June 10, 2025 • 24 mins
My intention is that you hear one or all three of these sneaky thoughts and you realize that they have been keeping you stuck!
Brilliant! Once you become aware of them, you have the power to decide not to listen to these thoughts.
Last week, I helped multiple clients uncover these sneaky thoughts, and I showed them how they were staying stuck because of them.
These three are truly sneaky because they don't sound that bad. They sound like the truth.
Let's dive into the absolute truth!
I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:06):
Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode82 three sneaky thoughts that
are keeping you stuck, stuck ata weight. You don't want to be
(01:13):
stuck in, let's just, let's justgo deeper. Stuck in a job you
don't want to be in, stuck in arelationship. You don't want to
be in, stuck in not taking yourworkouts to the next level,
stuck in the same old habits androutines. So this is going to be
one of those podcasts thatapplies to every area in your
life. It's going to be a goodone. They all are, aren't they?
Aren't they? I love thispodcast. Is so fun. So right
(01:35):
now, my son is home fromcollege, so I have all three of
my boys, not all three at home,but all three here in the in my
hometown, which is so fun,having all three of them, and my
youngest is here at the housewith us, and I feel like I'm
always on injury watch with him.
And when I say injury watch, Imean my own injury watch,
because he likes to pick me upand throw me around like I'm
(01:55):
some kind of rag doll, which,because he's very he's my
wrestler, and he's very strong,and he likes to he likes to show
off his strength by throwing hismom around the house. So I'm
like, on injury. Watch everytime. I'm all be careful with
me. Be careful with me. And evenmy husband. My husband is like,
be careful with her. Be carefulwith her. It's so fun. So this
has been a really, really funmonth. So we started the ready
for change experience last week.
(02:19):
I'm so excited to be workingwith these women. If you are in
that group, shout out to you.
I've been thinking about you allweek. I've already met with each
of the women. Last week was alot of coaching, so I met with
each of these women that are inthe group, because they all got
a private one on one call withme, and we made sure they are
all totally clear on wherethey're headed and the change
they want to make, and wecreated a goal that is going to
(02:39):
help them create that change intheir life, and they have
journaling to do every day. Itis a really powerful month for
these women, and I'm justreally, really excited to be
leading them through such apowerful month that is going to
change their body and theirlife. So it's really fun. I'm
excited to be working with them.
I'm also creating a freeworkshop that is going to be
(03:01):
live me teaching over zoom atthe end of June. It is called
Stop evening snacking. I thinkit's on June 26
there is a link in the shownotes. There's also a link on my
website, Courtney Graycoaching.com, and so, yeah, I'm
going to be talking about stopevening snacking. I always do
different things with my freeworkshops, but I'm telling you
with my clients, whether they'rein my group or private clients,
(03:24):
evening snacking is, uh, it isthe bane of most people's
existence. But the beautifulthing is, if you're like, oh
yes, eating like the in theevenings, whether it's right
before dinner or whether it'safter dinner, or I have some
clients that are saying they'llactually get out of bed and go
eat. So for me, that allencapsulates evening snacking.
(03:45):
For many, many people, the morehundreds and hundreds of people
I work with, I'm realizing, forI want to say, like 90% of
people, when we fix that, youcan lose the weight you want to
lose, and live in a morecontrolled, fabulous body life
for so many people, breakfast iseasy and lunch is easy, and
(04:05):
maybe they snacking and snackingin between meals. It's easier.
It's an easier cleanup. Whensomeone says, Oh, I really snack
in between breakfast and lunch,I'm like, Oh, this is going to
be easy, right? To work withthem, but when I can really fix
helping people stop snacking inthe evening and making a plan
and sticking to it, it canchange your life, I promise you.
(04:25):
So this workshop is free, thelinks everywhere, and join me. I
can't wait. It's going to beawesome. So I'm excited to
deliver this podcast today,because there are three sneaky
thoughts that are coming up alot this last week with my
clients, our thoughts create ourlives. You've heard me say this
so many times, the way we thinkabout things, our beliefs, is
(04:48):
what actually makes us feel acertain way. It's it determines
what we do. It determines theaction we take. It determines
the behavior we do. It itdetermines what we don't do
through.
Out our day, and we know thatthe way we live our lives every
single day stacks up to ourweeks, our months, our years.
And so these sneaky thoughts,really this last week, came up
(05:10):
multiple times with clients. SoI thought, Oh, I had another
podcast planned, but I'm Oh no,no. We're talking about the
three sticky thoughts that arereally keeping people stuck. And
these have all three of thesethoughts have kept me stuck in
the past. And there's one thatkind of creeps in there, I'll
tell you when I get into it.
There's one that sometimescreeps in there for me still,
but now I'm very aware, and I'mlike, oh, there it is. When my
(05:31):
clients are living their livesand they're going about their
days, and they don't necessarilyknow that these are their
thoughts. This is the power ofcoaching. This is a power of
working with me. Is I help youfigure out your excuses, your
reasons, and these sneakythoughts that you don't even
necessarily know that are there,and we uncover them, and you see
(05:52):
how they're keeping you stuck.
You see that when you have oneof these thoughts, it makes you
feel kind of discouraged orapathetic, and then you don't
live the way you want to live.
