April 16, 2025 • 49 mins
What happens when a former Catholic schoolgirl discovers that pleasure isn't sinful but sacred? Lauren Joyce, known as The Magnetic Woman, radiates confidence as she shares her journey from sign language interpreter to pleasure coach who's revolutionizing how women connect with their bodies.
Lauren's transformation began during a quarter-life crisis coinciding with her father's death. Seeking meaning, she stumbled into a personal development program that shocked her Catholic sensibilities but awakened something profound. Today, she leads a global community helping women break free from shame and conditioning that keeps them disconnected from their desires.
The conversation reveals startling truths about pleasure in women's lives. Most can't even answer what brings them joy – not just sexually, but in any aspect of life. This disconnect stems from religious conditioning and patriarchal systems that teach women they'll be punished for experiencing too much pleasure. Lauren explains how this conditioning begins early, with girls suppressing their voices around age twelve, eventually losing connection with their own wants and needs.
For those seeking to reconnect with pleasure, Lauren recommends starting with just five minutes daily of intentional focus on physical sensation. This simple practice dramatically lowers cortisol levels and helps regulate the nervous system. She discusses how alcohol often inhibits rather than enhances sexual pleasure by further numbing already disconnected bodies, and how taking pressure off goal-oriented sex creates space for genuine intimacy in relationships.
The most powerful takeaway? "There's no upper limit on pleasure." In a world where heartbreak and loss are inevitable, why not experience as much joy as possible? Whether through her online membership "The Red Temple," her courses, or in-person retreats in places like southern France, Lauren's mission remains the same: helping every woman discover the magnetic, radiant being that already exists within her.
Ready to reclaim your pleasure? What might change in your life if you gave yourself permission to feel truly alive?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I guess my question would be what do you guys feel
like is your biggest barrier topleasure in your own life?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
You go ho.
No, you go first I said you go?
Speaker 3 (00:11):
ho, I'm like, I meant to say you go at it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, no, I'll be you .
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I mean, we were sent toys, lilo, sex toys and we had
the best time separately.
We played and I will say like Ilearned even some things.
Did you learn some things likefrom the toy?
Yes, okay, boo, look at that,look at that.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I mean this is like Hi there, this is Kelly Msgorski
and Ryan Frankofsky, and you'relistening to Mocktails are
Messy Today we are here withLauren the magnetic woman.
The magnetic woman.
I feel like I said that weird.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Lauren the magnetic woman, and tell us a little bit
about Lauren.
Do you like to be called themagnetic woman?
Do you like to use your lastname?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, I typically just go by Lauren, but also the
magnetic woman works, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I love it.
You are very magnetic.
Today it's like it's aradiation Every day, every day,
even at the event that we metyou at.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yeah, I feel like we need to ease into this, because
I have some doing, because Ihave like intense questions.
That's fine, let's go, baby, ohmy.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
God Cheers to you.
Thank you, lauren, and I'msorry about the solo cup, but
that red dress just reallydeserved a red cup.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
I guess we should give a little backstory, okay.
So, what is it that I'll haveyou explain it Like what is it
that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, so I say that I help women reclaim their
feminine power through pleasure.
So I have an online coachingand empowerment company where I
have courses and memberships andI, you know, work with women
across the globe and I've beenrunning the magnetic woman for
since like 2017, I think is whenit was born, so it's been a
(02:03):
while, congratulations.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
What did you do before?
That Great question.
So actually before, like, whatI went to college for and did
after I graduated college was Iwas actually a sign language
interpreter.
Oh, wow, yes.
So that was my career, my likelate teens, early twenties, and
then when I was, you know, in mymid 20s, my quarter life crisis
(02:27):
also coincided with my fatherpassing away and I was like I
have no idea how to handle thiskind of loss and I don't think
what I'm doing currently as acareer is what I want to do.
You know, I was just like lostacross the board and I found a
personal development program inNew York city run by Regina
(02:50):
Thomas Howard, which is, I'veheard of, the name yes, so she
wrote the book Pussy areclamation.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I'm assuming I'm allowed to say whatever.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
We want you to bring that up, However she had not
written that book at that time.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She had other books and so I was like 25.
Now I was raised Catholic.
I went through 10 years ofCatholic school.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Did you go to Oakland Catholic?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
For two years, and then I transferred out.
I was raised Catholic too, butdidn't go to the Catholic school
.
Oh, 10 years of Catholicschooling over there Okay.
Oakland.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Catholic yes.
Yeah, oakland Catholic yes.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, and Catholic grade school.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
And so that was all girls right?
Yes, Oakland.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Oh, my gosh Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah.
And so when I was 25, I findmyself I decide I want to do
Regina's program because shetalked about enjoying life,
living a pleasurable life, and Ifelt so lost.
And you know, within 20 minutesof the first day of the event,
she's on stage and she's like awoman's power is her connection
to her pussy and I was like ohget me out of here.
(03:53):
What the hell did I just signup for?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
And you were pretty prude then.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yeah, I would.
I would say naive, less prudish, more naive, just kind of like
what are you like what?
But there is something insideof me that was just like I'm
really intrigued and like thisseemed like I haven't ever heard
these things before and I waslooking around seeing all these
women who were just like radiantand glowing and happy and I'm
like okay, there's somethinghere, despite the fact that this
(04:27):
is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You're doing the radiant and the glow.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I know it's not just the red guys, it's something
about her energy.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And so I was like, okay, you know what else am I
going to do.
I'm so lost and like I don'tknow what to do in my life and
you didn't like your job and Ididn't like my job.
So I started taking a lot ofpersonal development and I was
still a sign languageinterpreter at the time in DC
and I was like I don't want todo this.
What got you?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
into ASL um, I actually volunteered at the
school for the deaf inWilkinsburg when I was in high
school and it was fascinating tome did you know, mrs lawhead, I
maybe okay, I think she wasthere, probably okay, it's all
good so is this just somethingyou picked up?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
yeah, I just started volunteering there and then I
took they had like eveningclasses, so I took the classes
and I just like was reallyfascinated by it and decided
that's what I wanted to do forschool and it was a.
It was a great career.
Yeah that's pretty cool Got to apoint like I think, when you
experience a loss, like the lossof your parent, it is it for me
(05:36):
.
It was this moment to have,like I don't want to waste any
time in my life.
And if I'm already feeling thisway at 25, 26, 26, like I don't
think I want to do this, likewhy am I going to force myself
to stay in a career that didn'tfeel like it fit anymore?
Right?
And I think for me, especiallyas I learned more about pleasure
and sensuality, I startedfeeling more confident, more
(06:00):
sure of myself, like being likewait, I have like a voice and an
opinion and it's important.
And as a sign languageinterpreter which again was a
great career, but you are justthe communication conduit, like
it was said that it, you know,it's effective.
If it is like you weren't eventhere, and I'm like okay, but I
(06:24):
have opinions that I want to betalking about.
And so I'm like, if I'm alreadyfeeling this way at 25, 26,
like no, thank you.
And because I was doing a lotof personal development at the
time, I had a lot of friends whohad started online coaching
companies and I was like thisseems really interesting.
I love to travel, I love theidea of creating something that
(06:46):
is mine and that, like I canshare my opinions and my beliefs
.
And then I started an onlinecoaching company and it took a
few years for me to like, reallylike, narrow into the magnetic
woman and pleasure andsensuality and all of that.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And here we are well, now that we're all warmed up, I
feel like we've got some goodquestions for you, some juicy
questions.
And now I feel like we can getinto it.
Sure, let's go, I love it whathas been the most surprising
discovery you've made aboutpleasure, oh I like the way she
said that.
I'm trying to fit in.
(07:23):
I think the way she said that.
Right, I'm trying to fit in.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I think the most surprising discovery is how
taboo it still is, especiallyfor women, if you ask them like
what brings you pleasure?
Not even sexual pleasure Justlike pleasure in general,
pleasure in your life.
A lot of women can't answer itand there's a fear of like if I,
(07:48):
if I'm starting to enjoy life,if I'm starting to experience
pleasure, then something bad'sgonna happen to me, like I'll be
punished if I have too muchpleasure why is?
That so real that would bereligious conditioning
patriarchy and patriarchy thatis so it like.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And I mean this is maybe not related, but I
remember I missed like a familywedding event and like my cousin
was like you have the catholicguilt.
Yeah, like I was like oh yeah,I have to be there like I have
to come up with like a reason Icouldn't go yeah, and it has to
be really dire Like I'msuffering so bad.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You can't be mad at me.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
It's the conditioning .
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, it's religious conditioning and patriarchal
conditioning which is all aboutwomen, which one Patriarchy so
patriarchy is the created systemof power, so it's not like an
inherent natural way of beingsystem of power.
So it's not like an inherentnatural way of being.
(08:48):
It is a system of power thatwas created a couple thousand
years ago which prioritizes menand the masculine over women and
the feminine.
So it's like men masculine arethe gold standard, women,
feminine, are less than.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's so weird how we are like still living in this
weird age that you see the like,the growth, and I can only
speak from a male's perspective.
But I grew up with a mom whowas the career breadwinner, like
pushing it.
But then there was still thislike disconnect of her, actually
like achieving the highestlevel in her company oh, yeah,
(09:29):
definitely you know, men arestill paid more than women that
are in the same position.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Like I've been through that before yep, um, and
it's, I feel like, onlyrecently.
I feel like I can have a voice.
Like growing up I felt like Icouldn't.
Nobody cares about my opinion,I'm just a stupid woman.
Like I've really felt that waybefore.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, yeah, because it's it's deeply ingrained and
conditioned in us.
I read once and I can'tremember where it was from, but
like, if you ask little girlslike under six, seven, what they
want on a pizza, they'll tellyou.
