May 15, 2025 • 29 mins
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What kind of role do you find yourself in in your family or your communities? Are you the helper, fixer, go-to, dependable, get it done kind of alchemist?
The one who everyone leans on when something goes haywire? - so much so that you are feeling like you are spending a lot of your life responding rather than creating?
What if you could lean into co-creating with Spirit and make sure that you were allowing room for the magic of life to shine through - rather than spending so much energy responding and managing the chaos of others?
When you let go of the role of being the dependable, fixer, manager, responder - something beautiful will rise up.
In this episode, we’re exploring what it really means to release the weight of responsibility and step out of the “Protector Pattern”—that familiar urge to fix, rescue, or over-function for others. If you’ve been carrying too much (even with the best of intentions), we'll help you recognize how you can shift back into a deeper level of trust with the universe.
We’ll talk about:
– Why helping can sometimes hinder growth
– How to trust that your loved ones are being guided, just like you are
– What co-creation with Spirit actually looks like (especially when you're used to doing it all)
– A grounding prayer and visualization to help you practice letting go with love so you can make space for something even greater than you.
If you've been carrying too much but find yourself not quite knowing how to stop without guilt or doubt crop up, this episode can bring you back from the brink
Christina Wooten helps you access the wisdom and support of the Spirit World to elevate your life.
She is a Certified Psychic Medium and Reiki Master Teacher. Christina is the owner of Sedona Medium and co-host of Modern Life and Spirit podcast.
She offers Psychic Medium Readings, Soul Readings, Past Life Regressions, and teaches how you can start communicating and receiving messages from your Spirit Guides - through her program.
Learn more about her offerings here
Currently registering for Fall Reiki in-person classes in Sedona - beginners welcome! Contact www.SedonaMedium.com Today!
Contact www.SedonaMedium.com to schedule your reading today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Music. Welcome to the Modern Life and Spirit Podcast
(00:03):
where we explore spiritualtopics relevant to today's
world. Your hosts, certifiedpsychic medium Christina Wooten
and Reiki master teacher RobertWooten, break down how to work
with spirit to create morepositive growth in your life.
Consider this podcast your go tospiritual resource for
(00:23):
navigating the modern world.
Christina Wooten (00:28):
Welcome to Modern Life and Spirit Podcast.
I'm Christina Wooten, certifiedpsychic medium at
SedonaMedium.com Welcome to ourepisode today. I'm so glad that
you are here. Since last week'sepisode. It's just been a
powerful and beautiful week. Ihad interesting interaction with
(00:48):
spirit, where I was in ameditation this week, and
suddenly, very clearly, I wasjust transported to a very
special retreat center that usedto be here in Sedona. And it was
just a little flash, maybe aminute long or so, and I saw
myself in this moment, and I wasleaving the dining hall of the
(01:09):
retreat center in my vision. Andwhen I glanced over, I saw this
line of energetically chargedwaters that were there for
everybody to enjoy at thecenter. And just as quickly as I
saw this, I slipped out of thatvision. But it really left me
with that question of, well,that was interesting, like,
(01:31):
what? What was that all about?
What was the message I wassupposed to get from that? And
what I processed was it was abeautiful reminder for me of
intentionality. And you know,this beautiful center their
intentionality had such animpact on me and others. And as
I was walking down that memorylane, it reminded me how quiet
(01:52):
and slowness is what creates thespace for intentionality in all
things, even the water thatwe're drinking. And for me, this
week, I've really been relishingspace and just finding flow in a
lot of quiet, a lot of nature, alot of stillness, and it has
been so nourishing to my soul, Idid not realize how much I just
(02:15):
needed, a lot of quiet, justwhat I've needed. And I hope
that this week, whatever yourexperience has been, has brought
you also some unexpectedinsights and blessings too. Over
the last couple of weeks, wehave been exploring energy
blockages and self care,especially for empaths,
(02:36):
sensitive people and healers whofeel called to give deeply, but
struggle at the same time togive that self care to
themselves. So in episode 235why self care feels like a
luxury, even when you knowbetter. We traced back the
origin story of how earlyconditioning taught a lot of us
(02:57):
that care is something that yougive and not necessarily
something that you receive. Andthen in episode 236, is your
compassion quietly burning youout, we looked at the wound of
over giving and how thatinstinct to care can slowly
drain you, also if it's notrooted in balance. So we even
(03:18):
talked about how to identify ifyou were giving from a wounded
place or from the real spirit ofservice, and also some boundary
phrases you can startimplementing to shift that
dynamic. And today we're goingto take it to the next step,
we're going a little bit deeper,and we're talking about
(03:39):
something that comes up for alot of impasse when they start
to explore the idea of self careon a deeper level, is that they
start to realize some of theareas in their life that are out
of balance, or some of thedynamics that we've talked about
over the last couple of episodeswhere they are sacrificing
(04:02):
themselves, their life, theirtime, their journey, their
energy in trying to help otherskeep everything together. And
usually this is that feeling ofgetting stuck in a responsive
mode with life, where, forwhatever reason, the empath is
that person that everyone callswhen they're like, oh my gosh,
(04:23):
this is happening. Can you helpme? Can you take care of this?