And it's so fun when I can, Ican uncover one of these
thoughts for my clients, andthey're like, Oh my God, you're
totally right. I didn't evenknow Yes, and now they can be on
the lookout for that thought. Sothe thing that's interesting
(06:13):
about some of these sneakythoughts is they're pretty
habitual. If you resonate withone of these, you will find that
that one probably comes to youoften, and we can rewire our
brain to stop putting so muchtrust in these thoughts. The
thoughts are still going to bethere. I didn't say stop the
thoughts, but we can have thethoughts be there, and then you
can go, oh, there it is. Youdon't listen to it. Even though
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it's there, you don't act fromit. You don't believe it. And it
really does kind of lessen thethe the neural pathway in your
brain, because you chooseanother thought to think
instead, and then you choosethat thought, you feel from that
thought, and then you takeaction from that thought and
create new results in your life.
(06:55):
So the first thought I'm goingto give you that has been so
common for my clients this weekis one that also sometimes my
primitive brain gives to me. Itdoesn't matter. And here's a
different flavor. It's notimportant. It seems so harmless.
It doesn't seem like a mean wayto talk to ourselves. It doesn't
(07:16):
seem like a thought that weshould think, ooh, that thought
is not serving us. But I amtelling you, it is a thought
that is not serving you,especially if you have decided
that it does matter. If you arelistening to this podcast, you
have decided that there arethings about your body and life
that you want to change,therefore they matter to you.
(07:38):
But if you're like me, rightaround, talking about eating in
the evenings, right around threeor four o'clock, all of a
sudden, your primitive brain isgoing to tell you that it really
doesn't matter. Or maybe it's aflavor of it's not important. Or
we'll do this first, or it'sjust one bite, or there's not a
lot of calories, or it's justone point. So whatever the
(07:59):
flavor of it doesn't matter. Iwant you to find that if you
resonate with this, so thethought doesn't come up when
you're deeply in line with whatyou truly desire. If you are in
my ready for change program andyou are doing your daily
journaling in the morning, thethought doesn't present itself
there because you are tellingyourself there. This matters to
(08:21):
me. I love being in thisprogram. This is the work I'm
loving. It feels so empowering.
So you're not going to have it.
It doesn't matter, because yourdaily journaling, what you're
doing is you're telling yourselfit does matter. It's going to
come up later in the day whenthere's a longer distance
between you and that journaling,and all of a sudden your
neighbor comes over and says, Ohmy gosh, I just made zucchini
(08:41):
muffins, and you had decided notto have any kind of baked goods.
Right now, all of a suddenyou're going to be like, Oh, it
doesn't matter. I don't want tohurt their feelings. Oh, it's
just one time. It's zucchiniseason. All of the flavor of
it's really not that important.
It comes at 8pm when you feel atwinge of hunger, and you've
been practicing feeling safetywith hunger. I know that sounds
(09:04):
kind of if you if you haven'tworked with me before, you might
not, you might be like, What isshe talking about safety? But
for many people who overeat, andI used to do this, I would stuff
myself, especially at dinner, Iwould overeat. I would eat to
where I was like, Oh, my God.
Why did I eat that much? Right?
Then all of a sudden, when Istarted eating more of a normal
amount of food, an amount offood where I didn't feel
(09:28):
stuffed. Then a few hours later,if I got a little twinge of
hunger, it did not feel safe, itdid not feel good. And then my
brain started going, you bettereat before you go to sleep.
That's when your brain tells youit doesn't matter. It doesn't
matter that you said you weren'tgoing to eat any granola because
now you're hungry and now youwant something different. It's
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going to come up when yourfriend gives you a hard time for
not eating or drinking thatthing. All of a sudden your
brain is going to say, yeah, itdoesn't matter. It's not this is
no big deal.
Here's another flavor of that.
It doesn't matter. It isn'timportant. This is no big deal.
It's going to come up when yourpartner is having a bowl of ice
cream and you have decided notto have any dessert. All of a
(10:09):
sudden, your primitive brain isgoing to be like, what does this
matter? He's having it. She'shaving it. Why does it matter?
It's going to happen. It's goingto come up when everyone at work
is eating the birthday cake, andyour brain is going to try to
convince you that this is aspecial occasion where, if you
work at a place like I used towork at Hewlett Packard, or you
(10:29):
work at a bank or whatever, weknow that there are so many
people and so many damn snacksbrought into that building, the
fact that we would believe athought that any of that food is
special is ridiculous, becausethere's constantly food coming
in,so everyone at work is eating
the birthday cake. Oh, itdoesn't matter that I wasn't
going to eat. Oh, it doesn'tmatter that I have a plan. Oh,
(10:51):
it doesn't matter that I toldmyself I wasn't going to so
really be on the lookout forthat thought. Can you take a
moment to first become aware ofwhat you're thinking and then
have a conversation withyourself. So the first step is
going to be awareness. And formany people, especially when
they start working with me, whenthey eat off of their plan, and
I say, Why do you think you did?
(11:14):
They literally like, I have noidea. I have no idea. I get it.