And then it was like eight totwelve if you ask them, they'll,
they'll tell you.
(10:14):
But they might also be like,well, you know what do you want?
And like after 12.
They're like I don't know, itdoesn't matter that's fucked up
and it's a pizza.
You know that's so interestinglike but we're we're conditioned
, as from little girls, toreally suppress our voice, our
expression, our desires and ourpleasure yeah, because we, as
(10:37):
men, will be like first thing,like this is what I like this
this is what I need blah, blah,blah like it's like, it's so,
like direct, and like you know,me recently, like you know,
experimenting like I'm bisexualand.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I, like, definitely really love both of the sexes.
Yeah, but I do feel like Icannot figure it out.
It's a lot of a hunting game atreasure like a treasure hunt,
like to find out you know whatwomen like and I really wanted
to be direct and be like tell mewhat you like, but that's not
sexy well, yes and no, buthonestly, unfortunately most
(11:12):
women don't know what they likethat's right, that's what you're
trying to explain, afraid totruly say what they want or what
they like.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So it's.
It's less that, like women aretrying to play this big
elaborate game and more likethey aren't.
They don't have the practice ofjust like stating what they
want and standing in that andnot being worried that it's
going to be shut down or madefun of or, you know, weaponized
against them, I mean we had, wewere sent toys, lilo sex toys.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
And we had the best time separately.
We played.
She's married to my best friendAmazing.
And I will say like I learnedeven some things.
Did you learn some things likefrom the toy?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Without going into detail.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, great well, is that something that you could
start off like if you, if you'rea young girl, that is like
maybe of age 18 or up, you know,obviously like we want to, but
I I guess I'm trying to ask theright question, like how to
explore yeah, I think well, andagain I think it goes back to
there's a lot of shame andconditioning for young girls,
(12:31):
young women, women aroundexploring pleasure in general in
their life, but especiallysexual pleasure especially from
the catholic church yes, I meanreligious conditioning.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I think everybody actually has religious
conditioning, doesn't matter ifyou grew up catholic or
christian or nothing, becausethe fact is right yeah, but the
fact of the matter is abrahamicreligions have controlled the
majority of society and orcolonized the countries, and it
(13:07):
has it like, morphed into how,the laws and how and societal
norms.
So everybody has religiousconditioning.
But what were you?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh oh.
There was this like workshop Idid when I was a kid and they
explained women as like aband-aid.
Yeah, and the more like you ripthe band-aid off, the less it
sticks.
And they were referring to likesex and stuff like that having
multiple sexual partners.
Yes, and so it's like thisdirty, nasty feeling that you
(13:38):
get from a very young age andyou're like ashamed yep, a lot
of shame yeah, so much shame,and it's not.
I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's not, and it it then plays out in adult women's
lives in their unknown, like notknowing what they like sexually
, not being able to ask for it,not feeling comfortable, asking
for it being really shut down intheir body.
And then you layer on.
The majority of women haveexperienced some kind of
(14:09):
physical or sexual trauma Right,and so most women are walking
around, really shut down intheir body really frozen, really
numb, and you can't you know,you can't experience pleasure if
your baseline is being numb.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, yeah, like how could you?
You have to be relaxed.
Yes, okay, this is great, guys,Okay.
So what has been the mostempowering moment for you as the
founder of the magnetic womancommunity?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
and helping women embrace their sexuality I think
the most empowering moments forme are when I see women like
when it's like that light switchgoes on and they become so
radiant and they just feel likethey can take on the world and
they're more confident, morealive.
Alive, you know, and it could bethings from like they ask for a
(15:08):
raise at work that they've beenwanting and you know worthy of
for a long time, but theyfinally have the confidence to
do it.
Or they start dating.
Or you know, honestly, evensometimes when women are like
you know, I'm finally getting adivorce, like I finally am
ending this toxic relationship.
So whenever that light goes onfor them and they become just
(15:31):
that radiant, effervescentversion of themselves that every
woman has inside of her.
You know, I think when I saythat my company is the magnetic
woman and this is the work thatI do, I think oftentimes a lot
of women are like oh, that'sgood for you and it's easy for
you because you're pretty or youwear makeup or whatever, and
(15:53):
it's like no, I believe everysingle woman is a magnetic woman
inside of themselves and itjust might be kind of covered by
some other stuff that we justgot to clear out when I met you
on, it was, you were soauthentic and I thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You actually felt magnetic.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Thank you, I'm not like drawn to you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I'm like, oh my gosh, like I want to be around her.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, she knows like what's up and, like you said,
it's not like you're beautiful,you're not a dress, yeah like
the look, but it's also there isa personality.
There is that, and I thinkhaving that personality is not
necessarily what you're given atbirth.
It's about acquiring thatcomfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Definitely yeah, and the confidence in just who you
are in general.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Yes, because we're not built the same way and that
would be so boring for sure, forsure.
So boring.
I mean, I know myself like Ilove this topic because I love
the women in my life.
I probably have a lot morefemale friends than I do male
friends.
Because of that, I don't know.
(17:02):
I just feel like I don't knowif it's you're a girl's girl.
I was a girl, or like notconnecting with, like the, the
straight, like entitled yes,white male yeah, like and I know
that I could have played thatrole in society yeah I probably
was a fuck boy in high schoolyou know I think it is like.
(17:24):
I think I kind of got throughthat and karma hit me in the ass
.
Karma kicked me in the ass hard, yeah, and I think I learned
like just even being comfortablein my own skin is what you're
describing exactly, you knowbeing open and like talking
about, like sex and like whateven pleases, like me and my
(17:44):
partner, and I think it's likeso important to talk about it,
but you're right, you emphasizethe magnetic woman.
Because of this closeness, and Ithink I love my girls that are
so open Like she and me talkabout sex all the time and we
like are inspired to, like youknow, make it more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
We're in 2025.
Seriously.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
You know like come on , guys, we're not like buttoned
up in 2008.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Right, well, that's a good point.
Like that leads us into thenext question, like how do you
think society's views onpleasure has evolved and where
do you see it heading?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Well, right now is a very interesting time.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yes, To say the least .
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Because there is a lot of push to suppress women
and their sexuality even more,and so, while, yeah, I think
society's view on pleasure hasevolved in a lot of ways, now
(18:52):
there is this pushback againstit.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yes, doesn't feel like it's come that far still.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Correct, and it can feel really daunting as a woman,
especially if you're just kindof like coming into this and
you're like wait, I want tostart exploring my pleasure, my
sensuality, my sexuality, andnow feels like this like really
restrictive time to do it.
(19:18):
But I say that that is like themost important form of
resistance for women is tochoose pleasure right To like,
not give in to this piling on ofguilt and shame around female
sexuality and female pleasure.
So you know it's, I feel likeas long as we're in kind of a
(19:39):
patriarchal society thatcontinues to devalue women,
we're never going to fullyevolve into a place where a
woman's pleasure and sexualityis fully celebrated, like across
the board, and not demonized.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
yeah, demonized is the word.
Yeah, yeah, don't you think?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
oh yeah, I mean, it's like so bizarre, like I think
about this experience.
I'm at a closing with my auntand uncle and I swear this will
be brief.
He talks about his hookups inthe past and he's like allowed
to in his head, but as soon asshe brings up and she's very
alpha- yeah she's a nursemanager.
She don't give a shit.
(20:16):
She's like yeah, I was havingsex on that pool table whenever
I was in my 20s with that doctoryeah that I was working with
yeah, it's like.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh, she was like right.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
No, no, no, I don't want to hear that and I'm like
uncle you just talked about howmany girls that you were hooking
up with.
What makes it wrong that auntiecan't?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
share an experience.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Oh, are you in?
Are you not confident becausehe was a doctor?
Yeah, Are you not confidentbecause you can't picture it?
But you can talk about all thegirls you hooked up with.
Yeah, yes, it's such a fuckinghippococ-.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
What's the word Hippococ?
Yes, is that a hippococ?
Yes, I say we adopt that wordfrom now on.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yeah, let's do it.
It's also hypocritical.
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I could have said hippococ, but I prefer hippococ,
hippococ.
Yeah, that's it now.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Oh my God, but you get it.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yes, it is very hypocritical, and I mean I'm
sure you've dated guys like that.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Or maybe been around them.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Oh yeah, I mean I think most men hold.
It's called the Madonna whoreparadigm.
Like you, can either be thewife, good, pure virginal or if
you explore your pleasure anddesires.
You're a slut Like it's noteither, it's not both.
(21:38):
You can't be a woman who issexual and be seen as like
morally good.
Yes, like good, whatever thatmeans.
Yeah, what the fuck is likemorally good?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Like good, whatever that means.
Yeah, what the fuck is up withthat.
Yes, it's just other ways tocontrol and shame us.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
We can't cheers to that shit.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
No, we're not cheersing to that.
No, boo Boo to that.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
I mean, this is like somebody that was before her
time.
Nobody would take a photo likethis for my 21st birthday.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I love it and she was like sign me up, bitch.
I love it so much.
It's gorgeous and all theparents were like I can't
believe you.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Let them do this.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, that was like 15 years ago.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
It's a gorgeous photo and we love being so
provocative and sexual and talkabout pleasure, because it's
like it's not just to be filthyand get a shock value, it's just
because, like, that's who weare always been and probably
humans are.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
We all are sexual.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And that's the thing is like.
The more people try and repressthat and shame that, that's how
it comes out in really fuckedup sideways ways.
Right that's why there's a lotof violence against women, and a
lot of you know it's like ithas to be.
It is going to be expressed insome way, so either you can
express it in a safe and healthyenvironment or it's going to
(23:04):
come out in really fucked upways.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
That's scary.
Yeah yeah, that is nail on thehead, right.
