave these patterns in your brain that are
these strings of neurons that have connectedthat represent your old ways of thinking,
feeling, and behaving.
And by virtue and every time that we do one ofthose things or think that way or feel that
way, chemicals and electricity go through thatstring of neurons.
(15:59):
It's like a Christmas light, okay, with all theneurons connected to another that go all around
your brain that represent that pattern.
And every time you engage in that and firechemicals and electricity, it gets stronger.
And so if you stop being that way and don't putany more chemicals or electricity through that
(16:20):
pattern, it starts to get weaker.
It's very similar to like a plant.
If you stop watering and fertilizing it overtime, the plant would little by little begin to
get weaker and begin to die.
That's what happens with these old patterns.
So it's you've I'm sure we've all heard theterm fake it till you make it, and that's what
we're doing is we're becoming this we we forceourselves with our conscious mind.
(16:43):
Eventually, it's gonna go to the subconscious,but at the beginning, we have to work very hard
at this because it's new and different andchallenging.
So it's up here in the front part of our brain.
And so we have to force ourselves to act, feel,and think like this new person, but it's
important to design that person first.
You can't just say I'm gonna take this onethought and change it.
(17:04):
That's surface level.
You have to tie it to this new identity.
This is who I am deep inside me.
Okay?
That's how it gets connected to the roots.
Okay?
And then the brain works on repetition, itworks on emotion, and it works on reward.
(17:24):
Okay?
So with all of these changes that we're making,you have to understand that you're gonna be
working at this for days and weeks and monthsuntil gradually you begin to shift.
It isn't a light switch.
You can't say, I'm gonna try this for two weeksand then that's it.
(17:44):
This is a commitment that you make that you aregonna change based on a new identity and you
have to stay with it.
You you have to then feel with emotion why thisis gonna be so much better for you.
You have to feel the the emotion is the thingthat adds strength and glue to the new pattern.
(18:07):
And so you it's important that you continue towork with the emotional aspects of these new
patterns and how much more helpful they'regonna be for you and how proud you're gonna be
when you actually become this way.
And then you have to focus on the reward.
Why is this so much better for me than whatI've been doing?
And so, you know, you have to detail all thesedifferent things that are gonna be better for
(18:31):
you.
You're gonna be calmer.
You're gonna be more confident.
You're gonna be proud of yourself.
You're gonna be living according to your newidentity that you've outlined.
You you're gonna be a person of your word, soon and so forth.
These are intrinsic values that are reallyimportant that to tether these new patterns to.
It's like, again, new roots of a tree.
(18:54):
And so if you can continually repeat being thisperson in every way, shape, and form, use
emotion to strengthen these new patterns andthen focus on the reward and experience the
reward, then the brain actually begins to likethese new patterns because the brain wants
(19:16):
reward.
Reward are are neurochemicals that travelthrough these neural pathways, these Christmas
lights, and they feel good.
So things like dopamine and serotonin,endorphins, oxytocin, these are all chemicals
that when we feel good, these are the thingsthat are traveling through our brain.
And so we want that.
(19:37):
And so we in these new patterns, we have tofocus on all these things that these new
patterns are helping us with, why we're feelinggood, and that helps complete the loop of
cementing these new patterns in place.
Yes.
Yes.
So yes.
So you explained it so well that this allthrough repetition, many people write New Year
(20:00):
resolutions, yeah, at the December.
At the December, and they say, oh, from firstJanuary, I become a new person and I do this.
I will not do that.
But we know that in two weeks, nothing changes.
Yes.
Nothing changes because it is it is it is notworking this way.
(20:21):
You cannot change all habits at one day.
You can work only on one, two habits at a time.
So you decide.
You first analyze, yes, like, which habits youhave, which bring you results you want, and
which don't bring you results which you want.
And then you decide how you want to replacethem, what you are going to do instead, and
(20:45):
focus on only one habit at the time.
Master it that it will become inconvenient notto do that.
It becomes part of your new identity, thenfocus on another one.
So it really takes time and commitment, and itis not easy.
It is not easy.
It is simple, but it is not easy.
And to do Yeah.
(21:06):
Yes.
You have to know why.
Yes.
You have to have big big goal and purpose to tosee that, as you said, reward is so what why
you want to do that if you have really big goallike old Nightingale calls it burning desire.
Yes.
And Napoleon Hill also.
Burning desire, you should find that burningdesire because you will need that fuel.
(21:31):
You will need that goal.
Motivation.
