July 1, 2025 • 51 mins
I spent YEARS making progress on my weight loss and health goals until I had a fun event to go to, then I would derail. Life is too short to restrict myself, right?
The problem was, I have a really great life, and fun events were popping up ALL THE TIME!
To be in the body I wanted to be in, I needed to learn how to have an amazing time at social events AND stick to my plan.
Have fun AND eat well.
This was challenging at first because I felt like any restriction was not fun.
Now I know better. Now I know that overall is way more fun when I feel like myself in my body, and feel in control of my eating and drinking.
This is what you will learn in this episode, best of luck!
I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:06):
Matt, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast
for women who want to loseweight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode85 celebrating and partying and
enjoying life and not derailingyour health goals. This podcast
(01:14):
is going to come out the week ofFourth of July, if you are here
in the United States. But thepodcast really does apply to
everyone all over the world. Iknow I have a lot of listeners
that are not in the UnitedStates, and so this very much
applies to you as well. I almostnamed this podcast something
about Fourth of July, but I'mlike, No, I don't want anyone
out of the United States tothink it doesn't apply, because
I promise you, this is going tobe a very relevant podcast,
(01:37):
especially as we are officiallyin summer. And I don't know
about you, I have an extremelybusy July, a very, very fun
July. We literally have twoweddings. I have two, like,
like, long four or five daytrips out of town. And then
there's Fourth of July. On topof it, it is going to be a very
busy and very, very fun month.
And here's what I want to tellyou it is possible to have the
(02:00):
most amazing time ever andcontinue to make progress
towards your goals, whether yourgoals are weight loss, weight
maintenance, strength, movement,good, sleep, journaling,
meditation, whatever it is, itis possible, extremely possible,
for you to keep going, even withtons of fun happening, let me
(02:22):
explain to you what it used tobe like for me. I felt like when
I was at home with my family. Idid pretty well. I worked out I
was in a routine. Everything wasgreat, but if I went to San
Francisco for a wedding, we'regoing in a few weeks, I could
not be more excited. So if Iwent to a weekend away for a
wedding, if we went to uppedcamping, if we had a party to go
(02:45):
to, maybe it was a two dayparty, it was a house boating
thing, anything like that, Iwould derail and then,
unfortunately, I don't know ifyou feel this way too, I would
derail from my goals. I wouldkind of give all in. But then I
would come home, and it wouldtake me almost like 345, days to
even get back on track. It wasalmost like I needed a vacation
(03:07):
from my vacation. That is a realthing. Do you know what I mean?
It just really was a mess. Ithis was part of the reason I
was always stopping andstarting. And so I'm hoping
right now you're like, Oh myGod, yes, me too, because I know
so many of my clients strugglewith this. We feel like we are
always stopping and starting,and part of the reason is
because we have all these funevents. And so here is the next
(03:27):
layer of part of the problem. Itis our thinking about the
connection between fun andeating and drinking, or fun and
eating, drinking, moving yourbody. There is an idea, and I
very much used to subscribe tothis, where it's like, in order
to really have the most fun, Ihad to completely go off all of
(03:48):
my healthy ways of living. Ireally did think in order to
have the most optimal fun Iwould have to partake in what
most everyone else was doing,and what most everyone else was
doing is going all in on thefood and drink. And I would roll
in hot to a barbecue or a longweekend with this attitude of,
kind of like, We'll see, we'llsee what they have available.
(04:12):
We'll see if I feel like workingout, we'll see what the plan is.
And you know when you're saying,We'll see, you're just you're
running with your primitivebrain. So we'll see never, never
ends up working out for you. Younever go we'll see what happens.
And eat really well and work outeven harder. We that just
doesn't happen. So I did notreally think I could enjoy
(04:34):
myself unless I was saying yesto all the food and drink. I'm
going to say that again, becauseI think this is a problem for so
many people. I really did notthink I could totally enjoy
myself unless I was saying yesto all the food and drink. And I
know this way of thinking is socommon, because as I have
started eating and drinking andmoving, my body on vacation
(04:54):
differently, people are oftensurprised or they will make
common.
Comments about my choices. Youknow, I hear often you're not
drinking, oh my gosh, why? OrI'll hear you don't want the
cake. Why? Why? Why don't youwant the cake? Or, like, live a
little or, oh my gosh, it's,it's, it's Fourth of July, it's
Valentine's Day. It doesn'treally matter. It doesn't count.
(05:17):
Or I'll hear comments like, youwent for a run this weekend. Oh
my gosh, it's a long weekend.
Just relax, or I'll hear thisone. I hear a lot like you're
going to bed now, like, what'swrong? What's wrong? First of
all, as I go through this and asI talk to you about some of the
things I do, please know I'm notsaying do what I do. I will say
this, think the way I think. Butwhen it comes to doing, I want
(05:40):
you to do the way you want todo. I don't drink. You might
want to drink you might possiblywant to drink less. A lot of my
listeners, a lot of my clients,would like to feel more in
control of drinking, and theywould like to drink less. But as
I'm telling you some of mystrategies, they am using myself
as an example. I love beingcompletely vulnerable and
authentic. I think it'sinspiring to hear someone just
(06:00):
say the struggles that they'vehad and the way they live, but
it doesn't mean live exactly howI'm living, but I would suggest
you to think the way I thinkthat that's what I want you to
to realize is the most importantthing. The most important thing
is you start changing the wayyou think about these fun events
that are happening in your life.
(06:21):
And I think if you are inAmerica, then Fourth of July, if
you have some fun plans, this isgoing to be an amazing
opportunity for you to, like,put this all into practice. And
then, then again, if you're inanywhere else in the world, I
know you are a fun woman, andyou've got other fun things
coming up for you. So let thatbe your experiment to think if
you can think differently aboutthat event. So it's important to
(06:44):
remember, if you start livinghealthier in any way, people are
going to question it, but theyoftentimes won't question the
opposite. So if you go and youjust eat all the things and
drink all the things and youjust don't worry about anything,
you're probably not going to getanyone saying something to you.
You're not going to get anyonesaying, Oh, wow. You've had a
lot of chips. Like, I mean, dowe really need that much
(07:06):
guacamole? No, you're not goingto have that. You're not going
to get anyone saying, Did youwork out today? Because I know
that you have a lot of goals,and I just want to make sure
you're really, you know, youknow, staying true to yourself.
No one's going to say that toyou. No one's going to say, Wow,
Margarita, there's a lot ofcalories in Margarita. Maybe you
should, you know, stick with thevodka soda like people don't do
(07:29):
that. But man, do they questionthe opposite? Man, do they
question anything that we couldlist as a healthy choice in the
world will be questioned. And soif you are a people pleaser,
that you have some extra work todo, because this makes it a
little hard. If you go on Fourthof July and you say, You know
what I am gonna have, I'll tellyou. One of my girlfriends this
(07:52):
weekend, we did a house bothhouse boating trip. And one of
the things she did was she didalcohol and then club soda
alcohol in the club she backedhim like every other one. I'm
like, Oh my God, that's such abrilliant strategy. I never did
that. Such a good idea. And thenshe's also hydrating herself,
you know, such a great idea. AndI don't think anyone questioned
her at all. I don't even know ifpeople knew she was doing it.
However, this is one of thosethings that you do historically
(08:14):
in our society, and people willquestion you on it, like, why
are you drinking a club soda inbetween? Like, what does it
matter? People will questionyou, and you might hear that and
go, it's no big deal. But thereare many people, many women I
work with, where even to bequestioned can be really hard.
It makes you think, oh my god,they think I'm doing it wrong,
or, oh my god, they think that Ithink I'm better. Or they, they,
you know, I feel guilty becausethey think that I'm doing a
(08:37):
better job than them. Any kindof questioning in society is
pretty common if you don't eatthe appetizer. Why? If you
decide just to have a littlebit, why? And for some people,
being questioned can be reallyhard, so just be on the lookout
for that. That is your work todo, and it's very, very simple,
not as easy, not always easy,but very simple. Can you let it
(09:01):
feel awkward? Can you let itfeel hard? Can you answer the
question, whatever way you feelcalled to answer the question
and let it be okay that you'rechoosing something that other
people have thoughts about. SoI'm going to give you some
strategies, some of mystrategies to celebrating and
partying and enjoying lifewithout derailing my health
goals. But all of thesestrategies come from my strong
(09:24):
belief that I can have anamazing time at any event and
continue my progress to mygoals. And so what do I mean
specifically, specifically, likeI I believe I can have the best
time ever if I don't eat all thefood I have so many people that
I've talked to that feel thisneed to taste all of the things,
like they have to taste all ofit, but you don't have to. You
(09:47):
actually cannot taste all of it.
You can look over it and go,Okay, what actually looks
amazing, and anything that justlooks kind of no big deal. I
don't have to taste it. Youdon't have to put everything on
your plate. I remember that wasa huge awakening for me.
Eat. Gosh, it was years ago withThanksgiving dinner. There's
certain parts of Thanksgivingdinner that I don't love, and I
remember just thinking, I guessI don't have to eat this one
(10:10):
salad, like my mom makes this.
Everyone loves it. My mom makesthis beaded salad with, like,
marshmallows and stuff. And Inever really liked it, but it
never occurred to me until justa few years ago that I don't
have to eat it at all. I'mhoping you resonate with that,
because for me, it was an Aha. Iwas standing there going, I
really don't want this. And thenall sudden I thought, why am I
getting it? And then all like,Oh my God, why do I feel like I
need to put everything on myplate? Why do I feel like
(10:33):
everything needs to berepresented? It's possible
that's from childhood. I know alot of times I think that my
parents would be like, yep, geta little bit of everything. It
was just kind of what we did.
But all of a sudden I'm like, Idon't like that. I don't like
green bean casserole. I don'twant to I don't like these
little rolls that come in, likea 50 pack at raleys, and they're
(10:53):
kind of been sitting out for alittle bit. And I, you know, if
I'm eating bread, it's not thisrole, you know. So you don't
have to taste all of it. Youdon't have to eat all of it. And
this, I'm going to say,especially for those of you that
come from a culture where foodis your love language, this is
going to be hard for you,because I know when you go to a
(11:14):
lot of weddings and reunions andparties, all of your family
disagrees with everything I'msaying right now, they believe
that a big part of the point ofall of it is the food.
And I'm not saying it doesn'thave to be the food. I'm just
saying we don't have to overindulge in the food. We don't
have to eat all of the food. Wedon't have to get so stuffed
(11:35):
that we're like regretting atthe end of the night. And for
some cultures, that's like alove language thing. It's like,
kind of what you do, you do, youfill your plate, then you fill
your plate again, and you eatbecause your Aunt Margaret made
something, and she knows it'syour favorite, and we have to
eat it so you don't have youactually don't have to. Now that
you're an adult and you actuallyhave sovereignty over your
choices, what I believe now is Ican have so much fun even if I
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don't drink. And for you, thismight be even if you don't drink
for you, it might be even if youdrink less. Can you believe that
you can have so much fun? Ibelieve that I don't have to
stay up as late as everyone elsedoes. In fact, I'm so excited
because we're going to thisamazing wedding in San Francisco
with so many people that I love,like so many people I love are
(12:20):
going to be at this wedding.
It's going to be so fun. And Ispecifically told my husband,
Please, God, get us areservation like the hotel, like
at the venue, because you knowme, boo, like you know me. And
he goes, Oh, I know. I didn'teven have to say it. He knows
that I'll probably stay up laterthan normal, but I will be the
first to leave and go up to myroom, and he will stay and hang
(12:41):
out with everybody, and so Idon't have to stay up as late as
everyone else. And I might do alittle Irish goodbye. I might
just kind of peace out and,like, tell my husband, give him
a little wink and leave,possibly, knowing I might see
everyone at breakfast the nextmorning, because I don't want to
have people what, where are yougoing? Where are you going? But
I really believe now I can haveso much fun, even if I don't
stay up as late as everyoneelse. I'll tell you what feels
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amazing is waking up the nextday, feeling rested, feeling
good, feeling proud of mychoices. So the last one I'll
say is I feel like I could havean amazing time. If I wake up
early and go for a walk or a runbefore everyone else is awake
for years and years and years,we would have a house guest. We
have a lot of house guests. Wehave a lot of fun, amazing
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people in our lives that love tocome stay with us. I love it.
