Don't Let Your Partner Derail Your Goals

Do you ever stick to your plan until your partner decides THEY will indulge?  

Or do you eat what you had planned until they ask if you want them to make you a hot fudge sundae?

This is so common, you are not alone.

Today, I am talking about how to become the woman who sticks to her plan, no matter what your partner does, says, or suggests.

It is possible!  I will teach you how.

Interested in my Ready for Change Group Experience?  Click here: https://mailchi.mp/9d0ed9efd940/readyforchange

I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:06):
Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently, feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food, a modernway of thinking about your
weight, your body and your lifeincludes mindset. I'm body and
life coach, Courtney Gray, andeach week I'm going to teach you

(00:29):
the mindset tools that arenecessary for changing the way
you eat forever. We will uncoverwhy you're eating when you said
you were going to stop, what todo when you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you. Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all

(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier. Welcome
to the podcast. Episode 78 don'tlet your partner derail your
goals. I might be laughingthrough this podcast. I don't
know why I'm in a giggly mood.
I've been working all day, andit's like six o'clock at the

(01:16):
very end of a long but wonderfulday, and I when I was choosing
which podcast to do for you, Ijust started laughing, thinking
about, like, the truth and whatI'm going to talk about, and how
it's funny, but yet, it's apowerful conversation, because
this is so common. I can't tellyou how many women I have walked
through becoming the woman thatcan like, stick to her eating

(01:39):
plan, even when her partner iseating in a way that is making
them desire different foods, orwhether their partner is
literally coming over and likeplopping food into their lap,
and sometimes, sometimes theytry to derail us. And I don't
think it's ever out of ill will,or anything like that. But we're

(02:01):
gonna talk about it. We're gonnadive in, and I might have the
giggles. I apologize, but firstof all, let me tell you, I have
something that I'm going to talkabout at the end of the podcast
that I'm really, really excitedabout. I have a new program for
the month of June that is goingto be it's the first time I've
ever created a program likethis, and it is weight loss, but

(02:21):
even more than just weight loss.
So towards the end of thepodcast, I'll kind of give you
all the details on that program.
And of course, there is a linkin the show notes, if you want
to see all the details and getthe price and the dates and all
that, I would love, love to haveyou join me. If you're loving
the podcast, you will at leastwant to check it out and see if
it's something you're interestedin. So this is so common. You

(02:42):
decide, you commit, you go allin, baby on wanting to lose
weight, get healthier, getstronger, do the whole thing up
level your life and your body,right? And you know what your
partner is in too. See, I'm justlaughing already. So often, when
my clients make the decision togo all in on themselves in any

(03:06):
way, their partners are thrilledfor them, because so many of my
clients have wonderful,supportive partners, but they're
also like, you know what? I'mgonna do it too. I don't know
why I'm laughing so much today,guys, it's so funny because he
or she, I'll probably say he alot in terms of husbands, but I
know there's wives out there aswell. They think it's a great

(03:29):
idea, and they love you, andthey want you to be healthy, and
they know it'll make you happy.
So they're all in but thenthey're like, You know what? I'm
gonna do it too, which actuallyis an amazing idea. I mean, I
love everything about it, exceptsometimes they're all in until
they aren't. And oftentimes withmy clients, what happens is my

(03:52):
clients are all in becausethey're working with me, and
they're meeting with me everyweek, and they have access to
all my teaching videos, and theyare journaling every day, and
they're deep into this work, buttheir partners are just like in
the background, kind of justwinging it, and that's why I
think they're all in until theyaren't. And the problem is is

(04:15):
you've hitched your wagon to thewrong horse. Okay, what I want
for you is to hit your wagon toyour own damn horse if your
partner wants to follow along,beautiful. But I want to
encourage you to think of it,not so much as a partnership,
but as like two boats floatingdown the river together. One of

(04:40):
you might want to pull off tothe side and sunbathe for a few
hours or a few a few days beforeyou get back in the boat and
start paddling in the rightdirection again. You just keep
on going. Sister and if theydecide to pull off and sunbathe
or have a cock. Tail or playguitar. You let them be in every

(05:00):
area of your life. I get it. Youguys want to be on the same page
all that, yes, but I want you toget good at trusting you, at
making your own decisions,making your own plans. And if
they decide to join you, that'sgreat. You can let them join,
but do not wait for them tostick to the plan. Do not wait

