May 27, 2025 • 35 mins
You want both. At all times there are 2 of you inside of you, that want drastically different things.
There is the future-focused YOU who wants weight loss, confidence, and peace. At the same time, there is also the present-focused YOU who wants the cookie, immediate pleasure, and relief from any negative emotions.
On this episode, I will teach you how to live more from the future-focused YOU.
The beautiful thing is, you can still have the cookie and reach your weight loss goals; you just need to eat less of them!
I'd like to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me HERE to discuss the changes you'd like to make to your body and life. These consultations are fun, powerful, and can be a catalyst for uncovering what needs to change to create a more beautiful body and life. ~ Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:06):
Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode8080. I'm so excited. I've had
80 weeks in a row of thispodcast. Haven't missed a week.
(01:14):
Don't ever plan on missing aweek. Very, very excited to hit
80. I'm gonna be really excitedto hit 100 as well. So this
podcast, I was up in the airabout the title of this podcast.
The title is going to be, youwant to lose weight and you want
to eat the cookie. But I wasalso going to title this
podcast. There are always two ofyou in your head at every
(01:35):
moment. It was too long. So Iguess I'll explain what this
podcast is going to be about. Soit's, it's titled, you want to
you want to lose weight, and youwant to eat the cookie. But
really, what this podcast isgoing to teach you is this
concept I've been thinking a lotabout, is about, there really
are two of you in your head asyou go throughout your day, at
(01:55):
every moment, at every moment,and those two of you want
drastically different things.
Those two of you havedrastically different ideas on
how you should be living yourlife, on what is worth it, what
is not, what sounds fun, whatsounds horrible. Two of you
constantly, and this concept issomething I've been working on
that I'm, I'm really excited toshare with you. I mean, you want
(02:16):
to lose weight and you want toyou want to also eat the cookie.
It kind of epitomizes thisconcept. So it is a beautiful,
beautiful Thursday afternoon,and we are getting ready to go
this weekend to my nephew'sgraduation party. I'm so
excited. I'm gonna have allthree of my boys with me this
weekend, which doesn't happenvery often these days. So I'm
(02:37):
really excited about that. I'mactually going to spend an extra
eight hours of driving time thisweekend to go pick up my
youngest so he can be with usjust for about 24 hours, just
because I really want us all tobe together, the five of us, but
also with our extended family.
So I'm really excited, and I'vealready told my boys, I said,
prepare yourselves. I'm going tobe touching you and loving on
(02:59):
you and hugging you and kissingyou constantly don't grimace.
Just bear with it. Allow me todo it, and if you resist me,
I'll do it more. So just giveit. Just give in to me. And
they're like, all right, allright. They know. They know what
I'm all about. So I can't wait.
Enrollment is open for my Juneprogram, ready for change. It is
a program for women who areready to lose that weight, ready
(03:20):
to start eating better, ready tostart talking to themselves
better, ready to start maybebeing more consistent, maybe to
be more clear. I know there's alot of women they're like, I
want a bunch of things. I feelunclear. I talked to one of my
clients last night who's alreadyjoined the the June program. I'm
so excited to have her, and shesays, I feel muddled, I feel
muddled, I feel unclear. And soI'm like, beautiful. This is
(03:42):
going to be a great month foryou to get very focused and
learn how to change permanentlyin what area you are ready to
change in. So enrollment is openright now. Women are signing up.
I'm very, very excited for thisJune group. Enrollment is going
to close June 3 the day before.
So you can come in hot. You cancome in hot if you want to, but
(04:05):
when the group fills, that alsois going to be it's either June.
June 3 is enrollment closes, orwhen the group fills. So if
you're interested, I would saveyour space. I would save your
space. There's a link in theshow notes and a link on my
website to join us in thiscoaching experience for June.
What we are doing here on thispodcast, you know, and when I
say this podcast, I mean all theepisodes, what my intention for
(04:29):
this podcast is really toincrease your awareness, your
understanding of yourself, likehow you specifically work, in
terms of your self concept, yourpersonality, your desires, all
that, but also, I want you tounderstand at a core level how
you were designed as a human.
And the the beautiful thing ofthose, those merging of
(04:50):
understandings, is going to helpyou get what you want. I want
you to get what you want. Thefirst step. To getting what you
want is always increasing yourawareness, increasing your
awareness of what makes you ahuman, increasing your awareness
of why maybe you haven't beenthe woman you've wanted to be in
the past, and increasing yourawareness of what's possible for
(05:12):
your you in the future. Andincreasing your awareness of how
what you believe is possible isgoing to dictate what you are
able to achieve. Let me say thatlast one again, what you believe
is possible for you is going todictate what you are able to
accomplish in your life. The wayyou think about what is possible
(05:33):
for you is going to dictate thewoman that you become and what
you make possible. And that isgood news. It's good news
because you get to decide thatyou want to up level your
belief. You want to believe moreis possible than you have ever
believed before. Yesterday wasmy dad's 80th birthday, and he's
doing so well. He's in greathealth, mentally, physically,
(05:56):
and I wrote him a card for his80th birthday. And one of the
things I kind of said in hiscard, I kind of coached him
without his permission, but Ijust said, I said, I hope that
you have goals for yourself. Ihope that you believe big things
are possible. I hope that youdon't subscribe to this
(06:16):
narrative now that you're 80.
You know, after this excitingbirthday celebration, I hope you
don't subscribe to this slowingdown. You know, not much is
possible for you. Narrative thatwe kind of have in our society,
at least here in America, wekind of have that, that
narrative as we get older, it'slike less and less and less as
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possible. And what if that's nottrue? As I age, I want to
continue to think, Oh, this isso exciting. What's possible for
me now, we always get to decidewhat is possible for us. We
always get to decide what wewant to do, what growth we want
(06:56):
with our life. And I've beenthinking a lot about how I can
help you really get what youwant, really make the changes
you want to make. And in doingthis, I'm always looking at, how
can I say things in a differentway, how can I teach things in a
different way? And so I wasgoing back to, I often go back
to the pain I felt when I wasstruggling with my weight,
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struggling believing that Icould get in really good shape,
struggling to believe that Icould be consistent, because I
would start, I would go hard forthree or four days, and then I
would just fall off the wagon,and then I felt like I was
constantly in this process ofrestarting. And intellectually,
that's that's not a horribleplace to be thinking like, Okay,
I'm gonna get back on the house.
Get back on the horse. Get backon the horse. I've said many
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times before on this podcast,there's a quote about like the
process of life is a constantrestarting. So there's nothing
necessarily wrong withrestarting. But I was
restarting, restarting,restarting constantly, if I'm
being radically honest, I wasconstantly falling off, falling
off, falling off, and because ofthat, I wasn't being consistent.
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I think that if we can make youand this is what I found for
myself, is if I could makemyself go longer in between
falling off, that's where we'regonna get some consistency. If I
can go really consistent for twoor three weeks, and then maybe I
don't feel good for a weekend,and I take a weekend off, or I I
have, like, something sadhappen, and I don't eat really
(08:24):
the way I'd like to, but then Iget right back on track, then
that is going to be enoughconsistency to get me what I
want. But I was in a cycle for along time where I was literally
hot, cold, hot, cold, ON OFF, ONOFF, eating well, or literally
getting the buckets and noteating well. And for those
reasons, I was really not seeingany progress towards my health
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goals at all. And so I've beenthinking about, what was I
thinking? What was my mentalityat that time? I really felt like
there was something wrong withme. I felt like I must not want
to lose weight bad enough. Imust not really want it bad
enough, because if I did want itbad enough, I would be
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consistent. I wouldn't befucking it up if I really wanted
it bad enough. And I must nothave wanted to feel good enough.
