April 29, 2025 • 22 mins
This is so common. Eating well......eating well.....eating well.....and then getting the "fuck it's".
I am diving into why this happens, and how you can prepare yourself for when it comes in the future.
We are talking about emotional Eating, weight loss, Identifying your triggers, willpower, and more, enjoy!
Courtney
I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:06):
Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently, feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food, a modernway of thinking about your
weight, your body and your lifeincludes mindset. I'm body and
life coach, Courtney Gray, andeach week I'm going to teach you
(00:29):
the mindset tools that arenecessary for changing the way
you eat forever. We will uncoverwhy you're eating when you said
you were going to stop, what todo when you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you. Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier. Welcome
to the podcast. Episode 76eating, well, eating, well,
eating welland fuck it. That's what we're
talking about here today. Howmany of us have been there
(01:14):
before? I think it's prettycommon. So we're gonna dive in.
It is going to be a rainyweekend here in Chico,
California. Oh, can you hear thedread in my voice? But what is
making me really happy is it'sgonna be 85 next week. I love me
the hot weather. And then I evensee, like, in over a week, I see
(01:35):
a 91 oh yeah, let's go. I'mvery, very excited about it. So
let's dive into the podcast.
Have you noticed this in yourlife? Have you noticed I feel
like most of us have done this,where we do this. I mean, I was
trying to figure out what toname this podcast, but I was
like, I want people to know whatthey're going to get from the
(01:56):
podcast. I want to be very clearwhen someone sees the title, I
want them to either resonate ornot resonate. And I thought it
really is what we're talkingabout, is when you eat well, eat
well, eat well, and then you getthe fuck it's and what I have
seen many times, after coachingso many women, what is extremely
common, especially in thebeginning of when they're
working with me and they'reworking on really changing their
(02:19):
habits and changing the way theythink, and changing their eating
and all the things is that weuse a lot of willpower, so we're
going to talk about willpower ina minute. But what happens is we
kind of can corral ourself intoeating well for a time being
like so let's the best. The bestway to describe this is either
thinking about a weekend or avacation. Weekends are tough for
(02:43):
people. Sometimes vacations aretoo let's just focus on talking
about a weekend as an example.
Maybe weekends are tough foryou, and so you're really trying
to eat better on the weekends,and so maybe you're like, doing
well, you made a plan foryourself. You're listening to
the podcast, you're you'reloving if you're one of my
clients, you're like, in theportal, watching the video. So
you're like, trying to floodyour life with all this work,
(03:04):
and you're really trying to dowell, and you have your plan,
and you're ready to go, andyou're talking to yourself,
you're pumping yourself up. Ilove it. And so let's say you do
well, like Saturday afternoon,you do well. Let's say you even
get yourself you do Saturday yougo out Saturday night. Not only
do you eat well, but you evenhave fun, which is also very
important for many, many people,they feel like if they eat well,
(03:25):
quote, unquote, whatever well isfor them that it's not quite as
fun. So let's say you go outSaturday night and you actually
have a good time. Maybe you'reone of my clients, and you're
really following along with theidea of being in the moment and
having it not necessarily beabout the food, which is a
beautiful thing. And so thenSunday afternoon, you're do you
(03:46):
do well again? And you're like,oh my god, I'm so proud of
myself. And then all the sudden,something happens. It's like a
switch turns over Sunday night,and you, all of a sudden, are
like, You know what? Fuck it.
And not fuck it like, Fuckeverything, but in that moment,
you have what I call the fuckit's and so it sounds like this.
(04:09):
It's almost kind of like thestory changes from, I can do
this, I can do this. I'm doingit. All of a sudden, the story
changes to, this is my lastchance, like, for the weekend,
or maybe this is my last chancefor the food, whatever that food
is, or I did so well. I'm soproud of myself. I deserve this,
(04:31):
especially if you're coming backto life that's going to be
healthy eating. I remember thishappened to me one time on a
camping trip. This was a longtime ago, before I really was
deep into this work, before Ichanged my habits, before I
changed my self concept, beforeI really was in control. And we
went on like a four day campingtrip, and I ate good the way I
had wanted to the whole time,until all of a sudden, it was
(04:54):
literally the last day. And Ithink we were actually packing
up. It was legit the last day.
And. The camping trip. And Iliterally, all of a sudden, I
said, Fuck it. And there was,like, I think there were from
our s'mores situation. Therewere literally, like two candy
bars left, and I threw one away,and before I threw the other
one, I opened it, and I tookhalf of it, and I just shoved it
in my mouth. So common, socommon. It's almost kind of like
(05:19):
for me in that moment. It wasfuck it, but it was also, this
is my last chance, becausehere's the thing I did well the
whole camping trip, and I knewwhen I went home I was gonna
continue doing well, right? Iwasn't going home to a pantry
filled with chocolate bars andand graham crackers. I knew
there was none of that at home,so there really was, this is my
(05:42):
last chance I've done so wellfuck it. And I ate half of that
chocolate bar, and then really,five minutes later, I was like,
What in the hell is going on?