Yeah.
Motivation.
Yeah.
And inspiration to go through it.
Because your old paradigms, those programs,they will fight with you.
They you will feel physically not well.
You can feel, like, really, like, something inyou, like, some like, two different characters.
(21:54):
One is old and one is new, and there is afight, and you have to get strong first in your
mind.
Mhmm.
That's very well said.
It is like two characters for a while becauseyou've got this new one that you've diagrammed,
and you've got this old one that's a result ofwho you've been.
And so, you know, I I appreciate you said, youknow, you work on one or two patterns at a
(22:17):
time, but if you have done a good job ofdeveloping a picture, really complete picture
of who this new person is, then and and thenwhat we do is we construct a life that supports
that new person.
So there may be things that you're doing inyour daily life, activities, ways you're
(22:38):
conducting yourself, what you're doing withyour time, how you're eating, how you're
exercising, how you're sleeping, are youtraining your you know, all kinds of things
that do not support this new person.
And so you have to then, again, draw up anideal version of your identity, how you wanna
(22:58):
be, and then you have to construct your dailylife to support that.
And then as you begin to live your life, youwill know when this old character starts to pop
up.
You will certain patterns will come back up.
Frequently, they're triggered by stress becausethat's what activates old patterns.
(23:19):
They're automatic responses coming from yoursubconscious.
But what's what's key there is that, remember,if you engage in the old pattern again, you are
watering and fertilizing it one more time andmaking it just a little bit stronger.
So the key is is to develop patience, theability to pause, recognize when the old
(23:41):
character is surfacing, and pause and stop it.
Do not water or fertilize it.
Do not think that way, emote that way, orbehave that way because we wanna stop watering
and fertilizing the plant and allow it togradually get weaker and and break apart.
And so that's what we really try to do is juststay committed to this new identity.
(24:05):
And if you catch the old one popping up, youyou stop it, analyze what's happened, and you
can then start to look at your brainobjectively.
Instead of being overwhelmed by it, you can sayto yourself, well, this is just my old
character popping up.
It only makes sense.
I practiced being this person for years andyears.
It's gonna pop up from time to time, and thenit's okay.
(24:28):
And so that's what we begin to look at ourbrain objectively, not as this thing that is
controlling our life, because it's not.
We are actually controlling our brain.
We are the ones who've made it the way that itis.
The brain doesn't lead us anywhere.
It only is a result or a reflection of whatwe've trained it to be.
And so if we've trained it to be a certain way,we can easily train it to be a different way.
(24:53):
The brain doesn't stop being trainable ever.
It can be trained late into our life.
Neuroplasticity, the ability for the brain tochange, adapt, and evolve, is with us forever.
Okay?
So this whole idea of an old dog can't learnnew tricks or I can never change, That is
scientifically not true, and it it's only amatter of you deciding that enough is enough
(25:20):
and I'm going to be different.
And that's what people have problems with iswhen is enough enough.
For me, I had to have a lot of really badconsequences, be miserable with addiction in
order for me to change.
Unfortunately, that's what it takes for a lotof people.
The reason for that is the brain does not wantto seek change in and of itself.
(25:44):
It is designed the brain's number one job is tokeep you safe and in survival and conserve
resources.
The brain is on twenty four seven.
It's always working.
It has to conserve resources because thinkabout everything it's doing all day every day.
It's the busiest organ in your body.
It consumes the most energy of anything, morethan your heart, more than your liver.
(26:06):
It is a energy hog.
And so it's trying to conserve energy andresources, trying to keep you safe and in
survival.
That's it.
It doesn't care if you build a great business.
It doesn't care if you have a big home, if youget to it only wants to keep you safe so that
you can have babies and continue with thespecies.
So because of that, when we are unhappy andwant to change, the brain is unsure of that.
(26:33):
That is why when you think about change, itfeels hard.
That is why you say, I can't change, is becausethe brain wants to stay where it is with what's
familiar.
The reason for that is because the brain isalways predicting what's gonna happen next.
And so it again, it can't analyze everysituation to the nth degree.
(26:53):
It takes in information from your senses, andit says this is what I predict is going to
happen.
Here's how I think you should think, feel, andbehave because that's how you've shown me in
the past.
So it just wants to keep things constant tokeep you alive and safe.
So the initial parts of change feel hardbecause your brain is resisting it because it
doesn't know yet that your new identity isgonna be safe, and it doesn't know that it's
(27:17):
gonna be rewarding.