I must not have thought that Iwas worthy enough all the things
I was constantly thinking, it'sthere's a deficiency in me
clearly, or I would be doingthis, and that is incorrect
(09:28):
thinking. So if you areresonating with that, if there's
a part of you that feels thatway, like it just must be that I
don't want it bad enough that isnot true. I want to give you
permission granted that that isnot true. And sometimes when we
hear these motivational quotes,or we hear people saying things
about, oh, once you make adecision, then, then, then there
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should be no turning back, Ijust disagree, especially when
it comes to something that's sohighly addictive, something that
we've never learned how to dosomething. Right that deals with
our emotions and our habits andour brain like food, it's just
more difficult. Here's what Iended up really realizing after
years and years of strugglingthinking I just didn't want it
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enough, I realized I felt likethere were two of me inside of
my head, I felt like there wasthe am me who wanted it so
badly. I was on board. I wasfired up. I was listening to the
podcast. I was eating a healthybreakfast. I was doing all the
things the morning, the amCourtney was a badass. And then
(10:35):
all of a sudden, in the PM, Ichanged my mind. I changed my
mind. I didn't quite care themthe same as I did in the
morning. I didn't think it wasworth it. I thought life was too
short. It's almost like my wholevision of how life should be
lived shifted in the evenings. Ihonestly felt like a crazy
(10:57):
person. This even confirmed myidea that there was something
wrong with me, because I wouldcompletely change my mind. I
felt like I was a little crazy,because I felt like there were
two of me inside of me, and whatI have learned, what I have
learned by getting coachcertified and reading books and
studying the brain and all thatis, I that, in a sense, there
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really are two of us inside ofus at all times. So before I
dive into this, you've heard metalk about the primitive brain.
If you're if you're new to me,I'm going to dive into this
really quickly, and then I'mgoing to go back to explaining
the two of us. But you've heardme talk about the primitive
brain. You've heard me talkabout that there is a part of
your brain, this primitivebrain, sometimes called the
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downstairs brain, sometimescalled the monkey brain. It's a
very old part of our brainbefore other parts of the brain
had even developed that had thejob of keeping us alive, and it
did this by having us seekpleasure, avoid pain, and
conserve energy. And what thatmeans
is it means anything new was athreat to us. Anything new is
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still a threat to us, becausethis, this primitive brain, is
still very active in us today.
Anything still that ispotentially new is a threat,
because new means danger. Newmeans we're not familiar. New
means we don't know what toexpect, and there is a danger
there. So our primitive brainwants us to seek pleasure, which
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is nothing new. It's It's theold things we've been doing.
It's things like scrolling, andthings like eating, things like
alcohol, things like not moving,and it wants to get us out of
pain, and pain is reallyanything that is new, any
negative emotion, anything thatmight put us at risk. We think
about people pleasing, which isso common, especially with us
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women, and we think about peoplepleasing as just something we do
in society, to be in the coolkids club, but people pleasing
is a basic survival technique,because if we make everyone
around us happy, everyone willhave good thoughts about us, and
we won't be kicked out of thegroup. We won't be kicked out of
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the tribe, which means pain. Wewon't have anyone disappointed
in us, anyone threatened by us,because if they're threatened by
us, then we feel insecure, andwe've, you know we're feeling
negative emotion. So all of thisgoes back to your primitive
brain. Wants you to seekpleasure and avoid pain and also
conserve energy. Certainly don'tgo for that hike you might twist
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an ankle. Just relax. And sowhen you think about your
primitive brain. Think aboutthis. Your primitive brain
really what it wants for you isit wants you to be sitting on
the couch, scrolling, watchingTV, eating Cheetos, or eating
whatever your yourdeliciousness, Cheetos, Oreo
cookies. For me, it would betortilla chips, you know, with
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some kind of dipping ofsomething. That's really what
our primitive brain wants for usand our primitive brain, even
though we have evolved othermore advanced parts of our
brain, thank God we still havethis primitive brain that is
very much at play as humans haveevolved over the last millions
of years. We have developed aprefrontal cortex it helps us
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with decision making analysis.
It helps us plan for the future.
It helps us set goals. It helpsus with impulse control and
learning and growing. Yes, wehave that too, but the two of
them are at odds, because if youthink about it like this, you
have your primitive brain thatjust wants you sitting on the
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couch, scrolling and watching TVand eating, but then you have
your prefrontal cortex thatwants you to live your best life
possible. It wants you to get inyour best shape ever. Feel
amazing, write that book, askfor that raise, have amazing
relationships, be be able to saysomething that you really.
Really, truly want to say whenyou're out to dinner with your
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girlfriends, it wants you tolive your best life, your best
truth, all the things, but it isat odds with that part of us
that knows the safest place forus to be is just sitting on the
couch eating. They are at oddswith each other every moment
there will be two of you. So Iwant you to think about it this
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way. Yes, we have the two partsof our brain, but I want you to
realize that every moment as younavigate your day to day, there
are two of you, and they wantdrastically different things for
you. You have the part of youthat is more future focused that
is more resonant with the futureyou. And what does that look
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like? Then you have the part ofyou that is more focused on the
present you, the happiness inthe present, the satisfaction
and the pleasure in the present.
And there are very differentways to live, if you consider
the two of you right, if all ofa sudden, after this podcast,
I'm supposed to go to the gym,there will be the part of me
that is the future me that'slike, yes, we want to get
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stronger. Yes, we want to wakeup tomorrow sore. For some
reason, I love feeling sore. Itmakes me feel like I've moved my
body in a new way the daybefore. So there's the there's
the part of me that is wantingto do a pull up, wanting to be
healthy, wanting to feel good,also wanting to fit in my
clothes, wanting to have myconfidence when I'm in my
bathing suit, all of thosethings, wanting to be healthy,
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all of those things that is theme that is more future focused.
But at the same time, after I'mdone recording this podcast,
there is the more present methat's like, you know what? We
should just go way out. It's wedon't need to be working out.
We're kind of sore fromyesterday. And what does it
matter? Anyways, your husbandthinks you look great. You know,
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at the party last night, twopeople commented on how strong
you're looking. So we're finealways, at every moment. And
though the question you get toask yourself 50 100 times a day
is, Who am I going to listen to?
Who am I going to listen to?
This is just another way ofthinking about what is going on
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with you. You can think of itas, am I going to listen to my
primitive brain, or am I goingto listen to my prefrontal
cortex? Am I going to listen tothe true me or just the me that
wants to be happy in the moment?
Or are you going to now that I'mpresenting a new way for you to
think about this? Are you goingto listen to the more of the
future based you or the presentbased you? Here's a few
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questions to ask yourself inthese moments. First of all, I
want you to see the aware. Iwant you to have the awareness
that this is what's happening asyou navigate your day. And I
want you to really get into thenitty gritty of all of it, like
when you go to the grocery storeand you're planning out your
dinner for tonight or tomorrownight, there is going to be the
the future focused you thatwants to get something healthy,
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that's that you know is going toget you to where you want to go,
make you feel good, sleep goodthat night, all of those things,
yes. And then there's also goingto be the you that's like, oh,
maybe I should just get this.