There are sometimes we have somany people that I'm like, oh my
god, I think we need a weekendalone. That's how often we have
them. But I love it. And nothingis fancy about my house. It's
just we're casual and we're fun,and me make food and all the
things. But for years and years,I would not wake up and go for a
run or something, because Iwould worry that, oh well, what
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if they wake up and I'm gone, orwhat if they wake up and then I
come in and they're like, where?
Why were you running when I'mhere and you should have asked
me to go with you, or you shouldhave, I just had all these
thoughts that were not servingme. And now my thought is I'm
going to wake up and go for awalk or a run or to the gym
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whenever I want to. Now, ifsomeone said I'd love to go with
you, oh my god. More you're morethan welcome to come with me.
But I know that that is what Iam doing for me, and I'm not
worried about what anyone elsethinks about it. And to me, that
creates more fun and a moreamazing weekend. I do this when
I'm on vacation now too, I willbe like, Okay, how can I get my
movement in? I know this is theplan for what everyone is doing
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now. What can I do for myself?
So before I learned really tomanage my mind, I was always a
bit nervous for a lot of funevents coming up. If I was
rolling into July with so muchgoing on, like five years ago, I
would have been anxious, becauseI would have known that I all of
a sudden, would have thrown inthe towel, and then with so many
back to back events, I wouldhave ended July at the very
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least five pounds up, right,which doesn't feel good, because
not only my five pounds up, I'mending every day bloated. I.
I'm talking negatively tomyself. I'm I'm justifying
things. I'm not living the way Iwant to live. So it's always
more than just weight loss. It'sit's I would end the month not
only heavier. I would end themonth frustrated with myself
(15:14):
that, why couldn't I do it?
Oh, it makes me emotionalthinking about it, that I would
always think that, like, God,why couldn't I? Why can't I do
this? And then again, again inAugust, I would start again. I'm
gonna go out on a diet. I'mgonna cut out all flour and
sugar. It was exhausting. Now Ibelieve that I'm not worried
about a thing, because I know Ican have the best time ever
(15:36):
while making progress to mygoals, take a moment to think
about what you normally do. It'sreally powerful to think about
how you normally would act in asituation. So let's just if
you're in America, take Fourthof July. What if you're out of
America? Take the next fun eventthat's coming for you. I know
you've got one planned. Whatwould you normally do? I'm just
(15:59):
going to give you a moment tothink. Even pause the episode. I
love asking you to pause,because then you're really like
doing the work. You're not justlistening, you're applying it to
you. What would you normally do?
So for me, Fourth of July yearsago, I would wake up and instead
of getting a workout in, I wouldjustify that I couldn't get a
workout in because I had toomuch food prep to do, and I had
to clean and wash sheets and doall these things. And then
(16:20):
again, this also goes back towhat was I doing the day before?
I wasn't preparing, so I wouldhave time to work out. So this
is a whole mental strategythat's going to really help you
do better. So I would wake up, Iwould start cooking and do all
the things, and I would end uphaving more time on my hands,
because people usually didn'teven get here till like, two
o'clock, and I would make tonsof delicious food, and I would
(16:42):
kind of plan on like, Well, I'mnot going to eat all this, but
the kids love it, and ourfriends love it. And I would
just justify that I wasn'tworried, because I'm sure I
would do fine. And I don't evenknow what I thought that would
meant. I'm sure I would do fine.
I don't even know. There was noplan. So when I think about
taking when I take a moment tothink about think about what I
(17:03):
normally did, what I normallydid was I did not plan. There
was no plan. The plan was, let'ssee. And anytime we are running
from the plan of, let's see.
What you're telling yourself is,I'm gonna let my primitive
brain, I'm gonna let myprimitive brain decide in the
moment what it wants. Soremember that any time, and
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especially for you, if you're inmy program, because this is one
of the things that happens a lotof times, especially on
weekends, especially at events,my clients will say, Ah, I
forgot to make a protocol.
Anytime you don't make a plan, aprotocol, whatever it is you are
saying, I am going to let myprimitive brain decide what it
wants. And we know what ourprimitive brain wants. Our
(17:47):
primitive brain wants to sit asmuch as possible, drink alcohol.
If you drink alcohol as much aspossible, eat all of the food as
much as possible. It wants us togive excuses like this is what
it's about. It's Fourth of July,for God's sakes right? That's
our primitive brain. It's awedding, right? My primitive
(18:08):
brain is going to be telling me,because your primitive brain
never stops. You've heard me saythat before at this amazing
wedding, my primitive brain isgoing to say it doesn't matter
what you eat or drink, becauseyou have not seen these people.
There's some of these peoplethat I'm going to see that I
have not seen in years, and alot of people are going to be
drinking and and eating all thethings. So it's going to be my
primitive brain is going to betelling me, hey, Courtney, it
(18:29):
doesn't matter. But I now know.
Oh no, no, no, primitive brain,we've got a plan. We've got a
plan.
I'm not worried about it at all.
Now that, you know, okay, thisis what I normally would do,
why? What was the thoughtdriving that behavior? And I
have a feeling that your thoughtis probably, probably it's an
unconscious thought, but nowthat I'm asking you to think
(18:51):
about it, it's like, that's fun,all of those, the ways I used to
act, eat and drink and move,that's fun. It's relaxing, it's
deserving. It's what everyoneelse is doing. And so here is my
question to you, do you want togive a try having so much fun
and also not derailing yourgoals?
(19:15):
Do you want to try having somuch fun and making progress
with your goals and being reallyproud of yourself after it is
possible. So decide what youwant to believe about fun
events, you know, put it in yourown words and have it be
something that sounds kind ofpositive. Not like, not like
something like, uh, I believethat I don't have to eat like a
(19:38):
jerk again, like, nothing likethat. But like, what do you want
to believe in a positive wayabout what's possible for you in
terms of the fun of the events,and start to consider how you
could do better than you have inthe past? Now, here's the
slippery slope I don't want youto get into. I don't want you
thinking, Okay, I'm gonna go tofourth of July. I'm not.
(20:00):
Gonna drink, I'm not gonna haveany dessert. I'm going to only
have chicken, barbecued chicken,and fruit.
That's just not a great place tostart. I think that you'd
probably be pretty miserabledoing that. So what I would love
for you to do is consider howyou could do better in the past
(20:20):
not perfect, because in ourstriving for perfection, a lot
of times we end up losing it. Italked about this on the podcast
last week. We end up kind oflosing it and then going all in
and getting like this doesn'twork. This is horrible. I'm out.
How can you do better? Ifeveryone all over the world just
got good at doing better andbetter and better, they would
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start making progress, and theywould get better at all of this,
and they would take their healthand their body and their life to
an amazing level that they'venever experienced before.
Consider how you could do betterthan you have in the past, and
don't make it too big. A lot ofamazing progress can be made
starting slow. Here's what Iwould rather happen for you. I
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would rather you take a look atwhat you normally would do and
just do slightly better. If youare the kind of person that on
Fourth of July, you drink allday, and maybe you have five
cocktails. Can you have four?
And then can you after thatfourth just decide that you're
then going to have mocktails?
Now you might be thinking, well,what is that going to do for me?
(21:27):
I'll tell you exactly whatthat's going to do for you in
terms of the scale, nothing inthe in the in the meantime, in
the moment, nothing probably interms of the scale. But overall,
what that's going to do for youis it's going to make you go, I
did it, and that is going tostart changing your self
concept.
You've heard me talk a lot aboutself concept. It matters so
(21:48):
much. What you believe you'recapable of is everything. And so
if you can get good at going,I'm going to have one less
drink, and then I'm going toswitch to club soda, or then I'm
going to switch to a nonalcoholic beer. So powerful. If
you can say, You know what,here's what, I'm not going to
eat. I'm going to have this,this and this, but this year I'm
not going to have the chips andguacamole, or this year I'm not
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going to have the garlic bread,and then you do it at the end of
the day. Again,it doesn't necessarily mean
you're going to lose a pound,but what it's going to mean is
you have now honed the skill ofkeeping a promise to yourself,
which is a self concept, upleveling, because if you can do
that, then what else can you do?
And then what else can you andthen what else can you do? So
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instead of trying to be perfectand then giving in, because
being trying to be perfect is sohard, and then you end up eating
all the things, what if youactually just did better? And at
the end of the night you say, Idid it. I did it. Now, what else
can I do? Then what's going tohappen is the next time you roll
into the next event, you'regoing to go, I did it before.
How can I do even a littlebetter? And now, how can I do
(22:56):
even a little better? And thisis very future focused,
longevity type ofchange, but it's the change that
sticks.
And then I'm gonna ask you dothis, if you have this plan, and
you set a plan for yourself todo better, and you don't ask
yourself, why? What was thethought that got in the way? And
if you haven't already come upwith the thought that really has
(23:19):
been kind of the thought thathasn't been serving you. Mine
was always, I can't have fun andeat healthy at the same time,
you will find it there, becausewhat happened if you didn't do
well? There was a thought thatcame up in that moment that made
you not do well. And so maybeit's everyone else is doing it,
and I can't handle them lookingat me and commenting. It feels
too hard. That's it. So we knowwhat that thought is, that's
(23:43):
your work. Or maybe it's, thisisn't fun if I stop drinking,
that's your work. Maybe it's I'mgonna feel bad if I don't have
this person's appetizer. That'syour work. So decide what you
want to believe about fun eventsand start to consider how you
could do better, not perfect,than you have done in the past.
(24:03):
One thing that really helped meover the years was I would just
get inspired by women around me.
I call it inspiration, butsometimes in the moment, it was
more of a curiosity, sometimesit was even a judgment. But
someone would be doing somethingthat I didn't think was possible
for me, and it would make mepause. And I always like to say
that, like if something kind ofintrigued you, or you even feel
(24:25):
kind of triggered by it, or ifit makes you pause, or it makes
you go, huh? That is somethingthat you want to consider. You
might want to do yourself.
Oftentimes, we sometimes negateit, or think that's weird. I
can't do that, or whatever, butI would always bring it back to,
what about this is speaking tome, whether it's judgment, why
(24:46):
am I having the judgment? Whatis it? Because I don't think
that it's available for me. Idon't think I could ever do
that. Or if it's like, oh, Idon't feel like I have time for
that, but they're having timefor that. And really, really,
um, dive into it and see what itis. A.
That judgment or and I call itinspiration, because even if
it's judgment, it isinspiration. So over the years,
I have had people in my life,whether they're good friends or
(25:08):
just acquaintances. There havebeen times where I've been like,
huh, and it stuck with me. Sothis is an opportunity for you
to think of. Have there beentimes where someone has done
something that you're like, Huh?
That's a good idea. Like I justtalked about my friend having, I
don't know what she wasdrinking, but wine or something,
and then a club soda. It's like,oh, you might go, huh. That is
intriguing, or, Oh, I don'tknow, and maybe dive into it.
Maybe it's something you want togive a try. So over the years, I
(25:31):
remember one time, one of mygood friend's wife, he was
talking about how they came homefrom a trip, and it was like,
six o'clock, and she like, shesaid, she begged him. She said,
Please, before we like, unloadthe car. Or, I think she even
said, Can you unload the car byyourself? I have to go for a
run. And I remember him tellingme that, and I was like, so
What? What? What was like? Whatis happening? Because I am an
(25:53):
early morning workout person.