I get it that thought we'retalking about that thought in a
minute, but I it's you have beenrunning on autopilot. You have
been running on all of a sudden,I have a thought, it doesn't
matter, and I'm going to eat thething, and I get that immediate
dopamine hit. But can you take amoment to go? Huh? I was feeling
(11:35):
so good today. Now, all of asudden, I'm starting to
negotiate with myself abouteating the thing. And can you
slow it down and say, What am Ithinking? And that's when you'll
uncover, oh, I'm thinking, thisdoesn't matter. And then can you
say, is that true? Does it notmatter in terms of the world
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going around? Of course, itdoesn't matter. It's just a
muffin. It's just a coffee justa delicious coffee drink. It's a
coffee cake, whatever. Ofcourse, it doesn't matter. But
does it matter to you? And I'mgiving you a moment, because I
know there is a part of you thatsays, yeah, it does matter to
me. That's why I'm listening tothe fucking podcast. It does
matter to me. That's why I keepcoming back for more. It's why I
(12:16):
keep going to her workshops.
That's why I've signed up withto work with her. It clearly
does matter. This is why, in myprograms, I have my clients
create a protocol. I have themdecide in the morning, this is
what I'm going to eat. Becausein the morning they know it
matters. They're deciding,they're declaring it matters.
And then all of a sudden, atthree o'clock, they decide that,
oh no, I don't think it mattersanymore. And you can go, Whoa,
(12:40):
what is happening. And then youcan really see what's going on.
What's going on is yourprimitive brain just wants you
to stay the same. It doesn'twant you to feel desire without
having without being able toeat. It doesn't want you to feel
any negative emotion. Itcertainly doesn't want you to
miss out. It certainly doesn'twant you to sit there and be
frustrated because you want thebagel your primitive brain does
(13:01):
not want that. There is a partof you that it really does
matter. It really does matter.
One of the things we're doing inthis ready for change group is
I'm having them do somejournaling in the workbook. And
one of the questions I said is,what has held you back from
making this change in the past,and that's where all these
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sneaky little thoughts come up.
What has held us back in thepast is we have these sneaky
thoughts, and we believed them.
We thought that they were us.
But there is a part of you thatit does matter, but you've been
living from the part of you thatthink it doesn't matter. So
number two, sneaky thought, Idon't know.
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When we tell ourselves, I don'tknow. It keeps us stuck and not
moving forward. It makes us notmake a decision. It doesn't have
us give a best guess. Itcertainly doesn't have us trust
ourself, on our intuition, ourown authority. It doesn't have
us experiment. It doesn't haveus say, You know what? Let's
give this a go. It doesn't havea say. Let's take an educated
(14:10):
guess. The one thing I hate themost about saying I don't know,
and God knows, I've certainlysaid it before, but the one
thing I hate the most is we areamazing women. We are so
educated and intuitive andintelligent and compassionate
and we're just amazing humanbeings. But we tell ourselves I
(14:31):
don't know, and then we believethat we don't know. So if you're
one of my clients, you willknow, I always say, but if you
did know, what would you think Isaid to one of my clients the
other day, if I paid you amillion dollars to take a guess,
what would you say? And here'swhat you will find, oftentimes,
when we take a guess at whateverwe're trying to figure out that
(14:53):
usually is the thing thatusually is the thing we know so
much more than we give ourselvescredit.
It for and again. Back toclarity. I talked a lot about
clarity over the last few weeks.
When you're not clear, when yousay I don't know, then you don't
have to take a step forward. Youdon't have to take a risk. You
don't have to take action. Whenwe proclaim that we don't know
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the answer, no one can fault usfor not taking a step forward. I
can't tell you how many of myclients have said to me, I
really want to start movingmore. I want to get back to the
gym, or I want to do maybe doyoga, maybe start swimming. I
don't know what, but, and it'sthe the reason that they're not
moving forward because a lot ofthem have been telling
(15:37):
themselves to do this formonths, but the reason they're
not actually doing anything isbecause they're like, I don't
know what to do. I don't know ifI should go to the gym, I don't
know if I should hire a personaltrainer, I don't know if I
should do yoga. I don't know ifnow is the right time. I don't
know maybe if I should wait tothe beginning of the month. I
don't know if did they I don't.
And so then they, then they canjust say, I'm thinking about it.
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I'm figuring it out. You don'thave to. No one's gonna say, you
know, no, usually this is thepower of a coach. As a coach is
gonna say, Hey, you're making alot of excuses to keep yourself
safe. We need to make a decisionand just do it. There is no
right decision. Let's just go.
Let's get it on your calendar.
Let's go. Most friends aren'tgonna say that, even most
partners aren't gonna say that.
It's too much. It's too in yourface. But that's what needs to
(16:19):
happen, is you need to say,let's, let's take a best guess
about what sounds fun, and ifyou've been telling yourself
that you're going to do yoga foryears, clearly there is
something about yoga thatinspires you, that draws you in.
And what would happen if youactually listen to that part of
you that wanted it? Maybe youwant to start horseback riding.
(16:41):
Maybe you want to start walk awalking group. It doesn't matter
if it has been calling to you.
There is something about it thatyou want to do. So let's go.
Take a guess. I want you to beon to yourself. If you're saying
you don't know, go, oh, there itis. I'm saying I don't know.
(17:02):
Number three, I don't have time.
Oh, this is a big one. This is abig one. Here's what I want
everyone to know, especiallywith this one, a lot of times we
say we don't have time, like weare reporting the weather, like
we're reporting the news, likeit is fact it's 90 degrees and I
don't have time. It's not afact. Quite often saying I don't
(17:25):
have time is keeping you stuckin any area of your life.
Because, how is that not true? Isaid this to a client this
morning. How is that not true?