This is going to be sodelicious, and it's going to
make the night fun. We can watchit in front of the TV, and you
know, it's no big deal everysingle time who you going to
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listen to when you are going forthat walk, and you've been
telling yourself for a longtime, I wonder if I could either
pick up my pace or I wonder if Icould bang out a few lunges at
the end of my walk. Or I wonderif I could run for like five
minutes, maybe, if you have notrun in a long time, I wonder if
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I could run for like fiveminutes, or not even five
minutes. I wonder if I could runfor a full minute. If you have
not been running for a while,you could. Maybe I can run for a
full minute. There's going to bethe you that's like, maybe I
could run for a few a fullminute. Then there's going to be
the you that's like, you knowwhat? I don't think we're ready
for that. We should just wait.
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You know, we might injureyourself. Let's not do it. Oh,
we don't want to lunge because,you know that guy over there is
mowing his lawn. He's going tolook at me. He's going to think
I'm a weirdo at every singlemoment. Here's a few questions
you can ask yourself, What doesmy future me want like? What are
my goals? Where do I? Where amI? Where do I want to go? What
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do I believe is possible for me,and how does it feel to be
living on her terms? Let me askthat one again, how does it feel
to be living on her terms, myfuture focused self. How does it
feel if I actually navigated myday and every decision, or 95%
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of decisions, we don't have tobe perfect, lined up with what
your future self wants. How doesthat feel like at the end of the
day? Are you going to be lined.
Go That was stupid. Or are yougoing to feel like that was kind
of amazing? How will it feel?
And do I really want to connectmore to her? Do I want to
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connect more to her? And when Isay connect, I guess what I mean
is, do I want to make decisionsfrom her?
And then ask yourself, What doesmy present me want? I can tell
you right now what my present mewants. I do not listen to her
very often, and so I sometimesactually am kind of disconnected
from her because I'm so focusedon connecting with the future
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me. But let me think for amoment and let me connect to
what my more present me wants,the present me. The present you.
The present me wants to not goon a walk today with my sister
because I'm sore. My legs aresore from running yesterday. The
present me does not want to goto the gym because it's like
that. That's extra time I couldbe working, or I could be
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cleaning my fish tank, or Icould be doing other things, or
I could be watching bridgertonIn the middle of the day, great.
The present me wants to go outto dinner tonight, to Mexican
food, because that would be themost delicious. That's going to
be way more delicious than thechicken over salad I have
planned for tonight. The Presentme wants to stay up to like 11
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o'clock tonight, just watchingTV with my husband. The present
me wants to scroll. The presentme probably wants to scroll by
the end of the day, maybe twohours. The present me, right
after I finish this podcast,wants to get on my phone and
scroll. And then wants to scrollat every single moment. And I
will tell you, actually, one ofthe things I have been doing
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this year, one of my focuses, isbeing very intentional with not
scrolling. But I'll tell youlast year, as efficient as I
was, as great as my life was, asintentional and aware as I was,
I spent way more time scrollingthan I wanted to. I felt
addicted to it. I felt like Icouldn't control myself. I felt
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like every move I made Iscrolled. Do you ever feel that
way when I realized this? I waslike, This is crazy. So after I
would finish the podcast, Iwould be like, Oh, I have to use
the restroom. So I would scrollon the way to the restroom, and
then I would scroll while I wassitting on the toilet, and then
I would make myself some tea,and then I would get back to my
desk to edit the podcast, but Iwould scroll for a minute before
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and then I'd edit my podcast,and then I'd finish that, and
then I'd scroll. It's almostlike before I made any move, I
would scroll, what is happening?
What do you do that? Oh, my God.
What a waste of time. So thisyear, I really decided no more.
And every once in a while I wasjust talking to my client about
this last night, every oncewhile I will find myself going
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to it because it's it's a habit,it's a dopamine hit, it's a very
present me focused decision. Soevery once in a while, I do find
myself going to it, and I saythis every time, this is not
helping my life in any way. Thisis not bringing any joy or value
to my life. It's just not I'venever scrolled for an hour and
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afterwards said, whoo. God, thatwas amazing. Never, never. And
so I decided this year I'm justnot doing anymore. So I've been
very good. I'm not perfect.
There's been a few times whereI'm like, You got me, boo, you
got me. You got me. I scrollthere for about a half hour.
Yes, I've seen Zendaya and HenryCavill more than I probably need
(23:23):
to over the next year. I You gotme, but for the most part, I am
done really good job in thatmoment saying, Oh, this is my
present self wants to scroll.
But there is a future self, methat also right now, wants to
make more of a powerfuldecision. Maybe it's read my
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book, maybe it's meditate, maybeit's go plan, like, do some food
prep. Sometimes in the middle ofthe week when we kind of start
running out of the food prepI've done, I'm like, I really
need to make some tuna fish, orI need some do some breaded
chicken, something like that.
And I will be like, Okay, I'vegot an hour instead of Henry
Cavill. I think he's gorgeous.
(24:06):
And so I you know how whathappens is, like, you look at a
few reels of him on Instagram,and so now it's all I see is
Henry Cavill. Their their work,Facebook is working really hard
to get Henry Cavill into myworld. And so I'm like, instead
of Henry Cavill, I'm going to gomake some food that's going to
serve me better. That is all thethings that my present self
wants. And so most of the timeI'm not even connected to it,
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because I don't even give itenergy, but it is still there.
Every time I go into Starbucks,there is the me that wants to
get a black americano in aprotein box. And that's my
future base self. And then thereis the me who is very present,
focused self who wants to getbanana bread and a vanilla
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latte. Now for you, you might beon a different path. You might
be eating different than me. Iam not saying. Seeing that you
should run out and start gettingamericanos and protein boxes.
That's not what I'm saying in myprogram, I always say we need to
get you eating better, butdoable for you, eating a
drinking a vanilla latte and abanana bread might be the better
(25:15):
choice for you depending on howyou have been eating. So let's
not judge my choices, but let'sthink about my mindset. That's
what I want to teach you bysaying this at every moment
there is a choice, which choiceare you going to make? Which
version of you are you going tolisten to?
And I will tell you when you getbetter and better and better at
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listening to and making choicesfrom that part of you that is
your prefrontal cortex, thatfuture based you, you are going
to create massive change in yourlife. You will lose the weight
you want to lose. You will eatbetter. You will start being
more consistent. You will startgetting more movement. You will
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start getting healthier andstronger, and you will get
happier. You will sleep betterand feel better and have better
relationships, all the things,if you can connect to that
version of you that wants what'sbest for you. So I want to give
you a few more questions basedon your present self. I already
said, What does my present selfwant? Think about that. Next
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question is, is this a truedesire? And why does my present
self want this? That's a greatquestion. Why does my present
self want this? And usually theanswer always is, because, for
right now, it's the mostpleasurable thing, and that's
how we know it's really not atrue desire, because if we just
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lived in the most pleasurablethings in the moment, we would
never be happy. We would only behappy in the moment in the
moment in the moment in themoment, and if we took a break
from those in the moments, wewould be miserable. So another
question you can ask yourselfis, is this getting me where I
want to go? That's another greatquestion that you can ask
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yourself if you're scrolling, isthis getting me where I want to
go? And not that every singlemoment has to be productive.
