Honesty: The Path to Respect

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As parents, we often find ourselves constantly correcting our children instead of teaching them important character traits. Being a single mom means juggling multiple roles, but perhaps our most important role is that of a mentor who plants and cultivates character seeds in our children.

• Character seeds like apologizing, confidence, and honesty are best taught through both instruction and example
• Children learn more from what they see us do than from what we tell them to do
• Confidence equals strength - knowing who you are and standing by your decisions
• Confidence differs from arrogance, which implies superiority over others
• Honesty equals respect - when you're honest, you earn people's trust
• Once respect is lost through dishonesty, it's extremely difficult to regain
• Teaching children to tell the truth even when they've made mistakes builds character
• Parents should model honest behavior in their own interactions
• Everyone should learn to express truth respectfully, not rudely
• You are your child's first mentor - make sure they see you demonstrating the character traits you want them to develop

Plant the seed of honesty that leads to respect and continue to cultivate that by allowing your children to see you display that behavior.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey ladies, welcome to the Mom2Mentor podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome, and if you
have become a loyal listener,thank you.
I appreciate that.
And if you are a loyal listener, that means you are finding
value in this podcast.

(00:22):
This is all about ensuring thatyou're encouraged and motivated
.
Mom yes, I say mom becausethat's who my target audience is
.
Why?
Because I'm a mom, and I'm asingle mom, and I'm just trying
to pay forward some of theexperiences I've learned along

(00:43):
life's way.
So you ladies can hopefullylook to me as a mentor as I try
to provide you with parentingguidance.
Right, because it's not easy.
I'm not going to sugarcoatanything.
Being a parent is not easy, andbeing a single parent is even

(01:04):
harder.
You're having to adopt multipleroles as it relates to raising
your children or our children.
So, again, I'm just trying topay forward some of the things
I've learned along the way andsome of the wisdom I've captured

(01:25):
along life's journey, in hopesthat you can pass it along to
your children.
Now I started this new seriesaround mentoring and planting
character seeds, or buildingcharacteristics in your children
, and which I think is an areathat, unfortunately, I didn't do

(01:49):
very well at.
I'm just going to be honest, Idid not do well, in my opinion,
in building character.
What I found myself doing, andmaybe some of you find yourself
doing as well, is you're doing alot of correcting but you're
not doing a lot of teaching.
Because if we get into teachingmode, then the less of

(02:17):
correcting mode we have to do,because now we're educating our
children, because now we'reeducating our childrenurer,

(02:44):
you're more than a provider, youare a teacher, and that's the
mentor part of this right.
Because now, as a mentor, youhave folks looking up to you,
which is your kids, and they'rewatching you, they're paying
attention to you, and not onlyare they paying attention to you

(03:07):
.
We have to be on our bestbehavior.
Because of that, we're not onlycan teach them and tell them
things, but we have to show them.
Mom, most of the things my kidslearned from me and me from my
parents, was what I saw.
Not what they told me, but whatI saw, the behavior I saw them

(03:30):
display.
The first two episodes one wasabout apology and teaching your
child how to apologize, whythat's important.
That's a character seed thatyou want to implant in them and
cultivate it, but you can tellthem day in and day out about
how to say I'm sorry, but theyneed to see you displaying that

(03:55):
behavior, you apologizing forbehavior that offended someone,
for behavior that offendedsomeone.
Last week I talked aboutconfidence, and confidence that
equals strength.
Right, and that's all it is.
If you had to ask yourself whatis confidence, one word is
strength, and that just meansyou're confident in who you are.

(04:18):
But if your child isn't seeingthat in you, then it's going to
be an uphill climb.
Because what does it mean to beconfident?
What does it mean to be strong?
Do they see how you presentyourself?
Do you go in with your headheld down?

(04:39):
They're paying attention to you.
Now I do want to clarifysomething.
There's a difference betweenconfidence and arrogance, right?
Confidence means I know who Iam.
Arrogance means I'm better thanyou, and when we say we're
better than someone else whichwe really aren't we just hold
our head up high and look downat folks like I can't talk to

(05:02):
you.
No, that's arrogance, and wedon't want to display that
behavior.
We want to talk about confidence, being strong, making decisions
, stand by our decisions, owningour decisions.
That's strength, that'sconfidence, because we're going
to have to make decisions.
Your children are going to haveto make decisions and you know

(05:23):
what.
They're not always going tohave to make decisions.
Your children are going to haveto make decisions and you know
what.
They're not always going tomake the right decision, but the
key is they're going to have tolearn from it.
Just like you, mom, just likeme, I haven't always made the
right decision, but I own thedecision that I made.
That's confidence and that'swhat we need to instill in our
children or our child.