Okay, so is there a practice orritual that you recommend for
women looking to connect moredeeply with pleasure?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah.
So I would say if you're justreally starting, you wanna
really begin with something assimple as closing your eyes and
tuning in and just starting tonotice, like, what are you
feeling like emotionally andwhat sensations are you
(23:38):
experiencing.
So like if you close your eyesand it's like, oh, my throat
feels tight or I feel tired,just starting to have that body
awareness is really key.
And then expanding into selfpleasuring and that again, that
could be sexual and it could bejust what brings pleasure to my
(24:02):
body.
So I have my clients even startwith something as simple as
five minutes.
Put some music on and justnotice what kind of touch do you
like?
Is it really light?
Like, does that bring pleasureto your body?
Does that kind of you know,like a little aliveness do you
like?
Is it more using your nails?
oh, the nails, yes is it afeather right?
(24:23):
And so and just thatintentional, focused time lowers
your cortisol like lowers thestress hormone in your body.
It regulates your nervoussystem.
I feel so relaxed just hearingyou say that, yeah, it takes you
out of fight or flight and sosomething as little as five
(24:44):
minutes a day of focusedbringing pleasure to your
physical body, where you'retuned in and you're like does
that feel better, does that feelworse?
Is that, am I enjoying that?
Am I not enjoying?
That Will change your life Formen as well.
I only wear, I work primarilyonly with women, but for anybody
(25:06):
.
Yeah, you know, I think,especially now, now in 2025,
we're on our phones all of thetime so we feel so connected to
like the world, but we're reallyvery disconnected from each
other and from our own physicalbodies.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
um, so, yeah, five minutes a day of like what
brings me pleasure I love it, metoo yeah, honest to god can you
share a time when embracingyour own sensuality transformed
an aspect of your life orrelationship?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I mean, I think sensuality transforms every
aspect of your life and everyaspects of your relationships,
because again, you end upfeeling so much more comfortable
and confident in your own skin.
So how could that not changeeverything in your life, right?
So, yeah, I guess my answerwould be it changes everything.
(26:01):
It's not just one time or onething.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
What role does self-love play in your approach
to pleasure, and how can a womancultivate that more in their
lives?
I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
self-love is really the foundation, right, but not
in the like Instagram version ofself-love.
To me, self-love is radicalacceptance and unconditional
compassion for yourself.
So all of those parts of usthat are messy or that we feel
(26:36):
are dirty or toxic or like shameinducing, the more you can
embrace them and be like yeah,that like okay, I love this, I
love this part of me, the easierit is to really have a sense of
like true self-love Again notthe like Instagram.
(27:02):
I have to look perfect and thisbe perfect and everything be
lined up.
And then I have self-love, or,like you know, it's the $300
mock spa in your bathroom.
Like that's me having self-love.
Self-love is meeting yourself,all aspects of yourself, with
love and compassion yeah andbeing like I'm doing the best I
can with what I have and where Iam right now, and that's okay
(27:26):
yeah, I used to put all thispressure on myself and then I
was just like wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I think she reminded me, it's like you have had
successes.
And you should embrace them andyou should love yourself.
Not about like you changinggears.
It's about you celebrating thewins that lead you to this point
.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Definitely, and I don't believe that we can really
create effective, lasting,healthy change in our life if
we're trying to shame ourselfinto the change Right, like we
have to come from a place ofdeep acceptance of who we are,
where we've been, where we're at, and be like.
(28:05):
I want to shift this becausethat's what I want, that's what
I desire, because I'm worthy ofa healthier relationship, a
better job, you know, whatever.
But coming from a place of loveand acceptance creates a much
richer and healthier change thantrying to shame yourself into
changing, and that isn'tsustainable.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So the moral is like we're removing shame.
Yes, no more shame, yeah, takeit out, always take away the
shame, take it out.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Uh-huh, I dig that.
I mean what did you remove fromyourself as you learned a lot?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
That's a great question.
I think one of the biggestthings and it's still a work in
progress is like thisperfectionist tendency that I
have to always get it right,always have it be perfect,
always have it look good, Rightor like a failure or not enough,
(29:06):
and make that enough and rightfor this moment.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Then the easier it is to kind of let go of that
perfectionist tendency so welove talking about like alcohol
and it's a fact just because youknow we have a messy past.
We like to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
We're not shamed by it at this point.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, we're not shameful, we'll talk about all
of it.
But in your opinion, how do youthink that alcohol can play a
role in enhancing or inhibitingpleasure?
Because this is a big thingright now.
People do that.
They use alcohol to get in themood and stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
And it's been throughout life.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, social and intimate settings so like what
is?
Your opinion on that?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
personally, I think alcohol only inhibits sexual
pleasure.
There's this idea, right, thatit like lowers your inhibition,
so you're having, like you know,this amazing sex and it's like
drunk sex.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
And it's like sloppy, it's sloppy.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
But I mean, alcohol is a depressant in your body and
for women especially, who arealready disconnected, already
numb in their body.
It's like you're not feelinganything.
Which is why I think a lot ofwomen especially drink to get in
the mood.
Women especially drink to getin the mood.
It's actually to numbthemselves even more because
they're already disconnected,because they maybe don't want to
be having sex, but they'retrying to override their
(30:37):
physical no, to be like, well, Ishould, or, you know, maybe
this will bring us closer.
We haven't in so long, or I owethem, or whatever it is.
So for me personally, I thinkthat alcohol only inhibits
sexual pleasure.
Now, that doesn't mean that youhave to be sober in order to
(30:59):
have sex, or you know, but I dothink to start to notice in
yourself like, okay, so if Ihave a few glasses of wine and
then I have sex with my partner,like did you actually?
Did you enjoy it If you did?
Amazing, right.
Like everybody gets to be anindividual and see what works
for them.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And maybe they have a high tolerance Right.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It's like maybe five glasses is just like, hey, like
the music or whatever you.
But I think that you know,especially again, I work with
women and I think, especiallyfor women, there's a tendency to
use alcohol to override what'soccurring in their body, right,
so they're already feeling numb,so it's just going to kind of
(31:48):
help them feel even more numb sothat they can do it Right.
And oftentimes it's again womenwho are disconnected, who are
shut down and they've kind ofare like, well, I'm not even
going to orgasm anyway, so likelet's just, let's just do it,
let's just get it over with.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
So I like tons of friends.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
This isn't one of the questions, but like I have tons
of friends I love off, I loveyou know, not scripted questions
, those are my favorite.
Let's go, you, you mentioned.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Like if you're not in the mood and stuff, like and
I've talked to other people,like women who are married and
stuff, and it's like I don'tknow like you just get busy,
like yeah, maybe your kids, likeyou're truly not in the mood,
you've no desire, but then likeif you push yourself to do it,
then you might end up kind oflike hating it even more, yeah,
(32:37):
and like resenting your partnereven like what is what do you do
in that situation?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
well, I think you know there, there's a lot of
things in that.
Yeah, right so first of all, Ithink oftentimes, especially in
heterosexual couples, sex isvery goal oriented.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
So it's like I don't want him touching me Right
Because his goal is penetrativesex.
Yes, that I'm not interested inRight.
So one thing can be taking thepressure off of that and being,
you know, and this is, it has tohappen within the couple, like
both people have to be on board,but like, ok, we're just going
(33:17):
to have like 10 minutes ofmaking out, no pressure to have
sex, right, right.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
And it's hot.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
And then oftentimes, when you take the pressure off,
especially for women who arealready exhausted, stressed out,
overloaded, carrying the mentaland emotional load for the
house, the family, like when youtake the pressure off of okay,
we like penetrative sex is offthe table, we're just going to
connect.
That often gets the women inthe mood right, because I feel
like men sometimes don't evenneed the connection.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yeah, they're just going in.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Oftentimes they view sex as the connection and women
need the connection.
Yeah Well, they.
Oftentimes they view sex as theconnection and women need the
connection for sex.
Good point, yes.
When I think, especially formarried couples, couples who are
in long term relationships, andagain because I work with women
, and primarily heterosexualwomen, one of the biggest things
is also building in moments ofconnection with your partner
(34:09):
throughout the day that are likephysical, intentional and not
goal-oriented again, so like along kiss or a long hug, because
women need that like consistentconnection yes, don't just come
for me when you want it.
Yes, like and yeah work your wayinto it yeah, and then I then I
mean there really is the likeelephant in the room of women in
(34:33):
heterosexual sexualrelationships are carrying the
majority of the mental,emotional and domestic labor,
like almost always, right, yeah,and that carrying all of that
is not sexy, like you are notfinding your partner attractive
because you are carryingeverything for everybody.
So it's also really importantin heterosexual relationships,
(34:56):
especially long-term ones,whether it be marriage or a
partnership or whatever thatthere's real open, raw
conversations about the mental,emotional and domestic labor,
how it's divided so that lowersthe stress on the woman, so she
can be more in her body and soshe can feel more alive, right?
And then also something assimple as like the five minutes
(35:20):
a day of self-pleasuring andbuilding up your own reserve
internally of that sense ofpleasure and connection to
yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Yeah, because, like I , because I have kids, I don't
get five.
I could get five minutes a day,I could, but I wasn't sure what
to do with it.
If I could get five minutes,maybe I just need to lay in my
bed and just take a nap.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Well, yeah, definitely You're like, I just
want to sleep.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Take a nap or just one of those little head
scratchers that feel really good, just something that to sleep,
take a nap, or just like one ofthose little head scratchers
like that feel really good, likejust something like that's
pleasurable, that is just such agood point.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I just it's all, yeah , it's hard to, it's hard know
what to do, yeah, and I think,um, I mean, that's why I do so
much of the work that I do yeahum, but I think the important
thing is.