It's not like you need to makeevery single moment meditation
this. I'm constantly, constantlybeing productive, but even going
out and sitting in a space,whether it be your backyard,
whether it be a beautiful roomin your home, whether it be a
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beautiful cafe, whether it be apark, and just sitting for a
moment and closing your eyes andjust listening, whether it's
listening to the birds,listening to running water,
listening to the people talkingin the cafe and loving on the
people that they're with, orwhatever it is, even that, I
promise you, when you make spacefor that, even that is going to
(27:52):
connect you to you, or connectyou to your source, or connect
you to your god or your Creator,or connect you to You. And it is
going to be more beneficial thanyou just eating a muffin. When
you start doing this, when youstart being able to connect with
the more future based you futurefocus you, you find that life
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gets better. And then whathappens is this amazing thing
where the future you the woman,who you're like. I want to
become her. I want all of thisto get easier. I want to make
decisions easier. I want to feelin control. You find that the
gap between you now and herstarts to close, and in many
ways, you become her, and thenyou choose even bigger goals for
(28:39):
yourself. That's what I'mfinding in my life, like I am
doing things and acting andliving in a way that I never,
never thought was possible. So Istarted to believe it was
possible. Maybe I could do this.
Maybe I could be this woman.
Maybe I could be this woman. Andnow, in many ways, I am her, and
I have created an even biggervision of what I believe is
(29:01):
possible for me, and now I'mtrying to close the gap on that
at the end of the day, who doyou want to be listening to? If
you can take one thing from thispodcast, here's what I want you
to take as you go throughoutyour day, start really seeing
the two of you at all times.
Start seeing the two of you whenyou're engaging with someone
(29:22):
you're frustrated with. There isthe me who wants to just say,
You know what, let's not getfrustrated. Let's show love.
What would love do? How can Ishow up and and be proud of
myself in this situation and beproud, be proud in the way I'm
handling the situation. There'sthat you, and then there's the
you that just wants to be like,F everybody. This isn't fair. I
don't deserve this. Why doesthis always happen to me? Both
(29:47):
are very much available to you.
Both are very much available toyou. And when you start becoming
aware that both are available toyou. That's when you can make a
better choice. I'm going toleave you with one other
example. I don't know if Italked about this yet on the
(30:08):
podcast. It's a non food, notnon body example, because you
hear me say all the time thatall of this work, this podcast,
everything I'm teaching you, itaffects every area of your life.
And so I love giving examplesthat have nothing to do with
body, light body, but more life.
And so a few weeks ago, my sonJustin, called me and said, Hey,
I got I got in a car accident.
(30:30):
Everyone's fine. And I said, Iseveryone fine? Like, because his
buddies were in the car withhim? And he goes, Yeah, we're
not hurt, like, at all. And Isaid, What about the other
people involved? Yes, no, one'shurt at all. Now, in the moment,
I do this very quickly now, andif you, if you do this, if you
take this podcast and reallyimplement into your life, you
(30:51):
will get quicker and quicker atthis as well. But I do this so
quickly now it almost doesn'teven, it's not even, I'm not
even aware of how quickly I doit, but if I slow it down, this
is what I did. In that moment, Isaid, Okay, Courtney, there's
two of you here. There is theyou that can say, You know what?
(31:12):
There's not a problem herebecause his car was totaled.
He's like, Yeah, I think it'stotaled, right? So in that
moment, I took the informationmy son is cars totaled. Everyone
on both sides of this accident,the people I don't know, the
people that I do, that I love,are totally safe. And so my
future based self, in thatmoment, said, This is not a
(31:33):
problem at all. There is noproblem at all here. That was
really it no problem. What doyou need from me? How can I help
you? I'll be there in 10minutes. That was my future
base. We not even stressed, noteven worried. This is not a
problem. He might as well havecalled me and said, Hey, Mom,
(31:54):
I'm at soul. Would you like meto bring you a taco? Like,
literally, not a problem. Andthen there was the more present
self me, where it's like, oh myGod, I've never really been in
an accident. I don't really knowwhat to do. I mean, should I
come to him, or should I notcome to him? Should I call my
husband? I mean, should we gotogether? Should we should we
call the parents of the otherkids that were in the car? Do I
(32:16):
call my insurance first, or do Icall my insurance now and, oh my
god, what are we going to doabout his car? Oh, my God, this
was my one kid that has the carthat that like the best car of
all three kids. And how are wegoing to how? What is he going
to do for a car? And what therewas that option, stress,
anxiety. I can't believe this ishappening to me. Oh, my God, all
(32:38):
that in that moment, both wereavailable. And you know, which
one I choose? Girl, you know, Idefinitely went right into we
got no problem here. Now thattook me some time. That's going
to take you some time. If you'renew to this type of work, that's
going to take you some time. Butthis is the power of this work.
(32:59):
It's like I started wanting tofeel in control around my food,
wanting to roll into 5pm and noteat the chips, because I had
promised myself not eat thechips. Amazing. I figured that
out I was able to lose theweight I wanted to lose, and the
ripple effect on my life is thismoment with the car. We've got
(33:20):
no problems here. It's noproblem. And then be able to
manage my son, be able to say tohim when I get there, I can see
he's a little bit worried, andto be able to grab his arm and
look at him and say, hey, youknow what? There's no problem
here at all. You're safe. Theother people we don't know are
safe. This is just a regularTuesday, and I could see him
calm. I offered that up to him.
We can either freak out or wecan be calm. I offered that up
(33:43):
to him, and he took it. And thenI did that for my husband. Same
thing. Did that for the otherboys that were there. Hey, boys,
you can go, go, go to the gym.
Dude, you don't need to stayhere with us. We've got this
under control. And so when youstart navigating your life and
realizing in every single momentthere are two of you, and if you
can line up with the futurefocused you more often, your
(34:04):
life will change. If you lovethis podcast, I invite you to
work with me in my ready forchange coaching experience for
the month of June. If you lovethis podcast, you feel like it's
really helping you in your life.
I'm so glad. Imagine what itwill be like to flood your life
with me for a month, be able toactually say, Courtney, can I
(34:24):
ask you a question? Courtney, Ilove this, but I'm struggling
with this. And be able to reallyget clear figure out how you
need to change in order tochange your life. So there is a
link in the show notes, there isa link in my website, there are
links everywhere to join me forthis June experience. I'd love
to have you in there. Have agreat Tuesday. If you are ready
(34:46):
to lose weight and keep it offpermanently and feel confident
and at peace around food, Iinvite you to head to Courtney
Gray coaching.com to learn abouthow to work with me. I work with
women privately, one on one, andI. Also offer small group
coaching. There is a link to mywebsite in the show notes you.
Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The
podcast for women who want tolose weight permanently feel in
control around food and learnhow to stop obsessing about
their body and food a modern wayof thinking about your weight,
your body and your life includesmindset. I'm body and life
coach, Courtney Gray, and eachweek I'm going to teach you the
(00:29):
mindset tools that are necessaryfor changing the way you eat
forever. We will uncover whyyou're eating when you said you
were going to stop, what to dowhen you're really craving
something, and how important itis to decide what you want to
believe is possible for you, Ibelieve we can get in the best
shape of our lives at any age, amodern body, a modern life, all
(00:53):
starts in your mind, and whenyou learn how to manage that,
losing weight permanentlybecomes so much easier.