Can you step in and becauseyou're a compassionate and
loving and kind person, a lot oftimes you say yes to that giving
and it ends up being somethingthat becomes a deeply entrenched
dynamic to the point where youstart to think, you know, I'm
(04:46):
holding all of these plates herethat affect not just me, but all
of these other. Special peoplein my life, and if I suddenly
decide that I don't want to holdthese plates anymore, that I
don't want to keep just holdingeveryone together, that maybe
they will fall apart, somethingbad will happen to those people
(05:08):
that have been used to me beingthere where you've been the
dependable person that theycould always rely on and reach
out to, and you know that theycould use some help. And so you
have been doing it this wholetime, but now you're realizing,
I don't think that this is inbalance for me anymore, and it's
(05:30):
not healthy for me to keepholding it, but I'm so afraid
that I'm going to cause harm tosomeone by releasing the
dynamic. And what we often don'tsee in that moment, that fear,
moment of if I stop holdingeverything together, someone or
people collective are going tofall apart, is that our holding
(05:52):
on might actually be the thingthat is stopping them from
rising up. I see this a lot oftimes in readings and healing
sessions. It's the mother whofeels like the glue holding her
family together, and she can'timagine what would happen if she
stopped just filling in the gapsand responding for everyone, and
(06:15):
bending and, you know, all ofthis responsiveness at the cost
of her own well being. It can bethe partner who anticipates
everybody else's needs beforethey're even spoken they're
afraid of. Well, what mightunfold if they don't do that, if
they're not the ones making suresomebody has a snack or making
(06:37):
sure they packed their lunch ormaking sure they have the water
that they need, it's the healerwho gives a lot of energy away
that there's sometimes a sensethat they don't have anything
left for their own growth Andfor their own connection, and
they aren't giving themselveswhat they need to invest to get
(06:59):
to that next level of their owndevelopment. So underneath the
love, the kindness, thesacrifice in all of those cases
is the fear of what might happenif we stop saving, if we stop
fixing, if we stop managing andsoftening every edge for the
people that we care about most.
(07:21):
So in today's episode, we'retalking about what it really
means to let go, to trust thatothers have their own wisdom,
that they have their own timing,their own sole guidance, to
remember also that your solepurpose is not rooted in you
being the safety net for others.
You aren't being asked to dothat by Spirit ever. You aren't
(07:43):
just the glue that holdseverything together. So today
we're going to just reorient.
We're gonna hand it back tospirit and let everyone,
including you, elevate, rise up.
You may not think of yourself assomeone who steps in too much,
even if you feel it in thesacrifices that you're making or
(08:04):
the burnout that you're feeling.
Most empaths see their actionsas love and support or simply
just doing what needs to getdone. But there's a pattern that
I often see in sensitive, caringpeople. And I like to call it
the protector pattern. Okay, itshows up as being the emotional
(08:27):
anchor, the Peacekeeper, the onewho swoops in when things get
messy, to soften the impact orto smooth out the rough edges
for other people. And it's notbecause you're trying to take
over. It comes from a place oftrue care, because you see
what's coming. And sometimesthat's you're seeing something
(08:49):
from your logical mind. Andsometimes you may intuitively
feel like, Uh oh, this is goingto lead to a bad place. And when
you can feel that someone isspiraling, or maybe they're
sinking, or they're just havinga hard time. Everything in you
really wants to help them, andyou don't want people to suffer
(09:11):
needlessly. And if you can doit, then you might be thinking,
well, maybe I should. But here'sthe tricky part, over time, that
loving instinct to protect canturn into a habit of fixing, of
anticipating problems,preventing discomfort, trying to
manage all the outcomes, andsometimes it's even before
(09:33):
someone asks you to do that. Andthis ends up getting really
tricky to manage, because youend up sometimes getting blamed,
or being the convenient punchingbag for someone, because they
either expect you to do all thethings or they blame you for the
outcome instead of steppingfully into their responsibility,
(09:56):
and that sets up a really no funexperience. Experience where you
are giving, you're over giving,and instead of gratefulness, it
can breed this pattern of blametoo, which is super confusing,
because you would love nothingmore than for someone to jump in
and anticipate your needs or tohelp more. So it's not a fun
(10:19):
dynamic to be in, and you end upfeeling overextended,
misunderstood, and this dynamic,which really is rooted in care
and compassion for others, canstart to interfere with
something significant, likegrowth, because when we
constantly protect other peoplefrom the hard stuff, we
(10:39):
sometimes end up unintentionallyblocking them from the very
lessons and the breakthroughsthat their soul came here to
experience, to grow spirituallypersonally, we need feedback. We
need feedback from life, fromour choices, from the full range
of outcomes. So we're talkingthe good, the hard, even the
(11:02):
messy stuff. And when weinterrupt that process out of
love, we unknowingly take theuniverse out of the
conversation. So part of selfcare for sensitives and healers
is learning to pause and to ask,Am I truly supporting or am I
rescuing? Sometimes we rescuebecause we can't bear to watch
(11:23):
someone struggle, especiallysomeone that we love. And
sometimes we rescue because it'shard to hold space for big,
uncomfortable emotions withoutfalling into a fix it type of
dynamic and sometimes we rescuebecause we've always been the
one who had to do it. Butwhatever is fueling that
(11:44):
protector energy for you, whenit goes unchecked, it places the
entire burden on your shoulders,and it leaves no space for
spirit, for the universe toreally move, because you're
always responding and feelingthe gaps and adding glue and
putting a band aid here. So it'simportant to really explore what
(12:06):
happens when you stop holding itall, and what happens when you
really hand things over to thedivine. So let's talk about what
trust really looks like, whichis essential to getting out of
the fixer mode, and what itmeans to believe that others can
rise even without us carryingall the weight and the burden
(12:28):
and the obligation and all ofthe emotions of that and I Know
for so many of us that walk aspiritual path, the idea of
being of service is sacred.