Once you force it through conscious commitment,motivation, and effort, you have to force it.
That's why it's it feels hard.
It's up here in the front part of the brain.
If you stay with it long enough, then the brainbegins to understand that it's safe because
it's through repetition, it's experienced it.
(27:39):
Right?
Over and over and over again now, and it beginsto say, okay.
Well, this is safe.
I'm gonna stop resisting as much, which meansit's gonna stop feeling as hard.
And then if it's emotionally satisfying andrewarding, it not only stops resisting, it
actually starts to prefer it because it itloves reward and it loves emotion.
(27:59):
And so that's why I I can't state this clearlyenough that when you decide you're gonna be a
new and different person, you have to take alot of time to detail every aspect of this new
identity and you have to and like you said,envision it, think there and sit there and
close your eyes, feel emotion tied to it, thinkabout all the reward that's gonna come from
(28:25):
being this person.
And every time that you either think about it,talk about it, or actually do it, you it counts
as a repetition.
Your brain doesn't know the difference betweenvisualizing, doing, thinking, talking, it all
feels like a repetition to the brain.
(28:45):
So that's why at the beginning, it is just youhave to live this new identity.
If you catch yourself falling back into the oldcharacter, you have to pull your stop it, pull
yourself out of it immediately, and dosomething different that's in alignment with
this new identity.
I see.
Yes.
So true.
So true.
Yes.
(29:05):
It takes efforts.
It takes determination, consistency.
And, yeah, that's why the reward should be bigenough.
Yeah.
Because if they go small, you will not besustainable.
Yeah.
You will not be consistent.
You have to find out what is the big reasonbehind this, what you're going to do, why you
(29:26):
want to become that new personality.
And as you said, everyone can build totally newpersonality.
It is just creating that script like a authortechnique.
Create script, read the script, repeat thescript, fill the script.
Right?
Like, actors sorry, actor technique.
(29:49):
Act as if yes.
Like, actors.
Yep.
Like, given script, they don't know about,like, this subject of this movie.
But they read it, repeat, and they feel, andthey embody that new personality.
And this is how when we watch the movie, wethink sometimes, oh, this is that person.
And we think that it is so natural that we wethink that this is this person in life.
(30:14):
But in life, it is totally different character.
Yes.
So this exact way, we write the script and weread it till it become natural for us.
And then we start acting like that.
And of course, initially, it may feel weirdbecause we are not that person.
Right?
But through repetition, as you said, our brainwill start getting this as familiar.
(30:37):
So it is more you repeat and more youconsistently do it, it already start accepting
your subconscious mind, start believing this.
It can be true.
And then you one day comes that you see this isme.
This is me.
This is Yeah.
Don't recognize myself, anymore.
You look back at before you started, and yousay, was that me?
(30:59):
I I don't even recognize.
I'm totally different person now.
And you really will enjoy by building yourself.
Yes?
Because Yep.
Who we are now, like, if we didn't do thatprocess before, it means that our parents,
school, teachers, like, our environment when wewere infants formed our self image because self
(31:23):
image is formed between, like, when we zero andfive years.
And then that self image totally dictatesbecause we cannot overcome our self image.
Self image dictates the boundaries ofindividual achievements.
So we can only do things in that limit of ourself image.
(31:43):
That is why when we want something bigger, thisis first thing to start with.
We have to change that self image and startseeing big picture and believing that this is
possible, that this is I can do that.
Right?
And for Right.
I can do that.
This is who we have to become.
That for person who thinks that this issomething natural to do that.
(32:06):
Yeah.
I mean, you you just said it so well.
Yeah.
A couple of points.
So the self image you're talking about is ouridentity, and it's it's been constructed
through the experiences that we've had.
And but it can be reconstructed.
So it it's just something that's beenpracticed.
(32:27):
And so if we decide that the self image oridentity that we are living is not the one that
we want and and our goals and aspirations feeltoo difficult or too much for us, we have to
then reconstruct our identity so that theydon't seem too big for us.
And one of the things we do in that process iswe start to look at all the other things that
(32:52):
you've been able to achieve in your life.
So the big things that have happened in yourlife that you've been able to overcome or
achieve, successes that you've had.
And so then the brain begins to say, well,okay.
I was able to do those things and those werehard.
So why is this new goal or aspiration anyharder than those?
(33:14):
And that's all this process of changing thebelief system.
Right?
Because the brain has developed this beliefsystem that I can't do that.