Welcome to the podcast. Episode8080. I'm so excited. I've had
80 weeks in a row of thispodcast. Haven't missed a week.
(01:14):
Don't ever plan on missing aweek. Very, very excited to hit
80. I'm gonna be really excitedto hit 100 as well. So this
podcast, I was up in the airabout the title of this podcast.
The title is going to be, youwant to lose weight and you want
to eat the cookie. But I wasalso going to title this
podcast. There are always two ofyou in your head at every
(01:35):
moment. It was too long. So Iguess I'll explain what this
podcast is going to be about. Soit's, it's titled, you want to
you want to lose weight, and youwant to eat the cookie. But
really, what this podcast isgoing to teach you is this
concept I've been thinking a lotabout, is about, there really
are two of you in your head asyou go throughout your day, at
(01:55):
every moment, at every moment,and those two of you want
drastically different things.
Those two of you havedrastically different ideas on
how you should be living yourlife, on what is worth it, what
is not, what sounds fun, whatsounds horrible. Two of you
constantly, and this concept issomething I've been working on
that I'm, I'm really excited toshare with you. I mean, you want
(02:16):
to lose weight and you want toyou want to also eat the cookie.
It kind of epitomizes thisconcept. So it is a beautiful,
beautiful Thursday afternoon,and we are getting ready to go
this weekend to my nephew'sgraduation party. I'm so
excited. I'm gonna have allthree of my boys with me this
weekend, which doesn't happenvery often these days. So I'm
(02:37):
really excited about that. I'mactually going to spend an extra
eight hours of driving time thisweekend to go pick up my
youngest so he can be with usjust for about 24 hours, just
because I really want us all tobe together, the five of us, but
also with our extended family.
So I'm really excited, and I'vealready told my boys, I said,
prepare yourselves. I'm going tobe touching you and loving on
(02:59):
you and hugging you and kissingyou constantly don't grimace.
Just bear with it. Allow me todo it, and if you resist me,
I'll do it more. So just giveit. Just give in to me. And
they're like, all right, allright. They know. They know what
I'm all about. So I can't wait.
Enrollment is open for my Juneprogram, ready for change. It is
a program for women who areready to lose that weight, ready
(03:20):
to start eating better, ready tostart talking to themselves
better, ready to start maybebeing more consistent, maybe to
be more clear. I know there's alot of women they're like, I
want a bunch of things. I feelunclear. I talked to one of my
clients last night who's alreadyjoined the the June program. I'm
so excited to have her, and shesays, I feel muddled, I feel
muddled, I feel unclear. And soI'm like, beautiful. This is
(03:42):
going to be a great month foryou to get very focused and
learn how to change permanentlyin what area you are ready to
change in. So enrollment is openright now. Women are signing up.
I'm very, very excited for thisJune group. Enrollment is going
to close June 3 the day before.
So you can come in hot. You cancome in hot if you want to, but
(04:05):
when the group fills, that alsois going to be it's either June.
June 3 is enrollment closes, orwhen the group fills. So if
you're interested, I would saveyour space. I would save your
space. There's a link in theshow notes and a link on my
website to join us in thiscoaching experience for June.
What we are doing here on thispodcast, you know, and when I
say this podcast, I mean all theepisodes, what my intention for
(04:29):
this podcast is really toincrease your awareness, your
understanding of yourself, likehow you specifically work, in
terms of your self concept, yourpersonality, your desires, all
that, but also, I want you tounderstand at a core level how
you were designed as a human.
And the the beautiful thing ofthose, those merging of
(04:50):
understandings, is going to helpyou get what you want. I want
you to get what you want. Thefirst step. To getting what you
want is always increasing yourawareness, increasing your
awareness of what makes you ahuman, increasing your awareness
of why maybe you haven't beenthe woman you've wanted to be in
the past, and increasing yourawareness of what's possible for
(05:12):
your you in the future. Andincreasing your awareness of how
what you believe is possible isgoing to dictate what you are
able to achieve. Let me say thatlast one again, what you believe
is possible for you is going todictate what you are able to
accomplish in your life. The wayyou think about what is possible
(05:33):
for you is going to dictate thewoman that you become and what
you make possible. And that isgood news. It's good news
because you get to decide thatyou want to up level your
belief. You want to believe moreis possible than you have ever
believed before. Yesterday wasmy dad's 80th birthday, and he's
doing so well. He's in greathealth, mentally, physically,
(05:56):
and I wrote him a card for his80th birthday. And one of the
things I kind of said in hiscard, I kind of coached him
without his permission, but Ijust said, I said, I hope that
you have goals for yourself. Ihope that you believe big things
are possible. I hope that youdon't subscribe to this
(06:16):
narrative now that you're 80.
You know, after this excitingbirthday celebration, I hope you
don't subscribe to this slowingdown. You know, not much is
possible for you. Narrative thatwe kind of have in our society,
at least here in America, wekind of have that, that
narrative as we get older, it'slike less and less and less as
(06:36):
possible. And what if that's nottrue? As I age, I want to
continue to think, Oh, this isso exciting. What's possible for
me now, we always get to decidewhat is possible for us. We
always get to decide what wewant to do, what growth we want
(06:56):
with our life. And I've beenthinking a lot about how I can
help you really get what youwant, really make the changes
you want to make. And in doingthis, I'm always looking at, how
can I say things in a differentway, how can I teach things in a
different way? And so I wasgoing back to, I often go back
to the pain I felt when I wasstruggling with my weight,
(07:18):
struggling believing that Icould get in really good shape,
struggling to believe that Icould be consistent, because I
would start, I would go hard forthree or four days, and then I
would just fall off the wagon,and then I felt like I was
constantly in this process ofrestarting. And intellectually,
that's that's not a horribleplace to be thinking like, Okay,
I'm gonna get back on the house.
Get back on the horse. Get backon the horse. I've said many
(07:40):
times before on this podcast,there's a quote about like the
process of life is a constantrestarting. So there's nothing
necessarily wrong withrestarting. But I was
restarting, restarting,restarting constantly, if I'm
being radically honest, I wasconstantly falling off, falling
off, falling off, and because ofthat, I wasn't being consistent.
(08:02):
I think that if we can make youand this is what I found for
myself, is if I could makemyself go longer in between
falling off, that's where we'regonna get some consistency. If I
can go really consistent for twoor three weeks, and then maybe I
don't feel good for a weekend,and I take a weekend off, or I I
have, like, something sadhappen, and I don't eat really
(08:24):
the way I'd like to, but then Iget right back on track, then
that is going to be enoughconsistency to get me what I
want. But I was in a cycle for along time where I was literally
hot, cold, hot, cold, ON OFF, ONOFF, eating well, or literally
getting the buckets and noteating well. And for those
reasons, I was really not seeingany progress towards my health
(08:44):
goals at all. And so I've beenthinking about, what was I
thinking? What was my mentalityat that time? I really felt like
there was something wrong withme. I felt like I must not want
to lose weight bad enough. Imust not really want it bad
enough, because if I did want itbad enough, I would be
(09:06):
consistent. I wouldn't befucking it up if I really wanted
it bad enough. And I must nothave wanted to feel good enough.