Why do I always do that? AndI've told my clients many times
before that, I liken it to likewhen you watch the nature
(06:03):
channel and you watch SharkWeek, right? My dad and I used
to watch Shark Week sometimes,and when you see the the Great
White come up out of the waterto grab a seal, and its eyes
roll back, and they it onlyshows the whites of their eyes.
I'm sure it's some protectivething, but it's almost like
there's this. It probably isn'thappening with the shark, but I
always thought of it as like anunconsciousness and that's what
(06:25):
happened to me. I threw one ofthe chocolate bars away, I
opened the other and I reallyjust went completely
unconscious, and I ate it asfast as I could. And I really
believe that the reason why alot of times we eat very fast
when we are getting the fuckit's is because we don't want to
coach ourselves. We don't want,first of all, anyone to see what
(06:46):
we're doing. And we don't wantour prefrontal cortex, the real
us, to step in and say, What areyou doing? Girl, what do you do?
We don't want that. We want tojust seek as much pleasure in
the moment as possible. So letme be clear, this common
trigger, this is a trigger toeat well, eat well, eat well,
(07:08):
and then get the fuck it,especially if you're coming to
the end of, like a long weekendor even a short weekend, or a
vacation or a road trip. This,it's probably a phenomenon. I
don't know what makes somethinga phenomenon, but I really think
it is. This is such a commontrigger for so many people, it
does not fully go away. This isnot a bad thing. I don't want
(07:31):
you to get discouraged, but Istill have this. And this is me
always being radically honestwith you. This is me going
against the grain, and from whata lot of other coaches and a lot
of programs act like you aregonna hit a place in your life
where you never want a chocolatebar again if you like chocolate
bar, so you never want a pieceof bread if you like bread, and
that's never going to happen,but you can get so much more
(07:54):
peace around it, so much morecomfort, comfortable and So much
more confident. The differencebetween me now and then that
girl that was camping years ago,is I manage it? Well, first of
all, let me back up. The biggestdifference is I know it's coming
when I'm coming into the lastday of a fun filled weekend. I
(08:15):
know it's coming when I am onvacation. And I'm coming into
the last day of vacation, I knowit's coming. When I am on a long
road trip, it is coming, and soI manage it. So like, for you,
like, it's possible you haven'trealized this is a thing. So I'm
so glad you're here. The firstthing is realizing, Oh, my God
(08:36):
I'm resonating with whatCourtney is saying that totally
happens to me? Beautiful. Nowreally dive into your mind. Does
this happen every weekend? Doesit happen when you're doing
certain things with yourweekend? Does it happen around
certain people? Does it happenif you restrict too much? A lot
of my clients they really are soused to going on diets, it's the
only time they've seen realweight loss in the past. And so
(09:00):
sometimes they get a little toorestrictive, and I have to
remind them, there's no reasonwe have to be totally
restrictive, because oftentimes,if we are really, really
restrictive, it's like, eat,well, eat, well, eat, well, I
should even say it's eatperfect. Eat perfect. Eat
perfect. And then you get thefuck it's so what is really
going on with you? Really diveinto your resonating. But really
dive into how this shows up foryou in your life. So the
(09:22):
difference for me now, thedifference for my clients now,
is they manage it. I stay on thepath even when my brain is
telling me to give in most ofthe time, and it usually is the
last day. Let me give you anexample. I was on a long road
trip with my husband coming backfrom visiting our son, about
five and a half hours away incollege, and we were on the long
(09:43):
road trip, and I said to myself,Courtney, you know, you it's
just a little bit of a hey,heads up. We know what's coming.
So that's step number one. Atrigger is coming. Courtney,
prepare yourself. All of asudden, we're probably the last
hour of the trip, and myhusband's like, I have to use
the restroom. And so thefastest. Place. We usually go to
Starbucks, but we were, youknow, we were COVID out, and so
(10:04):
we stopped at McDonald's. Idon't eat McDonald's. Like, I
mean, probably the last time Iate McDonald's was, like, seven
years ago. Even if I'm going toeat fast food, it wouldn't be
McDonald's. But all of a suddenI came out and he had gotten
some McDonald's, which is noproblem for him. It's no
problem, no judgment. He hardlyever. He's a very healthy guy.