(05:43):
So this week I know I took thelong way around, but this week I
want to talk about honesty andthe importance of honesty.
Now, keep in mind, because wewant to think about the word
choices we are using, because Icould have said we're going to

(06:04):
talk about lying.
No, we're talking about honestyand dishonesty.
One of my own pet peeves is Ihate to hear young kids say the
word lying or liar.
I don't like that coming out ofa young child's mouth.
I prefer but this is just myown pet peeve is, if we have to

(06:28):
refer to dishonesty or nottelling the truth, that we use
the word dishonesty.
That's just my own pet peeve.
Everybody's different.
The opposite of dishonest ishonest.
The opposite of dishonest ishonest, and we need to teach our
children what it means to behonest.
And really it's just tellingthe truth.

(06:55):
But here's the bigger picture,ladies when you are honest, you
earn respect.
So if you had to equate thatwith another word, just like I
said, confident and strength,honest equals respect.
If you don't believe me, whensomeone lied to you or were
dishonest with you, did you loserespect for them?

(07:15):
Yeah, because now the trust isgone.
That's how we teach ourchildren to be honest.
Just tell the truth, you know.
I remember when my kids weregrowing up, and a few times I
would say they were disciplined,not because of what they did,

(07:36):
but because they didn't tell thetruth.
Yeah, yeah.
So the discipline they receivedwas because they were being
dishonest.
So we need to teach ourchildren about honesty, because
honesty leads to respect, and ifyou're going to navigate in

(07:58):
this world and be successful atit, you want to garner respect
from people, right?
If the first time you tell anuntruth, people see you coming
here.
She come, yeah, they'll listento you.
But guess what?
It's going to be at surfacelevel only.

(08:19):
If you have been found to lieor not tell the truth, then the
respect is gone and it's hard toearn that back.
Ladies, it's hard to earn thatback.
This is the time now for you toteach your children how to be
honest and how to deliver it insuch a way that it's not rude or

(08:44):
crude, but they should be ableto tell the truth.
For example, they brokesomething.
Yes, mom, I broke it, Iapologize, and what's my
punishment?
And at that point you can sayyou know what?
I appreciate you acknowledgingthat you broke the vase.

(09:05):
Okay, this is what you're goingto do If they get an allowance.
You're not going to get anallowance because I need to
replace my vase.
Yeah, and now everybody'shappy-go-lucky and so forth, and
maybe little Ruthie and littleJohnny not so happy because
they're getting punished forbreaking the vase and they're

(09:26):
having to give up theirallowance if they're getting one
right or there's some otherpunishment that you can
incorporate as a result of thatbehavior.
But at least they were honestand that's what we're looking
for.
That's what we're looking for.

(09:47):
Honesty leads to respect andeverybody should be respected.
Yeah, and they're going to needthat as they leave your home,
as they continue to mature, asthey enter into relationships,
various relationships, not justthat love relationship.
But they're going to go to work, they're going to have
coworkers, they're going to beinteracting with different

(10:09):
people along life.
Learn how to tell the truthright, because people will
appreciate that.
I have friends now that I knowwill tell me the truth.
I may not like it necessarily,but I respect them for telling
me the truth.
And guess what?

(10:30):
I have a friend right now.
I sent her something and I saidcan you look this over and just
be honest?
If it's horrible, then let meknow.
I'm okay with that.
I'd rather you tell me thetruth than skirt over it and say
yes, all right, and then gotell somebody oh girl, honey,

(10:51):
she sent this and it was a mess.
No, I don't need people likethat in my life, I don't.
I want somebody to be honestwith me.
Just tell me the truth.
And so that's today's characterseed.
Long story short.
I know, too late, too late.
We're planting the seed ofhonesty.

(11:15):
And why it's important?
Because it leads to respect andeveryone should have or earn
respect.
Because, remember, once youlose that respect, it's hard to
gain it back.
Ladies, I hope you enjoyedtoday's brief episode.

(11:35):
I hope you plant the seed ofhonesty.
And again, how do we cultivatethat?
They have to see you beinghonest, giving someone some
feedback in a polite manner.
They have to see you doing that.
That's how they're going tolearn, because you're more than
a mom, you're more than aprovider, you're a mentor.

(11:59):
You have children or a childlooking up to you.
Mom, yes, you, you're theirfirst mentor they'll ever
encounter.
So make it work, Make it happen.
All right, you have a great day, a wonderful week, and again,

(12:19):
plant the seed of honesty thatleads to respect.
Continue to cultivate that byallowing them to see you display
that behavior.
Have a great day.