For me, it is very hard for meto work in workout, and later in
the day I can go for a walk. Butother than that, it's just
tough. And I know myself, it'sjust tough. And so hearing this
just totally inspired me. I waslike, really? And he said, Yeah,
even if it's raining, sometimesyou'll go out there, and I'm
like, amazing. Now this doesn'tnecessarily mean I started doing
(26:16):
that, but what it made me reallythink of is, oh, I can ask my
husband if he would support mein sometimes having him take
over some of the work so I couldget my workout in, even if that
means early in the day, even ifthat means, hey, I know you were
going to go pick up this person,or we were going to go pick up
this person from the airport orwhatever, but I really want to
(26:38):
get a workout into the morning.
Do you mind going alone? Like itopened up things for me. It
opened up opportunities for me.
It really inspired me. I, overthe years, have before I ever
stopped drinking, I would havefriends that didn't drink, and
I'd be like, huh, reallyfascinating. And I would think,
I don't know that I want to dothat, but it kind of made me go,
(26:59):
Hmm. I wonder what that would belike. Would it be as much fun if
it wouldn't? Why wouldn't it?
You know, would I feel awkwardnot having a drink in my hand?
Could I have a mocktail in myhand? Would I feel like people
would question me? And what Ihave problems with that? It just
opened up some curiosity in me.
I've had friends that have beenintermittent, fasters,
(27:21):
especially when on vacation. Iremember I had a friend that
told me that she was, yeah, oneof the things I do, just to kind
of control, like, as manycalories from eating out on
vacation, is I will intermittentfast. And I remember just being
like that is a great idea. Andthis was way before I ever did
intermittent fasting. And Iintermittent fast a few times a
week. And so now when I go onvacation, I often will do that.
(27:42):
I do love breakfast. It's one ofmy favorite meals of the day.
But oftentimes I willintermittent fast on vacation
where I'll have really, mostlylike, two meals. It just helps
me, especially when I'm eatingout, because when we eat out,
there's just so much more butterand sugar and salt and
everything on the food. So Ireally like to be able to do
that. I've always worked out onweekends, but I remember, I had
(28:06):
a friend that worked out reallyhard, even when she was on
vacation. This is years ago. AndI was like, but what if, like,
the hotel, like, what if you'reat a VRBO and there's no gym,
and she's like, well, then Ijust get a day pass to, like, a
local gym. And again, I waslike, you like that noise I keep
making. You're probably annoyedby it, but I was like, it just
really stumped me. It had neveroccurred to me. It had never
(28:26):
occurred to me that I could goanywhere in the world and go to
a local gym and say I'd like aday pass, or I'd like a three
day pass. It never occurred tome. And so hopefully, if that's
never occurred to you, I thisinspires you. You can be
anywhere in the world, or, evenbetter, if you're, especially if
you're somewhere beautiful orfun. You know, when we go down
to San Luis Obispo, I will runor walk outside, and I will
(28:50):
lunge while I'm doing it. I'll,I'll stop on the pavement, and
I'll do my push ups, especiallyif it's early in the morning,
there's not tons of peoplearound. It makes, makes it a
little easier. But, yeah, I workout hard on vacations and
weekends. Consider some waysthat you could do better. And
maybe this is a goal that youwant to make for July. You know,
(29:11):
for a lot of people, when theystart having a lot of events
coming up, they kind of almostgo, You know what? We're going
to start getting control of thisin August, they automatically
just kind of give up ahead oftime. But what if you didn't
this year? What if you didn'tgive up ahead of time this year
and you actually got better, andyou rolled into August actually
(29:31):
better than you ever have? Whata great place to be.
So start to notice if someone isliving in a way that intrigues
you, and know that this meansthat is also available to you.
Now your primitive brain isgoing to tell you reasons why
it's not available to you. Maybeit's because you have young kids
and they don't, or they havemore money than you do, or they
(29:53):
have more time, or they havemore willpower. Our primitive
brain likes to give us lots ofexcuses, but I promise you, you
are.
Capable of so much more thanyou've ever done before, even if
you've done well, even if youfeel like you're doing really
well, you are capable of so muchmore. I'm always telling myself,
I'm just getting started, I'mcapable of so much more. So
(30:13):
let's talk about what is normalin society. What is normal in
society is dieting orrestricting up to an event and
then going totally off plan atthe event. I mean, I think the
biggest example we can think ofis people's weddings is when
they diet, diet, diet, diet,because they want to look a
certain way in their weddingdress. And for many people,
(30:35):
often they go to their honeymoonand then it's like, Oh, thank
God. Not only is the diet over,but there's so much fatigue in
the wedding planning and allthat that has been, you know,
taking up in their life, so thenthey really deserve to eat and
drink all the things and layaround on their honeymoon. That
really is normal in society. Orwhat's also normal in society is
(30:57):
you've got a big vacation comingup, so you diet up until the
vacation, and then you kind ofput that weight back on while
you're on vacation, becauseyou're eating and drinking and,
quote, unquote, really enjoyingyourself on vacation. But what
if we did this differently? Iwant to invite you to think of
it differently, because I feellike it's changed my life. I
look over my fun July and I knowat the end of it, I'm not going
(31:19):
to be weighing more. I'm notgoing to be feeling like I have
to restart anything with myfitness or anything, because I
am going to be incorporating allof it into all of it, all of it
into all of it, all of myhealth, into all the fun. And it
makes it all so much more fun.
And so right now I'm already I'mnot nervous about any of it. I'm
going to feel like I look mybest and feel my best at all of
(31:42):
it. I'm going to sleep wellthroughout all of it. I'm going
to move well and get strongerthroughout all of it. And I'm
going to inspire the shit out ofmyself throughout all of it. One
of the things that I I used toreally hate was this constant, I
don't know, we'll see, and theneating like a crazy person, and
drinking sometimes like a crazyperson, and then going to bed,
(32:05):
not sleeping well, shamingmyself, and then the next day
saying, Well, we have an eventcoming up. I'm going to do so
much better at that event. Imean, it was, it was it was
crazy town. It was crazy talkthis whole like, I'm going to do
better. I'm going to do better.
And really, what that says isshame on me. Shame on me. It
really is a mental whipping ofsorts. Look out for all or none,
(32:29):
thinking like I'm going to eatreally well up into this event
so I can really enjoy myself atthe event. And I want to give
you a few strategies that I usefor when we go into these
events, whatever they are,barbecue, wedding, out of town,
European trip, whatever. I'mgonna give you some strategies.
But again, remember, thesestrategies don't work unless you
have the mindset that that I'vebeen talking about, this
(32:51):
mindset, that I can have anamazing time and not derail
myself and stick to my what Itruly desire for myself. But the
first strategy I'm going to talkabout, I've talked about before
on the podcast, is it'srealizing that all of these
events, I already told you, allthe events I have coming up in
July, all of those events havenothing to do with food, nothing
(33:13):
to do with food, nothing to dowith drinking.
All of these events Fourth ofJuly, San Francisco wedding. We
have another wedding at the endof the month. We have going to
San Luis to visit my son. Wehave all these things coming up,
coming up. They have nothing todo with food and drink. They
have everything to do with thepeople and the environments I'm
(33:34):
in. And I know that that soundsso obvious, but isn't it
interesting that most of thetime we don't say that walking
into an event, this event, isabout me connecting with this
person. We are thinking aboutwhat we're going to eat, what
we're going to drink. Yes, I'llhave a drink. Oh, you know, Oh,
whatever. And then we and thenwe kind of almost, a lot of
times, black out, like we don'tthink about the food and drink
(33:55):
because we don't want to beaccountable. But when I'm
walking into these events, andI'm thinking about each of them
in my head and the people thatare going to be there. I think
of this Fourth of July. Mygirlfriend Meg is going to be
there. My girlfriend Terry isgoing to be there. And I just
spent some time with Meg thislast weekend, but I didn't get
enough of her. So I can't waitto sit and be like, tell me
everything. Tell me everythingthat's going on with your life.
(34:16):
And she's gonna have her son.
And I can't wait to spend theday with a four year old. By the
end of the day, I want him in mylap. It's whatever it takes. I
want to cut all the shit out ofthat kid. And my girlfriend,
Terry, I have not seen inmonths. I can't wait to connect
with her, and I know those twowomen are going to love each
other. That is what Fourth ofJuly is about. For me, yeah,
there's going to be guys there,my husband, my kids, all the
things, but for me, that's whatI'm deciding going in. And
(34:39):
there's going to be somedelicious food there, and I'll
talk about how I'm going tohandle that in a moment. But
that is what it is. SanFrancisco. There is more than
enough people. I could list off15 people right now that I can't
wait to hug and hang out with.
It is not about anything exceptfor being with those people and
listening to them and makingthem feel loved and asking all
about them and sharing.
(35:00):
About my kids and all of thethings at the end of our lives.
We are not going to look back tothese events and think about
whether we had a jalapenopopper. Is that what it's called
a jalapeno I'm going to makethose on on for Fourth of July
help and yeah, Jalapeno Popper,that is going to be irrelevant.
It is going to be about thepeople. So that is the biggest
(35:20):
takeaway here. But let me giveyou some other strategies that
I've used and my clients haveused to help themselves get
better at this. When you'retraveling, bring a piece of
fruit or jerky or a bar, try tomake it a bar that actually has
very small amount ofingredients. If you look at
like, there's a lot of granolabars and all these kind of bars
(35:41):
and and I'm not promoting anycertain kind, but there are.
There's many that if you lookthere is a list of ingredients,
try to find one that has lessingredients. It's just it's got
to be better if it has lessingredients. So bring a bar or
jerky when you travel, or apiece of fruit when you travel.
Now, the plan isn't to eat thisfruit for sure, or the bar, or
(36:01):
the truck, whatever it is, theplan isn't to eat this thing.
It's a just in case. It's a justin case you actually can't find
something that's healthy in theairport. It's a just in case
you're so hungry on the planethat it's probably a better idea
than pretzels. It's a just incase the group doesn't know
where they want to go to lunch,and everyone's waiting, and you
(36:22):
actually start feeling legitnauseous. So it doesn't mean you
need to bring a bar for everysingle day, and then you're
eating that on top of everythingelse, that's how I think a lot
of people actually go over ontheir calories. Is they eat a
bar and they're like, Oh, it's asnack, just in case, but they
eat it every single day. No, no.
It's just in case. It's just incase, because you don't have as
much control as you do whenyou're in your own home. So
(36:44):
that's one thing I always loveto do. If I'm traveling, I'm
traveling in the middle of themonth, gonna go to North
Carolina, and I will take a barwith me, just in case I feel
like I can't find food and I'mfeeling sick. It's okay if I'm a
little hungry. I can hold alittle hungry, no problem. But
if I start actually feelingsick, I will do that. If I start
getting headachy, considereating less meals. When you
(37:06):
travel, that's it. Considereating less meals. We all are
getting way more food than weactually need that one's pretty
straightened to the point decidein advance how you will move
your body. I never used to dothis. I always used to go either
on a long weekend or even to myin laws house or something, and
I never really had a plan. Andnow I create a plan on purpose
(37:26):
ahead of time, am I going to buya day pass at a gym? Am I going
to use their treadmill? Am Igoing to be outside? What is the
weather? What clothes do I needto bring in order to make sure
this happens? When am I going todo it? Because I know that our
schedule is kind of flexible,would the morning time be
better? So I create a plan, aprotocol, actually, for how I'm
(37:47):
going to move my body ahead oftime
it buy a gym pass. I kind ofalready talked about the gym
pass, but like that is a nobrainer, especially since so
many people are staying in vrbosand Airbnbs, buy a local gym
pass. If you can't for somereason, get out and walk or run,
then totally buy a gym pass.