Hardly ever eats it, eats it. SoI had no judgment of him. But he
(10:25):
goes, Do you want to getsomething? And my brain did go,
Hmm, I mean, when are you goingto get McDonald's again? Because
there's Permission granted. Ifyour husband has already gotten
McDonald's, there's permissiongranted there. So my brain did
tell me you could. He wouldn'tcare. It wouldn't matter mine as
well. But I knew it was coming,and so when it came, I was like,
(10:48):
nope, but did I have a moment ofthat? Sure would taste good. A
milkshake, a vanilla milkshakefrom McDonald's, sure would
taste good. Six piece chickennugget, sure, probably would
taste good. I think I'm so farfrom it now that I don't know
how much I would want it, butI'm sure I could have found some
kind of delicious milkshake orsomething that I could have
rationalized and that would havetasted good. So the difference
(11:11):
now it's not that I don't wantany of the food. The difference
now is I know it's coming, and Idecide, oh yeah, that would
sound good, but it's a no ifyou're finding that you do this,
if you're finding that you eatwell, eat well, eat well, and
then actually say, Fuck it toyourself, and actually eat
whatever it is you're wanting,like me and the chocolate bar
(11:32):
when I was camping, it'sprobable that there is work to
be done. I believe we're in anever ending process of having
the potential to elevate ourlife. I believe we're always
learning. I think it's thereason why, why we're alive. But
it's probable that there's morework to be done, the work to
really change you, to understandyour triggers, to understand
(11:53):
your emotional eating, to changeyour self concept, to become the
woman that can all of a suddensay oh, you know what. You
deserve. It. You've had, you'veeaten good all weekend, and to
become the woman that goes, Ihear you primitive brain, but
we're going to stick to theplan. So let's talk for a moment
about willpower, and really likethe difference between willpower
(12:16):
and becoming the woman who isjust in control of her eating
most of the time, becausewillpower can work to resist
temptations, but after a while,it's just not sustainable.
Research shows willpower is likea muscle that can be fatigued
when you keep using it over andover. So for some of you, for
(12:37):
you, you might be at the whenyou finally get to fuck it. It
might be because you are holdingso tightly to willpower. It's
because maybe you don't know,maybe you have not been through
the process of understandingyour brain, of understanding
your triggers, understandingyour emotional eating, being
able to really want somethingand sit with that desire and
(12:58):
process it through, but yetchoose you what you want more,
but it's possible for you thatyou are using willpower, and
willpower doesn't last. There isa thing called, you know,
willpower fatigue. There is athing called decision fatigue,
and it after a while, it justgets hard when you're doing it
over and over, when you'remaking decisions, making
(13:18):
decisions, making decisions. Youhit a wall when you're using
willpower, willpower, willpower,your you hit a wall. So when
there's willpower there, ittells us there's still conflict.
There's still not a higher levelof understanding of your brain,
understanding of your emotions,understanding what's really
(13:40):
going on with you, and you havenot fully really changed you
yet. You've really not steppedinto the new self concept of
being the person that is incontrol. So again, it doesn't
mean that your brain's not goingto try to tell you, fuck it. You
deserve a treat. If you're oneof my clients and you're hearing
this and you're like, Oh, mybrain still does tell me that my
(14:02):
brain does too, but how yourespond lets us know where your
level of control is at. If youare having to use a lot of
willpower, you are probablyhitting a wall and getting the
fuck it's and not able tocontrol yourself. I want to make
a distinction between usingwillpower and having the ability
(14:22):
to feel in control, because thisis very different than just
wanting something. Just becauseyou feel in control does not
mean that you don't wantsomething. You can want
something feel the desire for itand remind yourself that you're
committed to not having it andcontinue on eating the way you
want to eat, eating the way thatsupports your life, but willing
(14:47):
yourself to not eat a brownie ata party when you're there for
three hours is quite differentthan thinking, Oh, that looks
really good. But you know what,I'm really it's okay that I kind
of want it, but what I really.
Want to do is just sit here andallow the wanting of it, because
what I really want is to sleepwell and to feel well and to be
proud of myself and to keep onwith my goals. Very different.
(15:07):
Very, very different. I had aclient tell me last night, it
was so wonderful. She's workedwith me for a few months now,
and she just hit a new low. Shejust hit a new low that she has
not seen in a very long time, anew low in her weight. And she
said, I'm surprised that this isnow becoming so much less of a
struggle, and I'm not dieting.
(15:32):
She goes, I just if you wouldhave told me this a few years
ago, I would have been like,it's not possible. And she says,
but this is getting easier andeasier and easier to me, what
this means is she's not havingto use willpower anymore. She's
changing her she's changed herhabits, and it's becoming just
who she is. That's why it'sgetting easier when you're start
(15:53):
changing who you are by doingthis work, understanding your
emotions, feeling in control,allowing the desire without
eating when you change you itdoes get easier. You don't have
to sit there and hold, hold,hold with willpower any longer.
