May 20, 2025 • 27 mins
I am diving into WHY it is hard to change, even though we want it.
Click HERE for all the details and to enroll in my coaching experience for June, Ready for Change.
It is not as simple as tips or tricks or repeating something for 21 days.
But real permanent change is possible for you, when you understand the mindset and strategy to creating new habits.
As always, in this podcast, I will start by explaining why you have been struggling to make the consistent changes you want to make in your life.
Once you understand what is getting in your way you can move forward and become the woman who changes for good.
I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:06):
Matt, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast
for women who want to loseweight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier. Welcome
to the Podcast, episode 79 readyfor change, and we're talking
about your weight, your health,your exercise, your mindset,
(01:14):
your life. We're talking aboutchanging all of the things. So
first of all, it's 85 degreeshere, and I could not be
happier. It's like mytemperature 80 to 90 is a dream
come true for me. I'm just very,very happy. I work very hard at
making myself happy, but it's somuch easier when it's 85 degrees
(01:34):
out. And today, I'm reallyexcited because my niece is home
from college, and so she and Iare going to go to lunch and
we're going to lay out and we'reI'm taking the day, besides
doing this podcast, I'm takingthe day. I'm in heaven. And so
I'm excited to record thispodcast with you today, and I
want to start by reading a quoteby Marianne Williamson. I sent
(01:57):
this quote to my email list lastweek, and I had so many people
reply like, I think, more thanever, and just say, I needed
this, or this is amazing, or Icreated this to be my
screensaver, or, Oh, my God, Ilove this so much. And this is a
quote I've had, like, on one ofmy private Pinterest boards for
years. And this is a quote thatmy friend Heather, I think it
(02:17):
might be her favorite quote, andshe has it, I think she hasn't
actually printed up in herhouse, and so I'm going to read
it to you and it just I hope itwill, I hope you will resonate
with it as much as I do, and asmuch as a lot of the women on my
email list resonated with it.
Our deepest fear is not that weare inadequate. Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyondmeasure. It is our light, not
(02:40):
our darkness, that mostfrightens us. We ask ourselves,
who am I to be? Brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous,
actually. Who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Yourplaying small does not serve the
world. There is nothingenlightened about shrinking so
(03:02):
that other people won't feelinsecure around you. We are all
meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us. It is not in just some ofus, it is in everyone. And as we
let our own light shine, weunconsciously give other people
permission to do the same as weare liberated from our own fear,
(03:24):
our presence automaticallyliberates others. I just feel
like this is an allencompassing, amazing statement,
quote from Marianne Williamson.
And you know, if you don'tbelieve in God, there's many
people that do believe in God,but if you believe more in
universal energy, or any othertype of significant energy in
(03:47):
your life, you can simplyreplace, instead of saying God,
you can simply replace with withwhatever speaks to you. I just
love this quote so much. Thisquote inspired me so much that I
decided to do something Ihaven't done before. I talked
about it a little bit on thepodcast last week, I have been
thinking about creating a groupexperience for all the women,
(04:08):
all the women who have workedwith me before, women who have
never worked me before, womenwho have never done a program
for themselves before I came upwith this group experience in a
meditation I will tell You, Iwas thinking about how fun it
would be just to do a one monthprogram, because I've never done
usually I do either three monthsor six months or year long
(04:29):
programs. I've never done a onemonth program. I just thought,
God, it would be so fun. And Ithought it would be really a
powerful month at a lower pricethan I've ever done before. Just
really to give women who havenever done a program, this
opportunity to blow their mind,and an opportunity for clients
who have worked with me beforeto work on other goals or just
(04:50):
to recommit, or just to up leveleven further. I know my own
journey when I started acoaching program years and years
ago, it was I. It for aboutthree years. I paid every month,
and I did it for about threeyears. I was gaining results in
my life that just compounded andcompounded and compounded. So
I'm really excited for thisprogram. I'm excited, and I
(05:13):
think everyone should join thisprogram. Will optimize this
quote that I just gave you, andhelp you take the inspiration
that we so often hear, right? Weso often listen to a podcast and
we feel inspired. We so oftensee like a quote on Pinterest or
Instagram, and we feel inspired,and we'll save it, you know,
we'll save it to our Instagramaccount. This group, this, I'm
(05:36):
calling it an experience,because group just doesn't sound
as fun, is going to help youtake the inspiration you feel
and actually put it intoinspired action. I especially
love the part where it says, Whoam I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous. Besidesthe fact that I love the word
fabulous, and I use it all thetime, it's one of my words in my
(05:58):
repertoire of words. So thequote is, who am I to be?
Brilliant, gorgeous, talented,fabulous. And then the next part
of it is, actually, who are younot to be? And that's why I
wanted to create this experiencefor women who are ready for
more, ready for change, butmaybe who are struggling to do
it on their own. And so I wantto talk for a moment about why
(06:19):
we struggle to create change inour lives. I think it's a few
reasons I'm going to give you. Ithink I have like seven reasons
here. So I think one of the mainreasons we struggle is because
we don't believe it's reallypossible for us. It takes
practice to believe something ispossible that is not yet
possible. It takes practice forus to change our mind for us to
(06:41):
change a belief system. Everyonce in a while, someone can say
something that can literally bealmost like energy slap in the
face, and that's an amazingmoment. But most of the time, it
takes us time to think somethingover and over and over again, to
start actually believing it'strue, because oftentimes it's
(07:02):
not just a belief about theworld, it's also a belief that,
like, reflects our own selfconcept. You've heard me, I
often use the example ofpickleball, like, if you want to
get good at it, you know thatyou have to practice. I'm not
going to go out right now. I'mlaughing now because my husband
and I were going to join inthis, like it was a charity like
competition, pickleballcompetition. And I'm like, let's
(07:24):
do it. And I could just see myhusband is very competitive and
very athletic. He's one of thoseannoying people where you could
teach him, like, something he'snever done before, and he would
be good at it and, and so I'mlike, let's do it. And I'm not,
I'm I'm good at, well, I'mdecent at tennis. You know, for
someone who doesn't play tennisvery much, I'm pretty decent at
(07:45):
it. And so I assume to myselfthat I'm gonna be good at
pickleball, but I don't playpickleball very much. All my
girlfriends who play, I'm sure,are much better than me, but I'm
like, let's go. It'll be so fun.