We've been taught to give fromthe heart. We've been taught to
show up with compassion, toextend ourselves in love, and
truly, those values are at thecore of who we are, but
(12:50):
sometimes without meaning tothat devotion to helping can
become heavy. We take thosebeautiful intentions and
accidentally slowly, sometimesquickly, over time, it turns
into pressure. So see if you saysome things to yourself,
sometimes like I should say,Yes, I should make myself
(13:10):
available, If I don't help maybeI'm functioning from the ego and
not from the heart. It's such asneaky little thing. From giving
out of love to giving out ofobligation, it can just kind of
slip from one into another, andthat can be hard to recognize,
because on the surface theaction is there. It still looks
(13:33):
like compassion, but underneathit, we may be really acting from
a fear place, a fear of whatmight happen if we don't step
in, if we're not the one tosupport that person, like we
know they need support. Here'sthe thing, though, sometimes
real spiritual maturity istrusting the process, even when
(13:54):
it's hard to watch. It'sremembering that everyone is
being guided, that the people inour lives, they have their own
spirit guides. They have theirown sacred timing. They came
into this life with their ownsoul agreements. They're not
here to be saved and to be keptfrom these things. They are here
(14:16):
to grow, to experience andthrough that process, to evolve.
So they came to earth, to bechallenged and to grow, and when
we rush in to make things easierall the time, to carry stuff
that's not ours, weunintentionally place ourselves
between them and their owndivine learning we're getting
(14:38):
between them and their soulagreements. Every soul needs
feedback. Back from this life.
That is how we learn. We getfeedback from the hard stuff,
from the stretch points, fromuncomfortable things. That is
how we grow, and that's how weremember our power we own, that
(14:59):
we come into our own sense ofresponsibility and decision
making and strength and the truemeaning of service in a
spiritually mature light, itdoesn't mean saving you can hold
space with an open heart andstill let Spirit do what spirit
does best. Sometimes the mostloving thing that we can really
(15:21):
do is to just take a step backand let someone face what they
need to face. Sometimes we haveto witness without interfering,
and sometimes we just need tobless their journey, even if it
doesn't look the way that wewish that it would we feel like
it could the maybe it doesn'treflect what it is that we want
(15:43):
for them, but when we trulybelieve in the soul's wisdom,
there is an intrinsic knowledgethat we don't have to control
the timing, the path or theoutcome, and that leads us into
more trust. Now of course, thisisn't saying that we need to go
to another extreme and latch onto some narcissistic worldview.
(16:06):
There are times where we'regoing to feel a knowing that we
have an opportunity that may bea sacrifice that is for a
greater good, and there aretimes when we will support and
give and give from the heartspace and not from some of those
patterns that have gottendistorted, like we've talked
(16:27):
about. But the key is learningto really start to recognize how
fear manifests itself in some ofthe decisions that you're
making, so you can be sure thatyou're giving from the heart,
that you're really serving in away that's genuinely loving and
not in a way that ends upunintentionally being harmful to
(16:49):
yourself and also to the personthat you thought you were trying
to help. Now, when you startbeginning to shift this dynamic,
and you may have tried thisbefore, maybe you have become
aware that you're in a littlebit of an unhealthy flow. You're
noticing that you're doing awhole lot of sacrificing, you're
(17:12):
doing a whole lot of respondingand feeling like you're not able
to live your mission, thatyou're not having the time that
you need to devote towards yourgrowth, or the energy to devote
towards your growth. So maybeyou've tried to shift some of
this before, but there'ssomething that rises to the
(17:34):
surface when we start to shiftout of rescuing, and that is
grief. It might surprise you,but when you stop caring what
wasn't yours to begin with, whenyou stop stepping in as the
fixer or the emotional caretakeror somebody's handler, you may
feel this strange sense of loss.
Maybe it's the loss of beingneeded, maybe it's the loss of a
(17:56):
role that you have played reallywell for so long, or it can even
be the heartache of realizinghow much of yourself you gave in
the hope that everything andeveryone would just be okay. And
that grief can kind of feel souncomfortable that we fall back
into those patterns, or we knowwe need to make a change and
(18:19):
just kind of struggle with it,because that grief is there, but
if you feel some grief pop up,just know that that is okay.