I always want to speak to what Iam talking about in an educated
(16:13):
way, so I did a little bit ofresearch on willpower, and I
found this fascinating, and I'mgoing to tell you before I even
read it. I disagree. Okay, Idisagree so. Let me read this to
you. If your life requireswillpower, you haven't fully
determined what you want,because once you make a
decision, the internal debate isover. As Michael Jordan has
(16:37):
said, once I made a decision, Inever thought about it again.
After you decide what you want,the decision is made. Thus all
future decisions regarding thatmatter have also been made. No
questions. So are you seriousabout this, or are you just
talking? Are you still on thefence? Or have you decided,
(17:00):
until you decide you will berequired to use willpower and
will continue making minimalprogress if you are truly
committed to something in yourmind, it is as though you've
already succeeded. All doubt anddisbelief are gone.
I disagree. It sounds amazing,and I love me some. Michael
(17:21):
Jordan, I 100% disagree. I feellike I'm extremely disciplined.
I make very powerful decisionsin my life quite often, and I
still have doubt. I stillquestion it, I still worry that
I'm gonna get the results I wantI still fail and go off the
(17:45):
beaten path and have to comeback like reading this, for some
reason, makes me so emotional. Iknow what it is. I'll tell you
why it makes me emotional,because reading this, I think,
makes people feel like there'ssomething wrong with them. This
is the kind of shit I used toread, and I would think, why
(18:06):
can't I just decide maybe Idon't want it bad enough? Which,
what does that say to us? That'sshame. It tells us that we don't
want it bad enough, or we wouldbe doing a good job. And it's
just not true. It's not true,especially when it comes to
food. When it comes to food,we're now talking about
(18:31):
dopamine. We're talking abouthabits. We're talking about
addictions. We're talking aboutpleasure. We're talking about
being wired to live seekingpleasure in a world that has too
much pleasure available. Kind ofsurprised me that I got so
emotional. But I think this isthe kind of stuff that people
read and they tell themselves,there's something wrong with me,
(18:53):
and it's not fair. If you'retruly committed to something in
your mind, it's still going tobe hard sometimes. That's why
you'll always hear me say 95% ofthe time I eat well, 95% of the
time I make a plan of followthrough, and then 5% of the time
something is going wrong in mylife, and I emotionally eat
because I'm a fucking humanbeing. But here's what I will
(19:16):
tell you right now, if you dothis work, you can get to a
place where 95% of the time youare living, from a place of your
truth, from a place of trustingyourself, from a place of
becoming the woman who feelsconfident and in control. And
then the 5% of the time you'lleat in a way that doesn't serve
(19:38):
you, and you'll get right backon track. And you'll put your
hand on your chest and you'llsay, Oh, wow, that was really
hard, and I'm a human being, andyou'll talk to yourself the way
you talk to someone or someanimal or some someone you love.
None of this is perfect. Thisread that I just read to you
(19:58):
says, if you're. Reallydedicated if you've decided
you're going to be perfect, andthat's not fucking true. Michael
Jordan is an extraordinary humanbeing that messes up. I'm going
to disagree. If Michael Jordanwere in front of me, I'd say,
Michael Jordan, you're amazing,and you've done amazing things,
but you don't get it right everytime. And I disagree. Once you
(20:22):
made a decision, you neverthought about it again, I'm
gonna disagree. So when it comesto the last day of your vacation
or a long weekend, when you'vedone well, you've done well,
you've done well, be ready toget the fuck it's be ready to
have your brain go, you've donea really good job. You now
(20:42):
deserve a treat. Be ready foryour brain to say that's the
last Cadbury egg, and thenEaster is officially over. You
might as well have it, becausetomorrow they're not going to be
available. First of all, anytimeyour brain says that's not going
to be available with the amountof availability in our culture
right now, you can always callbullshit on that thought Cadbury
(21:03):
eggs are available in December,and if you were unaware of that,
it's a thing called Amazon. Sowhen it comes to the last day of
your vacation or a long weekend,and your primitive brain starts
telling you you deserve it, oryou've done well, or this is
your last chance, does this meanyou've not made a decision. Does
this mean you're not serious?