And I can see his face lookingat me like, you're gonna be my
partner. I'm thinking of all thegirlfriends. He's like, can I be
with her? I'm thinking all thesegirlfriends. He's thinking he'd
rather be with them. Butanyways, like, I know that if I
(08:05):
really wanted to get good atpickleball, I would have to
practice. I would have topractice, right?
And I believe that if I didpractice, I would get better.
You believe that too? I'm surefor you, yeah, if I believed it,
I would get better. And here iswhy, because people around us
are hopping on the pickleballcraze, and they are getting
(08:29):
better. So we believe it'spossible for us, because it's
possible for everyone around us,but maybe the change you want to
make in your life is a changethat you're not seeing anyone
else be able to master aroundyou, maybe you're not seeing
anyone in your life thatactually even wants to make this
change. So you're like, not onlydo I not think it's possible, I
(08:51):
don't even know if I should wantthis for myself. So believing
something is possible for us canbe hard to do. It has to be
practiced, and that is whatkeeps a lot of people staying
from doing what they trulydesire to do, is because they
don't believe it's possible. Sothat's one of the things we're
going to be working on in thisgroup, is you upping your belief
(09:12):
that it is possible for you towant what you want, figure out
what you want, if you don'tknow, and then want what you
want, and that you can believeyou can actually get there.
Number two reason why westruggle to create change in our
lives is we've never reallycreated massive change or up
leveled in a major way. For manypeople, they've just been kind
(09:34):
of going along at life. Yes,maybe they've gone to college,
yes, maybe they've created anamazing career, but they've
never actually said I reallywant to, like, start eating
better. I really want to be moreconsistent at my workouts and
done that and actually done it.
They've never actually createdthe change they've wanted to
make. And so when we look at ourpast and we're like, yeah, I've
(09:55):
wanted to do this for a longtime, and I know there. Many of
you listening that you're like,I have been wanting to lose
weight or get in shape or gethealthy or get in a lower dress
size or be more consistent for along time. It's hard to change
when you don't believe that it'spossible. It's hard to change
when you've never really done itbefore. And so often we look for
(10:17):
all the evidence in the past. Welook at all the reasons why it's
not possible for us to do whatwe truly want to do. Number
three, we get stuck in confusionof what we truly want. And
sometimes this can happen at thebeginning, when you're trying to
decide, yeah, I want to change.
(10:38):
What exactly do I want? I want alot of different things. There
can be confusion there, orsometimes you can actually start
making progress to your goal.
And then there can be confusionthere. So confusion is always
the emotion that our primitivebrain leads us to in order to
keep us from moving forward.
Because remember, your primitivebrain does not want you to move
(10:59):
forward. Your primitive brains,ultimate time, ultimate day for
you, would be sitting on thecouch watching a TV marathon
while you scroll on your phoneand while you eat cookies.
That's what your brain wants foryou. And if you're in confusion
of what to do, you're notactually doing right. You're in
confusion. This is why so manypeople get stuck in consuming.
(11:22):
And what I mean by consuming isnot food in this moment,
consuming is gathering moreinformation. Oftentimes, when we
are in confusion, we go into Ineed to figure this out. I need
more information. I need tolearn more. I see this a lot,
especially with my businessclients, who are entrepreneurs.
They would love to spend all daylistening to podcasts, watching
(11:45):
master classes, reading booksand gathering information on how
to get better at selling,because the thought of actually
selling is terrifying. So theywould rather stay in the
confusion of I don't knowexactly what to do, because if
they knew exactly what to do,they would have to do it, and
that is terrifying. Or it's notonly terrifying, it's maybe hard
(12:07):
to do. Maybe emotion comes upthat you don't want there. Maybe
it's like so we get stuck in abit of confusion of what we
truly want. Because when we'reconfused, we don't actually have
to move forward. Moving forwardis when you are going to fail.
It is when things aren't goingto go right. You're going to
have to pivot, you're going tohave to analyze, you're going to
(12:29):
have to take ownership, you'regoing to have doubt, you're
going to have insecurity comeup. So confusion is a beautiful
safe space to sit in, andconfusion is why we struggle to
create change. Number four ofwhy we struggle to create
changes. We've tried before, andit hasn't gone well. I kind of
talked about this a moment ago,and so we give up. But what is
(12:50):
really going on here is youhaven't learned how to change
permanently, and I promise youthis process of learning how to
create real change, learning howto understand your brain,
understand your emotions,understanding how to trust
yourself, understanding how toexperiment. It's more than just
willpowering yourself to dosomething over and over for 21
(13:12):
days. Isn't that what peoplesay? Oh, you have to do
something for 21 days to createreal change. But how many of us
have actually done something for21 days and then on day 24 we
are like, we're not doing thisanymore. So it's not 21 days,
and sometimes it takes longerthan 21 days to become a woman
that is consistent withsomething. Hell yeah. It usually
(13:32):
takes longer than 21 days. Butyou can learn so much in the
process of creating changepermanently. And we certainly
don't want to look back. We dolook I will say we do look back
a little bit. One of the thingswe look back for is limiting
beliefs. But once we gatherthose limiting beliefs, we
really move and look forward. Welook forward into creating new
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beliefs, creating newexcitement, creating new
patterns, creating new visionsfor the future. Okay, number
five, we struggle to createchange because the time is never
right. I have to tell you, Ihave coached many women who have
told me that they wanted tocoach with me for years, but
(14:17):
they waited until they wereretired, and then even it took
them, like a year, six months ora year into their retirement, to
finally admit to themselves thatthey have had time all along.