It's part of the healingprocess, and it can be a good
sign. It can mean that you're nolonger trying to earn love, that
you are letting go of provingyour worth with all of this
(18:41):
excessive over giving. So don'tworry or be afraid of some of
those feelings pop up. They areuncomfortable, but you'll move
through that stage as it becomesless uncomfortable for you. So
just for fun, let's talk aboutpossible side effects of
releasing the protector role. SoSide effects may include, but
(19:03):
are not limited to sudden burstsof energy, increased free time,
unexplainable feelings of peace,the urge to lie down and not
feel guilty about it,unexpected, elation, mild to
moderate confusion about what todo with all the emotional space
you just freed up and occasionalwaves of grief, which are
(19:25):
totally okay and completelytemporary. So yes, releasing the
protector pattern definitelycomes with its own little ripple
effects, and some of them arereally beautiful and something
to look forward to. But when youstart letting go of what was
never yours to carry, this newquestion starts to rise up in
(19:47):
its space, what now feels thespace that was once occupied by
all of the managing, all of theanticipating and all of the
holding it together like. Whatare you going to do with all of
this spaciousness now inside,from this space, is where trust
begins to take root. When youhave been in the habit of over
(20:09):
giving, over functioning, givingfrom obligation, it can start to
feel like everything depends onyou, like if you don't hold it
together. Nobody else is goingto but it's that's really not
the full story. It's importantto remember that there is a
greater support system that isat work in your life and other
(20:32):
people's lives. Always, yourspirit guides are walking with
you. Your higher self isdelivering guidance behind the
scenes constantly. And thedivine has timing and rhythm
that may not match your own, butit's it's not random. So when
you start to hand things back tospirit, where you're kind of
(20:53):
resigning from this role ofpatching it all together, being
the glue, being, being thesafety net for everyone,
something beautiful happens. Youstart to co create instead of
manage. You start to respond, toreally respond instead of
rescue. And you begin to releaseall of this just energetic
(21:15):
weight of what you've beencarrying, and you might actually
release literal weight. Becausesometimes, as we release
energetic weight, we actuallyrelease some literal weight too.
So that's something fun to lookforward to. And the people that
you care about, they're notalone in their journey, and it's
(21:36):
important for you to always holdthat in your mind their own
Higher Self is guiding them, andtheir spirit team is working
with them, and it's importantfor you to let Spirit do what
spirit does best, which is helpthem learn, help them grow. If
you're struggling a lot withletting go, there are two things
(21:59):
that I think can really help.
One is a visualization that Iwant to recommend, that I think
is is helpful and don't do thisnow, if you're driving, if
you're out and about operatingheavy machinery, what you're
going to do is visualize, bringyourself to a relaxed state,
(22:23):
and you'll bring to mind someonethat you've been in this dynamic
with, someone you've been tryingto help, you've been carrying
them, you've been the fixer, oryou're trying to protect them.
And as you bring them into yourawareness, there's no judgment
here against them or againstyourself. So you want to try and
release anything that might comeup, any baggage that might come
(22:46):
up with that, and just allowtheir image or energy to come
into your awareness. And nowyou'll imagine that standing in
front of you is a loving, a wisepresence, so one that feels
familiar to you. This may be aspirit guide, or it may be the
spirit guide of your loved onethat you are thinking about and
(23:11):
as you're just connecting andallowing that presence to become
more known to you. Maybe you'refeeling it in your heart or in
your energy field. Maybe you aresensing their presence in some
other way. Maybe you're actuallyseeing them as you connect with
that energy, you notice thatit's just they're simply there,
(23:33):
they're open, they're steady,they're capable, and in your
mind's eye, I want you to justgently imagine placing the
person that you have beenthinking about that you've been
in this rescue dynamic withplacing them into the hands or
(23:54):
the care of that presence. Sojust notice how it feels for you
to trust that someone else orsomething else can take it from
here, that they can hold themnow in a more complete and more
full way, that you can hold themfrom that rescue dynamic. And it
(24:18):
may be a wonderful opportunityas you get more connected with
this visualization, after you doit a few times, to really feel
how loving and nurturing thatbeing is that you are sharing,
that you're placing this energyinto. So I would recommend that
(24:40):
really in the beginning part oftrying to shift this energy that
when you start to feel guilty,when you start to feel afraid
of, oh my gosh, if I don't doit, this bad thing is going to
happen, and this bad thing isgoing to happen, and how might
that affect them in the longrun, and oh my gosh, is to. Do
(25:00):
this visualization several timesso that you can start to develop
this concept of this isn't aboutme. There is a whole team on the
other side, loving, supporting,guiding and helping this person.
And if this is, whatever it is,if it has come on their path,
that's okay, it's for them, andthen they will be okay that they
(25:24):
are strong enough to endure,that they are strong enough to
move through this challenge andto gain growth and experience
from it that will somehow helpthem in their life or in their
spiritual and soul development.
So do that really, reallyregularly. The other thing that
(25:45):
I think can be really helpful isprayer. Obviously, I believe
strongly in the power of prayer.
I think that it's somethingthat's helpful for the person
who is praying, and it's helpfulalso for the person who is the
recipient of that beautifulenergy. So the prayer that I
(26:06):
recommend this is something Ithink you should say on a daily
basis, and I will put it in theshow notes for this episode. So
if you want to not write it downwhile you're driving or while
you're out walking or somethinglike that, I will place it in
the show notes, so just makesure that you go to my website
so that you can find it. But theprayer is, I return what is not
(26:29):
mine to hold. May they beblessed, may they be guided. May
I trust in the unfolding. Ireturn what is not mine to hold.