Does this mean you just don'twant it enough? No, it means
(21:26):
you're human, and you have apart of your brain that's only
job is to make you happy rightnow, that part of your brain
does not care how you look inyour swimsuit, and your job is
to get good at understandingwhat's really going on,
understanding your brain, youremotions, your triggers, and
redirecting to what you trulywant. And then this becomes the
(21:49):
new you, and this takespractice. This is the process I
teach my clients. Join me for aconsult. If I can help you do
this work. If you want to becomethe woman that lives
differently, feels differently,you deserve it. Have a great
(22:10):
Tuesday. If you are ready tolose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently, feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food, a modernway of thinking about your
weight, your body and your lifeincludes mindset. I'm body and
life coach, Courtney Gray, andeach week I'm going to teach you
(00:29):
the mindset tools that arenecessary for changing the way
you eat forever. We will uncoverwhy you're eating when you said
you were going to stop, what todo when you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you. Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier. Welcome
to the podcast. Episode 76eating, well, eating, well,
eating welland fuck it. That's what we're
talking about here today. Howmany of us have been there
(01:14):
before? I think it's prettycommon. So we're gonna dive in.
It is going to be a rainyweekend here in Chico,
California. Oh, can you hear thedread in my voice? But what is
making me really happy is it'sgonna be 85 next week. I love me
the hot weather. And then I evensee, like, in over a week, I see
(01:35):
a 91 oh yeah, let's go. I'mvery, very excited about it. So
let's dive into the podcast.
Have you noticed this in yourlife? Have you noticed I feel
like most of us have done this,where we do this. I mean, I was
trying to figure out what toname this podcast, but I was
like, I want people to know whatthey're going to get from the
(01:56):
podcast. I want to be very clearwhen someone sees the title, I
want them to either resonate ornot resonate. And I thought it
really is what we're talkingabout, is when you eat well, eat
well, eat well, and then you getthe fuck it's and what I have
seen many times, after coachingso many women, what is extremely
common, especially in thebeginning of when they're
working with me and they'reworking on really changing their
(02:19):
habits and changing the way theythink, and changing their eating
and all the things is that weuse a lot of willpower, so we're
going to talk about willpower ina minute. But what happens is we
kind of can corral ourself intoeating well for a time being
like so let's the best. The bestway to describe this is either
thinking about a weekend or avacation. Weekends are tough for
(02:43):
people. Sometimes vacations aretoo let's just focus on talking
about a weekend as an example.
Maybe weekends are tough foryou, and so you're really trying
to eat better on the weekends,and so maybe you're like, doing
well, you made a plan foryourself. You're listening to
the podcast, you're you'reloving if you're one of my
clients, you're like, in theportal, watching the video. So
you're like, trying to floodyour life with all this work,
(03:04):
and you're really trying to dowell, and you have your plan,
and you're ready to go, andyou're talking to yourself,
you're pumping yourself up. Ilove it. And so let's say you do
well, like Saturday afternoon,you do well. Let's say you even
get yourself you do Saturday yougo out Saturday night. Not only
do you eat well, but you evenhave fun, which is also very
important for many, many people,they feel like if they eat well,
(03:25):
quote, unquote, whatever well isfor them that it's not quite as
fun. So let's say you go outSaturday night and you actually
have a good time. Maybe you'reone of my clients, and you're
really following along with theidea of being in the moment and
having it not necessarily beabout the food, which is a
beautiful thing. And so thenSunday afternoon, you're do you
(03:46):
do well again? And you're like,oh my god, I'm so proud of
myself. And then all the sudden,something happens. It's like a
switch turns over Sunday night,and you, all of a sudden, are
like, You know what? Fuck it.
And not fuck it like, Fuckeverything, but in that moment,
you have what I call the fuckit's and so it sounds like this.
(04:09):
It's almost kind of like thestory changes from, I can do
this, I can do this. I'm doingit. All of a sudden, the story
changes to, this is my lastchance, like, for the weekend,
or maybe this is my last chancefor the food, whatever that food
is, or I did so well. I'm soproud of myself. I deserve this,
(04:31):
especially if you're coming backto life that's going to be
healthy eating. I remember thishappened to me one time on a
camping trip. This was a longtime ago, before I really was
deep into this work, before Ichanged my habits, before I
changed my self concept, beforeI really was in control. And we
went on like a four day campingtrip, and I ate good the way I
had wanted to the whole time,until all of a sudden, it was
(04:54):
literally the last day. And Ithink we were actually packing
up. It was legit the last day.
And. The camping trip. And Iliterally, all of a sudden, I
said, Fuck it. And there was,like, I think there were from
our s'mores situation. Therewere literally, like two candy
bars left, and I threw one away,and before I threw the other
one, I opened it, and I tookhalf of it, and I just shoved it
in my mouth. So common, socommon. It's almost kind of like
(05:19):
for me in that moment. It wasfuck it, but it was also, this
is my last chance, becausehere's the thing I did well the
whole camping trip, and I knewwhen I went home I was gonna
continue doing well, right? Iwasn't going home to a pantry
filled with chocolate bars andand graham crackers. I knew
there was none of that at home,so there really was, this is my
(05:42):
last chance I've done so wellfuck it. And I ate half of that
chocolate bar, and then really,five minutes later, I was like,
What in the hell is going on?