Here's the best one. Create aprotocol, either for the event
(38:09):
or for the day. Now a protocolis basically just decide ahead
exactly what you're going toeat. Now, many people are going
to say, well, I don't know. Idon't know where we're going to
be eating. So first of all,question, is that true? For
example, when we go down toslow, there's my favorite
restaurant in I say slow. It'sSan Luis Obispo, where my son
(38:31):
goes to college. When we go downthere, my favorite restaurant to
go to is this restaurant calledlure. It's just like a fish
house. Not only is the foodgood, but the atmosphere is
amazing. So I love going there.
So I know if we're going thereand we're not meeting a bunch of
people, my we will go there. Wewill go there. And so I know
(38:52):
what is on the menu already. SoI make a decision, and I'll tell
you something when I go there.
The decision is, I am havingbread because the bread is
amazing there. So I will make adecision of how much bread I'm
going to have, because I have ahuge capacity for eating chips
and bread. And if I don't make aplan ahead of time, I could
easily eat five baskets and belike, what is happening? Oh, my
(39:12):
meal just came. I don't actuallyneed it, because I just eat five
baskets, five baskets of bread.
And so I make a plan ahead oftime, and then I'm sitting there
and I know what the plan is. Ifyou're going to a wedding or
party and you don't know exactlywhat the food is going to be, at
the very least, your plan couldbe what you're not going to eat.
(39:32):
Consider that, what are you notgoing to eat? Oftentimes, we
tell ourselves we don't knowwhat's going to be available
when, if we're radically honest,if someone would hold a gun to
our head, we can really come upwith what's probably going to be
available. And so make a plan.
If you are going to the weddingand you are going to drink, make
a drinking plan, not only howmuch you're going to have, but
(39:53):
then, what's your plan forafter? Is it going to be a club
soda? Is it going to be a water?
What are.
Going to throw a stick of gum inyour mouth and not drink
anything. Make a plan. And ifyou're in my program, you know
this, that what is going tohappen after you get there and
you have your plan, yourprimitive brain is going to tell
you your plan is not a greatidea. And can you actually allow
(40:18):
the negative emotion that comesup? And this is an obstacle for
most people. This is what getsin the way for most people,
because all of a sudden, whenthey have that plan, and if it's
too restrictive, they feel likethis isn't going to be fun if I
have to work that plan. So ifthis is your first time for
Fourth of July, make it doable.
Make it a little better thanyou've done before, so you can
(40:41):
win at this, and then when youwin, you can do a little better
and a little better and a littlebetter.
But there will be negativeemotion that will come up, and
it's going to start with, like,uh, I don't want to do this
thoughts, and then you're goingto feel a little resentful, a
(41:03):
little possibly angry, a littlepossible frustrated in the
moment. Can you allow thosefeelings? Can you allow those
feelings? Can you take a moment,whether you go to the restroom
or go to your purse reallyquick, and put some lipstick on
and just sit there and say, oh,there it is. Courtney said this
would happen. I'm feeling alittle resentful, like towards
(41:25):
myself for making this stupidplan.
But how is it possible in thatmoment? You can say, but you
know what? That's not what thisis about. Anyways. Who can I
connect with? This is thegreatest distractor. Who can I
connect with and love on rightnow that I haven't really
connected with or loved on yet.
How can I go up and say, Tell meeverything. How are you I've
been thinking about you. What'sgoing on with this? How's your
(41:48):
mom? How's your dad? A littlebit of distraction in there, a
little bit of accepting thatyou're kind of a little
resentful for yourself.
I'll tell you, this is off thesubject, but I have been on and
off coffee for a few years now.
I love black coffee. It trulymakes me happy. Talk about a
love language. I love it, but Ihave indigestion. I have GERD,
(42:08):
and it's frustrating me. I havespent 1000s and 1000s and 1000s
of dollars going to anaturopathic doctor and a
regular doctor trying to figureout all the things with this.
And so I'm sharing, just in caseyou have anything that you've
been struggling with. It's sofrustrating, right? If you have
a hormone issue or trying tofigure out your hormones or
(42:28):
thyroid or low hyperlobepressure, or whatever, it can be
so frustrating. So I'm justsharing to hopefully, hopefully
you'll resonate that I hear you.
And so one of the things he thisdoctor when I first went when I
started having this acid refluxthat would not that would not
stop. Even though I eat prettyhealthy, I don't eat a lot of
the things that trigger acidreflux. So I went to the doctor,
(42:49):
like, what is happening? This isThis is crazy. Like, I shouldn't
have this problem. And he thefirst thing he said was, go off
coffee. And I did. I went offcoffee for three months, and it
was hard at first, for sure, butI was so dedicated to fixing
this, but it really didn't work.
I've gone off gluten, eggs. Ihave, oh my goodness, I have
tried all the things. At onepoint I was off coffee, eggs,
gluten and dairy. Looking back,I don't know what I did. I don't
(43:12):
know how I did it. I'm amazing.
But anyway, so I decided to givegoing off coffee a try again,
because I'm still strugglingwith this, and I really am so
dedicated to to doing my bestjob ever to try to fix this. And
so I just, you know,reluctantly, on my own, said,
You know, I think I'm gonna gooff coffee again. Oh, good. Not
only go off coffee, go offcaffeine, because when I went
(43:35):
off coffee before I went to tea,but I've also heard that
caffeine in general can causeacid reflux. So I went off
coffee, and it was sofascinating. The first three
days, I'm fine. Now I'm aboutfive days in, but the first
three days, I had a headache,which surprised me, because I
really don't drink that muchcoffee. I thought I'd be okay,
but I definitely had, like, alow grade headache and and I was
(43:57):
very resentful. I was almostangry at myself. I was like,
What the fuck am I doing thisagain for? I already tried that.
My primitive brain was goingwild. Why are we doing this?
This is ridiculous. We alreadytried, and I just kept saying,
It's okay that I'm feelingfrustrated. It's okay that I'm
feeling resentful. I think oncethe headaches pass, I will come
(44:20):
out of this. It is okay. Iallowed the negative feelings,
and this is what most peoplewon't do, and this is what most
programs don't tell you. Theyact like, just do this, and it's
all going to be so great. WhatI'm saying is there's going to
be some negative emotion. You'regoing to be like, What the what?
Why did I say I would do this?
But can you allow the negativeemotion? And I'm going to give
(44:42):
you an analogy that is very,very powerful that I give to my
clients. Imagine that an aliencomes down from the space and
you're and says to you, like,what's happening right now? And
says to let's say this happenedto me the other day. If an
alien.
Alien would have come down to meon my first day of not having
(45:02):
coffee, I would have said, I'mpissed alien, right? Because he
was like, what's happening,right? They don't know why. I
think the aliens a man, he'ssaying to me, what's happening,
and I'm saying, I'm not well.
And he'd say, why? And I'd say,Well, first I have a headache.
And he would say, Well, whatdoes that feel like? And I said,
and I would say, Oh, this justfeels pressure, like it just
feels like, like something islike pushing on my skull. It
(45:22):
doesn't feel good. And he'd say,okay, and I'd say, and then I
feel and then I'm like, I feelresentful, I feel frustrated.
What does that feel like? Iwould say, I feel it in my
chest, it feels hot and it feelsPokey and it feels racy, and
then it feels a little bitsometimes I'll even feel a
(45:43):
little bit in my stomach. Whatdoes that feel like? It just
feels heavy. And he would lookat me and go, oh, so what's the
problem? So what is the problemhere? It's not like any time I
feel a headache that a fire allof a sudden starts somewhere in
my house, it's not like, all ofa sudden I feel anger and one of
my family members drops in fromheart attack, right? Like the
(46:07):
worst thing that's happening isan emotion, and the emotion, the
feeling in my body, is a feelingthat doesn't feel good. That's
it. The alien would look at meand say, I don't understand what
the problem is.
And so if we think about thereason we are not living in the
(46:30):
body we want to, the reason weare not up leveling our lives
like we want to, is because of alike physical feeling in our
body that we are so resistant tofeeling because we have this
primitive brain, and they'relike, no, no eat and it'll go
away, because it would. If Iwould have, on that first day,
just said, Fuck it. I'm having acup of coffee, the headache
(46:50):
would have gone away veryquickly, I would imagine, and
that feeling of frustrationwould have gone away instantly.
And if I'm at this wedding andall of a sudden I say, You know
what, I'm a little for, I don'tthink I will be, because I've
been doing this work so long,and that's the beauty of all
this. I was gonna say in aminute, is the beauty of all
this is it gets easier andeasier and easier. But let's
say, three or four years ago, Iwas at Fourth of July, and all
(47:11):
of a sudden I just decided,screw it. I'm gonna eat all the
things. And I did, instantly, Iwould be having more fun.
Instantly all that frustrationwould be gone,
but then where am I at? I'm atthe same place I've always been
going to bed frustrated, goingto bed feeling full, telling
myself I knew I couldn't do it,and just living the same life on
(47:34):
repeat. So what I'm asking is,let's think about this the way
an alien would think about this.
What is the big deal? You'refeeling a little frustrated
right now because you havedecided that you want more for
yourself than most people wantfor themselves, and it's a
little hard right now. Can youlet it be hard? And usually if
you let it be hard for a moment,and you distract yourself by
(47:56):
loving on the people around you,you can distract yourself, and
then you can say, Oh, my God,that was I had a hairy moment.
Hairy moment about 10 minutesago, but I'm really proud. And
this is what I did with thecoffee. Is I made my dandelion
tea, which is kind of to me, asclose as I can get to a caffeine
free coffee. It tastes kind oflike that. And I have, I put a
lot in there, and so I'll drinkthat. And then after I go about
(48:17):
my day, I'll think, Oh, I'm soglad I did that. I'm so glad so
make sure you tell yourself, I'mso glad I did that. I did it
because this is what is going tomake you feel like you're a
powerful woman. Oftentimes whatwe do is we negate it. So you
might say, okay, yeah, I had oneless drink and I didn't eat
(48:39):
garlic bread. But what is thatreal? I mean, I real? I mean, I
still had all this other whatdoes it matter? Now that's not
going to help you. So what youwant to do is really say, Oh,
I'm really proud of myself thatI stuck to my plan. How can I
even do better? And then Iencourage you, if you haven't
already listened to last week'spodcast, go back and listen to
listen to episode. What episodewas it? It was episode 84 and it
(49:01):
talked about a real I reallytalked about the compounding
effects of where you'll be ifyou keep doing this.
And so I'll tell you this workgets easier and easier and
easier. This fourth of July willnot be hard for me. I don't
drink now, but even all thedelicious foods, I am going to
(49:22):
make a plan ahead of time ofwhat I'm going to eat, and I
want I will eat one jalapenopopper. I love them. They're
delicious, but I'm going toreally be very aware of what I'm
eating and how I want to feeland what that Fourth of July for
me is all about. And then I'mgoing to roll right into my next
weekend in San Francisco,feeling strong and powerful,
then I'm gonna roll into NorthCarolina. I've got this. It's
(49:45):
just who I am, and that's what Iwant for you. At the end of
this, I want you to feel likeit's just who I am. I go on
vacation and I work out it'sjust who I am. I have a few
drinks, but I decide ahead oftime, and then I can stop and
sometimes.
This is a little bit hard, but Isit with the hard feeling, and
it's just who I am, and thatright there is changing your
(50:07):
self concept at a neuropath wayin your brain. This is how you
lose weight, get stronger,create new habits that are
sustainable.
Oh, my goodness, I did a 51minute podcast. You're welcome,
or I'm sorry I don't know what.
I hope you loved it. I hope youloved it. So I hope you have a
(50:30):
wonderful Fourth of July ifyou're here in the States, and
if you are anywhere else in theworld, I want you to think about
that next fun event that you arecoming up to in your life, and I
want you to be better thanyou've ever been in that event,
and have the most fun possible.