May they be blessed, may they beguided. May I trust the
unfolding and repeat and repeatand repeat. So as we come into
(26:55):
closing for today, I'll remindyou that the same loving force
that is guiding you is alsoguiding your loved ones too,
even when it doesn't look theway they hoped, even when it's a
little bit messy or it's kind ofslow or everything feels very
uncertain, even then, you arecompletely supported. Your loved
(27:17):
ones are as well. Thank you somuch for joining us for this
episode. I'm sending so muchlove, so much light, and let's
say, a lot of extra strength toyou this week as you start to
become aware of where thisdynamic, where that guilt energy
might be holding you back fromfully being able to invest
(27:37):
energetically in your vibration,in your growth, in your
development, so that you canturn things back over, you can
allow spirit to do what spiritdoes best, which is guide
someone and help them learnthrough the growth process.
Thank you so much for beinghere. Many blessings the
Robert Wooten (28:01):
modern life and spirit podcast is for
informational purposes only. Theinformation provided is not
intended to provide medicalpsychological legal or financial
advice. Information provided isnot to diagnose or treat any
medical or psychologicalillness. To read the full
disclaimer, see sedonamedia.comyou
Music. Welcome to the Modern Life and Spirit Podcast
(00:03):
where we explore spiritualtopics relevant to today's
world. Your hosts, certifiedpsychic medium Christina Wooten
and Reiki master teacher RobertWooten, break down how to work
with spirit to create morepositive growth in your life.
Consider this podcast your go tospiritual resource for
(00:23):
navigating the modern world.
Christina Wooten (00:28):
Welcome to Modern Life and Spirit Podcast.
I'm Christina Wooten, certifiedpsychic medium at
SedonaMedium.com Welcome to ourepisode today. I'm so glad that
you are here. Since last week'sepisode. It's just been a
powerful and beautiful week. Ihad interesting interaction with
(00:48):
spirit, where I was in ameditation this week, and
suddenly, very clearly, I wasjust transported to a very
special retreat center that usedto be here in Sedona. And it was
just a little flash, maybe aminute long or so, and I saw
myself in this moment, and I wasleaving the dining hall of the
(01:09):
retreat center in my vision. Andwhen I glanced over, I saw this
line of energetically chargedwaters that were there for
everybody to enjoy at thecenter. And just as quickly as I
saw this, I slipped out of thatvision. But it really left me
with that question of, well,that was interesting, like,
(01:31):
what? What was that all about?
What was the message I wassupposed to get from that? And
what I processed was it was abeautiful reminder for me of
intentionality. And you know,this beautiful center their
intentionality had such animpact on me and others. And as
I was walking down that memorylane, it reminded me how quiet
(01:52):
and slowness is what creates thespace for intentionality in all
things, even the water thatwe're drinking. And for me, this
week, I've really been relishingspace and just finding flow in a
lot of quiet, a lot of nature, alot of stillness, and it has
been so nourishing to my soul, Idid not realize how much I just
(02:15):
needed, a lot of quiet, justwhat I've needed. And I hope
that this week, whatever yourexperience has been, has brought
you also some unexpectedinsights and blessings too. Over
the last couple of weeks, wehave been exploring energy
blockages and self care,especially for empaths,
(02:36):
sensitive people and healers whofeel called to give deeply, but
struggle at the same time togive that self care to
themselves. So in episode 235why self care feels like a
luxury, even when you knowbetter. We traced back the
origin story of how earlyconditioning taught a lot of us
(02:57):
that care is something that yougive and not necessarily
something that you receive. Andthen in episode 236, is your
compassion quietly burning youout, we looked at the wound of
over giving and how thatinstinct to care can slowly
drain you, also if it's notrooted in balance. So we even
(03:18):
talked about how to identify ifyou were giving from a wounded
place or from the real spirit ofservice, and also some boundary
phrases you can startimplementing to shift that
dynamic. And today we're goingto take it to the next step,
we're going a little bit deeper,and we're talking about
(03:39):
something that comes up for alot of impasse when they start
to explore the idea of self careon a deeper level, is that they
start to realize some of theareas in their life that are out
of balance, or some of thedynamics that we've talked about
over the last couple of episodeswhere they are sacrificing
(04:02):
themselves, their life, theirtime, their journey, their
energy in trying to help otherskeep everything together. And
usually this is that feeling ofgetting stuck in a responsive
mode with life, where, forwhatever reason, the empath is
that person that everyone callswhen they're like, oh my gosh,
(04:23):
this is happening. Can you helpme? Can you take care of this?
Can you step in and becauseyou're a compassionate and
loving and kind person, a lot oftimes you say yes to that giving
and it ends up being somethingthat becomes a deeply entrenched
dynamic to the point where youstart to think, you know, I'm
(04:46):
holding all of these plates herethat affect not just me, but all
of these other. Special peoplein my life, and if I suddenly
decide that I don't want to holdthese plates anymore, that I
don't want to keep just holdingeveryone together, that maybe
they will fall apart, somethingbad will happen to those people
(05:08):
that have been used to me beingthere where you've been the
dependable person that theycould always rely on and reach
out to, and you know that theycould use some help. And so you
have been doing it this wholetime, but now you're realizing,
I don't think that this is inbalance for me anymore, and it's
(05:30):
not healthy for me to keepholding it, but I'm so afraid
that I'm going to cause harm tosomeone by releasing the
dynamic. And what we often don'tsee in that moment, that fear,
moment of if I stop holdingeverything together, someone or
people collective are going tofall apart, is that our holding
(05:52):
on might actually be the thingthat is stopping them from
rising up. I see this a lot oftimes in readings and healing
sessions. It's the mother whofeels like the glue holding her
family together, and she can'timagine what would happen if she
stopped just filling in the gapsand responding for everyone, and
(06:15):
bending and, you know, all ofthis responsiveness at the cost
of her own well being. It can bethe partner who anticipates
everybody else's needs beforethey're even spoken they're
afraid of. Well, what mightunfold if they don't do that, if
they're not the ones making suresomebody has a snack or making
(06:37):
sure they packed their lunch ormaking sure they have the water
that they need, it's the healerwho gives a lot of energy away
that there's sometimes a sensethat they don't have anything
left for their own growth Andfor their own connection, and
they aren't giving themselveswhat they need to invest to get
(06:59):
to that next level of their owndevelopment. So underneath the
love, the kindness, thesacrifice in all of those cases
is the fear of what might happenif we stop saving, if we stop
fixing, if we stop managing andsoftening every edge for the
people that we care about most.