Why do I always do that? AndI've told my clients many times
before that, I liken it to likewhen you watch the nature
(06:03):
channel and you watch SharkWeek, right? My dad and I used
to watch Shark Week sometimes,and when you see the the Great
White come up out of the waterto grab a seal, and its eyes
roll back, and they it onlyshows the whites of their eyes.
I'm sure it's some protectivething, but it's almost like
there's this. It probably isn'thappening with the shark, but I
always thought of it as like anunconsciousness and that's what
(06:25):
happened to me. I threw one ofthe chocolate bars away, I
opened the other and I reallyjust went completely
unconscious, and I ate it asfast as I could. And I really
believe that the reason why alot of times we eat very fast
when we are getting the fuckit's is because we don't want to
coach ourselves. We don't want,first of all, anyone to see what
(06:46):
we're doing. And we don't wantour prefrontal cortex, the real
us, to step in and say, What areyou doing? Girl, what do you do?
We don't want that. We want tojust seek as much pleasure in
the moment as possible. So letme be clear, this common
trigger, this is a trigger toeat well, eat well, eat well,
(07:08):
and then get the fuck it,especially if you're coming to
the end of, like a long weekendor even a short weekend, or a
vacation or a road trip. This,it's probably a phenomenon. I
don't know what makes somethinga phenomenon, but I really think
it is. This is such a commontrigger for so many people, it
does not fully go away. This isnot a bad thing. I don't want
(07:31):
you to get discouraged, but Istill have this. And this is me
always being radically honestwith you. This is me going
against the grain, and from whata lot of other coaches and a lot
of programs act like you aregonna hit a place in your life
where you never want a chocolatebar again if you like chocolate
bar, so you never want a pieceof bread if you like bread, and
that's never going to happen,but you can get so much more
(07:54):
peace around it, so much morecomfort, comfortable and So much
more confident. The differencebetween me now and then that
girl that was camping years ago,is I manage it? Well, first of
all, let me back up. The biggestdifference is I know it's coming
when I'm coming into the lastday of a fun filled weekend. I
(08:15):
know it's coming when I am onvacation. And I'm coming into
the last day of vacation, I knowit's coming. When I am on a long
road trip, it is coming, and soI manage it. So like, for you,
like, it's possible you haven'trealized this is a thing. So I'm
so glad you're here. The firstthing is realizing, Oh, my God
(08:36):
I'm resonating with whatCourtney is saying that totally
happens to me? Beautiful. Nowreally dive into your mind. Does
this happen every weekend? Doesit happen when you're doing
certain things with yourweekend? Does it happen around
certain people? Does it happenif you restrict too much? A lot
of my clients they really are soused to going on diets, it's the
only time they've seen realweight loss in the past. And so
(09:00):
sometimes they get a little toorestrictive, and I have to
remind them, there's no reasonwe have to be totally
restrictive, because oftentimes,if we are really, really
restrictive, it's like, eat,well, eat, well, eat, well, I
should even say it's eatperfect. Eat perfect. Eat
perfect. And then you get thefuck it's so what is really
going on with you? Really diveinto your resonating. But really
dive into how this shows up foryou in your life. So the
(09:22):
difference for me now, thedifference for my clients now,
is they manage it. I stay on thepath even when my brain is
telling me to give in most ofthe time, and it usually is the
last day. Let me give you anexample. I was on a long road
trip with my husband coming backfrom visiting our son, about
five and a half hours away incollege, and we were on the long
(09:43):
road trip, and I said to myself,Courtney, you know, you it's
just a little bit of a hey,heads up. We know what's coming.
So that's step number one. Atrigger is coming. Courtney,
prepare yourself. All of asudden, we're probably the last
hour of the trip, and myhusband's like, I have to use
the restroom. And so thefastest. Place. We usually go to
Starbucks, but we were, youknow, we were COVID out, and so
(10:04):
we stopped at McDonald's. Idon't eat McDonald's. Like, I
mean, probably the last time Iate McDonald's was, like, seven
years ago. Even if I'm going toeat fast food, it wouldn't be
McDonald's. But all of a suddenI came out and he had gotten
some McDonald's, which is noproblem for him. It's no
problem, no judgment. He hardlyever. He's a very healthy guy.