They're just not using theirtime wisely. They're coming up
with excuses why now is not thetime. I always love to say the
best time is now. I have manyclients that are working with me
(14:39):
while at the same time goingthrough really hard things in
their lives. And you know what?
Learning how to put you on thefront burner, learning how to
put your true desires first whenyou're in the middle of
something really hard, is agreat time to do it. Here's why,
if you all of a sudden. Havethree, six months, whatever,
(15:00):
where there's no drama in yourlife, your kids don't break a
leg. All your parents arefeeling well, there's no money
scarcity. Everything is great.
And you learn how to become areally good eater, and you learn
how to be consistent with yourworkouts. All of a sudden, when
shit goes sideways, you're notgoing to know what to do. You're
(15:22):
not going to know how toactually get to the gym when
you're feeling a little sadabout something happening.
You're not going to learn how toeat a healthy dinner even when
you're stressed out. So the timefor many people is never right,
but right now is always theright time to do this work, I've
been thinking a lot lately aboutthe healthy habits I have
(15:45):
implemented, even just in thelast few years, have really
saved me as I've gone throughsome harder things in my life in
this last year, and it's prettyamazing when You can still
support yourself, even whenyou're stressed or sad or
exhausted or whatever is comingup with you, it's just pretty
(16:07):
amazing to think, wow, I canactually maintain my weight,
still get a workout in, stilleat well, even when all of this
is going on, still stick to myplan or edit my plan and Do good
enough. Even when life goessideway, it's just a beautiful,
beautiful place to be in. AndI'll tell you, it feels like
love. It feels like love to beable to say, Okay, I'm not going
(16:30):
to be able to go to the gym forabout a week, but what can I do?
What feels in support of me?
It's a it's a great place to be.
It's a great it's a great skillto have. Number six, struggle of
why we have a hard time creatingchange is you've tried, but
there is resistance from peoplein your life. I'm gonna say that
(16:52):
again, you have tried, and maybeyou've had some success, but
there is resistance from peoplein your life. I'm going to
actually do a whole podcast onthis in the future, because I
think it there's I just have somuch to say. And I was just
talking with one of my lovelyclients the other day about
this. It's so common. It's socommon to decide something is
(17:13):
really important to you and goall in on it, to feel resistance
from people in your life. Andthat can show up a lot of
different ways. It can show upwith people making comments,
people disappointed, people notwanting to be around you
anymore, people changing the waythey interact with you because
of your changes. And this seemsso silly. You would think like,
(17:35):
why? If you This has neverhappened to you, you might be
like, I don't even understand.
How would someone losing weightand getting to their own next
level. Why would other peoplehave a problem with that? Well,
this quote might help you withthis. So I'm going to read I
sent this quote to her, and I'mgoing to read it to you, because
it's really powerful. And youknow what? I don't even know
who's who wrote this quote. Itwas one of those ones I found
that I don't know, so I can'tcredit to anyone. I wish it was
(17:56):
me. It wasn't, but I wish it wasme. Okay, here it is. A hard
part of awakening is realizingyou won't vibe with many people.
You won't be a part of the hivementally. You're more loyal to
your soul instead of society.
You are too real to fake.
Fitting in. Don't bediscouraged. It's better to be
(18:18):
patient when it comes toattracting those who will
resonate with you at a soullevel. Don't trade in your truth
for a little validation orattention. Enjoy your sacred
solitude and remain authentic,and you will become more
magnetic towards those who aregenuinely in tune with your
(18:39):
unique vibrational frequency. Ilove that quote so much. I'm
going to email this. If you'reon my email list, you're going
to get this email in a few days,because I just love that quote
so much. And I just think thatwe need to remember that if we
want something, even somethingthat we think might be trivial.
And I have a lot of clients,especially the clients who they
(19:02):
want to lose a little bit lessthan other people, if they only
have 15 or less pounds to lose,sometimes they feel a little bit
like, I don't even want to tellpeople, because I feel like it's
irrelevant. I feel like it'sinconsequential. I feel like it
doesn't matter. I disagree if itkeeps coming back for you, it
matters to you. And if someonedoesn't like that, it matters to
(19:27):
you. That's okay. That's okaythat they don't like it. You
don't have to kick them out ofyour life. You don't have to
talk to them about it. Let thembe okay. Let them, let them have
a problem with it. It's like MelRobbins new book, let them, let
them have their feelings aboutit. And you do you boo, people
will have thoughts about you.
(19:48):
Changing about what you decideis a priority. This is okay.
What matters is that you feelgood about what you're doing.
You are all on board. With whatyou're doing, you are willing to
put in the work and the time andthe effort to what you're doing.