First of all, I always say, areyou on social media? Do you have
time to scroll Instagram? If youhave time to scroll Instagram,
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and you can look on your phone,it will tell you exactly how
much time you gave to every app,Instagram, Pinterest, Tiktok,
whatever you're on. If you lookunder Reports in your phone, it
will tell you how much screentime you're giving to either a
specific app or over all. And ifyou, if you're like me, it's
ours. And so to say we don'thave time to do this or that is
(18:11):
a lie. It's a lie we're tellingourselves. Now, is it hard to
get off these things? Yes, is itsomething we want to be on? Yes,
I love me some Instagram. I lovescrolling for a little bit, but
I don't love it at the expenseof my goals. I don't love it as
an excuse. So if you say I don'thave time, I want you to say,
(18:33):
Wait a minute. Is that true?
Oftentimes, 99% of the time, itis not true. And so here's
something that will help. Andthis is hard, but what would be
better is if you said toyourself, I don't have time, and
you caught yourself, Oh, there Igo again. Telling myself I don't
have time, tell yourself thetruth, and the truth is, I'm not
willing to give this time. Andwhen you say that, it might
(18:56):
sting, like that's radicalownership. Why am I not willing
to give this time? Here'sanother one that might sting.
Why am I deciding Instagram ismore important than meditating?
Why am I deciding this is moreimportant than what I want to
do?
I think that we have been formany, many, many years in a
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society where we get a lot ofkudos and sense of pride and
sense of purpose by being verybusy. And so saying we don't
have time is just kind of likewhat we all do as a society. I
mean, it's very rare that youmeet someone and you say, Hey,
what are you up to? And they'relike, nothing. I really am not
doing anything right? It'susually, we got this, we got
(19:42):
this, we got this, we got this.
And I'll tell you, if you are inthe middle right now with your
kids, and if you're like, I knowyou, you got like, a 17 year old
and a 14 year old and a nineyear old. If you're one of
those, those women listening,those clients, you're in it.
Sister, I.
Hear You. You're in it. But hereis the rub. Here's what I'm
(20:03):
going to tell you, when all of asudden, that last one leaves the
house, your primitive brain isstill going to tell you you're
busy with other things. Well,the first thing it's going to do
is your primitive brain is goingto say, well, now it's time for
you to really do what you wantto do, because now you just
need, oh, you need to come downfrom the fact that you're not
doing all these things for otherpeople, and usually what your
(20:24):
primitive brain means in thatmoment is going out for drinks
and sitting and watching TV andtaking naps and all that. So
your primitive brain is notgoing to say you've got time you
go get that amazing body you'vebeen wanting. No, usually it's
you need to just take time foryou, which doesn't mean pushing
yourself too hard. So that's thethat's unfortunately the rub.
But then when you actually arelike, Okay, I've taken my time.
(20:47):
I've taken my time to lay and besad about my children leaving,
then all of a sudden we findourselves going, God, I'm just
more busy than I thought. God.
And we fill our lives and ourdays with shit that is not as
important as what we truly wantfor ourself, because the shit is
easier to do.
It is easier to say yes to yourfriend who's asking for a favor
(21:08):
than to say, I'm sorry that timedoesn't work for me, because you
know you're going to yoga. It iseasier to tell yourself that you
don't have time to food prepbecause you're so busy with
other things, even though it's alie.
So telling ourselves we don'thave time. I can't tell you how
many days it's crazy. I can'ttell you how many times I've had
(21:30):
clients that have come to me andsaid, Well, I've been wanting to
work with you for a full year. Iwish I would have worked with
you a year ago when I toldmyself to because now I've been
retired for a full year, andit's not like I'm doing what I
said I was going to do. I havemore time. There are no excuses.
They will literally say this,well, I'm retired. And I almost
start laughing, because I knowwhat's coming. What's coming is
(21:51):
they're going to go. I got noexcuse, but I'm not making it
happen. And I say, of course, wetell ourselves we don't have
time, even when we do have time,because even when we think we
actually legit don't have timewhen, when clients will come to
me and say, I work a full timejob. I volunteer. I've got three
kids, I've got all these things.
There is time for them to eat.
(22:12):
Well, when you are standing infront of the cookie, it does not
take more time to not eat thecookie than it does take to eat
the cookie. It does not takemore time to go to Chick fil A
as it does to go to the grocerystore and get a healthy salad.
So saying I don't have time,it's a lie. It's a lie, and it's
a lie that's hurting us. It'snot hurting anything else. And
(22:37):
here's what I want to just sayto enclosure by you saying to
yourself, I'm going to catchthese three sneaky thoughts, and
I'm not going to let them keepme stuck anymore. It is not
going to negatively affectanything else in your life. When
you actually start thinking moreintentionally, becoming aware,
(22:59):
allowing yourself to feel somenegative emotion so you can get
your body to where you want itto be, and then to to make your
relationships better and to getclear on what you want for your
life and live a bigger life,live a more exciting life, make
more money, do all the thingsthat you are capable of doing,
it is only going to benefiteveryone else.
(23:21):
So to say that we don't havetime, and to say that we don't
know, and to say it doesn'tmatter, those are all lies in
the step number one is becomingaware of when your primitive
brain says them ago. Oh, that'sinteresting. There it is. Oh,
fascinating. I've been believingthat lie for a long time, and
this is how it's negativelyaffecting my life. No more
(23:43):
Satan, that's what you can say.