Hardly ever eats it, eats it. SoI had no judgment of him. But he
(10:25):
goes, Do you want to getsomething? And my brain did go,
Hmm, I mean, when are you goingto get McDonald's again? Because
there's Permission granted. Ifyour husband has already gotten
McDonald's, there's permissiongranted there. So my brain did
tell me you could. He wouldn'tcare. It wouldn't matter mine as
well. But I knew it was coming,and so when it came, I was like,
(10:48):
nope, but did I have a moment ofthat? Sure would taste good. A
milkshake, a vanilla milkshakefrom McDonald's, sure would
taste good. Six piece chickennugget, sure, probably would
taste good. I think I'm so farfrom it now that I don't know
how much I would want it, butI'm sure I could have found some
kind of delicious milkshake orsomething that I could have
rationalized and that would havetasted good. So the difference
(11:11):
now it's not that I don't wantany of the food. The difference
now is I know it's coming, and Idecide, oh yeah, that would
sound good, but it's a no ifyou're finding that you do this,
if you're finding that you eatwell, eat well, eat well, and
then actually say, Fuck it toyourself, and actually eat
whatever it is you're wanting,like me and the chocolate bar
(11:32):
when I was camping, it'sprobable that there is work to
be done. I believe we're in anever ending process of having
the potential to elevate ourlife. I believe we're always
learning. I think it's thereason why, why we're alive. But
it's probable that there's morework to be done, the work to
really change you, to understandyour triggers, to understand
(11:53):
your emotional eating, to changeyour self concept, to become the
woman that can all of a suddensay oh, you know what. You
deserve. It. You've had, you'veeaten good all weekend, and to
become the woman that goes, Ihear you primitive brain, but
we're going to stick to theplan. So let's talk for a moment
about willpower, and really likethe difference between willpower
(12:16):
and becoming the woman who isjust in control of her eating
most of the time, becausewillpower can work to resist
temptations, but after a while,it's just not sustainable.
Research shows willpower is likea muscle that can be fatigued
when you keep using it over andover. So for some of you, for
(12:37):
you, you might be at the whenyou finally get to fuck it. It
might be because you are holdingso tightly to willpower. It's
because maybe you don't know,maybe you have not been through
the process of understandingyour brain, of understanding
your triggers, understandingyour emotional eating, being
able to really want somethingand sit with that desire and
(12:58):
process it through, but yetchoose you what you want more,
but it's possible for you thatyou are using willpower, and
willpower doesn't last. There isa thing called, you know,
willpower fatigue. There is athing called decision fatigue,
and it after a while, it justgets hard when you're doing it
over and over, when you'remaking decisions, making
(13:18):
decisions, making decisions. Youhit a wall when you're using
willpower, willpower, willpower,your you hit a wall. So when
there's willpower there, ittells us there's still conflict.
There's still not a higher levelof understanding of your brain,
understanding of your emotions,understanding what's really
(13:40):
going on with you, and you havenot fully really changed you
yet. You've really not steppedinto the new self concept of
being the person that is incontrol. So again, it doesn't
mean that your brain's not goingto try to tell you, fuck it. You
deserve a treat. If you're oneof my clients and you're hearing
this and you're like, Oh, mybrain still does tell me that my
(14:02):
brain does too, but how yourespond lets us know where your
level of control is at. If youare having to use a lot of
willpower, you are probablyhitting a wall and getting the
fuck it's and not able tocontrol yourself. I want to make
a distinction between usingwillpower and having the ability
(14:22):
to feel in control, because thisis very different than just
wanting something. Just becauseyou feel in control does not
mean that you don't wantsomething. You can want
something feel the desire for itand remind yourself that you're
committed to not having it andcontinue on eating the way you
want to eat, eating the way thatsupports your life, but willing
(14:47):
yourself to not eat a brownie ata party when you're there for
three hours is quite differentthan thinking, Oh, that looks
really good. But you know what,I'm really it's okay that I kind
of want it, but what I really.
Want to do is just sit here andallow the wanting of it, because
what I really want is to sleepwell and to feel well and to be
proud of myself and to keep onwith my goals. Very different.
(15:07):
Very, very different. I had aclient tell me last night, it
was so wonderful. She's workedwith me for a few months now,
and she just hit a new low. Shejust hit a new low that she has
not seen in a very long time, anew low in her weight. And she
said, I'm surprised that this isnow becoming so much less of a
struggle, and I'm not dieting.
(15:32):
She goes, I just if you wouldhave told me this a few years
ago, I would have been like,it's not possible. And she says,
but this is getting easier andeasier and easier to me, what
this means is she's not havingto use willpower anymore. She's
changing her she's changed herhabits, and it's becoming just
who she is. That's why it'sgetting easier when you're start
(15:53):
changing who you are by doingthis work, understanding your
emotions, feeling in control,allowing the desire without
eating when you change you itdoes get easier. You don't have
to sit there and hold, hold,hold with willpower any longer.
I always want to speak to what Iam talking about in an educated
(16:13):
way, so I did a little bit ofresearch on willpower, and I
found this fascinating, and I'mgoing to tell you before I even
read it. I disagree. Okay, Idisagree so. Let me read this to
you. If your life requireswillpower, you haven't fully
determined what you want,because once you make a
decision, the internal debate isover. As Michael Jordan has
(16:37):
said, once I made a decision, Inever thought about it again.