For me it's like the intentionRight, because it's so easy for
when you have five minutes alone, to just dissociate on your
phone.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That's what I do.
Yeah, that's what we all do.
It doesn't help, that's all weall do.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Right and we blame it on its work Right.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Oh, I'm so tired, right I feel so shut down, I
know it's like I can't go to bed, yeah.
And so it does take an amountof intentionality to be like
okay, I'm not going to zone outon my phone for these five
minutes, I'm going to justbreathe deeply and be present in
(36:49):
my body.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You know, yeah, almost like almost like
meditation, or yeah, could youcall it that?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Yeah, you could.
I mean you could.
I wouldn't call it meditation.
Meditation is somethingdifferent, but meditation is
also an apt thing to do.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, I don't really.
I don't meditate, so I don'teven know.
I'm like what is meditation?
Is that when you're just likebreathing?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
yes, it's, you're breathing and you're like
calming your mind.
Okay, I mean, I guess I'venever done I will touch on this.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Being sober for over a year and having, like now,
sober sex with, like okay,casual friends with benefits, it
was good.
Yeah, it was really good.
And then actually now being ina monogamous relationship with
sober sex, I'm like what thefuck was I doing?
It was good, yeah, it wasreally good.
And then actually now being ina monogamous relationship with
sober sex, I'm like what thefuck was I doing it was like
every weekend.
It would be like drunk at thebar or like you know stoned, and
(37:38):
it's just like that would getyou in the mood, but you would
not feel it yeah it would belike it was the act and it was
like the man in me that was likeokay, so it's, you know, it's
the connection.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
It's the penetrate, but it was never like the, the
feeling like of touching that,like you know, that softness and
then exploring, you know whichis beautiful.
Oh, my God, yeah, and I reallytry to advocate that If anybody
has ever not experienced sobersex, which sounds crazy, but it
(38:13):
is not crazy when you're a20-year-old or when you're in
your 20s it's not crazy evenpeople in their 30s, 40s, 50s.
That was it right, because Iwould be on the prowl, yeah.
But then I wouldn't feel itbecause I was like you said.
I was like, oh, I need it.
(38:34):
Like to just like break thatbarrier of like.
I was like insecure to likemake a move.
Yeah yeah, you know yeah, sothank you for kind of dissecting
my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
I know I feel like there's a lot ticking through my
like head right now it was justlike you're teaching us so much
and I'm like holy so tell usabout your coaching business and
how it gets started.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
I mean, people can look up, like you know,
different programs Like is itlike more one-on-one, is it
group session, is it?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
It's more group, so I don't work with a lot of
one-on-one people or one-on-onewomen, one-on-one I do, but at
this point you know I loverunning groups.
I have an online membershipwhere every month you get like a
pleasure, practice calendar.
So, I have practices andmeditations, so it like makes it
(39:34):
easy for you.
Yes, and that one definitelyleans more spiritual.
So it's called the Red Templeand it's about seeing your
pleasure and sensuality andsexuality as sacred and as like
a spiritual practice as a woman.
And yeah, and then I have tonsof courses and it runs the gamut
(39:56):
Are you all virtual or do youdo in person?
Both?
So I would say 95% of what I dois virtual.
And then I do run retreats, orthat's how I prefer to work with
women.
One-on-one is in person, and soI have like in person, I call
them VIP intensive where it'slike this luxurious day of
(40:19):
pleasure and embodiment and, youknow, just kind of like coming
back to life.
And so I do those all over theworld, and so I do those all
over the world.
But again, the main reason whyI started my online business
back in 2015, 2016, 2017 was Iwanted to travel and I wanted to
be able to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I you
(40:41):
know, for me it's like I believein this work so deeply.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
You can tell.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So why would I limit it to where I live locally Like
this?
Yeah, like we, I can reach aglobal audience.
Why not?
And it's also so important, Ithink, for women because,
especially with the shame andthe shutdownness in our bodies,
a lot of women are living inthis like silo of shame, like
they think they're the only onethat is has the fears or belief
(41:11):
or guilt or shame around sex andpleasure.
And so having a globalcommunity of women where it's
like no women in europe andmexico and australia and
wherever also feel similarthings, it normalizes it in a
way that I think nothing elsedoes, and it and it allows you
to move through it becauseyou're like oh, there's nothing
(41:32):
actually wrong with me, it isculture and society and the
conditioning that I was raisedon and I can transcend it.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
I'm assuming in group things out of respect for women
, there would be no men welcomelike have you worked with men,
or I have worked with men and Ihave worked with couples?
Speaker 1 (41:55):
um, I mean, at this point I work exclusively with
women, so my retreats andprograms aren't open to men for
more of a safety.
Yes, reason, absolutely, um, inthe sense that women just feel
more safe to share and and youknow, I think I there are so
(42:16):
many other incredible coachesout there who work with men or
who work with couples, or whowork with other demographics,
who, you know, have that livedexperience that maybe I don't
have, um, and so it's like Idon't have to be everything for
everybody and I would so muchrather refer somebody and be
like that person is exactly whoyou want.
(42:37):
Then, you know, try and offersomething that isn't.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
I mean that's your niche, that's your brand, that's
who you are, that's what youknow.
I mean you can tell that, likeeven with couples, I'm sure that
can be even like problematic,because a woman might not want
to say things around her husbandor partner?
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, because of the shame.
Yeah, I think the biggest thingwith couples therapy coaching
in general is you have to havetwo very willing participants.
It cannot be the woman iswilling and dragging the man
there or vice versa, right.
It cannot be like one personwants to be there and the other
(43:17):
person hates the fact thatthey're there.
You're not gonna make anyprogress.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
No, so I'm ready for you to have an in-person retreat
in Pittsburgh.
She's like what Not Pittsburgh?
No, like what Not Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
No, I'm open to it.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
You might have to get this all situated.
You know if you're in.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Pittsburgh reach out.
I do do one-on-one in-personshere in Pittsburgh because I'm
here.
What's next for me did?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
you say yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I mean that's a great question.
I think it's just, in a lot ofways, more of the same.
I've created a lot of things Ireally love, especially my
membership and doing retreats.
I have a retreat in southernFrance at the end of September.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, and so just more of that Helping more women
to feel alive and radiant andmagnetic.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Shoot.
I have a friend living inFrance that I haven't seen in 10
years.
Okay, Well, here we go.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Or you might have to go with her.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I know I want to see my friend.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
It's been a long time .
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, interesting.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Do you have and you don't have to have one.
Do you have a question for us?
No pressure.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Hmm, I guess my question would be what do you
guys feel like is your biggestbarrier to pleasure in your own
life?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
You go, ho, you go first I said you go, ho, I'm
like.
I'm going to say you go.
Yeah, no, I'll be completelyhonest right now.
It's just it's kids.
I have two kids and it's like Idon't.
It's the last thing on my mindright now.
Most of the time I'm justtaking care of the kids and,
yeah, the house and um, that'smy biggest barrier.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Yeah, it's pretty simple, very understandable.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
I think mine is work.
So I get two days a week tospend time with my partner,
which is super exciting rightnow because it's some tantric
shit.
Love this New relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
You know the honeymoon stage.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
I mean, I just think it's the sober, it's the
honeymoon and it's like, for thefirst time in like 34 years,
I'm like do I know what I?
I guess I know myself.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I know what I want.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
I know that this is like, whatever it may be, I hope
it is, you know, fingerscrossed.
But I think the two days a weekit's like it's not enough, but
then you're like, well, work isin the way.
I think that two days a weekit's like it's not enough, but
then you're like, well, work isin the way.
So that's, you know, becauseyou can't be just like every day
.
I mean maybe you could, I guess, if you live together.
Yeah, I mean that would beideal.
(46:01):
But I want to know your opinion, Like when is pleasure?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
like excessive.
I don't think it's everexcessive.
Oh fuck, there's no upper limiton pleasure okay, because we
don't want.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
There's no shame, yeah, there's no shame, so you
should live with the one thatyou're yeah, do whatever you
want.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
You know it's like life is way too short oh, fuck
yeah but I think the other thingis like you know, we're all
human.
We are all going to experienceheartbreak, loss, devastation,
like life is inevitably going tohappen to us, and there's a lot
of really fucked up shit thathappens in life.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
So why not experience as much pleasure as possible?
Like it's inevitable thatfucked up shit is going to
happen.
You know what I mean.
It's inevitable that yourheart's going to get broken,
that you're going to losesomebody that you love, that
work's not going to go how youwant, that you're going to be
struggling in areas of your life.
That is inevitable, that'sbaked into the cake of life.
And my perspective is twofoldOne how can you experience as
(47:09):
much pleasure as possible?
My perspective is twofold Onehow can you experience as much
pleasure as possible?
But also, how can you find thepleasure in the fucked up shit?
Right?
How can you like in moments ofheartbreak and grief and loss or
stress, how can you findpleasure?
How can you slow down?
(47:29):
How can you enjoy the seasonthat you're in, no matter how
hard it is, because it's just aseason?
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Right, it's not forever.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Grief is not forever.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Loss is not.
I mean, I'm thinking of otherthings that are fucked up Maybe
this term is not forever.
I don't know if we want to gothere.
I'm down you know, but I dothink, lauren, you are such a
magnetic, magical creature.
We are so glad that you came onto talk about the magnetic
(48:01):
woman, you are magnetic and youare a beautiful woman inside and
out so I think you really have,like, enlightened Kelly a lot,
being a woman herself, yes, andI've learned a lot good, you
know I really do.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
You took a lot away.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I did, I did, but I think it is so important to
speak about these things withwomen in those groups.
So I think it's really powerfulwhat you're doing and.
I am excited for Kelly toorganize a Pittsburgh event with
you.