The most fun possible is showingup to an event feeling powerful,
(50:53):
feeling in control, feeling likeyou are in the body that you are
meant to be in, and just makingit all about the people. Have a
great Tuesday. If you are readyto lose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
(51:14):
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
Matt, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast
for women who want to loseweight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode85 celebrating and partying and
enjoying life and not derailingyour health goals. This podcast
(01:14):
is going to come out the week ofFourth of July, if you are here
in the United States. But thepodcast really does apply to
everyone all over the world. Iknow I have a lot of listeners
that are not in the UnitedStates, and so this very much
applies to you as well. I almostnamed this podcast something
about Fourth of July, but I'mlike, No, I don't want anyone
out of the United States tothink it doesn't apply, because
I promise you, this is going tobe a very relevant podcast,
(01:37):
especially as we are officiallyin summer. And I don't know
about you, I have an extremelybusy July, a very, very fun
July. We literally have twoweddings. I have two, like,
like, long four or five daytrips out of town. And then
there's Fourth of July. On topof it, it is going to be a very
busy and very, very fun month.
And here's what I want to tellyou it is possible to have the
(02:00):
most amazing time ever andcontinue to make progress
towards your goals, whether yourgoals are weight loss, weight
maintenance, strength, movement,good, sleep, journaling,
meditation, whatever it is, itis possible, extremely possible,
for you to keep going, even withtons of fun happening, let me
(02:22):
explain to you what it used tobe like for me. I felt like when
I was at home with my family. Idid pretty well. I worked out I
was in a routine. Everything wasgreat, but if I went to San
Francisco for a wedding, we'regoing in a few weeks, I could
not be more excited. So if Iwent to a weekend away for a
wedding, if we went to uppedcamping, if we had a party to go
(02:45):
to, maybe it was a two dayparty, it was a house boating
thing, anything like that, Iwould derail and then,
unfortunately, I don't know ifyou feel this way too, I would
derail from my goals. I wouldkind of give all in. But then I
would come home, and it wouldtake me almost like 345, days to
even get back on track. It wasalmost like I needed a vacation
(03:07):
from my vacation. That is a realthing. Do you know what I mean?
It just really was a mess. Ithis was part of the reason I
was always stopping andstarting. And so I'm hoping
right now you're like, Oh myGod, yes, me too, because I know
so many of my clients strugglewith this. We feel like we are
always stopping and starting,and part of the reason is
because we have all these funevents. And so here is the next
(03:27):
layer of part of the problem. Itis our thinking about the
connection between fun andeating and drinking, or fun and
eating, drinking, moving yourbody. There is an idea, and I
very much used to subscribe tothis, where it's like, in order
to really have the most fun, Ihad to completely go off all of
(03:48):
my healthy ways of living. Ireally did think in order to
have the most optimal fun Iwould have to partake in what
most everyone else was doing,and what most everyone else was
doing is going all in on thefood and drink. And I would roll
in hot to a barbecue or a longweekend with this attitude of,
kind of like, We'll see, we'llsee what they have available.
(04:12):
We'll see if I feel like workingout, we'll see what the plan is.
And you know when you're saying,We'll see, you're just you're
running with your primitivebrain. So we'll see never, never
ends up working out for you. Younever go we'll see what happens.
And eat really well and work outeven harder. We that just
doesn't happen. So I did notreally think I could enjoy
(04:34):
myself unless I was saying yesto all the food and drink. I'm
going to say that again, becauseI think this is a problem for so
many people. I really did notthink I could totally enjoy
myself unless I was saying yesto all the food and drink. And I
know this way of thinking is socommon, because as I have
started eating and drinking andmoving, my body on vacation
(04:54):
differently, people are oftensurprised or they will make
common.
Comments about my choices. Youknow, I hear often you're not
drinking, oh my gosh, why? OrI'll hear you don't want the
cake. Why? Why? Why don't youwant the cake? Or, like, live a
little or, oh my gosh, it's,it's, it's Fourth of July, it's
Valentine's Day. It doesn'treally matter. It doesn't count.
(05:17):
Or I'll hear comments like, youwent for a run this weekend. Oh
my gosh, it's a long weekend.
Just relax, or I'll hear thisone. I hear a lot like you're
going to bed now, like, what'swrong? What's wrong? First of
all, as I go through this and asI talk to you about some of the
things I do, please know I'm notsaying do what I do. I will say
this, think the way I think. Butwhen it comes to doing, I want
(05:40):
you to do the way you want todo. I don't drink. You might
want to drink you might possiblywant to drink less. A lot of my
listeners, a lot of my clients,would like to feel more in
control of drinking, and theywould like to drink less. But as
I'm telling you some of mystrategies, they am using myself
as an example. I love beingcompletely vulnerable and
authentic. I think it'sinspiring to hear someone just
(06:00):
say the struggles that they'vehad and the way they live, but
it doesn't mean live exactly howI'm living, but I would suggest
you to think the way I thinkthat that's what I want you to
to realize is the most importantthing. The most important thing
is you start changing the wayyou think about these fun events
that are happening in your life.
(06:21):
And I think if you are inAmerica, then Fourth of July, if
you have some fun plans, this isgoing to be an amazing
opportunity for you to, like,put this all into practice. And
then, then again, if you're inanywhere else in the world, I
know you are a fun woman, andyou've got other fun things
coming up for you. So let thatbe your experiment to think if
you can think differently aboutthat event. So it's important to
(06:44):
remember, if you start livinghealthier in any way, people are
going to question it, but theyoftentimes won't question the
opposite. So if you go and youjust eat all the things and
drink all the things and youjust don't worry about anything,
you're probably not going to getanyone saying something to you.
You're not going to get anyonesaying, Oh, wow. You've had a
lot of chips. Like, I mean, dowe really need that much
(07:06):
guacamole? No, you're not goingto have that. You're not going
to get anyone saying, Did youwork out today? Because I know
that you have a lot of goals,and I just want to make sure
you're really, you know, youknow, staying true to yourself.
No one's going to say that toyou. No one's going to say, Wow,
Margarita, there's a lot ofcalories in Margarita. Maybe you
should, you know, stick with thevodka soda like people don't do
(07:29):
that. But man, do they questionthe opposite? Man, do they
question anything that we couldlist as a healthy choice in the
world will be questioned. And soif you are a people pleaser,
that you have some extra work todo, because this makes it a
little hard. If you go on Fourthof July and you say, You know
what I am gonna have, I'll tellyou. One of my girlfriends this
(07:52):
weekend, we did a house bothhouse boating trip. And one of
the things she did was she didalcohol and then club soda
alcohol in the club she backedhim like every other one. I'm
like, Oh my God, that's such abrilliant strategy. I never did
that. Such a good idea. And thenshe's also hydrating herself,
you know, such a great idea. AndI don't think anyone questioned
her at all. I don't even know ifpeople knew she was doing it.
However, this is one of thosethings that you do historically
(08:14):
in our society, and people willquestion you on it, like, why
are you drinking a club soda inbetween? Like, what does it
matter? People will questionyou, and you might hear that and
go, it's no big deal. But thereare many people, many women I
work with, where even to bequestioned can be really hard.
It makes you think, oh my god,they think I'm doing it wrong,
or, oh my god, they think that Ithink I'm better. Or they, they,
you know, I feel guilty becausethey think that I'm doing a
(08:37):
better job than them. Any kindof questioning in society is
pretty common if you don't eatthe appetizer. Why? If you
decide just to have a littlebit, why? And for some people,
being questioned can be reallyhard, so just be on the lookout
for that. That is your work todo, and it's very, very simple,
not as easy, not always easy,but very simple. Can you let it
(09:01):
feel awkward? Can you let itfeel hard? Can you answer the
question, whatever way you feelcalled to answer the question
and let it be okay that you'rechoosing something that other
people have thoughts about. SoI'm going to give you some
strategies, some of mystrategies to celebrating and
partying and enjoying lifewithout derailing my health
goals. But all of thesestrategies come from my strong
(09:24):
belief that I can have anamazing time at any event and
continue my progress to mygoals. And so what do I mean
specifically, specifically, likeI I believe I can have the best
time ever if I don't eat all thefood I have so many people that
I've talked to that feel thisneed to taste all of the things,
like they have to taste all ofit, but you don't have to. You
(09:47):
actually cannot taste all of it.
You can look over it and go,Okay, what actually looks
amazing, and anything that justlooks kind of no big deal. I
don't have to taste it. Youdon't have to put everything on
your plate. I remember that wasa huge awakening for me.
Eat. Gosh, it was years ago withThanksgiving dinner. There's
certain parts of Thanksgivingdinner that I don't love, and I
remember just thinking, I guessI don't have to eat this one
(10:10):
salad, like my mom makes this.
Everyone loves it. My mom makesthis beaded salad with, like,
marshmallows and stuff. And Inever really liked it, but it
never occurred to me until justa few years ago that I don't
have to eat it at all. I'mhoping you resonate with that,
because for me, it was an Aha. Iwas standing there going, I
really don't want this. And thenall sudden I thought, why am I
getting it? And then all like,Oh my God, why do I feel like I
need to put everything on myplate? Why do I feel like
(10:33):
everything needs to berepresented? It's possible
that's from childhood. I know alot of times I think that my
parents would be like, yep, geta little bit of everything. It
was just kind of what we did.
But all of a sudden I'm like, Idon't like that. I don't like
green bean casserole. I don'twant to I don't like these
little rolls that come in, likea 50 pack at raleys, and they're
(10:53):
kind of been sitting out for alittle bit. And I, you know, if
I'm eating bread, it's not thisrole, you know. So you don't
have to taste all of it. Youdon't have to eat all of it. And
this, I'm going to say,especially for those of you that
come from a culture where foodis your love language, this is
going to be hard for you,because I know when you go to a
(11:14):
lot of weddings and reunions andparties, all of your family
disagrees with everything I'msaying right now, they believe
that a big part of the point ofall of it is the food.
And I'm not saying it doesn'thave to be the food. I'm just
saying we don't have to overindulge in the food. We don't
have to eat all of the food. Wedon't have to get so stuffed
(11:35):
that we're like regretting atthe end of the night. And for
some cultures, that's like alove language thing. It's like,
kind of what you do, you do, youfill your plate, then you fill
your plate again, and you eatbecause your Aunt Margaret made
something, and she knows it'syour favorite, and we have to
eat it so you don't have youactually don't have to. Now that
you're an adult and you actuallyhave sovereignty over your
choices, what I believe now is Ican have so much fun even if I
(11:59):
don't drink. And for you, thismight be even if you don't drink
for you, it might be even if youdrink less. Can you believe that
you can have so much fun? Ibelieve that I don't have to
stay up as late as everyone elsedoes. In fact, I'm so excited
because we're going to thisamazing wedding in San Francisco
with so many people that I love,like so many people I love are
(12:20):
going to be at this wedding.
It's going to be so fun. And Ispecifically told my husband,
Please, God, get us areservation like the hotel, like
at the venue, because you knowme, boo, like you know me. And
he goes, Oh, I know. I didn'teven have to say it. He knows
that I'll probably stay up laterthan normal, but I will be the
first to leave and go up to myroom, and he will stay and hang
(12:41):
out with everybody, and so Idon't have to stay up as late as
everyone else. And I might do alittle Irish goodbye. I might
just kind of peace out and,like, tell my husband, give him
a little wink and leave,possibly, knowing I might see
everyone at breakfast the nextmorning, because I don't want to
have people what, where are yougoing? Where are you going? But
I really believe now I can haveso much fun, even if I don't
stay up as late as everyoneelse. I'll tell you what feels
(13:04):
amazing is waking up the nextday, feeling rested, feeling
good, feeling proud of mychoices. So the last one I'll
say is I feel like I could havean amazing time. If I wake up
early and go for a walk or a runbefore everyone else is awake
for years and years and years,we would have a house guest. We
have a lot of house guests. Wehave a lot of fun, amazing
(13:24):
people in our lives that love tocome stay with us. I love it.