(07:21):
So in today's episode, we'retalking about what it really
means to let go, to trust thatothers have their own wisdom,
that they have their own timing,their own sole guidance, to
remember also that your solepurpose is not rooted in you
being the safety net for others.
You aren't being asked to dothat by Spirit ever. You aren't
(07:43):
just the glue that holdseverything together. So today
we're going to just reorient.
We're gonna hand it back tospirit and let everyone,
including you, elevate, rise up.
You may not think of yourself assomeone who steps in too much,
even if you feel it in thesacrifices that you're making or
(08:04):
the burnout that you're feeling.
Most empaths see their actionsas love and support or simply
just doing what needs to getdone. But there's a pattern that
I often see in sensitive, caringpeople. And I like to call it
the protector pattern. Okay, itshows up as being the emotional
(08:27):
anchor, the Peacekeeper, the onewho swoops in when things get
messy, to soften the impact orto smooth out the rough edges
for other people. And it's notbecause you're trying to take
over. It comes from a place oftrue care, because you see
what's coming. And sometimesthat's you're seeing something
(08:49):
from your logical mind. Andsometimes you may intuitively
feel like, Uh oh, this is goingto lead to a bad place. And when
you can feel that someone isspiraling, or maybe they're
sinking, or they're just havinga hard time. Everything in you
really wants to help them, andyou don't want people to suffer
(09:11):
needlessly. And if you can doit, then you might be thinking,
well, maybe I should. But here'sthe tricky part, over time, that
loving instinct to protect canturn into a habit of fixing, of
anticipating problems,preventing discomfort, trying to
manage all the outcomes, andsometimes it's even before
(09:33):
someone asks you to do that. Andthis ends up getting really
tricky to manage, because youend up sometimes getting blamed,
or being the convenient punchingbag for someone, because they
either expect you to do all thethings or they blame you for the
outcome instead of steppingfully into their responsibility,
(09:56):
and that sets up a really no funexperience. Experience where you
are giving, you're over giving,and instead of gratefulness, it
can breed this pattern of blametoo, which is super confusing,
because you would love nothingmore than for someone to jump in
and anticipate your needs or tohelp more. So it's not a fun
(10:19):
dynamic to be in, and you end upfeeling overextended,
misunderstood, and this dynamic,which really is rooted in care
and compassion for others, canstart to interfere with
something significant, likegrowth, because when we
constantly protect other peoplefrom the hard stuff, we
(10:39):
sometimes end up unintentionallyblocking them from the very
lessons and the breakthroughsthat their soul came here to
experience, to grow spirituallypersonally, we need feedback. We
need feedback from life, fromour choices, from the full range
of outcomes. So we're talkingthe good, the hard, even the
(11:02):
messy stuff. And when weinterrupt that process out of
love, we unknowingly take theuniverse out of the
conversation. So part of selfcare for sensitives and healers
is learning to pause and to ask,Am I truly supporting or am I
rescuing? Sometimes we rescuebecause we can't bear to watch
(11:23):
someone struggle, especiallysomeone that we love. And
sometimes we rescue because it'shard to hold space for big,
uncomfortable emotions withoutfalling into a fix it type of
dynamic and sometimes we rescuebecause we've always been the
one who had to do it. Butwhatever is fueling that
(11:44):
protector energy for you, whenit goes unchecked, it places the
entire burden on your shoulders,and it leaves no space for
spirit, for the universe toreally move, because you're
always responding and feelingthe gaps and adding glue and
putting a band aid here. So it'simportant to really explore what
(12:06):
happens when you stop holding itall, and what happens when you
really hand things over to thedivine. So let's talk about what
trust really looks like, whichis essential to getting out of
the fixer mode, and what itmeans to believe that others can
rise even without us carryingall the weight and the burden
(12:28):
and the obligation and all ofthe emotions of that and I Know
for so many of us that walk aspiritual path, the idea of
being of service is sacred.