I must not have thought that Iwas worthy enough all the things
I was constantly thinking, it'sthere's a deficiency in me
clearly, or I would be doingthis, and that is incorrect
(09:28):
thinking. So if you areresonating with that, if there's
a part of you that feels thatway, like it just must be that I
don't want it bad enough that isnot true. I want to give you
permission granted that that isnot true. And sometimes when we
hear these motivational quotes,or we hear people saying things
about, oh, once you make adecision, then, then, then there
(09:49):
should be no turning back, Ijust disagree, especially when
it comes to something that's sohighly addictive, something that
we've never learned how to dosomething. Right that deals with
our emotions and our habits andour brain like food, it's just
more difficult. Here's what Iended up really realizing after
years and years of strugglingthinking I just didn't want it
(10:13):
enough, I realized I felt likethere were two of me inside of
my head, I felt like there wasthe am me who wanted it so
badly. I was on board. I wasfired up. I was listening to the
podcast. I was eating a healthybreakfast. I was doing all the
things the morning, the amCourtney was a badass. And then
(10:35):
all of a sudden, in the PM, Ichanged my mind. I changed my
mind. I didn't quite care themthe same as I did in the
morning. I didn't think it wasworth it. I thought life was too
short. It's almost like my wholevision of how life should be
lived shifted in the evenings. Ihonestly felt like a crazy
(10:57):
person. This even confirmed myidea that there was something
wrong with me, because I wouldcompletely change my mind. I
felt like I was a little crazy,because I felt like there were
two of me inside of me, and whatI have learned, what I have
learned by getting coachcertified and reading books and
studying the brain and all thatis, I that, in a sense, there
(11:20):
really are two of us inside ofus at all times. So before I
dive into this, you've heard metalk about the primitive brain.
If you're if you're new to me,I'm going to dive into this
really quickly, and then I'mgoing to go back to explaining
the two of us. But you've heardme talk about the primitive
brain. You've heard me talkabout that there is a part of
your brain, this primitivebrain, sometimes called the
(11:43):
downstairs brain, sometimescalled the monkey brain. It's a
very old part of our brainbefore other parts of the brain
had even developed that had thejob of keeping us alive, and it
did this by having us seekpleasure, avoid pain, and
conserve energy. And what thatmeans
is it means anything new was athreat to us. Anything new is
(12:07):
still a threat to us, becausethis, this primitive brain, is
still very active in us today.
Anything still that ispotentially new is a threat,
because new means danger. Newmeans we're not familiar. New
means we don't know what toexpect, and there is a danger
there. So our primitive brainwants us to seek pleasure, which
(12:30):
is nothing new. It's It's theold things we've been doing.
It's things like scrolling, andthings like eating, things like
alcohol, things like not moving,and it wants to get us out of
pain, and pain is reallyanything that is new, any
negative emotion, anything thatmight put us at risk. We think
about people pleasing, which isso common, especially with us
(12:53):
women, and we think about peoplepleasing as just something we do
in society, to be in the coolkids club, but people pleasing
is a basic survival technique,because if we make everyone
around us happy, everyone willhave good thoughts about us, and
we won't be kicked out of thegroup. We won't be kicked out of
(13:13):
the tribe, which means pain. Wewon't have anyone disappointed
in us, anyone threatened by us,because if they're threatened by
us, then we feel insecure, andwe've, you know we're feeling
negative emotion. So all of thisgoes back to your primitive
brain. Wants you to seekpleasure and avoid pain and also
conserve energy. Certainly don'tgo for that hike you might twist
(13:36):
an ankle. Just relax. And sowhen you think about your
primitive brain. Think aboutthis. Your primitive brain
really what it wants for you isit wants you to be sitting on
the couch, scrolling, watchingTV, eating Cheetos, or eating
whatever your yourdeliciousness, Cheetos, Oreo
cookies. For me, it would betortilla chips, you know, with
(13:58):
some kind of dipping ofsomething. That's really what
our primitive brain wants for usand our primitive brain, even
though we have evolved othermore advanced parts of our
brain, thank God we still havethis primitive brain that is
very much at play as humans haveevolved over the last millions
of years. We have developed aprefrontal cortex it helps us
(14:21):
with decision making analysis.
It helps us plan for the future.
It helps us set goals. It helpsus with impulse control and
learning and growing. Yes, wehave that too, but the two of
them are at odds, because if youthink about it like this, you
have your primitive brain thatjust wants you sitting on the
(14:41):
couch, scrolling and watching TVand eating, but then you have
your prefrontal cortex thatwants you to live your best life
possible. It wants you to get inyour best shape ever. Feel
amazing, write that book, askfor that raise, have amazing
relationships, be be able to saysomething that you really.
Really, truly want to say whenyou're out to dinner with your
(15:02):
girlfriends, it wants you tolive your best life, your best
truth, all the things, but it isat odds with that part of us
that knows the safest place forus to be is just sitting on the
couch eating. They are at oddswith each other every moment
there will be two of you. So Iwant you to think about it this
(15:23):
way. Yes, we have the two partsof our brain, but I want you to
realize that every moment as younavigate your day to day, there
are two of you, and they wantdrastically different things for
you. You have the part of youthat is more future focused that
is more resonant with the futureyou. And what does that look
(15:46):
like? Then you have the part ofyou that is more focused on the
present you, the happiness inthe present, the satisfaction
and the pleasure in the present.
And there are very differentways to live, if you consider
the two of you right, if all ofa sudden, after this podcast,
I'm supposed to go to the gym,there will be the part of me
that is the future me that'slike, yes, we want to get
(16:10):
stronger. Yes, we want to wakeup tomorrow sore. For some
reason, I love feeling sore. Itmakes me feel like I've moved my
body in a new way the daybefore. So there's the there's
the part of me that is wantingto do a pull up, wanting to be
healthy, wanting to feel good,also wanting to fit in my
clothes, wanting to have myconfidence when I'm in my
bathing suit, all of thosethings, wanting to be healthy,
(16:32):
all of those things that is theme that is more future focused.
But at the same time, after I'mdone recording this podcast,
there is the more present methat's like, you know what? We
should just go way out. It's wedon't need to be working out.
We're kind of sore fromyesterday. And what does it
matter? Anyways, your husbandthinks you look great. You know,
(16:53):
at the party last night, twopeople commented on how strong
you're looking. So we're finealways, at every moment. And
though the question you get toask yourself 50 100 times a day
is, Who am I going to listen to?
Who am I going to listen to?
This is just another way ofthinking about what is going on
(17:15):
with you. You can think of itas, am I going to listen to my
primitive brain, or am I goingto listen to my prefrontal
cortex? Am I going to listen tothe true me or just the me that
wants to be happy in the moment?
Or are you going to now that I'mpresenting a new way for you to
think about this? Are you goingto listen to the more of the
future based you or the presentbased you? Here's a few
(17:39):
questions to ask yourself inthese moments. First of all, I
want you to see the aware. Iwant you to have the awareness
that this is what's happening asyou navigate your day. And I
want you to really get into thenitty gritty of all of it, like
when you go to the grocery storeand you're planning out your
dinner for tonight or tomorrownight, there is going to be the
the future focused you thatwants to get something healthy,
(18:04):
that's that you know is going toget you to where you want to go,
make you feel good, sleep goodthat night, all of those things,
yes. And then there's also goingto be the you that's like, oh,
maybe I should just get this.