Okay? The last number seven iswhy I think we struggle to
(20:09):
create changes. You're not inenough pain. This one, I have
been talking so much this weekwith a few of my clients. Here's
what I see happening. So often,clients will come to me when
they are in a lot of emotionalpain, not physical pain. They're
in emotional pain. They're likesome of my clients. Not everyone
(20:30):
says this, but some of myclients will say, I am at my
highest weight I've ever been,or I just got a diagnosis, or my
doctor wants to put me on amedicine or a it's almost kind
of like in terms of their bodyor health, they, in a way,
they've hit rock bottom, youknow, or a new bottom that
they've ever hit. And they'llcome to me and they're in
emotional pain, so they're allin and they lose a lot of
(20:52):
weight, right? They lose maybe,let's say they want to lose 20
pounds, and they will lose 12 ofthose 20 pounds. What can happen
is they start feeling so muchbetter, which is a beautiful
thing. They're enjoying theprocess, which is a beautiful
thing. They're losing weight forthe first time in their life
without dieting. Oh, it's abeautiful thing. And they're
(21:15):
having people say, Wow, you lookgreat. You just either like,
they'll they'll get, they'regetting compliments from people
saying, Wow, you look likeyou've lost weight. Or they're
getting comments from peoplesaying, Wow, you just look
really good in general. And Ithink it's because they're
vibing at a different energy,because they're happier. But you
know what else is happening?
They're no longer in pain, butyet they still want to lose more
weight. And so sometimes thereis a bit of a struggle to
(21:40):
continue to create the changethey want to make. Are you
resonating with this? I knowthere are some people going, Oh
my God, that's what's happeningto me. Okay. This is very
common, and so this can be oneof the reasons why some people
say the last five to 10 poundscan be harder. It can be harder,
because you're already feelingso much better. And so one of
(22:02):
the things we're going to do inthis program, this program for
June, is I'm going to teach youhow to have a practice of
recommitting to what you trulywant. That sounded weird, truly
want. I kind of googled that.
Truly what you truly want. Youneed to become the woman that
(22:23):
recommits all the time. You kindof need to become a sales rep to
yourself. You need to sellyourself on why this matters to
you. When the pain is gone andpain is a bigger motivator than
pleasure, so you need to createa different kind of pain. The
new pain is the thought of younever reaching your potential.
(22:45):
That's the new pain, the thoughtthat you kind of wanted to hit a
number, or you wanted to hit apair of jeans, or you wanted to
achieve a goal and you justdidn't make it. And then you're
going to get people going. Whatdoes it matter? You look great.
What does it matter? You knowwhat you need to decide why it
fucking matters to you. Becauseif you don't decide that it
(23:09):
fucking matters, you're notgonna get there. And I'm gonna
teach you how to dial in anddecide that it fucking matters.
I believe it does matter if youkeep thinking about wanting to
make a change in your life, ifit keeps coming back for you,
this is a true desire, and thatmeans you're worthy of it. I
(23:30):
believe that if you want it, youare worthy of achieving it at
any moment, at any age, at anytime, we can decide to give
ourselves the gift of changingour lives. We don't have to wait
for everything to be aligned. Wedon't have to wait for our
schedule to be free. This is ourone life, and I know that we all
(23:50):
deserve to feel good in ourbodies, feel good about our
choices, feel good about how wespend our time and how we live
our lives. You deserve to feelempowered that you can create a
change that you want to make. Sothis podcast is lighting you up.
If you feel like, let's go. Thiscoaching experience is enrolling
(24:10):
right now. We are going to coachtogether for the month of June.
It will be a month long program,whole month of June, not whole
month of June. We're going tostart on June 4 over I will
teach you how to create realchange in your life. I've never
created a program at this pricepoint with so much included in
one program you will get me foran hour of coaching and teaching
(24:32):
every week, I have created themost amazing workbook I've ever
created that will guide youthrough your mindset and
obstacles, and it will give youclarity on how to move forward
in ways you haven't done before.
We are doing a vision boardingworkshop. Yes, a vision boarding
workshop is going to be so fun,and you also get a private one
on one coaching call with me.
(24:55):
This is going to be a month toflood yourself with taking what
you're learning on. Podcast andimplementing it for real change.
Let's become BFFs for a month.
Shall we? So I just had a womanenroll, and after I sent her the
welcome video, because rightafter you enroll, I will send
you a welcome video. And sheemailed me back, and she said
she wanted to start eatingbetter and lose weight, but she
(25:15):
also wanted to get organized.
She had said something aboutlike she had turned into like a
real procrastinator with gettingthings done around her house.
And I'll tell you what I toldher, and I said, the reason you
eat more than you want to beeating in order to you know, the
reason why you're weighing morethan you want to be weighing is
(25:35):
the same reason you're nottaking care of the things around
your house. I told her, we'regoing to fix both, and that's
the beauty of this work, whenyou learn how to make a plan and
stick to it by understandingyour mindset and your emotions
and your desires and yourprimitive brain and everything
every area of your life getsbetter. Some women who are
enrolling have already workedwith me before, and they want to
(25:58):
go deeper into this work. Hellyes. They want even more change.
They want even more practice,and they get so much joy from up
leveling their bodies and otherparts of their lives. And I'm
also excited for all the newwomen who are right now
enrolling, women who havelistened and have wanted to work
with me. I can't wait. I can'twait to meet you. So women are
(26:18):
enrolling now. Save your spot inthis group coaching experience
for June. It's called ready forchange. There is a link in my
bio on Instagram. There is alink in the show notes of this
podcast, and you can also go toCourtney Gray coaching.com
forward slash, work with me. AndI can't wait for this coaching
(26:39):
experience. Have a greatTuesday. If you are ready to
lose weight and keep it offpermanently and feel confident
and at peace around food, Iinvite you to head to Courtney
Gray coaching.com to learn abouthow to work with me. I work with
women privately, one on one, andI also offer small group
coaching. There is a link to mywebsite in the show notes you.