I will not be invited, that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
I want to hear about it, though.
Yes, we could do like a recap.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Yes, yes, we would love to have you go back on and
just real quick we have the kineuphoric.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
So delicious.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
We talked about this because you said, with this Kim
beaming joy, it's just theflavor, just hit your brand yeah
.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
You know I just like love the can and it tastes
delicious.
Thank you for watching.
Mocktails Are Messy.
I'm Lauren Joyce, the magneticwoman.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Woo.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Thank you, lauren.
This is Mocktails or Messy.
I'm Lauren Joyce, the magneticwoman woo.
Thank you, lauren.
This is Mocktails or Messy.
This is Ryan Frankofsky andKelly Msgorski thanks for
listening.
Cheers Lauren.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you, you're a natural.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
Thank you, oh my gosh , that was great my pleasure, so
fun.
I guess my question would be what do you guys feel
like is your biggest barrier topleasure in your own life?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
You go ho.
No, you go first I said you go?
Speaker 3 (00:11):
ho, I'm like, I meant to say you go at it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, no, I'll be you .
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I mean, we were sent toys, lilo, sex toys and we had
the best time separately.
We played and I will say like Ilearned even some things.
Did you learn some things likefrom the toy?
Yes, okay, boo, look at that,look at that.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I mean this is like Hi there, this is Kelly Msgorski
and Ryan Frankofsky, and you'relistening to Mocktails are
Messy Today we are here withLauren the magnetic woman.
The magnetic woman.
I feel like I said that weird.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Lauren the magnetic woman, and tell us a little bit
about Lauren.
Do you like to be called themagnetic woman?
Do you like to use your lastname?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, I typically just go by Lauren, but also the
magnetic woman works, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I love it.
You are very magnetic.
Today it's like it's aradiation Every day, every day,
even at the event that we metyou at.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yeah, I feel like we need to ease into this, because
I have some doing, because Ihave like intense questions.
That's fine, let's go, baby, ohmy.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
God Cheers to you.
Thank you, lauren, and I'msorry about the solo cup, but
that red dress just reallydeserved a red cup.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
I guess we should give a little backstory, okay.
So, what is it that I'll haveyou explain it Like what is it
that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, so I say that I help women reclaim their
feminine power through pleasure.
So I have an online coachingand empowerment company where I
have courses and memberships andI, you know, work with women
across the globe and I've beenrunning the magnetic woman for
since like 2017, I think is whenit was born, so it's been a
(02:03):
while, congratulations.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
What did you do before?
That Great question.
So actually before, like, whatI went to college for and did
after I graduated college was Iwas actually a sign language
interpreter.
Oh, wow, yes.
So that was my career, my likelate teens, early twenties, and
then when I was, you know, in mymid 20s, my quarter life crisis
(02:27):
also coincided with my fatherpassing away and I was like I
have no idea how to handle thiskind of loss and I don't think
what I'm doing currently as acareer is what I want to do.
You know, I was just like lostacross the board and I found a
personal development program inNew York city run by Regina
(02:50):
Thomas Howard, which is, I'veheard of, the name yes, so she
wrote the book Pussy areclamation.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I'm assuming I'm allowed to say whatever.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
We want you to bring that up, However she had not
written that book at that time.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She had other books and so I was like 25.
Now I was raised Catholic.
I went through 10 years ofCatholic school.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Did you go to Oakland Catholic?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
For two years, and then I transferred out.
I was raised Catholic too, butdidn't go to the Catholic school
.
Oh, 10 years of Catholicschooling over there Okay.
Oakland.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Catholic yes.
Yeah, oakland Catholic yes.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, and Catholic grade school.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
And so that was all girls right?
Yes, Oakland.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Oh, my gosh Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah.
And so when I was 25, I findmyself I decide I want to do
Regina's program because shetalked about enjoying life,
living a pleasurable life, and Ifelt so lost.
And you know, within 20 minutesof the first day of the event,
she's on stage and she's like awoman's power is her connection
to her pussy and I was like ohget me out of here.
(03:53):
What the hell did I just signup for?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
And you were pretty prude then.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yeah, I would.
I would say naive, less prudish, more naive, just kind of like
what are you like what?
But there is something insideof me that was just like I'm
really intrigued and like thisseemed like I haven't ever heard
these things before and I waslooking around seeing all these
women who were just like radiantand glowing and happy and I'm
like okay, there's somethinghere, despite the fact that this
(04:27):
is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You're doing the radiant and the glow.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I know it's not just the red guys, it's something
about her energy.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And so I was like, okay, you know what else am I
going to do.
I'm so lost and like I don'tknow what to do in my life and
you didn't like your job and Ididn't like my job.
So I started taking a lot ofpersonal development and I was
still a sign languageinterpreter at the time in DC
and I was like I don't want todo this.
What got you?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
into ASL um, I actually volunteered at the
school for the deaf inWilkinsburg when I was in high
school and it was fascinating tome did you know, mrs lawhead, I
maybe okay, I think she wasthere, probably okay, it's all
good so is this just somethingyou picked up?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
yeah, I just started volunteering there and then I
took they had like eveningclasses, so I took the classes
and I just like was reallyfascinated by it and decided
that's what I wanted to do forschool and it was a.
It was a great career.
Yeah that's pretty cool Got to apoint like I think, when you
experience a loss, like the lossof your parent, it is it for me
(05:36):
.
It was this moment to have,like I don't want to waste any
time in my life.
And if I'm already feeling thisway at 25, 26, 26, like I don't
think I want to do this, likewhy am I going to force myself
to stay in a career that didn'tfeel like it fit anymore?
Right?
And I think for me, especiallyas I learned more about pleasure
and sensuality, I startedfeeling more confident, more
(06:00):
sure of myself, like being likewait, I have like a voice and an
opinion and it's important.
And as a sign languageinterpreter which again was a
great career, but you are justthe communication conduit, like
it was said that it, you know,it's effective.
If it is like you weren't eventhere, and I'm like okay, but I
(06:24):
have opinions that I want to betalking about.
And so I'm like, if I'm alreadyfeeling this way at 25, 26,
like no, thank you.
And because I was doing a lotof personal development at the
time, I had a lot of friends whohad started online coaching
companies and I was like thisseems really interesting.
I love to travel, I love theidea of creating something that
(06:46):
is mine and that, like I canshare my opinions and my beliefs
.
And then I started an onlinecoaching company and it took a
few years for me to like, reallylike, narrow into the magnetic
woman and pleasure andsensuality and all of that.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And here we are well, now that we're all warmed up, I
feel like we've got some goodquestions for you, some juicy
questions.
And now I feel like we can getinto it.
Sure, let's go, I love it whathas been the most surprising
discovery you've made aboutpleasure, oh I like the way she
said that.
I'm trying to fit in.
(07:23):
I think the way she said that.
Right, I'm trying to fit in.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I think the most surprising discovery is how
taboo it still is, especiallyfor women, if you ask them like
what brings you pleasure?
Not even sexual pleasure Justlike pleasure in general,
pleasure in your life.
A lot of women can't answer itand there's a fear of like if I,
(07:48):
if I'm starting to enjoy life,if I'm starting to experience
pleasure, then something bad'sgonna happen to me, like I'll be
punished if I have too muchpleasure why is?
That so real that would bereligious conditioning
patriarchy and patriarchy thatis so it like.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And I mean this is maybe not related, but I
remember I missed like a familywedding event and like my cousin
was like you have the catholicguilt.
Yeah, like I was like oh yeah,I have to be there like I have
to come up with like a reason Icouldn't go yeah, and it has to
be really dire Like I'msuffering so bad.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You can't be mad at me.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
It's the conditioning .
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, it's religious conditioning and patriarchal
conditioning which is all aboutwomen, which one Patriarchy so
patriarchy is the created systemof power, so it's not like an
inherent natural way of beingsystem of power.
So it's not like an inherentnatural way of being.
(08:48):
It is a system of power thatwas created a couple thousand
years ago which prioritizes menand the masculine over women and
the feminine.
So it's like men masculine arethe gold standard, women,
feminine, are less than.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's so weird how we are like still living in this
weird age that you see the like,the growth, and I can only
speak from a male's perspective.
But I grew up with a mom whowas the career breadwinner, like
pushing it.
But then there was still thislike disconnect of her, actually
like achieving the highestlevel in her company oh, yeah,
(09:29):
definitely you know, men arestill paid more than women that
are in the same position.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Like I've been through that before yep, um, and
it's, I feel like, onlyrecently.
I feel like I can have a voice.
Like growing up I felt like Icouldn't.
Nobody cares about my opinion,I'm just a stupid woman.
Like I've really felt that waybefore.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, yeah, because it's it's deeply ingrained and
conditioned in us.
I read once and I can'tremember where it was from, but
like, if you ask little girlslike under six, seven, what they
want on a pizza, they'll tellyou.
And then it was like eight totwelve if you ask them, they'll,
they'll tell you.
(10:14):
But they might also be like,well, you know what do you want?
And like after 12.
They're like I don't know, itdoesn't matter that's fucked up
and it's a pizza.
You know that's so interestinglike but we're we're conditioned
, as from little girls, toreally suppress our voice, our
expression, our desires and ourpleasure yeah, because we, as
(10:37):
men, will be like first thing,like this is what I like this
this is what I need blah, blah,blah like it's like, it's so,
like direct, and like you know,me recently, like you know,
experimenting like I'm bisexualand.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I, like, definitely really love both of the sexes.
Yeah, but I do feel like Icannot figure it out.