No more Satan. Not doing it. I'mnot believing it anymore. This
is the work, my friend, this isthe work you will find. It will
change every area of your lifewhen you become aware of these
thoughts and you choose to notbelieve them. Have a great
Tuesday. If you are ready tolose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
(24:05):
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode82 three sneaky thoughts that
are keeping you stuck, stuck ata weight. You don't want to be
(01:13):
stuck in, let's just, let's justgo deeper. Stuck in a job you
don't want to be in, stuck in arelationship. You don't want to
be in, stuck in not taking yourworkouts to the next level,
stuck in the same old habits androutines. So this is going to be
one of those podcasts thatapplies to every area in your
life. It's going to be a goodone. They all are, aren't they?
Aren't they? I love thispodcast. Is so fun. So right
(01:35):
now, my son is home fromcollege, so I have all three of
my boys, not all three at home,but all three here in the in my
hometown, which is so fun,having all three of them, and my
youngest is here at the housewith us, and I feel like I'm
always on injury watch with him.
And when I say injury watch, Imean my own injury watch,
because he likes to pick me upand throw me around like I'm
(01:55):
some kind of rag doll, which,because he's very he's my
wrestler, and he's very strong,and he likes to he likes to show
off his strength by throwing hismom around the house. So I'm
like, on injury. Watch everytime. I'm all be careful with
me. Be careful with me. And evenmy husband. My husband is like,
be careful with her. Be carefulwith her. It's so fun. So this
has been a really, really funmonth. So we started the ready
for change experience last week.
(02:19):
I'm so excited to be workingwith these women. If you are in
that group, shout out to you.
I've been thinking about you allweek. I've already met with each
of the women. Last week was alot of coaching, so I met with
each of these women that are inthe group, because they all got
a private one on one call withme, and we made sure they are
all totally clear on wherethey're headed and the change
they want to make, and wecreated a goal that is going to
(02:39):
help them create that change intheir life, and they have
journaling to do every day. Itis a really powerful month for
these women, and I'm justreally, really excited to be
leading them through such apowerful month that is going to
change their body and theirlife. So it's really fun. I'm
excited to be working with them.
I'm also creating a freeworkshop that is going to be
(03:01):
live me teaching over zoom atthe end of June. It is called
Stop evening snacking. I thinkit's on June 26
there is a link in the shownotes. There's also a link on my
website, Courtney Graycoaching.com, and so, yeah, I'm
going to be talking about stopevening snacking. I always do
different things with my freeworkshops, but I'm telling you
with my clients, whether they'rein my group or private clients,
(03:24):
evening snacking is, uh, it isthe bane of most people's
existence. But the beautifulthing is, if you're like, oh
yes, eating like the in theevenings, whether it's right
before dinner or whether it'safter dinner, or I have some
clients that are saying they'llactually get out of bed and go
eat. So for me, that allencapsulates evening snacking.
(03:45):
For many, many people, the morehundreds and hundreds of people
I work with, I'm realizing, forI want to say, like 90% of
people, when we fix that, youcan lose the weight you want to
lose, and live in a morecontrolled, fabulous body life
for so many people, breakfast iseasy and lunch is easy, and
(04:05):
maybe they snacking and snackingin between meals. It's easier.
It's an easier cleanup. Whensomeone says, Oh, I really snack
in between breakfast and lunch,I'm like, Oh, this is going to
be easy, right? To work withthem, but when I can really fix
helping people stop snacking inthe evening and making a plan
and sticking to it, it canchange your life, I promise you.
(04:25):
So this workshop is free, thelinks everywhere, and join me. I
can't wait. It's going to beawesome. So I'm excited to
deliver this podcast today,because there are three sneaky
thoughts that are coming up alot this last week with my
clients, our thoughts create ourlives. You've heard me say this
so many times, the way we thinkabout things, our beliefs, is
(04:48):
what actually makes us feel acertain way. It's it determines
what we do. It determines theaction we take. It determines
the behavior we do. It itdetermines what we don't do
through.
Out our day, and we know thatthe way we live our lives every
single day stacks up to ourweeks, our months, our years.
And so these sneaky thoughts,really this last week, came up
(05:10):
multiple times with clients. SoI thought, Oh, I had another
podcast planned, but I'm Oh no,no. We're talking about the
three sticky thoughts that arereally keeping people stuck. And
these have all three of thesethoughts have kept me stuck in
the past. And there's one thatkind of creeps in there, I'll
tell you when I get into it.
There's one that sometimescreeps in there for me still,
but now I'm very aware, and I'mlike, oh, there it is. When my
(05:31):
clients are living their livesand they're going about their
days, and they don't necessarilyknow that these are their
thoughts. This is the power ofcoaching. This is a power of
working with me. Is I help youfigure out your excuses, your
reasons, and these sneakythoughts that you don't even
necessarily know that are there,and we uncover them, and you see
(05:52):
how they're keeping you stuck.
You see that when you have oneof these thoughts, it makes you
feel kind of discouraged orapathetic, and then you don't
live the way you want to live.
And it's so fun when I can, Ican uncover one of these
thoughts for my clients, andthey're like, Oh my God, you're
totally right. I didn't evenknow Yes, and now they can be on
the lookout for that thought. Sothe thing that's interesting
(06:13):
about some of these sneakythoughts is they're pretty
habitual. If you resonate withone of these, you will find that
that one probably comes to youoften, and we can rewire our
brain to stop putting so muchtrust in these thoughts. The
thoughts are still going to bethere. I didn't say stop the
thoughts, but we can have thethoughts be there, and then you
can go, oh, there it is. Youdon't listen to it. Even though
(06:35):
it's there, you don't act fromit. You don't believe it. And it
really does kind of lessen thethe the neural pathway in your
brain, because you chooseanother thought to think
instead, and then you choosethat thought, you feel from that
thought, and then you takeaction from that thought and
create new results in your life.