Matt, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast
for women who want to loseweight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier. Welcome
to the Podcast, episode 79 readyfor change, and we're talking
about your weight, your health,your exercise, your mindset,
(01:14):
your life. We're talking aboutchanging all of the things. So
first of all, it's 85 degreeshere, and I could not be
happier. It's like mytemperature 80 to 90 is a dream
come true for me. I'm just very,very happy. I work very hard at
making myself happy, but it's somuch easier when it's 85 degrees
(01:34):
out. And today, I'm reallyexcited because my niece is home
from college, and so she and Iare going to go to lunch and
we're going to lay out and we'reI'm taking the day, besides
doing this podcast, I'm takingthe day. I'm in heaven. And so
I'm excited to record thispodcast with you today, and I
want to start by reading a quoteby Marianne Williamson. I sent
(01:57):
this quote to my email list lastweek, and I had so many people
reply like, I think, more thanever, and just say, I needed
this, or this is amazing, or Icreated this to be my
screensaver, or, Oh, my God, Ilove this so much. And this is a
quote I've had, like, on one ofmy private Pinterest boards for
years. And this is a quote thatmy friend Heather, I think it
(02:17):
might be her favorite quote, andshe has it, I think she hasn't
actually printed up in herhouse, and so I'm going to read
it to you and it just I hope itwill, I hope you will resonate
with it as much as I do, and asmuch as a lot of the women on my
email list resonated with it.
Our deepest fear is not that weare inadequate. Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyondmeasure. It is our light, not
(02:40):
our darkness, that mostfrightens us. We ask ourselves,
who am I to be? Brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous,
actually. Who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Yourplaying small does not serve the
world. There is nothingenlightened about shrinking so
(03:02):
that other people won't feelinsecure around you. We are all
meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us. It is not in just some ofus, it is in everyone. And as we
let our own light shine, weunconsciously give other people
permission to do the same as weare liberated from our own fear,
(03:24):
our presence automaticallyliberates others. I just feel
like this is an allencompassing, amazing statement,
quote from Marianne Williamson.
And you know, if you don'tbelieve in God, there's many
people that do believe in God,but if you believe more in
universal energy, or any othertype of significant energy in
(03:47):
your life, you can simplyreplace, instead of saying God,
you can simply replace with withwhatever speaks to you. I just
love this quote so much. Thisquote inspired me so much that I
decided to do something Ihaven't done before. I talked
about it a little bit on thepodcast last week, I have been
thinking about creating a groupexperience for all the women,
(04:08):
all the women who have workedwith me before, women who have
never worked me before, womenwho have never done a program
for themselves before I came upwith this group experience in a
meditation I will tell You, Iwas thinking about how fun it
would be just to do a one monthprogram, because I've never done
usually I do either three monthsor six months or year long
(04:29):
programs. I've never done a onemonth program. I just thought,
God, it would be so fun. And Ithought it would be really a
powerful month at a lower pricethan I've ever done before. Just
really to give women who havenever done a program, this
opportunity to blow their mind,and an opportunity for clients
who have worked with me beforeto work on other goals or just
(04:50):
to recommit, or just to up leveleven further. I know my own
journey when I started acoaching program years and years
ago, it was I. It for aboutthree years. I paid every month,
and I did it for about threeyears. I was gaining results in
my life that just compounded andcompounded and compounded. So
I'm really excited for thisprogram. I'm excited, and I
(05:13):
think everyone should join thisprogram. Will optimize this
quote that I just gave you, andhelp you take the inspiration
that we so often hear, right? Weso often listen to a podcast and
we feel inspired. We so oftensee like a quote on Pinterest or
Instagram, and we feel inspired,and we'll save it, you know,
we'll save it to our Instagramaccount. This group, this, I'm
(05:36):
calling it an experience,because group just doesn't sound
as fun, is going to help youtake the inspiration you feel
and actually put it intoinspired action. I especially
love the part where it says, Whoam I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous. Besidesthe fact that I love the word
fabulous, and I use it all thetime, it's one of my words in my
(05:58):
repertoire of words. So thequote is, who am I to be?
Brilliant, gorgeous, talented,fabulous. And then the next part
of it is, actually, who are younot to be? And that's why I
wanted to create this experiencefor women who are ready for
more, ready for change, butmaybe who are struggling to do
it on their own. And so I wantto talk for a moment about why
(06:19):
we struggle to create change inour lives. I think it's a few
reasons I'm going to give you. Ithink I have like seven reasons
here. So I think one of the mainreasons we struggle is because
we don't believe it's reallypossible for us. It takes
practice to believe something ispossible that is not yet
possible. It takes practice forus to change our mind for us to
(06:41):
change a belief system. Everyonce in a while, someone can say
something that can literally bealmost like energy slap in the
face, and that's an amazingmoment. But most of the time, it
takes us time to think somethingover and over and over again, to
start actually believing it'strue, because oftentimes it's
(07:02):
not just a belief about theworld, it's also a belief that,
like, reflects our own selfconcept. You've heard me, I
often use the example ofpickleball, like, if you want to
get good at it, you know thatyou have to practice. I'm not
going to go out right now. I'mlaughing now because my husband
and I were going to join inthis, like it was a charity like
competition, pickleballcompetition. And I'm like, let's
(07:24):
do it. And I could just see myhusband is very competitive and
very athletic. He's one of thoseannoying people where you could
teach him, like, something he'snever done before, and he would
be good at it and, and so I'mlike, let's do it. And I'm not,
I'm I'm good at, well, I'mdecent at tennis. You know, for
someone who doesn't play tennisvery much, I'm pretty decent at
(07:45):
it. And so I assume to myselfthat I'm gonna be good at
pickleball, but I don't playpickleball very much. All my
girlfriends who play, I'm sure,are much better than me, but I'm
like, let's go. It'll be so fun.