It's a lot of a hunting game atreasure like a treasure hunt,
like to find out you know whatwomen like and I really wanted
to be direct and be like tell mewhat you like, but that's not
sexy well, yes and no, buthonestly, unfortunately most
(11:12):
women don't know what they likethat's right, that's what you're
trying to explain, afraid totruly say what they want or what
they like.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So it's.
It's less that, like women aretrying to play this big
elaborate game and more likethey aren't.
They don't have the practice ofjust like stating what they
want and standing in that andnot being worried that it's
going to be shut down or madefun of or, you know, weaponized
against them, I mean we had, wewere sent toys, lilo sex toys.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
And we had the best time separately.
We played.
She's married to my best friendAmazing.
And I will say like I learnedeven some things.
Did you learn some things likefrom the toy?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Without going into detail.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, great well, is that something that you could
start off like if you, if you'rea young girl, that is like
maybe of age 18 or up, you know,obviously like we want to, but
I I guess I'm trying to ask theright question, like how to
explore yeah, I think well, andagain I think it goes back to
there's a lot of shame andconditioning for young girls,
(12:31):
young women, women aroundexploring pleasure in general in
their life, but especiallysexual pleasure especially from
the catholic church yes, I meanreligious conditioning.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I think everybody actually has religious
conditioning, doesn't matter ifyou grew up catholic or
christian or nothing, becausethe fact is right yeah, but the
fact of the matter is abrahamicreligions have controlled the
majority of society and orcolonized the countries, and it
(13:07):
has it like, morphed into how,the laws and how and societal
norms.
So everybody has religiousconditioning.
But what were you?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh oh.
There was this like workshop Idid when I was a kid and they
explained women as like aband-aid.
Yeah, and the more like you ripthe band-aid off, the less it
sticks.
And they were referring to likesex and stuff like that having
multiple sexual partners.
Yes, and so it's like thisdirty, nasty feeling that you
(13:38):
get from a very young age andyou're like ashamed yep, a lot
of shame yeah, so much shame,and it's not.
I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's not, and it it then plays out in adult women's
lives in their unknown, like notknowing what they like sexually
, not being able to ask for it,not feeling comfortable, asking
for it being really shut down intheir body.
And then you layer on.
The majority of women haveexperienced some kind of
(14:09):
physical or sexual trauma Right,and so most women are walking
around, really shut down intheir body really frozen, really
numb, and you can't you know,you can't experience pleasure if
your baseline is being numb.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, yeah, like how could you?
You have to be relaxed.
Yes, okay, this is great, guys,Okay.
So what has been the mostempowering moment for you as the
founder of the magnetic womancommunity?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
and helping women embrace their sexuality I think
the most empowering moments forme are when I see women like
when it's like that light switchgoes on and they become so
radiant and they just feel likethey can take on the world and
they're more confident, morealive.
Alive, you know, and it could bethings from like they ask for a
(15:08):
raise at work that they've beenwanting and you know worthy of
for a long time, but theyfinally have the confidence to
do it.
Or they start dating.
Or you know, honestly, evensometimes when women are like
you know, I'm finally getting adivorce, like I finally am
ending this toxic relationship.
So whenever that light goes onfor them and they become just
(15:31):
that radiant, effervescentversion of themselves that every
woman has inside of her.
You know, I think when I saythat my company is the magnetic
woman and this is the work thatI do, I think oftentimes a lot
of women are like oh, that'sgood for you and it's easy for
you because you're pretty or youwear makeup or whatever, and
(15:53):
it's like no, I believe everysingle woman is a magnetic woman
inside of themselves and itjust might be kind of covered by
some other stuff that we justgot to clear out when I met you
on, it was, you were soauthentic and I thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You actually felt magnetic.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Thank you, I'm not like drawn to you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I'm like, oh my gosh, like I want to be around her.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, she knows like what's up and, like you said,
it's not like you're beautiful,you're not a dress, yeah like
the look, but it's also there isa personality.
There is that, and I thinkhaving that personality is not
necessarily what you're given atbirth.
It's about acquiring thatcomfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Definitely yeah, and the confidence in just who you
are in general.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Yes, because we're not built the same way and that
would be so boring for sure, forsure.
So boring.
I mean, I know myself like Ilove this topic because I love
the women in my life.
I probably have a lot morefemale friends than I do male
friends.
Because of that, I don't know.
(17:02):
I just feel like I don't knowif it's you're a girl's girl.
I was a girl, or like notconnecting with, like the, the
straight, like entitled yes,white male yeah, like and I know
that I could have played thatrole in society yeah I probably
was a fuck boy in high schoolyou know I think it is like.
(17:24):
I think I kind of got throughthat and karma hit me in the ass
.
Karma kicked me in the ass hard, yeah, and I think I learned
like just even being comfortablein my own skin is what you're
describing exactly, you knowbeing open and like talking
about, like sex and like whateven pleases, like me and my
(17:44):
partner, and I think it's likeso important to talk about it,
but you're right, you emphasizethe magnetic woman.
Because of this closeness, and Ithink I love my girls that are
so open Like she and me talkabout sex all the time and we
like are inspired to, like youknow, make it more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
We're in 2025.
Seriously.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
You know like come on , guys, we're not like buttoned
up in 2008.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Right, well, that's a good point.
Like that leads us into thenext question, like how do you
think society's views onpleasure has evolved and where
do you see it heading?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Well, right now is a very interesting time.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yes, To say the least .
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Because there is a lot of push to suppress women
and their sexuality even more,and so, while, yeah, I think
society's view on pleasure hasevolved in a lot of ways, now
(18:52):
there is this pushback againstit.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yes, doesn't feel like it's come that far still.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Correct, and it can feel really daunting as a woman,
especially if you're just kindof like coming into this and
you're like wait, I want tostart exploring my pleasure, my
sensuality, my sexuality, andnow feels like this like really
restrictive time to do it.
(19:18):
But I say that that is like themost important form of
resistance for women is tochoose pleasure right To like,
not give in to this piling on ofguilt and shame around female
sexuality and female pleasure.
So you know it's, I feel likeas long as we're in kind of a
(19:39):
patriarchal society thatcontinues to devalue women,
we're never going to fullyevolve into a place where a
woman's pleasure and sexualityis fully celebrated, like across
the board, and not demonized.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
yeah, demonized is the word.
Yeah, yeah, don't you think?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
oh yeah, I mean, it's like so bizarre, like I think
about this experience.
I'm at a closing with my auntand uncle and I swear this will
be brief.
He talks about his hookups inthe past and he's like allowed
to in his head, but as soon asshe brings up and she's very
alpha- yeah she's a nursemanager.
She don't give a shit.
(20:16):
She's like yeah, I was havingsex on that pool table whenever
I was in my 20s with that doctoryeah that I was working with
yeah, it's like.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh, she was like right.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
No, no, no, I don't want to hear that and I'm like
uncle you just talked about howmany girls that you were hooking
up with.
What makes it wrong that auntiecan't?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
share an experience.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Oh, are you in?
Are you not confident becausehe was a doctor?
Yeah, Are you not confidentbecause you can't picture it?
But you can talk about all thegirls you hooked up with.
Yeah, yes, it's such a fuckinghippococ-.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
What's the word Hippococ?
Yes, is that a hippococ?
Yes, I say we adopt that wordfrom now on.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yeah, let's do it.
It's also hypocritical.
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I could have said hippococ, but I prefer hippococ,
hippococ.
Yeah, that's it now.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Oh my God, but you get it.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yes, it is very hypocritical, and I mean I'm
sure you've dated guys like that.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Or maybe been around them.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Oh yeah, I mean I think most men hold.
It's called the Madonna whoreparadigm.
Like you, can either be thewife, good, pure virginal or if
you explore your pleasure anddesires.
You're a slut Like it's noteither, it's not both.
(21:38):
You can't be a woman who issexual and be seen as like
morally good.
Yes, like good, whatever thatmeans.
Yeah, what the fuck is likemorally good?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Like good, whatever that means.
Yeah, what the fuck is up withthat.
Yes, it's just other ways tocontrol and shame us.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
We can't cheers to that shit.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
No, we're not cheersing to that.
No, boo Boo to that.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
I mean, this is like somebody that was before her
time.
Nobody would take a photo likethis for my 21st birthday.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I love it and she was like sign me up, bitch.
I love it so much.
It's gorgeous and all theparents were like I can't
believe you.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Let them do this.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, that was like 15 years ago.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
It's a gorgeous photo and we love being so
provocative and sexual and talkabout pleasure, because it's
like it's not just to be filthyand get a shock value, it's just
because, like, that's who weare always been and probably
humans are.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
We all are sexual.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And that's the thing is like.
The more people try and repressthat and shame that, that's how
it comes out in really fuckedup sideways ways.
Right that's why there's a lotof violence against women, and a
lot of you know it's like ithas to be.
It is going to be expressed insome way, so either you can
express it in a safe and healthyenvironment or it's going to
(23:04):
come out in really fucked upways.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
That's scary.
Yeah yeah, that is nail on thehead, right.
Okay, so is there a practice orritual that you recommend for
women looking to connect moredeeply with pleasure?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah.
So I would say if you're justreally starting, you wanna
really begin with something assimple as closing your eyes and
tuning in and just starting tonotice, like, what are you
feeling like emotionally andwhat sensations are you
(23:38):
experiencing.
So like if you close your eyesand it's like, oh, my throat
feels tight or I feel tired,just starting to have that body
awareness is really key.
And then expanding into selfpleasuring and that again, that
could be sexual and it could bejust what brings pleasure to my
(24:02):
body.
So I have my clients even startwith something as simple as
five minutes.
Put some music on and justnotice what kind of touch do you
like?
Is it really light?
Like, does that bring pleasureto your body?
Does that kind of you know,like a little aliveness do you
like?
Is it more using your nails?
oh, the nails, yes is it afeather right?