But then when your brain starts to look at thethings you have done, it's contrary evidence to
what your belief is.
And that starts to break down the validity ofthat old belief that I can't do it.
(33:37):
It starts to break it down so the brain setthen there's a door that opens in the brain.
And it says, I believe this, but maybe it's nottrue.
And that's what we're looking for.
We're looking for these little doorways to openwhere the brain says, maybe that isn't true.
And then you have the opportunity to putsomething else in its place.
(33:59):
Okay?
And then you just have to and then what we dois we construct a lifestyle that begins to
build gradually so that you begin to believe.
And this idea of moving things to theconscious.
So the subconscious is this back part of ourbrain, the basal ganglia, where once we have
repeated something so often and it's automatic,that's where it goes into subconscious.
(34:25):
So it comes out of the front part of the brainwhere we have to think and try really hard and
remember, like, all the steps.
And then we repeat it a lot and we getemotionally tied to it because it's beneficial
and rewarding.
And then it begins to go to the back part ofour brain.
So, you know, think of riding a bike orbrushing your teeth, or let's say you've
(34:47):
learned a new language or learned a newinstrument.
And at the heart at the beginning, it wasreally hard.
You had to think about it all the time.
But after a while, it got into yoursubconscious because you did enough repetitions
and the brain liked it.
It was safe.
It was rewarding.
And so that's what we're after here is thatmovement of that memory that you're developing,
(35:09):
the new habit, it's a memory, from the frontpart of your brain into the back part of your
brain.
That's what we're after here with this identityshow.
Right?
Because we have to memorize and have this newidentity be automatic.
And so we just if we practice being thisperson, as you said, another good analogy is
like a spy.
(35:29):
Okay?
A spy.
Remember how, you know, they go into theseforeign countries and they have to go
undercover, deep undercover.
Right?
And they have to be they have to develop a newlegend, they're called legends.
They're basically a new identity.
And you've heard stories about they have tolive these identities sometimes for years
undercover, and they come back from theirassignment and that's all that's their new
(35:56):
identity.
It's like they don't know how to be anydifferent.
It's a lot like a soldier.
Right?
You go off into war and you come back, andyou've developed this new identity of being a
soldier in combat, and you have difficultycoming back to it to transitioning back to the
old identity or a different identity.
Right?
And so these are all very what the importanceof these analogies are that it paints a picture
(36:20):
in the person's mind so they understand whatthey're dealing with.
Right?
If if you don't know that you're gonna how thisworks and the big picture of what you're trying
to accomplish and the journey that you have togo on to have this be successful, then you just
don't have a plan.
You don't have a understanding or a road map,and that's why it becomes frustrating.
(36:40):
But if if I worked with you and I told you it'sgonna take this long, it's gonna take this many
repetitions, here's what the repetitions haveto look like, here's the setbacks that are
gonna happen along the way and they're onlynatural, and here's what you're gonna do when
they occur, then you, you know, you start tosay okay.
You you're not as overwhelmed when thingsaren't going exactly as you had hoped.
(37:03):
Right?
And so that's the critical nature of what I tryto do is educating people about the brain, how
it works, so that as these things unfold,they're more comfortable in the environment.
Yes.
Clarity is very important.
Who you want to become and, the steps we haveto do.
(37:24):
And, of course, the role of mentor and coach isso important because as we mentioned, people
have those patterns, and they don't distinguishpatterns and themselves.
Like, they think that they are their brain, butit is not.
You are not your brain.
(37:44):
Brain is just receiving and sending station,like radio station.
Which frequency which channel you set it, ityou get that freak to that frequency, and you
listen to that program.
Right?
And you will listen only that program.
This is what you get in life.
You are at that certain frequency.
This is your channel.
(38:05):
Everything what happened with you will be indeeper zone of these frequencies.
Like, your magnet to will do everything what isin that level.
Right?
The.
You want to change different channel.
You want to have different life.
You have to switch to different frequency.
So your brain has to operate a differentfrequency, like different thoughts, different
(38:27):
identity, different feelings, and then how youwill start to track different things, people,
situations in life.
Yes.
So this is so important topic.
Yes.
That identifying that you are not yourthoughts, you are not your brain, you have
reasoning factor.
Yes.
You have high mental faculties such asimagination, reason, perception.
(38:50):
You can look at things different if you want.
There's not only one way.
You use, you can develop those muscles.
Reason is the high mental faculty which makes abig difference between human beings and other
creatures because animals don't don't havereason.
They have instincts.