And I can see his face lookingat me like, you're gonna be my
partner. I'm thinking of all thegirlfriends. He's like, can I be
with her? I'm thinking all thesegirlfriends. He's thinking he'd
rather be with them. Butanyways, like, I know that if I
(08:05):
really wanted to get good atpickleball, I would have to
practice. I would have topractice, right?
And I believe that if I didpractice, I would get better.
You believe that too? I'm surefor you, yeah, if I believed it,
I would get better. And here iswhy, because people around us
are hopping on the pickleballcraze, and they are getting
(08:29):
better. So we believe it'spossible for us, because it's
possible for everyone around us,but maybe the change you want to
make in your life is a changethat you're not seeing anyone
else be able to master aroundyou, maybe you're not seeing
anyone in your life thatactually even wants to make this
change. So you're like, not onlydo I not think it's possible, I
(08:51):
don't even know if I should wantthis for myself. So believing
something is possible for us canbe hard to do. It has to be
practiced, and that is whatkeeps a lot of people staying
from doing what they trulydesire to do, is because they
don't believe it's possible. Sothat's one of the things we're
going to be working on in thisgroup, is you upping your belief
(09:12):
that it is possible for you towant what you want, figure out
what you want, if you don'tknow, and then want what you
want, and that you can believeyou can actually get there.
Number two reason why westruggle to create change in our
lives is we've never reallycreated massive change or up
leveled in a major way. For manypeople, they've just been kind
(09:34):
of going along at life. Yes,maybe they've gone to college,
yes, maybe they've created anamazing career, but they've
never actually said I reallywant to, like, start eating
better. I really want to be moreconsistent at my workouts and
done that and actually done it.
They've never actually createdthe change they've wanted to
make. And so when we look at ourpast and we're like, yeah, I've
(09:55):
wanted to do this for a longtime, and I know there. Many of
you listening that you're like,I have been wanting to lose
weight or get in shape or gethealthy or get in a lower dress
size or be more consistent for along time. It's hard to change
when you don't believe that it'spossible. It's hard to change
when you've never really done itbefore. And so often we look for
(10:17):
all the evidence in the past. Welook at all the reasons why it's
not possible for us to do whatwe truly want to do. Number
three, we get stuck in confusionof what we truly want. And
sometimes this can happen at thebeginning, when you're trying to
decide, yeah, I want to change.
(10:38):
What exactly do I want? I want alot of different things. There
can be confusion there, orsometimes you can actually start
making progress to your goal.
And then there can be confusionthere. So confusion is always
the emotion that our primitivebrain leads us to in order to
keep us from moving forward.
Because remember, your primitivebrain does not want you to move
(10:59):
forward. Your primitive brains,ultimate time, ultimate day for
you, would be sitting on thecouch watching a TV marathon
while you scroll on your phoneand while you eat cookies.
That's what your brain wants foryou. And if you're in confusion
of what to do, you're notactually doing right. You're in
confusion. This is why so manypeople get stuck in consuming.
(11:22):
And what I mean by consuming isnot food in this moment,
consuming is gathering moreinformation. Oftentimes, when we
are in confusion, we go into Ineed to figure this out. I need
more information. I need tolearn more. I see this a lot,
especially with my businessclients, who are entrepreneurs.
They would love to spend all daylistening to podcasts, watching
(11:45):
master classes, reading booksand gathering information on how
to get better at selling,because the thought of actually
selling is terrifying. So theywould rather stay in the
confusion of I don't knowexactly what to do, because if
they knew exactly what to do,they would have to do it, and
that is terrifying. Or it's notonly terrifying, it's maybe hard
(12:07):
to do. Maybe emotion comes upthat you don't want there. Maybe
it's like so we get stuck in abit of confusion of what we
truly want. Because when we'reconfused, we don't actually have
to move forward. Moving forwardis when you are going to fail.
It is when things aren't goingto go right. You're going to
have to pivot, you're going tohave to analyze, you're going to
(12:29):
have to take ownership, you'regoing to have doubt, you're
going to have insecurity comeup. So confusion is a beautiful
safe space to sit in, andconfusion is why we struggle to
create change. Number four ofwhy we struggle to create
changes. We've tried before, andit hasn't gone well. I kind of
talked about this a moment ago,and so we give up. But what is
(12:50):
really going on here is youhaven't learned how to change
permanently, and I promise youthis process of learning how to
create real change, learning howto understand your brain,
understand your emotions,understanding how to trust
yourself, understanding how toexperiment. It's more than just
willpowering yourself to dosomething over and over for 21
(13:12):
days. Isn't that what peoplesay? Oh, you have to do
something for 21 days to createreal change. But how many of us
have actually done something for21 days and then on day 24 we
are like, we're not doing thisanymore. So it's not 21 days,
and sometimes it takes longerthan 21 days to become a woman
that is consistent withsomething. Hell yeah. It usually
(13:32):
takes longer than 21 days. Butyou can learn so much in the
process of creating changepermanently. And we certainly
don't want to look back. We dolook I will say we do look back
a little bit. One of the thingswe look back for is limiting
beliefs. But once we gatherthose limiting beliefs, we
really move and look forward. Welook forward into creating new
(13:54):
beliefs, creating newexcitement, creating new
patterns, creating new visionsfor the future. Okay, number
five, we struggle to createchange because the time is never
right. I have to tell you, Ihave coached many women who have
told me that they wanted tocoach with me for years, but
(14:17):
they waited until they wereretired, and then even it took
them, like a year, six months ora year into their retirement, to
finally admit to themselves thatthey have had time all along.