(06:55):
So the first thought I'm goingto give you that has been so
common for my clients this weekis one that also sometimes my
primitive brain gives to me. Itdoesn't matter. And here's a
different flavor. It's notimportant. It seems so harmless.
It doesn't seem like a mean wayto talk to ourselves. It doesn't
(07:16):
seem like a thought that weshould think, ooh, that thought
is not serving us. But I amtelling you, it is a thought
that is not serving you,especially if you have decided
that it does matter. If you arelistening to this podcast, you
have decided that there arethings about your body and life
that you want to change,therefore they matter to you.
(07:38):
But if you're like me, rightaround, talking about eating in
the evenings, right around threeor four o'clock, all of a
sudden, your primitive brain isgoing to tell you that it really
doesn't matter. Or maybe it's aflavor of it's not important. Or
we'll do this first, or it'sjust one bite, or there's not a
lot of calories, or it's justone point. So whatever the
(07:59):
flavor of it doesn't matter. Iwant you to find that if you
resonate with this, so thethought doesn't come up when
you're deeply in line with whatyou truly desire. If you are in
my ready for change program andyou are doing your daily
journaling in the morning, thethought doesn't present itself
there because you are tellingyourself there. This matters to
(08:21):
me. I love being in thisprogram. This is the work I'm
loving. It feels so empowering.
So you're not going to have it.
It doesn't matter, because yourdaily journaling, what you're
doing is you're telling yourselfit does matter. It's going to
come up later in the day whenthere's a longer distance
between you and that journaling,and all of a sudden your
neighbor comes over and says, Ohmy gosh, I just made zucchini
(08:41):
muffins, and you had decided notto have any kind of baked goods.
Right now, all of a suddenyou're going to be like, Oh, it
doesn't matter. I don't want tohurt their feelings. Oh, it's
just one time. It's zucchiniseason. All of the flavor of
it's really not that important.
It comes at 8pm when you feel atwinge of hunger, and you've
been practicing feeling safetywith hunger. I know that sounds
(09:04):
kind of if you if you haven'tworked with me before, you might
not, you might be like, What isshe talking about safety? But
for many people who overeat, andI used to do this, I would stuff
myself, especially at dinner, Iwould overeat. I would eat to
where I was like, Oh, my God.
Why did I eat that much? Right?
Then all of a sudden, when Istarted eating more of a normal
amount of food, an amount offood where I didn't feel
(09:28):
stuffed. Then a few hours later,if I got a little twinge of
hunger, it did not feel safe, itdid not feel good. And then my
brain started going, you bettereat before you go to sleep.
That's when your brain tells youit doesn't matter. It doesn't
matter that you said you weren'tgoing to eat any granola because
now you're hungry and now youwant something different. It's
(09:48):
going to come up when yourfriend gives you a hard time for
not eating or drinking thatthing. All of a sudden your
brain is going to say, yeah, itdoesn't matter. It's not this is
no big deal.
Here's another flavor of that.
It doesn't matter. It isn'timportant. This is no big deal.
It's going to come up when yourpartner is having a bowl of ice
cream and you have decided notto have any dessert. All of a
(10:09):
sudden, your primitive brain isgoing to be like, what does this
matter? He's having it. She'shaving it. Why does it matter?
It's going to happen. It's goingto come up when everyone at work
is eating the birthday cake, andyour brain is going to try to
convince you that this is aspecial occasion where, if you
work at a place like I used towork at Hewlett Packard, or you
(10:29):
work at a bank or whatever, weknow that there are so many
people and so many damn snacksbrought into that building, the
fact that we would believe athought that any of that food is
special is ridiculous, becausethere's constantly food coming
in,so everyone at work is eating
the birthday cake. Oh, itdoesn't matter that I wasn't
going to eat. Oh, it doesn'tmatter that I have a plan. Oh,
(10:51):
it doesn't matter that I toldmyself I wasn't going to so
really be on the lookout forthat thought. Can you take a
moment to first become aware ofwhat you're thinking and then
have a conversation withyourself. So the first step is
going to be awareness. And formany people, especially when
they start working with me, whenthey eat off of their plan, and
I say, Why do you think you did?
(11:14):
They literally like, I have noidea. I have no idea. I get it.
I get it that thought we'retalking about that thought in a
minute, but I it's you have beenrunning on autopilot. You have
been running on all of a sudden,I have a thought, it doesn't
matter, and I'm going to eat thething, and I get that immediate
dopamine hit. But can you take amoment to go? Huh? I was feeling
(11:35):
so good today. Now, all of asudden, I'm starting to
negotiate with myself abouteating the thing. And can you
slow it down and say, What am Ithinking? And that's when you'll
uncover, oh, I'm thinking, thisdoesn't matter. And then can you
say, is that true? Does it notmatter in terms of the world
(11:56):
going around? Of course, itdoesn't matter. It's just a
muffin. It's just a coffee justa delicious coffee drink. It's a
coffee cake, whatever. Ofcourse, it doesn't matter. But
does it matter to you? And I'mgiving you a moment, because I
know there is a part of you thatsays, yeah, it does matter to
me. That's why I'm listening tothe fucking podcast. It does
matter to me. That's why I keepcoming back for more. It's why I
(12:16):
keep going to her workshops.