There are sometimes we have somany people that I'm like, oh my
god, I think we need a weekendalone. That's how often we have
them. But I love it. And nothingis fancy about my house. It's
just we're casual and we're fun,and me make food and all the
things. But for years and years,I would not wake up and go for a
run or something, because Iwould worry that, oh well, what
(13:46):
if they wake up and I'm gone, orwhat if they wake up and then I
come in and they're like, where?
Why were you running when I'mhere and you should have asked
me to go with you, or you shouldhave, I just had all these
thoughts that were not servingme. And now my thought is I'm
going to wake up and go for awalk or a run or to the gym
(14:07):
whenever I want to. Now, ifsomeone said I'd love to go with
you, oh my god. More you're morethan welcome to come with me.
But I know that that is what Iam doing for me, and I'm not
worried about what anyone elsethinks about it. And to me, that
creates more fun and a moreamazing weekend. I do this when
I'm on vacation now too, I willbe like, Okay, how can I get my
movement in? I know this is theplan for what everyone is doing
(14:30):
now. What can I do for myself?
So before I learned really tomanage my mind, I was always a
bit nervous for a lot of funevents coming up. If I was
rolling into July with so muchgoing on, like five years ago, I
would have been anxious, becauseI would have known that I all of
a sudden, would have thrown inthe towel, and then with so many
back to back events, I wouldhave ended July at the very
(14:52):
least five pounds up, right,which doesn't feel good, because
not only my five pounds up, I'mending every day bloated. I.
I'm talking negatively tomyself. I'm I'm justifying
things. I'm not living the way Iwant to live. So it's always
more than just weight loss. It'sit's I would end the month not
only heavier. I would end themonth frustrated with myself
(15:14):
that, why couldn't I do it?
Oh, it makes me emotionalthinking about it, that I would
always think that, like, God,why couldn't I? Why can't I do
this? And then again, again inAugust, I would start again. I'm
gonna go out on a diet. I'mgonna cut out all flour and
sugar. It was exhausting. Now Ibelieve that I'm not worried
about a thing, because I know Ican have the best time ever
(15:36):
while making progress to mygoals, take a moment to think
about what you normally do. It'sreally powerful to think about
how you normally would act in asituation. So let's just if
you're in America, take Fourthof July. What if you're out of
America? Take the next fun eventthat's coming for you. I know
you've got one planned. Whatwould you normally do? I'm just
(15:59):
going to give you a moment tothink. Even pause the episode. I
love asking you to pause,because then you're really like
doing the work. You're not justlistening, you're applying it to
you. What would you normally do?
So for me, Fourth of July yearsago, I would wake up and instead
of getting a workout in, I wouldjustify that I couldn't get a
workout in because I had toomuch food prep to do, and I had
to clean and wash sheets and doall these things. And then
(16:20):
again, this also goes back towhat was I doing the day before?
I wasn't preparing, so I wouldhave time to work out. So this
is a whole mental strategythat's going to really help you
do better. So I would wake up, Iwould start cooking and do all
the things, and I would end uphaving more time on my hands,
because people usually didn'teven get here till like, two
o'clock, and I would make tonsof delicious food, and I would
(16:42):
kind of plan on like, Well, I'mnot going to eat all this, but
the kids love it, and ourfriends love it. And I would
just justify that I wasn'tworried, because I'm sure I
would do fine. And I don't evenknow what I thought that would
meant. I'm sure I would do fine.
I don't even know. There was noplan. So when I think about
taking when I take a moment tothink about think about what I
(17:03):
normally did, what I normallydid was I did not plan. There
was no plan. The plan was, let'ssee. And anytime we are running
from the plan of, let's see.
What you're telling yourself is,I'm gonna let my primitive
brain, I'm gonna let myprimitive brain decide in the
moment what it wants. Soremember that any time, and
(17:23):
especially for you, if you're inmy program, because this is one
of the things that happens a lotof times, especially on
weekends, especially at events,my clients will say, Ah, I
forgot to make a protocol.
Anytime you don't make a plan, aprotocol, whatever it is you are
saying, I am going to let myprimitive brain decide what it
wants. And we know what ourprimitive brain wants. Our
(17:47):
primitive brain wants to sit asmuch as possible, drink alcohol.
If you drink alcohol as much aspossible, eat all of the food as
much as possible. It wants us togive excuses like this is what
it's about. It's Fourth of July,for God's sakes right? That's
our primitive brain. It's awedding, right? My primitive
(18:08):
brain is going to be telling me,because your primitive brain
never stops. You've heard me saythat before at this amazing
wedding, my primitive brain isgoing to say it doesn't matter
what you eat or drink, becauseyou have not seen these people.
There's some of these peoplethat I'm going to see that I
have not seen in years, and alot of people are going to be
drinking and and eating all thethings. So it's going to be my
primitive brain is going to betelling me, hey, Courtney, it
(18:29):
doesn't matter. But I now know.
Oh no, no, no, primitive brain,we've got a plan. We've got a
plan.
I'm not worried about it at all.
Now that, you know, okay, thisis what I normally would do,
why? What was the thoughtdriving that behavior? And I
have a feeling that your thoughtis probably, probably it's an
unconscious thought, but nowthat I'm asking you to think
(18:51):
about it, it's like, that's fun,all of those, the ways I used to
act, eat and drink and move,that's fun. It's relaxing, it's
deserving. It's what everyoneelse is doing. And so here is my
question to you, do you want togive a try having so much fun
and also not derailing yourgoals?
(19:15):
Do you want to try having somuch fun and making progress
with your goals and being reallyproud of yourself after it is
possible. So decide what youwant to believe about fun
events, you know, put it in yourown words and have it be
something that sounds kind ofpositive. Not like, not like
something like, uh, I believethat I don't have to eat like a
(19:38):
jerk again, like, nothing likethat. But like, what do you want
to believe in a positive wayabout what's possible for you in
terms of the fun of the events,and start to consider how you
could do better than you have inthe past? Now, here's the
slippery slope I don't want youto get into. I don't want you
thinking, Okay, I'm gonna go tofourth of July. I'm not.
(20:00):
Gonna drink, I'm not gonna haveany dessert. I'm going to only
have chicken, barbecued chicken,and fruit.
That's just not a great place tostart. I think that you'd
probably be pretty miserabledoing that. So what I would love
for you to do is consider howyou could do better in the past
(20:20):
not perfect, because in ourstriving for perfection, a lot
of times we end up losing it. Italked about this on the podcast
last week. We end up kind oflosing it and then going all in
and getting like this doesn'twork. This is horrible. I'm out.
How can you do better? Ifeveryone all over the world just
got good at doing better andbetter and better, they would
(20:42):
start making progress, and theywould get better at all of this,
and they would take their healthand their body and their life to
an amazing level that they'venever experienced before.
Consider how you could do betterthan you have in the past, and
don't make it too big. A lot ofamazing progress can be made
starting slow. Here's what Iwould rather happen for you. I
(21:06):
would rather you take a look atwhat you normally would do and
just do slightly better. If youare the kind of person that on
Fourth of July, you drink allday, and maybe you have five
cocktails. Can you have four?
And then can you after thatfourth just decide that you're
then going to have mocktails?
Now you might be thinking, well,what is that going to do for me?
(21:27):
I'll tell you exactly whatthat's going to do for you in
terms of the scale, nothing inthe in the in the meantime, in
the moment, nothing probably interms of the scale. But overall,
what that's going to do for youis it's going to make you go, I
did it, and that is going tostart changing your self
concept.
You've heard me talk a lot aboutself concept. It matters so
(21:48):
much. What you believe you'recapable of is everything. And so
if you can get good at going,I'm going to have one less
drink, and then I'm going toswitch to club soda, or then I'm
going to switch to a nonalcoholic beer. So powerful. If
you can say, You know what,here's what, I'm not going to
eat. I'm going to have this,this and this, but this year I'm
not going to have the chips andguacamole, or this year I'm not
(22:10):
going to have the garlic bread,and then you do it at the end of
the day. Again,it doesn't necessarily mean
you're going to lose a pound,but what it's going to mean is
you have now honed the skill ofkeeping a promise to yourself,
which is a self concept, upleveling, because if you can do
that, then what else can you do?
And then what else can you andthen what else can you do? So
(22:33):
instead of trying to be perfectand then giving in, because
being trying to be perfect is sohard, and then you end up eating
all the things, what if youactually just did better? And at
the end of the night you say, Idid it. I did it. Now, what else
can I do? Then what's going tohappen is the next time you roll
into the next event, you'regoing to go, I did it before.
How can I do even a littlebetter? And now, how can I do
(22:56):
even a little better? And thisis very future focused,
longevity type ofchange, but it's the change that
sticks.
And then I'm gonna ask you dothis, if you have this plan, and
you set a plan for yourself todo better, and you don't ask
yourself, why? What was thethought that got in the way? And
if you haven't already come upwith the thought that really has
(23:19):
been kind of the thought thathasn't been serving you. Mine
was always, I can't have fun andeat healthy at the same time,
you will find it there, becausewhat happened if you didn't do
well? There was a thought thatcame up in that moment that made
you not do well. And so maybeit's everyone else is doing it,
and I can't handle them lookingat me and commenting. It feels
too hard. That's it. So we knowwhat that thought is, that's
(23:43):
your work. Or maybe it's, thisisn't fun if I stop drinking,
that's your work. Maybe it's I'mgonna feel bad if I don't have
this person's appetizer. That'syour work. So decide what you
want to believe about fun eventsand start to consider how you
could do better, not perfect,than you have done in the past.
(24:03):
One thing that really helped meover the years was I would just
get inspired by women around me.
I call it inspiration, butsometimes in the moment, it was
more of a curiosity, sometimesit was even a judgment. But
someone would be doing somethingthat I didn't think was possible
for me, and it would make mepause. And I always like to say
that, like if something kind ofintrigued you, or you even feel
(24:25):
kind of triggered by it, or ifit makes you pause, or it makes
you go, huh? That is somethingthat you want to consider. You
might want to do yourself.
Oftentimes, we sometimes negateit, or think that's weird. I
can't do that, or whatever, butI would always bring it back to,
what about this is speaking tome, whether it's judgment, why
(24:46):
am I having the judgment? Whatis it? Because I don't think
that it's available for me. Idon't think I could ever do
that. Or if it's like, oh, Idon't feel like I have time for
that, but they're having timefor that. And really, really,
um, dive into it and see what itis. A.
That judgment or and I call itinspiration, because even if
it's judgment, it isinspiration. So over the years,
I have had people in my life,whether they're good friends or
(25:08):
just acquaintances. There havebeen times where I've been like,
huh, and it stuck with me. Sothis is an opportunity for you
to think of. Have there beentimes where someone has done
something that you're like, Huh?
That's a good idea. Like I justtalked about my friend having, I
don't know what she wasdrinking, but wine or something,
and then a club soda. It's like,oh, you might go, huh. That is
intriguing, or, Oh, I don'tknow, and maybe dive into it.
Maybe it's something you want togive a try. So over the years, I
(25:31):
remember one time, one of mygood friend's wife, he was
talking about how they came homefrom a trip, and it was like,
six o'clock, and she like, shesaid, she begged him. She said,
Please, before we like, unloadthe car. Or, I think she even
said, Can you unload the car byyourself? I have to go for a
run. And I remember him tellingme that, and I was like, so
What? What? What was like? Whatis happening? Because I am an
(25:53):
early morning workout person.