But human beings have reason.
(39:12):
It means that we can we can generate thoughtswhich are different from what brain
automatically generates because brain justgenerates the same tape recorded stuff all over
again.
Right?
And this is why people say, oh, I'm in the samesituation again and again.
Of course, because you attract those situationbecause you have the same patterns, and as
(39:36):
magnitude, you just create the same results.
So you have to reinforce new patterns, newbeliefs, and that is why mentor as coach is so
important because you don't see yourselfbecause you are inside that picture.
You need somebody outside who can see where youare and have bigger picture, right, and tell
(39:58):
you, okay.
You are now in this picture.
I can get you to that one, and this is what youdo.
Let's go together.
Yes.
So that is why it's so important to have suchamazing people as you who not only read books,
yes, but really had life experience, wentthrough all these challenges, metamorphosis in
(40:19):
their life.
And now you say, yes.
Now I got it.
Yes.
Because you never can get this from justreading the books right there.
Of course, it is important, but it is like, younever can, learn how to drive just when you
watch other people drive.
Or you never can swim if you're just sittingand watching other people swim.
(40:42):
Or you you this life is important to havethose, and that is so good that we have so
amazing mentors, coaches nowadays.
Yes.
That everything is available when you open yourmind and you start deciding, like, what I want
to be, what I want to become, what I want tohave, how I want to live my life.
(41:06):
Yeah.
Boy, you just sum it up perfectly.
Well said.
Yes.
Yeah.
So yes.
Thank you so much, George.
Would you like to have one advice before wewrap up our episode for people who listen to
us.
What advice maybe would they have to start orreally something that can happen them to take
(41:26):
it serious?
Because this is their life.
Right?
And we live only four thousand weeks.
Some interesting statistics.
Only four thousand weeks.
Many people think that they have agreement forfifty thousand years, but no.
Just four thousand weeks.
And the best time to start thinking and startre building your identity is today?
(41:51):
Yeah.
Boy, that means I only have so many weeks left.
Yikes.
The advice I have is, you know, this idea ofyour relationship with your brain.
It's very important to understand that, likeyou said, you are not your brain.
Your brain is simply a record of theexperiences that you've shown it.
(42:13):
And so what I try to help people do is to comeoutside their body and sit about five feet away
and look at themselves objectively.
Look at their brains objectively.
Don't be over I know it's easy to say, butdon't allow yourself to be subject to your
(42:36):
brain in the sense that you have no choice oryou have no agency or involvement or control or
command.
You do.
It's simply you have simply developed yourbrain into what it is today.
But be by virtue of the fact that you've doneit once, you can do it again.
And so really start to think about your brainobjectively.
(42:57):
When things come into your mind, which the mindis just what emerges from the brain, the
physical organ, just think of it that, well,I've designed it that way.
I've designed it that way.
And and then give yourself a break and say thatit's okay.
I designed it that way because it helped memeet my needs at some point in my life.
(43:21):
It it's okay.
But now I know because of Elena and George toldme that it can be different.
I just have to redesign it in a different waythat's more helpful now, that'll meet my needs
now.
And so that's start to look at your brainobjectively and start to understand that it can
(43:42):
change scientifically.
And all it takes is you, you're the only onethat can do it, no one else can, is take is you
taking an active role in your brain in guidingand directing your brain, designing your new
mental life.
Okay?
So that's hopefully, it gives people some hopeand encouragement that this is entirely
(44:04):
possible.
And I assure you, if I can do it, is it as bada place I was and as hard headed as I am, I
assure you that everyone else could do it.
Yes.
And the journey of thousand miles starts withone step, and that one step is your decision.
You don't need anything to make decision.
(44:27):
It is just Right.
It's free.
And, yeah, it is free.
So make decision today who you want to become.
Listen our episode again.
Also, you're welcome to ask question, subscribeto our channel, and reach out to George if you
want to know more how he can help you.
Yeah.
I'd love to hear from people.
My website is georgehaymaker.com.
(44:50):
There's a link there that you can schedule afree discovery call for thirty minutes that we
can talk about what's going on in your life andhow we might be able to help each other.
And so I, you know, would love to hear from youand just hear what's going on in your life.
Yeah.
Thank you, George, so much.
It was my pleasure to have you, and you wereamazing guest at our podcast.
(45:14):
I'm looking forward to see you again in ourfuture episodes.
I'd love to be here.
Thank you, Elena.
Nice nice to meet you.
You're most welcome.
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