(24:23):
And so and just thatintentional, focused time lowers
your cortisol like lowers thestress hormone in your body.
It regulates your nervoussystem.
I feel so relaxed just hearingyou say that, yeah, it takes you
out of fight or flight and sosomething as little as five
(24:44):
minutes a day of focusedbringing pleasure to your
physical body, where you'retuned in and you're like does
that feel better, does that feelworse?
Is that, am I enjoying that?
Am I not enjoying?
That Will change your life Formen as well.
I only wear, I work primarilyonly with women, but for anybody
(25:06):
.
Yeah, you know, I think,especially now, now in 2025,
we're on our phones all of thetime so we feel so connected to
like the world, but we're reallyvery disconnected from each
other and from our own physicalbodies.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
um, so, yeah, five minutes a day of like what
brings me pleasure I love it, metoo yeah, honest to god can you
share a time when embracingyour own sensuality transformed
an aspect of your life orrelationship?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I mean, I think sensuality transforms every
aspect of your life and everyaspects of your relationships,
because again, you end upfeeling so much more comfortable
and confident in your own skin.
So how could that not changeeverything in your life, right?
So, yeah, I guess my answerwould be it changes everything.
(26:01):
It's not just one time or onething.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
What role does self-love play in your approach
to pleasure, and how can a womancultivate that more in their
lives?
I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
self-love is really the foundation, right, but not
in the like Instagram version ofself-love.
To me, self-love is radicalacceptance and unconditional
compassion for yourself.
So all of those parts of usthat are messy or that we feel
(26:36):
are dirty or toxic or like shameinducing, the more you can
embrace them and be like yeah,that like okay, I love this, I
love this part of me, the easierit is to really have a sense of
like true self-love Again notthe like Instagram.
(27:02):
I have to look perfect and thisbe perfect and everything be
lined up.
And then I have self-love, or,like you know, it's the $300
mock spa in your bathroom.
Like that's me having self-love.
Self-love is meeting yourself,all aspects of yourself, with
love and compassion yeah andbeing like I'm doing the best I
can with what I have and where Iam right now, and that's okay
(27:26):
yeah, I used to put all thispressure on myself and then I
was just like wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I think she reminded me, it's like you have had
successes.
And you should embrace them andyou should love yourself.
Not about like you changinggears.
It's about you celebrating thewins that lead you to this point
.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Definitely, and I don't believe that we can really
create effective, lasting,healthy change in our life if
we're trying to shame ourselfinto the change Right, like we
have to come from a place ofdeep acceptance of who we are,
where we've been, where we're at, and be like.
(28:05):
I want to shift this becausethat's what I want, that's what
I desire, because I'm worthy ofa healthier relationship, a
better job, you know, whatever.
But coming from a place of loveand acceptance creates a much
richer and healthier change thantrying to shame yourself into
changing, and that isn'tsustainable.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So the moral is like we're removing shame.
Yes, no more shame, yeah, takeit out, always take away the
shame, take it out.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Uh-huh, I dig that.
I mean what did you remove fromyourself as you learned a lot?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
That's a great question.
I think one of the biggestthings and it's still a work in
progress is like thisperfectionist tendency that I
have to always get it right,always have it be perfect,
always have it look good, Rightor like a failure or not enough,
(29:06):
and make that enough and rightfor this moment.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Then the easier it is to kind of let go of that
perfectionist tendency so welove talking about like alcohol
and it's a fact just because youknow we have a messy past.
We like to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
We're not shamed by it at this point.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, we're not shameful, we'll talk about all
of it.
But in your opinion, how do youthink that alcohol can play a
role in enhancing or inhibitingpleasure?
Because this is a big thingright now.
People do that.
They use alcohol to get in themood and stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
And it's been throughout life.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, social and intimate settings so like what
is?
Your opinion on that?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
personally, I think alcohol only inhibits sexual
pleasure.
There's this idea, right, thatit like lowers your inhibition,
so you're having, like you know,this amazing sex and it's like
drunk sex.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
And it's like sloppy, it's sloppy.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
But I mean, alcohol is a depressant in your body and
for women especially, who arealready disconnected, already
numb in their body.
It's like you're not feelinganything.
Which is why I think a lot ofwomen especially drink to get in
the mood.
Women especially drink to getin the mood.
It's actually to numbthemselves even more because
they're already disconnected,because they maybe don't want to
be having sex, but they'retrying to override their
(30:37):
physical no, to be like, well, Ishould, or, you know, maybe
this will bring us closer.
We haven't in so long, or I owethem, or whatever it is.
So for me personally, I thinkthat alcohol only inhibits
sexual pleasure.
Now, that doesn't mean that youhave to be sober in order to
(30:59):
have sex, or you know, but I dothink to start to notice in
yourself like, okay, so if Ihave a few glasses of wine and
then I have sex with my partner,like did you actually?
Did you enjoy it If you did?
Amazing, right.
Like everybody gets to be anindividual and see what works
for them.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And maybe they have a high tolerance Right.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It's like maybe five glasses is just like, hey, like
the music or whatever you.
But I think that you know,especially again, I work with
women and I think, especiallyfor women, there's a tendency to
use alcohol to override what'soccurring in their body, right,
so they're already feeling numb,so it's just going to kind of
(31:48):
help them feel even more numb sothat they can do it Right.
And oftentimes it's again womenwho are disconnected, who are
shut down and they've kind ofare like, well, I'm not even
going to orgasm anyway, so likelet's just, let's just do it,
let's just get it over with.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
So I like tons of friends.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
This isn't one of the questions, but like I have tons
of friends I love off, I loveyou know, not scripted questions
, those are my favorite.
Let's go, you, you mentioned.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Like if you're not in the mood and stuff, like and
I've talked to other people,like women who are married and
stuff, and it's like I don'tknow like you just get busy,
like yeah, maybe your kids, likeyou're truly not in the mood,
you've no desire, but then likeif you push yourself to do it,
then you might end up kind oflike hating it even more, yeah,
(32:37):
and like resenting your partnereven like what is what do you do
in that situation?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
well, I think you know there, there's a lot of
things in that.
Yeah, right so first of all, Ithink oftentimes, especially in
heterosexual couples, sex isvery goal oriented.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
So it's like I don't want him touching me Right
Because his goal is penetrativesex.
Yes, that I'm not interested inRight.
So one thing can be taking thepressure off of that and being,
you know, and this is, it has tohappen within the couple, like
both people have to be on board,but like, ok, we're just going
(33:17):
to have like 10 minutes ofmaking out, no pressure to have
sex, right, right.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
And it's hot.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
And then oftentimes, when you take the pressure off,
especially for women who arealready exhausted, stressed out,
overloaded, carrying the mentaland emotional load for the
house, the family, like when youtake the pressure off of okay,
we like penetrative sex is offthe table, we're just going to
connect.
That often gets the women inthe mood right, because I feel
like men sometimes don't evenneed the connection.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yeah, they're just going in.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Oftentimes they view sex as the connection and women
need the connection.
Yeah Well, they.
Oftentimes they view sex as theconnection and women need the
connection for sex.
Good point, yes.
When I think, especially formarried couples, couples who are
in long term relationships, andagain because I work with women
, and primarily heterosexualwomen, one of the biggest things
is also building in moments ofconnection with your partner
(34:09):
throughout the day that are likephysical, intentional and not
goal-oriented again, so like along kiss or a long hug, because
women need that like consistentconnection yes, don't just come
for me when you want it.
Yes, like and yeah work your wayinto it yeah, and then I then I
mean there really is the likeelephant in the room of women in
(34:33):
heterosexual sexualrelationships are carrying the
majority of the mental,emotional and domestic labor,
like almost always, right, yeah,and that carrying all of that
is not sexy, like you are notfinding your partner attractive
because you are carryingeverything for everybody.
So it's also really importantin heterosexual relationships,
(34:56):
especially long-term ones,whether it be marriage or a
partnership or whatever thatthere's real open, raw
conversations about the mental,emotional and domestic labor,
how it's divided so that lowersthe stress on the woman, so she
can be more in her body and soshe can feel more alive, right?
And then also something assimple as like the five minutes
(35:20):
a day of self-pleasuring andbuilding up your own reserve
internally of that sense ofpleasure and connection to
yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Yeah, because, like I , because I have kids, I don't
get five.
I could get five minutes a day,I could, but I wasn't sure what
to do with it.
If I could get five minutes,maybe I just need to lay in my
bed and just take a nap.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Well, yeah, definitely You're like, I just
want to sleep.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Take a nap or just one of those little head
scratchers that feel really good, just something that to sleep,
take a nap, or just like one ofthose little head scratchers
like that feel really good, likejust something like that's
pleasurable, that is just such agood point.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I just it's all, yeah , it's hard to, it's hard know
what to do, yeah, and I think,um, I mean, that's why I do so
much of the work that I do yeahum, but I think the important
thing is.
For me it's like the intentionRight, because it's so easy for
when you have five minutes alone, to just dissociate on your
phone.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That's what I do.
Yeah, that's what we all do.
It doesn't help, that's all weall do.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Right and we blame it on its work Right.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Oh, I'm so tired, right I feel so shut down, I
know it's like I can't go to bed, yeah.
And so it does take an amountof intentionality to be like
okay, I'm not going to zone outon my phone for these five
minutes, I'm going to justbreathe deeply and be present in
(36:49):
my body.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You know, yeah, almost like almost like
meditation, or yeah, could youcall it that?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Yeah, you could.
I mean you could.
I wouldn't call it meditation.
Meditation is somethingdifferent, but meditation is
also an apt thing to do.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, I don't really.
I don't meditate, so I don'teven know.
I'm like what is meditation?