We've been taught to give fromthe heart. We've been taught to
show up with compassion, toextend ourselves in love, and
truly, those values are at thecore of who we are, but
(12:50):
sometimes without meaning tothat devotion to helping can
become heavy. We take thosebeautiful intentions and
accidentally slowly, sometimesquickly, over time, it turns
into pressure. So see if you saysome things to yourself,
sometimes like I should say,Yes, I should make myself
(13:10):
available, If I don't help maybeI'm functioning from the ego and
not from the heart. It's such asneaky little thing. From giving
out of love to giving out ofobligation, it can just kind of
slip from one into another, andthat can be hard to recognize,
because on the surface theaction is there. It still looks
(13:33):
like compassion, but underneathit, we may be really acting from
a fear place, a fear of whatmight happen if we don't step
in, if we're not the one tosupport that person, like we
know they need support. Here'sthe thing, though, sometimes
real spiritual maturity istrusting the process, even when
(13:54):
it's hard to watch. It'sremembering that everyone is
being guided, that the people inour lives, they have their own
spirit guides. They have theirown sacred timing. They came
into this life with their ownsoul agreements. They're not
here to be saved and to be keptfrom these things. They are here
(14:16):
to grow, to experience andthrough that process, to evolve.
So they came to earth, to bechallenged and to grow, and when
we rush in to make things easierall the time, to carry stuff
that's not ours, weunintentionally place ourselves
between them and their owndivine learning we're getting
(14:38):
between them and their soulagreements. Every soul needs
feedback. Back from this life.
That is how we learn. We getfeedback from the hard stuff,
from the stretch points, fromuncomfortable things. That is
how we grow, and that's how weremember our power we own, that
(14:59):
we come into our own sense ofresponsibility and decision
making and strength and the truemeaning of service in a
spiritually mature light, itdoesn't mean saving you can hold
space with an open heart andstill let Spirit do what spirit
does best. Sometimes the mostloving thing that we can really
(15:21):
do is to just take a step backand let someone face what they
need to face. Sometimes we haveto witness without interfering,
and sometimes we just need tobless their journey, even if it
doesn't look the way that wewish that it would we feel like
it could the maybe it doesn'treflect what it is that we want
(15:43):
for them, but when we trulybelieve in the soul's wisdom,
there is an intrinsic knowledgethat we don't have to control
the timing, the path or theoutcome, and that leads us into
more trust. Now of course, thisisn't saying that we need to go
to another extreme and latch onto some narcissistic worldview.
(16:06):
There are times where we'regoing to feel a knowing that we
have an opportunity that may bea sacrifice that is for a
greater good, and there aretimes when we will support and
give and give from the heartspace and not from some of those
patterns that have gottendistorted, like we've talked
(16:27):
about. But the key is learningto really start to recognize how
fear manifests itself in some ofthe decisions that you're
making, so you can be sure thatyou're giving from the heart,
that you're really serving in away that's genuinely loving and
not in a way that ends upunintentionally being harmful to
(16:49):
yourself and also to the personthat you thought you were trying
to help. Now, when you startbeginning to shift this dynamic,
and you may have tried thisbefore, maybe you have become
aware that you're in a littlebit of an unhealthy flow. You're
noticing that you're doing awhole lot of sacrificing, you're
(17:12):
doing a whole lot of respondingand feeling like you're not able
to live your mission, thatyou're not having the time that
you need to devote towards yourgrowth, or the energy to devote
towards your growth. So maybeyou've tried to shift some of
this before, but there'ssomething that rises to the
(17:34):
surface when we start to shiftout of rescuing, and that is
grief. It might surprise you,but when you stop caring what
wasn't yours to begin with, whenyou stop stepping in as the
fixer or the emotional caretakeror somebody's handler, you may
feel this strange sense of loss.
Maybe it's the loss of beingneeded, maybe it's the loss of a
(17:56):
role that you have played reallywell for so long, or it can even
be the heartache of realizinghow much of yourself you gave in
the hope that everything andeveryone would just be okay. And
that grief can kind of feel souncomfortable that we fall back
into those patterns, or we knowwe need to make a change and
(18:19):
just kind of struggle with it,because that grief is there, but
if you feel some grief pop up,just know that that is okay.
It's part of the healingprocess, and it can be a good
sign. It can mean that you're nolonger trying to earn love, that
you are letting go of provingyour worth with all of this
(18:41):
excessive over giving. So don'tworry or be afraid of some of
those feelings pop up. They areuncomfortable, but you'll move
through that stage as it becomesless uncomfortable for you. So
just for fun, let's talk aboutpossible side effects of
releasing the protector role. SoSide effects may include, but
(19:03):
are not limited to sudden burstsof energy, increased free time,
unexplainable feelings of peace,the urge to lie down and not
feel guilty about it,unexpected, elation, mild to
moderate confusion about what todo with all the emotional space
you just freed up and occasionalwaves of grief, which are
(19:25):
totally okay and completelytemporary. So yes, releasing the
protector pattern definitelycomes with its own little ripple
effects, and some of them arereally beautiful and something
to look forward to. But when youstart letting go of what was
never yours to carry, this newquestion starts to rise up in
(19:47):
its space, what now feels thespace that was once occupied by
all of the managing, all of theanticipating and all of the
holding it together like. Whatare you going to do with all of
this spaciousness now inside,from this space, is where trust
begins to take root. When youhave been in the habit of over
(20:09):
giving, over functioning, givingfrom obligation, it can start to
feel like everything depends onyou, like if you don't hold it
together. Nobody else is goingto but it's that's really not
the full story. It's importantto remember that there is a
greater support system that isat work in your life and other
(20:32):
people's lives. Always, yourspirit guides are walking with
you. Your higher self isdelivering guidance behind the
scenes constantly. And thedivine has timing and rhythm
that may not match your own, butit's it's not random. So when
you start to hand things back tospirit, where you're kind of
(20:53):
resigning from this role ofpatching it all together, being
the glue, being, being thesafety net for everyone,
something beautiful happens. Youstart to co create instead of
manage. You start to respond, toreally respond instead of
rescue. And you begin to releaseall of this just energetic
(21:15):
weight of what you've beencarrying, and you might actually
release literal weight. Becausesometimes, as we release
energetic weight, we actuallyrelease some literal weight too.