(05:22):
for them to learn how to trustthemselves. So then you can be
inspired and say, well, thenI'll do it too. It's almost kind
of like there's thissubconscious permission granted
to do whatever they're doing.
Permission granted to eathealthy tonight, and then
Permission granted. Let's notworry about it, because it's
Friday night. So here's thebreakdown. What happens is

(05:44):
sometimes we want theiraccountability. We want them to
make it easier on us, to not eatthe things. And let me tell you,
it is easier. It is so mucheasier if you are with someone
in a relationship, with someonewho is eating healthier, 100%
but if we are waiting for themto make good choices all the
time, we are hitching our wagonto them being the horse. And

(06:08):
what I want you to do is, I wantyou to get good at trusting
yourself despite what they'redoing. What I want for you is to
not need them in this way. Andfirst of all, let this can be a
secret. You don't have to tellthem we had this conversation.
You can just literally becomethe woman that is strong and

(06:28):
resolute and has made up hermind, and you can let them have
their own thoughts about it.
Because again, even when I dothink they're derailing you in
some way, I don't think theyhave ill will. I think what
they're doing is kind of thesame thing as you doing. It's
like we both want, we wantsomeone to say, let's go get ice
cream, because that's what wereally want. And if they say it,

(06:48):
it's like Permission granted.
And then at the same time, wewant them to stay strong,
because then it'll make iteasier for us to stay strong.
But if we are putting all oureggs in their basket, itching
our wagon to their horse, we'regiving up all our control. So I
promise you, if I ate every timemy husband ate, if I ate

(07:11):
everything my husband ate, if Ihad dessert or alcohol, every
time my husband did, I would betwice the size I am now, and I
spent years basically asking forreassurance that it was okay to
have dessert, even though Iwanted to lose weight, and
having dessert, that dessertthrew me over my calorie limit
for the day. So often I wouldjust be sitting there going, Oh,

(07:33):
in my mind, I want dessert. Iwant dessert. Oh, my God, life
is too short. It's five o'clocklike I started going crazy. And
then I'd say to my husband, oh,I want to make cookies, but I
shouldn't. And he'd go, Oh myGod, you look amazing. Yeah,
make cookies. I want cookiestoo. And then I'd be like, Oh,
he's right. Life is too short.
Cookies don't matter. I lookfine. And then again,
afterwards, I'd be like, Oh mygod, what have I done? I wanted

(07:55):
him to tell me that, and he didat a deeper, deeper level. I
really didn't want him to saythat. What I would have loved is
him to say, Courtney, I knowthat. You know that. I think you
look amazing, but you reallywant to lose weight. This is
really important to you. Youhave this vision in your head,
and you need to stay strong.

(08:18):
What do you need from me? Imean, that would have been
absolutely amazing, but thatdidn't my husband is is amazing,
but that didn't happen. Myhusband's like, do whatever you
want, right? So for a while, Iwould say, a few years, I was
waiting for him to act in a waylike a in a very like he's
eating healthy way for me, justto tag along, until I realized

(08:39):
one day, no no, I gotta. I gottado this on my own if he wants to
follow along and eat well, afterme, great. I'm gonna make a
really healthy dinner. If youwant some, there's more than
enough for you. But I'm notgoing to let you call the shots
here, and that can be hard forsome of you, especially if
you're in a relationship wherethey kind of do call the shots
in this way. Maybe they're theones that make dinner. Maybe

(09:01):
they're the ones that usually gogrocery shopping. Maybe they're
the ones that kind of havealways decided on dinner, and
you find yourself just kind ofgoing along. This might be
something you need to change.
You might need to become a what.
You might need to become a womanthat starts saying, Hey, this is
what I want to have. And thatcan be a pretty amazing
experience to start actuallyvoicing that, hey, this is what

(09:22):
I want to do. If your partnersupports you, amazing, but I
want you to support you. I wantyou to support you. I don't want
your partner's bad day turningto food influencing your day,
and then you turning to foodbecause they've granted
permission through theiractions. What I see so often is

(09:45):
our partner is our main supportsystem, beautiful, but then
they're also the main personthat asks you if you want a bowl
of ice cream, or hey, do youwant some Hershey's Kisses? Or
maybe they'll even like, throw ababy. Snickers like in your lap.
It's very, very interesting.
It's almost like they know thatit really does make you happy