After you decide what you want,the decision is made. Thus all
future decisions regarding thatmatter have also been made. No
questions. So are you seriousabout this, or are you just
talking? Are you still on thefence? Or have you decided,
(17:00):
until you decide you will berequired to use willpower and
will continue making minimalprogress if you are truly
committed to something in yourmind, it is as though you've
already succeeded. All doubt anddisbelief are gone.
I disagree. It sounds amazing,and I love me some. Michael
(17:21):
Jordan, I 100% disagree. I feellike I'm extremely disciplined.
I make very powerful decisionsin my life quite often, and I
still have doubt. I stillquestion it, I still worry that
I'm gonna get the results I wantI still fail and go off the
(17:45):
beaten path and have to comeback like reading this, for some
reason, makes me so emotional. Iknow what it is. I'll tell you
why it makes me emotional,because reading this, I think,
makes people feel like there'ssomething wrong with them. This
is the kind of shit I used toread, and I would think, why
(18:06):
can't I just decide maybe Idon't want it bad enough? Which,
what does that say to us? That'sshame. It tells us that we don't
want it bad enough, or we wouldbe doing a good job. And it's
just not true. It's not true,especially when it comes to
food. When it comes to food,we're now talking about
(18:31):
dopamine. We're talking abouthabits. We're talking about
addictions. We're talking aboutpleasure. We're talking about
being wired to live seekingpleasure in a world that has too
much pleasure available. Kind ofsurprised me that I got so
emotional. But I think this isthe kind of stuff that people
read and they tell themselves,there's something wrong with me,
(18:53):
and it's not fair. If you'retruly committed to something in
your mind, it's still going tobe hard sometimes. That's why
you'll always hear me say 95% ofthe time I eat well, 95% of the
time I make a plan of followthrough, and then 5% of the time
something is going wrong in mylife, and I emotionally eat
because I'm a fucking humanbeing. But here's what I will
(19:16):
tell you right now, if you dothis work, you can get to a
place where 95% of the time youare living, from a place of your
truth, from a place of trustingyourself, from a place of
becoming the woman who feelsconfident and in control. And
then the 5% of the time you'lleat in a way that doesn't serve
(19:38):
you, and you'll get right backon track. And you'll put your
hand on your chest and you'llsay, Oh, wow, that was really
hard, and I'm a human being, andyou'll talk to yourself the way
you talk to someone or someanimal or some someone you love.
None of this is perfect. Thisread that I just read to you
(19:58):
says, if you're. Reallydedicated if you've decided
you're going to be perfect, andthat's not fucking true. Michael
Jordan is an extraordinary humanbeing that messes up. I'm going
to disagree. If Michael Jordanwere in front of me, I'd say,
Michael Jordan, you're amazing,and you've done amazing things,
but you don't get it right everytime. And I disagree. Once you
(20:22):
made a decision, you neverthought about it again, I'm
gonna disagree. So when it comesto the last day of your vacation
or a long weekend, when you'vedone well, you've done well,
you've done well, be ready toget the fuck it's be ready to
have your brain go, you've donea really good job. You now
(20:42):
deserve a treat. Be ready foryour brain to say that's the
last Cadbury egg, and thenEaster is officially over. You
might as well have it, becausetomorrow they're not going to be
available. First of all, anytimeyour brain says that's not going
to be available with the amountof availability in our culture
right now, you can always callbullshit on that thought Cadbury
(21:03):
eggs are available in December,and if you were unaware of that,
it's a thing called Amazon. Sowhen it comes to the last day of
your vacation or a long weekend,and your primitive brain starts
telling you you deserve it, oryou've done well, or this is
your last chance, does this meanyou've not made a decision. Does
this mean you're not serious?
Does this mean you just don'twant it enough? No, it means
(21:26):
you're human, and you have apart of your brain that's only
job is to make you happy rightnow, that part of your brain
does not care how you look inyour swimsuit, and your job is
to get good at understandingwhat's really going on,
understanding your brain, youremotions, your triggers, and
redirecting to what you trulywant. And then this becomes the
(21:49):
new you, and this takespractice. This is the process I
teach my clients. Join me for aconsult. If I can help you do
this work. If you want to becomethe woman that lives
differently, feels differently,you deserve it. Have a great
(22:10):
Tuesday. If you are ready tolose weight and keep it off
permanently and feel confidentand at peace around food, I
invite you to head to CourtneyGray coaching.com to learn about
how to work with me. I work withwomen privately, one on one, and
I also offer small groupcoaching. There is a link to my
website in the show notes you.
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