This is going to be sodelicious, and it's going to
make the night fun. We can watchit in front of the TV, and you
know, it's no big deal everysingle time who you going to
(18:26):
listen to when you are going forthat walk, and you've been
telling yourself for a longtime, I wonder if I could either
pick up my pace or I wonder if Icould bang out a few lunges at
the end of my walk. Or I wonderif I could run for like five
minutes, maybe, if you have notrun in a long time, I wonder if
(18:46):
I could run for like fiveminutes, or not even five
minutes. I wonder if I could runfor a full minute. If you have
not been running for a while,you could. Maybe I can run for a
full minute. There's going to bethe you that's like, maybe I
could run for a few a fullminute. Then there's going to be
the you that's like, you knowwhat? I don't think we're ready
for that. We should just wait.
(19:07):
You know, we might injureyourself. Let's not do it. Oh,
we don't want to lunge because,you know that guy over there is
mowing his lawn. He's going tolook at me. He's going to think
I'm a weirdo at every singlemoment. Here's a few questions
you can ask yourself, What doesmy future me want like? What are
my goals? Where do I? Where amI? Where do I want to go? What
(19:28):
do I believe is possible for me,and how does it feel to be
living on her terms? Let me askthat one again, how does it feel
to be living on her terms, myfuture focused self. How does it
feel if I actually navigated myday and every decision, or 95%
(19:49):
of decisions, we don't have tobe perfect, lined up with what
your future self wants. How doesthat feel like at the end of the
day? Are you going to be lined.
Go That was stupid. Or are yougoing to feel like that was kind
of amazing? How will it feel?
And do I really want to connectmore to her? Do I want to
(20:11):
connect more to her? And when Isay connect, I guess what I mean
is, do I want to make decisionsfrom her?
And then ask yourself, What doesmy present me want? I can tell
you right now what my present mewants. I do not listen to her
very often, and so I sometimesactually am kind of disconnected
from her because I'm so focusedon connecting with the future
(20:34):
me. But let me think for amoment and let me connect to
what my more present me wants,the present me. The present you.
The present me wants to not goon a walk today with my sister
because I'm sore. My legs aresore from running yesterday. The
present me does not want to goto the gym because it's like
that. That's extra time I couldbe working, or I could be
(20:55):
cleaning my fish tank, or Icould be doing other things, or
I could be watching bridgertonIn the middle of the day, great.
The present me wants to go outto dinner tonight, to Mexican
food, because that would be themost delicious. That's going to
be way more delicious than thechicken over salad I have
planned for tonight. The Presentme wants to stay up to like 11
(21:17):
o'clock tonight, just watchingTV with my husband. The present
me wants to scroll. The presentme probably wants to scroll by
the end of the day, maybe twohours. The present me, right
after I finish this podcast,wants to get on my phone and
scroll. And then wants to scrollat every single moment. And I
will tell you, actually, one ofthe things I have been doing
(21:37):
this year, one of my focuses, isbeing very intentional with not
scrolling. But I'll tell youlast year, as efficient as I
was, as great as my life was, asintentional and aware as I was,
I spent way more time scrollingthan I wanted to. I felt
addicted to it. I felt like Icouldn't control myself. I felt
(21:58):
like every move I made Iscrolled. Do you ever feel that
way when I realized this? I waslike, This is crazy. So after I
would finish the podcast, Iwould be like, Oh, I have to use
the restroom. So I would scrollon the way to the restroom, and
then I would scroll while I wassitting on the toilet, and then
I would make myself some tea,and then I would get back to my
desk to edit the podcast, but Iwould scroll for a minute before
(22:18):
and then I'd edit my podcast,and then I'd finish that, and
then I'd scroll. It's almostlike before I made any move, I
would scroll, what is happening?
What do you do that? Oh, my God.
What a waste of time. So thisyear, I really decided no more.
And every once in a while I wasjust talking to my client about
this last night, every oncewhile I will find myself going
(22:41):
to it because it's it's a habit,it's a dopamine hit, it's a very
present me focused decision. Soevery once in a while, I do find
myself going to it, and I saythis every time, this is not
helping my life in any way. Thisis not bringing any joy or value
to my life. It's just not I'venever scrolled for an hour and
(23:03):
afterwards said, whoo. God, thatwas amazing. Never, never. And
so I decided this year I'm justnot doing anymore. So I've been
very good. I'm not perfect.
There's been a few times whereI'm like, You got me, boo, you
got me. You got me. I scrollthere for about a half hour.
Yes, I've seen Zendaya and HenryCavill more than I probably need
(23:23):
to over the next year. I You gotme, but for the most part, I am
done really good job in thatmoment saying, Oh, this is my
present self wants to scroll.
But there is a future self, methat also right now, wants to
make more of a powerfuldecision. Maybe it's read my
(23:45):
book, maybe it's meditate, maybeit's go plan, like, do some food
prep. Sometimes in the middle ofthe week when we kind of start
running out of the food prepI've done, I'm like, I really
need to make some tuna fish, orI need some do some breaded
chicken, something like that.
And I will be like, Okay, I'vegot an hour instead of Henry
Cavill. I think he's gorgeous.
(24:06):
And so I you know how whathappens is, like, you look at a
few reels of him on Instagram,and so now it's all I see is
Henry Cavill. Their their work,Facebook is working really hard
to get Henry Cavill into myworld. And so I'm like, instead
of Henry Cavill, I'm going to gomake some food that's going to
serve me better. That is all thethings that my present self
wants. And so most of the timeI'm not even connected to it,
(24:29):
because I don't even give itenergy, but it is still there.
Every time I go into Starbucks,there is the me that wants to
get a black americano in aprotein box. And that's my
future base self. And then thereis the me who is very present,
focused self who wants to getbanana bread and a vanilla
(24:53):
latte. Now for you, you might beon a different path. You might
be eating different than me. Iam not saying. Seeing that you
should run out and start gettingamericanos and protein boxes.
That's not what I'm saying in myprogram, I always say we need to
get you eating better, butdoable for you, eating a
drinking a vanilla latte and abanana bread might be the better
(25:15):
choice for you depending on howyou have been eating. So let's
not judge my choices, but let'sthink about my mindset. That's
what I want to teach you bysaying this at every moment
there is a choice, which choiceare you going to make? Which
version of you are you going tolisten to?
And I will tell you when you getbetter and better and better at
(25:39):
listening to and making choicesfrom that part of you that is
your prefrontal cortex, thatfuture based you, you are going
to create massive change in yourlife. You will lose the weight
you want to lose. You will eatbetter. You will start being
more consistent. You will startgetting more movement. You will
(26:00):
start getting healthier andstronger, and you will get
happier. You will sleep betterand feel better and have better
relationships, all the things,if you can connect to that
version of you that wants what'sbest for you. So I want to give
you a few more questions basedon your present self. I already
said, What does my present selfwant? Think about that. Next
(26:24):
question is, is this a truedesire? And why does my present
self want this? That's a greatquestion. Why does my present
self want this? And usually theanswer always is, because, for
right now, it's the mostpleasurable thing, and that's
how we know it's really not atrue desire, because if we just
(26:47):
lived in the most pleasurablethings in the moment, we would
never be happy. We would only behappy in the moment in the
moment in the moment in themoment, and if we took a break
from those in the moments, wewould be miserable. So another
question you can ask yourselfis, is this getting me where I
want to go? That's another greatquestion that you can ask
(27:07):
yourself if you're scrolling, isthis getting me where I want to
go? And not that every singlemoment has to be productive.