(10:06):
because you love all that junkfood, but it really doesn't
help. So I don't want you towait for them to stop doing
this, although you can certainlyask nicely. I want for you to
become so damn powerful that itdoesn't matter what they do in
this way, like you've got yourback. You decide what you will

(10:28):
and you will not eat, andalthough you share a life
together, it doesn't mean thatyou always have to eat the same
food together. So here's apretty important question you
can ask yourself, do you thinkthey know how important this is
to you? Do you think they knowhow painful it is and how much
time you spend ruminating aboutthe body you're in? Do you think

(10:53):
they know how painful it is tonot be in the body that you
want? Do you think they know howpainful it is to be ruminating
and constantly thinking aboutfood and your body and losing
weight, and shouldn't I? Andshouldn't I? And life's too
short, and I need to get my acttogether. Do you think they
know, because they might not dothey know that you're not really

(11:16):
living the way you want to beliving. They might not know, and
that's the reason for, I think,a powerful conversation. Can you
say, Hey, listen, I know thatyou think I look great, and I'm
so grateful for that, becauseyou make me feel beautiful, but
I want to feel like I'mbeautiful, and I want to feel
healthier. I want to feel moreempowered and in control. And so

(11:37):
here's what you can do tosupport me, but if they fall
back into old ways where they'rekind of doing things to derail
you, can you continue to be thewoman to make the choice that's
best for you? You can this ispart of the process of you
changing you. This really is aself concept shift, right? It

(11:59):
takes you from going, Oh, I ifhe eats healthier, it makes it
easier on me, which I get it,but it takes you from that space
of, oh, my gosh. I hope he makesa good decision, because then
it'll make it easier for me tomake it a good decision, to a
place where you say, this iswhat I'm eating. If you'd like
to call follow suit, you're morethan welcome, but this is what I

(12:19):
am eating, and we do not have toshare this part of our journey
together. I do not need toalways be influenced by what you
are eating. I have worked withso many clients through this
because so many clients arereally influenced by what their
partner eats and by what theirpartner allows in their own

(12:43):
life. And I would encourage youto become a powerful woman that
really goes at this alone. Well,not alone necessarily. Join my
program that'll help, but alonein terms of you might be the
only one in your home doing thisand cannot be okay. And I think
you'll find that when you starteven just acknowledging, oh yes,

(13:05):
my partner has I've allowed themto derail me in the past, but I
no longer want to let thathappen. Even the awareness of it
happening can be like, Oh, thatcan be a trigger for me when my
partner eats this way. So I justeven the knowing of it can
really help you get stronger inthe moment. Okay, so I'm excited
to talk a little bit about a newprogram I have created that I'm

(13:30):
really excited about. I've nevercreated a program like this
before. So it is a one monthcoaching experience for the
month of June. It is a groupcoaching experience, and
enrollment is open right now.
There's a link in the link onthe website. There is a link in
the show notes to get all thedetails about this program, this

(13:50):
experience. It's going to becalled ready for change, and it
really is, for women who areready for change, ready to see
results, ready to become a womanwho lives differently. I have
coached hundreds of women now,and there is a process to
creating real change thatactually lasts, and it can be a
powerful and transformationprocess. And really, within this

(14:13):
process, it there are so manycomponents. I'm just going to
kind of give you some of whatyou're going to get in this
program. You're going to getclear on what you truly desire
for your body and for your life.
And so for you, this might beweight loss. For you, this might
be eating better or eating in acertain way. For you, it might
be getting stronger or beingmore consistent with your
workouts. Or maybe you're at anamazing point in your life where

(14:35):
you're kind of entering into anew chapter. And there are some
decisions to be made, and youwant to think bigger about what
is possible for your life. Andyou're like, Okay, well, I'm
gonna make some changes. Maybeyou're retiring, maybe you're
changing jobs, maybe you maybeyou have a diagnosis, and there
are just, there's something newin your life, and you want to

(14:55):
make changes. I will teach youhow to get clear on. What you
truly want, there will bestrategy and support to help you
make this change that you wantto make. I'm going to teach you
how to set a powerful 27 daygoal, because when we start in
the fourth there's going to be27 more days in this program and
actually achieve it. And I'mgoing to teach you my process to