For me, it is very hard for meto work in workout, and later in
the day I can go for a walk. Butother than that, it's just
tough. And I know myself, it'sjust tough. And so hearing this
just totally inspired me. I waslike, really? And he said, Yeah,
even if it's raining, sometimesyou'll go out there, and I'm
like, amazing. Now this doesn'tnecessarily mean I started doing
(26:16):
that, but what it made me reallythink of is, oh, I can ask my
husband if he would support mein sometimes having him take
over some of the work so I couldget my workout in, even if that
means early in the day, even ifthat means, hey, I know you were
going to go pick up this person,or we were going to go pick up
this person from the airport orwhatever, but I really want to
(26:38):
get a workout into the morning.
Do you mind going alone? Like itopened up things for me. It
opened up opportunities for me.
It really inspired me. I, overthe years, have before I ever
stopped drinking, I would havefriends that didn't drink, and
I'd be like, huh, reallyfascinating. And I would think,
I don't know that I want to dothat, but it kind of made me go,
(26:59):
Hmm. I wonder what that would belike. Would it be as much fun if
it wouldn't? Why wouldn't it?
You know, would I feel awkwardnot having a drink in my hand?
Could I have a mocktail in myhand? Would I feel like people
would question me? And what Ihave problems with that? It just
opened up some curiosity in me.
I've had friends that have beenintermittent, fasters,
(27:21):
especially when on vacation. Iremember I had a friend that
told me that she was, yeah, oneof the things I do, just to kind
of control, like, as manycalories from eating out on
vacation, is I will intermittentfast. And I remember just being
like that is a great idea. Andthis was way before I ever did
intermittent fasting. And Iintermittent fast a few times a
week. And so now when I go onvacation, I often will do that.
(27:42):
I do love breakfast. It's one ofmy favorite meals of the day.
But oftentimes I willintermittent fast on vacation
where I'll have really, mostlylike, two meals. It just helps
me, especially when I'm eatingout, because when we eat out,
there's just so much more butterand sugar and salt and
everything on the food. So Ireally like to be able to do
that. I've always worked out onweekends, but I remember, I had
(28:06):
a friend that worked out reallyhard, even when she was on
vacation. This is years ago. AndI was like, but what if, like,
the hotel, like, what if you'reat a VRBO and there's no gym,
and she's like, well, then Ijust get a day pass to, like, a
local gym. And again, I waslike, you like that noise I keep
making. You're probably annoyedby it, but I was like, it just
really stumped me. It had neveroccurred to me. It had never
(28:26):
occurred to me that I could goanywhere in the world and go to
a local gym and say I'd like aday pass, or I'd like a three
day pass. It never occurred tome. And so hopefully, if that's
never occurred to you, I thisinspires you. You can be
anywhere in the world, or, evenbetter, if you're, especially if
you're somewhere beautiful orfun. You know, when we go down
to San Luis Obispo, I will runor walk outside, and I will
(28:50):
lunge while I'm doing it. I'll,I'll stop on the pavement, and
I'll do my push ups, especiallyif it's early in the morning,
there's not tons of peoplearound. It makes, makes it a
little easier. But, yeah, I workout hard on vacations and
weekends. Consider some waysthat you could do better. And
maybe this is a goal that youwant to make for July. You know,
(29:11):
for a lot of people, when theystart having a lot of events
coming up, they kind of almostgo, You know what? We're going
to start getting control of thisin August, they automatically
just kind of give up ahead oftime. But what if you didn't
this year? What if you didn'tgive up ahead of time this year
and you actually got better, andyou rolled into August actually
(29:31):
better than you ever have? Whata great place to be.
So start to notice if someone isliving in a way that intrigues
you, and know that this meansthat is also available to you.
Now your primitive brain isgoing to tell you reasons why
it's not available to you. Maybeit's because you have young kids
and they don't, or they havemore money than you do, or they
(29:53):
have more time, or they havemore willpower. Our primitive
brain likes to give us lots ofexcuses, but I promise you, you
are.
Capable of so much more thanyou've ever done before, even if
you've done well, even if youfeel like you're doing really
well, you are capable of so muchmore. I'm always telling myself,
I'm just getting started, I'mcapable of so much more. So
(30:13):
let's talk about what is normalin society. What is normal in
society is dieting orrestricting up to an event and
then going totally off plan atthe event. I mean, I think the
biggest example we can think ofis people's weddings is when
they diet, diet, diet, diet,because they want to look a
certain way in their weddingdress. And for many people,
(30:35):
often they go to their honeymoonand then it's like, Oh, thank
God. Not only is the diet over,but there's so much fatigue in
the wedding planning and allthat that has been, you know,
taking up in their life, so thenthey really deserve to eat and
drink all the things and layaround on their honeymoon. That
really is normal in society. Orwhat's also normal in society is
(30:57):
you've got a big vacation comingup, so you diet up until the
vacation, and then you kind ofput that weight back on while
you're on vacation, becauseyou're eating and drinking and,
quote, unquote, really enjoyingyourself on vacation. But what
if we did this differently? Iwant to invite you to think of
it differently, because I feellike it's changed my life. I
look over my fun July and I knowat the end of it, I'm not going
(31:19):
to be weighing more. I'm notgoing to be feeling like I have
to restart anything with myfitness or anything, because I
am going to be incorporating allof it into all of it, all of it
into all of it, all of myhealth, into all the fun. And it
makes it all so much more fun.
And so right now I'm already I'mnot nervous about any of it. I'm
going to feel like I look mybest and feel my best at all of
(31:42):
it. I'm going to sleep wellthroughout all of it. I'm going
to move well and get strongerthroughout all of it. And I'm
going to inspire the shit out ofmyself throughout all of it. One
of the things that I I used toreally hate was this constant, I
don't know, we'll see, and theneating like a crazy person, and
drinking sometimes like a crazyperson, and then going to bed,
(32:05):
not sleeping well, shamingmyself, and then the next day
saying, Well, we have an eventcoming up. I'm going to do so
much better at that event. Imean, it was, it was it was
crazy town. It was crazy talkthis whole like, I'm going to do
better. I'm going to do better.
And really, what that says isshame on me. Shame on me. It
really is a mental whipping ofsorts. Look out for all or none,
(32:29):
thinking like I'm going to eatreally well up into this event
so I can really enjoy myself atthe event. And I want to give
you a few strategies that I usefor when we go into these
events, whatever they are,barbecue, wedding, out of town,
European trip, whatever. I'mgonna give you some strategies.
But again, remember, thesestrategies don't work unless you
have the mindset that that I'vebeen talking about, this
(32:51):
mindset, that I can have anamazing time and not derail
myself and stick to my what Itruly desire for myself. But the
first strategy I'm going to talkabout, I've talked about before
on the podcast, is it'srealizing that all of these
events, I already told you, allthe events I have coming up in
July, all of those events havenothing to do with food, nothing
(33:13):
to do with food, nothing to dowith drinking.
All of these events Fourth ofJuly, San Francisco wedding. We
have another wedding at the endof the month. We have going to
San Luis to visit my son. Wehave all these things coming up,
coming up. They have nothing todo with food and drink. They
have everything to do with thepeople and the environments I'm
(33:34):
in. And I know that that soundsso obvious, but isn't it
interesting that most of thetime we don't say that walking
into an event, this event, isabout me connecting with this
person. We are thinking aboutwhat we're going to eat, what
we're going to drink. Yes, I'llhave a drink. Oh, you know, Oh,
whatever. And then we and thenwe kind of almost, a lot of
times, black out, like we don'tthink about the food and drink
(33:55):
because we don't want to beaccountable. But when I'm
walking into these events, andI'm thinking about each of them
in my head and the people thatare going to be there. I think
of this Fourth of July. Mygirlfriend Meg is going to be
there. My girlfriend Terry isgoing to be there. And I just
spent some time with Meg thislast weekend, but I didn't get
enough of her. So I can't waitto sit and be like, tell me
everything. Tell me everythingthat's going on with your life.
(34:16):
And she's gonna have her son.
And I can't wait to spend theday with a four year old. By the
end of the day, I want him in mylap. It's whatever it takes. I
want to cut all the shit out ofthat kid. And my girlfriend,
Terry, I have not seen inmonths. I can't wait to connect
with her, and I know those twowomen are going to love each
other. That is what Fourth ofJuly is about. For me, yeah,
there's going to be guys there,my husband, my kids, all the
things, but for me, that's whatI'm deciding going in. And
(34:39):
there's going to be somedelicious food there, and I'll
talk about how I'm going tohandle that in a moment. But
that is what it is. SanFrancisco. There is more than
enough people. I could list off15 people right now that I can't
wait to hug and hang out with.
It is not about anything exceptfor being with those people and
listening to them and makingthem feel loved and asking all
about them and sharing.
(35:00):
About my kids and all of thethings at the end of our lives.
We are not going to look back tothese events and think about
whether we had a jalapenopopper. Is that what it's called
a jalapeno I'm going to makethose on on for Fourth of July
help and yeah, Jalapeno Popper,that is going to be irrelevant.
It is going to be about thepeople. So that is the biggest
(35:20):
takeaway here. But let me giveyou some other strategies that
I've used and my clients haveused to help themselves get
better at this. When you'retraveling, bring a piece of
fruit or jerky or a bar, try tomake it a bar that actually has
very small amount ofingredients. If you look at
like, there's a lot of granolabars and all these kind of bars
(35:41):
and and I'm not promoting anycertain kind, but there are.
There's many that if you lookthere is a list of ingredients,
try to find one that has lessingredients. It's just it's got
to be better if it has lessingredients. So bring a bar or
jerky when you travel, or apiece of fruit when you travel.
Now, the plan isn't to eat thisfruit for sure, or the bar, or
(36:01):
the truck, whatever it is, theplan isn't to eat this thing.
It's a just in case. It's a justin case you actually can't find
something that's healthy in theairport. It's a just in case
you're so hungry on the planethat it's probably a better idea
than pretzels. It's a just incase the group doesn't know
where they want to go to lunch,and everyone's waiting, and you
(36:22):
actually start feeling legitnauseous. So it doesn't mean you
need to bring a bar for everysingle day, and then you're
eating that on top of everythingelse, that's how I think a lot
of people actually go over ontheir calories. Is they eat a
bar and they're like, Oh, it's asnack, just in case, but they
eat it every single day. No, no.
It's just in case. It's just incase, because you don't have as
much control as you do whenyou're in your own home. So
(36:44):
that's one thing I always loveto do. If I'm traveling, I'm
traveling in the middle of themonth, gonna go to North
Carolina, and I will take a barwith me, just in case I feel
like I can't find food and I'mfeeling sick. It's okay if I'm a
little hungry. I can hold alittle hungry, no problem. But
if I start actually feelingsick, I will do that. If I start
getting headachy, considereating less meals. When you
(37:06):
travel, that's it. Considereating less meals. We all are
getting way more food than weactually need that one's pretty
straightened to the point decidein advance how you will move
your body. I never used to dothis. I always used to go either
on a long weekend or even to myin laws house or something, and
I never really had a plan. Andnow I create a plan on purpose
(37:26):
ahead of time, am I going to buya day pass at a gym? Am I going
to use their treadmill? Am Igoing to be outside? What is the
weather? What clothes do I needto bring in order to make sure
this happens? When am I going todo it? Because I know that our
schedule is kind of flexible,would the morning time be
better? So I create a plan, aprotocol, actually, for how I'm
(37:47):
going to move my body ahead oftime
it buy a gym pass. I kind ofalready talked about the gym
pass, but like that is a nobrainer, especially since so
many people are staying in vrbosand Airbnbs, buy a local gym
pass. If you can't for somereason, get out and walk or run,
then totally buy a gym pass.