It's not like you need to makeevery single moment meditation
this. I'm constantly, constantlybeing productive, but even going
out and sitting in a space,whether it be your backyard,
whether it be a beautiful roomin your home, whether it be a
(27:30):
beautiful cafe, whether it be apark, and just sitting for a
moment and closing your eyes andjust listening, whether it's
listening to the birds,listening to running water,
listening to the people talkingin the cafe and loving on the
people that they're with, orwhatever it is, even that, I
promise you, when you make spacefor that, even that is going to
(27:52):
connect you to you, or connectyou to your source, or connect
you to your god or your Creator,or connect you to You. And it is
going to be more beneficial thanyou just eating a muffin. When
you start doing this, when youstart being able to connect with
the more future based you futurefocus you, you find that life
(28:16):
gets better. And then whathappens is this amazing thing
where the future you the woman,who you're like. I want to
become her. I want all of thisto get easier. I want to make
decisions easier. I want to feelin control. You find that the
gap between you now and herstarts to close, and in many
ways, you become her, and thenyou choose even bigger goals for
(28:39):
yourself. That's what I'mfinding in my life, like I am
doing things and acting andliving in a way that I never,
never thought was possible. So Istarted to believe it was
possible. Maybe I could do this.
Maybe I could be this woman.
Maybe I could be this woman. Andnow, in many ways, I am her, and
I have created an even biggervision of what I believe is
(29:01):
possible for me, and now I'mtrying to close the gap on that
at the end of the day, who doyou want to be listening to? If
you can take one thing from thispodcast, here's what I want you
to take as you go throughoutyour day, start really seeing
the two of you at all times.
Start seeing the two of you whenyou're engaging with someone
(29:22):
you're frustrated with. There isthe me who wants to just say,
You know what, let's not getfrustrated. Let's show love.
What would love do? How can Ishow up and and be proud of
myself in this situation and beproud, be proud in the way I'm
handling the situation. There'sthat you, and then there's the
you that just wants to be like,F everybody. This isn't fair. I
don't deserve this. Why doesthis always happen to me? Both
(29:47):
are very much available to you.
Both are very much available toyou. And when you start becoming
aware that both are available toyou. That's when you can make a
better choice. I'm going toleave you with one other
example. I don't know if Italked about this yet on the
(30:08):
podcast. It's a non food, notnon body example, because you
hear me say all the time thatall of this work, this podcast,
everything I'm teaching you, itaffects every area of your life.
And so I love giving examplesthat have nothing to do with
body, light body, but more life.
And so a few weeks ago, my sonJustin, called me and said, Hey,
I got I got in a car accident.
(30:30):
Everyone's fine. And I said, Iseveryone fine? Like, because his
buddies were in the car withhim? And he goes, Yeah, we're
not hurt, like, at all. And Isaid, What about the other
people involved? Yes, no, one'shurt at all. Now, in the moment,
I do this very quickly now, andif you, if you do this, if you
take this podcast and reallyimplement into your life, you
(30:51):
will get quicker and quicker atthis as well. But I do this so
quickly now it almost doesn'teven, it's not even, I'm not
even aware of how quickly I doit, but if I slow it down, this
is what I did. In that moment, Isaid, Okay, Courtney, there's
two of you here. There is theyou that can say, You know what?
(31:12):
There's not a problem herebecause his car was totaled.
He's like, Yeah, I think it'stotaled, right? So in that
moment, I took the informationmy son is cars totaled. Everyone
on both sides of this accident,the people I don't know, the
people that I do, that I love,are totally safe. And so my
future based self, in thatmoment, said, This is not a
(31:33):
problem at all. There is noproblem at all here. That was
really it no problem. What doyou need from me? How can I help
you? I'll be there in 10minutes. That was my future
base. We not even stressed, noteven worried. This is not a
problem. He might as well havecalled me and said, Hey, Mom,
(31:54):
I'm at soul. Would you like meto bring you a taco? Like,
literally, not a problem. Andthen there was the more present
self me, where it's like, oh myGod, I've never really been in
an accident. I don't really knowwhat to do. I mean, should I
come to him, or should I notcome to him? Should I call my
husband? I mean, should we gotogether? Should we should we
call the parents of the otherkids that were in the car? Do I
(32:16):
call my insurance first, or do Icall my insurance now and, oh my
god, what are we going to doabout his car? Oh, my God, this
was my one kid that has the carthat that like the best car of
all three kids. And how are wegoing to how? What is he going
to do for a car? And what therewas that option, stress,
anxiety. I can't believe this ishappening to me. Oh, my God, all
(32:38):
that in that moment, both wereavailable. And you know, which
one I choose? Girl, you know, Idefinitely went right into we
got no problem here. Now thattook me some time. That's going
to take you some time. If you'renew to this type of work, that's
going to take you some time. Butthis is the power of this work.
(32:59):
It's like I started wanting tofeel in control around my food,
wanting to roll into 5pm and noteat the chips, because I had
promised myself not eat thechips. Amazing. I figured that
out I was able to lose theweight I wanted to lose, and the
ripple effect on my life is thismoment with the car. We've got
(33:20):
no problems here. It's noproblem. And then be able to
manage my son, be able to say tohim when I get there, I can see
he's a little bit worried, andto be able to grab his arm and
look at him and say, hey, youknow what? There's no problem
here at all. You're safe. Theother people we don't know are
safe. This is just a regularTuesday, and I could see him
calm. I offered that up to him.
We can either freak out or wecan be calm. I offered that up
(33:43):
to him, and he took it. And thenI did that for my husband. Same
thing. Did that for the otherboys that were there. Hey, boys,
you can go, go, go to the gym.
Dude, you don't need to stayhere with us. We've got this
under control. And so when youstart navigating your life and
realizing in every single momentthere are two of you, and if you
can line up with the futurefocused you more often, your
(34:04):
life will change. If you lovethis podcast, I invite you to
work with me in my ready forchange coaching experience for
the month of June. If you lovethis podcast, you feel like it's
really helping you in your life.
I'm so glad. Imagine what itwill be like to flood your life
with me for a month, be able toactually say, Courtney, can I
(34:24):
ask you a question? Courtney, Ilove this, but I'm struggling
with this. And be able to reallyget clear figure out how you
need to change in order tochange your life. So there is a
link in the show notes, there isa link in my website, there are
links everywhere to join me forthis June experience. I'd love
to have you in there. Have agreat Tuesday. If you are ready
(34:46):
to lose weight and keep it offpermanently and feel confident
and at peace around food, Iinvite you to head to Courtney
Gray coaching.com to learn abouthow to work with me. I work with
women privately, one on one, andI. Also offer small group
coaching. There is a link to mywebsite in the show notes you.
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