(15:17):
change your self concept andyour habits. That's what makes
change stick. Is by you changingyou. You hear me say that all
the time, you changing you. Thatreally is your self concept,
what you think about yourself,what you believe is possible for
you. It can be changed. It's abeautiful thing. I'm going to
teach you how to believe biggerfor your life. So often we are

(15:37):
trapped in the past, when we'rethinking about what's possible
for our future, but we want toactually think bigger for our
future and start to take actionfrom that clarity that we have
for the future. In this group,I'm going to teach you how to
move forward even when you havedoubt and fear and insecurity
and worry and all of that somany people are waiting for any

(16:00):
of these negative emotions to goaway before they take a step.
And I promise you, girl, that'snot gonna happen. So I'm gonna
teach you how. I'm gonna teachyou how to create a powerful
morning routine that reallysupports this change you want to
make. You will be amazed at howcreating a more powerful morning
routine sets your day up, andthis is this is not a routine

(16:22):
that I'm going to say. This iswhat you have to do. We are
going to curate it to your ownlife, and it doesn't even take
longer than 10 minutes. We'regoing to create a powerful
morning routine. I'm going toteach you how to understand and
use your brain to create thechange that you want to make.
I'm going to teach you how toachieve a goal without being
perfect, how to be accountableto yourself and not your

(16:45):
partner, and how to trustyourself, how to flood your life
and practice new strategies thatmaybe you have heard about and
that sound like a great idea,but we're gonna get you to
actually do The work. I'm goingto teach you how to fall and get
back on track, because you don'thave to do this perfect. And I'm

(17:05):
going to teach you how to beintentional and focus on what
you want. Let me talk for aminute about what you actually
get, like the tangible. So thisJune coaching experience is is
going to include four groupcoaching calls with me over
zoom, so it does not matterwhere you live in the world. I
love me some internationalladies. Doesn't matter where you
live. You can join us over zoom,you will receive a custom

(17:29):
digital workbook that I createdjust for this program, and it
will guide you through the monthof June. It includes daily
journal prompts as well as likeweekly curriculum worksheets. So
as I'm teaching, you can diveinto your own brain and follow
along. As I'm teaching, you willget one private coaching call
with me, in addition to the fourgroup coaching calls and that,

(17:52):
we're going to do that early onin June to really get you clear
on the change you want to make,and set a custom plan to get you
there, because this is allcustomized to you. This is not a
hey, this is how I want you tolive for the month of June, and
then in July, you go back toyour old life. No, this is you
taking a hard, beautiful,intricate look at your life and

(18:13):
saying, what changes do I wantto make that work with my life?
Right? Each one of you will bedifferent, so we're going to
customize it to you. The programalso includes access to my
curriculum portal, where Icreate custom teaching videos
specific to this group, andyou'll receive a login, and
you'll be able to log in anytimeand watch the videos. And that's

(18:33):
also where I will put thereplays, because there will be
replays of each call. If youcan't make one of the group
coaching calls, you can easilywatch the replay. And then the
last thing I'm really excitedabout is I am going to be
creating a private visionboarding workshop. I'm so
excited about it. I love avision board, and I have always
wanted to teach a visionboarding workshop, whether you

(18:57):
do it just on Pinterest, or youactually create a real life
vision board. I'm really, reallyexcited vision boards. It makes
me feel like something I didwhen I was in college, but,
like, I just made one. I thinkit was last year with my sister,
and it's in my office, and Ilook at it every day, and it's
amazing. And I'll tell you,what's amazing is when you're
looking at your vision board andyou starting to go, Oh my God,

(19:18):
I've done that. Oh my god, I'vecreated that. It's absolutely
amazing. I would love to haveyou join us. There is a link in
the show notes to join. There isa link on my website to join.
And it is going to be a powerfulmonth of June that really is
going to cultivate a new selfconcept in you. And when you up
level yourself. Concept you uplevel what you believe is

(19:42):
possible, and you have thecourage and the confidence to
create an even more amazing lifefor yourself. So if you are
hearing this and you arethinking, Yes, it is time, and
it's time that I actually dothis in a permanent. Lasting,
changing way, and join me forthis ready for change coaching

(20:03):
experience for the month ofJune. Let's go oh and have a
great Tuesday. If you are readyto lose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my

(20:24):
website in the show notes you.