That's why I've signed up withto work with her. It clearly
does matter. This is why, in myprograms, I have my clients
create a protocol. I have themdecide in the morning, this is
what I'm going to eat. Becausein the morning they know it
matters. They're deciding,they're declaring it matters.
And then all of a sudden, atthree o'clock, they decide that,
oh no, I don't think it mattersanymore. And you can go, Whoa,
(12:40):
what is happening. And then youcan really see what's going on.
What's going on is yourprimitive brain just wants you
to stay the same. It doesn'twant you to feel desire without
having without being able toeat. It doesn't want you to feel
any negative emotion. Itcertainly doesn't want you to
miss out. It certainly doesn'twant you to sit there and be
frustrated because you want thebagel your primitive brain does
(13:01):
not want that. There is a partof you that it really does
matter. It really does matter.
One of the things we're doing inthis ready for change group is
I'm having them do somejournaling in the workbook. And
one of the questions I said is,what has held you back from
making this change in the past,and that's where all these
(13:25):
sneaky little thoughts come up.
What has held us back in thepast is we have these sneaky
thoughts, and we believed them.
We thought that they were us.
But there is a part of you thatit does matter, but you've been
living from the part of you thatthink it doesn't matter. So
number two, sneaky thought, Idon't know.
(13:47):
When we tell ourselves, I don'tknow. It keeps us stuck and not
moving forward. It makes us notmake a decision. It doesn't have
us give a best guess. Itcertainly doesn't have us trust
ourself, on our intuition, ourown authority. It doesn't have
us experiment. It doesn't haveus say, You know what? Let's
give this a go. It doesn't havea say. Let's take an educated
(14:10):
guess. The one thing I hate themost about saying I don't know,
and God knows, I've certainlysaid it before, but the one
thing I hate the most is we areamazing women. We are so
educated and intuitive andintelligent and compassionate
and we're just amazing humanbeings. But we tell ourselves I
(14:31):
don't know, and then we believethat we don't know. So if you're
one of my clients, you willknow, I always say, but if you
did know, what would you think Isaid to one of my clients the
other day, if I paid you amillion dollars to take a guess,
what would you say? And here'swhat you will find, oftentimes,
when we take a guess at whateverwe're trying to figure out that
(14:53):
usually is the thing thatusually is the thing we know so
much more than we give ourselvescredit.
It for and again. Back toclarity. I talked a lot about
clarity over the last few weeks.
When you're not clear, when yousay I don't know, then you don't
have to take a step forward. Youdon't have to take a risk. You
don't have to take action. Whenwe proclaim that we don't know
(15:14):
the answer, no one can fault usfor not taking a step forward. I
can't tell you how many of myclients have said to me, I
really want to start movingmore. I want to get back to the
gym, or I want to do maybe doyoga, maybe start swimming. I
don't know what, but, and it'sthe the reason that they're not
moving forward because a lot ofthem have been telling
(15:37):
themselves to do this formonths, but the reason they're
not actually doing anything isbecause they're like, I don't
know what to do. I don't know ifI should go to the gym, I don't
know if I should hire a personaltrainer, I don't know if I
should do yoga. I don't know ifnow is the right time. I don't
know maybe if I should wait tothe beginning of the month. I
don't know if did they I don't.
And so then they, then they canjust say, I'm thinking about it.
(15:58):
I'm figuring it out. You don'thave to. No one's gonna say, you
know, no, usually this is thepower of a coach. As a coach is
gonna say, Hey, you're making alot of excuses to keep yourself
safe. We need to make a decisionand just do it. There is no
right decision. Let's just go.
Let's get it on your calendar.
Let's go. Most friends aren'tgonna say that, even most
partners aren't gonna say that.
It's too much. It's too in yourface. But that's what needs to
(16:19):
happen, is you need to say,let's, let's take a best guess
about what sounds fun, and ifyou've been telling yourself
that you're going to do yoga foryears, clearly there is
something about yoga thatinspires you, that draws you in.
And what would happen if youactually listen to that part of
you that wanted it? Maybe youwant to start horseback riding.
(16:41):
Maybe you want to start walk awalking group. It doesn't matter
if it has been calling to you.
There is something about it thatyou want to do. So let's go.
Take a guess. I want you to beon to yourself. If you're saying
you don't know, go, oh, there itis. I'm saying I don't know.
(17:02):
Number three, I don't have time.
Oh, this is a big one. This is abig one. Here's what I want
everyone to know, especiallywith this one, a lot of times we
say we don't have time, like weare reporting the weather, like
we're reporting the news, likeit is fact it's 90 degrees and I
don't have time. It's not afact. Quite often saying I don't
(17:25):
have time is keeping you stuckin any area of your life.
Because, how is that not true? Isaid this to a client this
morning. How is that not true?