Here's the best one. Create aprotocol, either for the event
(38:09):
or for the day. Now a protocolis basically just decide ahead
exactly what you're going toeat. Now, many people are going
to say, well, I don't know. Idon't know where we're going to
be eating. So first of all,question, is that true? For
example, when we go down toslow, there's my favorite
restaurant in I say slow. It'sSan Luis Obispo, where my son
(38:31):
goes to college. When we go downthere, my favorite restaurant to
go to is this restaurant calledlure. It's just like a fish
house. Not only is the foodgood, but the atmosphere is
amazing. So I love going there.
So I know if we're going thereand we're not meeting a bunch of
people, my we will go there. Wewill go there. And so I know
(38:52):
what is on the menu already. SoI make a decision, and I'll tell
you something when I go there.
The decision is, I am havingbread because the bread is
amazing there. So I will make adecision of how much bread I'm
going to have, because I have ahuge capacity for eating chips
and bread. And if I don't make aplan ahead of time, I could
easily eat five baskets and belike, what is happening? Oh, my
(39:12):
meal just came. I don't actuallyneed it, because I just eat five
baskets, five baskets of bread.
And so I make a plan ahead oftime, and then I'm sitting there
and I know what the plan is. Ifyou're going to a wedding or
party and you don't know exactlywhat the food is going to be, at
the very least, your plan couldbe what you're not going to eat.
(39:32):
Consider that, what are you notgoing to eat? Oftentimes, we
tell ourselves we don't knowwhat's going to be available
when, if we're radically honest,if someone would hold a gun to
our head, we can really come upwith what's probably going to be
available. And so make a plan.
If you are going to the weddingand you are going to drink, make
a drinking plan, not only howmuch you're going to have, but
(39:53):
then, what's your plan forafter? Is it going to be a club
soda? Is it going to be a water?
What are.
Going to throw a stick of gum inyour mouth and not drink
anything. Make a plan. And ifyou're in my program, you know
this, that what is going tohappen after you get there and
you have your plan, yourprimitive brain is going to tell
you your plan is not a greatidea. And can you actually allow
(40:18):
the negative emotion that comesup? And this is an obstacle for
most people. This is what getsin the way for most people,
because all of a sudden, whenthey have that plan, and if it's
too restrictive, they feel likethis isn't going to be fun if I
have to work that plan. So ifthis is your first time for
Fourth of July, make it doable.
Make it a little better thanyou've done before, so you can
(40:41):
win at this, and then when youwin, you can do a little better
and a little better and a littlebetter.
But there will be negativeemotion that will come up, and
it's going to start with, like,uh, I don't want to do this
thoughts, and then you're goingto feel a little resentful, a
(41:03):
little possibly angry, a littlepossible frustrated in the
moment. Can you allow thosefeelings? Can you allow those
feelings? Can you take a moment,whether you go to the restroom
or go to your purse reallyquick, and put some lipstick on
and just sit there and say, oh,there it is. Courtney said this
would happen. I'm feeling alittle resentful, like towards
(41:25):
myself for making this stupidplan.
But how is it possible in thatmoment? You can say, but you
know what? That's not what thisis about. Anyways. Who can I
connect with? This is thegreatest distractor. Who can I
connect with and love on rightnow that I haven't really
connected with or loved on yet.
How can I go up and say, Tell meeverything. How are you I've
been thinking about you. What'sgoing on with this? How's your
(41:48):
mom? How's your dad? A littlebit of distraction in there, a
little bit of accepting thatyou're kind of a little
resentful for yourself.
I'll tell you, this is off thesubject, but I have been on and
off coffee for a few years now.
I love black coffee. It trulymakes me happy. Talk about a
love language. I love it, but Ihave indigestion. I have GERD,
(42:08):
and it's frustrating me. I havespent 1000s and 1000s and 1000s
of dollars going to anaturopathic doctor and a
regular doctor trying to figureout all the things with this.
And so I'm sharing, just in caseyou have anything that you've
been struggling with. It's sofrustrating, right? If you have
a hormone issue or trying tofigure out your hormones or
(42:28):
thyroid or low hyperlobepressure, or whatever, it can be
so frustrating. So I'm justsharing to hopefully, hopefully
you'll resonate that I hear you.
And so one of the things he thisdoctor when I first went when I
started having this acid refluxthat would not that would not
stop. Even though I eat prettyhealthy, I don't eat a lot of
the things that trigger acidreflux. So I went to the doctor,
(42:49):
like, what is happening? This isThis is crazy. Like, I shouldn't
have this problem. And he thefirst thing he said was, go off
coffee. And I did. I went offcoffee for three months, and it
was hard at first, for sure, butI was so dedicated to fixing
this, but it really didn't work.
I've gone off gluten, eggs. Ihave, oh my goodness, I have
tried all the things. At onepoint I was off coffee, eggs,
gluten and dairy. Looking back,I don't know what I did. I don't
(43:12):
know how I did it. I'm amazing.
But anyway, so I decided to givegoing off coffee a try again,
because I'm still strugglingwith this, and I really am so
dedicated to to doing my bestjob ever to try to fix this. And
so I just, you know,reluctantly, on my own, said,
You know, I think I'm gonna gooff coffee again. Oh, good. Not
only go off coffee, go offcaffeine, because when I went
(43:35):
off coffee before I went to tea,but I've also heard that
caffeine in general can causeacid reflux. So I went off
coffee, and it was sofascinating. The first three
days, I'm fine. Now I'm aboutfive days in, but the first
three days, I had a headache,which surprised me, because I
really don't drink that muchcoffee. I thought I'd be okay,
but I definitely had, like, alow grade headache and and I was
(43:57):
very resentful. I was almostangry at myself. I was like,
What the fuck am I doing thisagain for? I already tried that.
My primitive brain was goingwild. Why are we doing this?
This is ridiculous. We alreadytried, and I just kept saying,
It's okay that I'm feelingfrustrated. It's okay that I'm
feeling resentful. I think oncethe headaches pass, I will come
(44:20):
out of this. It is okay. Iallowed the negative feelings,
and this is what most peoplewon't do, and this is what most
programs don't tell you. Theyact like, just do this, and it's
all going to be so great. WhatI'm saying is there's going to
be some negative emotion. You'regoing to be like, What the what?
Why did I say I would do this?
But can you allow the negativeemotion? And I'm going to give
(44:42):
you an analogy that is very,very powerful that I give to my
clients. Imagine that an aliencomes down from the space and
you're and says to you, like,what's happening right now? And
says to let's say this happenedto me the other day. If an
alien.
Alien would have come down to meon my first day of not having
(45:02):
coffee, I would have said, I'mpissed alien, right? Because he
was like, what's happening,right? They don't know why. I
think the aliens a man, he'ssaying to me, what's happening,
and I'm saying, I'm not well.
And he'd say, why? And I'd say,Well, first I have a headache.
And he would say, Well, whatdoes that feel like? And I said,
and I would say, Oh, this justfeels pressure, like it just
feels like, like something islike pushing on my skull. It
(45:22):
doesn't feel good. And he'd say,okay, and I'd say, and then I
feel and then I'm like, I feelresentful, I feel frustrated.
What does that feel like? Iwould say, I feel it in my
chest, it feels hot and it feelsPokey and it feels racy, and
then it feels a little bitsometimes I'll even feel a
(45:43):
little bit in my stomach. Whatdoes that feel like? It just
feels heavy. And he would lookat me and go, oh, so what's the
problem? So what is the problemhere? It's not like any time I
feel a headache that a fire allof a sudden starts somewhere in
my house, it's not like, all ofa sudden I feel anger and one of
my family members drops in fromheart attack, right? Like the
(46:07):
worst thing that's happening isan emotion, and the emotion, the
feeling in my body, is a feelingthat doesn't feel good. That's
it. The alien would look at meand say, I don't understand what
the problem is.
And so if we think about thereason we are not living in the
(46:30):
body we want to, the reason weare not up leveling our lives
like we want to, is because of alike physical feeling in our
body that we are so resistant tofeeling because we have this
primitive brain, and they'relike, no, no eat and it'll go
away, because it would. If Iwould have, on that first day,
just said, Fuck it. I'm having acup of coffee, the headache
(46:50):
would have gone away veryquickly, I would imagine, and
that feeling of frustrationwould have gone away instantly.
And if I'm at this wedding andall of a sudden I say, You know
what, I'm a little for, I don'tthink I will be, because I've
been doing this work so long,and that's the beauty of all
this. I was gonna say in aminute, is the beauty of all
this is it gets easier andeasier and easier. But let's
say, three or four years ago, Iwas at Fourth of July, and all
(47:11):
of a sudden I just decided,screw it. I'm gonna eat all the
things. And I did, instantly, Iwould be having more fun.
Instantly all that frustrationwould be gone,
but then where am I at? I'm atthe same place I've always been
going to bed frustrated, goingto bed feeling full, telling
myself I knew I couldn't do it,and just living the same life on
(47:34):
repeat. So what I'm asking is,let's think about this the way
an alien would think about this.
What is the big deal? You'refeeling a little frustrated
right now because you havedecided that you want more for
yourself than most people wantfor themselves, and it's a
little hard right now. Can youlet it be hard? And usually if
you let it be hard for a moment,and you distract yourself by
(47:56):
loving on the people around you,you can distract yourself, and
then you can say, Oh, my God,that was I had a hairy moment.
Hairy moment about 10 minutesago, but I'm really proud. And
this is what I did with thecoffee. Is I made my dandelion
tea, which is kind of to me, asclose as I can get to a caffeine
free coffee. It tastes kind oflike that. And I have, I put a
lot in there, and so I'll drinkthat. And then after I go about
(48:17):
my day, I'll think, Oh, I'm soglad I did that. I'm so glad so
make sure you tell yourself, I'mso glad I did that. I did it
because this is what is going tomake you feel like you're a
powerful woman. Oftentimes whatwe do is we negate it. So you
might say, okay, yeah, I had oneless drink and I didn't eat
(48:39):
garlic bread. But what is thatreal? I mean, I real? I mean, I
still had all this other whatdoes it matter? Now that's not
going to help you. So what youwant to do is really say, Oh,
I'm really proud of myself thatI stuck to my plan. How can I
even do better? And then Iencourage you, if you haven't
already listened to last week'spodcast, go back and listen to
listen to episode. What episodewas it? It was episode 84 and it
(49:01):
talked about a real I reallytalked about the compounding
effects of where you'll be ifyou keep doing this.
And so I'll tell you this workgets easier and easier and
easier. This fourth of July willnot be hard for me. I don't
drink now, but even all thedelicious foods, I am going to
(49:22):
make a plan ahead of time ofwhat I'm going to eat, and I
want I will eat one jalapenopopper. I love them. They're
delicious, but I'm going toreally be very aware of what I'm
eating and how I want to feeland what that Fourth of July for
me is all about. And then I'mgoing to roll right into my next
weekend in San Francisco,feeling strong and powerful,
then I'm gonna roll into NorthCarolina. I've got this. It's
(49:45):
just who I am, and that's what Iwant for you. At the end of
this, I want you to feel likeit's just who I am. I go on
vacation and I work out it'sjust who I am. I have a few
drinks, but I decide ahead oftime, and then I can stop and
sometimes.
This is a little bit hard, but Isit with the hard feeling, and
it's just who I am, and thatright there is changing your
(50:07):
self concept at a neuropath wayin your brain. This is how you
lose weight, get stronger,create new habits that are
sustainable.
Oh, my goodness, I did a 51minute podcast. You're welcome,
or I'm sorry I don't know what.
I hope you loved it. I hope youloved it. So I hope you have a
(50:30):
wonderful Fourth of July ifyou're here in the States, and
if you are anywhere else in theworld, I want you to think about
that next fun event that you arecoming up to in your life, and I
want you to be better thanyou've ever been in that event,
and have the most fun possible.
The most fun possible is showingup to an event feeling powerful,
(50:53):
feeling in control, feeling likeyou are in the body that you are
meant to be in, and just makingit all about the people. Have a
great Tuesday. If you are readyto lose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
(51:14):
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
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