They're just not using theirtime wisely. They're coming up
with excuses why now is not thetime. I always love to say the
best time is now. I have manyclients that are working with me
(14:39):
while at the same time goingthrough really hard things in
their lives. And you know what?
Learning how to put you on thefront burner, learning how to
put your true desires first whenyou're in the middle of
something really hard, is agreat time to do it. Here's why,
if you all of a sudden. Havethree, six months, whatever,
(15:00):
where there's no drama in yourlife, your kids don't break a
leg. All your parents arefeeling well, there's no money
scarcity. Everything is great.
And you learn how to become areally good eater, and you learn
how to be consistent with yourworkouts. All of a sudden, when
shit goes sideways, you're notgoing to know what to do. You're
(15:22):
not going to know how toactually get to the gym when
you're feeling a little sadabout something happening.
You're not going to learn how toeat a healthy dinner even when
you're stressed out. So the timefor many people is never right,
but right now is always theright time to do this work, I've
been thinking a lot lately aboutthe healthy habits I have
(15:45):
implemented, even just in thelast few years, have really
saved me as I've gone throughsome harder things in my life in
this last year, and it's prettyamazing when You can still
support yourself, even whenyou're stressed or sad or
exhausted or whatever is comingup with you, it's just pretty
(16:07):
amazing to think, wow, I canactually maintain my weight,
still get a workout in, stilleat well, even when all of this
is going on, still stick to myplan or edit my plan and Do good
enough. Even when life goessideway, it's just a beautiful,
beautiful place to be in. AndI'll tell you, it feels like
love. It feels like love to beable to say, Okay, I'm not going
(16:30):
to be able to go to the gym forabout a week, but what can I do?
What feels in support of me?
It's a it's a great place to be.
It's a great it's a great skillto have. Number six, struggle of
why we have a hard time creatingchange is you've tried, but
there is resistance from peoplein your life. I'm gonna say that
(16:52):
again, you have tried, and maybeyou've had some success, but
there is resistance from peoplein your life. I'm going to
actually do a whole podcast onthis in the future, because I
think it there's I just have somuch to say. And I was just
talking with one of my lovelyclients the other day about
this. It's so common. It's socommon to decide something is
(17:13):
really important to you and goall in on it, to feel resistance
from people in your life. Andthat can show up a lot of
different ways. It can show upwith people making comments,
people disappointed, people notwanting to be around you
anymore, people changing the waythey interact with you because
of your changes. And this seemsso silly. You would think like,
(17:35):
why? If you This has neverhappened to you, you might be
like, I don't even understand.
How would someone losing weightand getting to their own next
level. Why would other peoplehave a problem with that? Well,
this quote might help you withthis. So I'm going to read I
sent this quote to her, and I'mgoing to read it to you, because
it's really powerful. And youknow what? I don't even know
who's who wrote this quote. Itwas one of those ones I found
that I don't know, so I can'tcredit to anyone. I wish it was
(17:56):
me. It wasn't, but I wish it wasme. Okay, here it is. A hard
part of awakening is realizingyou won't vibe with many people.
You won't be a part of the hivementally. You're more loyal to
your soul instead of society.
You are too real to fake.
Fitting in. Don't bediscouraged. It's better to be
(18:18):
patient when it comes toattracting those who will
resonate with you at a soullevel. Don't trade in your truth
for a little validation orattention. Enjoy your sacred
solitude and remain authentic,and you will become more
magnetic towards those who aregenuinely in tune with your
(18:39):
unique vibrational frequency. Ilove that quote so much. I'm
going to email this. If you'reon my email list, you're going
to get this email in a few days,because I just love that quote
so much. And I just think thatwe need to remember that if we
want something, even somethingthat we think might be trivial.
And I have a lot of clients,especially the clients who they
(19:02):
want to lose a little bit lessthan other people, if they only
have 15 or less pounds to lose,sometimes they feel a little bit
like, I don't even want to tellpeople, because I feel like it's
irrelevant. I feel like it'sinconsequential. I feel like it
doesn't matter. I disagree if itkeeps coming back for you, it
matters to you. And if someonedoesn't like that, it matters to
(19:27):
you. That's okay. That's okaythat they don't like it. You
don't have to kick them out ofyour life. You don't have to
talk to them about it. Let thembe okay. Let them, let them have
a problem with it. It's like MelRobbins new book, let them, let
them have their feelings aboutit. And you do you boo, people
will have thoughts about you.
(19:48):
Changing about what you decideis a priority. This is okay.
What matters is that you feelgood about what you're doing.
You are all on board. With whatyou're doing, you are willing to
put in the work and the time andthe effort to what you're doing.