First of all, I always say, areyou on social media? Do you have
time to scroll Instagram? If youhave time to scroll Instagram,
(17:45):
and you can look on your phone,it will tell you exactly how
much time you gave to every app,Instagram, Pinterest, Tiktok,
whatever you're on. If you lookunder Reports in your phone, it
will tell you how much screentime you're giving to either a
specific app or over all. And ifyou, if you're like me, it's
ours. And so to say we don'thave time to do this or that is
(18:11):
a lie. It's a lie we're tellingourselves. Now, is it hard to
get off these things? Yes, is itsomething we want to be on? Yes,
I love me some Instagram. I lovescrolling for a little bit, but
I don't love it at the expenseof my goals. I don't love it as
an excuse. So if you say I don'thave time, I want you to say,
(18:33):
Wait a minute. Is that true?
Oftentimes, 99% of the time, itis not true. And so here's
something that will help. Andthis is hard, but what would be
better is if you said toyourself, I don't have time, and
you caught yourself, Oh, there Igo again. Telling myself I don't
have time, tell yourself thetruth, and the truth is, I'm not
willing to give this time. Andwhen you say that, it might
(18:56):
sting, like that's radicalownership. Why am I not willing
to give this time? Here'sanother one that might sting.
Why am I deciding Instagram ismore important than meditating?
Why am I deciding this is moreimportant than what I want to
do?
I think that we have been formany, many, many years in a
(19:18):
society where we get a lot ofkudos and sense of pride and
sense of purpose by being verybusy. And so saying we don't
have time is just kind of likewhat we all do as a society. I
mean, it's very rare that youmeet someone and you say, Hey,
what are you up to? And they'relike, nothing. I really am not
doing anything right? It'susually, we got this, we got
(19:42):
this, we got this, we got this.
And I'll tell you, if you are inthe middle right now with your
kids, and if you're like, I knowyou, you got like, a 17 year old
and a 14 year old and a nineyear old. If you're one of
those, those women listening,those clients, you're in it.
Sister, I.
Hear You. You're in it. But hereis the rub. Here's what I'm
(20:03):
going to tell you, when all of asudden, that last one leaves the
house, your primitive brain isstill going to tell you you're
busy with other things. Well,the first thing it's going to do
is your primitive brain is goingto say, well, now it's time for
you to really do what you wantto do, because now you just
need, oh, you need to come downfrom the fact that you're not
doing all these things for otherpeople, and usually what your
(20:24):
primitive brain means in thatmoment is going out for drinks
and sitting and watching TV andtaking naps and all that. So
your primitive brain is notgoing to say you've got time you
go get that amazing body you'vebeen wanting. No, usually it's
you need to just take time foryou, which doesn't mean pushing
yourself too hard. So that's thethat's unfortunately the rub.
But then when you actually arelike, Okay, I've taken my time.
(20:47):
I've taken my time to lay and besad about my children leaving,
then all of a sudden we findourselves going, God, I'm just
more busy than I thought. God.
And we fill our lives and ourdays with shit that is not as
important as what we truly wantfor ourself, because the shit is
easier to do.
It is easier to say yes to yourfriend who's asking for a favor
(21:08):
than to say, I'm sorry that timedoesn't work for me, because you
know you're going to yoga. It iseasier to tell yourself that you
don't have time to food prepbecause you're so busy with
other things, even though it's alie.
So telling ourselves we don'thave time. I can't tell you how
many days it's crazy. I can'ttell you how many times I've had
(21:30):
clients that have come to me andsaid, Well, I've been wanting to
work with you for a full year. Iwish I would have worked with
you a year ago when I toldmyself to because now I've been
retired for a full year, andit's not like I'm doing what I
said I was going to do. I havemore time. There are no excuses.
They will literally say this,well, I'm retired. And I almost
start laughing, because I knowwhat's coming. What's coming is
(21:51):
they're going to go. I got noexcuse, but I'm not making it
happen. And I say, of course, wetell ourselves we don't have
time, even when we do have time,because even when we think we
actually legit don't have timewhen, when clients will come to
me and say, I work a full timejob. I volunteer. I've got three
kids, I've got all these things.
There is time for them to eat.
(22:12):
Well, when you are standing infront of the cookie, it does not
take more time to not eat thecookie than it does take to eat
the cookie. It does not takemore time to go to Chick fil A
as it does to go to the grocerystore and get a healthy salad.
So saying I don't have time,it's a lie. It's a lie, and it's
a lie that's hurting us. It'snot hurting anything else. And
(22:37):
here's what I want to just sayto enclosure by you saying to
yourself, I'm going to catchthese three sneaky thoughts, and
I'm not going to let them keepme stuck anymore. It is not
going to negatively affectanything else in your life. When
you actually start thinking moreintentionally, becoming aware,
(22:59):
allowing yourself to feel somenegative emotion so you can get
your body to where you want itto be, and then to to make your
relationships better and to getclear on what you want for your
life and live a bigger life,live a more exciting life, make
more money, do all the thingsthat you are capable of doing,
it is only going to benefiteveryone else.
(23:21):
So to say that we don't havetime, and to say that we don't
know, and to say it doesn'tmatter, those are all lies in
the step number one is becomingaware of when your primitive
brain says them ago. Oh, that'sinteresting. There it is. Oh,
fascinating. I've been believingthat lie for a long time, and
this is how it's negativelyaffecting my life. No more
(23:43):
Satan, that's what you can say.
No more Satan. Not doing it. I'mnot believing it anymore. This
is the work, my friend, this isthe work you will find. It will
change every area of your lifewhen you become aware of these
thoughts and you choose to notbelieve them. Have a great
Tuesday. If you are ready tolose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
(24:05):
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
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