So that's something fun to lookforward to. And the people that
you care about, they're notalone in their journey, and it's
(21:36):
important for you to always holdthat in your mind their own
Higher Self is guiding them, andtheir spirit team is working
with them, and it's importantfor you to let Spirit do what
spirit does best, which is helpthem learn, help them grow. If
you're struggling a lot withletting go, there are two things
(21:59):
that I think can really help.
One is a visualization that Iwant to recommend, that I think
is is helpful and don't do thisnow, if you're driving, if
you're out and about operatingheavy machinery, what you're
going to do is visualize, bringyourself to a relaxed state,
(22:23):
and you'll bring to mind someonethat you've been in this dynamic
with, someone you've been tryingto help, you've been carrying
them, you've been the fixer, oryou're trying to protect them.
And as you bring them into yourawareness, there's no judgment
here against them or againstyourself. So you want to try and
release anything that might comeup, any baggage that might come
(22:46):
up with that, and just allowtheir image or energy to come
into your awareness. And nowyou'll imagine that standing in
front of you is a loving, a wisepresence, so one that feels
familiar to you. This may be aspirit guide, or it may be the
spirit guide of your loved onethat you are thinking about and
(23:11):
as you're just connecting andallowing that presence to become
more known to you. Maybe you'refeeling it in your heart or in
your energy field. Maybe you aresensing their presence in some
other way. Maybe you're actuallyseeing them as you connect with
that energy, you notice thatit's just they're simply there,
(23:33):
they're open, they're steady,they're capable, and in your
mind's eye, I want you to justgently imagine placing the
person that you have beenthinking about that you've been
in this rescue dynamic withplacing them into the hands or
(23:54):
the care of that presence. Sojust notice how it feels for you
to trust that someone else orsomething else can take it from
here, that they can hold themnow in a more complete and more
full way, that you can hold themfrom that rescue dynamic. And it
(24:18):
may be a wonderful opportunityas you get more connected with
this visualization, after you doit a few times, to really feel
how loving and nurturing thatbeing is that you are sharing,
that you're placing this energyinto. So I would recommend that
(24:40):
really in the beginning part oftrying to shift this energy that
when you start to feel guilty,when you start to feel afraid
of, oh my gosh, if I don't doit, this bad thing is going to
happen, and this bad thing isgoing to happen, and how might
that affect them in the longrun, and oh my gosh, is to. Do
(25:00):
this visualization several timesso that you can start to develop
this concept of this isn't aboutme. There is a whole team on the
other side, loving, supporting,guiding and helping this person.
And if this is, whatever it is,if it has come on their path,
that's okay, it's for them, andthen they will be okay that they
(25:24):
are strong enough to endure,that they are strong enough to
move through this challenge andto gain growth and experience
from it that will somehow helpthem in their life or in their
spiritual and soul development.
So do that really, reallyregularly. The other thing that
(25:45):
I think can be really helpful isprayer. Obviously, I believe
strongly in the power of prayer.
I think that it's somethingthat's helpful for the person
who is praying, and it's helpfulalso for the person who is the
recipient of that beautifulenergy. So the prayer that I
(26:06):
recommend this is something Ithink you should say on a daily
basis, and I will put it in theshow notes for this episode. So
if you want to not write it downwhile you're driving or while
you're out walking or somethinglike that, I will place it in
the show notes, so just makesure that you go to my website
so that you can find it. But theprayer is, I return what is not
(26:29):
mine to hold. May they beblessed, may they be guided. May
I trust in the unfolding. Ireturn what is not mine to hold.
May they be blessed, may they beguided. May I trust the
unfolding and repeat and repeatand repeat. So as we come into
(26:55):
closing for today, I'll remindyou that the same loving force
that is guiding you is alsoguiding your loved ones too,
even when it doesn't look theway they hoped, even when it's a
little bit messy or it's kind ofslow or everything feels very
uncertain, even then, you arecompletely supported. Your loved
(27:17):
ones are as well. Thank you somuch for joining us for this
episode. I'm sending so muchlove, so much light, and let's
say, a lot of extra strength toyou this week as you start to
become aware of where thisdynamic, where that guilt energy
might be holding you back fromfully being able to invest
(27:37):
energetically in your vibration,in your growth, in your
development, so that you canturn things back over, you can
allow spirit to do what spiritdoes best, which is guide
someone and help them learnthrough the growth process.
Thank you so much for beinghere. Many blessings the
Robert Wooten (28:01):
modern life and spirit podcast is for
informational purposes only. Theinformation provided is not
intended to provide medicalpsychological legal or financial
advice. Information provided isnot to diagnose or treat any
medical or psychologicalillness. To read the full
disclaimer, see sedonamedia.comyou
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