Okay? The last number seven iswhy I think we struggle to
(20:09):
create changes. You're not inenough pain. This one, I have
been talking so much this weekwith a few of my clients. Here's
what I see happening. So often,clients will come to me when
they are in a lot of emotionalpain, not physical pain. They're
in emotional pain. They're likesome of my clients. Not everyone
(20:30):
says this, but some of myclients will say, I am at my
highest weight I've ever been,or I just got a diagnosis, or my
doctor wants to put me on amedicine or a it's almost kind
of like in terms of their bodyor health, they, in a way,
they've hit rock bottom, youknow, or a new bottom that
they've ever hit. And they'llcome to me and they're in
emotional pain, so they're allin and they lose a lot of
(20:52):
weight, right? They lose maybe,let's say they want to lose 20
pounds, and they will lose 12 ofthose 20 pounds. What can happen
is they start feeling so muchbetter, which is a beautiful
thing. They're enjoying theprocess, which is a beautiful
thing. They're losing weight forthe first time in their life
without dieting. Oh, it's abeautiful thing. And they're
(21:15):
having people say, Wow, you lookgreat. You just either like,
they'll they'll get, they'regetting compliments from people
saying, Wow, you look likeyou've lost weight. Or they're
getting comments from peoplesaying, Wow, you just look
really good in general. And Ithink it's because they're
vibing at a different energy,because they're happier. But you
know what else is happening?
They're no longer in pain, butyet they still want to lose more
weight. And so sometimes thereis a bit of a struggle to
(21:40):
continue to create the changethey want to make. Are you
resonating with this? I knowthere are some people going, Oh
my God, that's what's happeningto me. Okay. This is very
common, and so this can be oneof the reasons why some people
say the last five to 10 poundscan be harder. It can be harder,
because you're already feelingso much better. And so one of
(22:02):
the things we're going to do inthis program, this program for
June, is I'm going to teach youhow to have a practice of
recommitting to what you trulywant. That sounded weird, truly
want. I kind of googled that.
Truly what you truly want. Youneed to become the woman that
(22:23):
recommits all the time. You kindof need to become a sales rep to
yourself. You need to sellyourself on why this matters to
you. When the pain is gone andpain is a bigger motivator than
pleasure, so you need to createa different kind of pain. The
new pain is the thought of younever reaching your potential.
(22:45):
That's the new pain, the thoughtthat you kind of wanted to hit a
number, or you wanted to hit apair of jeans, or you wanted to
achieve a goal and you justdidn't make it. And then you're
going to get people going. Whatdoes it matter? You look great.
What does it matter? You knowwhat you need to decide why it
fucking matters to you. Becauseif you don't decide that it
(23:09):
fucking matters, you're notgonna get there. And I'm gonna
teach you how to dial in anddecide that it fucking matters.
I believe it does matter if youkeep thinking about wanting to
make a change in your life, ifit keeps coming back for you,
this is a true desire, and thatmeans you're worthy of it. I
(23:30):
believe that if you want it, youare worthy of achieving it at
any moment, at any age, at anytime, we can decide to give
ourselves the gift of changingour lives. We don't have to wait
for everything to be aligned. Wedon't have to wait for our
schedule to be free. This is ourone life, and I know that we all
(23:50):
deserve to feel good in ourbodies, feel good about our
choices, feel good about how wespend our time and how we live
our lives. You deserve to feelempowered that you can create a
change that you want to make. Sothis podcast is lighting you up.
If you feel like, let's go. Thiscoaching experience is enrolling
(24:10):
right now. We are going to coachtogether for the month of June.
It will be a month long program,whole month of June, not whole
month of June. We're going tostart on June 4 over I will
teach you how to create realchange in your life. I've never
created a program at this pricepoint with so much included in
one program you will get me foran hour of coaching and teaching
(24:32):
every week, I have created themost amazing workbook I've ever
created that will guide youthrough your mindset and
obstacles, and it will give youclarity on how to move forward
in ways you haven't done before.
We are doing a vision boardingworkshop. Yes, a vision boarding
workshop is going to be so fun,and you also get a private one
on one coaching call with me.
(24:55):
This is going to be a month toflood yourself with taking what
you're learning on. Podcast andimplementing it for real change.
Let's become BFFs for a month.
Shall we? So I just had a womanenroll, and after I sent her the
welcome video, because rightafter you enroll, I will send
you a welcome video. And sheemailed me back, and she said
she wanted to start eatingbetter and lose weight, but she
(25:15):
also wanted to get organized.
She had said something aboutlike she had turned into like a
real procrastinator with gettingthings done around her house.
And I'll tell you what I toldher, and I said, the reason you
eat more than you want to beeating in order to you know, the
reason why you're weighing morethan you want to be weighing is
(25:35):
the same reason you're nottaking care of the things around
your house. I told her, we'regoing to fix both, and that's
the beauty of this work, whenyou learn how to make a plan and
stick to it by understandingyour mindset and your emotions
and your desires and yourprimitive brain and everything
every area of your life getsbetter. Some women who are
enrolling have already workedwith me before, and they want to
(25:58):
go deeper into this work. Hellyes. They want even more change.
They want even more practice,and they get so much joy from up
leveling their bodies and otherparts of their lives. And I'm
also excited for all the newwomen who are right now
enrolling, women who havelistened and have wanted to work
with me. I can't wait. I can'twait to meet you. So women are
(26:18):
enrolling now. Save your spot inthis group coaching experience
for June. It's called ready forchange. There is a link in my
bio on Instagram. There is alink in the show notes of this
podcast, and you can also go toCourtney Gray coaching.com
forward slash, work with me. AndI can't wait for this coaching
(26:39):
experience. Have a greatTuesday. If you are ready to
lose weight and keep it offpermanently and feel confident
and at peace around food, Iinvite you to head to Courtney
Gray coaching.com to learn abouthow to work with me. I work with
women privately, one on one, andI also offer small group
coaching. There is a link to mywebsite in the show notes you.
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