Is that when you're just likebreathing?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
yes, it's, you're breathing and you're like
calming your mind.
Okay, I mean, I guess I'venever done I will touch on this.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Being sober for over a year and having, like now,
sober sex with, like okay,casual friends with benefits, it
was good.
Yeah, it was really good.
And then actually now being ina monogamous relationship with
sober sex, I'm like what thefuck was I doing?
It was good, yeah, it wasreally good.
And then actually now being ina monogamous relationship with
sober sex, I'm like what thefuck was I doing it was like
every weekend.
It would be like drunk at thebar or like you know stoned, and
(37:38):
it's just like that would getyou in the mood, but you would
not feel it yeah it would belike it was the act and it was
like the man in me that was likeokay, so it's, you know, it's
the connection.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
It's the penetrate, but it was never like the, the
feeling like of touching that,like you know, that softness and
then exploring, you know whichis beautiful.
Oh, my God, yeah, and I reallytry to advocate that If anybody
has ever not experienced sobersex, which sounds crazy, but it
(38:13):
is not crazy when you're a20-year-old or when you're in
your 20s it's not crazy evenpeople in their 30s, 40s, 50s.
That was it right, because Iwould be on the prowl, yeah.
But then I wouldn't feel itbecause I was like you said.
I was like, oh, I need it.
(38:34):
Like to just like break thatbarrier of like.
I was like insecure to likemake a move.
Yeah yeah, you know yeah, sothank you for kind of dissecting
my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
I know I feel like there's a lot ticking through my
like head right now it was justlike you're teaching us so much
and I'm like holy so tell usabout your coaching business and
how it gets started.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
I mean, people can look up, like you know,
different programs Like is itlike more one-on-one, is it
group session, is it?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
It's more group, so I don't work with a lot of
one-on-one people or one-on-onewomen, one-on-one I do, but at
this point you know I loverunning groups.
I have an online membershipwhere every month you get like a
pleasure, practice calendar.
So, I have practices andmeditations, so it like makes it
(39:34):
easy for you.
Yes, and that one definitelyleans more spiritual.
So it's called the Red Templeand it's about seeing your
pleasure and sensuality andsexuality as sacred and as like
a spiritual practice as a woman.
And yeah, and then I have tonsof courses and it runs the gamut
(39:56):
Are you all virtual or do youdo in person?
Both?
So I would say 95% of what I dois virtual.
And then I do run retreats, orthat's how I prefer to work with
women.
One-on-one is in person, and soI have like in person, I call
them VIP intensive where it'slike this luxurious day of
(40:19):
pleasure and embodiment and, youknow, just kind of like coming
back to life.
And so I do those all over theworld, and so I do those all
over the world.
But again, the main reason whyI started my online business
back in 2015, 2016, 2017 was Iwanted to travel and I wanted to
be able to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I you
(40:41):
know, for me it's like I believein this work so deeply.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
You can tell.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So why would I limit it to where I live locally Like
this?
Yeah, like we, I can reach aglobal audience.
Why not?
And it's also so important, Ithink, for women because,
especially with the shame andthe shutdownness in our bodies,
a lot of women are living inthis like silo of shame, like
they think they're the only onethat is has the fears or belief
(41:11):
or guilt or shame around sex andpleasure.
And so having a globalcommunity of women where it's
like no women in europe andmexico and australia and
wherever also feel similarthings, it normalizes it in a
way that I think nothing elsedoes, and it and it allows you
to move through it becauseyou're like oh, there's nothing
(41:32):
actually wrong with me, it isculture and society and the
conditioning that I was raisedon and I can transcend it.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
I'm assuming in group things out of respect for women
, there would be no men welcomelike have you worked with men,
or I have worked with men and Ihave worked with couples?
Speaker 1 (41:55):
um, I mean, at this point I work exclusively with
women, so my retreats andprograms aren't open to men for
more of a safety.
Yes, reason, absolutely, um, inthe sense that women just feel
more safe to share and and youknow, I think I there are so
(42:16):
many other incredible coachesout there who work with men or
who work with couples, or whowork with other demographics,
who, you know, have that livedexperience that maybe I don't
have, um, and so it's like Idon't have to be everything for
everybody and I would so muchrather refer somebody and be
like that person is exactly whoyou want.
(42:37):
Then, you know, try and offersomething that isn't.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
I mean that's your niche, that's your brand, that's
who you are, that's what youknow.
I mean you can tell that, likeeven with couples, I'm sure that
can be even like problematic,because a woman might not want
to say things around her husbandor partner?
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, because of the shame.
Yeah, I think the biggest thingwith couples therapy coaching
in general is you have to havetwo very willing participants.
It cannot be the woman iswilling and dragging the man
there or vice versa, right.
It cannot be like one personwants to be there and the other
(43:17):
person hates the fact thatthey're there.
You're not gonna make anyprogress.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
No, so I'm ready for you to have an in-person retreat
in Pittsburgh.
She's like what Not Pittsburgh?
No, like what Not Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
No, I'm open to it.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
You might have to get this all situated.
You know if you're in.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Pittsburgh reach out.
I do do one-on-one in-personshere in Pittsburgh because I'm
here.
What's next for me did?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
you say yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I mean that's a great question.
I think it's just, in a lot ofways, more of the same.
I've created a lot of things Ireally love, especially my
membership and doing retreats.
I have a retreat in southernFrance at the end of September.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, and so just more of that Helping more women
to feel alive and radiant andmagnetic.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Shoot.
I have a friend living inFrance that I haven't seen in 10
years.
Okay, Well, here we go.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Or you might have to go with her.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I know I want to see my friend.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
It's been a long time .
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, interesting.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Do you have and you don't have to have one.
Do you have a question for us?
No pressure.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Hmm, I guess my question would be what do you
guys feel like is your biggestbarrier to pleasure in your own
life?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
You go, ho, you go first I said you go, ho, I'm
like.
I'm going to say you go.
Yeah, no, I'll be completelyhonest right now.
It's just it's kids.
I have two kids and it's like Idon't.
It's the last thing on my mindright now.
Most of the time I'm justtaking care of the kids and,
yeah, the house and um, that'smy biggest barrier.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Yeah, it's pretty simple, very understandable.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
I think mine is work.
So I get two days a week tospend time with my partner,
which is super exciting rightnow because it's some tantric
shit.
Love this New relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
You know the honeymoon stage.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
I mean, I just think it's the sober, it's the
honeymoon and it's like, for thefirst time in like 34 years,
I'm like do I know what I?
I guess I know myself.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I know what I want.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
I know that this is like, whatever it may be, I hope
it is, you know, fingerscrossed.
But I think the two days a weekit's like it's not enough, but
then you're like, well, work isin the way.
I think that two days a weekit's like it's not enough, but
then you're like, well, work isin the way.
So that's, you know, becauseyou can't be just like every day
.
I mean maybe you could, I guess, if you live together.
Yeah, I mean that would beideal.
(46:01):
But I want to know your opinion, Like when is pleasure?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
like excessive.
I don't think it's everexcessive.
Oh fuck, there's no upper limiton pleasure okay, because we
don't want.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
There's no shame, yeah, there's no shame, so you
should live with the one thatyou're yeah, do whatever you
want.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
You know it's like life is way too short oh, fuck
yeah but I think the other thingis like you know, we're all
human.
We are all going to experienceheartbreak, loss, devastation,
like life is inevitably going tohappen to us, and there's a lot
of really fucked up shit thathappens in life.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
So why not experience as much pleasure as possible?
Like it's inevitable thatfucked up shit is going to
happen.
You know what I mean.
It's inevitable that yourheart's going to get broken,
that you're going to losesomebody that you love, that
work's not going to go how youwant, that you're going to be
struggling in areas of your life.
That is inevitable, that'sbaked into the cake of life.
And my perspective is twofoldOne how can you experience as
(47:09):
much pleasure as possible?
My perspective is twofold Onehow can you experience as much
pleasure as possible?
But also, how can you find thepleasure in the fucked up shit?
Right?
How can you like in moments ofheartbreak and grief and loss or
stress, how can you findpleasure?
How can you slow down?
(47:29):
How can you enjoy the seasonthat you're in, no matter how
hard it is, because it's just aseason?
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Right, it's not forever.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Grief is not forever.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Loss is not.
I mean, I'm thinking of otherthings that are fucked up Maybe
this term is not forever.
I don't know if we want to gothere.
I'm down you know, but I dothink, lauren, you are such a
magnetic, magical creature.
We are so glad that you came onto talk about the magnetic
(48:01):
woman, you are magnetic and youare a beautiful woman inside and
out so I think you really have,like, enlightened Kelly a lot,
being a woman herself, yes, andI've learned a lot good, you
know I really do.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
You took a lot away.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I did, I did, but I think it is so important to
speak about these things withwomen in those groups.
So I think it's really powerfulwhat you're doing and.
I am excited for Kelly toorganize a Pittsburgh event with
you.
I will not be invited, that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
I want to hear about it, though.
Yes, we could do like a recap.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Yes, yes, we would love to have you go back on and
just real quick we have the kineuphoric.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
So delicious.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
We talked about this because you said, with this Kim
beaming joy, it's just theflavor, just hit your brand yeah
.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
You know I just like love the can and it tastes
delicious.
Thank you for watching.
Mocktails Are Messy.
I'm Lauren Joyce, the magneticwoman.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Woo.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Thank you, lauren.
This is Mocktails or Messy.
I'm Lauren Joyce, the magneticwoman woo.
Thank you, lauren.
This is Mocktails or Messy.
This is Ryan Frankofsky andKelly Msgorski thanks for
listening.
Cheers Lauren.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you, you're a natural.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
Thank you, oh my gosh , that was great my pleasure, so
fun.
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